Latest / Black Girl Interrupted Podcast / Look Who's Back

Transcript

Look Who's Back · Black Girl Interrupted Podcast

• 0:34
  Speaker 1: What up everybody?
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: Man?
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's your favorite girl for the Bible full Baby.
• 0:43
  Let me tell you something, Black Girl inter about that
• 0:45
  podcast is back. I'm back. I'm back, and I'm ready
• 0:50
  to work. Let me start off by saying thank you
• 0:54
  to everyone that has checked on me in the last
• 0:57
  six months. Thank you for everyone that has traveled with
• 1:01
  me on this journey the last six months. I don't
• 1:04
  even think y'all understand how much this means to me. Tonight,
• 1:09
  I'm gonna get into what's been going on with me?
• 1:12
  Why did I what happened? Like? Why did I just
• 1:15
  one day go from doing my podcast to y'all didn't
• 1:18
  see me? Y'all haven't seen me since January? Here we
• 1:20
  are in June. But anyone that is new to a
• 1:24
  Black Girl interrupt that podcast. I always do a mental
• 1:27
  health check in, always, always, always, because I need to
• 1:30
  make sure everyone is good. I love to check the temperature. Man,
• 1:36
  it's it just feels amazing. So before we jump into
• 1:42
  what's been going on with Ashley, let's do our mental
• 1:45
  health check in and then we're gonna come right on back.
• 1:48
  Y'all know I always find something beautiful, something uplifting, something empowering.
• 1:53
  I always do that. So before we get into where
• 1:57
  has Ashley been? What has been going on Ashley's It's
• 2:01
  been some ups, it's been some downs, it's been some highs,
• 2:03
  it's been some lows. But guess what, I'm still here.
• 2:06
  I'm still here and again I owe it, tell myself
• 2:11
  to finish what I started. And that's a black girl
• 2:14
  interrupt that podcast. So I'm doing my mental health check in.
• 2:18
  Let me know how y'all are feeling in the comments.
• 2:20
  Here we go, and then we're gonna jump back into
• 2:23
  tonight's conversation. I love y'all, man, I do. I love
• 2:28
  y'all so much. Thank y'all again, like I said, so
• 2:31
  much for rocking with your girl. Thank y'all for everyone that,
• 2:33
  like I said, checked in on me, that was rooting
• 2:36
  for me, that was encouraging me to come back. I'm here,
• 2:40
  So we're gonna keep it rolling. Here we go.
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: If the lion is the king of the jungle, how can.
• 2:54
  Speaker 4: He be the king of the jungle. If he's not
• 2:57
  the biggest, it's probably one of the biggest. He can't
• 3:03
  be the fastest because that's a Cheatah, he can't be
• 3:06
  the smartest, So He's not the biggest, the fastest, or
• 3:11
  the smartest.
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: So how does the lion become the king of the jungle?
• 3:19
  Its mentality. That's the only difference of a lion and
• 3:23
  an elephant. When a lion walks up and sees an elephant,
• 3:28
  he thinks lunch. An elephant things run And it's the
• 3:34
  all mentality because when a male lion walks up, he
• 3:38
  may be outnumbered by a pack of hyenas. But I'm
• 3:42
  keen of my jungle because of my mentality.
• 3:47
  Speaker 5: What happens when you're bazel and you're not being pushed,
• 3:50
  You're not being proud of, You're not giving it a reward,
• 3:53
  nobody's encouraging you.
• 3:54
  Speaker 6: What happens when you are bazel and the lion's not
• 3:57
  chasing anymore?
• 3:58
  Speaker 5: You stop running at what happens when you're a lion.
• 4:01
  When you are a lion, it does not make a difference.
• 4:04
  You realize that if your family is going to eat that,
• 4:08
  if that pack of lions.
• 4:09
  Speaker 6: Is to survive, then you gotta go hunt. A part
• 4:15
  of being a beast just ain't eating a gazelle.
• 4:17
  Speaker 4: A part of being.
• 4:17
  Speaker 5: A beast is the hunts. It's the hunt that they're
• 4:20
  excited about.
• 4:21
  Speaker 6: They like to see the gazelles.
• 4:22
  Speaker 5: Roll to poove they take off because real lions like
• 4:26
  to hunt. They love the process just as much as
• 4:29
  they love the prize.
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: And some of y'all just want to score.
• 4:32
  Speaker 6: You don't like the process. You're not in love with
• 4:34
  the process.
• 4:36
  Speaker 5: A true hunter's Oh, it's not the prize. A true
• 4:39
  hunter's go.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: It's to hunt.
• 4:41
  Speaker 5: That's what they live for.
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: They live to hunt.
• 4:44
  Speaker 6: They don't just live to catch it.
• 4:45
  Speaker 5: It's the whole process. When you are a true hunter,
• 4:48
  you don't go by time.
• 4:50
  Speaker 6: You go by the gazelle. When you are a true hunter,
• 4:52
  you hunt until you get a gazelle, and you don't stop.
• 4:55
  Speaker 4: Until you get one, and then.
• 4:57
  Speaker 6: You get another, and then you get another, and you
• 4:59
  get another.
• 5:00
  Speaker 5: If you're gonna do what you say you're gonna do,
• 5:02
  be what you say you're.
• 5:03
  Speaker 6: Gonna be, You're gonna have to lie in me out.
• 5:05
  You will get there. You're gonna come up short, you
• 5:07
  will get there. You're gonna have an average experience. You're
• 5:10
  a student, I need you in lion mode. You're an entrepreneur,
• 5:13
  I need you in lion mode. You're trying to lose weight,
• 5:16
  lion mode, you can't do nothing significant in Gazel mode.
• 5:19
  Nothing nothing impressive happened in Gazel mode. Nothing happened in
• 5:24
  run mode, give up mode, quit mode, scared mode, fearful mode.
• 5:28
  Nothing happened. Everything happened in lion mode like I'm coming.
• 5:31
  Speaker 4: To get you.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: Boom boom boom has us what's going on? Baby? Hey, hey, hey,
• 6:01
  I missed y'all so much. Like, let me tell you,
• 6:04
  I really honestly don't think y'all know how much tonight
• 6:09
  means to me when I tell you life has really
• 6:14
  been life in for me, he sus Hey, baby, hey beautiful,
• 6:21
  yes you are so. Let me say this, life really
• 6:26
  has really truly truly been life and for me from
• 6:31
  dealing with my husband's cancer to dealing with my own
• 6:35
  health and then dealing with my marriage almost being over.
• 6:44
  So I had to take a step back. I had
• 6:48
  to sit back, and I had to reevaluate not only
• 6:51
  me but my household. And yes, as much as I
• 6:56
  love Black Girl in Wrought that podcast, I had to
• 7:01
  take a step back away from the thing that I
• 7:03
  loved the most, and that was my podcast. That was
• 7:08
  me taking care of Ashley. You know, when my husband
• 7:15
  was diagnosed with cancer, with prostate cancer. It devastated me.
• 7:18
  It rocked my entire world because I couldn't understand why,
• 7:22
  why him? Of all people? Why him? Then it was
• 7:29
  he beat cancer. He completed radiation the end of February,
• 7:34
  so I thank God for that. Then my health started
• 7:37
  to decline. My fibromyalgia is getting worse. I was embarrassed
• 7:44
  because I have to use I have to utilize a
• 7:46
  walker a lot of days. Some days are better than others.
• 7:55
  I took on a second job to substantiate my household.
• 8:01
  But what hurt me the most was the judgment that
• 8:03
  I received from people. You work in a second job.
• 8:07
  I had to because when I married my husband, I'm
• 8:12
  honoring my vows because they say, through sickness and in health,
• 8:14
  you understand. And my husband was sick. Even though my
• 8:19
  health was not in the best, I still had to
• 8:23
  step up and I had to be the provider because
• 8:26
  my husband could not work. He was unable to work.
• 8:29
  It wasn't that he didn't want to work, it was
• 8:31
  he was unable to work. His health wouldn't allow him
• 8:34
  to work. So do I have any regrets? Absolutely not.
• 8:38
  But I also struggled with that because I didn't feel
• 8:41
  like I was showing up enough for my husband. Was
• 8:44
  I doing enough. I felt like the walls were closing in.
• 8:49
  I felt like I was suffocating. I felt like I
• 8:51
  was drowning. I felt like life was just it just
• 8:53
  got really, really, really heavy for me. And anyone knows.
• 8:56
  When I do Black Girlentster with the podcast, y'all know,
• 8:59
  I love to give one hundred and ten percent. Y'all
• 9:02
  know I like to get up here and I like
• 9:04
  to give y'all all of me. I don't want to
• 9:07
  get up here and do a show and give y'all
• 9:09
  half of me, you understand. So I wanted I wanted
• 9:11
  to take care of me. So where I'm at right now, mentally,
• 9:18
  I'm in a much better space. Let me say that
• 9:23
  with regards to me and my husband. He start therapy
• 9:28
  because I want to save my marriage. We want to
• 9:31
  we want this, But he had some issues he had
• 9:36
  to work through. I had some issues I had to
• 9:38
  work through. So now that we have come to a
• 9:43
  space in the road where we're willing to put in
• 9:47
  the work to save our marriage, I'm good. Because that
• 9:53
  weighs a lot on a person, because you don't get
• 9:56
  married to get divorced. You understand, you get married because
• 9:59
  you want to grow over this person. You want to
• 10:00
  stay with this person forever until God takes one of
• 10:05
  y'all home. So that's what life has been like for me. Hmm.
• 10:17
  I don't think y'all understand how excited I am right now.
• 10:23
  I'm really I'm really trying to hold back these tears.
• 10:25
  I really truly am, because y'all just do not understand
• 10:31
  how grateful I am to be back in my space,
• 10:33
  to be back in my element, and to have the
• 10:36
  love and the support not only from my family but
• 10:39
  from my friends. It's a beautiful thing. So I took
• 10:46
  some time off from work to focus on me, to
• 10:53
  make sure I get my health right. What else has
• 10:58
  been on? We lost st my nephew back in April,
• 11:05
  very devastating, and we made a twenty two hour drive
• 11:10
  to California. Y'all. Man, Oh, that was a hike. That
• 11:15
  was a hike, but it was well worth it. I
• 11:17
  got to see family. Shout out to my cousin. You know,
• 11:23
  I don't know she's tuned in, but shout out to
• 11:25
  my cousin Brandan Man, thank you for just always loving
• 11:28
  me and pouring into me every time you see me,
• 11:30
  you know. But let me let me go back and
• 11:37
  catch y'all up. Wow. So February I was supposed to
• 11:42
  come back and do Black Girl interrupt the podcast. I
• 11:49
  took a major blow to my health. As you can see,
• 11:55
  I've gained a lot of weight. I'm now retaining fluid.
• 12:00
  So I have now been referred to a cardiologist simply
• 12:05
  because it may or may not be congest a heart failure.
• 12:11
  So that's one of the things that I'm dealing with.
• 12:16
  I just went and did my Mammo Graham last week.
• 12:19
  Week before last. There are some cysts in my left
• 12:25
  breast that they want to watch. They say they're small,
• 12:28
  but they just want to watch and make sure that
• 12:30
  they don't get bigger. So I'm dealing with that. I'm
• 12:33
  battling that. Can I help you, a little girl, Karma says, hi, y'all,
• 12:39
  can I help you? Can I please help you a
• 12:42
  little girl? Please go get on your cot. Thank you
• 12:46
  for your cooperation. Thank you, ma'am. She's too big for
• 12:50
  me to pick up and put on this camera. But
• 12:52
  maybe at the end I'll show y'all at the end.
• 12:57
  Now she's got a sad feace come here, little girl,
• 12:59
  come here, come on, come on, you want to get
• 13:02
  up here? Okay, well then you stay over there. Whatever
• 13:07
  she wants to get on the camera. But we'll see
• 13:09
  karma another day. But so I've been dealing with that.
• 13:14
  It is not hold on here she goes here, she is,
• 13:16
  come here, Come on, you want to get up here?
• 13:19
  Come here? She runs away. Oh, she'd say, the fact
• 13:27
  that I've laid on my cot. It's so funny. Yes, girl, Uh,
• 13:31
  come here, you want to get up here? Maybe when
• 13:34
  maybe when she get out of her little mood or
• 13:36
  attitude anyway, but life really got the best of me.
• 13:47
  I've been in and out of the doctor's offices. I
• 13:51
  have now been told that I am past the oral
• 13:55
  stage of five or miles. Just so now we're gonna
• 13:58
  start looking into infusion things, therapy, because that is getting
• 14:02
  a little worse. You know, some days are better than others.
• 14:05
  But I won't complain. Let me, let me say this,
• 14:08
  I'm grateful to still be here. Let me first and
• 14:12
  foremost say that I thank God for keeping me and
• 14:14
  carrying me thus far. Am I scared? Yeah, But that
• 14:23
  that's the human side of me, you know, that is
• 14:26
  that is absolutely the human side of me. I have
• 14:29
  every right to be scared because I'm human. Those are emotions,
• 14:33
  and I'm not afraid to share that with y'all. Y'all know,
• 14:35
  I'm an open book with y'all. Y'all know I tell
• 14:37
  y'all everything. I will tell y'all everything down to my
• 14:41
  blood type. Now, I ain't gonna tell you my social
• 14:44
  Security number because baby, you try to go get something
• 14:46
  and my social security Baby, you're gonna be made because
• 14:49
  they're gonna be like I denied. No, I'm kidding. But
• 14:56
  I just wake up every day and I thank God
• 14:58
  for allow on my feet to touch the ground, for
• 15:00
  allowing me to still breathe this air, for allowing me
• 15:02
  to still provide not only for me, but for my
• 15:05
  husband and my children. I couldn't ask for anything more
• 15:13
  because God has given me everything. He's given me the
• 15:16
  greatest gift. Do you want to get up here? Now?
• 15:19
  She wants to get up here. Hold on, come here,
• 15:22
  come here, pooh, come here, come here, big girl, come here,
• 15:27
  come here. Hold on, Wait a minute, y'all, you'll see
• 15:30
  her there, she come here. You gotta turn that way.
• 15:34
  They don't They don't want you looking at it. Now
• 15:37
  do y'all see her? Here she is. She's too big
• 15:42
  for me to pick up. Don't touch no, you know,
• 15:45
  we don't do all of that. There she is. Say hi, Karma,
• 15:49
  say hello, say hello? There she is. Okay, can you
• 15:54
  get down now? Can you please move because I had
• 15:58
  a shoulder through. Okay, I love you, Thank you having
• 16:02
  her day. Now, gonna get back on your cot.
• 16:04
  Speaker 6: Thank you.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: She wants to come back up here. Hold on, y'all,
• 16:08
  come here, come on, come on. I can't even do
• 16:12
  my show because of you. Come here, come on, Oh
• 16:15
  come here. Oh Jesus, yeah, so you could see come here.
