Latest / Therapy Thursday with Ellen K / The Snooping Sister & Traveling Casanova

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The Snooping Sister & Traveling Casanova · Therapy Thursday with Ellen K

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: It is Therapy Thursday, get another fun edition. And we
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: are three friends who have come together to help you out.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: I'm Ellen Kay, I'm Ryan Mano, and I'm Sarah Dash
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: and so right and I do a radio show together.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: And we realize that everyone who's calling wants help of
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: some kind is always relationship help, whether it's at work
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: or at home or in love. And so we're like
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: trying to do the best we can. And then we
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: met you, Sarah Dash, and you're a licensed therapist, so
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: we said we should do this on the radio. Let's
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: call it Therapy Thursday because that sounds good, and that's
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: how it was born. And now we're a podcast. How exciting,
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: so exciting.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: And I do feel like Sarah's kind of She's our
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: counter Ellen, Ellen's very sweet. I would be Ellen's the
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: rose and I would be the.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: Thorn on the bush.
• 0:49
  Speaker 4: Oh, then what is Sarah?
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: Sarah? Sarah's the whole garden.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Okay, you're the whole garden, Sarah the leaf.
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: Well, we got this letter and it says I think
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: I might have ruined my sister's marriage, and I don't
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: know if I regret it. My sister Leila has been
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: married to her husband, Marcus for seven years. From the outside,
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: they look solid, two kids, a nice house, the whole thing.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: But I've never trusted him. There was always something off.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: He's handsome, charming, and flirting in that I'm just being
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: friendly kind of way that makes you feel crazy for noticing.
• 1:25
  Speaker 4: A few weeks ago, I borrowed.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: His iPad while I was at their house and a
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: message popped out, and it was from a woman saved
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: as client dinner. The texts were not professional at all.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: I wish I could say I closed the iPad and
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: minded my business, but I didn't. I read enough to
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: know this was ongoing, planned and intentional. I lost it
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: and showed my sister everything. Now their marriage is in
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: free fall.
• 1:52
  Speaker 4: He says.
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  Speaker 1: It's not what it looks like. She's devastated. There's talk
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: of separation. Now my entire family's split. Some say did
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: the right thing by showing my sister and telling her,
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: and others are saying I've ruined a perfectly good family.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: If she never would have seen it, she never would
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: have known it would be ignorant bliss. Did I protect
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: my sister or did I destroy her life?
• 2:11
  Speaker 4: This is from Diana.
• 2:12
  Speaker 5: Well Diana did not destroy anything. She revealed a rupture
• 2:21
  Speaker 5: that was already there.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Do you think Leila knew in her heart of hearts
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: that Marcus is not who he appears to be and
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: I know he might be cheating, or do you think
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: that she was oblivious?
• 2:37
  Speaker 5: It's hard to know. We know that the sister had
• 2:42
  Speaker 5: never felt completely at ease with him in terms of
• 2:45
  Speaker 5: whether her sister's heart was protected in this relationship.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: So sometimes do we see what others can't see and
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: we can see it super clearly, and you're like, but
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: he's not a good guy, and then you're marries him
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: seven years two kids?
• 3:02
  Speaker 5: Right, Denially, Absolutely, we do see things that other people
• 3:06
  Speaker 5: can't say. I mean, it's one of the purposes of
• 3:09
  Speaker 5: therapy is that you're going to see and speak to
• 3:12
  Speaker 5: somebody who can help you get clarity about things that
• 3:14
  Speaker 5: are fuzzy for you.
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: There's a just talking hearing you two talk.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: There's a quote, a phrase that I love that says,
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: red flags just look like flags when you're wearing rose
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: colored glasses. Okay, right, so you don't see if the
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: lenses are red, that flag looks white.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: So maybe this is what Leila wanted all along and
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: she doesn't care what comes with it, Like she doesn't
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: really mind the consequences because she has the two kids
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: and the marriage and and maybe that's just all she wants.
• 3:42
  Speaker 5: My sense says that's not the case because of the response,
• 3:48
  Speaker 5: Like if her sister had gone to her and said, look,
• 3:51
  Speaker 5: this is what I saw, the sister responds, Okay, don't
• 3:55
  Speaker 5: say anything to him. Yes, don't say anything to anybody
• 3:57
  Speaker 5: else in the family, And if you love me, you
• 3:59
  Speaker 5: will never mention this again. Sarah, this is not what
• 4:03
  Speaker 5: happened in the situation.
