Latest / Dungeonpedia / 113: Who Up Pondering the Cube?
Transcript
- 0:00SPEAKER_00: You the adventurer?
- 0:02SPEAKER_00: Yes, you.
- 0:03SPEAKER_00: Do you desire knowledge of immense worlds and arcane power?
- 0:07SPEAKER_00: A codex of untold stories and lore?
- 0:10SPEAKER_00: Or perhaps simply easy listening for your daily commute?
- 0:13SPEAKER_00: Then feast your eyes, or more accurately, yes, upon Dungeon Pedia.
- 0:19SPEAKER_00: Shit's about to get nerdy in here.
- 0:46SPEAKER_04: Taylor Peasley.
- 0:47SPEAKER_04: And I'm Travis Peasley.
- 0:48SPEAKER_04: And yay, no false start today.
- 0:52SPEAKER_04: We are very professional.
- 0:55SPEAKER_02: We are so professional.
- 0:56SPEAKER_02: For real.
- 1:03SPEAKER_02: Sometimes when we do these, I will be on the uh I will basically open the thing and it'll automatically start playing before I'm ready.
- 1:11SPEAKER_02: And so we've had multiple false starts, but we're doing so good.
- 1:15SPEAKER_02: We're doing a great job, everybody.
- 1:17SPEAKER_03: We're doing great.
- 1:19SPEAKER_03: Everything's great.
- 1:21SPEAKER_03: Don't worry about it.
- 1:22SPEAKER_03: Oh.
- 1:23SPEAKER_03: Everything is awesome.
- 1:24SPEAKER_03: I have a uh boy.
- 1:27SPEAKER_02: Oh my goodness.
- 1:29SPEAKER_02: Oh, it's a baby.
- 1:30SPEAKER_02: It's a baby.
- 1:32SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
- 1:35SPEAKER_04: Okay.
- 1:36SPEAKER_04: About us being professional.
- 1:38SPEAKER_02: He It's a baby.
- 1:40SPEAKER_02: It's a chaos gremlin.
- 1:43SPEAKER_02: What did he do?
- 1:44SPEAKER_03: Hang on, let me just uh this is what we get.
- 1:50SPEAKER_02: This is what we get for He headbutted my mic.
- 1:54SPEAKER_02: Everyone ignore all my boxes in the background.
- 1:57SPEAKER_03: So hard that it knocked it off the table.
- 1:59SPEAKER_04: Like it completely unlatched.
- 2:02SPEAKER_04: Now my son is in the background screaming.
- 2:04SPEAKER_04: This is this is great.
- 2:06SPEAKER_03: Why are you screaming?
- 2:09SPEAKER_03: Okay, well, I'm gonna mute my mic while I fix this.
- 2:11SPEAKER_04: I think he and Ares are psychically linked.
- 2:14SPEAKER_02: Well, they're they're void cats.
- 2:17SPEAKER_02: So they share a brain cell.
- 2:22SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
- 2:24SPEAKER_02: Well, welcome everybody.
- 2:26SPEAKER_04: Everybody, welcome to the cat episode.
- 2:29SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the cat episode.
- 2:30SPEAKER_02: Surprise is to Baxi.
- 2:33SPEAKER_04: Yeah, surprise is Tabaxi again.
- 2:34SPEAKER_04: We're here.
- 2:35SPEAKER_04: This is yeah, this is what happens when we don't get the false start.
- 2:38SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
- 2:38SPEAKER_02: The false start is essential.
- 2:40SPEAKER_02: Otherwise, uh Aries will headbutt a mic off of its stand.
- 2:44SPEAKER_04: His power.
- 2:46SPEAKER_02: He is so strong.
- 2:48SPEAKER_03: His power level is insane.
- 2:50SPEAKER_03: He is so strong that when we're laying in bed, when he headbutts me, he can actually almost push me over.
- 2:56SPEAKER_03: He he is and I weigh 190 pounds.
- 2:59SPEAKER_03: His power level is insane.
- 3:01SPEAKER_02: And he is a nine-pound cat.
- 3:03SPEAKER_02: Like he is not a big boy.
- 3:04SPEAKER_03: He should not be able to do that.
- 3:07SPEAKER_02: He is absurdly strong.
- 3:09SPEAKER_02: Regardless.
- 3:10SPEAKER_02: Yeah, um, so the the topic of today is not actually absurdly strong.
- 3:15SPEAKER_02: Absurdly strong or powerful cats.
- 3:17SPEAKER_02: Sorry, Aries just came in.
- 3:20SPEAKER_02: Mind you, he doesn't feel good today, and this is how he's acting still.
- 3:24SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
- 3:25SPEAKER_04: He's been he's being he's being like hampered, and he's still like maximum.
- 3:30SPEAKER_01: This is this is nerfed.
- 3:32SPEAKER_04: Yeah, he's been nerfed by tummy hurts.
- 3:36SPEAKER_03: For real.
- 3:37SPEAKER_03: No, so um, as a good transition, I suppose.
- 3:42SPEAKER_03: Better than any.
- 3:44SPEAKER_03: Today, we are going to be talking about the famous gelatinous cube.
- 3:49SPEAKER_03: Ooh.
- 3:50SPEAKER_03: The cube.
- 3:52SPEAKER_04: The cube.
- 3:54SPEAKER_03: Uh yes.
- 3:55SPEAKER_03: So I was uh trying to figure out what to research, and even before we actually started this uh stream, we were all debating like we haven't done this already, right?
- 4:05SPEAKER_03: Like I really hope not.
- 4:07SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 4:08SPEAKER_03: Because like I went through the uh episodes and the notes before, and I didn't see anything about the gelatinous cube.
- 4:15SPEAKER_02: So me neither.
- 4:16SPEAKER_02: I I helped and uh Yeah, I don't think we have.
- 4:20SPEAKER_04: I think uh I think I keep conflating like the black ooze with just any anything vaguely squishy vaguely oozy.
- 4:30SPEAKER_04: I'm like, oh, we've done that already, you know?
- 4:33SPEAKER_02: What about Ivan Ooze from Power Rangers?
- 4:36SPEAKER_04: I don't know why we would be doing an episode on our DD.
- 4:42SPEAKER_02: How to convert Ivan Ooze into a DD villain.
- 4:45SPEAKER_04: Man, that'd be a good that'd be a good April Fool's episode.
- 4:49SPEAKER_04: That would be a really good April Fool's episode.
- 4:50SPEAKER_04: We just we just do something completely unrelated.
- 4:53SPEAKER_04: Yeah I love Ivan Ooze, though.
- 4:55SPEAKER_02: Same.
- 4:56SPEAKER_02: Anyway, let's uh dive into gelat gelatin.
- 5:02SPEAKER_03: Sure.
- 5:02SPEAKER_03: Although I don't suggest diving into it, because that's actually very bad.
- 5:06SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I've been told.
- 5:08SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 5:10SPEAKER_03: So our famous lovely gelatinous cubes first appeared in the monster manual for first edition in 1977.
- 5:18SPEAKER_02: Okay.
- 5:19SPEAKER_03: Um, just a quick look at their uh stats back then.
- 5:22SPEAKER_03: Their AC was eight, they had four hit die dice.
- 5:28SPEAKER_03: Uh they had one attack that damage was two to eight.
- 5:32SPEAKER_03: Uh they had paralyzation as a special attack.
- 5:36SPEAKER_03: I particularly love how they word this, and it happens in like so many things.
- 5:42SPEAKER_03: Intelligence, non.
- 5:46SPEAKER_02: Like damn.
- 5:46SPEAKER_03: No, thank you.
- 5:48SPEAKER_03: Non-intelligence.
- 5:49SPEAKER_03: They are not intelligent creatures at all.
- 5:52SPEAKER_04: They do not have a brain.
- 5:54SPEAKER_02: I mean, probably literally, like kind of like jellyfish.
- 5:58SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they actually don't.
- 6:00SPEAKER_03: Oddly enough.
- 6:02SPEAKER_03: Their alignment is neutral, and that stays the same for all editions except for fourth edition where neutral wasn't a thing.
- 6:10SPEAKER_04: Yeah, okay.
- 6:11SPEAKER_04: Right.
- 6:11SPEAKER_04: I was about to say.
- 6:13SPEAKER_04: It would be kind of funny if if fourth edition, instead of doing that thing where they like over-assign it to anything, uh they overassign like unaligned to anything, they just like make them evil for no reason.
- 6:26SPEAKER_03: This cube is evil.
- 6:27SPEAKER_03: This cube is just evil.
- 6:29SPEAKER_03: So their size is large, about uh 10-foot cube.
- 6:34SPEAKER_03: Hence, you know, gelatinous.
- 6:36SPEAKER_04: Why is it a cube?
- 6:38SPEAKER_03: Um I don't know, actually.
- 6:41SPEAKER_03: Okay.
- 6:41SPEAKER_03: I mean, it's just kind of the shape that they take naturally.
- 6:45SPEAKER_02: Maybe sort of like um how bismuth uh naturally crystallizes in that way.
- 6:50SPEAKER_04: Oh yeah, it could be.
- 6:51SPEAKER_02: Because I always thought like if they're gelatinous, gelatin typically just takes the shape of whatever wider than be-why does it have to be a cube?
- 7:00SPEAKER_04: Yeah, but you know, I don't know.
- 7:02SPEAKER_02: Because Gary Gygax wanted a cube.
- 7:05SPEAKER_04: He wanted to have the cube.
- 7:07SPEAKER_04: But you can say that about a lot of things.
- 7:08SPEAKER_04: Like, you know, you look at you know, you look at a person and you're like, why do you look like that?
- 7:12SPEAKER_04: It's not mean.
- 7:13SPEAKER_04: That was so mean.
- 7:15SPEAKER_03: Why do you look like that?
- 7:16SPEAKER_03: Like, man, don't don't be so rude.
- 7:18SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 7:20SPEAKER_03: So its cubic form is like ideal for the way it pretty much lives, just in general, because uh it just kind of cleans up all living organisms as well as like carrion and stuff uh from the floors and walls of underground passages, which is typically where they like to reside.
- 7:40SPEAKER_03: So they just kind of sploosh down the hallway.
- 7:45SPEAKER_03: Just kinda, yeah.
- 7:46SPEAKER_03: Sucking everything up.
- 7:48SPEAKER_03: They just suck everything up, and anything that is not able to be digested just gets fat back out onto the floor eventually.
- 7:55SPEAKER_03: Okay.
- 7:56SPEAKER_03: It does specify that there are certain like very large cubes that are taller, so they can actually get to like the mosses and all that stuff on the ceilings.
- 8:05SPEAKER_03: That makes sense.
- 8:06SPEAKER_04: The gelatinous rectangular prism.
- 8:09SPEAKER_04: Jesus.
- 8:10SPEAKER_04: It doesn't roll off the tongue called.
- 8:12SPEAKER_04: It doesn't.
- 8:12SPEAKER_03: It doesn't, no.
- 8:14SPEAKER_03: Uh so they do kind of like in a sense evolve to match their environment.
- 8:19SPEAKER_03: They can also like fit into pretty much any size up to I think like one foot, but as soon as they like exit that tunnel into like a big enough area, they'll just form back to their normal cube size.
- 8:33SPEAKER_03: Okay.
- 8:34SPEAKER_04: I bet they make a really like they make really fun sounds.
- 8:38SPEAKER_02: Oh, a hundred percent.
- 8:40SPEAKER_04: Oh yeah, almost certainly.
- 8:42SPEAKER_04: Like they probably sound pretty disgusting most of the time.
- 8:45SPEAKER_04: I'm I'm not gonna break any of that off for you, but I'm imagining them fitting through like a you know, like a little, you know, like a like a window or something.
- 8:54SPEAKER_02: Like the the satisfying suction sound.
- 8:57SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and then on the other side that just makes that like satisfying, like, you know, unsuctioning sound, and then they just back into a cube, you know?
