Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #382 When Push Comes to Shove

Transcript

#382 When Push Comes to Shove · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just once answers now.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: And I think this situation highlights again just this unrealistic
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  Speaker 2: expectation that we have of our children, that they are
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  Speaker 2: capable of actually managing the situation at such a young age.
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  Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
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  Speaker 1: and dad.
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  Speaker 3: Hello, this is doctor Justin Coulson. I'm here with Kylie,
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  Speaker 3: my wife and munder our six kids. I'm the founder
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  Speaker 3: of Happy Families dot com dot I. It is so
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  Speaker 3: good for you to join us as we kick off
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  Speaker 3: a new week. Only one week until Parental Guidance. So
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  Speaker 3: excited for those of you who are in Australia, make
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  Speaker 3: sure you're watching next Monday night, Monday November the first
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  Speaker 3: Parental Guidance hits the Telly and I think that I
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  Speaker 3: just think it's going to go nuts. I think it's
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  Speaker 3: going to be an amazing, amazing TV show.
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  Speaker 2: We also have a webinar tonight.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, we do a webinar. It's not all about connection,
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  Speaker 3: I have I've really gone deep into the research on
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  Speaker 3: what it is that helps us to connect best with people.
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  Speaker 3: And if you haven't got all the details. Please visit
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: are the doctor justin Colson's Happy Family's Facebook page. You
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: get out of the info there.
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  Speaker 2: You're all over the place, webinars TV.
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  Speaker 3: I know it's so exciting. There's there's more stuff coming
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  Speaker 3: as well.
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  Speaker 2: Hey, I'll tell you what's next?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, what's next?
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  Speaker 2: The other day you thought that I wasn't aware, but
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  Speaker 2: you wanted to work out a song and you couldn't
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  Speaker 2: remember the name of it. Yeah, and I may have
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  Speaker 2: just overheard you no singing.
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  Speaker 3: To seru Are you serious?
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  Speaker 2: Listen to this?
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  Speaker 3: What's this song? I don't care what they said? I'm
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  Speaker 3: in love with you?
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  Speaker 2: What was so funny? Is I knew the song?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah?
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  Speaker 2: But this was serious response.
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  Speaker 3: Sorry, I don't know what song this is.
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  Speaker 2: You know that there's more than one note, don't You
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  Speaker 2: cannot believe that you're mocking me for my singing.
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  Speaker 3: I cannot believe that you're mocking me for my singing.
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  Speaker 2: Maybe j I can play the song for us. Everybody
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  Speaker 2: knows what you were trying to sing.
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  Speaker 3: Oh gosh, I don't even want to do this podcast
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  Speaker 3: with you now. I can't believe you did that. I'm
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  Speaker 3: so excited we're about to be on the TV and
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  Speaker 3: you're going and doing this to me. That is just rue.
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  Speaker 2: Look, I'm just trying to keep you humble.
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  Speaker 3: Now everybody knows. Now, everybody knows. Oh dear, you just
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  Speaker 3: keep singing. Huh Okay, Hey, we need to talk about
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: some really important stuff. Over the last week or so,
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  Speaker 3: there's been some really sad news that's upset three year
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  Speaker 3: olds globally, and you've got the lowdown on it.
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  Speaker 2: Well, it seems that the Wiggles are farewelling another yellow jersey.
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  Speaker 3: Emma Wiggle. I love how you said the yellow jersey.
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  Speaker 3: It's like you've been watching the Tour de France with me.
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  Speaker 3: The yellow Jersey's gone. We're farewelling the yellow jersey. Emma
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  Speaker 3: Wiggle is leaving the Wiggles.
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  Speaker 2: Emma Wiggle is leaving the Wiggles. But do you know what,
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  Speaker 2: Emma was not a Wiggle when our kids we.
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  Speaker 3: Had Greg the Yellow Wiggle and our kids were Wigglers.
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  Speaker 2: I love that, and that was devastating with left.
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  Speaker 3: In fact, our eldest because she went to a Wiggle.
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  Speaker 3: I took her to a Wiggles concert. The moshpit was crazy,
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  Speaker 3: Red Car I remember actually going down to the front
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  Speaker 3: of the.
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  Speaker 2: Fruit salad, yummy, yummy.
