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Chicks Chat: Jealous Besties, Friends With Benefits & Motherhood · Two Broke Chicks

0:00
Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gaddigal Land, always was, always
0:03
Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land. Hey chicks, I'm out and I
0:14
Speaker 1: am and this is two broad Chicks, the show that
0:17
Speaker 1: shares life lessons and tips to help make you rich
0:19
Speaker 1: in life. Sorry, I made it funny right before we
0:23
Speaker 1: started recording. I like when we have the little off kilter,
0:27
Speaker 1: off kilter intros, you know, real speaking of real for
0:33
Speaker 1: a juicy episode today, because we're back with another Chicks
0:36
Speaker 1: Chat advice with the chicks. You chick sent in your
0:39
Speaker 1: diabolical dilemmas, and we're going to be reacting giving our
0:42
Speaker 1: two cents and advice were needed not to be followed
0:45
Speaker 1: for legal reasons. Absolutely, don't take a grain of salt.
0:49
Speaker 1: Have a whole bag. Yeah, ready to go. First you
0:52
Speaker 1: get the sugar, then you'll get I don't know what
0:56
Speaker 1: the quote is, but we haven't read these, so they
0:59
Speaker 1: will be fresh reactions. I'm scared excited. I'm titilated. One
1:05
Speaker 1: might say titilated, one might say to eighty. Certain Harold
1:09
Speaker 1: styles might say stop, we already spoke about it. Anyway,
1:12
Speaker 1: last episode, before weing back, before we get into the dilemmas,
1:18
Speaker 1: shall we kick things off with our life lessons of
1:21
Speaker 1: the week. Oh wish, all right, what do you learn? So?
1:24
Speaker 1: A new study has found that Ossie's now believe earning
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Speaker 1: less than one hundred and forty thousand dollars a year
1:29
Speaker 1: makes you poor. Yep. A new study from Finder has
1:34
Speaker 1: found Ozzie's believe you have to earn at least one
1:37
Speaker 1: hundred and forty thousand a year for it to be
1:40
Speaker 1: considered a good salary, mostly thanks to the rising cost
1:45
Speaker 1: of living. And that's obviously a fair bit more than
1:49
Speaker 1: the typical Australian income of ninety k. How we helped
1:56
Speaker 1: the restaurant. Yeah, I just hope that that helps people
2:00
Speaker 1: realize that if you are feeling overwhelmed by the cost
2:03
Speaker 1: of living, you feel like you might be behind, you're
2:05
Speaker 1: not earning enough, like you are not alone one thousand nationwide.
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Speaker 1: Feel like that is a stupidly high number for that
2:14
Speaker 1: to be like, that's a good salary. I remember like
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Speaker 1: a six figure salary being like whoaha, whoa, whoa, wha,
2:22
Speaker 1: wha what And now I'm like, that's the media, that's crazy. Yeah,
2:27
Speaker 1: I don't understand how we're not treating this gossip living
2:30
Speaker 1: crisis as a crisis Helleu. But yeah, I thought that
2:35
Speaker 1: was one a very sobering study, but to a good
2:39
Speaker 1: reminder to be like, if you feel like you're bad
2:42
Speaker 1: with money, if you feel like you're behind, if you
2:45
Speaker 1: feel like shit, is this only me that I'm like
2:48
Speaker 1: stressing over by engroceries. It's not just you. Like, You're
2:51
Speaker 1: not alone exactly what you just said. My life lesson
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Speaker 1: of the week is how to remove ai slop from
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Speaker 1: your Pinterest. Are you excited? I'm titillated. So I'll put
3:02
Speaker 1: a credit link to the Instagram reel that I saw
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Speaker 1: this from in the show notes. But it's actually really easy.
3:09
Speaker 1: So in Pinterest, go to your account, then go to
3:12
Speaker 1: refine your recommendations, and then click gen ai interests and
3:17
Speaker 1: you can unselect all of the categories so like fashion categorize. Wow,
3:24
Speaker 1: that's how much there is. Yeah, do you know what?
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Speaker 1: I had an AD blocker running on my desktop and
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Speaker 1: I was on Pinterest, and I kid you fucking not,
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Speaker 1: the whole page was white because ads. Yeah, all ads,
3:41
Speaker 1: So you can still use the hack as well. I
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Speaker 1: rechecked it. I said it that if you hide five
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Speaker 1: or more ads using like the three dots that are
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Speaker 1: under the image and you click the three dots and
3:53
Speaker 1: you click hide, and you do that for like five
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Speaker 1: or more and then reload. You won't get ads for
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Speaker 1: a little bit until it reads cases and then you
4:00
Speaker 1: just do it again.
