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BONUS: Sobriety · Untraditionally Lala

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hi babe, Welcome back to the bonus episode of The
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Gift That l LA Podcast. This episode is going to
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: probably be the first that is nearest and dearest to
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: my heart and soul. Today. I've partnered with Ninja Thirsty
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: to bring you this episode. It is all about sobriety.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: I'm approaching six years one day at a time, but
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: six years in October October twenty second, and that's kind
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: of when I feel that my life became real and
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: it was. It is the proudest thing I've ever done
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: in my life, besides becoming a mom, but I think
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: beyond being a mom, this is probably the number one
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: thing that I'm proudest of because my sobriety has allowed
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: me to be the mom that I want to be.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: I've asked you guys to share some of your sober stories,
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: and I'm grateful for whoever is like feeling comfortable to
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: open up about their sober journey because it is not easy.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: A lot of people don't like to venture into their
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: rock bottom moment. That's one of my most favorite things
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: to do because it reminds me why I'm here. And
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: I think we got a lot of people who have
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: sent in notes and videos, so I'd like to just
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: kind of get it pop in now.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I got a lot of beautiful, beautiful things, and
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: I feel like we'll save a ton of these two
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: for another episode, law, because there's so many, Okay, And
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: I just know people are always asking about your sobriety story,
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: even though you talk about it all the time. No, no,
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: all the time. But I'm like, she's You're always like
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: bringing it up, which I love. And then people are like,
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: she never talks about her sobriety, and I'm like, we
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: want to know the story.
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: You say you're sober, but I do. I can see
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: where they're coming from if they want the in depth.
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: It's behind the.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: Scenes the bts of this silver lifestyle. Yeah, so I
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: tell you how the sparkling water, yeah, which the partnership
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: just made sense. I will say though, now that we
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: that I have chronic heartburn, the ninja thirsty stays with
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: no bubbles and just the flavor because like, I can
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: handle no bubbles.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: Really, Oh, I jack my bubbles up right now. Especially
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: I've been doing going on the rooftop of my apartment. Yeah,
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: to just like chill on Sundays, and I'm not drinking
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: right now. So I'm like, just because I don't want to,
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: it makes me feel yucky. So I jack up the
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: bubbles because you told me to put in the flavors,
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: and then I bring it up to the rooftop. I'll
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: do three of them in a giant water bottle so
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: it stays cold and I just sip all freaking morning
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: laud in the sun.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: Oh she's a bubbly bitch. I'll be back at it
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: come September.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: Okay, So first one, we did get a lot of
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: of a lot of things. We didn't get a ton
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: of videos, but I get that that's a very this
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: is a very vulnerable thing to write in with. So
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: let's play this first one from Rita on the Rocks. Rita,
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: thank you for sending this video. You guys will see
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: it in the YouTube video.
• 3:17
  Speaker 4: Hey Lala, my name is Ritaz and the Rocks. I
• 3:20
  Speaker 4: got so excited when I saw this message because sobriety
• 3:24
  Speaker 4: is so important to me. Plus, I wrote to you
• 3:27
  Speaker 4: a couple of weeks ago and was telling you my
• 3:29
  Speaker 4: story about gambling and how I had two and a
• 3:33
  Speaker 4: half years clean off the bed and I relapsed and
• 3:40
  Speaker 4: hit a second bottom and when they say, you go
• 3:43
  Speaker 4: back out there, it's worse, when it's so much worse,
• 3:46
  Speaker 4: so much worse. I always knew I laid gambling. My
• 3:51
  Speaker 4: brother was a the drug addict that took his life.
• 3:55
  Speaker 4: My dad and I found him when I was fourteen,
• 3:58
  Speaker 4: and my mom passed away when I was sixteen. I
• 4:00
  Speaker 4: claim from a broken heart after what happened to Anthony,
• 4:04
  Speaker 4: and I really want to get the message out there
• 4:06
  Speaker 4: about gambling. It is an epidemic in this country. It's
• 4:09
  Speaker 4: it's spread into state after state, and I mean in Ohio,
• 4:13
  Speaker 4: they are quote sending advertisements to to underage kids.
