Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #126 Big First Birthday's, Troublemaking Kids And Hangover Bribes

Transcript

#126 Big First Birthday's, Troublemaking Kids And Hangover Bribes · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I am concerned with by the end of the weekend,
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: how much Jeers is going to be in this hotel.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: Coming he goes this an ancient cave. They took the nearest.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to two doting dads. My name is Ash.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: I'm not Mattie Jay. I might sound like him. I'm
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: definitely more handsome.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: But we also have Nick Cody.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: Nick Cody is also a dad, believe it or not.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: For two doting dads, and this is a podcast all
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: about parenting. It's the good, the bad, and the relatable.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: And we are joined on a weekly episode with the guest,
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: which is very the first time but the second time
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: we've had Nick on the podcast.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: This is the first time we've had a guest twice
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: other than like wives. Oh, I'm the first second outside
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: a family have sex. Later, I knew there was a catch.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: I knew there was a hot catch.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: I am matt and I would have gotten away with it.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: Kids. He will. Let's just say that he's commuting back.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: So yeah, twice on the podcast is an honor, I
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: would say, and not for you, for us.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: Thank you, Nick.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: One thing I want to talk to you about. It
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: is the first week of school for us. You've got
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: kids in.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: Prep now, I've got a grade one now grade one, yeah,
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: grade one and a little three year old kinder Yeah
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: me too, yeah, Oscar. Yesterday was his first day at
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: big school.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: As we're calling it, which is kinder Prep for Melbourne,
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: South Australia, Same and he did really well. Oh it
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: was good after it. So he went with like he's
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: got three mates, the brat pack, and they're all together.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: They're all good in the same US. It's two and two,
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: so there's like four of them. He was great going in.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: He was like see April Crichter, eyes out as per
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: usual as you would expect. Of course, they're on like
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: reduced hours for the first week. So we all went
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: yesterday to collect him from his first day of school
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: and it's so weird, like you would know what it's
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: like when you see them off and you're like, fuck,
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: this is so strange. And he's going to the same
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: primary school that I went to. Really so it's like,
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: oh wow, yeah, I've got teachers coming as to me
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: and was like you're back, and I'm like but he
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: yesterday April went and picked him up and he was
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: so excited that he grabbed his bag without zipping it up,
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: ran down the stairs and everything fell out of his bag.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: Like a Cartoonish ruined the whole day. Apparently he was gutted.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: So he's now called empty bag or trips. He's already
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: been bully. And then you will find out very soon.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: I went. I remember last year when my kid was
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: in prep for Victorian's kindy figure it out, your first
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: year of the fucking big school. Yeah, they have a uniform. Yeah,
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: but like a grade four kid got up and I've
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: got to go to an assembly and a grade four
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: kid got up to play saxophone and everyone clapped, like
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: even the grade sixers. I was like, I was gonna
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: call this kid a fucking nerd. What is happening. I'm
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: like they were so supported. I'm like, this is beautiful
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: and sweet. But all I could think is every time
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: I had my best mate growing up. We're still best
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: mates from prep. Tommy, he played saxophone. He was in
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: the local paper in Werribee, the western suburbs of Melbourne.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: He was on the in the werribe Banner with a saxophone,
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: like playing the saxophone, and he played it at school
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: once and we're like.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Or Lisa Simpson bang out and like it's just roasting
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: immediately bleeding. It's an equivalent now, I reckon they could
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: be like, hey, we've got a performance at school this week.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: It's actually a live debate.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: Really like yeah, back in the day would be like
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: I know, I remember in high school someone coming along
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: to tell us, like a story of how they stuffed
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: everything up.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: They were making all this money, had a great job, wife, cars,
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: and then they started gambling, drinking drugs, and yeah, this
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: is an interventions, my wife here coming everybody. But then
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: he starts to tell us about how he's turned his
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: life around, his back working again. And the kids in
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: my class were like, tell us the fucking six stories, dude,
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: go back to the why are you gonna get saxophone out?
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: But then he's fine, No one's got to bully stuff
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: on that.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: I don't think anyone even remembers he went to school
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: fine today, everything is fine. But it's it's like it's look,
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: I I'm pretty good.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: Like I didn't.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: I didn't put a lot of pressure on him because
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: he would already be anxious and excited, and so I
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: was to get.
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: Him with a little sign holding up a sign of
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: his name age.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: No, we got like a sign like on the first
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: day of kindy or whatever.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and that was pretty cool.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: And I think like my wife went into full mum
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: Zilly yesterday where she was like, they let.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: Him walk down the stairs with his bag on zip.
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: She wanted she wanted heads. She was like, I want
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: heads and I want him now. And I was like, relax.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: I was like, the more you project that, the more
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: he picks up on it.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: And they do that, They're like, why is mom upset?
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: And so we had Luke who's like a teacher to
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: the Stars influencer who is a prep KINDI teacher, and
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: we had him on to go through the prepping for
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: school and he was like, just don't cry it drop
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: off because they think, think about this.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: You're a five year old kid. You got to be staunched. Yeah,
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: your mum's crying saying goodbye? Am I? They think, am
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: I never going to see this person ever again?
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: And imagine like an Army general local, It's like, we
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: don't need this ship.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: Right now, stiff up. They need you know, they need
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: the Army tea and tissues.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they'll get together afterwards and were no, I can
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: see them cry.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: But yeah, it was a big day. He crashed out.
