Latest / Learnings and Missteps by Depth Builder / Too Much for Some, Just Right for Others: Amy Cordero-Houk on Being Authentic, Unapologetic, and Done with Chasing Everyone's Approval

Transcript

Too Much for Some, Just Right for Others: Amy Cordero-Houk on Being Authentic, Unapologetic, and Done with Chasing Everyone's Approval · Learnings and Missteps by Depth Builder

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: Peter had actually made a really good observation.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_02: He said, No, men aren't intimidated by you, boys are.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_02: And that was one thing that has stuck with me ever since, which is now where I get that mentality.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_02: No, I'm not too much for some people.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_02: They're just too little for me.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: What is going on, LM family?
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: We are back again with another awesome guest.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: She is the president at National Lean Services and RSC Preliminary Lean Services.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I gotta tell you, that sounds super fancy and official.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: Just watch out.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: You might want to turn the volume down a little bit because she's got my kind of energy, and we're gonna be bringing her story, it is one of hard work, perseverance, and dedication, which I know the LM family digs that sort of stuff.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: And the most compelling thing, the interesting thing that I picked up as I was stalking her LinkedIn profile, was she is exactly where she's supposed to be, doing exactly what she's supposed to do, and in the space where she is supposed to support.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: And man, it's those kind of people that will light a fire in you.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: Her name is Miss Amy Hauk, and we are gonna get to know her just a little bit more.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: Now, if this is your first time here, you are listening to the Learnins and Missteps podcast, where you get a front row seat, behind the scenes seat, to see amazing human beings just like you, how they are sharing their gifts and talents to leave the industry better than they found it.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: I am Jesse, your selfish servant, and we're about to get to know Miss Amy.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: Amy, how are you, sister?
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'm good.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_02: I'm good.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_02: And thank you for such a kind opening.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_02: That was super sweet.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I mean, you know, I'm not a liar.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: Wait, let me be straight.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a damn good liar.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just not lying right now.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_02: Fair enough.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: Fair enough.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: We got to meet in Sedona.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, then we got to hang out again in Chicago.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I know I'm not the only one, but meeting people that consistently show up with the same energy, with the same focus, it's the ultimate.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: With so many, you know, fake wishy-washy people running their little agendas.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: That's okay.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: I get it.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: But with people that have the courage to just be them full selves all the time, Amy, it's a privilege.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm grateful to you that we're gonna be hanging out here for a little bit.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, well, thank you.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: And and and like we were discussing before we we got on here, it can be a lot for people.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of people are, you know, they ask you to tone it down a little bit.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_02: And here's the thing I'm not too much for you.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_02: You're just too little for me.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: I knew it.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: I knew it.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: I like to start with the very simple question.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: You ready for it?
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: Always.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: What do you know about endangered desert whales?
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_02: Fascinating.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_02: Clearly, you read my bio on LinkedIn, sir.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_02: What I know is that they're no longer with us.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_02: They have successfully gone extinct.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_02: They were they were I never know what to write in those things.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_02: I hate writing about myself.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_02: I usually will, I'll leave that usually to Peter, my humble husband, who will write it for me because I'm horrible at writing about myself.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_02: I don't, it's I don't know what it is.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_02: It's kind of that weird, you know, oh, you're just talking about.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_02: So I'll just I'll typically just be an ass.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_02: I'll just be a total ass about it.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_02: My LinkedIn post over the weekend, I was a total ass about it.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just like, I don't know what I'm writing about.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know who I am.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like I change every day.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes every morning it is a different person.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_02: That's why Peter is humble.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_02: So I don't know what I'm getting today.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_02: I better just come in neutral and hope not to react to any kind of crazy she's got coming at me today.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, I love it.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I did.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: I was doing the LinkedIn stuff.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, oh, this is interesting.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I totally picked up on the tone.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so here's the interesting thing is because I've been able to hang out with you.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'm reading it, like, oh, she's having fun, she's just putting stuff out there.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: But the truth, right?
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: Because sure, intellectually, we know that being precise and clear about whatever we put on our damn profile, there's business value to that, and la la la la la.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: And even now with like all the GPTs and stuff, you could have used that to produce something that fits the mold.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: But when I was reading it, I was like, this is Amy.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: Now I have the advantage of knowing you.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: This is totally Amy.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_02: I I found that I did, you know, I find that what I'll do sometimes is when I write, I have a tendency, and I've I've known, I'm known in my family and some of my close friends, I like to write.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_02: I like I actually enjoy writing.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_02: And, you know, I was raised in a time when hooked on phonics was a real thing, and it encouraged us to do a lot of good writing.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_02: And so I like writing, but I also know that I have a tendency of going a little bit off course a bit.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_02: And so I think having those bumpers sometimes AI be like, I think I might have been a little bit too much off here, then I can chew.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_02: Ring me in, baby.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_02: And it'll rain me in, it'll give me some suggestions.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, okay, I'm not gonna use that, but I see what you're wanting me to do there, and I'll make my edits.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_02: But for the most part, when I'm writing for me, it's gonna be for me.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_02: If I'm writing for my companies, maybe a little bit of me and a little bit more of the GPTs or the clods or the I forbid, I don't want if Josh watches this, which I would expect him to, but if Josh watches this and he hears about the GPT Claude Wars, it's I will use the GPT if I need to, Josh.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: They're tools, man.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's funny from the construction context.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: I, you know, I consume a lot of content and I hear the case for Claude and for all the other things, right?
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm you know, part of me's judging, come on, y'all, get over it.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's a freaking app.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but then I think about the Dewalt Milwaukee Ryobi discussion, which is oh no, that's serious, that's something serious.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_02: And now we're talking about things that can all fit.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly, they're all tools.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, if you've got a tool, and if again, it depends on what you're trying to accomplish.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_02: If I want to accomplish, if I want to come, if my brand is authenticity, that is what I try to bring to the table.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_02: If it's too much, that's not a me problem.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry, that's a you problem.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_02: But if you can't keep up with it, then maybe we're just not a good fit.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_02: And with my writing, they need to know what they're getting into.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_02: One of the biggest things that customers will have, not even customers' prospects, anyone will ask me how I am.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_02: That will be the first lesson of anyone's relationship with me.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_02: Is I'm just gonna tell you.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna tell you exactly how I am.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna tell you that my coffee wasn't right.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna tell you that I woke up this morning and I just wasn't feeling it.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna tell you that my back hurt this morning.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna tell you menopause sucks.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna tell you whatever you want, whatever comes to mind.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_02: And what happens is immediately the defenses break down, and people are like, okay, God, I'm just gonna talk to a human right now.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not talking to a business person, I'm not talking to a professional in any form, but I'm gonna talk to someone who just wants to be honest and authentic.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, I and I think that's a lot.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_02: I think a lot, if your brand is authenticity, then you can only do good things.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_02: And I know that's getting really teasy.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_02: I know we actually talked about it when we were in Chicago.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_02: People are like, oh, authenticity is overdone.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_02: So what's the opposite to that?
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_02: Fake?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_02: So you're right.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_02: You're exceptionally authentic, Jesse.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_02: My God.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_02: It's like you're one of the most authentic people I know.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_02: When you when I met you right off the bat, I was just like, this guy ain't holding anything back.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_02: He's just gonna be who he is, he's not gonna be fake.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_02: He's I'm not gonna have to worry about whether he's being honest with me or not, because if I'm being a jerk, he's gonna be like, You're a jerk.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_02: And I'll be like, oh god, that hurt.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to be a jerk.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_02: I don't mind if I'm a lot of things, but I don't want to be a jerk.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you for that, Amy.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, like it is, you know, we get to pick who we surround ourselves with.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: And if people, the people that are gonna contribute energy into my life, I want more.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: If you're gonna take more energy than you give, you're on my dead to me list.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like I just stopped talking to you.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's no, you don't have to change your behavior.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just gonna limit access, period.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: Now, it was a long road to get there.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: I wasn't always like that, and so I'm curious, Amy.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: An underlying thing from this on authenticity, right?
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: Is it's tremendous, there's tremendous courage in that.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: Because you have to be okay with people not liking your flavor, and that's not easy.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm curious, like this that courage of this is me, this is how I want to talk.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: If you ask me how I'm doing, I'm gonna tell you exactly how I'm doing.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: Is that something you were born with?
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: Is something you developed over time?
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: Because I know that there's a lot of LM family members out there that struggle with that, right?
