Latest / The Christy-Faith Show / Ep. 103 - Creating Your Schedule & Finding Socialization // How to Start Homeschooling (Part 3/3)

Transcript

Ep. 103 - Creating Your Schedule & Finding Socialization // How to Start Homeschooling (Part 3/3) · The Christy-Faith Show

• 0:00
  Christy-Faith: Welcome everybody. You have made it to episode three, our final episode in our new homeschooler series. I'm so glad you're still here. If you're just coming in now, please do go back and start from episode one. This is part of a three part series on how to start homeschooling.
• 0:19
  If you're back for this episode, episode three of the series, that means you didn't get lost in the research spiral, which is where most homeschool moms live for way too long. Overwhelmed, paralyzed, waiting to just feel ready. The trick to breaking out of that, don't ask me how I know, is doing one thing at a time in the right order. But you're new and you've never done this before. So what would be that right order?
• 0:44
  Well, that's exactly what we did in this series. We are going through all of the eight steps to begin homeschooling. And I'm so glad you're still here. You are building your homeschool from the ground up right the first time. And if you are just finding this now, please go back and start with episode one because the steps do build on each other and you don't wanna skip ahead.
• 1:07
  In the series so far, we have covered our state's legal requirements, how to make your exit plan, how to figure out your homeschooling style so that you don't waste hundreds or thousands of dollars on the wrong curriculum. And then in episode two, we tackled deschooling, which is different than unschooling, by the way, and it's about shedding that school mindset so you don't recreate the system at home that you're trying to leave. And you'd be surprised how many people do that, and then they end up miserable. And I don't want that for you. We want something better for our kids.
• 1:37
  Right? We don't wanna replicate the same system that we just left just at home. So that is super important because no one wants to throw money down the drain with buying the wrong curriculum. We also talked about dreaming with our kids and how to actually choose curriculum in the right way without wasting your money. So here we are now, that is your foundation.
• 1:57
  Today, we are gonna be finishing what we started. I'm so thrilled. And I saved these two topics for last on purpose, not just because we're doing things in the right order, which we are, but because these are the ones that tend to haunt homeschool moms the most. So let's just park here for a hot second. Schedule.
• 2:15
  What does a homeschool day even look like? How long should a homeschool day take? When do we start in the mornings? When does laundry happen? When do you happen?
• 2:25
  I get it. I homeschool for kids. I work full time. I wanna be a good wife and a mother and all of the things. So how do we do all of that?
• 2:34
  It's valid, and it's somewhat countercultural. But there is a way, and we're gonna talk about it. And then we're gonna go into the whole socialization question community. You know, the question that your mother-in-law will not stop asking, but I also know that it lives rent free in your head because it did in mine. How much socialization does a child actually need?
• 2:53
  We all want our kids to be healthy. What does that look like? These are all valid, and we are gonna tackle them today. I'm so excited. By the end of this episode, you are going to have answers and you're gonna have real ones, not just vague encouragement, actual frameworks that you can use.
• 3:10
  And there's one thing that I'm gonna teach you today that I want you to write down and stick it on your fridge. It's going to change everything. And if you haven't grabbed the New Homeschooler Roadmap yet, now would be a great time to do that. It is completely free, and it is the companion guide to this series. It's listing out all of those eight steps, what to do for each one, tons of links, and then also episode playlists that will help you with what to do next when you finish this series.
• 3:38
  And it's gonna answer all those questions that are keeping you up at night. And how do I know what those questions are? It's because my calling is to help you become the best homeschooler that you can be, because I truly believe that the best place to educate a child is in a loving home with a motivated parent. And it lights me up and brings me joy when you feel equipped to homeschool your kids. But also, it doesn't happen by accident.
• 4:00
  We can't build beautiful homeschools on Facebook advice and a prayer. So I'm so glad that you found this series, and I'm looking forward to getting to know you more. Alright. Let's finish this. Hey.
• 4:22
  Shout out to Summit Health Share for sponsoring this episode today. I love Summit Health Share partially because it's my husband's company, but what they're doing over there is absolutely incredible and life changing for many families. What is Summit Health Share? Well, first, let me start with one of my rants about health insurance. Need I say anything?
• 4:42
  Probably not. But the co pays, the denials, the in network out of network nonsense, having to get permission to see your doctor, I'm over it. Paying thousands a month and then them still fighting with you every time you need just basic health care. I believe so much in the freedom that comes with leaving health insurance and moving to health sharing. Now it's not health insurance, but it does replace it.
• 5:06
  And it's been around for over a hundred years. With Summit HealthShare, most families and companies save 40 to 60%, and they have a 98% customer satisfaction. You get to see any doctor that you want, even holistic ones. No networks, no permission slips. You ladies know how I feel about freedom.
