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DILEMMAS: ARCHIVES · Relatables

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Coming up on Relatables.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: We kept seeing each other in secret for about three
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: months and I asked if we could make it official
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: and not just sex. He agreed, but he said we
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: couldn't tell anyone. I was confused, but somehow he convinced
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: me to agree. I was his little secret. That does
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: sound kind of yea relatable. The Relatables podcast is hosted
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: by myself, Oddie Clark Akay Mom, and my partner in crime,
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: mister Jake Craig aka Daddy.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: And this is a Dilemmas episode.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: Dilemmas Are Back. It feels good to like I was
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: gonna say help, but I don't always think we help
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: try to help.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know, it's just I just like dilemmas.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like it's getting an insight into like
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: other people's lives. Not always necessarily positive, but but it's
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: also there's confident knowing that like other people going through shit.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: Do you have any dilemma this week?
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah? My car A I'm fucking pissed. It just keeps
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: having issues.
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: I wanted to ask you have you you've had quite
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: a few issues with it?
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: Or was one of the like I remember your car
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: not telling you when your fuel was your fuel gage
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: wasn't working. I've got about that, and so I just
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: want you had to like maybe twice you had to
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: get that checked out and then sent away to get fixed.
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: So to me, it's just like it feels like your
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: car has always got issues, but it usually.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: Is all right though no other than like that was
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: the only issue I had with it.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, my clutch went when I bought it. Actually too.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: That's what I'm talking about though, is I got my
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: duel battery done, and like I just don't think it
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: was done right day. It's been back to the shop
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: twice and now, like obviously it's just this tiny little things.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: I'm a bit of a perfectionist, Like it works, but
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: it's not optimal. But I mean, if you pay for
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: it to be done, I know work properly. I got
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: it back and like Boring's car stuff, you need a
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: Vault meter to read you twelve Vault systems. You know
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: it's operating effectively. I came back and it doesn't fucking
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: turn on. I'm gonna get second opinion. So that's my dilemma.
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: Paying someone in a new place. Yeah, I'm taking it
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: to a new place. I've been back there three times
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: and it's like all the way up. Yeah you dropped me,
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: you came with me one so far away. They're really
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: nice dudes too, so like I don't think like it's
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: a sketchy mechanic vibe.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: No, they're not trying to stitch up problem.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: It's just like I don't know, just like fucking get better.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: That's hilarious.
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: So you just need to go to like an audio
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: auto electrician. What electrician be like? Can you just please?
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: I really like cars, you know, it's a bit of
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: a passion of mine. I like thinking about him and
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: working on them, but also like I don't know that
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: much about him on the oppice today.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: Really, yeah, I know cars. I really like them.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a tool, but also I see it as
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: more like a novelty. I could never see myself being
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: like I want to be a mechanic.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: Would you ever buy a really old.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: I really want it? When I'm older, I think I'll
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: do that. Yeah, I've got a fuck you could get
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: in a tangent here for the batteries? Who don't care?
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: Have you heard of a mission BITCHI? What's there? Versus
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: miss bitchy Pagero Mini. Have you seen them? Oh, tudor
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: Japanese import.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: That's cool.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: I've been looking at them.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: They're fucking hectic. Yeah, they're fucking sick.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: Way, when the Pagero came out, they're good cars.
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: Wait old pageros bro they were like the ship apparently,
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: and then they just didn't They didn't like develop and
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: at the same rate or the same like way that
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: like Toyoda and stuff did.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: But back in the day, big contender.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: But what I've been doing is gas lighting myself in
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: a sense of my car is really big and like
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: kind of like shopping centers is a lot of effort.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: It's not that much effort. Yeah, I need a small car,
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: a little whipper around. And I've been looking at the minis. Yes, now, yeah,
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: I want a fucking little mining like that. And they're
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: Japanese import and they're like fucking tank man, They're fucking sick.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: It's the equivalent of a Suzuki Jimney for anyone who
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: mister Yeah, But anyway, that's my dilemma. What about you.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: I'm good for the moment, You're good.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you've been living blissfully doing nothing made I I.
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: Just let stuff fling past my head when it comes
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: at me. I'm just like, oh no, I don't want
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: that one over the top as well.
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: And he made me come by way matrix type shit,
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: so that'd be advice to Yeah, fucking think about it.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Okay, But dilemma.
• 4:11
  Speaker 3: I've made a huge mistake and it will live rent
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: free for the for the rest of my life. Hi,
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: Jake and Noddy. I've been listening to you guys for
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: ages now and I thought, fuck it. I have a
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: massive dilemma at the moment, and I need your help.