4:01
Speaker 2: Yeah.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, Pinterest needs to sort that out. I fucking love Pinterest,
4:05
Speaker 1: but like it can be when you're looking for hair
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Speaker 1: in spo, well, the makeup in spo. That was exactly
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Speaker 1: the trouble I was having. The thing is you take
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Speaker 1: a hair and spo pick to the salon or to
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Speaker 1: do your makeup, and the amount of times hairstyles have
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Speaker 1: to go that's AI. Yeah, Mama, that's weird. That's weird,
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Speaker 1: as we said, Mama's but yeah, you're welcome. I love that,
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Speaker 1: thank you, because as well with books as well as
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Speaker 1: heaps of AI stuff, and I really try to like
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Speaker 1: avoid it in terms of pulling in like fan art
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Speaker 1: and stuff, but it's really fucking hard to tell. I know,
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Speaker 1: I'm ashamed to admit I'm probably one of the worst
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Speaker 1: AI spotters in the fucking world. I fall for every
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Speaker 1: fucking AI video that exists. There was one like a
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Speaker 1: Golden Retriever but recently and I was like wow, and
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Speaker 1: then Rob like that's AI, and I was like what.
5:02
Speaker 1: And I go to the comments and everyone's like, oh,
5:04
Speaker 1: I'm like ah love that love that kind of stuff.
5:08
Speaker 1: Should we get into our diabolical the Letts locked in
5:14
Speaker 1: the Lemon Number one. My bestie and I have been
5:19
Speaker 1: besties since we were eight years old. We lived overseas together,
5:22
Speaker 1: holiday together, our families love each other, and we share
5:26
Speaker 1: so many friends. They've introduced me to so many people
5:29
Speaker 1: and opened my world completely. The problem is I cannot
5:33
Speaker 1: stand their new other best friend locked in. This person
5:38
Speaker 1: actually is not a new friend, as they went to
5:40
Speaker 1: high school together, but I feel like they're best friendship
5:43
Speaker 1: blossomed a few years ago. I would like to make
5:46
Speaker 1: it clear that I'm unbothered that they're besties. The more
5:49
Speaker 1: besties in life, the merrier, I say, that's not what
5:52
Speaker 1: this is. I've not really vibed this person since high
5:55
Speaker 1: school and just find them hard to be around. To me,
5:58
Speaker 1: they can be really rude and give crazy, spoiled brat
6:01
Speaker 1: self important. I get whatever I want energy. They only
6:05
Speaker 1: ever speak to me when they want or need something
6:07
Speaker 1: just not my vibe. Really sums it up. The reason
6:11
Speaker 1: I can't confide in anyone is because we all run
6:14
Speaker 1: in very similar circles, and all of my closest friends
6:17
Speaker 1: seem to like them, which makes me think I'm the problem.
6:21
Speaker 1: My friends in other circles agree with me, though, and
6:24
Speaker 1: think they're really rude. I've gotten to the point now
6:27
Speaker 1: where I will actively avoid hangouts with my bestie when
6:30
Speaker 1: I know this person will be there. There have been
6:32
Speaker 1: times where I've said yes, I'm free, and then when
6:34
Speaker 1: I found out they'll be there, I've made up an
6:36
Speaker 1: excuse not to go. The worst part is that I
6:41
Speaker 1: fear my bestie is changing and sometimes acting obnoxiously. I
6:46
Speaker 1: love them with my whole heart, and I would die
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Speaker 1: if I lost this friendship. I don't know what to do.
6:51
Speaker 1: I can't pretend I enjoy their company for the rest
6:54
Speaker 1: of my life. But am I risking my friendship with
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Speaker 1: my bestie not to mention my entire group beaking up? Oh,
7:02
Speaker 1: that is a tricky one. That is really tricky. I
7:06
Speaker 1: do like that she has acknowledged that people can have
7:09
Speaker 1: more than one best friend. Yeah. I feel like she's
7:11
Speaker 1: got a very good thread of self awareness running. Yeah,
7:15
Speaker 1: because if she hadn't said that, I'd be like, is
7:18
Speaker 1: there a bit of jealousy seeping in, which also would
7:21
Speaker 1: be completely normal if you've had a best friend since
7:24
Speaker 1: you were eight and then you have a shared friend together,
7:28
Speaker 1: and then in recent years they've had their friendship has
7:31
Speaker 1: grown and has changed into something new. This is really
7:34
Speaker 1: tough though, because it's sad, because she's kind of isolating
7:37
Speaker 1: herself from her friend and their group of friends to
7:40
Speaker 1: avoid this one person. I do think this trajectory would
7:45
Speaker 1: if you stayed on this course, would potentially evolve into
7:49
Speaker 1: distance between you and your bestie. Yeah, because you're actively
7:55
Speaker 1: avoiding her and maybe your bestie doesn't realize this. I
8:00
Speaker 1: feel like the first step would be confiding in like
8:02
Speaker 1: a safe person, because sometimes sometimes all you need is
8:07
Speaker 1: a good rant, yeah, and you can kind of get
8:09
Speaker 1: over it, like if you've got if you can get
8:12
Speaker 1: it out of your system with a good rant or something.