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you're right.
• 4:05
  Speaker 5: The fact that the system was destabilized tells me she did,
• 4:09
  Speaker 5: in fact need to know this.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, And I'm gonna take this a step further.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: We're never gonna get to the bottom of whether this
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: is true or not. But I don't believe she used
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: that iPad and saw that by accident.
• 4:19
  Speaker 6: Oh.
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  Speaker 5: Interesting.
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  Speaker 2: I think she was looking for it, and I think
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  Speaker 2: she found a way to use that iPad so she
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  Speaker 2: could confirm her suspicions.
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  Speaker 5: Interesting.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, why did she let this guy carry on for
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: seven years? Did they not have an iPad before? I mean,
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: I wonder if there was like a final straw kind
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: of moment where you know, maybe once or twice a
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: year she'd see some behavior from him and think he's shady. Yeah,
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: but then maybe it just kind of pinnacled for her
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: and she thought, I'm gonna bust this guy.
• 4:45
  Speaker 5: An opportunity presented itself.
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, who knows?
• 4:49
  Speaker 4: Who knows?
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  Speaker 5: It is an interesting question though.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: Right, like, Okay, did you bust him on purpose? Have
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: you been after him for seven years? And I mean
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: some cold cases, in criminal cases go a long time
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: before aha, I got you.
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  Speaker 3: And she's been on this guy for.
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  Speaker 5: Seven years, she's been suspicious, Yes, for a long time.
• 5:12
  Speaker 4: Oh my god.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Okay, well let's go to Mariah. Mariah, thank you so
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: much for coming on therapy Thursday. Do you think that
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: Diana did the right thing?
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  Speaker 7: I do, because first her sister found out later, and
• 5:27
  Speaker 7: then she found out that she knew she would feel
• 5:30
  Speaker 7: more betrayed from her.
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  Speaker 4: Keeping a secretly.
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  Speaker 7: Anytime you find something out, it's gonna hurt. I had
• 5:36
  Speaker 7: the same thing. It happened with a girlfriend of mine.
• 5:38
  Speaker 7: Her fiance was hitting on me and I told her
• 5:42
  Speaker 7: he was like trying to inappropriately flirt with me, And
• 5:45
  Speaker 7: I told her and she quit talking to me for
• 5:47
  Speaker 7: a while. But you know, I think it's just when
• 5:49
  Speaker 7: it's first hits, you want to blame somebody, and it's
• 5:51
  Speaker 7: hard to blame the person you're with, right, I got it.
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: And then she never married him.
• 5:55
  Speaker 7: Yeah, they did, but it didn't last very long, Okay, and.
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: She she was never like really she didn't stay salty
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: with you, did she?
• 6:03
  Speaker 7: No, we're still friends. It's just you're trying you want
• 6:08
  Speaker 7: to place the blame where it's leased.
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: Yes, right, right, Okay, Well, thank you so much, Mariah,
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: No problem, thank you. Have a good day, you too, Sarah.
• 6:17
  Speaker 4: Do you agree with Mariah?
• 6:18
  Speaker 5: I think Mariah is completely right about this because you're
• 6:22
  Speaker 5: seeing like the scapegoating, like the sister's now the scapegoat,
• 6:26
  Speaker 5: and clinically that means that the conflict is sort of
• 6:30
  Speaker 5: exported onto someone else. It's more manageable for the family
• 6:34
  Speaker 5: to see the sister is the problem than you know,
• 6:36
  Speaker 5: the real possibility that this marriage may be in jeopardy.
• 6:40
  Speaker 5: It's it's inconvenient for this marriage to be in jeopardy.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: I have two sisters and three brothers, and if I
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: saw something on an iPad, you better.
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: Believe I would go to them right away. I would.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: I would not hesitate to say, you know, to any
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: of them.
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: Would you confront the person that you found evidence on, Yes,
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: you would say something to that part.
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  Speaker 4: I wouldn't say you were all family.
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  Speaker 5: Would you do that first before you went to your siblings?
• 7:07
  Speaker 4: No?
