Latest / Sex Advice for Seniors Podcast / Sex and Slowing it Down

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Sex and Slowing it Down · Sex Advice for Seniors Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: you
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_02: Hi, I'm Suzanne, and you're listening to Sex Advice for Seniors.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_02: And today I'm with Amara Charles, all the way from Santa Fe, New Mexico.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_02: Sounds so beautiful.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_02: Who's a sex and intimacy expert with an emphasis on spiritual sexuality.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_02: So welcome, Amara, to Sex Advice for Seniors.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_02: So nice to have you.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: I am so excited to be here.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_02: Cool.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_02: I'd like to ask you,
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_02: because I always like to ask everybody when we get started,
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_02: how did you first get involved with the world of sex?
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: The very first time when I started to get involved, honestly, to be very honest, I was a complete mess.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: I had broken up in several relationships.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: I was at my wits end.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know what to do.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: I like to say, you know, I was at a period in my life where I liked sex.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: Sex was fine, but actually it led to a lot of disasters, a lot of stress.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't know...
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know anything about how to communicate,
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: about how to ask for what I want and that sort of thing.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so I went and I learned and I became educated and I found out,
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: wow,
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: there's a whole way to learn how to be educated.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: more comfortable in my skin, how to like my body, how to shed shame, all those things.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: And it changed my life so dramatically.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: I became a teacher.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: I became an author.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I really essentially devoted my life to saying that this is the way that we can
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: really change humanity.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's just really...
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: really own and really be comfortable and find out that sex can be natural,
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: it can be good,
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: and it can even be a spiritual doorway into the divine.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, I've certainly had some very spiritual experiences myself.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if they're into the divine, but they felt divine.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_02: So perhaps they were.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_02: One of the things that we were discussing was about this time later in life where
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_02: we just need to slow down.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_02: And you were telling me before we started recording that you'd recently had a
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_02: retreat that you'd taken some couples to of all ages in Costa Rica.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_02: And one of the things that you encourage them to do is to slow down.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_02: How did you do that?
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I think this is like the major, major big deal.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: And when I created this retreat, I said to myself, okay, what do I need?
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: What do I really want in my life at this stage in my sexual life?
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: And the biggest thing that came up for me was I need time.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: And
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: The time, there's two ways I look at that.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: One is, you know, as I'm aging, time is the most precious commodity I've got.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: And the advantage I have is I'm more urgent about that now.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: I know I just have a certain amount of time here in this beautiful little body and
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: this beautiful time and the planet and stuff.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to take advantage of it.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I realized that because time is so valuable, so precious, that...
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: I need to slow down.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there's a saying like, Hey, if you're in a hurry, you better slow down.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I realized that the biggest thing that people need in their sexual intimacy
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: world is to,
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: is to learn how to slow down.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now I know there's a lot of people say that.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so I just really went in very deeply and I, I,
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: said not only do we need to slow down, we need to relax inside of sexuality.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: And we need to create what I call a no-pressure zone inside that space so the body
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: can melt,
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: so the body can relax,
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: so that we can feel free to move at our own pace.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: And it takes time, and we'll talk about this.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: I know that it takes time, men and women alike,
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: often have a different speed and that kind of thing.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd love to, you know, speak about some of the details here about how do we do this?
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because I realized that that idea of slowing down inside of our sex,
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: inside of our intimacy is the ticket,
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: is the secret sauce.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm really excited about sharing how do we do that?
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
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  SPEAKER_02: I mean, look, I think,
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_02: There's a multitude of reasons as well why slowing down just makes sense.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_02: Because,
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
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  SPEAKER_02: we know as older people,
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_02: it takes longer to get to an orgasm,
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_02: for instance,
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  SPEAKER_02: for both men and women.
