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#2190 The Classroom Series: #1 The Science Of You - Harps · The You Project

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Speaker 1: Good bloody champions. It's Harps. I hope you are well.
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Speaker 1: It's you don't need to know this, but it's seventeen
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Speaker 1: minutes past six in thriving metropolis of Hampton in the PM.
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Speaker 1: In the PM. It's been a big day. And I've
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Speaker 1: been thinking for a while about doing some teaching more
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Speaker 1: in the like psychology, human behavior, closer to what I
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Speaker 1: would call motivation and with a hint of academic and
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Speaker 1: research and science stuff in it versus me just banging
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Speaker 1: on and being mildly ridiculous and very mildly inspiring and
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Speaker 1: all of that stuff. So a few people have said
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Speaker 1: to me that they like when I essentially teach or
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Speaker 1: when I share information that's potentially helpful, transformationational, informative, etc.
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Speaker 1: So I want to do that in a way that
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Speaker 1: is filled with good ideas and information and science and research,
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Speaker 1: but also in a way that's understandable, that choose a
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Speaker 1: friendly that's, as we call in science, operationalizable. Can we
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Speaker 1: operationalize this idea, this construct, this information, this data. Can
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Speaker 1: we do something with it? So this is we're going
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Speaker 1: to call this less than one the science of you,
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Speaker 1: and see how we go. So let's start with this,
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Speaker 1: I'm going to assume that all of you I could
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Speaker 1: be wrong, but I'm just going to operate on this assumption.
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Speaker 1: And if this is not you that I'm talking about,
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Speaker 1: then see you next time maybe. But I'm going to
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Speaker 1: operate on the assumption that you want to be a
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Speaker 1: better version of you. That's a very lame, fluffy, broad,
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Speaker 1: vague term, isn't it. But for me, being a better
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Speaker 1: version of me is on a cognitive level. How well
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Speaker 1: does my brain work? How does my emotional system work?
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Speaker 1: Can I regulate my emotions well? To my emotions hijack
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Speaker 1: my brain and my thinking and my behaviors and my
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Speaker 1: words and my interactions. Am I in control? Out of control?
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Speaker 1: Am I a little bit of both? Am I optimizing
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Speaker 1: my body? Am I optimizing my genetic potential? Am I
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Speaker 1: optimizing what I have to work with? So I can't
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Speaker 1: wake up tomorrow and be twenty five with awesome genetics.
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Speaker 1: I can't do that. I'm going to wake up tomorrow,
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Speaker 1: hopefully with my average genetics, and still be sixty two
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Speaker 1: years old. But perhaps I can live in a way.
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Speaker 1: I can do things. I can make decisions, I can
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Speaker 1: create change, I can recognize faults, and flaws, issues that
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Speaker 1: don't work based on how I want to function, and
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Speaker 1: I can change that. I can change my operating system
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Speaker 1: and my choices and my typical behaviors and my lifestyle
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Speaker 1: and the way that I communicate or train my body
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Speaker 1: or eat or all of those variables that impact on
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Speaker 1: the science of me specifically the way that I'm working.
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Speaker 1: Am I working well? Does my body work well? My brain,
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Speaker 1: my mind, my operating system, the way that I interact
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Speaker 1: with others, the way that I do podcasts, my ability
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Speaker 1: to share or can be complicated things in uncomplicated ways.
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Speaker 1: So I think I was I was drawn to this
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Speaker 1: because I wasn't spectacular. And that's not in a self
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Speaker 1: deprecating way. That's actually in a self awareness way. Was
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Speaker 1: I you know, was I terribly what's the word handicap? No,
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Speaker 1: not in any way. But I wasn't a brilliant scholar.
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Speaker 1: I wasn't a brilliant athlete. I didn't have amazing genetics
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Speaker 1: and so on and so on. And that's not good
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Speaker 1: or bad. That's just my starting point. And we all
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Speaker 1: have a starting point. And there are people who have
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Speaker 1: had much, much, much tougher obstacles to overcome than I have.
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Speaker 1: But so if I personally, I'm going to personalize this
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Speaker 1: to me some of it, but I want you to
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Speaker 1: personalize it to you. So how do I how do
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Speaker 1: I understand me? Like, how do I really understand my
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Speaker 1: own mind? Am? One of the challenges with this is
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Speaker 1: that the tool with which I'm analyzing my mind is
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Speaker 1: of course my mind, and of course my mind. When
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Speaker 1: I look at anything, I'm looking at it subjectively. That is,
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Speaker 1: I'm looking through the Craig window. So I don't see
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Speaker 1: the thing. This is really important. I know we've banged
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Speaker 1: on a little bit about subjective reality, but I don't
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Speaker 1: see the thing as it is per se. I see
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Speaker 1: the thing as I am. Right. So the way that
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Speaker 1: you and I might be in the middle of the
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Speaker 1: same circumstance or environment or event or dinner or conversation
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Speaker 1: or what seems to be a problem, and although we're
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Speaker 1: in the same place and space and time going through
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Speaker 1: what seems to be the same thing, neither of us
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Speaker 1: are necessarily having the same experience, which begs the question, well,
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Speaker 1: if the situation, circumstance, environment, things that are going on, happenings, events, people,
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Speaker 1: you know, drama, if that doesn't determine my experience. What
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Speaker 1: does the answer is, I do I determine my experience.
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Speaker 1: I don't necessarily do it consciously. In fact, often probably
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Speaker 1: mostly not consciously, because you know, when I look at something,
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Speaker 1: I don't think, oh, this is just the Craig version.
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Speaker 1: I just look at the thing and I think, oh,
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Speaker 1: that is a problem. Somebody else is looking at the
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Speaker 1: same thing, and they're going, Wow, that is exciting, or
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Speaker 1: they are saying, Wow, that's interesting, or they're saying wow,
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Speaker 1: that is terrifying, or maybe it's funny, or maybe it's
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Speaker 1: fill in the blank, use your own adjective, use your
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Speaker 1: own describing word. And the reality is or the experiential
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Speaker 1: reality for that person, for you, For me is when
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Speaker 1: I think something is scary, then my body goes into
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Speaker 1: the appropriate physiological response to a person who is fearful.
