Latest / Honey Badger Radio / Men's Shelter Under Threat! CCMF's Justin Trottier Calls for Help | Fireside Chat 234
Transcript
- 0:00Okay, hello everyone, and welcome to Honey Badger Radio. My name is
- 0:04Brian. I'm here with the Boss Allison, and today we have a special
- 0:08guest, an old friend of the channel's been on a number of times,
- 0:13justin Trotier of well, formerly Cafe, but now the Canadian Is it the
- 0:21center? Yeah, center for man and Families? I think at the center
- 0:23the second part of that wrong, yeah, yeah, so yeah. First
- 0:29of all, welcome to the show. Always great to join you back here,
- 0:33guys, Thanks for having me on. Yeah. So, so what
- 0:38Allison, before we get into it, maybe there's a little bit of backstory
- 0:42that we need our us tell us about Cafe now see O goodness, I'm
- 0:48terrible with acronyms, c CMF d s c MF yeah, yeah, yeah,
- 0:53tell us about that, like, what, what is it, why
- 0:56you found it, whatever you think is pertinent to know, because we do
- 0:59have some new new viewers who might not even know really what's going on up
- 1:03in Canada in terms of men's issues and how we're addressing or there are people
- 1:07addressing them in Canada. So go ahead, yeah, I appreciate the opportunity.
- 1:12Well, it's the same organization you've always known and hopefully loved. We
- 1:17used to go by the name Canadian Association for Equality or CAFE. Now we
- 1:21go by Canadian Center for Men and Families or CCMF. You can see a
- 1:23really bad at concision. We cannot make coman. We kind of want to
- 1:29have to put it all in there. But we've always operated, or for
- 1:33most of our existence, we had operated with CCMF as a trade name,
- 1:37and once we started opening Canadian Centers for Men and Families, these hubs for
- 1:42programming for men, boys, fathers and families, we became more and more
- 1:46associated with that name. And then after doing that for several years, and
- 1:51people knew us as CCMF, and we're always surprised to find out, well,
- 1:55the legal names actually CAFE. We just decided, let's not make things
- 1:59anymore. Canus using and complicated and being in this line of work is hard
- 2:02enough, so we're going to start simplifying and streamlining things. And so we
- 2:07just basically adopted what was a trade name and now it's our legal name,
- 2:10Canadian Center for Men and Families. But it's changed absolutely nothing as far as
- 2:15our mandate, so we're still in the business of delivering, you know,
- 2:19critical frontline social and mental health services for men and boys. We're still operating
- 2:23of first of its client shelter, emergency residential facility for fathers and children,
- 2:29cleaning violence domestic violence in Toronto with plans to expand to some other parts of
- 2:34Canada. And we're still doing research, we're still doing advocacy work, we're
- 2:38still doing public education. So functionally, no change, just a simplification and
- 2:42a streamlining to make our work a little bit easier. Well, I do
- 2:46have to commend you because a lot of organizations that have like have these this
- 2:54focus or this interest in dealing with men's issues. I've noticed that over time
- 3:00time they actually adopt more gender neutral names, which is really really an interesting
- 3:05process that I've seen. So Glenn Cook, that's like a name from wayback.
- 3:08He started out I think fathers and families, and then it ended up
- 3:13being like more of a family, like just families, like family advocacy.
- 3:19So they like I've noticed that sometimes these organizations who do address men's issues start
- 3:24to move towards rebranding as gender neutral away from that. And it's interesting that
- 3:30you went in the other direction, the other Yeah, yeah, you leaned
- 3:32in more, you leaned in more Yeah, No, that's a that's a
- 3:37good observation. I think we're trying to be very frankly clear and unapologetic that
- 3:42we are in the business of helping some critical life and death issues, service
- 3:49gaps, et cetera, for the community of men and boys, and not
- 3:52wanting to hide that or kind of play games with what we really are.
- 3:57But I'll be honest. I mean, when we pipped and I was the
- 3:59one who pipped the cafe name, originally that was the thinking. It was,
- 4:02we're going to establish a charity, and this is in the founding documents
- 4:06of the charity, which is which is centrist, you know, which is
- 4:11about gender equality and we care about men and women equally. We're going to
- 4:15focus, however, now on men, men's and boys issues. That was
- 4:17also built in from the beginning because that's where the gaps are. That's where
- 4:21the biggest in our opinion, gaps are in programs and services for for gender
- 4:27for achieving gender equality. It's on boys and men's issues. So we're going
- 4:30to try to have our Caken need it too. We're going to call it
- 4:32and brand it with equality name, but we're really going to focus on men
- 4:35and boys and that worked for a while, but we actually got people more.
- 4:40People were saying to us, why don't you just be you know,
- 4:43clear and upfront about what you really are focused on. And so our values
- 4:46are the same. We still think, you know, men and women should
- 4:48be treated equally, and you know, we care equally about you know,
- 4:53gender equality as a pursuit for all genders. But again, our focus is
- 4:58where we can make the biggest contribution and all these life and death issues that
- 5:00affect men and boys, and now the name reflects that reality. Yeah,
- 5:03well that's great, So tell us a bit more of your about your overall
- 5:10like what you've done, give us a little more detail on the services that
- 5:14you offer. Perhaps sure, sure, Well, I think in Canada it's
- 5:17here to say that we are the leading charity in this space. It's not
- 5:20a large it's not a hugely competitive space to operate in, but nevertheless we
- 5:26have established a pretty good reputation as a go to resource for men and boys.
- 5:32We operate frontline, frontline agencies that serve the public, and we have
- 5:38a client tele of probably in the thousands of families a year that we're supporting,
- 5:43and that's a mix of men and boys. Is picking up the phone
- 5:46and calling us. But increasingly other agencies operating in the social service sector,
- 5:50the victim service sector, police, children's aid societies, et cetera, are
- 5:55making referrals to us as an indication that across the whole kind of you know,
- 6:00the sector of organizations that care about providing frontline support, there is a
- 6:04dawning realization of the gaps in programs for men and boys and a willingness to
- 6:12work with an organization that is really focused on men and boys in order to
- 6:15close those gaps. So at this point we're a vital community partner with many
- 6:19frontline agencies, you know. One example, every week we participate in a
- 6:24Toronto Police initiative where leading community agencies come together in the community and deal with
- 6:30sort of the most vulnerable, at risk individuals, families and spots spots in
- 6:36the community, you know, where there's crime and that sort of thing,
- 6:40and we're a partner agency on that effort. So that's kind of a sign
- 6:44of, I guess, the coming of age, if you will, of
- 6:46an organization like ours to get an invitation to join that kind of that kind
- 6:51of initiative. Two years ago, we opened a shelter well it's probably Canada's
- 6:57only, it's certainly Ontario's only residential facility for male identified victims of family violence
- 7:04and their dependence. So that's a complicated way of saying, you know,
- 7:11we accept single men, but we also are taking in fathers who are coming
- 7:14in with children of all ages and gender. So this is quite unique because
- 7:18most women shelters that operate in the domestic violence space have a very kind of
- 7:23binary approach where they may let boys in with a mother, let's say,
- 7:30but once that boy becomes a certain age fourteen sixteen is common, he has
- 7:33to be moved out and he separated from his family, and if there's still
- 7:36a homelessness situation, he goes into his own youth shelter. He separated from
- 7:41his family unnecessarily, in my opinion, we're not taking that approach. So
- 7:45we have fathers who come in with adult children, even with grandparents who come
- 7:48in to take care of the children while the dad is out working or looking
- 7:54for a job. So it's a much more inclusive, holistic approach to family
- 7:58violence prevention and treatment, and not just the residential side, but while their
- 8:03residents were also providing them with legal aid, with access to job training with
- 8:07obviously counseling and mental health supports. A lot of these families are dealing with
- 8:11complicated, multifaceted needs, so we're doing our best to treat the whole person
- 8:16and the whole family. Beyond that, we do legal clinics, fathering,
- 8:22after separation programs we're about to roll out. This is very exciting, our
- 8:26first youth focused initiative for male youth ages fifteen to thirty, looking at filling
- 8:33a critical gap in many Canadian communities were believe it or not, there really
- 8:37isn't anything for a population that is at high risk of both victimization and becoming
- 8:45themselves perpetrators is youth. So we're actually doing this in collaboration with a number
- 8:50of police agencies who for years had been bringing these young men, mostly fatherless,
- 8:54mostly without male role models, to us saying what can you do with
- 8:58these guys? We don't want to have to rest them. Rather, you
- 9:00know that the community support, but nobody had a solution. So work with
- 9:03the police, we developed a program that's being responsive to that giant need in
- 9:07the community. Mmmm. Well, it's commendable. All of the stuff that
- 9:13you're doing to help men and boys and and to fill in the gaps.
- 9:18You know, there's there's not a lot of acknowledgment of the needs of men
- 9:24and boys. It seems like something that people just do not want to talk
- 9:26about or consider. So you you, the reason why you're here now is
- 9:33because I'm on your mailing list and you sent out a call for help because
- 9:39of a particular situation that you find yourself in now, or your community or
- 9:41your your agency finds itself in now. So maybe tell us about what that
- 9:48is how people can help you all of the I should let Brian say that.