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: Yo.
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: I go on the boardwalk up here in New Jersey.
• 4:21
  Speaker 4: I'm in Wildwood, New Jersey. Your kpe mang up on
• 4:24
  Speaker 4: the boardwalk. It's like many casinos, but it is tickets thingts, tickets, tickets.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: What we're doing is groominal.
• 4:29
  Speaker 4: We're just grooming the youngiges.
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: So that is that's the second video. So I think
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: it cut off a little, but obviously gambling.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: Rita on the rocks. I wonder where her email went.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the email really quick, just because I'm gonna see
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: she does she mean DMS?
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: If she did DMS. But either way she got to me.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: Now I agree with her. I think that the gambling
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: is definitely an epidemic, and I have to say it's
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: some one thing that I didn't experience in my childhood,
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: just because I came from Utah, and like when we
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: would go to Vegas, Dad wasn't really into gambling. My
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: mom still to this day tells me, don't go to pavilions.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Yet I have a coupon, so that bitch certainly ain't
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: trying to give her pennies away. She's trying to save them.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: But I was kind of in the gambling world when
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: I got with my ex, and it just did not
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: interest me. It felt like a very dark place for
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: many reasons. Her saying that when you go back out there,
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: like once you've been clean from something, whether it's gambling, alcohol, drugs,
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: when you start dabbling, that it's very dark and it's
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: so much worse I can imagine, because you've reached such
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: a milestone, right with two years, and then you already
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: have to deal with the guilt and the shame before
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: you got sober, and then you hit the milestone and
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: then you relapse, think about the shame. Then, can I.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: Ask you about that? And this kind of has to do.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: With both of you.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: Is is there a rule? Because I was talking to
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: a friend the other day who said I was sober
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: for three years and then I relapsed, and it was
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: really hard for me. I couldn't mentally deal with the
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: fact of, like I just start again from day one.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: So for me, I had to go no, no, no,
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: I relapse one day, I'm back on and I am
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: sober again. But it was one day relapse, and she
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: was like, if I had to say, oh, I'm back,
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: I think I would have spiraled. Is there a like us?
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: Like she just picked up where she left off.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: And when people ask, she still says like three and
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: a half years or something, But technically there was a
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: relapse day. I mean it could be.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: I think sobriety is one size or is not one
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: size fits all. It's kind of like whatever keeps you
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: mentally stable. I don't know if she's a the program
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: or not. I certainly would have her start from scratch
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: the time, but if that messes with her mentally, then
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: like you don't want to trigger anybody. But for example,
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: like I had a friend whose sponsor relapsed, they could
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: no longer be her sponsor because you can't. You need
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: at least a year under your belt and all of
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: the steps done before you can sponsor somebody. You also
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: can't have more time than your sponsor, right, so if
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: she were my sponsor, she couldn't be that anymore. Oh okay,
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: I see, because the whole point is to not fall
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: back into that. Like, thank god, it was just one
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: day for her. I don't know. I guess it would
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: depend on who you ask.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: But back to Rita, you were saying, yeah, your shirt's
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: very dark. Did you ever because I remember when we
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: went over an episode of vander Pump you were like,
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: maybe I'm as understood this, but you were like I
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: was saying I was sober, but I kind of was
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: still drinking. Did you ever say you were sober and
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: then have a little relapse or try to be sober
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: and couldn't or no.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: No, it was for me. I told I would say
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: I'm not drinking right now, got it?
