Latest / Flail to the Face: A "Compatible with Mörk Borg" Actual Play Podcast / Season One, Episode 35: Ichorthorn Pt. 1: Nugless at the Knuckle

Transcript

Season One, Episode 35: Ichorthorn Pt. 1: Nugless at the Knuckle · Flail to the Face: A "Compatible with Mörk Borg" Actual Play Podcast

0:00
Greeting scum and welcome to flail of the face.
0:02
I'm Kevin. I am back again in the high
0:05
chair. Got my my Dino chicky nuggies in
0:08
front of me with my goldfish and I'm here with the rest of the
0:11
guys my. Mouth is watering.
0:14
Hello, I am Levi, I'm back to play Phil.
0:18
Hi, I'm Thomas. I'm playing Quill Knock.
0:20
Hi, I'm Jake and I play SIF loss.
0:24
Yeah. And I'm Walt.
0:26
I'm back again. He's the most famous of us all.
0:29
He really is. All.
0:45
Right. The last episode we left off
1:01
with Quill Knock and Tommy getting out of the Dusk funnel
1:04
and instantly getting down poured on as they're washing off
1:08
all the muck and shit thanks to Turd Wad coming to the rescue
1:12
and picking up Screech as they're cleaning off all the
1:16
muck and shit. Wagon rolls up and it's a bunch
1:19
of guys from the Arch Rogues crew telling Tommy that he needs
1:22
to go back and report in with the Arch Rogue and one thing led
1:26
to another. Tommy takes off with either the
1:28
pad of and Quillnock rolls out with these new guys because the
1:33
arch rogue got a message saying that his aunt and uncle Yotna
1:38
and Craig Allen had passed away mysteriously and he acquired
1:42
their home and thinking that OK well you know time to spread the
1:47
the business across the dying lands.
1:49
He sent Phil and Syphilis to be his emissaries to the town and
1:55
talk to the guy who holds the deed to the house, which was on
2:00
their way up. They got ambushed by some
2:02
bandits trying to rob them. Syphilis's bird, Ted Buddy end
2:06
up getting infected and he's not on the mend.
2:08
They killed most all the bandits except for one that Phil kept
2:12
trying to make the the the old bandits the poison out of the
2:17
out of the Ted Buddy. Yeah, that was fun.
2:21
OK. And then eventually they made it
2:23
up to the logging town of Eiger Thorne.
2:27
Well, Kevin, when you put it like that, it sounds like
2:29
horseshit. I'm just giving a brief recap.
2:33
I'm. Sorry.
2:36
Listen to listen to the last episode and you'll get all the
2:38
details and tell your friends got to Accra Thorne and talked
2:42
to the first kid they found. As you know kids are running
2:45
around to try to get figure out where this rock set is going to
2:48
be and it turns out he was in the Tavern called the Wet
2:53
Knuckle. Yep, Yep, memory clears me.
2:56
You are correct. Delish.
2:57
And that's where we left off. So you guys are in town?
3:01
It is dark, Wet Knuckle seems to be fairly lively right now.
3:06
Every all the other shops are pretty much done for the day.
3:09
Not to railroad you, but where do you want to go?
3:11
Well, so Phallus, I think we should go check this out.
3:15
You fucking talking to me? What do you call me?
3:17
Yeah. It's so phallus.
3:19
Oh, shit. God damn it.
3:21
OK, You know, well, is this the character where I I bring out
3:25
the dead? Yes.
3:26
OK, I'm just making sure. All right, I think that maybe we
3:29
hit up the back of the bar first because they always put, you
3:32
know, the loose odds and ends after a beer smashing across the
3:36
face. So we pick up whatever's in the
3:38
back of the bar. Maybe we get a free lick lick
3:40
off the pavement in the back too.
3:43
Oh yes, we got to get all the silver.
3:45
That's silver for your dad. They drop silver, they drop the
3:48
booze and throw up. Get a little lick.
3:51
Good to go. His favorite is siphoning the
3:54
throw up. I don't know it's.
3:55
Good for his pox. You guys sound terrible and I'm
4:01
just gonna walk forward you door, front door.
4:03
I mean, even imagine. The acid from the throw up does
4:07
seem to affect it a little bit different.
4:09
Yeah, when you mix in the dirt, it's great.
4:11
And. Already walking away, guys
4:13
already walking away. Catch you on the inside.
4:15
As you walk in you'll notice that it's fairly lively, but
4:18
it's more kind of families gathered around and around
4:22
tables and stuff. Kind of kids running around the
4:24
Tavern running amok as they do the parents and all the
4:27
grown-ups. Kind of just like having a big
4:29
boisterous time. And at the end of the Tavern you
4:32
see a a long bar with a single man sitting there just cleaning
4:36
glasses and pouring drinks, couple of waitresses walking
4:40
around taking orders and and the like.
4:42
It's like the Applebee's of the dying world.
4:46
I was thinking Chuck E Cheese. I was thinking new China buffet
4:49
got a smoking section. I want to smoke with my family
4:52
after I get done breaking up these crab legs.
4:54
Did you come in with beef? Oh yeah, I'm sneaking around.
4:57
I smell the chicken. It's OK.
5:04
Yeah, so I'm going to go ahead and walk up to the barky as I'm
5:08
like kind of shaking some of this dampness off of my my
5:12
cloak. Well, hello there.
5:14
You're you're you're new. Who are you?
5:17
Before we get really into pleasantries, I don't need to
5:20
get familiar with any of you. OK.
5:23
Wow. That's.
5:23
I'm looking for. Pretty abrasive, but OK.
5:27
Yeah, well, he's he was he's been in and out here off and on
5:31
all day. He should be busy here now.
5:34
At the moment, No, but I mean, he comes in and out all day.
5:37
Does he normally show up? Well, I don't know.
5:39
He's does he have a usual table? He usually does.
5:42
Yeah. The one over on the side there.
5:44
Can I get you? OK, thanks.
5:46
And I I, well, walked off. Wow.
5:48
OK. Well, he's fucking rude.
5:50
Boy, you're, you're, you're pretty fucking aggressive with
5:52
that man. Sitting there just cleaning my
5:55
glasses, trying to be friendly. Yeah, I know, but you can't talk
5:58
to him like that. You clean your glass, but you
6:00
are really me. I mean as a bartender you should
6:02
be a lot chiller. Oh my goodness, What?