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: That's why I was so excited because these holidays was
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: our first big because he was going to daycare of
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: kinder and there'd be different activities over the breaking, but
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: this was just seven weeks of just hanging out at
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: home or six weeks, and it was good to get
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: him back. Even though he's got a bit of tuit.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: He wants to snack straight away. He just walks out, like, so,
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: have snack? Can I play at school? His school keeps
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: the playground open until sundown.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: Like you yeah, yeah, we're five minute walk.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: Oh how good? Yeah, basketball courts everything. They leave the
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: whole thing open. You used to do that? Do it anymore? Oh? Really? No?
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: So like he's going.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Oscar's going to the same school I went to. And
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: when I was a kid, I had a mate whose
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: house backed onto the school and we used to.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: Spend every every other there, every weekend there, we go
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: to gate the stairs, we play the basketball. They've shut
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: it down. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, you can't tell gets
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: out in the bathroom. Dad sucked it. So now there's
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: big fences. I attracted too many prinators, but it's yeah, like.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: Now you can't even go. I feel like your kids
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: are missing out on, like, let's go to the school.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: When I see I had the reverse because my primary
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: school was grim You could look at that. It's called
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: Glendevon Primary School. It was the glen Devon. Yeah, second
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: worst primary school in the state of Victoria, according to
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: the Herald Son. One year, the fees were like forty
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: bucks a year and they weren't mandatorate. Oh that's like, yeah,
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: that's like us here. But the principal lost forty grand
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: of the school's money. So you can imagine how whoa
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: she ladies? Then what do they do? Dare I missed gender?
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: The principle ladies can be principals. And she lost it
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: on the pokeys. Not even I was expecting you to
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: be like, yep, she lost it on strippers. Yeah, it's
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: just like sorry, sorry, kids, no camp this year. Queen
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: of the Nile. Yeah, the Queen of the Nile. I
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: was looking for the girl. Guys like, well, well anyway,
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: we yeah, it's day two. I haven't because I'm here
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: with you. I haven't found out.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: But that time over school, it's a long time for
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: parents over that school.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: It's like eight weeks or whatever.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: And it's the first time that I've had to do
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: it too. Where Oscar finished early. Macy also did some
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: casual days.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: Through summer and stuff like that. But you little one
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: hate did she have to go when your eldest didn't
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: have to go anywhere, because my youngest went that Crichton. Yeah. Well,
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: some days we're like, you've got to go to kinder
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: and he broke down. He loves kinder, he loves three
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: year old kinder. But he was upset that his older
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: brother wasn't doing anything, and we just said, he's got
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: school stuff on.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: Man. Yeah, we always lie, We always harp on like
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: he's doing boring stuff, and that's that he's going to
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: do boring stuff like study and chess and time zone
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: and bowling and go to the park with his friends.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: It's boring and maybe trying to so.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: And like I wanted to ask you because we do
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: this big stint at the end of the year and
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: you sort of find yourself in the last week or
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: two trying to find things to do that they haven't done,
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: which is hard because they get bored so easily. Yeah,
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: and I found on the last day where I had
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: Oscar and I had Macie before school started.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: I was like, it's like forty degrees. Let's just go
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: to the shops down the shop as you do. And
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: I was like, what do you got near? You? Like
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: a big Westfields or something. No, it's like a it's
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: like a it's like a junior Westfields. It's like plaza.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: There's no levels, yeah, plasas like I've got levels in
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: these places.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: Like I've got one. I got one.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: It's all ground, it's all ground. But I was like, fuck,
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: what am I going to do with these kids here?
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: And thankfully I got hit got there and we were
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: going well halfway down the escalator and the power went out.
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: Sick.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: Have you ever been in and this is my question
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: to you, have you ever been in the shopping center
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: and the panel's gone out?
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: No, it's a mix.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: It's a bunch of mixed emotions because people all of
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: a sudden. First off, for me, theft ransack, Yeah, what
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: can we get?
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah? And that that.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: That's not I was walking down it was dark and
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: I'm like, perfect, it's like squid game, but it's no
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: light on light. It's like so much hit can I
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: put in my pockets? And when the lights come back,
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: and I've got to be still and all the make ship,
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: all the makeshift barricades that all the retail employees have
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: set up in the front of the door.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: I was going to get past that stack of chairs.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: But we were like I remember I was walking down
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: and the lights went out and my head went yes.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: I'm like, the kids are gotta love this. Any natural
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: light coming in or is there is like a little
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: bit of natural light. But the kids were like, so, oh,
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: it's corn up in it. Do you know what to give?
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: It gives similar energy to when a dog comes through school.
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and you're like, whoa. I remember in Gray too,
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: we had dogs root on the playground and we're just
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: all out the window the best. I was just like,
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: how good is it when a dog comes in? You're like,
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: we've got to see two dogs. We saw two dogs
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: and they fucked. I don't want to try one up
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: this story, but a dog and a dog in the
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: school playgrounds. And that's what counsels don't understand.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: They put on what is it like white not with
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: all the lights and the actually that night.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: Is that what it's called? I don't know. At some
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: festival of festivals, the lights, lights, but really all you
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: need to do is just turn the lights off of
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: the shops, release, release the hand.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: But the kids were like so caught up in the
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: whole moment, and I was like, you know, it's a
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: good time to go around to those places that need
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: their food to be refrigerated. I was stuck up, but
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: also sounded like old made on into the bush.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah. I was like, you're getting full boom boom.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: Cracker chili brawl ransacking the sushi players pretty quickly giving
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: away rolls for a dollar age and the kids were like,
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: I just didn't quite understand, and they're playing in like
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: the playground in the dark.
