Latest / Grow Clinton Podcast / GCP268 - Shattering Stigma & Breaking the Silence w/Shawn Hickey of Speak Out Against Suicide

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GCP268 - Shattering Stigma & Breaking the Silence w/Shawn Hickey of Speak Out Against Suicide · Grow Clinton Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: For that ride, you know, when I got to speak to all those people, I came home feeling like, wow, I loved it.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_04: You're listening to the Grow Clinton Podcast.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_04: Grow Clinton is a 501c6 nonprofit, economic, community development, and tourism organization based in Clinton, Iowa.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_04: For more information, visit growclinton.com.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_04: Again, that's growclinton.com.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_04: Now, back to the show.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_04: What's happening, all you amazing people out there in Podcast Land?
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of the One, the Only, you love it, you know where to find it, folks.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_04: The Grow Clinton Podcast, brought to you by Grow Clinton, a nonprofit organization focused on community development, economic development, and tourism.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_04: As always, I am your host for today's episode, Andy Sikolovich, president and CEO of Grow Clinton, joined by none other than Jenny Home, our director of member in community relations.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_04: Jenny, what's happening?
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_03: I just got back from a meeting in Bettendorf with longtime member Paragon Interiors.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, what a great meeting.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_03: And they have such a great they do commercial interior design.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_03: So project going on.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_04: You said their place was decorated very nicely.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_03: Very nicely.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_03: And they have their own scent.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_04: They have their own scent.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_04: That was wonderful.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_04: So what do you mean by that?
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_04: Do you mean that they have like trademarked a scent?
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_04: And they have thought you were just giving them like compliments, like you smell like you.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you have that you have a very unique scent about you.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_03: So, well, no, they got I don't know what's going on.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_04: If you said that, the meeting wouldn't last very long.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, get out of here, lady.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_03: We're we're sick now.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_03: No, the it's uh trademarked scent, and they have it diffused throughout the building, and it it just it was a delightful visit.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_04: Uh uh I have a story for you about trademarking scents.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_03: I know what you're doing.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_04: I tried to do it back in the day.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_04: It's funny.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_04: Uh our own Tony Girks, our director of marketing event planning, is out and about right now, visiting with members.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_04: We have some leftover t-shirts from our Oktoberfest event this past Friday.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_04: So she's handing those out to members, like a jolly little German Oktoberfest elf.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_03: Nice.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_03: She's perfect for that.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_04: So she's out and about, but all good things, Jenny.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_03: All right, yeah, it is.
• 2:07
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• 2:08
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• 2:13
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  SPEAKER_04: Banking as it should be with Citizens First Bank, member FDIC.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_04: Well, Agcraft Printware, they've been in the custom apparel game since 1974.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_04: Over the years, they've morphed from just a small family-run operation to now a cutting-edge, gigantor, brand new corporate headquarters off of 19th Avenue Northwest, providing top-notch customized printware to teams and companies all across the United States.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_04: For all of your custom printware needs, Agcraft USA.com.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_04: Be sure to check out Sully Sports in the same building as Agcraft, 19th Avenue Northwest, for all your sporting goods and join the Sully Shirts Club,$24.99 a month.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_04: And you get an exclusive t-shirt every single month for club members and 10% off everything in the store.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_04: Grow Clinton Podcast is powered by Miles Communications, hooking us up with Wicked Fast, high speed internet to ensure this broadcast is crisp, clear, and consistent.
• 3:10
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• 3:14
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• 3:15
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• 3:18
  SPEAKER_04: Lionel Basell Clinton Complex, where they produce high density, low density polyethylene plastic pellets used to create a variety of resins that go into products like household and industrial bottles, pressure pipes, food packaging, outdoor durable goods, construction, roof materials, toys, you name it.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_04: If it's made of plastic, chances are pretty good.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_04: Those resins came from Lionel here in Clinton.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_04: Lyndale Bassell, solutions for a better tomorrow.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_04: Good show today, Jenny.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_03: This is something this month is a awareness month, but it should be something that we're aware of every month.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_04: Yep.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_04: National Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month happens in September.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_04: And we thought it was appropriate and why we love to have her in our office all the time.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_04: All the time.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_04: She can't be on every single episode unless you want to battle Jenny for the co-host spot.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_03: No, I think I know who'd win that.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_03: Fabulous.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_03: Fabulous.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_04: So the voice you hear is Sean Hickey.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_04: Sean is the outreach coordinator at Speak Out Against Suicide here in Clinton with an office in Comanche.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_04: Sean, thanks for joining us.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for having me.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_04: So you've been doing this for how long?
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: I will complete my sixth year in May.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_04: Six years.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_04: And uh Speak Out Against Suicide is a nonprofit organization.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_04: However, you have a very uh heavy mission, but you do a phenomenal job at ensuring that mission continues to impact people all across the region.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_04: So share with our listeners kind of what created the impetus behind Speak Out Against Suicide and what you do on a day-to-day basis.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: So Speak Out Against Suicide came around in 2011.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um it was an instance where a community had lost some folks and a particular uh student was lost, and some of the his friends came home and let their parents know, or parent, I should say, that um they wanted to do something.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: So they started a little booth and took some donations and it grew and grew and grew.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: And here we are, you know, how many years later?
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: What is that?
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: 14?