• 16:22
  Oh Jesus Christ, there she is now, yeah, say hello,
• 16:30
  say hello. Look right there. You'll say hi, she's too big,
• 16:38
  now get back. Oh Jesus Christ, there are you too big?
• 16:42
  Now she's she's she's ben ran and got on her cot. Okay,
• 16:46
  thank god. Oh here we are. So she is huge. Y'all.
• 16:57
  Let me go to some of the comments and then
• 16:58
  we're gonna keep talking. And all right, that got my
• 17:03
  sister t Hey girl, I don't know why. There we go,
• 17:07
  Hey bo, thank you for tuning in tonight. I appreciate you.
• 17:11
  Thank you. Karma. No one wants to see you. Now,
• 17:14
  it's not about you anymore. Thank you, God, bless you.
• 17:19
  They're gonna my girl zee hey za Naya's Let me
• 17:23
  tell y'all that is my true crime sister right there.
• 17:25
  I love that. I love her with everything you me,
• 17:27
  and I've never met her. But one day God is
• 17:30
  gonna allow me to meet her, and baby is gonna
• 17:32
  get on our sofas, and baby's gonna be and watch
• 17:35
  all these true crime shows because baby, she be lacing
• 17:37
  me up and I be lacing up. So I love it.
• 17:40
  Thank you, Boo Karma, can you please move? Thank you,
• 17:46
  thank you, thank you, thank you. I appreciate the prayers.
• 17:50
  Hey yoh, I love you real big baby. Let me
• 17:53
  tell you something. My love for you is infinity. Stop
• 17:56
  you cannot bite you too big, you cannot get back
• 18:00
  up here in my lap. She's got an attitude over here, y'all. Baby,
• 18:04
  this's side I should given me right now. Okay, this
• 18:10
  is why I should have put you in your kennel,
• 18:12
  because see I knew this you was gonna do this. Stop.
• 18:18
  She wants me to rub her gums. She's teething. I
• 18:23
  can't even do my show. Girl. Let me let me focus.
• 18:26
  Speaker 6: Oh.
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: My sister says, she's praying for me. Thank you, thank you,
• 18:28
  thank you. We need it. My cousin says, thank you, Jesus.
• 18:32
  I cannot scratch your golm. I knew I should have
• 18:35
  put her in my kenel before I came in here.
• 18:39
  Do you want to get back up here again? Do
• 18:41
  you want to host the show? She wants me to
• 18:46
  scratch your gums? She said, thank you. My cousin say,
• 18:50
  thank you Jesus. Ah and I enjoyed y'all too. Hopefully
• 18:55
  we're gonna try to come back before the end of
• 18:57
  the summer, so we'll see. Uh. My cousin says, yes,
• 19:02
  she's here, thank you, I love you so much. My
• 19:06
  sister says, she's praying for me. Uh huh uh oh,
• 19:12
  come from under here now she's oves. Oh, she's so rotten.
• 19:19
  Get a kind of course, wo say, say it'll be fun.
• 19:24
  Zanayah say the fact that I'm laying on my cot
• 19:29
  hebel Hey sus yes, they say, hey, Karma, can you
• 19:35
  move girl? What is up with you? In feet? I
• 19:38
  ain't never known a dog that like feet and Brenda
• 19:43
  and she's not done growing. I promise she's not. They say,
• 19:47
  she's supposed to be anywhere between one hundred and one
• 19:49
  hundred and thirty pounds by the time she's full grown.
• 19:52
  So and she's only four months, so you see how
• 19:53
  big she is now. Oh, hey, brother, let's get a ga,
• 20:00
  says he. My beautiful sister. Hope you and the family
• 20:03
  are well. Gotta quit dipping on me, says always love.
• 20:06
  So let me let me tell y'all on. There's my
• 20:10
  cousin right there. Hey, Tisha, let me say to you,
• 20:14
  since you are tuned in, thank you for the other day.
• 20:18
  I apologize for the way that I acted and and
• 20:23
  that's what brings me to where we are today. For
• 20:28
  me and my husband, we have hit a rough spot
• 20:31
  in our marriage. I did throw divorce out on the table.
• 20:38
  And what are you doing? Stop? Go get on your cop.
• 20:45
  Go get over there, on your cop. She wants to
• 20:50
  get back up here. Hold on, y'all, come here, come on,
• 20:53
  come on, come on, come on, come here here. And
• 20:59
  this is from the last time you hop up here
• 21:01
  because you're too big. There she is, there, she is
• 21:07
  now damn, you got to turn that way. That's where
• 21:12
  they are. You see there she is, You see yourself?
• 21:16
  Tell them hello, and this is how big she is
• 21:18
  and she's only four months old. Okay, can you get
• 21:22
  down now? Okay, now go get on your cap. Jesus Christ.
• 21:30
  They say, get a kind of course or it's gonna
• 21:32
  be fun. But so anyway, so let me back up
• 21:36
  and tell y'all how we got to where we are today.
• 21:41
  So Ever, since my husband recovered from his prostate cancer,
• 21:45
  life just got different for us. A lot of things changed,
• 21:50
  not only on a physical aspect, but an emotional aspect. Stop,
• 21:58
  we stopped talking, we quit communicating with each other. It
• 22:03
  was okay, well we're gonna talk about it, and then
• 22:06
  when the day comes, it never happens. We just go
• 22:09
  as if nothing. I will say, I want to say
• 22:16
  I reached my break in point. I want to say
• 22:17
  maybe April and maybe March, because I kept telling him
• 22:26
  we need to go to therapy, we need to talk
• 22:29
  because we're not seeing eye to eye. And maybe partly
• 22:35
  was that because of his cancer, Maybe partly because I
• 22:41
  was more concerned about my health now that he had recovered.
• 22:46
  So it became a tug of war between each other.
• 22:52
  When when the death happened, we had the same face
• 22:55
  going to California because I didn't want people to know
• 22:58
  that my marriage was following apart behind the scenes, because
• 23:05
  at that point I felt like a failure because I
• 23:10
  stood before God and I married this man, and now
• 23:14
  here I am telling him I no longer whether I
• 23:16
  wan to be married to him. And I screamed, I yelled,
• 23:21
  I cussed him out, I called him out of his name. Stop.
• 23:30
  So I told him, I said, I don't want to
• 23:35
  do this anymore. I was done. I said, because I've
• 23:39
  been fighting with you for months to wreck the fire marriage,
• 23:46
  and I just felt like you weren't ready to put
• 23:48
  in the work. So I was on the phone one
• 23:52
  day with a person that's in my comments. And when
• 23:58
  I tell you that day, I exploded, I want to
• 24:03
  say it was it was frustration, it was hurt, it
• 24:10
  was anger, it was rage, it was everything balled into one.
• 24:16
  And I exploded on him and I told him I'm
• 24:18
  going five papers, I'm done. I'm not doing this with you.
• 24:26
  And I cried that entire day because I had never
• 24:29
  spoken to my husband in that way in the five
• 24:31
  years me and him have been together going on six,
• 24:34
  I've never spoken to that man that way a day
• 24:36
  in my life, and that day, that was rage, and
• 24:42
  I told God, I never want to feel that way
• 24:47
  to my husband, because this is a man that God
• 24:52
  gave me, you understand. This was the man that God
• 24:56
  specifically designed for me. This was a man that took
• 25:00
  me out of my masculine energy and was able to
• 25:03
  allow me to rest in my feminine energy. But I
• 25:10
  allowed our problems to build and build and build and
• 25:13
  build because I felt like I didn't have an outlet.
• 25:16
  I felt like I didn't have anyone to talk to.
• 25:18
  I can't go and tell my mom and this because
• 25:21
  my mama tell everybody. You understand. I couldn't tell my
• 25:25
  sisters this because then they were gonna blame me and say, well,
• 25:29
  ask you, you know. So I held it in and
• 25:32
  I just let everything build and build and build and
• 25:34
  build and build and build and build, until finally I
• 25:37
  erupted like a volcano. I acted like a complete ass
• 25:41
  that date. I was like a Tasmanian devil, and I
• 25:45
  knew then we gotta fix this. Something has to be
• 25:49
  done because I love this man. I'm in love with
• 25:52
  this man. When I see I am in love with
• 25:54
  this man. I am in love with this man. When
• 25:57
  I tell you, I don't rest until he is in
• 26:00
  the house. I don't rest until he's in the bed
• 26:02
  with me. You understand. This man is absolutely my person.
• 26:08
  I even told my sister girl, I'm going as soon
• 26:11
  as the girls, soon as we pay this girl, were
• 26:13
  gonna sell this house. Baby, I had it all planned out,
• 26:17
  but that was my emotions. I wasn't thinking rationally, you understand,
• 26:23
  because I didn't get a moment to process everything because
• 26:25
  the moment I want to do, I wanted to run,
• 26:28
  But God says, you signed up for this, so now
• 26:33
  you want to leave, You want to dip. So I
• 26:37
  had to sit down and had to sit I have.
• 26:40
  I had to have a real heavy conversation with myself
• 26:44
  and I have to say, do you love this man?
• 26:47
  It is this worth it? And it is? So I
• 26:52
  asked him. I went to him and I said, you know,
• 26:55
  and I apologized, and I and I explained to him
• 26:58
  why I was apologizing. You understand. So I told him,
• 27:04
  I said, if we're gonna make this work, we have
• 27:06
  to do therapy. We have to figure out where we
• 27:10
  went wrong. Where did life turn for us? You understand,
• 27:14
  because we were happy. But I could be honest with
• 27:21
  you when I can tell you where it turned. I
• 27:25
  married a man that I didn't trust in the beginning.
• 27:28
  You understand, I married a man that cheated on me.
• 27:37
  I'm not ashamed to share that. You understand some of
• 27:42
  y'all are still with men that are still cheating on you.
• 27:48
  So and that's not a dig at anybody. But before
• 27:52
  you judge, because there are a lot of people out
• 27:55
  here that love to judge, sweep around your own feet first.
• 28:01
  But I'm married him because I thought we could get
• 28:03
  through this. So I told him, we gotta go back
• 28:06
  to the beginning. We got to go back to where
• 28:08
  it started. So that's what we're doing. So that's what
• 28:16
  I had to do. In order to be able to
• 28:20
  get back into my element. I had to free myself.
• 28:22
  You understand, because Black Girl Interrupted is a space that
• 28:27
  I not only created for me, but for y'all, for us,
• 28:30
  for us to come in and kick off our shoes
• 28:32
  and relax and have meaningful, powerful conversations with no judgment.
• 28:40
  That's what black Girl Interrupted means to me. Black Girl
• 28:43
  Interrupted is a space where we release and talk about
• 28:47
  all things that have caused interruptions or disruptions in our lives.
• 28:53
  I don't get up here and do this for cloud
• 28:56
  or for money, because I enjoy doing this. Care about money.
• 29:01
  People want to do podcasts because they want to get famous,
• 29:03
  they want to be seen. I don't care to be seen.
• 29:08
  My goal for Black Girl Interrupted is to help someone
• 29:12
  by sharing the things that I go through in life,
• 29:14
  by being vulnerable with it with any and everybody, letting
• 29:19
  you know that I hurt just like you, that I
• 29:24
  suffer from depression, I suffer from anxiety just like you.
• 29:28
  You're not by yourself. This is why I do what
• 29:32
  I do because I love doing this. I love when
• 29:34
  people call me or send me messages and say, man,
• 29:37
  so you was on point tonight with your show. That's
• 29:40
  the only accolades that I want. I don't care about
• 29:42
  the financial part, baby, as long as I've made a
• 29:45
  difference in somebody's life, Babe, I've done exactly what God
• 29:48
  wants me to do and can't nobody to take my
• 29:51
  gift away from me. God gave us to me, God says,
• 29:56
  asked you. You just It's an energy about you. You
• 29:59
  have a way of of getting through the people. You
• 30:01
  have a way of talking to people. You have a
• 30:02
  way of sharing things with people to allow people to
• 30:05
  open up and be safe with you. Yes, But I
• 30:09
  didn't learn this overnight. This was something that I had
• 30:11
  to work for because had you have known Ashley ten
• 30:15
  years ago, five years ago, three years ago, I'm a
• 30:19
  totally different person than what I was yesterday. I don't
• 30:23
  think a lot of people realize that. On June the
• 30:25
  second of this year, I celebrated one year since I
• 30:28
  attempted suicide. One year and I'm grateful and I'm thankful
• 30:35
  that God kept me. You understand. I'm thankful for everything
• 30:39
  that God continues to give me. I thank God for
• 30:41
  the voice that God gives me. I thank God for
• 30:45
  the life that He provides for me. You understand. I
• 30:48
  appreciate that I started this, so I owe it to
• 30:55
  myself to finish exactly what I started. I owe it
• 30:59
  to y'all to finish that's what I started. I owe
• 31:01
  it to y'all to open up a space where y'all
• 31:03
  could come in and y'all talk and no one judges you.
• 31:08
  I open up this space never to allow disrespect. You understand,
• 31:13
  this is our safe space. This is not just mine,
• 31:15
  this is ours. I didn't again, I didn't make this
• 31:18
  just for me. I made it for us, for all
• 31:20
  of us, for black men and black women, because we
• 31:23
  don't have safe spaces like that. We don't have spaces
• 31:26
  where we're able to talk, where we're able to vent
• 31:29
  without people judging, because see sometimes are listening, it will
• 31:33
  always become a running mouth. And that makes it very
• 31:36
  difficult for people to open up, especially when people are hurting,
• 31:40
  when people want to talk, when people want to express themselves,
• 31:43
  and they don't have a space to go into because
• 31:45
  they're afraid because guess what, when mad d comes, people
• 31:50
  tend to use that against you. I'm guilty of that.
• 31:54
  I'm guilty of that. I'm taking accountability of everything that
• 31:58
  I've ever done intentionally to hurt somebody. So I'm asking
• 32:03
  let me say this to y'all. If you have done
• 32:07
  someone wrong, or if someone has wronged you, forgive them
• 32:11
  and forgive you. You understand, but still hold them accountable.
• 32:18
  Feel what you need to feel right now. If someone
• 32:22
  hurts you, let them know that they hurt you. Don't
• 32:26
  wait until four or five days later to come back
• 32:28
  and say, well, ask you hurt me on Monday. Today
• 32:31
  is Friday, today is Saturday, and you're still holding on
• 32:34
  to what happened on Monday. A lot of things have happened.
