Latest / Pretty In Pink Again / Episode 35: Let’s Talk—Marriage After Kids (From Our Side of the Story | Millennial Mom Perspective)

Transcript

Episode 35: Let’s Talk—Marriage After Kids (From Our Side of the Story | Millennial Mom Perspective) · Pretty In Pink Again

• 0:00
  I'm Christina and I'm t and this is a pretty and Pink again podcast where motherhood meets rediscovery.
• 0:17
  Hello?
• 0:18
  Hey.
• 0:18
  Hey.
• 0:19
  It's so nice to see your face again.
• 0:21
  Oh, it's so good to see you.
• 0:22
  I haven't, haven't seen you in, it's like almost been two weeks for us, which is like I know.
• 0:27
  A really long time.
• 0:28
  I know.
• 0:28
  But I know you're back.
• 0:30
  I am back.
• 0:31
  You haven't been following along with tea, where have you been?
• 0:34
  I was in Italy.
• 0:35
  I went the dream, my mom.
• 0:36
  That's so nice.
• 0:37
  We've just our family's had two crazy weeks, so we went.
• 0:42
  From, we had the race and then the next day my little baby sister got engaged and we had a last minute engagement party for her at the house.
• 0:52
  So exciting and surprised them.
• 0:53
  And it was just like so cute.
• 0:55
  And my sisters like, we're incredibly close with my sisters and my little sister.
• 1:00
  Like our baby, she's 25.
• 1:02
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:02
  And her And her fiance, they're are, they're, he's from Rocky Hill, so they've been together since high school.
• 1:08
  So I just feel like they're like our little babies.
• 1:10
  Yeah.
• 1:10
  He's already part of the family.
• 1:11
  Like he's just, he's so wonderful and it was so cute.
• 1:14
  So we had our engagement on Sunday and then we like ruled right into Yeah.
• 1:18
  This Italy trip.
• 1:19
  I know.
• 1:19
  So that was just you and your mom?
• 1:21
  It was just me and my mom.
• 1:22
  So we had a rough week leading up to it.
• 1:26
  I didn't even think I was gonna be able to get away.
• 1:28
  And I'm.
• 1:29
  So happy that I did.
• 1:30
  Yeah, I know you needed it.
• 1:32
  My Nick and I were like at each other's throats before we left because I was stressed.
• 1:36
  He was stressed with me leaving.
• 1:37
  He was gonna have to assume all of the responsibilities at home.
• 1:41
  And even though I made a shared notes page and I arranged for rides and I told him, the schedule, like that's unchartered territory for him.
• 1:51
  It's a long time.
• 1:51
  And you were gone for, what was it, like nine or 10 days?
• 1:54
  Yeah.
• 1:54
  Yeah.
• 1:54
  I left on a Friday and I got back the following Sunday.
• 1:57
  Yeah.
• 1:57
  That's a long time.
• 1:58
  It was a long time to be gone.
• 1:59
  We flew into Milan.
• 2:00
  And we did Milan.
• 2:01
  And then the next day we went to Lake Homo.
• 2:03
  The best.
• 2:04
  And then the next day we came like back to Milan.
• 2:07
  And then we went to Venice, which Venice was so cool.
• 2:11
  Beautiful.
• 2:11
  Have you ever been there before?
• 2:12
  Yeah.
• 2:12
  So I did the same exact trip as you.
• 2:14
  That was what we did for our honeymoon.
• 2:16
  Oh my God.
• 2:17
  So we were closer to St.
• 2:18
  Mark's Square.
• 2:19
  So we were like in it.
• 2:21
  Yep.
• 2:21
  You're right there.
• 2:22
  We were in it.
• 2:23
  So nice.
• 2:23
  Our hotel was like, like an eight or 10 minute walk away from there.
• 2:26
  Amazing.
• 2:27
  But that city was so cool.
• 2:28
  Amazing.
• 2:29
  And then from there we went to.
• 2:33
  We went to Florence.
• 2:35
  Oh, on the way to Florence we stopped in Pisa.
• 2:37
  Oh, okay.
• 2:38
  Yep.
• 2:38
  Which was like dumb, like all there is.
• 2:41
  There is like the leaning be tower.
• 2:43
  Tower that's leaning.
• 2:44
  Yep.
• 2:45
  And you're like, okay, is that it?
• 2:47
  That's it.
• 2:47
  That's it.
• 2:48
  Is that it?
• 2:49
  Yep.
• 2:50
  Pretty much.
• 2:50
  Okay.
• 2:51
  Move it along.
• 2:52
  And then we went to Florence and then we did like this, like really delicious wine dinner in Tuscany.
• 2:57
  And then we did the city and my mom and I like shopped till we dropped when we were in Florence.
• 3:02
  I You have to that's where I did all my shopping too.
• 3:04
  Yeah.
• 3:05
  My phone said we did 20,000 steps.
• 3:07
  It must have been more than that.
• 3:08
  Yeah.
• 3:08
  Yeah.
• 3:08
  Because we walked all day and we ate and we drank and we shopped and it was like so fun.
• 3:14
  And then we went to Rome.
• 3:15
  And then Rome was incredible.
• 3:17
  It was incredible.
• 3:19
  So we like What was your favorite stop?
• 3:22
  Oh gosh, I don't know.
• 3:23
  They were all my favorites.
• 3:24
  I loved Rome.
• 3:25
  It's so hard.
• 3:25
  'cause they're all so different, but then they're all just as amazing.
• 3:28
  Yeah.
• 3:29
  As I think I loved Rome because it was like a combination of like my culture, like my Italian heritage.
• 3:36
  Mm-hmm.
• 3:37
  Mixed with like my faith, like I'm a Roman Catholic.
• 3:40
  And so we went to Vatican City, we saw, St.
• 3:42
  Peter Basilica.
• 3:43
  We got to see all of the incredible paintings and sculptures from Michelangelo and I'm not really a history buff.
• 3:49
  Like I thought I was gonna go on this trip and shop and drink and eat, which I did.
• 3:53
  Of course.
• 3:54
  But I also really was so immersed in the history of these ruins and the city and the architecture and the beauty of it all.
• 4:02
  I experienced being present for the first time in probably 13 years.
• 4:07
  That's really cool.
• 4:07
  It was so cool.
• 4:10
  I feel like it was so cool those trips I kept saying to you.
• 4:14
  Yeah.
• 4:14
  It was like, it'll be life changing.
• 4:16
  It was, it sounds so dramatic to say that, but it especially, it's always nice going with somebody that's on the same like playing field as you like that wants to do the same things as you.
• 4:26
  Yes.
• 4:26
  So it is nice when you get.
• 4:28
  A little mix.
• 4:28
  It's hard when you're just with somebody that only wants to do one thing or only wants to shop.
• 4:33
  Yeah.
• 4:33
  It's, but it's so nice when you can get like a mix of it.
• 4:36
  But I said that, and I said that you're gonna come back from this trip.
• 4:39
  It's gonna be, there's gonna be so much jammed into those nine, 10 days that you're like, not even gonna fully be able to appreciate all the things that you saw.
• 4:48
  Until you're back and you're settled.
• 4:50
  And then you're like looking back through your photos and you're like, wow.
• 4:53
  You'll have a memory triggered where you're like, wow, I saw that I did that.
• 4:56
  And it's just one of those life changing trips.
• 4:59
  It was, that's such a good way of saying mm-hmm.
• 5:01
  and you did, you said that to me before I left.
• 5:03
  I was like, you're, I was like, you're gonna just be going.
• 5:05
  'cause it's such a different pace when you're.
• 5:07
  On a trip like that where there's just so much to see, there's so much to do.
• 5:10
  Like you said, you're eating, drinking, shopping, sightseeing, walking all over the place.
• 5:15
  Like you don't you're in it.
• 5:16
  But then there's, it's almost like too much, right?
• 5:19
  It's so sensory that there's m almost like too much to see and do that You can't your brain can't process it until you're back and then you're like, wow.
• 5:28
  yes.
• 5:29
  However, but you were saying that you were very present too.
• 5:31
  I feel like because I didn't have my kids with me and I didn't have tasks that I was checking my phone for and like I wasn't toggling.
• 5:40
  Yes.
• 5:40
  So even though it was like on sensory overload,'cause there was so much that I was taking in, I was present in those, you were really dialed in moments.
• 5:48
  Like I was dialed in.
• 5:49
  That was really cool.
• 5:51
  I love that.
• 5:51
  It was cool.
• 5:52
  And my mom loves to shop.
• 5:54
  She shops like it's insane.
• 5:56
  She was like, oh my god, daddy's gonna freak out when he sees this credit card bill.
• 6:00
  I'm like, can you not?
• 6:02
  Like you're supposed to be retiring in June.
• 6:03
  I know, but where are you from?
• 6:05
  Like Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I know.
• 6:07
  But it was just like watching her shop.
• 6:09
  Like I was like, you're like, this is where it's every time I tried every anything, she's oh my God, you have to get the bag, you have to get the shoes, you have to get the gelato, you have to have two glasses of wine.
• 6:16
  You have everything was like.
• 6:18
  It's a must.
• 6:18
  Everything was a yes.
• 6:20
  Why not?
• 6:20
  Why not?
• 6:21
  That's the Italian way of life.
• 6:22
  Everything was a yes and I love that for you guys.
• 6:25
  We had a great time, but I am toast.
• 6:27
  My mom ran circles around me.
• 6:28
  That woman does not tire.
• 6:29
  I she does not freaking tire.
• 6:31
  5:45 AM She'd wake up, ready to go.
• 6:34
  I'm like, can I like sleep in today?
• 6:36
  We don't have anything until the afternoon can sleep in.
• 6:38
  Yeah.
• 6:38
  You're like, this is a little bit of a vacation to me.
• 6:40
  And she's we're in Rome.
• 6:41
  We have so much to see.
• 6:43
  So one morning she did, she got up and she went to mass and I slept in until nine o'clock.
• 6:47
  Good for you.