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: No, okay, I'd go to my siblings first because that's
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: who I grew up with.
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  Speaker 4: There, my that's my life.
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  Speaker 5: So you wouldn't give like the person the opportunity to
• 7:16
  Speaker 5: festt themselves or anything not directly undeniable proof.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: If I had the knife with the blood on it,
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: I'm taking it right to the crime lab. Yeah, and
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: I'm going to match that blood and it's going to
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: be in this case.
• 7:29
  Speaker 4: Marcus's all right, I'm gonna ask another question.
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: Would you opt for an in person or an on
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  Speaker 2: the phone conversation with the offender?
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  Speaker 4: I'm going in person with everybody? Oh my god, you wouldn't.
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  Speaker 4: It's your family. No, no, no, no. I would tend a
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  Speaker 4: family for seven years.
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  Speaker 2: If it were my brother and I had to give
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: him back, I would want to do it in person.
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  Speaker 2: I don't know about the confrontation with the with the bad.
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  Speaker 1: Really, you wouldn't want to look that person in the
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: face and say, how dare you do this to my brother?
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  Speaker 4: Oh? I don't know, Sarah. What do you reckon to
• 8:01
  Speaker 4: each their own?
• 8:02
  Speaker 5: Okay, we all have our different sales.
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  Speaker 4: What would I professionally, what would you advise.
• 8:08
  Speaker 5: If I were talking to a client or I was
• 8:09
  Speaker 5: talking to myself.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: If you're talking to Diana about Marcus and Lila.
• 8:15
  Speaker 5: I would say, she absolutely did the right thing. I
• 8:17
  Speaker 5: don't even think there's a real choice here. I mean,
• 8:20
  Speaker 5: we're either in certain situations, we're either committed to protecting
• 8:24
  Speaker 5: the status quo, including Marcus, or she commits to protecting
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  Speaker 5: her sister. So I don't think there's a real choice here.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: Because from the sound of the letter, it sounds to
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  Speaker 1: me like Diana did tell Marcus, maybe even shortly after,
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  Speaker 1: because she said I lost it and showed my sister everything.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Now their marriage is freefall. He says, it's not what
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: it looks like, so he's trying to deny it. So
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: there has been some kind of confrontation, hopefully it was
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: in person.
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  Speaker 2: Can I say one more thing, also, very very lazy
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: to save this person as client dinner, that's like this,
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  Speaker 2: There is nothing you got to at least give her
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  Speaker 2: a company name or a first name client dinner.
• 9:03
  Speaker 4: I mean, you so dumb.
• 9:05
  Speaker 5: So Marcus made the investigation too simple, I mean in
• 9:10
  Speaker 5: fourth grade.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: All right, everybody, hang on, we'll be right back. It's
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: therapy Thursday. Welcome back to therapy Thursday. This is a
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: hot topic.
• 9:22
  Speaker 4: A lot of people are calling.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: Diana wrote in, and she said that her sister Lila
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: has been married for seven years to Marcus. She found
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: messages on Marcus's iPad that are not professional, but they're
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: saved as client dinners from a woman he saved as
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: client dinner. Right, we are just talking about how dumb
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: that move was.
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: Give her a name.
• 9:45
  Speaker 4: Something, You could even give her a hymn name.
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: Yes for real?
• 9:50
  Speaker 4: Right, yeah, Jim from Chevy.
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: Believable brother.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: All right, Alexander, thank you, thank you for calling in
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: Therapy Thursday. So you say that something similar to you
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: like this has happened to you.
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: What happened?
• 10:08
  Speaker 8: Okay? So I owned a limousine company and one of
• 10:11
  Speaker 8: my top clients would only allow me to drive, So
• 10:16
  Speaker 8: I went. I drove him with his girlfriend to Dodgers Stadium,
• 10:20
  Speaker 8: and my vehicle would always park inside where the players
• 10:24
  Speaker 8: park So he went to the game and I'm resting
• 10:29
  Speaker 8: in the car and then I see the girl that
• 10:33
  Speaker 8: he's with, his girlfriend come out with a baseball player.
• 10:38
  Speaker 8: I get out of the car and I'm walking towards
• 10:41
  Speaker 8: the car and she's hiding, and I said, Crystal, what
• 10:44
  Speaker 8: are you doing? Oh? He decided to stay longer with friends.