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  SPEAKER_02: And so there's a legitimate reason to slow down.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_02: And,
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_02: I know that lots of older women sometimes are attracted to younger men because of
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_02: the fact that
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_02: they can recover quicker and maybe they get a stronger erection and all of this
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_02: sort of thing,
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_02: which is generally true.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_02: But my own feeling is that being with a person who's more age-appropriate
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_02: is more of a feminine energy.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if you agree with that.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_02: It's that in this slowing down, it becomes a more feminine energy where we're not all rushing.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_02: I always felt when I was younger that I had to constantly keep up with a man's intensity in order to
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: make sure that I got there in time because I knew,
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_02: I felt like we were in some sort of a little race,
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_02: whereas I think as older people,
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_02: if we acknowledge that our bodies changed and that slowing down actually means that
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_02: we're both going to be able to go on this journey together without it feeling like
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_02: it's a race to the finish line.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I absolutely a thousand percent agree.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: And the trouble with that is that a lot of that speed is wired into the body, is wired into the brain.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's a big habit that's been going on and on and on for years.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: And you're absolutely right.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: Both men and women have it.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: We have this expectation of what it's supposed to feel like,
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: what it's supposed to look like,
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: how much time it's supposed to take.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if I take too much time, are they going to get...
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: you know, are they going to tire out?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Are they going to peter out?
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: And, and so we hurry up, we hurry up.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: And the Taoists have a saying that, hey, if you're in a hurry, you better slow down.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: So that if we are in a hurry, we really want to feel, I mean, there's something good about the urgency.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: There's something good about
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: wanting to connect, wanting to feel, wanting to have orgasms, wanting to feel love.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: All of that should be urgent, right?
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: We want that.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: And we should never, never, ever forfeit that because that's still absolutely possible.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: And it is meant to be.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like I like to say that we just remember this, that our orgasms are for our health.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: I like to say that, you know, a great spirit gave us orgasm for two reasons.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: One, to reconnect us with where we came from because we were all born through that.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: And there's just a heightened, that's where, you know, this divine experience.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: We all want to feel that heightened experience.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: whatever you want to call it, divine pleasure, whatever.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: And the second reason is for pleasure, to feel good.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it's as simple as that.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: So with that, yes, that rush is kind of coded into the body, to the mind, to the psyche.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so we rush.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: And the trouble with that, if we live by that old patterning, that old conditioning,
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: It has worked sometimes, but especially as we get older, it just doesn't work.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: So we have to find what I call a new way, a new doorway into sex.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it can't start with the physical excitement, okay?
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: It has to start from a different place.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I like to keep it very simple.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: So it has to start with the energy of connection, the energy of closeness, the energy of what you want.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so it starts with the energy, not with the physical.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: So you start with the connection first through your talk, through your conversation, through your touch.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: And when that touch is slowed down and there's no pressure inside of that,
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: touch, to go anywhere, that it's really, really slowed down.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I was talking about that retreat in Costa Rica, that intimacy.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's called Mystic Rapture.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for mentioning it.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so what we did was we slowed everything down, even for the young people, all right?
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's not only...
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: you know, it's, it's for anyone.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: So we just slowed it down.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: And what I found out was that people's idea of what slow means,
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: they slow down for about two seconds and then they speed,
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: they go right back and they forget.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: So then, so I'm, I'm here, I'm here guiding everything.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so this is what I say.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I said, you're, you're touching,
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: And this is like a little tip that you can do with a partner or by yourself.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Even if you're with yourself, you can do this, right?
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: And the idea is to slow everything down by half.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: I say, okay, just let's slow down by half speed.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Now, what happens is at first it feels weird.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be honest.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: It feels like, well, you know, because we're used to this friction.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: We're used to speeding up.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: We're used to this thing, right?
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so when we think, okay, I got to go fast in order to feel, okay?
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: So it takes a little bit of time to change that,
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: to discover and explore inside of slowing down,
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: something else happens.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: The body relaxes.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: And the key is, the secret sauce is this, right?
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: When the body actually relaxes at first,
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: it feels like you can't come to an orgasm again because you feel like you got to
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: tense up the body.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: You got to squeeze tight.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: You got to push harder.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: You got to have a lot of friction, a lot of speed.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what's going to get you over the hump.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what's going to allow you to orgasm.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: So it takes practice and it takes time to slow down and actually feel the sensations.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: And get over that little,
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: that hump of like,
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: I don't feel anything or this feels funny or it just feels like,
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: and you relax inside of that sensation.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then what starts to happen is there's a delicacy.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: I got to tell you, it's subtle, all right?