• 5:25
  I want medical freedom too. Summit HealthShare has different plan options depending on what your family needs. You might just need major medical, and that's great. On our plan, we get a little bit more, and we get free labs, free office visits, free prescriptions, and no co pays. Our family of six has saved a thousand dollars a month.
• 5:44
  And if it sounds too good to be true, it's not. It's actually how health care should work. We've just been accustomed to overpaying for our health care, and a lot of us don't need to do that. So if you are on traditional health insurance at all, here's what I want you to do. I want you to go to summithealthshare.com.
• 5:59
  When you get to the homepage, you'll see the savings calculator. Go ahead and click that. It takes only two minutes. And when you see those numbers, what you should be paying for the health care you need, you are going to be grabbing the phone so fast. And when you do grab the phone, guess what?
• 6:13
  You're not gonna have a chatbot answering. You're gonna have a real person answering the phone because healthcare is a serious thing, and you're gonna have really personalized questions, and they are used to answering all of them. Tell them all of your concerns, all of your questions, and they will tell you full stop if this is gonna be a fit for you or your family. And tell them that you listen to the show because I want you to have the VIP treatment. Go to summithealthshare.com today, and the link is in the show notes.
• 6:38
  This podcast is also brought to you by The Christy Faith List. Now hold up because I want you to know what this is. I'm really proud of what The Christy Faith List has become. It started really scrappy just compiling recommendations because I was fed up with guessing which businesses and providers and doctors weren't gonna give me a hard time when I walked through those doors. And I had tons of friends and family members with nightmare situations where they felt like they were walking into an ambush situation just when they were trying to get help for their families.
• 7:08
  And I was sick and tired of the discrimination that homeschool families were getting. But since then, it has grown into a massive directory of colleges, businesses. Yes. Still those doctor's offices, reading specialists, occupational therapists, homeschool graduates that are in business themselves now. You name it all in one place.
• 7:25
  Because why wouldn't we wanna do business with the people who share our values and actually want to work with homeschool families and not give us a hard time? It is completely free for homeschool families to search. And if you are a business owner or part of an organization that loves homeschool families and wants to reach more homeschool families and grow your business in that way, please sign yourself up. We wanna know who you are. It's the place where homeschool families support the people who support us.
• 7:52
  Go to thechristyfaithlist.com today. Alright. So exciting. I love how the Christy Faith List has grown so much. It's an incredible place to find people who support us and our values.
• 8:04
  Welcome to the show once again. This podcast is for homeschool moms who take their craft seriously. That's what I'm all about. I'm Christy Faith, your host. I'm not gonna go into all of my credentials today as to why I'm qualified to be helping you on your homeschool journey.
• 8:19
  I did a lot of that in episode one, so you can hop back there and get the full story and the full background of all the mistakes that I've made that have gotten me here today with you. But here is what you need to know. When I started homeschooling, I didn't get the help that I needed. I couldn't find it. And that was a long time ago.
• 8:35
  Now I have a high schooler, two junior hires, I have twins, and then an elementary grade student. We are homeschooling all of our kiddos. I'm an educational and parenting expert. I am a teacher's teacher, and where God has gifted me is taking a mom who's convinced or maybe worried that she can't do this and showing her you actually can. I've spent the last twenty plus years in education.
• 8:57
  I used to train teachers, and then I trained the specialists at my learning center. And now I get to train you, the specialist on your own children. Who knows them better than you? Right? Who is more qualified to teach them than you?
• 9:10
  You know them the best. I'm also author of the book Homeschool Rising, and I am so thankful to be here with you today. I feel like this is a win win because when I am living out my calling, it really nourishes me to be using my gifts, and it helps you stop drowning in confusion and start building something that you're really proud of. And I'm able to do that for free because of our amazing sponsors. So go ahead and click the links in the show notes for the sponsors because they are why I can show up for you today for free and give you everything that I have.
• 9:42
  Again, you are listening to episode three, the final episode of this how to homeschool series. And today, we're answering two questions that keep new homeschool moms up at night. And if I'm honest, even non new homeschool moms. What does a homeschool day even look like? What do other people's homeschool days look like?
• 9:59
  And what about socialization? How do I find community? What does my child actually need? And maybe you are questioning the school system like I did and thinking, okay, everyone says that socialization, but when I actually think about it, that's not really that healthy. Well, if you're starting to think that way, girl, you are deschooling yourself and it is a beautiful thing.
• 10:20
  So we are gonna get into all of that today and let's do it. Let's talk about home schooling schedules. And I know, I know, this is where a lot of homeschool moms spiral. And, you know, I will say your schedule really does change as you progress through the homeschooling years. Of course, my teenager's schedule looks nothing like the schedule that he had when he was in kindergarten.
• 10:41
  Right? So homeschooling schedules, it really does depend on the age and stage and amount of kids that you are homeschooling. Right now, you're probably thinking about everything that you're supposed to be teaching, all of the subjects, how many hours are actually in a day, all of the home responsibilities that you have, and maybe other responsibilities as well. Maybe you're like me and you work, and you're like, there's only twenty four hours in a day. How am I gonna do this?