6:06
What are you talking about? I'm.
6:07
Just saying, like I've been doing.
6:09
I travel a lot. I pick up a lot of dead.
6:11
You're about to end up beating your own dead, man.
6:13
Pretty soon I'm going to have to, you know, 5 silver.
6:15
I pick you up in about, I don't know, maybe six hours.
6:17
You keep that up. Just watch your mouth, boy.
6:20
I. Will knock.
6:22
Wow, this is. You got Dino duggies.
6:27
Let me check with the kitchen. Hold on just a second.
6:30
Yeah. We'll be at that table over
6:31
there. OK, great.
6:34
I'll be. The guy that's clad in armor?
6:37
Yeah, you're kind of hard to miss.
6:38
You can't see it. No, Did you?
6:41
Yep, it's the fucking over there.
6:43
Dino duggies and you just watch them walk off into the back and
6:47
muttering himself. What the fuck is a Dino naggy?
6:51
Better figure it out. That John Cena motherfucker.
6:55
Fuck your ass, Jesus Christ. As the bartender walks into the
7:02
back, you'll notice that the Tavern doors open up and there's
7:06
a a short slender man, fairly well dressed, being accompanied
7:10
by another person that looks like they have Walt who's
7:13
walking with this guy. So he's.
7:15
On the tall side, slender clothes are stained and raggedy
7:19
and filthy, but he's wearing a pristine white mask and he's tip
7:23
tapping around on two peg legs. And they seem to walk up to the
7:27
table that you guys have taken over.
7:30
And can I help you Three. Yeah.
7:32
We're here to speak to her. Roxette.
7:36
That's me. How can I help you?
7:38
I look over at Cephalus. Show him the letter.
7:42
What's that? Which one?
7:43
And I hold up my middle finger. I'm just kidding.
7:46
Hold on. I grab it and I try to break.
7:47
It oh God damn it, I'm just playing a little fucking peachy
7:51
bootsy with the with the kids. Hold on, I'm going to grab it
7:55
into my. Trousers and pull out the
7:56
letter. From between my butt cheeks
7:58
because I don't have pockets. Sorry.
7:59
Hand it to him. Oh, here you go.
8:01
He'll take the moist and fragrant letter that you've
8:05
handed to him. I spray rosary over there.
8:08
Yeah. Rosary beads.
8:12
Oh, you guys are with the arch rug of Slushvig, are you?
8:17
I figured he would speak to me directly about the.
8:22
Yeah, we're basically here on his behalf, so whatever.
8:27
OK, well, and you know what? This is this.
8:31
I'm sorry. Allow me to introduce myself.
8:33
My name is Roxik. I am actually the, the deed
8:35
holder for his aunt and uncle's property.
8:39
Great. So it sounds like you're just
8:41
like holding this hostage for us now.
8:43
No, no, no, no. I'm, I'm presenting an
8:45
opportunity for the archbrogue as well.
8:47
I mean, I, there's been talk where he's been trying to spread
8:50
his organization and being as I have the property here, he could
8:57
absolutely have a base of operation here as well.
9:00
I mean, I I don't like to brag, but I I'm, I am kind of a big
9:04
deal in this town as well. So is that why you got twig leg
9:08
with you over here? Oh grin.
9:10
He's become a good friend of mine as of recently.
9:14
He well. Boss, I say.
9:15
For that, we burned the place down.
9:17
Well, hold, hold on. To run from a fire with two
9:20
wooden legs, Motherfucker. Hold this.
9:23
Be hard for you to run from my sword when going these wooden
9:26
legs up your ass little man. I think I had.
9:29
Something pulled in my butt. My boyfriend.
9:31
That way, everybody, everybody, I think we got on the wrong.
9:35
Yeah, talk about him that way. I think we, I say we burned the
9:38
police down. I.
9:41
Just riddled. Hold on, wait a minute.
9:42
Riddled with pox? Look at.
9:44
Him. I think we're getting off to the
9:45
wrong. I mean, I can, I think.
9:47
Porter is that offensive. Well, I was, I was going to say
9:50
it as well, but that yeah, I think we have gotten off on the
9:53
wrong foot. And he's going to look back at
9:55
the very confused bar keep. That's like, I still don't know
9:58
what Dino net these are. They're shaped.
10:00
Like. This and I I hold off.
10:02
My hands in just a weird awkward like trying to represent like AT
10:06
Rex but my hand. Looks like a hand Turkey.
10:08
Well, they're covered in pox, you know, so it's really hard to
10:11
tell. He looks at the barkeep and says
10:13
it. Let's let's get a round of
10:14
drinks here. Well, I liked him too.
10:16
Yeah, guys, guys, I'm here to not only show you the the house
10:22
that the the Arch rogue has inherited, but to make a
10:26
business proposal for the arch work himself to kind of make it
10:29
so that he can have his organization up here as well.
10:33
Yeah, this this quick question. This.
10:35
Yeah. This House, you syphilis.
10:37
Syphilis. I don't know.
10:39
Yeah. Family given name.
10:41
Let me ask you something. This house come with a family
10:44
graveyard. Got bodies there.
10:46
Something. No, I got a few shekels.
10:48
Well, I mean, there is a graveyard in town.
10:51
The house doesn't necessarily come with one as well, but.
10:54
Either way, I've got the big fancy house to try to push off
10:56
on the fucking. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
10:58
no, no, no. Settle down guys.
11:01
Let's have a couple of drinks. Let's get some food in.
11:03
You guys look like you been on the road for quite a while
11:05
there. Relax, enjoy the night.
11:08
OK. OK.
11:11
And then we can talk, we can talk business in the morning
11:13
after we have food, after we have some drinks, I will take
11:17
you to the the newly acquired Arch Rogues home, show you
11:20
what's going on. And then in the morning we can
11:23
we can talk business. Does that sound OK to you guys?
11:25
That sounds great. And I visibly on tense and pus
11:29
leaks from multiple parts of my body.
11:31
You should really get that checked out.
11:33
That's how my second cousin died.
11:35
Oh, you and I might have something to talk about.
11:37
You want to get a beer? I could drink.
11:39
OK, I probably can't, so you're gonna have to give me a super
11:42
straw. Waitress comes over, brings a
11:45
bunch of bread and Stew, couple of ales.