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: And so you got to wait for it.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: You got to like slow the body down, slow your breathing down.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: And if you stay there, what you're going to discover is there's this beautiful sensitivity that arises.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: There's this beautiful...
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like, ability to feel that happens.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I've been able to show this and teach this to all kinds of people.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: People that are used to, like, wham, bam, thank you, man.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I just want to put in a caveat.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing wrong with that.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, I don't make anything wrong.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to make anything wrong in order to change, right?
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: So...
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: So if you want a little bit of that, you want to like a five minute quickie, go for it.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's not, it's not wrong.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: But for most of us and most of the time,
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: there's a whole world of sensation and feeling and love and tenderness and
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: carefulness that happens.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: when we slow down.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of scary to slow down because that intimacy,
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: that love that happens,
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: even though we want it,
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: it's scary.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, whoa, I'm feeling all this stuff.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I'd like to just have,
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: I just like to kind of rush through it,
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: get through it,
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: have an orgasm and then boom,
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: we're done and it felt good and okay,
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: that's okay.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: But when you slow down and when you slow down, you start feeling more and
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: The scary part,
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: a lot of times for men but also women,
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: if we're used to speeding up,
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: okay,
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: is when you slow down,
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: you start to have more emotions,
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: okay?
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I have so much to say about this.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: I hope I'm not going on and on too much.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: But can I share with you like one of the ways?
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_02: I was going to say that,
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_02: one of the it occurs to me that all of this slowing down and becoming closer to
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_02: your partner.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_02: requires, well, A, it requires a lot of trust.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_02: Because it's easier to just kind of speed away,
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_02: get it over with,
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_02: as you say,
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_02: and then it's all finished and you can just carry on.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_02: So I've always found that when I've been in circumstances with people where I've
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_02: been able to have this kind of slowness,
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_02: It's typically either somebody who's already taken the time to understand that slow can be good.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_02: So,
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_02: it's a man who's maybe explored tantra or some other spiritual kind of sex where
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_02: there's been an emphasis on slow.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_02: But if a man hasn't done that, I've found that it can be a bit freaky.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_02: And like you say,
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_02: it can leave somebody feeling quite vulnerable because I suspect that,
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_02: one of the big challenges that a lot of older men face,
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_02: especially,
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_02: and I suspect part of the reason why they like a lot of friction is
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_02: and they like it hard is an effort to maintain their erection.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_02: Just from a purely,
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_02: physiological point of view,
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_02: if you do that,
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_02: the chances are you're going to stay hard,
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_02: right?
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_02: And it can be the case that if you're not having,
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_02: if you're not used to that degree of friction,
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_02: your biggest worry is what happens if I lose my hard-on,
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_02: right?
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, how do you deal with that?
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, gosh, that's a great topic.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: This is a great subject.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it goes both ways.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: It has to be understood, right?
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: I totally agree with you.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we like to say like the erection doesn't matter.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter if you're hard.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: But the reality is, is that for most people, it matters a lot.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: And you can't ignore that.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: You can't deny that.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now,
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to beg to differ a little bit here because we have this concept of this
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: person has to study Tantra and this person has to be spiritual and yada da.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I just want to offer this for that.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, there's some truth to that.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: There's education, absolutely, that can happen, that can show men that it has to be... I put it this way.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: It has to be better.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: There has to be something in it.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: And...