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: A few months ago, my boyfriend and I hit a
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: rough patch. I was already struggling with trust after he
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: went on a boy's trip. Communication is a massive thing
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: for me. Little updates here and there go a long way.
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: But on his boy's trip he barely spoke to me.
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: I'm talking hours upon hours not being on his phone.
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: I ended up being sent a photo of him vaping,
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: something he knows is a big boundary for me. It
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: wasn't the vape itself, it was more that he wasn't
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: honest about it. I've always said, if you're going to vape,
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: please tell tell me instead of me finding out. Fair
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: enough around the same time, a new female work friend
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: entered the picture, and it's made my insecurities worse. She
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: was brought up in so many conversations my boyfriend and
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: I would have. Let's call her Sarah. She brings him
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: a red bull every morning without him asking, YO, mister,
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: still your man, Jesus. They take lunch breaks together. She's
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: paid for his lunch multiple times. She gives him lifts
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: to and from work. She's on his Snap best friend's list,
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: and they've been gone to the they've gone to the
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: pokes together. Nothing has physically happened, but the dynamic makes
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: me uncomfortable. I've told him this and he insists there's
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: nothing to worry about. She's much older than him. Yet
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: I still haven't felt right about it. Now here's where
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: I really messed up.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: I saw a.
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: TikTok about people who can access someone's best friend's list,
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: chats and memories through a guy who works for cyber
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: I know it was wrong, and I genuinely regret it,
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: but in a moment of insecurity, I contacted one of
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: these people and asked them to do it for my
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: boyfriend's account. They told me it would only cost twenty
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: five dollars. I paid it, and then it turned into
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: more fees and more complications, and before I realized that
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: I had been scammed into paying around three thousand dollars,
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: I stopped paying the guy and told the guy I
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: refuse to do this anymore. But now this person is
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: threatening me. They're saying if I don't pay the fine
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: or five hundred dollars, they'll go to the police, tell
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: my boyfriend everything, and even make me lose my job.
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: I know it sounds ridiculous written out, but in the
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: moment it was completely It has completely overwhelmed me, and
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: I've been terrified. I've been spending every day stressed, hiding
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: it from everyone around me, and I don't know what
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: to do. I feel guilty, ashamed, scared, and stuck. Any comment, view,
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: or opinion would be greatly appreciated. Damn Okay, First question
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: is what are the police gonna do?
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: That's your first question, because.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: Here's what I'm saying.
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: He's what like if you can look into this and
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: like the police aren't really going to do anything, how
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: would you say to this guy fucking tell my boyfriend?
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: First question is three thousand pouce cake?
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: Three thousand actually wait, when you were at a thousand,
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: were you thinking this is fishy?
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: What this is fishy? I would be fishy at fifty
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: dollars after the first twenty five?
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, no, okay here, no genuinely, Like, let's just say
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: I'm in a moment of weakness, and I'm like, they
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: need to know these things, okay, because I do.
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: Look, I feel bad that that it got to this. Okay,
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: I feel bad for you.
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: Your boyfriend has been acting some type of way. I
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: see you know you fucked up by doing this, but
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: really the only person hurting is you. Okay, But anyway, question,
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: I mean, I mean I met a moment of weakness,
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: so are you okay? We see this like TikTok's obviously
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: reading our minds like it does. I don't know how
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: it does it. And it's like, do you wanna fucking
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: see who your girlfriend's been messaging? Do you want to
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: see her best friends me? Do you want to see
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: her memories that she's got?
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: No, you know what I'm saying. It's a moment of weakness.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: I'm weak. Yeah, that would make my weakness worse. No,
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: I don't want to see that shit. Hypothetically, Well, okay, okay, and.
• 8:32
  Speaker 4: You're like, oh, interesting, okay, interesting your message one of
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: these people to say, twenty five bucks, I'll give you,
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: tell me your name, tell me your handles, twenty five
• 8:41
  Speaker 4: bucks and you're like, okay, sweet, fuck easy, twenty five bucks.
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: You know, make that and less like more than that
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: in an hour, must be nice.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: And then they go, this is a tough one. I'm
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: gonna need another twenty five Sure, how many? How high
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: are you.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: Going in that scenario? My max is fucking knowing me,
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: But I'm really trying to delve into my weakness. One
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: hundred dollars.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was going to say, I think like weakness.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: I was going to say, like one fifty.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: I remember when I was in school, I used to
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: have a little addiction to a game called Knights and
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: Dragons and you can buy gems on the app, and
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: it was one hundred and nine dollars and I did
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: it once, and fuck it felt bad.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: It felt bad.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: Spending that much money on like this virtual thing where
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: you don't really get anything. That's the only equivalent I've
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: got in my mind. I spent one hundred and nine
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: dollars on this thing that means absolutely nothing.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: You get coin.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: It was gems. Yeah, I got to use those gems
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: and I had fun, and it's still it played on
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: my mind for a couple of weeks that I spent
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: one hundred and nine dollars on this game.