- 9:52No, No, it's okay, it's okay. I was going to
- 9:54say too, before you get into that. Oh, okay, is there
- 9:58something Is there a relationship between this you know, uh, I guess challenge
- 10:03you guys have and this also this new thing where you've established a US based
- 10:09charity like a five oh one C three and if you and if not,
- 10:13tell us about that too, because I think that's that's super cool Friends of
- 10:18Canadian Center for Men and Families exactly. Yeah, No, it's kind of
- 10:22a happy coincidence in a way because one was not initiated by the other.
- 10:26We didn't expect to have these these challenges, which I'll get into in a
- 10:31moment, but certainly having the Friends of CCMF in in the States provides for
- 10:35the first time and ability for us to raise significant contributions, uh charitable contributions
- 10:41from US donors because as a Canadian charity we're not able. Well, we
- 10:45can provide them with charity receipts, but unless they happen to have income or
- 10:48assets that they declare with the CRA in Canada doesn't do them much good.
- 10:52Now that's now that's changed. This entity in the States is an I r
- 10:56S recognized five oh one C three, which, as I understand it just
- 11:00means it's a charity. I'm learning as I go with how the US charity
- 11:03laws work, and now we can for donations made to that entity in support
- 11:07of CCMF in Canada, we can provide IRS recognized charity receipts to US donors.
- 11:13So we anticipate that that could be a significant game changer in terms of
- 11:18boosting boosting support from south of the border. Despite being in Canada, we
- 11:22do a lot of work internationally. We have an international conference, we have
- 11:26a podcast, we have a number of supports that we provide really across around
- 11:31the world, but largely it's being taken up by folks in the US.
- 11:35We want to start a group like CCMF in their communities, and we're providing
- 11:39material resources for them to do that and to use our best practices because we
- 11:43have been successful and we want to share that success with other groups that want
- 11:48to do likewise. So there's a lot of ways whereby a US donor,
- 11:52despite that the money is going to a Canadian entity, it's still benefiting the
- 11:54entire movement. Not to mention think we do that's first of its kind.
- 11:58Well, first of it's kind of the world in many cases, so you
- 12:01can point to that from anywhere as a precedent as an example of what's possible,
- 12:07even if you're in the US or Europe or or anywhere else. Now,
- 12:11the challenges, okay, so we've always had challenges. That's not new.
- 12:15And I remember when we opened the c Center for Men and Families in
- 12:18Toronto way back in twenty fourteen. That was a major accomplishment at the time,
- 12:22raising the money to do that. Now we're operating with a budget that's
- 12:26you know, ten or twenty times, but at the time, there was
- 12:28nothing like that in Canada, a space for men and boys, a home
- 12:31for men and boys. The one we've in twenty fourteen was in Toronto.
- 12:35We would go on to open them in Ottawa and Calgary and Vancouver in many
- 12:39of their places, and there were a number of hit pieces that we were
- 12:43literally hit with right from the get go. And I remember one that was
- 12:46particularly snarky in the Toronto Star, which is a major publication. I think
- 12:52it's got more readership than even the national papers in Canada, and it was
- 12:56the kind of piece which you would never see written about women or feminists.
- 13:01It was by a journalists so called Heather Mallick, and I remember she insulted
- 13:07me for being thin and not having a girlfriend. I don't know how she
- 13:11would my status, but it was I can you know, I can share
- 13:16the link with your listeners or whatever. It's it's something that I encourage you
- 13:20to read, but just so you have a sense of what we were dealing
- 13:22with. That was one example. There there were others like it. Those
- 13:26were kind of one off and they weren't coordinated as far as we could tell.
- 13:30We of course, kind of infamous or famous for the protests or riots
- 13:33is really what they work as they ended up being violent in some cases against
- 13:37having folks like doctor Warren Ferrell and Paul Nathanson, Catherine Young giving talks at
- 13:43UFT and University Toronto and some of the other institutions. Which is really where
- 13:46we kind of cut our teeth as an organization, was these big, splashy
- 13:50public events at the universities, you know, these so called you know,
- 13:54free speech spaces. But as I'm sure your listeners are aware, that's very
- 13:58questionable. So we were bringing on these, yeah, provocative speakers, but
- 14:03provocative for a point to raise awareness of life and death issue, suicide prevention,
- 14:07family breakup, you know, young men dropping out of society, et
- 14:11cetera. And these were protested, as I said, sometimes violently. There
- 14:13were often police responses. These what happens sporadically at different events or as we
- 14:18open centers and things like that. What we're seeing now is a much more
- 14:22court seemingly a much more coordinated effort across the sector by far more influential and
- 14:28powerful figures. So not rabel arousing student leaders, but actual so called mainstream
- 14:33agencies that in some cases are what I call gatekeepers in this space, So
- 14:39organizations that essentially act as representatives for let's say, the violence against women sector.
- 14:46So all of the violence against women agencies and all the VAW shelters will
- 14:50be part of provincial coalitional agencies, which if you're not a member, it's
- 14:54very hard to get any provincial government funding. And the provinces are mostly what
- 15:00funds the social services in Canada. And so what had happened is we had
- 15:05been officially declined by a number of these agencies despite making very robust applications and
- 15:11then responding to their many questions and back and forth like there was a real
- 15:16dialogue. To be fair, at least they seem to consider it seriously,
- 15:18but at the end of the day they declined it. It's not surprising why
- 15:22these are explicitly feminist organizations. When you apply for membership, you have to
- 15:26endorse feminism. You literally have to say that you are a feminist and we're
- 15:30women serving organization. We would not do that, but we explained why despite
- 15:35that, we were still doing something which was the best interests of not only
- 15:37men and boys, but also women and girls. And we very much mean
- 15:41that. Our understanding of gender based violence is that a lot of this is
- 15:46mutual violence. It's intergenerational violence. If we're not intervening regardless of the gender
- 15:50of the victim, we're only allowing cycles of violence to perpetuate. We've got
- 15:54to get over this gender binary. So we made this case to these you
- 15:56know, explicitly feminist organizations, and they, after driving their feet, they
- 16:02finally said no, we're not going to bring you into our family. We
- 16:06asked them for explanations, they would not even give us a reason. And
- 16:10then following that, the government's decliner applications, not surprisingly because again these are
- 16:15gatekeeper agencies. If you're not a member, then the government doesn't consider you
- 16:18credible. So that's what that was happening provincially. At the same time,
- 16:23I can tell you very briefly, at the federal level, we've been in
- 16:27conversation with the Ministry for Women in Gender Equality, which despite the name,
- 16:33is really just the status of women. Nothing has really changed. They rebranded,
- 16:37you know, everybody rebrands, and they had put out the biggest call
- 16:41for funding applications, one hundred and fifty million dollars. Nothing like that amount
- 16:45had ever been assigned to gender base violence research and services. And we had
- 16:51actually had a number of positive conversations with the folks at this ministry because there
- 16:55was a glimmer of hope. They actually released a public statement last fall where
- 17:00they acknowledged for the first time this is the former Status of Women that the
- 17:03statistics on violence against men and boys, which I couldn't believe. So when
- 17:07we saw that, we jumped at it. We and a number of our
- 17:10academic collaborators had a series of phone calls with some senior people and they encouraged
- 17:15us to apply for funding. We knew that this funding call was coming out
- 17:19imminently when we finally looked at it, I can read you the exact language
- 17:23under the ineligibility criteria, literally said programs for men and boys as victims,
- 17:30survivors or perpetrators of violence will not be eligible, so will not even be
- 17:34considered. Don't even bother applying. We bothered applying anyway, and it was
- 17:38rejected. We just wanted to kind of get that formal stuning rejection letter so
- 17:45that might be you know, people might say, well, why even bother
- 17:48applying to a Status of Women ministry, Well, because that's where all the
- 17:49money is for violence violence programs, so we're not going to not apply.
- 17:55We think we have you know a good reason to get some of that money.
- 17:57We're not even asking for half of it, even though half the victims
- 18:00are mad. We're asking for more than zero, which is how much they
- 18:03can't. Yeah, take whatever feminist acknowledge male victimhood is, whatever number that
- 18:08is, and say, can we have that? Can we have the ten
- 18:11percent? Can we have the fifteen percent? Can we have the five percent?
- 18:15No? Not even that, that's no acknowledgment whatsoever, certainly not financial.
- 18:22Really really sort of throws a spotlight on where their priorities are. Yeah,
- 18:27and just one quick thing, because this is this is just I can't
- 18:32not tell you this. The government of candidate is mandated. At anytime any
- 18:36federal agency awards funding, it's got to be analyzed through a gender based lens.
- 18:41General. Oh my god, maybe there's something like that in the US.
- 18:45I would you mean before it's approved kind of a thing, or just
- 18:48to see like to get like a kind of a social credit score around it,
- 18:53or like, yah, what's the what's the logic you get applications for
- 18:56finding through that lens? The fun is that they clearly didn't apply that lens
- 19:02when they wrote the eligibility criteria for the call for funding, because if they
- 19:06did, they would have acknowledged that men and voice constituted a population of victims.