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Speaker 1: That is, all of a sudden, my thought, my story,
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Speaker 1: my interpretation of the data of the things going on
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Speaker 1: around me has led to this personal reaction or response
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Speaker 1: or interpretation. And now my heart rate is beating faster,
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Speaker 1: or my heart is beating faster, my blood pressure is
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Speaker 1: elevated because I think the thing that I'm looking at
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Speaker 1: is scary or terrifying or dangerous, and my endocrime systems
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Speaker 1: producing fear kind of hormones, adrenaline, cortisol, all that, and
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Speaker 1: you know, the whole sympathetic nervous system fight of all
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Speaker 1: this stuff's going on, right, So, one of the lessons
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Speaker 1: that we need to learn is that in life there
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Speaker 1: is always the external thing, the person, the place, the job,
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Speaker 1: the culture of the place, the dickhead, the blessing, the
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Speaker 1: unicorn that's the kindest person in the world, the other
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Speaker 1: bloke who's problematic, the other lady who's you know, the
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Speaker 1: most empathetic creature you've ever met, and so on. But
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Speaker 1: then in the middle of all of those things around
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Speaker 1: us is us the storyteller and trying to find that
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Speaker 1: space between the objective event and the subjective story of
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Speaker 1: Craig or the subjective story of you. That is an
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Speaker 1: awareness door that needs to be opened for us to
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Speaker 1: truly begin to understand how we work, the science of us.
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Speaker 1: How do I work in the middle of all of
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Speaker 1: the things that I largely have no control of. How
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Speaker 1: does my mind work? Why do I often assume that
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Speaker 1: something's bad when I really don't have all the data,
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Speaker 1: or why do I assume that something's a problem. Why
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Speaker 1: do I overthink the shit out of things that probably
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Speaker 1: aren't going to happen. I've shared that stat with you before.
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Speaker 1: I think it's ninety two percent of things that people
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Speaker 1: worry about happening in the future don't happen, don't happen.
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Speaker 1: So we create this story, we create this future possibility,
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Speaker 1: this future problem, that we then buy in and we go,
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Speaker 1: this is going to happen, or this is very likely
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Speaker 1: to happen. So in the moment, this moment, the present,
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Speaker 1: I am worried about a thing that may or may
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Speaker 1: not statistically probably won't happen sometime down the track. Right now,
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Speaker 1: things good, Right now, everything's fine today in this moment,
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Speaker 1: I am good. But I'm not even living in this
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Speaker 1: moment now because I'm forward projecting into the fucking impending catastrophe.
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Speaker 1: And even though there is no catastrophe right now, there
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Speaker 1: could be one soon. So I'm going to get myself
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Speaker 1: into a state which is completely destructive, self destructive and
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Speaker 1: unproductive and debilitating in all kinds of ways because something
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Speaker 1: might happen in the future. Now. This is not too
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Speaker 1: self low, This is not a judgment. This is a
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Speaker 1: typical human reality. And so change starts. Change starts with
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Speaker 1: me recognizing, oh, I am actually making myself anxious. I
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Speaker 1: am turning on all these physiological responses that are inconsistent
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Speaker 1: with calm, with pleasure, with health, with productivity, with efficiency,
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Speaker 1: with joy, because I'm putting my state. I'm putting myself
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Speaker 1: in this state that is negative. It ain't even about
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Speaker 1: the thing that might happen. It's about my story about
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Speaker 1: the thing that might happen. So when I can recognize
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Speaker 1: the space between what is happening objectively, just the data
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Speaker 1: that the h exter my external world is sending me,
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Speaker 1: and then the meaning that I'm giving it, the reality
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Speaker 1: that I'm building, the internal reality that I am building
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Speaker 1: for myself around that, now I have a really nice
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Speaker 1: starting point. I have awareness, I have knowledge. I have
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Speaker 1: some insight into the science of me. You know if
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Speaker 1: you're an overreactor, you know if you're an overthinker, you
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Speaker 1: know that, you know if you are great under pressure
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Speaker 1: or not great under pressure. None of these things are
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Speaker 1: self loathing. This is all self awareness. But this is
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Speaker 1: where transformation starts. This is where growth starts, This is
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Speaker 1: where personal evolution happens. At the coal phase of acknowledging
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Speaker 1: the shit that we do that doesn't serve us, recognizing
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Speaker 1: the things that we do that are good, that are healthy,
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Speaker 1: that are productive, and keeping that going, and also understanding
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Speaker 1: that we all have our own personal operating system the
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Speaker 1: way that we do stuff typically stuff to our body,
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Speaker 1: with our food, stuff with exercise, stuff with sleep. We
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Speaker 1: all have habits and rituals that are either good or crap,
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Speaker 1: or somewhere in the middle. We have ways of dealing
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Speaker 1: with stress or perhaps avoiding stress. We can blame others
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Speaker 1: because if it's someone else's fault, then I don't have
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Speaker 1: to take responsibility. Of course, sometimes it is someone else's fault, yeah,
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Speaker 1: but not always. Sometimes it's me. Sometimes the problem in
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Speaker 1: the middle of the situation is definitely me and I,
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Speaker 1: just like you, I operate in a kind of an
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Speaker 1: autopilot protocol or system, and I didn't really even design
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Speaker 1: the system. I didn't design the protocol. These days it's
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Speaker 1: a bit different. But for a long time in my life,
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Speaker 1: I didn't think intentionally or consciously about how I needed
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Speaker 1: to live, what actions supported my values and goals. And
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Speaker 1: when I say I didn't think about how I needed
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Speaker 1: to live. I mean in a conscious, strategic, practical way
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Speaker 1: based on who I wanted to be and how I
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Speaker 1: wanted to be. What decisions do I need to make?
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Speaker 1: What action do I need to take? What habits and
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Speaker 1: behaviors that are somewhat self destructive do I need to acknowledge?
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Speaker 1: I can't put my head while I can put my
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Speaker 1: head in the sand. But it doesn't serve me because
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Speaker 1: I become the handbrake on my own potential. I become
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Speaker 1: the handbrake on my own possibilities. So we're always making decisions,
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Speaker 1: and sometimes we're avoiding decisions, and they shape our life.
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Speaker 1: They shape our career, they shape relationships and health and
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Speaker 1: outcomes of course, and so for us it's like the
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Speaker 1: better the decisions that we make. Think about that, the
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Speaker 1: better the decisions that we make and then follow through on.
