Latest / Papa Gut / HotDiggedyDemon Contemplates His Final Solution

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HotDiggedyDemon Contemplates His Final Solution · Papa Gut

• 0:00
  No money, inability to make more money, an incurable disease that
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  makes my day-to-day life very uncomfortable, and knowing that
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  the remainder of my life won't include finding some kind of
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  reward. All of this compounded together
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  has kind of led me to feeling that my life has reached its
• 0:19
  natural conclusion. When you take in like the
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  entirety of the system that we're currently living under,
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  it's fucking brutal. All the money's at the top.
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  It's being rubbed in our faces. Healthcare is insanely
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  expensive, housing is insanely expensive.
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  So you're just basically like a slave unit.
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  And if you're like, you know what?
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  I want to tap out because I have horrible fibromyalgia that our
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  system refuses to properly research.
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  They're like, Nope, you can't do that because it'll make other
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  people really sad and it's illegal.
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  It's like, what the I don't think people should be doing
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  that. I think that we need to create a
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  better society. But like, this guy should have
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  healthcare. Doctors should be researching
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  into autoimmune diseases that they typically will stay away
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  from. I don't know why.
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  Maybe they feel like they can't make enough money.
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  What a great system. These are the people that's
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  like, do we need to figure something out?
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  Here. All right, guys, listen, this
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  looks interesting. I actually saw this when I was
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  browsing through Twitter. It's from this guy Hot diggity
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  demon seems like a fun guy. He's got some fun videos.
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  You know, he's got to stepped in piercing, you know, so I that's
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  how you know you can trust him. So it looks interesting.
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  Apparently he has a pretty deep conversation about his life, so
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  I'm curious. It's going to be a little bit of
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  a sad one. Sadder part is I do have to do
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  my plugs because I'm having a daughter and I I need to keep my
• 1:28
  infrastructure out. I'm so sorry.
• 1:29
  We'll do them quick guys, you know the deal.
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  Small got access to the members only Discord, Medium gut access
• 1:34
  to members only content as it's seen right here.
• 1:37
  Nice and quick. We got a hot kiss on my wife.
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  We're not saying that we're having a baby.
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  It's all in the description and some stickers.
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  They're really nice, good quality.
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  I'm also on Spotify and Apple, so if you want to take a look at
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  that, be my guest. Sorry for the insensitivity, but
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  yeah, I got to do what I got to do.
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  OK, I'm sorry. So yeah, this looks interesting,
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  man. It seems like it's a pretty
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  heavy topic and something, you know, I'm just curious about it.
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  I thought it was interesting from the bit that I took a look
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  at. So let's let's watch part of his
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  stream. It's from a stream called a
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  Perfectly normal stream. Definitely, definitely smart,
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  definitely perfectly normal. So let's go.
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  Hey guys. Hey, can you put a one in the
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  chat if you can hear me? Which is the number one?
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  One you. Can hear my voice right now.
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  This is a live stream, guys, just so you know.
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  I mean, I'm in a live stream too, but you know.
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  OK, so we, we need to have a a bit of a dialogue today.
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  Super chats are going to be off for this and a few disclaimers.
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  First off, everything I'm saying right now is is previously
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  recorded. Interesting, that's makes sense,
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  especially since he's going to get into such a heavy topic.
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  Because I have a lot I have to get to and I, I, I wanted to
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  make sure I didn't forget anything.
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  I got some notes that I'm working off right here and also
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  this, this won't be relaxing like at all, not even a little.
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  I know a lot of you people watch this stream to unwind and you
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  know, if that's you, no hard feelings if you want to skip
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  this next part. But as I say all of this, I'd
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  like to encourage you to not only not freak out, which is why
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  it says that right there, but also, you know.
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  It does on the screen, yeah. Keep an open mind if you can.
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  His MLP animations I remember were big like 10 years ago.
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  Yeah, it seems like he kind of just stopped posting and then he
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  just has like nice fun streams, like almost like a like a semi
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  retirement. Like their views on these videos
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  from years ago are like millions of views and it seems like he's
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  just like I hope that they're he.
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  I'm not sure I I hope that I'm getting that right.
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  I'm not even trying to be accepted, but you know, the
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  stuff from Pearson. Maybe they're like a non binary.
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  I don't know. So forgive me, but it seems like
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  they're just kind of in like a soft retirement.
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  And this is, this is a, a, a dialogue I've been meaning to
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  have for a while now. So here is here is the
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  preliminary information. We have to rewind a little bit
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  first. First we rewind.
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  A few years ago, I realized I wasn't entirely sure what to do
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  with the remainder of my life. Relatable man, Relatable in.
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  Terms of things to enjoy that I could focus on.
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  I think I touched on this on on Brain Dump probably once or
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  twice. I sort of realized that I felt
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  as if I wasn't. I wasn't really compatible with
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  anything. Yeah.
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  And you know, we all, we all know in theory what those things
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  should be. Career, hobbies, art, nature,
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  people, relationships, religion, money, fitness, altruism.
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  I, I, I spent my life kind of going down that list and I sort
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  of, you know, I, I, I crossed them all off.
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  I realized I just, I just kind of realizing that each
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  individual item wasn't something I enjoyed a whole lot.
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  That's, that's honestly really sad.
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  I understand that like looking for, I mean, it sounds like he's
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  talking about how he's been looking for his meaning and his
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  purpose and he just can't find it.
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  And I think that, oh man, I try to be, I'm trying to be more
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  optimistic, painfully so, you know, that's part of my mantra.
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  And it does get difficult. But I will say that I'm more
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  fortunate than probably a lot of people that I do have a lot of
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  things in my inside of my life where that give me meaning.
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  I have a wife that I love, is my best friend.
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  I mean, that gives me substantial meaning.
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  I mean, that's probably the greatest thing I've ever had.
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  We're having a daughter. It's hard not to give me
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  meaning. You know, things can be tough
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  sometimes with work, you know, I'm a content creator, but you
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  know, there can be some ups and downs, but like I'd still gives
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  me something to like strive and and struggle for, you know, So
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  I'm very fortunate. But yeah, man, I feel bad for
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  people who who are struggled to find, to find like a meaning.
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  I, I remember that before I met my wife, I was like just on
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  dating sites, fucking around, trying to literally have sex
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  with girls. I was in like an open
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  relationship and I was just, you know, farting around, I guess.
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  And then when I met my wife, things like really started to
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  change. And that's when I started to
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  become afraid of dying. Does that sound crazy?
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  I was like, holy shit. Like life seems real to me now.
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  So, you know, I know I could be like the cringe wife guy, but
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  that's kind of why, man. So, I mean, I don't envy people
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  who haven't really figured it out.
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  It's tough. It's tough, man.
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  Especially nowadays. It's not easy.
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  Things are so stressful all the time for so many people.
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  You know, it's a fucking it's, it's just a brutal time.
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  And reaching this conclusion was was pretty demoralizing for me.
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  It's the kind of thing that maybe happens to everybody
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  eventually, but preferably, preferably not when you're in
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  your 30s. And so naturally I was like, OK,
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  well, where do I go from here? Then I did speak to a therapist
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  about it, but. Don't need Fulmer dude.
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  I don't need to. My wife's pregnant.
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  For some reason it's making her have weird fucking dreams.
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  I don't know. But you know what we don't need
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  to talk about? That after six months of of
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  talking to that therapist, exploring the situation at
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  length, it mostly just kind of reaffirmed my belief about not
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  being interested in career, hobbies, art, nature, people,
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  relationships, religion, money, fitness, altruism.
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  And so I felt as if. You tell you wrote it down.
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  I wouldn't have been able to remember all those things.
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  I felt as if this world didn't have much else to offer me
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  anymore. That's sad.
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  In exchange for engaging with it.
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  Then a little over two years ago, I was diagnosed with my no
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  good, very bad. You know what condition?
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  No what does he have cancer or something?
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  Now, typically I don't like to do this because I know that
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  nobody wants to hear it, but I have to for the full context
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  that I feel is necessary. I I I need to?
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  Does anybody know what he has? Oh, dude, he has fibromyalgia.
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  That sucks. That sucks.
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  Damn, that's brutal. You know, I, I used to date
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  somebody with fibromyalgia and it's fucking brutal, man.
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  It kicks you. You're the fucking teeth, you
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  know, you're just in pain all the time.
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  Doctors don't really know what the fuck's going on.
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  They don't really know what to prescribe you, you know, went
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  through a lot of marijuana, very expensive massages, stuff like
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  that. It's tough.
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  It's tough. Different people have it at
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  different intensities. That's brutal.
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  I couldn't imagine. And I think one of the brutal
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  parts of fibromyalgia, people are just like, it's no real.
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  That's, that's a really help. Fibromyalgia just fucks you up,
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  man. I remember, I think Brittany
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  Simon has fibromyalgia too. That stuff.
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  I've been thinking about produce time every once in a while.
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  I don't want to get into it. It's like, damn, you know, I've
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  had so many like relationships up and down on YouTube that just
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  fucking disappeared. It's like I'm starting to think
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  it's my fault now. I don't know, maybe who fuck
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  knows, you know, Thinking a lot lately when you have when you
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  have like a birth or death in the family or something, it's
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  makes you think a lot about life, man.
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  It's just, it's a lot, a lot of stuff going on, you know?
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  Explain how I feel. I'm tired all the time.
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  I spend a lot of my time lying down.
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  I get a lot of bad pain and all my joints and muscles, ankles,
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  shins, hands, knees, hips, neck. I have a lot of difficulty
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  sleeping, especially during a flare up.
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  I lie on my back, my back hurts. I lie on my side, my hips hurt.
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  It seems like maybe once or twice a week I have some kind of
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  a, a a restless night. My body can't regulate it's it's
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  temperature correctly anymore. I'm either way too hot or way
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  too cold or hot and cold at the same time.
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  I might not be able to sleep because I feel like my my skin
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  is boiling or my body is itchy but like painful itchy like I'm
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  being stabbed by tiny needles. I have to get my apartment cold
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  at night because around 11:00 PM my body starts to heat up and I
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  can get. That one is relatable for me.