- 19:11Again, maybe not fifty percent, maybe ten or twenty as Alison was
- 19:14saying, but not zero, and should be ineligible for funding. Yeah,
- 19:18I think they're I think they're most likely fifty percent. That's my belief.
- 19:22But feminists will publish statistics where they aren't an insipigant minority, and they still
- 19:26won't provide services or funding in relation to the amount that they even recognize that
- 19:34you're not even proportionate twenty eighty because that's what the police data shows. And
- 19:40that's why I'm really excited that we're working with police, because they're finally kind
- 19:42of waking up to the fact that they're policing is part of the problem.
- 19:47It's hiding the real numbers, and it's not treating male victims anywhere the same
- 19:51as they treat course not with other genders. And in the States, while
- 19:55back I was researching this, apparently if I think it might be by precinct,
- 20:00but if an area county, I don't know how they divide their policing
- 20:04in the States, but if an area of policing, ever deviates from the
- 20:11fifteen eighty five rule, then they are investigated for bias against women. So
- 20:18it is there is a there's at least a soft pressure to reduce those numbers
- 20:23to as low as possible the numbers of male victims, So the male victims
- 20:27are actively discriminated by the system. And you just you're right here telling us
- 20:33that's exactly what you found out in Canada, that male victims are being discriminated
- 20:37by the system. We've got access to what I consider the smoking gun,
- 20:41which is these risk assessment tools that police are trained to use when they go
- 20:45in a domestic situation. And these are not public documents, by the way.
- 20:51We know this only because I'm not sure if an officer made a mistake
- 20:56or what. But one of our own clients actually saw this document for him
- 21:00and so what and he managed to take a photo of it or something.
- 21:03Anyways, it came to my attention, and so there is actually a point
- 21:06in filling out this risk assessment score where it literally says is this a case
- 21:11of a male on female assault or is it not? And if it is,
- 21:15if you check that box, you go through it totally different. You
- 21:18know, it's a branching point in how police are then going to you know,
- 21:22enforce the law, so they're definitely profiling. It's absolutely gender profiling.
- 21:27They police differently. There is the smoking gun. When it's a male on
- 21:32female, they deem it higher risk. In spite of the actual statistics and
- 21:36its statistics, Candida, it's not me who did these studies. Statistics Canada.
- 21:40The government's statistics department says it's fifty to fifty and even says that when
- 21:44you look at the effect of domestic violence, you know the severity of it,
- 21:48it's still close to fifty to fifty. Yeah, Yes, definitely,
- 21:53it's definitely an issue that shouldn't be ignored. And like I said, it
- 21:56is, it is. I mean, I've I've seen this bias against male
- 22:02victims myself, and I've seen it in policies. But it's it's interesting to
- 22:06have that confirmed by somebody who's doing so much good work with male victims of
- 22:11all, you know, not just domestic violence, but I assume you also
- 22:15deal with male victims of sexual assault and male victims as children and all this
- 22:21other stuff. So you do great work. And to have that confirmed that
- 22:25a person, you know, who's who's who is so invested in improving the
- 22:29community because they focus on men, they're experiencing discrimination. It's just yeah,
- 22:36I know that, Like I know that from what I've seen, what I've
- 22:38researched. I am not I shouldn't be surprised, but it is still yeah,
- 22:45yeah, still just like wow. What's so particularly new now is the
- 22:49level of organizing. And we know this through some insiders. We have some
- 22:53members of our advisory board who are actually, this is really quite extraordinary.
- 22:57They're former members of some of these same agencies that are officially opposing what we're
- 23:03doing, but they have kind of these people have retired or they've exited their
- 23:07positions and then they joined and became advisors with us. And we have more
- 23:14women than men. I'm not kidding you know. I can send you to
- 23:15our website more women than men on a special advisory board we created for the
- 23:18Family Shelter. These are leading academics leading in some cases violence against women,
- 23:26researchers, frontline service providers like managers at different women's organizations, etc. Who
- 23:33are advising us. And we've heard it from a couple of them that there
- 23:37are meetings. I don't know if they're happening in smoke filled back rooms like
- 23:40expectacy, but they are definitely conversations happening about our progress. So it's kind
- 23:45of in a way it's flattering and in a way it acknowledges the success we're
- 23:48having. And they're looking in particular at what we did in Toronto, because
- 23:51Toronto is where we have the one and only shelter for authers and children that
- 23:56exists in all of Canadas is ours in Toronto. And they've seen that changing
- 24:00things. They've seen that we're now working with the police. They've seen that
- 24:03we're now on the verge of potentially getting governments on board for some of this
- 24:07work. In Ontario, they're seeing those referrals. They know that we're getting,
- 24:11you know, support from hospitals, clinics, child protective services, like
- 24:15very established organizations. Things are changing, and I think they're afraid that if
- 24:22we can get a toe hold in other provinces, if we can make this
- 24:23a national phenomenon, a network of shelters is what I'm after, that that
- 24:30will perhaps even threaten their livelihood because remember a lot of these individuals, they
- 24:33owe their paychecks to the fact that there is a certain area that isn't being
- 24:37questioned, and if money and resources were reallocated a little bit differently, yeah,
- 24:42some of them could lose their jobs. And my position is if your
- 24:45job is standing in the way of anybody getting the support they need, good
- 24:51ribbons to you in this space. And the funny thing is that the frontline
- 24:56service providers, even in the women's organizations, are some of ours longest champions.
- 25:00It's all at the bureaucratic level, at the level of the CEO's much
- 25:03more disengaged from you know, what's actually happening on the ground. In the
- 25:07same agency, we've had like frontline people who call us up, make referrals,
- 25:12want to partner with us. Then the CEO finds out that they've been
- 25:15in touch with the likes of CCMF and we never hear from that agency.
- 25:18Again, the total disconnect at different levels of the same organizations, it's actually
- 25:22kind of fascinating. Well, you'd imagine that the frontline workers are more interested
- 25:26in actually ameliorating I hope I said that word right, the suffering. But
- 25:30it's astounding to me because when you just decode what you're saying, these individuals
- 25:36are okay with human suffering as long as they keep getting their paycheck. There
- 25:41are because and I think one of the reasons why they're likely opposing what you're
- 25:47doing is you are seeing results. And if you do see successes in reducing
- 25:52violence, reducing the rate the cycle of violence, then the overall well,
- 25:59first of all, it challenged just their their interventions, because their interventions are
- 26:03not successful as far as I can tell, I've seen I've seen research done
- 26:08on feminist interventions to domestic violence and pointing out and looking at their success rate
- 26:15and finding that it they don't have a success rate. So if you are
- 26:19seeing success, then you're proving that their interventions are not only you know,
- 26:25ideologically motivated, but they're not making the gains that they should be. So
- 26:30it's it's it's you can see and it's not even you don't even look at
- 26:33it in terms of, oh they dislike men, Oh they just don't want
- 26:38to lose their relatively cushy, bureaucratic job. Yeah. And it's and you
- 26:45know, that's it's really hard to convince somebody of something that they have to
- 26:51to to argue something somebody out of a position that they hold and their paycheck
- 26:56is contingent upon them holding it. Yeah, like their identities and their identities.
- 27:02Yeah, those two things together are a potent combination. And no,
- 27:04you're exactly right. There was actually back in maybe I was twenty seventeen or
- 27:07eighteen now, there was a research report that was released by a number of
- 27:12organizations in the Alberta women sector, including frontline service providers women shelters, and
- 27:18it basically called into question the whole model for family violence shelters and supports for
- 27:25women and girls and exactly what you're saying, Alison. They looked at the
- 27:27actual data and they found that it had made no difference in terms of preventing
- 27:32violence and in fact the actual usage when they looked at there had been a
- 27:37report I think just before that that looked at why people are homeless, why
- 27:41they need shelters, and it was a very small fraction even of women who
- 27:45are actually needing it for family violence reasons. It was many other things,
- 27:48and so that led to a rethinking of whether the model was working even for
- 27:55women and girls. This report really asked for maybe a innovative rethinking of how
- 28:00shelters and other homelessness support services are being provided. It also mentioned men and
- 28:06boys. It said, look if we're going to do a wholesale reimagining of
- 28:08the sector. We got to also acknowledge the missing groups. So it talked
- 28:11about men and boys, I could believe that. And it talked about the
- 28:15LGBT community, which again another area nobody talks about. Violence Native is at
- 28:19least as high and in some studies higher, and again that's not consistent with
- 28:23the narrative, so we don't hear that very much as well. And in
- 28:27Alberta, for whatever reason, is where you're going to find a number of
- 28:32women's shelters that for years now, maybe ten years or so, have been
- 28:34actually admitting fathers and children, which is staggering. I mean for people who
- 28:40you know, think about this as gender binary to hear that there are some
- 28:44good agencies in that sector who are putting their necks out there frankly because they're
- 28:48not winning over a lot of friends, you know, from within their own
- 28:53sector when they do that kind of thing. Yeah, generally women's shelters exclude
- 28:59men usually, so that is that is really interesting. So these so you
- 29:03at these roadblocks. I have two things about this. Two questions that I
- 29:08have. One is, what are do you think the potential consequences if these
- 29:17these issues are not like you know, there's no way to work around them
- 29:21or through them. What do you like, in what way is this going
- 29:23to harm your goals? You say, well, I mean, obviously we'd
- 29:30prefer to have these agencies on board, and it would make our job a
- 29:33lot easier and it would make it much more sustainable. What we're trying to
- 29:37do are, as far as I'm aware, no examples of privately run organizations
- 29:45doing the kinds of things we do adding the residential component into the support services,
- 29:52because operating a residential facility is extremely expensive and extremely risky, and I
- 29:56don't know any that do it without getting government is as a core funder,
- 30:00as like a core operations under contract funder where the bulk of their annual budget
- 30:06is paid for by the government. That is, to facto how virtually all
- 30:10of the entities do it. We're struggling to be able. We struggle to
- 30:14get the Toronto Shelter opened. We did it entirely with private support, both
- 30:18financing and funding, and we were hoping to kind of leverage that to both
- 30:22get Ontario governments government agencies on board because that's where we're located, and so
- 30:27that proof of concept to provincial governments. We're still working on that. There
- 30:33are a number of government agencies we haven't gotten rejection letters from yet, but
- 30:37it's proving to be very, very difficult and so likely it looks like we're
- 30:42going to have to go the private funding route for Shelters two and three.