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: I didn't say that I was a sober person because
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: I wasn't. But they're like a few years back, on
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: way more than a few now, A few years back
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: when that happened, I was going to AA meetings but
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: I was smoking weed and then all of a sudden
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: it like hit me. I was like, I'm making a
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: mockery of this entire program, Like these women fight hard
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: every day to not pick up anything to take them
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: out of their reality, and I'm sitting here like coming
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: to the meeting and then smacking my pen like the
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: moment that I get back to the apartment. So then
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: I had to deal with all that guilt when I
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: re entered AA to talk about all the things that
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: I was not proud of in my addiction. But Rita
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: on the rocks, like for her to open up about
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: an addiction like that, one that I can't relate to,
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: but I know definitely exists in many people. And I
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: agree they are like they are sending that shit to
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: the youngins. It's a huge issue. And my mom always said,
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: do you think that the casinos would be this nice
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: and big if people were winning all the time.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: It's so true, right, so true?
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: So I never like I remember going with my ex
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: and he would give me chips to go gamble. Gosh out, motherfucker,
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: I pocketed that shit two seconds, right, I'm more yeah, no,
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: or like I would spend I'll be like I'll spend
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: a couple hundred and that like two hundred, and that's it.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: Once I lose, I'm like two hundred.
• 9:48
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: If you beg two.
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: Hundred, my mom would go, why don't we just put
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: that into investments.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: I would never.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: Really even on slots. I just did to have fun.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: Two hundred dollars, Are you crazy? I'm kidding.
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: I got fifty bucks out to go play blackjack with
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: Tap Good and I looked at the fifty bucks and
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: I was like, I don't really need to play that much.
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: I kept it, so I just kept fifty bucks. It's like, eh,
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: I like it in my hand.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I can tell. I think a lot of people can't,
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: or they're up, and then they I'm just like okay.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: Or if I'm up, that's another thing. If I'm up
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: more than twenty five percent, if I'm at two fifty,
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: I cash.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: I can't do percentages, so I won't even know if
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: I was up twenty five percent. Hold on, let's see
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: how many decimals.
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: On my favorite. By the way, that's not twenty five percent.
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: What fifty is not twenty five percent of two hundred.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: It's okay. When you're you're on a podcast fifty would.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: Be, Oh, yes it is, is it going, guys getting this?
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: She went to college. I didn't grab No, But there's
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: so many things that like people don't take into account
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: that you can become addicted to, Like anything at any
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: point in time can be become an extremely unhealthy addiction.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: Like me though, thinking about well, even if it's gambling,
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: like the amount of alcohol money I'd spent on alcohol.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: When I would wake up and see those receipts, I
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: was like.
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: Let's talk about candy crush up, little gambler.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: You no, No, But then can I tell you when
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: I knew that I was exiting my it was a pandemic, right,
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: a pandemic.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: Handy crush made out so well in the pandemic.
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: Everyone did that, but they didn't mean anybody else, but.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: I was crushing it. And now when I see that
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: I'm out of lives, I'll make myself wait like forty
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: eight hours, seventy two hours, because then they're like so
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: excited that you've come back that they give you Hella
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: spoons in like an hour of unlimited playtime, so you
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: don't run out of spoons.
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: She just gave you that, you guys.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: So I wasn't addicted, but I doesn't, Or I wasn't
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: you were addictous. I wasn't addicted. I was, but that's
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: when I had two incomes coming into that household. Well,
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: I thought, I.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: So uh this Liam wrote in I can read it
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: my sobriety story. I started drinking at thirteen, and throughout
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: my teen years. This spiraled into excessive binge drinking, but
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: I justified it as everyone was doing it. Over time,
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: I made light of the fact I would quote drink
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: my problems away again. Many people would joke like this.
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: I could always handle my alcohol very well until I couldn't.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: There was always an over the cliff moment, and there
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: was no coming back. There was no stopping and no
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: control until I'd blackout. I drank through dealing with my sexuality,
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: through not feeling good enough, and just generally through any issues.
