Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #406 I'll Do Better Tomorrow

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#406 I'll Do Better Tomorrow · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:03
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
0:07
Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers. Now.
0:10
Speaker 2: Later today, I'm going to pull the kids out of
0:12
Speaker 2: school lunch time. We're going to go camping and it's
0:14
Speaker 2: going to be me and a couple of the kids
0:17
Speaker 2: in a tent. We're probably going to get rained on,
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Speaker 2: and I'm okay with that. The kids are only going
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Speaker 2: to do better tomorrow if I do better tomorrow.
0:24
Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
0:27
Speaker 1: and dad.
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Speaker 2: Hello. This is doctor Justin Coilson. I'm the author of
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Speaker 2: six books about raising happy families and the founder of
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Speaker 2: Happy Families dot com. Dot You here with Kylie Hoi. Kylie, Hey,
0:37
Speaker 2: my wife mum to our six kids. He always looks
0:39
Speaker 2: at me funny when I say hello, because we've been
0:41
Speaker 2: talking to each other for hours and now suddenly we're
0:43
Speaker 2: here recording a podcast. Hey, just before we talk about
0:46
Speaker 2: I'll do better tomorrow today, can I just make a
0:49
Speaker 2: really big announcement. Today's Black Friday. Black Friday is the
0:52
Speaker 2: day where the biggest sales in the world happen, and
0:56
Speaker 2: Happy Families we're doing the same thing. If there's been
0:58
Speaker 2: anything that you've been thinking about getting your hands on.
1:00
Speaker 2: Today's the day. Go to Happy Families dot com dot you.
1:04
Speaker 2: Twenty five percent off all of our books. That doesn't
1:06
Speaker 2: include the bundles because we already discount them at twenty
1:08
Speaker 2: five percent off all books. We never discount our books
1:12
Speaker 2: that much. This is a big deal. Our summits. We've
1:15
Speaker 2: done two summits, Little People, Big Feelings and Misconnection. Thirty
1:19
Speaker 2: percent off those summit recordings. Incredible prices, fifty percent off
1:25
Speaker 2: all other digital products, and the big one, our Happy
1:29
Speaker 2: Families Membership because a happy family doesn't just happen. Our
1:32
Speaker 2: Happy Families Memberships the only time of the year that
1:35
Speaker 2: we ever discount them, and the biggest discount we'll ever
1:38
Speaker 2: give on it. Thirty percent off the premium Happy Families
1:41
Speaker 2: Membership Black Friday sales. Like I said, Happy Families dot
1:45
Speaker 2: com dot au, everything's waiting for you, and it's ending
1:49
Speaker 2: today Black Friday, so please jump on it right now,
1:52
Speaker 2: Happy Families dot com dot you. Okay, that's my big plug.
1:55
Speaker 2: I normally don't use the podcast for advertising at all,
1:58
Speaker 2: but it's Black Friday, so please for those of you
2:00
Speaker 2: who don't like advertising, forgive us. But we really needed
2:03
Speaker 2: to get that out there. Kylie, I'll do better tomorrow.
2:06
Speaker 2: Parental Guidance, We're going to have a bit of a
2:08
Speaker 2: chat about that before we dive into some conversations about
2:12
Speaker 2: what we've learned about parenting. This week, we asked a
2:15
Speaker 2: bunch of our podcast listeners some questions about what lessons
2:19
Speaker 2: they took from the TV show. Jess said this.
2:24
Speaker 3: What I loved about the parents on Parental Guidance was
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Speaker 3: that both parents where there were two parents, were really
2:31
Speaker 3: aligned on what their parenting style was. In our family,
2:35
Speaker 3: we have two parents with two different parenting styles. It
2:39
Speaker 3: kind of prompted me to think that we need to
2:41
Speaker 3: be on the same page more of the time.
2:44
Speaker 4: What I loved about what the show highlighted was the
2:47
Speaker 4: acknowledgment that all of these different parenting styles have so
2:51
Speaker 4: many strengths in them. And I think sometimes we focus
2:55
Speaker 4: on the fact that we come from two totally different camps.