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Speaker 1: We need an asterisk next to that, the better the
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Speaker 1: outcomes we are likely to produce. We won't always produce
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Speaker 1: good outcomes, but when I can recognize that, you know,
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Speaker 1: eating dinner at nine o'clock doesn't work for me because
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Speaker 1: I can't sleep, and you know I have heartburn or
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Speaker 1: I have this or that or drinking too much too late.
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Speaker 1: I get up and go the toilet ninety four times,
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Speaker 1: or all of these things. Or it might be that
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Speaker 1: I talk to a person a certain way and I
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Speaker 1: always get a negative response, and maybe that's the person,
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Speaker 1: but guess what, maybe it's you, Maybe it's me. Maybe
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Speaker 1: it's the way you and I go about communicating with
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Speaker 1: that person. And perhaps if we realize that our intention
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Speaker 1: is not that person's experience, and we change our language,
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Speaker 1: or we change our energy, or we change our body language,
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Speaker 1: or we change our approach, or we change the context,
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Speaker 1: or we make some kind of change that opens the
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Speaker 1: door on building connection and rapport and trust with that
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Speaker 1: person that maybe we didn't previously have. And you might say, harps,
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Speaker 1: what if I fucking hate them? Well, in general terms,
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Speaker 1: if you really don't like them, and it's you don't
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Speaker 1: need to be in their life or they in yours,
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Speaker 1: then let's maybe figure out one, is this a person
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Speaker 1: that I would like in my life under different circumstances,
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Speaker 1: Or two, is this a person that I need to
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Speaker 1: interact with due to the circumstances of my life because
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Speaker 1: they're my neighbor or because they're my sister in law,
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Speaker 1: or because they're my boss or they're my employees or
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Speaker 1: whatever it is, and so being aware of our impact
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Speaker 1: on others, being aware of the decisions that we're not making,
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Speaker 1: being aware of what we are avoiding and why. And
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Speaker 1: for the most part, avoidance is a byproduct product of fear.
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Speaker 1: Fear of heart work, fear of pain, fear of failure,
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Speaker 1: fear of embarrassment, fear of things not being the way
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Speaker 1: that we like them, fear of things being uncertain. We
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Speaker 1: love certainty, we love familiarity, we hate unfamiliarity. We like
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Speaker 1: things to be known, not unknown, because we're comfortable in
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Speaker 1: the known. We're comfortable in the certain, we're comfortable in
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Speaker 1: the familiar. But the problem is if that's you, but
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Speaker 1: you are also the person that wants to build resilient strength, knowledge, understanding,
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Speaker 1: personal power. If you're the person that wants to optimize
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Speaker 1: your skills and knowledge and potential and produce great outcomes
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Speaker 1: and build a successful career or create a great fit,
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Speaker 1: healthy optional body, or work on your relationships because you
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Speaker 1: want them to be also healthier, or you want to
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Speaker 1: build a bank balance that's outstanding and become a billionaire,
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Speaker 1: or whatever it is that you want to do. We
16:58
Speaker 1: need to realize and acknowledge that things probably need to
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Speaker 1: change because we ain't going to magically succeed. We can't
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Speaker 1: keep doing the same thing, we can't keep thinking the
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Speaker 1: same thoughts, we can't stay in the same rituals and
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Speaker 1: rules and habits and expect that our life and or
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Speaker 1: us will somehow change, because change is a byproduct of
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Speaker 1: choices and behaviors and consistency. When we're talking about personal
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Speaker 1: growth for the individual, sometimes we're aware and responsible, sometimes
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Speaker 1: we're in denial. But no matter where we are on
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Speaker 1: that kind of scale, we're always producing results. We're always
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Speaker 1: producing data and outcomes. We're always doing things that are
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Speaker 1: creating some kind of impact or effect somewhere in our life,
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Speaker 1: good or bad, or someone else's life. And so the
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Speaker 1: challenge is to be able to recognize, well, what am
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Speaker 1: I results telling me? What am I doing? And what
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Speaker 1: is the byproduct of that thing that I'm doing? What
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Speaker 1: is the thing that I need to talk about with
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Speaker 1: someone that I'm not talking about, What is the byproduct
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Speaker 1: of keeping that shit bottled up? As a side issue there,
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Speaker 1: I'm going to say, not everybody responds brilliantly by the
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Speaker 1: way to talk therapy. I'm one of them. It doesn't
18:24
Speaker 1: mean I don't like talking or sharing. I can, but
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Speaker 1: I tend to go into deep thought and rumination and
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Speaker 1: self reflection, and I have this whole process where generally,
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Speaker 1: not always, but generally I figure out what's wrong. And
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Speaker 1: usually what's wrong is something about me or some habit
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Speaker 1: or behavior or mindset that I have. Sometimes it's got
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Speaker 1: something to do with someone else, of course, sometimes it
18:50
Speaker 1: might be about the situation or the circumstance. We're not
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Speaker 1: about self loathing. We're just about honesty. We're about awareness.
18:57
Speaker 1: We're about taking responsibility. So if we don't really understand ourselves,
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Speaker 1: if we don't know how we work, and we don't
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Speaker 1: do everything possible to understand ourselves in the context of
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Speaker 1: everything and everyone operating in the objective enormity of the
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Speaker 1: world and relationships and environments and careers and all of
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Speaker 1: these things that we find ourselves in the middle of.
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Speaker 1: If we don't understand our idiosyncrasies and our habits and
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Speaker 1: our behaviors, if we don't have awareness self awareness around
19:43
Speaker 1: our destructive thinking and our addictions and our biases, we've
19:48
Speaker 1: all got them by the way our beliefs, our values,
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Speaker 1: our weird predispositions, our emotional makeup. If we don't have that,
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Speaker 1: then personal growth, personal development, this kind of evolution of
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Speaker 1: you to be the better version that you want, it's
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Speaker 1: almost impossible. Self awareness, self management, self regulation, and self
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Speaker 1: optimization kind of off the table if we can't recognize
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Speaker 1: the good and bad, the effective and the ineffective. I've
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Speaker 1: literally since I was that fat kid that you've heard
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Speaker 1: too much about, but since I was that fat kid
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Speaker 1: who had all those psychological, sociological, emotional and physical issues.