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: When my friends were all coupling up and I wasn't,
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: I would sit and drink at home, sometimes up to
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: three bottles of wine in a sitting. I was only
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: around two twenty six at this point. I started to
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: fear the concept of blacking out, hated forgetting everything, and
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: hated not knowing how people felt. About me after I'd
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: been drinking, so I tried to control it. For a
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: couple of years. I managed to balance it well. I
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: got into a long term relationship and we often liked
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: to drink together. Then my dad died, and again every
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: drink was for a sense of solace. I continued to
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: spiral down, slower, darker, longer. This time, I didn't particularly
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: realize it was happening, despite the odd flag of concern
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: from those around me. I blacked out at both of
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: our weddings. We had a smaller ceremony and then a
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: larger celebration. Oh when you got married. Sorry, honestly I
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: missed a lot, but every time I had a drink,
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: I felt this false confidence that it was filling a void.
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: Eventually I hit rock bottom and my character was out
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: of control. In one night, I nearly lost everything, acting
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: with aggression, getting lost on a night out, waking up
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: on a park bench with my pants down. Oh my god,
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: I just got goosebumps. I had no idea what that
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: night became or who I became. The next day, I
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: swore I would never drink again. Repairing the damage took longer,
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: but I've stuck to that and will be two years
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: end of October. Wow, I had no this is the last.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: I had no previous knowledge or experience of sobriety in
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: my life, but I was a big fan of vander
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: Pump Rules, so Lala actually became a very big inspiration
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: to me in the process. Since I went sober too,
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: more of my friends have and I've supported them best
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: I can.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: That is amazing.
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: What's amazing is you as well, you Liam, Congratulations, congratulations
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: to both October.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: Look at that. You know a lot of people get
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: sober in October, and I'm very, very proud you said
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: his name's Liam. Yeah, that's absolutely amazing. And that's how
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: it does start. Though, by the way, and I've heard
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: people say I didn't have I had my first drink
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: at thirteen. I had my first drink at twenty one,
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: And for some reason, we've all ended up in the
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: And when I say in the room, I mean in
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: an AA meeting. And there's just no way to do it.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that everybody should be sober, because
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: I think if you're a Norman, you can enjoy a
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: cocktail or a glass of wine and you don't affect
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: people in a negative way around you, then there's no harm, right,
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: But I do think that most people could benefit from
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: sobriety just because I feel like that it's also an
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: epidemic where life is really really chaotic and we're trying
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: to escape reality. But I completely relate to their story
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: because it does start like I didn't have my first
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: drink until I was eighteen, when I texted my friend
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: and I was like, you know, I went through all
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: of high school and all of my friends had these
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: like really fun moments of like being drunk, and like,
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: I feel like I didn't get to experience that right.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: And I was the type of person who would rarely drink.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: I probably drink once twice a month, and it just
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: it's still changed. You know, there was something inside of
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: me that was addicted and I was fueling it the
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: entire time. But it does start as like the confidence booster.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: You don't have confidence, You're you're feeling like the hair's
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: not sitting right, you don't like the way your makeup is,
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: you're insecure about your body. You have a drink and
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: you're like, suddenly you could approach anybody in the room
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: with confidence.
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's what you think it is yeah, a
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: game changer too. Though there's a lot of people attracted
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: to confidence. I have someone in my life very close
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: to me who I'm like having this talk with constantly,
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: and he's like, I get crippling anxiety. If I don't drink,
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: I can't make friends. And he's like, I want to
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: make friends. He lives in a new place. He's like,
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: so I need to drink. Like, I literally go out
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: and I can't speak to anybody. I look like a weirdo.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: The second I have a couple of drinks, I'm like
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: the light of the part. I'm like, you know, he
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: goes and I have friends now, and I'm like, ugh,
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: it's really hard.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: I'm sure he's not abusing it. But see that's where
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: I think the room could benefit him, because those are
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: how a lot of the stories happen. And all of
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: this sudden you realize, oh, I'm not the only one
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: in this room with crippling anxiety. Like we all have it.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: It's just something that's kind of taken over and we
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: think that with a couple drinks, we have the confidence.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: Like they said, Liam, it's a false confidence. You start
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: getting sloppy. It's not cute. People start talking behind your
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: back about your drinking. It's not a good feeling. And
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: then when you suffer great loss and it becomes the
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: numbing tool, then you are in the darkest hole of
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: your entire life because alcohol is a depressant. And I
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: love when people are like, well, tequila is not it's
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: made with a gave, Like the fuck off.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: Alcohol is poisoning all alcohol is poisoning you, literally, like,
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: please stop, Liam, you I see this photo of you
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: and your partner and your dog, absolutely so cute and thriving.