8:15
Speaker 1: I feel like this is probably beyond that point potentially,
8:19
Speaker 1: but confiding in someone is important here, whether it's a parent,
8:23
Speaker 1: a sibling, a cousin family member. She mentioned that she
8:27
Speaker 1: had a separate group of friends that you know also
8:30
Speaker 1: kind of see some of the traits you want to
8:33
Speaker 1: be conscious of. Not getting ramped up though, Yeah, that's
8:37
Speaker 1: what I would just someone like egging you up. Yeah,
8:40
Speaker 1: like if you went to your other group of friends
8:42
Speaker 1: and they're like, yeah, we fucking hate gets a gap.
8:44
Speaker 1: I hate it. I'm going to buy Jessica. But yeah,
8:49
Speaker 1: you want to be conscious that someone's not gonna kind
8:52
Speaker 1: of be like yeah, get it, you're so right and
8:55
Speaker 1: then you end up really amped. Yeah, but I think
8:59
Speaker 1: talking to others who also know your best you can
9:01
Speaker 1: kind of give a temperature check on the situation and
9:06
Speaker 1: your bestie's behavior too, to kind of give you a
9:08
Speaker 1: look in, to kind of give that objective point of
9:11
Speaker 1: view with something that's not too close to the situation. Yeah,
9:16
Speaker 1: because my only concern is that, like the other piece
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Speaker 1: of advice would be to like speak to your best
9:22
Speaker 1: friend about it and like actually share how you're feeling.
9:25
Speaker 1: But if they're really close, you would just have to
9:28
Speaker 1: tread very very carefully about how you approached that. You know,
9:32
Speaker 1: you would really need to lean into the this is
9:35
Speaker 1: how this makes me feel exactly and because really not
9:40
Speaker 1: using any like accusatory tones. So let's say this person
9:43
Speaker 1: she doesn't like. His name is Megan. Megan, thank you,
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Speaker 1: So your best friend's name is Bronwin. Yeah, and the
9:50
Speaker 1: person that we don't like is Meghan. Yeah, so you
9:53
Speaker 1: could go to Bronwin and you could say, I just
9:56
Speaker 1: feel like when I spend time with Megan, I end
9:59
Speaker 1: up feel kind of bad about myself, Like when Meghan
10:03
Speaker 1: says this, it makes me feel like this and those
10:07
Speaker 1: kind of situations. And really, so I would really appreciate
10:10
Speaker 1: it if maybe we could spend a bit more one
10:12
Speaker 1: on one time together. Yeah, I do. I think it's like,
10:14
Speaker 1: you can't control who bron Win is friends with, but
10:18
Speaker 1: you can control your friendship with her. Like looking at
10:21
Speaker 1: the situation, Okay, what can I control? What can't I control?
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Speaker 1: And what you don't want to do is you don't
10:26
Speaker 1: want to lose your friend. That person does exist in
10:28
Speaker 1: friendship groups, but people can coexist, like we're all adults
10:32
Speaker 1: at the end of the day. And like she mentioned that,
10:34
Speaker 1: you know other people don't have that issue with Megan,
10:38
Speaker 1: So maybe trying to have that one on one and
10:40
Speaker 1: close time with your friend is helpful. Yeah, And because
10:46
Speaker 1: if you have more time with your friend as well,
10:49
Speaker 1: more one on one quality time, you'll probably also have
10:51
Speaker 1: less resentment towards Megan, which means that when something comes up,
10:56
Speaker 1: like a birthday or a group situation, you'll probably be
11:00
Speaker 1: able to put some of those feelings aside and suck
11:02
Speaker 1: it up a little bit and still go because you
11:04
Speaker 1: don't want to be saying no to every single thing
11:07
Speaker 1: when you love ninety percent of the people that are there,
11:09
Speaker 1: and then there's one person who you don't because you're
11:12
Speaker 1: really myself at that point. Yeah, And of course it
11:16
Speaker 1: would be a different situation if maybe this person was
11:18
Speaker 1: like truly toxic, you know, made you feel like genuinely
11:22
Speaker 1: unsafely and uncomfortable. Yeah, it seems more. It seems more
11:27
Speaker 1: along the vibe of exactly what she said, just not
11:29
Speaker 1: my vibe really sums it up. It doesn't sound like
11:32
Speaker 1: it's super super toxic, which is where I think we're
11:36
Speaker 1: coming from. It's just a personality clash. Yeah. And then yeah,
11:40
Speaker 1: so have the conversation with somebody who can be a
11:43
Speaker 1: bit of a safe space that's maybe a bit of
11:45
Speaker 1: a third party potentially. Then have a chat with your
11:49
Speaker 1: best friend and try and put in some more one
11:51
Speaker 1: on one time with them. Continue to include yourself in
11:53
Speaker 1: the group's situations, and figure out whatever that coping mechanism
11:57
Speaker 1: is for you. So that you aren't excluding yourself. And
11:59
Speaker 1: then maybe after you've tried those things and you feel
12:02
Speaker 1: like your friend is continuing to change, like your relationship
12:07
Speaker 1: with your best friend with Bronwyn is continuing to change
12:10
Speaker 1: because she is becoming more and more like Megan, then
12:13
Speaker 1: maybe you need to reassess what you're getting from that friendship.