- 9:05SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
- 9:06SPEAKER_02: I do imagine that if you hit them, they uh they do make that that really good like warp sound.
- 9:13SPEAKER_04: Yeah, like that.
- 9:14SPEAKER_04: That that video of like of like someone slapping the like dessert that's been made to look like a little bunny or something.
- 9:21SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 9:22SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
- 9:23SPEAKER_03: Jesus.
- 9:24SPEAKER_03: Uh yeah.
- 9:25SPEAKER_03: I mean, they are like nearly transparent as well, which makes them incredibly difficult to see.
- 9:32SPEAKER_03: As they travel, like they just kind of sweep up all like material and items.
- 9:38SPEAKER_03: Like I said, anything that's like indigestible that's like metal or like other items like that, uh, they just kind of eventually spit them back out onto the floor.
- 9:49SPEAKER_03: The material can remain in the body of the cube for like several weeks before they do eventually like just deposit it back onto the ground.
- 9:58SPEAKER_03: So good.
- 10:00SPEAKER_03: Fine.
- 10:00SPEAKER_03: So I mean, they they keep it cleaned up for a while and then you know they'll just spit things randomly out onto the floor and probably pick it back up later.
- 10:09SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
- 10:09SPEAKER_04: You you like come by a gelatinous cube that has like a full suit of armor in it, and you're like, oh I see what happened.
- 10:20SPEAKER_04: For this guy, I see what happened here.
- 10:21SPEAKER_03: Yep.
- 10:22SPEAKER_03: Right.
- 10:23SPEAKER_03: They're basically like the prototype of Roomba.
- 10:28SPEAKER_04: Jesus.
- 10:30SPEAKER_04: Roombas, yeah.
- 10:31SPEAKER_04: Roombas if they killed people.
- 10:33SPEAKER_02: Roomba if they killed people.
- 10:34SPEAKER_02: You you can't convince me that a Roomba hasn't killed a person.
- 10:37SPEAKER_04: That's I I'm sure they have.
- 10:39SPEAKER_04: And the the the sad part is, is I'm sure that the story would would not be as funny in real life as it sounds, but I'm choosing to just imagine knife taped to Roomba.
- 10:50SPEAKER_04: That's that's what I'm choosing to imagine.
- 10:54SPEAKER_03: Uh so if a gelatinous cube touches, or in this sense, aka like hits an opponent, uh saving throw must be made uh versus their paralyzation effect.
- 11:06SPEAKER_03: On a fail, the creature is anesthesized, anesthetized.
- 11:10SPEAKER_03: I always have issues saying that word.
- 11:12SPEAKER_04: The the creature is prepped for surgery.
- 11:15SPEAKER_03: They are prepped for surgery for five to twenty rounds, which is quite the range.
- 11:22SPEAKER_04: Also, that's that that is that is a that is a troubling, that is a troubling word to choose.
- 11:29SPEAKER_03: Anesthetized?
- 11:30SPEAKER_03: Yeah, because like it's very clinical.
- 11:34SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's very clinical, but also like to to me, anesthetized and and paralyzed completely different uh but also would it in a combat situation function precisely the same.
- 11:48SPEAKER_02: Yes.
- 11:49SPEAKER_04: Because I feel like if you're anesthetized, that means you are passed out on the ground, right?
- 11:54SPEAKER_02: Well, yes.
- 11:55SPEAKER_02: Um, I actually think anesthetized is worse than paralyzed.
- 11:58SPEAKER_04: Yeah, because at least if you're paralyzed, you're like awake and like can like is typically considered well, is considered worse for like surgery, for example, but yeah.
- 12:11SPEAKER_03: I mean, being awake for this probably wouldn't be the best either.
- 12:15SPEAKER_02: So I guess like better in terms of you're probably not going to immediately uh take the full damage as you would if you were unconscious.
- 12:24SPEAKER_02: Yeah, probably.
- 12:26SPEAKER_02: Better mechanically, however, um, when you think about it, I would definitely rather be unconscious.
- 12:34SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
- 12:35SPEAKER_04: I don't believe this cube has been to medical school.
- 12:38SPEAKER_04: I also I don't want him operating on me.
- 12:41SPEAKER_03: No.
- 12:42SPEAKER_03: Because after that, they will surround said anesthetized victim.
- 12:48SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
- 12:49SPEAKER_03: And engulf them and then start secreting this digestive fluid that will break down the creature as a meal so they can just absorb the nutrients.
- 12:58SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
- 12:59SPEAKER_04: So they're they're basically just a glooping stomach.
- 13:03SPEAKER_04: I was gonna say walking.
- 13:04SPEAKER_01: They don't really walk, but Yeah, glooping.
- 13:08SPEAKER_01: Scoot scootin'.
- 13:10SPEAKER_01: Scootin'.
- 13:11SPEAKER_03: Scootin'.
- 13:12SPEAKER_02: Okay, I made it cute again.
- 13:15SPEAKER_03: So they're they're not immune to like weapon attacks of any sort, really.
- 13:21SPEAKER_03: Uh like they can be hit by all forms of weapons.
- 13:24SPEAKER_03: Now, depending on the element, it could do like have other various effects.
- 13:29SPEAKER_03: It mentions that like fire attacks have like their normal effects.
- 13:33SPEAKER_03: Cold will have no effect unless they fail their saving throw, in which case they are then slowed by 50% and only do one to four uh hit points of damage.
- 13:43SPEAKER_02: I mean that I definitely hit them with the uh as much cold as possible then.
- 13:49SPEAKER_03: Yeah, exactly.
- 13:50SPEAKER_03: And then uh things like electricity, fear, holes, paralyzations, polymorphs, sleep-based effects, stuff like that have zero effect on the gelatinous cubes.
- 14:02SPEAKER_03: No, polymorph is interesting, but I suppose.
- 14:04SPEAKER_02: I was going to say the same thing.
- 14:06SPEAKER_04: But I suppose the the fear and sleep and stuff make sense given the non-intelligently.
- 14:15SPEAKER_03: It's not intelligent, so like anything that could affect the mind just won't work.
- 14:20SPEAKER_02: Which is the only weird reason why polymorph is weird to me.
- 14:23SPEAKER_04: Polymorph is interesting to me, though.
- 14:25SPEAKER_02: But all right, sure.
- 14:26SPEAKER_02: I mean, I I won't question it, but I am questioning the reasoning.
- 14:30SPEAKER_03: So uh then we are going to jump to Dragon Magazine uh 124, which was released in 1987, which is an ecology article.
- 14:41SPEAKER_03: I love an ecology article.
- 14:43SPEAKER_03: Brought to us by our favorite author of all time, Ed Greenwood.
- 14:48SPEAKER_02: At least when it comes to ecology articles for sure.
- 14:51SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 14:51SPEAKER_02: His are always so wild.
- 14:54SPEAKER_02: Oh my goodness.
- 14:57SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
- 14:58SPEAKER_02: That was on your edge.
- 14:59SPEAKER_04: That was not Aries.
- 15:00SPEAKER_04: Oh my goodness.
- 15:01SPEAKER_04: She's a big fan of she's a big Ed Greenwood fan.
- 15:05SPEAKER_04: No, she's actually more of a Keith Baker fan.
- 15:07SPEAKER_02: No, I do like Keith Baker though.
- 15:09SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
- 15:10SPEAKER_02: Okay.
- 15:10SPEAKER_02: Ecology article, article.
- 15:14SPEAKER_03: So this is written from the perspective of a member of the Council of Mages and recounts what the adventurer Haptooth told them about the gelatinous cubes.
- 15:26SPEAKER_03: So to start the story, uh, this will all kind of make sense a bit later.
- 15:31SPEAKER_03: Um, I have to read this very specific part out of it.
- 15:35SPEAKER_03: At the last Feast of the Moon, Fantas, a member of the council, pointedly challenged Haptooth to do more than entertain.
- 15:42SPEAKER_03: Fantas demanded that Haptooth inform the prestigious group by employing the adventurer's access to the unusual to increase the common knowledge of what is not common at all.
- 15:54SPEAKER_03: Okay.
- 15:55SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so basically Haptooth is an adventure that, like, every year at like the Feast of the Moon and stuff, he would just entertain with various stories and stuff of uh creatures he ran into during his adventures and stuff like that.
- 16:10SPEAKER_03: And for whatever reason, Phantas does not like him.
- 16:14SPEAKER_02: I I gathered that.
- 16:16SPEAKER_02: It did feel a little uh spiteful.
- 16:18SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and uh he just he just doesn't like that everyone likes Haptooth more than him.
- 16:23SPEAKER_02: That's probably it.
- 16:24SPEAKER_03: That's probably what it is.
- 16:26SPEAKER_03: And Haptooth also caught that as well.
- 16:29SPEAKER_03: So he was like, alright, fine, I will prove you wrong and I will actually do that.
- 16:33SPEAKER_03: So the next year at the feast, Hap-Tooth came with knowledge of the gelatinous cube rather than just entertainments.
- 16:39SPEAKER_01: Mm-hmm.
- 16:40SPEAKER_03: So what we find out, gelatinous cubes are, quote, devoid of malicious intent, indeed, devoid of a consciousness at all.
- 16:48SPEAKER_02: Okay, so they're just cuboid jellyfish of the land.
- 16:51SPEAKER_03: Basically, yeah.
- 16:54SPEAKER_03: Uh they are nearly transparent and cannot digest metal or stone, but they do feed on plants and beasts of like all sorts.
- 17:03SPEAKER_02: Okay.
- 17:04SPEAKER_03: They paralyze the victim first, engulf them, and then absorb the nutrients by means of a corrosive digestive fluid.
- 17:11SPEAKER_03: They are also called athcoids in this article.
- 17:16SPEAKER_03: I have no idea why, and this is the only place that I saw the word athcoids used to describe them.
- 17:22SPEAKER_03: So I don't know.
- 17:24SPEAKER_04: I don't know either.
- 17:25SPEAKER_04: Well, the the first Google result is about geladinous cubes, so that's not a real world thing.
- 17:30SPEAKER_03: So good to know.
- 17:32SPEAKER_04: It's probably just one of those, like, well, no, I guess I guess like Theryanthrope kind of like that means something.
- 17:39SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like that does have its roots in in like Latin.
- 17:43SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 17:44SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I I'm not sure about Athcoid.
- 17:47SPEAKER_03: So they have no thoughts, but they respond automatically to certain stimuli.
- 17:52SPEAKER_04: Same dog.
- 17:54SPEAKER_04: Just like me for real.
- 17:55SPEAKER_03: If they encounter a cold uh surface or object, they will stop moving and then they'll kind of like probe forward to seek a way past or around it.
- 18:06SPEAKER_02: Okay.
- 18:06SPEAKER_03: Um, they are attracted to vibrations or warmth, but they don't have the ability to hear or see.
- 18:13SPEAKER_02: Okay, well, not same.
- 18:14SPEAKER_02: Not same.
- 18:15SPEAKER_04: We can do those things.
- 18:16SPEAKER_02: I am attracted to vibrations and warmth.
- 18:18SPEAKER_02: The vibrations being my cat's purrs primarily, and also a good massage chair.
- 18:23SPEAKER_02: And that fucking phone.
- 18:26SPEAKER_04: Means that fucking phone.
- 18:27SPEAKER_04: I hear that thing vibrate, and I'm like, okay, what now?
- 18:30SPEAKER_03: That damn phone.
- 18:32SPEAKER_03: That damn phone.
- 18:32SPEAKER_03: That damn phone.
- 18:33SPEAKER_04: That cursed rectangle.
- 18:35SPEAKER_03: Uh they are very fluid and mutable while moving around uh objects, but they will always return to like a rectangular form.
- 18:45SPEAKER_03: That's so interesting.
- 18:46SPEAKER_03: Like when they're having to move around objects or over edges or corners, they will shift their uh physicality and their shape to get around it, but as soon as they are, they just kind of boop back to rectangular form.
- 19:01SPEAKER_02: Which does sort of imply an instinctive desire to cube.
