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From Resolutions To Meaning: Rethinking The Holiday Season · No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women

• 0:00
  Mary: Hi, and welcome to a mini episode of No Shrinking Violets.
• 0:04
  Mary: I am recording this on Sunday, and it's going to drop Monday, which is tomorrow.
• 0:10
  Mary: I don't usually wait to do this this late.
• 0:14
  Mary: But, you know, it's holiday season, things are crazy.
• 0:18
  Mary: I am um trying to get all the edits approved and changed and rewrites done on my book, which has been so much harder than I ever anticipated.
• 0:31
  Mary: Um, you know, there's a saying with editing, kill your darlings, which basically means there might be something you write that you love, and you know, an editor can come through and be like, this doesn't work.
• 0:44
  Mary: And you can actually cognitively recognize that's true and still struggle with it.
• 0:50
  Mary: So I've been struggling a lot because a lot of what the suggested cuts are are things that are pretty their personal stories, they're personal details.
• 1:01
  Mary: And so I think I'm just struggling with that.
• 1:04
  Mary: But that's an aside.
• 1:06
  Mary: So, but it leads into my kind of what I've been thinking about, talking to you all about.
• 1:11
  Mary: And it has to do with the holidays.
• 1:13
  Mary: And I think when we hit this time of year, regardless of what you celebrate, whether you celebrate, everything I think is calibrated to make us think back over the year.
• 1:27
  Mary: How did it go?
• 1:28
  Mary: What were your victories?
• 1:29
  Mary: You know, there's so many retrospectives right now.
• 1:32
  Mary: Top songs, um, who did we lose in the celebrity world?
• 1:36
  Mary: And we're certainly looking forward to what do we want the next year to be, which again is so much pressure.
• 1:43
  Mary: Um, at the we're standing on like the brink of a new year, and people make resolutions, and you know, it's like this shiny new thing that we're unwrapping, and we can make it whatever.
• 1:54
  Mary: And that's true, that is true, but I've never been a resolution person.
• 1:59
  Mary: I always felt like, you know, you make the change when you need to make the change.
• 2:04
  Mary: Doing a big resolution at the beginning of a year is typically a losing proposition, but hey, if it works for you, go for it.
• 2:11
  Mary: But I want to talk about looking back.
• 2:14
  Mary: And I think when we look back over things, it's easy to spot the situations or events or relationships that weren't what we hoped they would be.
• 2:28
  Mary: The things that didn't meet our expectations.
• 2:31
  Mary: Those are the things that I think sort of sometimes stand out in bold relief.
• 2:36
  Mary: I mean, our brains really are wired to find the negative, unfortunately, because when you find things that don't work, you should learn from them.
• 2:47
  Mary: And that makes you better and that keeps you safe and all that stuff.
• 2:51
  Mary: But when we think about all of that at this time of year, again, with such um everything around us is imbued with just this idea that there's a right way to celebrate, and there is the perfect gift, and you know, you can have the perfect outfit, or you should do this, or you should do that.
• 3:15
  Mary: And there's just so much that this whole idea, at least in the United States, this idea of the holidays has turned into.
• 3:23
  Mary: And I'm finding for me that that's not at all what I want it to be.
• 3:29
  Mary: I'm trying to return to something that's simpler.
• 3:33
  Mary: And so I think as you look back, if you find yourself feeling melancholy or you are focusing on the things that you might call a failure or you might call a mistake, try to see them in a light of um possibility.
• 3:52
  Mary: So when something falls away, it leaves space for something else.
• 3:57
  Mary: And I don't like the word failure.
• 4:01
  Mary: I think anytime we do not um we're not successful, that is a learning experience.
• 4:09
  Mary: And really, what is the alternative except to look at that and learn from it and take the next step?
• 4:18
  Mary: But I think also if you can flip some things around, not only look at what might be better because of something that you lost, but what went, what really did go well.
• 4:35
  Mary: What are the things in your life that you maybe take for granted, but that are blessings?
• 4:43
  Mary: Because I think that is where that's where the hope comes from.
• 4:49
  Mary: And it's just funny.
• 4:50
  Mary: I think at this time of year we have so many emotions.
• 4:54
  Mary: I think we can really focus on just not the year itself, but but what did we lose overall?
