Latest / Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby / Why You Keep Giving Up On What You Want | Success | E561

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Why You Keep Giving Up On What You Want | Success | E561 · Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

0:17
Speaker 1: What if the reason that you feel like you're not
0:20
Speaker 1: getting traction in your life and you're not moving forward
0:24
Speaker 1: and the things that you want so badly are simply
0:26
Speaker 1: not coming into fruition has nothing to do with your
0:30
Speaker 1: lack of motivation, discipline, willpower, or even vision.
0:41
Speaker 2: We give up on our vision instead of shifting our strategy.
0:48
Speaker 2: And sometimes that's because we have intermixed them and we
0:53
Speaker 2: can sometimes get caught up in what we're doing and
0:58
Speaker 2: forget that we're doing it to get to a certain place.
1:02
Speaker 1: That is actually a really common mistake that many of
1:05
Speaker 1: us make. I know I have because nobody teaches us
1:09
Speaker 1: how to actualize the things we want, especially when those
1:14
Speaker 1: dreams are big.
1:15
Speaker 2: We aren't all good at all of the parts of
1:18
Speaker 2: the process that are needed to close the gap between
1:21
Speaker 2: where we want to go and what we actually achieved.
1:24
Speaker 1: And so on today's episode, we have a very special guest,
1:28
Speaker 1: Courtney Durandi, who specializes in exactly this and who teaches
1:34
Speaker 1: people a framework that she uses all over the place.
1:38
Speaker 1: Successful leaders, organizations, entrepreneurs, business owners who have big dreams,
1:44
Speaker 1: you guys, how to finally bridge the gap between where
1:48
Speaker 1: they are and what they want and what they actually have.
1:53
Speaker 1: And she is here today to teach you the system.
1:57
Speaker 2: Our methodology covers these three different parts of the planning process,
2:04
Speaker 2: the long term, the annual and the implementation, because it
2:08
Speaker 2: requires intentionality to close all three. And most of us
2:12
Speaker 2: aren't wired to instinctively close all three.
2:24
Speaker 1: And if this is your first time tuning in, hello
2:26
Speaker 1: and welcome. I'm your host, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby. I'm
2:29
Speaker 1: a psychologist, a marriage and family therapist, a board-certified coach,
2:33
Speaker 1: and I just love being here with you every single
2:35
Speaker 1: week in service of your growth, your love, your happiness,
2:40
Speaker 1: and your success. And one of the reasons I'm so
2:43
Speaker 1: excited about today's episode is that whatever you want, if
2:48
Speaker 1: it's a change in your career, if it's a change
2:50
Speaker 1: in your relationship, if it is a change in yourself,
2:53
Speaker 1: The process that you're going to learn about today is
2:56
Speaker 1: the way to make things happen, things you can feel,
3:01
Speaker 1: not just ideas anymore. And my guest is one of
3:05
Speaker 1: my all-time favorites, Courtney Durandi. She is a superstar. I
3:11
Speaker 1: have been a fan of Courtney's for years and years,
3:13
Speaker 1: and it is such a treat to be able to
3:15
Speaker 1: share her teachings with you. She has done so many things,
3:19
Speaker 1: but most recently, she is the author of a new
3:22
Speaker 1: book called planning to scale. Courtney, it's always such a
3:26
Speaker 1: treat to visit with you.
3:28
Speaker 2: Thanks so much for having me, Lisa.
3:29
Speaker 1: Planning to scale goes into so many different dimensions of
3:34
Speaker 1: how to make a business work. But what I found
3:37
Speaker 1: so fascinating as I was reading this is all of
3:40
Speaker 1: the different ways that these same ideas can apply to
3:43
Speaker 1: our personal lives. So take us into this maybe by
3:47
Speaker 1: telling us a story of something that exemplifies the need
3:52
Speaker 1: to to plan the outcome that you want to experience
3:57
Speaker 1: and maybe what can go wrong when you don't have that,
4:00
Speaker 1: even on a personal level.
4:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely. So I'll give you a story. I share
4:05
Speaker 2: this story in the book and a lot of my
4:07
Speaker 2: clients remember this story. I think it's a great way
4:10
Speaker 2: to understand what we're talking about. During COVID, I had
4:15
Speaker 2: this vision, like a lot of people did, to spend
4:18
Speaker 2: some time outside with my family, right? We're all kind
4:21
Speaker 2: of cooped up and I wanted to Spent some time
4:23
Speaker 2: outside with my family and I was envisioning, you know,
4:26
Speaker 2: like s'mores over the fire pit. And so I mentioned
4:29
Speaker 2: this to my husband and he set out building a
4:35
Speaker 2: fire pit. And so he spent a couple of days
4:38
Speaker 2: at the farm, like full days fabricating this fire pit.
4:42
Speaker 2: And I was trying to imagine what in the world
4:45
Speaker 2: is he doing? And he came home. He was very
4:49
Speaker 2: excited to present to me for my Mother's Day gift.
4:53
Speaker 2: this fire pit, which all of my friends and clients
4:57
Speaker 2: know this as the hillbilly fire pit because aesthetically it
5:04
Speaker 2: is not pleasing. It is very hillbilly. It is made
5:08
Speaker 2: from an old tractor wheel and it's very rustic, very
5:14
Speaker 2: well built, very well fabricated. He welded things on there.
5:18
Speaker 2: He spent a lot of time making this fire pit.
5:22
Speaker 2: And so what does that have to do, you know,
5:23
Speaker 2: with what we're talking about? I had this vision for
5:26
Speaker 2: what I wanted, but I wasn't clear enough with him
5:30
Speaker 2: about what that needed to look like and feel like.
5:35
Speaker 2: And he went out and took a strategy, a how
5:40
Speaker 2: of building it. There's all kinds of strategies that we
5:43
Speaker 2: could have done. We could have went to Home Depot
5:45
Speaker 2: and purchased one. I could have ordered one from Pottery Barn.
5:49
Speaker 2: We could have built one from, you know, pavers. Those
5:53
Speaker 2: are all strategies that would have gotten me to this
5:58
Speaker 2: reality of being able to have s'mores. But I wasn't
6:01
Speaker 2: clear enough with him that I wanted to have s'mores
6:04
Speaker 2: in an aesthetically pleasing way, something that fit in with
6:07
Speaker 2: our backyard. And that happens to us across our lives
6:12
Speaker 2: in so many ways that We have an idea of
6:16
Speaker 2: what we want, but maybe we don't get clear enough
6:18
Speaker 2: about it to align other people to it. And other
6:22
Speaker 2: people start to take action doing things that might be
6:26
Speaker 2: very well and good, but misaligned from getting us where
6:30
Speaker 2: we're going. And so we end up falling into this
6:33
Speaker 2: gap of what we want and what we actually achieve.
6:36
Speaker 2: That's just one of the ways. Strategy is one of
6:38
Speaker 2: the ways. There's all kinds of places that we can
6:40
Speaker 2: fall into this gap, but But that's what we're talking
6:42
Speaker 2: about is having clarity about what we want, aligning with
6:47
Speaker 2: the people who will help us get there about how,
6:50
Speaker 2: and then really having activity that we do that supports
6:54
Speaker 2: us in really achieving it.
6:56
Speaker 1: Ugh. See, Courtney, this is why I was so excited
6:59
Speaker 1: to talk with you, because I think that in some ways,
7:02
Speaker 1: it's so easy to make a plan. And now it's
7:07
Speaker 1: also true that people can struggle with clarity, right? Where
7:10
Speaker 1: do I want to live? Do I want to have
7:12
Speaker 1: a kid? What kind of job? What kind of career, right?
7:14
Speaker 1: And so these questions need to be answered first, and
7:16
Speaker 1: that is its own process. And then... There's so much
7:21
Speaker 1: support around creating the vision, the mood board, cutting the
7:24
Speaker 1: pieces out of the magazine, like putting them on the billboard, right?
7:26
Speaker 1: And imagining the outcome that you want. But then there's
7:30
Speaker 1: like this empty space around how do you actually make
7:34
Speaker 1: it happen? And I think so much frustration that we
7:37
Speaker 1: can all relate to of wanting to have these outcomes
7:40
Speaker 1: and feeling it clearly. It's not that you're not like motivated,
7:44
Speaker 1: but the actual mechanics of moving things around in order
7:48
Speaker 1: to create this desired outcome is, it's not known, right?
7:53
Speaker 1: Like how do we do this? And so you've spent
7:57
Speaker 1: so much time teaching business owners how to create a
8:01
Speaker 1: business vision and then, you know, move the pieces on
8:04
Speaker 1: the board to get there. What do you see as
8:08
Speaker 1: being some of the biggest obstacles that either business owners
8:12
Speaker 1: or people in their own personal lives just don't even recognize.
8:16
Speaker 1: So you mentioned communication as one of them with a
8:19
Speaker 1: hillbilly fire pit, but what are the other usual suspects
8:23
Speaker 1: that get in people's way?
8:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, so another very usual suspect is what I refer
8:29
Speaker 2: to as capacity. Do we have the bandwidth, the time,
8:34
Speaker 2: the energy, the resources? to actually do what we want
8:39
Speaker 2: to do. That is another very common place that people
8:43
Speaker 2: fall into this gap between what they want and what
8:45
Speaker 2: they actually achieve.
8:47
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's me. I do that. Okay. I'm like,
8:52
Speaker 1: it'll be great. And then I'm like, oh my God.
8:54
Speaker 2: Right. So let's assume that we are clear about what
9:00
Speaker 2: we want.
9:01
Speaker 1: Yeah.
9:02
Speaker 2: And I know you're right. You're absolutely right, Lisa. Some people...
9:05
Speaker 2: have a struggle getting clear about what they want. They,
9:07
Speaker 2: they're more instinctively action oriented and they just want to
9:10
Speaker 2: go do stuff. They're not really sure how it fits
9:12
Speaker 2: with their long-term picture, but let's assume just for the
9:15
Speaker 2: people who have that clarity about what they want. We
9:21
Speaker 2: often think vision wise in this longer term horizon that,
9:27
Speaker 2: three to five years out, this is where I want
9:30
Speaker 2: my life to be. This is where I want my
9:32
Speaker 2: business to be. This is what I want my family
9:34
Speaker 2: to be like, my health, whatever domain of life you're
9:36
Speaker 2: thinking about. We think long-term. And as soon as we
9:43
Speaker 2: get clear about what we want, it's hard for us
9:46
Speaker 2: to unsee it. And then we want it to all
9:48
Speaker 2: be true right now. And a long-term vision cannot be
9:56
Speaker 2: achieved right now, but we want it to be because
9:59
Speaker 2: we've seen what we're going for. And so we really
10:05
Speaker 2: overestimate what we can accomplish because our brains just want
10:09
Speaker 2: to close this gap between what we now see that
10:12
Speaker 2: we want and what we want to be true. And
10:15
Speaker 2: so that's very common is that we think in big
10:19
Speaker 2: long-term visions and we try to execute on them in
10:24
Speaker 2: short timeframes that are not realistic based on the energy,
10:28
Speaker 2: the time, the money, the resources that we have to
10:31
Speaker 2: actually do it. And the solution is that we have
10:35
Speaker 2: to actually sequence it out over time. But most of us,
10:40
Speaker 2: if we don't think about it that way, if we
10:41
Speaker 2: don't recognize there are some actually some underlying principles and
10:44
Speaker 2: processes that help us close the gap, based on our
10:49
Speaker 2: human nature, we're just going to instinctively try to do
10:52
Speaker 2: more than we realistically can and then typically get frustrated
10:56
Speaker 2: and abandon those plans or get overwhelmed and burnt out.
11:01
Speaker 1: And feel bad about it too. And I'm sure that
11:06
Speaker 1: there are other avatars or reasons why this goes off
11:09
Speaker 1: the rails, but just as a personal share, and I'd
11:11
Speaker 1: be curious to hear what you're, when I go off
11:14
Speaker 1: the rails, this is what happens to Courtney, but I'll
11:16
Speaker 1: tell you for me, I am an enthusiast. Like I
11:20
Speaker 1: get so excited about ideas. I'm like, yes, that makes
11:22
Speaker 1: so much sense. We should definitely do that. And even
11:25
Speaker 1: most personal things too, you know, like I will plan
11:27
Speaker 1: a day that includes cleaning out the basement and going
11:30
Speaker 1: and doing these things. And yet we're going to go
11:31
Speaker 1: to a water park too. And like, you know, I'm,
11:35
Speaker 1: My husband was like, no, no, we're not actually going
11:38
Speaker 1: to do all these things because it's like being excited
11:41
Speaker 1: and seeing the possibility. But then frequently, you know, I
11:46
Speaker 1: do bite off more than I can chew. And now
11:48
Speaker 1: I have all these obligations and commitments. And it's like,
11:51
Speaker 1: and I wind up dropping balls, right? I am late
11:55
Speaker 1: to stuff. I let people down. I don't follow through
11:58
Speaker 1: with something that I said I was going to because
12:00
Speaker 1: I forgot it in the midst of the 36 other
12:02
Speaker 1: things that I'm trying to like manage. And so that's
12:05
Speaker 1: actually something that I've really had to work on is
12:07
Speaker 1: being able to have more discernment around that capacity piece.
12:13
Speaker 1: So let me just ask you, I mean, for other
12:15
Speaker 1: people listening and OK, maybe like me a little bit, too,
12:18
Speaker 1: like when it comes to our capacity in our personal lives,
12:22
Speaker 1: how what do you recommend people do to just get
12:25
Speaker 1: more realistic about what you can actually do versus what
12:30
Speaker 1: you want to do?
12:31
Speaker 2: Yes. So there's two main things. The first one is
12:35
Speaker 2: once you're clear about what you want, and it's a
12:37
Speaker 2: longer term picture, the first thing you need to do
12:41
Speaker 2: is decide how far you can go on that in
12:44
Speaker 2: the short term. So let's say, you know, three years
12:47
Speaker 2: from now, I want, I don't know, let's just say
12:49
Speaker 2: I want to quit my job and start my own
12:51
Speaker 2: business in the next three years. That's my three-year vision.
12:55
Speaker 2: So I need to decide in this next 12 months,
13:00
Speaker 2: what am I going to accomplish? What outcome do I
13:03
Speaker 2: want to achieve to get a year closer to that?
13:06
Speaker 2: So it might be that by the end of this
13:08
Speaker 2: first year, I need to have obtained some kind of
13:13
Speaker 2: certification that would qualify me to actually deliver the service
13:18
Speaker 2: that I want to deliver, or I need to have
13:20
Speaker 2: a certain number of clients that I'm doing on the side,
13:24
Speaker 2: in the fringes, whatever it is. But I need to
13:27
Speaker 2: set a milestone, a benchmark, for what progress I want
13:33
Speaker 2: to make in the first year that doesn't get me
13:37
Speaker 2: all the way to the three years because that's not realistic,
13:40
Speaker 2: but gets me a year closer to it. So that's
13:42
Speaker 2: the first one. And just look at this annual horizon.
13:46
Speaker 2: The second one, this is the one that most people
13:50
Speaker 2: struggle with the most, is what do I need to
13:53
Speaker 2: change in my days and weeks and quarters in the
13:57
Speaker 2: way that I implement this? Because it's one thing for
14:01
Speaker 2: me to say, I want to, you know, within the
14:05
Speaker 2: next three years, quit my job and launch a business.
14:07
Speaker 2: In the next year, I want to have achieved the
14:09
Speaker 2: certification to be licensed to coach in this methodology. That's
14:15
Speaker 2: all still planning, right? At some point, I have to say,
14:19
Speaker 2: what am I going to do next week, next quarter,
14:24
Speaker 2: next month, tomorrow, so that I actually get... the certification accomplished.
14:33
Speaker 2: And these, all three of these horizons have to be met.
14:35
Speaker 2: We have to think long-term, we have to think one year,
14:39
Speaker 2: and then we have to think about days, weeks, and quarters.
14:43
Speaker 2: And if we don't, we will fall into those, to
14:46
Speaker 2: that planning gap in one of those places.
14:49
Speaker 1: Yeah. Okay. And so that it, this is so great
14:54
Speaker 1: because like you're almost reverse engineering this big vision and
14:59
Speaker 1: breaking it down into milestones, but then even further in
15:03
Speaker 1: order for this to be true and for me to
15:05
Speaker 1: be making forward progress. What does that progress look like
15:08
Speaker 1: on a month-to-month basis, on a week-to-week basis? How do
15:12
Speaker 1: I work it into a daily routine? Because otherwise, what
15:16
Speaker 1: you're saying is that this vision remains in the ether.
15:21
Speaker 1: We bring it down into this plane of reality by
15:24
Speaker 1: the doing of the things today. Yeah.
15:27
Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely. And so just to round out that example,
15:32
Speaker 2: you might say, well, this particular certification requires... you know,
15:37
Speaker 2: I don't know, I'm just making things up, 300 hours
15:40
Speaker 2: of coursework and study. So I need to figure out
15:45
Speaker 2: when am I going to do those 300 hours? And
15:48
Speaker 2: I might say, I.
15:48
Speaker 1: Need a calculator, like 300 hours. Oh my God.
15:54
Speaker 2: I'm going to do this coursework. I have to somehow
15:58
Speaker 2: make it part of what I do. And people are
16:02
Speaker 2: wired in different ways. So there are some people, that
16:07
Speaker 2: think easily of that big long-term vision and it stays
16:12
Speaker 2: out there as, oh, I've got plenty of time to
16:15
Speaker 2: make that happen. Three years is a long time. Eventually
16:19
Speaker 2: I'll get there. But then they don't because they don't
16:22
Speaker 2: ever break it down. There are other people who aren't
16:27
Speaker 2: quite sure what they want and they are more action-oriented.
