Latest / Freedom Flip / Why People Stay In Situations They Want To Leave - EP024

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Why People Stay In Situations They Want To Leave - EP024 · Freedom Flip

• 0:00
  As soon as someone says, I don't have the choice, of course you have the choice.
• 0:03
  You're not a slave.
• 0:04
  You're not a prisoner.
• 0:04
  You are starting from the wrong belief.
• 0:06
  I don't have a choice.
• 0:07
  I am a victim.
• 0:07
  I am a slave.
• 0:08
  Okay, keep being a slave.
• 0:09
  If I said that, would you just disengage?
• 0:11
  Or do you say, keep being a slave?
• 0:13
  What do you prefer?
• 0:13
  If someone that I like, I would be like, no, what are you talking about?
• 0:16
  That's a limiting belief.
• 0:17
  You are talking like you are a victim.
• 0:18
  You're talking like there is nothing that you can do.
• 0:20
  Is there really nothing that you can do?
• 0:22
  The best conversations don't happen in the event.
• 0:24
  They happen outside at the restaurants and in the walkway.
• 0:27
  Don't even go to the event, just hang out in the entryway.
• 0:29
  First event that I attended in my life, I go out to the bathroom and I see basically all these guys just sitting outside.
• 0:34
  I'm like, guys, what are you doing here?
• 0:36
  And he said, oh, this is where the real event happens.
• 0:38
  I'm like, but what about the... No, no, no.
• 0:40
  Here, this is...
• 0:41
  Most of the value happens with great conversations that happen to me one-on-one, three people, four people.
• 0:48
  Keep doing this for the rest of your life Or you can do something else It's up to you I could have stayed in Argentina for the rest of my life I could have worked in an office job for the rest of my life I decided that I did not like the direction of those things So I wanted to change After 15 years of that To a massive different place And it's just one decision at a time It's important to understand where are you going If you keep making the same decision And internally you are feeling something is not right
• 1:19
  Let's go.
• 1:21
  What's up?
• 1:22
  Life's good.
• 1:23
  It's better than I deserve.
• 1:24
  Peter, what are you up to these days?
• 1:26
  Working on a nonprofit, working on a couple businesses, mostly being a dad and trying to work on my back.
• 1:33
  It's still.
• 1:34
  Dude, still.
• 1:36
  You are not resting or what?
• 1:38
  I did for like two weeks.
• 1:39
  I don't know the answer.
• 1:40
  I don't know.
• 1:41
  Dude, back pain.
• 1:42
  I have so much more empathy because when I hear people say back pain, I'm like, shut up.
• 1:46
  You're weak.
• 1:47
  Stop complaining.
• 1:48
  And but, you know, I thought about it.
• 1:50
  One of the most inspiring businessmen I know who's done all kinds of incredible stuff.
• 1:54
  Sorry, two of them in the state I live in the US, probably the two most inspirational business people that I know, both in their 70s have like really serious back pain.
• 2:03
  And I think of it, the burden they're carrying with thousands of employees and responsibilities could literally be crushing them mentally and physically, just the weight they're carrying, right?
• 2:14
  And whether or not it should, okay, different discussion.
• 2:17
  And some people are going to be like, oh, they're rich, who cares?
• 2:19
  Different discussion.
• 2:20
  Just the idea of skipping to like where they are and the burden they're carrying, right?
• 2:26
  Of the employees, the revenue, the...
• 2:28
  risks, the problems.
• 2:29
  There's always problems with businesses and this many businesses they run.
• 2:33
  And it's kind of wild because I think about it a lot.
• 2:36
  You know, I want to avoid that at all costs.
• 2:38
  Yet I'm 38 years old experiencing backfights.
• 2:42
  Well, that is interesting.
• 2:43
  I think that the back pain is always coming from somewhere.
• 2:46
  I had a back pain last year for the first time, and that's because I lifted too much, too much weight.
• 2:53
  I think that you had the same problem.
• 2:55
  You made the same mistake.
• 2:56
  And that is, that sucks.
• 2:59
  I don't know if I would make the connection with these rich people, having employees, and that's why they have back pain.
• 3:05
  I think it's real.
• 3:06
  You know how I can tell you it's real?
• 3:08
  Yeah, why?
• 3:08
  If you look at the percentage of people with back pain, there's an incredible book that we can drop it in called How to Heal Back Pain by Dr. John Sarno.
• 3:16
  The exact numbers I'll throw off, but 70, 75% of back pain occurs in which decades?
• 3:23
  50s.
• 3:24
  40s and 50s.
• 3:25
  And that's because?
• 3:26
  60s, 70s, 80s.
• 3:28
  That's for most people, the peak responsibility years of their life.
• 3:32
  You have children, peak roles professionally.
• 3:35
  You're just burdens are the most for the average human.
• 3:38
  Well, it could be that.
• 3:39
  But also, it could be that that's where signs of not having taken care of ourselves, our bodies start showing and the house starts cracking down.
• 3:47
  Interesting thought.
• 3:48
  Why would 70s and 80s be comparable to 20s and teens in percentage of people with back pain?
• 3:53
  I.
• 3:54
  I have no idea.
• 3:54
  That's John Sarno, Dr. John Sarno's point.
• 3:57
  Maybe he needed that crazy thing in order to sell the book.
• 4:02
  The book's incredible, by the way.
• 4:03
  Maybe you're right.
• 4:04
  Maybe it's just made up.
• 4:07
  Totally made up.
• 4:09
  You know, remember I gave that to our friend and it was a game changer for him.
• 4:12
  He loved that book.
• 4:13
  Oh, really?
• 4:13
  Yeah.
• 4:14
  Oh, nice.
• 4:15
  How to reduce problems in your extended slash immediate family dynamic.
• 4:21
  Very easy.
• 4:22
  Just don't have it.
• 4:23
  So excluding murder of them, Pablo's obvious idea.
• 4:26
  I did not say murder.
• 4:28
  Don't have them.
• 4:29
  Wink, wink.
• 4:30
  Take care of the problem.
• 4:32
  Back in Argentina, simple.
• 4:34
  You got 100 pesos.
• 4:35
  Problem solved.
• 4:36
  That's not how it works in Argentina.
• 4:38
  You are confusing us with other countries.
• 4:40
  Oh, sorry, Venezuela.
• 4:42
  Okay, white boy.
• 4:43
  Let's.
• 4:44
  Okay, here's the thought.
• 4:46
  How to change your family dynamic.
• 4:48
  You want to ping pong, go back and forth on this?
• 4:50
  What's the problem that you have or that people have?
• 4:52
  I think the most common problem that I have had historically and that I see is you're coming for Thanksgiving, Christmas, holiday dinner, birthday dinner, and things are tense.
• 5:02
  They're not fun.
• 5:03
  There's a lot of tension.
• 5:05
  There's a lot of, I got to convince them of acts.
• 5:08
  My friends make fun of me because when I sold a software business, I told my couple of buddies, I was like, I'm going to help every one of my siblings start their own business.
• 5:16
  which is just hysterically dumb.
• 5:19
  Now looking back, I love all my siblings.
• 5:21
  I don't think any of them want to have their own business.
• 5:24
  Like why would I force this kind of belief system or plan on them?
• 5:29
  Yeah, but let's go back to the tension.
• 5:31
  Do you think that that's a normal thing that everyone or most people are experiencing?
• 5:36
  Or where are you getting that?
• 5:38
  Yeah, I'd say most.
• 5:39
  Most families I see dynamics I understand, conversations I have with friends interacting with their family, as adults especially.
• 5:47
  As kids, you fight and it's considered acceptable.
• 5:50
  My kids were fighting with each other all day.
• 5:51
  I just started screaming because they just finished school yesterday, so they're just fighting all day.
• 5:56
  Sometimes it doesn't really change as adults.
• 5:58
  But the expectation is, let's have an enjoyable whatever, graduation, birthday, whatever event.
• 6:05
  I'm trying to think like why that happens.
• 6:08
  Do you have any ideas?
• 6:09
  Well, I am not sure that we are supposed to be with the same people all our lives just because...
• 6:17
  They're family.
• 6:17
  We shared XYZ amount of fears at the beginning of our lives.
• 6:21
  It may happen, may not happen.
• 6:23
  And I think that back in the day, it was much more common...
• 6:27
  But nowadays, especially, well, in the U.S. it's very interesting because you guys don't leave everyone in the same place, even though some families may do.
• 6:35
  But many people just start traveling and then all of a sudden the family gets, it's all scattered in the U.S. And then you guys get together two times a year, let's say, for special events.
• 6:44
  I don't know, I'm just wondering, there are some people that attend to those events and they suffer in silence.
• 6:53
  Off you go.
• 6:53
  Let's just speak with the people that want to do something about it.
• 6:57
  if you want to just suffer in silence at these family events.
• 7:00
  You are not going to be watching us.
• 7:01
  You will not be watching us.
• 7:03
  You're right.
• 7:04
  And I think a lot of this, I'm thinking about my own kind of five to 10 year journey on working on this from like, I was probably pretty intolerable in the eyes of family members.
• 7:15
  That's fascinating to think about.
• 7:16
  But you're right.
• 7:17
  There's some people who are like, you know what?
• 7:19
  My family sucks.
• 7:20
  I don't care.
• 7:20
  I'm just going to show up once a year.
• 7:23
  bite my tongue, try and get out as soon as possible.
• 7:25
  And I'm good.
• 7:27
  Yeah.
• 7:27
  So the question is for the people that are watching that say, you know what?
• 7:31
  It sucks.
• 7:31
  And I just don't want, my question is, why are you going?
• 7:36
  And if you're going, why you are not saying anything?
• 7:38
  We are in a victim position, victim mindset, or we take accountability, take ownership of what's going on.