2:58
Speaker 4: But I think if we were a bit more strict
3:00
Speaker 4: in our thinking and recognize that he brings strengths and
3:03
Speaker 4: I bring strengths, and how can we marry those strengths
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Speaker 4: together to create this wonderful whole.
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Speaker 2: It's really nice, you know, The other thing that stood
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Speaker 2: out to me is I listened to what Jess was saying,
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Speaker 2: sometimes there might be some benefits to being a single
3:14
Speaker 2: parent because you don't have to have you anybody. I
3:17
Speaker 2: shouldn't I shouldn't make too light of that. This is
3:20
Speaker 2: what Larissa said.
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Speaker 5: I loved it when the Nature parents said that children
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Speaker 5: can't climb the walls if you take them away, and
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Speaker 5: that was such a good reminder that our children are
3:28
Speaker 5: actually much much happier when they're outside. Yeah, we've implemented
3:32
Speaker 5: that and it's already been quite helpful.
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Speaker 2: Nature is fuel for the soul.
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Speaker 4: We see this all the time with our kids. One
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Speaker 4: of them in particular, let a glose outside. Yes, she
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Speaker 4: is just an angel.
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Speaker 2: You know what I love about Larisa's comment as well.
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Speaker 2: It's just little comments, little little statements from the parents
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Speaker 2: or from me or whoever in the show. Little things
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Speaker 2: stood out to everybody. Totally forgotten that had even been said.
3:55
Speaker 2: But what a great comment. Here was Miriam's family lifeless.
4:00
Speaker 2: Based on what she saw in parnal guidance.
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Speaker 6: Our found they could benefit from a lot more routine,
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Speaker 6: especially at dinner time. But it's very hard with three
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Speaker 6: children at such different ages fourteen eight and three to
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Speaker 6: find any kind of routine that works for us all.
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Speaker 6: So we'll work on that one.
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Speaker 4: It's interesting Mariam probably has a routine, but she doesn't
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Speaker 4: see it the same way as what she's seen in
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Speaker 4: a structured.
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Speaker 2: Well Britain Tony the routine parents, they were very very
4:28
Speaker 2: very structured.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, but with such a huge age gap fourteen eight
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Speaker 4: and three each of them, Yeah, there will be some
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Speaker 4: kind of routine, but it won't be kind of meshed
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Speaker 4: together necessarily.
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Speaker 2: What I think is really interesting as well is just
4:41
Speaker 2: how much routine is a hassle. Like we're constantly talking
4:44
Speaker 2: about routine because routine requires so much work. But what
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Speaker 2: a really great lesson. The second question that we ask
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Speaker 2: people was which parents on parental Guidance did you connect
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Speaker 2: the most with? This is what Rachel said. When I was.
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Speaker 7: First apparent, I imaginearenting as a strict parent as that's
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Speaker 7: how I was raised. So the first few years were
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Speaker 7: characterized by strict parenting. I gradually moved towards less authoritative
5:09
Speaker 7: parenting and more relationship building while still trying to maintain boundaries.
5:14
Speaker 7: I think from seeing the ten sets of parents on
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Speaker 7: the show, I view them a bit like a painting palette,
5:19
Speaker 7: a dad from each of them that my husband and
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Speaker 7: I mixed to make our own family style. We are homeschoolers,
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Speaker 7: but somewhere in the middle of the six kid family,
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Speaker 7: homeschooling and the nature based family. We definitely go barefoot
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Speaker 7: most of the time here, but we do use workbooks.
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Speaker 5: I can't have them all.
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Speaker 7: Working at the same time, as they all need one
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Speaker 7: on one, so that's where the children who aren't being
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Speaker 7: helped at the time, they end up with a lot
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Speaker 7: of free range time.
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Speaker 2: Well, so many things that we can call out of
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Speaker 2: Rachel's observations.
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Speaker 4: I love her admission that she aspires to routine, but
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Speaker 4: it just never quite sticks. I think I feel a
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Speaker 4: bit like that sometimes some morning there's always someone in
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Speaker 4: there who's like, not not following that.