• 32:39
  Let go a grudge it. Life is too short. We
• 32:43
  got more years behind us than what we have in
• 32:45
  front of us, you understand. So you forgive the people
• 32:47
  that have done you wrong. Forgive yourself if you've done
• 32:50
  yourself wrong. I had to learn that. That's one of
• 32:54
  the things that I had to do when I started
• 32:55
  going to therapy. I had to forgive myself for the
• 32:57
  things that I did wrong to myself. I had to
• 32:59
  forgive myself stuff, for the intentional pain that I caused
• 33:02
  to other people. You understand. I have to forgive myself
• 33:05
  for the things that I've said to other people to
• 33:08
  hurt them intentionally. Now I'm moving with intent, You understand.
• 33:14
  Now I'm moving intentionally. I want to intentionally encourage somebody.
• 33:20
  I want to intentionally pour into somebody. I want to
• 33:22
  intentionally love on somebody. But at the same time, I'm
• 33:25
  still gonna keep my cup full. I want to pour
• 33:28
  into y'all. I want to love on you. But I
• 33:32
  cannot allow people to keep draining me either. And that
• 33:37
  was one of the things that I felt in my marriage.
• 33:39
  I felt like my husband was draining me. I felt
• 33:43
  like he was taking advantage of me because I'm working
• 33:45
  two jobs. Still. I'm still working two jobs because I
• 33:55
  choose to do that because there are things that I
• 33:58
  want to do with in our house that costs money,
• 34:01
  you understand. But I'm also learning to take a step back.
• 34:06
  I'm also learning to relax. I'm also learning to know
• 34:09
  when to throw in the towel. I'm also learning to
• 34:12
  know when enough is enough when I have to say,
• 34:14
  you know what, Ashley, this is out of your control, baby,
• 34:17
  you gotta let that go. That's what I'm learning in
• 34:21
  this moment. That's what I'm learning. That's what I've learned
• 34:24
  in these last five months six months that I've been
• 34:27
  away from Black Girl Interrupted podcast. You understand, I had
• 34:31
  to relearn Ashley because I lost Ashley somewhere along the way,
• 34:36
  because I started to put everyone else in front of me,
• 34:38
  because I started to put everyone's issues before mine and
• 34:41
  forgot all about me. And now here my health is
• 34:44
  not in the best. So now I'm like, you know what,
• 34:48
  I gotta take care of Ashley. Now, you understand, because
• 34:50
  people depend on me, People rely on me. I have
• 34:53
  to be here not only for my husband, for my children.
• 34:58
  You know, I'm moving in a positive direction with my children.
• 35:02
  Our relationship, my relationship with my children is getting better,
• 35:06
  you understand. And I thank God for that. I thank
• 35:08
  God for allowing me to just be the most naked
• 35:12
  I could have ever been with him. Because God knows
• 35:15
  you better than you know your own self. You understand,
• 35:18
  God knows what you're gonna do before you even do it.
• 35:21
  So I'm grateful for that. I thank God for that.
• 35:25
  I thank God for the people that He keeps putting
• 35:27
  in my life. I thank God for the people that
• 35:30
  He is allowed to keep pouring into me. You understand.
• 35:33
  And I want to say to y'all, thank y'all so
• 35:35
  much for loving me unconditionally. Thank y'all for loving me
• 35:38
  past my flaws. Thank y'all for loving me on those
• 35:41
  bad days. Thank y'all for loving me on those good days.
• 35:44
  Thank you for loving me on my highs and lows
• 35:46
  and my indifferences. You understand. Thank you for understanding and
• 35:49
  knowing that I'm not perfect. Thank you for loving and
• 35:52
  understanding that I'm just Ashley. I thank y'all for that.
• 35:59
  I thank y'all that. I thank God for taking me
• 36:03
  through every storm that I've endured these last five months.
• 36:06
  I'm grateful for it, because I wouldn't be sitting here
• 36:08
  today to be able to tell this to y'all. So
• 36:12
  I thank God for that. I'm appreciative of that. I'm
• 36:15
  appreciative of every lesson that I've learned. I'm appreciative for
• 36:20
  every mountain that has come my way. And God has
• 36:23
  always showed me how to get around it. You understand,
• 36:26
  He's always done that for me. So I am going
• 36:29
  to again. I'm gonna continue where I started. I'm gonna
• 36:34
  finish what I started because you know why, because I
• 36:38
  owe that to y'all. Y'all deserve this, because how many
• 36:43
  other spaces are we going to where it's safe. How
• 36:47
  many other spaces are we going to where we're able
• 36:49
  to be free, where we're able to be able to
• 36:51
  be vulnerable with no judgment. I come in here and
• 36:56
  I open up this door, and I'm like, man, y'all,
• 36:58
  come on in. Food is ready. Come on, everybody, Let's eat,
• 37:03
  even the ones that doubt me, even the ones that
• 37:06
  don't like me. Real like, come on, baby, come on,
• 37:11
  get you a plate. Because God says you have to
• 37:15
  be a blessing to others. God said, I build a
• 37:22
  table big enough for everybody, even your enemies, even the
• 37:27
  ones that didn't support my marriage, even the ones that
• 37:32
  whatever God says, still still allow them a place at
• 37:37
  your table. Can you stop, girl, This a real veil
• 37:42
  crow dog. But I'm appreciative of that. T should say,
• 37:47
  all glory be to God. No flesh can glory. Absolutely,
• 37:51
  she says, there are blessings in the valley. Alltelia says,
• 37:57
  no weapon formed will prosper. Let me tell you some
• 38:00
  God say they will form. They're gonna form because you're
• 38:02
  gonna be tested every day. And I'm okay with that
• 38:06
  because now I know how to handle these situations. Now
• 38:09
  I know what to do when it gets a little
• 38:11
  too heavy for me. I need to take a step back.
• 38:13
  I need to breathe, I need to regroup and then
• 38:16
  come back and deal with it. That's what. That's what.
• 38:18
  That's what I'm learning, and I'm continuing to learn. You understand.
• 38:23
  I'm learning to just be the best Ashley. I'm learning
• 38:27
  to just show up. Stop girl, move karma, move yards
• 38:37
  and me like that again? Girl, she look cute self.
• 38:40
  She's so cute. And then you see, I got a dog.
• 38:45
  This is let me tell you, this is my spirit animal.
• 38:48
  I really feel like she is, what are you doing?
• 38:51
  She wants to get back up here, but unfortunately I'm
• 38:54
  in the middle of a show. We'll play later. Don't
• 38:58
  get an attitude okay today, Okay, thank you, good girl.
• 39:03
  Go get on your cot. Okay. She just wants to
• 39:07
  be rubbed. Okay. Tisha says, you are so appreciated. She
• 39:12
  said the overflow. She said, there are souls depending on
• 39:17
  your obedience. Absolutely, and I received that again. I just
• 39:26
  I'm grateful. I'm thankful. I appreciate y'all pulling up for me.
• 39:35
  I appreciate the love and the support. I appreciate all
• 39:37
  the encouragement that I stopped. Go get on your cot.
• 39:43
  Thank you, real y eyes. One more time, and it's
• 39:48
  gonna be me and you, girl, Yes it is. But
• 39:52
  I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for all the love
• 39:59
  that I still receive. I'm grateful for the encouragement. I'm
• 40:06
  grateful for all the prayers leave my feet alone. What
• 40:09
  is it with dogs and feet? Oh Jesus. But most importantly,
• 40:16
  I'm grateful for me. I'm grateful that I'm able to
• 40:20
  sit here today. I'm grateful that I took a step
• 40:25
  back into black Girl interro of the podcast. Is anything
• 40:29
  gonna change now that I'm back? Absolutely not. We're still
• 40:32
  gonna have those up close and personal conversations. We're still
• 40:35
  gonna have those uncomfortable conversations. I'm still gonna bring those
• 40:40
  hot and crazy topics too. Black Girl interrupt. Absolutely. Am
• 40:46
  I gonna talk about the Carmelo Anthony Troup? Absolutely? Am
• 40:50
  I gonna talk about Cyrus Belton carmac Absolutely because I
• 40:54
  remember when I first brought that story to y'all. Am
• 40:58
  I still gonna talk about mental health because that's very
• 41:01
  imperative in this climate right now? Am I still gonna
• 41:07
  bring y'all hot, juicy gossip maybe here and there. Am
• 41:14
  I still looking for guests to beyond Black Girl? That's rough?
• 41:16
  That absolutely do. I plan to continue. Absolutely. I'll be
• 41:25
  back now Tuesdays and Wednesdays, seven pm Central Time. We're
• 41:30
  gonna do it big. We're gonna finish out the last
• 41:34
  six months of twenty twenty six, for really five and
• 41:36
  a half months. We're gonna finish this share strong and
• 41:39
  when to finish it together. We're gonna walk this journey together.
• 41:44
  I'm a love on y'all. Intentionally, I'm gonna love you
• 41:48
  out loud and on purpose, because y'all deserve that. Y'all
• 41:53
  deserve the best part of me, because guess what, y'all
• 41:56
  always give me the best part of you. I really
• 42:02
  truly did. I miss y'all tremendously. It feels amazing to
• 42:08
  be back. Was I scared? Yeah? I was, but I said,
• 42:16
  you know what, go ahead, jump in feet first as
• 42:21
  so I did it. Y'all see them grades, baby, y'all
• 42:24
  girl over here, agent. But AnyWho, I want to know
• 42:28
  what's been going on with y'all. How y'all doing. Let
• 42:30
  your girl know how y'all been doing. What's been going on? Oh?
• 42:34
  Speaking of, let me see if I could pull the picture.
• 42:39
  So many of y'all know that Doe follow me on Facebook.
• 42:44
  My daughter did graduate May the ninth, eighth, May eighth
• 42:49
  with her bachelor's in Criminal Justice. She did graduate magna
• 42:53
  cum loud. Oh, let me see if I could pull
• 42:56
  up the picture. Hold on, wait, wait, wait, let me
• 42:57
  see if I could share the picture. Wait, let me see,
• 43:03
  I'm gonna give it to y'all. Hold on, wait, wait, wait,
• 43:07
  because I should have had it already posted. But for
• 43:10
  those that come on, let me see. Let me go
• 43:15
  into Okay, here we go. Ah, Okay, let me go
• 43:24
  here because I want to show y'all because there's a
• 43:28
  lot of y'all that may not have saw the picture.
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: Uh all right, so let me let me put it
• 43:39
  back up here.
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: Okay, hold on, let me let me see how it
• 43:49
  will let me do it. Let's see. I'm trying to
• 43:55
  see how it will allow me to upload it so
• 43:57
  y'all can see. But yes, my this daughter, Jamari, she
• 44:01
  did graduate. There she is. She graduated May the eighth,
• 44:08
  twenty twenty six, with her bachelor's degree again in criminal justice.
• 44:12
  She graduated magna cum loud. And when I tell y'all,
• 44:15
  I couldn't be proud of her when I say, my
• 44:19
  daughter has endured a lot, from losing her father, stopped
• 44:24
  from losing her father in twenty twenty four, to just
• 44:28
  her navigating her feelings, her emotions, her trying to figure
• 44:33
  out what she wanted to do in life. So I'm
• 44:39
  very proud of her. Hey, sis, she said. So she
• 44:42
  even says, hey you, sissy, it's good to see you
• 44:44
  back live again. I hope all is well with you.
• 44:48
  I'm better let me say that it feels good to
• 44:53
  be back. I'm I'm in a beautiful space. Now. I
• 45:00
  really didnt Michelle, I did. Mmm. Seeing my daughter graduate
• 45:08
  was the most amazing thing ever. And now knowing that
• 45:13
  me and my husband are going to work through our
• 45:15
  issues to salvage our marriage is even better for me. Again,
• 45:22
  I do appreciate the ones that reached out, but I
• 45:28
  will not take back the post that I made when
• 45:31
  I said some of y'all reached out just to be nosy.
• 45:35
  But if you go back and you rewatch this episode,
• 45:37
  you'll know exactly what was going on. Yes, me and
• 45:39
  my husband were headed for divorce. We were Oh. I know,
• 45:44
  he may be like, why you put that out there?
• 45:47
  Why not? I mean, we could be saving someone else's marriage,
• 45:51
  you know. So what are you doing? Girl? You're so
• 45:57
  big and bad and so pretty at the same time,
• 45:59
  she trying to get back over here. But I am sis.
• 46:06
  I'm in a very beautiful space. Mentally, I'm in a
• 46:12
  great space. Emotionally, I'm excited to start our therapy sessions.
• 46:19
  We are gonna be doing this with a minister, because,
• 46:26
  like I explained to my husband, we have to have
• 46:28
  God in the midst of all of this, and we
• 46:30
  didn't we we lost sight, we lost track of a
• 46:33
  lot of things. We lost focus. But God says, you know,
• 46:39
  I'm gonna bring you all back together because two becomes one.
• 46:44
  I united this marriage, so you gotta work through it.
• 46:48
  You can't run every time stuff gets thick. And that's
• 46:51
  one of the things that I'm learning. So I'm good.
• 46:56
  I am. I'm good. I feel good. I am still hurting,
• 47:01
  you know. Like I said, I will go. I have
• 47:04
  an appointment September twenty fourth with the cardiologist because again,
• 47:11
  I am on retaining fluid. I am still taking diuretics.
• 47:14
  They've actually upped my dosage so I take two milligrams
• 47:19
  a day. It kind of somewhat helps a little bit.
• 47:24
  But again, what can I say? What can I do?
• 47:27
  I've cut back on a lot of things that I eat.
• 47:30
  I gotta work on eating this Chapotle though, y'all. I
• 47:35
  don't know what it is, baby, I've been I have
• 47:38
  to have Chappotle at least once a week. I don't
• 47:40
  know why. I just have to have a taste for it.
• 47:42
  I've aughtay something to night too. But I am on
• 47:47
  a weight loss journey. I am looking to lose a
• 47:51
  lot of this weight because I'm uncomfortable, and maybe that
• 47:55
  will help alleviate some of the swelling or some of
• 47:58
  the fluid retention. But we'll see. I'm very hopeful that
• 48:07
  I will be approved to doing infusion therapy to help
• 48:11
  with my fibromy algia, because when I tell you, there
• 48:14
  are some days that I could barely get out of
• 48:15
  the bed. There are some days where I just I
• 48:20
  just hurt all day, all day. There are some days
• 48:23
  it hurts just to even wear clothes. But uh, what
• 48:27
  are you doing? Get from y'all? She is up under hill,
• 48:33
  laying on my feet. I can't even move my feet.
• 48:35
  Move girl, What are you doing this? Baby? When I
• 48:41
  tell y'all this dog, she be all up under me.
• 48:43
  And then I have my and then I have Karma.
• 48:47
  Karma will start her training Friday. She is going to
• 48:51
  be trained to be a service to animal for me.
• 48:54
  She has helped me a couple of times that I
• 48:56
  have fallen in my house because I've I've kind of
• 49:00
  lost my balance. But I feel good. I feel amazing.
