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Let your kids fail: the secret to raising confident children · Homeschool Revolution

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the homeschool revolution.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm my sister on this for homeschool moments for over 20 years, and I've been coaching moments just like you for decades.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: I've been this message and working on the women.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: This is cooking sister, working mom, single mom, stay at home mom, and yes, yes, too.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Any parent who is done with the old way and ready to raise creative confident kids who actually change the world.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't just homeschooling.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: This is revolution.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get into it.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to my homeschool Villages Monday live, where we are gonna discuss today raising creative, confident children.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Confident, creative children, creative, confident children.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: So how many of you saw that and came or how many just showed up because this is what you do on Mondays?
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you, Trish.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: So I am working on something, you guys.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I've had so many questions.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like my social media is blowing up with a million questions.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I wrote a book a while ago, several years ago.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't have teenage, like I had teenagers at the beginning of teenagers.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Since then, I've got too married.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: My kids have done other things, and it's been time to update the book.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I don't know how it's anybody read my book.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: I named it at the time.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: What did I name it?
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Kiss my curriculum.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: So anyway, I wrote the book.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I've been in this business now for I've been coaching for five years, and a lot of things have changed and a lot of stories have come out.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm decided it's time to update the book because now I have actually children who are out of homeschool.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: I have children who are done and moving on.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm actually at the end of my homeschool journey now.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so I decided to update the book.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: And Claude and I, Claude is my current ghostwriter, and I'm taking all my information, all the things I've put together, all the stories I've told, the old book I did, the emails I write, everything I've done, and I'm putting it together.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what's interesting is it all goes back to how to raise a creative, confident child.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what's interesting.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: When I set out to do that, I've always wanted creative, creative children.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like to me, creative was very important.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Confident was ideal.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: And raising a creative, confident child has always been my own personal goal for my children.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it was through prayer.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: And if I were to sit here and say, here's what I did, I wouldn't have been able to tell you.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: But now that I'm working on this book and it's actually taking everything that I've done, said, shared, and putting it together, Claude is helping me tie the dots in.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: My ghostwriter is actually helping me connect the dots of what I did right, but what I did wrong.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: So the book is not just about what I did right, because let's be honest, nobody's not perfect.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not going to pretend to be, and I'm not going to like hide it and be like, here's what I did, because I planned it all out just for you.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the book is actually, I'm I've only got a couple chapters left, and it's it's showing you the raw, it's showing this the mess ups.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: It even talks about places where my husband and I were disagreeing on things, and I went one way and he went another, and which one worked.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so I am working on that book right now.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna be launching it in January for um, so you guys can get it then.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: But it's um, as I've been doing it, it's helped me realize things that I did right and things I did wrong because I'm rereading through like my life.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's really interesting to go back.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: I recommend all of you write a book about your lives.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: I would have had no, you learn so much, you remember so much, the memories come back, the lessons you learn come back.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: And because I wrote five years ago and then again now, it's been fascinating to see the progress we've made as a family, the things I've learned from them and me, the things that my children taught.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so I would recommend any of you start writing a book.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: And literally, all I've done is as I'm typing my stories in, and Claude's helping me organize it out.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, is not writing my book.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'm writing the book, but I'm not a writer.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: And so Claude is helping me organize my thoughts and put it together.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it will be ready in January.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: But here's what it's been but the whole book is based around raising creative, confident children and how I how we accidentally did it, and how you guys can be more intentional because I went, it's been it's 20 years in the making, 25 years in the making this book, because it's about since we've been married and having children, and it's 25 years in the making, plus the writing that's taken over a year.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: And now that I'm putting it together, I can see what we did right, what we did wrong, how I would change it, what I would do, and how I want to help you not take 25 years because it feels like such a risk, right?
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like you bring your kids home, even just having a child is such a risk.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: We could screw these kids up.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: We know this.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: This is one of our fears as homeschool parents is that I brought them home and I could really mess them up.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that has been my fear all along.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: And now that I have been homeschooling long enough, I realized actually I couldn't have messed them up because God was in charge all along the way, because I was talking to God all along the way, and he was guiding and directing and helping along the way.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: But because my children are these, and and your children, okay, not just my children, your children are just as dynamic and intelligent, and they're God's children, and they're in see, I struggle with the right words.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: They're brilliant, they're kind, they have more potential than the world knows what to do with.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: They have more potential than we know what to do with.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: They know who they want to be, they have it in their heads, and we as parents just have to get out of the way.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of the book is kind of about that.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: How many times when I would pray for something with my child or something would happen?
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: The answer most often I got was get out of their way.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: And it was interesting.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like a child who's young.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: This is why I'm like always preaching, when they're little, let them play.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: Please, when they're little, let them play.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: And how long do you let them play?
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Until play, you forever.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, forever.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: You let them play when they're little because play is where confidence comes from.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: While they're playing, problems arise.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: They start to solve a problem.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: As they solve a problem, they realize they can accomplish something.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: As they're doing things and they're proud of their work, they learn that they're capable, they're able.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: You give them jobs so that they can show that as part of a team, not as your slave, but as a team member in a family who were all making this work together when they're little.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: So they're working with you, they're working alongside you, they play on their own.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need it, it's not mom's job to entertain her children.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: It is her child's job to entertain themselves.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Mom told me that once, and I was like, why did that remove a weight?
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and you let them play.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: And what happens is as they get older, as they're five, they're playing house, right?