- 30:47Our eyes are on Alberta and BC. We want to be a try provincial
- 30:51organization with a network of at least three facilities in three provinces. And the
- 30:56reason to want to have a footprint in three provinces is probably obvious because and
- 31:00we have much more funding opportunities. We've got three friends. You know,
- 31:03the likelihood of getting at least one of these provinces to finally get on board
- 31:07than if we're only focused on Ontario or any particular province. But to get
- 31:11that with the opposition we're facing, and the opposition is there precisely to stop
- 31:17us from getting that, we're going to have to do it through private support.
- 31:21We're going to continue with government, and if we're able to open Shelters
- 31:23two and three privately, we're going to go back to government, as we're
- 31:26doing in Toronto. In Toronto, we did go to government first, and
- 31:29they said no, said okay, we'll do it anyway, and we did.
- 31:33And now we've got two two and a half years, one hundred and
- 31:34fifty families have passed or passed in and out of our doors. It's an
- 31:40amazing track record. We've got those families who taught. Many of them are
- 31:44willing to talk about the healing that they benefited from while they were residents with
- 31:48us. That changes everything, and that's why we're opening those doors with Toronto
- 31:53Police, with the hospitals, with even some government agencies at the city and
- 31:57provincial levels in Ontario. That's what these agencies fear in these other provinces,
- 32:01and that's why we got to get into those provinces. So to cut to
- 32:05the chase, we've got a fundraising campaign a quarter of a million dollars,
- 32:08more than far more than we've ever sought to raise in the past. A
- 32:12consortium of donors have pledged to match that because they care deeply about jolting us
- 32:17to success. It's going to take a bit of a jolt to get over
- 32:21the finish line. We still have quite a bit of territory to make up
- 32:25on. So this month being Men's Health Month, we are and also Family
- 32:30Violence Month. We are quadrupling money that comes in, so every dollar that
- 32:36a donor provides will be matched times three by this pool of matching donors,
- 32:43and through to the end of the year we'll continue with a one to one
- 32:45match. So we're really hoping, you know, to get as close as
- 32:49we can to that quarter million match by the end of the year and then
- 32:52look at early twenty twenty four from moving ahead with albert NBC. We're not
- 32:58sure where we'll go first on the opportunities, but yeah, in the next
- 33:01i'd say two to three years, we're definitely looking at going from being a
- 33:05one shelter outfit to being a tri provincial network of shelters. And I should
- 33:10emphasize as shelters are also headquarters for a broad array of support services. We
- 33:15don't only do domestic violence services out of there. There's also an array of
- 33:19public programs. I mentioned them, fothering programs, legal clinics, Survivors of
- 33:22False Allegations is an important program that we've been running very popular the last couple
- 33:28of years. So all of these will have additional homes in other parts of
- 33:31the country. Okay, wow, wow, that's incredible. It is so
- 33:37can I a question before? Yeah, yeah, yeah, go go ahead.
- 33:39Have you considered Saskatchewan. There's nobody there, Allison there eventually. Yeah,
- 33:51we're hitting the major population centers first, so I'm afraid we we flew
- 33:57over Saskatchewan could be everywhere. I have folks in the Maritimes who are also
- 34:02com back wagging their fingers at me, and yeah, all I can say
- 34:07is we'll get there in time. But we have to do one thing at
- 34:12a time. Yeah. Well, you know, even for people who aren't
- 34:15necessarily needing these kinds of services. To be able to start to I'm going
- 34:22to take this from another angle to be able to start to challenge the ideological
- 34:28stranglehold on how we view men and women. I mean, that's even that
- 34:34angle is really critical to start pushing this kind of thing, because we need
- 34:37to have a more compassionate, more positive view of the relationship between men and
- 34:45women than men oppress women and women are their victims, and that I think
- 34:50that's really doing something very negative to our society. And being able to recognize
- 34:57that men also face significant challenge lenges and that they are being you know,
- 35:01they're also discriminated against in ways, you know, there are certain things that
- 35:07women face, there are other things that men face. Being able to recognize
- 35:09that goes, I think, a long way to healing this divide that has
- 35:15been created by this ideology between men and women. It's yeah, and that's
- 35:22why a big focus for us has always been is building alliances with women's organizations,
- 35:27and whether it's the advisory board that brings on senior women from these organizations
- 35:31literally onto a board that we're we're administering, or whether it's actual initiatives that
- 35:37are collaborative in nature. We've done some like co drafting of funding requests to
- 35:42do like suicide prevention programs with women's groups. We're all about collaboration, but
- 35:47we have to be met halfway, you know, and very often when we
- 35:51reach out for collaboration, we're it's there's no response or the response is just
- 35:55not it's just not positive. So yeah, there's a big idea loge gap
- 36:00that needs to be bridged. I would love it if in time we had
- 36:05regular dialogues with UH, with women's organizations, feminies organization, even if they
- 36:09don't start by thinking they have much in common with us at all, just
- 36:14talking to each other in some kind of like official forum. I've been,
- 36:17you know, kind of chewing on that as a project for a while now,
- 36:21except that I don't know who to go to on the other side to
- 36:23initiate that. Be careful because I went to a I went to a panel
- 36:30discussion I've never heard this story at the Calgary Expo and they said, why
- 36:37can't we have this discussion? And I said, sure, we can have
- 36:42this discussion. I'm a men's rights activist. Let's have this discussion. And
- 36:45then the next day I was kicked out. Be careful, be when you
- 36:47get invited to have these discussions, because they don't really want when they talk
- 36:53about engaging men and boys, but that's just cool. It's just doctrinating men
- 36:58and boys in or just telling yeah, yeah, I want to hear menaboids
- 37:02actually have to say, because it might be offside the beliefs about what should
- 37:08have to say or or should be the role that they should be playing in
- 37:13this whole grand I don't know stage play that they've constructed. Okay, I'm
- 37:20sorry, So no, it's okay. So so no, it's okay,
- 37:22it's okay. So the obstacle we're looking at then is essentially you're not getting
- 37:27the support, whether it's financial or even just like you know, something that
- 37:31widens the conversation, like if they're they're just like, oh, these people
- 37:37want to work with men, let's help them work with men whatever, and
- 37:40and and maybe like promote them or whatever, so people will help them out.
- 37:45Like it's the obstacle seems to be one primarily of funding, but not
- 37:50exclusively, right Is that is that fair? Like support from the public institutions,
- 37:54these public entities, these government entities, and so what I was wondering
- 38:00is the workaround is just like it was in Toronto. By the way,
- 38:04I was at the Toronto Shelter once, like when Warren Farrell was speaking on
- 38:08the boy crisis. I don't know if you remember Allison moved. Why did
- 38:14you move? I'm putting you back, okay. And anyway, so I
- 38:17went to the and I saw the place and it was it was nice.
- 38:21There were you know, people working there and stuff. Is it the same
- 38:23Do you guys still have the same location. Is it the same place?
- 38:25The old office? Yeah? Oh the old office? Yeah yeah yeah.
- 38:29I had a fairly small, like a thousand square feet maybe not even office
- 38:32that we operated as the Canadian Center for men and families. That's that was
- 38:36the one in Toronto, actually the smallest of all the offices. When we
- 38:38opened centers in Outawa on Caligrat Center, they were they were quite a bit
- 38:43bigger, and those were those weren't residential, so those were just commercial spaces
- 38:46where they operated frontline services, you know, in many cases the only kind
- 38:52available for men and boys in those communities, the shelters a whole other thing.
- 38:55We've we moved to a house, to a very large house in northern
- 38:59Toronto near York University. We have a partnership with York that provides a number
- 39:04of interns to provide essentially administrative support, residential counseling, intake, et cetera.
- 39:10So it's been a very good relationship with university. And it's a house
- 39:15that can hold as many as twenty four people, ten bedrooms of varying sizes,
- 39:21so everything from a single man to a man with maybe three kids.