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like they feel like they got to put on the professional hat and then they got to put on the mom hat, and then they got to put on the friend hat.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: And it's man, that's a lot of that's a lot of work.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_02: It's a lot of hats.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_02: It's I found I think it I think it was developed.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_02: I will honestly say that when I turned 50 a year ago, so then now everything is holding him.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's fine.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_02: It's a great hair as a giveaway anyway.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_02: But when I turned 50, I a lot, it was funny because Peter knew this was coming.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, You're gonna hit 50 and you're gonna start, you're gonna stop caring about a lot of stuff.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_02: And I hit 50, and I'm like, I don't care about most things.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_02: I'll be really honest, Jesse.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_02: I don't care about most things.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_02: I really don't.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_02: I just don't anymore.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_02: I I think it was a it was a learned lesson.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_02: I don't, I wasn't necessarily born this way.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_02: However, I will give props.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_02: My my biggest, I say it in my LinkedIn bio because the one person I give the most props to as far as this whole craziness is my mom.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_02: My mom was old school, ladies of the 80s.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_02: When I say it, see now you can hear my bio because I'm gonna say it because I know it, because I wrote it with my fingers and my brain.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_02: But big old shoulder pads, mom had the big hair, mom was a chain smoker, my sister and I was slave labor because nobody cared about them.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_02: Nobody cared in the 80s here's slave labor.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, oh, you just worked for your mom.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_02: You're learning good work ethic.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm slave labor.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_02: She's paying me in pennies, man, literal pennies, you know, for a whole summer because she was a she was a freelance paralegal, which makes sense.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_02: So I was raised adjacent to the law because she was a freelance paralegal back in the day.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_02: She had an office, she was just such a powerhouse.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, my God, my mom kicks ass.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_02: And my mom is too much.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_02: My mom is too much for a lot of people, and my mom, a lot of people can't handle that, which is really unfortunate because the knowledge that's there, the experience that's there, the work ethic that's there is just second to none.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_02: So I got very fortunate with having a mom that wasn't afraid to say no to people.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah, I saw that.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't learn from that because you know, I was a yes person for a really long time.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, oh sure, I can do that, and I can do that.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I did it, and I was tired, I was overworked, I was undervalued, I was I and I just I stopped doing that and I stopped thinking about what actually brings me joy, what actually brings me happiness, is it being, is it, is it being fake for an hour or a minute or however long I need to, so that person feels better?
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_02: I'll do that, but at least I consciously know I'm doing it.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_02: I don't do it now out of habit, I do it now out of purpose.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_02: If I need to mute myself, if I need to so that someone else in that moment, because they need their authenticity also.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_02: So my authentic doesn't override someone else's.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_02: I think that the point of being authentic is also having the cognizant awareness to say, I need to calm it down a bit because they need to have their authentic moment.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_02: And it's not gonna be pretty, it's not gonna be quiet, it's not gonna be friendly sometimes, but that's okay, and that's what's needed for them.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_02: And that's part of just understanding who you are and what you're actually not giving up.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_02: You're just saying, okay, Cheryl, you clearly need the floor and take the floor because you're gonna you're gonna take it anyway.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: It is time for the LM Family Member shout-out.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: And this one goes to Mr.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: Chris Callan, who took the time not only to suffer through one of my trainings, in-person live sessions, but he also took the time to leave a little five-star review on the Google reviews.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: And he says, Great energy, tons of industry experience, and insane ability to make key concepts hit home to a wide variety of participants.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_01: And he's talking about me, just in case you didn't know.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_01: So, Chris, I super appreciate you, man, coming to the thing, being totally engaged, and then taking the time to leave a review.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: And for the rest of you, you know I love attention.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: All the stars, all the shares, all the comments, reviews, opinions, all of the above, they count.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: I love them.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: And when you take the time to do so, it gives me an excuse to celebrate you in a future episode.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: There's a couple of big things there, I think, especially for the younglings out there, because there was a period of time, a very long period of time in my life, where I was authentic, right?
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: Before we started calling it that, right?
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_01: But I was obnoxious about it.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: One, I was kind of blind to the fact that when I said some things, it hurt people's feelings.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: But I was also ignorant on purpose.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm just telling the truth.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just calling it like I see it.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I never left space for anybody else, right?
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: I had to be the center of attention, and there's too many people, or I'll say maybe it's a limiting behavior that feel like, well, this is how I am, this is who I am, accept me as I am, which I get.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: Now, if you're my direct report, you kind of you can run that play, but you're not gonna you're not gonna do well if you're not gonna adjust your behavior to perform the job, right?
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: If you're you know, uh romantic interest, same thing.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: You can run the play, but you can't, it's not okay to expect me to just tolerate your crap.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that was kind of the maturity thing for me was oh, wait a minute, I don't get to be that way and then get my feelings hurt because people are choosing to not spend time with me or not have me around, or I was offending people and I don't get to be upset with them.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, I was being offensive, and so yeah, you you've got that that I don't know if you want to call it like awareness, maturity, in terms of saying, okay, there is time.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have to be full blast, 100%, full throttle, full volume all the time.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: I can pump the brakes and leave space for other people.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: So you talked about learn picking this up from your mom.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you got to observe it and see her, the way she moved and all that, which I think is phenomenal.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: But that awareness of okay, I can be me and still leave space for other people.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_01: How did you figure that out?
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I as I love my mom, and my mom will probably be watching this.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_02: But it was also just some of those times where mom wrote a little rough shot and seeing how that impacted other people.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_02: And not only, but it wasn't just mom, it was a lot of people, and seeing how people that I was close to in my in both my upbringing and in my young, my my youth, and seeing, well, I'm just gonna be the center of attention no matter what you think.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_02: Well, okay, but that's really loud and it's really obnoxious.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_02: And there's a difference between being authentic and being obnoxious.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_02: I think that and I and because here's the thing, I can still, I can be both.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_02: I can definitely be obnoxious.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_02: And I was on the phone with my girlfriend last night, and we were talking about a girl trip we're taking in the next couple of weeks.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_02: And she said, Well, if we go here, then we have to visit my mother-in-law.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_02: I happen to know that her mother-in-law thinks I'm too much.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, What if hey we can go hang out with my mom and she knows I'm too much because she made this?
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_02: Um and I and you sit there and you think, God, you know, I know that I'm too much for people.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_02: And how does that sit with me?
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_02: You know, sometimes I sit back and I'm like, I don't like that.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I don't like the feeling of being too much for people.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_02: How could I have toned myself down?
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_02: How could I have changed that first interaction with this individual so that they wouldn't have that opinion of me?
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_02: And the funny thing is, is I don't even know how to behave unauthentically anymore.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_02: I don't even know what I would have said.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_02: You know, but demure?
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_02: That is not me.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_02: My God.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_02: Peter will throw something across the room if I was like, I'm just super demure.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_02: I like just people to just, you know, have no, you know, but as at the same time, that's that would be an adjective people wouldn't use.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_02: But at the same time, I think that there's space for that.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_02: There's it's all in learning.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_02: And I think if you want to learn how to be authentic, if you want to learn how it's okay to be just you, how to master that, how to master your own voice and your own persona so that you can still be you, but you're but you're not obnoxious in that delivery.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_02: And even if you're a little obnoxious for some people, well, okay, well, then again, that's then you're just too little for me.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_02: Whatever.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_02: It's not, you know, it somebody had told me it was like, you know, you know, the I had a friend.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_02: She I she claims to be a friend, she was a little friend, but anyway, who said to me, No, that the you know that the men are intimidated by you.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_02: She's talking about our husbands, the friend group.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_02: And I told my, I'm like, oh, okay, good, but okay.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't want people to be intimidated by me.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_02: I just don't want them to think they can mess with me.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_02: Don't mess with me.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_02: If you want to mess with me, I'll mess back.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I will mess back.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_02: Like I worked on a construction site, like I was a longshoreman, and I also trucked at the same time.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I'll bring it.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_02: I'll bring it.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_02: And then when you're in a puddle crying in a corner, then we're gonna remember why.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_02: Why?