11:48
Yeah. Let's hear this business plan
11:50
and then we'll get that down on the dining nuggies if I have.
11:52
To No, no, no, no, guys, no business tonight.
11:55
Just relax, Enjoy the night. Yeah, well, well, no, not the
12:00
kind of the nugs, not that kind of establishment.
12:02
And you were very awkward, Which one?
12:06
The last time somebody told me to just go ahead and take an
12:10
evening to relax, I ended up losing my eyes.
12:12
So. You know what we're going to?
12:14
Yeah, we're probably going to tense up over here in this far.
12:19
As you guys are saying that, the Tavern doors open once again and
12:23
a hush falls over the room. A short round picture of Danny
12:27
de Vito as a Penguin Gentleman walks in with a very large, very
12:32
stocky kind of lumbering cadence to his walk.
12:37
Gentlemen walk in and they sit at a table on the other side of
12:41
the Tavern in the back. As they sit down, the
12:44
conversation starts to pick up again.
12:46
You'll notice that all the waitresses rush over to them,
12:50
bringing them food, bringing them drink, forgetting everyone
12:54
else in the Tavern and attending to their needs.
12:57
Oh, man, I think, I reckon, no, I think I recognize him.
13:00
I honestly think that he's one of them fucking theater folk.
13:03
I'm going to get a fucking autograph.
13:05
That might be the the fucking rap man, you know?
13:08
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no guys, guys.
13:11
No, no, no, no. That's that's the mayor of the
13:13
town and his son. That's erman Dehru.
13:15
They they don't take too kindly to, well, new people in town.
13:22
So I would I would disinsert yourselves at at least until.
13:25
They. We're here on the Arch Roads
13:27
behalf. It would behoove us to go ahead
13:29
and start to develop a repertoire with them,
13:33
Absolutely. I completely understand that,
13:35
yes. I know nuggies are.
13:36
I bet they know. They seem refined.
13:39
I, I would, I would, I would let them eat their food and I would
13:42
let them get their drink before before even approaching them.
13:45
I'm going to go approach them for sure.
13:47
I leave. Looking around them and I'm
13:49
like, well, there's certainly well to do, so we'll let Shiny
13:52
Armor Boy have a chat. I never see his face.
13:57
OK, Phil, do you head over to the table?
13:59
Oh yeah, yeah, OK, I need to see if they know how to make the
14:02
diner noogies. They sit there, drink their
14:05
drinks, eat their food, pay you not even an inkling of
14:09
attention. I'm gonna drop my sight on the
14:11
table. Oh good.
14:13
Hey, how's it going? Hello.
14:16
You see the the shorter of the two look up you gonna help you?
14:20
You seem like a very well quaffed gentleman.
14:24
I've been told, yeah. What can I do for you?
14:26
You, you, you run this place, this town.
14:29
I do look over this town, yes, myself and my son Deru here, and
14:33
you see as soon as he says Deru, the man shaped human stands up,
14:38
very stiff, very stern, kind of flexy.
14:42
Sit. Down you're going to break.
14:44
Something. It's OK.
14:46
Sit down. How?
14:47
What can I do for you? Obviously you're not from around
14:50
here. No, no, no.
14:52
We understand what's what. We just moved in kind of for the
14:54
Arch rogue, you know, he inherited some property and
14:57
where's, where's. God, the art.
14:59
The oh, the arch rogue. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:02
OK. All right.
15:04
I just wanted to know. Yeah, what can I help you with?
15:07
Why the heck aren't there Dino nuggies in this establishment?
15:11
I mean come on, you're you're high class broad or I mean man,
15:15
sorry, no assumptions here. And you don't have an
15:20
establishment with nugs. Explain to me a Dino nug.
15:24
Please enlighten me, because right now you're disturbing my
15:28
meal and my drink and you're it feels like you're wasting my
15:31
time throwing around names. Obviously you don't know who
15:33
they are. Smell this piece of paper.
15:35
It smells like shit, but there's your all your proof you need,
15:38
you know, fuck. Do you present the letter that
15:41
was? You'll get that paper.
15:44
I grabbed my site and just kind of knock some shit off the I
15:47
could grab the shit paper did not give.
15:50
It to I'm going to lean over to cephalis and just be like, do
15:55
this all the time. It's simple.
16:00
Yeah, he does. That's what I said.
16:02
Yeah, I heard you. You know what?
16:04
We starting to sound like Arthur all of a sudden.
16:07
Who? The fucks, Arthur?
16:11
A fucking angry part of me. I think we might need to get him
16:14
out of this situation because he's only going to he's he's
16:17
going to make a fucking mess of this place.
16:19
And we just moved in. I don't want to be known as that
16:22
family that gets kicked. Out.
16:23
He's your boyfriend, get him back under control.
16:26
I could get my boy under control, you don't worry about
16:28
that. What I'm worried about is
16:29
whether or not 2 fucking you Sir walks on Dicks.
16:33
Are you coming with? I look over it to Crocs and say
16:38
boss hear me out, we just burned this place down with them in it.
16:42
Yeah, I, I know. I know that.
16:44
I like a lobster in that armor. Yes, absolutely an option, but
16:49
we're we're green. We'll we'll put a pin on this
16:52
and as he says, put a pin on this.
16:53
You hear that the town leader, erm calls over her Oxy and you
16:57
see him scurry over there quicker than you've seen him
16:59
move. And ERM and her oxy have a a
17:03
private conversation between the two holding up the letter.
17:05
Little bit of angered concern on Erm's face and a more of
17:10
concerned look on Proxy's face and they talk for another 3045
17:15
seconds and erm hands the the letter back to Roxette says Oh
17:19
well it looks like you guys are with the Arch Rogue please drink
17:22
some food are on me. We will find a way to get Dino
17:25
nuggies for you my friend, please.
17:29
I I can tell you seems very intent.
17:32
Yeah, I can tell. It's it's probably out of that.
17:34
Why don't you take the armor off and.
17:35
Just relax. OK, Hey, hey.
17:38
No. Wow, that sounds it sounds like
17:40
it chafes a lot. OK, well, if you don't mind, my
17:44
son and I are going to finish our meals.
17:47
And as he says, my son Daeru stands up again and gets all
17:50
stiff. Oh, God.