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Speaker 1: Since I was that kid, I've been fascinated with trying
20:42
Speaker 1: to figure me out. And I didn't always do that
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Speaker 1: in a healthy way, but I always I think, because
20:48
Speaker 1: I was an only child and my parents moved a lot,
20:51
Speaker 1: a lot of my friendships were temporary, and so I
20:56
Speaker 1: became as a kid fiercely independent and probably a weirdly
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Speaker 1: deep thinking child. But you know, one of the many
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Speaker 1: lessons I learned, which wasn't probably a great lesson to learn,
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Speaker 1: but a lesson that I learned in inverted commas, was
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Speaker 1: when I lost weights and I changed my body and
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Speaker 1: I started to look, you know, for one of a
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Speaker 1: better word better, I started to be I guess objectively
21:30
Speaker 1: somewhat more attractive. I wouldn't say I was attractive, but
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Speaker 1: somewhat more attractive. All of a sudden I learned, Oh,
21:36
Speaker 1: I'm more socially visible. Now people are interested in me.
21:40
Speaker 1: Now I'm getting opportunities. Now I'm being picked for sports teams.
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Speaker 1: Now I'm not totally invisible to the opposite sex. Now
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Speaker 1: somebody even noticed me. Somebody even volunteered to talk to me.
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Speaker 1: You know. So I was trying to figure out how
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Speaker 1: do I need to be in the world to not
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Speaker 1: just survive, but to thrive, And so a bad lesson
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Speaker 1: that I learned, but I unlearned it eventually. I wasn't
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Speaker 1: a quick unlearner. I'll say, is it the better that
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Speaker 1: I look, the leaner I am, the stronger I am,
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Speaker 1: the more jacked I am, Well, the better life will be,
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Speaker 1: and the more I'll be, the more I'll have all
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Speaker 1: that stuff that I want, which is attention and love
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Speaker 1: and positivity. And that kind of worked for a while.
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Speaker 1: But I don't need to tell you that that's not
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Speaker 1: a great strategy. So I'm a big proponent of a
22:38
Speaker 1: fan of a little bit of an equals one research,
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Speaker 1: you being the one an equals one is the number
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Speaker 1: of or n equals is the number of participants in
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Speaker 1: a study or in research. And so my whole life
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Speaker 1: I've been running a well since I could think about
22:59
Speaker 1: this stuff, but at least a fifty year experiment. And
23:03
Speaker 1: I am the experiment. I am both the researcher and
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Speaker 1: the sole subject of the Craig Harper study. And it's
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Speaker 1: painful and it's eye opening, and it's fascinating and it's encouraging,
23:21
Speaker 1: and it's it's a whole lot of things. I probably
23:28
Speaker 1: should get my dictionary out, but there's a lot. It's
23:30
Speaker 1: just for me. It's been it's been a gift because
23:37
Speaker 1: I think the better that I understand me, all my bullshit,
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Speaker 1: my strengths and weaknesses, my ego, my desire for connection
23:48
Speaker 1: and approval, and my shitty self esteem and self esteem
23:51
Speaker 1: and self worth, all of those things, plus also the
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Speaker 1: positive things, my ability to work hard, the skill that
23:58
Speaker 1: I've developed, the resilience that I've built, the knowledge that
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Speaker 1: I've gained, the experience that I've been fortunate enough to
24:05
Speaker 1: have doing things like this, talking to you and working
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Speaker 1: with people in a range of settings for a range
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Speaker 1: of reasons. All of that stuff has informed how I
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Speaker 1: see me, how I see my potential and possibilities, how
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Speaker 1: I see other people, how I see the world, and
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Speaker 1: more broadly, how I see human beings in the context
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Speaker 1: of capacity and potential and what is possible. And I
24:40
Speaker 1: truly believe that you can probably pick on freestyling here,
24:45
Speaker 1: but anyway, I truly believe that that most people don't
24:51
Speaker 1: understand how much potential they have. I'm not saying everyone
24:57
Speaker 1: can do anything, of course, that's bullshit. People say that
25:00
Speaker 1: you can do whatever you set your mind to. That's
25:02
Speaker 1: not true. There's lots of things we can't do, lots.
25:05
Speaker 1: But at the same time, I don't think any of us, well,
25:10
Speaker 1: no one that I've met, and I've met some really
25:12
Speaker 1: high performers, have maxed out their potential. That's actually let
25:18
Speaker 1: me correct that. I think in certain fields or disciplines
25:21
Speaker 1: maybe they have almost maxed out their potential, but in
25:24
Speaker 1: general terms of what's possible for them in their life.
25:28
Speaker 1: I think most of us, most of the people that
25:31
Speaker 1: I've worked with, you me, I think we are chronic
25:35
Speaker 1: to our own detriment, underestimators of our own capacity. And
25:46
Speaker 1: it's tough in this country too. I think that's a
25:49
Speaker 1: very broad sweeping statement. Fuck it, I'm going to stick
25:52
Speaker 1: with it. It can be tough in this country because we
25:56
Speaker 1: are internationally renowned for the tall poppy syndrome minds set.
26:00
Speaker 1: And you know, when you set your ambition too high,
26:04
Speaker 1: or you talk to people about what you want to
26:07
Speaker 1: do be create change, some people will go that's great,
26:11
Speaker 1: go you, and they're all team you. But there might
26:14
Speaker 1: be more people who go, kind of up yourself, bro,
26:18
Speaker 1: And so try to maintain the mindset and the energy
26:23
Speaker 1: and the focus and the discipline and the attitude that
26:27
Speaker 1: is going to get you there. Is tough. So let's
26:29
Speaker 1: be honest and blunt about it's tough. But that's probably
26:34
Speaker 1: not going to go away. But as I said, there
26:36
Speaker 1: will always be people or hopefully for you, there will
26:38
Speaker 1: be people in your life that will be cheering you on.
26:43
Speaker 1: There will be people in your life that will be happy.
26:49
Speaker 1: Consider this as a concept. They will be happy if
26:52
Speaker 1: you do better than them. Well, that's that's rare, but
26:56
Speaker 1: that happens. And so getting clear about what we want
27:02
Speaker 1: our life to look like, what we want our career
27:05
Speaker 1: look like, our body, our health, our spiritual journey, our
27:11
Speaker 1: religious journey, our bank balance, our lifestyle, our hours per
27:19
Speaker 1: week worked, all of the things, all of the things
27:22
Speaker 1: that make up your life, your lifestyle, your existence. When
27:28
Speaker 1: we get clear about those things, then we can get practical,
27:31
Speaker 1: we can get strategic, we can get scientific. Sitting around
27:36
Speaker 1: hoping that we end up in a great body, with
27:39
Speaker 1: a great life, with a great bank balance, with you know,
27:45
Speaker 1: constant nirvana. Ah, it's not a strategy at all. It's
27:51
Speaker 1: kind of a ridiculous hope. It's good to be hopeful,
27:54
Speaker 1: but it's also good to be practical and realistic. That's
27:57
Speaker 1: not being negative. That's saying bad things happen to good people.