16:30
Speaker 2: They're more execution-based and they will sign up for a
16:36
Speaker 2: 300 hour course and start taking it without ever having
16:40
Speaker 2: any plan or intention to quit their job and start
16:46
Speaker 2: their own business. They're just doing stuff. They are studying
16:51
Speaker 2: and they are taking tests and they are spending money
16:53
Speaker 2: and they don't know what they're going to do with it,
16:57
Speaker 2: but they're more on the execution side. And so it's
17:00
Speaker 2: not right or wrong, but we just have to understand
17:02
Speaker 2: these things about ourselves. And be intentional about connecting the
17:06
Speaker 2: missing piece. So if I'm a doer, I've got to
17:08
Speaker 2: eventually think, what am I doing this for? Like, what's
17:11
Speaker 2: my goal here? Am I going to get there? And
17:13
Speaker 2: if I'm a visionary, I have to think, okay, I've
17:16
Speaker 2: got the vision, but how in the world am I
17:18
Speaker 2: going to actually make this happen? And so, again, it's
17:21
Speaker 2: not right or wrong. It's not good or bad. It's
17:23
Speaker 2: just how we are made. And once we understand that
17:26
Speaker 2: about ourselves, we then need to be intentional about filling
17:30
Speaker 2: in the rest of the parts of the process that
17:33
Speaker 2: don't come as naturally or maybe don't seem as fun
17:37
Speaker 2: or adventurous to us, depending on how we're wired.
17:42
Speaker 1: Absolutely fascinating. Courtney, honestly, I've never connected with that idea
17:48
Speaker 1: the same way before, that a visionary and an actualizer
17:51
Speaker 1: are I have different problems in some ways that can
17:55
Speaker 1: prevent people from really getting where they ultimately want to go,
18:00
Speaker 1: but that a more action-oriented person, it feels good to
18:04
Speaker 1: just feel like they're making progress in the moment or
18:06
Speaker 1: doing things in the moment, but that if it's not
18:08
Speaker 1: connected to a big why, you don't really get where
18:12
Speaker 1: you want to go because you don't even know where
18:14
Speaker 1: that is.
18:14
Speaker 2: Absolutely.
18:16
Speaker 1: That's a different level of the work.
18:18
Speaker 2: It's a different problem. It's more like drift. That's how
18:21
Speaker 2: people end up three years from now in a career
18:28
Speaker 2: owning a business that they never really even wanted, right?
18:32
Speaker 2: And so it can happen either way. And it's usually
18:35
Speaker 2: not going to happen both ways to the same person.
18:38
Speaker 2: We have ways that we're inclined to carry these things out.
18:41
Speaker 2: And so just recognizing that there are lots of ways
18:45
Speaker 2: that we can fall into this gap between what we
18:47
Speaker 2: want and what we get. And that's why... our methodology
18:52
Speaker 2: covers these three different parts of the planning process, the long-term,
18:58
Speaker 2: the annual, and the implementation, because it requires intentionality to
19:03
Speaker 2: close all three. And most of us aren't wired to
19:06
Speaker 2: instinctively close all three. We might be wired to instinctively
19:10
Speaker 2: close one, and then we'll fall into the gap on
19:13
Speaker 2: one or both of the other two.
19:14
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. Fascinating. This is So there's so much
19:20
Speaker 1: more to discuss. I know everybody is like riveted because Courtney,
19:24
Speaker 1: you are going to reveal the answers. Like how can
19:27
Speaker 1: we finally get where we want to go? I cannot wait.
19:30
Speaker 1: We need to take a very fast break for our
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Speaker 1: valued sponsors. And then on the other side, I would
19:37
Speaker 1: love to start getting your insight into what are some
19:41
Speaker 1: of the things, mindset practices that you've seen work so
19:45
Speaker 1: well for people, their personal lives, for business owners trying
19:49
Speaker 1: to make things happen. that can actually help them start
19:52
Speaker 1: getting traction and move forward? Is that okay?
19:55
Speaker 2: Absolutely.
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22:07
Speaker 1: promo code LHS. So friends, we're back with my very
22:14
Speaker 1: special guest, Courtney Durandi. She's the author of Planning to Scale,
22:20
Speaker 1: and she is shining a light on how we can
22:23
Speaker 1: close the gap between where we are now and where
22:26
Speaker 1: we really want to be. And Courtney, just before we
22:30
Speaker 1: took a break, you were talking about some of the
22:32
Speaker 1: things that people subconsciously do without even realizing they're doing
22:37
Speaker 1: it that is creating this frustration and this like, feeling
22:43
Speaker 1: like you can never really get where you want to go,
22:46
Speaker 1: either through communication and alignment with other people, through not
22:50
Speaker 1: really having a clear vision for where you want to
22:53
Speaker 1: go in the first place, just jumping into action, or
22:55
Speaker 1: sometimes having a very clear vision without awareness or appreciation
23:00
Speaker 1: of your actual capacity and the way to translate forward
23:05
Speaker 1: movement towards a These are some of the problems that
23:13
Speaker 1: are typically standing in people's way. And so when you're
23:16
Speaker 1: working with somebody, maybe a business owner, even if a
23:19
Speaker 1: personal friend came to you and said, I feel like
23:23
Speaker 1: I am just spinning my wheels. I am working so hard.
23:28
Speaker 1: I'm not getting anywhere. I'm so frustrated. Where do you
23:32
Speaker 1: even begin helping them understand what it is that they're
23:36
Speaker 1: doing that's.
23:37
Speaker 2: Getting in the way?
23:39
Speaker 1: Yeah.
23:39
Speaker 2: So one of the things that we always start with
23:42
Speaker 2: is helping people know they're wiring. And so all of
23:47
Speaker 2: our team, all of our clients, we use three different
23:51
Speaker 2: assessments that help us understand how they're wired and help
23:55
Speaker 2: them understand how they're wired. So this is an aspect of,
23:58
Speaker 2: we call it human intelligence. It's about, some people might
24:01
Speaker 2: call it emotional intelligence, but we use CliftonStrengths, Colby, and
24:07
Speaker 2: the Integrative 9 system. And these give us different lenses
24:11
Speaker 2: on the way people are wired or their working style.
24:14
Speaker 2: So we start there to help people understand what parts
24:20
Speaker 2: of this process will come very easily and naturally to
24:23
Speaker 2: them and what parts will be harder and more challenging.
24:27
Speaker 2: To normalize that we aren't all good at all of
24:32
Speaker 2: the parts of the process that are needed to close
24:35
Speaker 2: the gap between where we want to go and what
24:37
Speaker 2: we actually achieve. So there are parts that come naturally
24:41
Speaker 2: and instinctively, and we've probably done them over and over
24:45
Speaker 2: again and found ourselves back in the same place. Like
24:49
Speaker 2: if we are naturally, instinctively vision oriented or an adventurer,
24:56
Speaker 2: or we are okay with risk and change and uncertainty,
25:00
Speaker 2: we probably have no problem coming up with big ideas
25:03
Speaker 2: for our visions. Stop.
25:05
Speaker 1: You're speaking right to me, Courtney.
25:06
Speaker 2: I could feel it, but yes.
25:08
Speaker 1: Yes.
25:09
Speaker 2: And I'm right there with you. I have so many
25:13
Speaker 2: ideas for what I want and I know you do
25:16
Speaker 2: as well. And so that comes easily and naturally and
25:19
Speaker 2: that's fun and energizing. And then we fall into this
25:23
Speaker 2: gap because we never, or we don't usually, not without
25:27
Speaker 2: some intentional planning and maybe some other people to come
25:30
Speaker 2: alongside us. turn those ideas into plans for next year.
25:37
Speaker 2: And then things that we build into our routines for
25:42
Speaker 2: the days, weeks, and quarters ahead, we don't break it
25:46
Speaker 2: down into projects and milestones and tasks. They stay up
25:49
Speaker 2: here as ideas. And then we get frustrated because we
25:52
Speaker 2: have all these ideas. We can't get them done. And then,
25:54
Speaker 2: you know, other people are the opposite and they struggle
25:58
Speaker 2: to figure out what they really want. So like we
25:59
Speaker 2: were talking about before the break, Then they end up
26:01
Speaker 2: drifting somewhere. So we ground people first in just understanding
26:08
Speaker 2: that how you're wired is going to influence how you
26:13
Speaker 2: experience this process. And it doesn't mean that you're broken
26:15
Speaker 2: or that you can't do this. What it means is
26:19
Speaker 2: when we get to the part of the process that
26:21
Speaker 2: you're not naturally wired for, it's just going to take
26:25
Speaker 2: more of your energy. It's not going to feel as
26:27
Speaker 2: exciting and energizing. It's going to be a little more draining.
26:29
Speaker 2: That's okay. You can do it. But what happens to
26:33
Speaker 2: most of us, if we don't know that about ourselves,
26:36
Speaker 2: we get to that part of the process and we
26:38
Speaker 2: tell ourselves, I can't. See, this is the part where
26:41
Speaker 2: I can't do it. I don't know how to plan projects.