- 19:05SPEAKER_03: Yeah, the desire to cube.
- 19:08SPEAKER_03: Uh they do not communicate with other creatures and they cannot be controlled except by use of the stimuli.
- 19:15SPEAKER_03: Side note on this, um, I didn't put it anywhere in my notes because I actually knew that I would remember that particular uh phrasing, like they cannot be controlled except by the use of stimuli.
- 19:26SPEAKER_03: So gelatinous cubes throughout a lot of the editions are actually mentioned as being used by other intelligent creatures.
- 19:35SPEAKER_03: Okay.
- 19:38SPEAKER_03: Basically.
- 19:39SPEAKER_03: It's my guard cube.
- 19:40SPEAKER_03: Like, all they have to do is more or less like basically lay out a trail of food for them to follow until they get to the And then have a laundry hamper with a stick.
- 19:51SPEAKER_02: Yeah, pretty much.
- 19:53SPEAKER_04: I feel like they can just gloop out of the hamper though, I feel like.
- 19:57SPEAKER_04: Can they can they separate into uh maybe you'll get to this?
- 20:00SPEAKER_04: I wonder if they can separate into like multiple parts.
- 20:03SPEAKER_02: And then do they reform or do they make it?
- 20:07SPEAKER_04: Oh, that's how they breed.
- 20:09SPEAKER_03: That's how they reproduce.
- 20:11SPEAKER_03: So uh, well, I mean, when two of them meet, they will merge to become one of a greater size than a quote apparently stable nature.
- 20:23SPEAKER_03: Apparently stable.
- 20:24SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
- 20:25SPEAKER_04: Just like me for real.
- 20:29SPEAKER_03: They have twice the innate hardness of like each individual cube.
- 20:34SPEAKER_03: I'll have a little bit more information on that later.
- 20:37SPEAKER_03: Don't love that.
- 20:38SPEAKER_04: So so essentially they could just like you could just combine it.
- 20:43SPEAKER_04: You could just take all the gelatinous cubes and make a mega cube to eat the world.
- 20:48SPEAKER_04: Put them all together.
- 20:49SPEAKER_03: Oh dream room.
- 20:53SPEAKER_03: It will eventually split back into like the two normal cubes.
- 20:56SPEAKER_03: Each of them will be exactly the way like they were before.
- 21:00SPEAKER_03: Um, then they just kind of sort of like go their separate ways.
- 21:05SPEAKER_04: Okay, so it's just like human sex, got it.
- 21:09SPEAKER_04: They just break up, got it.
- 21:11SPEAKER_03: Jesus Christ.
- 21:13SPEAKER_04: Sorry.
- 21:14SPEAKER_04: So uh the sorry, bad visual, I know.
- 21:18SPEAKER_04: Sorry.
- 21:19SPEAKER_03: That just that that threw me off for a second.
- 21:21SPEAKER_03: So like the division occurs upon contact with a third cube or after a period of two to eight days.
- 21:28SPEAKER_03: Oh so they can't just infinitely merge.
- 21:33SPEAKER_02: So when they when when the couple tries to open up their relationship, yeah, so they're monogamous.
- 21:38SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they're monogamous.
- 21:41SPEAKER_04: Except in except instead of that, they just break up instantly.
- 21:44SPEAKER_04: They're like, all right, if there's gonna be a third person in the vicinity, I can't do this, period.
- 21:49SPEAKER_03: Just done going to separate ways.
- 21:51SPEAKER_04: Yeah, they did their duties.
- 21:53SPEAKER_04: They went on Reddit about it, and then you know, Reddit told them to break up, so they were like, Okay, guess we have no other option, and they just pfft.
- 22:00SPEAKER_04: I'm trying really hard to not make bad sounds whenever I'm like imagining the cube doing.
- 22:05SPEAKER_01: I'm very proud of you.
- 22:07SPEAKER_04: Because it would just be the the glooping noises I'm imagining.
- 22:11SPEAKER_04: Like if I tried to make them with my mouth, it would be a very unpleasant message.
- 22:15SPEAKER_02: I do not have misophonia, but I uh I feel like I will I will develop it, yeah.
- 22:22SPEAKER_04: If if if if we tried to do like fully work here.
- 22:26SPEAKER_03: So another direct quote from Haptooth.
- 22:29SPEAKER_03: More I can tell gained from the darkest researches.
- 22:34SPEAKER_03: Sadly, Althcoids are ignorant of sex.
- 22:37SPEAKER_04: Sadly.
- 22:39SPEAKER_04: Haptooth?
- 22:40SPEAKER_04: Sadly?
- 22:41SPEAKER_02: Remember, Ed Greenwood wrote this article.
- 22:43SPEAKER_04: Okay, true.
- 22:44SPEAKER_02: Friend of the channel sex Ed Greenwood.
- 22:47SPEAKER_02: Uh not an actual friend, not his actual name.
- 22:51SPEAKER_03: No.
- 22:51SPEAKER_03: Uh mutterings and chuckles from the council followed that comment.
- 22:55SPEAKER_04: Haptooth?
- 22:56SPEAKER_04: What do you mean sadly?
- 22:58SPEAKER_04: What does he mean by that?
- 22:59SPEAKER_03: I mean they don't have the enjoyment of sex.
- 23:02SPEAKER_03: That's sad, right?
- 23:04SPEAKER_04: For who?
- 23:05SPEAKER_04: Them or him?
- 23:07SPEAKER_04: For them.
- 23:08SPEAKER_04: Okay.
- 23:08SPEAKER_02: I I think it's also sad for him.
- 23:10SPEAKER_02: I think he's a little freak.
- 23:12SPEAKER_04: I think he is.
- 23:13SPEAKER_04: That's probably why.
- 23:13SPEAKER_02: It'd be nice to Haptooth.
- 23:14SPEAKER_04: That's probably why that other guy doesn't like him, is he knows he's a fucking freak.
- 23:18SPEAKER_04: Phantos.
- 23:18SPEAKER_04: That other guy.
- 23:19SPEAKER_04: That's probably why he doesn't like him.
- 23:20SPEAKER_02: He's like You can't even remember his name.
- 23:24SPEAKER_04: Listen, this just goes to show that Haptooth is the more popular person, you know?
- 23:29SPEAKER_03: I mean, he is.
- 23:30SPEAKER_03: So um they reproduce by growing to sufficient size, then they split into two slightly smaller creatures.
- 23:38SPEAKER_03: Which one is that one?
- 23:39SPEAKER_04: Mitosis.
- 23:40SPEAKER_04: Mitosis, thank you.
- 23:41SPEAKER_04: Like, I don't like I'm sure I'm sure like if there are any evolutionary biologists listening, they they would be ready to tell me why that's not true.
- 23:51SPEAKER_04: But that is the thing where, you know, sorry, I made a bad noise.
- 23:55SPEAKER_04: That is the thing where, you know, the I'm doing things with my hands where the there's a division, you know.
- 24:00SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 24:00SPEAKER_03: Uh these smaller creatures will then grow to a larger size that passes for adulthood and quote, within a short time.
- 24:08unknown: Okay.
- 24:08SPEAKER_03: Charmingly nonspecific.
- 24:10SPEAKER_03: There is more information on that here in a little bit as well.
- 24:12SPEAKER_02: Okay.
- 24:13SPEAKER_03: Because there was a side note section to this ecology article.
- 24:17SPEAKER_02: Probably because of the fact that it is written sort of from the perspective of this guy.
- 24:22SPEAKER_03: Yeah, exactly.
- 24:23SPEAKER_03: They anesthesize, uh anesthetize, I'm gonna fuck that up.
- 24:29SPEAKER_03: They're anesthetic.
- 24:31SPEAKER_03: Yes.
- 24:32SPEAKER_03: Uh their prey by means of a gummy secretion which is absorbed into the bloodstream of the prey through its skin.
- 24:38SPEAKER_03: So he then holds up a metal flask and explains that this that he had made an antidote for the paralyzation uh himself while encountering this.
- 24:51SPEAKER_03: He then takes that flask and puts it on the little uh like lectern thing that he's been using to talk next to another metal vial.
- 25:01SPEAKER_03: Uh-oh, the vial's got the stuh.
- 25:05SPEAKER_03: Practical demonstration time.
- 25:07SPEAKER_03: Their digestive fluids are produced and held in like these movable elastic cavities or like bubbles within the cube's bodies.
- 25:16SPEAKER_03: Okay, that's so cool.
- 25:18SPEAKER_03: When prey is engulfed by a cube, one or more of these like mobile bubbles are shifted into contact with the prey that then will start to release this digestive fluid.
- 25:29SPEAKER_03: The fluid itself has no effect on metal, and metal objects are held for a time within the creature before just being expelled, kind of like you know, just before.
- 25:37SPEAKER_03: But the fluid has devastating effects on flesh and cellulose.
- 25:42SPEAKER_02: Okay.
- 25:43SPEAKER_03: So I specifically wanted to bring that up because I have just the the ending of this article is fantastic.
- 25:50SPEAKER_03: So as he said this, he pulled his robe up to reveal that his ribs were, quote, laid bare in an ivory lattice on one flank.
- 26:00SPEAKER_04: Jesus Christ.
- 26:01SPEAKER_03: Oh my god.
- 26:03SPEAKER_04: And uh I don't think I don't think he should be alive.
- 26:07SPEAKER_03: Probably not.
- 26:08SPEAKER_04: I don't think he should be alive.
- 26:09SPEAKER_03: Magic.
- 26:11SPEAKER_04: Magic.
- 26:12SPEAKER_03: And all about this hole, his flesh was gnarled and twisted like half melted wax.
- 26:18SPEAKER_02: Oh my god.
- 26:20SPEAKER_03: Gross.
- 26:21SPEAKER_03: So, here is the fantastic part that I'm just gonna read this whole like section real quick.
- 26:26SPEAKER_03: Then, dropping his arms, he went back to his lectern and took up the two flasks, pocketing the antidote.
- 26:32SPEAKER_03: As he undid the cap on the other, he slowly walked towards the audience in the direction of Fantas, and he said, Dearly I paid for my labors, but they were well rewarded.
- 26:44SPEAKER_03: I captured a sample of the digestive fluids.
- 26:47SPEAKER_03: He said in a loud voice, whereupon he drenched the astonished counselor with its contents.
- 26:52SPEAKER_03: Now, the eminent alchemist Phantas can in his turn increase the common knowledge of what is not common at all.
- 27:00SPEAKER_03: He then left, teleporting with a last fiendish grin as Fantas' screams echoed loudly through the hall.
- 27:09SPEAKER_04: Jesus Christ.
- 27:10SPEAKER_04: Okay, I feel like that's a little far for having Don't fuck with Haptooth.
- 27:17SPEAKER_04: For having maybe some academic disagreements with.
- 27:22SPEAKER_02: A little, yeah.
- 27:23SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's not like he set him up, like said gelatinous cube now.
- 27:28SPEAKER_02: It was Haptooth's choice to go after the gelatinous cube.
- 27:32SPEAKER_02: Jesus Christ.
- 27:33SPEAKER_02: I mean, fantasy is kind of an ass.
- 27:36SPEAKER_04: That's such a that is such a like that's so baller though, right?
- 27:41SPEAKER_04: Also, like, dude, your ribs.
- 27:44SPEAKER_04: Come on, come on, man.
- 27:45SPEAKER_04: You gotta you gotta plug that shit up.
- 27:47SPEAKER_04: Like, you can't just have that out and about.
- 27:50SPEAKER_03: Like, it's just gonna get infected, man.
- 27:52SPEAKER_04: Like, do you yeah, exactly?
- 27:54SPEAKER_03: I don't like.
- 27:55SPEAKER_03: So from the notes section of this article, that actually kind of explains more like game-wise.
- 28:00SPEAKER_03: Uh, so gelatinous cubes can flow through openings as small as uh one foot across.