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  Speaker 3: We should ask Siri what song that is and she
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  Speaker 3: would know whether Siri knows what's going on here. But
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  Speaker 3: I remember going to a Wiggles concert with Greg the
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  Speaker 3: Yellow Wiggle and Chanel, our eldest, who's now in her twenties.
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  Speaker 3: She was I think she was a teenager when he
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  Speaker 3: quit the Wiggles, and she was distraught when that happened.
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  Speaker 3: I remember she was like, not not fully properly distraught, destroyed,
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  Speaker 3: but she was genuinely kind of going, well, it's really
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  Speaker 3: the end of an era. This is a really big thing.
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  Speaker 3: Greg Yellow Wiggle is gone, and now there's a whole
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  Speaker 3: new generation of kids who were saying, but what about
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  Speaker 3: Emma Wiggle? Was she gone?
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  Speaker 2: So I guess for any parents out there who are
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  Speaker 2: ruggling with a three year.
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  Speaker 3: Old, how do I deal with my three year old's
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  Speaker 3: grief over Amma Wiggle not.
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  Speaker 2: Being I think understanding the background makes it a lot
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  Speaker 2: easier to kind of, you know, work through the process
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  Speaker 2: for everybody. Emma has had some health challenges, but she
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  Speaker 2: was also dealing with the fact that she was traveling
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  Speaker 2: and on tour so much and missing out on experiences
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  Speaker 2: with her family, And so when COVID hit, she actually
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  Speaker 2: had a chance to kind of think about what was
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  Speaker 2: more important, and family came first. So she's taken a
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  Speaker 2: step back from her wiggling wiggling, Yes, and she's going
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  Speaker 2: back home to finish her PhD and hang with her kids.
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  Speaker 3: She's going to do a PhD.
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  Speaker 2: I think she's halfway through it.
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  Speaker 3: Oh wow, that's my I had no idea. Do you
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  Speaker 3: have any Wiggles memories other than listening to them incessantly
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  Speaker 3: in the car with our kids.
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  Speaker 2: Well, I actually knew the Wiggles way before we had kids.
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  Speaker 2: I went and stay with some friends whose children loved.
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  Speaker 3: The Wiggles really, and I was.
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  Speaker 2: About fourteen, and they had it on repeat, NonStop.
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  Speaker 3: Going for that long. Yes, wow, yes, that's extraordinary.
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  Speaker 2: And so they had they had all of these songs.
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  Speaker 2: That's how I know fruit salad. And I had to
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  Speaker 2: do a bus trip with a whole heap of my
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  Speaker 2: teenage friends and all I was singing the whole way
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  Speaker 2: and the buns were all these different Wiggles songs, and
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  Speaker 2: I got mocked.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, hey, we need to talk about something else that's
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  Speaker 3: happened in celebrity world. But it's not because of the
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: fact that it's in celebrity world. It's because of the
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  Speaker 3: conversation that comes from it. Milacunas is marriage to Ashton Kocher.
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  Speaker 3: They've been together for I don't know, since I think.
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  Speaker 2: It's like twenty fifteen.
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  Speaker 3: There we go. I'm not a celebrity watcher.
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  Speaker 2: I'm not nor a mine. I can read.
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  Speaker 3: I haven't. I haven't done the research like you have.
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  Speaker 3: But she was recently on a video with Ellen DeGeneres.
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  Speaker 3: She's got a web series called mum Confessions, and she.
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  Speaker 4: Said, this, here's a story that's about to get me
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  Speaker 4: in trouble. So there was a little kid in my
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  Speaker 4: kid's preschool that wasn't very kind and pushed my daughter.
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  Speaker 4: My daughter came back and she was like such and
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  Speaker 4: such little kiddo pushed me. And I instinctually said, did
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  Speaker 4: you push your back? And my daughter's like no, And
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  Speaker 4: I was like, push your back next time you push
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  Speaker 4: your back and you say no, thank you, and you
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  Speaker 4: walk away. And I turned around and I see Ashton
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  Speaker 4: space and he was like no. But I was like,
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  Speaker 4: you stand up for yourself and you say no, thank you.
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  Speaker 4: I was like, don't push him off of a ladder
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  Speaker 4: or off of a swing or off of a slide,
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  Speaker 4: but like on the ground, even Stephen, you push him back,
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  Speaker 4: I'd say that that's the parenting failed.