• 11:02
  How do other people do it? And suddenly, you're building a spreadsheet. I know you, and it looks like you're launching a space shuttle. And I wanna let you know that that was me, the color coded everything, and boy, was it a beauty. And I spent hours and hours building my schedules every year.
• 11:19
  And gotta say, it was also most of the time completely unrealistic. And I felt like a failure not only by 10AM, but also when a new school year was starting, I felt like a failure before October. So today, we're gonna talk about how not to do that. Here's the approach I teach inside Thrive Homeschool Community, and it's a thing that finally made scheduling click for me, and that is going from big to small. Your year first, then your weeks, then your days.
• 11:47
  You start with the big picture and then you work your way down. Otherwise, you're drowning in details too soon before you even know what you're building toward. Now, Thrive Homeschool Community periodically opens throughout the year. We're gonna have a we always have a spring opening where we do all of this planning together inside the fail safe homeschool setup program where you have tons of worksheets, more binders, Zoom calls, and we together, we actually build out our homeschooling schedules alongside other homeschooling moms who are figuring out too and doing it with experts and mentors to help you. The fail safe homeschool setup is one of my most favorite things that we do in Thrive Homeschool Community.
• 12:24
  But this series, of course, we don't have time. This is just an overview. So I'm just gonna give you some highlights. One, your year. When do you wanna start your homeschooling year, and when do you wanna take breaks?
• 12:34
  Again, you gotta look at your state laws. Maybe you have a certain amount of school days that are required in the year. And here's the wild thing. You're not tied to the public school calendar anymore. If your family has a busy season, you get to build around it.
• 12:47
  If you wanna take December off and homeschool through June, do it, girl. We always do light Decembers because I wanna just live the full Christmas time with my kids. You're in charge now. So as long as you are following your state laws, you can do whatever you want. Now let's talk about your week.
• 13:04
  Right? Which days are you home? Which days are you out? Do you have co ops, lessons, sports, errands, life, all the things? A lot of homeschool families do school for four days and then they keep one day for community or to catch up.
• 13:18
  There really is no right answer again as long as you are homeschooling legally. But knowing your weekly rhythm even loose ly makes everything feel less chaotic. It also sets the expectations because something that happens with a lot of new homeschooling moms is they set up like the ideal schedule and what they really want to happen, but their children aren't robots. I wish they were, but they aren't robots. And then what happens is you always feel behind.
• 13:44
  And that's not really a healthy way mentally to be homeschooling, to constantly be in that deficit mindset. I want you to feel like you're providing something rich and nourishing for your kids. We're gonna talk about how to do that a little bit later in today's show. So wait for that. And then so we talked about year, we talked about your months and weeks, and then, you know, going big to small.
• 14:04
  And now that's when we start homeschooling our days. And this is where people can really spiral. Like, long should a homeschool day actually be? Not only does it vary by your kid's age and ability, but it also varies by the homeschooling style that you are. But overall, homeschooling days are way shorter than a lot of people think.
• 14:24
  If you're like me and you need charts, I have a chart that shows you recommended hours by grade level, and this is what I can promise you. It's not seven hours a day. I mean, think about it with the schools. How much wasted time is there in classroom management and all of that? I mean, let's be real.
• 14:39
  Of course, we can homeschool in fewer hours. And the time that I get back is one of the biggest gifts that I love about homeschooling my own family. We get our kids best hours, not the leftovers when our kids and we are exhausted after we've been at school or work all day long. I want the best hours with my kids. Okay.
• 14:59
  Now, when it comes to actually the logistics of scheduling, there are a couple of different ways to structure your days and it helps to know your options. So let's go over those. One way a lot of us schedule, particularly with our older kids, is with a day of the week style of schedule. And so what that looks like is like Monday is math and history. Tuesday is science and writing.
• 15:19
  Kind of the same subjects on the same days every week. It's really predictable. A lot of families love homeschooling that way. It works with a lot of older kids because a lot of us, when we are homeschooling our high schoolers, they are enrolled in, like, live online classes or they have co ops, and those classes happen on certain days and certain times. And so the rest of the homeschooling schedule kind of revolves around that.
• 15:42
  So though in the early years, I didn't really follow so much of a day of the week schedule. What I have found as I'm homeschooling junior high and high school students, that is what our homeschooling has started to look like. Another way to do scheduling, which is so awesome if you have little kids is loop scheduling. And when my kids were little, this changed everything for me. So what loop scheduling is, is you have a list of subjects and you kinda work through them in order.
• 16:08
  So whatever you don't get to today, you just pick up where you left off tomorrow, and you never have guilt, and you never feel like, oh, we didn't finish. You just keep kind of revisiting that loop. So the reason why loop scheduling was such a game changer for me is when I was a new homeschooler, I had these massive checklists. I was so excited about homeschooling. I wanted to fit everything in in the day, and guess what happened?
