Latest / INSPIRE STORY / #0141_ STORY INSPIRE: The Shocking Truth Behind a Country Up for Sale

Transcript

#0141_ STORY INSPIRE: The Shocking Truth Behind a Country Up for Sale · INSPIRE STORY

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show, our
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: final audio-only episode ever. Is that a lie? But it is.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: The tour is over. We're back in our studio in
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: America soon, but we're here today from the lovely city
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: of Brisbane, Australia. By the Steve Irwin Zoo. You know him,
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: the crocodile hunter who died tragically when he was... What
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: do you say? Harpooned? Or what did he... He got.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: Well, it went up under his ribcage into his heart.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: And they stuck him. What do I want to say here?
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: I want to say a pre-mantis, but that's not what
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: did it. There's a manta ray and then there's a stingray.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Manta ray or stingray. Which one of the rays... Got
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: Steve Irwin, conservationist, Australian legend. His family keeps his name.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: It was a stingray barb, and that was at the
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: Great Barrier Reef outside Port Douglas.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: That's where we're going.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I know.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: We're going right there. Yeah. We're extending our trip a
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: few days to go to see the beautiful oldest rainforest
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: in the world. Right where Steve Irwin met his untimely
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: tragic demise at the hands of a stingray. And his
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: family carries on his legacy and nothing's come out about
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: Steve Irwin. This isn't Jimmy Savile. We don't have any
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: problems here. Steve Irwin was a conservationist who cared about
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: the animals. And that's why Whitney Cummings, my friend Whitney Cummings,
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: stand-up comedian, when me and you go to a lovely
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: open-range zoo, it's never enough for the animal freaks, by
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: the way. It's never enough for these sick fucks. Anything
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: less than animals coming in their bed at night and
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: fucking them makes them unhappy. If the animals are in cages,
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: they're unhappy, which I get. But if you put the
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: animals on a big range, they don't like it either.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: So we post a photo of me and you feeding
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: kangaroos at the Werribee Open Range Zoo. And Whitney Cummings,
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: animal advocate, or just you could leave off the word advocate,
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: comments on my Instagram and goes, welcome to the dark side.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: Because her contention is that all of the animals are drugged.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: In those zoos, safaris, they're all drugged. And they're being
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: tortured on a daily basis. That is her contention. I
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: don't know if that's true. I don't believe that. I
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: met a lot of people, including that guy Paul, that
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: love these animals and are caring for them and are
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: bringing them back from the brink of extinction. And the
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: animals didn't seem drugged. I also don't think it's morally
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: wrong to give them a pick-me-up if they wanted a pick-me-up.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: How drugged is humanity? I mean, if an animal needs
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: a little get-up-and-go... I don't see a problem with that.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: But Whitney's constantly on the animals or on drugs. The
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: animals are, you know who I think is on drugs.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: But the point is that this incessant shaming and attacking
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: of the zoo industry, I can't get behind. I can't
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: get behind it. Not with the people that I've met
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: that deeply care about the animals. from what I've observed
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: in my five to ten minute interactions with these people.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: In the three to four minutes that I have spent
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: talking to these people, and I won't ever speak to
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: them again, but in those three minutes, they did not
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: hit an animal in front of me. He didn't punch
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: a koala bear. We didn't walk in. And the koala
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: bears are drugged up anyway. They eat the leaves. They
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: sleep 20 hours a day. They don't care where they sleep. Mm-hmm.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: Let them sleep somewhere that's going to make a little money.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: They don't care. You leave them in the wild, they
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: just get torched because of that fire. I hope that
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: fire doesn't ruin any of this rainforest trip.
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: I hope.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: I got to be honest, I don't want to see
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: ruins here. So I want to be, and we're staying
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: in a very, and what's very important for me when
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: I visit a natural area is luxury. That's the first thing,
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  Speaker 1: because I don't really care about nature and I don't
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: want to really be near it in a way where
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: it could impact me negatively in any way. My main
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: concern is luxury. I want the animals, insects to know
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: that we are the boss. And in some of these expeditions,
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: like when I was younger, I wanted to go to
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: the Brazilian Amazon. I've always wanted to like go to
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: the Amazon River because there are great animals. The sloth,
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: the anaconda, the black panther, the bottlenose dolphin, many parrots.
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  Speaker 1: They have a great place called the Meeting of the
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: Waters where the Rio Negro and the Rio Salome meet.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: One is the color of Nestle quick chocolate milk. The
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: other is the color of like a dark brew espresso.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: And I think, or maybe it's reddish. Maybe it's more reddish.
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  Speaker 1: They slam up against each other and because of the
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: silt gradient in the water, they don't mix. It's like
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: one of the, I don't know if it's one of
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: the wonders of the world. Yeah, I'm right. It's one
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: of the, I don't think it's one of the wonders
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  Speaker 1: of the world, but it is an amazing thing to
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: see and I've always wanted to see it. But you
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: need a lot of inoculations. You need like 19 vaccines
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: because you can still get leprosy in Brazil, which is
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: not fun, right? Also, I mean, you know, that's why
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: Americans aren't going to Brazil. I mean, forget it. I mean,
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: look at the COVID vaccine. That was a big, you know.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: How great would it be if just Rogan had a
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: guy on telling people why not to take the leprosy vaccine?
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: You can get over leprosy if you're not fat. But
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: I always wanted to go to Brazil when I was younger.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: I go, I want to go camping. I want to
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: do a, I want to, you know, but as I
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: get older, I realize that it is important to be
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: dominant over the creatures and the landscape. It is. And
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: it's Western and I'm a Westerner and I'm unashamed of civilization.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: And if you don't like civilization, you can fuck off.
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  Speaker 1: Like all these people in Melbourne, it put Narm or
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: Narn or whatever it is, which is the original indigenous
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: name for the land. And they put that in their
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: fucking dating app profile. And they think that's going to fucking,
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: that means something. Cut it out. Cut it out. I'm
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: a Westerner. I'm not ashamed of it. I'm not marching
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: into the Capitol, but I'm also like, what's important to
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: me on a trip that involves nature is that it
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: is very, that it involves nature. It is not centered
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: around nature because nature like Woody Allen had a great line.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: I am too with nature. Like for me, it's like,
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: you know, the woman said to me, what kind of expeditions?