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: I do have to say, even after your wedding, you
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: sharing that like blacking out during both your weddings. I
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: don't know if your partner. It sounds like your partner
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: supported you, in which case that's also very beautiful. I
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: think it looks like you're still together.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: And shout out to Liam for being there for the
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: two friends as well and doing right.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: Yea, here for them while still battling him. That's the
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: gift of sobriety. When people around you start looking at
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: you and they're like, I want what you have, you know,
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: that's a that's a really powerful moment.
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you started the train right there.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: Remember that and I live my life that way now,
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: like sobriety. Even if you're not a sober person. I
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: think anyone could benefit from reading the Big Book or
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: the twelve Steps, because it's just about kind of becoming
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: a better person. And they're not expecting you to like
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: read this book and now you're different, but you know
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: you're constantly redoing steps. I was on step four for
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: years on end, and I thought I was finally gonna
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: be over it, and then life hit me like a
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: ton of bricks at the Americana one day amends, I'm like, resentments, okay,
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: and I'm like.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I've got some built up respect.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: That's what's going to take a minute. And you know,
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: all of season ten, my sponsor would be like, we've
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: got you're you're angry, and I'm like, it's got to
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: be enough to just not pick up a drink right now.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: I can't do I can't work the steps right now
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: in an authentic way. It'll be bullshit. I'm pissed off.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: Right and you gotta feel it. You can't move on
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: to the next Is that how it works? You can't
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: like skip a step and be like, welly, I'm on
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: step six, but I didn't finish step four.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: When you first get sober, you should do one through
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: twelve in order. Okay, But then throughout your sobriety you're
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: gonna be revisiting steps all the time. Oh that's good
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: to know. See, that's like it's a constant. You're gonna
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: be going back and re reading the big book. That's
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: why I highly recommend when someone comes to me in
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: my DMS or you know, on the streets and they're
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: just like, I think I have a drinking problem, what
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: do you recommend I do? I'm like, first and foremost,
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: get the book and start reading, and anything that resonates
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: with you, highlight fold the page because you will feel
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: like that book was written for you specifically, you know. Yeah.
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: So this is from Jessica. And like I've mentioned, we
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: get the podcast gets a ton of DMS and we
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: do our best to keep up, but they'll get buried
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: on one another. So Jessica messaged for this, in which
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: case she put an arrow upwards. So January twenty sixth,
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: twenty twenty three, Jessica messaged the podcast which we did
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: not see. Hilala and jess this will and may seem silly,
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: but I'm struggling very hard with alcoholism. I don't know
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: how to get off this horrible ride. If I stop,
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: I feel sick. I look up to you for hope,
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: and I know things can and will get better. I
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: just don't know where to start. I love your podcast,
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: and you give me so much hope for my future.
• 21:04
  Speaker 2: I'm unsure of what I'm writing for. Maybe this is
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: just appreciation for the work you do every day, and
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: I hope one day I'll be in your sober shoes.
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: Love you all, Ocean included. Thank you for all of
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: your honesty. God bless all of you now. Yesterday rit
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: sin okay with an arrow up pointing okay, wild. Long
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: story short. I was drinking a fifth of vodka or
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: more a day on the verge of losing my job
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: and was being incredibly irresponsible with my body and finances.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: I quit drinking cold turkey, experienced hallucinations and horrible withdraws
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: for about four days, isolated myself at my older brother's house,
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: and just went through it. I'm now thirteen months, so,
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: oh my god, I'm getting a hill. Thirteen months so
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: no alcohol, no weed, nothing. I run a department of
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: twenty associates, am almost debt free and about thirty pounds later,
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: almost four months celibate, not necessarily by choice, but it's
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: it's so hard having sober sex anyway, I don't mind.