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_00: Most men are used to their own member.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know how freely we can speak here,
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: but they're used to holding themselves with their own pressure,
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: and they masturbate.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: They have this particular way,
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: and that's encoded into the body,
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: and they got that hardwired in there,
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: and so that's what it takes.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: So if they're going to do something different,
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: it has to offer something even better or otherwise forget it.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: Cause it's pretty good.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: So it takes time to,
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: to,
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: to go like,
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: Oh,
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: there's like this,
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: there's something that's even more powerful.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's wonderful.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it has to be experienced to be believed.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't like to make anything wrong.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing wrong with fast and hard.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: If you're there, you're there.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: Cool.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: Don't make it wrong.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: And open up like for a quantum leap that you could learn.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to learn years for this.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I just wanted to say this.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: This is one thing.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: I had this lover once, right?
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: No tantra, no nothing, no spiritual.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: And he was one of the best lovers.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: He stands out in my mind as one of the best lovers.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: And when I was designing this retreat, my memory went back to him.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, what was the best time I ever had, right?
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: And he was so slow.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: I won't go into explicit exact details.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'll just say that he spent like...
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: it was timeless.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: It could have been like two hours or something.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: And, and, and all he was doing was, was his lightly with his, his hand and opening it.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like, after this period, I was like, I was so ready.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: I was so, I was wild.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: I was just, it was just insane how much I wanted this.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's by the way, what I'm talking about divine.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I call that divine.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: And so, and so, you know, this, he just had it.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just saying,
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: It is just an understanding of readiness.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: And the basic idea is that you want to care so much.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: You want to love so much.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: You want to open each other up and give each other time.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: to be wanting, to be ready.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: And there's really, really no hurry.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's the cool part about,
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: that's what I'm experiencing as I'm aging,
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: is like,
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: I've had a lot of orgasms.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: I get it.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: They are wonderful.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: But like, I don't have to have that and then boom, that's it.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: I can luxuriate.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: And there's something even more wonderful during the journey and the time.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: And when I'm relaxed,
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: And when I feel no time pressure and I feel like I can step out of my own habits,
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: my own patterns,
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: what I discovered is that having a relaxed orgasm is amazing.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I can have many enrolling orgasms.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: And men can too.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: And it's very weird at first.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: I know this.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: But discovering a flaccid penis.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: playing with the sensations and just enjoying the sensations of it.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's where the gold is.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's where the love can be savored and there isn't a, okay, we got there.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, we did it.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's like,
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: I love to luxuriate.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: And what I discovered is so do a lot of other people.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: They love to linger and have rolling waves of pleasure and then take a break and come back to it.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: And if you haven't gone up in, I call it like a peak tension climax crash.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: You go fast, fast, fast, peak, peak, peak, climax, crash, boom.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then you're kind of done.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: And women are too, okay?
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: So if the body just knows that and that's all it knows, I call it the stairway to heaven.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: You can have pleasure waves, okay?
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where the beauty is.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, definitely.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm curious what other questions you have.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I agree with you that we don't need –
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_02: We don't need to couch it under the Tantra framework.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_02: It's more about,
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_02: as you said,
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_02: for me,
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_02: it's,
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_02: one of the things I think that we benefit from as being older people,
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_02: especially if our kids have left or we didn't have kids or whatever,
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_02: is that,
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_02: we can set this time aside just purely for intimacy,
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_02: right?
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_02: We can just say,
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_02: my time is always Sunday afternoons.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_02: That's my time.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_02: And I just, and, and Sunday afternoons blocked out basically for that.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um, because I don't, that's, that's the time I can just like chill out.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_02: I don't have to do anything.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_02: And it gives me the opportunity,
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_02: as you say,
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_02: to just relax and not feel like I'm on the clock or I've got to get to work or,
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_02: There's something, I got to do the cleaning or whatever.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_02: And I think the more we can actually recognize the importance of intimacy in our life,
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_02: the more important it becomes to actually schedule it.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I know that lots of people go, oh, scheduling sex doesn't feel very spontaneous.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_02: But, you know, as older people, we do need that amount of time to just...
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_02: deliver ourselves into that place where we feel ready for sex and whatever that looks like.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_02: As you say, just spending an hour touching somebody without any...