26:43
Speaker 1: I don't know.
26:43
Speaker 2: This is terrible. I'm horrible at this. We have all
26:46
Speaker 2: this stuff that we tell ourselves because we think that
26:49
Speaker 2: that's true.
26:50
Speaker 1: Right.
26:51
Speaker 2: And it's not. What we have to learn is I'm
26:55
Speaker 2: not as instinctively wired to do this. So I have
26:58
Speaker 2: to be more intentional about it. And I just have
27:01
Speaker 2: to prepare that it's going to take more of my energy.
27:04
Speaker 2: And so that's how, that's where we start with everyone
27:07
Speaker 2: is setting the stage and normalizing how they will experience
27:12
Speaker 2: the process. That same information can also be really helpful
27:15
Speaker 2: for people in how they insert themselves into their plan,
27:18
Speaker 2: the things that they say that they're going to do
27:21
Speaker 2: and whether or not that really is aligned with how
27:24
Speaker 2: they're wired. But really first we're teaching it and starting there.
27:29
Speaker 2: just so they understand how they're going to experience the
27:31
Speaker 2: process itself.
27:33
Speaker 1: And Courtney, I love this so much. It warms my
27:36
Speaker 1: little psychologist heart because we need to have this visibility
27:40
Speaker 1: into ourselves because otherwise, and you know, I see this
27:43
Speaker 1: a lot, like everybody's out there dispensing advice, right? Very
27:47
Speaker 1: confidently about the right way to live. And what I
27:50
Speaker 1: think is always so interesting is that Based on who
27:53
Speaker 1: you are and how you're wired and what your instinctive
27:56
Speaker 1: strengths are, it's really going to look so different for you.
27:59
Speaker 1: And so just to get a snapshot into what genre
28:04
Speaker 1: of human are you and what are you naturally good at?
28:08
Speaker 1: So not only can we be keeping an eye on,
28:12
Speaker 1: this is when I'm going to struggle. I'm going to
28:15
Speaker 1: need some support. I'm going to need to be more intentional.
28:17
Speaker 1: How do I manage this? But also, embracing the strengths.
28:21
Speaker 1: Like not only what are you good at, but how
28:24
Speaker 1: do you make it easy to win by using your
28:28
Speaker 1: strengths intentionally? And it's just, I think, a very positive
28:31
Speaker 1: and empowering way of looking at this because going back
28:34
Speaker 1: to something that you were starting to say at the
28:36
Speaker 1: end there, what I see is that, and I've experienced
28:40
Speaker 1: this in my own life too, you probably have as well, Courtney,
28:42
Speaker 1: but like it can start to feel just so defeating
28:46
Speaker 1: when you're you're operating in a way that's not congruent
28:50
Speaker 1: with your strengths. It's not going well. You don't know
28:52
Speaker 1: what you don't know. And it turns into this like
28:55
Speaker 1: narrative about your worth as a person that can also
28:59
Speaker 1: make it hard to have the confidence and the energy
29:03
Speaker 1: to do what you need to do in order to
29:05
Speaker 1: make it be different. And so it turns into this
29:08
Speaker 1: downward spiral, also like comparing yourself to other people. Like
29:13
Speaker 1: there's all kinds of things that can go in there.
29:15
Speaker 1: And so But this step one of self-awareness as the
29:18
Speaker 1: launch pad for like designing your own path forward, I
29:22
Speaker 1: think is just so affirming and empowering. And you guys
29:26
Speaker 1: said the assessments that Courtney was speaking about, we were
29:29
Speaker 1: talking about the CliftonStrengths, which is spooky.
29:33
Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
29:34
Speaker 1: I read it and I was like, Jesus, these people
29:35
Speaker 1: are watching me. And then there was also the Colby,
29:38
Speaker 1: which is very interesting. working styles. And then also the Enneagram,
29:44
Speaker 1: the assessment that you recommended, the EIQ nine, I think
29:48
Speaker 1: it is. So there are different Enneagram tests on the market.
29:51
Speaker 1: I think that of the ones I've explored that to
29:54
Speaker 1: me yields the most reliable results and And also if
29:57
Speaker 1: there's anybody who's like Enneagram, Schmenneagram, you know, POPs, there's
30:02
Speaker 1: actually a lot of emerging research from the field of
30:05
Speaker 1: psychology and personality to support the fundamental assertions of the Enneagram,
30:11
Speaker 1: which is really just a combination of big five personality
30:14
Speaker 1: traits that tend to show up in clusters depending on
30:18
Speaker 1: how you're wired. So there really is quite a bit
30:20
Speaker 1: to it. And we'll link to all of those assessments
30:22
Speaker 1: in the article for the show. Okay, Courtney, so with this,
30:26
Speaker 1: this understanding of the self, then where would you walk
30:32
Speaker 1: someone next? I mean, somebody who's been like, ah, nothing's working.
30:36
Speaker 1: How do you start shining a light on, here's something
30:40
Speaker 1: to think about doing differently going forward? So we talked
30:44
Speaker 1: about capacity, which is fantastic advice, but there's more. There
30:48
Speaker 1: are a couple other dimensions.
30:50
Speaker 2: Yeah, so once people really understand who they are, how
30:52
Speaker 2: they're wired, The next thing we do is vision. So
30:58
Speaker 2: where do you want to go? And so if this
31:01
Speaker 2: is in your business, we talk about six different categories
31:04
Speaker 2: of the business. If this is in your life, if
31:07
Speaker 2: you're not a business owner, think about the different domains
31:09
Speaker 2: of your life. So in business, we're talking about how
31:12
Speaker 2: you get clients, what it is that you do, how
31:15
Speaker 2: you do it, who you are as a leader, the
31:17
Speaker 2: results you get and how you care for your team.
31:19
Speaker 2: But if you're not a business owner and you're thinking about, okay, well,
31:22
Speaker 2: what is my vision for my life? You might think
31:25
Speaker 2: of domains like your relationships. Maybe you could even break
31:29
Speaker 2: it into parenting, marriage, or you could just say relationships.
31:33
Speaker 2: You could say your finances, your physical health, your emotional health, right?
31:37
Speaker 2: So you look at these different dimensions of your life
31:41
Speaker 2: because if you just said, well, where do you want
31:43
Speaker 2: to go? Where do you want to be three years
31:45
Speaker 2: from now? You didn't have any kind of buckets to
31:47
Speaker 2: put things into. It can feel like, well, I don't know.
31:51
Speaker 2: So having these kinds of, like I said, buckets, I guess,
31:56
Speaker 2: categories is helpful. And you might not have a vision
32:01
Speaker 2: for something different than what your current reality is in
32:06
Speaker 2: each category. You might be very satisfied and content with
32:11
Speaker 2: something the way you currently get clients or with your
32:15
Speaker 2: current physical health. And your vision is not to change it.
32:19
Speaker 2: Your vision is to preserve it and maintain it. But
32:23
Speaker 2: in another domain of life, you might say, what I
32:26
Speaker 2: currently have is not working and I want it to
32:30
Speaker 2: be different. So that's the first step is just evaluate
32:33
Speaker 2: these different aspects of your business or your life and
32:36
Speaker 2: ask yourself, is there something different? that I want different?
32:40
Speaker 2: What's my vision for what this will be like three
32:43
Speaker 2: years from now?
32:44
Speaker 1: And just to share a resource, and Courtney, I know
32:47
Speaker 1: that you go into this a lot, particularly for business
32:50
Speaker 1: owners in your book, Planning to Scale, and also the
32:52
Speaker 1: Scaling Leader Program. That's a lot of what you're doing there.
32:55
Speaker 1: And also just for friends here listening, if you're thinking
32:58
Speaker 1: about how just to get your arms around the different
33:00
Speaker 1: dimensions of your personal life, A very common intervention that
33:04
Speaker 1: we use in a coaching process, like a life design
33:06
Speaker 1: coaching process, is a tool called the Wheel of Life.
33:10
Speaker 1: You can Google Wheel of Life. Everybody in the world
33:12
Speaker 1: has a PDF. You can download it. It's typically organized
33:15
Speaker 1: like a wheel. And around the edges of this wheel,
33:17
Speaker 1: it has common domains. So things like your relationship to
33:22
Speaker 1: your partner, parent, your health, spirituality. And so you can
33:27
Speaker 1: download one of these, but also just spend a little
33:30
Speaker 1: bit of time thinking about Are there other domains of
33:34
Speaker 1: life that are personally important to you that might not
33:38
Speaker 1: be personally important to everyone? Like if there's a hobby
33:41
Speaker 1: that you're feeling really connected to, or if there's a
33:43
Speaker 1: cause that you're really deeply aligned with, and so make
33:47
Speaker 1: it your own. But then you have a framework for
33:50
Speaker 1: going to surround that and asking yourself, how do I feel?