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: Here it is and so much happier. I was a
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: zombie before, so careless and reckless. I now have purpose
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: and meaning in my life, a sense of self, with
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: a sense of self without my identity being tied to vodka.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: Thank you for being transparent about your journey, and I
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: can say without a doubt it's helped this lost little bird.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: It's been the most vulnerable year of my life, but
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: it's freeing being so fucking real with yourself, admitting faults
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: and apologizing to those you love for the ways you've
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: wrong them. I have a supportive and loving team, and
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: I'm so blessed to be where I am today thanks
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: to my sister in laws and brothers kindness. They let
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: me live with them.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: Ah, that's amazing.
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: We have tears.
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: Wow, this is absolutely beautiful.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: First, I'm very sorry that we missed yes that message.
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: January twenty sixth, twenty twenty three, but I think it.
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: Was meant to be that we missed it, and we
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: were supposed to find it today.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: You know, Wow, I feel God in the universe work
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: in very mysterious ways that we don't understand until suddenly
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: it all makes sense. Thirteen months sober, that's absolutely incredible.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: I would say the first thirty days is the most difficult.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: The next thirty days is going to be really fucking difficult.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: And they call it a pink cloud. So my most
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: favorite thing, and also what makes me the most terrified,
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: is when I have somebody approach me talking to me
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: about their sobriety and they love it so much, and
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: I love that for them. But what happens is you
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: sink into the reality of I'm a sober person and
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: I can't This isn't something that I'm ever going to conquer.
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: I have to work out every day. And the reason
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: I know about the pink cloud is because when I
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: discovered sobriety and I would walk in to my I
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: call her my angel. She's the one that gave me
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: or presented the Brent Shapiro ash Spirit Award. Yeah, Ashley,
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: we had her on the podcast. Okay, She's the first
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: person I called when I got sober or wanted to
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: get sober. But she I would come in every single
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: Thursday and be like, I just love being sober. Okay,
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: we're on the pink cloud. She's like, I want you
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: to remember, I'm thrilled for you and every day is
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: going to be a gift that you stay sober. But
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: the pink cloud you get knocked off of it real
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: quick because life will still happen. It does not solve
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: all your problems. The difference is your life becomes manageable.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: And I was like, well manageable. I mean, I've been
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: managing shit my whole life, you know, But that really
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: is the difference. I've gone through the hardest times of
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: my life being sober, and it's like, what would this
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: have turned into had I been drinking.
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: Oh no.
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: So the fact that her rock bottom looked very different
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: than mine, It essentially doesn't matter what the rock bottom
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: moment is, right, whether it's like not that bad or
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: I know, I've sat in rooms with people who their
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: rock bottoms are like absolutely devastating, life altering, right, But
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: the point is we're in the room, and it does
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: take a while to go around and apologize and make amends,
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: you know, step nine and the people who don't want
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: to forgive you. It's all good. Because you know that
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: you've conquered, not conquered. I shouldn't say that word. You
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: haven't conquered the beast, but you've admitted that you are
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: the problem, that you're powerless over alcohol, and you're not
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: who you really are when you're under the influence people
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: who you want to apologize for things that you may
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: have done to them that they don't know about. And
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: they're thriving in life, so why the fuck would you
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: go and make them aware of something you've done. You
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: write the note and you throw it away where you
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: burn it. You know. There's like so many ways of
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: like saying sorry to somebody, and the people that forgive
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: you those are the ones that, like your heart kind
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: of melts for right.
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like I could do that, not even
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: in sobriety.