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: And as they get older and they turn to eight or nine or 10, the play shifts.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: They're not doing the same things they were doing as toddlers, they're doing new play.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Well, by the time they're 12, 13, 14, 15, the play shifts and it's actually learning.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually, yeah, you add in your curriculums, yeah, you add in your math and whatever.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: But play should actually shift into learning, which play is learning.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Then you let them play, let them play, let them play, and their play, they're always learning new things to support their play.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: So a child will go in and look for something new to learn so that their play becomes better.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: And as they're doing that, that's when you feed the math, the reading, writing, because they'll ask, what does this say?
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because the book supports the play.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: So my one son would not read until he was doing Legos and asked me to read to him one of the Lego manual instructions.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I refused because I knew he was just being lazy and he wouldn't do it.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so when he realized mom was done reading for him, he was like, Oh, well, I want to know this myself.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: So he decided to read when his play got interrupted.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: So math comes along too when their play gets interrupted, and and things and you start adding in.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: And then by the time they're 10, 11, 12, you can start adding in the sciences and the histories and all these things.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: But what happens is the play, if they're still playing, when they're 18, they're learning new things because their play gets interrupted.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: But the play looks different now.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: So my 19-year-old, his play looks like working out at the gym.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's his favorite.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so, what is he doing right now?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: He's studying how to work out better at the gym and he's learning science and he's learning anatomy, and he's learning because he wants to know how to get the muscle bigger, right?
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: So now he's learning all this stuff and health.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Is he still learning other things?
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: But he's diving into what he loves because that's what he wants to do.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, my oldest daughter loved everything.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: She actually loved natural healing and how to make the body heal.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: And she became a massage therapist.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: She's always studying herbs, natural healing, things like that.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: She dove into it because that's her play now as an adult.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: My second daughter, her play went from fixing broken toys to fixing broken cars.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: And now her play has become how can I make a car run faster, do better?
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: And she's actually been expanded now into the finance world because she's like, I liked the mechanic, but I would like to be able to do more with my life than just work on cars forever because her body isn't holding up to it.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: So she's like, okay, but she loves numbers, she discovered.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so now she's reading and learning finance to work for fidelity because she loves finance and it's still play.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's still play because they enjoy it.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so when people say follow your passions, this is where we allow our children the freedom to dive into play when they're little, follow play as they get older, because that's where they will start to seek out learning through supporting the play in their lives.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: And the other, so so number one, we need to let them play.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, we have got to let them fail.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: I am the worst at this.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm, or I was.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: I used to be terrible at this.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I grew up where my parents were constantly telling us not to do something because they assumed we would fail.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I grew up in a household where everything was don't do it because you might not get in.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: You may, there was a dance team I wanted to try out when I was 16 years old.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted it so bad.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: I watched that dance team from afar with like hungry eyes, and I brought it up to my parents that I might want to try out.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: And the first thing my father did was protect me from failure by letting me know that I might not make it because I may not be as good as the other girls.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so I never tried out.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: It was one of the I wish, I still wish I had done it because I was so afraid that because my dad put the fear in me and he lived that way.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: Everything was, but what if you don't?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: But what if you fail?
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: That was the underlying everything in our home is what if you don't make it?
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: It was never what if you do?
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: If he had turned to me and said, Why wouldn't you try out?
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Of course you're gonna make it.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: You're good, right?
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: And even if I had failed, the point is I knew my dad believed in me at least.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: And if I failed and he came to me and said, I think they're they're crazy for not letting you, and you're amazing, you know, something like that.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: But no, it was always, they were always trying to protect us from failure.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of us when we were young refused to risk anything.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: And that we were very low self-esteem kids.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Now we're adults and we all kind of were like, okay, enough of that kind of attitude.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: And we are um, we don't do that anymore.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: Well, some of my siblings is still live in a lot of fear, actually, quite a bit of fear.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: Some of us have broken out of it and gone, what if I can?
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: But what if I can?
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I have turned into the woman that says, but what if I can?
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: And when my one of the stories I tell in the book is I had two daughters.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: A friend of ours came up to us.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: So now let me go backwards.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Goddard, NASA Goddard in Maryland has a theater group.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: And we were living a couple of miles right outside Goddard.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: My husband was working at Goddard, and so we had the right, the ability to apply and be in this theater.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: And my kids could take part in it.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: So a friend of ours came to us and said, Hey, we've got kid parts this year.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Your daughters are adorable.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: Why don't you have them come try out?
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna do Annie, and we need uh we need a little Molly, and your daughter would be perfect.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, so my husband and I had a good talk about this.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, what if she doesn't get in?
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm thinking like my dad, what if she doesn't?
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, Well, let her try, but what if she doesn't?
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: Well, then she's five years old, she'll be okay.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: And we had this talk.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: We let her try out while we're there.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: This is my oldest daughter.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: I think she's seven, maybe.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: The younger one was watching her sister try out and she turns to me, she goes, Mom, that looks fun.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: Well, they were letting anybody try out for Molly at that point because they needed more than one because they had multiple casts.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Well, then do it.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: And she went up and she tried out.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: It took her every ounce of strength to go stand next to her sister and also try out for Molly.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now, she didn't make it, she couldn't read well enough for the part.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: She struggled a little bit.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: We had to really talk her into it.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so they decided to go with my oldest child, but not my second.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: I was devastated.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: How do I tell number?
