Latest / Play Therapy Podcast: A Master-Class in Child-Centered Play Therapy / 419 | Returning Responsibility During Regressive Play

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419 | Returning Responsibility During Regressive Play · Play Therapy Podcast: A Master-Class in Child-Centered Play Therapy

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  You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,
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  your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.
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  Hi,
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  I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,
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  The Kid Counselor.
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  This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get
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  a master class in child-centered play therapy
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  and practical support and application for your
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  work with children and their families.
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  In today's episode,
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  I'm answering a question from Allie in Colorado.
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  Speaking of Colorado,
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  I have a meet up there
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  very soon in
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  August.
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  So if you're in the Denver area or you can drive to the Denver area,
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  I would love to meet you.
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  So,
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  please check out the show notes
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  and you can go to playtherapypodcast.com/meetup
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  for more details.
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  I know quite a few of you have registered for the Seattle event,
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  and I think fewer of you have registered for Denver.
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  So,
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  if you can get yourself to Denver,
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  I would love to hang out.
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  So please make
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  yourself aware of when that is and how to get registered.
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  It's in the show notes.
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  You can click there.
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  And then also don't forget about the early bird pricing for the events.
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  I don't want y'all to miss out on saving money.
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  So,
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  just,
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  you know,
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  all that stuff.
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  OK.
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  So let me read parts of Ali's question and then we'll dive in together.
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  You mentioned the regression stage,
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  and I'm curious if during this stage you change anything
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  about your approach with the encouragement pillar.
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  For example,
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  if the child wants to play a baby game and they are the baby.
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  And they want you to get everything for them and bring it to them.
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  Do you do that instead of utilize encouragement?
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  If the child wants to end the game and then wants you to get things for them still,
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  how do you approach that or differentiate
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  if they're in this stage and they want nurturance or help,
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  but they don't explicitly make it a game?
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  How do you approach the nurturing versus encouragement?
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  OK.
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  So,
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  helpful question.
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  Not one that I've answered before,
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  I don't think.
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  So,
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  Ali,
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  I appreciate that.
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  Let's talk through several facets here.
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  When you think about the stages,
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  in contrast or in conjunction,
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  I suppose,
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  maybe both
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  with the phases,
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  it is important to realize that children
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  move through predictable chunks of therapeutic work.
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  So,
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  stages are more clinical in nature and phases are more overarching segments
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  that we can share with parents for helping them understand expectations
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  and predictable
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  areas of therapeutic work.
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  So,
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  when we think about
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  the regressive stage,
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  We realize that this is the 3rd of 4,
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  although they don't always go in order,
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  and
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  we know that kids,
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  after they get through aggressive play,
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  they
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  tend to move toward regressive play.
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  But it's not always
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  baby play.
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  I want to be clear on that.
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  When we think about regression or regressive stage,
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  it is not always that they
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  want to play out babies or act like babies,
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  but that is a common component as well.
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  So,
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  Do you change anything about your approach
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  to the encouragement pillar is your question,
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  Ali.
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  I think what you mean
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  is
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  returning responsibility.
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  And so let me differentiate that really quickly.
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  Encouragement
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  is
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  Acknowledging child's effort
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  and or contributions.
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  So you did it.
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  You got it.
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  You knew what to do.
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  You had a plan.
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  You figured it out.
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  You worked on that.
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  You,
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  so on and so forth.
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  OK,
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  so that's,
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  I don't think that's really exactly what you're talking about when you're saying
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  encouragement during regression.
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  I suspect you're talking about returning responsibility,
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  which would be,
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  you can do that.
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  And we're basically saying,
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  I believe in you.
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  And if a child says,
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  will you get that for me?
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  Oh,
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  you'd like me to get that,
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  but you can get that.
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  OK,
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  returning responsibility comes into play there.
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  So,
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  if the child is being a baby
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  in roleplay,
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  And they want you to get everything for them and bring it to them.
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  If you are in a role
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  and the child is in a role.
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  Then you play the role.
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  So if you are the parent,
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  the mom,
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  the dad,
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  the brother,
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  the sister,
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  the teacher,
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  the whatever,
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  and
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  you are told your role is to do something,
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  we're going to comply with that,
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  of course.
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  We also comply when a child is demanding or dictating
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  that we do things because of power and control.
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  We comply if it's collaborative in nature.