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Speaker 2: Well, we've got too that just won't follow the routine
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Speaker 2: at all, not even you know what. I like, though,
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Speaker 2: Rachel's highlighted with those ten sets of parents, there's this
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Speaker 2: palette that we can all paint from, and we don't
6:10
Speaker 2: have to be any particular style. We can literally just
6:13
Speaker 2: lift these ideas. I mean, research shows there is actually
6:17
Speaker 2: a parenting style that matters the most. But from an
6:20
Speaker 2: entertainment perspective and from what we saw in the show,
6:23
Speaker 2: what we've really seen, and I've heard so many people
6:25
Speaker 2: saying the same thing. I just wanted a little bit
6:27
Speaker 2: of this and a little bit of that, and that's
6:30
Speaker 2: what's going to work best well.
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Speaker 4: And I think when we had our family meeting last
6:33
Speaker 4: week with the kids, they highlighted that as well. They
6:35
Speaker 4: didn't see us as being, you know, one type. They
6:38
Speaker 4: recognized that we pulled in, you know, different aspects from
6:41
Speaker 4: different areas well.
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Speaker 2: That's because they didn't have our type on the show
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Speaker 2: the perfect parents, but the perfect parents but all of
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Speaker 2: the shows, so therefore they didn't get to see the
6:50
Speaker 2: perfect parents' parenting.
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Speaker 4: I don't even know what to say to that.
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Speaker 2: Okay, it was a bit of a stretch, let's listen
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Speaker 2: to and nobody would have connected with that, right, I mean,
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Speaker 2: there is no such things perfect part, but the authoritative
7:01
Speaker 2: parenting style is actually the right one. But that's just
7:04
Speaker 2: a mouthful nolance. So we're the authoritative parents because you're
7:07
Speaker 2: actually holding yourself up as the gold standard. I like
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Speaker 2: the way we did it on the show. Lisa connected
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Speaker 2: most with this family I think.
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Speaker 8: We really like some aspects of the free range parent.
7:17
Speaker 8: I love the freedom of that idea of how they parent.
7:21
Speaker 8: Might also kind of really liked the French style of
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Speaker 8: parenting as well.
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Speaker 4: What I've noticed in our family as we have kind
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Speaker 4: of let go of the apron strings a little bit
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Speaker 4: more over the years and given our children autonomy, is that.
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Speaker 2: Is that our oldest kids get cranky what the little
7:39
Speaker 2: kids can get away with.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, there is a bit of that, but is just
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Speaker 4: that word freedom. There is so much more freedom that
7:45
Speaker 4: the children feel and we feel as adults because we
7:48
Speaker 4: don't have to make all the decision.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, the anxiety goes down when you stop controlling. It's
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Speaker 2: actually that simple, except that there's got to be appropriate
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Speaker 2: boundaries still, because otherwise anxiety is going to go up again. Eventually.
8:00
Speaker 2: We need to acknowledge that Miriam connected with these parents.
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Speaker 6: Funnily enough, it was both the strict and the free
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Speaker 6: range parents I connected with the most, even though they
8:10
Speaker 6: kind of seem to be polar opposites. I find I
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Speaker 6: constantly moved between the two, and I'm constantly battling the
8:17
Speaker 6: tendency to be super strict. I think it can be
8:20
Speaker 6: quite confusing at times in the moment as to what
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Speaker 6: I'm actually doing, So I'm working on that.
8:25
Speaker 2: Sounds like a typicult parent. I'm a bit confused.
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Speaker 4: I wonder how much of the experiences that we have
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Speaker 4: as parents flow from our own experience and our personality.
8:38
Speaker 4: You know, she said that, you know she kind of
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Speaker 4: she's in these moments and she wants to go one way,
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Speaker 4: but she's actually leaning the other way.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, But I think context is everything. I
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Speaker 2: try not to be too strict, but when the kids
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Speaker 2: are still running around the house at nine o'clock at nine,
8:54
Speaker 2: are going to be strict. Got to bed, full stop
8:56
Speaker 2: and a story. We're not going to explore explaining empower.