- 39:23That's really pushing it. But yeah, it's a pretty significant operation in terms
- 39:29of its physical infrastructure. Yeah, quite different from the office, and that's
- 39:32what we want. We do have these small centers in these other locations,
- 39:36but they can only do so much and they don't have the possibility of offering
- 39:40emergency residential supports, right, So you've expanded then quite a bit since since
- 39:45then, and also with even you know, despite all of these sort of
- 39:51obstacles, these financial obstacles, ideological obstacles and so on. So I guess
- 39:55the reason why I brought up the US Friends of Canadian Center for Men and
- 40:02Families it would seem I guess, like you said, it's sort of like,
- 40:07you know, a happy coincidence, because you're not getting the help you
- 40:12need from or at least, you know, not to a satisfactory degree,
- 40:15from these public institutions, and you have other organizations apparently working to oppose you
- 40:21or standing your way or block you, and yet you can, you know,
- 40:24because you might have to do this privately across the board. Is that
- 40:29is that like the where it looks like things are headed right now? Or
- 40:32do you think there's another way around this? I think for now, we've
- 40:37always taken in all of the above strategy, so we're never closing the door
- 40:42on anything. And the fact that a number of provincial ministries have said no,
- 40:46we take that to me, not right now, and we will go
- 40:50back with because when they say no, they give a bunch of excuses,
- 40:52and we're going to respond to those excuses, and in some cases doing that
- 40:55requires us to shore up some research or to create a new alliances partners to
- 41:00come back with. So it's not like we can just immediately respond. It's
- 41:05sometimes more complicated than that. But eventually we will get back to any agency
- 41:08that says no. But I think the thing that's going to be the biggest
- 41:12game changer is actually having an operation. So that's a catch twenty two,
- 41:15right, how do you do that when you don't have the funding? And
- 41:16we found a solution in Toronto. It was private and that wasn't easy,
- 41:22but we managed to clubble together enough private capital from individuals, from foundations,
- 41:29plus a number of people did a private financing loan, so we had enough
- 41:34to buy a large house and we also have enough to operate it. It's
- 41:38not just the capital. You also have to be able to afford staffing and
- 41:42operational costs. That's not a small amount for an expensive operation like this.
- 41:47So we've managed to sustain it, you know, since we opened to three
- 41:50years ago. So I do think if we're going to get this thing moving
- 41:54anytime in the next couple of years that and I don't anticipate you know,
- 42:00thing happening that's going to change the landscape. I can't be confident that any
- 42:07government agencies are going to get on board. It just doesn't look like they're
- 42:08writing's on the wall. But we do have the opportunity from the private donor
- 42:15class. So we've got to match the quarter million dollars, which those donors
- 42:19are eager to give that money, but they're also wanting to catalyze, you
- 42:22know, a sizable amount of additional donors. They want to be obviously part
- 42:28of a larger pool. So we're really hoping that we can match that,
- 42:31and that would be half a million dollars. It's not just that we've got
- 42:35a number of major public and pride government sorry family foundations that have been supporting
- 42:39us for the last number of years because we have the Toronto Shelter. Again,
- 42:43we wouldn't have that funding if we didn't have it, and they are
- 42:45already stepping up to make commitments to expanding shelters in albert And as I've described.
- 42:52So we're putting the pieces in place on both the capital and the operation
- 42:55side, but it's essential that we do match this quarter million other pieces aren't
- 43:00enough. We have to be successful with that. That's that's obviously a large
- 43:04gap that has to be closed, and we're doing everything we can to kind
- 43:07of incentivize people to uh to give you know, as I said in November,
- 43:10it's quadrupled and throughout the whole year, it's it's going to be uh
- 43:15doubled or if not quadrupled, that's great. Uh. And are like,
- 43:19if if you're listening to this, well, I hope because we you know,
- 43:22we do have an audience, I hope you guys are listening to this.
- 43:24They are, please do help out because this is really critical. And
- 43:29again it's not just and it's critical enough that you are helping men in need,
- 43:34but it also is, you know, a step forward to challenging the
- 43:38orthodoxy, you know, the cathedral. Like it's a step forward to challenging
- 43:43one of their their big I'll take this a little bit further, one of
- 43:47their big weapons that they use in order to shut down certain discourse, which
- 43:52is this idea that it that women are universal victims of everything, and so
- 43:59the that that angle is really important as well. We need to recognize that
- 44:04men suffer significantly from domestic violence, they suffer significantly from sexual violence, and
- 44:08those two, those two problems are being used to support a narrative that men
- 44:16essentially use society to oppress women, and that narrative is often used to silence
- 44:22people, to exclude people, to construct these these negative feedback spirals where you
- 44:30know, you end up with the community and then the community gets infected by
- 44:32this and it just turns into a wasteland with with people trying to throw each
- 44:37other out of it. You know, I know this is this is this
- 44:39is far from necessarily your your your wheelhouse. But I'm talking more to the
- 44:44people who who who regularly tune into our content and what we talk about,
- 44:49so the kind of things that they've concerned about. So it's all tied together.
- 44:53And one of the first places, one of the biggest battlegrounds is getting
- 44:58them to recognize that men and boys are victims of these two social ills that
- 45:04they have co opted to their narrative in order to adjusify a lot of their
- 45:08a lot of their political clout. Okay, sorry, go ahead, no,
- 45:12I was going to just jump on that because I'm really glad you made
- 45:15that point. The reason why we're so preoccupied with this issue of victimization is
- 45:19it really is at the core of everything. Just along the lines of what
- 45:22you're saying, There was an effort to reform the Divorce Act in Canada.
- 45:29There was actually and it was there were changes they did. The federal government
- 45:34actually put in an amendment. We were not successful though, at making equal
- 45:37parenting a rebuttable presumption of equal parenting one of our flagship policy initiatives. Part
- 45:43of it, and the reason was family violence, because the main counterpoint by
- 45:47feminist groups is fathers don't really care about their children. There's not really such
- 45:52a thing as parental alienation. It's really just a way for them to maintain
- 45:57control, to continue to victimize women until we finally crack the nut of this
- 46:01this ideologic, this false data, unsupported ideology about family violence and gender and
- 46:08victimization generally, this is always going to be a thorn in the side of
- 46:13any legislative efforts around family law reform, which I know is very important to
- 46:17you know your listeners, and it's just as important to center for men and
- 46:21families. That's a key that's another key area for us, even suicide prevention.
- 46:25We're very active in suicide prevention. Men or three quarters of all suicides
- 46:30in Canada. It's probably no different in the US and many other parts of
- 46:32the world. And even there they don't They may acknowledge the statistics, but
- 46:37they don't want to acknowledge men as a vulnerable community meeting, you know,
- 46:40a dedicated prevention strategy because there's they're not victims in the same way as women.
- 46:45Well that's a bizarre connection, but it's still you is to try to
- 46:50suggest that men and boy is basically men and boy's own fault, Like if
- 46:52they're gonna, you know, kill themselves, they should just learn to you
- 46:58know, not do it or something one thing. I don't know, I'm
- 47:00trying to do that. But they cannot see men voids as anything other than
- 47:05you know, perpetrators and the cause of all societies eels, rather than a
- 47:08vulnerable, sometimes victimized group. And it does then in the way of everything
- 47:13from suicide prevention, equal share of parenting, any of our work around male
- 47:19youth. It's always again and again, you know what people go to as
- 47:22an excuse for not budgeing. We were actually co producers of Erasing Family,
- 47:30the documentary that came out in twenty nineteen. Oh, yeah, we watched
- 47:32that. Yeah, example of our international footprint. And yeah, if you
- 47:37watch that documentary, you can see quite clearly how there's an intimate connection between
- 47:42those issues, family violence and efforts to stall equal parenting reform. And honestly,
- 47:49these are they are actually throwing under the bus female victims because the female
- 47:54victims are a minority group in parental alienation. They actually the feminist groups.
- 48:00When I say they, I meant the feminine if you mean the feminist groups
- 48:02on Twitter, they've actually tried to rebrand it to something to do with women
- 48:07coercively removed from their children's lives instead of parental alienation. So they're trying to
- 48:14just make it parental alienation, but not with the men who are victims of
- 48:19it. And it's it's just interesting to see and the this entire framework,
- 48:25the domestic violence and also the sexual violence framework. It it is extremely lucrative,
- 48:34I'm gonna say that. And this is this is something that I have
- 48:37researched myself. After the Johnny Depp amber Heard trial, and there was something
- 48:43that one of the people who are who was like a a president of one
- 48:51I think it was the Network Against Domestic Violence National Network Against Domestic Violence in
- 48:57the States, she did an interview and she said that the Johnny Depp amber
- 49:04Herd case was not very good for her organization because it didn't bring in any
- 49:08money, and I'm like, wow, you're just gonna slap that out there
- 49:16plainly. But then I looked at the financials of these institutions, these organizations.