• 49:09
  I do Yeah, I'm okay. I weigh one hundred and
• 49:12
  eighty seven pounds. That's cool, you know. But my husband
• 49:16
  tells me all the time he's like, man, I think
• 49:17
  it's still sexy. Mm hmm. You just say that he
• 49:21
  looked like Shrek and I look like folder. Girl. So
• 49:27
  she let me see if I get her to come
• 49:28
  back up here. Come here, Carmel, come here, girl, she's
• 49:32
  up under here. Can you come here? Let me see?
• 49:34
  Come here, girl, get from under that. Move girl, here's
• 49:39
  your car. Hold on, come here girl, Come in mama.
• 49:44
  Oh my jesus, what did you just do? Get y'all,
• 49:51
  come get him, Come get y'all. Come get your full
• 49:53
  legged niece. Please and thank you Jesus. Please come get this.
• 49:58
  Oh she's so come here, Carma, Oh Jesus, come get them.
• 50:05
  Please somebody. Let me let me show you. Let me
• 50:08
  see if she'll come back over here, because she was
• 50:09
  she wanted to get on the camera at first. Let
• 50:12
  me see it.
• 50:12
  Speaker 7: Come in, Carma, come back here, come in here, get
• 50:18
  on okay, but then time you stay over there then
• 50:22
  But anyway, girl, she's always trying to love on me.
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: Tay says amen. So she says amen. I'm happy for
• 50:31
  you to see. All things will work out. I know
• 50:33
  they will, as long as God is in the center
• 50:37
  of this, in the center of all of this where
• 50:40
  can we feel? You understand? Where can we feel? And
• 50:45
  then the fact that we're putting in the work together.
• 50:48
  So I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for all the
• 50:52
  loving and support that my husband is now giving me
• 50:54
  because he's listening to me now and I'm listening to him.
• 50:58
  So Black Girl Interrupted Podcast is now officially back. Let
• 51:03
  me say that starting next Tuesday, I will be live
• 51:09
  every Tuesday, every Wednesday, once a month. On Wednesdays, we
• 51:15
  will do Wellness Wednesdays. Wellness Wednesdays. That is the day
• 51:20
  where you come in, you kick your shoes off, you
• 51:23
  get your favorite drink, whether it's water, coffee, iced tea, wine, Hennessy's,
• 51:30
  what's the other one, baby, baby drink, cut waters, whatever
• 51:33
  it is, you pull up and that is the day
• 51:37
  where we just talk, where we just love on each other.
• 51:39
  That is the day where we get everything off our chest,
• 51:43
  whatever has been bothering you, whatever's ailing you, whatever you've
• 51:48
  been holding in. That is going to be the day
• 51:51
  that we just release every day, and that will be
• 51:55
  once a month. I will let y'all know ahead of time.
• 51:58
  It'll probably be the third Windnesday of the month. A
• 52:01
  Black Girl Interrupted will be back for sure Tuesdays and Wednesday,
• 52:04
  seven pm Central Time APM easterntime, streaming live to Facebook
• 52:08
  as well as YouTube. We gotta get back in the grooves, y'all.
• 52:13
  We we gotta create this thing back up because let
• 52:15
  me tell you something, we got so many things that
• 52:17
  are going on in the world that we need to
• 52:19
  talk about that I just have not come here. Carmo,
• 52:24
  come here, here she go, come here, come here, Boo,
• 52:29
  come in Mama, Now she got attitude. But anyway, but again,
• 52:36
  I will be discussing next Tuesday, because now that everything
• 52:40
  the dust is somewhat kind of settled a little bit
• 52:44
  with the Carmelo Anthony trial, the verdict, the outcome, the aftermath,
• 52:52
  we will be discussing that. We will be discussing Cyrus
• 52:55
  Karmac Belton. So with those two episodes, they will be
• 52:59
  broke up in to two different parts. So I'll do
• 53:03
  one part on one Tuesday, and then part two the
• 53:05
  following Tuesday. I do ask share like comments, subscribe. I
• 53:12
  do ask you to leave your emotions out of this
• 53:18
  because the only way we are going to have healthy,
• 53:21
  conducive conversations is when we're not emotional. Okay. I will
• 53:28
  be bringing y'all some facts. I will be bringing videos.
• 53:32
  I will be bringing everything to the table regarding Carmelo Anthony,
• 53:39
  regarding Cyrus carmac Belton. I will also again be bringing
• 53:45
  back my wellness Wednesdays again we discuss that again. That
• 53:48
  will be one Wednesday of the month. We are also
• 53:53
  going to be talking about domestic violence. We are going
• 53:56
  to be talking about incest, sexual abuse. We're gonna talk
• 54:08
  about black girls that have gone missing. Why is there
• 54:12
  a little to no media coverage. We're bringing it. We're
• 54:15
  gonna We're gonna finish the year strong. We have five
• 54:19
  and a half left, five and a half months left
• 54:21
  in twenty twenty six, so we're gonna absolutely finish strong. Ah.
• 54:28
  I'm ready. I am so ready. I do have another
• 54:34
  magazine article, interview, another magazine interview I will be doing.
• 54:39
  Also want to let you know that I will be
• 54:41
  entering in the women Who podcast contest again for the
• 54:45
  second year in a row. For those that don't know,
• 54:49
  I won first place last year. Hold on, let me
• 54:53
  show y'all. Uh all right, here we go. So for
• 54:59
  those that no, I did win first place in the
• 55:02
  women Who podcast contests, So I'm going for the second
• 55:08
  year in a row. Uh to win first place again
• 55:13
  in the category that I select. So I'm definitely gonna
• 55:17
  be doing that. I'm going to be putting together a
• 55:23
  Black Girl Interrupted conference. I'm looking to do that maybe
• 55:28
  October ish, give me that October. I'm putting things together
• 55:40
  right now. This will be a free event because I'm
• 55:45
  not gonna charge. Why why I see people and again
• 55:52
  I understand why people charge when they have these conferences,
• 55:55
  but I don't want to charge because I want I
• 55:57
  want everyone to be able to come. I'm looking to
• 56:00
  either do it here in Houston or in Atlanta. I
• 56:04
  will let y'all know as I start putting things together.
• 56:08
  I may start here in Houston and do something here
• 56:11
  in Houston and then travel to Atlanta. But I have
• 56:15
  a lot of big things that I want to do
• 56:17
  and move to progress Black Girl Interrupt that podcast. I
• 56:21
  am going to step out and take a chance on
• 56:24
  doing this, but I know with God, I can't lose,
• 56:29
  So stay tuned for that. I just have some amazing
• 56:33
  things that I want to put on the forefront to
• 56:37
  help progress and push Black Girl Interrupt that podcast along
• 56:40
  further than what it is. My promise to you guys
• 56:43
  is to stay consistent. My promise to you guys is
• 56:46
  to show up when I say I'm gonna show up,
• 56:51
  because I don't want y'all disappointed. Because we gotta bring
• 56:55
  this back. We gotta roll it back, We gotta roll
• 56:58
  it back, and we gotta keep it going. But I
• 57:01
  do want to say to everyone tonight, I love y'all.
• 57:05
  If no one has told you today, I love you
• 57:07
  and I'm proud of you. Whatever it is that you're
• 57:10
  going through, let it go. Let go of things that
• 57:15
  you cannot control, work on the things that are within
• 57:19
  your control. If you're struggling with your family, your children,
• 57:25
  your spouse, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, whatever, fix it. Because
• 57:32
  life is too short. Life is extremely too short. We
• 57:38
  have more years behind this than we do have in
• 57:40
  front of us. Let go of the grudges, Let go
• 57:43
  of the hurt. Somebody hurt you, let them go, Let
• 57:45
  it go, Let the pain go, Let the hurt go,
• 57:48
  because holding onto that only causes much more pain. You understand.
• 57:54
  I'm here. I'm here. I do ask that you take
• 58:01
  care of you for you. Don't do it for anybody else.
• 58:05
  You take care of you. Don't worry about what people
• 58:08
  have to say. About you, because baby, let me tell
• 58:10
  you something. They talk about Jesus still, and Jesus has
• 58:14
  kept a lot of people out of a lot of situations. Oh,
• 58:22
  I love you too, Boo, I love you too. I'll
• 58:24
  tell your says love you two says, I love you back.
• 58:28
  She says. You have helped me mentally so much, because
• 58:33
  I know what it's like not to have a space
• 58:35
  where you can mentally decompress. You've been that for me.
• 58:41
  You understand you've been that for me. You've helped me.
• 58:46
  But I want everyone to Today's Tuesday. Tomorrow is Wednesday,
• 58:55
  hump Day. That means we're halfway through the week, grateful
• 59:00
  for what has happened to you that you're grateful for.
• 59:07
  What are things that you want to do as you
• 59:10
  finish out the rest of the year. What are your
• 59:12
  goals for twenty twenty seven? You understand, start working on that.
• 59:17
  I'm gonna tell y'all the same thing I told myself.
• 59:20
  We owe it to ourselves to start what we to
• 59:23
  finish what we started. We owe that to ourselves. We
• 59:27
  started something, we gotta stick with it. You understand we
• 59:32
  have to stop running when things are out of our control.
• 59:38
  I was on TikTok Today, oh Tashina says, this podcast
• 59:44
  has done a lot for me mentally. When you were gone,
• 59:46
  I went to my journal to help me intil like,
• 59:48
  hear your voice again. You know my phone number, but
• 59:52
  I understood. I understood why you didn't call. I do,
• 1:00:00
  but I want to say this. Pick that pen up,
• 1:00:04
  pick that broom up, pick whatever, whatever your niche is,
• 1:00:08
  get back to it. You have to be your biggest cheerleader.
• 1:00:15
  You have to be the biggest supporter because not everyone
• 1:00:19
  is gonna support you, and we have to be okay
• 1:00:20
  with that. That was one of the things when I
• 1:00:24
  started doing Black Girl Interrupt the podcast was who's gonna
• 1:00:27
  support Who's gonna show up for me? And then I
• 1:00:32
  started to think, I've been in spaces where it's been
• 1:00:36
  ten people, I've been in spaces where it's been one
• 1:00:39
  hundred people. I've been in spaces where it's been fifteen
• 1:00:41
  hundred people, ten thousand people. And one of the things
• 1:00:45
  that I had to learn was I prefer quality, quality
• 1:00:49
  over quantity, because I've learned more in a space with
• 1:00:55
  ten people than i have in a space with ten
• 1:00:57
  thousand people. So whatever it is that you're working on
• 1:01:03
  pick it back up, pick it back up. I had
• 1:01:08
  to pick my baby back up. I had to pick
• 1:01:09
  black girl interrupted back up. Because this is my baby,
• 1:01:11
  this is my art. This was something that I created
• 1:01:15
  because I didn't have anyone else to talk to. You understand,
• 1:01:19
  I couldn't trust talking to my mama. I couldn't trust
• 1:01:21
  talking to my sisters. I was scared because guess what,
• 1:01:24
  I've heard the things that people that I've shared, things
• 1:01:27
  that I've shared with people, I've heard it come back
• 1:01:30
  from people that I didn't even tell it to. So
• 1:01:33
  they caused me to shut down. So I said, you
• 1:01:35
  know what, I'm gonna do one. I'm gonna do one
• 1:01:37
  even better. I'm gonna start a podcast and I'm gonna
• 1:01:40
  tell y'all everything about me because guess what. Let me
• 1:01:45
  tell you something. I I needed this space. Oh oh
• 1:02:00
  that on my baby, my ro I need to come
• 1:02:04
  over there and hug you. Baby. Melo yellisays life has
• 1:02:07
  been doing a fool lately. She said, I tuned in
• 1:02:09
  at the right time. Baby. Let me tell you, life
• 1:02:14
  has been lifing for everybody, and we all have all
• 1:02:19
  been in a space where we didn't have anyone to
• 1:02:22
  talk to. So We've held it in because again, there
• 1:02:29
  are things that I've shared with people that has come
• 1:02:32
  back to me from people that I've never even spoken to.
• 1:02:36
  So I say, you know what, I'm gonna create a
• 1:02:37
  podcast and I'm gonna tell you everything about me the
• 1:02:41
  way Ashley only let me tell you something only I
• 1:02:44
  could tell you about me. Can't nobody else to write.
• 1:02:48
  Can't nobody else in this world write a story about Ashley.
• 1:02:50
  But Ashley, you understand no one can tell your story
• 1:02:58
  about you better than you. So I'm okay with what
• 1:03:04
  other people think about me. But if you really truly
• 1:03:08
  want to know who Ashley has come to sit down
• 1:03:10
  and have a conversation with me, come back and watch
• 1:03:15
  every podcast episode where I poured my heart out into
• 1:03:19
  every episode because you want to know why, because that's
• 1:03:23
  therapeutic for me. I don't care where people say, oh, Ashley,
• 1:03:29
  you just tell too much of your business. I don't
• 1:03:31
  tell enough of it because what I'm going through and
• 1:03:37
  the things that I've endured, someone else is going through
• 1:03:40
  that right now and they don't even know what to do.
• 1:03:44
  So be kind to people. Love on people you understand,
• 1:03:49
  even the people that have hurt you. Love on them anyway.
• 1:03:56
  Forgive those people. Relinquish and take your power back, take
• 1:04:00
  make your control back. Because when you're mad at somebody,
• 1:04:02
  when you're angry with somebody, when you're sad with somebody,
• 1:04:06
  they're holding power over you. Stop giving them that much
• 1:04:09
  of your energy, you understand. Stop allowing people to dictate
• 1:04:12
  your emotions. Stop allowing people to take you into places
• 1:04:15
  that you ain't never been before. The only people that
• 1:04:20
  you need right now, or the people that can elevate you,
• 1:04:23
  or the people that can pull you out of the dark,
• 1:04:25
  because they need to see you. We need the love
• 1:04:27
  on you. And I made the biggest mistake by sitting
• 1:04:29
  in the dark, you understand, because that's where we feel
• 1:04:32
  like it's safe. We get in the dark, you know,
• 1:04:34
  and we don't want anybody to see us. We put
• 1:04:37
  on these smiles like we're okay, when deep down we're hurting.
• 1:04:43
  I don't want you to hurt no more. I've lost
• 1:04:47
  two people in a year to suicide. I've lost two
• 1:04:52
  people in a year, and to think I'm celebrating one year,
• 1:05:03
  one year and God, I'm still here because God says
• 1:05:09
  I'm not ready for you yet. Your purpose has not
• 1:05:13
  been fulfilled. Your destiny has not your destination. You haven't
• 1:05:18
  made it there yet. Mela Yella Tshina says, I felt
• 1:05:25
  that life ain't pulling no punches. You'll make it through, baby.