17:52
Just like, just real flexy. Yeah, I'm sorry.
17:55
He's a. He's a.
17:56
That's a red thing for me, buddy.
17:58
You know you got your kid on fucking high alert.
18:01
Yeah, it is crazy. He's taking a a mule kick to the
18:05
head once or twice, but I mean. Who is a mule or you?
18:09
It's a complex back story. Can you believe he's only 10
18:14
years old too? Anyways, so.
18:17
Fuck tall. Yeah, you shouldn't have seen
18:19
his mother. Anyways, you guys have.
18:23
Have a great night. Like I said, everything's on me.
18:26
Roxy is going to. After everything's done, he's
18:28
going to show you the house. It's nice little plot of land.
18:31
That's awesome. Yes, you know, I'm a man of
18:33
shaking. Hands and I I put my my
18:36
outstretched pod pox filled hands out for a handshake.
18:40
OK. Hold on and I spit in it and
18:43
then put. It back out.
18:44
He will daintily grab the tips of your fingers, turn it, and
18:48
just shake it so slightly. That's delightful.
18:51
He'll pull a kerchief out of his pocket and I got to make.
18:54
The most of this one health point I got.
18:56
Sorry about that. That's getting excited.
18:58
When I'm around celebrities. That, well, I I don't, I
19:02
wouldn't consider myself a celebrity.
19:04
Just trying to keep these people safe in this little outskirt
19:08
town. Anyways, please, please eat,
19:10
drink, have fun. Let's not cause a ruckus though.
19:14
This is still a family establishment.
19:16
Let's, let's, let's just have a good night.
19:17
Yes, yes, you with the, the, the beautiful eyes.
19:20
So we'll, we'll do that. We'll just hang out here and
19:23
just take a break. Ninja Borg It's an RPG about
19:40
ninjas. Ninja board get pumped, go
19:44
berserk, take your boss or teacher in the face.
19:47
Ninja Borg fight bears, demons and Mecca Hitler.
19:52
Ninja Borg team up with luchadors, T rexes and John Cena
19:58
generators for ninja names and backstories and one liners
20:01
weapons and swag and magic secret ninja missions and way
20:06
the. Fuck more.
20:07
Tons of enemies, bosses and allies.
20:10
A5 act Epic introductory mission.
20:12
So many freaking tables that your cat will be all like meow.
20:18
Ninja Borg now with way too many exclamation marks.
20:22
If you don't back this shit on Kickstarter then you're a stupid
20:25
crybaby Pirate Ninja Borg. Welcome back to Flat of the
20:43
Face. Last we left these guys, they
20:44
were eating and drinking and relaxing.
20:46
They've met the leader of the town, They met the Arch Robes.
20:49
Contact here in town about this new house, and as the night's
20:52
going on, drinks and food are being passed around.
20:56
Everyone seems to be doing pretty good, even though at
20:59
least 5 miseries have gone on in this world.
21:02
Yes as the night progresses, the patrons start to kind of filter
21:08
out and noticing it's starting to get late, her ASIC kind of
21:11
corrals you guys come here. Let's let's take you to the arch
21:14
rogues new spot and we'll we'll get you guys situated in there.
21:18
Her ASIC looks back at erm, who's still at his table with
21:21
his unproportioned son Deru, and who is just eating some sort of
21:25
mashed poultry that's breaded to end to odd shapes.
21:30
Kind of really can't figure out what it might be.
21:32
But he's just, he's just powering these fried animal
21:35
shaped things into his head. And erm tips his head to Heraxic
21:40
and Heraxic kind of shoots you guys out and starts leading you
21:44
through town, pointing out all the all the hot spots in town
21:46
like the blacksmith and Baker and stuff like that.
21:50
It seems oddly wholesome in this town, especially being as it's
21:54
on the outskirts of the the force of Sarkash.
21:57
And he kind of goes over the fact that they've been logging
22:00
the tree line from Sarkash. It's basically the main income
22:03
in this town is logging and they're slowly chipping away at
22:07
the at the forest. But not to get too far in,
22:10
because who knows what the hell is going on.
22:11
I was just wondering, I have a ridiculous amount of silver for
22:15
no reason. Can my boyfriend and I get
22:17
matching silver rings at the blacksmith before we move on?
22:21
Right now, no. Every everything is closed down
22:24
for the night, sure. We're drunk, we don't know.
22:26
No. Well, of course.
22:27
Yeah, but we're actually it looks so you guys.
22:29
Yeah, we're friends. I need.
22:30
Boys, just so you, just so we're clear.
22:32
I can tell you guys look very close.
22:36
Yeah. Well, oh, you have no idea.
22:39
I don't want to know anymore. Save on Tanz if you sleep 2 to
22:43
one, yeah. Great, fantastic.
22:46
Oh, look. Hey here.
22:47
Here's Craig Alaniotina's house. You guys been walking for a
22:50
while, kind of on the outskirts of town.
22:52
There's a an old log cap. Looks like it's kind of been
22:55
left to its own devices for a while.
22:57
Kind of dilapidated, but but still livable.
23:00
Oraxic opens up the door and he ushers you guys in.
23:04
As you guys go in, he says all right, I will leave you guys for
23:07
the night, but please find me in the morning.
23:09
I'll be at the Tavern, we can get breakfast and we can talk
23:12
business. This thing isn't haunted or
23:13
anything, is it? Good question from Evil Dead
23:16
vibes. Thomas R20 sided shit.
23:20
That's a 1919. All right.
23:23
In the corner of the room, you see what appears to be.
23:27
I'm actually using the Heraxx Humble Homes, written by Noam
23:31
Lackey, one of the brother husbands on the discord.
23:35
Yeah, I know. Yeah, and Alaska is giving some
23:37
shit. Anyways, you see off in the
23:39
corner a haze of hookah smoke making a weird smoky wall.
23:43
As you open the door you see this weird shaped creature stand
23:48
up hunched over, long gangly armed, sees you guys come in and
23:52
he starts to scamper around trying to well he's trying to
23:55
avoid you, but the only way in and out is the door that you
23:58
guys are in. You said this place was empty.
24:00
No I didn't. Well and I'm going to swing my
24:03
hammer at this thing. OK, go ahead and roll it in
24:06
sack. Like an Airbnb got bad.