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: It was.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: It was honestly the I had spent thousands of dollars
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: over the eight weeks or whatever going a bowling, going
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: to all the indoor play centers because it's been stinking hot,
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: and all I really had to do was cut the power, kicked.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: Time the big switch, have a bloody good time. It
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: was great. It's also good for the employee's there. I
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: guess to where I worked at Werriby Plaza at Harris
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: Scarf and it was shipouse, Harrisf Paras Scaff. What is
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: it just a scarffwy resume is not good enough to
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: get into Maya. So you find.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: Yourself and Harris and it's like they sell Harriscarf in Maya,
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: but they're like, you're not good enough to work in
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: I remember the first day they're like, you're working in
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: Manchester And I said, what's that?
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: I shouldn't have been I didn't bring my passport. Brutal.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: All right, Nick, it's enough about me.
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: You're the guest on this podcast, and I've taken over
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: how many minutes?
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: Enough minutes enough? Tell me where are you at? Where
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: are you are? You're you're You've got away from a
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: family in this hotel room, drinking beers, having fun with
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: the stench of Seamen's not yet. I mean, look, we
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: just we just went over that eight week period.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: How are you readjusting to twenty twenty twenty five? Well?
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: Pretty good. My wife is stay at home mum at
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: the minute. She gets sad when the kids have to
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: go back. But because I worked early mornings and at nighttime,
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: I'm like, please please go see your friends. I'm one
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: of those I'm like, I love you so much, but
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: all day, every day is unnecessary. Yeah, and then you
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: hear it goes fast and things, but sometimes it doesn't
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: and on those days they should probably go to school.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they say, like it does go so fast, yeah,
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: but also goes so fucking slow.
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, especially afternoons. Comedian Harley Breen said, before my first
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: was born, I said, made any tips and he said,
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: I can tell you exactly how it is. And I
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: said all right, and he said, long days, short years, Oh,
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: very true.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: I was like, that is Can we put that on
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: a T shirt?
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: That yeah, long days, short years as well? Fine. You
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: know some days feel anyone that says the years flying
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: by look after children with a hangover, Your year will
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: fucking slow right down o'clock to the seconds I lived
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: like twelve years last year. You know those days where
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: it honestly feels like a week in a it's some
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: weird interstellar planet. Your wife gets back and it's like,
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: where have you been?
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: It's felt like twenty five years. She's been gone for
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: two hours. Why did you leave me like this? You're
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: like a shriveled up sultan. There was a hangover at
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: the start of the year. Was so I could I
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: could hear blinking, I could hear it.
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: I like it. I could hear my like, I am dry,
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: it gets yeah, and the kid I'm like, boy, should
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: we have a super deeper right now? It's seven thirty
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: in the morning. That rules. I started offering them money.
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: It's some fucking hush money.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: They've learned about hush and I was like, this morning,
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: both kids were in bed with me.
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: April went to the gym this morning because it's a
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: fitness freak.
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: And I was like, hey, kids, whoever's the quietest, the longest.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: It's five dollars great. I haven't heard from him all day.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: The hango, I think you can beat it with myney. Yeah,
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I said on here last time,
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: the one that I call it topsy turvy day. So
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: my wife is the best in the way that because
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: I you know, early mornings during the week and then
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: they stand up at night different things. She's like, if
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: you go and do gigs on a Friday or Saturday
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: and you want to stay out, She's like, o't care.
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: But if you said you're going to watch the kids
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: Saturday morning, you just got to get up. You just
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: gotta get up. She's like, I don't care if you
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: get home at five am. If they wake up at
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: five point forty five. You're up. You're up. Yeah, that's
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: a fair deal. I think so, and I agree with you.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: I had a friend of mine tell me once, there's
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: some of the best advice I ever had from a
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: dead shit dad was because he had three girls at
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: the time and I had no kids, and I was
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: like trying to understand how he does it, and he's like,
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: he goes, I just just get up. He's like, you'll
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: You'll keep thinking, you'll keep mum happy. And then when
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: you get to a point during the day and you've
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: looked after him all day and you're like, oh, I
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: can have a little lay down, She's like, you earn that.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: But otherwise if you don't get up, and I've got
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: europe mates who don't get up, like that blows my mind,
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: curiates me infurious.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: Get up. But also we were recently on a trip
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: to Barley with some guys who are like that because
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: I want my kids to grow up. And then get
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: a hangover one day and be like, Dad, did you
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: ever feel like this? I'm like, heaps, and I got up,
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: give my headache. Man, he's not here, So I thought
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: I'm with the looser of the two. I love you, Maddie,
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: but when it comes to if you're going to be
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: a bit of a disaster, I think you'd be more
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: forgiving to this walking. I thought you would appreciate just
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: a couple of things about my eldest son's first birthday.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: I do. I want to hear about it because we
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: all put so much pressure on the first birth and
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of parents listening to this that.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: The kids are coming up.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: To their first birthday this year. They all, you know,
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: we with our community. A lot of them are fairly
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: new parents, parents, your freaks.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: But you're on the list, although some may want to be.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: I had a couple of mates that had a parenting
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: pot before I had kids, and I listened to it
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: to think, oh that's what I saw. Would you listen
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: to this one? Well, it wasn't around before I would.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: Of course. You want to take advice, you want to
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: hear what's what's coming up. It's like a preview for.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: We get a lot of women being like, it's so
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: nice to say refreshing, Like what's refreshing? Like I feel
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: like we're not charge and because we're ship too, and they're.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: Like yeah, yeah, yeah, but and you're clearly trying his
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: dad's I've tried my absolute heart out. I haven't been
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: on stage at a minute. About twenty years ago, to
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: be a good dad, you just had to smoke outside
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: and everyone's like, that's the dream, fucking hero. This guy rules,
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: you know, But now it's like we're dad.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: Well, A really funny story is how we got our
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: name doting dads is matt took his kids to the
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: park and the Daily Mail snapped him taken the it
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: is and on the headline was doting dad Matthew Johnson
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: just for taking him.
