Latest / Alien Hunters Hotline! / S1 E4: How to Get Followers (w/ Elizabeth Andrews)

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S1 E4: How to Get Followers (w/ Elizabeth Andrews) · Alien Hunters Hotline!

• speaker-0: You're blaming aliens for why you haven't found success in life? speaker-2: One hundred percent. speaker-1: Is there any other explanation? speaker-3: Very clear. speaker-0: boys. boys boys boys. speaker-3: Speaking of finding people. speaker-0: This is dark. This is actually really this is worse than I thought. I'm sorry, I I I know you want to move on, but that's really bad. That's really bad. speaker-1: Welcome to Alien Hunters Hotline, a podcast dedicated to all things aliens, but most importantly, finding and killing them. I'm former radio host and recent hospital patient, Roy Dunch. With me as always as Tough as Nails field researcher and battleship pro Bleep. How we doin', Bleepy? speaker-2: Pretty fucking good, brother. I was in a battleship tournament at the library. I got into a fight with the librarian, Oppenheimer. verbal, not physical, obviously. speaker-1: Like she's much too strong for you. You don't you really don't want to get into a physical altercation with Oppenheimer. She's built like a brick shit house, as they say. speaker-2: Part of being so tough as nails is knowing your opponent and knowing when you're licked before you even start. And I will never fight Oppenheimer hand to hand. She is so powerful. but I I felt that sh my opponent, eight an eight-year-old, was peeking over the screen. and I felt that because he fucking was. And he was looking at where my ships were and then he was nailing them. He beat me a hundred percent. And so I went up to Oppenheimer and I like, this little fucker. And she goes, You can't say that in my library. I can go I I can say whatever I want in your library because libraries don't have rules on what you can say. They just have rules on volume. speaker-1: Did she and then she threw you through the window? speaker-2: Yeah. speaker-1: She loves to do that. speaker-2: And I've been picking fucking broken glass out of my beard for about three days and let me tell ya, hurts your hands and your face. That's the thing about broken glass, getting stuck in your beard. speaker-3: Looks pretty fresh though. It looks a like exfoliated, I would say. Like you've got some exfoliation there, some fresh skin. speaker-2: Yeah, it's growing back. That top two layers of my epidermis is definitely coming back in and I'm hoping it comes in calloused so that the next time this happens it don't hurt as bad. speaker-1: And of course you heard him in the background, but he's coming into the foreground. This is the man who is the master of technology. He built his own flux capacitor that actually works. It's skunk. speaker-3: Thanks Roy. yeah, my flux capacitor, it's a toilet flusher. So yeah, it's my toilet was broken and I I just named it after that 'cause flush sounds like flux and I thought that was kind of fun. So it's just a working toilet, but I'm happy to have one of those back in my house. So thanks Roy. speaker-2: And when you're going to the bathroom the way skunk does, you're gonna need a toilet that fluxes, not flushes. And that's just what it's about at the end of the day. And we don't want no judgment on what happens in the bathroom. speaker-3: I was finding a lot of toilets don't have the power you need to flush anything you throw down the toilet and I like to throw everything down the toilet. So I've made this toilet as powerful as a fire hydrant so I can throw dimes in there, I could throw quarters, even nickels, and barbells too. So I can dispose of anything in one place. It's just made my made my weekends, my life easy. speaker-1: The flux capacitor is kind of a wishing well, you know. You can throw all kinds of change and and of course there are hopes and dreams in there I have to assume I can't wait to bring up all my laundry quarters, don't need anymore because I got one of those LG washers. Nice. You know, one of those big large guys. speaker-3: Roy, I think you of all people could use a lot of wishes to come true. speaker-1: You better believe it, buddy. speaker-3: Come to my house, write your little wishes down on a piece of paper, tie it to a quarter, chuck it down. Me, I wrote a couple of mine. I wrote ballet dancer, I wrote circus performer, and I wrote top chef contestants. So I'm hoping one of those comes true as well. speaker-1: Are these people that you're hoping comes out of the flux capacitor? speaker-3: Yes. My real b my dream is to meet somebody new and those are the three people I would most likely wanna most wanna meet in my life. speaker-2: I just want to say that I think we should caution anybody using the toilet in the skunk sauce to not flux when you're on it, because it'll get pieces of your guts and it won't come back. speaker-1: Vacuum seal style. speaker-2: It'll pull your guts out real bad style. So you just wanna you can make your wishes, you can make your deposits, but just be careful that you don't bump the button when you're d dropping button bumps in the toilet, 'cause it'll suck out your guts and then you won't have your guts no more. speaker-1: Well, I gotta tell ya, the first wish I would put on a piece of paper or on a coin before throwing it into the flux capacitor is for people to call. Alien speaker-3: I would love speaker-1: Hunters Hotline, we are a call-in show. You can call in any time with problems, issues, leave us a voicemail. We might call you back, help you live on the air. that number, in case you're you're wondering, is 419-463-2626. Skunk, do you have a way you like to remember this? 