33:53
Speaker 1: You might even consider on a scale of one to 10,
33:56
Speaker 1: one is it's horrible. 10 is it's perfect. What would
33:58
Speaker 1: I rate myself in this area? So just as a
34:00
Speaker 1: way to crack into that. But so Courtney, you're saying
34:04
Speaker 1: that that visibility is very important first. It's just that check-in.
34:08
Speaker 1: How am I doing when it comes to my finances
34:11
Speaker 1: or whatever it is?
34:13
Speaker 2: Yes, because we're trying to look at where do we
34:14
Speaker 2: want to go? So what do we want to be true?
34:17
Speaker 2: It's aspirational. It's future focused. That's your vision. And so
34:22
Speaker 2: we start there before we get into what's true right now.
34:27
Speaker 2: Because sometimes if we start with what's true right now,
34:29
Speaker 2: we get bummed out and we can kind of close
34:32
Speaker 2: off our perspective of what's possible. So we first start
34:36
Speaker 2: with what do we want to be true in these
34:39
Speaker 2: areas of our business or domains of our life? Then
34:42
Speaker 2: we say, and where am I starting from? And the
34:46
Speaker 2: reason we do that is so we can chart the
34:49
Speaker 2: path or the strategy is the technical term for how
34:52
Speaker 2: we're going to get from where we are to where
34:55
Speaker 2: we're going. And I think of it like if you
34:58
Speaker 2: were going to put a destination into your Apple Maps,
35:03
Speaker 2: it's going to pull up where you're starting from, right?
35:05
Speaker 2: And so if I put in, Lisa's in Colorado, and
35:09
Speaker 2: I'm in Tennessee. So if I was sitting here right
35:11
Speaker 2: now and I put in to go to Colorado, it
35:14
Speaker 2: would give me a few different routes. And one of
35:18
Speaker 2: them is going to be the shortest distance. Another one
35:22
Speaker 2: is going to be the shortest time. And for whatever reason,
35:25
Speaker 2: The third one is the fewest turns. I guess there's
35:28
Speaker 2: people out there who plan their trips trying to reduce
35:31
Speaker 2: the amount of turns, right? Same thing is true for us.
35:34
Speaker 2: When we say where we want to go and where
35:36
Speaker 2: we're starting from, I could get there the fastest way possible,
35:40
Speaker 2: or I could get there the shortest number of miles
35:45
Speaker 2: or the least amount of turns, right? So in real life,
35:47
Speaker 2: this might be, I could spend a lot of money
35:50
Speaker 2: and get there faster. that might be a perfect strategy.
35:55
Speaker 1: Yeah, like a health goal. I could start paying a
35:57
Speaker 1: personal trainer $ 300 a week to sit there and watch
36:00
Speaker 1: me do the whatever.
36:01
Speaker 2: Yes, exactly. Or I could take a longer path that's
36:05
Speaker 2: more affordable. So there's trade-offs. That's what we're doing is
36:10
Speaker 2: we're looking at all the different strategies, the different how
36:14
Speaker 2: we could get from where we are to where we're going.
36:16
Speaker 2: You could even say, okay, we're not even talking about
36:19
Speaker 2: the different routing methods on the Waze map. We're talking
36:22
Speaker 2: about Do we take a plane? Do we take a train?
36:25
Speaker 2: Do we take a car? Do we take a bike?
36:27
Speaker 1: Right? Yeah.
36:28
Speaker 2: The point is strategies are methods. They're how we get there.
36:35
Speaker 2: And they could change depending on the resources that we
36:39
Speaker 2: have or the trade-offs that we want to make. The vision,
36:43
Speaker 2: where we want to get to, generally doesn't shift and
36:46
Speaker 2: change much. Like we're getting clear about what we want.
36:52
Speaker 2: But we can hold those strategies a little bit more loosely.
36:55
Speaker 2: We could say, well, it could be this one or
36:56
Speaker 2: that one or the other. And based on my current reality,
36:59
Speaker 2: I'm going to take this one. But I might find
37:02
Speaker 2: out along the way that something's going to cause me
37:05
Speaker 2: to shift course. I might, I mean, how many of
37:07
Speaker 2: us have ever booked a flight and then had it
37:10
Speaker 2: be canceled and ended up renting a car and driving, right?
37:13
Speaker 1: Of course.
37:13
Speaker 2: We've all been there. That happens in real life with
37:16
Speaker 2: our visions as well. We think we're going to get
37:19
Speaker 2: there one way. And life happens and we end up
37:23
Speaker 2: choosing another way. So that's the difference between vision and strategy.
37:27
Speaker 2: Vision is where we're going. Strategy is how we're going
37:30
Speaker 2: to get there. Strategies can change and evolve. Vision usually
37:33
Speaker 2: stays pretty close. We're only tweaking and recalibrating occasionally.
37:38
Speaker 1: But Courtney, this is also just so empowering and I
37:40
Speaker 1: think so refreshing because I think that what is usually
37:46
Speaker 1: more true, the way that people operate, and I know
37:49
Speaker 1: I've been vulnerable to this, is like, Okay, fine. You
37:52
Speaker 1: have a vision. And then the first idea that pops
37:56
Speaker 1: into your head or something that seems like a good idea,
37:58
Speaker 1: like this is the way, right? And especially being in
38:01
Speaker 1: a zeitgeist right now where there's a lot of advice
38:06
Speaker 1: around the right way to live is that you're actually
38:09
Speaker 1: saying that if you really want to get where you
38:12
Speaker 1: want to go... Don't do anything at first. And instead,
38:16
Speaker 1: just consider 12 different options that will get you to
38:21
Speaker 1: the same place. Again, like if you have an improved
38:24
Speaker 1: health goal, I want to feel more energized. I want
38:27
Speaker 1: to feel more clear. I want to feel like I
38:30
Speaker 1: have more vibrant physical health. Is that before you just
38:33
Speaker 1: join a gym, think about that. And I'm imagining too,
38:37
Speaker 1: this is where some of that reflection on your wirings
38:40
Speaker 1: And your capacity needs to come back in because I'm
38:43
Speaker 1: thinking some of these strategies are probably more feasible than
38:47
Speaker 1: others when you really look at what it would require.
38:49
Speaker 2: Is that true? Yeah. Absolutely, truly. So you are spot on.
38:55
Speaker 2: And I think that you're exactly right that what happens
38:57
Speaker 2: to us a lot of times is we compare ourselves
39:02
Speaker 2: to other people's journeys and we think, well, they're doing this,
39:06
Speaker 2: so I must need to do that. That must be
39:09
Speaker 2: the way. That you get there. That's the way they
39:13
Speaker 2: got there. And they are starting, presumably, from a different
39:17
Speaker 2: starting place than I am. They may have different resources
39:20
Speaker 2: than I do financially, time, energy, capacity. They might be
39:23
Speaker 2: wired differently than I am. And so you're absolutely right.
39:28
Speaker 2: that the, so if we first understand how we're wired,
39:30
Speaker 2: we second decide where we're going. Then third, we decide,
39:35
Speaker 2: we figure out where we're starting from, but then how
39:38
Speaker 2: are we going to get there? it's a brainstorming exercise.
39:42
Speaker 2: What are the potential strategies I could take if I
39:47
Speaker 2: want to lose weight? I could have a surgery. I
39:51
Speaker 2: could take an injection. I could exercise. Never eat again.
39:55
Speaker 2: I could get a personal trainer. Those are all strategies
39:58
Speaker 2: and they all have different trade-offs to them. Some of
40:02
Speaker 2: them would be faster and more expensive. Some of them
40:04
Speaker 2: would be very painful. Anyway, that's what we're doing first.
40:09
Speaker 2: We aren't We don't have to feel like the strategy
40:13
Speaker 2: that we eventually have to choose one, right? And then
40:15
Speaker 2: we have to get to going on it. That's the
40:17
Speaker 2: second and third parts of the process. But while we're
40:20
Speaker 2: in this first long-term planning phase, we are brainstorming potential strategies.
40:29
Speaker 2: And we just have to know that over time, even
40:32
Speaker 2: once we pick one, we can change it later. We
40:37
Speaker 2: can decide, you know what? This is taking too long
40:41
Speaker 2: and I am willing to spend more money to get
40:43
Speaker 2: there faster. And I can change it. I'm not changing
40:45
Speaker 2: where I'm going. I'm just going to get there faster.
40:49
Speaker 2: Or we can, you know, run out of energy and say,
40:51
Speaker 2: I'm going to take a longer path because I don't
40:53
Speaker 2: have enough capacity in my life to do this right now.
40:57
Speaker 2: And so that's the way you should think about strategy.
41:01
Speaker 2: It's the how. And there's, All kinds of different ones
41:04
Speaker 2: that will get you there. And they all have trade-offs.
41:07
Speaker 2: And you get to choose. And you can also change
41:10
Speaker 2: after you've picked one.