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: Like that just seems like that's what I mean.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, anyway, Yeah.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: The book is beneficial to everybody. Yeah, it's just teaching
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: you how to be a kind person. There are moments
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: where you fall off and you're like me, not drinking
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: just has to be enough. Me not being a major
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: see you next Tuesday just has to be enough. Right now,
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: I can't deal with the steps I can't apologize to
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: this person. I for damn sure, I'm not taking accountability
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: in this situation. She's about to say.
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: It's almost like it just takes you have to take
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: accountability for everything that you felt like you've done wrong.
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: Just in the book sober or not. I think like
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: it would be a very good thing to even look
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: back and be like, Okay, I did them dirty, not
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: even sober or drunk. But I feel like the apology
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: should be there, you know.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean they're incredibly difficult steps that you have
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: to overcome in that book.
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and you're just saying, like I love when you
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: say me not drinking just has to be enough. Takes
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: me back to the more we've talked about on the podcast,
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: the more general, like even dealing with depression and anxiety.
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: Sometimes days are like me, waking up today has to
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: be enough. I have to be like I woke up today, great,
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: I fred did it. I'm here on earth for another day.
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: Like there you go.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: Well, I think sobriety people who struggle, it allows you
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: to have that mindset, you know, where you can wake
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: up and manage life and your emotions and say today's
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: not the greatest of days. I'm going to take it
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: on the best way that I possibly can. But I'm
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: not at my rock bottom.
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: So it's a good day.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: Well it's we're going to take it as a win.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: I opened my eyes and I and I.
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: Tried yep, yeah, and they everyone should take that as
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: a win because I sure as yeah.
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: There are days, man, that's all all that I can do.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: Up.
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: This is from Jennifer. I have been sober for one
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: year and two days. My life was complete chaos while
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: I was drinking. I had destroyed every relationship with my
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: family and friends. I met my fiance two and a
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: half years ago, and he was a heavy drinker as well.
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: We are both amazed that we are still together after
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: everything we've put each other through. We decided together that
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: the only way out, the only way our relationship could survive,
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: would be for both of us to completely stop drinking.
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: The amount of growth we have experienced individually and together
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: this past year would never have been possible if alcohol
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: were still a part of our lives. I have been
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: watching vander Pump since season one and loved you from
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: the very first second I saw you on season four.
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: I also grew up in Salt Lake, but I'm currently
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: in Indiana. I started listening to your podcasts after I
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: quit drinking because I knew you were sober. It has
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: become my favorite podcast. My fiance now watches vander Pump
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: with me because he appreciates your honesty about your sobriety journey.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: That's incredible. Yeah, I think I could be with someone
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: who was also sobered in the program if we went
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: through it together.
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: That is beautiful.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: But that is beautiful because that is not the norm.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: There's usually always one person who's the enabler of the behavior.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: Believe in.
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: You say you couldn't be with a sober You say
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: you would want to be with a man that still drank.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: You didn't want to be with this who if they
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: did it together, though, I'm saying if we did it together,
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: I think it would be a different it would be
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: a different situation. You know, we we went through our
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: drinking days together and now we both are choosing sobriety
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: and we had like this this epiphany and awakening the
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: two of us to like do this together. That's not normal.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: The norm is one person always isn't ready to give
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: it up, and that can it and in you know,
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: a relapse for the person who chooses a healthy lifestyle,
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: or on the rare occasion that the person says like,
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: we're just like you're not healthy for me and my
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: new life choices. So that's a that's an incredible story, and.
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: Really yeah, that they're together and thriving, the things they
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: probably discovered about each other during that and then being
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: able to have like.
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: I don't know how she would think thinking about like, oh,
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: that's going to be a strong bond right there.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and what you guys say about like sober sex
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: versus drunks, like stuff like that when you're squirting. That
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: is the day. I hope you squirted, Jennifer. I really cute.
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: They're so cute.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: They're way cute.
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: I love like a golfer. Their their chic and they
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: have like matching glasses. I love you, mother.
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: They're but let me tell you something. This is him.