• 6:48
  I'm so happy that everything worked out so that you were able to go on your trip.
• 6:52
  Yes.
• 6:52
  And it's actually like a good segue into our episode today.
• 6:56
  Mm-hmm.
• 6:56
  I also feel like it was good for my husband to do my job for a few days.
• 7:02
  Yeah.
• 7:03
  Because I feel before I left, I was looking for, I don't know what I was looking for him.
• 7:07
  I don't know if I was looking for an attagirl or a oh, this is hard, or Oh, this is what you do.
• 7:14
  I don't even know what I was looking for from him, but clearly I was searching for something and I got it just by me being gone for a couple of days.
• 7:23
  For sure.
• 7:23
  Because he had to do everything.
• 7:26
  And I have to say he did a really good job.
• 7:28
  Yeah.
• 7:28
  I was.
• 7:28
  He did a great job.
• 7:29
  Was gonna my next question.
• 7:30
  And then how did everything go at home?
• 7:31
  He did great.
• 7:32
  Now he has this shared calendar.
• 7:33
  Now he has the notes page.
• 7:35
  Now he knows where everybody has to be.
• 7:37
  He doesn't have to like ping me to find out.
• 7:40
  Mm-hmm.
• 7:40
  He has like access to it all.
• 7:42
  Yep.
• 7:42
  And that was what our like he was immersed too.
• 7:45
  He was immersed too.
• 7:46
  So last night I got home at nine 30 from hockey.
• 7:48
  We had tennis and then hockey and after school activities.
• 7:51
  The kids were home with me yesterday, so we had a putts around day, as I like to say.
• 7:55
  And I got home late and when I got home he was folding laundry.
• 7:58
  I go, what are you doing?
• 7:59
  I'm back now.
• 8:00
  And he said, I never realized how much laundry there was to be done.
• 8:04
  I feel so lazy.
• 8:05
  I don't do anything around here.
• 8:07
  I'm like, okay, it's okay.
• 8:08
  Like I, I'll take my rollback.
• 8:10
  Like I got what I needed from you and I just needed you to like to see.
• 8:14
  See.
• 8:14
  Yep.
• 8:15
  What's done here.
• 8:16
  So Wow.
• 8:17
  He saw he got a crash course in, he saw all the things, but he saw That's amazing.
• 8:22
  I'm really happy for you and your mom.
• 8:24
  I'm happy that you got through the trip.
• 8:26
  Yes.
• 8:26
  And it was everything that you wanted it to be.
• 8:28
  Yeah.
• 8:28
  You feel like you had been planning this for a long time too?
• 8:30
  We have been.
• 8:31
  Yeah.
• 8:31
  We have been.
• 8:32
  So I'm happy that I had the opportunity to go with her.
• 8:34
  I'm happy we were like healthy enough to go.
• 8:36
  I.
• 8:37
  Was not anxious.
• 8:39
  I wasn't like anxious that I was gonna be anxious.
• 8:41
  Like I didn't have any of these like crazy swirling thoughts.
• 8:45
  I wasn't hungry'cause I was eating constantly.
• 8:47
  Of course.
• 8:48
  Like I was thriving.
• 8:49
  Good for you.
• 8:50
  In Italy.
• 8:50
  I love it.
• 8:51
  And then I got home and I like had a stomach ache the second the flight landed because everything you eat there is just so fresh and good.
• 8:57
  I know.
• 8:58
  And it just doesn't land the same here.
• 8:59
  No, it doesn't land the same.
• 9:01
  That's the perfect way to explain it.
• 9:03
  It's just, and for some, for bread, pasta, the wine, you can eat all of those things.
• 9:07
  You feel good.
• 9:08
  You're also just so much more active and moving and just I don't know.
• 9:11
  It just, it doesn't land the same, but it also doesn't sit the same.
• 9:14
  No.
• 9:14
  Like in your body.
• 9:15
  It's insane.
• 9:16
  No, there was no grab and go while we were there.
• 9:20
  We sat and ate like a chicken parm grinder.
• 9:23
  On the step.
• 9:23
  Like on these steps.
• 9:24
  One day when we were waiting to go to St.
• 9:26
  Into St.
• 9:26
  Peter Basilica and I like ate a very large, like the sandwich I was just making for my kids.
• 9:32
  Just now that you saw me making like my mom and I consumed that on the steps of St.
• 9:36
  Peter Basilica.
• 9:37
  Yeah.
• 9:37
  You probably felt great.
• 9:38
  You felt light as air.
• 9:39
  I bet I was fine.
• 9:40
  Followed by a gelato and some wine light as air.
• 9:43
  I did.
• 9:43
  I was so tired that day.
• 9:45
  I was like, mom, can you go get me gelato from the corner stand?
• 9:48
  She was like, sure.
• 9:50
  Like you're so lazy and useless.
• 9:54
  This is my time, but so we had been wanting to get into this conversation before you left.
• 10:00
  We kind of batched a bunch of them.
• 10:01
  Yes.
• 10:02
  Before you left, knowing that you were away for a couple of weeks, but.
• 10:06
  We had been wanting to get into this topic for a long time, and we teased this on one of our earlier episodes that this has been like a highly requested topic.
• 10:16
  Mm-hmm.
• 10:16
  From the Pippa's.
• 10:16
  Just about marriage.
• 10:18
  And we're we're saying it, we're like titling this, let's talk marriage after kids.
• 10:23
  And we're saying it's from our side of the story.
• 10:26
  Our point of view, because we don't really think it's fair to have a marriage conversation unless me and you are gonna talk about our work wife relationship.
• 10:35
  We can't, it's not really fair to talk about a marriage when it's one sided and when it's.
• 10:41
  Just from one point of view.
• 10:42
  It's also, it's our side of the story.
• 10:44
  It's our side of the story.
• 10:45
  This is how things have changed for us.
• 10:46
  Yeah.
• 10:46
  This is our side of the story.
• 10:48
  So it is a personal one.
• 10:49
  We're obviously talking about how things have shifted in marriages in both of our marriages since becoming moms.
• 10:57
  T has a little bit more experience in that just because you got married and you started having kids almost, or it's over 12 years ago now, and so you've been in this space for a little bit longer.
• 11:09
  I'm curious to know if it's like ebbs and flows the way everybody says it does and the different kind of, layers to that.
• 11:16
  Because I've only been a mom for four years.
• 11:19
  My husband and I were together for 15 before having kids, and so I have a completely different point of view so far.
• 11:25
  Listeners you met in college?
• 11:27
  So together since college together since my last year of college.
• 11:31
  He was already out of college.
• 11:32
  Okay.
• 11:32
  But we were together for 15 years before we had Leo.
• 11:36
  So it's a different point of view because we were together for so long before having this huge shift.
• 11:44
  I'll just say I don't think it matters how long you've been together.
• 11:48
  The shift happens and there's no stopping it.
• 11:52
  So you can get married and have a kid right away, or you can wait 25 years and have a kid.
• 11:58
  The shift is gonna happen.
• 12:00
  Because I think before you have a kid, you have each other.
• 12:04
  You have your jobs, you have your home, but things are very compartmentalized.
• 12:10
  And yes, you share a life together, but things are still separated.
• 12:13
  When you have a child, it is now a unit.
• 12:18
  It's now Yes.
• 12:19
  This new unit.
• 12:20
  Yep.
• 12:20
  And the word mom, really to me just means everything.
• 12:24
  It is it.
• 12:25
  It's everything.
• 12:26
  And this could be like 1950s, or this could be like 20, 25.
• 12:29
  But I think that no matter if you are a working mom or a stay at home mom, you're still mom.
• 12:34
  You still are everything.
• 12:35
  Yeah.
• 12:35
  You're the primary caregiver of that child.
• 12:37
  Mm-hmm.
• 12:38
  In most cases, I think.
• 12:39
  So then.
• 12:41
  Then your husband, typically the husband is the worker, the provider.
• 12:45
  Maybe that role is split, but I still think that the husband still looks for that caretaking from their wife.
• 12:54
  And now the wife is, at least in my circumstance now, you're split.
• 12:58
  You're split between caring for a child who will not thrive without your love and attention, and then your husband who you think, oh, he can get by, he'll be fine.
• 13:09
  But really like that marriage requires the same attention Yes.
• 13:14
  That the child does.
• 13:15
  Yes.
• 13:15
  So I think that's like the start of it all.
• 13:18
  When you're trying to then figure out how to allocate your time again.
• 13:21
  And then I think also you layer on that, the huge shift just as a family now that you're going through, there's.
• 13:28
  Schedule changes.
• 13:30
  There's responsibility changes, there's responsibility additions, there's navigating, the identity shift that comes with both parents.
• 13:40
  I think that we always talk about it coming from the mom point of view.
• 13:43
  Mm-hmm.
• 13:43
  But it could come from both, sure.
• 13:44
  There could be identity shifts for everybody, and now you're navigating a partnership with a lot more responsibility underneath you.
• 13:54
  And like to your point, a marriage and any relationship needs constant nurturing.
• 13:59
  Yes.
• 14:00
  And you don't have the time to do that anymore.
• 14:05
  You have to change your time.
• 14:05
  You have to change your time.
• 14:06
  You have to change how you spend your time.
• 14:07
  You can't spend your time the same way.
• 14:10
  One thing that I realized was like, I never asked for alone time or me time before I was a mom.
• 14:17
  What about you?
• 14:18
  Because you had No, because we had it it wasn't even on my mind.
• 14:21
  I wasn't like, oh, I need to work out.
• 14:24
  I don't know.
• 14:24
  You just did.
• 14:25
  I just did.
• 14:25
  Or I need to get in this right.
• 14:27
  Or I need to go and do my whatever.
• 14:29
  Like I didn't need anything.
• 14:32
  And after I became a mom, I needed all this time.
• 14:35
  'cause I was so overstimulated.
• 14:36
  But all of that time that I needed took me was even more time away from my husband.
• 14:41
  So it's like a double whammy.
• 14:43
  So you're looking for reset time for yourself.