• 10:49
  Speaker 8: I said, okay, I'd let it go. My friend comes back,
• 10:52
  Speaker 8: we leave. He's very sad, you know. And I did
• 10:56
  Speaker 8: not share that with him because I didn't want to
• 10:59
  Speaker 8: break his heart more right. I then would play basketball
• 11:04
  Speaker 8: with him and listen to him, and have dinners with
• 11:07
  Speaker 8: him and just listen to him. He found an amazing, honest,
• 11:12
  Speaker 8: beautiful woman that is now his wife and they have
• 11:15
  Speaker 8: beautiful children. I did inform him of that situation, and
• 11:20
  Speaker 8: he was very upset at me. He resented me. He's like,
• 11:23
  Speaker 8: you should have told me, Yeaxander. I said, well, if
• 11:27
  Speaker 8: I would have told you, it would not have changed
• 11:29
  Speaker 8: your heart, and I didn't want to hurt you more.
• 11:32
  Speaker 8: But that experience, Allan taught me to never hold anything back,
• 11:37
  Speaker 8: especially when you are protecting your friends and your family.
• 11:41
  Speaker 8: We would never be talking about that situation. If this
• 11:44
  Speaker 8: man was being honest.
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: That's very true, Alexander.
• 11:48
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, and it's I think he brings up a
• 11:50
  Speaker 5: good point in that it's not an easy choice. It
• 11:54
  Speaker 5: doesn't mean it's I don't know, it's hard. I can't
• 11:58
  Speaker 5: imagine a much harder message to deliver than telling somebody
• 12:03
  Speaker 5: you know that they realize that their partner is being unfaithful,
• 12:06
  Speaker 5: and it's not something that's casually done. I think that
• 12:08
  Speaker 5: delivery and timing do matter in these situations, but that
• 12:12
  Speaker 5: you know, ultimately, can you have a relationship that's based
• 12:17
  Speaker 5: on an illusion?
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: Do you think some people Sarah? Have you found that
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: some people enjoy being the bearer of bad news?
• 12:25
  Speaker 6: Oh?
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: God?
• 12:28
  Speaker 5: I mean I think that some people enjoy feeling important.
• 12:32
  Speaker 5: I think that some people enjoy feeling like they have
• 12:35
  Speaker 5: information that others don't. It can give them if you're
• 12:38
  Speaker 5: if they tend to run that way. Hopefully it's not
• 12:41
  Speaker 5: a common occurrence, but yeah, I've seen it.
• 12:43
  Speaker 4: Sure, What about you?
• 12:44
  Speaker 5: What do you think?
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: I do?
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: I think that the people wake up looking it's almost
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: like an anteater, like like what can I what can
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: I suck up to just spit out and make someone's
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: day badly?
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: Those kinds of people like exist. Oh, that's icky.
• 12:58
  Speaker 5: It is, it is, and it's it's unfre fortunate because
• 13:00
  Speaker 5: what you you know, if you're just going to focus
• 13:02
  Speaker 5: on that person, you're you're typically going to say, a
• 13:05
  Speaker 5: pretty lonely person. This is not somebody who invites connection
• 13:10
  Speaker 5: and intimacy into their life.
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'm not suggesting that the sister who looked
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: at the iPad is that person. But now I don't
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: at all, But I do think that that there are
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: people who would and do go through life hoping to
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: find some bad news that they can then deliver.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, get pleasure out of that a little bit, the
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: pleasure playground.
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: All right, we're going to take a quick break.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: It's therapy Thursday. When we get back. Are you in
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: a relationship with someone who's never around? Are you traveling
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: Casanova or casanves stay with us, Welcome back Therapy Thursday.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: Three friends coming together to help you out. Basically, That's
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: what someone said, Hey, what's therapy Thursday about? I said, Well,
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: it's about therapy and helping people with their problems. And
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: Ryan and I have been doing a radio show getting
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: a lot of influx of people with problems, and we
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: know a licensed therapist.
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: Oh, by the way, I'm Ellen Kay, I'm Ryan Manno,
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: and I'm Sarah Dash and you are our licensed therapist friend.