'Cause I have mine. I was just wondering if you had a way you like to remember this. speaker-3: Yeah, I like my two favorite things in the world, God and Boba. So four one nine, God, boba, speaker-1: That does and that does work if you type those into the number pad, that does land on four six three twenty six twenty six. Leep, do you have a way you like to remember it? I I of course have mine, but I I'm curious what yours is. speaker-2: I like to remember the numbers in order. So that when I remember them in order, that way I don't dial the wrong number. speaker-3: That's huge. So it's that's huge. Four one nine two six two six versus four one nine six two six two. speaker-2: Yeah, it 'cause there's a bunch of numbers and if you remember them in the wrong order, you're not gonna call us, which I think is what's been happening. Yeah. So what I like to do is I like to remember the order of the numbers while remembering the numbers. Cause if you just know the numbers, which we all most of us most of us know all the numbers that are exist. I like to say that, you know, that's what I like to say what I would used to say on first dates is they're like, tell me something interesting about you, and it's like, I remember every number. Cause it's just one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, and zero. And then every number after that is a combination of those numbers. So I like to remember our phone number as a unique order of those numbers that already exist. speaker-1: Yeah, wow. speaker-3: That makes it eas so much easier. That's the a great way to put it. speaker-1: For me personally, for me speaker-2: Roy, you kept mentioning that you had a way you like to remember it. Do you wanna share that with us now? speaker-1: I was really hoping you guys wouldn't steal it because this one feels quite special to me. It's I I like to remember our number by saying four one nine I'm Deman. I think that is if you type I'm Deman, you will hit the same amount of numbers. speaker-2: I don't want to critique either of you, but you're bringing letters into a number space and it's confusing the fuck out of me. speaker-1: You know on phones, you know, did you did you never text anyone on T nine when you were in high school? speaker-2: Not once, because that's combining a letter and a number. speaker-3: Leave's gotta keep it separate. That's just better for speaker-2: Numbers have to stay separate. Anytime numbers and letters merge, it conf it just freaks me the fuck out. Cause like I I understand Morse code because that's beeps and letters. speaker-1: Right. speaker-2: And I understand binary, cause that's just two numbers in different orders that then make letters. speaker-3: You take Bleep to a bingo knight and he freaks out. speaker-2: This is also why I got in so much fucking trouble with the libraries, because like as you guys know, Battleship requires you to say a a number and a letter, but I asked my opponent my opponent to say the letter in Morse code and then say the number in normal. And so that was that became a whole thing about rules. And I honestly I don't want to go to the library anymore because they have so many fucking rules. speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-3: Yeah, Bleep, th it's it's hard because I I l I s I support you for somebody who likes letters and numbers completely separate, you've been spending time almost exclusively at places where they put them together. speaker-2: Yeah, and I y it's just hard because I've been trying to get out of the house more and like skunt meet new people. And it's not been going well. You know, I went to two places, I got thrown out of both, one literally, and one just I was asked to leave. speaker-1: But you know, you're you are making progress and that is the most important part of this whole thing. And before we get into the episode at large, because I'm really excited about what we have today, I just gotta know, Skunk, as our culinary expert, what did you make for the recording today? speaker-3: Well, I d today I I didn't have a lot of time to cook, so I just had to run over. I brought some half rotisserie chickens that I found at the local grocery store. They were half off for because they were half. So this is a half rotisserie chicken and barbecue sauce. That's what I got. Enjoy Use your hands. speaker-2: And your mouth. speaker-3: Definitely. I know last time you were so hungry still, bleep, because you just used speaker-2: I just use my hands. Yeah, I didn't get I didn't I didn't bring in the other half of that equation. and I didn't put the chicken in my mouth, which is where you need to put the chicken if you want to be not hungry, because then it goes down your throat and into your stomach where the sort of hunger equation happens. speaker-3: Another brutal equation. let's get to the let's get to those calls. Let me check the board. speaker-1: Let's see what we got. We put the number out. Surely we have some calls bleepin' and bloopin'. speaker-2: What? speaker-3: Nobody's called, nor still. speaker-2: Are we recording? Yeah. speaker-1: Yeah. We're these are these are these are recording out, they're broad broadcasting across the waves. speaker-2: Well can we delete this section where we are a hotline and nobody has called in? speaker-1: That's not very truthful, Bleep. We are all about the truth. Editing editing a podcast means that you're editing out and you're lying to the people listening. speaker-3: Absolutely. You have to publish everything exactly as recorded. speaker-2: Okay okay, okay. Well it's just it's just fucking embarrassing that our fucking podcast is called Alien Hunter's Hotline and our hotline is not even warm. It's not even lukewarm. It's not even hell, it's fucking freezing cold. Alien Hunter's f frozen line. speaker-3: that was really speaker-1: I have great news for you because our problems I think are gonna be solved. Do you remember Kathy Chudd? speaker-2: Do we