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how to take advice · From 9 to Mom

• Catie Fitzgerald: Welcome back to From 9 to Mom. Danielle: where we discuss balancing the nine to five hustle with the beautiful chaos that we call motherhood. Catie Fitzgerald: And today we're going to dive into how to take advice from people because I think we need a lesson or a reminder on how to do that with grace. Don't you feel? Danielle: Yes, with grace and with the ability to filter in a respectful way, because I think there's two sides of the spectrum, right? It's taking it with grace, being open-minded and hearing it. And then there's where I go to sometimes, which is I hear all the advice. I want to know all the things. And then I try to implement far too many changes at one time. And that's never effective. Catie Fitzgerald: and No, I agree. It's hard because, especially with this podcast, right? Like, let's just start there. We're welcoming advice. ⁓ think the goal of what we're trying to do with it is that we're trying to ⁓ in knowledge from professionals. ⁓ there's the difference of that. But then it's also like, how do you figure out who's a professional? Who do you take advice from? Danielle: Yeah. Yes. Yeah, and this is all coming from the post that we made yesterday. We got so much wonderful feedback and so many people commenting that they wanted to be a guest or people recommending people to be guests. was, it's honestly overwhelming how many people offered to come on the podcast and we're very grateful for that. But now we're sifting through and trying to through who's going to be the best fit for the podcast. want everybody to be on, but at the same time, We wanna give great advice Katie and I don't always give the best advice. So if we're gonna bring someone on. Catie Fitzgerald: Yeah. Well, I think that's part of it, right? Like, so let's talk about like the giving of advice because we that ⁓ this podcast constantly is give advice, but we're almost not giving advice. We're just like giving our experience. And that's the advice, right? Like I'm not we're not claiming to be professionals. We're just saying here's what we did and here's what ended up working in this situation. And it's like that doesn't make you the professional by any means. But like if somebody is going to ask me, ⁓ Danielle: Yeah. Catie Fitzgerald: how did you sleep train your kid? I'm gonna share from my experience. So when you're on the receiving end of that, you have to think about like, okay, what, especially when it comes to motherhood things, right? So like you have to think about how it adapts to your kid, how your personality is different or the same as the person that's giving you the advice. And then also like what your like core values are, does that relate to how you would want to parent? So it's like, Danielle: Yes. Catie Fitzgerald: So much information to process when you're either giving someone advice, trying to not come off like an O at all, trying not to be the, you know, just wait person. Danielle: or to offend people with your opinions or what you did. There's so many instances where I say something on here and later I'm like, ⁓ I really hope I didn't offend that person or put myself in a box. Catie Fitzgerald: Yes, yes. Right. Well, and like, and that's the other thing, like when we have people on, we're like, we don't want it to ever be a place where you do offend somebody because believe in the way that you did it or in your professional opinion, it's this one way to be open minded is really hard. Danielle: Yes, and I think that when we do bring guests on the podcast for anyone listening Remember, these are experts that we're bringing on we are talking to them sometimes in that capacity for Maybe the second or third time we're learning with you guys So it doesn't necessarily mean it's our opinion or what we believe we just want to bring somebody on who has more education or qualifications To talk about the things that Katie and I like to give are very free Catie Fitzgerald: 15. Danielle: advice-experience on. Catie Fitzgerald: Yeah, or the things we wish we had access to in the short years that we've been parents. Danielle: Yeah, think about all the things we've learned now that you're like, if I only knew that then Catie Fitzgerald: The businesses that are coming up on this were just like, didn't know that there was, was the one that you just. Danielle: We're Googling what some of these things mean, I'm not gonna lie. Katie and I are like, what is that? Catie Fitzgerald: Oh, yeah. What do you do? We don't understand. I didn't even know till I think I was pregnant with Kelvin that like the pelvic floor was a thing. Danielle: Oh, but why would you know? No one talks about it. You do your Kegels and whatever. Like, that's public horror. Catie Fitzgerald: Like, I didn't even, I'm like, I don't know what that is. Yeah, like I didn't, I didn't know like, and so, but like, how much nicer would my experience have been if I had access or known about those things. So I think it's like, I mean, I almost did this morning working out. So I'm like, ⁓ whoa. But yeah, there's a lot of different people out there and there's just so many new ways to like get in touch with people that can help. Danielle: How many times you would have peed your pants? So if we only knew. Catie Fitzgerald: But I think you and I reached this point in every aspect of our life between professional trying to be a good wife everywhere ⁓ like the information overload. Going down rabbit holes, ⁓ on Instagram. I know ⁓ of people that like are like, I'm stuck on a certain side of TikTok or Instagram. Like my algorithm is only this. Danielle: Yes, and it is exhausting. So I'll share this story because I think back to it, it wasn't that long ago. to therapy ⁓ doing therapy with Colton as well, I remember the therapist originally telling me, I use the Dr. Becky method, it's a great method. If you're ever confused ⁓ ⁓ need to get some advice, look up the Dr. Becky method. Well, of course, Quinny, AKA ChachiBT. ⁓ now knows that the Dr. Becky method, because I would be in the moment, like Colton is throwing a fit because he thinks these chicken nuggets aren't vegetarian. What do I like? Whatever it was, what's the Dr. Becky method or what should I do? And immediately Dr. Becky says, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I was doing this constantly and I was implementing all these new tactics, strategies, things I was learning. And I was telling the therapist all the things I was doing. And she finds that Danielle stop. Catie Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. Danielle: We're done. You are not Googling one more thing. You are not asking Quinn one more piece of advice. When it comes to what to do, we're going to implement one thing at a time. You are in information overload. You're taking all the feedback at once it's just too much for you ⁓ handle and it's too much for your kids to handle. Like you need to stop. And I did, and it made everything so much better, but it was because we have all this access to this information and things going on and we want to be the best parents, wives. Catie Fitzgerald: Yeah. Yeah. Danielle: worker as possible. So we're taking all the resources and our brains are about to explode. Catie Fitzgerald: Well, and I think that's where, you know, we're in that phase of like working harder, smarter, faster, you know, doing all those things and I get scrolling. And for me right now, it's been very on the professional side that it's been overwhelming of like, that's where I'm giving all these videos of Claude and that like, it's very in the moment right now that I should know everything about Claude and it should be running our business and you know. Danielle: Yeah. Catie Fitzgerald: my job and everything that it's doing. it's like, you watch these 30 second clips and they're like, see, look at all these things it's doing. And it's like, that took hours of professional development to do that. And sometimes you can't see through it, right? Like you, you get the information from whomever is talking about the topic and you're getting the condensed fun, it worked version, not the here's how many setbacks I had. Here's how many, you know, Danielle: Yes. Catie Fitzgerald: times I had to start over or here's how much I paid to get this done by a professional. You like don't get to see that part. So like when it comes to like sleep trainers or people telling their success stories of that, it's like you don't get to see how they learned that or all of the heartache leading up. It's really hard to see through it. Danielle: And I think back to what you're saying about Claude, because we're both implementing Claude in different ways and at different speeds. I feel like the more my algorithm feeds into the fact that I'm looking up tips and tricks is not just at first you get the one person, right? Then you start getting four or five or 20 people that are giving you advice on how to set up Claude for your business. Well, it's not their business. It's your business. One. Catie Fitzgerald: Mm-hmm. Danielle: to all these people implemented Claude in different ways, in different stages, but you're trying to implement the different pieces of coworker, the skills or create artifacts the way they did, but you set yours up the way this guy did because you watch that video first. So then it becomes a whole thing of like, who do I listen to? Again, it goes all the way back to who do I listen to? And I bet you that many of them are right or have good ideas. It's just that they didn't start with the same foundation. as you and