• 7:45
  Just say something, do something.
• 7:47
  Peter, you never come to this events yet.
• 7:49
  You know why I don't go?
• 7:50
  No, tell me.
• 7:51
  Oh, just give it a guess.
• 7:54
  Give it a shot.
• 7:55
  Well, Uncle Johnny, he's always drunk.
• 7:59
  He's throwing bottles.
• 8:00
  I don't want to be around that energy.
• 8:02
  And then you are fighting with XYZ.
• 8:04
  You love Uncle Johnny.
• 8:05
  You love him.
• 8:06
  Remember when you were a kid?
• 8:07
  I used to.
• 8:08
  Now he's violent.
• 8:09
  He's an alcoholic.
• 8:11
  Should be somewhere else.
• 8:13
  So that's why I'm not going.
• 8:14
  That hits deep.
• 8:15
  I will just mention I went to a wedding this weekend.
• 8:17
  And the wedding was from 2 p.m. to 8 p.m.
• 8:20
  awesome that's my time that's awesome the young woman who passed away her dad passed away um of alcoholism he was an alcoholic got off the juice and then had a relapse when he ran into old friends and then passed away that night you know with young uh daughters
• 8:36
  And so she doesn't drink, her fiance now husband doesn't drink.
• 8:39
  And it was awesome.
• 8:40
  It was outside ceremony, no alcohol served.
• 8:44
  You know, again, I don't drink alcohol, you know, and I don't drink coffee either.
• 8:46
  But they had this awesome barista serving awesome coffee and people are loving it.
• 8:50
  Like they're crushing their cool coffee.
• 8:52
  It was just on this neat farm.
• 8:54
  I really think that was an interesting example of her recognizing, hey, there's this negative pattern in our genealogy, our history, whatever you want to point for the alcohol.
• 9:02
  I want to just rip that out.
• 9:03
  I don't want to be a victim, like you said.
• 9:05
  I'm just going to reframe.
• 9:06
  I had never been to a wedding like that.
• 9:07
  The hours were just spectacular.
• 9:10
  And then everybody can get home and get to bed at a reasonable hour.
• 9:13
  It's just, and I know people are going to be like, you're an old man.
• 9:17
  Yeah, that's true.
• 9:19
  I feel great when I go to bed before 10 o'clock.
• 9:22
  Of course.
• 9:23
  So that's how I would solve the problem.
• 9:26
  How would you solve it, Peter?
• 9:27
  I think from my perspective, I identified I was selfish and I saw my...
• 9:34
  98% of our genes are the same as monkeys.
• 9:36
  But for some reason, we don't consider monkeys our brethren.
• 9:39
  We do consider these monkeys that are born brothers and sisters or cousins or parents, aunts and uncles.
• 9:46
  And I think part of me and a common thing I see in others is they want their family to just stop smoking or stop drinking or quit the job or get rid of the bad boyfriend or
• 9:56
  Why are you so liberal or why are you so conservative?
• 9:59
  And it's like this, I need to change them.
• 10:01
  One example is I was really into Bitcoin 10 years ago.
• 10:03
  So with everyone, I was like, buy Bitcoin, like shaking them at, you know, 2013.
• 10:08
  It's like, that's not fun for anyone.
• 10:11
  They didn't want to be forced into some investment.
• 10:13
  It's too aggressive for most of them to wrap their minds around.
• 10:16
  They don't want to learn about it.
• 10:17
  And I'm like forcing it down their throats.
• 10:19
  Well, let's think about why was Peter forcing this investment down their throats?
• 10:23
  As I go deeper, it's my own fear around them not being a good financial position.
• 10:27
  And it kind of reflects back to me and a fear around money.
• 10:30
  So it's, why do I force that upon the people who are close to me?
• 10:33
  Well, they have the closest genealogy.
• 10:35
  So it's kind of like a survival mechanism for my genealogy.
• 10:38
  If I don't make it, well, at least they're...
• 10:40
  closest kin.
• 10:41
  And I think that create a lot of tension on me.
• 10:43
  And that tension shows up as the, you gotta do X, Y, and Z, do it now rather than this kind of meet them where they are, appreciate, love them, support them for where they are.
• 10:57
  ask them questions and curiosity, what they want to talk about, what they're learning about, and letting go of this whole forceful pushing.
• 11:04
  And I think, you know, now that we can laugh about it, like even food, I have strong opinions on food.
• 11:09
  I try and just eat what comes out of the ground and animals that are eating things they've eaten for thousands of years.
• 11:14
  A lot of people think that's crazy.
• 11:16
  So I don't really push it anymore.
• 11:18
  I just eat before most events.
• 11:20
  And I do my own little boring meals that I do on my own or on the car on the way there.
• 11:25
  And then I'll have to ask questions or dig in or challenge their views on food.
• 11:31
  Well, it's the same thing my parents ate even though the chemicals are different.
• 11:34
  So I think for me, the root cause is to actually recognize it's selfish.
• 11:40
  I am selfish.
• 11:42
  I am trying to get my genetic pairs, cousins, family to have the most success they can and what I deem successful.
• 11:49
  And I don't think that's good for the relationship.
• 11:51
  So how are you approaching?
• 11:52
  Are you going to Thanksgiving and all those places with family?
• 11:57
  Yeah.
• 11:57
  Oh, yeah.
• 11:58
  I'm fortunate to live around most of my family.
• 12:00
  And I love most of my family, my wife's family.
• 12:03
  I definitely disagree with things, right?
• 12:07
  They definitely make fun of me in terms of my eating and health habits and other stuff.
• 12:11
  But I think the key is, can you go there and feel childlike and joke with them about this stuff?
• 12:17
  Or do I need to come there with like the, well, I'm going to convince them why to vote for this presidential candidate.
• 12:22
  or like, I'm going to come there and explain them why these type of people are bad.
• 12:27
  That's an agenda.
• 12:28
  And when you're coming with an agenda to your family, they may have not signed up for that meeting.
• 12:33
  Like they may have not signed up for that political discussion, that investment discussion, the discussion why their boyfriend or girlfriend sucks.
• 12:40
  You know, who knows?
• 12:41
  But who am I to decide that we should go deep on this and spend the whole time on it?
• 12:46
  And why should I come with this tension?
• 12:48
  And I think when we remove the tension from needing to push this discussion, it's kind of a Buddhist philosophy of remove the attachment.
• 12:56
  Then I can really enjoy them for who they are.
• 12:58
  It has nothing to do with my own pitch, my own view.
• 13:01
  So what do you do when you are in a family meeting and then they are talking about whatever, politics or nonsense?
• 13:07
  It's a great question.
• 13:08
  I think I like, you know, and this is for family or non-family.
• 13:12
  I like to just be curious with the question.
• 13:14
  Hey guys, is everybody excited to dig in on the political stuff or did we want to talk about something else?
• 13:19
  You know, here's another example.
• 13:20
  I don't watch that much in terms of sports.
• 13:22
  I have a lot of family that loves sports.
• 13:24
  So I might be like, Hey guys, does everybody want to watch the game?
• 13:27
  And they're like, yeah.
• 13:28
  It's like, oh, cool.
• 13:29
  Okay.
• 13:30
  I need to just remove myself or just shut up and watch the game if that's interesting to me.
• 13:34
  Usually it's not, so I just pull myself out.
• 13:37
  They get to have a great time.
• 13:38
  I can go have a different discussion.
• 13:40
  I can, I don't know, watch a podcast, whatever it is.
• 13:44
  You go alone and you watch a podcast while everyone is cutting the turkey in Thanksgiving?
• 13:49
  I don't do it while everybody's cutting the turkey in Thanksgiving.
• 13:51
  Oh, autistic.
• 13:54
  Where's Peter?
• 13:55
  He's with his headphones, autistically moving, rocking back and forth.
• 14:00
  He's twitching again.
• 14:01
  Yeah, you know, that's probably good.
• 14:03
  That describes me.
• 14:04
  There's definitely a description there.
• 14:08
  I don't do it at dinner tables.
• 14:10
  I think in like a three, four hour day long kind of hangout session, I definitely would.
• 14:14
  It's a funny point.
• 14:15
  A lot of people be like, no, that's not okay.
• 14:17
  That's not appropriate.
• 14:18
  My own perception, and this is, I want you to challenge this or come, I'd love to hear your approaches, engaging with them where they are and just checking if that's what everyone wants to do.
• 14:27
  Because maybe one person's like, you know what, I don't really care about who's playing today.
• 14:30
  We peel off and we have a discussion about whatever's going on in life.
• 14:33
  Great.
• 14:34
  But who am I to decide that the game's not good for everybody to watch?
• 14:37
  You know, like, who am I to be like, well, you know, we're all just watching people who are successful on the field while we're unsuccessful in our own lives.
• 14:44
  Like, yeah, thanks, Peter.
• 14:45
  Get the hell out of here.
• 14:47
  don't want to hear it they don't want to hear reasons that i think that it's not a good use of time yes in my case i don't really want to be in places that i don't want to be that's it simple so if a dinner if a meeting if a whatever sucks to me and i can definitely see that the environment is going in one direction and it's the environment the wind is going in that direction i silently disappear
• 15:15
  That's usually what I tend to do now.
• 15:18
  Different story would be if my chosen family, let's say they start talking about something and I can see that the conversation goes towards whatever.
• 15:28
  Let's just keep talking politics, right?
• 15:30
  The war here, the war there, this should have happened or whatever.
• 15:34
  Like if we have any kind of influence and like if anyone is doing anything to change anything, right?
• 15:40
  We're just commentators in this circus.
• 15:43
  That's where I would say something to steer back the conversation to something meaningful.
• 15:48
  Do you, so I'm Billy and dude, I don't have that choice with my family or my wife's family or I work for them.