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  Speaker 3: So right after the break, we're going to talk about
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  Speaker 3: Miller's parenting advice and what we should really be doing
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  Speaker 3: when our kids are having a hard time with other
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  Speaker 3: kids in a school, park, or at kindy or whatever
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  Speaker 3: it might be, because I don't think that's quite the
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  Speaker 3: best way to do it. And that's what the podcast
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: is about, right helping time poor parents come up with
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  Speaker 3: really good solutions for dealing with challenges with their kids.
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: That's right after the break. It's the Happy Families Podcast.
• 6:58
  Speaker 5: Imagine a home where discipline got result without anyone having
• 7:01
  Speaker 5: to feel bad or in trouble. The do's and don'ts
• 7:03
  Speaker 5: of discipline as a webinar to help parents set limits
• 7:06
  Speaker 5: with love, compassion and humanity. Find it now at happy
• 7:10
  Speaker 5: families dot com, dot au slash shop.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families Podcast, the podcast for the time
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  Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers now And we're taking
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: a little bit of a sneak peek into celebrity life
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: today we're talking about Ashton Coucher, and melacunas. So let's
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  Speaker 2: talk about this. I mean, how do we actually get
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  Speaker 2: our kids to stand up for themselves without becoming the
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  Speaker 2: classroom bully.
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  Speaker 3: The context is everything here. Okay, So we're talking about
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  Speaker 3: kids who are in this case from the Mila Cucha scenario,
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  Speaker 3: we're to we had children who are under the age
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  Speaker 3: of let's say five or six, and I think that
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  Speaker 3: there's a helpful things that we probably should consider my
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  Speaker 3: number one piece of advice. Just tell them to leave
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  Speaker 3: the situation, go and get an adult. Like, the reality
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  Speaker 3: is that you're never going to see this kid again.
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  Speaker 3: You're in the park. Now, it's different if it's at
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  Speaker 3: school or if it's in your but you're in the park,
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  Speaker 3: so you're never going to see this person again. Just
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  Speaker 3: walk away, Go and get some adult help, Go and
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  Speaker 3: play on a different piece of equipment. I actually think
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  Speaker 3: teaching your kids that is going to be the easiest
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  Speaker 3: way forward.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, But what happens if they're in the classroom, so
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  Speaker 2: they're actually seeing this kid every day.
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  Speaker 3: Well, again, we're talking about kids under the age of
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  Speaker 3: five or six, so they're not in a classroom situation,
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  Speaker 3: but they might be in a preschool or kindergarten kind
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  Speaker 3: of situation. And if that's the case, you teach them
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  Speaker 3: to go and tell the teacher, go and talk to
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  Speaker 3: the teacher about it and get adult involvement. And the
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  Speaker 3: reason for this is little kids don't actually have the skills,
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  Speaker 3: Like you can't expect a six year old to have
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  Speaker 3: a level of social skill capability that many adults don't
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  Speaker 3: even have. You think about what adults do when they're
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  Speaker 3: on road rage or when they're getting pushed in line somewhere.
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  Speaker 3: Some adults don't know how to navigate the bullies, the
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  Speaker 3: people who have that entitlement mentality. If adults can't do it,
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  Speaker 3: we can't expect a four year old or maybe even
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  Speaker 3: a seven year old to be able to do that.
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  Speaker 2: Last week on the Doctor's Desk, we talked about theory
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  Speaker 2: of mind.
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  Speaker 3: I've just got to interrupt you. As soon as you
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  Speaker 3: said the Doctor's Desk. You're in the car with the
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  Speaker 3: kids listening to the podcast, and they were like, most
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  Speaker 3: boring podcast ever, Why do we have to listen to
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  Speaker 3: all this science stuff? Just do a normal podcast. Stop
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  Speaker 3: the doctor. They've got that from you.
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  Speaker 2: The background is that they were actually at each other
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  Speaker 2: and I actually put that on to lull limit to.
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  Speaker 3: This right anyway, we went beautiful. We talked about theory
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  Speaker 3: of mind on the Doctor's Desk podcast episode last.
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  Speaker 2: Week and just the acknowledgment that there's this expectation on
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  Speaker 2: our children to develop faster than they're capable. And I
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  Speaker 2: think this situation highlights again just this unrealistic expectation that
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  Speaker 2: we have of our children that they are capable of
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  Speaker 2: actually managing the situation at such a young age.