24:09
That is an 8. I'm going to use an omen to
24:12
reroll. OK.
24:14
Thomas is here the murder. Right, that's a natural 20.
24:19
Fantastic. Tell me how you do it.
24:21
All right. So like as this zigzag running
24:23
around and it's just like making whatever guttural noises and
24:27
it's breathing out the hookah smoke.
24:29
I just managed to like swing right down and it is like full
24:33
warhammer right into his face, collapses it and flings him
24:37
against the wall and it just like splats and just like runs
24:40
down. Yeah, you know, this place is a
24:42
little left to its own devices maybe.
24:46
A little worse than me. More.
24:48
Yeah. That's how my brother-in-law
24:50
died. Or hammer to the face, yeah.
24:53
Really sorry to hear. That.
24:55
Where I'm from we call them jumping spiders.
24:57
Didn't yeah, go all vigorous on them like that.
24:59
That's pretty fucked up. What this is pest control at
25:02
this. Point No, you're right.
25:03
That was good fall through though, yeah.
25:05
It was impressive. Thank you.
25:07
Yeah, very, very nice guys. Have a good night.
25:09
And before he closes. Or Usher's grin to come along,
25:11
leaving the three of you guys in the cabin to get situated, you
25:15
find all the amenities that you need.
25:17
Old dusty blankets. Old dusty pillows.
25:21
You think Grin is like that guy's boyfriend?
25:23
I mean it's it's a pretty common 3.
25:25
Yeah, I mean, he is a boy that is a friend I.
25:27
Mean, yeah. They're friends.
25:28
They're boys. We we are almost boyfriends.
25:31
Yeah, we've known each other long.
25:33
I saw them brush hands. Whoa, whoa, walk.
25:36
That store? I think you're getting too.
25:38
Deep. That's too deep that yeah,
25:40
that's. I know.
25:41
I know what I saw. From the window grins, peeking
25:45
over the sill. And actually, you didn't see
25:47
that at all. Jesus, whoa, what the fuck?
25:50
What are you doing here? You, you.
25:51
You're going to have a slum party with us or what?
25:54
Don't mind me, go ahead and do your boyfriend stuff, I'll be
25:56
over here. OK.
25:58
Window. I'm going to start taking off my
25:59
jacket. I I close the blind.
26:04
Boss, they close the blind. You know what?
26:08
It's probably for the best, just leave that for them, OK?
26:12
Next morning before sunrise if you hear blood curdling screams
26:17
coming from all around town. Just shrills and anger and as
26:22
soon as you guys hear that, the door busts open and roughly
26:26
about 12 people bust through the door and grab you guys up and
26:31
drag you out of the cabin. Oh, I am going to freak the fuck
26:35
out because this is the cult members all over again.
26:38
Oh whoa, yeah, I'm going to start flailing around and OK,
26:43
make a strength check. Oh God.
26:47
That is a dirty 20. What?
26:49
OK, you bust free. But as soon as you bust free,
26:52
they start coming after you. They're they're drugged, the
26:56
other two guys out of the house. And you see just everyone in a
27:00
panic screaming, where are my children?
27:03
Where have my children gone? Where are they?
27:05
What have you guys done with the kids?
27:06
Where are all the children gone? Get your filthy fucking hands
27:12
off me. OK?
27:14
And one of the one of the guys goes and takes a swing.
27:17
Go ahead and make a defense role.
27:18
Jesus. JD that is a 16.
27:23
OK, so he misses with the swing. There's panic.
27:26
There's everyone's running from house to house and running from
27:30
every building searching for the children, and everyone's
27:33
starting to congregate in front of the cabin where you guys are
27:36
at. Both Raxik and erm, come up, erm
27:39
looks at you. Where is my son?
27:40
Where is Daeru at? Where are the children in this
27:42
town? What have you guys done?
27:45
Well, yeah. Grin's been outside this whole
27:48
time. Look at him.
27:48
And Philly and I have just been nothing but doing boyfriend
27:52
stuff. You know, we, we're just here
27:54
to, you know, collect the dead. So got a lot going on.
27:57
Anyone died tonight? You could ask Peggy over there.
27:59
He knows he'd been standing on our window the whole time.
28:02
Now, my point that fucking. Grin.
28:05
There's there's utter panic going through the town.
28:07
OK, if you guys didn't do anything with the children, what
28:10
that where the hell are they? I don't know.
28:13
I don't want nothing to do with your kids, to be honest.
28:15
We just got here. We just have a slump party, a
28:17
couple of boyfriends and us, you know, just friends and boys.
28:21
We're just here and. That's definitely no place for
28:24
kids. You filthy muckraker hands just
28:28
come into our house and grab us. Just so you know, he's been
28:32
kidnapped before. You're triggering that ball over
28:35
there. He's going to fuck.
28:37
I don't give a shit about that, But where are my children?
28:39
Where's my son? You're.
28:40
Going to give a shit when you have two broken eye sockets.
28:42
He's got PSD. Yeah, he sure does.
28:45
QRSMT. Look, look, her accident comes
28:50
up and hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, look, they just
28:54
got here. They're they're they couldn't
28:55
have done anything. We just Grant and I just left
28:58
them here. How?
28:59
How many kids are we talking? Every child in town is gone.
29:02
Every child and. With knapsacks on her head.
29:06
In fact, all four of you make a presence test.
29:10
Let's go. Move on, but let's go wear my
29:12
helmets. That is an 8.
29:16
Kevin, I've been rolling with this dice I won for the longest
29:19
time. Boyds let me down lately 6.
29:25
I got that dirty truck stopped only.
29:27
I got an 18. All right, so as this panic is
29:31
going on, both Phil and Grin notice that there are what
29:35
appears to be just a herd of animal footprints and drag marks
29:40
going from the from a bunch of buildings in town out towards
29:44
the forest. Phil, look at all these animal
29:46
footprints and drag marks. I think from all.
29:49
These houses out into the forest.
29:50
That's the problem right there. You got animals on the loose.
29:53
Look at that. Yeah, you need to set some
29:54
traps. Animals themselves.
29:59
What are you all looking at me for?