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: O Bodie, I spent fucking eight bucks yesterday trying to
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: make an AI video didn't even turn out to be fair.
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: Did I tell her on the portal? Did I tell
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: you that Cassie got a run on the pod?
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: I did? Yeah?
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you like spent fifty bucks. All
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: you thought you were spending a dollar or something.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: I thought I was spending three dollars and then been
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: thirty nine to ninety nine.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, AnyWho, but that was for my girlfriend.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: I suppose this is for him. I'm what sort of
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: route are we giving for advice in dilemmas for twenty
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: twenty six? Wait a second, Tell this fucking.
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: Scammer to do as he pleases with the information he has,
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: because like he or she, whoever the scammer is, is
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: the one doing the illegal thing.
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: No, no, like, but they're from like a third world country.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: Tell them to do the fuck with their business, because
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: I remember, you know how the dumb nothing girls and
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: guys were scammed. But I specifically remember one dude how
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: they get their account hacked, or that they send a
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: new to someone as a fact person and they say
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: they're going to spread the nude to everyone. This this
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: hacker actually did it, and the nude went everywhere, like
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: puts it on the stories and shit and everything and
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: goes everywhere. Like I think they will call your bluff
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: because they have nothing to lose it, but like that
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: is your business, but own it. Are we missing the
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: point here?
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: Oh?
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: I was gonna say, like, oh, you didn't break up
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: with the eye like this scammer, like I guess was
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: just like the extent you were going to go to
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: to get proof of what you were feeling, and in reality,
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: you doing the action all way already ended the relationship. Yeah,
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: but like he could.
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: That's the thing is like you I think, oh, this
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: guy's a terrible dude. Yeah, So it's like the guy
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: is terrible, and like you, you felt this way because
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: of how he was acting. Yeah yeah, yeah, and then
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: you just so happened to be like you said, in
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: a moment of wakness, you acted on these feelings and
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: thought like I don't want to just break up with him.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: I want to actually find out if I have a.
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: Reason to break up with him, But no, needing to
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: know if you have a reason is reason exactly. So
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: I mean, look, if you can look into it and
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: like you're really not going to lose a job, like
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: if you're not going to lose your job from this,
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: and if you're not going to get in trouble from
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: the police from this, I would say, own that shit, okay,
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: and just say, like, if someone asks you about it,
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: to be like, you know what, Yeah, I did fucking
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: do it because my boyfriend drove me crazy.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: I like that.
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Like that's the only thing you can do his owner. Yeah, Like,
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: just own it. I think that's what my advice in
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: twenty twenty six will be. Honestly, is the best policy
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: thousand times. If you did it, just own it. Be
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: like say to him, like, we're breaking up for X
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: y Z. Also, I did did you tell the boyfriend
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: what you did?
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: Or just leave that?
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: Nah?
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: Just don't even tell him. Let's just fucking let the
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: guy tell him. Let tell him.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't care. Yeah, true, So just break up
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: with him, and then if anyone asked, be like, yeah,
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: look I did this. I'm not proud of it, but
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: he fucking made me do it.
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: I used to work with the guy who was he
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: liked to send a nude, right, And he said he's
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: been scammed about five times really, And so these people
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: make an account of like of a quite young attractive
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: woman in early twenties or whatever, same age as him,
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: and then they would message him, and he'd message him,
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: and then they'd send a nude, so he'd send one
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: back just how.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: They do it.
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, genius, but bad, but genius. And then they'd be like,
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: all right, you got to give me five hundred bucks
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: or if I'm sending this new to everyone, yeah, that's
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: what it is. And he said every time he goes,
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: I don't care. And he's like, like the people, like
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: some of the scam people actually did send it to
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: family members and shit, and he's like, I don't care.
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: He's like, I just don't care.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: Just what he was proud of his penis.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: He's like, I actually don't care.
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: The only scam that I like, really know about is
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: like the Facebook market place one where they go pay
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: ID and they go transfer me, like, say you're selling
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: a couch and it's worth two thousand dollars and they
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: go something like, oh, it's what is it. It's like,
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: transfer me first, like one hundred and fifty dollars to
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: make sure it works or something like that, and then
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: transfer one hundred and fift dollars and then the ghost you.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: So it's like, oh, they're aticular one fifty pay day.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: I can't remember exactly see what it is, but I've
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: heard a few old people do that because I think
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: they're going to sell it.