• 16:31
  We didn't get to everything, and we tuckered out. And then I felt like a failure every day. And then I discovered loop scheduling, and it made me stop feeling like a failure. I kid you not. It was literally the magic fix to my homeschool in those early years when I had a toddler and early learners and all of that.
• 16:48
  So in my how to homeschool guide, which is in the road map download by the way, everything that I'm talking about today, it's all free downloads for you, and they're available to you in the road map. I go into a little bit more detail, and I show you an example of a loop schedule. So make sure that you grab that if this interests you and if you have little kids. Also, I want you to know that I have an additional free download for you called sample schedules, and these are real examples of homeschooling schedules for every age and stage, preschool through high school. And my actual schedule is in there too, a version of it.
• 17:22
  Sometimes it's just helpful to see what has worked for other families and then see if it can work for you or tweak bits of it. You know what I mean? Again, everything is gonna be in the show notes. And I wanna stop right here and tell you something that most people won't tell you. The type of schedule that you pick, it matters way less than the mindset underneath it.
• 17:41
  And that's what I wanna give you next. We have to go to a quick commercial. Please don't fast forward the commercials. And when we come back, I'm giving you a rule that is so simple. You're gonna wonder why no one told you sooner.
• 17:52
  It's called the three one fun, and it's going to change how you think about your entire homeschool week. And I'm so excited to share it with you, so stay with me. Homeschooling for kids means I'm juggling roughly 24 different subjects at any given time. And a few years back during a particularly busy season, I hit a wall. I needed some serious help with the heavy lifting of teaching everything myself and managing schedules for four kids.
• 18:15
  That's when I found BJU Press Homeschool, and we've loved their courses so much that we keep going back. Some families use them for everything and love it. I use them for certain subjects. Either way, total mental load relief. Here's what my mornings look like now.
• 18:29
  Let us take science for example. My three girls do that one together. They fire up the lesson taught by a real teacher, well produced, actual teaching, not just click through busy work. And I sit there with my coffee, watch them, or make breakfast, and we discuss the big ideas. Every BJU Press homeschool course prioritizes critical thinking, a biblical worldview, and hands on learning.
• 18:49
  I just guide the conversation and pick which activity or pages or projects we want to do, and everything's already planned out. They have an online platform included for you called the homeschool hub, and it keeps everyone on track, both me and my kids, without micromanaging or nagging. And when I have questions, I call my Homeworks consultant. These people don't just help you get set up. They're available for you whenever you need them.
• 19:11
  It's like having a homeschool expert on speed dial. Go to bjupresshomeschool.com or click the link in the show notes to find out more. People are always curious what curriculum I use for my own family, and honestly, it changes. We've tried a lot over the years. Some work for a season and some completely missed the mark, but there is one that's stuck, CTC Math.
• 19:31
  It's a full k to 12 online math curriculum, and it's won oodles of awards for a reason. It's just that good. I use it for all four of my kids, and they couldn't be more different when it comes to math. Finding one curriculum that actually works for all of them, that's been nearly impossible. You know that pit in your stomach when you realize the curriculum that you just invested in isn't working again?
• 19:54
  Yeah. That was us until this one. The genius behind CTC math is that it's adaptive. The questions adjust to each kid's level in real time. So they're always challenged but never crushed.
• 20:06
  And mama, it does the teaching and grading for us. Yes. You heard that right. That's a homeschool mom's dream. Well, especially for me when it comes to math.
• 20:14
  I would think it's too good to be true if I hadn't been using it myself. And it's not just me. Here's why it's become the go to for thousands of homeschool families. Free diagnostics show you exactly where to start, access to all grade levels so your student can fill in any gaps or move ahead, short video lessons that keep your children engaged, automatic grading with instant feedback, and progress reports so you know exactly what's happening without hovering. Math used to be our hardest subject.
• 20:42
  Now my kids do it independently. Here's the best part. Our listeners get 50% off. Use the link in the show notes to do a free trial or to get that that half off deal. Don't spend another year kissing math frogs.
• 20:54
  This one stuck for us, and I have a feeling it's gonna stick for you too. Okay. Welcome back. Here it is. The thing that I want you to write down.
• 21:01
  Stick it on your fridge. Tell your spouse about it. This is the mindset shift that changed everything for me. After loop scheduling, that was pretty mind blowing, but this was second. And it is called the three one fun rule.
• 21:15
  I actually made it up after weeks of ruminating on like deschooling myself. So what the three means is that every day, focus on your three most important subjects. That's it. Not seven, not twelve, three. Now it doesn't mean that you're not gonna get to more, but focus on getting those three important subjects done.