remember the most popular person in town? speaker-1: so you do? speaker-2: How would we have forgotten that? speaker-1: I don't know. I didn't forget, but I don't know what you guys remember or don't. We've had different lives, we have different minds. speaker-2: Yeah. You know some of it. You know what you observed, which is that we went to gym class with Kathy Chud every day of the week. We had a nice time. speaker-1: Seven days a week. That's how popular her gym class was. We were there even on weekends. It didn't even speaker-2: even benefit us academically. We just she just was so cool. She was willing to give her time for anybody that wanted to have more gym class. Is yes. So to answer your fucking question. Yes, of course I remember Kathy Chud. speaker-1: Well, she remembers us, I think, because I realized the issue with Alien Hunters Hotline is a matter of popularity. Okay? We need to get people to like us. And if not like us, know us. And so I thought that we could have the Kathy Chud on to talk about how to get popular, talk about how to get Alien Hunter's Hotline out into the main airwaves. speaker-3: Right, were you running this weekend or something? 'Cause your mind is firing on all cylinders. That is a great idea. speaker-1: And where do you think I saw Kathy? Of course she was at the five K on Saturday. speaker-3: Yeah, and the theme of this one was Uncrustables. speaker-1: Yeah, it was it was the Uncrustables five K. yeah, ran across the finish line and they threw one at you and if you caught it in your mouth, it was free. Obviously if you let it drop you had to pay the two fifty to get that crustable. speaker-2: Two hundred and fifty dollars to run in that race? speaker-1: And the thing is it's it's free if you just catch it. So it's all about keeping your cool, even when you're crossing the finish line. I hate to rush us along, but we have a very strict chunk of time with Kathy. Okay. And that time is right now. I have her on a zoom. whoa. Can I skunk, can you patch her in? I don't know how to do anything. speaker-3: Just yeah, yeah. okay, and there she is! speaker-0: god! And is Kathy Chud in the house? Can you see me, boys? Because I can see you. Kathy. my speaker-1: Happy hello. speaker-0: god, it's the squishy boys! The squishy boys are back together! The squishy boys! my speaker-1: Still calling us a squishy boys, okay. speaker-0: god, look at you! You're all older now. Roy still has the full beard. Remember when you had a full beard in high school still, Roy? God. speaker-1: They called me Neckbeard Dunge. speaker-0: But bleep you're going by bleep now. speaker-2: Yeah, yeah, 'cause we can't afford the censorship sound effect on the podcast and I don't want the government to be able to track me, so speaker-0: interesting. so but you're still you like to but you're on the internet right now. You're on Zoom. The government's probably watching this. speaker-2: No, no, I patched skunk patched me in through a a Patsy account. So it's like this so speaker-3: Yeah. speaker-0: okay. speaker-1: Yeah, you remember Patsy Davis? The hottest girl in school? Yeah. speaker-0: I remember she's dead now. She's dead now. speaker-2: Yeah. That's why we had to ask if you remembered her because sometimes when people die we forget about them. speaker-0: and skunk God look at you look at you boys look at you doing you doing your little podcast that's nice you guys caught me in between shaving sessions just shaving the front half and now I'm gonna get to my back half after this. speaker-3: Hey, I know you rightly prioritized those and those take up your whole Sunday, so I'm glad you could fit us in. speaker-0: Well it was good. I I mean, Roy saw me at the Uncrescible run and I I I dropped four Uncrescibles, so I'm in debt bad. Yeah, speaker-3: You're a grand inn. speaker-0: I'm a grand in, boys. God and back in the day I used to be able to catch those cruscibles in my mouth, easy peasy style, but I guess I'm getting a little bit older, huh, boys? speaker-2: I mean you're in you're in great shape and you're really cool. speaker-0: Yeah, yeah, I can still touch my toes with my tongue. I can't believe it. It's all about flexibility, boys. If there's one thing that I could ever express to any person ever, it's flexibility. speaker-1: just generally flexibil just that just flexibility gener like speaker-0: General general flexibility and candor. Good candor gets you far. I mean I taught you boys that, right? Didn't I? speaker-2: Yes. Yeah, you made us do candor classes, and and w you would make us just speak with extreme candor to each other. Yeah, it was really and honestly I would say that my people skills aren't incredible, but they're better than they would be because of you. So I just speaker-0: That's right. speaker-2: thank you so much. speaker-0: If I recall you were eating dirt over in the during class and I had to tell you to stop it constantly. So I'm g are you still I hope you're not eating dirt still. speaker-2: I'm certainly eating I I'm eat I'm eating less dirt. Good. and then did you ask if I'm dating? Yeah. speaker-0: Yeah, yeah, you seen anybody I I 'cause I remember all the girls were really terrified of ya in class, yeah. 