• 1:05:28
  Let me tell you. I felt like I've been in
• 1:05:31
  a boxing ring with Mike Tyson. You understand, been bobbing
• 1:05:35
  and weaving. But I say, you know what, I'm gonna
• 1:05:38
  stand up to this because if I can make it
• 1:05:42
  over seven suicide attempts, baby, I could make it through
• 1:05:46
  anything that life throws at me. Now I can make
• 1:05:50
  it through anything. I want you to know that where
• 1:05:55
  you are in this moment, you're not gonna be there.
• 1:05:58
  In a week. You're not gonna be here, and you're
• 1:06:00
  not gonna be there in thirty days, sixty days, ninety days.
• 1:06:05
  You're not gonna be there. You understand. You're gonna look
• 1:06:08
  back on this day in one year. You understand. Look
• 1:06:10
  about fact, y'all see y'all see my little giggly angs.
• 1:06:15
  You're not gonna be here in a year. You're gonna
• 1:06:18
  look back in three hundred and sixty five days and say, Man, God,
• 1:06:23
  thank you. You're not gonna be where you are. You understand,
• 1:06:31
  So Sheina says the darkest safe and comfortable, when in
• 1:06:34
  reality it could change your way of thinking. Come out
• 1:06:36
  and let the light shine on you. It's easier said
• 1:06:39
  than done, and I'm going through that as we speak.
• 1:06:40
  But I'm still here and I'm still standing despite it all. Baby,
• 1:06:44
  let me tell you, I know it, but we're here.
• 1:06:51
  We gotta pull We gotta pull you out of the dark.
• 1:06:53
  You understand, because as long as you're in the dark,
• 1:06:56
  you're not safe. Because I mind is dangerous, idle mind
• 1:07:04
  is dangerous. Melo Yella says, yes, you can. I just
• 1:07:14
  made it through one three months ago. I'm still here
• 1:07:17
  to fight another day, absolutely, because you deserve to be here.
• 1:07:22
  You had purpose here. I know. Sometimes when we go
• 1:07:26
  stand in that mirror, we ask what is our purpose?
• 1:07:29
  Why am I here? Why do I keep going through
• 1:07:32
  all of this? Did God say life was gonna be perfect?
• 1:07:41
  But again, we have to stop putting ourselves in situations
• 1:07:49
  that are out of our control. See the thing with us,
• 1:07:53
  I'll tell you, says pray Us. One of the things
• 1:07:57
  with us is we always try to fix things that
• 1:08:00
  are out of our control because we feel like we could,
• 1:08:03
  we could change the trajectory of things. No. Sometimes you
• 1:08:08
  just got to take a step back and say, you
• 1:08:09
  know what, man, I can't do this. I nope, nope,
• 1:08:13
  I can't control this, and then we And that's another
• 1:08:15
  thing that one of the things that I learned is
• 1:08:18
  that when I couldn't control things, I got frustrated. Because
• 1:08:24
  I'm supposed to be superwoman. I'm supposed to be able
• 1:08:26
  to control everything. I'm supposed to be able to control
• 1:08:28
  every situation. Sometimes things happen that are out of your control,
• 1:08:37
  like driving to work. You leave work early, I mean,
• 1:08:40
  you know, you leave home early and say, Okay, I'm
• 1:08:41
  gonna get to work at eight. I'm gonna leave home
• 1:08:44
  at six at six thirty so I can make it
• 1:08:47
  to work at eight o'clock. I'm gonna leave it at
• 1:08:49
  six fifteen, so that way I could have fifteen minutes
• 1:08:51
  so I could go grab me some coffee or donut,
• 1:08:53
  whatever it is, and I'm gonna make it to work
• 1:08:55
  at eight o'clock. But let's just say it's seven thirty
• 1:09:00
  and you're five minutes from your job and a wreck
• 1:09:04
  happens while you're mad. That's out of your control. You
• 1:09:09
  couldn't control people and how they drive. You just focused
• 1:09:14
  on yourself, getting to work safe. There's no roadmap in life.
• 1:09:24
  There's no roadmap, there's no right way, wrong way. So
• 1:09:32
  we have to stop getting upset about things that we
• 1:09:35
  can't control. Things are gonna happen. Life is gonna life.
• 1:09:40
  But how we recover is what matters the most. How
• 1:09:45
  we get up and we shake it off. We fix
• 1:09:49
  ourselves up. Stop looking what, Stop looking like what you're
• 1:09:53
  going through. Fix yourself up. Go take you a hot shower,
• 1:10:00
  Go let me tell you something. Go sit in that
• 1:10:03
  tub and you cry and cry, and you let all
• 1:10:09
  the stress and everything go. So when you let that
• 1:10:12
  water out, it goes down the dream and you get
• 1:10:18
  up and you deal with tomorrow because now today is gone.
• 1:10:25
  I know it's easier saying than then. I'm still learning,
• 1:10:29
  so I'm not telling you anything that I haven't dealt
• 1:10:33
  with or what I'm not or what I'm going through.
• 1:10:37
  I get up every day and I push through because
• 1:10:42
  I have a purpose. I want to get out of
• 1:10:44
  the bed. There are days when I tell y'all that
• 1:10:46
  I heard so bad that I I just want to
• 1:10:48
  lay in the bed all day, and you know what
• 1:10:50
  I'd be like, I can't leave here all day. Man,
• 1:10:51
  Let me get up, let me man, Let me go
• 1:10:54
  fix my hair something. I don't even have to be
• 1:10:55
  going nowhere, but let me make myself feel good today,
• 1:11:00
  even if I'm just going out in the backyard. Go
• 1:11:04
  out in the backyard. Change your scenery, you understand. Start
• 1:11:08
  going to places that you've never been before. Go by yourself.
• 1:11:12
  You don't have to have nobody to go with you.
• 1:11:13
  To go to the park, baby, go to the park.
• 1:11:17
  Get out of there, get out of get out of
• 1:11:19
  your comfort zone, and go into a place that is
• 1:11:23
  a little unfamiliar to you. I guarantee you it will
• 1:11:28
  change everything. I told my husband, I said, you know,
• 1:11:33
  one of the issues that that we're having in our marriages.
• 1:11:36
  Like I told him, I said, you don't take me anywhere.
• 1:11:38
  I said, if you don't understand, I sit and I
• 1:11:41
  look at four walls all day because I work from home.
• 1:11:45
  And when I get off work, I got attend to
• 1:11:48
  the dog, I go to the backyard. Let me take you.
• 1:11:51
  I go to Walmart just to get out of the house,
• 1:11:54
  and Walmart looks the same every time I go. But
• 1:11:56
  guess what, I'm out of my house. Change your scenery,
• 1:12:02
  It'll change your mood. Pick up what it is that
• 1:12:05
  you're like. If you're like doing crossword puzzles, baby, do
• 1:12:08
  crossword puzzles, but go outside and do it. Come out
• 1:12:11
  of your bedroom, get out of your bed. Stop sitting
• 1:12:14
  in that chair that you're sitting every day, because you
• 1:12:16
  still are holding on to the same energy that you
• 1:12:19
  left in that chair when you when you were in
• 1:12:20
  it the day before. Go sit outside. Turn some music on,
• 1:12:27
  go outside, go dance. Let me tell y'all. Every day
• 1:12:33
  when I get off work, I cut some music on. Baby,
• 1:12:37
  I grab that little walker, and baby Calma looks at
• 1:12:40
  me and be like, something is really truly wrong with you.
• 1:12:44
  My mama is broken. Baby, I'll be. I just be
• 1:12:47
  up in here singing. I be dancing. Baby. I put
• 1:12:50
  on a little shyd day if I don't want to,
• 1:12:52
  if I need something to hype my energy, Baby, I
• 1:12:54
  put on a little nipsey hustle. I may put on
• 1:12:58
  some old school like, some old school wrap, something to
• 1:13:03
  bring me about my funk. I got a little bluetooth speaker. Baby,
• 1:13:06
  I go out there on my patio and watch Karma
• 1:13:08
  rip and run. I go outside of my front yard,
• 1:13:13
  take my chair out there. I get out of looking
• 1:13:16
  at this. I told my husband, let's start going to
• 1:13:20
  the park. We ain't gotta spend no money nowhere. Let's
• 1:13:23
  just going chill. So start doing things differently to help
• 1:13:28
  your health, your mental health, because sitting in that house,
• 1:13:31
  sitting in that room, laying in that bed all day,
• 1:13:34
  that depletes your energy. That really makes you not want
• 1:13:37
  to get up because you've been in the bed all day.
• 1:13:39
  You're like, oh, I gotta get out of the bed. Yes,
• 1:13:43
  come on, baby, put your some clothes on. Girl, let's go.
• 1:13:45
  Come on, let's let's go. Let's go to uh, what's
• 1:13:48
  the restaurant, y'all, Let's go to Chili's or something. I'm
• 1:13:50
  just making something up. Let's go eat at Popeye's and
• 1:13:54
  let's laugh. Let's joke. I want to put you in
• 1:13:57
  a feel good mood. I want the best for y'all.
• 1:14:05
  The same energy that I want that I'm gonna pour
• 1:14:07
  into me, I'm gonna pour back into y'all. But I
• 1:14:10
  want try to take that same energy and pour it
• 1:14:12
  back into yourself and know that you're worthy of this,
• 1:14:15
  Know that you are worthy to be healthy, know that
• 1:14:18
  you're worthy to be in a beautiful space mentally, you
• 1:14:22
  deserve that. I put this red on, baby because I
• 1:14:26
  was like, baby, I'm coming back hot like fire. I'm
• 1:14:32
  taking myself to a concert on Thursday. I'm going to
• 1:14:34
  see alex Eisley at the House of Blues. My mom say,
• 1:14:38
  your husband going, No, just me. I'm taking myself out.
• 1:14:45
  I deserve that. I'm gonna get out of the house, baby,
• 1:14:47
  because guess what all I do. All I do is
• 1:14:50
  look at four walls all day and computer screens and
• 1:14:55
  do work. So I'm taking myself out. Me and a Cadillac. Baby,
• 1:15:01
  I'm gonna throw a Cadillac in a trunk and baby,
• 1:15:03
  me and a Cadile like, we're gonna roll. But do
• 1:15:08
  do something beautiful for yourself. Okay, do something amazing for yourself.
• 1:15:16
  You owe that to yourself. You deserve to be happy.
• 1:15:24
  We're releasing and letting go all the hurt, all the pain.
• 1:15:29
  We're letting that go. We're letting that go starting to day.
• 1:15:35
  So when we do our wellness Wednesdays once a month,
• 1:15:38
  that's gonna be the day where Baby, you put everything
• 1:15:41
  in the chat, you let it. You talk about how
• 1:15:45
  your day was, Baby, If you had a bad day,
• 1:15:47
  talk about it, talk about your bad day, talk about
• 1:15:50
  how you're going through something mentally, like, whatever it is,
• 1:15:56
  bring that to wellness Wednesday, because I'm telling you that's
• 1:16:01
  gonna be the day where we release it all. We're
• 1:16:03
  gonna cry, we're gonna shout, we're gonna laugh, baby, we're
• 1:16:06
  gonna do whatever it is. So that way, on Thursday,
• 1:16:10
  when we wake up, we wake up a little lighter,
• 1:16:13
  and we're gonna do this once a month because some
• 1:16:16
  of us need to keep unpacking these suitcases. Some of
• 1:16:19
  us need to stop putting that laundry and back it
• 1:16:22
  in them suitcases. Let it go, let it go, throw
• 1:16:27
  throw that old stuff away, baby, because as long as
• 1:16:30
  you keep holding onto the old stuff, you can't make
• 1:16:32
  room for the new stuff. So that's how we're gonna
• 1:16:36
  finish twenty twenty six. Is eliminating everything that has weighed
• 1:16:40
  us down in twenty twenty six. That is how we're
• 1:16:44
  going to finish the year. So when we walk into
• 1:16:48
  twenty twenty seven, we're walking in a little lighter and
• 1:16:51
  one bag less. You understand, that's what we're doing. That's
• 1:16:56
  how we're gonna wrap this up. That's how we're going
• 1:17:00
  gonna walk into twenty twenty seven. Baby, we're gonna walk
• 1:17:02
  in a little lighter, but we're gonna stomp a little
• 1:17:05
  heavier so they can hear us coming through. Do you
• 1:17:10
  hear me? You owe this to yourself. You deserve this.
• 1:17:18
  It's your time and it's gold time. Were moving all
• 1:17:22
  gas snow breaks. We're moving people out of the way,
• 1:17:27
  the ones that were dropping a dead weight off. Baby.
• 1:17:31
  Every bus stop that we pass, baby, we're dropping you off.
• 1:17:34
  If you don't mean me no good in my life,
• 1:17:36
  you guess what next stop? Let him off, next stop,
• 1:17:40
  let her off. We're letting go to dead weight because
• 1:17:45
  we have to finish this year strong. We put in
• 1:17:49
  too much work. We put in too much over time,
• 1:17:52
  you understand to keep allowing what serves no purpose in
• 1:17:56
  our lives to keep weighing us down. So I say
• 1:18:01
  this to you absolutely. Oh that go. My brother, Hey,
• 1:18:06
  brother man, let me tell y'all something taping. You see
• 1:18:08
  Charles right there, that's my brother, Baby, tap in. My
• 1:18:10
  brother's podcast is coming, brother. Post it in the check,
• 1:18:14
  post it in the chat the name of your podcast
• 1:18:17
  so everyone could come and support because we're about to
• 1:18:21
  run it up. We're about to run it up. Mela
• 1:18:24
  Yella says walking in in Victoria's absolutely absolutely, they're got
• 1:18:29
  my big sister, Sally, that got my baby. She's so beautiful.
• 1:18:32
  I love her so much. Absolutely absolutely, Yes, brother, it's
• 1:18:37
  gold time because let me tell you something, because see,
• 1:18:41
  we're in the first half of twenty twenty six. You
• 1:18:43
  understand we have six We have five and a half
• 1:18:45
  months left until we are in twenty twenty seven. Can
• 1:18:50
  you believe we are done with June? Next week is July?
• 1:18:55
  Next week? Next week? So I am going to dedicate
• 1:19:02
  my show not only to me, but to y'all that
• 1:19:07
  we are going to start lightening our loads. We are
• 1:19:13
  now going to start throwing away what serves us no purpose.
• 1:19:19
  We are no longer holding on to people that serve
• 1:19:22
  us no purpose. I understand you want to hold onto them,
• 1:19:27
  but they're hurting you, and it's weighing you down. It's
• 1:19:31
  dragging you down, it's pulling your energy away from you.