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: Cause this hotel wants to plan the expeditions that you
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: go on. Are you interested in hiking? I said, well,
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: not really. But we want to go to the ice
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: cream shop, the Daintree Creamery, because it's famous for making
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: ice creams out of tropical fruits. So I said, arrange that.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: She goes, well... I don't know if that's really an expedition.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: I said, well, that's the expedition today. So arrange that.
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  Speaker 1: Get the driver and get us in the car to
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: the fucking creamery. And we'll take a river cruise. And
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: we'll look at the crocodiles and a few things. And
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: we'll do some light hiking, maybe jump in a swimming hole.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: But again, the main goal for me here is to
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: be really impressed by the hotel. Not so much the nature. Yes,
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: the nature is going to be breathtaking. But the hotel
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: is important to me. I want to feel safe. I
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: want to feel cared for. I want to know that
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: if animals threaten me at all, they will be killed
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: on the spot. Ditto people. I want to feel like
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: an American traveling abroad. I want to feel like I
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: have total dominance over the natural landscape. I am uninterested
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: in any spiritual. They go, well, it's a very spiritual area. Well,
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: I'll be the judge of that. And I have no
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  Speaker 1: interest in that. Yes, it is the world's oldest living rainforest,
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: so they say. My main goal here is that the
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: room has a private plunge pool. Like in White Lotus,
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: that guy who went nuts. I get it. I totally
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: get that. But we do. We have a private pool.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: I will throw a fit if there is not a
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  Speaker 1: private pool. I do not care how beautiful it is.
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  Speaker 1: It does not matter to me. We're going to get
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: the pavilion suite, which is the best suite, in the rainforests.
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  Speaker 1: This is how I want to enjoy the rainforest. I
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: want to enjoy it. We have a private chef that
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: is doing a four course meal. If it is a
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: three course meal, I will light acres of that rainforest
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  Speaker 1: on fire with a Marlboro light myself. I am paying
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: for life. I am paying for luxury. I do not care.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: Do not sing me songs. Do not tell me about
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  Speaker 1: the old ways of the indigenous people. I don't care
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  Speaker 1: about unlocking their secrets. It is of no value to me. Okay?
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: Unless they know how to fucking bid on a house
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: in Calabasas and get it, and get it fucking finally
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: so I stop losing out to the Chinese, I don't
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: need to know about their fucking, you know, how they
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: made a, you know, a flute out of a log.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: I have no interest. So unless they can advise me
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: how to beat the Chinese in the hills because I
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: keep losing, then it's not a problem. And again, does
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: this make me sound like an offensive American? Perhaps. But
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: I don't think it does. You're much more into this
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: shit than I am with the nature and all this shit, right?
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: Well, I want to see that little baby monkey.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: Oh, cut the shit.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: You like the koalas. I wanted to see the koalas.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: You said koalas suck.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: They do suck. They're not showmen. Animals are supposed to
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: jump up and down and throw balls and ride jet
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: skis and... We're paying money. The thing's asleep. What if
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: I slept on a stage for an hour? There'd be
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: a riot. The koalas are not funny. They're not interesting.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: They have no personality. They're cute. They're like actors that
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: are just hot and they have jobs because they're hot.
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  Speaker 1: People like the koalas are cuddly. They are vicious, nasty animals.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: They're ungrateful. People move them off the roads to not
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: get killed And what do they do? They make that
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  Speaker 1: disgusting sound They go They are ungrateful animals Fuck them
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: Get them out of here Yeah, they're cute You like
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: little cute animals I like animals that have careers That
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: put on a show.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: You wanted to see the kangaroo much more than I
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: did I like the.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: Kangaroo that does things It punches people, it hops It
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: does things The koala does nothing The guy, like, scratches
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: its back. It turns around. It gives us a brief look.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: We take a photo. That's 50 bucks. I could have
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: uploaded that. I could have copied and pasted that. I
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: didn't have to drive there. But you really like little
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: cute animals and seeing things. Yeah, yeah.
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: I mean, by the way, you briefly mentioned we're going
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: to get in a swimming hole in the rainforest?
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: There's a swimming hole, yes.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: Is it safe?
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: I would imagine. There's no crocs in a swimming hole.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: There's no snakes and stuff up there?
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: I don't know about that. but I assume the snakes
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: that are there work for the resort. Good. The animals
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: should be working for the resort. I want, this is
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: a resort experience. I'm not backpacking through the rainforest to
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: commune with the ancient spirits. I have no interest in that.
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: If the scrambled eggs aren't fluffy, I'm going to be loud.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: I'm going to, Santana's coming, we're going to smoke. Hmm.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: We're not going to partake in any physical strenuous activity
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: if it bothers us, even to the slightest degree. Oh,
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: walk up that hill, you get to see a view.
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: Fuck off. You do it and take a photo of it.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: Show it to me on your iPhone. The swimming hole
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: Mossman Gorge, I imagine, is safe. I believe it's safe.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: I mean, we already died once here in a fucking riptide.
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: So a swimming hole, it's a nice little hole in
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: the water where we will sit... And probably smoke cigarettes.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: And look at the wildlife. And I would like if...
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: And again... Again, if this was like an Island of Dr.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: Moreau situation where I put on a white jacket and
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: I have like a device where if the animals get
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: too close, they have little collars around their neck and
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: I shock them and they can say, that wouldn't be
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: the worst thing in the world. I like that. If
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: there was a midget playing a piano, everyone hates that movie,
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: but I don't. That, to me, is a fun vacation.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: But we must feel at all times superior to this
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: ancient wisdom that really adds up to nothing. And if
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: it added up to anything, they would have figured out
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: how to make a bridge. It's what it is. This
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: is a Western... show today. I am proud of cities.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: I am proud of dating apps. I am proud of Starbucks.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: I am proud that people can shove their cock in
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: your mouth within five minutes of meeting them on the internet.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: I am proud of civilization. I'm proud of real estate.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: I'm proud of bidding wars. I'm proud of hollow existence.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: that is meant for all of us to just keep
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: busy consuming shit we don't need. I'm fans of hollow,
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: shallow relationships that ultimately don't matter. And I'm hoping we
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: can incorporate that into this ancient spiritual landscape of the rainforest.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: Because if that was that good, if these rainforests mattered
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: that much, shit would be going on there. And they
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: vilify the developers that try to get into the rainforest.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: I mean, they vilify these poor people. Developers that try
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: to put up luxury condos and luxury hotels in the
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: rainforest are vilified, Ben. The logging companies, they are vilified.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: They are creating jobs. All they want to do is
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: take a few acres of the rainforest, and I think
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: we can spare a few acres for a nice complex,
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: but they're vilified and attacked. Constantly.