28:01
Speaker 1: Bad things will happen to you. Things you don't want
28:03
Speaker 1: to happen will happen. Let's get ready for that. Great
28:08
Speaker 1: things will also happen. Things that you maybe even don't
28:12
Speaker 1: deserve in inverted commas, or you didn't expect, or you
28:15
Speaker 1: didn't plan for, great things can happen. I've had that
28:18
Speaker 1: happen to me many times, and I'm extremely grateful and fortunate.
28:23
Speaker 1: But the reality of the human experience is life is
28:28
Speaker 1: a fuck. Sometimes life is brilliant. Sometimes some people are
28:33
Speaker 1: a gift in your world. Some people are a fucking
28:36
Speaker 1: energy vampire in your world. And what matters is in
28:41
Speaker 1: the middle of all of these variables, how we self manage,
28:44
Speaker 1: how we self regulate. What am I paying attention to?
28:49
Speaker 1: What are you paying attention to? What are you focusing on?
28:53
Speaker 1: Where are you investing in your psychological and emotional energy?
28:58
Speaker 1: What's the return? What's your ROI? And the other truth
29:05
Speaker 1: practical reality for most of us is we kind of
29:08
Speaker 1: move through life partly, if not significantly, in a state
29:16
Speaker 1: or a paradigm of unconsciousness, in that we do a
29:24
Speaker 1: lot of things because we've always done those things, and
29:28
Speaker 1: we do them the way we do them because we've
29:29
Speaker 1: always done those things the way that we do them.
29:32
Speaker 1: And a lot of the things, a lot of the
29:34
Speaker 1: habitual things, the unconscious ill informed things that we do,
29:42
Speaker 1: are taking us farther away, father further, let's go with further.
29:49
Speaker 1: And so of course we want our component of intuition
29:55
Speaker 1: and fun and freedom and kind of freestyling. I don't
30:01
Speaker 1: suggest for one moment that your life should be an
30:05
Speaker 1: ongoing science experiment in the ah in the strictest way
30:12
Speaker 1: or in the most kind of life restricting way, but
30:18
Speaker 1: rather with certain things that we want to do be,
30:22
Speaker 1: create change, to step out of the unconsciousness of all
30:27
Speaker 1: the autopilot things that we do that don't really work.
30:31
Speaker 1: So when we move from a reactive, unconscious, ill informed
30:36
Speaker 1: operating system where we're just living on that kind of
30:43
Speaker 1: hitting the repeat button every morning, when we move to
30:46
Speaker 1: one that's informed by objective information about you, you, being
30:51
Speaker 1: aware about you, informed by data and results and outcomes
30:58
Speaker 1: and self awareness and ignore. When we do that, we
31:01
Speaker 1: begin to move from an unstructured, unproductive, unfulfilling operating model
31:09
Speaker 1: to something that is more consistent with who we want
31:13
Speaker 1: to be and how we want to be. Think about
31:18
Speaker 1: all the information that we're getting daily that we don't
31:22
Speaker 1: in inverted commas, listen to or pay attention to, or
31:27
Speaker 1: use as something to inform our future decisions, choices, behaviors,
31:35
Speaker 1: living protocol. So like the obvious one well comes to
31:41
Speaker 1: mind for me right now is our body. Our body
31:44
Speaker 1: is always telling us something. We call it interroception. And
31:49
Speaker 1: if we're using gizmos and gadgets and straps and bloody
31:55
Speaker 1: rings and all the things, we call it biofeedback. So
32:00
Speaker 1: there's all this data available to us, and it could
32:03
Speaker 1: be something as simple as I've gained five kilos, or
32:09
Speaker 1: it could be that when I test my blood pressure
32:12
Speaker 1: every morning it's one forty over ninety or one forty
32:15
Speaker 1: over one hundred, which is not great. So that's your
32:17
Speaker 1: body telling you something. Maybe you've got atherosclerosis or arteriosclerosis,
32:24
Speaker 1: so just building up of the gunk or hardening of
32:26
Speaker 1: the arteries, or there's something going in and your blood
32:30
Speaker 1: pressure is telling you something. Maybe you're tired in the
32:33
Speaker 1: middle of the afternoon. That's information, that's data. Don't just
32:37
Speaker 1: be tired, do some investigating, ask a doctor, get some
32:41
Speaker 1: test done. Maybe maybe you just need more sleep, Maybe
32:46
Speaker 1: you're lacking iron, Maybe you're thyroid's not working the way
32:50
Speaker 1: that it should. Maybe there's some other issue. There's always
32:54
Speaker 1: going to be a reason. And of course, you know
32:58
Speaker 1: there's a time where we get in the afternoon, when
33:01
Speaker 1: we get to certain age. I guess anyway, but let's
33:05
Speaker 1: always pay attention so we can make smart decisions, informed decisions,
33:12
Speaker 1: and take informed action. In this case, with our body.
33:17
Speaker 1: You can't get another body, the one that you're currently
33:20
Speaker 1: sitting standing lying in. That's it. That's it. That's your
33:24
Speaker 1: one edition. There's not another one. And so we so
33:32
Speaker 1: often we'll wait till something breaks, or something almost breaks,
33:36
Speaker 1: or there's some kind of medical or physiological issue that
33:43
Speaker 1: backs us into a corner that that twists our metaphoric
33:50
Speaker 1: up our back, So now we have to do something.
33:53
Speaker 1: But the information was there, but we just kept putting
33:56
Speaker 1: our metaphoric head in the sand. We just kept that
34:00
Speaker 1: thing kind of unravel Or maybe we didn't, maybe we
34:05
Speaker 1: didn't pay any attention. Maybe you and I need to
34:11
Speaker 1: reconnect with the wisdom that is our body. Your body
34:17
Speaker 1: does all of these crazy great things, and much of
34:22
Speaker 1: the things that it's doing, like when it's sending you
34:26
Speaker 1: a pain signal, well there's a reason. There's a reason
34:30
Speaker 1: when there's no pain. There's a reason when you're hungry.