• 1:19:34
  So now you're running on fumes and now you're in
• 1:19:36
  fight or flight mode. I need you now to get
• 1:19:38
  in a position where you're able to rest. I need
• 1:19:40
  you to get into a position where you are able
• 1:19:42
  to relax. You understand, So I am committing Black Girl
• 1:19:49
  interrupted every other the third Wednesday, even if we have
• 1:19:54
  to do wellness Wednesday twice a month, but on wellness Wednesdays,
• 1:19:59
  you are gonna in here, in this space. You're gonna
• 1:20:03
  kick your shoes off. You're gonna get whatever your drink
• 1:20:07
  of choice is, whether it's water, coffee, tea, lemonade, juice, uh,
• 1:20:11
  Paul Massan baby, whatever it is that you like to drink.
• 1:20:13
  Come on, wine, apple, juice. I don't I don't care,
• 1:20:19
  but pull up in this space. Bring your nice comfortable chair,
• 1:20:24
  bring your journal. You understand. And I want you to
• 1:20:28
  write down your goals and I'm gonna write down mine.
• 1:20:34
  You understand. Let me show you. I have where's my tablet?
• 1:20:39
  Hold on? Oh here it is so, I have my tablet.
• 1:20:45
  Here it is you hear me, this is my tablet.
• 1:20:50
  In every episode, we're gonna write down one goal that
• 1:20:56
  you have for yourself, whether it be big, whether it
• 1:20:59
  be small, whether it just be something. But I am
• 1:21:03
  committed to going on this journey together. You understand. I'm
• 1:21:11
  in it. I didn't jumped in feet first, no life jacket.
• 1:21:18
  We can either sink or swim, and we're gonna swim
• 1:21:25
  because we are going to pull everything out of us,
• 1:21:29
  everything that means us no good, everything that is hurting us,
• 1:21:32
  everything that is traumatizing us, everything that we think that
• 1:21:36
  looks good but really ain't good. We're letting it go.
• 1:21:40
  We're throwing it away. That means friendships, relationships, situationships, jobs. Okay,
• 1:21:51
  I was battling myself. You understand. I was in a
• 1:21:55
  fight with myself. I was in a battle within myself.
• 1:21:59
  You understand that caused me to walk away because I
• 1:22:04
  was upset because I couldn't control what was going on here.
• 1:22:08
  It is, you know, my marriage potentially over my health declining.
• 1:22:20
  I'm mad at myself. I was holding on to people
• 1:22:25
  that didn't mean me no good. I was holding on
• 1:22:27
  to people that didn't even pick up the phone to say, actually,
• 1:22:35
  I'm sorry to hear about your husband. I'm sitting prayers,
• 1:22:38
  but could call me for everything else. So I stopped
• 1:22:42
  answering phone calls and people say, oh, actually you're acting funny. No,
• 1:22:46
  I'm protecting my peace now because see, I was giving
• 1:22:51
  too much to people that I was getting little in return.
• 1:22:56
  That's what was happening. I'm pouring in to this person.
• 1:23:00
  I'm pouring into that person. But the moment I'm going
• 1:23:03
  through something, girl, let me call you back. But I'm
• 1:23:11
  committed to y'all whatever it is that we're going through,
• 1:23:15
  Let's go through this together. I got my tablet ready,
• 1:23:21
  I promise you I got it ready, got my pen,
• 1:23:26
  I got my tablet, I got my vision board. I'm
• 1:23:32
  all in Now. Are y'all with me? What we're doing?
• 1:23:39
  Are we doing this together? Y'all pulling up? On Black
• 1:23:44
  Girl Interrup the podcast, go on, put your little feet
• 1:23:46
  on the plus on a plus. You rubbed that I
• 1:23:48
  paid out of lay it out here for y'all. Come on,
• 1:23:51
  it's fun over here. We have fun over here. On
• 1:23:55
  Black Girl Interru the podcast. We laugh over here, we
• 1:23:58
  cry over here, we keep it one hundred over here, Ah,
• 1:24:02
  with no judgment, all with no disrespect, all of this
• 1:24:10
  with no disrespect. I'm committed because I want to be better.
• 1:24:16
  I want to be a better mother, I want to
• 1:24:17
  be a better wife. But most importantly, I want to
• 1:24:19
  be a better Ashley. You understand. I want to be
• 1:24:23
  better because I struggle. I battle. I was battling between
• 1:24:30
  God and the devil. I was battling between God and
• 1:24:33
  the enemy. That's what I was doing. I was battling,
• 1:24:36
  I was struggling. But it looked good over here, you understand,
• 1:24:40
  because the devil he painted a beautiful picture for me.
• 1:24:43
  But God says, you keep running over there, and this
• 1:24:45
  is why you're going through what you're going through, Ashley,
• 1:24:48
  because the devil told you, oh, yes, you could control
• 1:24:51
  everything over here. But see with me, you can't because
• 1:24:55
  I got it. Let go of one side of your control.
• 1:25:01
  And that's difficult for me to do because I'm so
• 1:25:03
  used to being in control until God says I can
• 1:25:07
  show you better. So here I am here. I am committed,
• 1:25:19
  ready to receive messages. Yesterday, let me tell y'all something
• 1:25:26
  of encouragement of me coming back into doing my podcast.
• 1:25:30
  I cried so hard last night because I say, are
• 1:25:33
  they gonna love me? Are they gonna welcome me back?
• 1:25:36
  Is it gonna be the same? But God says, you
• 1:25:38
  never want things to be the same. You want them
• 1:25:40
  to be different. Did y'all hear what I said? God says,
• 1:25:50
  you never want your space to always be the same.
• 1:25:55
  You want it to be different. I want to be different.
• 1:26:01
  I want to be different emotionally, I want to be
• 1:26:03
  different spiritually. I want to be different physically. I want
• 1:26:08
  to be different in a good way, in a healthy way.
• 1:26:13
  Regardless of what I have going on, I still want
• 1:26:17
  to be the best Ashley that I could be, and
• 1:26:21
  I'm learning who the best Ashley is. So I leave
• 1:26:26
  you all with this tonight. Sit down and find out
• 1:26:30
  who the best you is, because you're all the best,
• 1:26:35
  because you're You're God's child. You understand, so you're the best.
• 1:26:39
  You're amazing, You're fantastic. Don't let anyone tell you differently.
• 1:26:47
  Stop letting people speak who you are. Stop letting people
• 1:26:52
  speak on your character, Stop letting people write your story,
• 1:26:57
  because can't nobody tell your story? Like you see, we're
• 1:27:03
  out here letting people tell people who we are, and
• 1:27:08
  then we're out here trying to prove who we aint.
• 1:27:12
  Just be you, Just be you. So that's what we're
• 1:27:20
  gonna do, because we're all walking into twenty twenty seven lighter,
• 1:27:26
  not heavy, a little lighter. We're gonna stop just throwing
• 1:27:31
  on anything. We're gonna like, We're gonna walk like we
• 1:27:35
  like we it. You understand, Stop acting like that you
• 1:27:38
  it baby?
• 1:27:41
  Speaker 6: You are it.
• 1:27:43
  Speaker 1: I said you it, I said you the best. I
• 1:27:47
  think you the bomb I don't care if your fat,
• 1:27:52
  skin is short, tall, purple, yellow, orange of green. You're it.
• 1:27:59
  You got the juice. Set the tone for yourself. Say
• 1:28:08
  something positive about yourself every day. Start with something small.
• 1:28:14
  I woke up, I don't feel good today, but I'm alive.
• 1:28:22
  Matter of fact, scratched it, I'm alive. God knows you
• 1:28:26
  don't feel good, but you don't have to look like
• 1:28:28
  you don't feel good, even if that means putting on
• 1:28:35
  some lipstick whatever, doing something nice with your hair, doing
• 1:28:38
  something different with your hair, putting on a different shirt.
• 1:28:44
  I need you to be beautiful for you. I need
• 1:28:48
  you to take care of you. I need you to
• 1:28:49
  show up for you. I need you to learn how
• 1:28:56
  to tell people no. I need you to learn how
• 1:28:58
  to stop allowing people to take advantage of you, and
• 1:29:01
  that includes your children. That's what I want you to do.
• 1:29:09
  You're enough, You're more than enough. I don't care what
• 1:29:14
  this person says about you, because guess what I want
• 1:29:17
  to get to know you. I want to get to
• 1:29:20
  know who you are. This person may say, oh girl,
• 1:29:25
  she she this, this, this okay, but let me find
• 1:29:28
  out for myself, because maybe that's your experience with that person,
• 1:29:32
  but my experience with that person may be totally different.
• 1:29:35
  So I'm not going off by what people tell me
• 1:29:37
  about other people because that was your experience with them.
• 1:29:41
  You don't get to tell me how my experience is
• 1:29:43
  gonna be with you. Him, heard, them, they, whomever? Mm hmm.
• 1:29:51
  I want to hang out with you. I want to
• 1:29:54
  spend time with you. Let's go do lunch. We could
• 1:29:56
  go meet down at a little coffee spot, it don't matter.
• 1:30:00
  I want to get to know who you are because
• 1:30:03
  I'm not listening to what this person back here then
• 1:30:05
  said about you. And that's what we have.
• 1:30:08
  Speaker 4: To do.
• 1:30:11
  Speaker 1: With ourselves. Stop letting people tell you about you, honey.
• 1:30:18
  You see how they'll tell you about somebody else. Stop
• 1:30:21
  letting them tell them about you, because you know who
• 1:30:24
  you are. You know who you are. I want you
• 1:30:29
  to remember who you are. I want you to put
• 1:30:34
  you first. I want you to take care of you.
• 1:30:38
  I want you to pour into you. I want you
• 1:30:40
  to love on you. I want you to be selfish
• 1:30:42
  with yourself. You understand. Tell people no, that's what I
• 1:30:50
  want you to do. Tell people know if you don't
• 1:30:53
  want to do it, tell them no, I don't want
• 1:30:55
  to do that and don't feel bad about it. Don't
• 1:31:00
  feel bad about any decisions that you make in your
• 1:31:03
  life as long as it is beneficial to you. You understand.
• 1:31:08
  That's what you do. That's what you do. So let's
• 1:31:13
  go to some of the comments. My brother. His podcast
• 1:31:15
  is called It's All Peace over Here. So go follow
• 1:31:19
  Charles Blackburn. Please y'all go love and support him. His
• 1:31:24
  podcast is gonna be absolutely amazing. I am so excited.
• 1:31:28
  I can't wait for y'all to see the things that
• 1:31:30
  we have cooking right now. We're just letting things summer,
• 1:31:35
  so I cannot wait. I'm absolutely excited. Shout out to
• 1:31:37
  my big brother Baron. I love you, big brother. He
• 1:31:40
  is in Dallas now and I'm so sad, but I
• 1:31:42
  love you, big brother. Love you, love you, love you,
• 1:31:44
  love you, love you so much. Uh. Lodonna is here.
• 1:31:48
  She says, hey, she says, my piece costs too much
• 1:31:52
  for others to ruin. Bab it. You better say that again,
• 1:31:55
  You better say that again. Mela Yeller says, I'm fat,
• 1:31:58
  so I'm afloat. Baby. Let me tell you some girl,
• 1:32:01
  we're gonna be floating together, girl, do you hear me?
• 1:32:03
  M But we're still fat in Q though. Can't nobody
• 1:32:06
  tell us different? Mm hmm, because see what may be
• 1:32:10
  big for somebody else, we may be enough for the next.
• 1:32:14
  Don't worry about that, okay. My big sister Zeally says.
• 1:32:18
  She says, so very proud of you, says you could
• 1:32:20
  have went back into the stigma of what pain does
• 1:32:22
  to us, but you're standing in tall. Every day may
• 1:32:25
  not be easy, but you're worth it. God is good. Baby.
• 1:32:28
  Let me tell you I could have stayed, but I
• 1:32:33
  but I had to get up. I had to shake
• 1:32:35
  that off because I don't think y'all understand. Man, sh
• 1:32:41
  But I'm grateful. I'm very grateful. I'm very, very very grateful.
• 1:32:48
  Mello Yella says with my momo on baby, let me
• 1:32:50
  tell you they're mumos. Mummos got bills paid, you understand,
• 1:32:55
  Not this Victoria's secret stuff. Moon Mooves got bills paid,
• 1:32:58
  you understand. And speaking of mo Moves, I'm gonna send
• 1:33:01
  you a link to a lady out in California that
• 1:33:04
  says Moon Moves girl, You're gonna love him, I promise you.
• 1:33:07
  That's how she ended up with another baby? Was that
• 1:33:10
  Moonoo girl? I told it Move mooo paid bills. My
• 1:33:13
  brother says, speak my sister so Sheina says, it's going
• 1:33:18
  to be evolving and everlasting if you allow it to be.
• 1:33:21
  Says absolutely, I'll tell you, says love it. Mello Yella says, yes,
• 1:33:27
  I'm it and I'm enough. Baby, you are absolutely. You
• 1:33:31
  are the formula, okay, And everybody's trying to get a
• 1:33:34
  taste of it. Hm hm and is and this and
• 1:33:40
  this is absolutely. My brother says it's gonna be one
• 1:33:44
  hell of a rise. Sis, and it is, and I'm
• 1:33:45
  ready for it. I'm strapped and buckled in, tied down.
• 1:33:50
  God says, I've taken you through worse and you still here.
• 1:33:55
  And I am and I'm proud to be here. I'm
• 1:33:58
  grateful to be here. I am thankful to be here.
• 1:34:03
  When I tell y'all, I am honestly, and I'm telling
• 1:34:06
  y'all that with a straight face. I am honestly in
• 1:34:09
  the most beautiful state of mind that I've been in
• 1:34:14
  in a long time. And I mean mentally. You know,
• 1:34:19
  I'm back, you know working, I'm beautiful. One of the
• 1:34:25
  most beautiful things that has come out of this situation
• 1:34:29
  is God showed me who was really for me. It
• 1:34:35
  hurt to let some people go, but you know what,
• 1:34:39
  it hurt even more to hold on to him. I promise,
• 1:34:44
  I promise, I promise. Yes to she. No, that's her, Yes,
• 1:34:52
  the one that be dancing, whose husband be looking like
• 1:34:54
  he is so over? Yes? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh
• 1:35:01
  there's my brother Marcus. I told you, baby, I was
• 1:35:05
  coming back. Let me tell you something, y'all, tap in
• 1:35:08
  with my brother. My brother has a podcast every Thursday.
• 1:35:12
  He talks about sports wrestling.
• 1:35:14
  Speaker 2: Man.
• 1:35:14
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. These he is a dope man.
• 1:35:18
  Let me tell you excuse my language for this, but
• 1:35:21
  he's a dope ass dude. Him and his co host,
• 1:35:24
  let me tell you something, they're not. I don't even
• 1:35:26
  consider them co hosts. These three beautiful black men man
• 1:35:31
  every Thursday, every Thursday, and go show my brother some love.
• 1:35:36
  Right here, go showing all he's sports wrestling and I
• 1:35:40
  love it because he gives He has the most unbiased conversations.