41:11
Speaker 1: Because what's coming up for me right now, I just
41:13
Speaker 1: want to run this past you. I just had this
41:15
Speaker 1: light bulb moment as you were talking. One of my
41:19
Speaker 1: favorite books of all time, besides yours, by the way,
41:24
Speaker 1: is wonderful. It is called The Dip by Seth Godin.
41:29
Speaker 1: It is everybody within the sound of my voice, read
41:31
Speaker 1: this book. It'll change your whole worldview. And it's a
41:34
Speaker 1: short book, but the basic premise is that it is very, very,
41:38
Speaker 1: very important to acquire the ability in this lifetime to
41:41
Speaker 1: understand when are you going through a rough patch that
41:45
Speaker 1: if you continue to work and try different things, like
41:48
Speaker 1: it's going to get better. You will get to a
41:50
Speaker 1: different place.
41:51
Speaker 2: Keep going.
41:52
Speaker 1: Versus being in a cul-de-sac. No matter how hard you
41:56
Speaker 1: work or how fast you run, it's not going to change.
41:59
Speaker 1: And the only thing to do is to recognize that
42:02
Speaker 1: and get the hell out of there as fast as
42:03
Speaker 1: you can. And as you were talking about the strategy selection,
42:07
Speaker 1: what was coming up for me was this idea of,
42:10
Speaker 1: I wonder how often that people are getting stuck or
42:14
Speaker 1: feeling like they're not making progress with this vision because
42:19
Speaker 1: they're simply in the wrong strategy and they have not
42:22
Speaker 1: recognized it. And they also don't see that there are
42:26
Speaker 1: many other strategies. And so then they like abandon the
42:30
Speaker 1: vision because they're like, I can't do this. Not even
42:32
Speaker 1: realizing that they've just, they were in a cul-de-sac with
42:35
Speaker 1: a strategy, not with the idea. Is that true?
42:39
Speaker 2: Absolutely true. And I love that. I haven't read that book,
42:42
Speaker 2: but I'm going to have to now.
42:43
Speaker 1: Read it.
42:44
Speaker 2: But I love what you're saying there, Lisa. And I
42:46
Speaker 2: think that's absolutely what happens is that we give up
42:51
Speaker 2: on our vision instead of shifting our strategy. And sometimes
42:57
Speaker 2: that's because we have intermixed them and we can sometimes
43:02
Speaker 2: get caught up in what we're doing and forget that
43:07
Speaker 2: we're doing it. To get to a certain place, executing
43:11
Speaker 2: the strategy in and of itself is not the goal.
43:15
Speaker 2: Achieving this vision is the goal. And there are lots
43:19
Speaker 2: of different ways I can get there. And this can
43:22
Speaker 2: be based on how we're wired. There's all kinds of
43:25
Speaker 2: circumstances that could cause us to keep circling the cul-de-sac
43:28
Speaker 2: and not realize it or cause us to bail out
43:31
Speaker 2: instead of backing up and going a different route. But
43:35
Speaker 2: I think that's what's so important for people to realize.
43:39
Speaker 2: It's just another gap. It's another way that you fall
43:42
Speaker 2: into the gap between what you want and what you achieve.
43:45
Speaker 2: This is another example of it. You can fall into
43:49
Speaker 2: the gap because you pick a strategy and you believe
43:52
Speaker 2: that is the only one you've got. And if it
43:55
Speaker 2: doesn't work, you just keep slugging away or you give
43:59
Speaker 2: up and then you don't get there. But that's not true.
44:03
Speaker 2: That's not the way it has to be.
44:06
Speaker 1: All right, Courtney, we need to take another super fast break,
44:10
Speaker 1: but this has been incredibly eye-opening. And I think for
44:14
Speaker 1: our friends here with us, like all kinds of new
44:17
Speaker 1: ideas that can help actually get to a different place
44:22
Speaker 1: in life. So on the other side of this next break,
44:25
Speaker 1: I hope that we can talk even a little bit
44:28
Speaker 1: more deeply about some of the practical strategies that you
44:31
Speaker 1: share in your book, Planning to Scale especially about things
44:35
Speaker 1: that you have seen change in people's lives when they
44:38
Speaker 1: have been able to connect some of these dots and
44:41
Speaker 1: understand it's not what they want that's wrong, but maybe
44:44
Speaker 1: how they have been trying to achieve it so that
44:48
Speaker 1: our friends with us can have a couple actionable takeaways
44:51
Speaker 1: to apply in their own lives. Does that be okay?
44:54
Speaker 2: Sounds great.
45:04
Speaker 1: So you guys, we are back with my special guest,
45:07
Speaker 1: Courtney Durandi, author of the new book, Planning to Scale.
45:11
Speaker 1: And so Courtney, before the break, you were just blowing
45:15
Speaker 1: everybody's minds, including mine, with these new ideas, these new
45:20
Speaker 1: ways of understanding how to actualize a vision in a
45:26
Speaker 1: very practical way that's related to wiring. It's related to
45:30
Speaker 1: what you want. It's related to your capacity, your process.
45:34
Speaker 1: And so that we have this out in the open,
45:37
Speaker 1: I happen to know that you have been the agent
45:41
Speaker 1: of transformation in the lives of so many people, specifically
45:45
Speaker 1: business owners and entrepreneurs, through your different initiatives. So you
45:49
Speaker 1: certainly have a Scaling Leader program. You also run Forge
45:55
Speaker 1: Accounting and Business Consulting. But so tell us a story
45:59
Speaker 1: of transformation, you know, somebody coming in who is not
46:02
Speaker 1: doing any of the things that you are talking about
46:05
Speaker 1: and is like, I hate my life. And what do
46:07
Speaker 1: you have seen them do differently and the changes that
46:10
Speaker 1: we're able to make because of that?
46:13
Speaker 2: Yeah. So I have, yeah, when that stands out for me,
46:16
Speaker 2: I have a, a few clients that I work with privately.
46:19
Speaker 2: So a lot of what we do is in our
46:21
Speaker 2: group coaching program called Scaling Leader, but I have a
46:23
Speaker 2: few clients that I work with privately. And I have
46:26
Speaker 2: this client I've worked with for probably four years now.
46:30
Speaker 2: And they really attached to the vision and the strategy
46:37
Speaker 2: that we've been talking about so far easily. Like they
46:40
Speaker 2: knew where they wanted to go. They had some pretty
46:43
Speaker 2: strong ideas of how they wanted to get there and
46:45
Speaker 2: where they fell into the gap. was in the implementation.
46:49
Speaker 2: So they would, they knew where they wanted to go.
46:51
Speaker 2: They knew how they were going to get there. And
46:52
Speaker 2: then the next step is the annual planning. So how
46:54
Speaker 2: far are you going to get next year? And we
46:57
Speaker 2: need to break that into projects that we will execute.
47:01
Speaker 2: And this is where they struggled. They didn't really enjoy
47:09
Speaker 2: the process of project planning as some of us don't.
47:13
Speaker 2: Now there are people who love it, but I'm kind
47:15
Speaker 2: of with them in this realm of Boy, I'd really
47:18
Speaker 2: love for somebody else to figure out exactly in more
47:21
Speaker 2: detail what needs to happen now, by when and by
47:24
Speaker 2: who and how much will it cost and all those
47:26
Speaker 2: details of project planning. But that was the part that
47:29
Speaker 2: they had continued to put off. So I'll facilitate sessions
47:36
Speaker 2: with them and then they would say, let's not worry
47:38
Speaker 2: about that together. We'll do that later on our own.
47:42
Speaker 2: But then they would struggle to actually do it later
47:45
Speaker 2: on their own. And so then we'd meet again. meet
47:48
Speaker 2: with them every quarter and we'd look at the list
47:51
Speaker 2: and how far did we get? And the number one
47:56
Speaker 2: reason that they were not making progress came back to
48:00
Speaker 2: the lack of project planning. And so what happened was
48:07
Speaker 2: we shifted our time together where when I meet with
48:11
Speaker 2: them quarterly, we plan the projects together. We do the
48:15
Speaker 2: hard part together and, with support and space dedicated to
48:21
Speaker 2: it instead of leaving them on their own to do
48:24
Speaker 2: something they don't really want to do later by themselves.
48:28
Speaker 2: And so I think, so for your listeners, some of
48:32
Speaker 2: you might, that might map exactly to you. You're like, yes,
48:34
Speaker 2: I would actually hate project planning and I would need that.
48:37
Speaker 2: But it might not be project planning for you. It
48:39
Speaker 2: might be something that you're leaving to your own discipline
48:45
Speaker 2: and that is, that's not going to be enough. So Lisa,
48:50
Speaker 2: you mentioned like having a personal trainer. For some of us,
48:55
Speaker 2: we need a personal trainer who will give us the
48:59
Speaker 2: space and support to do the workout. Because if we
49:04
Speaker 2: don't have them, we won't do it. And so for
49:07
Speaker 2: this particular client, that's what I was to their project
49:10
Speaker 2: planning part of it. They could do project planning and
49:14
Speaker 2: It wasn't that they couldn't do it. It was that
49:16
Speaker 2: they didn't like it. And so it kept getting put
49:18
Speaker 2: off and they needed me to give them the space
49:22
Speaker 2: and support to get it done.