• 15:55
  Of course you have the choice.
• 15:56
  No, dude, you don't understand my family.
• 15:59
  What do you mean?
• 16:01
  What do you mean?
• 16:02
  They would be mad for the whole year.
• 16:04
  As soon as someone says, I don't have the choice.
• 16:06
  That's, of course you have the choice.
• 16:08
  You're not a slave.
• 16:09
  You're not a prisoner.
• 16:10
  So of course you have the choice.
• 16:11
  So that's why I call that bullshit.
• 16:13
  Or we start again or yeah, good luck.
• 16:16
  You are starting from the wrong belief.
• 16:18
  And would you say- I am a victim.
• 16:20
  I don't have a choice.
• 16:21
  I am a victim.
• 16:22
  I am a slave.
• 16:23
  Like, okay, keep being a slave.
• 16:26
  If I said that, would you just disengage?
• 16:28
  Or do you say keep being a slave?
• 16:30
  What do you prefer?
• 16:31
  It depends who is the person.
• 16:33
  If you say that, I would just smack your face so you wake up.
• 16:37
  Because I'm like, what the are you talking about this?
• 16:39
  You are just- What are you saying?
• 16:41
  A virus- For the record, Pablo physically assaults me and that was stated.
• 16:45
  I just want the judge to hear.
• 16:46
  I would never do that again.
• 16:51
  Okay, so spectrum.
• 16:53
  Peter physically assault in the middle, somebody you like, you've got a good relationship, you might ask him, are you a victim?
• 16:59
  And then somebody you don't intend to have a deeper relationship.
• 17:02
  If it's someone that I like, I would be like, no, what are you talking about?
• 17:05
  That's a limiting belief.
• 17:07
  You are talking like you are a victim.
• 17:09
  You're talking like there is nothing that you can do.
• 17:11
  Is there really nothing that you can do?
• 17:13
  So I would say something like that to someone that I care.
• 17:15
  Someone that I don't care,
• 17:19
  that I have to will depend on the kind of conversation that is happening and how much I give a about saying something and engaging or not.
• 17:27
  Let me say the most extreme of you not caring, you just say, okay, cool.
• 17:32
  And move on new conversation or get out of the, get out of the location.
• 17:36
  Depends on the circumstances.
• 17:37
  Okay.
• 17:38
  Do you view your answer as silently disappearing?
• 17:42
  Would you say that's a victim or owning?
• 17:44
  Is that is that you owning it and saying I'm going to slip out?
• 17:47
  I'm trying to think about the last time that I did that.
• 17:50
  So I went to this event and it was like 15 people and it was a meeting and the meeting was going to be very, very long.
• 17:57
  I would say six hours and I am two hours in.
• 18:00
  I'm like, this is going not in the direction that I want.
• 18:04
  And, you know, so I think that I am very good at closing my eyes and putting myself in a different position and assessing which one feels better to me, which one is more aligned to me.
• 18:13
  And I'm like, you know what?
• 18:14
  Being in my hotel room, it feels much better than being in this place.
• 18:20
  And rather than me saying, hey, guys, by the way, sorry, sorry to interrupt this meeting that is going on.
• 18:27
  I'm checking, I'm going, but why?
• 18:30
  This is not aligned with me.
• 18:31
  I don't want to say that.
• 18:33
  So I just quietly disappear, grab my bags, rather than staying, rather than being, okay, I'm going to stay here for six hours.
• 18:41
  I love this.
• 18:42
  Say more, because most people are saying, well, I'm used subconsciously.
• 18:45
  They're used to school.
• 18:46
  You commit to something, you finish it.
• 18:47
  How do you do that in your own head?
• 18:49
  Well, the short answer is just do it.
• 18:51
  But my analysis is what I explain right now.
• 18:55
  So my analysis is very simple.
• 18:56
  I am in a meeting and I feel that there is not alignment.
• 19:00
  I feel that this is, the meeting is not something that it's aligned with my direction.
• 19:06
  So I'm like, okay, this, if I translate this, like, okay, this meeting sucks.
• 19:10
  It's the first time that I come to this meeting.
• 19:12
  The first time that I am seeing how this meeting develops.
• 19:15
  How much more time I have?
• 19:16
  Jesus, three more hours?
• 19:17
  There's no, okay, what I said.
• 19:19
  Yeah, definitely, I wanna be in my room.
• 19:22
  Bye.
• 19:22
  I'm out of here.
• 19:23
  That's beautiful, man.
• 19:24
  I don't think a lot of people have that confidence, self-will, alignment, willingness to trust their feeling.
• 19:30
  It's not something I see commonly.
• 19:32
  And I think it's a superpower of yours.
• 19:34
  That's why it's interesting to dig in deeper.
• 19:36
  Even in my own, I'm trying to work through and trying to do more of that.
• 19:39
  Yeah, I don't think that I was born with this or anything like that.
• 19:43
  I think that this is something that I've been developing more and more and more.
• 19:46
  And as we all heard when we were growing up,
• 19:50
  You will learn this when you grow up and you will experience this when you grow up.
• 19:54
  And I think that there is something very, very true about that, which is the older I get, the less tolerance for nonsense I have, or the less tolerance for things that are not aligned with who I am, I have.
• 20:08
  Yeah.
• 20:09
  Do you feel there's any hacks or things you say to yourself that can help somebody who, let's say, doesn't do that at all?
• 20:16
  And I'm on the journey of I've just started doing more of this.
• 20:19
  It was very uncomfortable.
• 20:21
  I still am not good at it.
• 20:22
  I still get stories in my head of they're going to be mad and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whether it's family, friends, a professional commitment.
• 20:31
  How do you tap into the feeling or how do you tap into that?
• 20:34
  Are there questions you're asking throughout it?
• 20:36
  I think that me sharing exactly what I do might not be very useful.
• 20:41
  Why?
• 20:42
  Because I already shared it two times.
• 20:44
  You're asking me again, the same question.
• 20:46
  So it's already not useful for you.
• 20:47
  What I would suggest is that why don't you tell me a situation and then we can go through that situation.
• 20:55
  Peter, welcome to the hospital.
• 20:57
  I'm happy to.
• 20:59
  The worst meeting I've ever had was with a guy who had been a mayor.
• 21:03
  of a major city and i was meeting with him with another really incredible human that i happened to be uh connected to and we sit down actually two other people and this this is quickly it's very clear this person has no interest in listening they just want to ramble and have us listen to him the whole time
• 21:24
  And I was so impressed because the guy that I partnered with on something just stood up 10, 15 minutes into the hour long meeting.
• 21:32
  It was supposed to be minimum hour, hour and a half.
• 21:33
  And we were jacked up about this meeting.
• 21:35
  This was somebody we were excited to meet.
• 21:37
  He goes, hey, thanks, guys.
• 21:39
  I'm going to, you know, one of the guys with us.
• 21:42
  Hey, you got the check.
• 21:43
  I'm going to slip out.
• 21:44
  And now I don't know whether or not he's honest or not.
• 21:46
  I think he said, I have another meeting.
• 21:47
  So don't suggest me to lie.
• 21:49
  I don't remember exactly what he said.
• 21:50
  And then he bounced.
• 21:51
  And in my head, it was red alert, red alert.
• 21:53
  Follow him.
• 21:54
  Get out of here.
• 21:55
  Do not stay.
• 21:56
  Alert.
• 21:57
  Smoke signal.
• 21:58
  Wait, what did you feel there?
• 21:59
  Wait, wait, one second.
• 22:00
  What did you feel?
• 22:00
  I felt in the moment, I felt a mental twist of, you know, the other word I think is cognitive dissonance, right?
• 22:09
  So my brain, half my brain's going, maybe brain and heart, I don't know.
• 22:13
  There's a body just like clash of, I want to do that.
• 22:17
  I know that's right.
• 22:18
  And there's a pull of, wait a minute, he's someone I'm supposed to admire and respect.
• 22:23
  And this could, I could save this and this could become a good meeting and blah, blah, blah.
• 22:28
  unlikely in the percentage you can just see the percentage crashing like the the likelihood going from 90 to 60 to 40 to 30 like just precipitous fall so i think that that is more fear of missing out and i think that it's very very important to train ourselves to remove fear of missing out because could something happen in the next three hours of the meeting that i left for sure could something happen
• 22:55
  in the next 50 minutes of the meetings that you are staying with the mayor.
• 22:59
  Yeah, for sure.
• 22:59
  Anything can happen anywhere, anytime.
• 23:01
  Yeah.
• 23:02
  But that's not the point.
• 23:03
  To me, the point is the trend, right?
• 23:06
  So this is like, I don't know if this ever happened to you, but you bought a stock, you made an investment, the investment is 90% down.
• 23:14
  You already refreshed the screen since you bought this maybe 2000 times, right?
• 23:18
  You are wasting so much energy, so much time, makes no sense what you're doing.
• 23:22
  And, but there is something like, but what if it comes back?
• 23:25
  What if it like this, this formal of, you know what?
• 23:29
  Just, just cut it.
• 23:30
  Just cut it.
• 23:31
  Cut the weeds, move on with something great.
• 23:34
  So for me, the weeds show signs.
• 23:37
  And for me, that meeting was a weed.
• 23:40
  For you, you felt that the meeting with the mayor was a weed.
• 23:46
  And instead of cutting it, you were like, okay, maybe if I just keep putting water, it's going to turn into an amazing flower.
• 23:53
  and i don't really have experiences where this is the case or i don't know if this ever happens to you you hire a person and then you see the person is just not working this this is not working this is okay but maybe maybe if i do this maybe i never experience a first date being terrible transforming into something amazing and i say date maybe oh but i had a first date and then it was amazing yeah whatever
• 24:20
  But I'm talking about meetings, employees, where you can see, you can feel like, okay, this is not.