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  OK, I'm like a fucking furnace lately.
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  I've always been like hot but I'm like a furnace lately.
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  I hate to keep talking about it, but my wife thinks it's because
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  of our daughter likes it. So like she'll press her like
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  stomach up against my back or something.
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  I'll put my hand there and like just radiating heat, you know?
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  Overheated very easily and I'll just be like burning up if my
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  apartment is not cold or I might not be able to sleep because I'm
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  having a a blood pressure spike or whatever.
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  My blood doesn't pump right or something.
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  I feel as if I've lost a big chunk of my brain power.
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  I can't think right anymore. It's hard to explain.
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  Well, if you're not really sleeping, it can.
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  That makes additional sense. But it's like my mind has been.
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  And if you're depression eating and you're eating like shit,
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  that's gonna there's, that's gonna hurt it too.
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  And hollowed out and your mind is kind of like, you know your
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  identity. It, it, it's who you are so
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  naturally losing it is is, is crazy.
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  I feel like a weird NPC who's just kind of like wandering
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  through life is just a body on autopilot.
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  It's yeah, especially if you can't like, move around and
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  exercise. I feel like, 'cause I get the
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  brain fog sometimes too, you know, I'm also fat and diabetic.
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  But like being able to move around and then exercise and
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  stuff, it does kind of help clear up the brain fog.
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  So strange, and unfortunately, my autopilot is also an idiot.
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  And as you guys know, as you guys can attest to, you might
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  have noticed that sometimes I'll be speaking and I'll have to
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  slow down and talk like this. That's that's literally my brain
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  lagging in real time. Another thing you maybe notice
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  is me sometime talk like caveman kind of funny, but me not always
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  do this to be funny. Me do this so me can divert
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  power in GPU away from speaking eloquently.
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  I hear that sometimes I'll just fumble through my words and I've
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  been trying to get in the habit of, like, forcing myself to
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  speak articulately because I'll just, like, start fumbling and
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  I'm like, I have to stop. It's like I'm being lazy when I
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  speak sometimes, you know? So me can talk without slowing
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  down. But you know what they say, why
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  waste time say lot word when few word do trick.
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  True. Luckily I was such a highly
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  intelligent man before that losing a chunk of my brain power
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  just kind of knocked me down to being a man of average
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  intelligence. OK very very very very foggy
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  headed. Just can't think at all.
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  It's hard for me to concentrate. It's hard for me to remember
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  things even just like sitting and reading a book.
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  See, that's why you got to get a wife, man.
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  Because she'll just remember every fucking thing in the
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  goddamn world. She won't.
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  And she won't even stop. She won't even still.
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  She'll never forget every single.
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  You won't even have to remember anything anymore.
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  It's fucking incredible. Book, It can be really hard for
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  me. I have shortness of breath.
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  It's been getting harder and harder for me to get enough air.
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  That's why you hear me? Go before each sentence,
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  Remember. Remember the time that I was
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  playing Poppy? Play time?
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  I was fighting Catnap. I had to stop the game because I
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  couldn't breathe. Remember.
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  Yeah, that's something I'm very embarrassed about going all the
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  time. I wish I could stop.
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  But most mysteriously, the bane of my existence, my true
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  ruination. I have a condition that I have
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  dubbed Slobbermouth. The Fox Slobbermouth.
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  My mouth is. Shit, I wish my wife had that,
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  you know? Always drooling.
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  My throat is always producing mucus, which is why I have that
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  squeaky puberty voice now. My throat is also what?
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  The hell does this voice used to sound like?
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  Scratchy and sore, probably because I have to clear it all
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  the time. I have a big wad of goo in my
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  nasopharynx. Wow, what the fuck is that?
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  The inside of my mouth and my tongue.
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  What is this guy from Egypt you get?
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  Feel puffy and raw and swollen and numb and tingly so.
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  Imagine rubbing sandpaper on your tongue until it feels like
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  raw and spongy and puffy. I'd rather not.
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  I'd rather not rather. I have a metallic taste a lot of
• 14:15
  the time, like coins or pennies or whatever I spit all day.
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  Yeah, my wife has a taste too, after her period.
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  I can spit it or I can swallow it, but it just fills right back
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  up again in 2 seconds. It also feels like if I spit or
• 14:29
  swallow it too much that'll start making it worse.
• 14:31
  That'll like agitate it. On at least one occasion I woke
• 14:34
  up in the in the middle of the night choking on it.
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  When it gets really bad I have to sit on the couch and hold a
• 14:38
  bowl under my mouth and I just let it drip dry while I watch
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  TV. So imagine.
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  That's insane. Jesus Christ.
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  And me sitting on the couch holding a bowl or a plate, just
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  going with my mouth open, you know, if I, if I, if I do just,
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  you know, try to swallow it again and again and again, that
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  just like speeds it up. So I just have to like, let it
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  drain sometimes. I I I've always known I'm not a
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  smart man, but I never thought that I would literally be a
• 15:06
  drooling imbecile because of my slobbermouth.
• 15:09
  That's got to be something like the frustrating to deal with.
• 15:11
  Like I'd never want to lose any of my vast intelligence guys, OK
• 15:16
  now, but feeling like you're not all there mentally and you've
• 15:18
  kind of shifted, it's got to be something that's like
• 15:20
  frustrating and even embarrassing for yourself, you
• 15:22
  know? I'm not saying it's something
• 15:23
  you should be embarrassed of. I'm just saying I would feel
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  embarrassed, you know what I mean?
• 15:27
  Because of my slobbermouth, I've developed a stutter.
• 15:29
  I lisp, I slur my speech, I stammer.
• 15:32
  I'm a stammerer. I'm a stammer now, which I never
• 15:35
  used to do. It seems like talking makes it
• 15:39
  worse. The more I talk, the more numb
• 15:42
  and raw my tongue feels and the worse the drooling gets.
• 15:47
  Obviously a very ironic punishment for a streamer,
• 15:50
  someone whose job is nothing but public speaking.
• 15:53
  True. One of the reasons this is all
• 15:55
  previously recorded right now. I've tried so many things to get
• 15:59
  rid of my slobber mouth but nothing has worked.
• 16:03
  I've given up gluten. I've given up dairy.
• 16:05
  I've given up sugar. I mean, that's got to be fucking
• 16:08
  miserable at that point, dude. Those are the, those are the
• 16:10
  only three things I eat. Gluten, dairy, sugar, and
• 16:13
  Bologna. I'm just kidding.
• 16:14
  I eat a little better than. That I've tried treating it like
• 16:16
  a sinus infection, like allergies, like candida buildup.
• 16:19
  Nothing's helped. So what's going on?
• 16:23
  Well, I think I just have brain damage and and not in the funny
• 16:28
  way, not in the Homer Simpson. I hope I didn't bring my damage
• 16:31
  kind of way I. Wasn't even thinking that guy's
• 16:35
  a little quirky, huh of. Course you're not supposed to
• 16:38
  self diagnose yourself with anything.
• 16:40
  So don't, you know, don't get on social media and be like, oh,
• 16:42
  did you hear Matt? It's hard not to with all the
• 16:44
  information out nowadays, you know?
• 16:46
  It's fucking obnoxious. Max says brain damage.
• 16:48
  Don't do that. It's just a theory I have.
• 16:50
  Certainly I should be allowed to have a theory, right?
• 16:53
  But but why would I have brain damage?
• 16:55
  Well, that goes back to how this all started.
• 17:00
  This guy have like sleep apnea or something Some of it sounds
• 17:03
  like sleep apnea so I'm like wondering if that like
• 17:05
  suffocated his. Brain thromyalgia could maybe be
• 17:08
  conceptualized as a sort of non definitional form of brain
• 17:12
  damage. Yeah, that's it.
• 17:15
  I understand what he's saying. My so fibromyalgia doesn't have
• 17:18
  enough research on it at all. And this is like a considering
• 17:20
  this guy's considering, you know, ending at all.
• 17:23
  I think it's really time that we talk about fibromyalgia and
• 17:25
  like, let's even let's keep it a fucking woke stack too.
• 17:28
  It's connection to feminism. It's something that mostly women
• 17:30
  deal with and it's so under, it's so like not understood.
• 17:35
  So like, you know, doctors used to just be like, oh, you're
• 17:38
  fucking hysterical to women. I just completely brush them off
• 17:41
  and I don't even care nowaday. Or then it was considered like a
• 17:45
  physical element. Now it's considered, I think.
• 17:48
  And, and maybe there are different types, I wouldn't
• 17:49
  doubt, but like a mental element, like there's something
• 17:51
  in your brain that's like not really.
• 17:54
  Like it's something in your brain is kind of like messed up
• 17:57
  and it's not letting you interpret pain correctly, but
• 18:01
  it's still like so under researched.
• 18:04
  And the reason I say that it's like a feminist issue is because
• 18:07
  like we talk a lot about feminism and I think people are
• 18:09
  like, oh, girl rights for women, like abortion.
• 18:11
  And like, I think that's fair, But people don't talk enough
• 18:13
  about how things that disproportionately impact women
• 18:15
  don't really seem to get the support that they need other
• 18:18
  than like a breast cancer awareness because who doesn't
• 18:20
  love seeing the nice big fat pair of tits, am I right?
• 18:23
  See, the only reason we care about breast cancer is 'cause if
• 18:25
  women lose their tits, then what am I going to look at?
• 18:27
  You know what I mean? It's all that links back to the
• 18:28
  male wean. But no, a lot of things that
• 18:32
  impact women are really just not cared about, like fibromyalgia,
• 18:34
  autoimmune disease in general, disproportionately impact women.
• 18:37
  We don't really seem to care about it as a society, jobs,
• 18:39
  women work like social workers or teachers or care give
• 18:42
  caregivers. We don't really seem to care
• 18:44
  about financially. So I think that's something to
• 18:46
  keep in mind about this, you know, as it is true, it's really
• 18:51
  unfortunate. If there is such a thing as non
• 18:54
  definitional brain damage, there's a part of your brain
• 18:58
  called the hypothalamus and when it's damaged and it breaks,
• 19:02
  that's what causes fibro. It breaks and it starts sending
• 19:06
  out kind of like bad signals to the rest of your body, which can
• 19:09
  be caused by a concussive head injury or a bad viral infection,
• 19:15
  which for me was COVID I got. Oh shit, did COVID trigger it?