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Speaker 2: You're just to go to a bit. Well. I mean
9:01
Speaker 2: maybe I will listen a little bit and once I
9:03
Speaker 2: know that there's nothing going on, but they're just being punks,
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Speaker 2: They're going to bed. This is the last one from
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Speaker 2: Jess Which parents on parental Guidance did you connect with
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Speaker 2: the most?
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Speaker 3: I resonated most with the attachment parents. This is my
9:14
Speaker 3: style probably, although not one hundred percent of the time.
9:18
Speaker 3: I loved the free range, homeschool and nature parenting styles,
9:24
Speaker 3: but I don't think they would work for me personally.
9:27
Speaker 3: I dislike all bugs and spiders and dirts, so nature
9:31
Speaker 3: isn't really my best friend, and I'm a little too
9:35
Speaker 3: risk averseque to go completely free range. But I think
9:38
Speaker 3: that's a good challenge for me to think about where
9:41
Speaker 3: I can relax rules and where I'm possibly projecting my
9:45
Speaker 3: anxieties onto my kids.
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Speaker 2: Kylie. I've had so many people say that they're having
9:50
Speaker 2: conversations about parental guidance on the sidelines of the nepple
9:54
Speaker 2: court or the soccer field, or on their bike rides
9:57
Speaker 2: with their friends or whatever it might be that they're doing.
9:58
Speaker 2: There's they're walking around the block with their neighbors. It's
10:01
Speaker 2: created great conversations.
10:03
Speaker 4: I actually met a grandma the other day and she
10:05
Speaker 4: was having a little chat to me and she said,
10:07
Speaker 4: have you been watching that TV show Parental Guidance? She said,
10:11
Speaker 4: it is brilliant.
10:13
Speaker 2: Yeah.
10:13
Speaker 4: I had a little chuckle and she looked at me,
10:15
Speaker 4: what are you laughing at? And I said, Oh, don't
10:18
Speaker 4: tell anyone, but that's my husband.
10:21
Speaker 2: It's he's on the show. He's the parenting expert. And
10:24
Speaker 2: she had a little chuckle and she just she talked about.
10:26
Speaker 4: How it was so good for her as a grandparent.
10:30
Speaker 4: She's about to meet her two year old grandchild for
10:32
Speaker 4: the first time because Coch them separated.
10:35
Speaker 9: Oh wow.
10:36
Speaker 4: And so she's loved watching the show because it's actually
10:38
Speaker 4: just highlighted to her how many different ways there are
10:42
Speaker 4: to parent your children, and she wanted to make sure
10:46
Speaker 4: that she kind of is a cross it all so
10:48
Speaker 4: when her daughter comes, she's more aware of what her
10:50
Speaker 4: daughter's doing and how she can support her.
10:53
Speaker 2: It was just brilliant. Yeah, great stuff. Hey, after the break,
10:55
Speaker 2: we're going to get on with Old Do Better tomorrow.
10:57
Speaker 2: It's been a long podcast, so we're going to keep
10:58
Speaker 2: it really sure. But for those who are new to
11:00
Speaker 2: the podcast, every Friday we talk about what's worked and
11:02
Speaker 2: what hasn't how it can be more intentional as parents.
11:04
Speaker 2: That's coming up in just a sec on the Happy
11:07
Speaker 2: Families podcast with Justin and Kylee. It's the Happy Families Podcast.
11:11
Speaker 9: Imagine a home where discipline got results without anyone having
11:14
Speaker 9: to feel bad or in trouble. The do's and don'ts
11:17
Speaker 9: of discipline as a webinar to help parents set limits
11:19
Speaker 9: with love, compassion, and humanity. Find it now at Happy
11:23
Speaker 9: Families dot com, dot Au slash shop.
11:26
Speaker 4: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time
11:29
Speaker 4: poor parent who just wants answers now. And you're a
11:30
Speaker 4: little bit more time poor because we've talked to so
11:32
Speaker 4: many people today, But on Fridays we usually share things
11:36
Speaker 4: that we've reflected on during the week.