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_02: requirement for like penetration means that after an hour,
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_02: you're going to be like totally up for,
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_02: whatever sex looks like to you.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_02: So I, I do, I do get it.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_02: I do think that certain people, they need to, they need to hear this.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: I, I, you know, I, I agree with you a hundred percent.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: Suzanne, because you've come a long way to schedule that priority, that Sunday.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot that goes into making that happen.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: You have to recognize that it matters, that it's important.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: Now, what I know, because I've been sharing with people for over 30 years, is that
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_00: Making our love,
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: making our intimacy,
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: making our orgasticness,
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: having that be a priority in our lives is a super big deal.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's a really big deal.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because life will just cram in and keep you busy until your last breath and boom, that's it.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, you got to carve out that time.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that takes commitment.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: That takes grit.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: That takes understanding.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: that if I lose that part of my life, if I lose having orgasms,
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I just got to take a time out here because a lot of people I know are still,
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: they haven't had a great history and they've had,
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: comes with a lot of frustration and it's everything,
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: they just want to keep busy or maybe they're creative or they do,
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: other things or they work out or whatever and they just crowd out time.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so intimacy is a lesser priority.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: So,
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: What I believe it takes to bring it back up towards that top priority,
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: like at least in the top three,
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: is to keep intimacy on the top of your radar and the top of your mind and the top
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: of your schedule.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: I love the way you say schedule.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, okay.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: what that takes is like a lot of times,
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: a lot of times there's like,
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: there's stuff that needs to be repaired.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: There's stuff that's stuck in there that that's, that's pressed down like memories.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: It hasn't been fun or times or times where the body just is numb or it hurts.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: Or there's the, the, the big excuse of like, well, I don't have anybody.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_00: And what I say to all of that is, um,
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to call bullshit.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be your reality.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: If you succumb, if that's the identity that you go with, you're going to lose your intimacy.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a big thing to forfeit in life, in my book.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: So in order to really carve out that time and to say, I'm doing this every Sunday.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's beautiful.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: I do something similar, all right?
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: Where non-negotiable, this is what's going to be and that's the way.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because first of all, you got to realize what I want.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: Why is it important?
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: You got to get in touch with, why do I want to have this touch, this intimacy in my life?
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: All right?
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so in that, what I like to say is that
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's where you have two identities.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: One is that just brushes it aside.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: It hasn't worked.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: Da-da-da-da.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: My partner this and that.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: All those excuses.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_00: I call that the supervillain.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: And that will munch away your enthusiasm, your effort.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: Then you got to like call out and you got to condition this other identity inside
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: of you that says,
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: wait a minute.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: This matters to me.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not leaving the planet.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: without hugging, without being close, without enjoying love happening in my body, okay?
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, there's energetic love, but I'm just going to call it like I see it.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's like when love is rolling in your body and you're feeling alive and you're
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: feeling orgastic,
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: it's irreplaceable.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: And once you've had that experience, there's nothing that replaces it.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_00: There's no chocolate, no vacation, nothing.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: No, you know, new car, new house, whatever.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: I mean,
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: You got to make that important.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: You got to say, I want this.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_00: You got to say, I'm not going to, I'm not going to let this go.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're having trouble, that's where you get, you know, like, that's why I coach people.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: You got, okay, then let's find, first of all, you got to recognize, I want this, right?
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not letting it go.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to have it.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to find somebody.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to find, or I'm going to start with myself.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: I start a lot of time.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_00: I call it polishing the mirror of self-love.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_00: You do, you keep, keep your motor humming by yourself, right?
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a beauty to that.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, for sure.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: There's a beauty to that.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: But I like to really encourage people to share it because it's exponentially sweeter,
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: isn't it,
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: to share this energy with someone.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: I think, you know, that's what people want.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's what I want.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: So we really want to emphasize that priority and to bring it as an important thing
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: that I'm not going to let go of.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: I find that there's really that secret sauce that I like to talk about.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I do this whole thing where there's like 10 steps.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd like to just share a couple of those steps here today so that anybody who wants to have a...