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_02: You just don't mess with it.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I just don't mess with it.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_02: But Peter Peter had actually made a really good observation.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, No, men aren't intimidated by you, boys are.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_02: And that was one thing that has stuck with me ever since, which is now where I get that mentality.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_02: No, I'm not too much for some people, they're just too little for me.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_02: And that I think goes to relationship.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_02: But in situations, uh I have a voice when I train, I have a voice when I talk to my clients.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_02: I literally sent an email to prospects.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_02: They're prospects because they haven't run their, they haven't worked engaged with us quite yet.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_02: And so they're still prospects.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_02: And I had an email, I'm like, uh, I haven't heard from them in a month.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_02: And the thing that I hate, my one email that I hate sending is the hey, remember me?
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_02: We had a good conversation.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_02: You liked me because you literally said you're real.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_02: I like talking to you, you're real.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, for now, before I'm uploaded into AI and I work on Mars for the rest of my life.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_02: It's fine.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks, Elon.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_02: Big ups.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_02: But when I sent an email to them, so finally I'm sitting down, I've been cringing about it for 10 days, 10 business days.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, how do I send this email so that I don't sound like that guy?
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_02: And what I did was I I dropped it something.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_02: Uh the last year we saw Simple Minds in concert.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_02: Now we're like on this big 80s tour revival Connie concert going.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_02: We went to Simple Minds.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_02: And the don't you forget about me?
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, you know, when I start writing, I'm very I hear, I listen to music a lot in my head.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_02: I'm listening to it right now, actually, in my head, not on the cameras, but in my head.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, and so I'm like, don't, how do I get them not to forget about me?
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_02: And so I literally wrote my subject line was Gen X reference in in in email, you want to read this.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_02: That was my subject line.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: Nice.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_02: Literally, I'll I'll send you the email string.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_02: Gen X reference included in email, you want to read this.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I was just like, you know, you know, I was like sitting there thinking, you know, don't forget forget about me.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_02: And I wrote this really completely, no reason to have a barrier up, no reason not to reply, no reason not to be like, ugh, I don't want to tell.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_02: Because on the other side, then you get cringe on the other side.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_02: Oh God, how do I tell them I'm not ready?
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_02: How do I tell them I'm not interested?
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_02: How do I tell them I I my boss is gone or something, or I haven't brought it up.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_02: I forgot about you.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_02: How dare you, number one.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_02: But they then there's cringe on the other side.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm sitting here cringy.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_02: They don't want to receive the email, but then they do, and it's now we're both cringing out on each side of the interwebs.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_02: And so I just break it down and just like, listen, okay, don't forget about me.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_02: By the way, this is you know, I had to listen to this song, and now you're gonna have to listen to it too.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_02: And her response was within 20 minutes, her response was, I haven't heard from her in a month.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_02: Her response was, oh my god, we were talking about you yesterday.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, this is great.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_02: Now I'm gonna have that song stuck in my head.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_02: And my literal response to her and her partner was, I live through the Macaraina version one.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_02: Don't tell me about having songs stuck in your head, okay?
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_02: I legitimate, they're trying to bring it back now, which is just disgusting to me, but whatever.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: I agree, I agree.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: And now now leave that alone.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_02: Let's not, there are some things that should never have been revived.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_02: I know that the newer generations are all about living through our youth.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_02: You can't have it.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_02: You guys have cell phones and proof of everything.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_02: We got nothing.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_02: Nobody knows what we were doing.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_02: My mom still believes my lies.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_02: Love you, mom.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, that's fine.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_02: Because there was no evidence in GPS on me anywhere.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_02: But I think having that authenticity, especially in how you communicate, is an email form isn't exceptionally important.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_02: The written word is very critical because if they meet you, if they even if they just talk to you and they know, okay, I know where she or he is coming from, I know what their tone is like, I know that they're jackasses a little bit.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_02: They're not gonna take themselves too seriously, but I'll because I feel like all of my seriousness is reserved for what I do.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_02: So I have nothing else to spare.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_02: I have no spare to do that.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_02: Right, right.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_02: But but then they they receive your email and you're like, I'm gonna be a jackass in this email too.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like, I'll be a jackass back, and it's like, oh my God, this is great.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_02: I'm Peter and I are in clients' wills.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_02: This is no joke.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_02: We are in clients' wills.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: Clients wills, we are we will get on dead serious.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_02: I will get ex-clients who have now people who worked in offices who have now moved on to jobs and different careers and different trades and different entire industries who still send me pictures of grandbabies.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I've I'm like, look, I want to be friends too.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_02: I like being friendly.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_02: I don't like being an asshole.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_01: Because you know, Jesse, once they get that sighting, and I have this conversation a lot with people.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_01: I am an advocate of being nice, support your people, make them feel heard, contribute, pour into their life.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: That doesn't mean put up with their bullshit.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_01: Being able to drop the hammer when it's time to drop the hammer is a massive skill with super high value.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, girl, yeah, we're gonna play, we're gonna have fun, but when you're gonna be stupid, I'm gonna let you know.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like, that ain't how we play over here, and if there will be no confusion.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_02: There will be no confusion, no conjecture.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_02: You're gonna exactly know that you fucked up, and it was bad.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_02: It was real bad because you made me crazy.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_02: Don't make me crazy, right?
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's I think that's my motto every morning when I wake up.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_02: It's a prayer, you know.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you, Jesus, made it another day.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_02: Please don't make me crazy.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_02: World, whoever is gonna interact with me today.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_02: Don't make me crazy.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to be crazy.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_02: I'm too tired to be crazy.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I got too many things going on to be crazy, because then it just ruins it ruins your outlook on everything else.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_02: And that's my fault.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_02: My problem is I think, and let me know if this is with you too.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_02: Because I work so hard, because I'll say authenticity is my currency, honesty is my currency.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_02: I will be honest and it will not make friends sometimes.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_02: And it is not to be an ass.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_02: It is because if you're going to ask me a question, I'm gonna assume you want the actual honest answer.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm gonna give you the actual honest, and I'll try to candy coat it, I'll package it up nicely, you know, I'll origami that shit into something pretty, okay?
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_02: But what I will is I will deliver it, I will deliver the truth in a very purposely folded crane to your face.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_02: And but at the same time, but that's also an art because you don't, if you're gonna be cruel, then you have to go in with the intention of knowing I never want to talk to this person again, because here's the thing they have put me into a place where I don't want to be, they've made me uncomfortable, they've made me have to defend myself or someone else or my work or my people or something.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_02: And if I have to defend because I'll defend my team.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_02: Oh man, even if they're wrong, even if they're wrong sometimes, I'll be like, I'm going home.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_03: I'll and then I'll go back and be like, please don't make me do that again.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_02: Plus, just not don't make me do that again, because I think they know I'm wrong.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_02: But it's not even really it's a needle that has to be thread, it's a very fine needle or fine thread that is that you have because you don't want people to say, Yeah, she's too much of the wrong kind of too much.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_02: That's in my face and talking about things that has no idea.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and you know, and guess what?
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_02: People who want to fake that they're real, it's obvious you're faking, by the way.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_02: To actually people that are real, it's super, super obvious, and it's sad.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_02: And then we want to help you by being more real, and then you can't handle what it's like to actually be real because then it comes down.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that the problem that we have right now is, and I think the term gets used too much is narcissism.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's getting the term is getting really overworked.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_02: People who are truly authentic can't be narcissists.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_02: I have do I have narcissistic moments where I'm just like, I don't know, I don't know because I have a really visceral reaction to narcissists, real narcissists, right?
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_02: Right, real ones, because I think that people don't understand the difference between people who have narcissistic tendencies and actual clinical narcissists, and they're my kryptonite.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_02: They are, they're my kryptonite.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_02: I want to be friend narcissists for some reason.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_02: I have a slew of best friends who are narcissists, and it's like, what is wrong with me?
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you know, if you look into the clinical, we'll say, signals of narcissists, a lot of that behavior, that mode of operation comes from pain, right?
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like hurt people.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: And so maybe that's what it is.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_01: I because similarly, right, I get attracted to certain types of folks, and it's because there's some kind of damage or scar that they have that I recognize because I've had it too, and I want to help.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_01: But and so I got to be super careful of ooh, okay, nope, I need to back off because they may not want the help.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_02: Well, and I think that's and I think and I think really good narcissists claim they want the help, they will take that energy.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yep.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yep, and they'll keep that energy on you, and they and you think you're helping.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_02: And so your reward, people like us, our reward is that we're helping in these, and that okay, we're I'm doing good, I'm doing good, I'm helping.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_02: And then they know that if I keep that encouragement going, that they are yes, you're helping me.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know how I live life without you.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_02: Then they and it's just yeah, yeah.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's it's that's the thing, right?