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  Speaker 3: They're not so from a social point of view, from
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  Speaker 3: a developmental point of view, they don't have that capacity
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  Speaker 3: to do it. It's kind of like walking up to
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  Speaker 3: a two year old and saying, why aren't you taller?
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  Speaker 3: Can you just hurry up and grow already? You need
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  Speaker 3: to fulfill your high potential and you need to do
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  Speaker 3: it now. But developmentally, they're going to take the next
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  Speaker 3: twelve to fifteen years to be able to get to
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  Speaker 3: their high potential. And it's the same when it comes
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  Speaker 3: to their social capacity. So my number one piece of
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  Speaker 3: advice would just be to teach them to leave the
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  Speaker 3: situation or go and get out at help or both
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  Speaker 3: and do that no knowing that they don't have the
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  Speaker 3: capacity to do it themselves most of.
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  Speaker 2: The time, and I think outside of that, there's just
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  Speaker 2: an acknowledgment that words are important, you know, So if
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  Speaker 2: you've got a child who's pushing you, you can say
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  Speaker 2: very clearly, stop it, stop it, or I don't like that.
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  Speaker 2: So I would actually suggest they use their words first.
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  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, radio, okay. Well I had that written down
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  Speaker 3: as a second suggestion, but then I crossed it off.
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  Speaker 3: And the reason that I crossed it off is because
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  Speaker 3: you know what it's like, once you're emotional, it's really
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  Speaker 3: hard to find the words that you want to use.
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  Speaker 3: And I tell parents all the time.
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  Speaker 2: And that's why it's just it's a really clear stop
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  Speaker 2: it or I don't like it, and.
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  Speaker 3: That's about all you're going to get.
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  Speaker 2: That's right.
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  Speaker 3: It's really hard for a four year old or even
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  Speaker 3: a twelve year old to look at the person who's
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  Speaker 3: antagonizing them and say, right now, I'm feeling really frustrated
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  Speaker 3: with the way that you're treating me. Of course not
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  Speaker 3: they're not going to say that.
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  Speaker 2: Even Adams crudeness. Crudeness would suggest stop it or I
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  Speaker 2: don't like that. They're really really simple, they're very very clear.
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  Speaker 2: They don't need to go into any more detail. And
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  Speaker 2: if there's no response from that, then walk away. And
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  Speaker 2: if there's no response from that, then get an adult
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  Speaker 2: and you can.
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  Speaker 3: Actually practice that stuff with your kids as well. Let
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: them know, hey, if somebody does this, here's what to say.
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  Speaker 3: Say it to me.
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  Speaker 1: Now.
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  Speaker 2: If they have a sibling in their house, they will
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  Speaker 2: have plenty of opportunities to practice good point.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, so let's wrap this up with a take home message.
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  Speaker 3: Take home message number one from today's podcast, don't ask
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: your kids, but bay the kids, whether you can see
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: that it or not. Take our message number two, don't
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  Speaker 3: ask Siri what the song is because Siri won't know.
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  Speaker 3: I don't know what song this is. I can't believe
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  Speaker 3: you did that. Take home message number three. Your kids.
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  Speaker 3: You know, if they're getting into conflict and you're around,
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  Speaker 3: just leave them be, watch them sort it out. They'll
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: actually figure it out and they'll learn good lessons. But
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: more than anything, just teach them to go and get
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: out of help if they're stuck, because they're too little
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: to figure it out. Once they're bigger, there are skills
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  Speaker 3: that you can teach them, but when they're.
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  Speaker 2: Little, just don't teach them to bop someone on the nose.
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: Or bop them anywhere. Good point. Hey, we really hope
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: that you've enjoyed today's podcast. We really love it when
• 12:21
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• 12:27
  Speaker 3: podcast and make the families happier. There has been a
• 12:29
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• 12:32
  Speaker 3: four hundred and seventy five. By the way, wow, twenty
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: five more. Can you help us to get to five hundred.
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: I mean, that would be so cool. Let's get the
• 12:39
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• 12:42
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• 12:45
  Speaker 3: who said, as a mother of two young children and
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: a deputy primary principle, this amazing podcast is a place
• 12:51
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• 12:53
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• 12:59
  Speaker 3: and ideas from life experience in BookSmart. So thanks for
• 13:02
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• 13:04
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• 13:06
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• 13:09
  Speaker 3: the producer of the Happy Families podcast. Craig Brewce is
• 13:11
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• 13:13
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• 13:15
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• 13:22
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• 13:23
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