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_00: a clue of how do you create a no-pressure zone where you can slow down and take your time and
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then when things speed up, you're right there, you're right ready.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: So can I share just like, I think one little fun thing that comes to mind.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_00: So,
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: this is a podcast,
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: so you can't see my hands,
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: but just like there's,
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: there's one of the habits I notice is what I call is kind of the window washer touch,
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: right?
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_00: Where it's just this kind of touch that goes on automatic and it doesn't,
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_00: register.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: You're not present.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: You're not there.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so I do this whole thing to activate our sensitivity, starting with touch.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not to just slow down the speed, okay?
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's part of it.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: So what I do is I call this the flower petal exercise.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I do this like with a partner, okay?
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: You could do this with your partner, okay?
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: So what it is is you simply, you go out,
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: and you find a flower or a plant,
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_00: okay,
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_00: something very delicate that has different textures on it,
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: all right?
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's just a fun, easy way to actually have the experience of slowing down.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: This is not going to happen in your head.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: This is not a concept.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: You have to do this, all right?
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_00: So you just slow the touch down, and you put a timer on,
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: For 10 minutes.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_00: And all you do is touch that flower.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now I teach in the shamanic tradition, and this is actually what is called a Phoenix fire woman.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_00: And she would teach young men or teach fire man would teach young woman how to be
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: more sensitive and caring insects.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_00: And this is what they would do.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: They would take you out into nature.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_00: Nature is the greatest teacher of all.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: And they would actually have you do this and slow down,
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: starting with plants,
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: because plants are givers and plants teach us how to give with tenderness.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's the secret sauce, to give with tenderness.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's what allows us to slow down.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like, and the tips of your fingers, your heart is coming through on each fingertip.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so you're giving with that intention and you,
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: what happens is you start touching this flower and for like the first two minutes
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: you go like,
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: okay,
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: already,
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: I kind of bored here.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: I got the flower.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then something happens.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: You stay, you stay anyway and something clicks.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: And you go.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: Oh,
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: and then in about five minutes or so,
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: it's a little different for everybody,
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: of course,
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: but what happens if you stay,
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: when you stay just touching,
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: the flower starts touching you and you go,
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: whoa,
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: this is really good.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_00: You're not doing it to the flower.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: it flips around and suddenly what happens is now the flower is touching you.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where it's like, Oh my God, that feels a little craggly over here.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_00: It feels so soft over here.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's a little wet over here.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: And suddenly all these nuances,
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: all of this stuff that you weren't feeling because you were just ignoring it.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_00: You were just going, doing automatic, whatever.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: And it was going through the motions and,
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_00: And we hate that when we're doing that sexually.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, so I just want it.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: I want it to be over fast, you know, when that's going on.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, okay, good.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: We please stop here.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: But when we're really slow down and we click in, I call it a click.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: That sensitivity just pops and it goes, whoa.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_00: And now just take that sensation and imagine it.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because the next step I do with people, of course, is I say, okay, you got the flower down.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I have both do this, right?
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_00: now let's do that with each other and I do the same thing and I have one person
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_00: touching and then the other just receiving right and you do this too for like 15
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_00: minutes and the same thing happens you get through this barrier of when is this
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: going to be over and okay I'm done you know and it's boring and you kind of move
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_00: through that block right and then it suddenly becomes timeless and
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I've literally had people having like an orgastic wave move through their whole
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_00: body just by doing this,
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: just by slowing down,
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_00: and just by waking into that click and staying there,
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_00: moving through that block.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_00: And then that sensitivity occurs.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now, when you practice this, you can do this all over the whole body.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I discovered that we really want.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then in the retreat I just did, people were just...