'Cause of the dirt. speaker-2: Probably 'cause of the dirt stuff and I was I was you know, I was always doing my martial arts in the corner. But no, I'm actually eight times divorced and I owe a lot of money in alimony, so speaker-0: wow, yeah. Hey, divorce is a hell of a drug. Yeah. Divorce is a hell of a drug. I I'm addicted to it to myself. but I can't, can't, can't shake off can't shake off Larry. He's still hanging on. Guys. speaker-1: Num lucky number five. Lucky number five. speaker-2: Around six, they start to get easier to just you just break it off with them. They're just kind of like, yeah, I had a feeling this was coming given your past track record. So you'll get there. You'll get there, Kathy. I mean you're doing you're doing fucking great. so Kathy, this is actually our first time speaker-0: don't be nervous. Don't be nervous, squishy boys. Still soft as hell. speaker-1: Some of us are really trying to fight that tooth and nail. I every day I wake up and it's another day to just shed a few pounds. People will say that th I have a disorder of some kind, and I say the only disorder I have is ordering my eating in a way that loses weight. That's that's that's what I think. speaker-2: That we've talked to you about that. It's actually so unhealthy. But I before my skin got really itchy, which isn't nerves, it's just like a another thing. I was gonna ask Kathy, like you sort of like are the coolest person in town that Fremont has ever seen. Like everywhere you go, there's p you get kind of like crowded by people and you're sort of they're like cheering your name. And like you could I mean you could run for mayor if something, you know, god forbid happened to Taco Lawrence. speaker-3: But speaker-2: Or Taco Lawrence, of course. Yeah. So I guess my question for you is, how did you do that? Like how did you get 'cause you were awesome in high s like when we were in high school, but then now it's sort of like you're in you're like everyone loves you all of the time and no matter where you go, things are really great. So how did that how does that happen? speaker-0: Yeah, the boys wanna sip from the popularity well. huh. Okay. Well gather up and gather in boys, cause I I got plenty to say about this. It really is all about having your fingers in multiple different pots, okay? speaker-3: Different than what I'm doing right now? speaker-0: not physically skunk. You can take those out of there. Those are gonna get pruny pruny bajoony. God, it's good to see you guys. No, you wanna have your metaphorical fingers and metaphorical pots. speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-0: Like me, you know. I started that classic gym routine with the parachute where you lift up the parachute, everybody all the kids run under and run out. I remember I started that, you know, an innovative. speaker-1: God. speaker-0: Gotta be an innovator. Remember when all the capo baras got got loose from the zoo and I was out there and I was catching them. You know, it's like that's huge. remember Baskin Robbins was selling ice cream and I was there eating all the ice cream. You know, well, and then the nineteen eighty-four Miss Syrup contest, and I ate all the syrup. You know, yeah, I was there and I was eating the syrup and I won. You know. that time that I went up in the hot air balloon and I d you know, for Saint Patrick's Day and I let let loose all those l little leprechauns. I did go to jail for a little bit after that because I wasn't supposed to be throwing human beings off of the hot air balloon. speaker-1: No, but Kathy in your defense, leprechauns aren't human beings, they are fake creatures. I believe they're fake creatures that speaker-0: That's what I was speaker-3: That's speaker-0: saying to the cops. speaker-1: The the Sprite Tree skunk, is that is that it the Sprite Tree? speaker-3: The Sprite genome, the genetically they come from the genome Sprite. So it's also Spon Gnome's toys, children's toys, and the power buff girls. speaker-1: say is Kathy, I we and we were all at the Free Kathy rallies. I mean I I wasn't saying dusky during the time, but I was on the mic. I was saying free Kathy Chud. I remember you boys being speaker-0: I you were you three I know that you three were absolutely the least people people wanted to be around in in school, but actively people wanted to stay away from you. But there was something about the three of you I always knew you guys would do something big later in life. Not then. Absolutely god, not then. Not then you were still trying to figure it out. You were you were definitely pants around the ankles, stumbling through life. But y e it feels like you got older. Yeah, I hope I hope you got a couple of kisses in and y y you stayed together. S together strong. That's probably the best way to do it. Right? speaker-1: Yeah, I think I think we did a pretty good I mean, I was I was gone there for a while. I was getting my kisses in Sandusky, but I've sort of seen the error in my ways and have come back home to be part of the community, to be part of the boys. speaker-0: What happened her? speaker-1: She was she was in it for the career and when the career went away, so did she. speaker-0: God, if I was Roy, if I was in the same room as you, I would take you into my teeth and I'd hug you there. I would speaker-1: Thank you, Kathy. I really appreci 'cause those hugs, you literally s cured a broken wrist of mine once just by hugging me really hard. Right. speaker-3: He squeezed it back into place. speaker-1: It's really impressive. speaker-2: Chug squeeze. We love a good chug squeeze. speaker-0: boys, I would take you in my arms if I couldn't. I'd give you a chud squeeze right now. I'm telling ya. It's been nice. It's nice to it's really nice to see you guys. It's nice to have a purpose to talk on talk on Zoom. I love Zoom. God, this thing's cool. speaker-3: So Kathy, in addition to being the first prisoner to have the whole town break them out of prison by digging the prison up, you're also a successful, as we mentioned, entrepreneur, digital creator, yeah, and just I would say voice of a generation. So speaker-0: Thank you, skunk. God. That's really sweet of ya. speaker-3: I was just wondering what technology have you used to get there? Or what if you're trying to grow a show selfishly like ours, what would you do? speaker-0: Well, once again, it's the metaphorical fingers and metaphorical pots. you want to