- 49:21I'm not talking about Canada necessarily, but the States, and you're looking
- 49:24at million dollar organizations and they are getting in millions and millions of dollars they're
- 49:31paying out, and then the salaries seem modest until you look at the amount
- 49:37of work that they're doing. So you'll have i don't know, twelve board
- 49:40members each getting about forty thousand a year, and they're doing half an hour
- 49:46to an hour's work of week of work a week. And then then I
- 49:52follow these names and I discovered that they're on multiple boards of multiple organizations,
- 49:58and that forty thousand dollars a year starts to really add up when you're on
- 50:02ten organizations doing one hour week week to each of them, and I'm like,
- 50:07this is this is insane. And the and the and they the services
- 50:10that they offer, We're talking like I was looking at the budget for the
- 50:15actual services. The actual services you'd look at like a five million dollars a
- 50:20year uh an NGO, and the services that they're offering are like maybe one
- 50:27hundred thousand dollars a year. And they're like and they and they still and
- 50:31they still supposedly can operate under the auspices of being a genuine like charitable organization.
- 50:40And I'm like, how can you and and the and the and the
- 50:45way that they do that is, of course the board board members. They're
- 50:50somehow they they've jiggered it so that all of this money going out to the
- 50:53board members is considered part of the operating expenses of their chair aritable organization.
- 51:00And I'm like, how I mean? And I looked at all of the
- 51:04rules and are some of the rules that that they have in the States,
- 51:07and it's all all abides by the rules. But if you look at it,
- 51:10it's this nest, this like slash of money, this waterfall of money
- 51:15going through this issue. And it's because and I wanted to bring this up,
- 51:20and I'm sorry if I'm talking too much. One of I think there
- 51:24was an event that was put on by we knew her farren Meyer and about
- 51:32these the negative sum game. And what I've discovered is that when you know,
- 51:40if you have an issue that we perceive harms women, and people are
- 51:49donating to try to protect or try to protect women, and you have like
- 51:52a hundred female victims, if somebody says, but wait, there are also
- 51:57one hundred male victims, we need to help them too, people will stop
- 52:01donating period. Like even if there's twice as many victims but half of them
- 52:07are male, They're like, wow, this problem isn't you know, we
- 52:08don't need to worry about it now. Yeah, it's also victims. Yeah,
- 52:13It's almost like it has to be exclusively female, conclusively female, in
- 52:16order for people to feel like compelled to donate or help. And the reason
- 52:21why I sort of came to this conclusion is though I was looking at this
- 52:24information from a man in the Congo who was working with rape victims, and
- 52:32he had found that there was a significant number of men who are coming to
- 52:37him for help with the aftermath of being raped and it was horrific like physical
- 52:42injuries. But his donor, which I believe was Duck's Dutch ox Dam,
- 52:46came to him and said if the number of men that he helps ever exceeds
- 52:52thirty percent of his total the total people he helps, they're going to reank
- 52:55his funding, which means that they would take the funding of way way from
- 53:00the women he helps too, which just freaking astounded me, and it made
- 53:05me realize that this is this is more than helping people, and it's more
- 53:09than even helping women. It's maintaining a particular ideological framework to see reality through.
- 53:16So if you if you create something that helps eighty women and twenty men,
- 53:22they will say, well, if you increase that to over like,
- 53:25you know, thirty women and seventy or sorry, seventy women and thirty men,
- 53:30will take away your funding for everyone. I mean that means that what's
- 53:32driving it isn't even concerned for women, Yeah, because you're you're destroying them
- 53:37too. Well, now just astounds me. So in Canada, there is
- 53:42a lot of money being put into homelessness, as there should be, but
- 53:45the federal government is mandating that at least that no less than twenty five percent
- 53:51of new subsidized housing candidate, but at least twenty five percent new subsidized housing
- 53:57projects have to be for women led families. So rather than making poverty the
- 54:02litmus test for eligibility, it's gender, which I don't understand. I mean,
- 54:07if women and it's probably the case that there are more female lead households,
- 54:14single mother led households that fall below the poverty line. But if that's
- 54:17true, then if you make poverty the litmus test, then you will inevitably
- 54:22provide more housing to women. Right. But are you saying that you're going
- 54:27to choose better off women over lower income mand if it comes to it,
- 54:31or you're going to, as you said, pull the funding entirely from a
- 54:34project if it ever kind of dips below that seventy five twenty five percent.
- 54:37But I mean to your point, like, psychologically, this is what we're
- 54:42up against that it is always the case that people will open doors for funding
- 54:46for women and girls and they will close them in your face. Sometimes literally.
- 54:51I've had that experience when you talk about also, let's do it for
- 54:53men and boys. It's a totally different, you know, starting point that
- 55:00you're always having in my line of work to make the case to be fearful
- 55:04about who's going to be listening, because God forbid, they're one of your
- 55:07strongest opponents and only will they deny your application, but if your application includes
- 55:13mention of some of your partners, they're going to call those partners and bully
- 55:15them to no longer partner with you. You've had that happen a few times
- 55:20too. Actually, I don't know if I get into the weeds on this,
- 55:22but there was one situation where one of our key advisors, a woman
- 55:28who runs an organization that supports shelters in the g in the Greater Toronto area.
- 55:35She had been one of our strongest champions from the beginning, and she
- 55:38had to remove her support, like formally resign her involvement because she got a
- 55:45call one day from an individual that runs a women's shelter in that same region
- 55:51of Canada. And this woman is also very close to the Ministry of Community
- 55:57Services, which is the ministry that funds all this stuff up, and basically
- 56:00threatened to make her funding go away if she stayed connected to us. My
- 56:06god, this is this is what we're up again. This is why I
- 56:08say we need your help, Like people who are listening to this, we
- 56:13cannot, you know, do this without that. And that's that's been our
- 56:15secret. It's not much of a secret, it's and the thousands of individual
- 56:20donors who are so you know, frustrated and angered, and they should be
- 56:24by these kinds of roadblocks, by the fact that ideology is getting in the
- 56:29way of helping real people, including women and you know, women and girls
- 56:32in some instances. That's what happens if I'm going to step up and make
- 56:36this happen. That's what absolutely floored me when I was looking at those financials.
- 56:39I'm like, this has nothing to do with helping women and girls.
- 56:43This has to do with making bank on the suffering of women and girls.
- 56:47You know, when I started all this, I went into men's issues because
- 56:52I saw them as being neglected. And then at the end, like you
- 56:55know, like to realize now that the real and why a lot of these
- 57:00people even pay attention to the issues of women and girls is simply because they
- 57:05open people's wallets. So now I'm in a position where they are literally using
- 57:13women and girls as livestock and they're not addressing these issues in a way that
- 57:20reduces the suffering. And I actually also researched some of the stuff that was
- 57:25going on with sexual sexual court like sexual abuse in the eighties and nineties.
- 57:32Actually of the eighties, I think because it was interesting because my husband does
- 57:37a lot of recording of radio broadcasts, and in the late nineties they had
- 57:42this broadcast about this initiative to give therapy to at risk boys, so boys
- 57:49who are at risk at sexual offending. So these were themselves sexually abused boys,
- 57:52and the broadcast was so it was like you could take it and you
- 58:00could have repeated the concepts on one of our podcasts and they would have been
- 58:04labeled as men's issues. And this was considered to be an initiative that was
- 58:09supported by the police, it was supported by the institutions of the time,
- 58:14and it simply acknowledged that these boys had been abused and that was why they
- 58:17were at risk, and acknowledged what they were going to do to help them
- 58:22overcome what had happened. And I was listening to this and I'm like,
- 58:24these initiatives existed then, and then they disappeared. Where did they go?
- 58:30So I started looking into the progression in the academic sphere around sexual abused and
- 58:39violence, and I saw a paper written by feminists who said who were actually
- 58:47having a discussion, And I found it astounding that they were occupying this gatekeeping
- 58:52role. They were having a discussion about psychological interventions into reducing the rate of
- 58:59of predation in men and at risk groups of men, not men in general,
- 59:05not oh, they're all contributing to a rape culture, but actually identifying
- 59:09the at risk groups of youth and young men and having psychological interventions that were
- 59:15proving to have an effect on reducing their rate of offending. And they were
- 59:22discussing whether or not to oppose that because it defied their ideological framework. So
- 59:30I'm looking at this discussion where feminists are like, well and let's let's bring
- 59:35it down to brass tacks. Well, we could stop women being raped,
- 59:39but that would you know, that would we can our position as feminists.
- 59:44I'm like, what I mean, that's the that behavior is insane and it's
- 59:52so ideologically driven. And I you know, I heard this from people like
- 59:58Aaron Pizzy that a lot of this was was not just ideologically driven, but
- 1:00:01driven through money, and I was just like, I couldn't believe that anybody
- 1:00:05would engage in that level of perfidity. And then I read this and I'm
- 1:00:08like, oh my god, and ultimately like this this level of inability to
- 1:00:17recognize the legitimacy of male victimhood is leading to interventions that ensure that more more
- 1:00:24women are victimized. And because of the cycle and the fact that we aren't
- 1:00:30we now we're focusing on rape jokes, which has absolutely no evidence that that
- 1:00:35there's some clear of causal factor to engage, you know, for sexual violence,
- 1:00:39instead of these kinds of psychological interventions which were shown to have an effect.
- 1:00:46And it just it just sort of floored me. I apologize, I
- 1:00:50went on a little bit of a rant there, so I will star the
- 1:00:52histories fascinating and uh, well, in a way, it gives me hope
- 1:00:58that there once was a time when maybe there was more of an ability to
- 1:01:01operate in the space. But it also is kind of a cautionary tale because
- 1:01:05it looks like that was taken away by a group of you know, radicals
- 1:01:10who came together to oppose it, and that's kind of what we're facing now.
