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Why Most Leaders Fail in the Messy Middle · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  Chronic migraine is 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more. Botox, onabotulinum toxin A, prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine before they start. It's not for those with 14 or fewer headache days a month. It prevents on average 8 to 9 headache days a month versus 6 to 7 for placebo. So
• 0:17
  Prescription Botox is injected by your doctor. Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection causing serious symptoms. Allerge your doctor right away as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems or muscle weakness can be signs of a life-threatening condition. Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk. Side effects may include allergic reactions, neck and injection site pain, fatigue and headache. Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms and dizziness.
• 0:40
  Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection. Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions, including ALS Lou Gehrig's disease, myasthenia gravis or Lambert-Eaton syndrome, and medications, including botulinum toxins, as these may increase the risk of serious side effects. Why wait? Ask your doctor, visit BotoxChronicMigraine.com, or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more.
• 1:07
  I'm Kelly Siegel, and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living.
• 1:23
  What's good, Harder Than Life Nation? It's your boy, Kelly Siegel, fired up for another Harder Than Life Thursday throwdown, where I go all in with the raw truth, relentless discipline, and the kind of authenticity that changes lives. Today, we're diving deep in a world of fake filters, polished fachads,
• 1:42
  and leaders hiding behind spin. People are starving for realness, and that's why we're talking transparency and authenticity, leading powerfully from the trenches. As Winston Churchill said, courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. Real leaders don't sit in ivory towers.
• 2:06
  They're down in the dirt, shoulder to shoulder with their people, scars and all. I've been there. Heck, I'm there right now. Burned out, faking it, hiding my struggles. When I choose to lead with radical transparency, everything changes. I'm giving you the blueprint to lead with unshakable trust and unstoppable impact. Strap in, grab a pen, and let's get real.
• 2:31
  My friends, transparency isn't weakness, it's power. Authenticity isn't oversharing, it's connection and a world.
• 2:41
  drowning in curated highlight reels and corporate cover-ups. Being real is your superpower. Tucker Carlson hit it on the head. Authenticity is power. People are starving for it. You don't lead from a penthouse detached and untouchable. You lead from the trenches. Battle scarred, vulnerable, real, and raw. That's where trust is built. Loyalty is earned and lives are changed.
• 3:06
  Today, we're breaking down why transparency and authenticity are non-negotiable for leaders who want to make a real impact. And I'm giving you the exact steps to do it without losing yourself. Let's go, Heart of the Life Nation. Why does this really matter? Transparency and authenticity aren't just buzzwords that you hear everywhere. They're foundations of trust, influence, and lasting impact.
• 3:32
  Here's what they do. They build unbreakable trust. People don't trust what's hidden. A 2023 Edelman Trust Barometer found that 63% of people trust leaders who are open about challenges over those who project perfectionism. When you're real, people believe in you. You attract perfectionism.
• 3:53
  the right people. Authenticity is a magnet for warriors and repellent for fakes. When I started sharing my sobriety journey and business struggles, the Heart of the Life Nation grew. Real people, real stories, real connection. Remember, like attracts like. It models courage. Being vulnerable shows others it's safe to be real. A 2022 Harvard study found that leaders who share failures openly increase team psychological safety by 26%.
• 4:22
  Your courage gives others permission to shine. That's the definition of a leader. A leader goes first and leads. Model the courage and become a leader today. It accelerates connection. Vulnerability fast-tracks relationships. When I shared my rock bottom moment during the pandemic, it wasn't just cathartic. It built a community of thousands who felt seen and inspired.
• 4:46
  Other people that have been in this situation were like, whoa, he's my people. Let me go listen more. It will identify your tribe. Look at the world today. Politicians caught in lies. CEOs resigning over scandals. Hello, Coldplay. Influence are exposed for faking their lives. Jeez.
• 5:05
  Compare that to leaders like Winston Churchill, who told the British people the brutal truth during World War II and inspired unshakable loyalty. In 2025, the data is clear. Authentic leaders win hearts and drive results. Microphone drop moment right there.
• 5:21
  Here's the battle-tested method for leading within transparency and authenticity. I'll call it the Siegel Transparency Method. Siegel says for short, these are the five pillars I live by to lead from the trenches. Number one, tell the whole truth.
