Latest / The You Project / #1520 8 Ideas That Changed My Life - Harps

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#1520 8 Ideas That Changed My Life - Harps · The You Project

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  Speaker 1: Get out a team. I hope you're great, So this
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  Speaker 1: will be quickish today. I want to kind of bring
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  Speaker 1: together eight key ideas that I've spoken about in various
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  Speaker 1: forms over the last fifteen hundred podcasts. But these are ideas, concepts, strategies,
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  Speaker 1: thought bubbles that for me have been for me personally,
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  Speaker 1: have been really transformative and empowering and eye opening, and
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  Speaker 1: have contributed greatly to my very moderate success, to my growth,
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  Speaker 1: to my evolution, to my development, to my version of
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  Speaker 1: becoming a better me. There are also ideas that I
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  Speaker 1: have used in coaching and then working with teams and
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  Speaker 1: athletes and individuals and people of all shapes and sizes
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  Speaker 1: and versions who wanted to create a version of positive
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  Speaker 1: transformation that is thinking about it, doing better, creating better.
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  Speaker 1: And we've literally shared hundreds, maybe thousands of ideas and
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  Speaker 1: strategies and insights and stories over the last six years
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  Speaker 1: on this show. And so this is a little bit
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  Speaker 1: of a snapshot. It's snapshot. It's not in any way comprehensive.
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  Speaker 1: It's just some ideas that for me. Look, it's a
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  Speaker 1: little bit self indulgent this because I'm being honest when
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  Speaker 1: I say that. Hopefully I'm always being honest, but I'm
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  Speaker 1: being honest when I say that this stuff for me
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  Speaker 1: personally has really helped my helped my journey, helped me
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  Speaker 1: find clarity, help me be more effective, more productive, helped
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  Speaker 1: me deal with the fear and the chaos and the
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  Speaker 1: unknowing and the uncertainty. So here are my eight ideas
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  Speaker 1: that have been super powerful and might be of value
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  Speaker 1: to you. So idea number one, which we've spoken about,
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  Speaker 1: but it's just the idea of thinking about my thinking,
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  Speaker 1: and that is in the middle of my programming and
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  Speaker 1: my conditioning and my sometimes lack of awareness to consider
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  Speaker 1: why I think the way that I think, to think
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  Speaker 1: about where that worldview that window through which I cognitively, emotionally, creatively,
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  Speaker 1: sociologically process the inbound data. Where that comes from? Where
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  Speaker 1: does that window come from? Why do I process things?
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  Speaker 1: Tell myself stories, give things meaning the way that I do.
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  Speaker 1: What is the space between my thinking and myself? Like
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  Speaker 1: where does Craig why is he talking in the third person?
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  Speaker 1: Where do my thoughts end and where does myself me start?
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  Speaker 1: Is my thinking toxic or healthy or does it vary?