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: That's how low the bar is. So I went to
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: the bar. But that's a big s that's a big step.
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: That is a big step because twenty years ago there
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: was a movie I Am Sam. I don't know if
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: you remember Sean Penn. I do remember Sam, and he's
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: he couldn't mental disability, but he's and the courts are
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: trying to take his kid away. And he says to
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: his daughter do the kids at school make fun of me?
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: And she said, yeah, dad, because you're the only dad
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: that plays at the park. Twenty years ago. So we
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: can all learn twenty years ago, if I did what
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: I did. Yesterday, I'd be at family court begging to
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: have them not take my kids. Yeah, please, judge. I
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: was at a Crocs play center. It's awesome. I grabbed
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: a coffee. I was going down the big red slide
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: of me socks and they're like, you're mentally.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, take his kids.
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: Just no date at the bar. Sean pan is just
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: a good bloke. Yeah he's he's changed it for all
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: of this. So Maddie's our Sean Penn. Yeah. Anyway, first
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: birthdays they're a big deal. Just now I know they're
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: a big deal because I believe I was conceived at
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: a first birthday, not at after the wall. The timing.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: It was a.
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: Birthday. Everyone on your mum and dad were going for
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: it in the bathroom. That was my dad's best mates
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: kids first birthday. But it was a big piss up.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: The long one. It was my dad's dog's best friends,
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: my parent cats, My parents didn't fuck it a kid's
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: birthday if that's what you need, just.
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: To clear everything up. Not anything wrong with that. Yeah,
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: well it's twenty twenty. If people are for fucking kid's birthday,
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: you're at a bounce. All the trampolines are bouncing. It bounce.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: I'm bouncing. If I'm not bouncing, she's bouncing. My I
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: always got told the first birthdays of the wildest once
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: because it's like you got through, you got to total yeah. Yeah.
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: And I think to parents out there then have already
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: had the first birthday and it was a big one.
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: I think the least important birthday is the second birthday.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: It's useless. Such a useless birthday. No it gives a ship.
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: No kid doesn't know what a birthday is. No one
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: gives a fuck that they're too well.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: That was a long joke of ours here that I
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: never threw my kids a birthday.
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: It was one of the first clips I saw of
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: the pod was you would turn up to parks and
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: just put my kid in. I love it. Hold real quick,
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: my kids are My kids have rides scabs. So you know,
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: like if you're at the shops and there's like a pepper.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: Pig, oh yeah jump oh they see one kid on
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: and they're like that there's sucking two free one of them.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: They're on my papers.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: I paid for my kid and two other kids, and
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: then I looked over the parents and I was like,
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: you sweet.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: It transferred me the you're on tap, come on, but
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: I think you'd appreciate this. My eldest son, Charlie, his
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: first birthday was at my wife's cousin's bar suburb called
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: Footscray in Melbourne. It was at a bar at the
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: first birthday. The bar tab ended up being twenty eight
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: hundred bucks.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: Had a first birthday, every kid geting people, but it
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: was fucking loose.
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: It's not for them, it's for you.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: It's like you said, it's a celebration of getting through
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: the year. And I think that's a really good way
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: to put it, and that is the perfect outcome.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah it was. It was a wild day. But you know,
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: you have those times as a parent where you like
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: one of these every so often is fine, But if
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: you were living like this every day, it's like the
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: blokes that don't get up. You're doing that every day,
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: you're terrible. It was about seven o'clock at night. So
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: jealous of those, I know, how do they do it?
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: There's no way I'm pulling that off. That must be
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: good to being. You get infinite sleeping like the It
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: was seven o'clock at night, so that my son's first
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: birthday starts at one or whatever. Seven eight o'clock at night,
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: my wife finds me out in the beer garden of
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: this bar with till my mates, and I've got a siggy,
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: I've got drunk whatever, I drunk. I don't think i've
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: ever seen you like I've had a night out with it.
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: I don't think you even started smoking. Then had a
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: drunk dart and I said, oh good, I gorgious.
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: Where's Charlie? She said he went home three hours ago.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: Oh god, A piece of the bath. It is good.