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: We took like a whole day of people were, I mean, they were just having the most orgastic experiences.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_00: And when you have that going on for a while first,
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_00: and then you want to have like a passionate,
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: thrusting against the wall thing,
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: even that is better.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_00: So like we were talking earlier is like,
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_00: I,
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: especially when I'm working with men,
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: because I work with both men and women,
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: when I work with men,
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_00: like I'm
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_00: And now I have to say the same thing is true for women.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: We're used to a certain way we touch.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_00: We're used to a certain way we reach orgasm.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: And that's kind of wired into the body.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_00: But I like to say it's softwired.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's not hardwired, meaning you can change it.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_00: So this does take time to rewire in like this relaxation, this no pressure, this take your time.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_00: And you're going to hit that wall of boredom of like, okay, just, I don't feel anything.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_00: You got to move through that.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why it's good to have a coach because you just,
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_00: you got to stay there and keep going and you'll find it and it'll click.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then you go, whoa, that feels so cool.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_00: And so, you know, I didn't know that was there.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: And, and so you start noticing and
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what I'll say about that.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_00: That secret sauce is this.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's like the essence of the whole thing.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_00: When you are more sensitive and caring, your love just naturally starts to happen.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_00: You're caring for the other.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_00: You're caring enough to slow down.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_00: And you become tender.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: And in that tenderness, that love, that care, that friendship,
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_00: That sweetness, that passion, that has a chance.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's like molten lava, even though it's powerful, it's there.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_00: But lava moves, actually, when you really see lava, it just oozes and it moves very, very slowly, okay?
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: And then it explodes.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's what you're going for, right?
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, that's a little bit about, yeah.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_02: And I think, yeah.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much because we're coming to the end.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_02: But I think,
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_02: one of the things about all of this in conclusion is that for me,
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_02: and one of the things that you said,
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_02: which really I know resonates with lots of people,
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_02: is that if you want intimacy in your life at this age,
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_02: aside from the aspect of slowing down to really,
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_02: envelop yourself in that love and the touch and the pleasure,
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_02: is that you need to be intentional about it.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_02: It's something that what you said is about, you really have to want it, right?
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_02: And if you want it,
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_02: there are things that you can do to manifest intimacy in your life,
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_02: even if it starts with just the love that you show for yourself and the way that
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_02: you self-pleasure.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_02: But in terms of reaching out into the world, it's also about
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_02: being intentional about that.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that for a lot of people,
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_02: they've decided that they,
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_02: they,
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_02: they're not going to be intentional and therefore they,
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_02: They're frustrated when something doesn't happen.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that,
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_02: you know,
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_02: for me,
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_02: that's one of the most important aspects of all of this is that I made a conscious
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_02: decision in my later life to be intentional.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't have to be.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_02: I could have just decided that I wasn't going to have sex anymore.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_02: And that was going to be the end of it.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_02: But, you know, it was important for me.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_02: And so I made time for it.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm, you know, continuously exploring ways
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_02: such as speaking to you to make it better,
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_02: and to learn new things that can improve my intimate life.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_02: So I really thank you a lot for that.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_02: It's been a really fascinating conversation.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_02: And I know you said that one of your offers was a little session that anybody could
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_02: have with you,
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_02: a little sort of complimentary session.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I'll share really quickly about this.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my God, I love talking with you.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you invite me back because what you said was so important.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to add one more little thing.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, don't compare yourself to the past.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_00: When you're aging now, it's going to be different.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_00: Let go of the past and step into something new.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a whole other conversation.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_00: But yes, what I offer is what I love to offer.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm really, really passionate.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_00: I feel your passion too, Suzanne.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: And what I do is I offer a intimacy breakthrough session where we can talk and I
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_00: can take a look at what's going on for you,
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: what's preventing you,
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_00: okay?
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_00: And then map out a plan for how can we get back in touch with what you really want and how can you...
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_00: have the intimacy that you want in your life.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I call it an intimacy breakthrough session.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's complimentary.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_00: And you'll get the details on how you can hook up with me.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_00: I am Amara Charles, and you can look it up and find out more about what I do.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_00: So it's been beautiful speaking with you.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I hope we can continue this conversation.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_00: I love, love, love what you do.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_00: Congratulations on your passion, your mission.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_00: I totally love and support what you're up to.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_02: And it's just been great speaking with you and I'll publish all your details and
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_02: how people can get in touch with you on the sub stack and notes.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_02: And thank you.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_00: You're welcome.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_00: Take care.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_00: Have a beautiful.