49:24
Speaker 1: And like, it goes back to what you were saying though,
49:27
Speaker 1: about like the importance of understanding our wiring and our strengths,
49:31
Speaker 1: but also our limitations, because it's like all this stuff
49:34
Speaker 1: could be lined up, but if there is a weak
49:37
Speaker 1: link when it comes to creating an actual plan for what,
49:43
Speaker 1: like on a day in, day out type basis, like
49:45
Speaker 1: that's very important. And so maybe for people listening, like
49:47
Speaker 1: whatever your use case is, so to speak, to think
49:50
Speaker 1: about where do you tend to drift or not follow
49:54
Speaker 1: through or, you know, like where does it kind of
49:57
Speaker 1: fall apart? And I think the meta message here, Courtney,
50:01
Speaker 1: is like, what are the support systems? Are there people
50:06
Speaker 1: you can bring in to help you or other people?
50:09
Speaker 1: How do we navigate this rough part of the journey?
50:14
Speaker 1: Maybe is that the right way to say it?
50:16
Speaker 2: Absolutely. Yes, absolutely. So the more we understand about our
50:21
Speaker 2: wiring and our behavioral patterns and our history and our
50:25
Speaker 2: track record, and then set things up to counterbalance them
50:32
Speaker 2: or to support them, the more likely we are to
50:36
Speaker 2: get through this gap. But I think so often we think,
50:39
Speaker 2: if I just were more disciplined, if I just put
50:44
Speaker 2: my head down and get to work, like I can
50:46
Speaker 2: do this and I'm just going to, it's me, I'm
50:48
Speaker 2: the problem. And I just need to buckle down and
50:51
Speaker 2: do this.
50:51
Speaker 1: I always do that. Yeah.
50:53
Speaker 2: And that's probably not the reality of it, or it's
50:58
Speaker 2: just not sustainable. And I think for most of us,
51:03
Speaker 2: if we think about the vision we have for our
51:05
Speaker 2: lives and our businesses- they're bigger than what we have
51:10
Speaker 2: the capacity and the capability to do on our own.
51:13
Speaker 1: Yeah.
51:13
Speaker 2: And that's great. We can achieve more together than we
51:19
Speaker 2: can alone, but we have to be willing to enlist
51:23
Speaker 2: other people in the journey with us and not feel
51:27
Speaker 2: like that's an indictment on our capabilities or skills or
51:31
Speaker 2: character because we can't do this all ourselves. And so
51:36
Speaker 2: accepting That sometimes we need additional space, additional support, additional resources,
51:42
Speaker 2: additional gifts and strengths of other people to get to
51:45
Speaker 2: where we're going. That's a good thing. That means you
51:47
Speaker 2: have a big vision if it requires more than just you.
51:51
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so good. And to make it a collective effort,
51:55
Speaker 1: you know, let other people into your process. And I
51:58
Speaker 1: would imagine, especially in personal realms, maybe being part of theirs, right?
52:03
Speaker 1: That you need somebody else's help to... actualize what needs
52:08
Speaker 1: to be done in a specific area. But how could
52:11
Speaker 1: you also bring your strengths to someone else's process in
52:15
Speaker 1: a really nice and complimentary way? That's so beautiful. Courtney,
52:20
Speaker 1: can I ask you a question before we wrap up?
52:23
Speaker 1: And apologies if this is personal or maybe you have
52:26
Speaker 1: an example that you shared in your book, but I
52:28
Speaker 1: would be so curious to know, you've done so much
52:32
Speaker 1: work on yourself and I know that you've invested a
52:35
Speaker 1: lot in your own development, your own wiring, your own capacity.
52:39
Speaker 1: And over the time that I've known you, you just
52:42
Speaker 1: give the impression of being one of these almost supernaturally
52:46
Speaker 1: competent people, right? Where- And you've been able to do
52:51
Speaker 1: so many things that are genuinely impressive. I'd just be
52:54
Speaker 1: so curious to know, did you at some point recognize
52:59
Speaker 1: something about yourself in terms of your process or your
53:03
Speaker 1: way of operating or perhaps capacity that you were like, oh, okay,
53:07
Speaker 1: I need to recalibrate here if this is going to
53:11
Speaker 1: be different for me personally?
53:14
Speaker 2: Yes. Well, thank you for your kind words. But most
53:18
Speaker 2: of my success has come from learning from the mistakes
53:22
Speaker 2: I made on the way to that success. But I
53:25
Speaker 2: would say, you know, one of the things that as
53:28
Speaker 2: I reflect back on a big shift for me was
53:34
Speaker 2: recognizing that I am inclined to take action and So I,
53:42
Speaker 2: on the CliftonStrengths, I lead with execution. And so I
53:49
Speaker 2: can get very clear about what I want, how I
53:52
Speaker 2: want to get there and move into execution mode. And
53:57
Speaker 2: as a leader, as a business owner, as a mom,
53:59
Speaker 2: a wife, you know, as a person interacting in the
54:02
Speaker 2: world full of people, I can sometimes forget the relational
54:09
Speaker 2: aspects of of change or of planning or execution. And
54:15
Speaker 2: so one example that stands out for me is my
54:20
Speaker 2: first step as CEO of the firm that we split
54:24
Speaker 2: off from. I became the CEO of this firm. I
54:27
Speaker 2: had this brilliant strategy to split the firm. I presented
54:31
Speaker 2: it to my partners. It made sense financially for everyone.
54:34
Speaker 2: It made sense from a logistics standpoint. I thought it
54:37
Speaker 2: was just so smart. And I presented it And it
54:42
Speaker 2: was on a Zoom call and my fellow partners were
54:45
Speaker 2: just shocked and dismayed. We didn't even vote on this proposal.
54:50
Speaker 2: They were so hurt and the trust was broken and
54:56
Speaker 2: I was stunned. And I thought, well, this is so smart.
55:00
Speaker 2: This makes so much sense. But I hadn't considered the
55:05
Speaker 2: people and the relational connection. work that was necessary to
55:09
Speaker 2: present such a proposal. And so that moment, that was
55:14
Speaker 2: in 2020, that is when at first I thought, well,
55:17
Speaker 2: I'm not cut out to be a leader. I should
55:19
Speaker 2: just quit. And thankfully I had an executive coach who
55:23
Speaker 2: encouraged me that that was not the case and that
55:25
Speaker 2: I could probably learn more from this mistake than most
55:28
Speaker 2: people will learn in a decade because that's how big
55:30
Speaker 2: of a mistake it was. So I set out to
55:33
Speaker 2: increase my understanding of human intelligence of people and of
55:41
Speaker 2: what is required. If you want to move forward in
55:45
Speaker 2: something aligned, that strategy ended up being the right strategy.
55:51
Speaker 2: We had a unanimous vote to do it two years later,
55:54
Speaker 2: but there was a lot of work that happened in
55:57
Speaker 2: between to rebuild trust and to develop relationships. And so
56:00
Speaker 2: for me, that was the biggest one. And for some
56:03
Speaker 2: of you, it might be the opposite. You might be
56:04
Speaker 2: great relationally, And you struggle to pull the trigger and
56:07
Speaker 2: actually get something done. Both have their challenges. Things have challenges.
56:11
Speaker 2: And I just have learned that the more I understand
56:13
Speaker 2: about myself and the people around me, because we are
56:17
Speaker 2: humans dealing with humans, the easier it will be to
56:21
Speaker 2: navigate these things that require relationship and alignment and human involvement.
56:29
Speaker 1: Courtney, thank you so much for sharing that story. And
56:32
Speaker 1: what a powerful story. lesson and so much humility also,
56:37
Speaker 1: you know, that the idea was not wrong. It was
56:39
Speaker 1: a good idea, but that there were all these invisible
56:42
Speaker 1: factors around it that needed to be seen and then
56:45
Speaker 1: managed in a really intentional way. And that it gave
56:49
Speaker 1: you visibility into work that you needed to do, right?
56:54
Speaker 1: And that is so true for all of us. You know,
56:57
Speaker 1: even just hearing you talk, I think that I've made
56:59
Speaker 1: so many mistakes in the opposite dimension. I've over-indexed relationships
57:03
Speaker 1: to the degree that it's been to the detriment of
57:06
Speaker 1: being able to get things done. And I think everybody
57:08
Speaker 1: listening has their own combination of stuff. And so this
57:13
Speaker 1: is also though, I think a very important takeaway from
57:16
Speaker 1: this entire conversation is that when it comes to creating
57:22
Speaker 1: a vision and moving from where you are now to
57:26
Speaker 1: where you want to be, It isn't just about time
57:30
Speaker 1: management and schedule blocking and all of these things. It
57:34
Speaker 1: really requires this deep self-awareness and self-knowledge and this really
57:38
Speaker 1: fearless ability to understand how we are operating in the
57:42
Speaker 1: world in a reality-based way so that we can just
57:48
Speaker 1: start making changes on deeper levels that is really where
57:52
Speaker 1: the work is. And I think your story that you
57:54
Speaker 1: just shared is such a powerful example of that. So
57:56
Speaker 1: thank you.