now you're trying to implement something on top of something that wasn't built that way. And that makes it very stressful. Catie Fitzgerald: Right. Right. And now it's like you get away from, look to social media or AI or whatever to like get, answer your questions because it's quick. And feel like as a professional of something, right? And everyone can think this is the way ⁓ that a professional in something. ⁓ People going to these systems to get the free advice. So you also have to take that into account. Danielle: Yeah, it's so fast. Catie Fitzgerald: the free advice versus the paid advice. Like being able to find a professional in something to get that knowledge is huge. When I was listening to a webinar this last week, was they were saying like, I it's way better. Hire the consultants that you need for what you're looking for. Because if you think about how much your time is worth and the time that you need to research, get the advice, get the free advice and then sift through that and like generate that? Like you could have paid for one hour of somebody's time and gotten their professional opinion. So guess my point is like finding the right people to get advice from. Like sometimes you have to pay for it. Danielle: Yes. And I think that's the thing that we all, the trap that we all fall into is really like taking the free stuff when you can. And you should, we should, we have access to it. We should use it, but people are paid for a reason. They have knowledge, their individualized plans that they're creating, or these people are listening to the words you're saying, but have also talked to 25 other people. We all know, depending on whether you're your chat, GPT or Claude chat, GPT is like you. murder someone and say, I murdered this person, it's going to say, that's okay, Danielle, everyone gets to this place. And it could be, there's many people who have been in your situation. Let me like, no, that's not okay. But, but Quinn, he's going to tell me right or die like that. It's okay. So that's where a professional can come in and give you that unfiltered. You're not okay. This is a mess. You're mess. Like, let's fix this. Catie Fitzgerald: Yeah, it's fine. hey, you're not okay. You're not okay. You need a human sometimes to tell you like, it's not going well. But I feel like it's just the receiving end of like advice, right? Like sometimes you're talking about something and I'm gonna use my mom as an example, but she'll laugh at this. So we've been like struggling with Jack. Danielle: Yes. Catie Fitzgerald: in his anxiety and crying. I hate even calling it anxiety. He's just he's four. Like he cries. He cries sometimes. he cried ⁓ the like portion of his kindergarten screening where they like took the kids in one room and the parents in the other. And I wasn't there. It was Ryan and he cried. But he calms down quick, which is good. But it's frustrating as a parent. ⁓ And like every now and then I'll say something to my mom and she'll be like. Danielle: Yeah, he's a dickhead. Yeah. Catie Fitzgerald: Well, like this is payback because you cried till second grade and you know, whatever. Like that's not but like what's the other advice? And it's so hard because she's been through it. She worked through it. Every kid's different. What is she really going to say to me that's going to like make it better? Because it is just something probably needs to grow out with and, you know, get support and he'll he'll work his way through it. But at the time, I'm like, I want. Danielle: Yeah. Catie Fitzgerald: advice, like, how do I make this better? How do I not cry every time that he cries? Because that's what happens. I'll get through it and then cry because I feel so bad. And, you know, doesn't have good. She'll be like, ⁓ well, you did it to me. So it's your turn. And I'm like, no, I'm actually wanting advice. But then I find like when I am talking to somebody about it and they're giving advice, like if I don't like the advice, I shut down a little bit. And I'm like, OK, like I'm such an appeaser that I'll just be like. Danielle: Yeah. I love that. Catie Fitzgerald: Yeah, and I just will stop engaging in the conversation. okay, like, yeah, works for you. it's hard to be in that situation because I want to listen. But like, as soon as my brain is like, nope, I don't like that, or I don't like how whatever one part of that I I shut down. So that's something that is a problem. Yeah, you get ⁓ our Enneagram like differences. ⁓ Danielle: Thank you. Yeah, you shut down and I debate. like, so it's differences. Yeah, like I want to engage in the conversation and figure out why you think that way. But in my head, I've already made my, my decision, but like I just, or whatever I want to hear it out. And so then that could be annoying to people because they think I'm