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: How can I be excited for first child that she got Molly in the play and then turn around and tell the second child who wanted it just as badly that she didn't?
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I was put in this spot of ha.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yay, crap, right?
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: And it was a very it we were put in this position a lot with these two kids.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: So we had a talk with the first one.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: Congratulations, you made it, but your sister didn't.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: So let's go.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: We want you to know we're happy for you, but she's not gonna be okay with this.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Sister number two was broke, was just heartbroken over it.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: But for the next 15 weeks, she watched her sister show up to plays, be on stage, and she had to watch, but she did it, and it was heartbreaking and exciting at the same time.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: And so, but it taught me a very important lesson.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: She did do, she handled it well.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: She cheered her sister on.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: She understood that she didn't get the part, and that's okay.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: And but that failure, I almost my my older daughter be ended up in theater the rest of her life.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: She was doing parts on plays forever.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: She was getting leads on everything.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: And that one moment I almost said no because I was afraid she would fail.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: Had I let, had I not taken her, there's a whole love she discovered I would have robbed her of.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now, child number two also discovered a love of the theater.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: But, and so the two were in the theater together, but she discovered that she loved doing the costumes and the makeup and helping on the backstage.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: This is my little mechanic girl.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so she helped build stages and build costumes.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: And and she too discovered her own love of it because she wasn't a front and center girl.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: She was a back-end girl and she loved it.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so that one moment taught me so much in their lives that I was always afraid to let my children fail.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: And after that, I started seeing by not letting them fail, am I keeping them from something great?
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so we've tried to.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm not saying I did this perfectly, but failure is as important to their confidence as successes.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: A child who succeeds over and over again assumes they're lucky.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: A child who fails over and over again and keeps getting up builds stamina, builds character, and builds understands that they have to just keep working for it.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where true confidence comes from.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I'm learning as I'm putting all this together and organizing it is um how that all came together.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: So that's that's just a little piece of raising creative confidence kinks.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: You've got to let them fail, you've got to let them play.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to go back to the playing for a minute.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: And this is why it's kind of on my on my head.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: And there's more to it, and I'll and I'll share as we go along, and then over the sever next several weeks.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: But the next um about play.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: I I've been getting some interesting comments lately.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: I've been talking to some parents and said, you know, my homeschool village is built so they can still have a childhood.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: I want that so that they can still play.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: I got multiple moms saying was, well, I don't want him on video games all day.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I I thought, wait, that's what you heard me say was that I want them to have more freedom so that they can play video games all day.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no, no.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Play like climb a tree, read a book, get in the mud, garden.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: And and I was surprised at how many parents didn't think about that.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know if that was any of you, but play as in not a video game.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, it's not that I'm saying they can't be on a video game.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's fine if they want to.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm saying controlled, but a child needs to learn how to entertain themselves.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Lizzie.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: Play is the work of children.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: Children need to be able to entertain themselves without technology, it's vital to their brains.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: So, those of you who are using my homeschool village like full time and taking every class, please make sure they're getting plenty of play time, uninterrupted, unscheduled time.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: They need unscheduled time.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: And when I say play, that doesn't mean baseball practice.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: I mean a chunk of day where a child is not told how to do it, when to do it, or what to do.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: They get bored, they figure out something to do, they start doing it.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it was origami building, sometimes it was Legos in a book, sometimes it was a game on the floor, hungry hippos, and they were playing together.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it was in a tree, sometimes they were building, sometimes it was forts and right, and putting a bunch of mattresses down the stairs and sliding down, whatever it was.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: Mud pies was always my favorite.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I still remember being a kid making mud pies.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, baking in the kitchen, right?
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: But it it's something they come up with and not you.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: They have to come up with it.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: And if they're bored and don't do it, that's fine.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'll usually give them an option.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, Well, I'm bored, I don't know what to do.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, that's fine.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: You can clean a bathroom.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: Either you you pick it or I will.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: But if I pick it, you're gonna clean a bathroom, the kitchen, your bedroom, right?
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: So they'll be like, no, no, no, I got it, mom.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'll figure out something fun.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that was always my thing.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: Well, okay, guys, it's playtime, but I don't know what to do.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: All right, go clean the bathroom.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: Never mind, never mind.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: I know what to do.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: I think I only made him clean the bathroom once when they gave me that.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, no, you got you got five minutes to figure something out before I figure out for you.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: Homemade pasta.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: I've been wanting to try that, Lizzie.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: I love homemade pasta.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing yummier.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: So this is where we start.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: So we check on are they playing?
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: Does your child have playtime every day?
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: Does your child do you allow your child to fail and talk about it when they're done?
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about, oh, I'm so sorry, you poor thing.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: After they fail, you go, all right, how'd that feel?
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: What'd you learn from it?
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: What are we gonna do to pick ourselves up, right?
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: Let them come up with the solutions and talk about it in a positive light and not in a negative one.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: So thoughts.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: What do you think about my little?
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm excited to have you guys show the book because I have been pouring over it for days.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, sorry, my nose just like itches when I'm here.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I've been pouring over this book for days, and I'm really excited to share it with you because there's there's even stories in there I'd forgotten about.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh yeah, that's right.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and the whole thing will I it'll go through and show you stories like that with my daughters and little things when they were struggling with each other.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: My older two are 12 months apart.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that was an accident.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they're 12 months apart.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: And the older one seemed to be the lucky one who got everything she wanted, could just show up and be done.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: And and everybody talked about how beautiful she was, how sweet.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: And the second one, who was just as beautiful, just as talented, didn't hear them talk about her.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: All she heard was her sisters, but never let into her head what they were saying about her.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: And she let that define her until recently.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: She's 24, she's getting married next month, and she's finally out of her sister's shadow emotionally, and she's really coming alive.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: But it took her 24 years, and her older sister was always like having to apologize for being her because it hurt her sister's feelings, and it was like, that's not fair either.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: You get to be you, right?