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: I never got my two hundred dollars deposit back on
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: that car, by the way.
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: Really no, I never got that.
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: Bro.
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: Let's call him. We'll call him next week.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: No, call him now, call him next week.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: Oh man, I can't deal with the conversation right now.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: Next week.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: So I'll go through in double check. Okay, I'll go
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: through in double check. All right, it's got too much
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: money coming and get to see.
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: But I can guarantee you that I did not get
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: that bad.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: That's crazy and he's so nice about it.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that car was definitely clapped.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: Oh good thing dropped dropped dodge dodge to bull. Alright,
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: my dilemma. I don't think we mentioned. If you want
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: to get your dilemma red. It will be pinned at
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: the top of the description. Haven't said that in a while,
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: and you can submit it there. It's completely anonymous.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: My ex boyfriend and I work together two years. All
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: was great and good, and we even moved in together.
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: His idea, not mine. It was perfect.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: Dang.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: However, the minute I like it, we don't say. But however,
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: the minute he moved in, he started lying to his
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: family about living with me and avoiding his friends. Socially,
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: with my friends and family, it was the opposite. We
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: spend lots of time with my family and he's even
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: gone on big holidays with them. They adore him, but
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: he still lies. To his last week, he admitted he
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: did it because his mom thought I was toxic and
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: the worst person in the world because I have endometriosis.
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: She said it would be too hard to live with
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: me and he'd have to baby me. These comments have
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: grown and developed more over time. He has never let
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: me go to him with family events to his family's
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: important events. On Friday, he told me he was working
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: from home, complete lies. Whilst I was at work. He
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: moved himself out of the house. He talked as if
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: it was a normal day and when I'd come home,
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: he'd have a cook dinner ready for me. And then
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: I came home and the house was empty and had
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: a handwritten note that said quote, I can't do this.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry. Thank you for showing me so much love.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: You're the best thing to ever happen to me. Since then,
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: I reached out as he accidentally had taken some sentimental
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: stuff and he had came back to return to things.
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: He has implied he's sorry and wants to move back in,
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: but doesn't want his friends or family knowing. He said
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: he loves me emotionally can't tell them or me why
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: he can't tell them we've moved back in together and
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: he has to lie. He wants a second chance, and
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I should give it to him.
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: He wants everything to go back to normal as if
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: the letter didn't appear, and I just don't know if
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: it's a good idea.
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: This might come across as harsh because it is, But
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: I like, I feel bad that the situation and I
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: feel bad that like you are even considering I. I
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: I just kind of feel bad that it's like a
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: thing where you're not like telling them to fuck off
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: straight away. Yeah, but I don't want you to listen
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: to his podcasts anymore if you get back.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: Together with him. Oh shit, Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: Well, I think I'll play devil's advocate in the sense
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: of when you're in it, it's hard to see exactly
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: the answer is very obvious, But no, I do agree
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: and bad it. You're worth more than that, and you're
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: worth more than him. We can break it down. I
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: won't even touch on what his family slash mum has
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: alluded to about your endometriosis, so I could say some
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: very cruel swear words towards them, but I won't. Everyone knows,
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: stupid cunts, Everyone knows what I'm thinking. However, I thought
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: this did highlight quite a large problem in dating, especially
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: with boys. I won't call them men because especially their mums.
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: Boys let their mum slash families control their life a
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: lot of the time. And obviously not giving this guy
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: any sort of excuse by any means. But this guy
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: likes you, but also he can't like tell his parents
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: how much you mean to him, and that alone makes
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: me think that you should never ever consider being back
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: with this man. He can't own up to his feelings
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: towards you, and he can't be a man in front
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: of his mom and own his feelings. Yeah, no you
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: have to you have to leave.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you have to leave him.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: No, you can't give him the second No person ever
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: should be treated like this. And even the way he
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: left you, he just fucking lied to you and then
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: moved all his shit out of the house, and now
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: he wants to get back together with you. Now he
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: misses you, Like fuck that shit. No one wants that
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: in their life. I'm sorry that happened to you too.
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: I don't even know, like say what I feel, but
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: it's like so like to me, it's obviously crazy the
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: fact that you're even considering giving him a second chance,
• 18:45
  Speaker 3: But like to you, it's not crazy, and I feel
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: bad about that.
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's two years of their life. It's like it's
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: also like time when dating is one of the hardest
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: things to look past, because you've put some much time
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: into a relationship that now is essentially over, and you're like,
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: I could have been putting that time elsewhere, or I've
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: already put the time in, so why shouldn't I give
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: it more of a chance.
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: It's also difficult as well, because, like I'm I think
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: that is when you're in something it's hard to see.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: I do.