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  Hey,
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  can you grab that while I grab this?
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  Or,
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  hey,
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  since that's right there,
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  will you throw me that?
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  Collaborative,
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  cooperative kind of play,
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  that would also be a moment where we would do what the child asks.
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  However,
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  if it's learned helplessness,
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  Or if it's
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  low self-esteem driven.
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  Then we would return responsibility.
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  So,
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  it makes sense for us to understand the why
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  behind the request
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  that we're being told to do something.
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  And then
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  adjust and respond accordingly.
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  So,
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  yes,
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  absolutely.
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  In answer to your first question,
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  if
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  the child is the baby
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  and they are
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  sitting on the floor with a pacifier
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  and you're the mom or the caregiver or whomever,
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  and they say,
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  go get me a bottle.
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  A baby's not going to go get the bottle for themselves.
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  So,
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  in a roleplay situation like that,
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  yes,
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  absolutely.
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  Then if the child wants to end
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  the role play,
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  so they're no longer doing baby play,
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  and they still want
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  you to get things for them.
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  We're still back to what's the why.
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  Is the child just in a habit and pattern of
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  I've been telling you what to do the whole session,
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  so now I'm gonna keep telling you what to do.
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  We would return responsibility.
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  Or
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  does it
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  align with a learned helplessness thing
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  or a control thing
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  or a cooperative thing.
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  So we're always adjusting
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  based on what we
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  think is going on for the child in the way of motivation.
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  And
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  yes,
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  in general,
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  we never do for a child that which they can do for themselves.
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  We understand that.
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  We know
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  that
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  that is a very philosophical tenet of CCPT.
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  But you don't want to get into a reverse power struggle either.
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  So we're constantly thinking about why is the child asking me to do this.
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  And is this going to be beneficial to the relationship and to the play,
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  or is this going to be detrimental or a hindrance
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  if the child doesn't think that they can
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  get something down off of a tall shelf,
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  or if they're scared of getting something down off of a tall shelf,
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  or
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  they give up because they don't think it's worth trying,
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  it would hinder their development of self-esteem.
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  It would hinder their fear facing.
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  It would hinder their capacity to understand that they do have what it takes
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  to make things happen for themselves
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  if we were to jump in,
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  so we wouldn't.
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  But in other scenarios we would end up in a reverse
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  power struggle if we would not do what the child asks.
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  If they're in dictatorial power and control,
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  they're the king,
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  they're a tyrant,
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  they're
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  the most powerful person on the planet,
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  and they just get to order people around all day,
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  and then you say,
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  Oh,
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  you're telling me to do that,
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  but you can do that.
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  That completely
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  disrupts
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  the play and their need.
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  And gets us in a reverse power struggle
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  where
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  they're telling us what they want us to do.
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  We've told them they get to be in charge and then we won't do
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  what
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  they're asking us to do.
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  So,
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  there's lots of
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  nuances
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  in this kind of play.
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  And so,
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  if the child is no longer in that kind of role,
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  then you evaluate what's going on and you either do what the child asks or you don't.
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  And if they're specifically wanting nurturance or help,
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  but they don't explicitly make it a game,
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  how do you approach that?
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  Well,
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  again,
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  you look at motivation.
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  That,
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  that's always,
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  I mean,
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  the why matters.
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  I say that all the time,
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  but it's true.
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  That's why we're going back to,
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  what do you think is at the heart of why the child's asking.
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  Once you know that,
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  you can make adjustments with how you're going to respond.
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  And we don't want to have.
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  Hard and fast rules that we never
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  amend or adjust
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  because every session is different,
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  every kid is different,
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  every motivation is different.
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  So,
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  our major guideline,
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  never do for a child that which they can do for themselves.
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  But we also think through,
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  OK,
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  what's
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  at the heart of why this kid is ordering me around?
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  Power and control
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  or learned helplessness,
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  very different scenarios,
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  very different responses from us.
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  So,
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  Allie,
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  I hope that that was helpful.
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  I'm actually really glad we got to talk through that.
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  If you want me to answer a question or
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  help you with a case,
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  please email me brenna@thekidcounselor.com.
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  I'd love to hear from you
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  and I do love you all.
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  I hope you have a great week.
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  We'll talk again soon.
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  Bye.
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  Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
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  For more episodes and resources,
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  please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.