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sure anybody else have a child or two children who compare themselves like that all the time.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: I encourage watching Meet the Robinsons on Disney.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: They celebrate Belliers.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Clarissa.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: You're speaking what I've been living.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: I remind my babies that their job is to play and learn about life.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, yes, yes.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: It so is.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so you made me remember.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: So there's a podcast I love to listen to.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it's how it got started, how it all started, something like that.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: And they're each podcast is about how businesses got started.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: I just love listening about how business gets started.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: And one of them is about the woman who started Spanx, the company Spanx.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: Her story is so neat.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: On how she began, how she started Sphinx, how she did it without debt, how she did it completely with her own money, no investors, how, but she said every night at dinner, her dad would say, What did you fail at today?
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: In a proud, like she's like, it got to the point where you couldn't wait to tell dad how you failed.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like the job was to go try something and fail at it.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: And the more you fail, the better you do.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: She said, So when I got into business and I started getting no after no after no, it wasn't a big deal to me.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: I've been failing my whole life.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: It was not that big of a deal.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: As a business owner, for the last five years, you see my homeschool village grow.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: I can't tell you how many failures are behind this company.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: Thousands and thousands of failures through here, money losses, bad marketing, bad business decisions, bad things that we did.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: If you, if I if I wrote the list of benefits or things that went well in my homeschool village and things that failed in my homeschool village, the list of things that failed is bigger than the list of things that succeeded to build my homeschool village.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I've and it took me a long time to get over that and understand that that was part of the process.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: Years of just feeling like a failure all the time.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: And now I can see that 10 failures and one success is success.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: It took me 10 failures for each success.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's why you see changes happening inside.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's why you see updates because a lot of what we did was a first-time shot.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: And we play with it and we hope it works and we realize it's not working like we thought, and we find a better way.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: And so we change it.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: And that's part of the process that you're gonna see inside my homeschool village is this fail, fail.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: Fail until you succeed.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: You don't succeed and hope you don't fail.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: You fail until you succeed.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: And that's something that we've been working on with our kids is I've stopped worrying about their failure.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_00: I've stopped trying to protect them from it, I've stopped baby them.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, do you want to do it?
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: Do it, go, try it.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: You failed, that's okay.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: Let's do it again.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: And their attitude toward failure is a thousand times better than mine, and their self-esteems are better than mine were at that age.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: 15 months apart, always competing.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: Always competing.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: And that to me was one of the hardest lessons, Lizzie.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: Is and all of you is how do you help your child just see their own gifts for who they are and stop comparing themselves to their siblings?
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it was a constant conversation, sweetie.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: She's very good at those things, right?
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: Without demeaning the child they're competing with.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: She's good at those.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: Now tell me your good things.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about your good thing.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: Can she do your good things?
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: No, and that's okay.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: And having that constant conversation of be proud of who you are without comparison.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I actually heard a spiritual talk once about humility.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: I heard the most beautiful talk on humility.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: And somebody told me, humility, because I grew up with a dad who claimed to be so humble that he would always say, Well, I'm the I'm the humblest man I know, you know, as a joke.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: But his humility, he understood it to be a low self-esteem.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, not me.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not good enough.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, I would never.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for your compliment, but I'm uglier than you think.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever, right?
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's not humility.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: Humility is knowing who you are without comparing yourself to others, both weaknesses and strengths.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're comparing yourself to someone, you are not using humility.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: If you know who you are without comparing yourself to someone, that is true humility.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: And that the savior knew who he was.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: He never diminished who he was.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: He was never like, yeah, I'm the son of God, but yeah.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: No, he knew who he was, he declared who he was right there in front of everybody.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_00: He never diminished who he was, but he also never put anybody down because of who he was, right?
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't I'm better than you ever.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so true humility in the savior's way is know who you are, help your children understand who they are without comparing two others, which is women is really hard to do.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: And men, okay, it's humanity, it's hard to do when we're looking through Facebook and we're like, oh, that mom's doing this so well.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, look at the art project she does with her kids.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not good at art projects.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: Boom, stab it.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: Thoughts.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: You're silent.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, Beth.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: Clarissa, hello.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: We've got a vet, Janelle, hi Karen.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, Naomi.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: You got in.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: Good.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: Thoughts.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm done lecturing.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's my that's my spiel for today.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's been it's been in my head all week.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and it's one thing to live through it, but when you're actually trying to put all of your thoughts and ideas together in one spot to share those, it it's blowing my brain a little bit.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's harder to do than I thought it would be.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_00: But it's been really good.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm I'm seeing, I don't know, I'm just seeing things differently.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm hoping I can break things down to help you guys not have to go through 25 years writing books and doing 3,000 posts on social media before you figure it out.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm gonna save you the work, okay?
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'll give you what you need.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me what you need.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, all right.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: Questions if you have them.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk um my homeschool village.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_00: Where are you stuck?
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_00: How can I help?
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: What questions do you have?
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: Are there things in the classroom that you're missing?