• 19:20
  That's fucked up if that's true. COVID in the winter of 2023.
• 19:24
  And then about a month, yeah, yeah, about a month and 1/2
• 19:27
  after I got fibro and I got slobbermouth.
• 19:31
  So maybe if I have one form of non definitional brain damage I
• 19:34
  might have another. It's interesting, like how much
• 19:37
  COVID did, like COVID gave some people long term negative health
• 19:40
  side effects where like they're completely like there's some
• 19:42
  people that my wife works with the chiefs of wars and they're
• 19:44
  just like permanently, like, you know, they just change like
• 19:49
  energy levels go down. It's just like a forever change
• 19:52
  for some people. It's actually really fucked up.
• 19:53
  I don't think that people realize how bad COVID is 'cause
• 19:57
  people like they still do this whole like conspiracy theory
• 20:00
  misinformation ship, but it was, it's bad, dude.
• 20:03
  It was bad. It did a lot of shit, like a lot
• 20:05
  of negative shit. It's fucked up.
• 20:07
  In the form of. And for fibromyalgia, like, you
• 20:11
  know, people, I don't know if you're born with it or not, but
• 20:13
  like for people, it gets activated at a certain point.
• 20:17
  Like you don't like it's, it's like in your body and then it
• 20:22
  activates. It's very strange to try to, to
• 20:25
  try to like communicate, but it'll fucking like activate
• 20:29
  inside of you. It's weird as shit.
• 20:33
  So you know, you could be fine for the 1st 20 years of your
• 20:36
  life and then boom, fibromyalgia and you're like, why am I in
• 20:41
  pain all the time? It's pretty fucked man.
• 20:43
  Blabbermouth, The part of my brain that signals the
• 20:47
  production of saliva and mucus is stuck in the on position.
• 20:52
  Or maybe my mouth is messed up and it's sending a bad signal to
• 20:55
  my brain. Maybe brain damage is too
• 20:58
  sensationalist because brain damage might have some kind of
• 21:02
  super specific definition I'm not familiar with.
• 21:05
  But suffice to say, the two current theories are my brain is
• 21:10
  sending a bad signal to my mouth and my throat, or my mouth and
• 21:14
  my throat are sending a bad signal to my brain.
• 21:18
  I don't know, but I would. I would truly describe
• 21:21
  slobbermouth as madding. And as you can imagine, when you
• 21:26
  have slobbermouth and discognition and shortness of
• 21:29
  breath and a scratchy throat that won't stop producing mucus.
• 21:33
  That's interesting that the throat's scratchy and it's
• 21:35
  producing mucus. You'd think that the mucus would
• 21:36
  stop the scratchy throat. I wonder if that's why your
• 21:38
  throat like your scratchy and it's like over overclocking like
• 21:42
  his mucus. I don't know if that makes any
• 21:44
  sense. And a tongue that feels numb and
• 21:46
  and tingly, it makes streaming hard.
• 21:50
  And all of these are are are symptoms that impact my ability
• 21:53
  to speak. And speaking is my job.
• 21:57
  A job that should have been easy has become very, very difficult
• 22:01
  for me and I've kind of grown to dread doing it, if I'm being
• 22:07
  honest. Yeah.
• 22:08
  I mean, I get it, I feel, Yeah. Usually when I stream I do my
• 22:12
  best to try to be silly as a streamer would have to do, but
• 22:16
  most? Yeah, entertaining.
• 22:17
  Sure. So.
• 22:18
  The time I'm just sitting here thinking, you know what?
• 22:20
  I feel terrible. I feel terrible, I feel
• 22:22
  terrible. And I think probably at least
• 22:24
  some of the time you guys can tell that I seem distracted.
• 22:27
  It's interesting 'cause like, I appreciate the effort in the
• 22:31
  hustle, but could you imagine somebody that like it doesn't
• 22:33
  have the ability to be a streamer?
• 22:35
  And I'm not telling this person that they're really fortunate.
• 22:36
  They shouldn't be complaining. They should be complaining.
• 22:39
  I'm just saying, could you imagine somebody that like it
• 22:41
  doesn't have the ability to do like a job like streaming?
• 22:44
  You know, that's why they're, I mean, that's fucked.
• 22:46
  You know, people always give people shit that they'll have
• 22:49
  nose rings and stuff and like don't want to work 'cause
• 22:50
  they're in pain all the time. But like you guys ever thought
• 22:52
  about actually trying to, I don't know, investigate why
• 22:59
  they're struggling and figure out like a diagnosis for people
• 23:01
  we ever thought about that or? But there are other times, you
• 23:06
  know, other times I would say like, yeah, silliness,
• 23:10
  successful. Like, like, yeah, I did a stream
• 23:12
  that where I managed to be silly today.
• 23:14
  And if you haven't noticed me acting different, well, that's
• 23:19
  because I'm a professional baby. Nice, good guy, good person.
• 23:24
  I don't know. In addition to all of this, I
• 23:27
  also have all of the health problems that I've always had.
• 23:30
  I have sleep apnea I. Well, like, fucking call it that
• 23:34
  one. Have an enlarged prostate.
• 23:36
  Damn that I don't even mean to be rude.
• 23:39
  I wonder if this guy's like overweight or like obese.
• 23:41
  And I'm not saying that to be like negative or anything.
• 23:43
  I'm saying that like, I wouldn't doubt that the fibromyalgia
• 23:47
  creates like, or exacerbates that issue, you know, or that
• 23:51
  they're stress eating and it's making it worse on their body
• 23:54
  'cause that dude, you, you're be surprised.
• 23:56
  Like I'm fucking 36. Like if I don't have vegetables
• 23:59
  for a day, I feel it like it's bad.
• 24:01
  Like I have a whole. I just got to, I had to go to
• 24:03
  Wegmans yesterday because I had to get, I had to get a whole bag
• 24:05
  of carrots just so I could snack on them, 'cause I feel vine.
• 24:08
  My poops are regular. It's super important.
• 24:11
  He's a large dude. Yeah, for sure.
• 24:12
  It makes sense. You know, I'm not like fucking
• 24:14
  shaming him or anything, but that makes sense.
• 24:17
  But like, I got to go. Yeah, it's it fuck you, dude.
• 24:20
  It fucks you up. You were.
• 24:21
  He's super fucking surprised. Your diet is so fucking
• 24:25
  important, you know what I mean? Which I've had since middle
• 24:27
  school. I have anxiety.
• 24:30
  I have a calcified disc in my neck.
• 24:32
  I get headaches. I have heartburn.
• 24:34
  Yeah, I know. Everybody has heartburn.
• 24:36
  Nah, dude, heartburn is fucking brutal.
• 24:39
  Heartburn is brutal. People don't talk about it
• 24:43
  enough. Dude, heartburn's so fucking
• 24:45
  bad. People don't talk about it
• 24:46
  enough. Everybody thinks it's like so
• 24:47
  silly we're growing up like heartburn.
• 24:49
  Yeah, you got a little ingestion.
• 24:50
  Heartburn is like the worst heart heartburn.
• 24:52
  I've gone to the hospital 'cause I thought I was having a heart
• 24:54
  attack three times cause of heartburn.
• 24:56
  It is so bad. Like it is a fucking miserable
• 24:59
  and it'll give you cancer. People don't talk about that.
• 25:02
  They don't they people go it's heartburn, it'll give you
• 25:06
  cancer. It gives, it'll give you fucking
• 25:08
  cancer because like your stomach lining or yeah, like your, your
• 25:11
  throw, your esophageal lining will get boiled up by your
• 25:14
  fucking stomach acids, especially when you're laying
• 25:17
  down if you don't prop your head up, you know?
• 25:19
  So go like get that prescribed. Like I, I've seen people talk
• 25:23
  about how like, oh, you shouldn't be on omeprazole in a
• 25:25
  long, long term capacity 'cause it's like bad for you.
• 25:27
  It's like, yeah, but you know what else is really bad for you?
• 25:29
  Getting cancer in your throat 'cause you have heartburn and
• 25:30
  not being able to sleep, having an elevated heart rate 'cause
• 25:33
  you have heartburn. It's bad.
• 25:34
  People don't talk about it. I don't know why I feel like
• 25:37
  people don't talk about heartburn enough and how like
• 25:39
  tragically and fucking cosmically horrible it is for
• 25:42
  you. You know?
• 25:44
  It's fucking brutal dude. It's so stupid.
• 25:48
  And people don't talk about it either.
• 25:49
  Is that like if you're on like a GL P1 like your heartburn is
• 25:54
  going to activate even harsher like GLP ones?
• 25:56
  Like it makes your stomach not processed food as quickly, like
• 26:00
  it slows down your digestion. What do you think ends up
• 26:02
  happening? Cause your fat ass is going to
• 26:03
  overeat even if you're on fucking AGLP 1, you know it.
• 26:08
  You know that that's true. You guys are sitting there like,
• 26:10
  Oh yeah, yeah, I know. You know, So you're fucking on
• 26:13
  AGLP 1 and that's like, that's one of the things that's going
• 26:17
  to happen to you. Same thing if you get like some
• 26:19
  kind of a surgery to like shrink your stomach.
• 26:21
  Guess what? Get get ready.
• 26:23
  They don't talk about it, all right?
• 26:25
  They don't talk about it enough in my opinion, but it is real.
• 26:30
  I know, I know. Everybody has heartburn,
• 26:32
  everybody gets anxiety. I know.
• 26:33
  I don't care. Well, heartburn makes you
• 26:34
  having, oh, that's another thing.
• 26:35
  Heartburn gives you anxiety too. 1000% heartburn will raise your
• 26:39
  heart rate. It'll make you OK.