try to touch any type of media, right? So that's why I got a book coming out next summer called Scared and Afraid. Yeah. Scared and Afraid. speaker-1: Well speaker-0: Right. It's about a woman growing up. you know, womanhood is scary and it's and it's hard. God, and then what what and then I got my own podcast, my God, where we're talking about vegetation and Roots. speaker-3: And that's called Scared and Afraid in the Forest? speaker-0: Yes, yes, yes. And I do think that Naked and Afraid took that from us because we are naked when we record. speaker-3: those fuckers. speaker-2: What's cool about that title is that when something scary happens, it can often make you afraid. And I think it's important that you're br you're shedding light on stuff like that. speaker-0: Yeah, well afraid is a secondary emotion. Scared is the first. And horny is probably the baseline. Always. Primary. Absolutely. That's a primary one. my God. wait, and then I went on deal or no deal for a while. It was the briefcase girl up in the corner. speaker-1: That was cool. That was cool because they always they always w chose your briefcase. They did. And it was so cool to see you live on NBC. Right. That was such a good show. speaker-0: you know well they say that it's a good show, but you know, when I came in for my fitting, they said that they weren't gonna change the sizes and I had to squeeze into my my model top and bottom, so I'm looking like a sausage that's about to burst out of its casing. I'm up there losing my breath. They're not giving me a hamburger to chew on or eat on, so I'm losing sustenance quick, and then I fall from the top of the stairs, my ankles get twisted and my neck gets crooked, and then they have the idea. I don't speaker-3: My god. speaker-2: You got the last laugh because then on the next episode you were the last briefcase and when they opened it, all those rocks fell out and you went you put up the birds and you went So you got them back. speaker-0: Then I went to jail again for the the b betraying the network and god but then that was the second time you guys freed me out of there. speaker-3: Absol that one was easier, the tunnels were already dug. speaker-0: Had my golf cart ready for me, Larry sitting in there with a case of natty lights, ice cold. Just wow. Easy peas. speaker-1: I mean, how else are you gonna keep your macros up? You gotta have you gotta have a burger and a natty light at any given point or else your macros are absolutely boned. You cannot keep the figure you have. speaker-0: Last meal. speaker-2: Also, Kathy, speaker-0: That would be my last meal. speaker-2: if you're looking for sponsorship, I Skunk is working on a protein shake that's just natty light and blended burgers. So once he's kind of gotten that recipe down, there could be a cool collaboration there. speaker-0: I gotta be honest speaker-3: Body. What? speaker-0: I gotta be honest with you, that sounds like dog shit. That sounds like absolute dog shit. speaker-3: That's part of the appeal. You take it, your body looks good, and then you know that the r rest of your day will be better than that moment. Okay. It's the worst thing that's true. The slogan is it's the worst thing you've tasted all day. speaker-0: Right, right. Yeah. That's the slogan you said, worst thing you've ever you've tasted all day. speaker-3: Yes. speaker-0: Guys best you've ever looked. Okay, well there's there's the grab. Come on, boys. We need to have the grab. speaker-3: The graph, so that's lesson two. Number lesson one, have your hands in multiple pots. Lesson two, the gra speaker-0: Yes. speaker-1: Right. speaker-2: That makes me sort of want to ask a follow-up question. How am I supposed to grab stuff if my hands are in all the pots? speaker-0: Well, once again, bleep, it's metaphorical, so get your hands out of those pots. All right. Everything's metaphorical. speaker-3: Get your hands out of the po- speaker-2: Okay, so well then why do we have the pots? speaker-3: I in case the heat goes off. speaker-1: Kathy, just so you know, these are these they're very literal, these guys. well I've run into some of this with speaker-0: Mary These guys are literal. I said run a mile and they went and ran a full mile. speaker-3: It was metaphoric or it was speaker-0: Metaphorical the whole time, but you guys did it. I can't believe it. I really can't believe it. I you know, I and I was in my golf cart r driving alongside you guys, eating my burgers and beer and and you guys were really actually running. You guys are the most literal boys I've ever met. speaker-1: Weren't but weren't we supposed to run? It was Jim Cat. Well speaker-3: It was metaphorical, Jim. I guess. speaker-1: okay. I understand. speaker-2: Okay, so I guess to clarify, my hands are in my head my hands are in pots, but the pots aren't pots, they're things. Right. So my my mental fingers are in pot things called pots that aren't pots. They're speaker-0: Absolutely. speaker-2: and I'm not supposed to actually grab stuff. speaker-0: Don't don't unless it's an object, but if it's a person, do not do that. I accidentally grabbed Susie the pancake outside the pancake house and then that was when I went to jail for the third time. So don't be grabbing people without their permission, all right? speaker-3: Okay, got it. Very important. speaker-1: Very important. Very important. That's huge. It's about the hook and it's in many pots. And something that I think, you know, our podcast slash call in show is called Alien Hunters Hotline. And I really thought, you know, I thought that was a hook. Everyone looks up at the sky, everyone wonders You know, are is extraterrestrial life real? you know, there's things that go bump the night, s spooky mishaps, you know, goopy know-hows, all this kind of stuff. How could we improve the hook? 