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The Role of Family in Shaping Our Future Relationships · The Road Doc Podcast

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  Have you ever wondered why you react the way you do in
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  relationships? Why some people fear amendment
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  while others avoid getting too close?
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  What if I told you most of it didn't start with your partner,
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  but it actually started at your home?
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  Let's deep dive into it, shall we?
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  Hey guys, welcome back to the Road Duck broadcast.
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  Today we are getting into something very real, something
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  most people don't even realize is controlling their lives in
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  general, the role of family shaping or future relationships.
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  Not in a blaming way, but in a very understanding way because
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  once you see it, then you really can't Unsee it anymore.
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  So like I said from the beginning of this family
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  dynamics season, I am always trying to tell you that we are
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  not trying to blame anyone, rather we are trying to
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  understand on the most parts. Because like everyone is going
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  through something and everyone has their own opinions and
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  perspectives towards life based on their own experience and
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  stuff. So The thing is we are not
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  trying to blame anyone, we are just trying to understand in a
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  360 degree kind of a way and analyze and move forward in a
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  best possible scenario possible, right?
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  Let's deep dive into it with no further deal, right?
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  Let's just say your first relationship was your actually
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  your family. Right before you ever loved
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  someone, or before you ever got heartbroken, you learned
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  everything about connection from your own family, how love is
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  expressed, how conflict is handled, whether emotions are
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  safe or ignored. If you grew up in a calm
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  environment, you probably see relationships as safe.
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  If you grew up in chaos, your nervous system naturally might
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  think chaos is normal. These things.
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  Yeah. And moving on to the next
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  patterns we carry without realizing, right.
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  This is where it gets very interesting, actually.
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  A lot of us, we were thinking making that we are making
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  independent choices into relationships, but in reality we
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  are just repeating the patterns. If you carefully observe that
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  about your own self, you are just going to repeat whatever
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  you already learnt. Yeah, like some people choose
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  emotionally unavailable people and they are happy with it.
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  Now if you see in public like there are lots of people who
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  specifically end up with non emotional people and also like
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  toxic people in general, they have a tendency to over giving
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  to feel valued or in general trying to avoid vulnerability
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  kind of a thing. Not because they want to suffer,
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  but because I think for them it almost feels like it's very,
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  very familiar thing. That's the thing, they they get
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  that from their own family members and not knowing that it
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  may may not be the normal one. Yeah, most people are very much
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  confused too, that if you don't observe outside world that much,
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  then you might think up or ended up with whatever you know is
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  everything. And that's the only thing that
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  actually actually there in the world.
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  So kind of a thing. You get my point, right?
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  So that's why it's very much necessary to understand so many
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  things out of your comfort zone. And the moment you try things
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  out, then you understand there are so many things that do exist
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  outside of what you actually know.
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  And that's why we see this kind of people a lot in general.
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  Like these people specifically go will find out toxic,
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  whatever, not crazy kind of non emotional people which can
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  affect their whole life for mental health.
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  And they even get married to that person and they will stay
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  in that marriage. They will suffer all these
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  things, thinking that that other person might change and so on
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  and so forth. Yeah, these things they like.
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  I mean, for them that just sounds normal based on their
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  experience. We are not going to blame them
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  again. But we are trying to understand
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  that is why some people deliberately only attract
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  emotionally available people, those who have boundaries and so
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  on and so forth. So yeah, these are we
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  subconsciously carry these things without us realizing we
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  are carrying it for the most of the time, right?
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  Like I said, it's not about blaming anyone.
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  And that's the most important thing we have to keep in mind
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  because like I said before, this is not that we are trying to
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  blame any parents nor your family members or vice versa.
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  We are just they are also operating from their own
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  conditioning too. Because your parents are the way
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  they are because of their parents or their experiences
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  that they had or things they went through or the trauma they
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  went through and so on and so forth.
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  So whole point of going through all these episodes is to
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  understand in a deeper sense not to blame anyone nor to get like
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  yay I am right, yay your parent is wrong.
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  That's not the whole theme of this season at all.
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  The whole theme of is this thing is to understand both ways in a
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  much much deeper sense. Because understanding this gives
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  you more power because you stop asking why this is happening to
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  me and you can simply start asking like what pattern I am
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  repeating and what patterns I can stop.
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  That pattern should end. This is not a good pattern or
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  this is not a good thing. So that you will realize and you
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  at least take proactive thing and you stop doing it.
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  That's the important thing. Moving on.
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  Basically this is breaking the cycle in general.
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  Like the first step how you can break this cycle is very simple.
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  Number one is awareness. Awareness is the step one.
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  But what next? You have to start observing your
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  triggers. Basically means every person on
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  this planet have certain certain triggers based on that happens
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  through their life experience and so on and so forth.
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  Again, we are not trying to blame here, we are trying to
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  break the cycles without hurting anybody as much as possible.
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  So the moment you start observing your triggers and
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  start noticing your reactions in such relationships, ask
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  yourself, is this coming from my present or is this coming from
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  my past experiences that I had with my family and that is
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  shaping in and then the pattern is just repeating into my
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  current relationships, right. So you have to get that analogy,
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  you have to at least self aware. I mean, all these things are
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  very much self-explanatory kind of a things to be honest.