• 14:46
  That's a really good point.
• 14:47
  And then because you need it because you're like, you give so much of yourself and then, my poor husband's probably like, well, what the hell?
• 14:55
  Now you don't wanna hang out with me.
• 14:56
  But really all it is I was like, oh my God, I need to reset before I can reset with you.
• 15:01
  Yeah.
• 15:01
  Yeah, you need to get yourself in good mental space.
• 15:03
  I need to get before then you can go and put I need to check myself.
• 15:06
  Yes.
• 15:06
  And that before you can put anything else.
• 15:08
  'cause what's the saying about the filling the cup?
• 15:10
  Like you have to have your cup filled before you can fill anybody else's cup.
• 15:15
  Yeah.
• 15:15
  So again, that just adds on like layers and layers of how difficult this is to navigate.
• 15:21
  Where you need the space to reset yourself before you can put energy into somebody else and your relationship.
• 15:28
  But we're all dealing with the time constraints, so it's just hard.
• 15:33
  There's not enough hours in the day and Right.
• 15:35
  I feel like I used to say that before having kids where I've always felt like when you have a lot going on, you're just like, oh, there's not enough hours in the day.
• 15:44
  And then when you have kids, you're really like, there are not enough hours in the day to get everything done, to fill your cup, to fill your marriage's cup.
• 15:52
  I knew that it was on the forefront for me when my kid, like every day like, okay, I need to take care of my kids.
• 15:59
  I need to care for them.
• 16:00
  I need to make sure that they're clean and fed and the house is clean.
• 16:03
  Like the house is clean and fed, and everything on the to-do list is done.
• 16:06
  And then I need to take time for myself.
• 16:08
  But I never put on that to-do list.
• 16:11
  Oh, me and Nick need time.
• 16:13
  And I think that once that made the list, it almost woke me up oh my God.
• 16:20
  Oh my God, we don't pay attention to our marriage.
• 16:22
  I think it's really easy to, we're so busy with every other thing.
• 16:25
  I think it's really easy to put the relationship last.
• 16:29
  Because you think and hope it will always be there.
• 16:33
  You think it's sturdy, you think it's good?
• 16:35
  Yeah.
• 16:35
  Because it is, your relationship is sturdy.
• 16:37
  Everything is good.
• 16:37
  But just like everything else, even the St.
• 16:40
  Sturdiest relationship still needs the time and attention.
• 16:43
  And I don't even think early on before you have kids, you even have to think about spending time together and think about feeding your marriage right.
• 16:51
  And thinking about doing nice things for one another because you're just doing it right.
• 16:55
  And it's not until your time is shifted to something else that you realize, oh, I'm not doing that anymore.
• 17:01
  Yeah.
• 17:01
  And I think that the interesting thing is realizing how fast that shift can happen.
• 17:07
  And what I mean by that is like you hear people's marriages falling apart, right?
• 17:12
  And you're like, they just had a kid.
• 17:13
  How did it fall apart?
• 17:15
  There you go.
• 17:15
  And you're like, in your mind, you're like, wow, that was quick.
• 17:18
  And you don't realize how fast things can crumble because of how big of a shift this is.
• 17:25
  So until you're living it and then you're like, wow, I can't see how fast, if this isn't something that you're working on and paying attention to, it can crumble very fast.
• 17:36
  Yeah.
• 17:37
  Because it's such a big thing.
• 17:38
  So why don't we talk about the identity shift?
• 17:42
  I feel like that's a good place to start.
• 17:43
  Mm-hmm.
• 17:44
  We gave like the base layer of what we wanna get into today.
• 17:48
  Yeah.
• 17:48
  That, you become a pa, you become parents, and the first thing that sort of happens is this, the identity shift for sure.
• 17:55
  What does that mean to you?
• 17:57
  I think for me, like where I can get personal with this is that the identity shift has happened in two layers.
• 18:04
  It's the personal identity shift, which I've talked about a million times on this podcast.
• 18:08
  Just having to take a step back from work and really like peeling back what it meant to be me before having kids.
• 18:15
  I felt like I lost a lot of that when I had kids just because I wasn't able to work the same way.
• 18:20
  I wasn't traveling, I wasn't socializing the same way.
• 18:24
  I didn't have that me time.
• 18:25
  So I really did feel that I was losing myself and coming into a new identity.
• 18:30
  But I think also what happens is you shift as a couple and it's almost like your marriage experiences that same cycle.
• 18:39
  Yes.
• 18:39
  Because it's not traveling anymore.
• 18:41
  It's not doing any of these things anymore.
• 18:43
  And I also think it's so easy, to your point before, it's easy for.
• 18:48
  Your partner to see you as mom.
• 18:51
  And I don't mean that I am now his mom.
• 18:53
  I mean that you're like the mom of the family.
• 18:56
  And so I almost felt like I was losing my identity in that sort of relationship scope too.
• 19:03
  Mm-hmm.
• 19:04
  Where it's just, it's a different like viewpoint, if that makes sense.
• 19:07
  I hear you.
• 19:08
  And I think it's so easy to look back and really miss yourself before kids and miss your relationship before kids.
• 19:16
  And so it's just a whole identity as like you and your partner, plus you, plus them.
• 19:23
  Like everyone's having an identity crisis right.
• 19:25
  At this point.
• 19:26
  I think when you become parents, your sense of self expands.
• 19:31
  Yes.
• 19:31
  But it also fractures at the same time.
• 19:33
  Mm-hmm.
• 19:33
  Because you're not the old you.
• 19:36
  You're the new you, which is the chauffeur, the chef, the tutor, and then.
• 19:42
  Sometimes the side of you that was like your husband's friend and your husband's date, like that side doesn't really shine through very often.
• 19:50
  In the presence of a family.
• 19:52
  Yep.
• 19:52
  And you're it's hard that side of you, that was so important, that was such a big piece of you, isn't even shining through.
• 19:58
  Yep.
• 19:58
  Because you're taking on all of these other roles, like you said, like your caregivers, your providers, your protectors, your teachers, it takes so much emotional and mental bandwidth to play all of those roles that you need for your kids.
• 20:13
  I feel like it's really hard to look at each other again in that, in the same light that you did before, right?
• 20:21
  Yeah.
• 20:21
  Before that responsibility shift.
• 20:24
  Yeah.
• 20:24
  In life.
• 20:25
  I love prepping myself for conversations, but how could you prep yourself for this before you have.
• 20:32
  A child?
• 20:32
  That, my thing that I always wanna say is, could you even change?
• 20:35
  I wanna shake everybody that had a kid before me and be like, why didn't you tell me?
• 20:39
  And it's because you can't, there is no way to really prep for it.
• 20:43
  You can say things, but I think until you're living and breathing it, it just wouldn't even register to the other person.
• 20:49
  No.
• 20:49
  It's like really one of those few experiences that like you don't know until you're in it.
• 20:54
  You can prepare and you can talk somebody's ear off about it, but like they won't get it until they're living and breathing it every single day.
• 21:03
  I was definitely one of those people that like heard all the things, but nothing ever registered really.
• 21:09
  Like I truly didn't understand it until I was living it.
• 21:12
  I agree.
• 21:13
  I guess another big piece of this.
• 21:16
  This could be age, or it could be just having a parent is like the physical change that occurs when you become a mom.
• 21:25
  And that, and the emotional changes that occur.
• 21:27
  So it's obviously the physical and emotional change due to pregnancy and delivery of the baby and your age, you're getting older.
• 21:34
  Mm-hmm.
• 21:34
  Things are changing, that always goes back to, again, something that I didn't understand before having kids was like, what the exhaustion really meant.
• 21:43
  And I would always kind of think oh once you get out of the sleepless nights, maybe that exhaustion starts to go away.
• 21:49
  And it really doesn't.
• 21:50
  It just transforms into different exhaustion.
• 21:54
  You know what I mean?
• 21:55
  It's it doesn't go away.
• 21:56
  The exhaustion is always there.
• 21:58
  It's just, it takes a new form.
• 22:00
  And right now we're in that where like the kids are super young and.
• 22:05
  We use the word like overstimulated and exhausted.
• 22:08
  Almost to the point where I feel like they don't even mean anything anymore.
• 22:11
  We like overuse them so much.
• 22:13
  It just goes back to not having anything left at the end of the day.
• 22:18
  And at the end of the day, that's when you're supposed to connect with yourself, connect with your partner, your spouse, at the end.
• 22:22
  Like typically that's when it happens at the end of the day.
• 22:25
  Yep.
• 22:25
  That's the worst time of the day.
• 22:26
  It is.
• 22:27
  At the end of the day, it is.
• 22:28
  Like you wanna catch me in a good mood, tap me on the shoulder at 6:00 AM Yeah.
• 22:33
  Like I, that's a great time.
• 22:34
  It's not a great time to connect in any sort of way at the end of the day when you're just so burnt out and over it for the rest of the day.
• 22:43
  That's the time.
• 22:44
  Again, going back to like when you need to take time for yourself to reset, to relax, to come down from the day.
• 22:51
  That's a struggle.
• 22:53
  I know, but if you think about it, and I'm generalizing.
• 22:57
  Again, this is just how things work in my house.
• 22:59
  It's the end of the day I wanna decompress.
• 23:02
  What do I do to decompress?
• 23:04
  After my kids are asleep.
• 23:05
  Mm-hmm.
• 23:05
  I go and I scroll on my phone.
• 23:07
  Yeah.
• 23:07
  Oh, guilty.
• 23:07
  And then I ignore him.
• 23:08
  Actually, Nick just sent me an article about this the other day and I sent it to you.
• 23:12
  Yeah.
• 23:12
  It's called Fobbing.
• 23:13
  Fobbing and it means phone snubbing.
• 23:17
  Yep.
• 23:17
  So when you're on your phone and you're not giving attention to the person next to you.
• 23:23
  Yep.
• 23:23
  So my husband will wait patiently for me to take my 15, 20 minutes on my phone because you need that mindless time.