34:35
Speaker 1: There's a reason when you're excessively hot, when you've got
34:40
Speaker 1: a high temperature, and so on. Right, But we're always
34:43
Speaker 1: producing data and results with our body, with our relationships.
34:48
Speaker 1: Think about the way that people respond to you, react
34:51
Speaker 1: to you treat you. And that's again that's not self floathing,
34:56
Speaker 1: that's just awareness. It's like I've had to I mean,
35:00
Speaker 1: I'm doing a whole PhD on how people perceive me
35:05
Speaker 1: and how I think they perceive me and how we
35:06
Speaker 1: perceive each other and why that matters. Understanding how you
35:10
Speaker 1: think metacognition and why you think the way you think metacognition,
35:14
Speaker 1: and understanding how others think theory of mind, and then
35:18
Speaker 1: understanding how others think about you meta perception. All of
35:21
Speaker 1: these things can drastically influence communication, problem solving, teamwork, leadership,
35:33
Speaker 1: interpersonal outcomes. So let's pay attention because the way you
35:41
Speaker 1: think is not the way he or she thinks. That's
35:44
Speaker 1: not good or bad. That's normal, that's human. So I
35:48
Speaker 1: don't create better connections with people and better interpersonal and
35:52
Speaker 1: professional outcomes by doubling down on what I think. I
36:00
Speaker 1: make better connections when I start to understand how they think,
36:05
Speaker 1: when I start to have insight into someone's reality or
36:09
Speaker 1: version of reality. Not because I need to agree with
36:11
Speaker 1: them or align with them, or be a fan of them,
36:15
Speaker 1: or honestly even like them, but the truth is for
36:20
Speaker 1: me to build rapport connection all those things, trust, respect.
36:24
Speaker 1: In my job as a one on one coach, or
36:28
Speaker 1: as a forty on one coach of athletes or teams,
36:32
Speaker 1: or as a ten thousand on one podcaster, I need
36:38
Speaker 1: to have an insight into how my audience thinks, be
36:43
Speaker 1: that ten thousand or one. What people like, what they
36:46
Speaker 1: don't like, how I am for them. I realize that
36:51
Speaker 1: some people find me annoying, totally understandable. I realize that
36:55
Speaker 1: some people really resonate with me. I realize that some
36:58
Speaker 1: people will enjoy this podcast and that others have already
37:02
Speaker 1: turned off. I get that I'm not trying to be popular.
37:07
Speaker 1: I'm trying to build rapport. I'm trying to be of
37:09
Speaker 1: service and value to others. I'm trying to understand others.
37:13
Speaker 1: I'm trying to build deep connection with others. Now, I
37:17
Speaker 1: can't do that if I operate on the assumption that
37:21
Speaker 1: everyone thinks like me, or worse, everyone should think like me,
37:26
Speaker 1: because that isn't where we live, that is not the
37:32
Speaker 1: reality of the human experience. There is data all around us.
37:40
Speaker 1: There is evidence for everything. If we pay attention, if
37:46
Speaker 1: we get out of the mayhem and the busyness and
37:50
Speaker 1: the overthinking, and we can find a little bit of space,
37:53
Speaker 1: cognitive space, a little bit of stillness, and we can
37:57
Speaker 1: get out of our our version of reality and try
38:02
Speaker 1: to at least have an insight into someone else's. Just
38:06
Speaker 1: so many problems can be solved. When I work with organizations,
38:11
Speaker 1: sometimes the product is good, the service is good, the
38:14
Speaker 1: brand is good. Sometimes the conditions are good. Sometimes the
38:21
Speaker 1: staff room's fucking amazing, all those things. But you know
38:25
Speaker 1: what's often not amazing is the communication. Is the interpersonal stuff,
38:30
Speaker 1: is the way that the boss leads, is all of
38:35
Speaker 1: that people stuff that too many businesses do not prioritize.
38:43
Speaker 1: You can have a great brand and product and service,
38:46
Speaker 1: but if the people who work in that organization don't
38:50
Speaker 1: feel valued, don't feel seen, don't feel important, do not
38:54
Speaker 1: like going to work, do not respect the boss or
38:59
Speaker 1: their colleagues, then we now whether or not that's all
39:04
Speaker 1: the other people, or it's the person in the middle,
39:07
Speaker 1: or it's a bit of both. It's something that needs
39:10
Speaker 1: to be addressed. And so so many times I've gone
39:13
Speaker 1: in to do a workshop on this stuff, on the
39:16
Speaker 1: interpersonal stuff, on teamwork, on you know, organizational culture, all
39:22
Speaker 1: that stuff, and I meet the boss, and I would
39:26
Speaker 1: say ten to twenty percent of the time, the boss
39:29
Speaker 1: is the problem because he or she kind of sets
39:33
Speaker 1: the agenda, kind of sets the energy, kind of sets
39:36
Speaker 1: the culture, creates the unspoken rules of what is and
39:40
Speaker 1: what isn't okay, And most times also they are unaware
39:47
Speaker 1: and some of them. The odd one here and there
39:50
Speaker 1: is a complete fucking sociopath who doesn't care. But either way,
39:54
Speaker 1: we need to figure out how we're going to be
39:56
Speaker 1: around others. And so it's in that it's in that
40:02
Speaker 1: kind of environment and in that situation where we can
40:06
Speaker 1: try to find a little bit of objectivity. Easier said
40:10
Speaker 1: than done. But my first go to question is if
40:14
Speaker 1: I've got a problem with someone, or it's not a
40:18
Speaker 1: healthy relationship, or there's a weird dynamic, or I need
40:23
Speaker 1: to be involved with this person for a reason, and
40:26
Speaker 1: I slash them, slash we are not producing good results.
40:30
Speaker 1: I always think what am I doing that needs to change?
40:36
Speaker 1: Or what am I not doing that needs to change?
40:39
Speaker 1: Not because I necessarily think I'm the totality of the problem,
40:44
Speaker 1: but I recognize that the only person I can change
40:47
Speaker 1: is me. I can change my approach, I can change
40:51
Speaker 1: my language, I can change my behaviors, I can change
40:56
Speaker 1: my choices. I can even change my energy and my body,
41:00
Speaker 1: which I can slow things down. I can pay more attention.