11:39
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's been a really I'm going to go first?
11:41
Speaker 2: May I go first? Is that okay? If I go first? Sure,
11:43
Speaker 2: I'm going first. It's been a really rough week this week.
11:46
Speaker 2: You've been around a lot, and so have I. But
11:49
Speaker 2: sometimes things just don't work out. Sometimes parenting is really really,
11:53
Speaker 2: really hard. And earlier this week, one of our kids
11:57
Speaker 2: was just being over the top, like she was in
12:01
Speaker 2: her sister's face, she was in our space, she was
12:04
Speaker 2: and it wasn't like she was lacking attention. It's not
12:06
Speaker 2: like she's deprived of anything. This kid has had every
12:09
Speaker 2: opportunity and all of the attention and all that sort
12:12
Speaker 2: of stuff. But I don't know, just a really rotten, lousy, horrible,
12:16
Speaker 2: no good, hard truth.
12:19
Speaker 4: The truth of it is that we've actually worked extra
12:22
Speaker 4: hard with this particular child as well.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, giving her more attention, more time, so much, so
12:27
Speaker 2: much anyway, she was in her sister's face and it
12:32
Speaker 2: just got really ugly A few nights ago, and so
12:34
Speaker 2: I roused on her and I don't know, I don't
12:37
Speaker 2: think that I was as harsh as I might have
12:39
Speaker 2: been in the past, but I still I gave her
12:41
Speaker 2: a really good rev and the next day I got
12:45
Speaker 2: an email from her and she said a little poem
12:49
Speaker 2: she made it up. I just feel so much guilt
12:51
Speaker 2: that my words and actions built. I know what I
12:53
Speaker 2: did was wrong, tried to avoid it and be strong.
12:56
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, deep inside, clearly guilty my hands. It
13:00
Speaker 2: was obviously on my fault. I've opened my inner vault.
13:04
Speaker 2: And then she said another one through that said, Mom
13:06
Speaker 2: and Dad, I wonder how I became so naive and selfish.
13:08
Speaker 2: I wonder how I gave you pain instead of memories,
13:10
Speaker 2: to cherish nothing but my own anguish. I'm so sorry
13:13
Speaker 2: for hurting you and becoming your life's blemish. I read
13:16
Speaker 2: that and I just sobbed. I thought, I know that
13:20
Speaker 2: she drives us crazy, but the last thing I would
13:22
Speaker 2: ever want is for one of my kids to feel
13:24
Speaker 2: like she was a blemish on my life. And it's just,
13:30
Speaker 2: you know what, it's actually done. Is it's highlighted Like
13:34
Speaker 2: a couple of times this week, I've thought I just
13:35
Speaker 2: don't want a parent anymore. I'm so over it because
13:38
Speaker 2: it wasn't just this one, two of her other sisters
13:40
Speaker 2: as well, with all the stuff that kids just drive
13:43
Speaker 2: you up the wall with. If you've only got one
13:44
Speaker 2: or two kids, sometimes I'm really jealous because it's like
13:48
Speaker 2: you don't have to deal with it again and again
13:50
Speaker 2: and again and again and again. It's been a really
13:52
Speaker 2: really tough week, I thought for me, and then I
13:56
Speaker 2: read that and I thought it's been an even a
14:00
Speaker 2: week for her. And I've gone from being selfish and
14:04
Speaker 2: frustrated and annoyed at how painful these kids are to
14:08
Speaker 2: just heartbroken and wanting to do anything and everything that
14:14
Speaker 2: I can to repair. So I'm excited for today because
14:18
Speaker 2: later today I'm going to pull the kids out of
14:19
Speaker 2: school lunch time. We're going to go camping. We're going
14:22
Speaker 2: to have some time with no agenda, no focus, just nature,
14:26
Speaker 2: and it's going to be me and a couple of
14:28
Speaker 2: the kids in a tent. We're probably going to get
14:31
Speaker 2: rained on, and I'm okay with that because the kids
14:37
Speaker 2: are only going to do better tomorrow. If I do
14:38
Speaker 2: better tomorrow, I.