12:17
Speaker 1: I don't think that we're there yet. I don't think
12:19
Speaker 1: so either, but I think it's a good thing to
12:21
Speaker 1: note that. You know, friendships can be a reason a
12:23
Speaker 1: season or a lifetime. Hmmm. So yeah, even if you
12:27
Speaker 1: were friends since you were eight, it doesn't mean you
12:29
Speaker 1: have to be friends forever if it's no longer serving it. Yeah,
12:31
Speaker 1: I think the most important part is keeping a support
12:34
Speaker 1: system around yourself. What's the saying It's like biting the
12:37
Speaker 1: hand that feeds your spitting in your eye, it cost yourself.
12:40
Speaker 1: What's that one? Biding the hand that's something despite yourself?
12:44
Speaker 1: Does anyone know that saying? Oh? Just yeah, don't cut
12:47
Speaker 1: off your nose to spite your face. I've been informed.
12:51
Speaker 1: Yeah have you heard not heard that one? But I
12:53
Speaker 1: don't know if I have. I like it. It's giving
12:56
Speaker 1: Vincent Van Goh in a way there you go. Don't
12:58
Speaker 1: bring the children into this. There were two of us
13:02
Speaker 1: in this marriage. I hope that helps, but I know
13:05
Speaker 1: I just want to send you a hug and a
13:07
Speaker 1: kiss on the full head. Love you, Chicky. Correct, sit
13:10
Speaker 1: on Mommy's lemon number. Don't make it weird the lemon
13:14
Speaker 1: number two. I'm due to return to work next year
13:18
Speaker 1: after three years of maternity leave. The schedule will be
13:21
Speaker 1: three days a week. I'm not going back for money,
13:24
Speaker 1: more to hold my job as it's a really good
13:26
Speaker 1: job that I love. I work from home with amazing pay.
13:29
Speaker 1: I'm worried They've offered three days for one year and
13:32
Speaker 1: after that it will be full time, which I won't
13:35
Speaker 1: be doing as I have two kids under two and
13:37
Speaker 1: the hours just won't work and I'm a parent first.
13:40
Speaker 1: Now should I go back and work the year seeing
13:43
Speaker 1: if they can extend the part time hours for the
13:45
Speaker 1: following year since I was always a top performer at work,
13:48
Speaker 1: or just resign as money isn't an issue and I
13:51
Speaker 1: don't want to lose that time I'll have with my kids.
13:54
Speaker 1: Or should I put them in daycare for ten hours
13:56
Speaker 1: a day, five days a week. Once going full time,
14:00
Speaker 1: I had quite a fertility journey and a hysterectomy, so
14:04
Speaker 1: we'll never get this time again. Holy shit. So hysterectomy
14:07
Speaker 1: is when you have your right Yeah. Wow, wow, that's huge.