• 23:30
  'cause I need that mindless time.
• 23:32
  And then by the time I'm done scrolling, he's snoring.
• 23:35
  So if that happens seven nights a week, like then when are you supposed to reconnect?
• 23:41
  Then I'm like ignoring him.
• 23:42
  It's such a bad cycle.
• 23:43
  I know.
• 23:44
  And I know I'm not alone in that.
• 23:46
  No, I know.
• 23:47
  And I'm admitting it, that I'm like right there with you.
• 23:49
  That is something that we both do.
• 23:51
  I'm definitely guilty of it and I wish I wasn't.
• 23:55
  I wish that I could be like a Oh no.
• 23:58
  Phone time, at the end of the day.
• 24:00
  But honestly, that's how I sometimes decompress, which is so sad.
• 24:04
  I wish, I feel like I need to, it's like an escape where you're just like, I wanna just look at something funny or watch something mindless, something that has nothing to do with you.
• 24:15
  Something that has nothing to do with me where I'm not feeling needed.
• 24:18
  I have to mentally participate.
• 24:20
  One you don't have in one other thing.
• 24:21
  Don't Exactly.
• 24:22
  I know, but.
• 24:24
  What it's doing it's like pushing you and your partner apart from one another, even though you're probably physically very close by each other.
• 24:32
  Yeah.
• 24:32
  So I'm just, again, I'm just pointing these things out.
• 24:35
  Yeah.
• 24:35
  I am by no means a relationship expert.
• 24:37
  I am just going through the list of things that, again, you have a kid, you need more time to yourself.
• 24:43
  So now you're picking up your phone.
• 24:44
  Now you're on your phone more, and all of these things that you're doing, and now reset yourself actually is having you pushing your partner away further and further away from your partner.
• 24:51
  Yep.
• 24:51
  It's just, yeah.
• 24:52
  Interesting that, that has a name now.
• 24:54
  So I would be curious and my husband sent me the article.
• 24:57
  I know.
• 24:57
  Of course.
• 24:57
  Like wink, hint, hint.
• 24:59
  That's you.
• 25:01
  You're fobbing me again.
• 25:02
  So yeah the article was funny.
• 25:04
  It was like, fobbing the silent Separator.
• 25:07
  I'm like, oh my God.
• 25:07
  It is because you're mean it.
• 25:09
  I wish that I could not only think differently about it, but I wish that I could actually take into action and not do it, but for, it's probably a mix of just a terrible habit.
• 25:19
  And it's also goes always back to my joke that I make about myself, that I am such a bad texter and communicator.
• 25:27
  And it's because I feel like I come down from the day and it's not only do I have texts to respond to, I have emails from work that I didn't, it's like there's always like a running list.
• 25:38
  And so sometimes yes, you are mindlessly scrolling, but then sometimes I actually am like, oh no.
• 25:44
  But like when I was thinking about this today, I'm actually like sitting down to do some of the things that mentally were taking up space.
• 25:52
  In my head.
• 25:53
  And I just always have a tough time with the time management of how when do you have time to be mindless about something?
• 26:00
  Because that's the time that you need to disconnect.
• 26:03
  And then.
• 26:04
  There's actually, sometimes there's just a million things to do, where you're like, this is now my time where I don't have somebody that's needing me and now I wanna just sit and maybe not even mindlessly scroll the memes.
• 26:16
  It's oh, I wanna look for a dress for family photos.
• 26:19
  Or I wanna, do you know what I mean?
• 26:20
  Yeah.
• 26:20
  Some of it's like productive, mindless, if that makes sense.
• 26:24
  Like no, it makes mindless productivity where you're like, it makes total sense.
• 26:27
  Like you're not always just down a rabbit hole.
• 26:30
  'cause I sometimes feel like that's also a bad misconception because we're on our phone so much that we're always just.
• 26:37
  Not doing anything productive.
• 26:39
  And it's no, we do our lives are lived on our phones now, so it gets very tricky.
• 26:44
  I know.
• 26:46
  I guess if the nighttime routine is for you to unwind and whatever that means mm-hmm.
• 26:51
  to unwind.
• 26:52
  And also the it, the nighttime routine is it's the expected time for the couple to reconnect.
• 26:58
  It almost seems like it's a choice.
• 26:59
  So what, which one are you gonna choose?
• 27:01
  Are you gonna choose you, it's the phone or are you gonna choose us?
• 27:04
  It's the phone for whatever the reason is, or it's the relationship and it is, it's really hard.
• 27:09
  But when somebody says it to you like that, like still, matter of fact, who are you gonna choose?
• 27:14
  Of course we wanna, you wanna choose your relationship.
• 27:16
  Yep.
• 27:16
  You wanna choose your relationship, but it, unless those words aren't said to you, you're not gonna make that choice.
• 27:20
  I know.
• 27:21
  So I would wonder if anybody has, that people make a no phone rule after the kids go to sleep.
• 27:28
  Or you put your phone literally like away from you, like away in a different room.
• 27:33
  Or it goes to a part of the room where you don't have access to it, to just pick it up and Right.
• 27:39
  Start ignoring each other again.
• 27:40
  I wonder if that really does make a difference, or even if you just did that like a couple of times a week, and just, I like that better than just saying no phone.
• 27:48
  I think maybe a couple times a week is better.
• 27:50
  Yeah.
• 27:50
  Okay, on Tuesday, like tonight's gonna we're gonna watch our show right together and we're gonna put the phone on do not disturb.
• 27:56
  Yeah.
• 27:57
  But no, we don't have a No, we don't play.
• 27:58
  No, we don't either.
• 27:59
  We don't play any of those things.
• 28:00
  We don't.
• 28:00
  I know.
• 28:01
  We wing it.
• 28:01
  We totally wing it.
• 28:02
  Yep.
• 28:02
  I know.
• 28:03
  And, but it sets a lot up for you guys to get mad at each other.
• 28:06
  And same thing with us, because you're like there's no boundaries around this.
• 28:10
  One night it's him picking up the phone too many times.
• 28:13
  One night it's me picking up the phone too many times.
• 28:15
  Yeah.
• 28:15
  And then we get into those too.
• 28:16
  I know, but it's so funny how everything else can be so regimented.
• 28:19
  The kids have to read for 30 minutes and they have to brush their teeth and they have to be in bed at 9:00 PM but then it's a free for all in our room.
• 28:25
  True.
• 28:25
  There's no rules.
• 28:26
  It's every man for themselves.
• 28:28
  So now for you, you shared that logistically you and Raj sometimes have some overlap because you're both working parents.
• 28:34
  So do you feel like sometimes you are playing like tag your it?
• 28:38
  Yes.
• 28:39
  Or you're like just working okay, you're on now.
• 28:41
  I'm on.
• 28:42
  Yeah.
• 28:42
  We do that a lot and I think it's good because it becomes fair for both of us, but it also gets, I think when your roles get slippery.
• 28:53
  It's not as organized, right?
• 28:54
  It's not like this is your task, this is my task.
• 28:57
  Because there is like a tag, okay, you're doing drop off today.
• 29:01
  Maybe I'm doing drop off tomorrow.
• 29:04
  Maybe you're doing drop off all week.
• 29:06
  And so it just, it just depends on what we have going on in our schedules for the week.
• 29:12
  And you're not doing it together.
• 29:14
  No.
• 29:14
  So it's not oh, we're gonna drop off together and then grab a coffee.
• 29:16
  It's no, you drop off.
• 29:18
  So I'm working now.
• 29:19
  You have more time today.
• 29:19
  I have.
• 29:20
  Like I have something to do this morning.
• 29:22
  I have to film something.
• 29:23
  So that's like all business.
• 29:24
  It is it's a lot of business.
• 29:26
  It's a lot of logistics.
• 29:27
  And a lot of the times we can get caught up in those types of conversations too.
• 29:33
  Where it is like you're running hate, hate business talk.
• 29:36
  It's like you're running not sexy about business talk like, ugh.
• 29:38
  Yep.
• 29:39
  And we are guilty of that.
• 29:40
  But it's also just because that's the reality, right?
• 29:43
  It's there's so many moving parts and.
• 29:48
  I wish that it was different, but it's, that's what we end up talking about a lot of the time now.
• 29:53
  We're still very much in the thick of it with both of the kids.
• 29:55
  You are being super young, but.
• 29:58
  We've done a couple of little tricks, I would say over the last year that have helped.
• 30:03
  And it's just a matter of staying consistent with them.
• 30:07
  But when we can stay consistent with them, they really do help.
• 30:10
  And for us, we like to say that we wanna have a date night once a week.
• 30:15
  Okay.
• 30:15
  So would everybody, does that actually happen?
• 30:18
  I would say, I would love to have a date night once a month.
• 30:21
  That was, that's how infrequent that actually was taking place.
• 30:25
  But a lot of the times it comes down to going back, we're so exhausted at the end of the day that's not the time of the day that we're feeling liveliest, that we have the most energy that we want to have.
• 30:37
  That kind of like reconnection.
• 30:39
  It's a lot of pressure to put on yourself at the end of the day, right?
• 30:42
  You're like, all day you should be at this time in your life, at this time in our life, at this time in our life, or the best utilization of childcare'cause because we're tired, right?
• 30:50
  And and then it becomes extra childcare.
• 30:53
  And so what we've started to do is take little date either days where we will go out to lunch.
• 31:00
  We've done that a couple of times where we'll take a lunch in the middle of a Friday and we'll actually, while we have somebody with the kids, or while somebody's in school, we'll be like, okay, we're like, we can actually go out on a lunch date and.
• 31:15
  That is a much better time of day.
• 31:17
  A much more lively, I'm much more, I don't know.
• 31:20
  I feel like it's just a, it's like you're catching me at the right time.
• 31:22
  It's a better version of you, both of you.
• 31:24
  Yes.
• 31:25
  And what we've started to do is if that kind of seems to interfere with work, which sometimes it does, sometimes we literally can't pull ourselves away or we have too much going on to be able to do that.