• 5:01
  Mary: Who are the people that we think about more right now that aren't here anymore?
• 5:05
  Mary: What are the traditions that we've always had that they don't quite feel the same because maybe we're missing certain people, or maybe we don't live where we used to live, or maybe the excitement of even buying gifts just doesn't feel the same because we've become such a consumer culture, and we're really in a space where things are um, they're too easy to get and they're really expensive.
• 5:39
  Mary: I mean, there's a lot happening.
• 5:40
  Mary: So I think returning to anything that you feel was sort of simpler in your life, and that might mean that you you talk to your friends about or your family instead of buying gifts.
• 5:56
  Mary: Maybe you decide that you want to plan time together.
• 5:59
  Mary: Maybe there's a day trip you can take, or maybe you buy a gift card for a restaurant and you give it to your friend and you say, We're gonna go together.
• 6:09
  Mary: I want us to have a dinner out.
• 6:12
  Mary: Starting to create memories because I know that the times I spend with my friends, I remember so much more than what I bought them or even what they bought me.
• 6:26
  Mary: You know, I think every now and then there's just an amazing thing that you see it and you're like, I have to get this for this person.
• 6:32
  Mary: And that's the best kind of gift.
• 6:34
  Mary: It's not, I have to check this person off the list.
• 6:37
  Mary: What am I gonna get them?
• 6:39
  Mary: And so if there's nothing that you feel like they need, spend time with them.
• 6:45
  Mary: And that might be the one thing that you decide going forward is what you're going to create in the new year.
• 6:51
  Mary: You're gonna create experiences and you're going to give your time.
• 6:56
  Mary: And that might be time that you're offering to make the world better.
• 7:03
  Mary: It might mean you're gonna volunteer.
• 7:05
  Mary: But I think, you know, sometimes if we can look at investment in life differently than a money investment, I think that that can maybe be a key to just feeling more fulfilled and less pressure because we don't have to worry about, you know, did I get everybody something that's equal?
• 7:30
  Mary: Um, investing your time in doing something, whether it's for yourself, maybe you want to learn something different.
• 7:37
  Mary: Maybe you're going to um, like for me, I would, I would love to get back to crocheting.
• 7:42
  Mary: I would love to take an art class.
• 7:43
  Mary: And I think those are the things that, those are the things that change your life.
• 7:47
  Mary: They change your perspective.
• 7:49
  Mary: You meet people, you learn things.
• 7:51
  Mary: And so maybe this is the year where you move away from investing money and buying things and starting to invest yourself in your relationships.
• 8:06
  Mary: So those are just my musings with where my head is right now, as um, we are only about 10 days from Christmas, which is what my family celebrates.
• 8:17
  Mary: And if you feel like you're really struggling right now, I do have, I call it a secret podcast.
• 8:23
  Mary: It's a series that um you can, it's linked in the show notes.
• 8:29
  Mary: The first episode is actually free.
• 8:32
  Mary: Um, and I talk about the calm method, and it's just four things that you can focus on, not only to build in that intentionality to your holiday, but to go forward with more of a plan, less stress.
• 8:48
  Mary: Um, so I talk about centering and I talk about anchors, which are the things that really connect you to the meaning of the holiday.
• 8:56
  Mary: There's a logistics episode, which is really just about how do you execute and how do you figure out what you take off the plate and what you what you you know really want to focus on.
• 9:08
  Mary: And then it ends with the M and calm is meaning.
• 9:11
  Mary: And that kind of connects back to the anchors that I talk about.
• 9:15
  Mary: And how do you kind of do just what I talked about?
• 9:19
  Mary: Start to make meaning in your holiday versus going through the motions and feeling like it's just a consumer free-for-all, and it's just stressful and it's competitive with gifts and just bringing it back to being um being meaningful and connecting you to the people that you care about.
• 9:39
  Mary: So you can find that linked in the show notes.
• 9:42
  Mary: Um, it actually costs less than probably a couple peppermint mochas, and I think it's a great investment because you can use the skills all year long.
• 9:51
  Mary: Anyway, thanks for listening and I hope that you have a great week.
• 9:56
  Mary: And until next time, go out into the world and be the amazing, resilient, vibrant violet that you are.