- 28:06SPEAKER_03: While they can't hear or see, they sense all living, moving beings within 120 feet from the vibrations and heat given off by creatures.
- 28:15SPEAKER_03: That makes sense.
- 28:16SPEAKER_03: That's why that's what they're attracted to.
- 28:18SPEAKER_03: Since they are so mindless, they are immune to uh like will force and mind-affecting magical powers.
- 28:25SPEAKER_02: Which I guess sort of harkens back to why they are immune to polymorph, since it is like a uh I guess like a in in at the this time it probably would have been a will-saving throw.
- 28:34SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 28:35SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I suppose that makes sense.
- 28:37SPEAKER_03: The resulting cube of two merging together is called a double cube.
- 28:42SPEAKER_03: I think the combination called it cubed because it's cubed.
- 28:46SPEAKER_03: Sorry, stupid.
- 28:48SPEAKER_02: Isn't cubes three?
- 28:51SPEAKER_04: Fuck.
- 28:52SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm a sham.
- 28:54SPEAKER_04: You are the one that likes math.
- 28:56SPEAKER_04: I'm a sham squared, sorry.
- 28:58SPEAKER_04: God damn.
- 28:59SPEAKER_04: Cube squared.
- 29:00SPEAKER_04: Listen, okay, I dropped out of college.
- 29:01SPEAKER_04: Okay.
- 29:03SPEAKER_03: Same.
- 29:05SPEAKER_03: This uh combination creature retains a size of 10 foot by 10 foot by 20 foot.
- 29:11SPEAKER_03: The longest axis is pointed in the direction that it is traveling, like a quote, thick bodied but square worm.
- 29:21SPEAKER_02: Why is that such a vivid image?
- 29:24SPEAKER_03: I don't know, but it's it's so good.
- 29:26SPEAKER_04: Babe, would you still love me if I was a thick-bodied but square worm?
- 29:33SPEAKER_04: Thick bodied but square worm.
- 29:36SPEAKER_03: Thick bodied but square worm.
- 29:39SPEAKER_04: Changed my Discord username to that one.
- 29:42SPEAKER_04: It's a thick bodied but square worm.
- 29:44SPEAKER_04: God damn.
- 29:46SPEAKER_04: Why is it so funny?
- 29:47SPEAKER_01: It is, though.
- 29:49SPEAKER_01: It is.
- 29:49SPEAKER_01: It's so good.
- 29:50SPEAKER_01: I think it's a parentheses around butt square.
- 29:53SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because it was parentheses but square.
- 29:56SPEAKER_04: Just in case you forgot that they are that they are that they are a rectangular prism.
- 30:01SPEAKER_03: So um, like normal size cubes divide after six years.
- 30:06SPEAKER_03: This is basically their reproduction.
- 30:09SPEAKER_03: Um, the little cubes will grow to maturity within three months.
- 30:13SPEAKER_04: Little cubes.
- 30:14SPEAKER_04: The little cubes, little baby cubes.
- 30:17SPEAKER_03: Yep.
- 30:18SPEAKER_03: So because of like the fact that, you know, they kind of just like divide and replicate like that, they are effectively immortal.
- 30:25SPEAKER_02: Right.
- 30:26SPEAKER_02: That makes sense.
- 30:27SPEAKER_03: Like you can kill them, but they will not die of like old age or jellyfish.
- 30:33SPEAKER_03: Yeah, because they'll just like split into two.
- 30:36SPEAKER_04: I don't I don't think jellyfish do that.
- 30:38SPEAKER_02: Well, there are some species of jellyfish that basically they reach a certain point and then they can revert themselves into a um good.
- 30:47SPEAKER_02: Basically back into a juvenile state.
- 30:50SPEAKER_02: So they are effectively immortal.
- 30:52SPEAKER_04: Excellent.
- 30:53SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
- 30:54SPEAKER_04: I mean, I guess at least they're not they're not very large cubes that dissolve.
- 31:00SPEAKER_04: Yeah, no, they they are in fact just jellyfish.
- 31:03SPEAKER_04: They are in fact just regular jellyfish.
- 31:05SPEAKER_04: Just jellyfish.
- 31:06SPEAKER_03: Now, gelatinous cubes can actually move underwater with ease, but I mean, naturally, if they do, their contact poison is like highly diluted, so it probably wouldn't really work at that point, but they can in fact swim more or less.
- 31:22SPEAKER_04: So we just take all the gelatinous cubes and we dump them in the ocean.
- 31:26SPEAKER_03: And just dump them in the ocean and watch what happens.
- 31:29SPEAKER_04: Well, but in that case, like, even though they do absorb nutrients from the things they eat, do they need to eat?
- 31:36SPEAKER_04: Uh probably.
- 31:37SPEAKER_02: They probably have like they probably do.
- 31:40SPEAKER_01: Probably.
- 31:41SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
- 31:41SPEAKER_02: Even if not, they probably just have like an instinct too.
- 31:45SPEAKER_03: I mean, that is kind of like their only instinct, really, is to just eat.
- 31:49SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 31:50SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 31:50SPEAKER_03: Gloop around.
- 31:51SPEAKER_04: Gloop around and eat.
- 31:53SPEAKER_04: Gloop around towards warm, vibrating things.
- 31:57SPEAKER_02: So I would imagine, because like creatures without brains are not like unheard of in like the animal kingdom.
- 32:04SPEAKER_02: I believe then they would still need to eat.
- 32:08SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that's true.
- 32:08SPEAKER_04: And like there are there are are also like humans who don't have brains and they still need to eat.
- 32:14SPEAKER_02: Luna is just dunking on humanity today.
- 32:18SPEAKER_04: I'm dunking on humanity.
- 32:19SPEAKER_04: I'm dunking on jellyfish.
- 32:21SPEAKER_02: You actually haven't dunked on jellyfish yet.
- 32:23SPEAKER_04: I well, now they're going to.
- 32:25SPEAKER_04: I I don't trust them.
- 32:26SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
- 32:27SPEAKER_02: That's fair.
- 32:29SPEAKER_03: So uh then we're gonna jump to the monstrous manual from second edition.
- 32:34SPEAKER_02: Excuse you, that says Monstroud Manual.
- 32:37SPEAKER_03: That does.
- 32:39SPEAKER_02: Okay, now this monstrous manual.
- 32:42SPEAKER_04: Shout out, shout out to that guy for being an easy pick to kill in Dragon Age Inquisition.
- 32:47SPEAKER_04: Sorry.
- 32:51SPEAKER_04: Dragon Age Inquisition spoilers in the year 20 from this game from 2014.
- 32:57SPEAKER_04: Oh god, yeah.
- 32:59SPEAKER_03: Jesus.
- 33:00SPEAKER_04: Oh god, yeah.
- 33:01SPEAKER_04: Sorry.
- 33:01SPEAKER_04: I just inflicted psychic damage on Taylor and myself.
- 33:04SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you did.
- 33:04SPEAKER_04: Probably some other people.
- 33:07SPEAKER_04: We're so old.
- 33:08SPEAKER_03: The Toledo Cubes, I mean, are still obviously not intelligent, neutral in alignment.
- 33:14SPEAKER_03: That doesn't change.
- 33:15SPEAKER_03: Dang.
- 33:16SPEAKER_03: I was hoping they got smarter.
- 33:18SPEAKER_03: Their AC is eight, their hit die is four, but now we introduce the Thacko system.
- 33:24SPEAKER_04: Yay!
- 33:25SPEAKER_03: Yay! So their Thacko score is 17.
- 33:29SPEAKER_04: I don't think that's great.
- 33:32SPEAKER_03: No, because I think the lower Thacko, the harder it is to hit.
- 33:36SPEAKER_04: I think also their AC is not very good, which is funny because I feel like an AC of eight is not good in either.
- 33:44SPEAKER_04: Yeah, no, I know.
- 33:45SPEAKER_04: It's funny because it's like it hits the middle part of like the horseshoe, where like for modern standards it's so low that it's really bad, and then in in like E olden standards.
- 33:55SPEAKER_04: In Taco standards, it's so high that it's bad.
- 33:57SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
- 33:58SPEAKER_04: But to be fair, like it's a it's a big fucking cube.
- 34:02SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you know, I they don't move very fast, I would assume, so it's probably pretty hard to base.
- 34:08SPEAKER_02: Imagine most of their defenses come from the fact that they can uh avoid most damage.
- 34:14SPEAKER_04: Yeah, the various elemental um, you know, resistances and what have you.
- 34:20SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 34:20SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 34:21SPEAKER_03: Um, so like, you know, still nearly transparent.
- 34:26SPEAKER_03: They travel down the dungeons and corridors absorbing all the lovely fun stuff, and except in this case, it also mentions trash.
- 34:34SPEAKER_03: Roomba.
- 34:34SPEAKER_03: Roomba Roomba trash along the way.
- 34:38SPEAKER_03: Danger Roomba.
- 34:40SPEAKER_03: Danger Roomba.
- 34:41SPEAKER_03: Their sides glisten and tend to leave like a slimy trail like on the walls.
- 34:47SPEAKER_03: Despite like them being, you know, this weird gelatinous creature, they cannot climb walls or like cling to ceilings.
- 34:55SPEAKER_03: Interesting.
- 34:56SPEAKER_03: Kind of something that I would have thought they would be able to do.
- 34:59SPEAKER_03: You know what?
- 34:59SPEAKER_02: I can I understand.
- 35:01SPEAKER_02: I can see it.
- 35:01SPEAKER_02: Like that gelatin is not like sp like it's slippery.
- 35:07SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I guess that maybe like if you took like if you took jello and like threw it at the ceiling, it's not probably like it's gonna like make a wet sound, and some of it will probably stick up there, but the majority of it's gonna fall down by its own weight.
- 35:20SPEAKER_03: It's gonna yeah, just plop back down.
- 35:22SPEAKER_03: Yeah, they still have their paralyzing slime.
- 35:25SPEAKER_03: I mean, naturally, I wonder what they taste.
- 35:29SPEAKER_03: Probably not good.
- 35:31SPEAKER_03: Probably not good.
- 35:32SPEAKER_02: Have you ever had completely plain gelatin?
- 35:35SPEAKER_02: No, it's not good.
- 35:37SPEAKER_03: So it's probably that, but depending on what it has recently like eaten or picked up, could be like rotting flesh and or metallic taste mixed in.
- 35:49SPEAKER_04: I think they taste like blue raspberry.
- 35:52SPEAKER_03: And let's not forget that you know they have their digestive fluids inside, so you would probably need to do that.
- 35:59SPEAKER_04: They probably taste like white monster.
- 36:01SPEAKER_04: That's what I'm going with.
- 36:02SPEAKER_04: They taste like white monster.
- 36:04SPEAKER_02: You know what?
- 36:04SPEAKER_02: Get an earth elemental or uh like a metal elemental back from like when there were like the subsection elemental planes to taste it.
- 36:14SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and I'll yeah, or I'll just ask um, I'll just ask uh Habtooth what they taste like.
- 36:22SPEAKER_04: Because that guy, that guy's crazy.
- 36:23SPEAKER_04: Like he'll he'll probably be like, sure, let's find out.
- 36:26SPEAKER_04: He almost certainly a hole in my esophagus?
- 36:29SPEAKER_04: Who cares?
- 36:30SPEAKER_04: Who cares?
- 36:31SPEAKER_03: Who cares?
- 36:32SPEAKER_04: I'm already missing like half of my torso.
- 36:36SPEAKER_03: Um, so uh they're paralyzing slime instead of like you know the four to or five to twenty rounds, whatever.
- 36:44SPEAKER_03: Now it is just paralyzed for five d4 rounds.
- 36:47SPEAKER_02: Okay so it could still be 20 rounds, but it could be as quick as four rounds.
- 36:52SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it could be as quick as four.
- 36:54SPEAKER_02: So it's even worse.
- 36:57SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
- 36:58SPEAKER_04: Or five, technically, right?
- 37:00SPEAKER_04: Because it's five.
