Latest / Unlocking The Paradigm Portal / Light in the Dark | Stuck on the Outside

Transcript

Light in the Dark | Stuck on the Outside · Unlocking The Paradigm Portal

• 0:00
  Hey, it's Sarah. So if you're here tonight, I
• 0:04
  already know you're carrying something heavy.
• 0:07
  And maybe you've been carrying it so long that you've stopped
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  noticing the weight of it. And it just became part of how
• 0:13
  you move through the world. And that thing that makes you
• 0:17
  feel like everyone else got handed a map and you somehow
• 0:20
  missed it. Or like life is happening just
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  on the other side of something and you're watching through the
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  glass waiting for it to make sense.
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  And you don't have to explain it tonight.
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  You don't have to name it or fix it or figure out where it came
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  from. So for the next few minutes, you
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  can just sit here with me and I'm going to hold the Lantern up
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  just enough to light up a little bit of what's ahead.
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  Not all of it, just enough so you feel a little bit less alone
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  in the dark. That's all this is.
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  And that's all it needs to be. So tonight I'm going to sit with
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  everybody who feels trapped, not locked up, just like stuck in
• 1:03
  between. Like, you know what you want,
• 1:06
  but you can't quite get yourself there.
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  And I know what it feels like to be on the inside of what you're
• 1:12
  carrying tonight. That kind of alone.
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  That isn't really about being by yourself.
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  It's about being in a room full of people and still feeling that
• 1:22
  glass between you and all of them, like watching life happen,
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  just on the other side of something you can't quite name
• 1:31
  and you can't quite cross. So I'm not going to tell you
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  what the glass is. You already know, and you've
• 1:40
  probably known for a long time, and knowing hasn't made it
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  easier to move through it, because knowing doesn't always
• 1:48
  do that. Sometimes you just need someone
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  to sit on your side of it with you for a while.
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  So that's what I'm doing. And I see the part of you that
• 1:58
  wants so much, that is always wanted so much, the warmth, the
• 2:03
  closeness, the someone who stays, like really stays without
• 2:08
  you having to manage the staying.
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  And I see how real that wanting is, how it has never gone away
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  no matter how many times you've talked yourself out of it, or
• 2:18
  told yourself you were fine without it, or chosen the
• 2:22
  version of a thing instead of the actual thing itself.
• 2:27
  And I see the part of you that stands at the edge of those
• 2:30
  things, not because you don't want in, but because you've been
• 2:34
  standing there so long you're not sure your legs still know
• 2:37
  how to move towards something. And I know what it's like to
• 2:41
  watch other people step through doors that feel sealed from your
• 2:44
  side, and to reach for connection and feel your hand
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  stopped just short of it. Not because you chose to stop,
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  because something in you doesn't know yet that it's allowed to
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  keep going. And that's really hard to feel,
• 3:01
  let alone name. I see both of those parts living
• 3:06
  in you at the same time, The one that aches to get there and the
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  one that has forgotten it knows how.
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  And I'm not asking either of them to be different tonight.
• 3:17
  I just am sitting here seeing both of those parts living in
• 3:21
  you at the same time. That's it.
• 3:25
  And I know about regret, that very subtle kind, the kind that
• 3:30
  surfaces at 3:00 AM or in the middle of an ordinary Tuesday
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  when something reminds you of a moment you stepped back from
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  right when it was getting real. And I know how that sits in your
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  chest. Very heavy, very pointed, and
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  it's yours alone. You don't have to explain it to
• 3:50
  me, and you definitely don't have to justify it or trace it
• 3:55
  back or figure out what to do with it tonight.
• 3:58
  You're allowed to just feel it, and you're allowed to be tired,
• 4:04
  and you're allowed to grieve the things that almost were without
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  that grief Meaning that you did something unforgivable.
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  Because being totally honest, you didn't do anything
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  unforgivable. You did what you knew how to do
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  with what you had at the time. That's all any of us ever do.
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  So that wanting is still alive in you.
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  Whatever the voice in your head has been telling you that it's
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  too late, that you missed your chance, that something in you
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  closed a long time ago, it isn't true.
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  The wanting is still there, which means you are still there,
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  and that's enough for tonight. That you're still here.
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  That you came and sat in the dark for a few minutes instead
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  of running from it. That you let yourself feel it.
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  So I'm going to leave the Lantern here, right beside you,
• 4:59
  and you don't have to go anywhere, and you don't have to
• 5:02
  figure it out. Just rest.
• 5:04
  I've got you.