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Transcript

Happy Hour #147: Friendsgivemas · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to Stephman.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Never told you objection of iHeart Radio.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: And welcome to another happy hour. I guess this is
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: my gin wine session for the end of the year.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: Before we start. One disclaimer, No, two, maybe five, I
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: don't know. Several disclaimers. One, we are not necessarily being
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: sponsored by anything we talk about. We do have sponsors,
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: just not the ones we're saying out loud. That could change. Yes,
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: sponsorships happened throughout all of our career, and it changes
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: as the corporations change. One.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Two.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: If you were drinking or doing anything, whether it's driving, whatever,
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: be responsible because we know we'd like to drive and
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: listen to podcasts which we love, and thank you for
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: listening and letting us be with you on your commute.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: But just be responsible. Whatever you are doing, be cautious,
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: be aware of your surroundings, all the things, do it responsibly,
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: and take care of yourself. Yes, those are that Annie,
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: Are you drinking something today?
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: I am so.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: My mom gave me I think I've said before, but
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: a lot, on a lot of special occasions, she gives
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: me a bottle of wine that she gets from our
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: hometown which actually makes wine near there. Oh yeah, And
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: she gave me this rose that I have been putting
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: off trying, not because I don't have a problem with rose,
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: but I was going to share it with people and
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: then it just never happened. But she was like, I
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: really need to know if you like that rose, which
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: I intervert to me, and she's wondering if she should
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: get it again. Yes, for a gift. So I am
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: trying it now, a rose. It's not as sweet as
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: I thought it was.
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: Going to be. I was a little worried it was
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: going to be too sweet for you.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they've really classed up the rose.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And like to be clear, I if you like
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: a sweet wine, I go for it. But it's just
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: like not normally my thing, which is why I was
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: going to try it with a group. Right, But this
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: is nice. It's not too sweet. It's pretty dry.
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: And when I say classied up, I'm saying that in
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: a very obviously facetious tone, because it is a very
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: sexist ideal that this drink, which is associated with women typically,
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: that this is not classy. It is. And there's this
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: whole level of conversation of like rose like champagnes or prosecco,
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: which is a whole artisanal thing, Like it is an artistry,
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: artistry to get this done because of the way they
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: had to like get it qualified. So I say that facetiously.
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you know.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: But once upon a time people were like rose, what
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: that's just a blend of red and white? Mm hmm,
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: stop it.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it is funny because I love a rose.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: But even I was putting this off because it's like,
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know, that's very nice.
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: I'll have to report back to my mom.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: Yes, there's a levels like sweetness that is different that
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: people want the tannins like, I don't like nays that's
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: too like much for me. But yeah, that's definitely a
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: whole conversation. But I am doing my teenage thing where
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: I mixed my uh tangerine juice with the ginger mouse.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: I actually did it with soju the other day and
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: that was lovely. I'm not doing that today because we
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: have too much to do and I can't be sleepy.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we're at the end of the year, like recording
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: long days, so we're where that was.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: But with that, this happy hour has been kind of
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: coming because we've talked about friends giving and friends gives
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: mus and just like going out in general. And I've
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: started making this announcement to people that I've found, I'm like, wow,
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: I'm taking this self deprecating thing to a whole new
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: level of like, please go ahead and excuse my awkwardness
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: because I'm trying to get it together. Was that level
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: to the point that my good friend of mine was like, girl,
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: I need you to get out more. She just outrights
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: them that to me, I was like, you know what,
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: you are correct, because I'm very confused about what's happening
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: in the world today. But yeah, so I'm having these
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: moments where you and I have talked about we did
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: not want to the holiday party because the previous ones
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: that we've been to have been so awkward that it
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: has put me into an anxiety spiral that I'm just like,
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: I just I can't do this. That can't because it
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: takes me out emotionally in a spiral for weeks, and
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: when it comes to the holidays, that is not a
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: good place because I could get stuck there and it
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: is to me, it is like a very big sign
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: for me when I have spiral that I have to
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: back away. I don't do anything Christmasy or holiday like
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: in general. You will not see trees in my house,
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: you will not see stockings. I've gotten presents, that's my
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: Favorit part is buying people's presence and then like hoping
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: I got imatchined a personality or that something that they're
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: going to be excited about that feels like a game
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: and I love that, but we haven't wrapped it yet.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: We did finally go and buy wrapping paper, super cute
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: wrapping paper as well as but it can't be too christmasy.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: It's like gold, blue and silver and white, like it's
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: not red, green or any of that. And then I
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: did buy some holiday cards, which was recute that we're
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: going to give to our service people with like little
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: gifts to say thank you. But all that to say
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: is like I try to avoid because when I try
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: too hard, it makes me sad, you know what I'm saying,
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: Because it just feels empty somehow, like there's something missing.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: We've talked about this previously, like I do not love
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: the holidays, none of that, but that includes trying to
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: go out and celebrate the holidays. It just makes it difficult.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: I feel like there's too much pressure, and I try
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: to just stay away from it. But I did go
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: to friends giftmus and it did go because partially a
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: it's been a while since I've seen a few friends
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: be the person who does it. We are not super
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: super close, but he invites me every year and I
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: don't go, and so I started thinking, like he's gonna
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: be offended by this eventually if I don't show up.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: So I finally went, and he has a wonderful home.