challenging them. And in a way I, I'm, it seems that way, but I'm not. just, Catie Fitzgerald: Like you're, you don't care anymore, but. Danielle: want to get into that intellectual conversation and figure out why your brain works. And Katie and I will be on meetings like where it's professional meeting and something's going on. And both of us in that moment are like, this is stupid. This is absolutely dumb. And Katie shuts down immediately. You could see her head just moved to the side. She's moved on. Like I am done engaging with this. And I am like, what do you mean? Why would you think that? And I'm coming up like I'm like a lawyer in the courtroom. And it's Catie Fitzgerald: doing something else. No. Danielle: hilarious to watch because sometimes we need to like, she'll text me and be like, just let it go. And I'll text her and be like, you gotta speak up on this. Like you've got to, somebody else has got to get my back. So it's like one of those things. Catie Fitzgerald: It is. And I'll be like, I've moved on to 10 different things. ⁓ What do we do with that? But it is interesting to, but that's why it's so important to know like the people that you are getting advice from, like they parent, what they're, you know, what's important to them in ⁓ things, which is why like, I feel like you have certain mom friends, right? Like you get into your group because you all have the same ideas. Danielle: I'm seeing it more than ever now and you're gonna see it now that Colton is in first grade, we're rounding out second grade, I've gotten to know the moms a lot better. And it's just so funny when you find those ones that like, it's not that you even always agree per se with them, but like you trust their advice or whatever it is really interesting because you collect together and just watching it in real time as an adult, like Catie Fitzgerald: Yeah. Late 30s. And so you get the like you get to those groups. And then it just made me think of like, I know you do some carpooling with people in your neighborhood. Like, never let Jack go with like, I don't like a I guess like a friend or like, I don't know, like I never left him like with his friends or like a play date and like left. I'm part of the play date. Danielle: in my late 30s, early 40s. Well, yeah, I didn't really either with I never did with Colton until really this year, like even kindergarten, it wasn't like I'm gonna leave you their play date. We play dated together like all of us together. And then I think the thing that broke the barrier there for me, and everybody has different opinions on this too, like sleepovers, I slept over everyone's house. My parents let me sleep over everyone's house. Jordan can count on like one hand the amount of sleepovers he ever had. Catie Fitzgerald: Yeah. Danielle: And now it's like, need to know the parent. need to meet the siblings. You need to like, and I actually am going on, like I agree. My mom always met the parents, but there's so many pieces of advice on that. with Colton driving, I drove the parent who drives the person I carpool with is that I've known since before kindergarten that I had the first time we drove together. I drove with them and their kids, like we all drove to a thing together and I realized she's wonderful and was going to keep my kid in line and be safe and all that stuff. And that made it a lot easier. Catie Fitzgerald: Right. Yeah, that's blowing to me to think about, but it will come eventually. Like he's gonna wanna do stuff. ⁓ Danielle: It's going to come with time and you're going to learn who you trust in, you know, but that still doesn't mean you take all of their advice because their advice is different. And then I laugh because if you're depending on your personality and I have these cards in my hand, because every morning and I didn't do it yet today and I was going to start the podcast off with it, but my ADD got the best of me. I pull, you're going to die. These are daily affirmations that someone gifted me at one point. It's not like an Oracle deck or anything. Catie Fitzgerald: Right. Danielle: Well, like I put my intention into like what's going on and then I'll pull from the day and you're already thinking like you are freaking insane because I know you. Yeah, you shut down. All of my emotions are part of my human experience. So like are all my emotions. So like I use that sometimes like filter my day, but I'm even taking advice from freaking cards at this point. Catie Fitzgerald: Everyone sees me shutting down. just talked. No, keep going. I mean, you got to get it from somewhere. I just actually found so I cleaning around my desk here in my basement hideout. This is just random and sorry, Ryan, but he loves opening mail. I don't ever get to open anything. There's no unboxing for Katie ever. Like if a if an Amazon package