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have advice for someone who has a child who just wants to play video games and watch Brain Rot on YouTube?
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_00: I have parental controls on everything, but sometimes it's still a struggle.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_00: How old, Clarissa?
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: I have advice, but you're not gonna like it.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the hardest advice.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: He will never choose what is hard.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, nobody chooses the hard road.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: All right, Janelle, this is for you too.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm worse at not comparing myself to others, but trying hard to not with my kids to each other, kids into each other.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so let's start with this.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_00: Question for you, moms.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, when you're bored, when you have a minute, when you have time on your hands, where do you go?
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_00: Are you on social media?
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: Are you on a device?
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta answer.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not trying to call anybody out, but I'm I'm gonna give you this one from an experience.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: I read my scriptures on a book, and then I moved to an iPad because it was easier.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: And when I started reading my scriptures from an iPad, I noticed my kids always wanted to be on the uh, I sit on my phone on the patio.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: So who's he copying?
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: When when I was reading on an iPad, my scriptures, my kids started wanting to play.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: The mom, if you're on your phone, can I be on my iPad or whatever?
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, no, I'm reading scriptures.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: No, you're not.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: You're on the iPad.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, so I put away books on an iPad and I had to get the physical book so that my children saw me reading.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_00: Even though my book was on the iPad and I was reading, my children saw me on my phone.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: So instead, I started pulling out scriptures.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_00: I started pulling out now, they're old enough now that we all, it's it's okay, but when they were little, I had to have a physical book so they could see mom was reading.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: If you are spending your free time physically doing something, being creative, playing.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: Moms, you need to find something to play, not on your phone.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: Your child will copy.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: It will take time, but your child will copy.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: I started exercising 15 years ago just for my own sake.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: It was literally honey, watch the kids so I can go on a walk.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: And it was a 10-minute walk and I was done.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: That turned to 15, that turned into 30 minutes.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_00: Eventually it turned into a daily workout.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: Now, five days a week, I'm at the gym because I love it so much.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: After four years, my husband was like, You're happier exercising.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: I want to exercise too.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_00: Now he goes to the gym five days a week.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_00: Then my children started seeing mom and dad going to the gym every week.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_00: We never once told them to work out.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: We invited them to come along.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: Now, all of our children, but one, we're getting there, works out daily because they saw mom and dad feel so good exercising.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_00: They would start to say comments like, Mom, did you work out today?
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_00: And be like, Why?
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_00: How can you tell?
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're grumpy.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_00: Ah, they knew instantly that when you exercise, you're happier, when you don't, you're grumpy.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: They tied it in on their own.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_00: They watched us be um have younger bodies as their older friends, moms, and dads started getting older.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: And they were like, Oh, look at the energy my mom has compared to the mom who doesn't.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_00: And they get tied it into the exercise.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: So they started making the connections themselves.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_00: All we were trying to do was keep ourselves like, not go crazy.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_00: Monkey see, monkey do.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_00: So the first question you have to ask yourself when one of your children has a behavior you don't like is, are they copying me?
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_00: Ouch.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: I know, and I'm not like, I'm not gonna tell you what to do there.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: But if you need to be off, if you want them off theirs, you gotta get off yours.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: If you want them exercising, you have to be exercising.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, one of the moms taught me this in a in a homeschool conference, and she's like, she was talking to another mom, and the mom says, I can't seem to get my kids to like math or do math.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_00: And the mom turned to her, she goes, Well, are you doing math?
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_00: She goes, Why would I do math?
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm done.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_00: Well, then your child does not see you doing math.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_00: Why do they need to do math?
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like ding, ding, ding, ding.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_00: My kids were struggling with math at the time.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: So I went and I bought myself a book.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_00: It was like a it was an Amazon adult review.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I pulled it out.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_00: And when my kids sat to do math, I sat and did math.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: We all sat at the table.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_00: It was math time.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody get your math books out.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_00: They would all do it.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I went through and I re-taught myself all 12 years of math at the kitchen table with my kids.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: I went through really quick, by the way.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_00: It did not take me 12 years.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_00: It took me one, by the way, really quick.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, huh, I didn't know I could do this.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_00: And as I was sitting on the table with my math book learning it, I would talk out loud.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, I don't know how to do this.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: Well, let me look that up.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I would look it up and well, that's how you do that.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: And then when I would finish page, I was like, I I did that.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_00: Look, guys, I learned this math.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know I could do this.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I would brag.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I would, and then I watch them doing the same thing.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_00: Mom, I just learned something new in my math.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_00: Hi vibe.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because now we were all doing it together.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: Mom was doing math.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're struggling, if your child refuses a topic, ask yourself, am I doing the topic?
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: Do I'm not saying you have to sit there with them all day long and make sure things get done.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm saying sit down and be like, it's math time, I'll do math too.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that means the dishes didn't get done, or the laundry didn't get done in that moment, or but it was about them copying because my children will never do what I say, but they will always do what I do.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_00: See, we got some comments here.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: Beth says, I was struggling with Ian wanting to read the books that I wanted him to read.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: I started reading the children's classics, and while reading them, I play the audiobook at the same time.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_00: Ian was totally enthralled.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_00: We have read and listened to two of the books from the Narnia series, and we are currently reading and listening to Wrinkle in Time.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_00: Beth, you're brilliant.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_00: Mom, love it.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_00: Celeste says also kids mirror what they see and our pair and our parrot.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_00: So making sure they see, oh, mom makes mistakes and she did what she did to overcome it when they realize they can too.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_00: And it's okay to be like, all right, guys, mom's got an addiction problem.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_00: I am putting this down for a week.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_00: Every time you see me scrolling, I'm gonna put a dollar in the jar, right?