• 26:41
  You'll have health anxiety because you're like, am I having
• 26:42
  a heart attack? But then you're also going to
• 26:44
  just have more anxiety. Like when your heart rate's up,
• 26:45
  when you eat saltier foods and your blood pressure's up, you're
• 26:47
  having anxiety. All these things are linked.
• 26:49
  Being more anxious a lot of times can like to some degree
• 26:52
  can be a dietary issue. Like, you guys should really
• 26:55
  keep that in mind, 'cause it's real.
• 26:57
  I'm kidding. Like you really should get even
• 26:59
  while like how like how much like diet impacts your shit.
• 27:03
  Like that's why you should eat like literally your shit.
• 27:05
  That's why you should eat like, you know, fibrous greens or
• 27:08
  fibrous vegetables and shit because it creates a really
• 27:10
  healthy gut Biome where 'cause it ferments in your gut and it
• 27:14
  like creates good bacteria that helps you deal with all these
• 27:17
  problems. Like really try to eat
• 27:18
  healthier, man. You know, don't even do it
• 27:20
  perfectly. You can still have that White
• 27:22
  Castle or whatever, but I'm just saying.
• 27:25
  Here it's my list. Have some fucking broccoli with
• 27:28
  it. I can add heartburn if I want.
• 27:31
  When you make your list, if you don't want to add heartburn, you
• 27:33
  don't have to. But it's.
• 27:34
  I already did fuck. It's my list, so you know,
• 27:35
  heartburn makes the list. And last but not least, a few
• 27:40
  months ago I was lying on the couch and all of a sudden, for
• 27:46
  no reason, I developed a ringing in my ears.
• 27:50
  Damn. This, this fucking sucks man.
• 27:53
  That's terrible. Just lying on the couch and all
• 27:56
  of a sudden all. Right.
• 27:59
  You don't got to give it to me, man Fuck.
• 28:03
  It's as if the universe itself looked at me and said, oh look,
• 28:08
  we missed a spot. He still has one sensory input
• 28:12
  that's left unmolested. Oh, that's crazy.
• 28:16
  Sometimes I can't hear it, but then other times it gets really
• 28:19
  really loud. Got a pizza head when I was
• 28:20
  talking about Harper. Now I want pizza.
• 28:24
  So in short, I'm sick. Drew.
• 28:30
  I'm a sick man, and not just in the head.
• 28:34
  You might be thinking, wow, Max, if you're really this sick boy,
• 28:38
  you should probably retire. But here's the thing.
• 28:41
  And this you probably could have seen coming.
• 28:44
  I'll never be able to retire. Is it a money thing or is it
• 28:48
  just like a like I want to work for everything?
• 28:52
  To retire would take an obscene amount of money.
• 28:55
  OK, got it. Which would take an obscene
• 28:57
  amount of work. Which is an amount of work that
• 29:00
  I can't do because I'm too sick. True, I feel that.
• 29:05
  I don't personally feel that, but I understand what he's.
• 29:07
  Saying I know when somebody has no money.
• 29:09
  Your response might be to to say oh get a job you lazy ass.
• 29:13
  I am too sick to ever have a real job.
• 29:17
  I don't think someone who's as sick as me should be working at
• 29:20
  all. That's probably true.
• 29:22
  Yeah. Well, you know, I, I, I
• 29:24
  disagreed that, but I, I was going to bring it back to before
• 29:27
  there has to be some kind of a cure for fibromyalgia.
• 29:30
  I just, I refuse to believe that there's not a solution to this
• 29:33
  problem. But we don't research the
• 29:35
  solution to this problem. And that's the fucking issue.
• 29:37
  Like nobody cares enough to research it and be like, Oh
• 29:39
  yeah, you know what would be good?
• 29:40
  If we actually give a fuck, you know?
• 29:42
  All I do currently, as I come in here three times a week maybe 4I
• 29:48
  sit in a chair and I play video games with you guys and I'm, I,
• 29:54
  I, I often feel as if I'm too sick to even do this.
• 29:59
  And this is about as easy as a job gets.
• 30:03
  Yeah. True.
• 30:04
  Constantly, constantly just running out of the money that I
• 30:07
  do have. It's embarrassing to have to
• 30:09
  admit that you have no money, but naturally I did try to avoid
• 30:14
  ending up here. I used to work really hard.
• 30:18
  I can't really afford to go to the doctor anymore.
• 30:21
  They're never really able to help me anyway.
• 30:23
  Yep, I figured. They've done a lot of tests.
• 30:26
  I I ironically wonder if this person has tried smoking weed.
• 30:29
  I'm not even trying to be that guy, I'm just wondering.
• 30:31
  It's over the past two years, but they're usually
• 30:33
  inconclusive. They're like, yeah, you look
• 30:36
  fine every time. Yep, that makes sense.
• 30:39
  That's like I'm saying they don't like, unfortunately like
• 30:41
  doctors. And I'm not even going to say
• 30:43
  they don't care. I'm not even going to say they
• 30:47
  don't care. But it's just like some of them
• 30:50
  that there's a lot, there's not a lot they can do 'cause their
• 30:52
  research isn't there. And some doctors don't fucking
• 30:55
  care, especially older doctors, they don't really give a shit.
• 30:57
  They think it's fake. It's annoying as hell man.
• 31:01
  I've had a lot of outstanding medical bills.
• 31:04
  Eventually they all went to some collection agency and you know,
• 31:07
  I was getting a lot of letters from this agency.
• 31:10
  Then I found out the I, I found out that the agency will sue you
• 31:13
  if you don't pay them. And I was like, OK, well, I
• 31:15
  cannot be sued. I cannot be sued right now.
• 31:18
  So I took a lot of those medical bills and I put them on my
• 31:20
  credit cards. So now just that's brutal
• 31:23
  because I had to do something to avoid getting sued.
• 31:26
  Oh good for this guy for not like putting for like E begging,
• 31:29
  you know? Like I don't know how I feel
• 31:31
  like they have. Like such a a platform, though,
• 31:33
  there's no way they could find somebody like that's what they
• 31:36
  could be. They could compatible like
• 31:37
  podcast with her something like once a week.
• 31:40
  Maybe that person would do like all the work not to be that guy,
• 31:43
  but like maybe that that could be something, you know, people
• 31:48
  like V tubers, you know, I think that's going to be cool.
• 31:51
  Plus it's probably a good space for people with like
• 31:53
  disabilities, especially like fibromyalgia, where they would
• 31:57
  be like, oh man, like I really wanted to hear this.
• 31:59
  I'm having like the same struggle.
• 32:00
  Oh yeah, me too. That sounds relatable for like a
• 32:02
  lot of people. So I'm kind of surprised they
• 32:04
  don't try to do or maybe they do and I just don't have no fucking
• 32:06
  idea, but I don't think that they do.
• 32:09
  But again, like it's hard to put in extra work.
• 32:11
  I mean, like, and, and again, streaming is easy, but like even
• 32:13
  like I've been working a lot, even when I have people working
• 32:17
  for me, they're not doing anything wrong.
• 32:19
  But I've like, especially, you know, especially in experimental
• 32:21
  phases, which happen a lot. Like if you want to say relevant
• 32:24
  as a creator, like I'm just fucking trying this and that and
• 32:27
  doing this and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 32:29
  Like for the past few days, I don't think I've really worked
• 32:31
  or slept a whole lot or excuse me, I've only like I've done a
• 32:33
  lot of work and I've been like not really sleeping.
• 32:35
  Like I set up a Spotify and an Apple 'cause I'm trying to like
• 32:37
  push this and then I'm doing this and then it's just like a
• 32:39
  whole bunch of shit. And you know, sometimes it's
• 32:42
  good though, like the keeps the brain active, but it's fucking
• 32:45
  raining, man. So I imagine you can't really
• 32:48
  put that kind of energy into it the way that somebody like me
• 32:51
  can. I'm very capable.
• 32:52
  Obviously I got very fortunate for that.
• 32:54
  That's not me like bragging or anything.
• 32:56
  You know, I'm just a very capable person.
• 32:58
  So it's like funny because I remember when I was in school,
• 33:00
  this guy sounds so shitty and selfish.
• 33:02
  I remember like I see kids in wheelchairs.
• 33:03
  I'm like, oh man, I wish I was in a fucking wheelchair because
• 33:05
  I don't want to do XY or Z. And now like you get older,
• 33:07
  like, wow, that was a really stupid selfish thought that I
• 33:09
  had. What a loser I was.
• 33:11
  You know what I mean? Like, yeah, it's like, yeah, you
• 33:12
  have to do more if you're more capable, but it's easier to do
• 33:15
  more things when you're more capable than do nothing when
• 33:17
  you're not capable. You know, that's just like that.
• 33:20
  Just fucks you up. How likely that is, but I, I was
• 33:23
  like, I can't, I can't let that happen.
• 33:25
  But now I have all, you know, a lot of this credit card debt, my
• 33:28
  credit score is probably ruined even though I haven't checked
• 33:31
  it. So going to the doctor anymore,
• 33:35
  it's just not happening. Probably.
• 33:38
  I knew I'd have to stop last summer when I paid nearly
• 33:41
  $900.00 for an MRI on my salivary glands.
• 33:45
  And then they just looked at the MRI and they were like, yeah,
• 33:47
  you look fine. So this takes us up to the
• 33:51
  present. And where does it leave us to
• 33:55
  recap, no money. Inability to make more money.
• 34:00
  The money that I do have slowly dripping away because I'm not
• 34:03
  making enough and inevitably it will run out, probably sooner
• 34:08
  rather than later. An incurable disease that makes
• 34:12
  my day-to-day life very uncomfortable and knowing that
• 34:15
  the remainder of my life won't include finding some kind of
• 34:18
  reward in career, hobbies, art, nature, people, relationships,
• 34:24
  religion, money, fitness, altruism.
• 34:28
  Now this is the part where I. Well, it sounds like like
• 34:31
  there's nothing this is, it sucks, but like there sounds
• 34:34
  like there's really like I, I wouldn't want this person to
• 34:38
  feel like they, and they already do feel like they, they're
• 34:40
  pushed to, you know, consider an alternative option.
• 34:43
  But again, like this is, this is the, these are the people that's
• 34:47
  like, dude, we need to figure something out here.