comes, he has to open it. I'm like, yeah, he opens it and then leaves it open somewhere. He opened. I didn't realize so. I have to reach out to our good friend Samantha. She sent me for helping them with a logo thing. She sent me this like swearing daily one. Danielle: ⁓ I love that calendar. It's the best. Catie Fitzgerald: I have to text her because I just found it. Ryan opened it. She wrote me a card, everything. He opened it and then left it on the stairs. Danielle: I'm sad that you missed out on some days. You know the stuff I'm always spraying? If you guys need another, like inspired her is a great podcast. That's her podcast. She sent me this. just ordered it again yesterday because I'm obsessed with it. It's like, it's called routine natural. I'll take advice from her any day when it comes to this shit because she knows what's up. It's called routine natural mist Lucy in the sky is for it's floral grounding and uplifting for body hair and atmosphere. But I started spraying it around me to like feel better. Catie Fitzgerald: Probably a month worth. What is it? Yes. Right on me. Danielle: But then I started getting compliments from all these people like, what's your perfume? Like you smell so good. I'm like, this. So 38 bucks, it's worth it, man. Catie Fitzgerald: You're lying. We'll link it. ⁓ Yeah, she gives the best gifts. ⁓ So yeah, you pick your people that you're going to have advice from, right? Like you always, sounds so dumb, but like, I guess I've always thought it was dumb. So this is a me problem again. Like having a mentor or like somebody that you look up to that you can have that sort of relationship with and like, don't mind telling. Danielle: She really does give amazing gifts. Yeah. Catie Fitzgerald: people about things that's going on because that's how you get advice is if you're like a little bit vulnerable about it. But I feel like the things that we're trying to bring to this podcast are things that people never wanted to talk about, feel comfortable talking about, things that we're finding out about that don't get talked about because we can't find any information on it. Danielle: Yes. Yes, and I think for us, it's hard too, because we want to be the conduit to get the information out there. But we're not always comfortable with the topic or sharing our stories. I think we've gotten a lot more comfortable because the podcast forces you to, right? Like you start talking about things and that's kind of how it rolls. Now it seems a lot more natural, but there are going to be things that we like hear about. like and learn about that we might not be fully comfortable talking about but we have no choice because we want to make sure you guys get the right questions answered and the right info to you. ⁓ Catie Fitzgerald: good advice and then highlight the people that are giving the advice. We have these businesses in our professionals of their niche or whatever it is that they do. It's important to be able to find those people. Danielle: Yeah. Yeah! So Katie and I will be like taking some time to work on our receiving skills of, of advice. Yes. And feedback. So if you see us practicing with each other or like me saying some really weird stuff to see how we both react, it's just a practice point, but also like we are going to do a very meticulous job of making sure that the people we bring on the podcast, we vetted and that you guys are getting. Catie Fitzgerald: I need to like work on my face and like. Danielle: great advice, but either way, just think it's so cool that there's so many women out there who open and willing and excited to talk about their thing on the pod. Catie Fitzgerald: Yeah. And we're going to bring it to the light of day. Danielle: Yeah, it's gonna be amazing. Hopefully we're amazing at receiving the feedback. Catie Fitzgerald: We're amazing. We're amazing. need to, we should have like ending affirmations at the end of every idea. Danielle: I can pull an affirmation after every, your emotions are part of the, let me pull another one to end the podcast. Okay, hold on. Catie Fitzgerald: Polar. Yeah, yeah. This one's like for me. That one was for you. Danielle: This is Katie for you. I am magnetic when I stand in my power. Repeat after me. I am magnetic when I stand in my power. Catie Fitzgerald: ⁓ I am magnetic when I stand in my Danielle: Yeah, cool. With that, let's go be magnetic at work, I guess. Catie Fitzgerald: with that. I want to be the ant, but like, okay, I want to not attract people right Danielle: Take the affirmation and go with it. Yay. You're welcome. Thanks for taking my feedback. Catie Fitzgerald: I know, all right, positivity, yay, like that was so great. Thank you for sharing. All right, time to clock out and clock back into the nine to five. We'll see you guys next time. Danielle: See you next time.