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's like being human is complicated, man.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_02: Being human sucks.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_03: I just see my dogs sometimes and they're just happy if they're well.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_02: I look at my dogs and I'm like, they just want to be let out to pee.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_02: They want to be fed twice a day, and they want to be loved on.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, sign me up.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, sign me up.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_02: I just want to lay out.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_02: They're laying down right now, just laying down, doing nothing, watching me thinking, Well, this fool is just talking all day.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I could be she's just keeping me awake.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_02: And then I'm gonna take them out and go to the bathroom in a little bit.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna feed them later.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna pat their little heads, they're gonna be like, cool, thanks.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_02: Pat my head, feed me, and tell me I'm cute sometimes.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_02: I'm good.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_02: I'm good.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_02: I'm talking about.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_01: Well, so there's a couple of things that that I want to simplify for the listener, right?
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_01: You said one thing that I think we need to poke on.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_01: You said, I don't care.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I know I recognize that's not what you mean.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_01: What how that comes across to me is you know precisely what you care about, which means all the other stuff is just bullshit, right?
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_01: You're not gonna spend much time on it because you know exactly what you care about and why you care about it.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_01: Now, from the external eye, it may look like you just don't care.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_01: Because I hear that all man, Jess, you just don't care.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, okay, I know what I care about, and it's a small number of things, and I just don't worry about the other bullshit, and so it can be perceived as not caring.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I've just chosen to limit the things that I really care about, and I'm gonna stand on that hill, period.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_01: Which on and then in terms of I think that's some of the authenticity, right?
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_01: One of the recipes.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_01: The other is sharing the dirty details.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_01: The real, there's no reason to hide.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I get it, there is risk in sharing certain things with certain people, but I know just sharing the dirty details of my energy and how I think and what I stand for and what I stand against makes it very easy for people to decide, right?
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_01: Do they want to hang around or not?
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_01: And you're doing that as just how you roll.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_01: And you, my sister, are not too much for me.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_01: You're like, just a right amount, girl.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_01: We're having fun over here.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_02: I'm looking forward to Nashville.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_02: Are you kidding?
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_02: I'm already planning my outfits for Nashville.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, the converge.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_01: I think what's that the third or the fourth one?
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_02: That'll be the fourth official one.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because it was Savannah, Sedona, Chicago, and now Nashville.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_01: Nashville.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_01: Man, I'm excited.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_02: I'm really excited.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_02: I'm super excited.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, saved.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_01: At the top of the call, I introduced you as the president, which is pretty fancy, and congratulations.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_01: Um and I also, again, perusing through your LinkedIn profile, you get involved in a lot of things.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_01: And so, like you're in lean services for the uninitiated.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_01: What is lean services?
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_01: Lean, what is that?
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it's funny because the word in construction now has in the last 10 years has become now two things because there's L-E-A-N, and then there's L-I-EN.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_02: So I do the lean stuff.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_02: So I-E-N for us.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_02: So what we do is we protect construction payments.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_02: So when you're on a job and you're in Texas, and Texas is like Mars when it comes to lean law, what we do, and I tell clients that I'm like, everything that you know about gravity, physics, common sense, alphabet, throw it out the window, you're in Texas now.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_02: It's like everything's bigger in Texas, including their lean statutes.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_02: So earlier, too, is I'm where I want to, I'm where I should be, I'm doing what I should be doing.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_02: I should do it for the people.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_02: I I have been through I don't know how many different iterations of career in my life.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_02: And this is, and I've IT sales, telecommunications, uniform sales, booth, uniform.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_02: I've done just a little bit of everything.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_02: And I think what it came to is I enjoy helping people.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_02: And one thing that I do that that and the president being like a formal team, it's a title.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_02: I'm no bigger, smaller.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_02: My team is far more valuable than I am.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_02: I am but a talking head and I do trainings every so often.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_02: And I can draw some pretty gnarly emails when people piss my people off.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_02: And and but my teams are really where it is.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_02: I would be completely decimated without the people that work with me and alongside me, not for me.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_02: Nobody works for me.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_02: If nobody.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_02: Everybody works with me.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_02: Everybody works, we work alongside each other, we are shoulder to shoulder.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_02: It's now to be fair, and I know that should certain people be watching this at some point, I know they do more than I do.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_02: I'm very aware that they do more than I do.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_02: I wouldn't be able to do what I do if they didn't do what they did.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_02: And everybody has their role, but we are all very symbiotic.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_02: So for me, it's a title because I have to put something somewhere.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_02: They're not just gonna be like just cool chick.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_02: You know, that's my title, is cool chick.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_02: That's what I do.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just a cool chick.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_02: You know, when the shit hits the fan, somebody's gotta go somewhere.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_02: And this is where they come.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_02: And so I'll just I'll fire off my little email and off to the races we go.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_02: But really, it's my partners.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_02: Peter is one of my business partners, my husband is one of my business partners.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_02: He and I, our relationship started in business and then evolved into relationships.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_02: So for us, business is a very pivotal to our DNA as a relationship.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_02: And so will retirement be when we're gunning for it.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_02: I can see it, I can see it's right over there.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_02: It's I can almost touch it, but it's it's almost it's just a mirage, it's just flying away.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_02: But but you know, it there's I like helping people in.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_02: I know I said that before, but when we I like educating clients.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_02: I like educating people who aren't clients.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_02: I like educating okay, period.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_02: I like when I've been working on a whole new market, I can't even call it a marketing strategy, but a whole new marketing persona for the companies over the last six weeks.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_02: And it starts launching this month, which is why you're starting to see my LinkedIn actually starting to post more often.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_02: You're gonna see me actually posting now, like a grown-up.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_02: I think that was my converged promise to myself when I left, is I'm gonna actually be more engaged on LinkedIn.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_02: I think I might have actually said that out loud.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm actually I'm doing it.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_02: And because holding yourself accountable, if you're going to be authentic, you also have to hold yourself accountable.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_01: 100%.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_02: Because nobody else is gonna do it for you.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_02: Because hey, I'm authentic, I know what I'm doing, I know who I am, I don't need anybody telling me what to do.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_02: Well, then you have to hold yourself accountable.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_02: That accountability is now tenfold what it would be for someone who's not going, who's just gonna kind of wear a million hats and change who they are, the chameleon syndrome, right?
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_02: The I'm just gonna change who I am.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_02: But I like to educate, and so I like to make sure that our client, that, that the industry, if the industry leaving the industry better than I found it, here's how I can do it.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_02: If one person who's a clue who's not a client can take something that I've instructed and said, I do things differently now, and it saved me money and it saved me time, or it saved me the headache of having to go before the boss because I didn't know something, then I then I'm done.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_02: Then as far as I'm concerned, I'm done.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_02: And I really think that having that facilitator mindset, that educator, that that helper, that that servant to the industry mindset is really what maybe that's what president means to me is I'm a servant to the industry and to my people.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_02: Because it's not about me, it's about the people that I work with and the people that I work for.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_02: And that's really it.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_02: Because that's what a good president should do is think about the people that they serve as opposed to the people that serve them.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so so you're you've gotten super active on the LinkedIn, you're an educator, facilitator, you a resource, trusted resource.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_01: What are some of the things that you're gonna be that you put in front of people, those nuggets in terms of I'm assuming you're gonna be educating them on liens and best practices around that sort of thing?
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so you're gonna be doing workshops or what's on the can what's the sneak peek?
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_01: What's this early release?
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_01: Uh what do you call them?
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_01: Commercial, you know, the previews.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_01: What's the previews?
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_02: My previews.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_02: So, what's going to be coming differently is I will be hosting a live webinar every month.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_02: And it's going to be, it's not even, I don't know if it's gonna be a webinar or me just talking into a camera.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe I'll have somebody else.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe you could come on.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_02: It's really, it's not really gonna be much of a podcast, it's just gonna be more of like a here is a live thing, here's what we're talking about that's just having a payment issue.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_02: This is the most, this is the most common issue I've had.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_02: I think for me, it's more than just payments.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_02: I like to mitigate risk.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_02: It's because I worked with an attorney, I've worked with several attorneys through my career.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_02: And there's one attorney who I doubt he'll watch this.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_02: I'll have to send it to him and make him watch it because I'm not gonna say his name, but he's gonna know it's him.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_02: Who taught me about how much how bad risk is.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_02: And this was over the last 10 years.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_02: He says, You don't risk is the biggest problem in construction.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_02: It's not about payment, it's not everything else.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_02: It stems from the nucleus, and that nucleus being the risk.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_02: They didn't assess the risk, they didn't understand the risk, and what they didn't respect the risk, because you have to respect the risk.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_02: It's more than just looking at it, but oh, I knew it was there.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta respect that sucker because guess what's gonna bite you back in the ass?