41:06
Speaker 1: And even if the environment is not an ideal or
41:09
Speaker 1: optimal environment or culture, there will always be things that
41:13
Speaker 1: I can do to improve the totality of the experience
41:18
Speaker 1: and the outcomes if we're being brutal and we're being
41:22
Speaker 1: self aware and we're putting on our big boy pants
41:25
Speaker 1: or big girl pants. Most of us who listen to
41:29
Speaker 1: this show or involved in the show, we talk about change,
41:34
Speaker 1: and we talk about improvement. We talk about improving health
41:37
Speaker 1: on a range of levels, and we talk about personal growth.
41:41
Speaker 1: But many of us, including me, at times, have habits
41:44
Speaker 1: and idiosyncrasies and rules and rituals and fears that keep
41:50
Speaker 1: us trapped in this kind of psychological and or emotional prison.
41:58
Speaker 1: And it's so important that one we can recognize that
42:02
Speaker 1: without self loathing, but two that we can be courageous,
42:07
Speaker 1: that we can do things that are unfamiliar and uncomfortable
42:10
Speaker 1: and a bit scary. Courage is a huge part of
42:15
Speaker 1: growth because we need to do so many things at
42:18
Speaker 1: times that we don't want to do because what we
42:23
Speaker 1: want is comfort and certainty and predictability, and we want
42:26
Speaker 1: it now. What we want is all of that, But
42:28
Speaker 1: that's not where growth, that's not where resilience, that's not
42:32
Speaker 1: where transformation happens. So being fearful is fine. In fact,
42:40
Speaker 1: fear serves the right kind of fear. Don't run onto
42:44
Speaker 1: the road, don't put your hand in the fire. The
42:46
Speaker 1: right kind of fear is going to save you. Our
42:48
Speaker 1: brain is hardwired for protection, self protection. That's good. But
42:54
Speaker 1: some of those other fears which are self restricting, some
42:58
Speaker 1: of those fears that we can can front with courage.
43:02
Speaker 1: We can put our hand up, we can step towards that,
43:06
Speaker 1: and we can start to break it down and address it.
43:09
Speaker 1: And what happens in the middle of being courageous is
43:12
Speaker 1: that we build strength, is that we build capacity, is
43:17
Speaker 1: that we start to use more of our potential, is
43:20
Speaker 1: that we start to gain insight and awareness and resilience.
43:25
Speaker 1: It's where we grow. We don't grow once we get
43:28
Speaker 1: to the goal. We grow on the way to the goal.
43:30
Speaker 1: We grow in the mess and the mayhem. We grow
43:34
Speaker 1: when we're dealing with hard shit, hard people, hard situations,
43:38
Speaker 1: hard environments, hard challenges. Life is awesome and then it's
43:44
Speaker 1: shit and then it's lunchtime. You've heard me say that
43:47
Speaker 1: many times. It's just what it is. But in order
43:50
Speaker 1: to do something about all of that and to change that,
43:55
Speaker 1: we have to first identify and acknowledge and strategize, and
44:00
Speaker 1: then take action. This is the blessing and the problem
44:08
Speaker 1: with podcasts, with books, with lectures, with workshops, with retreats
44:15
Speaker 1: is that the theory of personal development and growth and
44:20
Speaker 1: human behavior is not the reality of it. We can
44:26
Speaker 1: be the most fucking educated human. We can listen to
44:30
Speaker 1: all the shows, read all the books, have all the knowledge,
44:34
Speaker 1: and still be trapped in analysis paralysis and that aforementioned
44:40
Speaker 1: emotional and psychological prison. At some stage, we need to
44:45
Speaker 1: start when we're not ready, because you know what, most
44:49
Speaker 1: people are never ready. Many people get to the somewhere
44:55
Speaker 1: close to the finish line or somewhere in the vast
44:59
Speaker 1: proximity or vague proximity. I should say and tell me
45:04
Speaker 1: something like, this wasn't my plan. And you've heard me
45:06
Speaker 1: talk about this wasn't my plan. And then I asked,
45:10
Speaker 1: can I see the plan? And of course you know
45:12
Speaker 1: what I'm going to say. There was no plan. There
45:14
Speaker 1: was just an idea of how things would turn out.
45:17
Speaker 1: Things won't turn out the way you want them to
45:20
Speaker 1: unless you make them happen. You will not accidentally become
45:25
Speaker 1: a success story. You'll do the work, you'll make the decisions,
45:29
Speaker 1: you'll be brave, or you'll stay in the same place
45:32
Speaker 1: metaphorically or emotionally, or physically or financially. You'll stay in
45:36
Speaker 1: the same place because stuff doesn't change itself. Nothing is
45:41
Speaker 1: going to change your life for the better. Nothing is
45:45
Speaker 1: going to do the work for you. No person, no program,
45:49
Speaker 1: no product, no workshop, no podcast is going to do
45:54
Speaker 1: the thing for you. And I don't want to shoot
45:59
Speaker 1: myself in the foot, but I would think statistically, almost
46:03
Speaker 1: one hundred percent of people listening to me right now
46:06
Speaker 1: have things they want to change, do better, improve that,
46:09
Speaker 1: build resilience, build strength, insight, and produce better outcomes that
46:14
Speaker 1: may or may not be true. I think it'd be
46:17
Speaker 1: close to the number also statistically, and this is anecdotal,
46:21
Speaker 1: and this is based on my experience. Most people will
46:30
Speaker 1: stop listening to this podcast and then do nothing, make
46:35
Speaker 1: no decisions, take no action, create no change, all the
46:40
Speaker 1: while still wanting to be different, still wanting to evolve
46:44
Speaker 1: and grow, because changing now is inconvenient. I'm not ready.
46:51
Speaker 1: I need to be ready. It's not comfortable, it doesn't
46:56
Speaker 1: suit me. I'm busy. It's this, it's that. Two minutes later,
47:00
Speaker 1: we're done with our reasons. In inverted commas, and then
47:04
Speaker 1: so we put it on hold, and then we're forty five,
47:07
Speaker 1: and then we're fifty. For me having this approach to
47:16
Speaker 1: life in a through a scientific lens or a practical
47:20
Speaker 1: lens of all, right, well, what would happen. Let's be
47:24
Speaker 1: a scientist for a moment. What would happen if I
47:27
Speaker 1: leave my life exactly as it is, except I change
47:31
Speaker 1: one variable for the next twenty eight days. What if
47:34
Speaker 1: for the next twenty eight days, I do something that
47:37
Speaker 1: I'm not currently doing that I know would most probably
47:41
Speaker 1: move the needle in a positive way on planet me.
