Latest / R.E.A.L. Talk for REAL L.Y.F.E. / Not Reacting, Now Responding: Master Your Response

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Not Reacting, Now Responding: Master Your Response · R.E.A.L. Talk for REAL L.Y.F.E.

• 0:00
  Welcome to Real Talk for Real Life, where we are realizing everyone is always
• 0:07
  learning and living your full experience.
• 0:12
  I'm your host, Coach C, and this is your Winning Wednesday episode,
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  Not Reacting, Now Responding.
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  At my big age, I have learned that a response is the tool to use,
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  not the technique of reacting.
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  Because a reaction is usually immediate. It's emotional.
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  It happens before we've had time to think through what was said,
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  what was meant, and what could happen next.
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  But a response, a response is intentional.
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  A response says, I heard you. I felt that, but I'm going to decide what happens next.
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  You've probably heard some version of the saying that life is 10% what happens
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  to us and 90% how we respond to it.
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  And the older I get, the more I understand it.
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  We cannot control everything that happens to us.
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  We cannot control what people say, how they behave, what they assume,
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  or how they choose to approach us.
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  But we can control whether we allow their behavior to choose our behavior.
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  And listen, just because I'm learning this doesn't mean people don't still try me.
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  Folks will come at you sideways, upside down, loud, wrong, and with all the
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  audacity they could gather.
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  And in that moment, reacting can feel good.
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  You may want to match their tone, correct them immediately, send the text,
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  post the response, gather them quickly and efficiently.
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  But after that temporary satisfaction wears off, you may be left cleaning up
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  the consequences of a reaction that lasted 30 seconds.
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  Now your peace is disturbed. Your name is attached to something beneath your character.
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  Your relationship is damaged. your opportunity is affected, or you're lying
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  awake replaying what you said and wishing you had handled it differently.
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  That's why I've learned to consider three things before I respond.
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  The source, the context, and the cost.
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  First, consider the source. Who is speaking to you?
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  Is this someone whose wisdom, character, and judgment you respect?
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  Is this a person who knows you well enough to speak meaningfully about your life?
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  Or is this somebody projecting their own issues, making assumptions,
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  looking for attention, or attempting to provoke you?
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  Everybody with an opinion does not have the credibility to deserve your energy.
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  Sometimes we become upset because of what was said without stopping to consider who said it.
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  And once you consider the source, you may realize that no response is necessary.
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  Second, consider the context. What else could be happening here?
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  Did I hear the person correctly?
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  Am I missing information? Was this a poorly worded message?
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  A misunderstanding, or a difficult conversation happening at the wrong time.
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  And let's be real, tone is easy to misread in a text message, a comment, or an email.
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  Considering the context doesn't mean making excuses for disrespect.
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  It means gathering enough information to respond to what actually happened instead
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  of reacting to the story we created around it.
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  Sometimes the context confirms that somebody came at you crazy,
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  Okay, now you know But even then, you still get to decide whether you will respond
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  with clarity or react with chaos,
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  Finally, consider the cost If I react the way I feel like reacting right now, what could it cost me?
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  Could it cost me my peace, my reputation, an opportunity, a relationship that
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  matters, my progress, or the version of myself I have worked hard to become?
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  Every response has a price. Before you pay it, make sure the moment is worth the cost.
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  Because somebody else's inability to regulate themselves should not automatically
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  become an invitation for you to lose control too.
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  And hear me clearly, choosing not to react does not make you weak.
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  Pausing is not passivity. Silence is not always surrender.
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  Walking away does not mean you didn't have anything to say.
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  Sometimes you have plenty to say. You simply decided that protecting your peace
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  was more important than proving your point.
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  That is growth. That is discipline. That is how we win.
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  We are winning in life because we're recognizing that our response matters more
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  than the momentary satisfaction of a reaction.
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  We don't have to attend every argument we're invited to. We don't have to match
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  energy that is beneath ours.
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  And we don't have to surrender the character we've built just because somebody decided to test it.
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  Proverbs reminds us that a gentle answer can turn away wrath.
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  That doesn't mean every answer must be soft, timid, or sugar-coated.
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  Sometimes the appropriate response is firm. Sometimes it's a boundary.
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  Sometimes it's distance.
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  But whatever we choose, it should come from intention, not impulse.
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  Here's your fearless homework. The 3C response check.
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  Think about one situation that recently triggered you or one conversation you know you need to have.
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  Write down your honest answers to these questions.
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  Consider the source. Who is this person and how much weight should their words genuinely carry?
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  Consider the context. What facts do I know?
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  What might I be assuming and is there anything I need to clarify?
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  And consider the cost. What could an impulsive reaction cost me,
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  and what response would allow me to respect both myself and the outcome I want?
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  Then write the response you want to give while you're emotional. Don't send it.
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  Pause. Pray.
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  Breathe. Walk away if necessary. Come back later and write the response that
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  represents the person you are becoming.
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  Compare the two. Before you send or say anything, ask yourself,
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  Is this response helping me move forward or is it only helping me feel powerful for a moment?
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  Declare this with me.
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  I do not have to react to prove that I recognize disrespect.
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  I can pause without becoming powerless.
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  I can protect my peace without abandoning my voice.
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  I will consider the source, understand the context, and count the cost.
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  I am not reacting. I am now responding.
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  That is maturity. That is self-control. And on this Winning Wednesday, that is how we win.
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  This is Coach C reminding you to decide, commit, and succeed,
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  and to live fearless while you do it.
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  I'll talk to you next time. And in the meantime, keep learning, keep living.
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  This is Real Talk for Real Life where we are realizing everyone is always learning
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  and you're living your full experience.
• 8:46
  Make sure you're following me on Instagram and Facebook at Real Talk for Real Life.
• 8:51
  That's L-Y-F-E for more inspiration, merchandise, and motivation between episodes.
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  This is Coach C. I'll see you in the next one.