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: A lot of time, like people behind closed doors will
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: be maybe a bit.
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: Like it's just I don't even know what I'm trying
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: to say here. It's like, sometimes.
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: Do you think people just choose not to see the
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: bad shit?
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because it could be a case of like a
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: self love thing. It's like they don't have much self love.
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: I'm not saying this is the case with you. I'm
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: just saying, like it could.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: Is that?
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: Is that something that's possible? Is it like you don't
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: have confidence? You like this person made you feel confident
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: even though what they're doing is like fucking terrible. Or
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: is it you just choose not to see the bad
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: shit because you can't be bothered to through the heartbreak you?
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: Or is it just a case of that?
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: I agree? I kind of.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: I like in a tough situation like this too, I
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: kind of like the test of like flipping it on
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: its head, go tell your parents what happened, and then
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: if you can honestly look them in the eyes and say,
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: after all this, I'm thinking about taking.
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: Them back terry friends too, tell everyone.
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: No one, no one's gonna be like Sarah, that's you name, Sarah.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: Are you fucking serious?
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: Like your mom and dad aren't gonna sit there and
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: be like, Okay, we support that.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe a good time.
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: And I don't think you could look them in the
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: eyes and say all this has just happened to me
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: and I'm thinking about taking them that back. I don't
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: think as it left your mouth, you'd be like, wait
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: a second.
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, it's a good test, all right. Next one,
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: Hello guys, new listener here. I've been with my boyfriend
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: for ten years. We have been living together for eight,
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: so a very serious relationship. Recently, I looked through his phone,
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: she said in brackets, I know, very bad on my
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: behalf and something that I usually do.
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: I assume she's.
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: Saying I usually don't do, unless she said this is
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: ever and I was shocked by the amount of porn
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: that I found. I'm talking all sorts now. I'm not
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: against him watching porn, but I didn't think it would
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: be this extreme. But what mostly hurt me was to
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: see he paid for four only Fans Girl subscriptions dang
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: and paid to do a sexual call on telegram with
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: a girl what. I tried to talk to him about
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: this and see if there was any where any issues
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: in our relationship that I didn't know about, as we
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: have a very healthy relationship and a good sex life.
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: It was very difficult to talk to him and he
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: would not have a conversation about it, which I understand
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: he might be feeling embarrassed.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: And all the.
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: Info I could get is he doesn't know why he
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: does it, any ideas as to what to do and
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: why he could be acting this way as he don't
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: talk to me about it.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: Thank you and love the pod. Well, apologies to.
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: You, but you have wasted ten years of your life
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: with this guy because you need to leave him. It's
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: not a waste, you've learned some stuff, but you need
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: to leave him. That's ridiculous.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like that's just insane.
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: Look, porn addiction is a very real thing. But also
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: I feel like porn it's a little bit if you're
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: on like where the line is of like how much
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: you can watch, how much you can jomp off, But
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: then there's a black and white line between paying for
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: shit and paying for sexual favors and then just watching
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: porn and then Also, the way he acted after that
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: is just like the now and the coffin of like
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: he doesn't even have the skills to communicate what's wrong
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: with him, to talk about if he actually did have
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: an issue, He's just like, oh no, it's like I
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: can't talk about it. Okay, let's move on.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, man, I don't know like you just.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: I actually funny. Let me play Devil's advocate. No, I
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: don't agree with you.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: You have to fucking leave this guy.
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: I was talking to someone recently actually, and they're ideologies
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: were very different to mine. But also I could see
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: their arguments. So, say you've been seeing someone for a
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: very long period of time, ten years, maybe you've even married,
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: Maybe you have a couple of kids that are very
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: healthy and you've been great parents. They go and sleep
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: with someone else, one person, one sex, one time. Does
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: that mitigate the ten, fifteen, twenty years raising children together,
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: of everything you've built together, just from one night of
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: sex and pleasure. Does that ruin everything else?
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna say yes, Yes, I'm going to say that
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: it does.
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: And they were arguing no, because what's one night to
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: all that hard work and all those years and everything
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: like that? And I could see the argument.
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: Look again, I'm not one to judge if someone wants
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: to forgive someone for cheating, but I think that to say,
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: how is that, Like, if that's how they think, then
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: that's to me like if someone catches their significant other China,
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: or they their significant other confesses that they had a
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: one night stand with someone and they cheated on them,
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: and they're like, oh, that really hurts.
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: But I mean we've.
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: Got these two kids together, we've been together for ten years. Like,
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: I don't think this one mistake is going to throw
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: everything away for some reason instantly. I think, like that
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: person's also obviously cheated before.