• 34:49
  Like this guy should have healthcare.
• 34:51
  This guy should have forever free healthcare.
• 34:54
  We should all, all free. You know what I mean?
• 34:56
  You know what I mean? Doctors should be researching
• 34:58
  into the autoimmune diseases that they typically will stay
• 35:01
  away from. I don't know why.
• 35:03
  Maybe they feel like they can't make enough money.
• 35:05
  What a great system, you know, this person should be
• 35:07
  accommodated with because like they this like there's probably
• 35:10
  like on ironically, there's probably some fucking kind of
• 35:12
  brain surgery or some kind of something that they could do to
• 35:16
  get their shit back. But like, it's not invented, you
• 35:19
  know what I mean? Doesn't exist.
• 35:20
  It just doesn't, It just simply doesn't exist because we as a
• 35:25
  society like don't have a priority on like stuff like this
• 35:28
  existing. You know, there's a lot of
• 35:31
  things that we could cure, but like, we don't put the research
• 35:35
  into it because maybe it's not like profitable and it's all
• 35:37
  their fucking ridiculous shit, man.
• 35:39
  Mind you, up at the top of the screen, what does it say?
• 35:44
  It says don't freak out. Look at those words and
• 35:46
  remember, don't freak out. All of this compounded together
• 35:51
  has kind of led me to feeling that my life has reached its
• 35:58
  natural conclusion. So a little over a year ago,
• 36:02
  maybe like 14 months, I realized I needed to start thinking of
• 36:08
  some kind of some kind of final solution, some option that would
• 36:13
  serve as a resolution to all of these problems.
• 36:17
  And after considering every option I could think of,
• 36:21
  ultimately that solution has taken the form of doctor
• 36:28
  assisted euthanasia. That's crazy, man.
• 36:32
  I'd never want to go to Asia. That is.
• 36:35
  I mean, like, you really have to be pushed to a certain point to
• 36:38
  really feel like that's your only hope, man.
• 36:39
  It's pretty fucked up. Now I know when I say that for a
• 36:43
  lot of you, your first instinct is probably to be upset.
• 36:49
  Of course. I know a lot of you care about
• 36:51
  me, so I'd like to say I'm sorry.
• 36:56
  I'm sorry for I'm sorry for having to hurt you guys like
• 36:59
  this, but before you, before you do your Pearl clutching boy.
• 37:05
  Well that's some Pearl clutching Jesus.
• 37:07
  I ask you, why shouldn't I? Can you?
• 37:13
  Can you give me one good reason? I.
• 37:19
  Don't know, man. That's like, I don't know, you
• 37:22
  know, I, I, based on everything that they described, it's
• 37:26
  brutal. I don't know what else to tell
• 37:28
  you. And things aren't getting any
• 37:29
  better. I mean, we really do live in a
• 37:31
  society where like people with like really intense fucking
• 37:33
  autoimmune diseases that are in physical pain constantly are
• 37:36
  just treated like shit. You know, the, the fact that
• 37:40
  it's expensive to go to a doctor when we should have universal
• 37:43
  Healthcare is bad enough for somebody who's like relatively
• 37:46
  healthy. But imagine like needing to go
• 37:48
  to the doctor and imagine going to the doctor and not getting an
• 37:50
  answer because we don't have enough research done for your
• 37:53
  illness, because society doesn't give a fuck and we spend it on
• 37:57
  other things. We have billions of dollars to
• 37:59
  spend on fucking wars and missiles and fucking, you know,
• 38:01
  subsidies for billionaires. We don't have any money or
• 38:05
  research for fibromyalgia. That one's that's, that's a
• 38:10
  scooch too far. Guys can't be doing that.
• 38:12
  We don't have a priority. We don't have time for that.
• 38:15
  You know, it's fucked. I mean, like, listen, you know,
• 38:18
  something might change and something might get better.
• 38:20
  You might be able to figure something out.
• 38:21
  I mean, maybe I, I don't know, you probably alleviate some of
• 38:24
  your symptoms with like a decent diet.
• 38:25
  I'm not even saying like try to lose a super run away, but like
• 38:29
  it sounds like somebody who's at their what's end and they
• 38:30
  probably don't really give a shit about their diet or or
• 38:32
  anything. They probably can't even really
• 38:34
  exercise, you know, but I don't know, man, you probably could,
• 38:39
  but I don't know how effective it would be and it'd probably be
• 38:41
  like a lot of pain for like the first month that they're doing
• 38:42
  it, even if it's just a walk. And you know, I don't know, it's
• 38:46
  just fucked, man. It's just fucked.
• 38:49
  But I feel it's, yeah, I don't know, man.
• 38:51
  It's rough, but don't do it. Things might get better.
• 38:58
  They might honestly, like, it could be tomorrow.
• 39:00
  Things might look up for you like tomorrow and be like, holy
• 39:01
  fuck, holy bazookers. This really changed for me.
• 39:04
  It's totally possible. Is it because I wouldn't want to
• 39:08
  miss out? Miss out on a miss out on a
• 39:13
  slow, arduous descent into becoming an old man with a bad
• 39:17
  disease. A descent I've already begun.
• 39:21
  An old man with a bad disease and no money, which is naturally
• 39:25
  the worst time to have. So the worst time to have no
• 39:27
  money is when you're an old man with a bad disease.
• 39:33
  Of course, if I did want to continue to live, what would my
• 39:36
  options be? Well, let's explore that and and
• 39:40
  as I go over these options, imagine this is happening to
• 39:43
  you. I'd rather not.
• 39:46
  Don't. Don't imagine this is happening
• 39:47
  to me. Imagine it's happening to you.
• 39:49
  Not me, you. I could move back in with my
• 39:54
  parents at age 40, Move back into my childhood bedroom, Lie
• 39:59
  down in my childhood bed. I would take the current bed
• 40:02
  that you have with you, you know.
• 40:04
  And spend the rest of my life as an old man with a bad disease in
• 40:08
  that room. Is he 40 now?
• 40:13
  I I never really got along with my family.
• 40:16
  I don't enjoy being around them. That's the mayor.
• 40:21
  But that sucks man. I was kind of hoping I wouldn't
• 40:23
  have to see them again, honestly.
• 40:28
  Remember, not me, you, yes, you. This is happening to you.
• 40:32
  And of course, certainly I, I would still have all of the same
• 40:34
  symptoms that I have now of my condition.
• 40:37
  Those wouldn't go away. It's kind of like we're just
• 40:40
  describing my personal hell here.
• 40:43
  And I guess my my one other option is moving out into the
• 40:48
  middle of the country where everything is cheaper, like
• 40:50
  Nebraska or something. Trying to find some Section 8,
• 40:54
  Section 8 housing or a studio apartment.
• 40:57
  Seeing if I can live off welfare and just spending the rest of my
• 41:01
  life, you know, in a tiny box sitting in a chair.
• 41:06
  Also with a bad disease, also with all those same symptoms.
• 41:14
  And also, you know, like having to find a place to live out in
• 41:18
  the middle of the country that I've never been to before and
• 41:21
  then getting all of my stuff and moving it there.
• 41:23
  That would be a massive project. Once again, something I'm too
• 41:27
  sick to do, can't do it. And if these are my options, I
• 41:34
  don't know, sometimes dead is better.
• 41:37
  Damn, that's fucking. Brutal.
• 41:39
  Now, what have I learned about euthanasia after looking into it
• 41:45
  all of this, I think this, this, some of this information might
• 41:49
  be wrong, but I think this is I think this is all correct after
• 41:53
  looking into it. Well, I don't qualify in
• 41:57
  California. I do not.
• 41:59
  I didn't even know you could get euthanized in California.
• 42:01
  If that's where he lives, he should have definitely moved out
• 42:03
  of there. Qualify for medical assistance
• 42:06
  and death because in California you have to have a fatal
• 42:09
  condition that can kill you naturally in six to nine months,
• 42:14
  but you can't die from my kind of sick.
• 42:17
  I could live potentially another 20 to 30 years.
• 42:20
  Who knows? I tend to doubt it, but I might
• 42:24
  be nowhere near close to a natural death.
• 42:28
  So I thought, OK, I'll go out of state.
• 42:31
  Then I found out basically every US state has that same rule,
• 42:35
  fatal 6 to 9 months. Then I thought, well, what about
• 42:40
  Canada? You hear a lot about that
• 42:42
  Canadian euthanasia. Apparently they're.
• 42:44
  I haven't, I'm, I'm assuming that you're on a, you're on a
• 42:47
  different side of TikTok on that one, you know?
• 42:50
  You're handing it out like Halloween candy up there.
• 42:52
  Well, that's no good either. I would.
• 42:55
  I would have to be a Canadian citizen and that could take
• 42:58
  years to get some kind of foreign citizenship, and I don't
• 43:02
  have nor want that kind of time. But it's a big world.
• 43:09
  So there's got to be a place where you can go where a doctor
• 43:12
  will stab you or shoot you in the brain or set you on fire or
• 43:16
  whatever, bonk you on the noggin with a frying pan.
• 43:20
  And apparently that place, I guess.
• 43:22
  I guess. So is Switzerland apparently
• 43:28
  Switzerland? W Switzerland, began guys.
• 43:31
  Engages in what's known as euthanasia tourism, meaning
• 43:36
  people go there if they can't get bonked anywhere else, the
• 43:40
  doctors there will bonk you, no questions asked.
• 43:44
  OK, it's interesting terminology, but I get it.
• 43:46
  I don't I don't know how they do it.
• 43:48
  Maybe they can dip me in the Nintendo purple mud.
• 43:51
  Can I choose my method of execution?
• 43:53
  I'd like to be dipped in the purple mud please.
• 43:56
  What the fuck is purple mud? I want to get Nintendo on the
• 43:58
  horn over in Japan they've. All.
• 44:01
  I'm assuming it's a video game reference, I just don't.
• 44:03
  Get whole warehouse aligned with thousands of oil drums of the
• 44:07
  Nintendo purple mud. They take a cover off of it and
• 44:10
  it goes. They can dip me in the oil drum
• 44:14
  like a New Framed Roger Rabbit. OK, I was starting to get it.