• 31:35
  We've taken like little happy hours where we might extend childcare by one extra hour.
• 31:42
  Have a quick bite to eat.
• 31:44
  And those where you don't just have to talk logistics where you can, yeah, just where we just get to hang out a little bit.
• 31:49
  And that has been great because again, that kind of goes back to it's a better time of the day.
• 31:55
  It's before the chaos of the evening, and then we come back.
• 31:59
  Refreshed and ready to take on the rest of the evening together.
• 32:04
  Because we just had a wonderful hour and a half, two hours together, and now we're gonna go home and do bedtime altogether.
• 32:10
  And it's not super, super consistent where it's every week, but it's easier to do that than to plan a date night.
• 32:18
  Especially as we get into the winter where it gets dark early and it's cold.
• 32:21
  It's like that I'm not motivated to go out after the kids go to sleep or even late.
• 32:25
  It's like I, because I wanna come home and I still wanna have the time to decompress.
• 32:30
  Because that the time after the kids go to bed is important Time to.
• 32:36
  Reset ourselves to reset the house.
• 32:38
  Like we clean and have everything ready for the next morning.
• 32:41
  If we're get coming in and it's late, like we're not gonna get that stuff done.
• 32:46
  And so this is just, it's so much more productive this way.
• 32:49
  So your microburst is supposed to reconnect you and reset you.
• 32:53
  And if you do that microburst earlier in the day, then you still get, it feels like it really does.
• 32:57
  Then you still get your own time too.
• 32:59
  Yes.
• 33:00
  So you still get Yep.
• 33:01
  It wins for everybody.
• 33:02
  That's a great tip.
• 33:03
  That's, that has been our little trick that I will say has been working for us and it's been great.
• 33:08
  Good.
• 33:09
  I love that.
• 33:10
  What about you guys?
• 33:11
  So I guess similar to that, Nick will randomly get outta work early, like on a Tuesday or a Thursday, and I would get annoyed with him when he would be like, do you wanna go for lunch?
• 33:21
  I'm like you can't ask me last minute.
• 33:23
  You can't just spring it on me like I have work.
• 33:25
  Sometimes I have to do two.
• 33:26
  And then I realize you can't be so inflexible, you have to be more flexible.
• 33:30
  You have to be able to meet him for lunch.
• 33:32
  If he's asking you to meet him for lunch, otherwise he's gonna call somebody else and meet them for lunch.
• 33:37
  So I started meeting him for lunch.
• 33:40
  On these random Tuesdays and Thursdays.
• 33:42
  And then we'll get coffee after and then he'll drive and do all the pickups and all the drop offs with me.
• 33:47
  And then we like hang out in the car and sometimes I'm like, oh my God, you're so annoying.
• 33:52
  You drive fast, you make me car sick.
• 33:54
  And other times I'm like, oh my God, this is so fun to be together.
• 33:57
  I love hanging out with you.
• 33:58
  I know.
• 33:59
  So that's like our little microburst, but I like that microburst.
• 34:03
  You, nick.
• 34:03
  Our kids are a little older now.
• 34:04
  So we've been leaving them home alone and going to dinner.
• 34:07
  I know.
• 34:07
  That's dream without a babysitter.
• 34:08
  What a dream.
• 34:09
  Because the oldest is Yeah, babysits.
• 34:11
  Yeah.
• 34:11
  So we don't go far.
• 34:12
  We go to dinner like in town.
• 34:13
  Yep.
• 34:14
  But we do that.
• 34:15
  But I spend a lot of time with Nick.
• 34:16
  We have a lot of hobbies that we do together.
• 34:19
  I know that's, you guys are and I'm big on shared experiences.
• 34:22
  I realized through doing this podcast that's like my love language.
• 34:25
  So we'll do things like, play tennis or we'll go golfing or we'll just do anything where we're like Nick and t and not mom and dad.
• 34:32
  Yeah.
• 34:33
  Because when we are just mom and dad, I shouldn't say just, but when we are mom and dad, we're not like friends flirting with each other and like hanging out.
• 34:40
  It's all business.
• 34:41
  It's oh my God.
• 34:42
  Did you see what the kid, he got on his like math test?
• 34:44
  Oh, he hasn't brushed his teeth.
• 34:46
  Oh.
• 34:46
  Can you believe oh, the mess.
• 34:48
  Oh, the dog.
• 34:49
  Like all of this stuff and it's not.
• 34:51
  It's not fun.
• 34:52
  It's not light.
• 34:53
  It's all business.
• 34:54
  Imagine if the relationships you had with your friends were all business.
• 34:58
  You wouldn't talk to them anymore.
• 35:00
  No, it's so true.
• 35:01
  When you talk to your friends, like you wanna tell a funny story, you wanna laugh, you wanna obviously cry and connect and tell them what's going on in your life.
• 35:07
  But it's not all business like that.
• 35:10
  That would suck.
• 35:11
  Yep.
• 35:12
  And like the relationship with my husband half the time is all business.
• 35:16
  Ugh.
• 35:16
  Yeah.
• 35:17
  I don't want that.
• 35:18
  I know.
• 35:19
  But we have that sometimes.
• 35:20
  I know.
• 35:21
  There's no way around that.
• 35:22
  It's just that then you have to put in the extra effort to make those conversations, not about what's going on inside of the household.
• 35:32
  I know Nick said to me like, Ugh, you hate it when I ask you questions.
• 35:35
  I'm like, it's, I just, when I talk to you, I just don't wanna talk business.
• 35:39
  Mm-hmm.
• 35:39
  I just wanna like talk.
• 35:40
  I wanna hear about your day.
• 35:41
  I wanna tell you about my day.
• 35:43
  I like the very little time we have.
• 35:46
  I don't wanna spend it with you asking me questions about the schedule.
• 35:50
  Can that just live on a notes page?
• 35:53
  And can all the other fun stuff be between us?
• 35:56
  But I also need to maybe be a little softer sometimes because I can sometimes be a little snippy with him when he asks me questions.
• 36:06
  I think the next hot topic is this communication gap.
• 36:11
  I think after you have kids, you're not just communicating to somebody about yourself, you're communicating to them about other people.
• 36:21
  Your children, your dependents.
• 36:22
  There's just a lot more to communicate about, so you have more to communicate about.
• 36:25
  So I think that if you ever struggled communicating to your spouse beforehand you're really gonna struggle communicating to them effectively and respectfully.
• 36:36
  Yep.
• 36:37
  When you're talking about another person, my nick and I pretty much are aligned, but we don't always agree on stuff with the kids.
• 36:44
  How could you always agree about things with your kids?
• 36:46
  Because you're always gonna see a little piece of yourself in one of your kids and a piece of your, your spouse in one of your kids.
• 36:54
  And there's gonna be things about them that you like and don't like.
• 36:57
  Just like there's pieces of yourself you like and don't like.
• 36:59
  Yeah.
• 37:00
  And I think that for, at least for me and Nick, is one of something for us that was like, oh my God, we are not communicating well about this.
• 37:08
  When the kids came, everything else with us was always really like communicating about he and I.
• 37:14
  A touchy subject could be like in-laws, right?
• 37:17
  Because those are like extensions of you.
• 37:18
  But next to that, the biggest extension of you is your children.
• 37:22
  So I think that we, being together for 15 years, I think looking back like we must have been good communicators.
• 37:30
  Sure.
• 37:30
  I feel like we would always like work through any disagreements or any, alignment, right?
• 37:36
  Mm-hmm.
• 37:36
  Issues where you're like, okay, we're not really seeing eye to eye on that and we would always be able to work through all of those things without a lot really being a big thing.
• 37:45
  And I feel like.
• 37:46
  When you have kids.
• 37:47
  I don't know.
• 37:48
  I feel like it, again, that's just like another huge shift.
• 37:51
  I do think that you're right, like it's probably because there's so much more to communicate about.
• 37:56
  And it's not just from your point of view, it's not just oh, I feel like this and I need this.
• 38:02
  It's so much more layered than that, it's I think it also goes to that, going back to the topics of like, when everything is business and logistics, Not only is that just not fun it's that you then don't really check in with each other's feelings.
• 38:19
  Yeah.
• 38:19
  What do you need?
• 38:20
  What do I need?
• 38:21
  The communication is like more task oriented.
• 38:24
  So you forget to check in.
• 38:26
  Yeah.
• 38:26
  On a non, we're calling it business, but it really is like surface level, right?
• 38:31
  It's like you're, now we need to go beyond the surface level chit chat and how are you feeling?
• 38:37
  What's going on with you?
• 38:39
  I feel like those conversations become so much less and less if you let them, and I think that over time that could build a lot of resentment.
• 38:48
  And a lot of disconnect.
• 38:50
  Even simple check-ins are important.
• 38:52
  Like a daily check-in.
• 38:53
  And I think that this all goes back to what we've been talking about throughout this episode.
• 38:57
  Why like those mini micro dates are important and why maybe putting your phone down a couple of nights a week and having those check-ins at different points throughout the day.
• 39:08
  Like I guess whenever it is best for you to have a little bit of a conversation it's not just about the surface level business.
• 39:16
  Who's going where, who needs to do what, it's, how are you feeling?
• 39:20
  What do you need?
• 39:21
  And it's not in the middle of the chaos, it's actual check-ins.
• 39:26
  Yeah.
• 39:27
  With your partner.
• 39:27
  But I also feel like as far as communication goes, I thought I was a decent communicator because I don't necessarily hold a lot in I've never been somebody that.
• 39:39
  You're not a silent treatment girl.
• 39:40
  I'm not.
• 39:40
  No.
• 39:41
  I'm not a silent treatment girl.
• 39:42
  We've never done the silent treatment really with each other.
• 39:45
  Sometimes we'll take a break, if like we're getting a little overworked about something it's okay, let's take a pause and not talk about this right now, or let's cool down a little bit.
• 39:53
  But we don't go like days without talking about something.
• 39:57
  And we were one of those couples that like never went to bed angry.