• 5:37
  even when it's uncomfortable. And remember, this isn't just your truth. It is the truth. A lot of people say their version and it actually can feel true to them. Just tell the truth. Trust without truth is a house of cards. When NTM, my IT cybersecurity company, lost a $2 million client, I didn't sugarcoat it with my team. I laid out the facts and our plan to recover.
• 6:00
  That honesty rallied them and we grew stronger together. Tell the truth even when it stings and it builds trust that lasts a lifetime. Number two, own your mistakes publicly. Accountability is a magnet. Blame pushes people away. When I over committed to a client and missed the deadline, I owned it in front of my team and made it right. That move earned the respect more than any perfect pitch ever could. And as my friend Tucker Carlson said, the moment you stop pretending you become unstoppable.
• 6:30
  Let me say that again, because Tucker was so good. The moment you stop pretending, you become unstoppable. That's the proverbial fall on the sword, guys. Number three, share your journey, not just the highlights. I've been trying to do more and more of this, guys.
• 6:45
  My life is pretty darn good, but there are moments like right now where I am transitioning into another level and shedding my old skin is proven to be very difficult. I don't use any kind of masks or crutches, any kind of medications, just good old fashioned going through feeling the feelings sitting through my proverbial shit.
• 7:07
  So share the journey, not just the highlights. People don't grow from your Instagram highlight reel. They grow from your struggles. I didn't build a heart of the life nation by flexing wins. I built it by sharing my sobriety, my failures, my daily grind. Heck, if you watch, I'm on workout 333, I believe. I share the messy middle. I suggest you do too. It's where the real connection happens.
• 7:30
  Number four is to stay grounded, stay accessible. Ego kills connection. Remember, ego stands for edging God out. If you wanna replace God with source, universe, there's some sort of energy out there. So ego is pushing that energy away. So ego kills connections, humility builds empires. I make time to connect with my team, my daughter, and the Heart of Life Nation, not as Kelly the CEO, not as Kelly the creator, but as Kelly the human.
• 7:59
  I want to know something that's going on good in their life. Something they're battling. Something they're looking forward to. Something that made them smile. So stay in the trenches no matter how high you climb. Another little pro tip to stay grounded. Lots and lots of meditation. And I do that sometimes.
• 8:15
  I just got back from one. If you could look below in the camera, you'd see I don't have any shoes on. And I just walked the streets with my dog and a grounding exercise to get the energy to come in and do this podcast because I just, I'm all out of wax, but got a lead from example. I proverbially drink my own Kool-Aid. Everything I preach to you guys, I'm practicing. I assure you this. So number five, and it's the most important one, and I just touched on it. Lead yourself first.
• 8:42
  You can't be authentic with others if you're not real with yourself. My daily meditation, the journaling, and the gym time keep me grounded in my why. A 2024 Gallup study found that self-aware leaders are 32% more effective at inspiring teams. Lead yourself first and the rest follows. And guys, if you've been following for at all, you understand that my favorite book is The Four Agreements. And it's the number one agreement to be impeccable with your word.
• 9:07
  But it's not only to everybody else, but it's to yourself. All too often, I see people lying to themselves, and they don't mean to do it. It's a way of survival. Go look in the mirror and say, no longer will I allow this to happen to me. And lead yourself, and others will follow. Crisis is where real leadership shines or crumbles. When things go wrong, transparency and authenticity separate the warriors from their pretenders. Here's how to lead in the storm.
• 9:33
  This, my friends, is where everything begins because anybody can lead when things are going good. It's when things go tough. Take, for example, my Detroit Tigers. They're on a massive losing streak as I air this. Well, they won the last two, but every interview after the game
• 9:51
  Their manager, AJ Hinch, has his head up, says exactly what they need to do and what they're gonna do and how they're gonna do it. That's leadership. It was so simple to be the leader and take all those interviews when they were winning and they were the best team in baseball. But now, losing 12 of 13, whoo, he stood there and took him like a champ. That's leadership. So,
• 10:12
  How did he do that? He stated the facts clearly. So clarity cuts through chaos. When NTM faced a lawsuit, I didn't hide it. I laid out the facts to my team and our plan to fight it. 2023 McKinsey study found that clear communication during crisis boosts employee trust by 40%. Be the calm in the storm. This also works in relationships, whether they be romantic or just personal relationships.