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  But acknowledging them that they exist is the primary thing that
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  we all miss in general. So that the moment you notice
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  you have like certain certain bad patterns in you or certain
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  what you call certain negative things and stuff like that.
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  And you have to be so much aware that you should come to a
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  conclusion that enough is enough.
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  Looks like my family or I had the thing with my family has
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  this sort of negative cycle or negative pattern that I am
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  carrying. And I have to stop that.
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  I have to end that right away. And you can do that in a very,
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  very healthiest way, right? Let's just dive into building
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  healthier relationships, how we can do it.
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  When you understand the patterns, right?
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  The moment you understand those small, small little kind of
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  patterns, now everything changes.
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  You literally gonna stop chasing, you stop tolerating
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  what drinks you. You start choosing what aligns
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  with your peace in general. And that is when any
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  relationship or that becomes less about survival and it will
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  become or it will turn more into like a connection kind of a
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  thing that copes with your family.
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  True. And definitely you can do that.
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  It is 100% possible. But like I said, you need to
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  have much, much awareness about that and you need to analyze
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  those patterns and you need to proactively stop it in those
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  given situations. And slowly you become the
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  different from your family. That's, I mean, there are good
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  things about them. There are bad things about them
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  because we are end of the day, we are human beings.
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  We navigate through life based on our experiences, situations,
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  this, that and so on and so forth.
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  But the moment you switch from survival to more about
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  connection, then things will change just like that.
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  So yeah, that's that's my take on that.
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  And like I said, people, this is not about blaming anyone.
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  This is trying to understand your family as well as you in
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  general and trying to analyze it and coming to a common ground
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  for your own Peace of Mind. That's the whole purpose.
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  Since this is the last episode of the season, I just wanna
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  double, triple, make sure that you get the right message.
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  This is not about hating anyone nor over exaggerating or over
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  blaming one side or another, either parents or children.
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  We are not doing that. All we are trying to do is we
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  are noticing most common patterns and then breaking the
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  cycles. That's the whole theme of this.
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  So I hope you are getting the message very clear, right.
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  Yeah. At the end of the day, your past
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  may shape you, but it doesn't have to define you if it is
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  toxic or if it is bad or so you. Basically what I'm trying to
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  tell is you have the power to rewrite your story and you can
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  do that. It is very much possible because
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  I have seen so many people, they rewrite the story.
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  And for instance, you can take me as an example too.
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  Once Upon a time I did not start this thing and now I am doing
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  it. I am basically rewriting my own
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  story for greater rule. I'm just saying that it is
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  possible, but it will take time. It will take a lot of patience,
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  takes lot of efforts and so on and so forth.
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  But slowly you will understand and you can come out of
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  anything. And I am just using me as a
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  metaphor here. Don't take I have all these
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  problems, but all I am trying to say is whatever The thing is
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  with your family or thing, you either come to a common ground
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  or you either accept as it is and take necessary precautions
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  or necessary things to break the patterns of cycles or you stop
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  that from going forward to the future generations.
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  That's all you can be the cycle breaker.
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  That's the thing I'm trying to say.
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  I hope you will get a great value from this episode.
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  And by the way, by the time of this, I think we already hit
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  20,000 plays on Spotify. So thank you so much everyone
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  for tuning in to the Road Up podcast.
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  Your support is absolutely awesome and thank you.
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  Thank you very much. And that's all.
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  I'm very grateful for this journey and I hope this is the
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  end of this season and I'm going to launch a new season, Season
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  6, I'm going to call it. And yeah, I have been thinking
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  about that lately. What should I do for the Season
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  6? And I finally came up with this
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  thing called. Now I think most people will
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  love this thing. Yeah, this season is all about
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  relationships. It can be like everything.
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  So yeah, not about the family thing that we that's going to be
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  end. It's about relationships in
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  general with the partners or with your boyfriend and
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  girlfriend. Like we have, like I have
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  structured like the whole theme of that relationships will be
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  like how we connect, love and sometimes break apart.
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  That's gonna be theme of the relationships.
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  And I have like 10 episodes lined up for that.
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  And relationships in general can be like can be relationships
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  with friendships, love, life break, heart breaks,
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  breakthrough lessons, marriage commitments, life partners and
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  so on and so forth. OK, you get the whole thing
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  concept of relationships, isn't it?
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  So yeah, I am going to launch that like usual every Saturday,
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  6, sorry, every Tuesday, 6:00 PM as usual.
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  It will come live everywhere, which includes YouTube, YouTube
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  Music, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Prime Music and Audible,
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  good ports and so on and so forth.
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  So you can check the links that's available in my
• 17:29
  description. So you can know everything.
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  I hope you are all enjoying. I just wanna hear your comments
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  as well, like your thoughts. Can we do what what else you
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  want and what else we need to discuss and talk about, right?
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  If you have any suggestions just let me know, I will happy to
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  look at that too. And that's all for now.
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  Take care of your health guys. I know most of my videos are
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  being watched by males, specifically from 20s to 35 and
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  so on and so forth. So yeah, I know what you are
• 18:20
  looking for and you will get what you are looking for for
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  sure. I guarantee you that.
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  So until then, take care of your health.
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  Take care of your mental health, physical health, oral well-being
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  and so on. South.
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  This is for Doctor Mukund the Road Duck.
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  Signing off and we'll catch you up in the next episode.
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  Bye.