• 14:15
  Speaker 4: So we said syme in.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: We're getting so many people calling and we're not experts
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: like Ryan and I could say, well, I had a
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: friend who did this, all right, but you have a
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: practice and you see this, you have experience. Yeah, And
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: so we are hearing from a lot of people. This
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: is from Kim. So Kim wrote to us. You can
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: get to us a lot of different ways. Leave us
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: a talk back, you can write to us, DM us
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: whatever you want. But it says I'm dating Micah. He's successful,
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: driven and travels two hundred and forty five days a
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: year overseeing major product installations. He's built an incredible life
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: and he's brought me into it. I live in his
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: beachfront home. I drive any of his three luxury cars.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: There are surprise gifts and jewelry, the kind of treatment
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: of my friends about They tell me that I've won,
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: but I feel completely alone. And Micah has invited me
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: to travel along with them. But I have my own businesses,
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: pilates in yoga studio. I don't want to give that up,
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: and I don't trust relationship that mostly exists without me
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: in it.
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: So she goes on. I don't know where he is
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: half the time.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: I don't know who he's meeting, who's charming, because he
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: is charming and that's part of how he got so successful.
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: My friends think I'm crazy for even questioning this. Do
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: I hold onto the man who gives me everything? Or
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: walk away because the one thing I want is the
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: one thing he can't give me. That's his presence.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: Ooh, okay, so he's gone all the time, but when
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: he's around, you get spoiled. Right, two hundred and forty
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: five days a year, it's most of the year. Like
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: how many baseball games are there? Ye, one hundred and eighty,
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: one hundred and eighty two.
• 15:48
  Speaker 4: See, this is more than a professional athlete.
• 15:51
  Speaker 5: There's a lot of physical separation in this relationship. I
• 15:55
  Speaker 5: hear that as less of a problem than there's not
• 15:59
  Speaker 5: the predictability, there's not Does it seem like there's like
• 16:02
  Speaker 5: a through line of communication. So she's untethered, like she
• 16:06
  Speaker 5: doesn't know where he is, doesn't know when they're going
• 16:08
  Speaker 5: to talk. So I think that is destabilizing. But also,
• 16:13
  Speaker 5: these are two people who are both putting career and
• 16:16
  Speaker 5: their individual pursuits over the partnership. So it's not like
• 16:20
  Speaker 5: he's a bad partner or a bad person. They're just
• 16:24
  Speaker 5: kind of doing their lives a little differently right now.
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: Okay, you know it jumped out to me.
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: And I don't know if you noticed this, Sarah with
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: your trained eye as an LMFT, I didn't hear a
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: lot about the love. I didn't hear her say he
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: makes me feel X, Y and Z when we're together,
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: or what I love about him. It was I get
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: to drive his three cars, I get to stay It
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: is because, yeah, there's a lot of focus on the things,
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: which clearly she enjoys bite, but where I'm not reading
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: a lot of love.
• 16:51
  Speaker 5: No, And you're right, she's describing a very luxurious lifestyle,
• 16:55
  Speaker 5: and I think that she enjoys that. I don't think
• 16:57
  Speaker 5: there's anything wrong with it. But the last of presence,
• 17:01
  Speaker 5: she's not grounded in the relationship, and whether you know,
• 17:05
  Speaker 5: whatever her friends think, this relationship is getting so much
• 17:08
  Speaker 5: validation from her friends, and I think, yeah, I think
• 17:12
  Speaker 5: it complicates it for her. But no matter what her
• 17:16
  Speaker 5: friends think or what anybody else would think, it doesn't
• 17:18
  Speaker 5: sound like this relationship is working for her right now.
• 17:21
  Speaker 4: She's lonely.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: Think it would be great, Ryan, You're right if she
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: would have put a line in the letters said, I
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: can't wait for him to get home so we can
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: snuggle and watch Netflix and rub our feet together till
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: we fall asleep or you know whatever, or we love
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: waking up and having coffee together. Then he tells me
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: all about his day, yeah.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: Right, or like we're watching this on Netflix and we're
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: doing a we're halfway through building a puzzle or something.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: Something something shares no connection, right, yeah, or at least
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: that we're hearing that.
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: That's I guess what I'm taking.