'Cause no one's really calling in and we're on the airwaves, we're putting this out. I'm I'm talking every five K, I'm talking it up, I'm wearing this shirt. How do we get people in here, Kathy? speaker-0: You got the chud machine ch chuggin' now. Chud speaker-1: I'm ch ch chugging along. speaker-2: No. speaker-0: Chud machine is chudding. Let's think. Let's think, boys. Well, sex always sells and now I could talk to you guys about it because you're you're you're in your what, forties? speaker-3: Adults were all adults forty six. speaker-0: God, you guys look awful for the forties. Sex appeal. Wha what w are we putting an alien in a bikini? What do we come on. Are we speaker-2: No, Kathy, I don't wanna say no to your idea, but if I see an alien I'm not putting it in a bikini, I'm fucking killing it. speaker-0: You're not gonna like try to tell her hi first? speaker-2: First off, I'm voluntarily celibate and th what that is, is that I choose to not have sex with anybody or anything. And so I'm not having any sort of sexual con anyone. speaker-0: That means anything if you're asexual. I mean, come on, buddy. You were asexual when you came out, you've been asexual your whole life. It was pretty obvious when I met you in gym class. speaker-2: I am just a sexual being that hasn't found the one yet and has stopped trying to find the one for now. That's it. speaker-0: Honey baby child, you're not gonna find your person because you're not sexually attracted to anybody. It's just written in the stars, bleep. I'm I'm sorry, man. You've just always been this way. Maybe you're attracted to stars. Maybe you're attracted to aliens. Honestly, have you ever thought about this? speaker-2: Ever accuse me of that. Don't ever accuse me of that. speaker-3: That's a huge accusation. speaker-0: Now we touched on a tender spot for the squishy boy. speaker-3: yeah, well dub we know it's it's stuff. We like to be playful and fun and joke about stuff, but that is where we draw the line. We don't joke about aliens unless they're funny. speaker-0: Huh. You're telling me none of the three of you are started this because you're sexually attracted to aliens and you're trying to have sex with aliens. speaker-1: No no, no, Kathy. speaker-3: No, it's very clear that we started this podcast because aliens, frankly, have been ruining our lives and getting in the way of us making progress and be living out our dreams. Aliens are the ones who aren't letting me meet a ballet dancer. Aliens are the ones who are not letting me meet a top chef chef. So yeah, we're serious about it, unless it's funny. But speaking of speaker-0: You're blaming aliens for why you haven't found success in life? speaker-2: One hundred percent. speaker-1: Is there any other explanation? speaker-3: Very clear. speaker-0: boys. boys boys boys. speaker-3: Speaking of finding people. speaker-0: This is dark. This is actually really this is worse than I thought. I'm sorry. I I I know you want to move on, but that's really bad. That's really bad. speaker-2: Yeah, it is really bad. Aliens are evil and they're corrupting our lives. And if it's happening to us three, it's probably happening to the world. And so that's why we want to get this podcast out. That's why we want people that you nobody's listening to it. Nobody's listening to us. We don't we our whole lives are ruined and nobody's listening to us. And so I I skunk skunk speaker-3: I know, I know. And and I guess look. speaker-0: They're getting all in a tizzy. Can you see? If you could guys could see them, they're getting in a tizzy right now. speaker-2: We're not easy. We're being corrupted by aliens and we're trying to kill them all. speaker-0: Sure, sure, sure. Absolutely. Hey, hey, hey. You know what? I came on here, you you guys to put to play ball, all right? Play ball, all right? speaker-3: Thank you. And look, sometimes it just takes you to have your first experience with the unknown or an alien event for you to totally change your perspective and see it clearly. So I know maybe you're not there yet, but it could happen one day. Maybe with your next Larry, like something goes wrong, he gets abducted, or maybe he gets sick and dies again. Look, each one of your Larry has died. What's that about? How do you explain that? speaker-1: Kathy, anything to say on that, that every single one of your speaker-0: Larry's. speaker-1: the Larry's your your l you have been marrying and divorcing and then they die, these Larries? speaker-0: Well, I plead the fifth on that one. And I have to say they all were named Larry. So that speaker-3: They just ninety seven. speaker-0: Yeah. Well, y when you you w marry an older man and they die, you get a little bit of cash, you know. It's it's kind of the scam business I'm into. my god. Yeah. speaker-2: That's the exact opposite of pleading the fifth. speaker-0: You give me an well, you caught me there, bleep. you know, you give me a natty and I'm I'm loose lips on this one. I just love talking to you boys. speaker-1: Loose lips sink ships and I hope the Kathy Chud ship is not sinking, and I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that because I like celebrities to be perfect, and their reputations to be solid and telling me speaker-0: They're not. They're not. You know speaker-1: success and popularity does not come from talent. What are we saying, Kathy? speaker-0: Saying that, I'm saying I'm the most talented motherfucker I know for sure. speaker-1: That's what I think. speaker-0: I'm just saying that don't beat your heroes because you're gonna find out that they probably like don't wear underwear and they eat their boogers. Like come on, it's just like it's just science. Yes, celebrities are flawed too. A you think celebrities are aliens, but they're not they're humans. speaker-3: Okay, we'll have to agree