- 37:01SPEAKER_02: Oh, five.
- 37:02SPEAKER_02: Yeah, never mind.
- 37:03SPEAKER_02: I can't do math.
- 37:04SPEAKER_02: Math is hard.
- 37:06SPEAKER_02: You you've redeemed yourself.
- 37:07SPEAKER_02: Okay, thank you.
- 37:09SPEAKER_03: So, I mean, obviously, you know, their whole goal is to paralyze the creature and then absorb them and start to digest them.
- 37:17SPEAKER_03: They remain immune to everything that we talked about before the electricity, the fear, and all that.
- 37:24SPEAKER_03: Um, fire weapons do normal damage.
- 37:26SPEAKER_03: Cold-based attacks will slow the cube by 50%, and it can only cause one to four damage.
- 37:32SPEAKER_03: I don't believe it actually mentioned it making a saving throw against it this time, though.
- 37:36SPEAKER_03: So I think maybe if it's it's just a fly, like if you hit it with cold, it's just gonna do that.
- 37:42SPEAKER_04: I know it's not written here.
- 37:43SPEAKER_04: Do you do you remember like maybe offhand how quickly they normally move?
- 37:48SPEAKER_04: I would imagine it's not very fast.
- 37:50SPEAKER_03: But um no, I can't imagine.
- 37:53SPEAKER_03: I can look up.
- 37:54SPEAKER_03: I want to say it was like maybe 10 feet.
- 37:57SPEAKER_03: Oh, okay.
- 37:58SPEAKER_03: Like per round or 15 feet per round, maybe.
- 38:02SPEAKER_04: That's still faster than I feel like they should be allowed to move.
- 38:06SPEAKER_04: I agree.
- 38:07SPEAKER_04: That might be when they're like really booking it though.
- 38:10SPEAKER_03: Like as opposed to just like just slowly just kind of meandering around.
- 38:16SPEAKER_04: Yeah, as they normally do.
- 38:18SPEAKER_02: As of 5E, they have a speed of 15 feet per round, which does feel too fast.
- 38:27SPEAKER_03: I mean, yeah, that I feel like that's faster than they should be allowed to move, but hey, I you know, I'm just saying uh this quote here possessing no intelligence, gelatinous cubes live only for eating.
- 38:41SPEAKER_03: I move really fast when I'm hungry.
- 38:44SPEAKER_02: That's true.
- 38:45SPEAKER_02: And you live for more things than just eating.
- 38:47SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
- 38:48SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and that like I said, that that's probably kind of like I would imagine when they're maybe like booking it a little bit.
- 38:55SPEAKER_04: Yeah, like as opposed to.
- 38:57SPEAKER_02: When there is prey that is specifically getting away.
- 39:00SPEAKER_04: Yeah, as opposed to just when they're kind of just hanging out, you know, meandering.
- 39:04SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'd imagine like maybe like a foot a second if they're just sort of like meandering one to five.
- 39:10SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
- 39:12SPEAKER_03: Uh they reproduce by budding, uh leaving clear rubbery cubes in dark corners or on heaps of trash.
- 39:20SPEAKER_02: That's really so now they've changed it to budding.
- 39:23SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
- 39:24SPEAKER_04: Also, I think uh uh which I I would be I would be pretty confident in saying that this is probably not an animal.
- 39:30SPEAKER_04: So apparently apparently I think it's technically binary fission is the the dividing process that happens in prokaryotic organisms.
- 39:40SPEAKER_04: Okay, yeah.
- 39:41SPEAKER_04: Um so we have moved on from that to now budding, which is personally my favorite variety of asexual reproduction.
- 39:47SPEAKER_04: I don't know if anybody else has one, but that's my favorite.
- 39:50SPEAKER_02: I I think I've literally said that exact same phrase before on this podcast.
- 39:55SPEAKER_04: Yeah, because where else do you get to talk about that?
- 39:58SPEAKER_03: Now, here's the fun part because you know they're non-intelligent creatures and all that.
- 40:02SPEAKER_03: The young are not protected and sometimes are just reabsorbed by the parents.
- 40:09SPEAKER_04: Imagine they imagine your mom just beats you.
- 40:13SPEAKER_04: Imagine they they spit them out like a few feet in front of them and then just keep glooping on and just immediately reabsorb them.
- 40:22SPEAKER_03: They just feel the vibrations of someone.
- 40:24SPEAKER_03: They're like, oh shit, there's food up there.
- 40:26SPEAKER_04: And then they just immediately reabsorb the most of the absorption.
- 40:29SPEAKER_02: Based on what we know about them, I would imagine that this happens more often than not.
- 40:33SPEAKER_02: This might be the reason why we're not over what why the forgotten realms are not overflowing with gelatinous cubes.
- 40:40SPEAKER_04: It's why the why the forgotten realms, why the entirety of the planet is not just a gelatinous cube.
- 40:46SPEAKER_04: It's because they do that.
- 40:48SPEAKER_03: Yeah, exactly.
- 40:49SPEAKER_04: That's so good.
- 40:50SPEAKER_03: So then we have a little bit from something that's called Elminster's Ecologies.
- 40:55SPEAKER_03: Was this written by Ed Greenwood?
- 40:57SPEAKER_04: No, it's written by Elminster.
- 41:00SPEAKER_02: Isn't Elminster Ed Greenwood?
- 41:03SPEAKER_02: Well, yes.
- 41:05SPEAKER_02: Elminster is Ed Greenwood in DD, if I recall.
- 41:09SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I mean I mean, more or less, yeah.
- 41:12SPEAKER_03: So yes, it was written by Ed Greenwood.
- 41:14SPEAKER_03: Okay.
- 41:15SPEAKER_03: Uh this is a box set that contains nine 32-page booklets.
- 41:19SPEAKER_03: Each booklet provides a backdrop and like detailed information on various ecosystems like within the realms.
- 41:26SPEAKER_03: So this one came from the booklet called The Settled Lands.
- 41:29SPEAKER_03: This was released in 1994.
- 41:32SPEAKER_02: Okay.
- 41:32SPEAKER_03: It kind of covers more like civilized and populated areas, you know, like farmlands, villages, outskirts of larger cities and stuff like that.
- 41:40SPEAKER_03: Uh okay, I see.
- 41:42SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 41:43SPEAKER_03: There's not like a whole lot of actual information from this, but I did find it very entertaining.
- 41:49SPEAKER_03: So there's a mage in the city uh Suzeo, which is the capital of Cormir, that managed to cross a gelatinus cube with an ochre jelly.
- 42:01SPEAKER_03: No.
- 42:01SPEAKER_03: No, don't do that.
- 42:03SPEAKER_03: That's bad.
- 42:05SPEAKER_03: By doing that, he was able to actually domesticate it and trained it to clean the streets.
- 42:10SPEAKER_04: Oh, I have a prediction.
- 42:12SPEAKER_04: I don't think he I don't think it was actually domesticated.
- 42:14SPEAKER_04: I think he thought it was domesticated and it's going to eat him.
- 42:18SPEAKER_03: That's my prediction.
- 42:20SPEAKER_03: This worked out for a few weeks.
- 42:23SPEAKER_02: Wow.
- 42:24SPEAKER_02: Okay.
- 42:25SPEAKER_02: Jurassic Park yet again.
- 42:27SPEAKER_04: Yeah, Jurassic.
- 42:29SPEAKER_04: Jurassic um jelly.
- 42:31SPEAKER_04: Jurassic Jelly.
- 42:32SPEAKER_02: Jurassic jelly.
- 42:33SPEAKER_02: Wait, it's jurassic refers to the beings in the park.
- 42:37SPEAKER_02: Jelly Park.
- 42:38SPEAKER_02: Jelly Park.
- 42:39SPEAKER_03: Ooze Park?
- 42:41SPEAKER_03: Because they are technically considered oozes.
- 42:43SPEAKER_02: Gelatinous Park.
- 42:44SPEAKER_02: It was right there.
- 42:46SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
- 42:47SPEAKER_02: Um sorry, uh, I I did take that one from chat.
- 42:51SPEAKER_02: Uh I I I want to I want to like properly credit that one.
- 42:55SPEAKER_02: I don't typically read chat out loud when we're recording, but we're disappointing, guys.
- 43:02SPEAKER_04: Gelatinous Park was right in front of us and we didn't take it.
- 43:04SPEAKER_03: We're so it was.
- 43:05SPEAKER_03: So after a few weeks, the cube developed an appetite for horses.
- 43:10SPEAKER_03: And had to be destroyed.
- 43:15SPEAKER_02: An appetite for horses.
- 43:17SPEAKER_02: Okay, I that was that was a curveball.
- 43:19SPEAKER_02: I was not prepared.
- 43:20SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 43:21SPEAKER_03: Uh yeah, I really thought it was gonna eat the guy.
- 43:23SPEAKER_03: The mage was like, Yeah, I've domesticated this thing, it's gonna clean the streets, and then suddenly horses started disappearing, and you know, bones started appearing inside the gelatinus cube, probably along with the horses.
- 43:45SPEAKER_03: A whole stable of us more than one horse.
- 43:49SPEAKER_03: More than one.
- 43:50SPEAKER_03: So the mage attacked it with a fireball and the cube disappeared.
- 43:54SPEAKER_02: Okay, don't trust that.
- 43:57SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so horses uh still vanished from the streets after that.
- 44:02SPEAKER_03: So many think that the cube isn't actually gone.
- 44:05SPEAKER_03: One of the uh more popular theories is that the fireball just caused the cube to go invisible.
- 44:11SPEAKER_02: How would that happen?
- 44:12SPEAKER_02: What?
- 44:13SPEAKER_03: Okay.
- 44:13SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
- 44:14SPEAKER_02: Why it was a cross of two different no no no okay so here is my thoughts on this.
- 44:24SPEAKER_02: Shut up, it's time for my opinion.
- 44:26SPEAKER_01: Okay.
- 44:28SPEAKER_02: No, um that makes no sense.
- 44:31SPEAKER_02: Um first of all second of all um yes you wouldn't be able to see the cube theoretically but you would probably see floating horse skeletons if it was still there.
- 44:41SPEAKER_02: More than likely yes second of all uh definitely a horse thief is taking advantage of this and going around and stealing all of the horses.
- 44:50SPEAKER_02: That's actually yeah that's actually the dragonborn from Skyrim is going around stealing horses.
- 44:58SPEAKER_04: Yeah and then he's and then he's like at the town hall meetings and he's like okay guys here's my here's my here's the latest in my like research on like cubes because it's obviously this cube who's stealing the horses to to throw okay that that feels like the thing about it going invisible from the fireball feels like whenever people just like involve aliens in their like theory about like what actually you know about a weird occurrence or whatever and they're it's like the bit from from Buzzfeed Unsolved uh Rust and Pepperonis where uh Ryan is like discussing a theory about the Bermuda triangle um and it's like you know what if the people who go missing in the Bermuda Triangle oh I forget if if it's like the the it's like what if they're actually like traveling through time or they're being abducted by aliens and then Shane is like what if what if what if it's like sure what if it's invisible what if I think it's aliens it's always aliens it's always aliens it's always aliens it's just like what if it's invisible okay okay so what do we do about that?
- 46:09SPEAKER_03: Like uh well you don't really do anything I guess.
- 46:12SPEAKER_03: So next we have just something like really really quick from uh Deity Do's and don'ts web enhancement for face and pantheons and literally the only thing that's mentioned about gelatinous cubes is that they are a favored monster by the Drow god uh Gondar.
- 46:30SPEAKER_03: Gondar?