14:14
Speaker 1: First of all, congratulations on your beautiful family, so exciting
14:18
Speaker 1: after everything that you've gone through, especially and I do
14:21
Speaker 1: think that a lot of people who like neither of
14:24
Speaker 1: us have had children. Baby, Yeah exactly, you are mestern
14:28
Speaker 1: So the perspective that we'd be giving would be really
14:31
Speaker 1: different from say, somebody who's had children, But from my
14:34
Speaker 1: friends who have had kids, they've all returned back to
14:39
Speaker 1: work right and are very career oriented people, Like it
14:42
Speaker 1: sounds like this person is too, But it is amazing
14:46
Speaker 1: how your priorities do change, and that being a parent
14:49
Speaker 1: is your first priority. Yeah, And I think that is
14:51
Speaker 1: a very very normal and natural feeling. So I just
14:54
Speaker 1: want to like say that first off, that I hope
14:57
Speaker 1: you're not feeling any sort of shame or judge man
15:00
Speaker 1: or pressure to not have that be your priority, because yeah,
15:04
Speaker 1: that is definitely the like women do it all. Women
15:07
Speaker 1: can do it all. You don't have to, ye and
15:09
Speaker 1: you can, yeah, but it's to I do think in
15:13
Speaker 1: this like this is obviously a very deeply personal decision
15:17
Speaker 1: to make, especially with her fertility journey. Definitely at the top,
15:21
Speaker 1: she says, I really love the job and I'm really
15:23
Speaker 1: good at it. Obviously different because like I don't know kids,
15:26
Speaker 1: blah blah blah, but like this is such a fucking
15:29
Speaker 1: me thing to a way of thinking, what if this happens,
15:32
Speaker 1: and then this happens, and then I'll do this, which
15:34
Speaker 1: absolutely you need to do once you have kids, because
15:35
Speaker 1: you've got to kind of figure that out exactly. But
15:37
Speaker 1: like my knee jerk thought for this was like, well,
15:43
Speaker 1: if three days works for you now and you enjoy
15:46
Speaker 1: it and you like the job, do the year and
15:50
Speaker 1: kind of like what you're saying, like show them being
15:51
Speaker 1: like I can get five days worth of work done
15:55
Speaker 1: because I excel in this role. I'm really good at
15:58
Speaker 1: this role. What my take someone, five days I can
16:01
Speaker 1: get done in three days without obviously like overworking yourself
16:05
Speaker 1: or burning out, and see if that works out. And
16:08
Speaker 1: if it doesn't, you're kind of already contemplating not even
16:12
Speaker 1: going back. Yeah, so you're kind of option one is
16:16
Speaker 1: you go back and they renew it and they're like, yep, cool,
16:21
Speaker 1: you can do three days. Option two is you go
16:24
Speaker 1: back and they say no, you have to go full time. Well,
16:26
Speaker 1: then you're kind of already in the position you were
16:27
Speaker 1: at the start of the scenario where you're like, money's
16:30
Speaker 1: not really that much of a pressure for us, So
16:33
Speaker 1: I don't have to go back to work because you
16:35
Speaker 1: very evidently sounds like you don't want to put your
16:38
Speaker 1: kids in daycare five times a week. Yeah, And I
16:40
Speaker 1: think you know when we spoke from that episode of
16:43
Speaker 1: what other highest values for people when they get to
16:47
Speaker 1: the end of their lives, and it's spending time with kids,
16:49
Speaker 1: And it sounds like that's such a value for this
16:52
Speaker 1: mum and that that's where she wants to be. So
16:56
Speaker 1: that do that, And because obviously not everybody has that
17:00
Speaker 1: flexibility or option, Like some people do have to put
17:03
Speaker 1: their children in daycare five days a week, and I
17:05
Speaker 1: don't think that that would mean for them, that that
17:08
Speaker 1: means that they value that time with their children any
17:10
Speaker 1: less or any more. It really is just like everybody's
17:14
Speaker 1: circumstances is so different because you're not locked into it.
17:17
Speaker 1: I don't think so, Like, obviously, if it's she has
17:20
Speaker 1: to sign on for the next two years, then that
17:23
Speaker 1: is a different situation. But it's like you can do
17:27
Speaker 1: the first year and then assess be like, Okay, do
17:30
Speaker 1: I want because who knows so much can change in
17:33
Speaker 1: a year that you might get halfway through and go,
17:36
Speaker 1: you know what, three days is too much? Yeah? Not
17:38
Speaker 1: for me, and like you might do three days ago,
17:41
Speaker 1: do you know what? I actually feel like a lot
17:43
Speaker 1: of purpose and I'm really enjoying being back in the workplace.
17:46
Speaker 1: I want to actually come in for more days. Like
17:48
Speaker 1: you don't really know yet, yeah, because you haven't done it. Yeah. Yeah,
17:53
Speaker 1: And keep that conversation open with your employer because you've said,
17:58
Speaker 1: I'm worried. They've offered three days for one year and
18:01
Speaker 1: after that it will be full time. So it sounds
18:03
Speaker 1: like this is very much like a hypothetical, right, like you,
18:06
Speaker 1: it sounds like they've offered three days, but you don't
18:08
Speaker 1: really know what the future will hold and if there
18:10
Speaker 1: has been a conversation around returning full time after twelve months,
18:15
Speaker 1: So keep that conversation open and maybe ask about the
18:19
Speaker 1: flexibility to give yourself an idea, and then that way
18:22
Speaker 1: you can also prepare regardless of which option you choose,
18:26
Speaker 1: if you do decide to go back full time or
18:27
Speaker 1: if you do decide to quit. With your friends that
18:30
Speaker 1: have had children, have they kind of had a bit
18:34
Speaker 1: of la a mental battle or struggle or even guilt
18:38
Speaker 1: about going back to work. Yeah, definitely, because I think
18:41
Speaker 1: there's a guilt that there's so many layers to it. Yeah. One,
18:46
Speaker 1: there's the guilt of going to work and leaving your
18:49
Speaker 1: baby either at home with your partner or at daycare
18:53
Speaker 1: or with a family member, right and not being with them.