47:44
Speaker 1: Now that could be I might reduce my calories by
47:48
Speaker 1: five hundred per day, or I might stop eating at
47:51
Speaker 1: six o'clock. Or I might I might have a conversation
47:56
Speaker 1: with a stranger every day. It might be thirty second,
48:00
Speaker 1: it might be thirty minutes. I might say hello to
48:03
Speaker 1: someone that I normally don't and I might smile, and
48:06
Speaker 1: I might get a massive surprise. I might stop spending
48:12
Speaker 1: for twenty eight days. I might. I might consciously not
48:16
Speaker 1: buy anything that I don't need. I might do that
48:21
Speaker 1: for twenty eight days. I might. I might for the
48:27
Speaker 1: next twenty eight days, the moment that I start to
48:30
Speaker 1: feel anxious or ruminate, or start to overthink and obsess
48:34
Speaker 1: about a thing that I can't change. I might get
48:37
Speaker 1: up from that space and I might move somewhere else
48:41
Speaker 1: and do something that needs my attention and focus. And
48:44
Speaker 1: when I move ten feet or ten yards or whatever
48:48
Speaker 1: it is meters, I start to aging yourself. Craig, I
48:53
Speaker 1: do something else that now has my full attention, and
48:56
Speaker 1: the thing that I was obsessing about has left my mind.
49:01
Speaker 1: We don't need to be a scientist to be scientific,
49:04
Speaker 1: to interpret data, to create a program or a protocol.
49:08
Speaker 1: We just need to be sensible and recognize, well, what
49:12
Speaker 1: am I doing right now that doesn't work? Well, I'm
49:19
Speaker 1: going to bed every night at midnight? Okay, So why
49:24
Speaker 1: don't you change that? Yes? I know it's inconvenient. Yes
49:28
Speaker 1: I know you're busy. Yes, I know all the things.
49:31
Speaker 1: But if you had to, is there a way if
49:36
Speaker 1: you had to, could you get to bed an hour earlier?
49:40
Speaker 1: Could you do that? And if you did that for
49:42
Speaker 1: twenty eight days, what might happen? What might you learn?
49:45
Speaker 1: What change might there be? And then you do that,
49:48
Speaker 1: You do the twenty eight day thing, and you get
49:50
Speaker 1: to the end, and now you're almost programmed, and by
49:53
Speaker 1: the way, you're producing better results. And by the way,
49:56
Speaker 1: there's a few fucking light bulbs happening for you. And
49:59
Speaker 1: so what you do as you go, Wow, I might
50:01
Speaker 1: change one more thing. I might not have booze seven
50:06
Speaker 1: days a week. I might not have a wine every night,
50:10
Speaker 1: or I might not have booze four days a week.
50:13
Speaker 1: I might have boos one day a week, or I
50:16
Speaker 1: might try one month twenty eight days. And if that
50:19
Speaker 1: seems unbearable, then maybe you should do it even more.
50:24
Speaker 1: It's not that we should have a life devoid of alcohol,
50:29
Speaker 1: but just as an example, if we just be analytical
50:32
Speaker 1: and we look at the data, does drinking alcohol regularly
50:39
Speaker 1: and even excessively, is that a good thing? Does that
50:43
Speaker 1: produce mainly good results? Or are there lots of negative
50:47
Speaker 1: consequences associated with drinking booze which are not opinions and
50:53
Speaker 1: not ideas but absolute proven data. Yeah, of course, am
50:59
Speaker 1: I saying don't drink. No, I'm saying if you have
51:02
Speaker 1: a problem with drinking, address that is that easy? No? No,
51:07
Speaker 1: none of the things are easy. None of the things
51:10
Speaker 1: are easy. They become easy over time. The heavy weight
51:14
Speaker 1: becomes the light weight, even though the weight doesn't change
51:19
Speaker 1: the heavy thing, the hard thing, the difficult thing becomes
51:22
Speaker 1: the easy thing eventually, because what changes is not the thing,
51:26
Speaker 1: but you, who's doing the thing, who's lifting the thing,
51:29
Speaker 1: who's operationalizing the thing, You who's in the middle of
51:33
Speaker 1: the process. You're changing because we're not going to change
51:40
Speaker 1: our external world in a significant way. We might have
51:43
Speaker 1: an influence here and there, which is great. But the
51:47
Speaker 1: better that you are physically, mentally, emotionally, practically energetically, the
51:51
Speaker 1: better that you are, one that is great for you,
51:55
Speaker 1: and two that is great for everyone in your world.
51:57
Speaker 1: Because now you're a better mum or dad or sister
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Speaker 1: or brother, or teacher or coach or fill in the blank,
52:04
Speaker 1: whatever it is that you do, you're going to be
52:06
Speaker 1: better at that because your body, your mind, your energy,
52:11
Speaker 1: your nervous system, your emotional system is now a high
52:15
Speaker 1: performance version of what it was a month or a
52:19
Speaker 1: higher performance version a month ago, or a high performance
52:22
Speaker 1: version compared to a year ago. So we need to
52:30
Speaker 1: be strategic. Your time is not limitless, neither is your energy.
52:35
Speaker 1: So therefore the challenge is to be efficient and effective
52:42
Speaker 1: and wise with our time, wise with our energy. We
52:46
Speaker 1: want the best ROI on the way that we use
52:51
Speaker 1: our resources. I don't know if any of that made sense,
52:57
Speaker 1: but anyway, as I've said many times on this show,
53:02
Speaker 1: I literally called it the You Project, because for most
53:06
Speaker 1: of us, the biggest challenge we'll ever have is us,
53:11
Speaker 1: probably the most important program on Planet You. Is managing you,
53:18
Speaker 1: is optimizing you, is regulating you, is upskilling is upgrading you.
53:28
Speaker 1: In the middle of a million things that you can't change,
53:33
Speaker 1: in the middle of an ever changing, dynamic and unpredictable world,
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Speaker 1: there you are opening the door and starting to understand
53:44
Speaker 1: how you work, starting to understand the science of you.