Latest / The Burnout Podcast with Fexingo: Workplace Exhaustion, Recovery, and Sustainable Careers / How Burnout Reshapes Your Relationship with Feedback
Transcript
- Lucas: Luna, we got an email from a listener named Sarah in Chicago. She's a marketing director. After a period of severe burnout last year, she noticed something unsettling: even a harmless suggestion from a coworker — like 'maybe try a different opener on that email' — felt like a punch to the gut. Luna: Yeah, I can relate to that. When you're running on empty, everything lands differently. Feedback that would normally slide off your back suddenly feels like a critique of your competence. Lucas: Exactly. And it's not just in Sarah's head. There's real neuroscience behind it. When you're burned out, your prefrontal cortex — the part of your brain that helps you regulate emotions and think rationally — is running low on glucose and oxygen. Your amygdala, the threat detector, takes over. Luna: So your brain literally interprets feedback as a threat. That explains why your heart rate spikes and you go into fight or flight before you've even processed the words. Lucas: Right. A 2023 study in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that employees reporting high levels of burnout were 73 percent more likely to interpret neutral feedback as negative. Not just slightly more likely — 73 percent. That's a massive shift in perception. Luna: Seventy-three percent — that's almost three out of four. So for managers, that means if you're giving feedback to a burned-out employee, there's a good chance they're hearing something you didn't say. Lucas: And the irony is, the feedback might be exactly what they need to improve. But if they're in threat mode, they can't learn from it. They're just trying to survive the conversation. Luna: I had a friend who quit her job after a single feedback session. She was already exhausted, and her manager said something like 'your reports have been sloppy lately.' Nothing harsh. But she spiraled for weeks and eventually left. Lucas: That's a perfect example. And it's costly — for the employee who loses a job, and for the company that loses talent. So how do we rebuild that relationship with feedback? First, I think it helps to separate the feedback from your identity. Luna: Meaning, remind yourself that a comment about your work is not a comment about you as a person. Easier said than done when you're depleted. Lucas: Absolutely. That's why one practical tool is the s b i model — Situation, Behavior, Impact. It's a structured way to give feedback that reduces ambiguity. For example, 'In yesterday's meeting, you interrupted three people. The impact was that some team members felt unheard.' It's factual, not personal. Luna: I've heard that can cut defensiveness by nearly half. Do you have a source on that? Lucas: There's a study from the Center for Creative Leadership that found structured feedback formats like s b i reduced defensive reactions by about 44 percent compared to unstructured comments. The specificity helps the receiver process it as information, not attack. Luna: So if I'm burned out and about to receive feedback, what can I do in the moment to stay grounded? Lucas: One technique is called 'box breathing' — inhale for four seconds, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four. It activates the parasympathetic nervous system. Do that while the other person is speaking. It lowers your heart rate and gives your prefrontal cortex a chance to come back online. Luna: That's concrete. Also, maybe ask for a one-sentence summary upfront. Like 'I'd like to share a piece of feedback, is now a good time?' That gives you a moment to prepare. Lucas: Great point. And if you're the manager, you can build that into your culture. Encourage employees to ask for a 'feedback preview' — just a heads-up on what the topic will be. It reduces the surprise factor. Luna: Another thing: after the conversation, give yourself 24 hours before acting on it. Burnout makes us impulsive. A cooling-off period can help you evaluate whether the feedback is valid or if it's just triggering your old patterns. Lucas: Exactly. And on the manager side, one of the best things you can do is separate feedback from performance reviews. Don't save it all up for a quarterly meeting. Give small, regular, low-stakes feedback so it becomes normalized. Luna: I think Sarah would benefit from knowing that her reaction is normal. It's not a character flaw. It's a symptom of depletion. Lucas: And she can rebuild that relationship. It takes time and intentional practice. Start by noting one piece of feedback per week that you received well. What made it work? That builds a positive association. Luna: Yeah, retraining the brain to see feedback as a resource rather than a threat. That's the goal. Lucas: And if today's episode was useful to you — if it helped you understand your own reactions or gave you something to try at work — there's a quiet way to keep this show ad-free and listener-supported. Luna: It's a small gesture that goes a long way. Buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Lucas: Right. That's all it is. No tiers, no perks — just a way to say this content matters to you. And it lets us keep digging into topics like this without commercial breaks. Luna: We're grateful for everyone who does that. So, back to feedback — one last thought: if you're a manager, think about the last time you gave feedback. Did you check in on how the person was doing first? Burnout isn't always visible. Lucas: That's a great closing point. Start with a human conversation, not just a data point. Because when we rebuild our relationship with feedback, we're really rebuilding trust in ourselves and each other.