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: It's a pretty giant townhouse, but it's still echoy and
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: pretty loud, and you know, most of gatherings like that,
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: you end up in the kitchen, crowded together and just
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: like zoning in all the food, which is great, which
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: is wonderful, which is one of my favorite things to
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: do as kid. I remember, and I was just graze
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: all the foods all the time, and it was one
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: of my favorite things to hang out at the table
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: talk with everybody while grabbing a piece of a roll
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: or something, just eating, not like mindlessly as you talk.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: But because I was in a situation where I didn't
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: know everyone, or I hadn't seen everyone in a very
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: long time, I was already like freaking out. It was
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: really hot in the house as well, and I was
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: wearing a sweater, y'all. I was wearing a fuzzy sweater,
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: as I do, and so it just got very very
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: very very loud very quickly. I got very anxious, like
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: I felt like I was in the way constantly, and
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: I was literally like holding myself in trying to get
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: out of the way and making comments I'm awkward, I'm
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: so sorry, I'm standing here, I'm in your way like
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: that was the continuous conversation. Finally, and our dear host
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: was like, y'all can move. They're sitting in there, like
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: you're trying to let us know they're sitting everywhere. Please
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: go so you can have your conversations as it's great,
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: but you're also in my way as I'm prepping the
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: dinner table. Can you move? So we were trying to
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: get out there, and because part of me is a
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: nosy know it all, I'm like, hey, he said to move. Yeah.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: Of course no one really heard that because I said
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: I sound more commanding now than I did, and I
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: was like, hey, he wants us to move. Oh okay, okay,
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool well, I'm
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: just gonna keep standing here. I finally did move and
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: a group of us. Caroline was there the past house
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: of the show, and we all moved, like there's a
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: few of us, and my small group went to the
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: dining room table and hung out and sat there. But
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: I had moments where people would want to talk. But
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: because I'm sitting and you're sitting at a dining room table,
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: people would come up behind you. So are not only
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: are you trying to have conversations with people sitting front
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: next and you know, beside you, but you're also turning
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: around trying to have this conversation with people you don't
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: know well, and you're trying to figure out what is
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: going on. And because I'm hearing all this other noise,
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: I'm darting. My head is darting, so I look really
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: especially rude. And I even do this on zoom. You
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: notice I will start like looking around everywhere else like
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: I look off here, look dawn looked at it because
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: I just I can't sit immediately still, which is like
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: what it is. But then when you have noise and
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: other activities, and then it starts sounding like echoes in
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: my head that it is overwhelming, So the entire time,
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to explain I'm so sorry. I'm apologizing because
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: I feel like I'm being rude, but I can't stop
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: doing what I'm doing because I'm in a place of
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: chaos to me, which is not chaos, is just people
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: having conversations, but because there's ten conversations, I feel like
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: it's chaos. So I'm just having this time of like,
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: oh my god, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. What'd
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: you say? What'd you say? What'd you like? Making jokes?