- 46:31SPEAKER_04: Gonadar Gonadar yeah yeah he's uh the Orcish god that's worshipped by the Drow I think uh so yeah apparently he favors gelatinous cubes that does not surprise me he just thinks they're neat or wait no maybe he is a oh apparently he's the god of of uh abominations oozes and outcasts okay that's what it is commonly referred to as that which lurks that's a cool yeah I like that's that's a cool he just thinks they're neat he's like except instead of a potato it's a gelatinous cube and his hand is melting yeah okay that that's right he's a he's an ooze he he's he's an ought to be like a primordial ooze uh okay I got him confused with grump don't worry no no no no no as we've learned this guy might secretly be grumpy might secretly be grump can't rule it out yeah grump can't rule it out everyone is grump so next we will hit the third edition or technically 3.5 edition I'm guessing third edition didn't actually have that much difference no yeah y'all know how it is yeah but uh first let's go ahead and do our ad break all right I was expecting more enthusiasm from everyone else too oh sorry so I'm just thinking I'm just thinking I'm thinking really hard about if the cube was invisible would the stuff inside it be invisible or would it just be like floating you know good question I mean I I there's an answer to that for sure but let's ponder that while we take our break.
- 48:06SPEAKER_03: Yeah so thank you everybody for listening uh we do still have our affiliate partnership with FanReal Dice going on.
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- 48:55SPEAKER_02: Last month's mini sode is live I discussed the book Prayers from the Faithful and we also sort of got into beginnings of like discussion of the essential DMs book list.
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- 50:22SPEAKER_04: You can also subscribe wherever you listen to get notifications for when our new episodes go live and on those platforms uh we would really appreciate if you left a rating and review and also tell your friends your friends who like are evolutionary biologists please actually tell your friends who are evolutionary biologists because I want to speak to them.
- 50:42SPEAKER_04: Yeah I would love to we we can collab yeah we can collab.
- 50:46SPEAKER_02: I want to know their thoughts on the cube tell your friends who just like gelatin you know yeah your friends who are um big fan of 1950s cooking uh and a big thank you to Alexander Nacarata for our theme song Blacksmith I also want to add one more quick thank you that um I've been meaning to figure out how to include in here thank you so much to everyone who has joined our Patreon to everyone who has subscribed to us on Twitch and just found or found like found ways to send us any funds.
- 51:23SPEAKER_02: It is so kind and so appreciated and I promise you every single bit of that has gone into trying to make this even better and more of what you guys want.
- 51:32SPEAKER_04: Yeah we really appreciate we do it it's very very appreciated.
- 51:36SPEAKER_03: It's very touching but before I get to um promotional no I was gonna say sappy but you know we we get back to pondering the cube pondering the cube who uh pondering the cube us true true so monster manual 3.5 because third edition of 3.5 did not really have a whole lot of big differences right so it says that this creature looks like a thick wall of quivering transparent protoplasm.
- 52:10SPEAKER_02: Don't like the use of the word quivering I just I just think it's a I just think it's a bad word.
- 52:16SPEAKER_02: It's not a good word quivering why would you do that to me?
- 52:24SPEAKER_04: Okay now I feel like I have license to make whatever gross fart mouth sounds I want unfortunately yes you do they are considered huge oozes their HP is 4d10 plus 32.
- 52:39SPEAKER_04: Now the HP is looking more like how I imagined yeah um their initiative is negative five okay negative five initiative you know what they're they're gonna get there when they get there don't worry about it don't worry about it their speed is 15 feet okay they use Internet Explorer Jesus yeah from like fucking 2000 their AC is three they have a negative two due to their size and a negative five because of their dexterity okay that's you are you are not imagine imagine the shame of missing and missing a gelatin skin you kind of have to roll a I mean I guess you could roll a two and have absolutely no modifier but yeah I would quit playing I would also quit I would pack up my dice and stuff and I would be like alright see you guys and then I would have to leave the DD group.
- 53:40SPEAKER_04: Yeah see you guys next week okay also in before you in that circumstance where like you roll a one what happens is you trip and you face plant into cubes.
- 53:52SPEAKER_03: Yeah that's what I would do that's what I would do just faceplant into it same their base attack is uh plus three to hit they do one d6 damage plus one d6 acid damage okay now where they really like shine is their grapple they have a plus eleven that's I mean it makes sense it makes sense but that's I mean I've never wrestled Jell-O but I haven't either but I assume something that's you know 15 20 feet squared yeah hard to fight with yeah uh they take up 15 feet and they have a reach of 10 feet I don't like that so they're yeah they also have a uh longer reach than most people so that's always fun yeah so even if you can't reach it it can reach you which is upsetting they are blind and everything like that still but they do have blind sight of up to 60 feet away after which of course they are completely blind.
- 54:52SPEAKER_03: Right.
- 54:53SPEAKER_03: They are immune to electricity and again they are transparent or nearly transparent depending inorganic materials remain trapped and visible inside the cube's body okay so a typical cube is 15 feet on all sides and weighs about 5000 pounds.
- 55:15SPEAKER_04: That's a thick boy 50 pounds that's also like that is very large.
- 55:23SPEAKER_04: That is a very large cube that is very large like and yeah I was gonna say it is dense like holy shit you know uh it's so funny I think it's partially just because I have been watching a lot of I've been watching a lot of snake videos lately because I because I like Clint Reptile Room yeah shout out to Clint's Reptile Room but like at some point I'm gonna have to have a compilation of all the times we've shouted out Clint's reptile room specifically yeah and then we can take a trip and go visit um but like to me which is it's so funny because these things should be so different in in your brain and obviously they are but to me I'm thinking about these things the same way I would be thinking about like a very very venomous snake.
- 56:09SPEAKER_04: But well because okay because it's like I was thinking like you know a constrictor of some kind no I'm thinking of like a very venomous snake because it's like the the thing about it is like you know like especially like with thinking about like the reach they have because there's a lot of really dangerous venomous snakes that can close 10 feet of ground on you like immediate and the thing about it too is like at least now granted I'm sure if you're like a super you know you're super juiced up powerful adventurer and you have all your friends with you you know yeah you'd probably be okay but like you know kind of translating this as like a normal person all it takes is for that thing to tag you one time and you're dead.
- 56:53SPEAKER_04: True.
- 56:53SPEAKER_04: You know what I mean?
- 56:54SPEAKER_02: Unless you happen to have Haptooth's antidote on you.
- 56:58SPEAKER_03: Or just R he does sell but he did say it's very expensive.
- 57:02SPEAKER_04: Or just R Haptooth and can just live without like half of your torso I guess.
- 57:07SPEAKER_04: Yeah I guess so but but it's like all this thing has to do is tag you like one time and even if it's not the same mechanically as like a venomous snake where you're gonna you're gonna die of the various kinds of bad things that snake venom can do to you.
- 57:21SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
- 57:21SPEAKER_04: In this case you are going to be dissolved alive.
- 57:24SPEAKER_04: But it's like all this thing has to do is tag you one time from a pretty decent distance away and you're done.
- 57:32SPEAKER_04: That's fair.
- 57:33SPEAKER_04: You know like especially given it's so interesting too that that you know these things do have like some um sort of like elemental resistances that would make them harder to dispatch with magic in some cases because like I don't want to be near this thing.
- 57:49SPEAKER_02: Yeah no I I want to be as far away as possible.
- 57:51SPEAKER_03: Yeah actually following up on your uh being able to lash out so now they actually do have the capability of lashing out with a pseudopod.
- 58:01SPEAKER_03: Ah yes the pseudopods so they can lash out with their pseudopod I'm assuming that is what gives them the 10 foot reach.
- 58:10SPEAKER_03: Probably but they do still prefer to like engulf their victims.
- 58:14SPEAKER_02: Well yeah they're lazy.
- 58:15SPEAKER_03: Yeah exactly yeah and in order to engulf them they literally just have to like move over the creature or creatures which it can affect as many creatures as it can cover.
- 58:27SPEAKER_02: Yeah that's completely unsurprising.
- 58:29SPEAKER_03: Yeah so in this instance if a cube does like move over you to engulf you you are allowed to make an opportunity attack when it does that.
- 58:40SPEAKER_03: But if you do then you're not allowed a saving throw against it engulfing you.
- 58:44SPEAKER_02: Fun.
- 58:45SPEAKER_02: No I'll take the saving throw thank you.
- 58:47SPEAKER_03: I will I'll yeah I'll get out of the way yeah uh which it's a uh DC 13 reflex saving throw.
- 58:55SPEAKER_03: Failure obviously means that you get engulfed so you can choose to attack it and just not get a saving throw.
- 59:01SPEAKER_04: Yeah or you can choose to make the saving throw and potentially not get the three if that if that thing has more than um like two HP I would recommend just getting out of the way.
- 59:11SPEAKER_04: Yeah yeah don't be a hero.
- 59:13SPEAKER_03: Now as far as their like uh paralysis that doesn't actually happen until you are inside the cube.
- 59:20SPEAKER_04: Okay that is better that is that is that does feel marginally better.
- 59:25SPEAKER_03: So once you're engulfed the cube will secrete the like anesthetizing yeah anesthetizing slime which is a DC 20 fortitude saving throw or you're paralyzed for three d6 rounds which I will say a DC 20 fortitude saving throw is quite high of high yeah I mean I feel like it's it's like 3.5 numbers it might be reasonable for because it's well got an average of 72 hp I don't know depending depending on when you might regularly be encountering these things could be could be reasonable because 3.5 does have slightly inflated numbers but that's still like yeah that's not low that's not low by any stretch of the imagination so because they are you know like nearly transparent as you're like walking through the dungeon if you fail to notice a cube which is a DC20 spot check for 3.5 uh you will literally just like walk into it and are automatically engulfed oh no fine yeah so if you don't see it you just kind of suddenly walk into a cube and then you're stuck getting digested yay I think it's it's just that it's like I gotta say I feel like this of all of all like DD creatures this is like I would say maybe top five worst ways to die.
- 1:00:55SPEAKER_04: It's definitely up there for sure it's up there man.
- 1:00:59SPEAKER_03: And then of course we take a quick dive into fourth edition.
- 1:01:02SPEAKER_04: I love how small the fourth edition section is not to not to put it not to peek behind the curtain too much but the fourth edition section is so much it's so tiny.
- 1:01:12SPEAKER_02: It's so clear that you're like I'm not interested shot this down.
- 1:01:15SPEAKER_03: And the vertical point not a lot of information regarding bullet point is punctuated by a question mark.
- 1:01:23SPEAKER_03: Yeah um so they're classified as large natural beasts that's okay okay I don't know how this can be a beast it's a worm I mean beast is sort of like DD for animal yeah it's not an animal but I mean I can I can see it as an animal admittedly natural does uh it's a jellyfish worm.
- 1:01:50SPEAKER_02: Natural is a little odd because I do consider them a little bit more magical is I have I have few I have less issues with them being denoted as natural.
- 1:02:01SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
- 1:02:02SPEAKER_04: So so so Louan's totally okay with this Travis's issue with beast and I have issue with natural I have a little bit of an issue with beast because like I can okay because like I can buy this being a naturally occurring thing in the world of D D because like fuck sure why not yeah but but like I don't know this to me is just like like I don't know maybe it is splitting hairs but I feel like they should just have their own category like I agree.
- 1:02:30SPEAKER_03: Large large natural thing I don't know I mean they were classified as oozes in like 3.5 and everything prior why not just stick with ooze yeah um trying to you know recontextualize everything into fitting into broad categories yeah yeah like I don't know I just feel like they could they could have they could have they could have left it alone yeah they could have left it alone or if they wanted to make it more broad I feel like you could have a category that isn't beast for things like Latinus cubes and they could have left it alone tagline for fourth edition.
- 1:03:06SPEAKER_04: Yeah honest is so true.
- 1:03:08SPEAKER_04: I don't know what I don't know what Aries hit like with his tail I think it was but it literally it sounded like a dice roll and I feel like you could see the neuron activation when I when I heard what I thought was this the sound of a die I was like well um he is knocking over various clay softening and uh conditioning liquids that I have with his tail that tracks yeah yeah it sounded like a die to me and I was like what are we rolling the uh cubes are a bit more beefy um their HP is 152.