• 44:17
  I'm like, is that Roger Rabbit? OK.
• 44:19
  So now I'm. Are you a cartoon?
• 44:22
  I guess. I guess this is online persona.
• 44:24
  Thinking maybe I can start a GoFundMe for like $10,000 so I
• 44:29
  can live for one more year without running out of money and
• 44:33
  then getting evicted and thrown out of my apartment.
• 44:36
  Get rid of all of my stuff, then go to Switzerland and pay a a a
• 44:39
  a doctor to bonk me, right? It's interesting, it's
• 44:42
  interesting that he wants to stay alive for a year, which by
• 44:44
  the way, I think is a good thing.
• 44:46
  I'm not, I'm not shaming him for wanting to be alive, just to be
• 44:49
  absolutely clear. I just think that it, oh, that
• 44:52
  is like interesting. It's interesting that like your
• 44:54
  brain is in a spot where it's like, you know, I want to be
• 44:56
  alive for another year. It really sounds like he doesn't
• 44:59
  want to do this, which is good. That's a good thing that he
• 45:01
  doesn't want to do it. Right.
• 45:02
  Like, but yeah, 'cause I mean, if I was at the my, my brink,
• 45:08
  you know, I'd be like, I'm out. It sounds like to some degree
• 45:11
  this, this like video sounds a little like, almost like public
• 45:16
  eventing, you know, like a sassy from a sassy Among Us character,
• 45:22
  You know what I mean? He's been suffering for a while.
• 45:24
  There's like a whole lot of things he doesn't really know
• 45:26
  what he can do and, you know, thoughts, thoughts, thoughts,
• 45:29
  thoughts, thinking out loud. Guys, have any?
• 45:32
  Hey, do you guys have any advice?
• 45:33
  You know so. I want to get rid of all of my
• 45:37
  stuff myself because whenever I pay a junk removal service to
• 45:41
  get rid of a couch or something, even that can be like $400.00.
• 45:45
  So even though I don't like my landlady, damn.
• 45:49
  He's like anybody. If I just leave all of my stuff
• 45:52
  here and she has to remove it, that could cost her like
• 45:57
  thousands and thousands of dollars, you know, Who knows?
• 46:00
  Maybe. I mean, it'll just like rent it
• 46:03
  out and be like, oh, this is included, Tina.
• 46:06
  My place is well lived in, I've been here for a while.
• 46:09
  There's a lot of stuff here. I don't know if her insurance
• 46:13
  would cover having to get it all removed, and I I I just don't
• 46:18
  want to stick her with a giant bill.
• 46:20
  Getting rid of all of my stuff is going to take a lot longer
• 46:23
  for me than it would for the average person.
• 46:25
  Because I'm sick and because I have to stream so I don't run
• 46:29
  out of money. I don't know why but running out
• 46:32
  of money if. I could just rack up some credit
• 46:34
  card that man, you know fuck it if you're just a Yolo.
• 46:37
  Running out of money is like the scariest thing ever for me.
• 46:40
  It's scarier than dying. What do you think about dying?
• 46:43
  It's scary. What do you think about running
• 46:45
  out of money? Oh, it's terrifying.
• 46:47
  True. So that's fucking relatable and
• 46:49
  based, yeah. I guess because if I ran out of
• 46:52
  money I don't know what I would do naturally.
• 46:55
  It's unfortunate that a big part of this situation seems to be
• 46:58
  that he has incredibly unsupportive parents.
• 47:00
  My cause, like, you know, if you're a iliac at their wit's
• 47:04
  end here, like, why? Why aren't your parents, like,
• 47:07
  trying to help you out or something?
• 47:08
  I wonder what's going on with that relationship 'cause, you
• 47:11
  know, you'd think that the parents are going to be like,
• 47:13
  yeah, it doesn't matter how old you are, please move back in.
• 47:16
  We'll try to, you know, do the best we can to help you feel
• 47:19
  more comfortable, yada yada, yada.
• 47:21
  You know, So I'm kind of confused with that one.
• 47:23
  Like, what the fuck's what's up? What's up with that?
• 47:25
  What's up with those guys? You know what's up with those
• 47:28
  tussy bakas? Do I say naturally too much?
• 47:31
  I don't know, Maybe, probably naturally.
• 47:34
  I say probably too much, naturally.
• 47:35
  That's funny. But then hang on, the plot
• 47:40
  thickens. But then I found out that being
• 47:43
  euthanized in Switzerland can cost up to like $17,000 so now I
• 47:51
  feel like. What the Sigma?
• 47:53
  I'm taking crazy pills here like why is everything being made so
• 47:58
  difficult for me here? Well, I think that the idea is
• 48:01
  to not want to do that to yourself, so.
• 48:04
  Am I going to have to start a GoFundMe for like $30,000 and.
• 48:08
  I don't know how many people are going to fucking donate to your
• 48:10
  GoFundMe with this specific goal in mind man, but.
• 48:14
  Instead. You know, as much as I get it, I
• 48:16
  don't think I'd want to donate for somebody to do something
• 48:19
  like that. I was worried that people
• 48:21
  wouldn't want to give me $10,000.
• 48:23
  Nobody's going to donate $30,000 to kill a man.
• 48:27
  What's interesting though, and I, I can call it here is
• 48:33
  obviously everybody's a bucket, everybody's a, a bucket and
• 48:36
  we're a bucket and we all have a, a stress capacity bucket,
• 48:41
  right? And so, and then everybody's
• 48:43
  like hole in our bucket is bigger or smaller depending on
• 48:46
  like our ability to deal with stress, you know, different
• 48:49
  things could help you, you know, alleviate stress, jacking off,
• 48:52
  having a partner, somebody to talk to, you know what I mean?
• 48:55
  Being able to do certain things. Fibrous carrots.
• 48:59
  Am I right, guys? And so I wouldn't doubt that if
• 49:02
  this guy got money with, and I don't think that he's more
• 49:05
  poorly intentioned, but I wouldn't doubt if this guy got
• 49:07
  his money, if he'd be like, oh, I feel like financially
• 49:09
  alleviated things don't feel so hard anymore.
• 49:11
  I'm not, you know what I mean? And like, that's going to be his
• 49:13
  second wind. I wouldn't doubt it, which is
• 49:16
  why, again, not to be super fucking mega woke, but like,
• 49:19
  yeah, our system's kind of fucked, man.
• 49:20
  Like people shouldn't feel like that beaten and battered down by
• 49:24
  the system where they feel like they need to do certain drastic
• 49:27
  measures. You know, there's just so many
• 49:29
  problems with it. People are going to donate
• 49:31
  $30,000 to kill a man. You know, if you're a woman on a
• 49:36
  playground somewhere and you call a child the N word, they'll
• 49:38
  give you half $1,000,000 for that.
• 49:41
  True. Yeah man, pretty fucked.
• 49:42
  I don't think I'm going to be so lucky, but you know.
• 49:47
  Well, if you call the wrong person in the N word, they might
• 49:50
  they they might solve your problem.
• 49:51
  I don't know. If you think dying is expensive,
• 49:54
  imagine how expensive it would be for me to live for another
• 49:56
  two to three decades. You know, that would be really
• 49:59
  expensive. There's nothing more expensive
• 50:02
  than living. But I also have to think about
• 50:05
  like getting in cigarettes, rid of all of my stuff.
• 50:07
  First I have to return my apartment to factory settings.
• 50:12
  Really don't, but or. Planning a trip because
• 50:14
  otherwise the trip will sneak up on me.
• 50:16
  I'm happy that he's got a lot of, like, mental roadblocks on
• 50:19
  him that's going to make him not want to do it, though.
• 50:20
  That's a good thing. Before I'm done, I, I, I don't
• 50:25
  know. I don't know why everything is
• 50:26
  being made so difficult for me. I was planning on selling some
• 50:29
  of my stuff, but that might be a lot of additional work.
• 50:32
  So maybe I'll just like, donate what I can, throw away the rest,
• 50:36
  find somebody to take care of. Wolfo maybe?
• 50:39
  Is that a dog? I'm assuming it's a dog named
• 50:41
  Wolfo. And then I can be done.
• 50:45
  The last year has been like especially difficult.
• 50:48
  It's so hard having to juggle everything that I have to do
• 50:52
  with my bad sick. I live a.
• 50:54
  OK, this is a weird way to say it.
• 50:56
  Alone. Everything that needs to get
• 50:58
  done has to be done by me. I have to get the groceries, I
• 51:01
  have to cook, I have to clean. I have to make sure that Wolfo
• 51:03
  was taken care of. Uh oh, There's cat fur
• 51:06
  everywhere. You see, is it a cat or is it a
• 51:09
  fucking dog? I'm confused.
• 51:11
  I got to do something about that.
• 51:13
  A pipe burst in my apartment. I had to SOP up all the water.
• 51:16
  I had to lay down all of my clothes.
• 51:18
  I had to get Wolfo to use the litter box again.
• 51:20
  Why is your fucking cat named Wolfo, man?
• 51:22
  What the fuck? Then I got a letter in the mail
• 51:24
  from my landlady telling me that to recoup the cost of the burst
• 51:27
  pipe, she's raising my rent by $300 a month.
• 51:32
  And I was like, how am I going to afford this?
• 51:34
  And then? Fucking landlords, dude.
• 51:36
  They want to be land. They want to, they want to own
• 51:38
  the property until they have to do the fucking work, you know,
• 51:40
  it's pretty fucked. You know, I thought about it for
• 51:42
  a minute and I was like, yeah, I guess I just can't.
• 51:46
  That's why they put the, that's why they put like the, what are
• 51:48
  they called squattering laws, 'cause people, landlords are
• 51:51
  fucking, they're fuck ass losers.
• 51:53
  You shouldn't need to increase the cost.
• 51:54
  Like not for nothing, but like if a pipe bursts into fucking
• 51:57
  facility you own, you shouldn't have to increase rent to pay for
• 52:00
  it. That's fucking ridiculous.