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  Speaker 1: Does the way that I view the world, does the
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  Speaker 1: way that I process my life and my relationships and
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  Speaker 1: those inbound stimuli. Does it empower me or does it
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  Speaker 1: hold me back? And so we know that the idea
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  Speaker 1: of thinking about our thinking is called metacognition. So thinking
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  Speaker 1: about your thinking is literally what we would describe in
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  Speaker 1: psychology or science or research as a metacognitive process. And
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  Speaker 1: so that metacognitive process of starting to think about how
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  Speaker 1: you think can be truly transformative. And it's not This
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  Speaker 1: is not about overthinking, and this is not about finding
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  Speaker 1: reasons to hate ourselves or to self loath or to
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  Speaker 1: be self critical, but rather to start to understand our
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  Speaker 1: internal reality. So when I understand, for example, what are
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  Speaker 1: my fears, what am I likes and dislikes? When I
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  Speaker 1: start to become more me aware, more aware of how
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  Speaker 1: and why I think and process things the way that
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  Speaker 1: I do, then I can start to recognize and potentially
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  Speaker 1: change what is or isn't working. So idea number one
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  Speaker 1: is the idea of thinking about my thinking and then
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  Speaker 1: over time to potentially challenge some of those destructive thought
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  Speaker 1: processes and to start to learn how to think in
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  Speaker 1: a way which is more effective and more empowering based
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  Speaker 1: on who I want to be how I want to
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  Speaker 1: be and what I want to do be create and
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  Speaker 1: change in my world. Idea number two and this is
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  Speaker 1: this was quite liberating for the fat, insecure kid who
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  Speaker 1: always needed wanted chase to approval and endorsement and permission
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  Speaker 1: and belonging and love and recognition. Idea number two is
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  Speaker 1: the idea that I don't need permission, that I don't
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  Speaker 1: need approval, that I don't need endorsement, that I myself
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  Speaker 1: am enough. That is not to say that I need
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  Speaker 1: to be selfish or me obsessed on me focused, But
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  Speaker 1: in terms of my life, my choices and my behaviors,
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  Speaker 1: let's assume they're not impacting anyone else negatively. But I
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  Speaker 1: need to be clear about my values. I need to
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  Speaker 1: be clear about what matters to me. What is my purpose?
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  Speaker 1: What is Craig Harper's purpose, What is Craig Harper's mission?
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  Speaker 1: What are the things that matter most to me? And
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  Speaker 1: will the things that matter most to me meet with
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  Speaker 1: everyone's approval? Of course not, But we can be people
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  Speaker 1: who are kind and compassionate and aware and demonstrate empathy
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  Speaker 1: and share love and put love out into the world
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  Speaker 1: while also still being ourselves. You don't need permission or
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  Speaker 1: approval or endorsement when it comes to your own personal life,
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  Speaker 1: your choices, your values, your behaviors, your habits, what you
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  Speaker 1: want to do as a career, what you want to
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  Speaker 1: do with your body, what you want to do in
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  Speaker 1: terms of hobbies and how and when you socialize. I
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  Speaker 1: spend a lot of time in my life trying to
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  Speaker 1: be at various stages, trying to be what I thought
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  Speaker 1: I should be for other people, trying to fit in.
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  Speaker 1: The problem with trying to fit in is that I
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  Speaker 1: try to make myself a version of them. And it's
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  Speaker 1: not that they are better or they are worse or
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  Speaker 1: same with me. It's just that I am not them
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  Speaker 1: and they are not me, and that is okay, and
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  Speaker 1: that will always be the way that it is. We're
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  Speaker 1: uniquely individual. Yes, we need to navigate life in the
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  Speaker 1: world and relationships and other humans in a way where
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  Speaker 1: we have a level of self awareness and interpersonal awareness
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  Speaker 1: and social awareness. But at the same time, I don't
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  Speaker 1: need permission to make choices about my own personal reality
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  Speaker 1: that meet with other people's approval. So idea number two
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  Speaker 1: is I don't need permission, approval, or endorsement. Idea number
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  Speaker 1: three is I don't need to be permanently motivated. I
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  Speaker 1: don't need, in fact to be If we're talking about
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  Speaker 1: motivation being that state that I've spoken about many times,
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  Speaker 1: of that heightened emotional state of excitement and enthusiasm and
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  Speaker 1: extreme focus. If that is what we're calling motivation for
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  Speaker 1: this conversation, that feeling, that emotional state. I don't need
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  Speaker 1: to be permanently motivated to be a successful individual. In fact,
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  Speaker 1: I guess the real mark of or the real KPI
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  Speaker 1: for success in many cases is can I do what
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  Speaker 1: I need to do despite my lack of motivation on
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  Speaker 1: a given day or maybe a given month. Can I
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  Speaker 1: do the things that work? Can I do the things
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  Speaker 1: that are effective? Can I do the things that align
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  Speaker 1: with my values and my goals and who I want
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  Speaker 1: to be and how I want to be? Can I
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  Speaker 1: create habits? Can I have enough self control and discipline
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  Speaker 1: in the middle of my lack of inspiration and motivation
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  Speaker 1: on a given day to despite the fact that I
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  Speaker 1: don't want In inverted commons, I don't want to do
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  Speaker 1: this today. I don't want to do this today. But
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  Speaker 1: maybe the truth is the truth is often for me,
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  Speaker 1: of course, I don't want to do this today. But
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  Speaker 1: I need to do this. I need to do this
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  Speaker 1: to walk my talk. I need to do this to
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  Speaker 1: live in alignment. I need to do this to be
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  Speaker 1: authentic and to create the world and the life and
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  Speaker 1: the outcomes that I want to create. So the ever
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  Speaker 1: present challenge for you and me is not one of
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  Speaker 1: finding a way to be perpetually motivated and inspired and
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  Speaker 1: focused and excited and in the zone, but on a
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  Speaker 1: much more realistic and practical level, how do I stay
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  Speaker 1: consistent with the habits and behaviors that serve me even
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  Speaker 1: when I can't be bothered, even when I can't be bothered.