- 1:03:43SPEAKER_03: Ooh big chunky yep their AC is 18 uh like I said earlier they are unaligned yeah okay fine whatever yeah yeah I mean unaligned is fine yeah it's a cube it's a cube that doesn't have a brain fine whatever yeah exactly their slam attack is a plus ten versus fortitude uh one d6 plus two damage and this can immobilize the target if they don't save against it their engulf can attack one or two medium or small targets and it's just versus a reflex save it automatically hits immobilized creatures okay so that makes sense that that's on a hit the target is grabbed and pulled into the cube's space so the cube isn't taking over your space it is now pulling you into its space I guess no that that makes sense yeah the target takes uh or becomes dazed and then takes an ongoing 10 acid damage until it escapes okay due to the Tolitus cube being translucent it is this is just Okay there it is yeah I was it is invisible until seen no shit okay just a dumb statement like yeah no shit it's invisible until seen okay which requires a DC25 perception check or until it attacks okay all right it is invisible until scene until scene invisible until scene yeah as are most things okay yeah watch check this out guys whoa hey Lewin is uninvisible till scene uninvisible okay I'm stupid it's yeah it's just it's dumb like okay sure yeah and then you know same as before if a creature fails to see it and walks into it it automatically gets great fails to see it because it's invisible because it's invisible until seen if a if a if a tree is if a tree is invisible in a forest does it does it fall does it fall I don't fucking know like I know I know it feels like nitpicky but like that phrasing is
- 1:06:00SPEAKER_04: Really really funny and stupid.
- 1:06:03SPEAKER_02: Too many cooks in the kitchen, not enough editors, that's for sure.
- 1:06:07SPEAKER_03: No invisible until we uh leave all that behind, thankfully, and go to uh 5th edition Monster Manual.
- 1:06:16SPEAKER_03: Uh-oh.
- 1:06:17SPEAKER_03: Uh where it says that they scour dungeon passages in silent, predictable patterns, leaving perfectly clean paths in their wake.
- 1:06:25SPEAKER_02: Ooh.
- 1:06:25SPEAKER_03: They consume living tissue and leave bones and other materials undissolved.
- 1:06:30SPEAKER_02: Okay, so I I was right about like that some in some editions that they don't dissolve bone.
- 1:06:36SPEAKER_03: Yeah, um, it's really just fifth edition, I believe.
- 1:06:39SPEAKER_02: I thought Okay, that's fair.
- 1:06:42SPEAKER_04: I feel like I feel like it it probably this may have been the first time that that was mentioned specifically, but I think in some older art they do show like bones.
- 1:06:51SPEAKER_02: Yeah, which but those could also be in the process of being digested.
- 1:06:54SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and they probably just were like for flavor, you know.
- 1:06:58SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
- 1:06:59SPEAKER_04: Like to to you know, to to like show, you know, oh spooky.
- 1:07:03SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
- 1:07:04SPEAKER_03: Also that, yeah.
- 1:07:05SPEAKER_03: Um they are, you know, all but transparent, which makes them really hard to see.
- 1:07:10SPEAKER_03: Right.
- 1:07:11SPEAKER_03: It states that a cube that is well fed can be easier to spot since uh the victim's bones, coins, and other objects would be suspended inside the creature.
- 1:07:22SPEAKER_02: Right, that makes sense.
- 1:07:23SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 1:07:24SPEAKER_03: So, I mean, and that's like the first time it outright has mentioned that part as well.
- 1:07:29SPEAKER_03: I think that that's probably just like assumed from other editions that, you know, if it's got something that's not digestible, you'd probably be able to see it.
- 1:07:36SPEAKER_03: Right.
- 1:07:36SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 1:07:37SPEAKER_03: When talking about it engulfing creatures, it says, uh, quote, the only upside of this torturous death is that a victim's comrades can come to the rescue before it is too late.
- 1:07:48SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I mean Yeah.
- 1:07:51SPEAKER_03: The only upside to being engulfed by a cube.
- 1:07:54SPEAKER_04: Yeah, at least it doesn't immediately kill you.
- 1:07:56SPEAKER_04: That is true.
- 1:07:57SPEAKER_03: According to the Demon Nomicon of Igwilv and other sources, oozes, which obviously like gelatinous cubes fall under are scattered fragments or offspring of the demon lord Jublex.
- 1:08:11SPEAKER_02: Okay.
- 1:08:12SPEAKER_02: Uh I believe we've talked a little bit about Jublex before.
- 1:08:15SPEAKER_02: Yes.
- 1:08:15SPEAKER_02: Uh we might have actually had a whole episode on him now that I think about it.
- 1:08:18SPEAKER_03: We might have.
- 1:08:19SPEAKER_03: I don't fully remember.
- 1:08:20SPEAKER_03: I don't doesn't matter.
- 1:08:21SPEAKER_03: Jublex is one of the few beings that can actually like control oozes and can even imbue them with like some intelligence.
- 1:08:30SPEAKER_03: Okay.
- 1:08:30SPEAKER_03: It doesn't specify how much, but some intelligence.
- 1:08:33SPEAKER_02: I mean, I imagine that he just loans them some of his imagine probably.
- 1:08:37SPEAKER_04: Imagine being an ooze.
- 1:08:39SPEAKER_04: And then suddenly having a brain.
- 1:08:41SPEAKER_04: And then suddenly one day you just are sentient.
- 1:08:43SPEAKER_04: That'd be fucked up.
- 1:08:44SPEAKER_03: That would be kind of fucked.
- 1:08:46SPEAKER_03: Uh their AC is now six.
- 1:08:50SPEAKER_03: Their head points are 8d10 plus 40.
- 1:08:55SPEAKER_03: Chunky.
- 1:08:55SPEAKER_03: Like Taylor said earlier, they have their speed of 15.
- 1:08:59SPEAKER_03: Yay.
- 1:09:00SPEAKER_03: They are fast.
- 1:09:02SPEAKER_03: Immediately blind, charmed, deafened, exhaustion, frightened, prone.
- 1:09:08SPEAKER_03: Hey, you can't knock this big cube over.
- 1:09:11SPEAKER_04: You can't knock the cube over because it's the same thing.
- 1:09:13SPEAKER_03: It's the same on all sides, so then it'll just start moving on that side.
- 1:09:16SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it'll just continue to move.
- 1:09:18SPEAKER_03: They have their pseudopod weapon, but they only have a five-foot reach now instead of ten.
- 1:09:23SPEAKER_03: That's better.
- 1:09:24SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's reassuring.
- 1:09:25SPEAKER_03: So whenever the cube enters a creature's space, the creature must make a DC12 dexterity saving throw.
- 1:09:31SPEAKER_03: Uh failed save, the cube will enter their space, and the creatures take 3d6 acid damage and are engulfed.
- 1:09:38SPEAKER_03: This is also the first time that it mentions anything about the creatures not being able to breathe.
- 1:09:44SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that makes sense because if you breathe in acid, bad for the lungs.
- 1:09:49SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 1:09:50SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so you acid famously does not do well in lungs.
- 1:09:54SPEAKER_03: Famously.
- 1:09:55SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 1:09:56SPEAKER_03: Engulfed creatures can't breathe, they're restrained, and then they take 66 acid damage at the start of each of the cubes' turns.
- 1:10:03SPEAKER_03: It can take an action to make a well correction.
- 1:10:07SPEAKER_03: Uh the creature can make a DC-12 strength saving throw to escape as an action.
- 1:10:12SPEAKER_03: Okay.
- 1:10:12SPEAKER_03: So you have to spend an action to escape.
- 1:10:15SPEAKER_03: Or a creature outside of the cube can also make a DC twelve strength check to pull a creature or object out of the cube, but doing so will also cause them to take 3d6 acid damage.
- 1:10:28SPEAKER_04: Because I mean you're reaching into the cube, so yeah, you have to be that you have to be a real good friend.
- 1:10:34SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
- 1:10:35SPEAKER_02: Don't let your wizard get too close to the cube unless you are prepared to dive into the cube to retrieve your wizard.
- 1:10:42SPEAKER_03: Yeah, basically.
- 1:10:43SPEAKER_02: Because that wizard is not passing that DC12 strength.
- 1:10:47SPEAKER_03: No.
- 1:10:48SPEAKER_03: Unless you have a buff wizard, I guess.
- 1:10:50SPEAKER_03: Or a lucky wizard.
- 1:10:51SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 1:10:52SPEAKER_03: Or a lucky wizard.
- 1:10:53SPEAKER_03: So then we jump to Out of the Abyss, which is uh adventure module.
- 1:10:58SPEAKER_03: And here is where we meet Glabagoul.
- 1:11:02SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry.
- 1:11:03SPEAKER_02: Glabagoul.
- 1:11:04SPEAKER_02: Are we in the Sopranos?
- 1:11:06SPEAKER_02: Gabagoul.
- 1:11:07SPEAKER_03: Glabagool.
- 1:11:08SPEAKER_03: Glab.
- 1:11:08SPEAKER_03: Gabaghool.
- 1:11:10SPEAKER_03: Um, so Glabagoul is a gelatinous cube that actually decided to call itself Glabagoul.
- 1:11:18SPEAKER_03: It gave itself a name because it has an intelligence of 10.
- 1:11:21SPEAKER_02: I really like the Sopranos.
- 1:11:22SPEAKER_02: Sorry.
- 1:11:24SPEAKER_03: Because why?
- 1:11:26SPEAKER_03: It has an intelligence of 10.
- 1:11:28SPEAKER_04: Okay.
- 1:11:28SPEAKER_04: That is average.
- 1:11:29SPEAKER_04: That is.
- 1:11:30SPEAKER_03: Which but that is the world's smartest gelatinous cube.
- 1:11:34SPEAKER_03: Smartest gelatinous cube.
- 1:11:35SPEAKER_03: It also has telepathy out to a range of 60 feet.
- 1:11:39SPEAKER_04: That makes sense.
- 1:11:40SPEAKER_04: I guess it wouldn't it wouldn't talk with its mouth, I guess.
- 1:11:44SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 1:11:44SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 1:11:46SPEAKER_03: So it was actually granted this sentience when Jublex arrived in the Underdark during this like module.
- 1:11:53SPEAKER_02: God appears before you and gives you the ability to think.
- 1:11:57SPEAKER_03: Yep.
- 1:11:58SPEAKER_03: And to speak telepathically.
- 1:12:00SPEAKER_03: Cool.
- 1:12:00SPEAKER_03: So the thing that I actually really like about Globagul though is it is like genuinely curious about like other creatures and wants to learn more about the world itself.
- 1:12:10SPEAKER_03: So like it won't attack anyone unless it is attacked first.
- 1:12:14SPEAKER_03: And like running into it, it will literally just ask all these questions about like you, your race, the world in general, because it has just gained sentience basically.
- 1:12:26SPEAKER_04: That's so nice.
- 1:12:27SPEAKER_04: See, I was imagining this was going to be the type of scenario where like, you know, babies are really naturally curious about a lot of stuff.
- 1:12:35SPEAKER_04: But you know, obviously their first um their first line of learning about anything is to grab it and put it in their mouth.
- 1:12:42SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
- 1:12:42SPEAKER_04: Oh god.
- 1:12:43SPEAKER_04: And I was worried that's where that was going for a second.
- 1:12:45SPEAKER_01: Thankfully, no.
- 1:12:47SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
- 1:12:48SPEAKER_04: Because Glabagul.
- 1:12:50SPEAKER_01: I also love Glabagoul.
- 1:12:52SPEAKER_04: I've had Glabagul for two minutes, and if anything happened to it, I would kill everyone in the Underdark and then myself duplex.
- 1:12:59SPEAKER_04: Oh, and I would be like, bring bring back Glabagul.
- 1:13:03SPEAKER_04: Just break off a piece and just break off a piece of yourself.
- 1:13:07SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
- 1:13:08SPEAKER_03: Maybe.
- 1:13:09SPEAKER_03: Because of the fact that it is, you know, still like a gelatus cube and an ooze.
- 1:13:14SPEAKER_03: Right.