• 10:38
  absolute facts works best communicate frequently i always say over communicate and communicate some more silence breeds fear and no news is not good news even i don't have an update for you is an update and it makes people happy so silence breeds fear consistent updates builds confidence during the 2020 pandemic i checked in with my team daily even when i didn't have all the answers that
• 11:08
  Never had to deal with that before, but you know what? Chronic migraine is 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more. Botox, onabotulinum toxin A, prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine before they start. It's not for those with 14 or fewer headache days a month. It prevents, on average, 8 to 9 headache days a month versus 6 to 7 for placebo.
• 11:28
  Prescription Botox is injected by your doctor. Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection causing serious symptoms. Allerge your doctor right away as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems, or muscle weakness can be signs of a life-threatening condition. Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk. Side effects may include allergic reactions, neck and injection site pain, fatigue, and headache. Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms, and dizziness. Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection.
• 11:53
  Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions, including ALS Lou Gehrig's disease, myasthenia gravis or Lambert-Eaton syndrome, and medications, including botulinum toxins, as these may increase the risk of serious side effects. Why wait? Ask your doctor, visit BotoxChronicMigraine.com, or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more.
• 12:11
  through it because we led by example. In a crisis, people watch your actions, not your words. I always say to people, pay attention to the tongues in their shoes, not the tongues in their mouth. Again, Winston Churchill didn't just talk about resilience during the Blitz. He walked through bombed out London, standing with his people, even though his confidants said not to do it. Compare that to 2025's headlines.
• 12:38
  pecked CEO sending cold layoff emails with no FaceTime versus leaders like Bob Eager, who returned to Disney in 2022 and led personally through turbulence. Guess who earns loyalty in that situation? When crisis hits, don't retreat to the tower, get to the trenches. Your team, your family, your community need you to show up real and ready. I guess that's what they mean by when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Am I the only person that wonders which way that is?
• 13:07
  Does that mean they run and hide? Obviously no, it means they run into the storm. Be the buffalo like I've told you guys in many other episodes. So transparency done wrong can backfire my friends. Here are three common pitfalls and how to dodge them. Oversharing personal drama. Sharing lessons builds trust. Unlocking baggage kills credibility. When I talk about my sobriety, I focus on the growth, not the gossip.
• 13:35
  The fix is to share the what and the why and not the soap opera, just the details. Second thing, use authenticity as an excuse for poor behavior. Again, we're talking about how transparency done wrong can backfire, it's using authenticity as an excuse for poor behavior. Being real doesn't mean being reckless. I've seen leaders justify rudeness or laziness as keeping it real.
• 14:00
  That's not authenticity, that's immaturity. And it's also a sign of an unhealed trauma. It's a trigger. Pull that leader to the side if you're on a team with that and just politely point that out. It is a portal for them to fix. So align your actions with your values, not your impulses. I've said this a thousand times, the sacred pause will come in handy all the time.
• 14:21
  A lot of times when we're called out on something, we just all default to giving an excuse or sometimes it's a valid reason, but it's a reason and reasons don't get results. The third error that we make is leading with emotion instead of principle. Man, do I do this. I don't even realize the inflection of my voice. The second somebody says no, or that can't be done, you hear my voice rise and I go, are you kidding me? Impossible only describes a degree of difficulty.
• 14:49
  And imagine how scary that is, I mean just going, hey, we're in this together. And impossible only describes a degree of difficulty. You ready to strap in? These emotions are powerful, but unchecked, they could cloud judgment, they could scare people. I've felt the urge to vent during tough times at NTM. Heck, I've done it, but I learned to pause,
• 15:08
  reflect and act from principle. In fact, I'm going through it a lot lately. I'm going through something where I am transitioning to the next level. And even my girlfriend said to me, I could tell you were stressed and had a lot of anxiety, but you held space for me and it brought us closer.
• 15:25
  which makes my life easier to then focus on what's causing the anxiety to begin with. So the fix is to feel deeply, but lead with wisdom. And literally, feeling is healing. Don't bleed on somebody that didn't cut you. This is why doing the work on yourself works and it makes you a better leader. So transparency should uplift, not unload. Authenticity should strengthen, not sabotage. As Brene Brown said,
• 15:54
  Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness. Lead with truth and grace, Heart and Life Nation. So here is your actionable playbook to lead with transparency and authenticity every day. You've come this far, now I'm gonna give you the steps to do it. Number one is take daily personal inventory.