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  Speaker 1: Idea number four is the idea of holding onto my
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  Speaker 1: beliefs loosely and being prepared to unlearn. There were certain
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  Speaker 1: beliefs that I had growing up. There are certain beliefs
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  Speaker 1: that maybe even I have now that I'm not kind
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  Speaker 1: of focused on or fully aware of that hold me back.
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  Speaker 1: So when I was a very young kid, and I've
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  Speaker 1: had lots of experiences being you know, not having you know,
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  Speaker 1: great outcomes with some things, I had a set of
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  Speaker 1: beliefs about myself. I had a set of beliefs about
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  Speaker 1: my potential. I had a set of beliefs about what
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  Speaker 1: my future might look like in a range of ways.
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  Speaker 1: And the truth is that those beliefs weren't, for the
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  Speaker 1: most part, a true reflection of what is possible for me.
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  Speaker 1: Those beliefs were just based on certain experiences and encounters,
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  Speaker 1: which and of course experiences and encounters can be indicative
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  Speaker 1: of what might be possible for us. But just for example,
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  Speaker 1: because I've never run a marathon, let's say, as an example, Okay,
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  Speaker 1: I wake up one day, I'm forty, I've never run
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  Speaker 1: a marathon. Therefore, the evidence tells me I can't run
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  Speaker 1: a marathon. No, that's not what the evidence tells you.
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  Speaker 1: That's what your mind tells you. The evidence tells you.
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  Speaker 1: All the data you have is that you have not
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  Speaker 1: yet run a marathon. But if you're like many other
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  Speaker 1: people in that this pretend hypothetical scenario, you might well
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  Speaker 1: have a belief I could never do that, despite the
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  Speaker 1: fact that you've never trained for one or tried to
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  Speaker 1: do one. Right, And so it is. I believe it's
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  Speaker 1: really important for us to question our beliefs. Where did
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  Speaker 1: these come from? Did I choose these beliefs or did
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  Speaker 1: they choose me? Did these self limiting, self defeating, underwhelming beliefs.
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  Speaker 1: Did they take a hold of my mind as an
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  Speaker 1: organic consequence of where I've been and what I've done
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  Speaker 1: and not done? Is that how these things came to
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  Speaker 1: be in inverted comments? Or did I consciously choose them?