• 1:35:45
  You understand, you know how you see some podcasts where
• 1:35:48
  they talk about sports and things and everybody always you
• 1:35:51
  don't need to like this person, because this is no.
• 1:35:54
  They give the most unbiased opinions. They give their own opinions,
• 1:35:59
  but they're also un you understand, My brother says, thank you, man.
• 1:36:03
  Let me tell you this dude is dope. This was
• 1:36:06
  my photographer for my wedding. He was my photographer for
• 1:36:09
  my daughter's birthday party. This dude is dope. Oh yeah, tap.
• 1:36:13
  If you're in the Houston area and you need a
• 1:36:14
  dope photographer, right here, this is the guy right here.
• 1:36:17
  He's very reasonable, He'll come wherever you are. He's got
• 1:36:21
  a new camera. Man. Let me tell you this. I
• 1:36:24
  love this do with everything, man, I promise I do him, Marcus.
• 1:36:30
  I love you, brother.
• 1:36:31
  Speaker 4: Man.
• 1:36:31
  Speaker 1: I just don't even think you understand how dope you
• 1:36:33
  are to me. I think you're amazing. And I'm so
• 1:36:36
  proud of everything that you do because everything that you
• 1:36:39
  are doing is going up. Very proud of you. But
• 1:36:42
  I do need to get with you because I do
• 1:36:44
  need to take some professional photos for my podcast. So
• 1:36:48
  we'll talk on the outside. But I want you, guys
• 1:36:53
  to make a commitment to yourself today to do better
• 1:36:57
  for you. Release one thing today. I want you to
• 1:37:02
  put in the chat you're going to release one thing today.
• 1:37:09
  I want you to put in the chat. What is
• 1:37:11
  one thing you're going to release. You may if you
• 1:37:13
  don't want to put it in the chat, that's fine,
• 1:37:15
  but I want you to post in the chat. I
• 1:37:18
  am going to release what serves my life no purpose.
• 1:37:23
  I want you to put that in the chat. One thing.
• 1:37:28
  I'm going to release one thing that serves no purpose
• 1:37:31
  in my life, because again, we are going to walk
• 1:37:37
  into twenty twenty seven differently. Past trauma absolutely, absolutely, my
• 1:37:43
  brother says, past traumas, I'm write that with you. I'm
• 1:37:49
  write that with you. That is one thing that I
• 1:37:52
  am going to release that serves no purpose is my
• 1:37:58
  past trauma and forgiveness. I'm gonna learn to forgive. I'm
• 1:38:02
  gonna work on forgiveness. My brother says, guilt man, y'all
• 1:38:10
  about to have me up here in tears because guess
• 1:38:12
  what my brother says, guilt. So Sheena says, I'm going
• 1:38:21
  to release worrying about things that are out of my control,
• 1:38:24
  even if I'm afraid to let it go, because let
• 1:38:27
  me tell you, holding on to things that are out
• 1:38:32
  of your control. No, let me. Let me let me
• 1:38:36
  rephrase that, holding on to things that serve no purpose
• 1:38:40
  in your life. You leave no room for the good
• 1:38:43
  things to come. In because it's so crowded with the
• 1:38:46
  bad stuff that we want. We just want to hold
• 1:38:47
  on to we just because we feel like if we
• 1:38:50
  hold onto this, it's no let it go. Do one
• 1:38:55
  thing at a time, one thing, one thing at a time.
• 1:39:00
  Melo Yella says, self doubt. Let me tell you, Sis,
• 1:39:07
  that is the most important thing is self doubt, because
• 1:39:12
  we all doubt everything. We doubt a lot of things
• 1:39:15
  within ourselves. I don't think I could really do that. Well,
• 1:39:19
  you could do it. You could do it. You could
• 1:39:22
  do it whatever you put your mind to, and you
• 1:39:28
  have God in the middle of it. Baby, you could
• 1:39:30
  do everything. You could go and conquer the world, okay,
• 1:39:35
  because God is gonna make it please, passible, feasible for
• 1:39:38
  you to do just that. Untelia says self hurt. I
• 1:39:44
  love that because we do hurt ourselves. We do it.
• 1:39:51
  We do it. So for me, two things it's guilt
• 1:40:02
  and past trauma, you know what. And I do have
• 1:40:08
  a third one. I'm gonna let go of things, you
• 1:40:14
  know what. No, I'm gonna I'm gonna work on forgiveness,
• 1:40:18
  forgiving people that hurt me, and no longer holding grudges.
• 1:40:23
  So I'm gonna work on that and letting go of
• 1:40:30
  my demonic ways. I'm gonna let go of the rage
• 1:40:35
  that sits inside of me. That's what I'm gonna do.
• 1:40:41
  I'm gonna let go all the rage because again, the
• 1:40:44
  way I spoke to my husband last week, baby y'all
• 1:40:48
  would have had me like this in a choke hold,
• 1:40:50
  Baby y'all would have been bumble. I'm telling you, So the.
• 1:40:54
  Speaker 8: Rage, I'm gonna let go of that. I'm'a let go
• 1:40:59
  of the rage and guilt, past traumas.
• 1:41:05
  Speaker 1: Everything that y'all are posting. I'm one thing at a
• 1:41:10
  time and I'm gonna take my time with it. Be
• 1:41:14
  patient with yourself. And the reason I say be patient
• 1:41:17
  is because the pain and the hurt didn't come overnight.
• 1:41:21
  So your healing is not gonna come overnight. But in
• 1:41:25
  order to be completely heal, you have to be committed.
• 1:41:28
  You have to want to put in the work. You
• 1:41:29
  have to know that the hurt that this person caused
• 1:41:33
  you it was it kept happening over and over and
• 1:41:37
  over and over again. So you're healing. It's not gonna
• 1:41:41
  happen overnight. Be kind to yourself, give yourself grace. That's
• 1:41:49
  one of the things that we do not give to
• 1:41:53
  ourselves is grace. You have to extend grace to yourself
• 1:41:59
  because is not going to be a walk in the
• 1:42:01
  park every day, is not going to be rainbows and
• 1:42:05
  candy canes. You have to know that you're going to
• 1:42:10
  encounter a dark day, but you have to learn how
• 1:42:14
  to get through it. How do you get over it?
• 1:42:16
  How do I get around it? That's what we have
• 1:42:21
  to do. My brother says, yes, ma'am, let that go.
• 1:42:28
  I had it out the military and found God definitely
• 1:42:31
  a changed person man. And to my fellas, let me
• 1:42:38
  say this to my fellas. I want my fellows to
• 1:42:42
  know that black girl interrupted. It's a safe space for
• 1:42:44
  you too. This is not just for women, This is
• 1:42:48
  for my fellas. So ladies, I always talk to y'all,
• 1:42:52
  but now I'm talking to my men. I have to
• 1:42:54
  speak to my men now because my black men are
• 1:42:58
  struggling in silence mentally, and we're losing them at alarming
• 1:43:02
  rates to suicide. Is I believe suicide is now either
• 1:43:06
  the third or the fourth leading cause of death amongst
• 1:43:09
  Black men between the ages of twenty five and forty four.
• 1:43:13
  But I want my men to know you are Safe
• 1:43:20
  on Black Girl interrupt the podcast, Wellness Wednesday is not
• 1:43:25
  just for the ladies for you fellas. You fellas are
• 1:43:30
  more than welcome to pull up. You fellas are more
• 1:43:32
  than welcome to kick your shoes off with your favorite
• 1:43:34
  drink of choice and rub your feet on the plus
• 1:43:37
  you carbet and unpack, because you know what, we as
• 1:43:44
  black women, we have to become your safe space, and
• 1:43:50
  we don't do that enough. So a black man to you,
• 1:43:56
  I love you. I'm proud of you. I see you.
• 1:44:02
  You're needed, You're wanted, You're beautiful. I don't care what
• 1:44:10
  the world says about you out here, but I know
• 1:44:13
  how I feel about you right here in my heart.
• 1:44:17
  We need you. I need y'all to stand with us
• 1:44:22
  and we're gonna walk together. As a black woman speaking
• 1:44:27
  to a black son, I'm sorry as a mother for
• 1:44:31
  the hurt that we may have caused you. You know what,
• 1:44:35
  I'm sorry for the hurt that we have cost you.
• 1:44:39
  As a black woman. To my black man, I'm sorry
• 1:44:41
  for not making a space safe for you to be
• 1:44:44
  able to unpack. I am sorry that you have to
• 1:44:47
  fight at a war outside your house and then you
• 1:44:50
  have to come home and still deal with the war
• 1:44:52
  in your home. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Please forgive me.
• 1:45:04
  Forgive me for hurting you. Forgive me for leaving you.
• 1:45:07
  Forgive forgive me for using the things that you that
• 1:45:10
  you've shared with me in confidence against you on mad day.
• 1:45:14
  Forgive me. Forgive me for calling you out of your name.
• 1:45:18
  Forgive me for disrespecting you. Forgive forgive me for making
• 1:45:21
  you feel less than I'm only talking to my brothers
• 1:45:26
  right now because I want my men to know that
• 1:45:32
  I love you. And I know I've hurt you. I
• 1:45:37
  know I have intentionally. I know I know I've done
• 1:45:41
  things intentionally to hurt you. But I ask you to
• 1:45:45
  forgive me. I'm not asking you to forget, but I'm
• 1:45:50
  asking you to forgive and can we work on building
• 1:45:56
  a better relationship and I'm willing to move it your pace.
• 1:46:03
  That's what I'm saying to you, black Man. I know
• 1:46:07
  we treat you like you're nothing, when in reality, baby,
• 1:46:12
  you're everything. Mm hm. So to my brothers, I see you,
• 1:46:22
  I hear you, and I understand. So now I want
• 1:46:26
  to I want to respond. I want to hear you now.
• 1:46:32
  I want to talk to you and not at you.
• 1:46:35
  That's what I want to do for you black men.
• 1:46:39
  I want to listen, to respond, I mean to comprehend
• 1:46:42
  and not to respond. That's what I want to do.
• 1:46:50
  So forgive me. Forgive me for not showing up in
• 1:46:53
  your most weakest, most vulnerable moments. Forgive me for to
• 1:47:00
  go hang out with my friends when you want to
• 1:47:03
  have a quiet dinner at home. Forgive me for not
• 1:47:10
  showing up to that basketball game. You're full on, full
• 1:47:14
  tournament because I chose not to rearrange my plans and
• 1:47:19
  supported my husband. Forgive me for that. Forgive me, forgive
• 1:47:34
  me for that. Allow me to come in your space
• 1:47:40
  and just sit down and be quiet and listen, not
• 1:47:43
  to respond, but to comprehend, but to understand that you
• 1:47:47
  have feelings too, and your emotions matter, your mental health matters.
• 1:47:55
  Even if you just allow me to sit on the
• 1:47:56
  front porch. I'm okay with that. I'm okay. I tell
• 1:48:06
  you you, says speak It says, Charles says, he said,
• 1:48:11
  you're not riding with you. Nothing's off limit. Love you,
• 1:48:13
  little sens. I love you bad baby. I love your back.
• 1:48:19
  So Shea says, forgive me for demanding too much from
• 1:48:22
  you without meeting you halfway black man. Oh my god,
• 1:48:27
  wof that that that m that that that one, now
• 1:48:39
  that one, now that that that that one. Now. Marcus says,
• 1:48:48
  all is forgiven. So let's start fresh. Let's start from
• 1:48:53
  where we are today and move forward. My brother Charles says,
• 1:48:58
  it goes both ways. Says, yeah, it does. It does.
• 1:49:05
  So she says, girl, I can't wait to go back
• 1:49:07
  to the shareing this podcast. There are a lot of
• 1:49:09
  black men and women who needs to hear this. Let
• 1:49:12
  me tell you because here on Black Girl Interrupted, we
• 1:49:17
  have conducive, healthy conversations. I will not allow a man
• 1:49:23
  to get on here and disrespect a woman, and I'm
• 1:49:25
  not gonna allow a woman to get on here and
• 1:49:27
  respect the man. Absolutely not. That's what we we. We
• 1:49:31
  got house rules over here, baby, keep the disrespect over there,
• 1:49:35
  take it over there over here. We loving, we healing.
• 1:49:40
  We getting back into our group. Baby didn't tell us
• 1:49:42
  say get your We gotta get our groove back. That's
• 1:49:44
  what we're doing. We're gonna get back to loving us,
• 1:49:47
  to love it on one another, to love it on
• 1:49:49
  each other. You understand. We're gonna get back to learning
• 1:49:51
  to stand in solidarity. You understand, we're gonna learn to
• 1:49:54
  walk side by side and not one person in front
• 1:49:56
  of this person. No, we're gonna get back to mother's
• 1:50:01
  taking accountability. We're gonna get back to father's taking accountability.
• 1:50:05
  That's what we're gonna do over here, with no judgment.
• 1:50:10
  Parenting doesn't come with a module. Being a husband or
• 1:50:15
  a wife doesn't come with a module. We got rules
• 1:50:19
  over here. We're safe over here. Keep that ghetto ratchet
• 1:50:25
  over there, No no over here. We respect each other,
• 1:50:33
  We respect everyone's opinions. We're gonna always agree to disagree,
• 1:50:39
  but we're gonna always do it in a healthy manner.
• 1:50:41
  You're not gonna get in here and somebody out because
• 1:50:43
  they didn't agree with what you said. You're not gonna.
• 1:50:45
  I'm not gonna allow a man to call you out
• 1:50:47
  of your name, and I'm not gonna let a woman
• 1:50:48
  allow you, as a woman to call a man out
• 1:50:50
  of his name. Absolutely not. If you can't call a
• 1:50:52
  person other than their name, don't call them at all.
• 1:50:58
  Speaker 2: You and me, It's.
• 1:51:01
  Speaker 1: It's different over here. Over here, we love and we respect.
• 1:51:05
  You understand. We're safe over here because guess what, everything
• 1:51:11
  that you're going through, I've experienced so we in this together.
• 1:51:18
  Now you're here. You locked in until Jesus Christian jero
• 1:51:23
  On Christ the third says, I you gotta go on home,
• 1:51:27
  But we're in here. We locked in, baby for life.
• 1:51:30
  We locked in? Are you my friend? What are we
• 1:51:35
  locked in? Ain't that? Ain't that what Kendrin say? Ain't
• 1:51:39
  nobody like us over here? Ain't nobody like us over here?
• 1:51:43
  We don't do no man bashing. Were not over here
• 1:51:46
  to talk about black men. Ain't ain't this and and
• 1:51:49
  black women? Ain't that? No, We're not over here to
• 1:51:51
  do that. Go do that somewhere else. Go do that
• 1:51:55
  somewhere else. Go over there with where they want to
• 1:51:57
  bash women and and disrespect black go over there with that.