- 1:13:15SPEAKER_03: Other oozes won't attack it.
- 1:13:17SPEAKER_03: Oh, good.
- 1:13:17SPEAKER_03: So if you befriended it.
- 1:13:19SPEAKER_03: Everybody loves Glabagoul.
- 1:13:20SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 1:13:21SPEAKER_03: If you befriended it like in this adventure, it could actually help you by like blocking off passageways if there's like a lot of oozes coming after you.
- 1:13:29SPEAKER_03: Oh, they can't pass it and they won't attack it.
- 1:13:32SPEAKER_03: So I love Glabagoul.
- 1:13:35SPEAKER_01: I love him.
- 1:13:36SPEAKER_01: It's uh very helpful.
- 1:13:38SPEAKER_04: We got we got we got Glabagoul, we got large Luigi.
- 1:13:44SPEAKER_01: Large Luigi.
- 1:13:46SPEAKER_02: Large Luigi and Glabagoul are added to the list of friends.
- 1:13:51SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
- 1:13:51SPEAKER_04: Also, like side note, I do think it's so funny how like 10 is considered like just baseline average intelligence.
- 1:14:01SPEAKER_04: And you know, the the variations in like numbers like nearby are not necessarily like meant to be that big.
- 1:14:08SPEAKER_04: So you would consider nine as like a little below average.
- 1:14:12SPEAKER_04: Right.
- 1:14:12SPEAKER_04: But like in my experience as a DD player, I see that and I'm like, oh, this dumb fuck, this is the dumbest fucking person alive, even though it's like slightly below average.
- 1:14:24SPEAKER_02: Slightly below average.
- 1:14:25SPEAKER_04: I'm like, you're dumber than an ooze, you fucking idiot.
- 1:14:31SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 1:14:32SPEAKER_03: So that's uh basically all of the uh like information and lore wise about gelatin scoops.
- 1:14:38SPEAKER_03: I did have her run into something that is just like an interesting side note.
- 1:14:42SPEAKER_05: Uh-huh.
- 1:14:42SPEAKER_03: And Ares is headbutting the mic again.
- 1:14:45SPEAKER_03: Uh-oh.
- 1:14:45SPEAKER_03: Oh.
- 1:14:46SPEAKER_03: Sir.
- 1:14:48SPEAKER_03: So in Dragon Magazine 425 that was uh released in 2013, there's a section that is called Spin a Yarn, the night Thelva Clovenax flew.
- 1:14:59SPEAKER_01: Okay.
- 1:15:00SPEAKER_03: So it's a short story that was written by Ed Greenwood, basically about two doors that work as uh spirits blenders.
- 1:15:09SPEAKER_03: So uh they make different ales and whatnot.
- 1:15:13SPEAKER_03: Uh they're just like throwing random odds and ends of various things together to make ales.
- 1:15:18SPEAKER_03: Oh, we go find the like the cube tastes like.
- 1:15:22SPEAKER_03: No.
- 1:15:22SPEAKER_03: Oh, so uh Thelva ends up creating a concoction that when she drank it, it made her like shine super bright and then float up into the air.
- 1:15:32SPEAKER_03: Oh.
- 1:15:32SPEAKER_03: Uh-oh.
- 1:15:33SPEAKER_03: And her husband was trying to find a way to fix it.
- 1:15:37SPEAKER_04: So he likes so that way his wife doesn't just float away.
- 1:15:41SPEAKER_03: Yeah, because when it happens, they're inside, but if she happens to get outside, she will just float up forever.
- 1:15:48SPEAKER_04: Yeah, like throws her a rope and she like ties it around her ankle and they just tie her to some piece of furniture.
- 1:15:55SPEAKER_03: Honestly, that would have been smart.
- 1:15:57SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 1:15:58SPEAKER_03: Oh no.
- 1:15:59SPEAKER_03: Uh he ends up going to a barkeep, basically, and is like, hey, you know people.
- 1:16:06SPEAKER_03: Do you know someone that can help?
- 1:16:08SPEAKER_03: And he ends up coming back with a uh pixie lich.
- 1:16:13SPEAKER_04: Okay.
- 1:16:14SPEAKER_03: Brand new sentence.
- 1:16:15SPEAKER_03: New sentence.
- 1:16:17SPEAKER_04: New sentence just dropped.
- 1:16:19SPEAKER_01: A pixie lich.
- 1:16:20SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
- 1:16:21SPEAKER_01: A pixie lich.
- 1:16:22SPEAKER_04: You know, I would say I would be more scared of a pixie lich than a Draco Lich.
- 1:16:27SPEAKER_04: I'm not even gonna lie.
- 1:16:28SPEAKER_04: Same.
- 1:16:28SPEAKER_04: I think I would be more scared of a pixie lich.
- 1:16:30SPEAKER_03: I mean, you know, I probably would be too, honestly, because I mean, why the hell is a pixie lich even a thing, first of all?
- 1:16:39SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it definitely feels like it shouldn't be.
- 1:16:41SPEAKER_04: You're a little, you know, you're a little you get a little too quirky, you know.
- 1:16:46SPEAKER_04: We get you have a weird, you know, you get a little too into dark magic, and then that happens.
- 1:16:52SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 1:16:52SPEAKER_03: Um, I mean, not the full point of this, but the Pixie Lich's name is Drita.
- 1:16:58SPEAKER_03: Okay.
- 1:16:59SPEAKER_03: But uh, so they start basically talking to this Pixie Lich and asking about like various people that she knows, and uh the Tavern Keep actually ends up asking her about someone called Lafangalir.
- 1:17:13SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
- 1:17:14SPEAKER_03: And her entire response is this is like a whole quote.
- 1:17:19SPEAKER_03: Now that's a sad, sad story.
- 1:17:21SPEAKER_03: Got turned into a gelatinous cube, couldn't get turned back, and tried to kill himself.
- 1:17:25SPEAKER_03: Became something of a hero, got a broadsheet to print a banner proclaiming his desire for a solid relationship, and some mermaid paladin showed up to answer it.
- 1:17:34SPEAKER_03: He fled from her and ended up at an orphanage where he donated himself to be served up as dessert to the orphans.
- 1:17:43SPEAKER_03: They refused at first, of course, but someone in Mishore gave the orphans poison candy, so they gave tiny slices of him to the dying as a desperate curing attempt, and it worked.
- 1:17:54SPEAKER_03: Eating him got rid of the poison.
- 1:17:56SPEAKER_03: He sacrificed himself and saved them all.
- 1:17:58SPEAKER_03: Oh my god.
- 1:18:00SPEAKER_03: The pixie lich shrugged and said, So no more Lithangalir.
- 1:18:05SPEAKER_04: And one of those orphans was me, and then he tastes like white monster.
- 1:18:12SPEAKER_04: There's there's so much.
- 1:18:14SPEAKER_02: I can't begin to dissect even a section of that because it's impenetrable.
- 1:18:18SPEAKER_02: There's too much.
- 1:18:19SPEAKER_04: There's so much.
- 1:18:20SPEAKER_04: There's how how did he get turned into a cube?
- 1:18:23SPEAKER_03: She does not explain ever.
- 1:18:25SPEAKER_04: Um, mermaid paladin.
- 1:18:27SPEAKER_02: I mean, what's the no question, just a statement.
- 1:18:30SPEAKER_03: Just mermaid paladin.
- 1:18:32SPEAKER_03: Uh he then fled from the mermaid paladin who was, you know, answering the banner for a solid relationship.
- 1:18:38SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
- 1:18:38SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 1:18:39SPEAKER_04: No explanation to why he he he was like, it he didn't think anyone was actually gonna take it serious, and then it got too real, and he was like, oh shit, and then he tried to ghost her.
- 1:18:51SPEAKER_04: Why was the mermaid paladin interested in?
- 1:18:54SPEAKER_03: Yeah, 15 feet at a time.
- 1:18:57SPEAKER_04: He's trying to flee.
- 1:18:58SPEAKER_03: I mean, I don't know how fast a mermaid would be able to move on land.
- 1:19:02SPEAKER_03: That's true.
- 1:19:04SPEAKER_04: She's just she's just like crawling, you know, with with her arms after this cube.
- 1:19:10SPEAKER_04: This cube that's just like slowly just sloshing away, inching his way down like at the airport, and she's just like crawling, like, no, don't go.
- 1:19:19SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
- 1:19:20SPEAKER_04: Jesus.
- 1:19:23SPEAKER_03: But yeah, that's that that's it.
- 1:19:24SPEAKER_03: That's all the information I have.
- 1:19:26SPEAKER_03: Um I just thought that was a fun little side note.
- 1:19:28SPEAKER_04: I like that this this to this this story to me would be like uh like more interesting than the the lady who is like now a light fixture in her in in her house.
- 1:19:42SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
- 1:19:43SPEAKER_04: Like that like that's more like I'm I'm this guy, and I'm like, wait, hold on.
- 1:19:47SPEAKER_04: My wife can wait.
- 1:19:48SPEAKER_04: Tell me more about this little bit.
- 1:19:49SPEAKER_02: Tell me more about the the cube and the mermaid.
- 1:19:52SPEAKER_02: And yourself.
- 1:19:53SPEAKER_04: Also, how did eating it how did eating him?
- 1:19:57SPEAKER_02: I'd imagine it's sort of kind of like um charcoal where except like more like con like did it just cancel out?
- 1:20:06SPEAKER_02: My my idea was that like the the little itty bitty bits of him sought out the poison and ate the poison.
- 1:20:13SPEAKER_04: I guess, but like okay.
- 1:20:16SPEAKER_02: And then he's probably indigestible, maybe?
- 1:20:18SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it stay it he he it stays in there for like seven years, you know?
- 1:20:22SPEAKER_03: It's like it just like absorbed the poison out of the bloodstream and then wouldn't I don't know that also cost I I don't know.
- 1:20:30SPEAKER_02: I guess that's my best guess is that the he the bits of him were passive owl movement.
- 1:20:36SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
- 1:20:36SPEAKER_02: I yeah, and it's like why does activated why does activated charcoal work?
- 1:20:41SPEAKER_04: I mean we know activated charcoal doesn't normally inflict acid damage on people.
- 1:20:46SPEAKER_02: You're not wrong.
- 1:20:48SPEAKER_04: Yeah, actually, famously, guys.
- 1:20:50SPEAKER_04: Um if you just take if you if you are poisoned, just take another poison and they cancel each other out.
- 1:20:56SPEAKER_04: Famously in real life.
- 1:20:57SPEAKER_02: That's maybe it was a very basic poison.
- 1:21:00SPEAKER_02: Because he's an acid and then they neutralize each other.
- 1:21:02SPEAKER_04: Also, who's who's poisoning the orphans?
- 1:21:06SPEAKER_03: That is a very good question.
- 1:21:08SPEAKER_04: Poison candy?
- 1:21:09SPEAKER_03: That's great with poison candy.
- 1:21:11SPEAKER_03: Like, come on, man.
- 1:21:12SPEAKER_04: Was this real Halloween?
- 1:21:16SPEAKER_04: I'm glad he got to be a hero in the end, but I just have a lot of questions.
- 1:21:21SPEAKER_04: Same cubes, man.
- 1:21:24SPEAKER_04: Well, thank you so much for listening, for for pondering our cube with us.
- 1:21:29SPEAKER_04: Um don't forget to follow us on our various social media platforms, spread the word to your friends.
- 1:21:34SPEAKER_04: Uh, we really appreciate it.
- 1:21:35SPEAKER_02: And if you have anything you'd like to discuss as a topic for us to cover, as we have been doing a lot of fun topics, including some listener suggestions, feel free to email us at dungeonpedia.podcast at gmail.com.
- 1:21:47SPEAKER_03: And thank you once again for listening.
- 1:21:49SPEAKER_03: And we'll catch you next week here on Dungeonpedia.
- 1:22:00SPEAKER_03: I don't know what monster tastes like, but I just believe you I just