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: I think that's good. Good, Yeah, you got it. You
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: gotta let loose. It's not about that. It's her parents
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: stepped up and went, you take him out? And he
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: was a shit sleeper. I love you, Charlie. Have you
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: ever watched this? He did not sleep so end of
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: twenty He was born September twenty eighteen. He and then
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: in November twenty eighteen, I got off at a breakfast
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: radio job in b So. For years beforehand, I was
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: just touring stand up comic nights nights, nights, nights, nights.
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: And then my wife said, hey, we've got a little one.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: You wouldn't have to tour as much. But I was
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: going up to Brisbane sort of a week a month.
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: For the rest of the time I was down the line.
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: But I went from like just working nights, having the
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: best nights ever all the time, to getting up at
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: three point fifty in the morning and a kid that
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: was waking up every hour on the hour. So the
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: first birthday I was like, whatever, Champion, I don't care
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: where you go. I'm sending it. We've had our ship
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: first year victim immediately. Yeah, and I assume you're or
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: you didn't scap a first birthday? Surely not. Yeah, we
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: didn't have any. Wow, And it's weird. My my six
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: year old is very similar to my wife, No sweet tooth,
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: one of those one of those people like he loves
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: olives and homas. What is Greek? My wife went to
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: Greece for two weeks with her mum and sisters and
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: came back with age. Well, yeah, you look at him.
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: You wouldn't think that. It looks exactly like her mate
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: sinking you there. I fell on the matches.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, I fell on the match and in
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: the big unsmoking DUTs with the boys.
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: My dad widow, my wife brought back huge one kilo
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: vacuum sealed bags of olives from Greece, and my son's
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: like this rules. He's just sitting there eating olives like
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: loves it. So even his birthdays. Now, everyone else in
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: his life wants cake, but he doesn't. So yeah, he
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: wants olives, he wants he wants camembert.
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he wants My wife's like a wine party, charcuterie board. Yeah,
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: I love salami. Yeah, yes, that's everyone else is eating cake.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: And yeah, he's always got like a little he'll have
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: like a little carrot cake muffin or something.
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: He's definitely not getting diabetes. Is it? My three was
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: going to get a complete opposite of diabetes? Sugar three
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: year old Max is me, You're just where's Max? And
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: you'll just here laughing and you look under the bed
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: and he's found chocolates from Halloween and he's just shoving
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: them in.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: I want to yell at you, but I want to
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: eat chocolates in the bound necessarily.
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he's he's me unfortunately.
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, both Abel and I have I look my kids,
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: they take a Vita gummy every morning.
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: Will we call it a lolly? Yeah? Kicks them off.
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: Max wants to eat it because he thinks they're lollies. Yeah,
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: it's just a vitamin. I've got oscar trying to shelfies.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: You wanted to tell me a story about a.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: Child of yours who's a six year old Charlie who
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: stitched you up. Yeah, because you you know, you've got
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: a five and a half year on They get a
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: sense a few and they it's the best for me. Yeah.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: As a comedian, I'm like, no, dude, the rules because
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: he my kids. I've for the first one they never
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: heard me, Charlie never heard me swear. And then I've
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: given that up. You were saying, sorry, guys, I get
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: paid to swear. Yeah. So the dad fucking clocked it.
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: They've come to see me doing gigs and they're like, dad,
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: you said so many job is to fucking sweat, right,
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: don't sat it at school? Don't. But he stitched me up.
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: It's the most embarrassment I felt in years. This was
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: maybe September or October last year. They'd been ship weather
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: in Melbourne for ages and it was like the first
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: nice It's like a twenty three degree day, sunny day
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: off Sydney twenty three northern beaches, shut up paradise in
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: Melbourne a twenty three degree. That's all we sleep through.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: Twenty three. Get my north face out, it's only twenty three.
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: Hang on, I don't own a north face. Matt's the
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: best guy in this relationship. Hey, I'm not knocking it.
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: I'm a vested. I'd much rather wear a potato. I
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: look like I get around like Sea Berlin, dumb and dumber.
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: I love like a burlap sack. Guy. You know what
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: of vent? Like a north face vest I don't want
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: to walk around in a sleeping bag with arms. You
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: know what? You don't do it up? Oh not where
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: you're from? That I don't really he's not doing a
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: full zip on a vent.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: Depends how much money you've got, you're how good you
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: I make millions?
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Also, that's how good his rigg is. That he
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: could zip it up like that. I choose not to
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: zip it up. So good. He doesn't zip it up
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: with his hands. She's like pretty zipper. We were down
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: the main street of our suburb and it was just
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: charge Max and I and my wife is at home.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: We're walking along and there's people everywhere. First nice days,
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: so people are just out and about just for no reason.
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: So the street's packed, and Charlie runs off like ten
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: or fifteen meters ahead. I'm like, buddy, what are you doing,
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: Bud Bud. He just sort of takes off and then
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: he turns around. There's people every round, and he's like, Hey,
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: you're Nick Cody. I've seen your start. Hey you're Nick Cody.
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, dude, you shut up. People turn around.
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: He's like Nick Cody, you're a radio comedian. I'm like, dude,
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: shut up. Cry laughing. He's like, oh, Nick Cady, and
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: people are turning around just because it's a child screaming.