• 9:45
  Speaker 2: But this joke's being off because I didn't exactly understand
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: what they said to me, like so many of those things.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: Finally we got up and went to a separate room,
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: which was so much quieter. I'm like, okay, I can
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: handle this. And I was with my immediate people that
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: I was fake comfortable with. But then we had people
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: I don't know as well, who I've known for years
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: but not well, you know, those acquaintances that comes around
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: in the circle who come down who are very I
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: am pretty intense, they're more intense, they're very highly intellectuals
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: type of things that like really think on a different level,
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: you know what I mean, And are very quick in conversation,
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: catches very quickly, but then moves on very quickly, very
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: intense gazing and like very intense conversationalists. But they're standing
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: behind you, so I'm like, what am I doing? And
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: unfortunately one of those people didn't realize my chair was
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: like a wiggly chair where it rocks and would hold
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: onto the back of my chair and rock me. So
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: the whole level of like, oh my god, oh my god,
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: oh my god, oh my god, I have to get out.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: So I immediately like, okay, I'm gone, Like I abruptly
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: stand up and say, all right, well I'm done. That's
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: literally is the announcement I give to my close group
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: of friends who know me well enough to know, oh
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: she's had enough. This is to anybody else, it would
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: seem rude to them. It's just me right right. But
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: it was interesting because one of the conversations I did
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: have which I'm reacting like this, I'm like, I'm overstimulated.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: I want to be at home with my partner and
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: my dog. I just want to sit. I wish someone
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: could just bring me this food and let me be,
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: because the food was quite delicious. But the person who
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: was hosting it. We had an interesting conversation that were
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: talking about how because they're such an extrovert, they have
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: recently started developing anxiety, partially because he's not getting enough interaction,
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: to the point that now when he does get that interaction,
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: he feels like he has to perform extra hard. And
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: I was like, as where I retreated into myself more,
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: which made me awkward. They are trying to remember because
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: they missed it so much, but because they missed it
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: so much, they're anxious about it to this level. And
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: it's interesting because I was pulled up as an article
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: from the Washington Post about returning after the pandemic and
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: awkward socialism, Like is it just because of pandemic? Am
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: I worse because of that? Or is it because the
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: time gap? It just didn't show me how awkward I
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: was to begin with, Like it showed me clearly as
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: well before I didn't notice it as much because it
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: just always has been. But it says loneliness is another
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: emotion that's ballooned during the pandemic, and the lonelier you are,
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: the likelier you are to be socially anxious. And apparently
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: this was an expert we talking about it that since
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: this person and her Instagram followers if they felt their
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: social skills had deteriorated during the pandemic, about eighty percent
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: of her followers said yes, so I feel much better. However,
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: even if you perceive yourself as awkward, there's a good
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: chance others haven't noticed. I'm pretty sure people noticed that
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: I was awkward, but I'm going to push that to
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: the side to this conversation about as awkward as I
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: feel as being an introvert, extroverts are feeling this too.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: And when he was talking about his experiences and he's like,
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: I almost had a panic attack twice. He's like, I've
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: never had that. And then coming here, I've realized, oh
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: my god, I'm so alone that when I'm starting to
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: talk to people, I can't stop and figure out what
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: I want to say, and it becomes overwhelming. But I
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: need to be with people. He's like, I really wish
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: I could just go to the office. And while I
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: was saying that, I'm like, can you go into the office,
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: and he's like, there's nobody there, and everybody's kind of like,
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: you know, we're still in I don't think it's going
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: to change now, like people have tried to change it
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: than not working from home, but people are too set
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: in their ways, and I'm glad. But for people like him,
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: this is really causing him a lot of anxiety, which
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: I feel bad for him, but also feels like relieving
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: and validating to me to be like, Okay, so we're
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: not I as the introvert being awkward now awkward er
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: uh huh. I can see that it's actually affecting everyone
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: to come back together. Yeah.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: I've been thinking about this a lot to what I'm
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: calling like the new isolation, because I am an extrovert.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: I am definitely an extrovert. For a while, I was like,
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: it doesn't seem like I am, but I am. But
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: I have now instituted new rules, which Samantha is very
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: familiar with. R Like, I try to have one day
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: where I don't deal with anybody like in person. And
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: it's interesting to me because I do relate to what
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: this fellow was telling you. When I go out now,
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: it's like something inside of me as like, oh God,
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: how do we do this? I don't remember how to
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: do this anymore, but I have to do it. But
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: then there's also like the people pleasing that people are
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: conditioned to do, which is I think why I shut
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: down so hard. Yeah during the pandemic was oh, like okay, Well,
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: there is something to be said about being an extrovert
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: and being a people pleaser, especially.
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: As a woman.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: I think, yeah, where I am an extrovert, and I
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: do feel energized about when I talk to people when
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: we do this, even though as silly as it is,
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: it makes me anxious to podcast to this day, it
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: does energize me. But at the same time, I'm like,
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: it's like I'll lose myself. I'll lose myself into pleasing
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: other people with the extrovertedness involved, and then I'll come
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: home and I'll crash and I think I did everything
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: wrong that could ever have been done wrong right.