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: Well that's what you think. I'm I don't think it's
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: an immediate getover, Like, Okay, I can move past it.
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: We can work through this because of everything we've done
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: in It might take six months a year, but I'm
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: willing to look past it in the future. I don't
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: think it's just like a I guess it's fine, but.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: I mean, like like pretty extreme in comparison.
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: But yeah, if if I murdered someone and I'm like,
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: I just had a lapse in judgment, good point, a
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: moment of weakness, like for twenty five years really sorry,
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: I like, does this one thing I did mean that
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: all the good things I did are not good at
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: him good point, Like you'd be thinking.
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: Jake, you just fucking murdered someone.
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: Like I know it's an extreme no no, no like it.
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: It opens my eyes. I stand on your side still,
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I did see the argument.
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: I just think like that, if someone gets cheated on
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: and then they go, it's hard. I just feel like
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: if they're reasoning for it, Like if someone gets cheated
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: on and they're hurt, they're like, fuck you and they hurt,
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: but they're like, I do want to stay with you.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: I want to figure it out for our kids and stuff.
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: It's like, yes, by all means, I don't judge you.
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: But if their reasoning is like, you know, one one
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: mistake doesn't just mitigate that whole relationship, I'm thinking you've
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: definitely cheated before, because now is your turn to bring
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: it up.
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: See, like, what the fuck dude, what.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: Were you saying to this person that said that?
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: No, Just like I was like, oh, I can see
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: the I saw where they stood in their mindset behind it.
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: And also I guess there's also a determinant of do
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: you say face because you do have kids, and do
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: you steer towards that mindset because you want them to
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: still have parent figures and not have us but family,
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: And maybe you're not in it completely of your heart,
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: but unit for them. I guess it gets complicated, but
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: I do. I couldn't look past someone cheating on me.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: I know that, No, it would be fair.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: I'd also never seen it from I've always just been
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: like black and white, but also they tread the line
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: of black and white and I could see white. But
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: also with this one, we you think they should break up,
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: But I guess where's the line when this guy's obviously
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: addicted to porn, Like you shouldn't be watching it, like
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: I was watching Porn's fine, but that much and buying
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: shit and like paying for sexual shit online when it
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: becomes when it becomes an addiction, because it's like, I
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: don't want to say it's easier to draw the line
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: for an addiction to something like alcoholic drugs, but I
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: feel like it is compared to porn because people don't
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: see it as much as a problem, but it is.
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: It's hard though, Like on the topic of porn, it's
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: just been so freaking normal, normalized.
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was the only fans that with every second
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: girl on Instagram is shelling them. Every second girl they
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: want to say that, but but I mean, you're right,
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: there is a lot obviously, But yeah, it's become normal
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: to go on Instagram and sell promote selling your body
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: or selling nude photos of yourself.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: It's crazy though, because so.
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: I mean, let's just like think of porn in in general,
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: like just you know, pornhub, like a free website. It's
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: just become so so normal, Like it has gotten to
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: a point where I actually think, I don't know if
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: I don't know if I'm just remembering this because I
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: want this spittercase, or if I actually this happened to me.
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: But I know these conversations probably happen with like male
• 27:42
  Speaker 3: friend groups, and I feel like I remember one time
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: someone saying to me like, it's a red flag if
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: your girlfriend cares that you watch porn.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: I I remember that too.
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: I feel like, if it didn't actually happen to me,
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: it's definitely happened before.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like to.
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: Say to someone it's a red flag if your girlfriend
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: is that you watch porn, and then someone agrees and
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: is like yeah, porn's harmless.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: Like I'm that's fucked.
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's fucking crazy. And I guess we men too.
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: There's because we both stand you can watch porn here
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: and there, that's fine. We're on that stance.
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: I don't know, like I I mean, full transparency. I've
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: watched plenty of porn in my life, but I don't
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: know if it's just like the older I get the way,
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: like the more my mind changes about the whole thing,
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: but like it's just so weird. It's like, so men
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: always talk about having post nut clarity, Like I don't
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: get post nut clarity when I have sex with my.
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: Girlfriend, No, but when you watch porn, you.
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: Get this thing called post nut clarity where you're like,
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: what have I just done? Like you know it's wrong
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: and you know it's gross, and then you still do it.
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: It's the craziest thing. Well, where I was going with
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: that too, is saying, if it is a little bit normalized,
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: it's men's brains for some reason, because I don't think
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: women do that. Is I remember when we first started
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: watching porn. We don't even watch lesbian porn.
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: Something like you start off there and start off there
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: because it's I don't know. It's just like you're young
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: and you think it's go to see.