• 40:00
  That was like our motto at the beginning so then I would argue that you were a very good communicator.
• 40:05
  I was.
• 40:05
  You were a very healthy communicator.
• 40:07
  I was.
• 40:07
  Before having kids, I used to be a much better communicator and I think that.
• 40:12
  Again, sometimes you're just so mentally burnt out and exhausted and all of the things that we've been saying, that even if there is something that I want to talk about, I don't have the mental energy or capacity to always address it.
• 40:27
  So I find myself in this like stage of life in our relationship holding a lot more in because.
• 40:36
  I'm just burnt out instead blurting it out or because there's no good time to talk about it.
• 40:41
  You're like, I don't wanna have this conversation in front of the kids.
• 40:43
  I don't wanna have this conversation before bed.
• 40:45
  I'm too tired.
• 40:46
  I don't wanna have it first thing in the morning because I don't wanna start our day like this.
• 40:50
  And so a lot of it where I think before we used to be able to just address whatever we had to talk about, whenever we wanted to talk about it, and now there's a lot of holding back.
• 41:00
  I think sometimes that could be good because sometimes when you take a second to come down from something, you're like, maybe that doesn't even need to be a conversation.
• 41:07
  Like always back to my thing doesn't always doesn't have to be a thing.
• 41:10
  So sometimes I'm sure it saves arguments when you're just like, you know what?
• 41:13
  I'm not even mad about that anymore.
• 41:15
  Yeah.
• 41:15
  But you know, If it's a trend, but if it's that you're too tired to even talk.
• 41:18
  Yeah, I think that could be problematic.
• 41:20
  It's not right.
• 41:21
  That's not a good thing.
• 41:22
  That's not a good like pattern to keep repeating.
• 41:25
  I think the more time we spend together, the more quality time we spend together and.
• 41:31
  Getting those little like bursts where we can actually speak to each other, not about logistics, not about the kids.
• 41:38
  That helps some of those things.
• 41:39
  And if there is something that's you and it's a better opportunity.
• 41:41
  Yes.
• 41:41
  It's the opportunity.
• 41:42
  Then you feel comfortable and safe enough to say it.
• 41:45
  Yes.
• 41:45
  But it is, I think communication definitely gets tricky for so many reasons when you add a family into the mix.
• 41:52
  Just because it's like time constraints, energy constraints.
• 41:56
  Do you remember when we had Courtney Cecil on the podcast?
• 41:59
  And she kept saying to us like, what are your values?
• 42:01
  What are your values?
• 42:01
  I like really made me think like we, I fill, Nick and I fill our time with activities for our children and like lots of work commitments our goal and our value is ourselves and our relationship.
• 42:14
  So when you keep reminding yourself that's your goal, you'll do different things to funnel your goal.
• 42:21
  I loved that.
• 42:22
  I thought that was like one of the best takeaways we've ever had from anybody on this podcast.
• 42:27
  Yeah.
• 42:27
  And I shared that with him.
• 42:28
  And I just feel like it's almost like this mantra without my husband having a mantra that we say to ourselves our goal is to have this as a family, as a unit relationship.
• 42:39
  Like for me and you to have a sturdy relationship.
• 42:41
  So when we're filling our schedule, we need to feed that goal.
• 42:46
  I loved that advice, and I'm glad that you brought that up because I do even just to remind myself and then remind our listeners, if you haven't listened to that, we'll also put a link to it in the show notes.
• 42:57
  That was such a episode.
• 42:57
  That was a great episode.
• 42:58
  Episode.
• 42:58
  Episode.
• 42:58
  And it was one of the earlier on ones.
• 43:00
  Yeah, I thought that was just a piece of advice that kind of came out of left field, of,'cause I feel like you always hear a lot of cookie cutter advice, and again, that one was taking it back to what are your values as an individual and as a family, because I think that you have, a lot of your values as a person, but for you to have a conversation with your spouse and with your family, if your kids are old enough what are your values?
• 43:27
  What are your goals as a family?
• 43:28
  And then she said that if you really know that, then a lot of decisions are very easy to make, right?
• 43:36
  Because.
• 43:37
  You say, does it align with our kind of mission as a family?
• 43:42
  No.
• 43:42
  Okay, then no.
• 43:44
  Yeah.
• 43:44
  It's easier to say no to.
• 43:45
  It's easier to say no, and I really liked that.
• 43:47
  And that's also that.
• 43:47
  And also maybe easier to say yes, saying yes to your relationship.
• 43:50
  And I think that a relationship is work.
• 43:55
  I think even a good relationship it is work.
• 43:58
  I think I have a pretty decent relationship with my husband.
• 44:00
  I think a lot of it is rooted in like a lot of, mutual respect for one another.
• 44:05
  I think that Nick wants to spend time with me.
• 44:09
  I think that's how he resets.
• 44:10
  I have to, be respectful of that and he has to be respectful that I need to reset alone first.
• 44:17
  And then I can reset with him.
• 44:18
  And I think that requires communication.
• 44:21
  Because otherwise if we didn't communicate that I would be like, ah, you are annoying.
• 44:26
  And he would feel right.
• 44:27
  And he would be like, neglect, oh, you're so distant and neglecting.
• 44:29
  And those are like.
• 44:31
  Really simple needs.
• 44:32
  I guess to that point, we talked a little bit about I guess tips and tricks of things that we've done that kind of help even a little bit.
• 44:41
  But are there any other things that you guys do that help you feel connected and just help you through this chapter of Yeah, so I think when I give Nick half my time, it makes it worse.
• 44:57
  So when he calls me and he wants to talk and I'm trying to talk to him as I'm trying to mitigate multicast a situation around the house and also like text or cook dinner or whatever, he feels ignored.
• 45:08
  I might as well have just not even taken his call.
• 45:11
  So I find that with Nick, if I can be present and give him my full attention, he's not even looking for a lot, he's not looking for like long periods of time.
• 45:23
  So a few mornings a week, I will wake up early with him.
• 45:27
  I'll go downstairs, I'll have coffee with him.
• 45:30
  We'll talk for a few minutes and I will send him out the door.
• 45:32
  It does not take a lot of time, but I feel like if I just can give him my full attention, it's like quality over quantity.
• 45:39
  It's really nice quality time.
• 45:41
  And I just feel like that's one example of how to do it.
• 45:44
  But if I can give him quality time where I'm like very present in it, it goes a very long way.
• 45:50
  I like that.
• 45:50
  And I feel like it doesn't need to be this big grand gesture.
• 45:53
  Like it could be something as simple as I sit next to him at a hockey game and I like rub his back.
• 45:58
  Or I'm just with him.
• 45:59
  I'm not like sitting with the group of parents or whatever it is.
• 46:03
  And I don't know, sometimes I think it's nice for our kids to see that too.
• 46:07
  Vincent comes up from behind me and like smacks my ass and I'm like, okay, is there something wrong with this?
• 46:13
  But he sees his father doing it, so maybe it's not so bad.
• 46:17
  Yeah.
• 46:17
  So that would be my tip is if I can do it.
• 46:23
  Do it in a microburst of it and just give him, give my full attention.
• 46:27
  But yeah, I was gonna say, you're like really in it.
• 46:29
  Like, when you're in it, you're really in it.
• 46:30
  You're focusing.
• 46:31
  'Cause if I'm not, and I'm like half-assing it it's, I almost make it worse because then he's like coming back for more.
• 46:36
  Yeah.
• 46:36
  He's looking for more.
• 46:37
  And then I'm like, oh my God, leave me alone.
• 46:39
  Yeah.
• 46:39
  Yeah.
• 46:40
  And I hate when those words come out.
• 46:42
  Because that's like the opposite of what I'm trying to do.
• 46:44
  Yeah.
• 46:44
  I definitely agree with that.
• 46:45
  I feel like the quality time is so important for us.
• 46:49
  Again, it's the little micro dates, like where we can fit them in.
• 46:52
  I really liked your tip about doing activities together.
• 46:57
  Because that's honestly something that I miss so much that we don't do a lot of, we used to spend so much time together, but we actually used to do a lot even just like grocery shopping together or doing just very simple day-to-day things together.
• 47:12
  We don't get to do that.
• 47:13
  All the time.
• 47:14
  I think that kind of taking it back to doing things together, like you guys play golf together you guys try to do things together.
• 47:21
  We try to do things together, like activities that get you out of the house.
• 47:25
  I think that's super helpful.
• 47:27
  'cause I think sometimes even when you say, and I know this is dependent on situations, but sometimes when you're like, we could just have a date night in.
• 47:34
  There's something about getting your ass out of the house and like getting yourself into a different situation.
• 47:41
  Yeah.
• 47:42
  That makes it a little bit better.
• 47:43
  I know that that's not always the case.
• 47:44
  I know you have to work with what you have sometimes.
• 47:47
  Like you have to have a date night in because that's the only way it's gonna happen.
• 47:51
  But I think that when you're around the energy of the house, it's like, are you really gonna.
• 47:57
  Is it gonna be the same?
• 47:58
  You know what I mean?
• 47:58
  I've never enjoyed a date night in at our kitchen table.
• 48:01
  'cause at our kitchen table, I'm mom.
• 48:03
  Yeah.
• 48:03
  But I do remember during COVID, we went down to the bar and had a drink at our bar.
• 48:08
  And I'm like, all right, I can roll with this.
• 48:10
  Yeah, you need to.
• 48:11
  Okay.
• 48:11
  So it's just about changing the environment.
• 48:13
  You need to change the environment because if you go to the same environment, you're gonna play the same role.
• 48:18
  Which is mom and dad.
• 48:19
  And you're looking to play a different role.
• 48:20
  You're looking to play like husband, wife, yes.
• 48:22
  Or friend or whatever.
• 48:23
  Yes.
• 48:23
  I like that.
• 48:24
  'Cause I do feel like that happens.
• 48:25
  If we're sitting at the kitchen table, it's gonna feel like every other night that we're sitting at the kitchen table or if we're sitting in front of the tv.