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: It's a growing rainforest, not shrinking. It's growing. But I
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: saw immediately on the Daintree ice cream website, it says,
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: what are your sustainable practices? That's a big question they get.
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: And they're committed to preserving tropical North Queensland wildlife. So
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: people do get upset about that.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: These broke bitches don't know how to franchise. They should
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: be all over the fucking world. They should be serving
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: this ice cream all over the fucking world. But they
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: don't know how to do it. Because they're babbling about sustainability.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: How about this? Cut the shit. Stop with these faggoty
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: flavors like wattle seed. and start putting chunks of fucking
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: real brazilian coffee or whatever cocaine or australian marmite or
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: you know i don't know i'm just saying what about
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: a what about a pint of ice cream with a
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: big cadbury cream egg in the middle and you call
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: a journey to the center of the earth And you
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: could have one of those flavors. You could say it's
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: like mango ice cream or whatever, you know? But in
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: the middle of it, there's a big Cadbury cream egg,
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: and you could just gnaw at it. Yeah, yeah. So
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: I understand that they're big into the sustainability, but I
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: just don't want to lose... What do they call that?
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: We're losing the what? Losing the... There's a... There's a expression.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: We're losing the narrative, losing the.
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, losing the narrative.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: I don't think that's it. We're losing the thread. I
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: don't know. But what I mean is that I'm there
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: to really enjoy the ice cream and maybe give them
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: some advice on how to take their business to the
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: next level. Because, you know, again, the witness of the
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: world and the people that will tell you that, like,
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: all animals want to live in the wild, that's completely untrue.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: That's completely untrue. Correct. Many dogs and cats are very
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: happy being domesticated. I would say the majority of them.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: And I think many animals could and would have jobs
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: if we were able to give them jobs because hanging
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: out all day has got to be somewhat boring. If
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: we could, if a gorilla could work at State Farm,
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: own a house, and have a wife, I don't think
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: he'd want to be in the wilderness anymore. Like some
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: type of monster I'm going to ask these types of
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: questions When we are on the river cruise I was
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: treated very coldly You know, on that safari the other
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: day When he was talking about the rhino horns And
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: I made a very innocuous comment I said, well, it's
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: a good business Because it is I mean, let's take
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: morality out of it for a second It's a good
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: business The rhino horn business in Africa right now, is
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: a phenomenal business. It is a phenomenal opportunity to make $ 75, 000
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: for a rhino horn. That is what the going rate is.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's maybe the greatest thing to do,
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: but I just made a comment. Chinese fentanyl, good business.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: Don't do it. Don't take it. Don't sell it. but
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: it's a great business if you're just talking money. So
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: I'm just hoping this vacation is everything that I like. Luxury,
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: the appearance of nature, and some time and some quiet
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: to reflect. We're hearing a lot about crypto everywhere. Crypto
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: companies are investing in stars like Tom Brady and LeBron James.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: They even dominated Super Bowl ads, spending millions. get in
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: front of sports fans, but some of these companies had
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: their website crash on the big day or have poorly
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: rated customer service. Meanwhile, Exodus is investing in making crypto
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: apps and built a world-class customer support team. And if
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: you don't, you don't even have to support your personal
• 19:35
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• 19:58
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• 20:00
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• 20:13
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• 20:16
  Speaker 1: but the rest of us will be like crazy feudal
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• 20:30
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• 21:45
  Speaker 1: Because we're done with this tour. This tour started in
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: September of 2020. At Vinnie Brand's Stress Factory Comedy Club
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: Where they had an outdoor tent It was the first
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: time I had done any stand-up In like six months
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: Or however long Because we got shut down.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: In March.
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: It was pretty wild And the tour was shut down
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: twice For two surges of COVID And we kept doing
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: bigger theaters And filling bigger venues We've toured all over
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: America We've done every city in America. We've done every
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: English-speaking country in the world, pretty much, outside of maybe
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: South Africa. But, I mean, I don't know if you
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: would call that an English-speaking country. but we've done Dublin,
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: we've done Ireland, we've done Scotland, we've done London, we've
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: done the UK, we've done Australia. We've gone everywhere. It's over.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: It's time to hang it up. There's nothing left to do.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: So this is a nice way me, you, and Sam
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: Talent have a little vacation, a little three-day jaunt into
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: the rainforest to kind of reflect on how fun it
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: has been the last couple of days. I mean, the
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: last couple of years doing this. It's been a lot.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: And we do apologize to a lot of the podcast
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: fans who love the video episodes. We love doing them too.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: But it is very difficult to do a video episode.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to do it in a hotel room.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: But the good news is I will be back in
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: my studio next week to analyze all of the funny
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: and fun stories like the imminent nuclear war and the Florida,
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: the gay people and Disney World versus Ron DeSantis and
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: the PTA or whatever the hell we've been talking about
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: in our country for the last five months. And here's
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: another thing I'll say. I don't want Putin to use
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: a nuclear weapon. I'm going to make that stipulation immediately.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: But I will tell you this. The Ukrainian war is
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: getting so fucking boring that if there is not something,
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: I'm no longer watching. And I'm barely going to talk
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: about it. It's gotten like COVID. It doesn't seem dangerous
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: there anymore. Boris Johnson's going. Pelosi's going. They're all visiting
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: with Zelensky. I mean, pretty soon my fat agent is
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: going to have me in Kiev doing a show. It
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: doesn't seem that dangerous. So while I do not want
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: Vladimir Putin to use a nuclear weapon in Ukraine, what
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: I am saying is that if this show... doesn't get better,
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: if it doesn't have a new storyline, I'm no longer watching.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: What a small tactical nuclear weapon would do is it
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: would give the story a little bit more relevance. I'm
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: not saying you should do it. I'm against it. If
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: it happened, I would cover it more. It's not worth it.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: I mean, we do a great job covering it. But
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: it's cost-benefit. And I don't want the Ukraine to be nuked.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: What I'm saying is, I'm getting very bored. What is
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: going on in the Ukraine now? Is it even still happening?