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like, do something, make it a fan, a fun thing where they get to catch you, you get to catch them, everybody has to put a quarter in the jar, whatever.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you have to do a job, something.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_00: And so you be, but you can't you can't be like this and be to your kid and be like, get off the computer, you're spending too much time on it.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's not fair, but when I will tell you, when your kids get old enough and everybody moves out, you can do whatever you want.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_00: When we when my husband and I like have a minute where nobody's home, we're like, I could sit here and scroll all day and be fine.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_00: Wait, I don't want to.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'd rather go do something else.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_00: But the freedom will come back.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_00: But for now, you build yourself.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_00: It starts with mom.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_00: So another story, I put this in the book.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_00: What time is it?
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_00: I want to make sure we get our drawing done.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_00: This one's in the book, and this one is the hardest for me to tell because I still want to cry when I do it.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_00: But have you ever heard that?
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_00: Or I had a I had a sister who adopted a child, and the therapist that they got to help with this adoption told my sister, get him in front of a mirror.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_00: He was a year old when they adopted him from Kazakhstan, and he wouldn't look in a mirror.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: He would be like this and he wouldn't look.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_00: And the therapist said, Do you see that?
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_00: That shows that he feels no self-value as a one-year-old.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_00: He had no self-value.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_00: And so she was telling him, You need to work on that.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_00: Here's some things to do.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I had learned this 10 years earlier.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_00: And then I had a baby and I had two daughters, and so I'm like, all right, the mirror.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_00: And we had moved, I had this huge heavy mirror, and I just never got it hung up.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I left it down low on the ground where I was gonna hang it, and then just didn't.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I watched my two little girls, they were like three and four at the time, put on their little princess dresses and dance in front of mom.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_00: Can you play music?
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: And they would dance for hours and they entertained themselves so well in front of that mirror that I left it down because it bought me so much time.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_00: Well, then I had a baby number three, and he was a little boy, and by one year old, he was crawl across that mirror and not look.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, he won't look.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's just because he's not old enough.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_00: And as he got a little older, he kept avoiding the mirror.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, why is he not acting like the girls do?
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_00: Can't wait to see his reflection.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_00: He refused to look at himself.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_00: Finally, I like grabbed him and I put him in front of the mirror to see what he did.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: And he went like this, and he just didn't want to see.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, What in the world kind of unhealthy child doesn't want to see his own reflection?
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like in panic mode.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, this is what happened to the neglected nephew I have who was adopted and left in a crib for a year, not my baby.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: And it it was a panic moment, and I prayed hard, Lord, what is going on?
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_00: What do I need to do for this child?
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_00: And then, like that day or the next day, I remember walking by the mirror and going, I was overweight, I was tired, I hadn't done my hair and makeup in months.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_00: I was still kind of postpartum from, you know, it was just, and I looked in the mirror and I cringed.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I felt I heard a voice say, What do you do when you look in the mirror?
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like somebody had slapped me.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I realized my son was copying his mother.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_00: And if I wanted him to like what he saw in the mirror, I sure as heck better like what I see in the mirror.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_00: That was so much work, you guys.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_00: I started like lying to myself because I didn't believe at the time.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_00: I would walk by and be like, I like my hair today.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_00: And then I'd walk by and I'd have to, I'd try to find something every day that I liked about myself, say it out loud in front of my children.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I did it over and over until I started to believe it.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_00: And then I realized my self-esteem was growing.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_00: And then I watched him slowly start to look.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_00: He'd at least peek.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_00: He'd look, he'd start, well, he's 19 years old now, and he's doing one of these in the mirror, and he's fine.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_00: He's so fine.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_00: But the both of us worked on our self-esteem.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_00: And as he copied, as his mother's self-esteem grew, so did his.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't realize that that's what was happening.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_00: But it took years, years for both of us, both of us to be able to look in the mirror and not hear what we saw.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_00: But now it's not that we're conceited, but I like who I am.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_00: This is me.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_00: I've worked hard for these wrinkles, dang it.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, you have to start with you.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_00: Are your kids not confident?
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_00: Are you?
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, okay.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_00: Also, kids, uh, we try to not have electronics until a certain time so they can play.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_00: They can have electronics.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I make sure that their their homework and jobs are done.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_00: Did you earn your electronics?
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_00: Let them earn them.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_00: And don't just give them electronics.
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a right, it's an earned thing.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_00: Playtime for me, as they got older, is earned.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_00: When they're little, play is what is done.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_00: As they get older, um, they had to earn it a little more.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_00: I did take all the video game consoles out, but sometimes the iPad or TV is still an issue.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_00: After I took the consoles out, he did love, he did find a love for piano and taught himself.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_00: Ah, I do still feel like TV and the iPad are still an issue, though.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_00: I do agree, I need to be the example as well.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_00: And and I'll be honest, when we have a lot of stress going on and my brain hurts, and I've been extremely stressed.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_00: The TV is the first place I go or a scroll because I just need to let my brain go and not be thinking about what's going on around me.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I do it, yeah.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm trying to also, we're we're also we get in hot like humps when stress is high, tech seems to be used more.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_00: And when stress is lower, we're playing more and we go through these, and so it's a constant in and out.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you, Beth.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it was a major awakening for me, and it was but it but it taught me a valuable lesson.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_00: You can't raise children with great self-esteem when you yourself are struggling because you don't realize what's coming out of your mouth.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_00: When you're putting yourself down, so who taught me this?