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  Speaker 1: Because when we hold most or many of our beliefs,
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  Speaker 1: expect especially self limiting beliefs, call we pull them out
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  Speaker 1: of the darkness and into the light and really do
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  Speaker 1: a close examination, they don't really hold up. And so
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  Speaker 1: it is really important to examine our beliefs and to
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  Speaker 1: question them because when we have a self limiting belief
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  Speaker 1: that is based on nothing but fear or maybe not
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  Speaker 1: having done certain things, there's no real logic in it,
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  Speaker 1: and that belief is actually not a reflection of our
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  Speaker 1: potential power or possibilities. But when we truly believe those beliefs,
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  Speaker 1: that is, we consider them to be truth, then we
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  Speaker 1: create our own emotional and psychological prison where I know
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  Speaker 1: I can't do that, and the oh, no, I can't
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  Speaker 1: do that. If that is a really strongly held belief
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  Speaker 1: that is ba on something that is actually untrue, the
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  Speaker 1: fact that it's not true doesn't matter all that matters
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  Speaker 1: is the fact that I believe it to be true,
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  Speaker 1: and my belief becomes the limiting factor in terms of
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  Speaker 1: what I choose, what I try, and how brave I
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  Speaker 1: am in certain situations, so being prepared to unlearn being
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  Speaker 1: able to You know, I've shared this many times, but
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  Speaker 1: I believed in the food pyramid for years and years
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  Speaker 1: because that's what I was taught. I didn't really question it,
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  Speaker 1: and that was allegedly science. I believed for a very
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  Speaker 1: long time that I was dumb. I was dumb because
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  Speaker 1: I wasn't a super scholar at school. And while I'm
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  Speaker 1: not a genius, I'm definitely not dumb. I'm not stupid,
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  Speaker 1: but I had certain thoughts and ideas and experiences, and
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  Speaker 1: all of those added up to my belief that I'm
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  Speaker 1: kind of dumb, and also that people are going to
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  Speaker 1: find out how dumb I am, so I need to
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  Speaker 1: I need to behave in a certain way and to
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  Speaker 1: hide this and all of that, honestly was kind of bullshit.
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  Speaker 1: These were beliefs based on things that weren't actually true.
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  Speaker 1: Weren't actually true. Idea number five is the idea of
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  Speaker 1: consciously doing hard things that we don't need to do.
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  Speaker 1: And the reason I love this is because, as an
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  Speaker 1: exercise scientist and someone who's trained lots of people, I
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  Speaker 1: know that when people choose to do in an intelligent way,
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  Speaker 1: in a constructive way, when people choose to do the
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  Speaker 1: hard but necessary thing to grow, to learn, to evolve,
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  Speaker 1: to adapt, to become better, to become physically, mentally, emotionally stronger,
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  Speaker 1: to become more empowered, to become more effective, to become
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  Speaker 1: more skilled, to be able to do life better, to
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  Speaker 1: be able to do relationships better, to be able to
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  Speaker 1: do health, wellness, fitness better. When we consciously choose the
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  Speaker 1: hard thing that produces the good results, not only do
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  Speaker 1: we produce the good or better or improve result, but
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  Speaker 1: we change ourselves. We change. We literally become different when
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  Speaker 1: we go to the gym, for example, and we choose
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  Speaker 1: to work against resistance resistance training when we choose to
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  Speaker 1: do the hard thing, when we choose to have the
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  Speaker 1: hard conversation, when we choose to commit to a challenge
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  Speaker 1: that is daunting, potentially overwhelming, but we know that if
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  Speaker 1: we can do it, We know that if we can
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  Speaker 1: maintain and sustain, we know that we might produce an
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  Speaker 1: outcome that would be great for us, but also perhaps
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  Speaker 1: the most overlooked and underappreciated part of this is not
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  Speaker 1: just the outcome that we are producing, which is important,
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  Speaker 1: but also who we are becoming. Who we are becoming
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  Speaker 1: the thing is for me, because I am not spectacularly anything, talented, genius,
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  Speaker 1: any of those things. For me, what I've loved is
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  Speaker 1: doing lots of hard things. Over time, I've produced some
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  Speaker 1: pretty good results, lots of failures, lots of fuck ups.
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  Speaker 1: But also in the trying, in the having a go,
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  Speaker 1: in the doing the hard thing, in the choosing of pain,
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  Speaker 1: in the putting myself in the position where I could
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  Speaker 1: be physically, mentally, emotionally subjected to some kind of suffering,
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  Speaker 1: I have become much more adaptable, more confident, more resilient.