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: Well, they had the genocide, as you know.
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: Well, I don't know. But I believe you.
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: So lately... Putin has said on record, if someone intends
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: to interfere in what is going on from the outside,
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: they must know that constitutes an unacceptable strategic threat to Russia.
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: They must know that our response to counterstrikes will be
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: lightning fast.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: That bitch has been saying that. We've been arming the Ukraine.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: We've been funding the Ukraine. And yes, he's got hypersonic
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: missiles that can hit New York City, but we're a
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: big fucking country and we will just launch and Russia
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: will be over.
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: I believe this is the first time he says, you know,
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: we will use them. Like if anything happens, we will
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: absolutely use them.
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: The ruling class in our country wants nuclear war. You
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: can't scare us. They want to nuke us. This is
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: not something that they're even trying to avoid. Who are
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: you scaring with that? These people want a couple of
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: mushroom clouds. They want that. That way they can flatten Russia.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: I mean, we will go crazy if we are nuked.
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: So did you see the news that broke this morning?
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: That he is undergoing Cancer operation Yes So Putin is
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: undergoing Cancer operation Well.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: Can I say something Can I say something Go on
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: yeah I wish him well I don't And I don't
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to start Wishing death on people.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: Well he has Abdominal cancer And Parkinson's disease That is
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: what they're reporting So It's a sudden onset.
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: You know, everybody's like, well, Russia's bad to gay people.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: Is Ukraine great to gay people? Where is this idea
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: that the Ukraine is like some, like, San Francisco level
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: of tolerance there? Literally, I heard from somebody the other
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: day who dated a Ukrainian chick. She said, my brothers
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: would just go beat up, if they saw a black person,
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: they'd go beat him up. That's literally what she said.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: That was literally a quote from her. I'm not making
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: that up. I'm against the war. Putin's a scumbag. But
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: let me just tell you, that is what I heard.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: Is it hearsay?
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: Maybe.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: Is it, what do you call it, anecdotal? Absolutely, that
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: is what I heard. The idea that the Ukraine is
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: like a bastion of tolerance is untrue. Neither is Russia.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: I don't really, I'm just saying I'm against war. What
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: I am saying is that I'm incredibly bored. I'm incredibly
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: bored with this.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: Well, they're sort of foreshadowing here that there could be
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: a changing of the guard, because Putin's health problems could deteriorate,
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: is what they're speculating, and it's going to be handed
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: off to Spymaster Petrushev. So that could be a whole interesting...
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: That could be a whole different set of narratives right there.
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: A new king in power.
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: Well, that guy's even worse from what I've read, right?
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: That's what I've read, too, yeah.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: So.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: He's a real Bill de Blasio.
• 28:19
  Speaker 4: Um.
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: This is him, Nikolai Petrushin.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's not going to de-escalate. Right. Nobody named Nikolai
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: is going to come in there and.
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: So Putin is undergoing cancer treatments.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but apparently he has Parkinson's too, which I didn't know.
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: But those videos have been going viral of him not really...
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: He hasn't been able to really sit upright in his chair.
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: I'm sure you've seen those. He just doesn't look well, but...
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: Is anyone speculating that that's poisoning from what you've heard?
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: Or is he just, it's just coincidence that he's getting sick?
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: No one has speculated to me personally that he's being poisoned. Okay.
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: It's just interesting in terms of the timeliness.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: Of it, but. Perhaps, but I do think it's widely
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: known that he has been having health struggles.
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: And I think that that is unfortunate. Well, he will
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: be going under surgery soon, it seems. And he'll be
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: incapacitated during that surgery.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: So then there might be some type of maybe a
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: coup Something might go down over there Nice Interesting Whatever
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying I'm done I'm done I donated 5,000
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: Bitcoin I wish everyone well I hope they succeed I
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: hope they drive out the invaders I hope they set
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: up a fun world for themselves That is not my
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: concern My concern is finally it's time to release I
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: have to relax. It's time for me to relax. It's
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: time for me to relax. It's time for me to
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: take a vacation. I can't be concerned with the nonsense.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: We have a horrible economy in this country that is
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: preventing people like myself from from going around the world
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: and abusing other people. And that's wrong. The cost of
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: fuel right now is preventing fat Americans from getting on
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: planes and destroying whatever land mass they happen to be in.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: It's not right. We need to bring the cost of
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: things down. It's true. The inflation is crazy. The interest
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: rates are spiking. People want to buy homes. And if
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: people cannot buy a home, that will eventually collapse on
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: top of them and kill them, metaphorically, not even literally.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: But I mean, you know, that's what it's about. You
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: and your wife should start thinking about, in the future,
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: buying a home.
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: Oh, I've been looking all over the place.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean? To have a home. To
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: have something that you have to pay for every month,
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: whether you enjoy it or like it or not. To
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: just have that weight. To have that debt. Debt is beautiful.
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: That's the closest you'll ever get to God. The closest
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: you'll ever get to God is debt. Because we owe
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: a debt. When we come into the world, we're owed
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: a debt. You owe a debt for just living. So
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: the way to glorify God and to glorify that debt
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: that you owe is to take on more debt. More debt.
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: And that weight of the debt, that crushing weight, holding
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: that up every day, It's Sisyphus with the, you know,
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: that is important. So I think it's very important for you.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: And that's why I'm very excited to get back to America.
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  Speaker 1: The code is timdillon for 20% off. And next week,
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  Speaker 1: we're going to do a special of summer vacation spots
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: for the poor. Because a lot of people right now
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: are fucked. And they need to know where they can
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: go on a vacation and enjoy themselves. We are going
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: to suggest 10 summer vacation spots. It's going to be
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: a very big episode. It's our first episode from the studio.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: Get excited. And I want you to watch this with
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: your family. Because it's going to be 10 vacation spots
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: that you can go to even though your lives are horrible.
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: Even though you have a horrible life that has been
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: destroyed by forces you can barely understand, you should be
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: able to shimmy your diseased fat ass down to some
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: type of swimming hole or crick and go in there.
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: You should be able to eat a hot dog. You
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: should be able to watch Nikki Glaser's new show on E!