18:56
Speaker 1: And because obviously, especially in the first few weeks or
18:59
Speaker 1: months that you do like your baby really misses you
19:02
Speaker 1: and it's a big adjustment for them, and so you
19:03
Speaker 1: feel a lot of guilt there. But then also there's
19:06
Speaker 1: guilt of if you only go back part time and
19:09
Speaker 1: your partner is back full time, for example, and if
19:12
Speaker 1: you feel like you're not bringing in the same amount
19:15
Speaker 1: of money as your partner who's gone back full time,
19:18
Speaker 1: and what your role is at home because you work
19:20
Speaker 1: less than that person. But of course the unpaid labor
19:23
Speaker 1: conversation comes into that, and that is genuine work, yes,
19:27
Speaker 1: And then there is also I think guilt that a
19:30
Speaker 1: lot of women, like you said, have this idea of
19:33
Speaker 1: like women can do it all and we can, of course,
19:36
Speaker 1: but I think a lot of people who have kids
19:38
Speaker 1: as well, like I don't want to go back to
19:41
Speaker 1: work full time. I want to spend time with my
19:43
Speaker 1: children and with my family and with people that I
19:45
Speaker 1: care about. And there's guilt there too that if you
19:47
Speaker 1: don't want to go back full time and you do
19:49
Speaker 1: want to spend time with your kids, and it's like, oh,
19:51
Speaker 1: like you're not a feminist, career oriented woman and if
19:55
Speaker 1: career isn't your number one priority, there's guilt there too.
19:59
Speaker 1: So it's so layered, especially for women in comparison to men.
20:04
Speaker 1: I seriously so. The Instagram page Female invest actually calculated
20:10
Speaker 1: how much it costs to be a stay at home mum,
20:12
Speaker 1: which I was like, wow, this is so interesting, and
20:14
Speaker 1: I believe they're based in the US, so this isn't
20:18
Speaker 1: an aud so like then add some right, Yeah, So
20:22
Speaker 1: they broke down being a private chef, housekeeper, childcare provider,
20:26
Speaker 1: driving laundry, grocery shopper, personal assistant, event planner, and twenty
20:30
Speaker 1: four to seven availability that goes into being a mum.
20:33
Speaker 1: It came out to two hundred and forty seven four
20:36
Speaker 1: hundred and forty four dollars per year. Well, it's incredibly
20:41
Speaker 1: valid to also have that thought of if I go
20:44
Speaker 1: back to work, am I going to have time to
20:46
Speaker 1: get everything else done that I need to get done
20:48
Speaker 1: for my kids as well? And childcare is expensive, very expensive.
20:52
Speaker 1: Like there are subsidies from the government, like there's the
20:55
Speaker 1: additional childcare subsidy available for families with incomes under eighty
21:00
Speaker 1: five thousand dollars or so, so there is support available,
21:03
Speaker 1: but regardless from what I've heard, it is so expensive.
21:07
Speaker 1: So even though you're going back to work full time
21:10
Speaker 1: and making more money, the money that you then have
21:13
Speaker 1: to pay for full time childcare is very, very expensive,
21:17
Speaker 1: I think, no matter what it's about. Really also remembering that,
21:22
Speaker 1: like you're a person I know, and this might be
21:25
Speaker 1: easier for me to say because I don't have children,
21:27
Speaker 1: but like I know, speaking to you, know, my mom,
21:31
Speaker 1: she always had such a strong value of keeping her
21:34
Speaker 1: own identity, and she really enjoyed her work and she
21:39
Speaker 1: wanted to make sure she didn't lose herself in just
21:43
Speaker 1: becoming the role of a mother, which is obviously such
21:45
Speaker 1: an important role, but she also wanted to keep her identity.