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: Right, And that's exactly like it seems like it's a
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: spectrum on both ends, like there's so much to this.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: Like me, I feel the same way, But I've always
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: been an introvert, Like I'm an introverted extrovert, Like is
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: that the word where I can put it on? And
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: when I do, I'm on, But I get tired and
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: like I'm done, I'm spent, And I feel that like
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: I almost have it's like I've deflated and I have
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: no motion, so like I can do it. People who
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: first meet me and I have that on are really
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: surprised to find out that I'm an introvert. Later then
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: they see it, They're like, oh, yeah, you're definitely not.
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, I play the game that I have
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: to and I'm entertaining when I have to be. But
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: done right, I'm gonna be quiet in the corner and
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: probably just stare at you. But for those who are extrovert,
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: who are always on and are energized by this, they
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: still have this level of awkwardness coming in social social
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: anxiety again. So we just did an episode of The
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: Money min me about doctor TikTok As I called it
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: because like I was watching all these videos telling me
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: that I may be these following things. I had this
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: moment of like when I tell you that the echoing
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: chamber where I was so overwhelmed and it sounds something
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: like I was in a box where everything was echoing
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: off and that's all I could hear. The people have
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: that as a sign of autism. I was like, oh,
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: maybe the whole darting and not being able to make
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: contact and when they make intensive eye contact with me,
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: and I'm like looking down because I'm like, please stop,
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: please stop looking at me like that, what's happening? What
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: do they do? Like I'm like maybe I am on
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: the spectrum like all these things. Part of that is
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: like can you grow into it? Of course I think
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: it's more like you know you haven't been correctly diagnosed,
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: and then you discover science way back. But these were
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: not things that I had problems with younger. So even
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: pre pandemic, yes, overwhelming noise still like get get to me,
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: but it was never debilitating to me where I'm almost
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: having a panic attack because of it. Like that's been
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: more recent of course, Like if I'm in stress, but
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: it's obvious that I'm stressed, that's a different conversation. I've
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: had panic attacks before where it had everything to do
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: with my job, where I'm like, I'm about to lose
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: a kid literally like that, or that did lose somebody
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: in my thing, or trying to make heavy decisions about
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: childhood like affect everybody's life. Things like that, being overwhelmed
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: that something bad would happening because I have sixty cases
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: with like two kids each and I have to figure
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: out what to do that panic attacks made more sense
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: to me. But this where I'm not in that lifestyle anymore.
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: I'm just hanging out with friends. This is supposed to
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: be fun. We're eating and drinking and being merry, but
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: I'm overwhelmed to the point that I'm like I have
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: to run away or I'm gonna collapse here or some
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: oh you know, like that level is so much newer.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: But like seeing all those tiktoks and reels, be like
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: maybe I am this severe on this one or this
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: level and this diagnosis, like they've maybe they got me
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: in understanding. Eh. Of course, like everybody has symptoms of things.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: Whether that means you should be diagnosed with something is
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: not necessarily true. Again, putting it like that and seeing
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: it like that and me joking, I'm not really joking
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: about it. I was kind of like, maybe I need
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: to think about this, but it does make it almost trivialized,
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: and you have to we have to be careful. I
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: have to be careful about what I say or what
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: I'm thinking about this because I don't want to trivialize
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: what being on the spectrum is and and also normalize
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: again this conversation, like their symptoms that, as you had
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: said in the Monday many that overlap that could be
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: a part of anything. That does not necessarily mean this
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: is your diagnosis that you can self diagnose in any
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: way at all, But moments like this is when I
• 19:25
  Speaker 2: start questioning, Oh my anxiety is to a different level.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: Maybe it's a different thing.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I definitely go listen to that Monday Mini
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: if you haven't heard it yet, I think it. We're
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: all struggling to deal with what is the pandemic? Especially
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: for us who like isolated and trying to come back out?
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: What is for me?
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: It's like, was I just always like I don't know
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: if masking is the right word, but was I always
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: just like I'd gotten used to right managing these things
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: and now I'm not used to managing these things anymore?