• 24:27
  Okay, but I'm going to give another chance.
• 24:29
  I'm going to keep.
• 24:31
  And I'm not saying don't give second chances.
• 24:32
  I'm not saying.
• 24:33
  What I'm saying is, to me, the pattern is very clear.
• 24:36
  And I think that over the years, I became better at being very protective of my time and my energy.
• 24:45
  And therefore, I am better at walking out.
• 24:51
  at leaving when something is not going in the right direction.
• 24:54
  Now, it's hard for you if you are with a mayor, it's you, another person, and the mayor.
• 25:00
  I get it, that is hard.
• 25:01
  And you were with your co-founder, the co-founder takes off and you're like, oh, now I'm here holding the fucking bag.
• 25:08
  What's going on?
• 25:09
  Yeah, the one thing I'll mention, there was a third person that works for us, but I was the only other of this kind of co-founder.
• 25:16
  So I would take a step back and say, why were you in that meeting?
• 25:19
  Let's just go even more.
• 25:21
  So, and I can say the same thing about me when I went to that meeting.
• 25:25
  Why did I go to the meeting?
• 25:26
  But you can go first.
• 25:28
  In this particular one, I was excited because it's a passionate cause where I feel like I can help people.
• 25:33
  And I was told by a mutual contact that he shared that passion for this cause.
• 25:39
  And the idea was a brainstorming session of he's trying to do something in this space.
• 25:44
  We could help him.
• 25:45
  And I think the one other realization was he had never built anything in his life.
• 25:49
  He had just been selected, you know, by voters credit, you know, okay.
• 25:54
  He put himself out there, but he had never built teams or created something.
• 25:57
  Well, as a mayor, I think that you need to have a team with you.
• 26:00
  You are not just alone, right?
• 26:01
  Totally.
• 26:02
  What I'm saying is prior to being mayor, he had never built anything.
• 26:05
  I see.
• 26:05
  Once you're mayor, you still, it's department.
• 26:07
  So you pick department heads, but you're not leading to build a product, to build a company, to build a team.
• 26:13
  That was not something he had done in his prior life.
• 26:15
  Yeah.
• 26:15
  But I just go back to why were you there?
• 26:18
  And your answer was like, well, I was excited about, okay, that's, that's not a good answer.
• 26:22
  Then, then you said, so your answer started in my opinion incorrectly, like, oh, I was excited.
• 26:27
  Okay.
• 26:27
  Okay.
• 26:28
  To me, that's not a very good reason because excitement can go up and down and disappear.
• 26:33
  And maybe it sounds like that's what happened.
• 26:36
  And we were excited.
• 26:37
  We wanted to brainstorm because we are doing something and he's doing something similar.
• 26:42
  So for me, when I am hearing that, if you were my employee and you telling me that about meeting, I would be like, okay, Peter, what did you do to bring the meeting back on track?
• 26:52
  Because he wants to talk about himself.
• 26:55
  That's not why we're here.
• 26:56
  Yeah, it's a good point, I think.
• 26:58
  And you've driving home this, what is the goal?
• 27:02
  And to clarify that in the beginning of, hey, we want to help you launch this nonprofit, or we want you to help us strategize on how to take this deeper in the city.
• 27:12
  We can come back to that.
• 27:13
  And if lack of clarity means we're not on the same page, and he's going to fill the time with bragging about how great he is or focusing on how great he is, which you're right.
• 27:23
  And it's a great way to flip it back to blaming myself of,
• 27:27
  Why do we commit to this?
• 27:28
  Why do we start?
• 27:29
  It's great.
• 27:30
  And I think that all comes back to that when we are talking about meetings.
• 27:34
  Why are we in this meeting?
• 27:36
  Why, what are we trying to do here?
• 27:38
  What is the goal here?
• 27:39
  And having everyone aligned with that.
• 27:42
  It's just so important because as soon as blah, blah, blah starts happening and people start talking about nonsense.
• 27:50
  You're like, okay, what?
• 27:52
  Our goal was not to come here to talk about politics, right?
• 27:54
  So why are we talking about politics?
• 27:56
  Oh, we're not talking about, we shouldn't be.
• 27:57
  Okay, great.
• 27:58
  Let's just pause here.
• 27:59
  Hey guys, let's bring this.
• 28:01
  I know that everyone is very excited about this politics, but let's just bring this to the goal of this meeting, right?
• 28:06
  We are meeting here to XYZ.
• 28:09
  I had a physical reaction when you go, excitement is the wrong reason to have a meeting.
• 28:14
  It's an incorrect reason.
• 28:15
  Physical reaction, shut up, Pablo, you're wrong.
• 28:18
  And I say this because I think it's important for people to hear and realize it is okay to have those.
• 28:24
  And you can recognize that in view, that's a part of you, that's an ego, that's a piece to say, thank you, you're trying to protect me.
• 28:30
  Really appreciate it.
• 28:31
  And Dr. Richard Schwartz came up with this question.
• 28:34
  theory he was a harvard psychiatrist that wrote a really great book about there are parts of us in our mind our psyche our background that want to protect us and being able to kind of thank it and let it step aside to then open your mind back up to recognize i agree with your point and we have to avoid this physical repulsive reaction of being told we're we're wrong i do like and i mentioned to you this to flip it not from a that is wrong to a i have an idea
• 29:01
  For the people that are really soft and can't, I always say straight A students, right?
• 29:05
  If you're a straight A student your whole life, you really struggle hearing, oh, you're wrong.
• 29:09
  Like that's just not in the vocabulary to receive as a response.
• 29:13
  I wasn't as good of a student, so it's easier for me to take it in.
• 29:16
  I still struggle to hear, hey, that's a wrong reason.
• 29:20
  But I really like your point of, if we don't know the point of the meeting,
• 29:27
  then it can be hijacked, it can go off cliff, it can go crashing and burning, and no one really knows what, and no one at any level, versus anyone at the meeting is empowered then to say, feels like we're way off, hey, the intention was to help you with this nonprofit, or us with this nonprofit, or us with this business, or us with this whatever, what are we doing?
• 29:46
  And it's kind of interesting tying this back to the family
• 29:49
  discussion because it's almost like, hey, do you want to know about Bitcoin?
• 29:53
  No.
• 29:54
  Okay, I'm going to stop forcing this down your throat, you know, in 2012 as at a family dinner.
• 29:59
  What do you want to talk about?
• 30:00
  Yeah, because Uncle Johnny, while he's jugging a beer, he's like, dude, well, I didn't come.
• 30:07
  I come here for the alcohol.
• 30:08
  I came here for the for the booze.
• 30:10
  Not to hear this kid talking about a coin.
• 30:13
  What's going on?
• 30:14
  Look, I got a lot of coins in my pocket, dude.
• 30:17
  And coming back to the excitement, I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with being excited about having a meeting.
• 30:23
  I'm saying if that's your main goal, I think that you could be up for a surprise.
• 30:28
  You're right.
• 30:29
  And I agree with it.
• 30:31
  I'm just reflecting on, I think it's important for all of us to notice when we have this physical repulsive, like, I don't want to hear this.
• 30:37
  This isn't what I want to hear.
• 30:38
  To not let that kill, because then I put it aside, recognize you're not trying to attack me.
• 30:45
  not trying to kill me, and then opened up to be like, oh, wow.
• 30:48
  Yeah, you're right.
• 30:50
  Like excitement should not be the primary reason.
• 30:53
  Now it can be, hey, I think this guy is going to help us go across the state of Indiana, but we didn't have any goals like that, which would have been great to save me the time, the discomfort, and then being stuck in the meeting.
• 31:03
  So it's great to then take back ownership of why I'm wrong.
• 31:06
  I liked your comment also about becoming the protector of your time.
• 31:11
  You mentioned this whole weed analogy of giving it more water.
• 31:14
  You know, our bodies are mostly water, right?
• 31:17
  I love this analogy of like, are you pouring more of yourself, your time, your water into a weed that you think is going to become a flower?
• 31:25
  And how do you judge that?
• 31:27
  Oh, I love the trend line.
• 31:29
  Does it feel better than it did last week?
• 31:30
  No.
• 31:31
  yesterday, last month.
• 31:32
  And at what percentage on that trend line of it dropping from best case was 90% where now it's 60% it feels right.
• 31:40
  Okay.
• 31:41
  I pulled a plug at 40%.
• 31:42
  And I don't think enough of us, myself included, pull the plug at 40% or plan to pull the plug of this water, this life force, this energy, this time, our most valuable asset.
• 31:53
  We're not pulling the plug or committing to.
• 31:55
  And then we get stuck in whether it's a family event, professional event, whatever it is.
• 32:01
  out of fear to just say, hey, I had committed this.
• 32:04
  And it reminds me, I've got a buddy I'm gonna be with tomorrow.
• 32:08
  And we're going to an event with a bunch of friends and a big group.
• 32:14
  And he's unwilling to have the kind of hard conversations and just be honest with who he is.
• 32:19
  So I said, yeah, we'll go together.
• 32:23
  because if I don't go, you're not gonna be willing to leave even though you wanna leave.
• 32:28
  And you're gonna get stuck there and be frustrated you stayed too long."
• 32:31
  And he goes, how did you read?
• 32:32
  And as soon as I said, we'll go together, he goes, yeah, we totally should drive together.
• 32:36
  And I go, because when I come with you, I'm gonna say I'm leaving.
• 32:40
  People are gonna get frustrated that I'm leaving earlier than everyone else.
• 32:43
  And you're gonna say, well, I have to go because Peter and I drove together.
• 32:47
  And he goes, how'd you know that?
• 32:49
  How'd you know that's what I want?
• 32:53
  But it's interesting that you said most people will get frustrated that you leave early.