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_02: That thing that you just you acknowledged, you looked at it, and you ignored.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_02: Respecting and working towards closing the risk gap.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_02: That's what I love doing.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_02: If you would, I love identifying risk and saying, look, I have a solution, I have something you can do, I have a person that can help you draft your contracts better better.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_02: I, you know, we've got I've got I've got a contract specialist, I have a I have a surety that can help you with that.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_02: That looks scary.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_02: You need to work with somebody to get that fixed.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_02: There's just yeah, you I'm never the smartest person in the room.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_02: I never want to be the smartest person in the room.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_02: If I'm in the you know the saying, if you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_01: I like it.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sure you probably could tell.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_01: I'm one of those people that see risk as it's like an amusement park to me.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that looks like fun.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't signal red alert, stop, all the respect the risk thing is nope, it's the other way around.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_01: Let's go jump into that.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's risky.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_02: Now, if we're talking natural disasters, no, my ass will be the first one in the car being forest fire.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_02: Let's go see it.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_02: I want to go see a forest fire.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, flood?
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_02: Let's go.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_02: That's now that risk is completely different.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_02: We're talking about business risk, Jesse.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_02: Business risk is not personal risk.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_02: Will I put myself in harm's way?
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I got some stories.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_02: I've got some stories.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_02: Mom, I've got some stories with my mom.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_02: With my mother, actually.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_02: Some of my risky stories are probably with my mom.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_02: That's because uh we're cattle.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_02: I come from a cattle ranching family.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_02: I should probably have started with that because we're a lot of my work ethic, a lot of my a lot of my comes from.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_02: Um six, there's six generations.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_02: My family settled as were granted a Spanish land grant back in the day, way back in the day before Arizona was a state.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_02: And we're still down there.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_02: And my mom and my brother, they both worked a ranch.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_02: Peter and I are actually going to be building down on the ranch and going back to health once once once this kind of business cannot require me to be driving around so much and doing so many things.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_02: And so you learn a lot being raised on an old school.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_02: Uh you want construction old school gentle people, gentlemen mostly.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_02: Like I know very much the old school mentality in construction.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_02: Well, old school mentality with ranchers on the Mexican border.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_02: We're on the border.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_02: We are literally on the border.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so your views growing up are a little bit different than maybe the mainstream media would like you to believe.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um but but it's it was a different, it was very unique.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_02: I feel exceptionally fortunate to have been given the opportunity to be raised in that environment, to be raised around exceptionally hardworking people, to have the the role model of my grandfather, my mom, especially out on the ranch, my uncles, and to really show you how you put something before your own personal safety, like the benefit of the ranch, the livelihood of the family.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_02: So you get that that that becomes ingrained in you.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_02: So now the livelihood of my team is what drives me.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_02: It's not the livelihood of my company.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_02: My companies are fine, it's about my people.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_02: I want the people to feel secure that I'm doing my jobs and that their job is secure, and that I can, if I continue to do my job, which is build the brands, build the business, but get some exposure, get some value, then they have security, they have job security, and then I can hire people for them so that they can have people to help them.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_02: And that's my my my goal because I'm fine.
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_02: I'm fine.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_02: I don't I want for nothing, I need for nothing.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_02: I'm very happy in my life and very content with what I have and what I don't have.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that's a distinction.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_02: It's not only what you have, it's what you don't have, and be appreciative for what you don't have.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you know, there's a guy I know I met in the rooms, the 12-step rooms, and he would always say that I'm grateful for everything that I have and everything that I don't.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, what the hell are you talking about?
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_01: Grateful for everything that you don't have.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_01: And because like it didn't make sense to me, right?
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_01: And he says, Well, Jess, here's what I don't have.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have an ankle monitor anymore.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have a suspended license.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have to worry about going to sleep in an eight by six room every night.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_01: I said, Oh, got it.
• 40:27
  unknown: Got it.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_01: Understood, my friend.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_01: I got a lot to be grateful for what I do and what I don't have.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I think when you look at people, when you look at people that are going through struggles, I'm very grateful I don't have that same struggle.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_02: I'm very grateful that that, and if I if they do have a struggle, then I'm more grateful that I can help that person through that struggle, whether it's someone on the street or it's someone that I know or it's someone that I don't know, or whatever it might be.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_02: I think that my desire to help will sometimes get me in trouble, which is why you see why you like to do a lot of things.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'll be an executive director of a subcontractor association for three years that I have no business doing, because a friend of mine was the president and he really wanted my help.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_02: And I said no to him.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_02: And if he watches this, I said no to you.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I said no to you three or four times before I said yes.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_02: And you still did it.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I still did it for three years.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't know myself.
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_02: And I was still and still running the lean companies and had a team and did that and golf tournaments, and I was still volunteering.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_02: I was on, we were members of associations where I was either a chairperson, a co-chair, or a very active participant on multiple committees of multiple associations.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_02: I was on the executive board of the minority contractors of Arizona, which was a very rewarding, very rewarding uh part of my career.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_02: The people that I worked with there, I still work with today, exceptional people.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_02: There I have met some of the best people in the industry and I've met some of the worst people in the industry.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that you know, and I think that that you take that nugget and you apply it to what you want your DNA to be.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_02: Because here's the thing you are not stagnant, you are not a static individual.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_02: You exactly.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_02: I like that.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna take that.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_02: Jesse straight up will dance in every training he does.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_02: There will be a dance lesson in every training the man does.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_02: And so every post I have about this man will have a dancing people by it because he dances.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_02: And you know what?
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_02: That's freaking great because you know, it breaks down that tension, it shows that you're authentic, it shows that I'm willing, I am willing to put myself out there.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not just expecting you to sit out there and shake your butt.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna do it first.
• 42:33
  SPEAKER_02: I'll shake my butt.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, and now you feel because look, if I'm willing to do it, then you should review it.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, I think that's one of the things that as a leader that is important.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_02: Again, I struggle with that because I don't feel like I lead anybody.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_02: I don't, I don't that it's just such a presumptive term.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_02: I don't treat anybody the way that I wouldn't want to be treated.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_02: Period.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, period.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm gonna say you are a leader, right?
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I I try to keep it simple.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_01: Is there's all this crap about leadership and la la la.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, look, it's two things.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's very simple.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_01: Number one, do you have followers?
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yes or no?
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't have followers, you're not quite a leader yet.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_01: But more importantly, do you have a freaking direction?
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't have a direction and you have people following you, you ain't leading them nowhere.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_01: You're running in circles and you're headed off the cliff.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_01: If you have a direction and people are happy to be around you while you're headed on that direction, guess what?
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_01: You're a leader.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_01: And then you can add layers and layers of complexity to that afterwards.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_01: But what do you think about that?
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_02: I think you're right.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_02: I know you're right.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_02: It's one of those things that I struggle with, which is ironic, isn't it?
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_02: Ironic, because it's like, I'm fine with I like I went I attended a training years and years ago.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, again, one of my life's one of my lifetimes, I did when I was working at a tech company, software company, we'd they had us in a sales training, and this guy was a rancher up, I think, in Montana or Idaho.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_02: Guys a rancher, super, and he did sales training, which was very interesting.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_02: But he had this interesting and it stuck with me because and he had his he his that his mentality, his motto is Alpha Dog.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_02: I'm the Alpha Dog.
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_02: I don't care if you like me because I like me enough for the bulldoze.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, all right.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_02: I like it, Cletus.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_02: I like it, I like it a lot, but at the same time, that means I also, if it, but if you're gonna take that mentality and really that is your mentality, that is who you are, your core DNA, then you have to be very comfortable with people telling you, I'm glad you like you enough for you because nobody else does.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_02: You still have to be your authenticity, shouldn't I not?
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_02: I can't be a douche and be like, this is my authenticity.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_02: I am authentically a douchebag.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_02: Nobody wants to be around that person, and maybe that's fine because guess what?
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_02: There are people like that.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_02: There are people like that that are like I will be as abrasive as I can be because I don't want people to be in my sphere.