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: You should be able to enjoy the summer. You should
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: enjoy the summer. And we have got 10 spots that
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: are going to be perfect. And we're actually going to
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: try to do it. I actually thought we were going
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: to do a bit where we were going to say
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: like the Hamptons, Nantucket, places like that. We are actually
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: not going to do that. I thought differently because we
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: were going to do a bit where I would get
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: on and go an average Hamptons rental in the summer
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: would be $ 50, 000 a month or $ 100, 000 a month. The
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: whole big joke was going to be that all of
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: the nice places in America you'd been priced out of.
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: That was going to be the bit, but I think
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: that's number one. You could kind of see it coming.
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: Number two, it's cruel. We are actually going to literally
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: scour this earth. Where did you grow up going to vacation?
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: Like Port Aransas and stuff like that. That's right. We're
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: going there. What is it? Padre Island?
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: Padre Island.
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: We are going to showcase... The top ten areas that
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: you could... I want you to take a family trip
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: for under $ 1, 200. I want you to take a family
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: trip for almost no money. And it's, you know, it's
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: not going to be Nantucket. It's not going to be
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: the Four Seasons in Maui. But we're going to tell
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: you ten places that you can take your disgusting family
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: so that they can remember, because it's about creating the
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: memories for the children. And we are going to really
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: scour the country. And I'm excited because, what is it,
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: Puerto Ranz, what is it?
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: South Padre Island.
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: And what is that?
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: It's just, you know, there's oil factories and needles. The
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: water's very gross. Have you swam in the Gulf of Texas?
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: I have never gone near it.
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: The Gulf of Mexico, they call it. Not even once.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: Excuse me.
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: Well, it's brown. So it's like the color of lake water.
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: It's kind of like this. We're looking at the Brisbane
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: River a little bit.
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: But you can swim in it.
• 38:08
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: And I bet there are tacos, right?
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: There's like, I remember we ate a lot of imitation
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: crab meat.
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: That's right, which is Pollock. And Pollock is not bad.
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: You go to the supermarket there.
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: Eat in Pollock on Padre Island? Sign me up.
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: So what you do is you go to like you
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: get the really cheap crab or imitation crab meat. You
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: go back to your hotel.
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: Get some Hellman's.
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: You get Hellman's or you boil it and then you
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: get a thing of butter and boil the butter and
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: then you dip your hand.
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: Fuck yeah. Not bad. Not bad.
• 38:45
  Speaker 2: I think we were watching a Project Runway on the TV.
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: It was a fun vacation.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: That's that was an odd turn.
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: Why?
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: You're watching your Christian family is eating Pollock and watching
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: Project Runway.
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: My mother loved the show in the mid-2000s.
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: Interesting.
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: Heidi Klum was great. I loved that show. Tim Gunn
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: was phenomenal.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that Nazi bitch. Now, I'm just saying, I'm excited
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: because there are all kinds of areas that are for,
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: you know, people that are struggling. And we don't remember them.
• 39:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: We don't remember these people and they're ignored in our
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: society and I'm against that. But what I can do,
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: what we can do is put out a list of
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: 10 places that maybe are more affordable because they are
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: the sites of ecological disasters, or they've been linked to
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: higher rates of cancer, or there is maybe some violence.
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: in and or near the area. So you gotta be alert.
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: You just gotta be alert. For example, I'm just gonna throw,
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: if you wanna take a trip, how about Port Moresby
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: in Papua New Guinea? Now, Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea,
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: is a tropical destination for the discerning world traveler. Now,
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: 80% of the women that live in Port Moresby are
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: Subject to sexual assault. And that is not good. And
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: there are many crimes committed against tourists involving bush knives, machetes,
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: or things like that. That being said, I think it
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: can be an affordable destination for a family. The flight
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: will be expensive. Can you read some statistics about Port Moresby, Papua,
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: New Guinea?
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: Yes, this is... This is very high. Some of the
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: highest in the world, if not the highest.
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: What?
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: Well, the level of crime is insane in Port Moresby.
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: Yes, but listen. I don't focus on negatives. I'm trying
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: to alert people.
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: Because the flights are going to be expensive, but once
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: you go there, it gets real cheap.
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: Okay, so this is, I'm on Numbio.com, which does statistics
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: of crime in the world, it looks like. So we
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: have crime in Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea.
• 41:18
  Speaker 4: Right.
• 41:19
  Speaker 2: Here we go.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: Here we go.
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: Okay. So you understand how crime index works?
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: No, I don't.
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: So if something is like the crime index is 82.15 here.
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: Meaning what? That is your chance out of every 100 people?
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: It's the scale of 0 or 100 for value since
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: it's easier to read for users. It generates a current index,
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: uses data up to 36 months old. Trying to figure
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: out what this means exactly.
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: Does crime ruin a vacation or is it a fun story?
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: That's another great point. Would a crime being committed against
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: you ruin the entire vacation? Or would it be a
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: fun story to look back on years later and say
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: we watched our father get stripped naked in the middle
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: of the street and robbed. Many families don't even like
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: each other. So this idea that violent crime is going
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: to turn off everybody isn't true.
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: Oh, so it means per 1,000 people.
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: So per 1,000 people, 100 of them or 80-something are
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: getting it?
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so worries, home, broken, and things stolen, 77. So
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: 77 out of 1,000 people in a period of three
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: years have got their home broken into and things are stolen.
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: Right, but again, if you're a traveler and you're staying
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: at the Hilton Port Moresby and you keep to yourself
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: and you're smart, I think it'll be fine.
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: You will be a victim of a violent crime, such
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: as assault or armed robbery. It's 84 out of 1,000. Hey,
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: I don't think it's that bad.
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: I really don't.
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: Being subject to a physical attack because of your skin
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: color or ethnic origin, gender, or religion, 71 out of 1,000. Hey,
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: not bad. Not bad to me.
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: Get the kids on the plane. Tell us about some
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: of the hotels. There's a Hilton. Oh, is there? Okay.
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: Can we call the Hilton Port Moresby right now? Can
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: we call the Hilton Port Moresby right now on my phone?
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: Can't we do it? My phone's right over there. Can
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: we get them on the phone? Because I want to take...