14:39
Speaker 4: Think one of the things that your experience highlights is
14:43
Speaker 4: just the acknowledgment that we often get caught up in
14:46
Speaker 4: our own heads and we can only see from our perspective.
14:50
Speaker 3: Yeah.
14:51
Speaker 2: I was sitting there literally going, I mean I didn't
14:53
Speaker 2: say it to her, but I was thinking, I'm going
14:56
Speaker 2: to stop all of her extra correct activities. I'm so
14:58
Speaker 2: sick of doing this for her. She's so ungrateful. And
15:02
Speaker 2: then I get that, and it's like I did not
15:06
Speaker 2: look at it from her perspective one little bit.
15:08
Speaker 4: Well, mine is probably not as deep and meaningful as
15:11
Speaker 4: your experience. But earlier in the week I was able
15:14
Speaker 4: to go to the children's awards assembly.
15:18
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, and we all know how I feel about
15:20
Speaker 2: those awards assemblies, which is part of the reason I
15:22
Speaker 2: wasn't there. But the other reason was that I was
15:24
Speaker 2: booked out.
15:25
Speaker 4: And so as I was sitting there watching our little
15:29
Speaker 4: seven year old Emily, who is a bundle of energy
15:33
Speaker 4: and really struggles to sit still, I was blown away
15:36
Speaker 4: at just how still she was, and she was so attentive.
15:40
Speaker 4: And at our school they have a gold hat system.
15:44
Speaker 4: Oh don't get me started for twelve months. The children
15:47
Speaker 4: need to be consistent in showing gold standard behavior, and
15:50
Speaker 4: if they do, then at the end of the year,
15:52
Speaker 4: they have this ceremony and they're given a gold hat.
15:55
Speaker 2: I've just got to interrupt for a second and say,
15:57
Speaker 2: what does it say to all the kids that don't
15:59
Speaker 2: get one? Do you think that they sit there and go, oh,
16:01
Speaker 2: next year, I'm going to be so much better. I'm
16:03
Speaker 2: just going to be a much better kid because I
16:04
Speaker 2: didn't get one this year. Like I just it's enough
16:07
Speaker 2: to make me want to pull the kids out of school. Honestly,
16:09
Speaker 2: it makes me so annoyed.
16:10
Speaker 4: Well, this is the first assembly I've attended of this nature,
16:14
Speaker 4: so seeing what happened and looking at the fact that
16:18
Speaker 4: you know, they gave academic awards out, and you know,
16:22
Speaker 4: kind of behavior awards out and citizenship awards out, and
16:27
Speaker 4: there is obviously a really small cluster of students that
16:31
Speaker 4: were acknowledged, and then they were the same students that
16:34
Speaker 4: came up for their gold hats. And I looked at
16:38
Speaker 4: all of these other kids and literally there was not
16:40
Speaker 4: a single kid sitting on that floor that wasn't in
16:44
Speaker 4: the moment being attentive. And I thought, what does it
16:47
Speaker 4: mean to have a gold standard behavior, because for each
16:52
Speaker 4: child it will be different based on their own capacities,
16:56
Speaker 4: their own life experience, their own home life. Like there's
16:59
Speaker 4: just this so much going on in these little kids world. Anyway,
17:02
Speaker 4: at the end of the assembly, Miss Emily came up
17:05
Speaker 4: to me and she looked at me and she said, Mummy,
17:07
Speaker 4: I didn't get a gold hat again this year. And
17:11
Speaker 4: I just grabbed her and you know, pulled her into
17:15
Speaker 4: me and just told how much I loved her and
17:17
Speaker 4: how grateful I was for the way that she conducts
17:20
Speaker 4: herself and the things her beautiful kind heart. She has
17:24
Speaker 4: such a beautiful kind heart and she doesn't need a
17:27
Speaker 4: gold hat to know that and to feel that. And
17:31
Speaker 4: she gave me a big cuddle and she just said
17:33
Speaker 4: I love you, and she walked off with a little
17:34
Speaker 4: skip in her in her step. But this idea that
17:40
Speaker 4: we have to acknowledge our kids and give them, you know,
17:45
Speaker 4: this false sense of I don't even know what to
17:49
Speaker 4: say about it, but it just it broke my heart
17:51
Speaker 4: as I watched all of these children sitting in that
17:53
Speaker 4: space and just you know, the big accolades that were
17:57
Speaker 4: talked about about how these kids are gold standard, and
18:03
Speaker 4: like you said, where does it leave all those other kids.