21:48
Speaker 1: So knowing what you want to do for you. If
21:51
Speaker 1: that is staying at home with your kids, it's beautiful,
21:53
Speaker 1: it's amazing. If it is also working in your career,
21:56
Speaker 1: I don't think there's a wrong answer within that. And
21:59
Speaker 1: it's more about keeping the relationship with, you know, your
22:03
Speaker 1: workplace civil. And because even if you do do three
22:06
Speaker 1: days a week, you get to the end of it
22:08
Speaker 1: and they go, we want you to do a year,
22:10
Speaker 1: you can politely decline and always keep the door open
22:14
Speaker 1: and ask, like, is it possible? Can I continue to
22:17
Speaker 1: do three? Or like, ask the question, speak up for
22:20
Speaker 1: yourself and if they say no, we can only do five,
22:24
Speaker 1: you know they could also be a role at another place. Yeah,
22:28
Speaker 1: work's better. Yeah, you're not locked in no matter which
22:32
Speaker 1: pathway you choose. Yeah. Yeah, love it. Moving on to
22:36
Speaker 1: dilemma number three. I'm angry. My god, this is the
22:43
Speaker 1: shortest dilemma I've ever seen in my life, and I
22:45
Speaker 1: actually think I'm about to kick off. What the fuck? Okay, sorry,
22:49
Speaker 1: Dilemma number three. My boyfriend of almost five years just
22:53
Speaker 1: asked if we could talk about going back to friends
22:55
Speaker 1: with benefits. Everyone in the rooms their mouth dropped. That
23:01
Speaker 1: is so unhinged. I mean, come here, if you don't
23:08
Speaker 1: dump he's fucking ass, call me and we'll do it
23:12
Speaker 1: for you. What the fuck? Yeah? What the fuck? That
23:16
Speaker 1: is so oh my gosh, I feel so fucking bad
23:21
Speaker 1: for her because my partner did that to me. If
23:25
Speaker 1: he came to me and said, do you think we
23:29
Speaker 1: could go back to being friends with benefits? I think
23:33
Speaker 1: I would throw up. I think I would be physically ill.
23:37
Speaker 1: I don't even know what's that. My palms are getting sweaty.
23:39
Speaker 1: But the audacity of men, that man, the audacity of man.
23:43
Speaker 1: So because the thing is, the wording of this is
23:48
Speaker 1: that he isn't asking like, can we try an open relationship?
23:53
Speaker 1: Can we you know, maybe have a threesome with somebody
23:57
Speaker 1: else's easiest. Lemma, I've evident you know what I mean.
23:59
Speaker 1: He's asking to essentially downgrade you from being a girlfriend
24:05
Speaker 1: to friends with benefits. What do you get from that scenario? Cool,
24:10
Speaker 1: he gets to go and fuck other people. Great, he
24:13
Speaker 1: wants to be the boyfriend and get his dick wet too? Yeah, Like,
24:18
Speaker 1: fuck off? Because I know there's a point of it
24:21
Speaker 1: that like, own't key, If we were going to be
24:22
Speaker 1: responsible about this, it would be like, you know, we
24:26
Speaker 1: had Stephanie on the show Who Is a Relationship Coach,
24:29
Speaker 1: We spoke about can you come back from cheating? And
24:32
Speaker 1: her response was, you know, it normally happens for a reason.
24:35
Speaker 1: My number one advice is to break up with him,
24:38
Speaker 1: but two, if you really love this person, it would
24:41
Speaker 1: probably be the discussion of like, how did we get here?
24:44
Speaker 1: What's fueling this? Like, have you guys been fighting a lot?
24:48
Speaker 1: Is there an issue with No, just break up with him, sorry, yeah,
24:54
Speaker 1: just break up with them. I think like you could
24:55
Speaker 1: have the conversation to get yourself some closure because from
24:59
Speaker 1: that conversation probably realize that it's not about you, it's
25:02
Speaker 1: about him and that he is no longer or maybe
25:06
Speaker 1: never was, like ready for the commitment, wants something else,
25:09
Speaker 1: and like that's fine. I just think came to me
25:12
Speaker 1: with this, Oh yeah, I'd say I would say break yeah.
25:16
Speaker 1: I just don't want this person to break up and
25:18
Speaker 1: then be left with the questions being like why or no, no, no, no, no,
25:21
Speaker 1: you're so right, you're so right.
25:23
Speaker 3: Maybe like they just don't want to sit here and
25:25
Speaker 3: be like listen to him, and and then as well,
25:28
Speaker 3: it's like.
25:29
Speaker 1: No, fuck him because the difference diclosure of like what
25:33
Speaker 1: happened exactly, and to realize that this isn't about her.
25:37
Speaker 1: This is about him absolutely, Because the difference between like
25:40
Speaker 1: a friends with benefits situation, especially going from being in
25:44
Speaker 1: a five year long committed relationship and potentially like an
25:49
Speaker 1: open relationship, is that typically, in like an open relationship,
25:54
Speaker 1: you have boundaries and rules set, but you are still
25:57
Speaker 1: committed to one another, yes, But in a friends with
26:00
Speaker 1: benefits situation, he isn't asking to be open. That's what
26:03
Speaker 1: I'm meaning to be. Fuck buddies, How could you be
26:06
Speaker 1: friends with somebody? Do you know what I mean? How
26:08
Speaker 1: could you even physically go even if you were like
26:11
Speaker 1: I'm Kane, How could you physically go from being in
26:14
Speaker 1: a five year long committed relationship with someone exclusive to
26:18
Speaker 1: then being friends with benefits with them? Like, I don't know.