• 32:57
  Why would people feel frustrated that you left early?
• 33:01
  They miss the jaw.
• 33:02
  They're like, I want Tony Robbins' son.
• 33:04
  I paid for his son to be here and I want him present.
• 33:08
  Terrible joke.
• 33:09
  No, I think that, I mean, serious.
• 33:12
  What do you think?
• 33:13
  I don't know.
• 33:13
  I think to them it's a fear that everyone else, maybe the host of the party or some of the people are scared everyone else is going to follow me out or it's a sign.
• 33:23
  It's not that fun.
• 33:24
  Or it's a sign or I'm bringing a certain level of energy and they're excited to have that energy present and pulling that out as reducing it.
• 33:31
  Something along those lines are guesses.
• 33:33
  I can't answer.
• 33:35
  So my translation is most people just care about themselves.
• 33:40
  This has everything that you just mentioned is all about them.
• 33:44
  I want that energy present.
• 33:46
  Oh my gosh, my party sucks.
• 33:48
  It's all about their things.
• 33:50
  It has nothing to do with you.
• 33:52
  And I think that this is important because the typical reason why we stay stuck in places rather than saying something or leaving is because maybe the fear of what other people are going to say.
• 34:06
  How are they going to look at me?
• 34:07
  What are they going to comment on?
• 34:08
  It's not about you.
• 34:09
  It's just about them.
• 34:10
  It's all about them.
• 34:11
  So think about this.
• 34:12
  Just put two people in a party with utmost confidence.
• 34:19
  And then let's say the party is getting a little bit boring for them.
• 34:24
  Far from the party being over.
• 34:26
  And one guy's like, hey, guys, I'm out heading home.
• 34:30
  Great seeing you all.
• 34:31
  Bye.
• 34:31
  And the other one's like, oh, yeah, me too.
• 34:32
  Me too.
• 34:33
  Guys, amazing party.
• 34:34
  See you soon.
• 34:35
  And everyone is kind of like open jaw.
• 34:37
  Like, what?
• 34:38
  How?
• 34:39
  And these two people are just walking, walking out.
• 34:41
  Bye.
• 34:41
  See ya.
• 34:42
  It was great.
• 34:43
  The hour and a half that I was here was awesome.
• 34:45
  I'm going home.
• 34:46
  Total confidence.
• 34:47
  No problem.
• 34:48
  They feel great.
• 34:49
  People with lack of confidence.
• 34:51
  They are like, oh.
• 34:53
  How did they do that?
• 34:55
  How, how did they escape this thing that we are all supposed to be here because we are all sheeps and we are all supposed to stay here in the same place at the same time altogether.
• 35:04
  Like who are, who are these people just leaving?
• 35:06
  It's all about them.
• 35:07
  Has nothing to do with you.
• 35:09
  Nobody cares about you.
• 35:10
  And let's just say not nobody, but the couple of people that care, they may come to you and say like, Hey, is everything okay?
• 35:17
  Hey, tell me what, what happened?
• 35:18
  Why, why are you leaving?
• 35:19
  It sucks.
• 35:20
  The party sucks.
• 35:21
  And I'm like, yeah, a little bit.
• 35:22
  And I also want to be sleeping early.
• 35:24
  And you know what?
• 35:25
  I don't like it.
• 35:25
  It's just a lot of people drinking and I don't drink.
• 35:27
  So different kind of party that I thought that it was going to be.
• 35:30
  Or whatever that is.
• 35:31
  But are you okay?
• 35:33
  Is everything besides that?
• 35:34
  Is everything?
• 35:35
  Yeah.
• 35:36
  Yeah, yeah, good.
• 35:36
  Okay, awesome.
• 35:37
  Awesome.
• 35:38
  See you later.
• 35:38
  Bye.
• 35:39
  I think that the people that really care, they're going to say something because they care about you, making sure that you are all right.
• 35:45
  So the rest, they don't care.
• 35:47
  They're just thinking about themselves.
• 35:49
  So I don't think that is a big deal.
• 35:51
  I just go back to the same thing.
• 35:52
  I don't think that is a big deal.
• 35:53
  I think you nailed it on summarizing it as the real flip, the freedom flip is you're set free when you recognize the people being frustrated you're leaving the party.
• 36:03
  It's about them.
• 36:04
  It's their own decision to not leave or to be worried about the comments.
• 36:08
  It has nothing to do with you.
• 36:10
  And if you can recognize that, then you're like, I'll take a couple of jabs at like, oh, we're not cool enough for you.
• 36:15
  Or, oh, you got a better place to be.
• 36:17
  Or, oh, you don't want to be with us.
• 36:18
  Those are just attempts to keep the sheep, the herd together, which is amazingly effective to hit our brain.
• 36:25
  of the fear center of I need to stay with the herd.
• 36:28
  But if they're good friends, they don't care.
• 36:30
  They're still gonna be good friends after that.
• 36:33
  That's a great hack.
• 36:34
  And I think combined with your other one of protecting your time and noticing how you feel, what the trend line is of how you're feeling at the event.
• 36:40
  Are you trending from 80% good to 30% good?
• 36:44
  I don't think you're getting back to 80, bro.
• 36:47
  Those two kind of the trend line
• 36:49
  and the flipping it to realize it's about them.
• 36:52
  Their reaction is a powerful way.
• 36:54
  What do you say to, let's take out, your Billy's saying, well, you know, I'm just generally expected to go to the Thanksgiving.
• 37:01
  I have to go to every family's birthday event, even though I don't.
• 37:04
  How old are you?
• 37:05
  32 years old.
• 37:05
  Okay, yeah.
• 37:07
  What's the problem?
• 37:08
  It's their expectations that I come to my in-laws or my siblings or whoever's birthday dinners and everything else.
• 37:15
  And we live in the same city or state.
• 37:17
  We're in the same area.
• 37:18
  Oh, what's the problem?
• 37:19
  I believe it's going to create a huge issue in my life and everyone's going to flip out if I skip my sister's birthday dinner.
• 37:27
  Okay.
• 37:28
  Do you have proof?
• 37:28
  Yeah.
• 37:29
  I almost missed one and she lost it.
• 37:32
  And then my mom got mad.
• 37:34
  Then my dad was frustrated that my mom was mad at him.
• 37:37
  And then he was calling me and everybody was having a big issue.
• 37:40
  All right.
• 37:41
  What are your options?
• 37:42
  I heard you guys talk about three options.
• 37:44
  So option one, go.
• 37:47
  Option two, go and leave.
• 37:49
  Option three, don't go.
• 37:50
  Forget about what people are going to say, but which one feels more aligned with who you are?
• 37:55
  I don't want to go at all.
• 37:56
  Okay.
• 37:56
  Let's just analyze that.
• 37:58
  Why?
• 37:58
  You know, my sister, she likes to get hammered and then everybody just starts fighting.
• 38:04
  And it's just not a fun space to hang out.
• 38:07
  When I work a job, I'm working hard from nine to six every day.
• 38:11
  I got a wife.
• 38:12
  I'd rather spend time with her.
• 38:13
  I don't really want to be at that.
• 38:15
  Okay.
• 38:16
  Have you ever tried saying exactly that to them?
• 38:19
  No.
• 38:20
  All right.
• 38:21
  What do you think that would happen if you say that?
• 38:23
  I think they might freak out and tell me I'm disrespectful and rude and that they come to every birthday party of mine.
• 38:30
  And this is what being a family is about.
• 38:33
  Okay.
• 38:33
  Do you agree with that?
• 38:34
  I think that's a common belief.
• 38:37
  It's not necessarily how I want to live my family as Billy.
• 38:40
  I don't want to commit to that.
• 38:42
  Okay.
• 38:42
  Billy's changing the tone of voice.
• 38:44
  This is great.
• 38:46
  Billy is becoming a freedom flipper.
• 38:48
  Okay, Pablo.
• 38:49
  Well, but there you go, right?
• 38:50
  So my point is you can keep doing this for the rest of your life, or you can...
• 38:57
  do something else.
• 38:58
  It's up to you.
• 38:59
  I could have stayed in Argentina for the rest of my life.
• 39:02
  I could have worked in an office job for the rest of my life.
• 39:06
  I decided that I did not like the direction of those things.
• 39:11
  So I wanted to change, which led me after 15 years of that to a massive different place.
• 39:18
  Those two things are here, right?
• 39:19
  They are very close.
• 39:20
  But then after 15 years, they are so far apart.
• 39:23
  And it's just one decision at a time.
• 39:25
  So I think that it's important to understand where are you going if you keep making the same decision and internally you are feeling that something is not right.
• 39:36
  And that this is not aligned with who you are and with what you want to build, which means where you want to go, the direction of where you want to go.
• 39:44
  So it's up to you being a victim or making a decision.
• 39:47
  I just find it interesting that, you know, when you were talking as Billy, I did not find him disrespectful saying, you know, I don't like it.
• 39:56
  My sister gets drunk and then everyone is fighting.
• 39:59
  I don't like that.
• 40:00
  I don't want that in my life.
• 40:01
  To me, there's nothing disrespectful about that.
• 40:04
  Now, Billy can be blamed and manipulated.
• 40:07
  to think that he's been, well, that's a different story.
• 40:09
  Then it just keeps showcasing that the problem is even deeper.
• 40:12
  Deep, man.
• 40:13
  It's deep.
• 40:14
  And I love you tying back to you imagine just staying in Argentina.
• 40:18
  While the trend line of Argentina's opportunity, government, you know, business is declining.
• 40:23
  You could have said, ah, you know, I love the football here and I've got my friends and my family.
• 40:29
  I should just stay.
• 40:30
  And whether it's a dinner with a family or friends or whether you're in a country that is the only country you've known your whole life and you're just kind of swinging for it.