to disagree, but Kathy, I do wanna go back to kind of what we're here for, trying to grow this podcast. And one of the things is I feel like you have a good handle on your target audience and you speak to people who really want banging bodies, who really love huge events, who really love being in prison and leaving prison and being in prison and leaving prison. So we're trying to find people who are Simultaneously like minded about aliens of supernatural and the fight for humanity. So how would you go about the tips for finding your target audience? speaker-0: Mm, tips for finding your target audience. Hmm. Well, hm. Well, wow. Well, I it's trial and error, really. I mean, the way I found my audience is by trying and putting myself out there and then you know, you take the data that you get and then you reassess. you gotta put yourself out there. Are you boys talking to people? Are you guys going out on the streets? Are we are we even sending it to the newspaper, your number? like are we where are you sharing your hot speaker-3: We haven't shared it anywhere yet. speaker-2: W yeah. speaker-1: Have you speaker-0: You even called the number yourself? To see if it even goes through? speaker-2: Well, w we're not we can't call the number ourself 'cause it's our number. So it would create speaker-0: That's where you're wrong, Bleep. You can call you have a n you have a phone? Yep. Put that number in right now. speaker-2: Four one nine right? What is it? Yep. speaker-1: Four one nine speaker-3: Remember the numbers in order. Remember the numbers in order. speaker-2: Four one nine two six three two. speaker-3: No, in order, in order. speaker-2: Okay, sorry, hold on. speaker-0: I like to remember it Boba God Boba. speaker-3: God Boba, yeah. Okay. But I don't I can't let ble bleep know the letters. speaker-2: Where do I type the letters in instead of the numbers? speaker-1: It's just on it's bleep it's on the keypad. The numbers they're on the speaker-0: The numbers are speaker-2: text it. I'll text it. Well okay, I I texted it, but the phone call didn't happen. speaker-1: Ca we believe you gotta call in is is what Kathy's saying that you gotta speaker-2: If I wanna call I understand. If I wanna call something, I use numbers. If I wanna text something, I use letters. speaker-1: Okay, so it sounds like it's g getting the word out is about making sure that everything's working correctly. I think that's that's that's what we can kinda summarize this chunk into and believe don't worry, it's okay. It's okay. Numbers and letters are hard, especially when they're together. speaker-0: Well I'll tell you this, I called your guys' number a few times before I got hopped on here and it just went straight to a taco taco and I ordered a few tacos. So I I don't know, you guys might need to change up your number. speaker-1: Was that on Tuesday you called? 'Cause Skunk does run a taqueria on Tuesdays out of his speaker-3: Yeah, yeah. speaker-0: yeah. Well God, well you have beat you definitely a different form. speaker-3: I do run a taqueria out of my house every Tuesday. it's just I'm working on stuff so the line may be right into that. But if speaker-0: Fair. speaker-3: you call any other day it should be about aliens. speaker-2: hey guys, I I got the number 419 463 2626. Okay, it's ringing. Hey guys, it's ringing. Good. Do you think someone's gonna pick up? speaker-3: Yeah, how many do you want? Okay, carne sala or or beef. Okay. Well well I'm doing half I'm doing half carne half it's half up, half up, carne sada, half up, beef. Okay, got it. speaker-0: See, this is what I was hearing. When I called. speaker-1: That's what I mean. Okay. speaker-3: I gotta change that. I thought I put the other one on there. speaker-0: No guys, guys, I'm telling you, it's just it's not even Skunk leaving a voice mail, it's him o interacting with customers. speaker-2: Yeah. speaker-1: He he's it he's actively just serving tacos and it's almost like that it's a butt answer, you know. I didn't really know that you could do a butt answer, but that that seems to be what's going on here. So I think skunk, we've learned that maybe get a new phone in speaker-3: Okay, we'll fix that. speaker-1: trouble. speaker-3: Thanks. speaker-2: Well this went well. speaker-1: We're getting a lot of really good information here, and I and I think this is gonna lead Alien Hunters to a big success. And I just wanted to end on one last thing because old Roy Dunch, I had a little bit of success in Sandusky, Ohio. You may remember me as the Shock Jock drive time radio on one of two point five The Wave. Fame went to my head and I didn't really handle it too well. I don't re Well, a lot of other people did. So fame fame went to my head, I didn't handle it too well How do we not crash and burn? If this thing pops off, you know, if if Alien Hunter's is half a success, an eighth of a success of the Kathy Chud universe, how how do we not just absolutely panic under the weight? speaker-0: Mm my god. Well remember where you came from. Always, boys, remember where you came from. Your speaker-3: Inside a human body. speaker-0: human body is where you came from. Okay? speaker-3: Yeah. speaker-0: When I wake up, I I make sure I stand straight on in the mirror, naked. And I start from my toes and I go up to my head and I say, Thank you for being with me. Alright? And then it's all about protein and beer, okay? speaker-1: Okay. Wow. Really? speaker-0: And just be kind. Be kind to people. People wanna know who you are, you know. It's just be kind, shake hands, kiss babies, not on the mouth. People don't like that. And we can build something together. You know, it's just get everybody g cooking. You guys are I I you owe the three of you were always up to shenanigans in class. I know you couldn't touch your toes and you