• 17:48
  Speaker 5: No, but that's a really good I mean, that's very perceptive,
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: you know. I think that you picked up on that
• 17:53
  Speaker 5: there's not a mention of how she feels in his presence.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: Can a relationship like this work if, even if it's
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: unconventional to the three of us or to anyone watching
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: or listening, right, Ken, this work if both people almost
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: you almost have to not care in order for it
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: to work.
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: Right, right, That sounds like Kim care is more than
• 18:13
  Speaker 4: he does exactly.
• 18:13
  Speaker 5: I think it can work beautifully if both people are
• 18:16
  Speaker 5: on the same page. Okay, yeah, but it's just not
• 18:19
  Speaker 5: what's working for her now. And maybe it was working,
• 18:21
  Speaker 5: you know, three years ago, however long they've been together.
• 18:24
  Speaker 5: But I hear that she wants something different now and
• 18:27
  Speaker 5: that could mean not necessarily ending the relationship, but just
• 18:31
  Speaker 5: more transparency, more predictable communication.
• 18:35
  Speaker 4: Huh. Okay. So I have a friend who moved into
• 18:38
  Speaker 4: a beach house.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: There were no luxury cars and spoil things like spas
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: and jewelry and all that, but she did move into
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: his house and she loved it because she was living
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: in a little apartment. So she moves into his beachfront home.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: He's gone a lot, right, So she's there. She's got
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: her toothbrush there, she's got the tooth you know everything.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: She opens up a drawer where his shaving stuff was,
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: and there were little notes in there, and it was
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: different flight attendants.
• 19:08
  Speaker 4: So he was.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: He wasn't a pilot, but he was flying around and
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: he had he was getting notes from women and phone numbers. Okay,
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: so I mean maybe he he likes to have a
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: grounding at home, like you're my girl at home, but
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: I'm on the road just seeing all kinds of women
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: having so much fun.
• 19:29
  Speaker 5: And that's fine if she's okay with that, right, and
• 19:32
  Speaker 5: maybe she has her own, you know, relationships when she's here,
• 19:36
  Speaker 5: when he's gone.
• 19:37
  Speaker 4: I mean, they should invite other guys over to his house.
• 19:39
  Speaker 5: I mean there's really there's really no right or wrong.
• 19:42
  Speaker 5: There's only whether this works for her or not.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: Okay, do you, Sarah, do you deal with a lot
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: of people that you know, clients, and you know I
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: don't know if you can share this, but that that
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: travel and almost use the road as an excuse to
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: not confront the present or the future.
• 20:00
  Speaker 4: It's like their escapism.
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 20:03
  Speaker 5: So you're saying that their life on the road is
• 20:07
  Speaker 5: really their real life, or that they actually or that
• 20:10
  Speaker 5: they just compartmentalize.
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: Out is I think that people do.
• 20:14
  Speaker 4: Absolutely.
• 20:15
  Speaker 5: People compartmentalize all the time. You know, we put things
• 20:17
  Speaker 5: in little boxes and it's more manageable for us, which
• 20:21
  Speaker 5: again I know I'm repeating myself, But no problem with
• 20:24
  Speaker 5: a lot of different boxes, if everybody's cool with there
• 20:26
  Speaker 5: being a lot of different boxes.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: I have a friend in a relationship. The relationship works.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: He's on their road a lot. He says, I like
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: being out there because I don't really want to be
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: home with myself. Yeah, and it works for them if
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: like years and years and years, they're just they they're
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: doing it.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: Listen, guys, I went to Europe with a band for
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: seven weeks and this was between jobs, and I felt
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: I kind of hosted a documentary about this tour that
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: they were fun. And when I got back, I was like,
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: oh I got to like be alone with me and stuff.
• 20:57
  Speaker 4: Oh you I felt to that. You get a sense
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: of like, oh, this is who I am.
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: I could also go out there and kind of run
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: away from some things.
• 21:06
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 21:07
  Speaker 5: Was it just like the constant distraction of being that
• 21:12
  Speaker 5: what he loves?
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: Distraction, he lives for it. Sorry, right, distract.
• 21:20
  Speaker 5: Distraction can be a beautiful thing.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: It's it's it's honestly, I see why someone would want
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: that life. I get it where it's like you don't
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: you there's a sense of like no one can find me, Oh.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: Jeez what Okay, Now let's get to Moses. Moses, thank
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: you for calling it. Can this work?