• 40:39
  That's really deep.
• 40:40
  I think that ability to project yourself forward every day with the same experience the rest of your life or every week, every couple of times a year, whatever the frequency is for the rest of your life to say 70 years is a little bit.
• 40:52
  to try and tip the scales to where it becomes more painful to imagine that than it is having a conversation of truth.
• 40:59
  That's the hack that you've built a muscle.
• 41:02
  I don't want to use the word hack.
• 41:03
  You've built a muscle to do it.
• 41:05
  It's a muscle I'm working on to do.
• 41:08
  Because getting those scales tipped to where you say...
• 41:12
  you know what, they're just mad at me for a week.
• 41:14
  That's a small price to pay to do this three times a year, once a month for the rest of my life.
• 41:19
  Yeah, and I think that this can be done not only from leaving the country or the city that I was born, but also in a meeting.
• 41:27
  I'm like, man, the last two hours of this meeting sucked.
• 41:31
  I have three more to go.
• 41:32
  I don't like the direction of this.
• 41:34
  I don't want this.
• 41:35
  I prefer to be outside walking on the street.
• 41:37
  Yeah, man, there's a powerful lesson, I think, that we aren't taught in school or in life or in sports or any area, right?
• 41:46
  Because most of life is you just got to double down and dig in and put the team on your back, you know, help your family.
• 41:53
  And I love helping my family.
• 41:55
  I love supporting them.
• 41:56
  That's...
• 41:56
  All those phrases, that sounds a little bit of like manipulating, because if your sister is getting drunk every single time and is throwing and all your family is fighting, that's a whole different.
• 42:09
  Or let's just say that everyone is a drug addict, right?
• 42:11
  Everyone is, you go to the party and everyone is just doing heroin.
• 42:14
  Like...
• 42:15
  Seriously?
• 42:16
  And I'm taking it to an extreme because I guess that when I say heroin, people are drawing a line.
• 42:20
  I'm like, yeah, dude, then that makes sense.
• 42:22
  You shouldn't be there.
• 42:23
  It's like, okay, how is that different?
• 42:24
  I understand that alcohol is accepted and it's legal for a reason.
• 42:28
  And I understand that fighting and shouting and screaming is allowed.
• 42:32
  And it's normal in many places.
• 42:34
  That doesn't mean that it's acceptable.
• 42:36
  What do you think about the events that are important?
• 42:40
  If you're, let's say you're an employee and you're at an event, how do you get out of that when you're the employee?
• 42:45
  You don't own the business.
• 42:46
  You're not even the boss.
• 42:48
  What kind of event?
• 42:48
  You're at a meeting with, I don't know, maybe it's social.
• 42:51
  There's two different ones.
• 42:52
  Like you're in the office actually having a proper meeting on strategy or something.
• 42:56
  Another is you're at a social thing after work with all your team.
• 43:00
  Well, I think that it depends.
• 43:02
  If you're working a job that sucks, then you should get out of that job.
• 43:07
  If you're doing great things in a great job, I think that most people would love if you say like, guys, sorry, I don't think that I have anything to contribute to this meeting.
• 43:17
  So I don't want to be taking space here.
• 43:21
  So if you need anything, just call me, but I'm going to go and get some other things done.
• 43:25
  I prefer that rather than having a person that is there just nodding, doing nothing.
• 43:29
  Have you had anyone from any businesses you've worked on say that during a meeting?
• 43:34
  No, I have said that.
• 43:36
  I know you have, but it's different if you're the boss or the leader or the manager.
• 43:39
  Because I think it's an interesting telling point of, I agree with you.
• 43:42
  But I have seen people just not saying anything during a meeting.
• 43:46
  And then I'm like, why is this person in the meeting?
• 43:50
  After, right?
• 43:50
  Because it's not that I pulled everyone in the meeting.
• 43:53
  I'm like, oh, this person is here because he's shadowing, he's learning.
• 43:56
  Oh, okay, got it.
• 43:57
  I didn't have enough context.
• 43:58
  It depends.
• 43:59
  Again, my business is very small, very small amount of people.
• 44:02
  So it's a little bit different.
• 44:03
  Because everyone kind of knows everything going on and there's the opportunity to contribute when you're
• 44:08
  sub 50 employees or sub 40 headcount?
• 44:12
  Because we also have this phrase of, is this a must or a nice to have?
• 44:17
  So when we are thinking like, okay, we need to have this strategy session where we are going to be discussing and defining these topics.
• 44:24
  And it's like, who should be in the meeting?
• 44:25
  Who is it a must to be in the meeting and why?
• 44:28
  And we had conversations with like, well, I don't think that this person really has anything to contribute.
• 44:32
  I'm like, no, they have.
• 44:34
  They definitely have.
• 44:35
  I had this conversation one week ago.
• 44:37
  Yeah, this person definitely has something to contribute, but not from the same angle that you are seeing it, but from a different angle.
• 44:43
  And this is the reason.
• 44:44
  And then I explain why.
• 44:45
  So again, it's not, I don't think that I can contribute much in my experience because my business is totally different than a traditional business.
• 44:53
  But it just comes back to the same thing.
• 44:54
  If you are in the wrong place,
• 44:56
  You're going to be playing the wrong game and you're going to feel that something is wrong because it is.
• 45:01
  So, yes, if your family is alcoholic and drug addicts and you are not, then of course it's going to feel weird.
• 45:09
  Of course, you're going to feel that you should not be there.
• 45:11
  And if you are working in a job that does not match who you are, of course that you shouldn't be there.
• 45:16
  Of course that you should be working to find something that is aligned with who you are.
• 45:20
  of course it's powerful i think the professional ones interesting takeaways i got from what you're saying one is as a leader of a business pushing the team to raise their hand and say that if it's a large enough company it makes sense if you're at a meeting you don't think you can add value to say hey i'm just gonna take space and oxygen here i'm gonna slip out as actually a benchmark if that's not happening you know nudge people kind of make it a norm rather than the abnormal thing to say or do
• 45:48
  The second one that came to mind was, it's a pretty deep point, but would you say family is a must or nice to have in your definition?
• 45:57
  What do you mean?
• 45:58
  Active in your life for the average person.
• 46:01
  Depends.
• 46:02
  Depends.
• 46:03
  One more time.
• 46:03
  Let's just say that your family is a bunch of heroin addicts.
• 46:07
  Yeah, I don't think that you should be here.
• 46:09
  Anywhere to them.
• 46:10
  Yeah.
• 46:10
  Should you be able to help?
• 46:12
  Yeah, sure.
• 46:13
  Would you feel awkward that they feel upset that you didn't attend to a family dinner when they are all hammered and high and whatever?
• 46:21
  And again, I take it to the extreme to make it obvious, to make my point obvious.
• 46:25
  It's a deep point.
• 46:26
  And, you know, we have a friend who had an issue, a family like that, and he was there to support him, but he only actually saw that family member who was dealing with drugs maybe once a year.
• 46:36
  And I think if you take that example, if we flip it, if, you know, using the extreme, your family's on drugs, or maybe they're just have such bad mental health that they're just destroying you.
• 46:46
  Yeah.
• 46:47
  you know, we're choosing to let them basically kill not just their wonderful life, but yours as well.
• 46:54
  So you flip it, it's we have a choice to put up, you know, bars, walls to say stuff like, hey, this is how you're going to communicate.
• 47:02
  I won't be on the other side of the call.
• 47:04
  We can use email.
• 47:05
  Hey, if this is how you're going to email me, I'm not going to respond.
• 47:08
  I'd love to have a relationship with you, but not in this manner.
• 47:10
  Creating these expectations to say, I want to have a great relationship with you, my brother, my sister, my cousin, my wife, family, but not in this dynamic.
• 47:18
  Because they've already chosen a path for themselves that might be real ugly.
• 47:22
  It's not going to be a pretty life.
• 47:24
  It's going to compound in a bad word trend, trend line down.
• 47:27
  You have a choice whether you participate.
• 47:28
  You have a choice if you include your own life in that trend line.
• 47:32
  Yes, I'm coming back to the example, Billy saying to them, hey, I don't feel good when these things happen, like last Sunday, where this person was drunk and then there was shouting and there was fighting.
• 47:45
  I'm sorry, guys, but I don't want to be part of this.
• 47:48
  Doesn't make me feel good.
• 47:49
  I come here to spend a great time with family and this is what it is that we are doing.
• 47:53
  And this is not the first time, so I'm not going to be attending.
• 47:57
  moving forward and i really hope that we can change the dynamic because this is really bad for me and i am guessing that for others also i think it's saying that like what's the problem with saying that and again if they flip on you they are like you are a mother well there you go and the cool thing is that nowadays you can use ai help you write the email help you write the text so you're not speaking from an emotional place i know all this regulated and you can say exactly what you're saying in a very good manner
• 48:26
  I love that.
• 48:26
  And I think the personality type, hey, this is the personality type of my sibling, cousin, boss.
• 48:32
  Here's the situation.
• 48:33
  Help me draft.
• 48:34
  How should I talk about this?
• 48:35
  Yeah, exactly.
• 48:37
  It reminds me of one of my favorite lines that your dad told you about already having no.
• 48:42
  Will you mention that again?
• 48:43
  Because it reminds me even that it applies in this instance of not saying it.
• 48:47
  Yes.
• 48:48
  So my father, when I wanted something growing up and I was a kid and I was like, I want this thing, but I don't know.
• 48:55
  It's like, well, you already have the no.
• 48:56
  So what do you lose by asking?
• 48:58
  If you don't ask, you already have the no.
• 49:00
  If you ask, you make it a yes.
• 49:02
  50-50. Who knows?
• 49:04
  But you already have the no.
• 49:05
  So and then I translate that to me in Argentina today.