• 52:01
  And that should be illegal. That should be a consideration
• 52:03
  for you when you rent out a property.
• 52:07
  Why the fuck would you raise the price of that?
• 52:11
  Oh yeah, something happened, I'll take care of it.
• 52:13
  But you're going to pay for it eternally, by the way,
• 52:16
  eternally. You're just going to always have
• 52:19
  to pay a lot more money and they're never going to lower
• 52:22
  that back down. What are you fucking kidding me?
• 52:24
  Is that insane? Oh, that should be fucking
• 52:26
  illegal, dude. That's why people don't like
• 52:27
  landlords. Like, oh, think of the
• 52:30
  landlords. How about you?
• 52:32
  Like how about you fucking put money aside to deal with that
• 52:35
  instead of fucking raising rent? You should also have insurance
• 52:38
  on your house. So why the fuck does it?
• 52:39
  I think this is ridiculous. I can't keep doing this.
• 52:43
  Everything is too precarious for me.
• 52:45
  It's all going to come crashing down if I keep trying.
• 52:49
  As of recording this, the most recent stream I did was Fear and
• 52:53
  Hunger Termina. The the the first one the first
• 52:56
  the first stream of me doing that and it was awful.
• 53:00
  My tongue was raw and numb and puffy like like it was buzzing
• 53:05
  like it was going. Like a beat.
• 53:07
  Maybe there was a beat in there. Felt like it was buzzing.
• 53:09
  Imagine your tongue going. My wife would fucking love that
• 53:13
  dude. I felt, I felt too weak to even
• 53:17
  sit up in this, in this damn chair.
• 53:20
  I couldn't breathe. I was like out of breath the
• 53:22
  whole time. I, I, I said it was going to be.
• 53:26
  Fucking horrible. Be a short stream because I had
• 53:29
  to go do something, but really what I had to go do was go lie
• 53:33
  down. So I guess I was lying when I
• 53:35
  said, oh, it's. Get it?
• 53:36
  I had to go lie down. I had to go do something.
• 53:38
  I guess I was lying. I like that it's.
• 53:42
  Funny, you know, I got short stream today.
• 53:44
  I got to go do something. Yeah, that thing I had to go do
• 53:46
  was go was go lie down. You know, I've done this for
• 53:51
  like for two years now, a little over 2 years now of having this
• 53:55
  sick. And I held on this long because
• 53:58
  I was like, well, you know, maybe if I ignore it, it'll make
• 54:01
  it easier. Or maybe I'll start to feel.
• 54:03
  No, man, for fibromyalgia, you have to put in like a lot of
• 54:05
  work to get better, better and like it's you're never even
• 54:08
  necessarily going to be fully recovered depending on what it
• 54:10
  is. I mean, some people have like
• 54:12
  fibro when it's not as impactful, but like you have to
• 54:16
  eat well and you have to like exercise and move around a lot.
• 54:19
  Like he could probably make a, a, a level of a recovery.
• 54:22
  And I'm not going to sit here and say I'm the fucking moral
• 54:24
  authority or the fucking intellectual authority here.
• 54:26
  But I will say that like having a better diet and eating more
• 54:28
  like fiber and the stuff like that, it will help.
• 54:31
  Like walking every day will help.
• 54:33
  It's just a really hard, especially if you have a
• 54:35
  completely sedentary lifestyle and it's gotten like
• 54:37
  additionally bad and it probably, I don't think it will
• 54:39
  ever get like perfect, but you know, you can do some stuff, but
• 54:42
  it's tough. Better eventually, but I'm just
• 54:46
  getting worse. But everything I just told you,
• 54:52
  those are the facts. Now I want to do some
• 54:56
  editorializing, if you'll allow me.
• 54:59
  If you thought I was venting before, no.
• 55:02
  I'll be sassy now. This is the part where the
• 55:05
  venting starts. It's funny, I've spent my life
• 55:10
  worrying and even still I never could have predicted how poorly
• 55:19
  things would go. I'm not even mad or upset about
• 55:23
  how comically bad everything is gone.
• 55:25
  I'm just like low key impressed. Like, wow, all that, huh?
• 55:30
  The bad disease. That's crazy.
• 55:32
  Your rent check was stolen from their mailbox to try to get you
• 55:34
  to pay again. That's fucking preposterous.
• 55:35
  Isn't everything a pipe burst in my apartment and the landlady
• 55:38
  raises the rent? It all seems a little contrived
• 55:42
  and yet it's all it's all real. I.
• 55:46
  Think you should be able to sue her for that?
• 55:50
  My existence has become one where I suffer and barely scrape
• 55:57
  by so I can continue to sustain an existence where I barely
• 56:05
  scrape by and suffer and I'm sorry.
• 56:08
  Do be like that man, it's fucked up.
• 56:11
  And I'm sorry if me using the word suffer seems a little
• 56:14
  dramatic, but how much do you have to suffer before you're
• 56:18
  allowed to apply the label suffering to it?
• 56:21
  I don't know. But also these are my words.
• 56:23
  So I'm going to use the words that I want to use.
• 56:25
  And I feel like it's the appropriate the appropriate
• 56:27
  word. That's why I'm I'm I'm choosing
• 56:29
  it. And what do I do it for?
• 56:35
  What do I do? All of this suffering for the
• 56:37
  answer, of course. Is the shareholders.
• 56:40
  It's for nothing, and I don't know about you, but I'm not in
• 56:44
  the business of suffering for nothing.
• 56:46
  There's no reward here anymore for me, and there never will be
• 56:50
  1 But the good news is, I don't have to suffer.
• 56:54
  You can't control what life throws at you, but you can
• 56:57
  control how you respond to it. I know that euthanasia is a hot
• 57:01
  button issue. I know that some people think
• 57:04
  that nobody should ever be euthanized ever.
• 57:07
  But for me, I've kind of grown to view it.
• 57:10
  I don't know man. I feel like I got, I got, I got
• 57:13
  some woke, I got some woke thoughts about this.
• 57:16
  I feel like when you take in like the entirety of the system
• 57:19
  that we're currently living under, it's fucking brutal,
• 57:23
  right? Like the, all the money's at the
• 57:25
  top. These millionaires and
• 57:26
  billionaires have like stolen so much wealth.
• 57:29
  They're dodging paying their income tax while you pay more
• 57:31
  and more in fucking income tax. Jobs are dying and disappearing,
• 57:35
  technologies taking them over. You know, it's being rubbed in
• 57:39
  our faces. Healthcare is insanely
• 57:40
  expensive. Fucking housing is insanely
• 57:42
  expensive, but we can't lower it because then the people who own
• 57:45
  the houses, specifically the people who own really expensive
• 57:48
  rental properties that are inflation proof that they, you
• 57:53
  know, used to Jack up their, you know, wealth so that they can
• 57:56
  turn around and say like, hey, we want to take out a loan
• 57:59
  against this net worth that we have.
• 58:00
  You know what I mean? It's all fucking system.
• 58:02
  It's all fucked. I mean, we're basically all
• 58:03
  looked at as some kind of like economic unit, right?
• 58:12
  And we're kind of at a point where it's like the only choice,
• 58:15
  there's only one choice you have, and it's that one
• 58:18
  sometimes for people, you know what I mean?
• 58:22
  And I feel like they don't want you to use that as an option or
• 58:25
  consider it as an option because they want to keep you.
• 58:27
  They want to keep you just using you because you're just another
• 58:31
  economic unit to them. Whether you're somebody who
• 58:33
  works a job where you get drastically underpaid, which is
• 58:36
  most jobs, or if you're somebody that's on welfare and you are
• 58:39
  part of the system, you are contributing.
• 58:41
  You're getting money from the government, mostly middle class
• 58:43
  people because the upper class isn't really paying.
• 58:46
  I mean, the top 1% of income earners are paying, but not like
• 58:49
  the top 1% of like actual, you know, the top 1% isn't actually
• 58:53
  paying. It's just the people that
• 58:54
  actually pay themselves an income.
• 58:58
  But you're getting welfare. So that I guess what, you create
• 59:00
  more low paying jobs that are getting eaten up by technology,
• 59:04
  right? Because the more people who have
• 59:05
  to eat and live somewhere and all that pushes money through
• 59:08
  the thing, you know, So you're just basically like a slave
• 59:10
  unit. And if you're like, you know
• 59:11
  what, I want to tap out because I have horrible fibromyalgia
• 59:14
  that our system refuses to properly research because we
• 59:18
  don't really mostly care about women or the diseases that they
• 59:20
  have. Because this is a
• 59:20
  disproportionate like woman issue specifically for
• 59:23
  autoimmune diseases. They're like, Nope, you can't do
• 59:25
  that because you know, it, it'll make other people really sad and
• 59:29
  it's illegal. It's like, what the fuck, you
• 59:31
  know, So it's kind of like you kind of, I don't know, It's,
• 59:34
  it's interesting, you know, maybe that was a super woke
• 59:37
  thought, but I don't know, man. I don't think people should be
• 59:40
  doing that. I think that we need to create a
• 59:41
  better society, but something to think about.
• 59:44
  Maybe is like is like getting a root canal.
• 59:48
  Do you want to go in for a root canal?
• 59:50
  Well, yes and no. No, because you know it's going
• 59:52
  to be scary and unpleasant, but also yes, because you know that
• 59:56
  you should and if you don't, things are just going to get
• 59:59
  worse. No matter how much time I spend
• 1:00:02
  thinking about it. No matter how many times I run
• 1:00:04
  this giant equation. In my head, I just keep getting
• 1:00:08
  the same answer. I I know it's right and I know,
• 1:00:14
  I know that it's I know it's time.
• 1:00:17
  You might feel inclined to believe Max, you just need
• 1:00:20
  therapy. But I think I'm as I'm as
• 1:00:23
  therapized as I'm ever going to get.
• 1:00:25
  Plus, I mean, I don't know what kind of, well, first of all, he
• 1:00:27
  doesn't have any health care, just how the fuck you get a
• 1:00:29
  therapist. But then also like what kind of
• 1:00:31
  therapist are you going to be able to get that's going to be
• 1:00:32
  able to like help you with something like this?