18:06
Speaker 4: It's not motivating them to be better, it's actually just
18:10
Speaker 4: putting them in this little box that says I'm not
18:12
Speaker 4: good enough.
18:13
Speaker 2: Yeah, and how damaging that is. There's so much more
18:17
Speaker 2: I want to say about this, but our time is up.
18:20
Speaker 2: I want to just highlight one thing that stood out
18:22
Speaker 2: to me, and it came from a conversation you and
18:26
Speaker 2: I had earlier in the week. You were talking about
18:27
Speaker 2: a year six experience where the teacher ranked you in
18:31
Speaker 2: the class based on your test scores and then seated
18:35
Speaker 2: you according to those test scores, and in grade six
18:38
Speaker 2: you scored second from the bottom of the class, and
18:40
Speaker 2: that's where you sat. And you shared with me how,
18:44
Speaker 2: in your forties now is a mum of six, sometimes
18:48
Speaker 2: you still feel like that girl who's sitting in the
18:50
Speaker 2: second last seat in the class. Literally a lifelong impact. Now,
18:57
Speaker 2: I can assure you that, and you know this from
18:59
Speaker 2: my point of view, you are not sitting in the
19:01
Speaker 2: second last seat of the class. You're in the front seat.
19:03
Speaker 2: As far as I'm concerned, and I'm sure that anyone
19:05
Speaker 2: who listens to the podcast and hears your insights, and
19:08
Speaker 2: anyone who knows you knows that you're not a second
19:11
Speaker 2: to last student. But when we measure kids on these
19:15
Speaker 2: narrow metrics, or on these metrics that really come down
19:18
Speaker 2: to who notices whether the child's doing the right thing
19:23
Speaker 2: or not, or who gives them the merit award based
19:25
Speaker 2: on who needs the pep talk or whatever, we end
19:27
Speaker 2: up with this horrible, horrible system that leaves kids feeling
19:31
Speaker 2: like they will not be good enough, and it can
19:33
Speaker 2: last a lifetime.
19:35
Speaker 4: What if everybody had a gold hat and what if
19:39
Speaker 4: there was just a gentle reminder when we saw a
19:41
Speaker 4: kid doing the wrong thing? I just said, is that
19:44
Speaker 4: gold gold standard behavior or whatever? It is? Like, let's
19:48
Speaker 4: inspire them, not pull them down.
19:54
Speaker 2: So much more to say, but what I'm going to
19:57
Speaker 2: say is lots of things to think about in today's
20:00
Speaker 2: I'll Do Better Tomorrow. Things to think about around how
20:04
Speaker 2: we engage with our own kids, how we see the
20:07
Speaker 2: world through their eyes, and what we're doing to them
20:11
Speaker 2: in terms of setting up these false economies of rewards.
20:15
Speaker 2: We really hope that today's podcast has given you food
20:17
Speaker 2: for forward and that it helps you to do things
20:21
Speaker 2: in your family that will strengthen your family, whether it's
20:24
Speaker 2: parental guidance, parenting style ideas, all the stuff we've talked
20:27
Speaker 2: about and I'll do better tomorrow. Either is fine with us.
20:29
Speaker 2: We just hope that it makes a difference. The Happy
20:31
Speaker 2: Family's podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media.
20:35
Speaker 2: Craig Bruce is our executive producer. And if you'd like
20:38
Speaker 2: to pick up on all of those Black Friday sales,
20:41
Speaker 2: please visit happyfamilies dot com dot A. You have a
20:44
Speaker 2: great weekend.