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: I have a family, and we're trying to take a
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: trip to Port Moresby, the most violent city on Earth,
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: from what they say. But they've never been to, you know,
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: America before. I'd like you to do it through WhatsApp
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: or whatever. Let's get these people on the phone. Do
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: they speak English? I think they will because it's an
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: international chain, Hilton.
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: This might be the first time they get a call
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: from an LA number, maybe.
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: I don't think so.
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: Or Beverly Hills number, possibly.
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: Let's see here. I don't think so. I bet there's
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: a lot of directors, actors, producers that want to go
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: over there and whack people with machetes.
• 44:12
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: They probably have a tour for people that want to
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: go over there, take a break from the California sun
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: and go hack people with Bush knives. Okay.
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: I'm calling the Hilton right now.
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: I watched a whole thing the other day where it's
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: like hostile, that movie with Eli Roth. That's true.
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: In Port Moresby?
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: No, in other places. Like people just go and kill
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: people in, in, you know. Okay.
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: That's the, that's the number. Looks like a good location. Actually,
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: it's kind of pretty on the Google images here.
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: Why aren't they answering? How are you? Is this the
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: Hilton in Port Moresby? Thank you so much. I'm trying
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: to come there with my family for a summer vacation,
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: but we've heard that the Port Moresby is very dangerous.
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: Is that true?
• 45:13
  Speaker 4: All right, sir. It's a good place, but as they said,
• 45:21
  Speaker 4: you have to.
• 45:25
  Speaker 3: Just be on transport.
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: Right. So if I go there with my family, is
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: it a nice place where we can walk around, or
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: is there a chance that there'll be a problem?
• 45:39
  Speaker 3: In the hotel premises?
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: Well, let's say we left the hotel.
• 45:46
  Speaker 3: All right, yeah, so I don't think it's safe.
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: To leave the hotel?
• 45:53
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: But if we stayed at the hotel, it's nice. Do
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: you have a pool?
• 45:59
  Speaker 4: Yes, we have a pool at the hotel.
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: Do you have in-room dining?
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: Yes, we have in-room dining, and we have a complimentary
• 46:08
  Speaker 3: shuttle to the mall.
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: Now, what is that? Okay, so as long as we
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: stay in our hotel and go to the pool and
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: don't leave the hotel for any reason, you think we'll
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: be fine? Because there are guards. But now, if we
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: left the hotel, that's where we might run into a
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: real problem.
• 46:45
  Speaker 4: So it depends on where you want to go.
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: Right. Yes. What are the attractions in the area? All right.
• 46:58
  Speaker 3: We have the National Museum as well as the Botanical Gardens,
• 47:06
  Speaker 3: the nature parks. We can organize a taxi for you
• 47:09
  Speaker 3: or we can organize Black Swan VIP transport service.
• 47:13
  Speaker 4: Take you there.
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: Right, so if we're in the taxi on the way
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: to the Botanical Garden, we'll probably be safe.
• 47:23
  Speaker 4: Yes, so we can get the taxi's number and the
• 47:28
  Speaker 4: plate number, so we keep track of who and what's
• 47:31
  Speaker 4: going on.
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: That's good, so that makes me feel better. You'll keep
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: track of the plate number on the taxi.
• 47:43
  Speaker 4: Well, so we only get comfort taxis.
• 47:46
  Speaker 3: Those are the reliable taxis in Port Moresby.
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: Right, but it's not the type of place where we
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: would want to just go walk around. Yes. Okay, but
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: the in-room dining is good. Is it tasty?
• 48:01
  Speaker 3: Yes, it's tasty.
• 48:05
  Speaker 4: It's 24 hours, so you can order.
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: Well, I like that. Well, you've sold me because the
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: hotel has guards around it and you can order the
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: food at any time you want.
• 48:17
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: Well, it sounds good. Yes.
• 48:20
  Speaker 4: Yes, we also have the coppa bar that's on ground level,
• 48:24
  Speaker 4: fish restaurant level one. And we also have the momo restaurant.
• 48:30
  Speaker 3: It's from Wednesday to Saturday. It's local traditional food.
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: Right. And it's just our only issue is that if
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: we were to leave the hotel for any reason, there's
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: a chance we could get attacked by a machete.
• 48:44
  Speaker 4: All right.
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 48:48
  Speaker 4: So we can arrange tech like transport for you if
• 48:51
  Speaker 4: you want to go somewhere.
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: Right. Because that's the whole thing. Do you give out
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: for the people that are staying in the hotel? Will
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: you give them, would you give us machetes so we
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: could at least defend ourself? Would you give us machetes
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: so that we could defend ourselves on the street?
• 49:10
  Speaker 3: All right.
• 49:14
  Speaker 4: I'm not sure about that.
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: Okay. alright well listen you've sold me on this and
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: I really appreciate all of your help thank you I'm
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: very excited about my trip.
• 49:24
  Speaker 4: Alright hopefully we see you soon.
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: Here at Hilton yes I'm very excited about it sounds
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: it sounds lovely alright thank you so much thank you
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: Hold on. Give me, let me, let me. What? What? Good.
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: How are you? What's going on? Well, we extended till
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: 12 last night. Yeah. Yeah. We extended till 12 at
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: the reception. Thank you very much. Enough already.
• 50:21
  Speaker 2: What was that about?
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: I don't know. She wants us out of here. But
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: that Port Moresby sounds lovely.
• 50:27
  Speaker 2: The Hilton looks, it's the nicest Hilton I've ever seen.
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: It's great. Look at this.
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: It's great.
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: Look at that.
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: It's lovely. That's CGI. But it's nice. What's the problem?
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: That woman sounded like she was pretty, you know, she sounded...
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: pretty hopeful about our prospects. The only thing is you
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: can't leave the hotel. Right. And if you leave the hotel,
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: they will arrange a specific taxi for you to take
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: you to your murder scene. Well, these are the types
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: of things that we're going to do next week. We're
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: very excited about this because we have to get realistic.
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: You're not going to go to Anguilla. You know what
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: I mean? You're just not. So what you're going to
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: do is get realistic, and there's going to have to
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: be certain things that you just fucking live with. If
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: you want to enjoy a nice vacation in Port Moresby.
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: You think that's CGI? Because look how nice that looks.
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: I believe it is CGI, yes. But God love that woman.
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: And I'm very excited about it. And if I had
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: a family, I would take them there over Padre Island.
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: Where would you stay in Padre Island?