• 1:00:34
  Like, this is, this is a pretty big situation.
• 1:00:37
  I don't know if you know what you would do to be able to help
• 1:00:39
  somebody with this type of scenario.
• 1:00:41
  You know, like, what kind of how do you train for this?
• 1:00:43
  Yeah, I'm a therapist for people who want to take their life
• 1:00:45
  because they're fucking miserable.
• 1:00:47
  What the fuck? I don't know, man.
• 1:00:49
  It's almost like a Hospice type of a therapist I would feel
• 1:00:52
  like. I've done enough therapy for one
• 1:00:54
  lifetime. This is me after the therapy.
• 1:00:57
  I think choosing this, I think, I think choosing to get out
• 1:01:01
  should be my right I I I got to get out of here guys.
• 1:01:06
  I got to get out of here. This is where I get off.
• 1:01:09
  I have to think about my future. I.
• 1:01:10
  Thought he was actually getting off on my go.
• 1:01:11
  What the hell? What are things going to be like
• 1:01:13
  in five years, five years from now, 10 years from now, 15 years
• 1:01:18
  from now? Well, tragically, they're not
• 1:01:21
  going to be good. So I'd prefer to just skip it so
• 1:01:25
  maybe I can spend one more year clearing out my apartment, start
• 1:01:31
  a GoFundMe, maybe sooner if I run out of money before then.
• 1:01:34
  I don't know. That's I probably will.
• 1:01:37
  So yeah, don't have to start a GoFundMe.
• 1:01:40
  I don't know how it works. I don't speak Switzerlandish.
• 1:01:43
  Incredible. Just get off the plane and go up
• 1:01:45
  to some rando and say, hey, which way to Doctor Kevorkian's
• 1:01:48
  office and he says Hinga dinga durgin and I all right.
• 1:01:53
  That's like weirdly racist. Like what the?
• 1:01:55
  Fuck that's not even real. That's from SpongeBob.
• 1:01:58
  That's not even real. That's from SpongeBob.
• 1:02:01
  You're not real. Incredible.
• 1:02:04
  And unfortunately. SpongeBob is real do stop.
• 1:02:06
  I have sponges. Fortunately, I have to do all of
• 1:02:09
  this myself because you know what they say, nobody's coming
• 1:02:11
  to save you. And if doing it in Switzerland
• 1:02:15
  won't work, if you're thinking that'll never work, you can't
• 1:02:17
  just do that. Well, yeah, maybe maybe you're
• 1:02:19
  right. But then I maybe I can go to
• 1:02:22
  Mexico or something, some other place, I don't know.
• 1:02:25
  There's got to be a place where I can go by hook or by crook.
• 1:02:28
  I have to die. And then after I die, I can just
• 1:02:34
  spend the rest of my life dead, which will be quite a relief for
• 1:02:40
  me, you know? Then I can finally relax.
• 1:02:45
  And you guys know how much I like to relax.
• 1:02:47
  That's the name of the game. That's the aim of the game.
• 1:02:50
  And hey, when I die, the Slobbermouth dies with me.
• 1:02:54
  I think maybe I would gladly lay down my life so that
• 1:02:59
  Slobbermouth will finally be condemned to the deepest,
• 1:03:02
  darkest depths of hell where it belongs.
• 1:03:05
  I hate it. I cannot express how much I hate
• 1:03:07
  it. I think you're doing a pretty
• 1:03:10
  good job if you don't want to be around anymore because of it.
• 1:03:12
  I think you've expressed it, you know.
• 1:03:13
  It's the one thing I can't ignore.
• 1:03:15
  I am so sick of my slimy, frothy, puffy, numb mouth and
• 1:03:21
  tongue and throat. I'll be a lot of guys who would
• 1:03:24
  like that though, like 8, you know?
• 1:03:29
  OK, I'm just a little jokester. I hate it.
• 1:03:32
  I hate it. I hate it.
• 1:03:33
  I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate it.
• 1:03:35
  It's evil. It's so evil.
• 1:03:39
  But here's the good news. If you watch me stream, if
• 1:03:45
  you're listening to this right now, chances are you probably
• 1:03:50
  like me haha. You like me, you probably like
• 1:03:54
  me. I've been a content creator for
• 1:03:57
  a long time, and even though I have fallen off and most of my
• 1:04:01
  Subs are dead Subs, it is still cool that there are people
• 1:04:06
  online who care about me. And if you care about me, that
• 1:04:11
  would mean you wouldn't be happy about all of this.
• 1:04:13
  But here is the good news. I'm not dead right now.
• 1:04:19
  Oh, that's good. And I won't be dead tomorrow,
• 1:04:22
  and I won't be dead the next week or the week after that.
• 1:04:26
  And I'm going to keep streaming because I have to so that my
• 1:04:30
  money doesn't drip away faster. But you know.
• 1:04:33
  Relatable. A year from now, 2.
• 1:04:35
  Years, I mean I enjoy make content.
• 1:04:37
  I just I'm still reliable. Just from now I might be gone, I
• 1:04:42
  might be just a memory, but hopefully I can be a good memory
• 1:04:45
  for you. I would love to be a good memory
• 1:04:47
  for you, even if for some people I'll be a bad memory.
• 1:04:53
  I want to be a good memory for as many people as I can, even
• 1:04:57
  though you know, naturally I can't.
• 1:04:59
  For some people, I, for some people, I will be a bad memory.
• 1:05:03
  And there's nothing I can do about that.
• 1:05:04
  But I, I would be a good memory for everyone if I could.
• 1:05:09
  And what can we learn? What insight can I pass on to
• 1:05:13
  you? Well, don't get COVID.
• 1:05:18
  Great insight. Thank you.
• 1:05:19
  Ever get vaccinated if you can, because you never know.
• 1:05:24
  You could get did this guy not get vaccinated?
• 1:05:26
  Is that what the problem was? If COVID and get so sick that
• 1:05:28
  you'll never be healthy ever again.
• 1:05:31
  It happened to me. It could happen to anyone.
• 1:05:33
  Oh, that one. Yeah, but you know what they
• 1:05:35
  say? COVID is not real.
• 1:05:37
  You know those fucking morons. Won't happen for most people I
• 1:05:40
  know. Chances are if you get COVID
• 1:05:42
  you'll be fine. 99% chance you'll be fine in a week.
• 1:05:45
  Will be higher than that, but you never know, man.
• 1:05:47
  It's good to get vaccinated. Although I feel like
• 1:05:48
  vaccinations were like for this were more important like back
• 1:05:51
  then, you know? To 10 days you'll be fine.
• 1:05:53
  But still you never know. So get vaccinated.
• 1:05:57
  What would this all look like if I had gotten vaccinated like a
• 1:06:00
  month before I got COVID? Well I'll never know.
• 1:06:04
  You know, before I got COVID I felt more or less fine.
• 1:06:09
  My neck would act up once in. AI wonder if he didn't get like
• 1:06:13
  vaccinated 'cause he's like, I'm home by myself.
• 1:06:16
  Like it doesn't really matter who gives a shit, you know a
• 1:06:18
  while. You know, I, I got a bad neck,
• 1:06:21
  I'd get heartburn, I'd get anxiety, you know, shit like
• 1:06:24
  that. But it was.
• 1:06:25
  Speaking of heartburn. It's all like normal human
• 1:06:27
  stuff. I lived a relatively active
• 1:06:31
  lifestyle. I was jogging, I was lifting
• 1:06:34
  weights. I could work all day on a
• 1:06:36
  project. I, I miss being able to work.
• 1:06:40
  I've said a million times, I don't think the cartoons that I
• 1:06:43
  used to make were very good, but at least when I was making them,
• 1:06:48
  I, I, I, I felt productive. Yep, I hear that man.
• 1:06:51
  Sometimes people also just need like like a work purpose.
• 1:06:55
  It makes them feel good just doing something you know?
• 1:06:58
  I get that. I'd go fucking crazy if I could
• 1:07:01
  work. Now all I do is I I lie on the
• 1:07:04
  couch and I drool into a bowl. You know it's not do.
• 1:07:07
  You drink it. You know what?
• 1:07:09
  Who asked that question? It's not an existence that's
• 1:07:12
  worth preserving, clearly. I'm sorry.
• 1:07:17
  I'm, I'm sorry I have to let you guys down like this.
• 1:07:21
  I'm sorry that this is happening.
• 1:07:23
  But you know, obviously as bad as this is for you, you got to
• 1:07:27
  imagine it's it. It's much worse for me.
• 1:07:29
  I'm not happy about this. I'm not happy about this
• 1:07:32
  situation. I'm not crazy about all this
• 1:07:34
  shit. I think that's it.
• 1:07:39
  I think that's all of it. I'm sorry for talking your ear
• 1:07:43
  off. I know that took forever.
• 1:07:45
  Now I still have a stream to do. So here's what we're going to
• 1:07:48
  do. We're going to do this like I
• 1:07:49
  always do when I have bad news. We're going to suck all the
• 1:07:52
  negative energy out of the room. We're going to go back to the
• 1:07:56
  loading screen. We're going to take a break, and
• 1:07:58
  when I come back, it's going to be a normal stream like I always
• 1:08:02
  do. All right, you'll be able to
• 1:08:03
  super chat again, but I do humbly request that you don't be
• 1:08:07
  weird. It's a weird situation.
• 1:08:10
  Weird. It's like why do?
• 1:08:11
  You mean weird? I know, but I would appreciate
• 1:08:14
  it if you didn't make it weirder.
• 1:08:16
  OK? Make it weirder by super
• 1:08:18
  chatting something weird, OK? Don't do that.
• 1:08:22
  All right? OK.
• 1:08:23
  BRB. All right, well, that's that's
• 1:08:29
  that. I mean, I want to take a look at
• 1:08:31
  it. It's sad stuff, man.
• 1:08:33
  That's just sad stuff. But, you know, maybe if they can
• 1:08:35
  turn it around a little bit, they'll feel a little less, you
• 1:08:38
  know, of a desire to do the ultimate.
• 1:08:42
  No, no. So.