• 16:19
  Spend five minutes journaling your wins, your lessons, your emotions. I do this every morning to stay grounded in my why. It keeps me real with myself so I can be real with others. Pro tip, I star the days that I feel intense motion one way or the other, whether it be good or bad, so I can go back.
• 16:36
  and try to see common themes. Number two, weekly radical honesty sessions. I do this on Sundays with myself personally, and I do them on Wednesdays with my team. Hold a team or family meeting and ask, what's working, what's not? At NTM, we do weekly check-ins where everyone shares one win and one challenge. It builds trust, it keeps us aligned. Again, supports us as a family when something's not working so people know that they're not alone in this journey.
• 17:05
  Number three, document your progress publicly. This one is tough because people don't share it because if you screw up, you're gonna jinx it. Document your progress publicly. Share your journey, not just your wins. Post a story on Instagram about a struggle you're working through.
• 17:21
  I shared my sobriety milestones and it worked. It sparked the Heart and Life Nation. It sparked this podcast. Be real and watch the right people rally around you. It also sets the intention and allows the universe to conspire to make you happy and get you on your way to where you want to go. This is life happening for you, not to you. So despite what anybody says, declare it loud and proud. And even if you miss it or you mess up or you were wrong,
• 17:51
  That's being human. Step four, admit fast, fix faster. This is the old one, fail fast and fail forward. Small issues ignored become big disasters. When I missed the deadline with a client, I owned it immediately and made it right. The transparency saved the relationship. Catch mistakes early and fix them with courage.
• 18:10
  Guys, I can't state this long enough. I literally walk around and I'm sorry for the language. I say, if you guys spot a stinking turd at NTM, please let me know because it's going to stink more if we let it sitting there. So find those things, fix them fast. They only get worse. It's a snowball effect.
• 18:29
  All right, number five, stay in the trenches. Stay in the messy mud. Never let success pull you away from your people. I make time to connect with my people, my team, my daughter, hard life, everybody as much as I can. Most of my responses are me. I try to be me. I try to be everywhere. I do burn myself out. No matter how busy I get, I try to stay as accessible as possible and I stay as human as possible. If you really wanna reach out to me, email me.
• 18:58
  Kelly at heart of the life.com and I will do my best. I have my assistant take those and they schedule time for me to respond to them, especially if it's something that I can help in business or in health. That's stuff that I'm really good at. All right. We've come this far harder life nation. Here's your wake up call. The world doesn't need more pretenders. It needs warriors who lead with truth, courage, and.
• 19:23
  Heart. Real leaders don't hide behind filters or PR teams. They show up in the trenches, scars and all, and inspire others to do the same. So here's my heart and a life transparency challenge. For the next 30 days, own one mistake publicly each week. Tell your team, tell your family, or share it on Instagram. Guys,
• 19:43
  We all make mistakes. I make one a day, probably multiple a day. The second thing I want you to do is have one vulnerable conversation you've been avoiding. You can even turn it around and ask somebody else. How do you feel about me? And then sit and be quiet and let them talk and say this is a safe place. Number three, post or journal about one challenge you're working through. Share the real stuff.
• 20:06
  Right now, guys, I am absolutely in a state of constant anxiety. I don't know what it's about, but I'm working through it and I'm sharing it with you. So remember, I practice what I preach and I'm going to share with you. DM me on Instagram at kelly.segal.71. Tell me your transparency win for the month. Come join the Heart of the Life Nation and go deeper with warriors who live and lead authentically. Until next time, Heart of the Life Nation.
• 20:33
  Lead with the truth, live with courage, and always stay harder than life. Let's challenge the world one real moment at a time. And if this episode hits you hard, share it with a leader who needs to get real. Subscribe to our YouTube channel at Harder Than Life for new episodes every Tuesday and Thursday. Follow me on Instagram at kelly.segal.71. And let's keep the fire burning. Together, we're building a movement of authentic warriors.
• 21:01
  Let's do this. Until next week, be harder than life. Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit trustntm.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.