• 21:35
  For most families, that's going to be math, reading, and writing, the core stuff. Now, again, I'm not telling you to not do the other stuff. What I'm helping you with now is kind of a mindset shift that will change everything and make you love your own homeschool. And the reason why I say those three is that when everything falls apart and you don't get to those subjects beyond the three, at least you know that that day your kids got a solid foundation. So that was the three.
• 22:00
  And now the one, because we're doing three one fun. So the one means every day have at least one moment of real connection with your children. Preferably each one individually, and it doesn't need to be a big fancy thing. It's just a time where you're not teaching, you're not correcting, you're not barking orders, you're just connecting, making them feel loved. This could be a read aloud.
• 22:23
  Maybe it's a conversation at lunch. Maybe it's a walk around the block. I know right now with my teenager and sports, it's the car ride. I love the car ride with my son right now. It's just one moment where no one is on their phones and you are just with your kids, enjoying them, and making it known that you just love being around them.
• 22:42
  Okay. So that's the one. And then the last piece is the fun. And this is for you. Every day, I want you to do one thing that you enjoy.
• 22:51
  And maybe it doesn't have anything to do with homeschooling, and that's okay. Like, one thing that I love doing is going downstairs. I have a pilates reformer in my basement, and I watch some I have some YouTube pilates instructors that I like. It really changes my entire mindset when I give myself that forty five minutes or that hour, and I do something that I enjoy. Because it actually makes homeschooling more life giving for everybody.
• 23:16
  I'm more regulated. I tend to be more patient. I'm modeling healthy behaviors for my kids. There's just there's no scenario in which doing one thing per day that you love is not a win for you, your family, and your kids. And I know that's hard to hear because a lot of us are so accustomed to the sacrificing that we do, and even a lot of us erase ourselves.
• 23:36
  But I don't want you to burn out. You are the most important person in this homeschooling scenario. So you making sure that you take care of yourself is vital. That's why I have so many episodes on The Christy Faith Show about rest and taking care of ourselves and our mental health. That's not by accident.
• 23:53
  Maybe it's your morning coffee in silence before everybody wakes up. Maybe it's a podcast while you're folding laundry. Maybe it's a craft project that you just wanna get to even if it's just fifteen to thirty minutes a day, but you enjoy it and you look forward to it. This really matters. It's good for your mental health.
• 24:09
  It's good for your nervous system. It's gonna make you a better parent. It's gonna model healthy behaviors of self care. It is just so good. Because here's the thing, and I know you're not there yet because you're a new homeschooling mom probably.
• 24:23
  If homeschooling is draining the life out of you, you're not going to last. And it really is the best way to educate a child. So the more you can make sure that it's sustainable for you, the better it's gonna be for everybody. So that is the three one fun rule, and that is your daily anchor and a great framework that I live by myself, and I hope you do too. Now is it the only framework?
• 24:45
  No. It's just a fun thing to remember, and you can put it on your fridge. I'm not claiming to know everything, but the reason why this type of thing and this mindset is important is because of Fridays. Fridays are when we look back on our week and we assess how things went. And if you're anything like me, your brain wants to focus on everything you didn't get to.
• 25:06
  All the subjects that you skipped and, oh my goodness, this fell through the cracks, we're so behind, yada yada yada, and then you spiral. But if you follow the three one fun rule or something like it, when Friday comes, you can look back and say, we did the important stuff. Life kinda derailed us, but we learned a lot through it. We still were able to connect, and I also didn't lose myself this week. What a huge win.
• 25:29
  I operated way too many years in the we didn't get enough done mindset, and it was so draining, and I don't want that for you. Okay. That was so fun. I'd give that tip in my homeschool one zero one talks that I give at conferences. Okay.
• 25:42
  So so far today, you've got your schedule framework. You've got your three one fun rule. But now there's still a question in the back of your mind or maybe it's your mother in law's voice asking, but what about socialization? We are absolutely gonna go there right after the break. Let's go.
• 25:59
  I've got some news. There's a new reading curriculum that ditches workbooks and drills for fun and games. If you're thinking fun and games sounds a little too good to be true, it's not. Ninety eight percent of children improved their reading test scores in just six weeks with the reading skill set by Love Every. It's a phonics based program that follows a science of reading, but makes learning to read fun, motivating, and confidence boosting because it happens by playing games and then practicing with just right skill level books.
• 26:30
  Kids love it and parent educators love it, and it works. Visit lovevery.com/christyfaith today and use code Christy 10 to get 10% off your purchase of the reading skill set by Lovevery. That's lovevery.com/christyfaith. Anyone else notice the quality of grocery store food getting worse? I'm not talking about prices.
• 26:54
  I mean the food itself. Strawberries that tastes like nothing, lettuce that's slimy by day three, chicken that looks grayish, and you're standing there thinking, I'm paying more for this? Listen. I promise you are not going crazy. We've been feeling it too.