- 1:01:14So hopefully we kind of learn our lessons. But I was going to
- 1:01:16say, you know, the causality issue, it's staring them in the face,
- 1:01:22like where would a if a girl is at risk is actually being victimized
- 1:01:28by a mother, or is at risk of being victimized. What happens because
- 1:01:32if the dad calls for help, the dad's probably separated and taken out of
- 1:01:37the family. There is no place for the dad to go with the girl.
- 1:01:40So it's always been staring them in the face, this giant hole in
- 1:01:44services for abused women and girls. They just could not make the connection to
- 1:01:49see that sometimes the girl is being victimized by another female, her mother,
- 1:01:53right, And because of that, to me obvious glaring gap, we've always
- 1:01:58had these risks where left kind of untended to, there's bound eventually to be
- 1:02:04a preventable tragedy where where a girl loses her life because a dad doesn't get
- 1:02:08the help that he needs and he desperately tries to get it and he maybe
- 1:02:13he's removed from the house and he then can't protect his daughter. We're playing
- 1:02:17with fire like those kinds of things if they haven't already happened, and they
- 1:02:21might have, but they won't get report in the news. As examples of
- 1:02:23that they're going to They're going to happen from time to time. So if
- 1:02:29our only focus is on, you know, preventing tragedies of women and girls
- 1:02:34dying only for that reason alone, we should at least carve out some small
- 1:02:37amount of support and funding for the shelters for these dads to take these girls.
- 1:02:43Yes. Yeah, there was one additional question that I have a little
- 1:02:46bit about out on right field or left field. Do these organizations have they
- 1:02:54made a commitment to helping trans women our organization? No, no, no,
- 1:03:00no, because you've already said that you deal with male identified individuals.
- 1:03:05So and I assume that I'm not talking about your organization. I'm talking about
- 1:03:08these organizations that you're dealing with who have sort of circled the wagons against your
- 1:03:14organization. I'm just curious if they actually open their doors to trans women,
- 1:03:21if they've actually made that commitment. I think that's a work in progress.
- 1:03:25I think I have, and some of them are are not planning to and
- 1:03:30have made a conscious decision not to do that, and I don't. I
- 1:03:36think it's a real interesting debate that I've seen some signs of within, you
- 1:03:40know, the the women's service space. I'm not obviously in that space directly,
- 1:03:46but I hear things from the king are liaisons between them and us,
- 1:03:52and so, yeah, there are indications that they're not sure what to do
- 1:03:54with trans women. Despite the you know, lip service progressive talk, there
- 1:04:02is not actually necessarily a follow through when it comes to frontline service delivery for
- 1:04:08that community. For the record, we are inclusive and always have been of
- 1:04:12gay, bye and TRANSMN. Mm hmmm, well, I mean you're you're
- 1:04:15trying to service an under service population, so you're focusing on the male identified
- 1:04:19individual. So I wasn't directing that, uh that question you. It just
- 1:04:24seems to be rather rather an oversight for these organizations to uh ignore the issues
- 1:04:30of trans women completely. I would I would imagine, I mean you say
- 1:04:34that if you don't, don't they actually incorporate them, but that uh,
- 1:04:39you know that they they fail to recognize the well that trans women are often
- 1:04:44a very uh uh shall we say they're they're they're very much reflect affected by
- 1:04:53violence, and they're being excluded by these feminist organisms. Do a situation where
- 1:04:58you have to start drawing lines about whether you're going to allow trans women or
- 1:05:01transmen or you know, groups within that binary. And it's so frustrating because
- 1:05:06we're constantly being accused by our critics of we are reinforcing the gender binary.
- 1:05:13We're advocating, and our shelter is fully inclusive, unlike most of the rest
- 1:05:17of them. Yeah, an inclusive, holistic approach. Well, you know
- 1:05:20if binary is being you know, promulgated on the other side. Yeah,
- 1:05:25well, I mean they've essentially said, you know, men, male identified
- 1:05:29individuals need not apply. But I would honestly say, if there's any trans
- 1:05:32rights activists out there who are listening to this, you might want to look
- 1:05:35into that and look into the kind of bias and discrimination that trans women are
- 1:05:41facing. I mean, it's not in our wheelhouse. I'll point that out
- 1:05:45because we focus on many male identified individuals, men and boys, although we
- 1:05:49do recognize that trans women do face some significant issues as well. But you
- 1:05:56know, you might want to look into this and look into the discrimination against
- 1:06:00trans women that's currently occurring in Canadian domestic violence shelters. It's the thought is
- 1:06:05just just wanted to put that out there. Research project. Yeah, definitely,
- 1:06:11I have a rumble rant. I just want to read it before it
- 1:06:14disappears. Occupant forty two gave us twenty bucks and says no message, just
- 1:06:18some support. Thank you, Occupant twenty two, and I you know,
- 1:06:24if people do want to donate, I put a link to your Patreon in
- 1:06:29the description is that the best place or is there like another website justin Yeah,
- 1:06:34there is a we have a Canada Helps page if they're donating to Center
- 1:06:39for Men and Families. There's also a PayPal page for donating to the new
- 1:06:43charity, the one in the in the US. Anybody who is in the
- 1:06:46US and wants to take advantage of getting a US recognized tax receipt, make
- 1:06:50sure you donate to the Friends of Entity. That's the only way to get
- 1:06:54that. So what I'll do while we're talking is I will I will put
- 1:06:59into the Yeah, I go ahead and put it in there, and I'll
- 1:07:00drop it in there right, you know, right as we're done. The
- 1:07:05other thing is is that so so you've opened up this it's actually interest you
- 1:07:10know, really timely. You've opened up this newly established US based charity for
- 1:07:16the Canadian Center for Men and Families. And are you like, I don't
- 1:07:23know how long it's been, but are you seeing any like you know,
- 1:07:27any I guess action going on there? Are you excited about this? I
- 1:07:32think that this is a really good move of the United States has a much
- 1:07:36bigger population, tho's probably you know it probably yeah, ten times a size,
- 1:07:43right, So maybe you'll get like a lot more support. And I
- 1:07:45think that generally people here are becoming more aware of these issues. So you're
- 1:07:53you you probably are gonna have I'm not saying that Canada has no sympathy,
- 1:07:56but I think that the United States not a bad place to look for help,
- 1:08:01just because of the sheer number of people we have. So are you
- 1:08:04Are you excited about that? Are you seeing any anything going on there?
- 1:08:09Positive? Because you know, like you said, if it's gonna have to
- 1:08:12be privately funded, then you might as well, you know, go for
- 1:08:16it. Yeah, we're pulling out all the stops to take advantage of any
- 1:08:20private sources we can get our hands on. So we just announced it like
- 1:08:25literally in the last week. So it's it's a little bit too soon to
- 1:08:28tell. We have had already a number more than anticipated number of donations come
- 1:08:32in. Oh that's nice, but it is early days. I will say,
- 1:08:35though, the whole rationale for doing this was US supporters of the Center
- 1:08:41for Men and Families over the years. We're telling me we're giving, but
- 1:08:45we could give more, you know, and more regularly if we had the
- 1:08:48benefit of a US recognized tax receipt have you considered setting up an entity like
- 1:08:54this? And we got lawyers involved, we looked into it. We realized
- 1:08:57this was doable, and it took you know, took at a year because
- 1:09:00there's a formal process and it just came through in the summer and so there
- 1:09:04was some administrative work we had to do. And as soon as all that
- 1:09:06was in place, we realized, hey, it's the year end fundraiser and
- 1:09:10we're trying to raise more money than ever because we have some more ambitious projects
- 1:09:14than ever before, the expansion of our services across the country. And the
- 1:09:18timing is very good. So we announced it just last week and yeah,
- 1:09:23I think it's going to in time prove to be a major platform for accessing
- 1:09:28a pool of contributions that were kind of always available. But again, this
- 1:09:31is incentivizing a US donor base right way that just wasn't possible previously. Yeah,
- 1:09:40that's also great. Are there other ways that people can help out that
- 1:09:45maybe they don't you know, they can't really donate, but they want to
- 1:09:49support in other ways, maybe do some volunteer work or or just promote you
- 1:09:56know what you guys are doing. Absolutely, yeah, active on social media,
- 1:10:00so you you know, anything that gets awareness out there about what we're
- 1:10:04doing, and that could be in order to galvanize funding, but also getting
- 1:10:10men, men and boys aware that there is there, there is a place
- 1:10:14to go, you know that there is an agency that will listen to them,
- 1:10:18will take their needs seriously and can offer them the kind of support and
- 1:10:23healing that that they may be struggling to find. Any help with getting awareness
- 1:10:28of raising awareness of that through social media or connecting with with your personal networks
- 1:10:33is very appreciated. And then if folks are kind of locally in different parts
- 1:10:39of Canada where we're we're physically operating, it's a little bit easier to volunteer.