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: And what is both what is like perhaps the overlap
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: in that because I've definitely had panic attacks where I
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: wouldn't have had them before the pandemic, and that also
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: can be things change you get older, like so it's
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: hard to say, it's hard to say.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: That gap really makes you question things that your gap
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: of like what happened because you really were able to
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: analyze yourself a little too much.
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and then you're all around all these people again
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: and you're like what trying to remember like what you
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: what you would do? And then it's kind of like, well,
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: why is it a thing that I have to remember?
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: Why is it not just a batural right?
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: But yeah, so with all of that, I did see
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: if there was a there are articles about being awkward,
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: and yes, this article that was written by someone who
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: is an extrovert by nature. So this was twenty twenty one,
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: so not recently but pretty much pretty recently after the
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: quarantine and realizing things have changed. But she talks about
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: being socially awkward as well, even though she is an extrovert,
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: and in that she talks about some ways to be
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: less awkward, and one of them is about, you know,
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: control what you can. And that's a really smart conversation
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: to have, Like we kind of get in that panic
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: situation because we think about everything we did wrong, which
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: include most of the times sayings that has nothing that
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: you can control, whether it's standing in silence for a second,
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: both of you are feeling that maybe or not being
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: able to hear in that context, like all of these
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: things understanding you can control what you can and let
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: go of what you can't control and let just let
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: it be, which is which is a hard hard thing
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: to learn. But I like this other one. Awkwardness can
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: be bonding, which is I think what I like that's
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: my self defense is to call it out quickly and
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: hopes that we can get past it. Right, I'm gonna
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: call my awkwardness out real quick. I'm going to do
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: the things that like, oh, that's silly me, I'm so sorry,
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: I'm the one that did this, or right, you know,
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: any other things to make myself like the self deprecation,
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: but at the same time trying to ease it up.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: M hm.
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: But it's having that moment of like, I feel like,
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: after all this, me and you really did bond in
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: realizing we went to the same thing during that party,
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: thinking that we were alone and trying to escape both
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: each other and the spot, but together like that all
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: of those things were happening. And then just also realizing
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: again you're not the only one, even though it feels
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: like it and you feel like you're the one that's
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: having to perform. And I think those are some smart
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: like she has some other things on here is from
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: FastCompany dot com. It's an eight twenty twenty one article
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: about it. But I found that that to be like, yeah, okay,
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: that makes sense, but it just it's not changing for me.
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: It's growing, even though technically I have practiced more. Yeah,
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: I've been going out more, but it's still like difficult.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: It is, and I've gotten a much more. I feel
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: like I've I've sort of I've started going out more,
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: and I've started like not crying when I get home
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: from going out, which unfortunately was what was happening for
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: a while. But I've also become much more like, no,
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: I need I need this data myself, which I don't
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: think is necessarily bad, but that was not Oh not all.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: That's a great thing you can control.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And I do think also this isn't always
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: the most comforting thought that a lot of times I
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: tried to comfort myself with it.
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: But I also think, like.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: A lot of times when I get home and I'm like, oh,
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: what have I done? Probably everyone I talked to is
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: not thinking about anything that I've done, Hopefully, I mean,
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: unless I've done something agreetious.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: Right like honestly, unless I mentioned it that.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: Like you did, Yeah, it's I think it's human nature.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: I think we all do it. It's true, and I'm
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: not I don't want to dismiss or invalidate it, but
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: I do think we all do it. And there probably
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: a lot of times people are not like she I
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: saw her.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: They probably take it upon themselves like what did I do? Yeah?
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: Exactly honestly.
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: But it also is strange because occasionally I thought that
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: and then I've learned that it wasn't the case where people.
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: Were like, oh, she wasn't there, and to do this,
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't know if it's.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: Worth Oh you don't tell me, but oh my goodness, No.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: It's just it is interesting how much of for me
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: and for you? I would say the pandemic is really like,
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: it's not going away from me.
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: It is something that I'm like, it's.
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: Been a little while, like this article was twenty twenty one,
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, how they feel today? Have they learned? Right?
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: Not awkward? Like they gave the advice. So I'm wondering, Hey,
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: Gwin morn, if you were how are you doing today?
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: That's the writer?
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it is interesting. Well you and I have hung out, Sam,
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: and that's good. You always think yeah.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: And so we're comfortable. Well I would think no.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: No no no no no, You've been great. But cheers
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: to you, cheers and to you listeners. Please let us
• 25:57
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• 26:01
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• 26:04
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• 26:09
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• 26:17
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• 26:21
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• 26:24
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