• 48:32
  But like even going to a different corner of your house and being like, we're gonna have a drink here.
• 48:37
  And it just like changes the environment and it gets you feeling like there's a day night.
• 48:41
  So I like that.
• 48:41
  Like just doing something together for me.
• 48:44
  I think and for us, I was thinking back a little bit more about the communication piece and something that has helped me a ton that then in turn, I think has helped us is the phrase I feel and I need or I want.
• 48:59
  Starting conversations with that instead of, you're not doing this or,'cause you're, it's you keep it on you, you keep it on you and it's soft.
• 49:09
  By saying, feel it's softer.
• 49:10
  I feel soft.
• 49:10
  It's a much more approachable way of communicating.
• 49:14
  And so that has helped even me frame what I'm trying to say in a moment of chaos when, when you have such a quick window to be able to communicate and you're trying not to come across the wrong way, I do.
• 49:27
  It's a softer approach and I think it's for the person receiving it too.
• 49:32
  It's a softer.
• 49:34
  Feeling I think this whole conversation is rooted in we love our spouse and we want our marriages to last.
• 49:41
  We want them to last.
• 49:42
  We want them to be good.
• 49:43
  We wanna enjoy time with them.
• 49:44
  There's a reason why we chose them.
• 49:46
  Yep.
• 49:46
  So we're trying to be selective and respectful when we talk to them.
• 49:50
  Yeah.
• 49:50
  That doesn't mean you're not gonna have an outburst and be like, oh my God, I hate your freaking guts right now.
• 49:54
  Mm-hmm.
• 49:55
  Like That also happens, of course.
• 49:56
  But you want to have a good, healthy relationship.
• 50:01
  And you're trying to figure out how to do that.
• 50:02
  I know on very limited time and sleep and resources.
• 50:06
  It's tricky.
• 50:07
  I actually just came from my ob.
• 50:10
  I had like my annual appointment and we were just catching up because obviously this goes back to last year when she saw me for my last annual and I was not in a good place.
• 50:19
  And.
• 50:21
  So we were just catching up.
• 50:22
  I love her so much.
• 50:23
  And we were talking about just how the importance of the relationship and just like, how are you guys doing?
• 50:30
  And I said, oh, we're, we're so much better now.
• 50:32
  The kids are, as they're growing, it seems to be getting a little bit easier.
• 50:36
  Easier, it keeps some of the strain off of the relationship.
• 50:38
  Yes, I get it.
• 50:39
  And she said The best way to tell is if you're spending quality time together and you remember how much you like each other, then that means that like, when all of the other stuff around you is not there, you're okay.
• 50:54
  Yeah.
• 50:54
  That's really good advice.
• 50:55
  And I was like, yeah.
• 50:57
  So when we've spent any sort of quality time together it's like you pick right back up where you left off.
• 51:03
  If you're really.
• 51:05
  Making an attempt to spend that quality time and not letting all the noise get in and the business and all of that.
• 51:11
  Yes.
• 51:11
  Like the liking each other is so important.
• 51:14
  And I liked that she used the word like and not love.
• 51:17
  'cause it's like obviously you love your spouse, but do you like them?
• 51:20
  There's a difference.
• 51:21
  There's a difference.
• 51:22
  And yes.
• 51:23
  When all of the other stuff is lifted away, we very much still like each other and wanna be around each other.
• 51:29
  It's just finding the time.
• 51:31
  Allowing you that time.
• 51:32
  To like each other.
• 51:33
  And I was like, what a good way.
• 51:34
  And I liked the intentional use of the word like,'cause I was like, yeah, how important is that?
• 51:39
  You had a little, you need to like that person therapy session and your OBGYN today always So one other tip that I will share is that Nick and I.
• 51:48
  Go away.
• 51:49
  We travel.
• 51:49
  Yeah.
• 51:50
  We get the hell outta Dodge.
• 51:51
  You do?
• 51:51
  And it's getting harder as the kids are getting older.
• 51:54
  I know.
• 51:54
  It shocked me, and somebody told me this when the kids were young, you told me and then you told me.
• 51:58
  They said to me, do it when they're young.
• 52:00
  Because the older they get, the harder it is.
• 52:02
  And what I, that shocked me, took away from that was like, because they're gonna throw parties at your house.
• 52:07
  That was what I took from that.
• 52:09
  Maybe I was just projecting because when my parents left me when I was in high school, the second they pulled down the street, like the keg was being delivered, actually while I was on vacation this past week, I told my mom about a few of the parties that I had and she was like in stitches.
• 52:24
  She was like, I cannot believe this.
• 52:27
  And I'm just hearing about it now.
• 52:29
  But anyway, so that's what I took away from it.
• 52:31
  Go away when they're younger.
• 52:32
  It gets harder as they get older.
• 52:34
  But when your kids are young, it's so hard to leave.
• 52:39
  But they don't necessarily.
• 52:41
  Need you.
• 52:42
  As your kids get older, they need you at least this is our experience.
• 52:45
  Yeah.
• 52:45
  I could see that they are so much more specific that they want you.
• 52:49
  Like when my kids and they can vocalize it, they vocalize it and it's very clear.
• 52:53
  And yes, there are some easier parts because then like anybody can drive them when they're older.
• 52:57
  Like when they're little, like nobody can drive them.
• 52:59
  Like you, like mom and dad, maybe grandma, grandpa, maybe one trusted sitter.
• 53:04
  If you're lucky you have that, team behind you.
• 53:06
  But when they were little, it was easier to leave them.
• 53:08
  Yeah.
• 53:09
  I know I, you told me that they would go at 7:00 PM and that was the end of it for the night.
• 53:12
  Yeah.
• 53:12
  I can totally see that now if you are a young couple.
• 53:15
  Mm-hmm.
• 53:15
  And you can get away for a night or two.
• 53:18
  I encourage you to do it because it gets much harder to do it as they get older.
• 53:22
  Yep.
• 53:22
  And then I think to that point, not overcomplicating it, which we've definitely talked about in other episodes too, where it's don't underestimate just going down the road and doing a staycation somewhere.
• 53:35
  Don't overcomplicate it.
• 53:36
  Don't let social media, or don't let your own wild imagination make you feel like you have to do something extravagant.
• 53:44
  Make it easy on yourselves.
• 53:45
  But just the change of scenery is huge.
• 53:48
  And yeah, because maybe a flight and a train and a car rental and this and that, it's going to exhaust you more.
• 53:56
  And what you're really looking for is just and escape to connect and have fun.
• 53:59
  Yep.
• 54:00
  Laugh, create a shared experience.
• 54:02
  Enjoy some food.
• 54:03
  Remember why you like each other and then you can come home equipped to handle the mess that you will be returning home to.
• 54:10
  Of course.
• 54:11
  But, and your cute kids.
• 54:12
  I know.
• 54:13
  That is great advice..
• 54:14
  So we can get into our last segment.
• 54:17
  Which is our pink spot.
• 54:17
  Right.
• 54:17
  So, Okay.
• 54:19
  So mine is Chachi pt, but it's how I've been using it.
• 54:23
  Okay.
• 54:23
  So I used it a lot when we were on the trip.
• 54:26
  I used it more traveling.
• 54:27
  Ooh.
• 54:28
  Than Google Maps.
• 54:29
  For instance, when we were in Rome, I had gotten recommendations for every city that we were traveling in.
• 54:33
  So when I would arrive to a city, I would insert my travel recommendations.
• 54:38
  These are the restaurants, I would put the whole thing into chat, GPT, and I would say, this is where I am.
• 54:42
  Yep.
• 54:43
  This is my current location, what's near me.
• 54:46
  And it would say, okay, this is walking distance.
• 54:49
  This is a taxi ride, this is a water taxi, this is how you get there.
• 54:53
  And my mom and I used chat chip tea to map out our whole day.
• 54:56
  We would type it in the morning we wanna go to this museum.
• 54:59
  Where do we get tickets for it?
• 55:01
  What's a non touristy place to eat in that location?
• 55:04
  Oh, good idea.
• 55:05
  And it would spit it all out at you.
• 55:07
  It's so much better than a Google search, right?
• 55:09
  And then it would give you directions how to get to places, and then from there you could click onto Google Maps to walk.
• 55:14
  Oh, I love it.
• 55:15
  It was so amazing.
• 55:17
  We used chat GPT, the entire trip.
• 55:20
  I should rephrase that.
• 55:21
  I used chat, GPT.
• 55:22
  Yeah.
• 55:22
  The entire trip.
• 55:23
  My father made it very clear to me, do not.
• 55:25
  Follow your mother.
• 55:26
  She has a terrible sense of direction.
• 55:29
  That's great.
• 55:29
  I like that idea.
• 55:30
  I never even thought to do it for traveling like that.
• 55:32
  It was great.
• 55:33
  I would just dump the whole thing into it and it was amazing.
• 55:36
  So I know it really is becoming like a Google search, which is, it was like having a little personal assistant.
• 55:41
  Yes.
• 55:41
  Yes.
• 55:41
  Telling me where to go and that.
• 55:43
  And even just like you're saying, like mapping out like what makes sense so that you're not all over the place.
• 55:47
  Or like how do we get from here to here?
• 55:49
  What makes the most sense to do?
• 55:50
  One day we went to the Vatican and va, I didn't realize that the Vatican isn't like a place, it's a city, and then there's multiple places within the Vatican.
• 55:58
  People use like the term the Vatican, right?
• 56:00
  It's like Vatican City.
• 56:02
  So I had put into chat GPT, we wanna go here and here.
• 56:06
  This is the times of our tours.
• 56:07
  And it told me like, have the Uber drop you off here.
• 56:11
  Oh wow.
• 56:11
  Go here.
• 56:11
  And I, it was perfect how it mapped it out for us.
• 56:13
  'cause otherwise, how was I supposed to know?
• 56:15
  Good tip.
• 56:16
  Yeah.
• 56:17
  That's a really good tip.
• 56:18
  I love that.