• 27:09
  And for years, I thought there was just nothing we could do about it. That's just how groceries are now. But then I started ordering from Azure Standard. They're a family owned company. They happen to be homes homeschoolers as well.
• 27:21
  Real Farms Organic Standards delivered to a drop point near you. And I have to tell you the story. We ordered a box of oranges, and the first orange I pulled out of the box, I peeled it, I pulled off a wedge, and I stopped. Time machine. Granny and Gramps' backyard, their orange tree.
• 27:39
  I forgot food could taste like that. And the chicken from Azure Standard, I've never had chicken this good. It's scary how accustomed I got to fine. Visit azurestandard.com. I'll put the link in the show notes.
• 27:50
  Real whole food without the bougie health food store price tag. One bite, that's all it'll take. Welcome back. Let's talk about socialization and community. It is the last step in homeschooling.
• 28:03
  Honestly, I think it is the thing that you look for at the very end. Some moms enter homeschooling already knowing what community they're going to be a part of and what socialization will look like, and that's totally fine. But it's also not a bad idea to kinda save it to the end because once you know your homeschooling style, just like those curriculum options that I was talking about earlier, where most curriculum is sold in one of those nine pedagogies. So if you know your pedagogy or your style ahead of time, you're gonna make a better purchase. The thing about homeschooling groups is they often also adhere to a certain homeschooling style or pedagogy.
• 28:37
  And again, I've learned this the hard way. I have joined co ops and then had to awkwardly leave, and it was not fun because I didn't do enough homework ahead of time. So I am giving you your homework. It's not really a lot of homework, but here is a huge trap that brand new homeschooling moms fall into all of the time. Society tells us that our kids are gonna be weird.
• 28:57
  They're gonna be unsocialized. And so what do we do when we start homeschooling is we make sure we're in the co ops. We're in the sports. We're in the groups. We're in the clubs.
• 29:05
  We're in all of the things. And then what happens is we are stinking exhausted from all of the socialization that we are participating in. And it comes more from a place of insecurity, and so I wanna shift that, and I want you to come from a place of research and security so that you can make your socialization decisions more wisely based on what child development tells us that our kids actually need. Because what the schools provide is actually not what our children need. Now I won't go into that today.
• 29:33
  I have an entire chapter in my book homeschool rising just on socialization. I mention a couple things in this episode, but if you wanna deep dive, you can go ahead and read that. So the socialization question is built on a lie. The lie is that school is where kids learn to socialize. And if you remove school, then your kid will be awkward and isolated and unprepared for the real world.
• 29:54
  Christy, don't start ranting. Stick to your topic today. Okay. So think about it. What is school socialization really?
• 30:02
  It's 30 kids the same age in the same room competing for attention, learning to navigate clicks and peer pressure and popularity contests. It teaches kids to look to their peers for validation instead of their family, which is super dangerous. Right? Think Lord of the Flies. Our kids should not be looking to other kids their same age as their litmus test for healthy socialization.
• 30:25
  And what it does is it breeds conformity, and it rewards fitting in over true relationship and belonging. I can confidently say this because I've done a lot of research on it, and I wrote an entire chapter on it in homeschool rising, and I go over a lot of that research there. But homeschooled kids, they learn to socialize with a one year old baby one minute and a great grandmother the next. They can have conversations with adults and make eye contact. Go figure.
• 30:51
  They build friendships based on shared interests, not just who happens to sit next to them or what group they wanna get into so they fit in and aren't bullied. That's real socialization, and it's preparing them for the actual world. Now one thing that I haven't talked about a lot, and maybe I shouldn't go on this rant here, but maybe it is important. Maybe there's just one mom listening who needs to hear this. Our society has misconstrued socialization with forced association.
• 31:17
  Just because you throw your kid in environment in a large group with large quantities of kids does not mean that they are being socialized in a healthy way. And when you really look at it, what's happening in the schools? One, they're being told to be quiet all day. They have to raise their hand to go to the bathroom. They have to conform or else they won't fit in and they might be bullied.
• 31:36
  I could go on and on and on about all the reasons why the socialization that happens in schools not only is not ideal, but I actually have come to believe that it's quite damaging. But we have considered it normal in our society, and for some reason, we think normal is healthy when it's not. Now on the flip side, I don't know a single homeschool mom whose intention is to shelter her kids, but we also don't wanna throw our kids in environments where they're abused, honestly, and traumatized. Maybe that's your kid right now or maybe that was you growing up and you were bullied. And then we're taught that the kid just has to endure it because they have no freedom.
• 32:12
  I mean, is that an adult that you wanna raise? An adult who feels like they have to stay in abusive situations? I mean, we really need to think about what is not being said about the socialization that happens in schools. Okay. Maybe that was a little bit too much for you right now.