30:01
I'm just like. As everyone is starting to
30:05
notice these drag marks, you can see that there's like torn bits
30:07
of clothing and like a stuffed animal that's out in the middle
30:11
of the mud and just hordes of looks like struggled drag Marks
30:15
and footprints of all manner, mammal and otherwise.
30:20
Kids won't even pick up after themselves these days.
30:23
I know, it's so wasteful. Oh man, these two are going to
30:25
get us. Look Sir, whichever one of you
30:28
boys that have me covered, can you take my hood off for a
30:32
second? I got a proposition to make with
30:34
Cat. OK then He pulls the hood back,
30:37
grabbing the bit of hair in front as well, just
30:40
accidentally. You pulled out the last six
30:42
hairs I had on the top of my head.
30:44
Thank you for that. That will take fucking 17 years
30:48
to go back. Thank you.
30:49
He's been going that far. What?
30:50
Yeah. Firm looks at you.
30:52
What's your proposal? Look what?
30:53
You know what? Obviously we didn't take the
30:55
kids because you got us and there ain't no fucking kids
30:58
here. So what if we do a little
31:00
exchange Roux, and you give us some shekels?
31:02
We go find your kids. And your dad?
31:05
And your dad? Look, we're just a couple of
31:07
boyfriends. Hold on a fucking adventure to
31:09
head check out our new art trogue, our pop boyfriend.
31:12
You know he, he's the one. With I'm not your boyfriend.
31:15
Now, I'm not talking about you cool knocks like a boyfriend in
31:18
prospect, kind of. Absolutely not.
31:22
He's. Slowly becoming a friend.
31:24
We haven't patched him in yet. Yeah, you see her accent, kind
31:28
of lean down and talk to erm, whispering in his ear and erm,
31:32
kind of looks back up at you guys is OK, you go find our
31:36
children and then kind of comes in close.
31:38
Or at least De Rue I don't give a shit about.
31:40
The rest of these kids, What do you mean that?
31:42
Favoritism. Yeah, that weird tall
31:43
motherfucker. Yeah.
31:45
No one. That's that's that's that's my
31:48
yes, that's my only son. He.
31:49
Looks like he was designed by God himself, but he left all the
31:53
fucking marbles out of his head. Yeah, he may not be the sharpest
31:58
peanut in the turd, but he's still my boy.
32:00
Oh, I hate sharp peanuts in my turds.
32:02
Holy fuck. Let me tell you a story.
32:05
Look at this point, her accent kind of pushes arm back because
32:08
he's he's looking just distraught that his son is gone.
32:11
He's like, this might actually really benefit you guys if you
32:14
guys get out there. No, we get your thumb back
32:16
because one way or another I'm getting paid because I collect
32:19
dead, so I'll. Shut up, you're right.
32:22
And I cover my mouth with my hand and just a bunch of fucking
32:25
pox juice spills out and quickly dries up.
32:30
You're araxic looks back at Grin.
32:34
It's like, look, I need you to keep an eye on these three and
32:38
make sure they're on the up and up too, because I don't want to
32:41
ruin this business venture between myself and the arch rug.
32:44
This is going to be beneficial for everybody.
32:47
Say no more boss, I got you. And I use my sword to stab the
32:50
stuffed animal that's on the ground and pick it up.
32:53
And I wave at you. With Little Paw I I knew I
32:57
could. I could trust you.
32:59
Anyway. I know somebody rolled me AD
33:01
one. I'm pretty creeped out.
33:02
AD 20. AD one as all I mean, AD 1D1,
33:10
that's not good. As as all this is going on, you
33:14
hear a thunderous gong echoing through the trees.
33:19
Somebody. That was tremendously thunderous
33:21
Gong I just heard. Now, did you guys hear that?
33:24
Very loud, very vibrant. No, I can't.
33:26
Can you pop the pox in my ears? Open up my ear now.
33:29
I'm going to do that. OK, All right, I'm just going to
33:31
tilt the side a little bit, Let that shit I've.
33:33
Actually been down for just a second to hold up my sword.
33:36
What's that? Boyfriends always check
33:38
underneath. Not like that I'm not.
33:40
Doing that again. Sorry.
33:42
I seriously just threw up on my mouth just a little bit.
33:47
Somebody rolled me AD 66. I'm.
33:51
Waiting for the misery. 621 All right, we have 24641 fours, 1-6
33:58
and three, two, and what'd you do?
33:59
212121 All right, as the gong is echoing through the trees, you
34:05
see one of the ladies that's been screaming for her child.
34:09
Just stand straight up and just start screaming.
34:17
And as that happens, it's almost like Rundle is back, because all
34:23
sorts of like, flying insects start to come out of the
34:26
woodwork and just start hovering just above town in Swarm.
34:31
This reminds me of a guy I used to know, though this time
34:34
buffer. It looks like he finally took my
34:35
advice and started lifting deep. Deep cuts.
34:44
Syphilis. So many flies just flew out of
34:46
your bus. That's not how that works,
34:49
actually. You know what the best part
34:51
about this is? They're probably not going to
34:53
affect us or be a detriment to the sound effects guy because
34:58
they're going to be chilling on my body, eating the pus.
35:01
They ain't going to be buzzing around as much.
35:02
So we have a safe zone around my my immediate character.
35:06
As you're saying that, you do start to get swarmed on all of
35:11
your open pustules and the flies are kind of eating away at the
35:14
whatever is oozing. Off, you handsome sexy
35:17
motherfucker underneath. Not so much.
35:19
You're really, you're really OK. You're, you're a pretty man.
35:22
We'll just go with that. As all this is happening,
35:27
everyone starts freaking out again and erm is like everybody,
35:30
everybody these guys volunteered to go find our children.
35:33
I don't know if they had anything to do with it.
35:35
I fucking hope not for their benefit, but they're going to go
35:39
find them. And they he looks back and looks
35:41
at you guys and it's like, please allow me to give you guys
35:44
at least something to help you guys on your on your trip.
35:47
Everybody roll me AD four and any repeats will re roll kind of
35:52
one. OK, I got a 2.
35:54
OK, it's. A three get me.
35:56
OK, you did now. Perfect.
36:01
As he's doing that, there's a couple people coming out from
36:04
the outskirts and, erm, just starts grabbing stuff off of him
36:06
and he hands you cool. Knock a fire.
36:08
Steel grabs an oil lamp and hands it to you.
36:11
Grin. Syphilis.