• 56:19
  So mine is two products that I've been using for a really long time, I'm obsessed with Colleen Rothschild Skincare.
• 56:27
  Mm-hmm.
• 56:27
  It's like my favorite skincare line, just because I use so many products from her and.
• 56:34
  The two that I, it's the second longest relationship.
• 56:37
  You've been the second Tara Raja.
• 56:38
  It's it, like she's just, she's my girl.
• 56:41
  And but the two products that I love, and now that we're entering the season I'm bringing them back into rotation like almost every single day.
• 56:49
  Is the extreme recovery cream, which is like the most luxurious.
• 56:55
  Moisturizer ever.
• 56:56
  It is so amazing.
• 56:58
  My skin like misses it when I don't have it on.
• 57:00
  It's like that moisturizing.
• 57:02
  I use these at night and then I mix in her face oil number nine into it and she calls it the Colleen cocktail.
• 57:09
  So it's just like moisturizer and then you squirt a little bit of the face oil on top of it and mix it in all together.
• 57:15
  And it is incredible.
• 57:18
  My skin everything is getting dry again.
• 57:20
  I'm like, wow.
• 57:20
  Like my skin just, it happens so fast.
• 57:23
  One makeup get dry, things get like crinkly.
• 57:25
  Yes.
• 57:25
  And then your makeup doesn't, yes.
• 57:27
  Like your makeup doesn't set and sometimes during the summer I feel like I don't need both.
• 57:31
  I don't need like the oil and the moisturizer, but like now that it's getting dry, I'm like, oh, I'm bringing it back.
• 57:36
  And I have this series on Instagram where it's called Every Lash Drop because I actually, oh, empty jars share empty.
• 57:45
  Jars I'm using these things and I'm not actually just like trying it out for the first time.
• 57:51
  I'm actually using every last drop of them.
• 57:54
  So sometimes I will save my empties to show you guys the receipts that I actually love these things.
• 57:59
  And both of these have had multiple empties.
• 58:01
  I'm obsessed with them.
• 58:03
  And so yeah, that's bringing back my favorite moisturizer for the fall and winter.
• 58:09
  So I'll make sure to link those for you guys.
• 58:11
  And they're available on Amazon too.
• 58:12
  That's a great, that's a great tip.
• 58:13
  I wanna try them.
• 58:14
  What are the price points?
• 58:16
  The Extreme Recovery cream, it depends on what size you get.
• 58:19
  It is better for you to get the jumbo size if you end up liking it.
• 58:23
  I try to get the jumbo size of the cream, but it's like 75 for the cream.
• 58:27
  I go through that much faster than I do the oil.
• 58:29
  The oil's 85.
• 58:31
  Okay.
• 58:31
  And you can get them together.
• 58:33
  So if I'll leave a link.
• 58:35
  'cause they have she like a bundle.
• 58:37
  She makes like a bundle.
• 58:37
  Oh.
• 58:37
  Which she intends to use them together.
• 58:39
  Oh, I wanna try them.
• 58:40
  Yes.
• 58:40
  They're great.
• 58:41
  So I will leave the link to the bundle because you can get a little bit of a discount and I'll see if my code still works.
• 58:46
  I don't How did you find her?
• 58:47
  How did you So I actually met her at an LTK conference probably like 10 years ago.
• 58:53
  Wow.
• 58:54
  And I started using her glycolic peel pads, which I really loved.
• 58:58
  And there was one other product, it might have been her eye cream.
• 59:01
  And then I was always like a SkinCeuticals girl.
• 59:04
  And I don't know, as like my skin, as I got into my mid thirties, I just started noticing that the skincare I was using wasn't working anymore.
• 59:12
  And so I was like, I think I need something else.
• 59:15
  And I happened to have something from her and I, it just clicked like as soon as it was like my skin, the second it hit your skin was me.
• 59:22
  Yes.
• 59:22
  The second I hit my skin, I was like, this is the line.
• 59:24
  Every product.
• 59:24
  You had to change it up.
• 59:25
  Nope.
• 59:26
  Every product it's just like one of those things.
• 59:27
  Oh me, I To try it, maybe try this cocktail.
• 59:30
  Yeah.
• 59:30
  Post the link.
• 59:31
  It's great.
• 59:31
  I'll post the link.
• 59:32
  But I love it.
• 59:32
  I love it so much.
• 59:33
  All right.
• 59:33
  And you know what else we love?
• 59:35
  We love Nick and Raj.
• 59:36
  We do.
• 59:37
  We love you guys.
• 59:38
  They're, even though we give a har, even though we give you a hard time.
• 59:41
  I know.
• 59:41
  Pretty much every day.
• 59:42
  I know.
• 59:43
  Sorry.
• 59:44
  But maybe one day we'll be able to convince them to come on and sit with the pink microphones.
• 59:50
  But.
• 59:50
  Today was not that day.
• 59:51
  Maybe we'll do it in the bar downstairs.
• 59:53
  Yeah, that'll be a little bit more fun.
• 59:55
  Drinks.
• 59:55
  It'll be more playful.
• 59:55
  Oh my goodness.
• 59:57
  Oh, all right.
• 59:57
  I wanna hear from our listeners don't leave us hanging here.
• 1:00:00
  I know we're not the only one.
• 1:00:01
  We putting our ourselves out there on the line, right?
• 1:00:04
  Come on, give it back.
• 1:00:05
  I always love getting the comments and everything.
• 1:00:07
  And then we also have to have a shout out because we haven't talked about the viral video.
• 1:00:14
  We had a viral video, guys like, no.
• 1:00:16
  And not a viral video.
• 1:00:18
  Look, we had a fucking viral video.
• 1:00:20
  Like, all right, so I'm gonna give a quick quick recap.
• 1:00:22
  Recap in case you guys don't know what we're talking about.
• 1:00:23
  So pretty much every day, every other day, something ridiculous happens in our life and we send it to each other.
• 1:00:30
  It was like a Thursday on Thursdays.
• 1:00:32
  Usually one of us will do like a quick recap of the episode from that week.
• 1:00:36
  So the episode that week was about postpartum anxiety and depression.
• 1:00:40
  So the kids were off from school that day.
• 1:00:41
  So I put the phone down on the kitchen island, propped it up to myself to talk about how I had postpartum anxiety after I had my children, especially, I'm not very vivacious daughter.
• 1:00:52
  I'm not laughing at that, Camilla.
• 1:00:54
  So she.
• 1:00:56
  Jumps into the camera, knocks me on my chin, and literally the whole video, we cut this part out.
• 1:01:02
  Like she literally knocks me on my ass.
• 1:01:04
  Because you're like literally Hey we guys, we're talking about postpartum anxiety and depression and like here, and we each are sharing our experiences and Camilla just gets her little face in the frame and then she goes, I'm Camila and jumps and hits T Square in the jaw.
• 1:01:20
  Like you actually hear like a crunch sound.
• 1:01:24
  And so she sends this to me like, stand my ass.
• 1:01:27
  And you hear in that part of the video me being like, Ugh.
• 1:01:31
  She's like whimpering in the background.
• 1:01:34
  And so she sends me the video and then she's like, we have to post this, right?
• 1:01:37
  I'm like, yeah, we have to post this.
• 1:01:38
  So we also send it to our assistant Angela, who helps us with all of our social media and.
• 1:01:44
  She was like, no, we have to slowmo this.
• 1:01:46
  This is, and also no one cares about what you're saying before.
• 1:01:50
  No.
• 1:01:50
  So we end up, cut that shit out and just post this in.
• 1:01:53
  So she ended up doing that iconic slow motion where T gets knocked in the face like three times.
• 1:02:00
  If you don't know what I'm talking about, go to our page right now.
• 1:02:03
  And so we were we post it and it started gaining traction as it should.
• 1:02:09
  And then I remember me, you and Angela were on a text message and we're like, wow, this might hit a hundred K views and that, wouldn't that be crazy?
• 1:02:19
  12 million views later.
• 1:02:21
  We're like, I know.
• 1:02:22
  Wait, what is happening?
• 1:02:24
  It's up to 14.
• 1:02:24
  Five.
• 1:02:24
  Is it 14?
• 1:02:25
  Oh my God.
• 1:02:25
  This, its up to 14, five.
• 1:02:26
  It's just the gifts that keeps on giving.
• 1:02:27
  People are still watching it.
• 1:02:28
  And then the best part is some of the comments are like, this is ai.
• 1:02:32
  I'm like, no, I wish it was ai.
• 1:02:35
  This actually happened to me.
• 1:02:36
  I have a broken jaw.
• 1:02:38
  And also the comments are like, they're amazing.
• 1:02:41
  They're amazing.
• 1:02:42
  And also people are like, I have broken a nose, I have a black eye.
• 1:02:46
  I chipped it you with.
• 1:02:47
  And I'm like, okay, this is literally universe.
• 1:02:50
  Motherhood is not, I know for the week.
• 1:02:52
  It is not for the week.
• 1:02:53
  And yep.
• 1:02:54
  So cheers tea to your viral moment.
• 1:02:57
  Oh God, you are so big, big time right now.
• 1:02:59
  Oh my.
• 1:02:59
  And my daughter is like loving this.
• 1:03:01
  She's mom, how many views do we have?
• 1:03:02
  I know how many views.
• 1:03:04
  Thanks Meals for oh my god.
• 1:03:05
  For that one.
• 1:03:06
  'cause so good thing we're laughing through it.
• 1:03:08
  Yeah, we're laughing through motherhood and so there you go.
• 1:03:11
  So congratulations on our most viral video ever.
• 1:03:17
  I dunno how we're gonna top that one, but we're gonna try so we're gonna try.
• 1:03:20
  Gonna try so much.
• 1:03:20
  Thank you guys so much.
• 1:03:21
  Hopefully nobody will get injured in the second.
• 1:03:22
  I know.
• 1:03:22
  Oh my goodness.
• 1:03:23
  Second, stay safe out there moms, and we'll talk to you guys next week.
• 1:03:28
  Bye bye.