• 32:26
  I don't know, but I just felt like I needed to go there. But in terms of socialization and what healthy socialization looks like for children, there actually is quite a bit of research on this. And you don't need to have your kid around other kids every day of the week. It really depends on your kid too if you have an introvert or an extrovert. I have one child where they wanna be around people all of the time, and we're always looking for things for that child to do, and they love that.
• 32:51
  That fills their cup. And then we have another child who we really have to push to go out socially because that particular child is an introvert, and that is totally okay. But we also want healthy socialization for that child as well. And the child who's the extrovert, we also want that child to learn about the value of downtime and alone time. So to say that socialization is just a cookie cutter answer really is inaccurate.
• 33:15
  So to start, maybe it's a co op, maybe it's a church group or youth group or sports or a playgroup. There's all sorts of ways that your kid can make friends and be around other kids. And, of course, we want our kids to have friends. But what I do want you to know is you're gonna be tempted to participate in all of the things, and you really probably don't need to do that. You need to figure out what's gonna work for your rhythm and your family.
• 33:39
  And quite frankly, we're always adjusting it. And sometimes we have seasons, like if we have a sports season where we're just really busy, and then we just kinda make sure that after that big sports season that we kinda have a little bit of downtime after Right? It's all kind of a balance, and as long as we're just evaluating it and making everything work and be healthy and that's always in our minds, we will be just fine and so will you. So I do wanna mention another free resource here. If you're thinking of joining a co op and they are great, we love our co op.
• 34:07
  A lot of homeschooling families do co ops either once or twice a week. I have a free download called the 15 questions to ask before joining a co op, and it will help you figure out if a co op that you've maybe visited or heard of is a fit for you or not. And that link will be in the show notes, and it will also be in the road map. And then a great tip that I've learned along the way, and I learned it from somebody, but I can't remember who or maybe it was multiple people that shared this with me. Something really helpful is the next day, the day right after you have a big outing or a co op, is have a down day and really set that boundary and protect it.
• 34:42
  For me, two days out in a row, even today with my kids who are older, what that means for me is that I get behind on everything. I get behind on my work, on my household stuff, on my laundry, and we also get behind on homes homeschooling. So that's kind of a pro tip that's really worked for me over the years and a way that allows me to know when I have to say no to something even when it sounds pretty amazing. I can schedule it for a different day. So protect your time.
• 35:07
  That's where the magic happens, and that's where you're gonna find balance. If you wanna go deeper on this, if you have more questions about socialization, maybe you have family members asking about it, or you just wanna feel confident when people ask you and know what to say, I have an entire chapter in my book, Homeschool Rising, just on socialization. I break down the research. I talk about the myths, and I go into what healthy socialization actually looks like. And I will link that in the show notes.
• 35:35
  And what I discovered is that there are actually 13 characteristics of a child who is experiencing healthy socialization. And I was shocked to find out in my research that not a single one of those items requires a school environment. So if this is causing you some worry or anxiety, definitely pick up the book and read that chapter first, and I think it will help you a lot. Okay. So you made it.
• 36:00
  You now know more about how to start homeschooling than most moms figure out in their entire first year. I'm not kidding. And not only have we talked about a lot of things, but I have given you so many free downloads, including the roadmap that has all of the downloads for you there with beautiful links where all you need to do is click and get to where you need to be. In this series, we've gone over eight steps from legal requirements to what your homeschool day looks like all the way to today with socialization. We've talked about deschooling and dreaming and how to buy curriculum and all of these wonderful things that lay the foundation for you setting this up right the first time.
• 36:38
  Eight steps in the right order. It is so exciting. It's been an honor to organize this for you. I've really enjoyed writing this series, and I hope that it really has been a value to you. And if it has, would you mind doing something for me?
• 36:53
  It will take you ten seconds while I'm talking right now and it's completely free to you. Would you give the show five stars? Of course, if I've earned it. Would you leave a comment? Maybe if it's even just the words, wow, this helped me.
• 37:05
  Thank you. Those little things tell the algorithm, those little robots behind the screen that this show is worth showing to more moms. It's how shows are pushed out. And when this show does well, that means that I can keep delivering you amazing content. So please do two or three of those things.
• 37:22
  And of course, if someone comes to mind while you're listening to this, maybe it is a family member or a mother-in-law or a spouse who could benefit from listening to this series, would you go ahead and send it to them too? And if they have any questions, they can email us, and you can too. We read every email. I just wanna make sure that the moms who need to hear this information are able to get it. And if all you do is stay a listener for the rest of your life, I love you for that.
• 37:46
  Thank you so much, and thank you for engaging in the shows. I know so many of you make sure to do that every single episode, and I see it, and it's not lost on me. Thank you so much. So also, please do check out the sponsors for this particular episode. I really do turn down most brands that wanna work with me.
• 38:04
  I get DMs and emails every single day. If a sponsor is sponsoring this show, it's because I like them, I believe in them, and I use them. And I figure if you're spending that money anyway on curriculum, on groceries, on health insurance, on the things, you might as well click those links and see if what they have to offer is a fit for you. Why not? Right?