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_02: And those are people that were hurt really bad for a really long time.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_01: Totally, totally, and again, from my perspective, that is not again picking apart this the idea of being authentic.
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_01: If I'm hurt and scared and fearful and insecure, the best way for me to be authentic is to say that.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_01: I am insecure.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_01: Your energy, I this is how it's impacting me.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_01: Not the opposite, right?
• 46:09
  SPEAKER_01: The opposite, like you said earlier.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_01: We can read it.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_01: The people out there that are running real game, they know you're pretending.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_01: We know a pose.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_01: You remember this one?
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_01: Posers.
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_01: We know a poser when we see a poser.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_02: Well, we recognize posers when we were young, too.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, yes.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_02: You you do.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_02: And the sad, and the saddest thing is they try so hard to be something they're not.
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_02: When just being who they are is good enough.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_02: That's it.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, they're enough.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_01: You and so let's say that again.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_01: You are enough.
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're at the table, it's because you're wanted there.
• 46:47
  SPEAKER_01: You don't need to prove or impress, just contribute.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're scared, say you're scared.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't know, say you don't know.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's it just keep it as simple as you possibly can.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_01: And the reason, let me be clear, I'm saying this not as hey, I studied and I understand.
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's because I used to play that game where I was overcompensating and pretending and posturing, and it was all performative bullshit.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_01: I lived that life and it sucked.
• 47:18
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't fun.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_01: I found myself.
• 47:20
  SPEAKER_01: Here's the risk, because we like risk, right?
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_01: When I pretend to be something other than who I am, when I suppress who I am, when I'm like playing that game, wearing the mask, I end up finding myself surrounded by people I don't really like.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_01: And it's because they were attracted to that lesser version of myself than that I've been putting out.
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_01: When I started giving my person myself permission to be as much of me as I possibly can, guess what?
• 47:54
  SPEAKER_01: I end up having freaking podcast interviews with you, Miss Amy.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_01: It works, it's freaking working.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_02: It it does.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um thank you.
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_02: And I get to be invited to people like in your podcast like yours, which is also super amazing for me because I've been because I've been following you for a long time.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_02: I've been reading about you for a long time.
• 48:10
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not a big commenter.
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_02: We know this.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not a commenter.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_02: I will not I will stop being the person that just listens.
• 48:15
  SPEAKER_02: I'll start dialing in.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, it it's there is a big response, authenticity requires is a res there's a responsibility that comes with it.
• 48:22
  SPEAKER_02: Just and they talked about earlier.
• 48:24
  SPEAKER_02: Just because you're authentic does not mean that you go walk down the street and you, you know, your neighbors are doing something completely unhinged and you walk over to them, like, you know, I think what you're doing is unhinged.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_02: That is your opinion.
• 48:35
  SPEAKER_02: That is my opinion.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_02: I think with that level of authenticity, I think it also means that I'm authentic to myself, what I house within the few feet around me, the things that I control, the things that that actually impact me.
• 48:48
  SPEAKER_02: If they want to paint their house lime green and I gotta stare at it for the next 20 years until they move, well then I guess I have to put up more trees, or I have to learn to love lime green, or I'm gonna have to find a way to joke about it about making, you know, the margarita house.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, if I just squeeze that house out, I'd have all the margaritas.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's it's not lime green, at least not yet.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_02: But it wouldn't be something I would not put past them.
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_02: But it doesn't mean it doesn't give you carte blanche to go out and be a complete asshole.
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_02: You have authenticity is a tremendous responsibility to ensure that you are not being offensive, because that's not okay, that you're not being hurtful.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_02: Right unless you're being challenged and somebody is asking you a question and that and how to deliver honest messaging.
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_02: I almost find it as that's my challenge though, but I appreciate the challenge because I learn.
• 49:37
  SPEAKER_02: I've learned now when somebody asks me a question that I'm gonna I'm gonna be very challenged with how I how honestly I need to answer this question, then it teaches me how to answer the question going forward.
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_02: And I have a quick short story.
• 49:48
  SPEAKER_02: So about eight months ago, nine months ago, I had a huge falling out with someone that I my last narcissist.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_02: And I say that because first she was the last one in a sequence of narcissists, but she's also my last one because now I know, because now I'm mature enough to recognize the signs, see what was happening, and adjust.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_02: But there was a mutual friend in the midst.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_02: And in my time with this woman who I thought was my best friend, there were some things that were said about this mutual friend.
• 50:14
  SPEAKER_02: And I knew that when the fallout would happen, I had a choice to make.
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_02: And the choice was I need to reach out to a very small few hands full of people and say, listen, there was a falling out.
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_02: And if you'd like to know the truth from my perspective, please reach out.
• 50:29
  SPEAKER_02: I had three people reach out, and one person that I followed up with.
• 50:33
  SPEAKER_02: The two other people, I'm like, you're fine, you're just looking for gossip, and I'm not here for that.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and that one person that I reached out.
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, they wanted the cheese man.
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I'm off I'm here to listen to the cheese man.
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_02: I'll kindly give you the cheese man, but I'm not gonna be a cheese mosa.
• 50:46
  SPEAKER_02: That's not going to start another day.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_02: But I sat, I had to sit down with her, and it was one of the hardest conversations I've ever had in my whole life because I had to sit down with her and I said, Before because she had she wanted to know what happened, and I think that she deserved to know what happened.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I sat down with her, and before I said anything, I said, Listen, before we move on, I need to be completely honest with you.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_02: There were things that I said, there were things that I did, and I need to be honest with you and tell you what those were.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 51:16
  SPEAKER_03: And I had to do it.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, man, and it sucked.
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_02: It sucked because she is a lovely individual.
• 51:24
  SPEAKER_02: She didn't deserve any of it.
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_02: And I apologized for my ignorance, I apologized for my arrogance in my comments, and I told her that the only thing that I can do is be honest with her.
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I was honest with her, I was painfully honest with her, and it broke my heart to watch the delivery of that because I realized that my words had power, and I realized that in my relationships with other people, I'm still responsible for how other people adjacent to that relationship are going to be in that friend situation where you think everything is sacred.
• 51:55
  SPEAKER_02: And it wasn't about trying to pit her against this, that, and the other.
• 51:58
  SPEAKER_02: I don't, whatever.
• 51:59
  SPEAKER_02: And I told her my eye open, I said, what you do with this information is completely up to you, and I will respect what you do with it.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_02: All day.
• 52:06
  SPEAKER_02: And she had, and she was very gracious, and she, you know, she had her own things that she needed to ask questions on and figure out.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, hey, look, if you want to, if you want a friendship, I'm here for it.
• 52:17
  SPEAKER_02: If you don't, I understand, and that is my bad because of the way that I was.
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_02: And now she and I are planning a girl trip in the next couple of weeks.
• 52:27
  SPEAKER_02: And I and I just think that was just because and it wasn't because it's, you know, I'm missing a friend.
• 52:30
  SPEAKER_02: I have a friend gap I need to fill.
• 52:32
  SPEAKER_02: I got a best friend, and this fool sitting over here.
• 52:34
  SPEAKER_02: But I I really like she's a nice, she's just a she's a nice, authentic, pure person.
• 52:42
  SPEAKER_02: She's just what you see is what you get.
• 52:43
  SPEAKER_02: And I didn't realize that the narcissist I was dealing with was giving me everything that she thought I wanted her to be.
• 52:49
  SPEAKER_02: And so I think by dealing with and living through the narcissistic relationships, I now understand my role in being gaslit, in being I was a very active participant in it because I didn't, because I wanted to help.
• 53:04
  SPEAKER_02: I wanted to make her feel good, I wanted to make her feel seen and heard and loved and all of these things that her big bad husband wasn't doing, which the things that I learned just don't make your skin crawl.
• 53:15
  SPEAKER_02: Skin would crawl off of your body and into the flames.
• 53:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_01: I believe it.
• 53:21
  SPEAKER_01: It there's we do some crazy stuff as individual as human beings.
• 53:25
  SPEAKER_01: We do are capable of enormous, miraculous, beautiful things, and we are capable of wicked, soul-sucking, low, dirty things, the whole gambit.
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_02: How do I know?
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_02: Because I done them.
• 53:41
  SPEAKER_02: Well, yeah, and it, you know, if you haven't done them, you've been adjacent to it too.
• 53:44
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, I've had, oh my god, the list of things that I've done that I'm not proud of is long, long thing.