• 49:09
  deciding to quit my office job and going and venturing something that is a total 180 degree change.
• 49:17
  He did not say this to me.
• 49:18
  I did not ask him, but in my mind, he's like, well, I already have the job, so what can go wrong?
• 49:25
  I can always come back to the job that I don't like, but if I do this, this thing may work and I may start feeling great doing something that is more aligned with who I really am.
• 49:34
  Okay, let's do that.
• 49:35
  I already have the job that I don't want.
• 49:38
  I love that you already have no.
• 49:40
  I say it to my kids all the time.
• 49:42
  My son walks through it because I tie it with my other concept I love of always having three options.
• 49:47
  If you don't ask, you get no.
• 49:49
  If you ask the worst case option number two, you get no.
• 49:52
  But lucky number three, you ask and you open the door to get the yes.
• 49:56
  So it gives you all three options only by exploring, you know, the second two of a, of a no or yes response.
• 50:02
  And also I think that doing this really allow me to accept rejection and seeing rejection as, cause let's just say 50, 50, 50% chances I'm going to get a no in my face.
• 50:14
  50% says I'm going to get a yes.
• 50:16
  Well, I am experiencing rejection and experiencing that nothing happens after rejection.
• 50:21
  and i am also experiencing the benefit of like holy god i yes this is awesome i had an experience like this with and you know you kind of think in business your clients kind of become a chosen family in most cases especially early stage when you're like must get every dollar will not survive as business before you realize some of them are just a headache and then not that they're bad people or about they're just not the right fit for your business
• 50:47
  And pruning them actually allows your vine and your flower and your company to grow so much faster.
• 50:52
  But I don't think I ever even realized that with my business until I sold it.
• 50:57
  I didn't actually learn that lesson.
• 50:59
  But the only time I remember I actually leaned into it was one of our largest clients was Facebook's corporate campus.
• 51:05
  And they were huge revenue dollar.
• 51:08
  It's also felt like a cool name to say we worked with Facebook, especially back then.
• 51:12
  It was like kind of small, faster growing company that was well regarded.
• 51:17
  And I loved the client.
• 51:19
  I got along with him really well.
• 51:21
  And I, you know, I had kind of the key relationship, but our team supported him.
• 51:25
  And he would, the particular person there, one of the staff would make our head of operations cry.
• 51:30
  Like he would just yell at her or get angry with her.
• 51:33
  And I don't know why I'm laughing about this.
• 51:34
  Like it's kind of, I guess, pathetic to imagine a grown man making a grown professional cry.
• 51:41
  But ultimately, when I found out about this, there was fear, right?
• 51:45
  I was like, man, this is a bad situation.
• 51:47
  We just need to do whatever they want.
• 51:49
  And it was just this one moment I remember clarity of like, this doesn't work.
• 51:53
  This only gets worse.
• 51:54
  This is a bad trend line.
• 51:55
  So I was like, I don't want to do the call with him.
• 51:58
  I got to do the call.
• 51:59
  So I get on the phone with him, hey man, understand, you know, this is happening with this wonderful person on our team.
• 52:05
  She's one of the best people we got.
• 52:07
  If this is the way you're going to deal with her, we can't continue to serve you.
• 52:11
  You know, I want you to have a good experience.
• 52:13
  I want my team.
• 52:14
  So you got to make the decision, but this is not acceptable for us.
• 52:18
  Simple, straightforward.
• 52:19
  He knows I like him and to his credit, never again a problem.
• 52:23
  Wow.
• 52:24
  With us, anything.
• 52:25
  Wow.
• 52:25
  And I'm not saying this, oh, you know, I solved this.
• 52:27
  I didn't want to do it.
• 52:28
  I had no interest in doing that call.
• 52:30
  But it ties back to this, if you don't ask, you've got no, right?
• 52:34
  And in that case, no is just a steady decline of a headache, a problem.
• 52:38
  And frankly, they would have left as a client.
• 52:39
  It just wasn't a good environment.
• 52:40
  And I think as a business owner, as someone trying to start a business or someone trying to move up in their professional career, you're probably going to lose the client or your job anyway.
• 52:48
  you're just gonna have to wait an extra year or two years or five years.
• 52:51
  Like why not push a little faster to clarify your trajectory in this case with the client.
• 52:57
  And then you may be open the door to what I'd say is a yes.
• 53:00
  Right.
• 53:00
  I could have, I could have gotten, if I didn't ask it to know, if I asked him, he could have been like, you know what?
• 53:04
  No, screw you.
• 53:05
  I'm not going to change how I'm operating.
• 53:06
  But he gave a, okay,
• 53:08
  Like, I'll abide by this request or I understand where you're coming from.
• 53:12
  And he did.
• 53:12
  And this is the thing, whether it's your family, whether it's your business, whether it's your professional life or friends.
• 53:17
  This is the thing I really steered away from.
• 53:20
  And I've seen you be a good example of.
• 53:22
  And I think we're all trying to build this muscle because it's not a natural muscle we're born with.
• 53:26
  It's really someone we have to grow.
• 53:28
  And the other one is also with employees.
• 53:30
  The amount of times that something happened, especially at the beginning of the relationship with an employee, and I just bite my tongue and I didn't say anything.
• 53:39
  And then I started accumulating and then maybe a bunch of feedback all at once come rather than in the moment saying something.
• 53:47
  And here is, if I think back, like, why didn't I say anything?
• 53:52
  Why was I biting my tongue?
• 53:53
  I said, well, because I was afraid.
• 53:55
  I was afraid.
• 53:56
  What if this person gets upset?
• 53:57
  What if this person gets angry?
• 53:59
  What if this person took me so much time and effort to find this person and to hire this person?
• 54:04
  I don't want to then flip it and to say, what a gift to realize.
• 54:08
  So there are two paths making it super simple.
• 54:11
  This is the right person or this is the wrong person for the job, for us.
• 54:15
  So when I say this is the wrong person, I mean, I am also the wrong person for this other, for this employee.
• 54:21
  We are the wrong match.
• 54:23
  So if I speak, if I tell this person right away, when there is a mistake, when there is something that was done in a different way, when there is anything, any feedback, if I give it right away, let's say two things may happen.
• 54:37
  One is the person may get upset.
• 54:39
  Someone may say, you're an asshole.
• 54:40
  I hate you.
• 54:42
  I'm out.
• 54:43
  Hey, I don't like this job, whatever.
• 54:45
  I'm out or I cannot accept the way that you're talking to me and whatever.
• 54:51
  Or you might be like, yeah, okay.
• 54:52
  You're right.
• 54:53
  Okay.
• 54:53
  I get it.
• 54:54
  I understand.
• 54:54
  I see where it, okay, perfect.
• 54:55
  I'm going to work on that.
• 54:57
  I want to work with those.
• 54:58
  I want to work with the people that are like, okay, got it.
• 55:01
  I hear you.
• 55:02
  This is very hard for me.
• 55:03
  This is a pattern.
• 55:04
  I'm going to work on that.
• 55:05
  So this doesn't happen again.
• 55:07
  Of course.
• 55:07
  I want as soon as possible to confirm that this is the right person.
• 55:12
  Or I want as soon as possible for we to confirm that we are not the right match.
• 55:16
  So this person can move on with their right match.
• 55:19
  And the same for me to find the right match.
• 55:21
  Did you ever hear what Tony Hsieh, who's no longer alive, but built a great shoe business called Zappos.
• 55:27
  Did you ever hear what his tool was to find out as fast as possible if it's a good fit?
• 55:31
  In the first six months, he would pay you, I don't remember what it was, but it was a meaningful amount of money at the time, especially relative to the comp.
• 55:39
  Like let's say it's 5% of your annual comp.
• 55:42
  He would pay you that if you would quit in the first six months.
• 55:45
  So it was an incentive.
• 55:47
  Talk about a flip.
• 55:48
  He flipped incentive.
• 55:50
  He was paying you to walk out the door forever to self-select out.
• 55:54
  Yeah, I'm going to put an asterisk on that because he unfortunately passed away from an accident.
• 55:59
  Very unclear exactly what happened.
• 56:01
  But my understanding is that he had all his friends were basically on his payroll.
• 56:06
  So he might be using a lot of money to incentivize people staying or leaving.
• 56:12
  And that might have not worked out pretty good for him.
• 56:16
  So all I'm saying is maybe I prefer much more being able to share what I am thinking rather than because I may say, hey, Peter, listen, I have XYZ amount of money for you.
• 56:28
  And if you take the money, then you can take off and we don't need to have a friendship anymore.
• 56:33
  And you may be in a financial need.
• 56:34
  And you may be like, I really like the job, but this is, I really like the job.
• 56:40
  But man, I really need this money, so I'm going to take this.
• 56:43
  I disagree with his approach.
• 56:45
  You disagree with it in business or with friends or both?
• 56:47
  Well, having friends on the payroll for them to be able to hang out with you, that sounds stupid.
• 56:53
  His death was after he sold and left the business.
• 56:55
  He was no longer involved.
• 56:56
  What was he doing?
• 56:57
  Clearly, you know, not enough of anything purposeful.
• 57:00
  Who was he hanging out with?
• 57:02
  Yeah, but think about, had he actually paid them to leave, he probably wouldn't have had that issue after selling his business.
• 57:08
  What I'm saying is my understanding is that then, after he sold, he was paying them to stay with him.
• 57:13
  Yeah, I mean, I think we're talking about things we don't know as well.
• 57:16
  What I know is I think he picked up new friends who didn't have, who just kind of hung around him because he was lost after selling his business, which is a plug for our friend Anastasia, who helps work through this and has a great podcast on the topic.
• 57:31
  I think he was lost and he found new individuals that were just happy to sit around a guy that had a lot of money and didn't know what to do with his life.