couldn't run the mile, but you know speaker-3: Well we didn't know they were metaphoric. speaker-1: Did not know that. speaker-2: Didn't know it. Wasn't clear to me, but that might be my fault. speaker-0: Right, that's on you boys. I can't wait. This is gonna be a huge success. Once you change your voicemail to the actual voicemail you need, people are gonna be coming in in droves. I mean look at the three of you. You guys are sexy sex appeals, you know. I could say that now because you're over eighteen. And I'm like what, sixty, seventy? Who the hell knows? I stopped counting after my fiftieth birthday. I'm proud of you boys and it's good that you are getting out there doing something instead of just being in your basement of your mom's house hating women. You know, we're really glad that you are doing something. speaker-2: Are people doing that? speaker-0: yeah. speaker-1: that's so stupid. speaker-3: Thank you. speaker-2: So stupid. It's just fucking weak. That's weak behavior. They should honestly, if you're in your mom's basement and you're mad at women and you're listening to this podcast, I just want to say one thing to you. Fucking stop it. speaker-1: Absolutely. speaker-3: Do that? speaker-2: do that. Stop that. It's fucking lame. They didn't speaker-1: Do nothing to you? In fact you probably did something to them to make them not like you. Relax. speaker-2: If you're doing something to them and then you're you're going, I don't like them for the thing I'm doing to them, fuck you. speaker-3: As we learn, basements aren't for that. Basements are for standing in front of your mirror, naked, shaving your front, then spinning around, shaving your back, doing your tongue stretches. speaker-1: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Metaphorical and literal. That is the deal. Okay. speaker-0: Boys. I couldn't be more proud. Look at you. You l you guys are learning on the fly. You this is gonna be a success. speaker-1: Thank you. Kathy Chud, you have one of the busiest schedules I've ever seen. I got a peek at your Google Calendar and I thought I was gonna puke. Thank you. speaker-0: Yeah. I do every day. speaker-2: That's probably the beer and burger diet, but if it's working for you, who am I to say don't do it? speaker-0: Absolutely, boys. god. I've never listened to a man younger than me and I'm still never gonna do that. So right. speaker-2: Yeah, Kathy. Well, ladies and gentlemen, Kathy Chud on the podcast today, helping us fix our hotline. Keep an eye out for her book, Scared and Afraid, the Kath the Kathy Chud Womanhood Story. Yes, tune into her podcast weekly, Scared and Afraid. And Scared and Afraid in the Forest. And Kathy, thank you so much for coming on. and just want to s if we can just get a clean read of you saying you guys were the squishy boys, but you're not that squishy anymore. speaker-0: You guys are the squishy boys, and forevermore you'll be the squishy boys. speaker-2: Okay, that's not speaker-1: Okay, I guess that's gonna be what we got. Thank you, Kathy. speaker-3: Thank you, Kathy. Glad you like aliens. speaker-0: the clippers. I gotta get this backside. It's it's absolutely speaker-1: she didn't hang up on the zoom. Gather, hang up on the zoom. speaker-2: Kathy, Kathy, you're still on the Zoom. speaker-0: Larry, get under the ho get under the hood and rummage around. speaker-2: just speaker-1: Okay, I'm gonna kick her. I'm I'm gonna hit Boys, I think that's probably the best that could have gone. I feel like We speaker-3: One hundred percent. speaker-1: in half an hour we got what people would have paid easily ten Gs for. Minimum. speaker-3: Least ten uncrestable races worth of profit for. speaker-1: At least I I think we can just leave it at that because our listeners I think are gonna need a moment to process all of the amazing stuff we've heard. And you know, some people might think, why am I listening to a bunch of people learn how to get good at a podcast? Well, that's part of the journey that we're on here at the Alien Hunters Hotline. We are here to start a hotline podcast, and we're here to hunt and kill aliens. Those are the two things that are happening right now. And we're not gonna be apologetic about how this process goes. speaker-3: And we know we've been giving a lot of information and we wanna just show you that while we're experts, we don't wanna come across as smug or like we don't listen or like we're not listening from experts in other fields. So just wanna show our humanity, which we a hundred percent are. speaker-2: No, and another thing I learned is I've got human fingers, I've got human toes, I've got human eyes, and a human nose. Everything works together in perfect harmony. I am not asexual, and my full name is Bleep. speaker-1: We're on the way, boys. This has been another episode of Alien Hunters Hotline. If you have something spooky, extraterrestrial, unexplainable in your life, don't forget to call and leave us a message. We'll help you out any way we can. That number is 419-463-2626. Or as I like to say, 419-I'm Demand. Keep coming back week to week. We certainly will be. And remember, always question. Never learn. speaker-0: my god, this bush is out of control here. speaker-2: How did she get back in? speaker-1: Turned the call up. Lines open. speaker-0: It's absolute wreck down here. speaker-2: No one is available to take your call. speaker-0: Thanks tuning in to Alien Hunters Hotline. Today's episode featured Elizabeth Andrews, an LA-based comedian and writer. Follow her online with the handle at It's Your Manager and see her live show, Connor's Basement, on November 19th at Meadow York. Alien Hunter's Hotline is a podcast by Harrison Locke, Kellen Schneider, and Riley Cecil Tagger. For more information, follow the show on social and visit AlienHuntersHotline.com.