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: Have you ever really do to Have you ever heard
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: anyone say my life really started taking off and I
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: started thriving when I started getting super fucked.
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: Up literally never never hurt, never rappers, even them even then.
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: It's like Eminem has been so bare over sixteen years.
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Well he wasn't when he was making a shue Yeah,
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: and it was.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: Really really dark.
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: The girl who say the National Anthem, who everyone was
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: sending us a video being like Jess was this is
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: this usual? It was? And she came out a couple
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: of days ago and said, I was drunk. I'm humiliated.
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: But there's a video of her singing and she starts
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: way too high, way too high.
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: It happened to all of us. Sure. I also busted
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: into song on watch Rabin's I'm Not the National Anthem,
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: and I thought I was killing it. I thought I
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: was Rihanna. Girl happens. That's what I want to see now,
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: you guys on the bus season seven, when I'm making
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: everybody like tickle and touch me, and I was, she's
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: on Molly. People love to touch when they're on Molly.
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: Molly. I've never done Molly or ecstasy nothing. Hell, no,
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: are you crazy? It's just alcohol. You were on alcohol.
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: I liked the things from the earth, mushrooms, mushure.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: Were you on mushrooms?
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: No, it's because I started having the Sunday scaries. I
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: had been drinking after not drinking for a chunk of time.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: Season seven when my dad died. Oh yes, that I
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: started having alcohol panic. You know when you wake up
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: and you may have had like a rough night of drinking,
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: and you start having the worst anxiety of your fucking
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: life and you just want to crawl out of your
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: own skin. Yeah, that was me.
• 32:42
  Speaker 2: And that's why you were having So you were sober,
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: you were.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: Just I was not sober. I had Mexico. When we went,
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: I literally say to Shina, Mama hasn't been drunk in
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: a while, So I overdo it. And on the bus
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: that night, the alcohol had sunk in and I just
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: had anxiety about my life and I needed people to, like,
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: you know how they say, take a risk, like an
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: elastic and flick your wrist. Yes, it was similar to
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: me wanting that all over my body so that I
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: could focus on that and not what your mind. So yes,
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: it was really.
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: Out of your mind.
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but there was nothing like I if I could
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: have had them all just punched me in the face
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: over and over, that probably would have worked best. No,
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: it was the worst experience of my life, of my life.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: I hated that entire Yeah. No, sobriety is where it's at, dude.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: Then sometimes I wish I could get like show people
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: like a crystal ball of like your life is gonna happen,
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: but like, imagine life happening and it not taking you out. Yeah,
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: and you're like, you know what, I'm a little bummed today,
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: but like fuck that, Tomorrow's a new day, Like tomorrow
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: could also be ship But guess what, we know that
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: it's it's not going to be that way forever. Yes,
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: nothing is forever.
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: Every day can't be your worst day because even if
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: your days continue to get worse, your day before that
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: was better.
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you know what, this is how I want
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: you all to remember things. If you're down in the dumps,
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: just embrace it because there's nowhere to go but up.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: And when you're at the peak of the mountaintop, just
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: enjoy the fuck out of it because you will roll
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: down soon. But don't worry because once you get to
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: the bottom, it's get tiking again.
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: There you go. That's life, baby, life, That is life life.
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: That showbiz, baby.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: That's showbiz. That's sobriety for you. Yeah, you guys, I
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: appreciate you writing in to to give them la pod
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: Instagram page. By the way, can I tell you how
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: much I love that we'll give them La La Pod
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: because I call my crew the pod that you're not cute,
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: that is cute. I just realized I appreciate all of
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: your sober stories. You guys are awesome. I know that
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: those are not easy to tell, but you're in the
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: same boat as me and I kind of.
• 35:02
  Speaker 2: Fun and there were so many so if you ever
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: want to do it again like that was really great
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: for everyone to write in.
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we'll do it again. I love you guys,
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: thank you for listening, and I will catch you on
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: Wednesday and for the bonus episode next Monda