• 53:52
  SPEAKER_02: And do I and do I yeah, and do I feel like now my authenticity and being kind to meet a facilitator is penance for that?
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_02: No, it's lessons from that.
• 54:01
  SPEAKER_01: I learned yes, lessons, not penance, lessons all day, every day.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_01: So I got one question before we go to the grand slam closing question.
• 54:14
  SPEAKER_02: My God, ready.
• 54:16
  SPEAKER_01: This idea about authenticity, and of course, your super intense, deep, real energy, I'm sure, is getting people like, man, I want to show up like that.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_01: I want to have fun just being me.
• 54:28
  SPEAKER_01: And they're stuck, right?
• 54:30
  SPEAKER_01: They're stuck playing the games, they're stuck in the what if, I'm not sure.
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_01: How do you what advice or recommendations do you have for them?
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_02: Start slow and start with a safe space.
• 54:43
  SPEAKER_02: I would start with someone that is a safe person to start with your authenticity.
• 54:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 54:49
  SPEAKER_02: Start as a family member, start with a close friend, start with a spouse or partner, somebody that you can start testing your authenticity with and being a little bit more honest because this let's be authenticity means you're being dishonest.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_02: So now you have to be honest with your emotions, you have to be very clear with your communication, and there's some lessons there.
• 55:08
  SPEAKER_02: So I would say start small, start with a safe place and be willing to hear.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_02: You have to be, you can't do this fake, right?
• 55:16
  SPEAKER_02: You can't do this fake.
• 55:16
  SPEAKER_02: It's like asking God for forgiveness.
• 55:18
  SPEAKER_02: I think, right?
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_02: You if you're if you look, there's only one person that's gonna know whether you're actually looking for forgiveness or not, and it's gonna be God, it's not gonna be the person that you just wronged, right?
• 55:25
  SPEAKER_02: At the end of the day, he's gonna be like, Yep, you you're and it has to do, which is funny because Peter and I actually had this conversation last night about forgiveness and the Bible and whatnot.
• 55:34
  SPEAKER_02: And forgiveness isn't words, I'm sorry are not words.
• 55:39
  SPEAKER_02: They happen to actually spell word.
• 55:41
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, they are words, I'm not an idiot, but it's action.
• 55:44
  SPEAKER_02: It's action.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_02: So lessons and I'm sorry is in actions.
• 55:49
  SPEAKER_02: And if you're going to be open enough to learn, you have to be vulnerable enough to feel pain, to learn from the pain, and to change.
• 55:57
  SPEAKER_02: That is what you really it's it's an internal mental, it's a mindset within yourself.
• 56:02
  SPEAKER_02: You have to be able to say and not care.
• 56:05
  SPEAKER_02: I don't care if somebody's I care that they don't that they dislike me.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_02: Do I care enough to change?
• 56:09
  SPEAKER_02: No, I just care enough not to be around them anymore if that's how they feel, or if I am in a situation where they're there.
• 56:14
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 56:15
  SPEAKER_02: I'll go ahead and I'll go ahead and calm my my my crazy down a little bit to be around a certain person if it's coming to the if that person's coming to the party and it's okay.
• 56:24
  SPEAKER_02: I need to be respectful because at the same time, authenticity comes with respect.
• 56:29
  SPEAKER_02: All of the things that you're supposed to be, authenticity comes with respects, it comes with honesty, it comes with openness, it comes with vulnerability.
• 56:38
  SPEAKER_02: You have to be vulnerable.
• 56:40
  SPEAKER_02: And you can't attack the person who's being honest with you.
• 56:43
  SPEAKER_02: Because if you're gonna ask for honesty, be ready to get it and be ready to hear something.
• 56:47
  SPEAKER_02: Be ready because it'll be it could be it could be super cringy, and I didn't mean that.
• 56:54
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't, that's not exactly what I mean.
• 56:56
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe I meant a little bit of it, but I didn't mean all of it.
• 56:59
  SPEAKER_02: It's a humbling experience.
• 57:00
  SPEAKER_02: But I would say also the number one thing that you need to have if you're going to be authentic is you have to be humble.
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 57:09
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and be ready to be humbled.
• 57:12
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 57:14
  SPEAKER_02: Part of it.
• 57:14
  SPEAKER_02: Because you'll be humbled real quick.
• 57:17
  SPEAKER_02: Really quick.
• 57:17
  SPEAKER_02: Because this journey, this journey is not easy.
• 57:20
  SPEAKER_02: It is a lifelong lesson.
• 57:22
  SPEAKER_02: You will, it is something that you will do for the rest of your life.
• 57:25
  SPEAKER_02: So that when you get to a point where you have I have adult children, I have three lovely, beautiful grandchildren and and a grand dog.
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_02: So that way, if they listen to this, I recognize Milo is a living human being to you.
• 57:38
  SPEAKER_02: God, I have to respect the Milo.
• 57:40
  SPEAKER_02: But be ready for people to not be happy with you sometimes and not necessarily to say, well, it is what it is, and F off, you know, this is not okay.
• 57:50
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 57:51
  SPEAKER_02: If you want if the relationship is important to you, then through your authenticity, you can learn to be humble, appreciative, apologetic, and and respectful of that person's boundary, whatever that boundary was that you crossed.
• 58:04
  SPEAKER_02: Because let's be honest, you're only offending people because you crossed a boundary that they had, whether it had to do with how you communicate with them, words that you say, actions that you do, that's what it is.
• 58:14
  SPEAKER_02: And that's some your boundaries respected, then you have to respect other people's boundaries first.
• 58:19
  SPEAKER_01: Just demonstrate the behaviors you seek.
• 58:21
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my God, I love it.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm gonna repeat it one more time because it's powerful, simple, but powerful.
• 58:30
  SPEAKER_01: Start small, start in a safe place, right?
• 58:34
  SPEAKER_01: With somebody that you trust, that you admire, that you know is gonna be careful and gentle with the new steps that you're taking.
• 58:43
  SPEAKER_01: Massive.
• 58:44
  SPEAKER_01: Because I didn't do it that way.
• 58:45
  SPEAKER_01: I bet you knew that already.
• 58:46
  SPEAKER_01: I just said, screw it.
• 58:47
  SPEAKER_01: I'm doing it.
• 58:48
  SPEAKER_01: I freaking wrote a book with all my garbage in it, right?
• 58:51
  SPEAKER_02: Like I'm reading it.
• 58:53
  SPEAKER_02: I actually have it on my it's I don't know where it is.
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_02: It's either on my it's either at my desk or it's sitting by my nightstand.
• 58:58
  SPEAKER_02: But I'm reading, I've been reading it.
• 59:00
  SPEAKER_02: It's one of my nightly reads.
• 59:01
  SPEAKER_02: I'll go through a few different things for some nuggets.
• 59:03
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, I've got it.
• 59:04
  SPEAKER_02: I got your book.
• 59:05
  SPEAKER_02: Everybody should have Jesse D.
• 59:07
  SPEAKER_01: Dude, that's so awesome.
• 59:08
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 59:09
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, well, I'm excited.
• 59:11
  SPEAKER_01: You ready for the Grand Slam question?
• 59:14
  SPEAKER_02: Man, I don't know.
• 59:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, no.
• 59:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you're ready.
• 59:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm super jazzed about your that your response because a hundred percent, right?
• 59:24
  SPEAKER_01: Your authenticity, the maturity, the responsibility, the stewardship that you have demonstrated in the way you value and honor yourself, all of that makes me say, oh man, this answer is gonna be good.
• 59:40
  SPEAKER_01: So here you go.
• 59:41
  SPEAKER_01: Here's the question.
• 59:42
  SPEAKER_01: Ready?
• 59:43
  SPEAKER_01: What is the promise you are intended to be?
• 59:48
  SPEAKER_02: The promise I'm intended to be.
• 59:53
  SPEAKER_02: That's a loaded question.
• 59:56
  SPEAKER_02: My god.
• 59:58
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like you should have sent this to me an email before because I was gonna have a lot of dead space.
• 1:00:01
  SPEAKER_02: Oh dead air.
• 1:00:03
  SPEAKER_02: The promise that I intend to be.
• 1:00:05
  SPEAKER_02: The promise is that I intend to be open.
• 1:00:11
  SPEAKER_02: I intend to be open.
• 1:00:12
  SPEAKER_02: I am not going to close myself down to criticism, critique, advice, direction, redirection.