57:58
Speaker 2: Yes, my pleasure.
58:00
Speaker 1: Well, Courtney, it is such a delight to spend this
58:03
Speaker 1: time with you. This has been really such a pleasure
58:06
Speaker 1: for me. And I know that our listeners have been like,
58:08
Speaker 1: we want more Courtney in our lives. So of course,
58:11
Speaker 1: the book Planning to Scale, the author is Courtney Durandi.
58:15
Speaker 1: You can find that everywhere, particularly if you have entrepreneurial aspirations.
58:20
Speaker 2: Go check that out.
58:20
Speaker 1: But Courtney, before we let you go, tell us more
58:23
Speaker 1: about the other things that you do to support people
58:27
Speaker 1: and their lives and their businesses because it's kind of
58:30
Speaker 1: a lot. Yes.
58:32
Speaker 2: So I am the co-founder and CEO of Forge Financial
58:34
Speaker 2: and Management Consulting. And most of our team is helping
58:39
Speaker 2: small business owners and nonprofit organizations get visibility on their financials.
58:45
Speaker 2: And so a lot of our team are CPAs and advisors.
58:50
Speaker 2: And so they're working in the financial realm with our
58:53
Speaker 2: clients and And then we, the management consulting side of
58:56
Speaker 2: the practice is where I get to spend my time,
58:59
Speaker 2: which is primarily that group business coaching and leadership development
59:03
Speaker 2: program called Scaling Leader. Do a little bit of private consulting,
59:06
Speaker 2: as I mentioned, and one-on-one coaching, but the bulk of
59:09
Speaker 2: it is. of it is guiding leaders every quarter through
59:15
Speaker 2: the tools that they need to solve the problems that
59:18
Speaker 2: come up as they grow and scale their organizations. Most
59:21
Speaker 2: of the clients we work with are service-based businesses and
59:26
Speaker 2: they came up you know, through their careers as experts,
59:31
Speaker 2: expert therapists, expert accountants, architects, attorneys, financial advisors, physicians. And
59:38
Speaker 2: eventually they became leaders and business owners, but weren't necessarily
59:43
Speaker 2: equipped with how to handle all of that. And so
59:48
Speaker 2: each quarter we teach them different practices and tools that
59:52
Speaker 2: help them figure out what's going on here and design
59:56
Speaker 2: solutions to solve it. And I always tell people, these
59:59
Speaker 2: things don't mean that you won't have problems. It means
1:00:03
Speaker 2: that you will recognize them more quickly and know how
1:00:06
Speaker 2: to solve those problems. But like I said before, anytime
1:00:09
Speaker 2: we're working with people, there will be challenges. And so
1:00:14
Speaker 2: that's what we're helping our clients to do.
1:00:16
Speaker 1: Amazing. Thank you so much. Just a personal share that
1:00:20
Speaker 1: I have been participating in your program, Courtney, for the
1:00:22
Speaker 1: last several years. I've gotten so much out of it.
1:00:25
Speaker 1: Exactly that, being a therapist. totally different thing than being
1:00:29
Speaker 1: a business owner. And so it's been very instructive and
1:00:32
Speaker 1: would encourage anybody to check it out. So scaling leader,
1:00:35
Speaker 1: is that the website scaling leader? Yes.
1:00:37
Speaker 2: Scaling leader.com.
1:00:38
Speaker 1: Yes.
1:00:39
Speaker 2: And then the book, the book is planning to scale the,
1:00:42
Speaker 2: so you can go to planning to scale book.com or
1:00:44
Speaker 2: you can order it on Amazon. We have audible Kindle
1:00:47
Speaker 2: and hard copies there as well. I will mention too,
1:00:50
Speaker 2: if it's all right, Lisa, that in the book, At
1:00:53
Speaker 2: the end of each chapter, there are tools that you
1:00:56
Speaker 2: can download for free at planningtoscalebook.com slash tools. If you
1:01:01
Speaker 2: read the book and you want to start building your vision,
1:01:05
Speaker 2: your strategy, your project plans, all of those tools are
1:01:08
Speaker 2: available for free at planningtoscalebook.com slash tools to help you
1:01:13
Speaker 2: actually implement what you're learning through the pages of the book.
1:01:17
Speaker 1: Amazing. Courtney, it has been such a pleasure. Thank you
1:01:21
Speaker 1: again so much for spending this time with us today.
1:01:36
Speaker 1: You guys, I'm so genuinely thrilled to be able to
1:01:40
Speaker 1: introduce you to someone that I just love so much
1:01:44
Speaker 1: and that I have personally had the opportunity to learn
1:01:47
Speaker 1: so much from. It feels so meaningful to me to
1:01:51
Speaker 1: be able to bring Courtney to you. So I hope
1:01:53
Speaker 1: that you enjoyed her as much as I do. She
1:01:55
Speaker 1: is truly a gem and one of the kindest people
1:01:57
Speaker 1: you'll ever meet. She has so much to share. And
1:02:01
Speaker 1: I hope you heard this part. One of my biggest
1:02:04
Speaker 1: takeaways That honestly landed inside of me a little bit
1:02:09
Speaker 1: differently today, even though I'm very familiar with Courtney's work
1:02:12
Speaker 1: and I've even heard some of these stories before. She
1:02:14
Speaker 1: was talking today. I was like, huh. So the takeaway
1:02:18
Speaker 1: is that being stuck or when things feel hard or
1:02:21
Speaker 1: you're not moving forward, it does not mean necessarily that
1:02:25
Speaker 1: you need to get grittier or try harder or like
1:02:28
Speaker 1: double down or, you know, it's something about you. Like
1:02:31
Speaker 1: maybe you need to back up and think about where
1:02:35
Speaker 1: you want to be like on a macro level and
1:02:37
Speaker 1: that maybe, just maybe, you are pursuing the wrong strategy.
1:02:42
Speaker 1: Maybe there are a lot of different ways to get
1:02:44
Speaker 1: where you want to go and the one that you
1:02:46
Speaker 1: have been trying is not actually the best one. Not
1:02:49
Speaker 1: that it couldn't work, but given your unique combination of
1:02:52
Speaker 1: gifts and strengths, maybe there's another one that is better
1:02:56
Speaker 1: for you. Or maybe there's a better support system. Maybe
1:03:01
Speaker 1: you need to have some other people on the boat
1:03:03
Speaker 1: to help fill in some of the gaps, right? We
1:03:06
Speaker 1: all have strengths and beautiful things, and we all have
1:03:09
Speaker 1: some limitations. And knowing what those are and being able
1:03:12
Speaker 1: to partner with people who have complementary strengths is such
1:03:16
Speaker 1: a gift. This all comes back down to having a
1:03:19
Speaker 1: clearer understanding of yourself. Even our communication patterns, right? Like
1:03:24
Speaker 1: Courtney was talking about that as well. And so this
1:03:28
Speaker 1: all boils back down to us, who we are, what
1:03:31
Speaker 1: we know about ourselves, and then how we make decisions accordingly.
1:03:35
Speaker 1: And so could not encourage more that you to check
1:03:39
Speaker 1: out everything that Courtney has to offer, including Scaling Leader,
1:03:42
Speaker 1: including the book Planning to Scale. But if you'd ever
1:03:44
Speaker 1: like a partner to get under the hood around some
1:03:47
Speaker 1: of that personal development and self-awareness work, That is exactly
1:03:51
Speaker 1: the type of thing we do at My Practice Growing Self.
1:03:54
Speaker 1: And you are invited to do that work with us
1:03:57
Speaker 1: if you'd like to. Stop spinning your wheels, start creating
1:04:00
Speaker 1: the life you want that is based on a deep, deep,
1:04:02
Speaker 1: deep understanding of who you are in a very self-accepting way.
1:04:07
Speaker 1: We're not trying to change you. We want you to
1:04:09
Speaker 1: be more of what you are. And if you want
1:04:11
Speaker 1: a partner to help you make that happen, head over
1:04:13
Speaker 1: to growingself.com. You can tap the button, like get connected,
1:04:18
Speaker 1: schedule a free consultation with one of the experts, licensed
1:04:23
Speaker 1: therapists who specialize in coaching psychology, very, very unique, and
1:04:27
Speaker 1: book a free consultation to explore what getting some support
1:04:31
Speaker 1: for this.
1:04:32
Speaker 2: Growth might look like for you.
1:04:34
Speaker 1: All right, you guys, that's it for today. Thanks again
1:04:36
Speaker 1: so much for tuning in, and I'll be back in
1:04:38
Speaker 1: touch with you soon with another episode of Love, Happiness,
1:04:41
Speaker 1: and Success.