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  Speaker 1: I have better understanding, better awareness. So next time I'm
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  Speaker 1: in a hard situation, I know I can deal with
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  Speaker 1: this because I've been in lots of hard situations. My
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  Speaker 1: next idea is quite different. It's the idea of not
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  Speaker 1: expecting people to think like you or be like you.
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  Speaker 1: I guess it's the idea of expecting people to be
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  Speaker 1: what they've been. Now, that's not to underestimate people's potential
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  Speaker 1: for change or for growth or learning or evolution, But
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  Speaker 1: to automatically just expect somebody to be different. That's more
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  Speaker 1: about you than them, that's more about me than them.
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  Speaker 1: There'd been many times, especially when I was younger, where
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  Speaker 1: I would think I've spoken about this idea before. Recently
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  Speaker 1: called false consensus effect. False consensus effect means that we
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  Speaker 1: think that other people think like us. Oh I've got
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  Speaker 1: this awareness, I've got this revelation. Oh I know this
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  Speaker 1: thing will help. So I'm going to tell them. Then
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  Speaker 1: they'll know too, and then they'll want to do it. Well. No,
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  Speaker 1: often no, because they think like them, and you think
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  Speaker 1: like you. And that's not good or bad, bad or
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  Speaker 1: worse or better. That's individual. That's the human experience, and
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  Speaker 1: frustration and disappointment often come when we expect other people
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  Speaker 1: to do what we think they should do. I think
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  Speaker 1: they should respond like this. I think they should have
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  Speaker 1: this attitude. I think they should have more awareness. I
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  Speaker 1: think they should be grateful. I think they should have
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  Speaker 1: a better or a different perspective. That's all about But
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  Speaker 1: I is not them. You are not them. So when
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  Speaker 1: I say I expect that person who's been negative the
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  Speaker 1: last fifty seven times, to be negative today. That's not
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  Speaker 1: because I don't think that they have the potential to
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  Speaker 1: be better or do better. But I'm well aware that
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  Speaker 1: if I'm being practical, grounded and realistic and pragmatic, that
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  Speaker 1: the person who's repeatedly been a certain way in the
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  Speaker 1: past will probably be that way today. Now, if they're
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  Speaker 1: not fuckingty fucked, that is great. But if they are,
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  Speaker 1: which they probably will be, then guess what. I'm ready,
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  Speaker 1: guess what. I'm not getting disappointed or frustrated because I
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  Speaker 1: know what's coming. My next idea I have too. My
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  Speaker 1: next idea is the idea that success is personal, not global.
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  Speaker 1: Success is success is an individual thing that we define
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  Speaker 1: and so for some people, like the funny thing is
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  Speaker 1: that everybody wants to be successful. In my experience, or
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  Speaker 1: I guess more accurately, nobody wants to be a failure.
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  Speaker 1: So ergo we could I guess we could infer that
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  Speaker 1: you know, nobody wants to be a failure. Therefore everybody
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  Speaker 1: wants to be a version of success. Now we know
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  Speaker 1: that that's true, we also know that nobody wants to
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  Speaker 1: be sad or miserable. We know that too, So we
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  Speaker 1: know that everyone wants to be happy, and we also
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: know that just you know, broadly speaking, that people tend
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  Speaker 1: to relate success and happiness. I am successful, therefore I
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  Speaker 1: am happy, and that's you know, maybe that's true, maybe
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  Speaker 1: that's not. But I think the challenge for us is
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  Speaker 1: to be aware that there is I guess, an internal
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  Speaker 1: and an external component. So often when we talk about
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  Speaker 1: success in our culture, we talk about stuff. You know,
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  Speaker 1: very few people will go, you know, she's really calm,
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  Speaker 1: she's got a crap car in a crap house, but
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  Speaker 1: she doesn't suffer from anxiety. She's a success story. Nobody
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  Speaker 1: says that. Yet the truth is a huge percentage percentage
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  Speaker 1: of our population deal regularly with depression and or anxiety,
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  Speaker 1: and or overthinking and or a range of emotional slash
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  Speaker 1: psychological issues that make their internal world, their personal day
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  Speaker 1: to day experience somewhere between fucking horrible and average. Yet
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  Speaker 1: many of those people dealing with those things also from
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  Speaker 1: the outside in you would say they are successful. They
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  Speaker 1: are making good money, they are in what seems to
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  Speaker 1: be a great relationship, They live in a good house,
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  Speaker 1: they drive a good car, they whatever it is. These
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  Speaker 1: are the metrics by which we tend to evaluate the
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  Speaker 1: broad we the cultural we. We tend to evaluate success
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  Speaker 1: in those terms and tones. I personally believe that successes.