36:15
Yeah, Siffy Syphil. He hands you a medicine box and
36:21
then he kind of looks at you films like I I sorry, I got
36:25
nothing for you. I only.
36:26
Need it's sitting on my back and I pull out my side.
36:29
Perfect guys thank you I please bring my son back and like I
36:35
said I don't really give a shit over it these kids are all
36:37
little fucked asses but. We'll bring him back, dead or
36:39
alive. No, no, alive bring all.
36:42
Bring all the children back alive, Alive.
36:46
We'll bring them all back. Live.
36:49
Says on the cart. Pick them up dead bodies.
36:53
And as you guys go ahead? No, we're just, we're just
36:56
riffing here. You do you.
37:00
And then he points you towards the the the forest, there seems
37:04
to be some like openings where there's all the drag marks are
37:07
going towards and say go get them back please.
37:11
Yeah, I've been ushered before. We should probably hightail it
37:13
out of here. I would like to approach the
37:15
band for one second though. OK.
37:18
Being that I'm covering flies, do I maybe get plus one health
37:21
or maybe a -1 to my damage received?
37:28
Like a. Fly type armor.
37:30
Or maybe AD minus DR2 or whatever for fucking like I'm
37:35
covered in flies I'm your face shit, you know, you need a
37:40
little something something. Better.
37:41
He's just straight up so fucking gross.
37:43
Nobody wants to swing. Out, but maybe Ted Buddy is
37:46
eating the flies on your body. He's infected.
37:49
I don't know if that's going to help him.
37:50
I'm trying to trying to. Yeah, he's right now.
37:53
He's tucked underneath my groin, right in that bird cage I got
37:56
dangled in between from riding a horse all the time.
38:00
He's in the big all of shit on around your neck.
38:03
My favorite part is developing back stories for our characters,
38:07
but we probably shouldn't do it on there.
38:10
I know this gets said a lot but I hate everything about this.
38:13
Oh. Yes.
38:14
Oh, you're going to be a fine. You're.
38:16
Going to make a good boyfriend, I can tell just by the sound.
38:19
Really doesn't get any better. It only gets worse.
38:24
Go ahead and give yourself a Tier 1 armor.
38:27
Oh, thank you of flies, I'm. Going to write that down right
38:31
now, Cameron. Pretty pussy guy.
38:37
You're right, it does keep getting worse and worse.
38:40
It's never going to get any better.
38:42
Good news is tomorrow we roll AD 20 for the for the miseries.
38:46
So that's fun as the flies and the Wasps start swarming around,
38:51
the temperature just seems to drop and it it's just frigid
38:55
cold, like down to the bone cold down past your flies, past your
39:00
leaking pustules, cold, just aching cold as you guys get
39:04
underneath the canopy of. A cold and.
39:07
Shit the the of the forest. You know, grin.
39:11
Tell me a little bit about yourself.
39:12
You got them. Two legs without are definitely
39:14
not fucking legs. No, these are these.
39:17
These are pieces of wood. I got them after.
39:20
I well, I'm aware they're all. Crawled through the snow after
39:22
some assholes tried to kill me with a tree branch and then cut
39:25
my feet off and left. Wow, that's pretty fucked up.
39:28
You got, you got your, you got your Dick beat in by a tree
39:31
branch. You tell me.
39:33
You tell me lost. You tell me true lost.
39:36
It's actually. Impressive.
39:37
Do you want to see it? Your Dick on the tree.
39:39
Branch, I'm a little lost. It's hard to tell them apart
39:42
sometimes, I bet. It is with the name Wood.
39:50
I hate all this. As you guys are getting into the
39:55
into the forest proper, it's starting to not only is it
39:58
getting cold, but the canopy of the forest is really making it
40:01
like dark. You do have presents plus six
40:04
hours of lamp oil. Oh, really?
40:07
In that oil lamp the whole point.
40:09
Starting that conversation was to say that I got an oil lamp
40:11
with new goddamn oil. There's oil and then.
40:16
How much? How much oil was it?
40:18
It's yeah. Presents.
40:20
Presents plus six hours. Fucking dude I guys I fucked up.
40:24
I don't, I don't have I cannot see at night.
40:27
It's actually I have cataracts where I cannot see as well at
40:31
night. So I'm useless this time around.
40:33
Don't mind me. I mean, what else is new?
40:35
Yep. Continue.
40:37
Hey Quill knock light me up bro. Use that fire steal.
40:43
Get that Lantern going. You know why we're pussyfooting
40:48
around you? You should definitely help that
40:51
buddy. He's just screaming in your
40:55
loincloth. Yeah, but.
41:01
Maybe it is well turned down there.
41:03
I'll take them off for a little bit, but I have no medicine at
41:06
whatsoever to fucking clean this boy up.
41:09
You just got that box. Oh, I got the box.
41:11
Oh, oh, look at. That I got nothing.
41:15
Sorry all my pox in my eyes. Make it a little hard to see at
41:18
night. I'm going to RIP open this
41:20
medicine. Box.
41:21
What is that? D4 to see how many I got.
41:23
D6. It's presence plus D Presence
41:27
plus 4 uses. Oh, presence plus.
41:29
Oh, and I have 4:00. Then so it's D6 to heal then
41:31
yes, but a fucking Ted buddy God all right, he's at half health,
41:36
but he has no infection. I got.
41:37
One how many uses do? You have 3 left.
41:40
Nice. All right.
41:41
So as you guys are walking, making your way through.
41:44
I imagine it's him just taking a giant syringe to his loincloth
41:48
and then injecting where he thinks the bird might be.
41:54
I swear to God if pox comes out of that I am out.
42:02
The trail that you guys are going on seems to narrow and
42:05
widen just ever so slightly where you could go maybe 2 at a
42:09
time down to 1 and kind of twists and turns.
42:13
A lot of dense roots kind of make traversing it really hard,
42:18
especially for Grin there since he's walking on two peg legs.
42:24
Yeah, there you go. As you guys are getting through
42:27
that, you can feel like you've been traveling for a good
42:29
portion of the day. It's just been real difficult to
42:31
get through. And eventually, towards what
42:35
feels like it would be, you know, closer to night time, you
42:38
come to a fork in the road that goes off to the left and then
42:41
off to the opposite of left. Well, I'm going to let go of
42:44
Grin's hand. Oh, that was you.