• 1:00:19
  SPEAKER_02: I promise to be open to definitely to criticism is definitely one of the big parts you have to be open to because it will hurt.
• 1:00:29
  SPEAKER_02: And you have to, but you but it will be better.
• 1:00:31
  SPEAKER_02: It's feedback, it's all about the feedback loop.
• 1:00:34
  SPEAKER_02: So that's my promise.
• 1:00:35
  SPEAKER_02: My promise is to be open to myself.
• 1:00:38
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 1:00:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's not a lot of words, but there's so much depth to that.
• 1:00:45
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 1:00:45
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 1:00:46
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, Miss Amy.
• 1:00:48
  SPEAKER_02: Did you have fun?
• 1:00:49
  SPEAKER_02: I had a great time.
• 1:00:50
  SPEAKER_02: This is awesome.
• 1:00:51
  SPEAKER_02: I almost feel like, why am I not doing this every month?
• 1:00:53
  SPEAKER_02: Because I can't, because you need to have an audience.
• 1:00:54
  SPEAKER_02: They don't want to listen to me yambling.
• 1:00:56
  SPEAKER_02: This was so much fun.
• 1:00:57
  SPEAKER_02: And I am so thankful for you reaching out, for hitting me up, for encouraging me to be vulnerable, be open, be out there, not just to talk about business, but to talk about the people behind the business.
• 1:01:08
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's just so important to understand who you're working with, why you want to work with people.
• 1:01:14
  SPEAKER_02: I am not for everyone.
• 1:01:16
  SPEAKER_02: I am not for everyone.
• 1:01:18
  SPEAKER_02: And that's okay because you, and neither are they.
• 1:01:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that people that have that in that well, I haven't everybody, every everybody likes me.
• 1:01:27
  SPEAKER_02: No, right there, no, they don't.
• 1:01:29
  SPEAKER_02: Because people don't like people to think that.
• 1:01:31
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, right off the bat, I think that somebody needs you need to be some humbled.
• 1:01:35
  SPEAKER_02: Somebody gonna bother to humble you, and it's gonna hurt because you're nobody, not for instance.
• 1:01:40
  SPEAKER_02: Like everybody loves you, no, they don't.
• 1:01:42
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of people say that about like my sister.
• 1:01:44
  SPEAKER_02: Everybody loves my sister.
• 1:01:45
  SPEAKER_02: No, everybody loves me.
• 1:01:47
  SPEAKER_02: No, they don't.
• 1:01:49
  SPEAKER_02: False.
• 1:01:50
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, I can love them, but no, I it comes with a lot too.
• 1:01:54
  SPEAKER_02: It's a lot, it's a lot, but it is also the most rewarding journey you will ever be on if you look at it as a journey.
• 1:02:01
  SPEAKER_02: It is not a destination, it is a journey.
• 1:02:04
  SPEAKER_02: Being being humble, being authentic, being real, being knowing how to communicate, knowing when to say certain things and when not to say certain things.
• 1:02:13
  SPEAKER_02: It's fun, it can be fun.
• 1:02:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's just a matter of winning over someone who doesn't like you.
• 1:02:21
  SPEAKER_02: It's like the best coup ever.
• 1:02:24
  SPEAKER_02: Love it.
• 1:02:25
  SPEAKER_02: That's my body.
• 1:02:29
  SPEAKER_02: She's not that bad after all.
• 1:02:30
  SPEAKER_02: Told you.
• 1:02:31
  SPEAKER_02: I told you.
• 1:02:32
  SPEAKER_02: Now I get to do the I told you so, which people seem to think I do a lot.
• 1:02:35
  SPEAKER_02: That's another thing.
• 1:02:36
  SPEAKER_02: If you want to be authentic, you don't get to say I told you so.
• 1:02:39
  SPEAKER_02: You never rub it in people's face when you are right.
• 1:02:42
  SPEAKER_02: You accept it when they say, Oh, you were right, and be like, okay, and move on from it.
• 1:02:46
  SPEAKER_02: Now, quietly, you might be high-fiving yourself, making patting yourself on the back and be like, ah, I knew it.
• 1:02:51
  SPEAKER_02: That is a for you, that is not for the person that just had to admit that they were wrong, admit that you were right, and trust that you weren't gonna be an asshole about it.
• 1:03:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, be gracious.
• 1:03:03
  SPEAKER_01: I had to learn that be gracious.
• 1:03:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I had to learn, I learned that the hard way.
• 1:03:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's a hard one.
• 1:03:08
  SPEAKER_01: That's a hard one.
• 1:03:09
  SPEAKER_02: I was right.
• 1:03:11
  SPEAKER_01: Well, uh, not all the time.
• 1:03:13
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so where do we send people?
• 1:03:15
  SPEAKER_01: They say, you know what?
• 1:03:16
  SPEAKER_01: I need me some more Amy.
• 1:03:17
  SPEAKER_01: I got some lean wrist stuff that I want some help with.
• 1:03:20
  SPEAKER_01: Where do we send them?
• 1:03:21
  SPEAKER_02: They can go to my LinkedIn, which I'm sure will be linked on the podcast.
• 1:03:25
  SPEAKER_02: Just go to my LinkedIn and direct message me.
• 1:03:27
  SPEAKER_02: They can go to my websites.
• 1:03:28
  SPEAKER_02: I have National Lean Services.com and I have RCSleanscut.com.
• 1:03:33
  SPEAKER_02: You can find me there, but I'm always on LinkedIn.
• 1:03:35
  SPEAKER_02: I am an open book.
• 1:03:36
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, and I just started a TikTok.
• 1:03:38
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna have my first little baby.
• 1:03:39
  SPEAKER_02: TikTok will be on Friday.
• 1:03:41
  SPEAKER_02: It's not gonna be crazy.
• 1:03:42
  SPEAKER_02: It's just a it's a risk recap thing.
• 1:03:44
  SPEAKER_02: It's not it's not super fancy yet because I do plan on being the complete ass when I'm walking job sites sometimes because it's like, what are we doing?
• 1:03:51
  SPEAKER_02: Because guess what?
• 1:03:52
  SPEAKER_02: Even a lean professional can look on a job site and be like, oh my god, that guy is just that guy's gonna get not gonna get paid.
• 1:03:59
  SPEAKER_02: It's not gonna get paid.
• 1:04:00
  SPEAKER_02: I guess it's not gonna get paid on this project.
• 1:04:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:04:03
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, so it'll be coming soon.
• 1:04:06
  SPEAKER_01: Awesome.
• 1:04:07
  SPEAKER_01: Well, we will keep an eye, and for sure, we'll make sure we have all of the links in the description so y'all can connect with Miss Amy.
• 1:04:16
  SPEAKER_01: Before you go, I want to thank you for spending part of your day with me.
• 1:04:21
  SPEAKER_01: Your time and attention mean a ton.
• 1:04:24
  SPEAKER_01: And it's because of listeners like you that this podcast even exists.
• 1:04:29
  SPEAKER_01: If you enjoyed today's conversation, make sure to subscribe to the Learnings and Missteps podcast so you never miss an episode and you get extra credit if you share it with your friends.
• 1:04:40
  SPEAKER_01: Also, if you want even more insights on leadership, personal growth, communication, you know, all those fancy magical things, you can sign up for my newsletter on LinkedIn because I got a newsletter that goes out every single Monday.
• 1:04:53
  SPEAKER_01: All the resources I share there are designed to help you put yourself first so that you can leave this world better than you found it.
• 1:05:03
  SPEAKER_01: There's also a digital copy of my book, Becoming the Promise You're Intended to Be.
• 1:05:08
  SPEAKER_01: And it's sitting there waiting for you on my website.
• 1:05:11
  SPEAKER_01: All you gotta do is do the click and do the download, and you get the free PDF.
• 1:05:14
  SPEAKER_01: And if you want even more bonus points, share that PDF with somebody you know or the family of somebody you know that is currently struggling with self-destructive behavior.
• 1:05:26
  SPEAKER_01: That would be the ultimate gift for me.
• 1:05:28
  SPEAKER_01: While you're there, do some exploring of the trainings, workshops, and services that are designed to enhance your performance at home and at work.
• 1:05:39
  SPEAKER_01: Just click the link in the show notes to check it out.
• 1:05:41
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks again for listening.
• 1:05:42
  SPEAKER_01: Take care of yourself, and I'll see you on the next episode.
• 1:05:46
  SPEAKER_01: Peace.