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: I'm like, you're fuck man, Shut the fuck, Shut the
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: fuck up. I'm but I'm like shaking laughing, you know what.
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: I was so proud. And I finally catch up to
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: him and he's like, that was that any good? Dude?
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: Take the rooms, take that one on the road. That rules.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: I was like, that's so funny. I love it when anyone,
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: any you could do it to anyone with their job.
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: It rules. And fed a six year old new is
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: that good? You're like, yeah, mate, new To.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: Like, hey, you know, I'm sick of dad embarrassing me. Here,
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: I'm going to fucking I'm going to really get him here. Well,
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: he know, it's a thing I don't like not noticed,
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: like if you're with kids or whatever.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: I get a bit. You know, people are genuine Australians
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: are fucking ground about it, but you get the old
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: weirder and I get a bit. I'm like, oh, because
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: I am just getting around in I'm shorts, T shirt,
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: fucking birkenstocks, occasionally a vest all year round. It's a
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: sleeping bag and I just feel weird when people are
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: like when people are like I do bah blah blah
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: blah blah. Oh these are boys. And I don't put
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: my kids online, so I get a bit. I don't
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: put them on line. It's not for anny. I just
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: want them to be in the sas, so I'm trying
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: to keep their identity suppressed. That be super soldiers for
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: a six year old to have the comedy intelligence to
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: do that to their dad, who absolutely brilliant.
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: So I can imagine Oscar like running up ahead and
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: going there's that guy.
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: Who was a silly fucking power on his head. There
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: he is. Do a lot of people know who you
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: are in the in the area. Radio Melbourne's like billboards
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: and ship around. Here's a question for you. How many
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: billboard do you know that you're on? There was one
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: point last year there was a lot of billboards, and
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: it was not because my wife's friends and my friends
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: very different. My wife's friends are like, hey, luch, congrats,
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: I just saw Nick on a billboard. And my mates
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: are like, hey, bro, your heads so fucking big. You're
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: the first bloke they shrunk the head down to get
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: on a billboard, You fat head? Fuck you know what?
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: I separate billboard? Yeah, bro, yours are spilling out over
• 32:48
  Speaker 2: like a kid that can't color in between the line.
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: To put an extra thing on top of your head?
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, have your kids picked up? Have they taken on
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: the head the big head? Yeah, my wife's got a
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: big head. I honestly think she's too good for me.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: I think you got to say one of the reasons
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: that no, there's no one. I don't think there's anyone
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: that would meet her and me, And you go, dude,
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: she's fucking matten. You could do way better when I
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: met her.
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: Thanks, man, you're doing it. Finally, what don't you think
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: about I lead the Washington General to play the globe trotters. Finally,
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: the Washington generals get one, but she, she said, I
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: honestly think a major part of the reason she's with
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: me is in family photos. My head's so big that
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: it makes her head normal. I think she's got a
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: big head, but mine's so much bigger. But her with it.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: If she was with a dude with a little head,
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: she is fucking ridiculous. So she's based her whole life
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: how big your head is? Yeah, I can't say with
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: anyone else.
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm someone before. Even with the photo, I'm like,
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: the photo shouldn't be from it. My head should be
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: in the back. I should stand maybe thirty meters behind
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: everyone else in a group shot, and then we all
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: look like we're to get the probably bag. It's like
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: the Chilean salt flat. So I gotta from a distance.
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, it's funny, like I've a I've got a
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: pin head. I'm five ten, Matt six one and a
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: half fucking fit fine.
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: Do you know how it is.
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: So fun Like I love the guy to death so much,
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: my best friend in the world.
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: And it's like.
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: I've got to go places and stand next to him,
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: and he looks great.
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: I look like ship.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm just trying to do my thing over here,
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: but he's just so genetically.
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: That's I get Cody in. I guess someone show I'm
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: about to be a glamour. I want to feel what
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: Maddie feels. I want to feel it.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: I want to feel.
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: But I've been been recording with his wife.
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: It's great because it's way better look at her than
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: he is looking.
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: Cot that many little dig anyway, Okay, let's Matt, Matt, Jesus,
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: you're miss him that much. That hurt but also a
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: sick compliment. Yeah, I did go.
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: To the one and a half and scraped. We do
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: this segment called parenting hack or fuck that. I forgot
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: that this is a weekly episode and I'm just like,
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: I'm going to interview and it's about one of us
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: shows you a video or vice versa of a parent
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: doing something, whether it could be a hack or it's
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: like fuck fuck that.
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: Okay, you know I haven't seen this either, so this
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: could be for both if it's a parenting hack or
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: fuck that. So I call the day's topsy turvy. So
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: when I'm hungover and my wife's like, you're getting up
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: with the boys, I'm like, boys, this is crazy it's
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: a topsy turvy day. Look at this, Dad's having a
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: shower and it's cold. The whole world's topsy turvy and
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: they feel the water.
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: Now that's crazy. Standing in there, I'm like, I don't
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: know what a wild day Dad's having the big breakfast.
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: The car doesn't work because I haven't had enough sleep. Yeah, yeah, car,
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: and little maxim my three year old, you have enough sleep? Down,
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: I'm like, sorry, mate, and stuff judging me. I won't
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: start because my eyes are red and my skin has
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: steam coming off it. Sorry, I got or the car
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: will work and I'll be in the news. Do you
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: want to see daddy in the news. I'm gonna down
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: the main road.