26:22
Speaker 1: I don't want to speak for other people. Maybe some
26:24
Speaker 1: people have different I hate him, but I hate him
26:27
Speaker 1: so much. Yeah, I love you. I love you and
26:33
Speaker 1: I just want to crawl through this microphone right now
26:36
Speaker 1: and I want to come and hold your hand I feel.
26:40
Speaker 1: Do you know what My recommendation for this cheek is,
26:42
Speaker 1: get your fucking girls. Get to the pub, order a
26:47
Speaker 1: bottle of rose.
26:48
Speaker 2: Yeah you're not paying Oh no no no, no, no,
26:51
Speaker 2: no no no, some olives, cheese chips in a salami,
26:55
Speaker 2: and just go in literally call coven Etsy Witch and
27:02
Speaker 2: just have a really fucking.
27:03
Speaker 1: Good night with your girlfriends and realize that like, men
27:06
Speaker 1: come and go, but friendships are forever, because this man
27:10
Speaker 1: can go. Ye and it's giving me my mistress. Bridgeton
27:15
Speaker 1: has entered the chat. You're so right, oh my god,
27:20
Speaker 1: and you already have friends your coven. You don't need
27:24
Speaker 1: this man as a friend. You said that like a slur,
27:28
Speaker 1: and I meant it seriously as someone who got fucked
27:31
Speaker 1: around by someone for three years about like, oh are
27:34
Speaker 1: we aren't we?
27:36
Speaker 3: That's three years of my good years. I can't get back.
27:38
Speaker 3: And hey, my tits sat so well in those three years. Okay,
27:45
Speaker 3: those are three good titties. Yeah, think about this.
27:51
Speaker 1: Crime tits and we've got okay tits, and then we
27:54
Speaker 1: got I'm glad, I'm in love tit ears. Okay, for
28:00
Speaker 1: whatever stage you're in, I'm in the I'm glad I'm
28:02
Speaker 1: in love. Fuck that.
28:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know.
28:13
Speaker 1: We're trying to be like mature and well rounded and
28:16
Speaker 1: blah blah, but be my mistress. Get the fuck out. Yeah,
28:19
Speaker 1: dump him, all right, dump him? Please send us an update.
28:23
Speaker 2: Yeah.
28:23
Speaker 1: And also for all of you chicks that have written in,
28:28
Speaker 1: we will obviously be sending you your vouchers for sharing
28:31
Speaker 1: your dilemmas. And for this chick, I needed to spend
28:34
Speaker 1: that or something really good. Yeah, really, I want you
28:37
Speaker 1: to if you want that, for you to go out
28:40
Speaker 1: with your friends, or maybe you want something that'll make
28:43
Speaker 1: you feel nice and hot, get a really sexy outfit. Yeah,
28:46
Speaker 1: really sexy outfit. Yep, that was wild. I know this
28:50
Speaker 1: might be like a little bit not like super relatable advice,
28:54
Speaker 1: and I know relationships have so much nuance and blah
28:56
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah. But as someone who's been in
28:58
Speaker 1: relationships that okay, they had their issues but they were fine,
29:02
Speaker 1: and a relationship that you know was not good, and
29:05
Speaker 1: relationships that have not been healthy and then now in
29:08
Speaker 1: a very healthy relationship, I feel so strongly about the
29:11
Speaker 1: fact that if your relationship does not make you feel
29:15
Speaker 1: like sparkles, rainbows and unicorn farts, get it the fuck out.
29:18
Speaker 1: Because that's not to say Rob and I have fights
29:21
Speaker 1: like it's not perfect, but I feel nice in the relationship.
29:24
Speaker 1: I'd never feel sad. Yeah, you know, and like that
29:28
Speaker 1: is just bin get recycling, no compost red top bin gabbage,
29:35
Speaker 1: straight to landfill, straight to landfill. Oh my word, love
29:38
Speaker 1: you chick. Oh my god, call you chicks. Thank you
29:40
Speaker 1: so much for sending in your submissions and the good
29:43
Speaker 1: tips in there. I want to is it bad? Nah? Okay,
29:49
Speaker 1: they keep it in and embrace those Yeah, the tears
29:54
Speaker 1: look tit. Ears are in the eye of the beholder. Yeah.
29:56
Speaker 1: I always said that, happy tit. You're the tear of
30:00
Speaker 1: the tip. Thanks Jack so much. I'm genilated it is.
30:10
Speaker 1: Put that ship on the shirt, put that chick. Thanks
30:16
Speaker 1: for having a city. I love you, Love you, and
30:19
Speaker 1: if you want to send in a diabolical dilemma for
30:21
Speaker 1: a future episode, we'll put all the dates in the
30:23
Speaker 1: show notes. Love you by love you. Dump him.