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Rebuilding After Divorce · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Is there a major life transition pinching you?
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: I know you may be asking, what's next?
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: What's my purpose?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: What if?
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because I've asked those two.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Start Your Comeback Podcast.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Tony Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, welcome back.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: You're listening to episode 120.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Today I want to talk about rebuilding after divorce.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: How your intention of things changes everything.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because what we know is that rebuilding after divorce does not begin with a five-year plan.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: It begins when you can breathe again.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: It is a marathon, not a sprint.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: It took me seven years to fully rebuild every part of my life.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: This is because I'm a very cautious person and I take my time and probably am an overthinker about most things.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: You may take only a few months.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: This is perfectly okay because rebuilding is about the direction you want to go.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the good news: you don't have to rebuild everything at once.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: You just have to rebuild on purpose.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: You will not wake up one morning feeling ready.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: When do we ever feel ready?
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Rebuilding begins when you decide to move forward, even when uncertainty is still hanging around.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: This phase is not about erasing your past, but it's about learning from it without living in it.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's also a step out of the pit.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: You can be in the pit, but you can't camp out there for too long.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: I have a few steps that will help you navigate this rebuilding after divorce.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: The first one is to define what you will no longer carry.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because rebuilding starts with what are some things that I can subtract from my life?
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not adding, I'm taking away.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: So ask yourself this question: What patterns am I finished repeating?
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: What dynamics have drained me?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: And what boundaries must exist now for me in my new life?
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because you don't rebuild by adding more weight, you rebuild by putting some things down.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, let them go.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Please let them go.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: The second thing is to identify your core needs.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: This is not about what you want, it's about what you need right now.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: What do you need to feel safe?
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: What do you need to feel stable or respected or grounded?
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Your needs matter now.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: Ignoring them is how people end up rebuilding a life that looks fine on the outside and feels empty on the inside.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Number three, rebuild in small, intentional pieces.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: Big goals are tempting and oh my gosh, they're glamorous.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: But let me say this: consistency beats the intensity.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: I just want you to focus on one little habit or one relationship.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you need to work on your relationship with your kids.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you need to work on your relationship with just being able to co-parent with your co-parent.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Or just maybe pick one area of growth at a time.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you want to start working out.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you want to eat healthier.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you what I do know is that momentum comes from small wins stacked over time.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: And it also gives this sense of accomplishment when we don't have this big looming goal in front of us.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: All right, number four, I want you to rebuild your identity slowly.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because what happens when we get divorced is that divorce strips away our roles and our labels.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: That can feel terrifying, or maybe it can feel freeing.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to rush to define who you are now.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Give yourself some time to experiment.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Try things.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: Notice what fits.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because identity rebuilds through experience, not pressure.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: We're not putting ourselves on under pressure.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Remember the things you once loved to do.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: Just start there.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: Step five, make sure, like this is paramount, like non-negotiable.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Keep your support in place.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because rebuilding doesn't mean you no longer need help.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: You may not need it as much.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: You should still see your therapist.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: Rebuilding doesn't mean you no longer need help.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because what happens is if we get there, then we stall out later and then we find ourselves in a panic mode.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: Stay connected, stay accountable, stay honest.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: Rebuilding is stronger when it's witnessed, and by witnessed, I mean not just by others, but most importantly by you and your children.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: What do you want them to see?
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: What do you want them to learn by watching you rebuild?
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Rebuilding is not about becoming someone new, it's about becoming more yourself.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: We're not starting over from nothing.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: You're still here.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: But you do have much more wisdom, and that's a great place to start.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Stability gives you the ground to stand on, but your intention, it shows you where to go next.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: If you're ready to stop surviving and start rebuilding, you can find the Start Your Come Back Workbook at TonyThrash.com.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: And while you're there, maybe book a clarity call so we can help you get you off the bench and into the life that you want to live.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: I have a special guest next week, Dr.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Meredith Thompson will be here to discuss the difference between compromise and negotiation, or otherwise known as conflict resolution.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: You won't want to miss this important conversation.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you next time.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Until next week, remember, there's still time left on the clock.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.