• 21:39
  Speaker 4: Yes? And no?
• 21:39
  Speaker 8: Because if you if you make the best of it
• 21:43
  Speaker 8: when you're together, that brings.
• 21:45
  Speaker 6: Up the whole situation up.
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: Sure, But then when you're not and that's most of
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: the year. What kind of relationship is that?
• 21:55
  Speaker 8: I love will find a way.
• 21:57
  Speaker 4: Love, We'll find a way. There he is, Moses. Okay, Moses, thank.
• 22:01
  Speaker 8: You, thank you, thank you you. You have a blessed day,
• 22:04
  Speaker 8: and uh, we'll hope to see you live one day.
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: Yes, thanks for checking in, Moses. Bye, take care, sweet,
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: very sweet love.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: We'll find a way when when Kim's not lonely. But
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: she's lonely. So love is not finding a way.
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: It's just not working, all right, because I don't hear love. Yeah, well,
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: she didn't talk.
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: To I know about him.
• 22:23
  Speaker 4: I know, I know he's good at Kathy. Kathy, you
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: have a big concern.
• 22:28
  Speaker 6: But I'm not hearing anything about love. My God. Just
• 22:31
  Speaker 6: before I said we love will find a way, love
• 22:34
  Speaker 6: wasn't mentioned. She didn't say how much she loved him
• 22:37
  Speaker 6: or how much he loved her.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: That's very true. Ryan brought that up early this morning.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: He said, this letter is all about the things, and
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: you know, poor me, I can't spend time with him,
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: But nothing was really about him or feelings for him.
• 22:53
  Speaker 6: Yes, you know, I kind of think that there's a
• 22:57
  Speaker 6: stage in our lives where we like that being tamper
• 23:01
  Speaker 6: and having all these wonderful things, but it kind of
• 23:04
  Speaker 6: grows old after a while, and you want somebody to
• 23:07
  Speaker 6: love and to be loved by. And so if you've
• 23:11
  Speaker 6: gotten to that point, and it sounds like she has,
• 23:14
  Speaker 6: then it's time to let him go and move on
• 23:18
  Speaker 6: to find somebody who's ready to be loved and wants
• 23:21
  Speaker 6: to love you.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: Or is he loving lots of people all around the
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: country that could be.
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: And each gift is a is an admission when.
• 23:29
  Speaker 6: My husband gets in troublem, I gave a wonderful gift.
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 23:35
  Speaker 4: So the gifts are the guilt the gift for sure.
• 23:40
  Speaker 6: And he's making this kind of money he can afford
• 23:42
  Speaker 6: to show these gifts on a lot of different people.
• 23:46
  Speaker 4: Thanks Kathy, You have a good day, all right, you too?
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: All right, Well, Sarah, I'm dying to know, like what
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: you would tell her if she was your client. Hang
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: on to that this therapy Thursday. We'll be right back,
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: all right, welcome back. So that's all sum it up.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: This has been an amazing therapy Thursday, and thank you
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: for listening to our podcast. Before we get to you, Sarah,
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: in your professional opinion, Ryan you've got to sum up, Like,
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: we had two very passionate questions today.
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: So it's interesting.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: I see a parallel here. The first one the sister
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: who looked at the iPad, right, she found something.
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: Now it's lost. That relationship, the love is.
• 24:29
  Speaker 4: The marriage is over.
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: Found now lost.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: This one, we just talked about someone's lost something, meaning
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: the guy's gone and she's just wanting to be found.
• 24:36
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, that's great, beautifully said thank you. And what
• 24:39
  Speaker 4: would you say?
• 24:41
  Speaker 5: I would say that secure attachment requires presence, whether it's
• 24:46
  Speaker 5: in person or whether it's from afar. There needs to
• 24:49
  Speaker 5: be a through line of communication, expectation and predictability. There
• 24:54
  Speaker 5: needs to be more transparency in this relationship.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: I want to get back to this lost in found
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Diana found something, you know, the marriage just fought. Yes,
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: Kim glost something and now she wants to find it.
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: Boom, I got it, we got it. I like it
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: to see you next week.
• 25:12
  Speaker 6: Thank you,