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: Your dick, yeah yeah, yeah yeah, and then and then
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: it sort of eventuates to just normal sex. And like
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: I like to say, I kept myself in about POV
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: stuff that seemed like something that I could possibly do.
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: Like somewhat attainable maybe yeah yeah, but not really A
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: lot of men like whatever this dude was looking, it
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: just keeps we still lesbian.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: To there and I stopped there. People go to fucking
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: people go crazy. He's the next thing, like fucking anal?
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: And then what's the next thing? Threesomes? So then what's
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: the next thing? Fucking gang say shit, And then like
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: it goes on, goes and goes and goes and goes,
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: and it's like it's an addiction because you just keep looking.
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: The more you go, the more of a dopamine release.
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: I think you get. It's a massive problem. But it
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: all starts with like it's called well, they have like
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: gateway drugs, which is like weed and fucking MD, isn't it. Yeah,
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: the gateway drug to fucking porn is lesbian.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess, I don't know.
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: It's it's a weird like I guess it's it's a
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: hard conversation I have because I don't know the answers.
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: But it's like in black and white, you cannot say
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: watching porn is right. You can literally only say watching
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: porn is the wrong thing. And I would love someone
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: to prove me wrong.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: Wait, that makes you sound like I really want to
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: watch porn. I would urge someone to prove me wrong.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: And I think I'm gonna say I think it's healthy
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: to pleasure yourself. Hell yeah. But also I think masturbating. Yeah,
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: whenever there's a line of you'd rather masturbate with porn
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: or without rather than have sex with your girlfriend or
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: a partner, hold up. Sometimes that's the problem sometimes.
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: The thought of masturbating, because it's like it's easy, it's easy.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like let's say no, let's just say no point
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: involve it.
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: You do it from your brain that you think of,
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: like maybe a time with the girlfriend. You just do
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: it from your brain or whatever. Like sometimes masturbating is
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: like yeah, that's easy. Yeah, and sex is you gotta
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: put a bit of walking, but yeah.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and also you make yourself finished like that exactly.
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like you can make yourself finish when you want,
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: or you don't have to finish, or you can go
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: as long as you want, or like yeah, I mean
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: I know girls must, but probably feel the same. Like
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: sometimes I think I'd prefer to just do it myself
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: to well.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: But I feel like girls don't get as addicted as
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: men do.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know, maybe.
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: Not unless say yeah, I don't think they do, because
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: they that that wouldn't know that spillover of the next thing,
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: the next thing, the next thing. I feel like they
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: don't have that. They kn't just contempt a little bit
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: content content contempt. What's contempt?
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: Tempt is like I'm fucking I feel contempt towards you,
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: I'm mad at.
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: You, really okay, And then content means like I've been
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: through this before. That's such a close comparison. Content means
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: like I'm happy with what I'm doing. Yeah, and then
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: content contempt No, fuck, I can't say it now.
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: So we got content, Yeah, that is like I'm feeling good,
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: I'm feeling like I don't need any contempt. And then
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: content is like a video content, and then contempt is
• 32:18
  Speaker 3: I have a feeling of contempt towards you.
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: As you can see the issue. They're so close. Anyway,
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: round circle to the baddie. You don't deserve this. You
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: should break up with him. Yeah, I'm just sad that
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: it was so long. Alrighty, next dilemma. I am a
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: gay man in my twenties. I live in a small
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: apartment in Melbourne alone. I work at a local bar downtown.
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: I listen to music in my spare time and journal.
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: I listened to podcasts while I run and clean. I
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: don't have a lot of money, but I'm very happy. Anyways,
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: I'm going to go at the bar and well, let's
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: call him Jake. We met about a fair enough. We
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: met about a year ago, and we really connected. He
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: likes the same music sweet charming, and we ended up
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: sleeping together a month later. We kept seeing each other
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: in secret for about three months, and I asked if
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: we could make it official and not just sex. He agreed,
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: but he said we couldn't tell anyone. I was confused,
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: but somehow he convinced me to agree. I was his
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: little secret. Oh that does sound kind of yah. About
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: three weeks ago, he texted me that he can't see
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: me anymore. I was obviously confused because it felt like it.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: Was out of the blue.
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: I texted him, called him multiple times, but he never answered.
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: I saw him at a club and I was so drunk.
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: We made out that night, and then the next day
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: he texted me asking if I wanted to get back together,
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: what should I do? I still do love him, yet
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: still am so heartbroken.
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: Fuck, that's so tough. You can't get back together with him?
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: He just fuck you over?
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: Why does this always happen? This cycle always happens, Z
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: that you only know you love him when you let
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: him go.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: He just like is like avoiding. Yeah, but he fully
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: avoided the whole thing.