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to remember I taught this.
• 39:57
  SPEAKER_00: If you are putting yourself down, your children think the world of you.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_00: You are the woman.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, like your sons think you're the most beautiful woman in the world.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_00: And if you put yourself down, you just told your son that he doesn't know what he's talking about.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_00: You think I'm beautiful, I think I'm not.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_00: And you actually are insulting your son by insulting his mother.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_00: We forget that we should not be putting, like, would you go to another child and be like, your mother's not very pretty?
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: No, we would never do that.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_00: Your mom's overweight.
• 40:35
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, we would never do that to another woman, right?
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_00: But yet when we do it to ourselves, we are literally putting down our children's mother.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I hadn't a weakening.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_00: And my husband taught me this because I was very good at putting myself down.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's all I knew how to do.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I was raised to do.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_00: My husband had had enough.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_00: We were married just maybe a year.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_00: He was done.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_00: He turns to me and he goes, Nobody talks about my wife like that.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_00: Not even you.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, What?
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_00: And well, I mean, like, I'm still when I think about it, because he's not, he's a sweetheart.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_00: He's very kind, he's very gentle and everything.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_00: That was one of the few times I saw him get angry at me.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_00: And he was like, and it shut me up.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I started, and when I do it, he'll look at me and I'm like, right?
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody talks about his wife like that.
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_00: His children aren't allowed to do it, and his wife's not, and Becky's not allowed to do it either.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought, oh, yeah.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_00: We need to talk about our children's mother in very positive, honoring ways.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe treat yourself like you're somebody else, and that will help.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_00: We're all gonna work this week on honoring our children's mother and father and father.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_00: How if we will honor our children's parents, what would be the change in us and in our children?
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_00: So why don't we do that?
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying I didn't say worship there's a difference, to honor the mother of our children means to take care of her, to be kind to her, to give her grace, to let her rest, to do something for her that only I can do.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe we need to remove ourselves a little bit to make that work.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_00: And when your when mom is taking care of, the children can't help but get the same.
• 42:45
  SPEAKER_00: So there's your lesson for the day.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, this will work.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_00: This has been a lifelong lesson I've had taken me 25 years to learn that hopefully you guys will get much, much faster.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, should we do a drawing?
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_00: Should we do a drawing?
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, who is ready for a drawing?
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_00: Let's do.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_00: And if anybody, before I do the drawing, does anybody have any questions?
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_00: Whether about what we just talked about, comments, or do you have um about the program at all?
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_00: Any questions about that?
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um okay, I'm gonna write a number between one and twenty.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for asking.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, yeah, before we do the drawing, Minecraft competition.
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_00: So here's what we set up.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_00: We set it up to we um Minecraft competition is for serious Minecrafters.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_00: So we're solving several problems here.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_00: We had some kids in Minecraft who wanted to do more, they wanted to like build more intensely, get bigger, not have such a big group because some Sometimes the big groups can get overwhelming.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so, but they wanted to compete.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_00: So there is a national competition.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_00: We have one running right now, but it only runs once a year.
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_00: And you can only get in once a year.
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_00: And Hannah's running that and she has a team.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_00: But what we've decided to do is to build a mini competition.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_00: So you've got the mini competition.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's five kids to a team built just like the national competition.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because what we're going to do is see who's really serious and who wants to get into the national competition once a year.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because once you're in, you get one year, we can't add in kids later.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_00: We get so many people interested in doing it that we decided to build our own, let them work, see who really is serious, and then they can do the national competition the next time it opens.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_00: So this is just for those who really want to go the next level.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's not open to everybody.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's why we're charging extra.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, it's going to require extra hours from Hannah.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_00: So all the money's going to Hannah, you guys.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_00: She, this is to pay the teacher time that she's going to put into it and how to run it and the extra cost that goes into it.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_00: But it's so that's number one why we charge.
• 45:03
  SPEAKER_00: The other reason we charge is because sometimes we get people that come in and out and quit at a whim.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not fair to the kids who are there to be serious.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_00: So this is built a little tighter, a little harder to get into, so that the children who do get in are protected and don't have people in and out all the time because we they need a team.
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_00: They need to get to know the team.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's built around understanding each other's brains, working together, solving problems, and creating something and being able to eventually take this national level.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not for littles.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_00: We capped it at like eight because some of these eight-year-olds are like, whoa.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_00: So not younger than eight-year-old, up until older, if you want, but it is made for serious kids who want to do serious things in Minecraft and are able to work as a team.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about I'm gonna build this, it's about how can we build together?
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_00: And the whole and so the skills they're gonna learn on working together is what it's all about.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_00: So you do have to pay for it.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_00: You it does mean that you're in for an entire semester.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_00: In January, there'll be a new team set up.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_00: In fall, though, or in uh June, there'll be a new team.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so we'll do it once a semester.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_00: The money gets you in for the semester, it locks that semester.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_00: You do have to be a member of my homeschool village.
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_00: So this is not for anybody, no outsiders.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, this is an in members only, group extra, money goes to Hannah, and she's gonna really work with these kids.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_00: So if you want your kid into part of that, go sign them up.