• 57:40
  Yeah, it's a pretty sad story.
• 57:42
  Very sad story.
• 57:43
  Yeah.
• 57:43
  So again, coming back to his idea, I don't know, he was running a tech company, hundreds of employees, maybe thousands of employees.
• 57:51
  I'm running a very tiny company with dozens of employees.
• 57:55
  So a whole different ballgame here.
• 57:58
  I love the concept of you have skills and then you have attitude slash mindset.
• 58:04
  Skills, you can learn the skills.
• 58:06
  We can learn the skills.
• 58:08
  The attitude, the mindset, man, that requires a brain surgery.
• 58:12
  And me and my company, we're not going to be doing brain surgeries to people.
• 58:16
  We're not going to change the way that people think, have been thinking for a very long time.
• 58:21
  So if you think that...
• 58:23
  me sharing with you how I am thinking about something and feedback for you to improve, if you think that that's incorrect, then maybe it's better.
• 58:31
  Maybe not for sure.
• 58:32
  This is not going to work out.
• 58:33
  Then it's better that you find something else.
• 58:35
  I think that's spot on.
• 58:36
  I think connecting that to this chosen family, do you see chosen family as a work concept or just a friendship kind of chosen family, your personal life concept?
• 58:46
  Do you see it applying in both or just one?
• 58:48
  To me, chosen family is a group of people that you're going to be spending the rest of your life with.
• 58:52
  Now, the people that you're spending most of your days at work, if work disappears, are you still going to be spending time with them?
• 59:01
  That's deep.
• 59:02
  If no, then no, they are just work friends, work buddies.
• 59:06
  Nothing wrong with that.
• 59:07
  But that to me doesn't sound like chosen family.
• 59:09
  Sounds more like another family that I have right now for this moment until I move out of town.
• 59:15
  Yeah, I like that clarification.
• 59:17
  I heard once, you know, we're not of a work family.
• 59:21
  We're a professional sports team.
• 59:23
  And they clarify that as... Oh, I see what you're saying.
• 59:25
  Yes.
• 59:26
  Yeah.
• 59:26
  The idea is, you know, people say this kind of...
• 59:29
  oh, we're a family at our office.
• 59:31
  It always rubbed me a little bit of a weird way because it just felt like a lie when people would say that.
• 59:36
  Because, you know, in a lot of families, they're like, yeah, you got Uncle Joe, we were talking about earlier, shows up drunk to every family event.
• 59:42
  Yes.
• 59:43
  Blacked out, talking to, you know, critical of everyone, just spouting out his own flaws, saying it's your fault.
• 59:50
  That guy is not allowed on a special, a professional sports team.
• 59:54
  And you may still let him show up whether or not you should to a different point to the family dinner.
• 59:57
  And allow him to show up but remove him when he's no longer in a coherent place.
• 1:00:02
  That's not going to work in an office environment.
• 1:00:04
  That's not going to allow you to help provide a product that improves the world, that adds value.
• 1:00:09
  And that piece...
• 1:00:11
  way more aligned with this professional sports concept of you got to train.
• 1:00:15
  We need you in good shape.
• 1:00:16
  We need you mentally clear.
• 1:00:18
  We don't need you bringing in problems to the court, to the field.
• 1:00:21
  We're going to be here with an objective, with a goal to achieve X.
• 1:00:25
  And that sports team mentality is so clear and it's meritocratic.
• 1:00:28
  Hey, Pablo, you just haven't really been pulling your weight.
• 1:00:31
  Peter's in, you're on the bench, you know, just start the game.
• 1:00:33
  But good luck next week.
• 1:00:34
  That's a new week.
• 1:00:35
  And that kind of approach to me works way better for the way I see the work environment.
• 1:00:40
  Now, it doesn't mean you can't have a hard time.
• 1:00:42
  Hey, Peter, you got an injury.
• 1:00:43
  Well, you got three months.
• 1:00:44
  We're excited for you to come back.
• 1:00:45
  We want to help you dig in, focus on.
• 1:00:47
  Now your full-time job is focusing on healing yourself.
• 1:00:50
  Same thing if you have someone have a baby, get hurt, lose a family member.
• 1:00:54
  You want to support them in the hardest times, just as you would on the professional sports team.
• 1:00:57
  Yes.
• 1:00:58
  And just comes back to what's the goal?
• 1:01:01
  What is the goal of the team, of the professional sports team?
• 1:01:05
  It's to win the game, to win the league, to win the championship, to win whatever they are playing.
• 1:01:11
  That's their goal.
• 1:01:13
  It's not about having the best T-shirt.
• 1:01:15
  It's not about being the most acclaimed on Instagram.
• 1:01:19
  It's about winning.
• 1:01:20
  It's about succeeding.
• 1:01:21
  That's the game that they are playing.
• 1:01:23
  Now let's talk about work.
• 1:01:25
  What is the goal of work?
• 1:01:27
  And there might be different goals, right?
• 1:01:29
  So, but one of the main goals is unless you are able to provide a product online,
• 1:01:35
  and or service that is great for people, people find it useful, it helps people's lives, then and the company ends up at some point
• 1:01:46
  hopefully sooner than later, but that's going to be depending on the product, making money.
• 1:01:50
  If that doesn't happen, it's just a matter of time until everything goes to shit.
• 1:01:54
  So if a person is in charge of the product and the person is not doing a good job on the product, then that's not going to work.
• 1:02:00
  Yeah, it's deep.
• 1:02:01
  And I do think somebody listening to this might go, oh, that sounds heartless.
• 1:02:06
  I think that it's actually... No, it's a different sport.
• 1:02:09
  Yeah, but I mean, even just in the sports context of the professional sports, I think the key that I look at is I want to play sports with you, Pablo.
• 1:02:17
  We're on the same business team for the rest of my life.
• 1:02:20
  That's my intention.
• 1:02:21
  And I want to have a transformational experience with you.
• 1:02:24
  But you have to want to be not just transactional.
• 1:02:27
  So if you're transactional, you're just showing up for a paycheck and you're going to bounce.
• 1:02:31
  You're not willing to have the hard discussions.
• 1:02:32
  You're not willing to recognize where you can improve or I can improve and challenge each other on that.
• 1:02:37
  My goal is to still, I still see professional work as transformational, and I see it as a way to transform yourself, solve your daddy issues, your mommy issues from childhood.
• 1:02:46
  All of these things show up in your professional identity as well.
• 1:02:49
  You can't box them away and put them in a corner or a closet.
• 1:02:52
  So I get excited and I think about somebody that I've partnered with and invested in on a business.
• 1:02:57
  He is younger.
• 1:02:59
  And it was really neat him talking because he was like, hey, man, it's really neat.
• 1:03:03
  You push me sometimes to do something that's better for me and short term not as good for the business.
• 1:03:09
  And I think that's powerful to recognize.
• 1:03:11
  We're still a professional team that's going for the long term.
• 1:03:14
  We want to win titles for five or ten years straight.
• 1:03:17
  We want to be a dynasty.
• 1:03:18
  We don't want to have one year when the championship and explode.
• 1:03:21
  And I think there's short, still there's short-term transactional versus long-term transformational that you can focus on with your employees, your bosses, your organization to not take the shortcuts, to not take the quick wins, to avoid the hard conversation.
• 1:03:33
  And I think it's really important for people to see that flip that just because your professionals professional sports team doesn't mean you don't care about them evolving, growing, and having this transformational experience in the business.
• 1:03:45
  Yeah, that being said, I think that there is a lot of places that is just transactional.
• 1:03:49
  Yeah.
• 1:03:50
  To me, those are not as likely.
• 1:03:54
  You know, and I guess there are examples I can think of some of the highest growth and companies we love.
• 1:03:58
  There are a lot of examples of companies that is just transactional.
• 1:04:02
  So I, from a business perspective, I would not discard them as they don't need to have heart in order to succeed.
• 1:04:10
  To me, it's just a transactional thing.
• 1:04:11
  I don't think that the guys at Wall Street that are snoring cocaine all day long, they are all about changing the world.
• 1:04:18
  and making the world a better place.
• 1:04:20
  And I'm not saying like everyone has to be doing that.
• 1:04:23
  I'm just giving you an example of something that is transactional rather than transformational.
• 1:04:30
  Nothing wrong with it.
• 1:04:31
  Keep snoring it, do whatever the fuck you want.
• 1:04:33
  But I'm just giving you one example.
• 1:04:34
  What about family?
• 1:04:35
  Do you think there are families that are purely transactional?
• 1:04:38
  Maybe.
• 1:04:39
  And I think some that, you know, own a business together or in business together, sometimes it becomes that, right?
• 1:04:46
  Yeah, but I think it's just because nobody taught us any better.
• 1:04:50
  We grew up thinking that, okay, this is what success looks like.
• 1:04:55
  This is success.
• 1:04:56
  And it's usually connected with financial success rather than success everywhere else.
• 1:05:02
  And to me, that's what chosen family is.
• 1:05:09
  I want to be able to be successful in all the areas of my life, not just one.
• 1:05:13
  Have you had chosen family members that you parted ways with?
• 1:05:17
  Or you've realized it's no longer for you or them or whatever.
• 1:05:22
  I don't think so.
• 1:05:23
  The concept of chosen family for me is something new.
• 1:05:27
  This concept of, I want to be spending my time and my energy with people where we are aligned, that we want to be successful in life rather than just in this area or in that area.
• 1:05:42
  I want success all the areas of my life.
• 1:05:45
  That's the flip.
• 1:05:46
  All right, Peter.
• 1:05:47
  Love you, brother.
• 1:05:48
  That's the flip.
• 1:05:49
  Love you, brother.
• 1:05:49
  See you soon.
• 1:05:50
  See you, man.