• 51:52
  Speaker 2: Oh, just they have motels. They have motels along the
• 51:55
  Speaker 2: beach there.
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: Right. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's nice. Delaware. because they
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: have some beaches and some college kids, and you can
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: go cheat on your wife with a college girl while
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: your wife feeds your fat kids clams. You could go
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: give a college girl $ 1, 000 to hop on the dick.
• 52:19
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• 52:22
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• 52:25
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• 52:28
  Speaker 2: It seems like people are... excited about it. It looks
• 52:31
  Speaker 2: like it was edited down, but I have no problem
• 52:32
  Speaker 2: with that.
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean, a lot of people do podcasts and
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: then edit them down.
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: That's fine.
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: For reasons, who knows?
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, who knows?
• 52:43
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• 52:47
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  Speaker 1: watches and I love them. Are you excited about this
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: rainforest trip?
• 56:25
  Speaker 2: I'm a little.
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: You really don't seem excited. No, no, no. You tried
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: to get out of it like nine times. No, no, no, no, no.
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: I'm excited about it. I'm scared of a couple things.
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: The private plane.
• 56:38
  Speaker 2: Well, one, I'm scared of a private plane. So I
• 56:40
  Speaker 2: read statistics this morning and looked into it.
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: They're not good.
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: They're not great.
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: But that's the same thing with Port Moresby. You heard
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: the woman. Just stay in your room. Don't go looking
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: for a problem. Statistics. If you start reading statistics, you'll
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: be off Twitter.
• 56:56
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: Keep going.
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: Second thing is this is a wild excursion, this whole
• 57:01
  Speaker 2: Australian trip. And I feel like nature is trying to
• 57:03
  Speaker 2: kill us around every corner.
• 57:04
  Speaker 1: Yes. But that's why I am telling you right now.
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: When they say that people aren't more powerful than nature,
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: that's untrue. That's untrue, Ben. That's untrue.
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: The ocean sucked us out into the sea.
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: The ocean owns nothing. What's the market cap on the ocean?
• 57:25
  Speaker 1: I'm not worried about nature. I'm worried about nurture. The people.
• 57:31
  Speaker 1: Nature doesn't scare me. They have anti-venom. I don't even
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: think these animals are dangerous in the rainforest to treat kangaroo.
• 57:44
  Speaker 2: Is it true you can be allergic to antivenom when
• 57:46
  Speaker 2: they give it to you and then you find out?
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 57:52
  Speaker 2: So there are dangerous creatures in the area. Do you
• 57:55
  Speaker 2: want me to read them off to you?
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, tell me what the dangerous creatures in the area are.
• 57:59
  Speaker 2: There's the aracondi jellyfish, the box jellyfish, the blue-ringed octopus.
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: That'll kill you, the blue ring.
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: The stonefish.
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: Yes, that'll kill you.
• 58:12
  Speaker 2: Crocodiles.
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: They'll do it.
• 58:14
  Speaker 2: And there are sharks in the area. We're moving on
• 58:18
  Speaker 2: to snakes now. There's the red-bellied black snake, the brown snake,
• 58:23
  Speaker 2: the tiger snake, the death adder, and the typin. Arachnids.
• 58:29
  Speaker 2: Ready for arachnids? This one will affect you more than me,
• 58:33
  Speaker 2: even though I've been bit by a brown recluse. You
• 58:36
  Speaker 2: have the paralysis tick.
• 58:38
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 58:39
  Speaker 2: A funnel web spider.
• 58:41
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 58:41
  Speaker 2: And you have a redback spider.
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 58:44
  Speaker 2: Those are your enemies in the Daintree Raid 4.
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: But isn't the real danger inequality? Like, isn't that the
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: real problem? Isn't that the underlying issue here? Isn't that
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: the real issue? If we're going to look at, you know,
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: would the blue-ringed octopus be nearly as dangerous if it
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: could work? Why are you so worried about these things?
• 59:16
  Speaker 2: As soon as we got here, the nature tried to
• 59:21
  Speaker 2: take our own lives. They tried to take us back
• 59:24
  Speaker 2: into the earth where we die and then eventually be
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: stardust once again. It wants us to return to Back
• 59:30
  Speaker 2: into its soil I'll never.
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: Be Stardust I'll be another kind of dust But that's
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: a real That's some Joni Mitchell song We're not gonna
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: be Stardust We might be Starshit But nature is trying
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: to kill you All the time Because nature does not
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: like Winners And we've won You think Alec Baldwin's afraid
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: of nature, Ben? No You think a guy like that
• 59:59
  Speaker 1: gives a shit? Another guy on that set got bit
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: by a brown recluse spider and almost lost his arm.
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: But Alec Baldwin did not. You know why? Because Alec
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: Baldwin doesn't walk around like a pussy. I think you
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 1: make way too much out of nature. You've got to
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 1: show nature you're the boss. You're the boss. I don't
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: even know that we have to leave our room. We
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: have floor to ceiling windows Why do we have to leave?
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 2: You just look at it from the outside Can you
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 2: calm me down with the private plane thing a little bit?
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: Yes There's a 50% chance we'll be okay We've got
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: some drunk Australian up there Who's fucking lazy And we're
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: on some piece of shit plane Going through the rainforest
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: I feel.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 2: Fine I mean, I can't wait to see, because the
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 2: business manager is hooking this up. I can't wait to
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 2: see what this thing is going to look like.
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: He can't have us die. He needs us to keep
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: earning money.
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 2: That's true.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: He's going to do the right thing. This is the
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: one thing that I have faith in him, because he
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 1: can't have us die. We make money. So he wants
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: to keep us alive at all costs. I think we'll
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: be fine. Okay. I think we'll be fine. We're flying
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: a private plane with a drunk... Into the rainforest I
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: don't think it's a big deal I really don't And
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 1: if you die, you die You've already accomplished a lot
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think you have to be Your
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: wife will bounce back She'll marry your brother No Why?
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: Why deny them that happiness? I'm just saying If it
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 1: is our fate to careen down and die in the
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: Australian outback in a plane crash and be eaten by animals,
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: if that is our fate, it is our fate. It's
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 1: not a big deal. You know?
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 2: I read one comforting statistic.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 2: Is that you survive 95% of plane malfunctions or crashes.