• 38:24
  And they really love homeschooling families and wanna reach homeschooling families. So there's that. And if you are feeling exhausted from piecing all of this together yourself, maybe a couple of months after you've listened to this series and you're still really not getting your bearings, you're still sifting through conflicting advice, wondering if you're doing this right, go ahead and get on the wait list for Thrive Homeschool Community. It's not open all the time, but people on the wait list are guaranteed a spot when it does open. Thrive homeschool community is where all of your worry and angst will end.
• 38:53
  You will have the support that you need and all of the how to's. It's where you actually learn to homeschool well. And you're probably not there now, but it's good for you to know that that help is there if and when you need it, and we are happy to meet you when that time comes. It's what I needed when I started. I think it's the best thing to happen to homeschooling in the last decade, and we absolutely love being in there.
• 39:13
  We have hired experts. We have frameworks. We have something called the fail safe homeschool setup that walks you through, like, in detail with all the worksheets, what we covered in this series. It is just an amazing place for you to get the individualized help and coaching that you need. I don't wanna go on and on about it because you're not there yet, but sometimes a little bit of detail is helpful for you to know that it's there if you need it.
• 39:33
  Now, before you go, this is really, really important. Okay? I want you to hear this. So I know right now that you're probably scared. I know that part of you is still wondering, what if I mess this up?
• 39:45
  What if I mess my kid up? What if my kid ends up resenting me later? So I wanna tell you a truth about messing up this homeschooling thing. One is you can. Like, there are bad parents out there who homeschool, and they do a really crappy job.
• 39:59
  That exists. The fact that you are listening to this series and want to do a good job, that alone means that's not gonna be you. You also very well could mess this up if you think that a good education is a pile of content and state standards. I don't want you to think that your job is to replicate school at your kitchen table. If you make this about checking boxes instead of knowing your child and viewing their education as the cultivation of a human being, I do worry that you'll miss the whole point.
• 40:30
  But I also know that you won't mess this up if you commit yourself to growing alongside your child. And I know that's you. That's why you even are listening to this series. You're the type of mom who stays curious, who wants to stay humble. And if you keep showing up and yes, imperfectly, but faithfully, you're gonna do great.
• 40:49
  And that's what this is really about. Yes. With homeschooling, we wanna give our kids the best education possible. Absolutely. But also, if we view it as achieving perfection, we're missing the whole point that really to grow a beautiful well rounded human being is to, yes, give their mind what they need, but also give them what they need socially and emotionally.
• 41:10
  And it's also about that connection. And I really truly believe from the bottom of my heart that homeschooling is the best way to achieve that goal. Homeschooling is not about getting it right and getting it perfect. It's more about being present and in tune. There is no one more qualified to teach, love, and guide your child than you.
• 41:30
  Who else knows the depth of their heart the way you do? And I've said this before, but if you haven't heard me say it, I wanna say it again. We really need to ask ourselves, what is an education? Because if we view an education as kind of like information to just stuff in a kid, we're kinda missing the whole point. Because I believe what we're called to do as parents is the cultivation of a human being who is healthy and thriving.
• 41:54
  And does that include good academics? Absolutely, it does. But it's also so much more than that, that the schools never can provide our children. I truly believe with all of my heart that there is no one more qualified on the face of this earth to teach, love, and guide your child more than you. Now does that mean that you're gonna be able to teach those advanced subjects?
• 42:16
  None of us are doing that. We're sourcing well. We're getting the resources that we need to get the job done well. You don't have to know everything. Right?
• 42:24
  Who else knows the depths of our children's hearts the way that you do? No one. Who else cheers louder for their victories or wipes their tears with as much care? No one but you. Who else has been chosen for such a time as this to walk this path beside them?
• 42:41
  No one but you. When we homeschool our children, you're giving them yourself the very best gift that they could ever receive for becoming happy, healthy, and thriving adults ready for the unknowns of the world ahead of them. You have been perfectly prepared for this, and not because you're perfect, but because you are willing. And not because you have all the answers, but because you have the heart to love, to try, and to trust. And more than anything in this entire series, what I want you to hear today is that you are capable, you are enough, and you are changing your child's life in ways that will echo not just for them now, not just in their adult life, but perhaps even for generations to come.
• 43:26
  We are changing the way childhood happens, and we are saying no to the way society says we need to do it, and we are running to something much better. Now I've given you a lot in this series. I want you to take your time with it. I want you to email me if you have any questions. Come back and relisten to these episodes.
• 43:44
  Make sure you download that road map. If you need to make a binder, we made a pretty binder cover for you. Whatever you need, you can just keep listening to this podcast. It brings me joy to support you in your homeschooling journey. I absolutely love it.
• 43:58
  It is my why. Thank you for joining me today. You were made for this, and I will see you next time.