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  Speaker 1: While of course we need to tick certain boxes. We
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  Speaker 1: need to be able to, you know, educate our kids,
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  Speaker 1: feed ourselves, put a roof over us, and all of
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  Speaker 1: those things. Of course, of course we need money. Of
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  Speaker 1: course we need a practical existence out on you know,
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  Speaker 1: plannet us. But beyond that and perhaps on a day
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  Speaker 1: to day experience, more importantly, we need to have an
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  Speaker 1: internal world which is not one of chaos. So I
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  Speaker 1: can't tell you what success is or should be, but
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  Speaker 1: my thinking, my idea is a success for many of
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  Speaker 1: us as a feeling, success as an experience, not success
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  Speaker 1: as an image, not success as a situation, not success
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  Speaker 1: as a brand, or success as a social construct, but
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  Speaker 1: success as a feeling, success as an experience, success as
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  Speaker 1: something that we emotionally and psychologically in habit. I think
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  Speaker 1: this is something that we need to do a deep
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: dive on. My version of success when I was twenty
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: five is nothing like my version of success at sixty. Now.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying that that, you know, I want to
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: build a business brand, become a billionaire and drive this
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: and live there. I'm not saying that's bad at all.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: I'm saying we need to individually evaluate what that means
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: on a range commercially, practically, financially, emotionally, sociologically, psychologically, cognitively, creatively,
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: experientially when we try to bring all of those variables
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: of the human experience together. For you, not your mum,
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: not your dad, not what Instagram says, not what the
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: culture says, not what your friends say. What do you think,
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: what matters to you? What matters to you? What is
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: success to you? And my last one, my last idea
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: for today, is the idea that we choose our purpose.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: I grew up in a for better or worse. I
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: don't think anybody made me be this or think this,
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: but I grew up thinking that I had to discover
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: my purpose, like my purpose was somehow preordained, that I
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: needed to go in some big existential philosophical quest to
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: discover my purpose. Probably it would be under a big
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: spiritual rock near the ocean or in the forest somewhere,
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: and I would turn over this metaphoric rock or open
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: this metaphoric door, and there it would be, with light
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: emanating out of it and that I would discover my purpose.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: But that is just a story that I grew up in,
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: and that is a story that many of us grew
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: up in. Here's another story. What if I get to
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: choose my purpose. What if my purpose is a reflection
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: of my values? What if my purpose is all about
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: what I love and I'm passionate about. In fact, here's
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: a better question. What if I don't have a purpose.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: What if I have different purposes or multiple purposes. What
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: if one of my purpose is What if one of
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: my purposes is to, at this stage in my life
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: to look after my mom and dad, to love them,
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: to make them, or to do the best that I
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: can for them to be comfortable and safe and financially
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: secure and okay? And well, what if that's part of
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: my purpose? Well, I believe it is. What if part
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: of my purpose is to connect with you? What if
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: that's part of my purpose is to connect with you,
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: inspire you, encourage you, support you. What if that's part
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: of my purpose? I believe that is part of my purpose.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: What if part of my purpose is to look after
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: myself so that I am physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually well,
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: so that I can go and do the things that
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: I want to do. So Idea number eight is the
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: idea that you and I get to choose our purpose.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: It's not pre ordained, it's you ordained. Love your goats,
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: See you next time.