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How can I be there without overstepping? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Wanting to be there for someone who is grieving is one of the most human instincts there is, and yet it can feel really hard to know what the right thing to do is.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: The fear of saying the wrong thing, doing too much or not enough can leave people feeling stuck and unsure, and that uncertainty makes complete sense, as grief is deeply personal and there is no single right way to support someone through it.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Now one of the most helpful shifts you can make is moving away from the idea that your job is to fix their pain and toward the idea that your job is simply to follow their lead.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: As grief belongs to the person experiencing it.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: As they are the one who gets to decide the pace, what they need and when they need it, so instead of stepping in with solutions or taking things into your own hands, even with the best intentions, try asking first.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Something as simple as is there anything that would feel helpful right now?
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: This gives them back a sense of control at a time when so much feels out of their hands.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: And if they say they just want company or silence, then that's enough.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: And being there without an agenda is one of the most powerful things you can offer.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: Now in terms of practical ways to be there without overstepping, keep showing up in small, consistent ways rather than one big gesture and then disappearing.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Check in regularly, not just in the first week, as grief doesn't follow a schedule.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: And avoid making decisions on their behalf, however helpful it might seem.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are unsure whether someone or something is okay, just ask.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's always better to check than to assume.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: And you do not have to have the right words, sometimes just sitting with someone or sending a message that says I'm thinking of you, no need to reply, can mean more than anything else.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: Now if you notice the person you're supporting is really struggling, withdrawing completely, or you are worried about their well-being, it is okay to gently encourage them to speak to their GP or therapist, as you do not have to carry this alone either.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: And if supporting someone in grief is starting to affect yourself, speaking to someone is a sign of self-awareness.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: And Crees Bereavement Support is an organization that offers free guidance for people supporting those who are grieving as well.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And the app has further resources on grief and loss that you can explore in your own time.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: And if you or someone you know is thinking about harming yourself or feeling safe, then please seek urgent help by contacting your local emergency number on a crisis helpline.