42:48
I can't see for shit and you can't walk for shit.
42:50
Let's let's not fucking try to deny our our mutual problems
42:54
with with the weather current situation.
42:56
We'll just keep it to ourselves. Yeah.
42:58
And you, you, you have no functional hands and I have no
43:00
functional feet. Yeah.
43:02
As long as you think. Burned up 8 hours of lamp oil
43:04
walking during the day. I know that was fucking weird,
43:07
but it's OK, I got Ted buddy with me.
43:09
Also, I'm glad that you thought that was my hand you were
43:12
holding. OK, goodbye now.
43:15
OK, I love you. Bye.
43:18
I'm just glad you guys are getting they just I have not no,
43:21
no. So you guys do come to a fork of
43:24
the road. It's it seems to have like
43:27
opened up just enough where you feel like you could probably use
43:30
this area as A to take shelter, being as you pretty much
43:34
traveled the whole day to get to this fork.
43:37
Yeah, I know cul-de-sac when I see it.
43:39
You want to lay down some timber and lay with me, Phil?
43:42
Oh, oh, BB yeah, yeah, sure. I mean, well, knock he he might
43:47
be warm enough to above. I think we.
43:49
Might have. Absolutely not.
43:51
I mean, we should have brought the cart.
43:53
I tried to but he ain't going to fit down these trails here.
43:55
Just a bunch of go pass. Oh, I suppose, yeah, yeah.
43:58
I mean, I got, I got the blanket.
44:00
We can make a nice little. No, I really don't want to lay
44:03
in your. Brain No, no, no, we won't put
44:05
it on. He never put it on your skin.
44:07
That's insane. Yeah, that might.
44:12
You know what else is probably insane is the fact that we're
44:16
even doing this because Dark Rogue didn't say that we're
44:18
going to have to do all this shit rest with kids and.
44:20
Shit, you know, it's if we don't help out, they're going to
44:23
they're going to kill us and take off my helmet and we don't
44:26
want that. You're right, we don't want the
44:27
helmet. God grin.
44:29
Can you tell us a little something about maybe the kids
44:31
that we're saving? Aren't they even worth saving?
44:33
I mean, a body's a body. We could just wait it out for a
44:36
couple weeks. Maybe the people that get in
44:38
that move on and we just take the bodies.
44:40
Chuckles and mishmap. I I I feel like I don't actually
44:44
have to answer the question. You pretty much answered it.
44:46
Yourself, yeah. Yeah, he does that a lot, that's
44:49
what. That's one of his great
44:51
qualities. Great.
44:53
I mean, boyfriends take care of each other.
44:56
We just, we support each other where it counts.
44:59
And yeah, I'm going to set up my hammock over here.
45:04
This spot looks nice. I'll be over here pitching my
45:07
tent. You want how pitching your tent
45:10
not? Not from you, thank.
45:12
You. Thank you.
45:14
I'm just going to unfold my my my crunchy.
45:19
And. Then.
45:19
Like put it across like 2 branches.
45:23
That's a little protection from rain.
45:26
And as you guys are doing all this, you do notice that there's
45:28
a lot of skittering off in the brush, like all around.
45:32
But just every so often, like off to the the opposite of left,
45:35
you'll hear something. And then off to the left hand
45:37
side, you'll hear something. And kind of behind you, just
45:40
almost like forest animals, kind of try and keep an eye on what
45:42
you guys are doing, but they're not getting anywhere near where
45:45
you guys are. Quillnock's going to walk up
45:47
closer to Grin, help him set up his equipment as he's just got
45:52
into looking around. He's like something's not right
45:54
about these woods, but it's better if we stay closer
45:58
together. And I can't honestly say that I
46:00
trust those other two. And.
46:02
Phil and syphilis are like getting into a you.
46:12
OK there, buddy. It's a sleepy lady made for one.
46:17
Those two are. Slipping inside of it, that's in
46:20
my mind. And I think that blanket would
46:24
have made a better lean to. I don't know, don't.
46:27
Like the boy from the bed. No, I'm into it.
46:33
We're boys, we're friends, nothing wrong with that.
46:36
Just a couple. Of lads fowling around.
46:38
Just fowling around, nothing weird about that.
46:42
As close as those two are together, I really hope that
46:45
neither one of them is infected. Hey everybody, Kevin at the end
47:34
of the episode and Happy Merctober.
47:35
This episode features the adventure actor Thorn by Kevin
47:38
Welch, which can be found in the Mercorg anthology Journey
47:41
through the Dying Lands released through Madness Heart Press with
47:43
Levi playing Phil, The Fugitive Night by All Eyes No game,
47:47
Thomas playing Quillnock, The Profane Survivor by Jared Barnes
47:50
of the Cult ossuary, Jake playing Cephalus.
47:53
Cephalus, the course pointer by Harkinstone and Walt reprising
47:57
his role as Grin, the Gutterborn scum.
47:59
This episode also featured Proxyx Humble home from Gnome
48:02
Lackey. Check out all these cool things
48:04
and their respective ex Librious.
48:06
More court entries and the description accompanying this
48:08
episode. And while you're at it, check us
48:10
out on our social medias, our Facebook, Twitter, Instagram,
48:13
Blue Sky and Thread, and wherever you listen to podcasts.
48:16
Make sure to great review and share with all of your friends
48:20
so we can get out there to more people.
48:22
While we're at it, if you haven't already, please check
48:24
out our sister podcast, The World Standard.
48:27
With that, thanks for listening and we'll catch you guys next
48:29
time. And he's totally not into
48:39
pegging, no. No, no, we don't touch that's.
48:42
Our what's pegging? I've I've been docking before
48:45
but never pegging. Am I there?
48:51
Are you? Aren't you?
48:53
Are you? I would say yes.
48:55
Oh, OK, I thought. OK.
48:57
He's. From behind a Willow.
49:06
Do me a solid wait, I can't. Do any salt anymore?
49:09
Son, do me some. Peanuts.
49:19
Like the the big like clouded, you know, swarms that they do.
49:23
And do you know, ever so swoops around why did I do this is
49:27
going to be fucking terrible for the sound.
49:29
Yeah, not me. It's it's all about fading.
49:33
Yeah, I know. Anyways.