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, I would sign Janelle.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to do one full record book per child, you can.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, as far as when you're tracking the assignments, um, yes, I would print one out per kid.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_00: I will eventually I'll put it in a book where you guys can just buy it, but that's that's down their own.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_00: How to help a kid in the spectrum and ADHD with what we have been talking about.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, that actually is a little bit low and Celeste.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_00: When you say that, I guess the issue is it's not about whether or not they're on the spectrum in ADHD.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's about what is the exact issue you're dealing with.
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_00: All children need things customized to them.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where I don't want you guys to get too caught up in spectrum and ADHD because what I've noticed is every child deserves one-on-one customization in their education.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_00: Every child.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_00: And whether or not they're on the spectrum or ADHD just means that you might have to shift a little more, a little bit more here, a little bit more there, but it's still a one-on-one issue.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_00: So you take the one child and you adjust how they understand.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I have five kids that never were on IEP, doesn't mean they, if had they been in public school, would one of them been on there?
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_00: Probably.
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_00: But what I do is everybody gets accustomized.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_00: They're reading, writing, math, the the self-esteem, that it's about teaching them, letting them fail, teaching them they can do it, giving them a job, giving them time to discover.
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um after this live, I'm gonna get up electronics.
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_00: Not too far.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_00: We want you to know, see, I think if I teach my my kids electronics, right, electronics are a tool to learn on.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay to teach kids that electronics are not for entertainment.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_00: I've had we've gone through phases of that where um electronics are to learn.
• 48:26
  SPEAKER_00: You get on, you do your homework, you get on, you do your work, you get off and go play.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_00: Entertainment is off the electronics.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_00: Now, as an adult, that's not how I live anymore all the time.
• 48:35
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_00: Depends on the day and what the weather's doing that day.
• 48:40
  SPEAKER_00: But um it's okay to teach your children, you don't have to go all like all on, all off.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_00: You just teach them that there's a time and a place.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that's okay.
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_00: There are boundaries.
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_00: Don't cross the boundary.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_00: A child who goes to online for entertainment is gonna get sucked into some ugly things really fast.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_00: But a child who goes to the online for education is not gonna be so quickly sucked in.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_00: So teach them how to use the tool.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's like if you hand a one-year-old a knife and you hand a 12-year-old a knife, they're gonna use it differently.
• 49:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's still a tool.
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_00: One's cooking, one's gonna be a weapon, right?
• 49:17
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like money.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_00: You hand evil people money and they do evil things with it.
• 49:21
  SPEAKER_00: You hand good people money, they do good things with it.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's a tool.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_00: Teach how to use the tool.
• 49:27
  SPEAKER_00: We are not here to be afraid of anything.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_00: No fear of technology, simply education.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_00: Did I answer all questions?
• 49:37
  SPEAKER_00: Other questions about Minecraft education, Minecraft um competition.
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_00: So know that if you do, if your kid is interested in the Minecraft education, you're like, I don't want to spend any more money on that.
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_00: Remember that that money is protecting your child going in.
• 49:52
  SPEAKER_00: They'll keep the same kids over and over again.
• 49:54
  SPEAKER_00: They're building relationships with those kids because those are also parents and children who have committed.
• 50:00
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the key there is you're buying the commitment, you're buying the relationship, you're buying Hannah's time.
• 50:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, she will be the one running it.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_00: Does that help understand?
• 50:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, good.
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_00: All questions answered.
• 50:13
  SPEAKER_00: What can I do for you guys today?
• 50:14
  SPEAKER_00: Are we good?
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_00: Anything else?
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, did you see the newsletter?
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_00: Just real quick, real, real, real, real quick before we sign off here.
• 50:23
  SPEAKER_00: Did you see if you go into Trish?
• 50:29
  SPEAKER_00: Did you put this in in the co-op or in the community too?
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_00: Scroll down, kids co-op community.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, I said community.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, community.
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_00: Right here.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_00: Did you see weekly newsletter?
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_00: Click on this.
• 50:44
  SPEAKER_00: Hannah has created is now creating a weekly newsletter.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_00: So cute that gives you just a rundown of what's going on this week, what happened last week with what's going on this week.
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_00: Two pages, front and back.
• 50:57
  SPEAKER_00: And look at this.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, is this so cute?
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_00: Here's your classes.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_00: You can click here and it'll take you to the classes.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_00: How cute is this?
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to put this everywhere.
• 51:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's so adorable.
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_00: So you can go in and you can download it, print it, and put it on your fridge to be a part of my homeschool village's community.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_00: Anything else?
• 51:19
  SPEAKER_00: We good?
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_00: All right, you guys.
• 51:21
  SPEAKER_00: Have a beautiful week.
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_00: I will see you guys on Wednesday, hopefully.
• 51:24
  SPEAKER_00: I hope to see you then.
• 51:25
  SPEAKER_00: And in the meantime, let us know how you're doing and what help we can give you.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_00: Have a beautiful week.
• 51:30
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_00: Bye-bye.
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's the wrap for today.
• 51:36
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you're leaving with something real, something you can actually use.
• 51:39
  SPEAKER_00: This is a long game.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to get it all right today.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_00: Just show up tomorrow.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's enough.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_00: If this episode helped you, share it with another mom who needs it.
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're ready for a village to do this with, find us in the show notes.
• 51:52
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, keep going.
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_00: The revolution starts at home.