• 1:52:01
  We're not doing that over here. We got rules. The
• 1:52:05
  house rules will apply, and if you cannot respect the
• 1:52:08
  house rules, you will be removed. And if I have
• 1:52:11
  to tell you or correct you more than once, you
• 1:52:14
  will be blocked. We're not dealing with it. Take that
• 1:52:20
  toxicity over there to Zoo's TV or or whatever. Take
• 1:52:24
  it over there, go way over that way. Wait wait,
• 1:52:26
  I mean take it way over that. We're not doing that.
• 1:52:31
  We're not doing that over here. We chill, we relax.
• 1:52:37
  Are we gonna have episodes where we get heated, Yes,
• 1:52:42
  but I asked that you stay respectful. Are we gonna
• 1:52:45
  have conversations that make us sad, that trigger our emotions? Yes,
• 1:52:51
  but I asked you to still stay respectful. Are we
• 1:52:55
  gonna have conversations where we laughing and joking? Absolutely? I
• 1:53:00
  asked you to still stay respectful. It's not hard to do.
• 1:53:06
  I don't ask for too much, but I asked for
• 1:53:08
  respect because I would never come into your home and
• 1:53:12
  disrespect your home. So I'm not gonna allow you to
• 1:53:15
  come over here and disrespect our house. You understand this
• 1:53:18
  our house. We built this house. Someone told me, asked
• 1:53:24
  what you laid the foundation? Yeah, but I couldn't lay
• 1:53:25
  the foundation without y'all. I couldn't build on a foundation
• 1:53:28
  without y'all. I didn't do Black Girl interrupt it by myself.
• 1:53:35
  Y'all made this happen by pulling up, by loving me,
• 1:53:39
  by supporting me. Y'all made this happen. I came with
• 1:53:42
  an idea and y'all said, well, let's go. Somebody came
• 1:53:46
  with a nail, somebody came with a hammer, somebody came
• 1:53:49
  with a cement, somebody came with the with the planks,
• 1:53:52
  the wood y'all brought that. I gave y'all our idea.
• 1:53:57
  Y'all say, hold up as wait, we're gonna help you
• 1:54:01
  build this. And y'all did just that. So we're not
• 1:54:08
  gonna let nobody come over here to our house and
• 1:54:10
  disrespect our house. You don't like our house rules, you
• 1:54:15
  know what you can do. If you can't abide by
• 1:54:18
  our house rules, you know what you can do, Have
• 1:54:22
  a good day, be blessed, because see, once we clean
• 1:54:27
  out the dirty, we make room for the clean. We
• 1:54:31
  make space for somebody that wants to be over here.
• 1:54:33
  We make space over here for people that want to
• 1:54:34
  be loved and pour it into We don't want you
• 1:54:38
  over here taking them space. If you really truly don't
• 1:54:41
  want to be here, if all you're gonna do is
• 1:54:42
  be disrespectful, we don't want you over here. We're gonna
• 1:54:46
  love you, and we're gonna pray for you. But everyone's welcome.
• 1:54:55
  It's enough food for everybody to eat. That's what we
• 1:55:04
  do over here. My brother say, house rules. Love it absolutely.
• 1:55:09
  You have to have house rules. You gotta have rules
• 1:55:13
  because we can't allow people to come over in our
• 1:55:15
  house and just run a monk like they doing up
• 1:55:17
  there in the White House. Tay says, I will safe plate,
• 1:55:22
  I'll safe place. I love it here. We can't let
• 1:55:25
  them come over here and run a monk. We're gonna
• 1:55:28
  be looking like the people over there in the White
• 1:55:29
  House running around here like chickens with their hands cut off. Ah,
• 1:55:33
  We're gonna have some organization over here. Am I gonna
• 1:55:37
  let y'all laugh and have fun, absolutely, because that's what
• 1:55:40
  we're gonna do over We're gonna laugh, We're gonna joke,
• 1:55:42
  but we also gonna have some real serious, light changing
• 1:55:45
  conversations we're gonna have. I'm gonna bring topics that it's
• 1:55:48
  gonna be triggering to y'all. I'm gonna have conversations where
• 1:55:53
  it's gonna be like, man, I need to go hug
• 1:55:56
  my mama. Man, I need to go hug my daddy. Man,
• 1:55:58
  let me go hug on my children. Let'm gonna stand
• 1:56:01
  in this mirror and love on me. That's what we're
• 1:56:04
  doing over here, period, period. Poor baby, that's it. That's it.
• 1:56:15
  But I love y'all. I have kept y'all for almost
• 1:56:18
  two hours. But hey, who's shripping. I didn't even realize
• 1:56:22
  that had even been that long, that it's been almost
• 1:56:24
  two hours. But let me tell y'all, thank you, thank
• 1:56:29
  y'all so much for loving on me. Thank y'all so
• 1:56:33
  much for pulling up and hanging out with your girl tonight,
• 1:56:35
  because you could have been anywhere else, but y'all said,
• 1:56:38
  let me roll over here and see with black girls.
• 1:56:40
  Rupt it over here talking about let me see my girl,
• 1:56:42
  let me see how she's doing. But I'm good, I'm better.
• 1:56:49
  Me and my husband are moving better. You understand my
• 1:56:54
  mental is better. Do I have days where I struggle? Yes?
• 1:57:01
  I love y'all, man. I don't think y'all understand the
• 1:57:07
  the the quantity of love that I have for y'all.
• 1:57:15
  I don't think y'all understand being back here. It's beautiful,
• 1:57:24
  it's phenomenal. I was like a little kid today. Yes, yes, yes, yes,
• 1:57:31
  I started late unfortunately, because like I said, they say,
• 1:57:34
  get a contacourse so it'll be fun. She wants to
• 1:57:36
  wiside and I had the dragon in the ouse, but
• 1:57:40
  everyone missed her. She's on her cot sleep now where
• 1:57:43
  she needs to be. Girl on be side. Eye me
• 1:57:47
  over there now, she's trying to glace. You see she
• 1:57:49
  can't glue his eyes. But I want to say to y'all,
• 1:57:52
  make a promise to yourself to take care of yourself
• 1:57:59
  everything that you're puosed to in this chat. Work on
• 1:58:02
  releasing that one thing, work on it again. It's not
• 1:58:07
  gonna happen overnight. It's not gonna happen overnight. It's not.
• 1:58:15
  Be kind to yourself, Be gentle to yourself. Be patient
• 1:58:22
  with yourself because healing. Healing takes time, because it's a
• 1:58:32
  lot of layers that you gotta pull back. You understand
• 1:58:35
  because first you got to get through the hard part,
• 1:58:39
  and that's acknowledging the pain, and that's difficult for people.
• 1:58:45
  Then once you acknowledged the pain, then you can start
• 1:58:50
  getting down and then you'll finally be able to plug
• 1:58:54
  the route of all the pain. Smile, look at yourself
• 1:59:04
  in the mirror and tell yourself you love you. Don't
• 1:59:11
  let people tell you who you are. Don't let other
• 1:59:17
  people tell other people. Don't let people tell other people
• 1:59:19
  who you are. Stop trying to prove stuff to people.
• 1:59:25
  You don't owe them anything. If anything, you owe it
• 1:59:28
  to you. That's who you owe it to. You owe
• 1:59:33
  yourself everything you're deserving of it. Stop doubting the things
• 1:59:41
  that you could do, because, babe, what did God say
• 1:59:48
  for all things? Through Jesus Christ strengthens me? Come on now,
• 1:59:53
  I don't have to tell y'all what y'all already know.
• 1:59:57
  I love y'all. Happy Tuesday again, black Girl interrupted. It's
• 2:00:02
  back Tuesdays and Wednesdays eight seven pm Central Time, eight
• 2:00:07
  pm Eastern time. We are back. So as I bring
• 2:00:11
  this to a close next Tuesday, we will be getting
• 2:00:15
  into the Cyrus Karmic Belting verdict. Then we will talk
• 2:00:26
  about Carimelo Anthony again. I'm gonna break this up into
• 2:00:30
  two parts because it's a lot. It's heavy. It's heavy.
• 2:00:35
  It's heavy, it's heavy, it's heavy. Emotions are high. People
• 2:00:41
  are torn with the verdict black and white. But I
• 2:00:46
  want y'all come here, and I want y'all to be
• 2:00:48
  able to express how you feel about the verdict. Was
• 2:00:53
  it fair? Was it unfair? Some people feel like it was,
• 2:00:57
  some people feel like it wasn't. But we're gonna do this,
• 2:01:04
  and once we moved past those two topics, we're going
• 2:01:09
  to jump into health, mental, physical, everything. We getting into it.
• 2:01:18
  We jumping off the d band. Baby, let me tell
• 2:01:20
  you we jumping off the porch. No hose barred conversations
• 2:01:25
  over here, real, true, genuine. So before I leave, let's
• 2:01:33
  finish out the conversation. Oh, mellow Yellow, I love you too,
• 2:01:37
  beautiful girl. I need to see you. I need Maybe
• 2:01:40
  we need to meet up at Carols. Maybe I need
• 2:01:42
  to come on a Wednesday or something. I don't drink,
• 2:01:45
  but we could go and grab us a bite to
• 2:01:47
  eat or something I'll come out there with. It doesn't matter.
• 2:01:49
  We can meet in the middle. Does it make me
• 2:01:51
  any difference? But I do need to see you. My
• 2:01:56
  brother says, thank you for bringing it back. All. Absolutely,
• 2:02:01
  don't forget tap in with my brother brother. Post the
• 2:02:06
  name of your podcast in here too so I can
• 2:02:09
  get them to share it. Also, my brother Charles says,
• 2:02:14
  love seeing you back where you belong, speaking life into others,
• 2:02:17
  keep pushing see you next week. Absolutely, don't forget my
• 2:02:21
  brother's podcast. Please put the date that your podcast start.
• 2:02:24
  It is called all Peace over here July. I need
• 2:02:29
  to go back to the date. But I do have
• 2:02:32
  it marked on my calendar. I just don't have it
• 2:02:34
  pulled up right now. But please post the date. Marcus,
• 2:02:37
  please post the name of your podcast as well, because
• 2:02:40
  I do want you guys to go and support, not
• 2:02:42
  just me, but go support them. I will be sharing them,
• 2:02:47
  sharing both of their podcasts because I want you to
• 2:02:51
  go and support. Go show my brother some love. Because,
• 2:02:53
  like I said, it's all peace over here. I'm so
• 2:02:56
  excited for it to start. I'm excited for the very
• 2:02:59
  first episod so old, I cannot wait to see a lark.
• 2:03:03
  I'm excited. I'm so excited for you, brother, I swear
• 2:03:06
  to God, I'm so excited for you. I'lltelia says, I
• 2:03:11
  have to do my research because I have heard but
• 2:03:13
  don't know the full details. Absolutely ah so Sheina says,
• 2:03:20
  both cases are unjust an unfair, but I'll keep my
• 2:03:23
  opinions until next time. Absolutely, because I definitely want to
• 2:03:27
  hear how you feel about it, you know, whether whether
• 2:03:29
  it's a good opinion a bad opinion. Uh. And then
• 2:03:34
  you work in law enforcement, so I would definitely love
• 2:03:39
  your input on that. Absolutely. Mellow Yella says, for sure,
• 2:03:43
  we definitely let's meet soon. Absolutely, Absolutely, let's try to
• 2:03:48
  shoot for something next weekend. I have a funeral to
• 2:03:50
  go to Saturday. My godmother passed away on Sunday, so
• 2:03:55
  her funerals Saturday, so that's where I'll be. And then
• 2:03:58
  I'm trying to double back and make it to any
• 2:04:00
  event over here that my therapist is having over here
• 2:04:04
  at Shades of Blue on Saturday. So I will be
• 2:04:06
  kind of all over the place on Saturday. But hey,
• 2:04:10
  so July fifteenth, what time, brother, So that way they
• 2:04:14
  could know. So July fifteenth, My brother Charles, his podcast
• 2:04:19
  is All Peace over Here starts July the fifteenth. Please
• 2:04:22
  mark your calendars. Go over there and show him some love.
• 2:04:25
  I will be sharing his life because I do want
• 2:04:29
  you to come and tune in and let's hear everything
• 2:04:31
  that my brother has to say. He's got an amazing
• 2:04:35
  story to share about himself, about his life, where he started,
• 2:04:39
  where he is now. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Thank you,
• 2:04:44
  sus My sister says, my condolences and prayers to you
• 2:04:48
  and your family. Thank you. Siys. Yeah, she she fought
• 2:04:52
  and then finally they were like, you know, just go
• 2:04:55
  ahead and let go, and she did. She fought, and
• 2:04:58
  she just had her birthday on the twelfth of June.
• 2:05:00
  So a man eight days after her birthday, She passes.
• 2:05:07
  Mello Yelli says, cool, cool, cool cool, And I will
• 2:05:09
  send you my phone number so that way we could talk.
• 2:05:12
  We could text everything. So if you need any type
• 2:05:15
  of any love and if you need this in you,
• 2:05:17
  anything encouraging, empowering, baby, I am the girl for you,
• 2:05:21
  Charles says. Podcast is July to fifteenth at seven pm.
• 2:05:27
  Are you gonna I need to know where you're gonna
• 2:05:28
  be streaming? Are you on Facebook? Are you on YouTube?
• 2:05:32
  Where you're gonna be streaming, So that way they'll know,
• 2:05:34
  so that way they could come and support. But I
• 2:05:38
  just want to say to you guys, have an amazing
• 2:05:40
  rest of the evening, have an amazing rest of the week. Again,
• 2:05:44
  be good to yourself. Be kind to yourself. We're about
• 2:05:47
  to roll into a new month. So a new month
• 2:05:50
  means new beginnings. You understand, So you take care of yourself,
• 2:05:55
  give yourself grace, spoil yourself, take care of yourself, baby,
• 2:05:59
  do something for yourself that you haven't done. I said
• 2:06:02
  on Sundays, I'm gonna start going out there to Discovery
• 2:06:05
  Green because I want to do jazzy Sundays in the park.
• 2:06:09
  So Melo Yelly, if you are down on Sundays. I'll
• 2:06:13
  let you know when that starts, and we can meet
• 2:06:16
  up at Discovery Green. Girl, pull our little chairs out
• 2:06:18
  and listen to some music and get us some nice
• 2:06:21
  little food or whatever it is that they have out there,
• 2:06:23
  and just have us a beautiful time. But I love
• 2:06:27
  you guys again. I hope you enjoy the rest of
• 2:06:29
  your evening. God bless you, and know that I love
• 2:06:31
  you and I will see y'all next Tuesday, seven pm
• 2:06:35
  Eastern Time, seven pm Central Time, apm Eastern Time. And again,
• 2:06:40
  take care of yourself, be good to yourself, and give
• 2:06:43
  yourself grace. Hilloa Stoop