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: And then saw you at a club and you were drunk,
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: and in a moment of weakness, you were like fuck it.
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: But like you're saying, you're still in love with him,
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: which is fair, but like for.
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: Your own just sanity.
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like he's played you must be so torn. He
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: did play you hard.
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, why didn't he want to tell anyone?
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: Is he closeted or does he have a boyfriend mate?
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: Well that brings up an interesting debate because you know
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: how men are trash and like terrible communicating when they're gay.
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: Are there any better?
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: Is it twice as bad?
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: Or is it twice as good, because I would argue
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: that that world is a lot better, nicer, more transparent.
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: That's the word I'm looking for.
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: I don't know, it's hard because I was thinking because
• 34:45
  Speaker 3: I'm one episode in two Heated Rivalry, Yeah, and in
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: the show, they are two professional sportsmen that are homosexual. Yeah,
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: and and so like one of them is like, you know,
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: we can't tell anyone, you know. And then there's like
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: another little thing of one of they, like one of
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: them has a little blow up, and and I was thinking, so, men,
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: you know, we're kind of raised by society to be
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: a man or whatever, you know, and we're not very
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: good to talking about our feelings. It's like getting to
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: a point now where it's everyone's like calling that out
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: and it's like, it's not that hard.
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: Let's just talk about our feelings, right, Yeah.
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: So I was thinking for someone that is homosexual or lesbian,
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: or any part anyone I guess in the LGBTQ community, Yeah, okay,
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: we could talk specifically men, are they actually going to
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: be worse about talking about their feelings because for so
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: long they've been closeted It does become a thing where
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: it's like I'm so used to holding things in and
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: pretending like I'm someone else. This is someone that I guess,
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: this is it if you have been closeted.
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: For a long time. But like, I wonder what it's
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: like if that's been the case.
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: So it's like, if you're bad at talking about your feelings,
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: not to give anyone a fucking ticket to not be
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: good at talking about the feelings and just like be
• 36:06
  Speaker 3: a bitch or be a dick.
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: But it's almost like kind of valid.
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you know what I mean. I agree, I guess, Yeah,
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: that's an interesting question. And I guess the only people
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: you could ask are people within the community, of course,
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: And I guess in my head two people who have
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: completely come out it would be a lot better. Yeah,
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: But a lot of the time some people were still
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: on the edge. Yeah, and like they're living I don't know,
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: you call it a double life in a sense. And
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: maybe this guy is perfect with you, but then he
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: goes and does something else with other people in his
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: life and he's not ready on that side of things.
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: And it's hard because you don't want to be the
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: person to be like stop being a pussy and tell
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: everyone because it's like, I guess it's not your thing
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: to do.
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: It is hard, of course, Yeah, I think it adds
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: a whole other element that we've both never experienced.
• 36:58
  Speaker 3: In short, I think think you can have empathy for
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: the situation. So I'm going I am going to I
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: shouldn't assume things, and it's not good, but I'm going
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: to assume that this man that you dated for a
• 37:10
  Speaker 3: while is maybe a closeted still right, he has not
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: come out, and so I think you can be like
• 37:19
  Speaker 3: empathetic towards that.
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: In my opinion, it's hard.
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: I can't speak of experience, but it's like you could
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: just say to him I loved you, or like I still.
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: Love you, but I can't be with you.
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: While it's like this, because I know this doesn't sound
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: fair to you, but it's not fair to me to
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: be with you when it's like that, you know what
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: I mean.
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: I would argue too that you wouldn't give him the
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: ultimatum and you would make the decision for him until.
• 37:46
  Speaker 3: You so, well, that's when says that I can't be
• 37:47
  Speaker 3: with you for this reason. Just and don't say if
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: you I guess you can't say, well, if you do
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: come out, then I'll be with you. I guess you
• 37:54
  Speaker 3: have to just say I can't be with you for
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: this reason, and then I would just say for what
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: you've shown me, I don't want to be with you, yeah,
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: full stop, how you treated me, for.
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: How you treated me at full stop. And then look,
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: see what happens in the future. And it's maybe down
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: the track if he's a more open It basically is
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: he's not being open and honest, which is what you
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: should be in any relationship. And if you saw remnants
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: of that in the future, maybe, but you're going to
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: be over him and get a hotter, better looking man.
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: Similar situation to how the fucking other guy wouldn't show
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: his girlfriend to his family.
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, he's they're living double lives.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: Okay, that is.
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: We have two more dilemmas to do, but they are
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: going to be over on Patreon Patrion. Sorry, head over there,
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: sign up and you get a couple extra dilemmas every
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: week and see you over there.