- 1:10:43But you know a lot of what we do is online now since the
- 1:10:45pandemic, many of our services are, so there are definitely ways of volunteering
- 1:10:49wherever you are in the world. Yeah, are you facing any so Okay,
- 1:10:55So trying to get public funding, there's obstacles, There's there's no oh,
- 1:11:00because I don't really know how it works in Canada, but there are
- 1:11:01are you facing any issues even with trying to like get things funded privately like
- 1:11:08bad press? Aside from what we already talked about, maybe you know some
- 1:11:13other ways, like I wonder if going this route is going to bring its
- 1:11:17own challenges. I guess we've not had a hit piece in a while,
- 1:11:24which is which is good. We do get press coverage from time to time,
- 1:11:28and it's it's generally fair or even positive. Oh well, that's good.
- 1:11:30I think the hit pieces are largely behind us. I have to say
- 1:11:34that we're always extremely careful about how we communicate with the media, and you
- 1:11:39would think when the shelter in Toronto opened, we would have done so with
- 1:11:43great fanfare and press releases in media, you know, press conferences, that
- 1:11:46sort of thing. We chose not to do that because at the time,
- 1:11:51we were dealing with setting up a shelter in a residential area and we were
- 1:11:57worried about neighborhood in neighbor responses. We were worried about if the city councilor
- 1:12:04might find out that this is happening and might not be a fan of men
- 1:12:09and boys issues. And that's the difference between doing what we do versus a
- 1:12:14women and girls organization, because when you operate in that space, you have
- 1:12:17no doubt that the city councilor and the members of Parliament and the media will
- 1:12:21be fawning and will be opening doors for you, and we'll be you know,
- 1:12:26falling over themselves to offer public support. They want to be attached to
- 1:12:29you, right So, but it's quite the opposite, is we're always fearful
- 1:12:33that not only will we not get that, but that actually could backfire,
- 1:12:36and that any of these people could end up being influential opponents, and that
- 1:12:40if the wrong person finds out that we're doing something you know, spectacular and
- 1:12:44really achieving for men and boys, they may decide they're going to make it
- 1:12:46their life's work to close us down. That's just always, you know,
- 1:12:50the thing that keeps me up at night. So as a result of that,
- 1:12:54we've actually had to be very careful about how much we engage with the
- 1:12:57media, and we don't take every opportunity to necessarily be putting out press releases
- 1:13:02and that sort of thing. As we grow and as we become more unstoppable,
- 1:13:08then there can be a bit of a pivot towards being much more aggressive
- 1:13:11in that space. But we're not quite there yet, and not to sound
- 1:13:14like a broken record, but we won't get there without a boost, you
- 1:13:17know, to our resources, which you know comes back to the appeal in
- 1:13:21this in this patriarchy that puts men's benefit ahead of women. I just I
- 1:13:29just had to put that out. Are you doing any like appearances, you
- 1:13:32know, like I know that you used to appear on like mainstream media news
- 1:13:38things to talk about what you do, like anything like that, just like
- 1:13:42other ways of getting the word out. We do that occasionally by invitation,
- 1:13:46you know, we'll be on podcasts and we love being on the Honey Badgers
- 1:13:51please have us back again soon, of course, and others that operate in
- 1:13:55this space. Mainstream media less commonly, but we have had coverage and really
- 1:14:00all of the major Canadian and international press over the lifetime of the organization,
- 1:14:06and we're always happy to uh to participate in more of that. But yeah,
- 1:14:12it's as I said, it's tough knowing when and how to communicate these
- 1:14:15kinds of what would otherwise be press worthy announcements and being very careful about how
- 1:14:21we communicate when we choose to, and it takes a lot of planning and
- 1:14:27careful strategic thinking, and very often when we do that, we do it
- 1:14:30in collaboration. We'll do a press conference with some of those partners from the
- 1:14:35other agencies that are more established than us, and that provides cover to to
- 1:14:42all of us if there's kind of safety and numbers. Yeah, wow,
- 1:14:45that's uh, that's really unfortunate. Like it's really great to see your dedication
- 1:14:51and how hard you're working to make sure that these issues get the attention that
- 1:14:56they deserve, but it's unfortunate to see the sheer amount of like pushback.
- 1:15:02It seems like you're you're getting So it's really amazing, Like you're you're doing
- 1:15:09I think more more work and more good work than uh than than you You
- 1:15:15are getting credit for it, really and and of course it's because you can't
- 1:15:20really take that credit too much because you open yourself up to potential enemies who
- 1:15:26will try to, you know, take you down for what you're doing.
- 1:15:30So I think that's that's why, you know, spaces like ours are important
- 1:15:32because we're starting to get those those those networks of people who are willing to
- 1:15:39look at these issues as they are, rather than through a framework that they
- 1:15:45find personally profitable or flattering or comfortable or whatever it is that makes people adhere
- 1:15:53to the idea that women constantly need to be saved and from men by men
- 1:15:59somehow, but you know, yes, it is that. That's that narrative.
- 1:16:01It's very very comfortable for people, and unfortunately the initiatives like yours that
- 1:16:08run counter to it find you encounter a lot of difficulty, even though it's
- 1:16:12so critical to deal with these issues, the issues that you deal with,
- 1:16:15and to plug these holes in our services. So yeah, thank you,
- 1:16:19thank you for coming on, and thank you for doing the stuff that you
- 1:16:23do. Like it's it's a thankless task. So I'm thanking you. Yeah,
- 1:16:28really shiated. Yeah, that's that's very kind, and yeah, you're
- 1:16:31outlet and others like it definitely are making a critical contribution to a conversation that
- 1:16:38has so few places where we can speak freely about what I keep saying.
- 1:16:43But truly our life and death issues absolutely absolutely. How's your family? Justin
- 1:16:47they're doing very well. The little one is being put to bed, I
- 1:16:51think as we speak. Yeah, that's great about supporting this work. They
- 1:17:00know it's not always easy, and they're very patient and flexible with me.
- 1:17:05So oh yeah, that's good. That's good. Well, I mean,
- 1:17:11I guess we'll just mention your you know, like what people should know and
- 1:17:16where to go. I will give put the links in the description. But
- 1:17:21yeah, thanks for telling us about that. And I'm really I'm looking forward
- 1:17:26to seeing you guys grow. I want to see some of that stuff here
- 1:17:29in the States. I don't know if you can expand internationally, but you
- 1:17:32know, it would be cool. We're open to partnerships both sides of the
- 1:17:38border right now. We're we got kind of soft resources that we provide as
- 1:17:45upon request. But yeah, absolutely, if there's anybody in the States that
- 1:17:47is looking to set up something along these lines, we think we have a
- 1:17:54good model that we're happy to to share with interested parties. Oh well,
- 1:17:59that's good. We'll pay attention to audience if there's anybody over there that's thinking
- 1:18:02about, you know, building something, maybe cafe or I'm sorry, Justin
- 1:18:08can help you guys out formerly of cafe but no longer now it's CCMF.
- 1:18:16All right, Well any oh, I'm sorry. Any final thoughts from either
- 1:18:20of you guys before we wrap it up. I think I talked quite a
- 1:18:26bit. I think, yeah, it's it's hard. It's hard to go
- 1:18:30back to to go against the current, against the wind of people's expectations and
- 1:18:36people what people find comfortable, which is men saving women or women saving women,
- 1:18:45but not recognizing that men can be victims of women and that sometimes they
- 1:18:48need help too. So that's that's just it's a very uncomfortable narrative for a
- 1:18:54lot of people, and it takes a lot of grit to build something in
- 1:19:00in the face of that kind of crosswind constant artillery barrage. How it feels
- 1:19:11sometimes, I guess I've too talked a lot, so I don't have much
- 1:19:14new things to say, but I will just come back to a positive conclusion,
- 1:19:18which is, despite the obstacles, and we've always had them, our
- 1:19:23community has always rallied, and what we're dealing with is a bit unprecedented,
- 1:19:27and I hope the rally is going to match that level of intensity with something
- 1:19:31positive. So please, you know, give what you can. We now
- 1:19:34have the ability on both sides of the border to provide these tax receipts.
- 1:19:39But beyond that, I mean, you're getting to an important cause, which
- 1:19:42is having international you know, repercussions for men and boys. And I thank
- 1:19:46you both again for having me on the show. Yeah, please do please,
- 1:19:49if you're listening, please support this initiative. It's really it's critical.
- 1:19:53It's like the tree roots slowly growing and breaking the rock. Yeah, that
- 1:20:00kind of thing. So you know, add to this push to get this,
- 1:20:04get these shelters, this shelter up in BC and hopefully in Alberta and
- 1:20:10then maybe the world. Yeah maybe. All right, Well, I guess
- 1:20:15we'll wrap up the show there. I didn't get any more super messaging,
- 1:20:19but I did get the one thing. So thank you to Occupant forty two
- 1:20:24for the support. Really appreciate it. As far as the rest of you
- 1:20:28guys, if you guys liked this video, please smash that like button subscribe.
- 1:20:31If you're not already subscribed, hit the bell notifications, leave us a
- 1:20:34comment, let us know what you guys think about what we discussed on the
- 1:20:38show today. Take a look at all of the links for the CCMF stuff
- 1:20:45in the description, and we will talk to you guys in the next video.