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: The other day, I got a letter in the mail
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: that said your licenses have been suspended for not paying
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: an overdue fine.
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: Okay, And the next day I had both kids. Does
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: that mean you had no points left anyway? Or no?
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: It was just I didn't even get I don't even remember.
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't remember much. Let's be honest. I had
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: both kids.
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: This is the blackout day at the shops, and I
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: paid the fine, not for thinking I'll be able to
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: drive again the next day.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: But then the kids like where are you going? And
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: I was like trying to explain to them that daddy's
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: not allowed to drive. Was very embarrassing. Yeah, like, Daddy's
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: not allowed to drive why because daddy puked in a
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: bus zone.
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: Daddy didn't pay the fine. Yeah, so it was a bit.
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: Like it's actually such a sad reason not to be
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: able to drive either.
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: So guess what, kids, Yeah, back to bed? Yeah, all right,
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: so this is a hack or fuck that? Yeah, I'm
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: going to show you us both this because I haven't
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: seen it things I wish I knew as a first
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: time Mum.
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: The fuck? What the fuck? Who's this? Mum? Guyver? Mom? Guy?
• 37:41
  Speaker 2: Has she done this? It's going to explode afterwards. Oh
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: that's not good way to turn your kid into bane lady.
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: The nappy feels this is what she's done. She's replaced
• 37:56
  Speaker 2: the mask in a face mask with a dummy, so
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: the dumb the straps are over the years, but the
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: dough is stuck in.
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: So they can't get it off. They cannot get it
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: off that saughter. Yeah, it's like it's essentially like waterboarding
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: your child. Yeah, I'm gonna say fuck that as well,
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: that it's like grabbing the back of a.
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: Child's head and being like, yeah, yeah, I'm starting to
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: think the kid doesn't want the dummy. Yeah you know.
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: Do you know what when that kid's like twelve and
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: they're like, oh, why does he still have the dummy?
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we know what. It's strapped to its head. Anyway,
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: I got nick before.
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: We finish up this chaotic episode that is two Dads,
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: we have a listener question for you. It's not specific
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: to you, but it's specific to a parent, and you
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: so happen.
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: To be a parent. I'm listening, you're listening. Okay, it's
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: from Taylor. Heo.
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: Taylor, thank you for writing in what's the silliest tantrum
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: your little one has thrown? And I'll just give you
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: their example. Yeah, this morning, my two year old demanded
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: I take his feet off like they were shoes. You
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: me trying to explain why that's possible without laughing. Yeah,
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: what is the silliest tantrum that you're.
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: I remember my eldest Charlie, when he was about two,
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: he had a very specific breakfast you know when when
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: kids start, you know, decision now, no milk but honey,
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: yeah you know, but that's like now they're just like
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: oats toast. Yeah, whatever you do, do it, they don't
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: really care. But at one point he was like.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: Oats, a certain amount of frozen raspberries, a certain amount
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: of frozen blueberry.
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: But he would have three different spoons in the bowl,
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: spoon for every berry. Yeah, he would just have different
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: spoons for different things in this bowl. And if you
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: ever try to take it was a fucking nightmare.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: And I just found it so funny. It's like where
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: all the spoons. Dude, we used to rent before we
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: bought our house.
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: We're renting this joint that had a shit dishwasher, so
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: you'd go through cutlery quickly and you'd open the drunk.
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: We're the fucking where are the spoons?
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: And you look over at a kid with eight spoons.
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: So they're limited even get started. Yeah, I honestly think
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: it's like I said before, with him stitching me up
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: down the street. I think it maybe it was his
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: first I'm just going to see how many fucking big
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: spoons I can put in here before they yell at
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: me for being ridiculous because I'm more but more spoons
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: on the floor. With so many spoons in a bowl
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: and if you took one off or said that's too many,
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: just to melt down. Yeah, now when you're tired, you're
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: annoyed by it. But it's like that's pretty funny. It's
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: pretty funny now, But taking off the feet is oh.
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, trying to like something that's physically impossible. I've
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: got a similar spoon one where Macy has like this
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: pink spoon at home where no matter what she's eating,
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: she has to have this pink spoon. But then if
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: I like whack a spoon in there, it's like chaos.
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: But like it like that's plausible. Trying to take feet,
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: It's like I think like maybe our parents would have
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: been like, okay, let me just get the machete out.
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: And threatened him with that. Yeah, I think our parents
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: didn't maybe didn't listen or just smacking and smoke inside,
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: just do different stuff. My parents used to threaten me
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: with methylated spirits. Oh swear that was my grandparents.
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: Any ailment proper chased me around with.
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: Some methylated spirits.
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: Anyway, the biggest tantrum my kid has had, I don't recall.
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: It's generally food related. I heard that's there. That's a
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: lot of times, it's the first agency they have. They
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: get to make a choice, they get to you know,
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: they've got control over nothing else. Yeah. No, but that's
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: why they crack it. They're like, I get to say
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: no to that or yes to this, and then they're
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: just trying to figure out.
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: We were talking the other day about so my youngest Macy,
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: she's just starting to get really cheeky and she says,
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: noah lot Yeah.