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 2: Is that true?
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 1: That is absolutely untrue.
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: God, I didn't think it was, but I read it.
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 1: I don't know where you read that. That is absolutely,
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 1: that is completely made up. That is a completely pretend
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: statistic that I've never heard in my life. I'm just saying, man,
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 1: you should relax. We're going to a place where there
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 1: are deadly people, but nothing's more deadly than the white man,
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: the white American male. We've got red blood in our veins.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 1: We don't give a shit. I'm telling you right now,
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: these things can only kill you if you let them
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 1: in your head, Ben.
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe you're right.
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 1: I'm telling you. They're scared of us. Those animals are
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: scared of us. They're scared of us building cities and
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: making them get jobs. They're scared of competition. They're scared
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: of being outed as pussies. We've got nuclear weapons. We've
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 1: got Amy Schumer. We've got it all. We've got big
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: Ukrainian flags flying all over Texas. We've got the machinery
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: of death. We've got secret societies. We've got international pedophile cults.
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: We've got organ trading and human trafficking. We've got everything.
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 1: We've got war and violence and chaos. We've got media empires,
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: international lifestyle brands. We've got influencers and TikTokers. We've got
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: mansions with square footage and infinity pools. We've got bridges.
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 1: We've got cruise liners where fat people take tours of shitholes.
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 1: We've got everything. We've got politicians on the take. We've
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: invented bribery, extortion, corruption. We murder for the sake of it,
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: for fun. We've got gangs, both national and international. We've
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 1: got militias. We've got religion. We've got all kinds of things. Crazy.
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: pedophile priests and pastors marrying 16 year olds. We've got
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 1: it all. We've got private prisons. We've got hospitals that'll
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: take your organs right before you're about to go and
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 1: sell them to someone else. We are humanity. We are
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 1: what saved this planet. We are what made it special.
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 1: We've got amusement parks where people die on the rides
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 1: because we don't do safety checks. We've got electric cars
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 1: that go really fast. And we've even got Elon Musk
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 1: safeguarding Twitter. We're okay. We're good. The sharks and the
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 1: octopuses and all of this bullshit, they will never pose
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 1: even a scintilla of the threat that humanity does. We
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 1: have won. We have dominated. Go into the rainforest with
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 1: that mentality. Look at every natural, beautiful thing and go,
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 1: this would look a hell of a lot better, lined
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: with Four Seasons resorts, condos, poke bowl places, amusement parks.
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 1: It's our planet for the taking, Ben. It's not for
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 1: the animals anymore. It's not for the animals. Whitney Cummings
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 1: can say whatever she wants. She can rescue dogs. She
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 1: can jerk off horses. She can do whatever she wants.
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, you know what happens?
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 1: You know who really wins?
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 3: Us.
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 1: The humans. Because we can reason. We've made this a
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 1: beautiful place where everyone is happy. That's the most important
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 1: thing you have to remember. We've given people the gift
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 1: of gambling, the gift of chance. We've got the Barstool
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 1: Sports playbook. You think I'm afraid of a shark? We've
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 1: got Dave Portnoy. We've got it all. I'm not afraid
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 1: of nature. It's been there 180 million years and it's
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 1: done nothing It's done shit It just sits there and
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 1: lives Nothing is more boring than life Nothing So you
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 1: have to go into that area with that attitude That's
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 1: the attitude that pushes civilization forward That's the attitude that
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 1: drives all innovation That's the attitude Stop worrying about the animals,
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 1: the fauna, the flora, the plants, the diseases, all of that,
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 1: the weather. It's all irrelevant. You can beat it. You
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 1: can beat it all with one of those ice cream
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 1: cones that looks like a fish. Do you see? Do
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 1: you feel better now?
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel better.
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 1: Thank you. All you need is your confidence. You need
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 1: to have the confidence of a white man abroad. You
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: don't have it.
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 2: That's what I'm worried about. If I worry too much,
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 2: I'm going to create something out of the worry.
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 1: That's exactly right. Because nature might fuck with you because
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 1: you respect it. People fuck that up. They start respecting
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: the thing that wants them dead. I don't respect nature.
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 1: I respect the Mandarin Oriental. I respect tea service. I
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 1: respect the Beverly Hills Hotel. I respect $ 150 million property
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 1: in Malibu. I respect boats. I barely respect people. I
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 1: just like the things they create. So I would not
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 1: get too lost in this, okay? It's not a big deal.
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: It's really not a big deal. You've already won. You've
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: already dominated. These things out here can't hurt you. They
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: can only hurt you in your mind. That's the reality.
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 1: That's the way you have to think. Because that woman says, well,
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: don't leave your room in Port Moresby. Don't leave your room.
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 1: She's afraid. But is she afraid of the snakes and
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 1: the spiders? Is she afraid of sharks? Are you not
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 1: leaving your room because of sharks? Are sharks dragging you
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 1: out of the car with the machete? No. The only
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 1: things you ever have to fear is really people. You
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: have to fear people and you have to fear boredom.
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 1: You know? That's why the best thing that Vladimir Putin
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 1: could do when he wakes up from his cancer coma
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 1: is launch a a massive nuclear strike to remind people
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 1: that we're still the boss on this goddamn planet. We're
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 1: the boss. And if we have to have a nuclear
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 1: war that involves several nations and destroys the lives of
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: millions or billions of people, To just show everybody that
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 1: we're back, baby. This pandemic sidelined us for a little bit,
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 1: but we're back. We got way into nature with this pandemic. Oh,
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 1: the pandemic. There's forces that are out of our control. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 1: We need to come back. We need to come back
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 1: with a nuclear war to just show people that we
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 1: don't give a fuck. That's the most important thing. So
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 1: I think you'll really enjoy the trip. I think I'll
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 1: really enjoy it. I think Sam Talent will enjoy it.
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 1: The most important thing to remember is that statistically, you're
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 1: more likely to get killed any other way than by
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 1: a shark or a blue-ringed octopus. Really. You know? You're
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 1: more likely to get killed anywhere. So again, I would
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 1: just relax, calm down, And stop obsessing about things that
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 1: are irrelevant. We're staying in a high-end hotel. This is
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 1: a high-end resort. They've gone to all of the trouble
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 1: to colonize nature and sell it to us. Let's buy it.
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 1: Good luck, everyone.