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: She's like, that's like her main thing. It's her coping Mesican. No. No.
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: But I've started.
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: Instead of going from like hey Macy do this, to like,
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: hey Macy do like getting more and more, I've started
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: to just go straight to the startle stage where she
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: can't see me.
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: I'm like she's like.
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because I'm like, you had enough digs at me.
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: I'm having a couple of dicks.
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: And then she'll melt down and then she'll that's usually
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: the biggest meltdown is when I've started her and she's
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: slipped over.
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: In the hallway. Great, like she's so funny. My neighbor
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: in the old place, I think my son was maybe
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: four and he went to hit his brother. We've got
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: two boys, so It's how I describe two boys, is
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: they they live most of their life like their WWE wrestlers.
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yet they don't know that exists.
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: Not yet.
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: Imagine when they find out. So everything happening and they're
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: flipping and like You'll be laying on the floor. It's
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: like dad, and it's like a fucking frog splash, like
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: a Shawn Michael's frog splash. Max is doing a super
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah can't you smell? Yeah? What the rock well they've got,
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: They've got They've got a massive costume box. So it's
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: all like eighties wrestlers. They just look like eighties wrestlers
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: walking around slapping each other ship whoa you know, but
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: they've they've never seen it. But when Charlie was for
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: Max was too.
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: I think Charlie went to hit him with something and
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: I just catch it out of the corner of my eye.
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: And I think. There's two comments I've made under videos
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: of yours that have more likes than anything I've ever
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: was about It was like you picking a kid up
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: from daycare and it was about your boy saying like
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: what did he have? Like I was like, yeah, every
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: time I bring your home, it's like what do you
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: have for lunch. I don't know. I just said I
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: don't know. I wasn't there lunch. I don't give a shit.
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: And one was about it was like do you yell?
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: I was talking about yelling at kids, and I said,
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: as soon as someone can show me something that stops
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: a four year old hitting a two year old in
• 44:41
  Speaker 2: point zero zero two seconds better than yelling, I'm aby
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: to hear it. But like this is like a it's
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: just a freezing. But once he went to hit his brother,
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: like yelled, my phone goes off and I look and
• 44:54
  Speaker 2: it's a text and it was my next door ay,
• 44:56
  Speaker 2: and he said, my wife just jumped in the kitchen.
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: It was like a sonic boom through balls. I scared
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: multiple households. You've got You've got the neighbors concerned. When
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: I was a kid, my parents, the neighbors used to
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: call the cops or my parents all the time because
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: they thought they were they thought my parents were abusing me.
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: But I was just a hell screamer.
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: Really like full disclosed, my parents are not abusing But
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: oh no, I haven't met them.
• 45:21
  Speaker 2: And I know you're the liability. Oh yeah, I'm the problem.
• 45:25
  Speaker 2: It's not it's not without having no knowledge of them.
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: I've taken their side.
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: Oh I get it, and you're also taking the neighbor's side.
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: I call the cops. I'm taking them.
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: We were in Balley recently and Macy we were sharing
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: a big it was three villas attached, so I was like,
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: you could thankfully escape the other families.
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: And I was like, Macy was standing in a cot
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: and I was like, what down, like like a referee.
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: And then the next morning I had my I saw
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: my mate and he was like, my whole family down
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: when we heard that three houses.
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: I reckon. Some people in the adjoining hotel rooms have
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: just gone a bit early. You know what.
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: It's five to yeah down to the hotel freaks next
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: to stop having sex and now there is leap.
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: It's probably a good time. That is a good time.
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: Actually, that's a good time to wrap this up. Nick,
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: thank you so much for jumping on. It's always a
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: pleasure for making.
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: Me the second repeat guest. That's not family. It's a
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: it's a long title, but I'll take it.
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: You are now the official third doting data this cast.
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: It must make you feel really good, yes, just quickly,
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: what's the update?
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: On the third child, try and yeah, congratulations, you know
• 46:43
  Speaker 2: where it goes? Belly button, bum, I don't know.
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: Just to have a go, honestly, if it's dark, shut
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: your eyes and see what happened.
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: It's hold me, I don't make it. How's this mind?
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: You Just do the prep work, just do the lead up. Yeah,
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: I've handed off the baton. Yeah, it's all yours now.
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: Now you do what you want with the small soft baton.
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: I've handed it over. You do what you will.
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: It's all up to you now, babe. If you've enjoyed
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: this episode, please leave us a review, leave us a
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: little comment. Message neck.
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: If you've got any real gripes to do with that,
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: join us on social media, which we've got.
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: Actually, message Maddie because I wouldn't be here if he
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: wasn't in the jungle. So it's actually his fault. Yeah,
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: unless it's praised, then send it directly to me. Yeah that.
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: Send it also sensitive. Send it to that hot piece
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: of shit. Eat a car, you fucking a handsome dog.
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: Eat a carb all right, it's good. Have you heard
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: a potato?
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: It's a vegetable. You're gonna have to work out all
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: the time. He's like twice a week for how long
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: eight hours?
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: Join us on social media too, doating Dad's, Instagram, TikTok
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: and of course Facebook two dating dads.
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: We will be happy to accept your friendship on there anyway.
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Nick, I appreciate you being here,
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: appreciate you having me mate. Thanks so much, Bye guys,