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: That was our 14th walk.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, 14 years ago.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: I talk about growing.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you service not just this area.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm kind of all over the place.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it depends on what I'm doing.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: So um, if I'm supporting like people like Stand for the Silent with Kirk Smalley, I've I've driven, you know, almost three hours away to support him and be able to uh be there with Chance, our therapy dog, and do that work.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: But um that's kind of how it came about.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: But we are just kind of a unique grassroots kind of uh agency.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we have a board member of seven people.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: I have one office assistant, Arian, who works on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 to 1, you know, does my certificates for uh question, persuade, respond, does, you know, all the little things that our board, you know, has her QPR, question, persuade, responding.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_04: I will often hear you saying you're gonna be initiating QPR training or providing it for a school district.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_04: So question, prepare, question, persuade, and respond.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: Here's my thing.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like persuade because it makes me sound like I'm selling a car.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to encourage.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: I I slip in the word encourage because that at that piece is we're encouraging somebody to get some help.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, explain what the whole thing.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: So question, you know, we're how how are we going to ask the hard question?
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Who can ask a hard question?
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Who knows how to ask it?
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because there's wrong ways to ask it too.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: There's never a wrong way, ask it, even if you're wrong.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: But asking somebody if they're thinking about taking their life is is a hard question to roll off your tongue.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um sometimes uh it it gives relief, it provides relief for somebody to actually hear somebody asking that question, even though it's hard and we're scared of the word, it's gonna be yes.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then what do we do?
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: So it kind of trains that.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, there are signs.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes there are not signs to the immediate group that are around this person.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: So just teaching people, just if you feel like somebody's off, sometime gut intuition is just as important.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if you feel like something's off, ask.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Are you okay?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: They're probably going to tell you yes.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, because if something does happen, you'll regret not asking.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: But also at the same time, they they might be like, oh good, somebody noticed something.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: And that's all it took for them to feel better is just just the fact that somebody made a comment or asked.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so that's kind of the training we're getting into.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I just did the Raw High Saloon last Monday night.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: All of their bartenders and management took the QPR training.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: And when you're in that room with those eight people, and they all have something to tell two of them lost their grandmother to suicide, you know, years ago.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_04: Well, you don't think about bars going through that training, but where do people usually warm a bar stool when they're depressed and then they consume uh depressant, which is alcohol, and it just kind of builds from there.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: And they're using it for a cope, obviously, a coping mechanism there.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it and it's and you know, it's good if we know if we know our limits of our mental health, if we understand what we're going through before we go and do that.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: So that was really cool.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: And they wanted to get that done because they were having that ride on Saturday and they wanted to be able to help people that were on that ride.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll tell you, they did a fabulous job.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the ride was not well attended, but the good side of that not being well retended, I got to talk to a lot of people.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I bet you I talked to between, I had two rides to go in between that day, and we know it was rainy and and and yucky, but I got to talk to about 11 people.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: Three of those people had suicide stories of their own attempts that never told anyone.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: So to see the relief after they told me that was like amazing.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: Amazing.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: They were fabulous.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: And then I would say, if you're ever willing to share that story, would you please let me know?
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: It might not be a good time right now since you just did it, but I feel like people need to know that they're not alone and they're not.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_03: And that's where you know, Sean's skill at this comes out.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_03: Because I mean, if you've bottled that up for so long, you find somebody you feel you can trust.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_04: Sean's very intuitive.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_04: She with me especially, because I don't, I mean, I I sometimes wear my heart on my sleeve if I'm feeling down, downtrodden, depressed, angry, frustrated.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, it's not very difficult to crack the code.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_04: However, I don't even have to talk to Sean for her to kind of just reach out to me.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_04: It is so odd how timely and like you know how I'm feeling without me even expressing it.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_04: And you'll just send me a text and be like, hey, I'm just checking in.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_04: I want to see how you're doing.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_04: And every time her text comes through, I am mentally battling myself.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_04: And it's just it is nice because then it distracts me because I can send her a text.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_04: And there's some people in this world that will ask me how my I'm doing, and I will lie through my teeth.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_03: I'd say fine.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_04: And Sean's not one of them.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_04: So and I'm it's it's it's huge.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, having speak out against suicide in our community servicing northwest Illinois and you know, east central Iowa is uh is great.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_04: And you're located right there on Washington Boulevard in Comanche.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_04: And you recently had your walk.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_04: Now, what did that do?
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_04: Why did you have the walk?
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_04: 14 years of doing it, but does it raise awareness regarding suicide?
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: So, what that does is it is it it creates a memorial for those people that have lost their lives too soon, and to know that we can still say their names and show their photos and did you do the track again?
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: We did the track again.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: We have professional signs made.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_04: It's a it is an amazing experience.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_04: And unfortunately, I wasn't able to attend this year, but my daughter and I did last year.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_04: And you get on the track there at Command Schools and you walk around and you see all these very vivid and bright pictures of people that you know we've lost to suicide.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_04: And yeah, but it's a it's a it's a tearjerger.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of it hit Facebook too.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I saw a lot of pictures.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: Our board members work really hard to get that all set up.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: You know, Chance and I are usually on the outside, they're usually on the inside with the resource tables.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't have as many resource tables show up, but again, it was another rainy weekend.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: So, but what was really intricate is as soon as we were ready to start that walk, the rain stopped.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that was really cool.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_04: So I think it did that last year, too.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: So collaborating with like uh Area Substance Abuse Council and all the all the entities of mental health in Clinton County, we have some really great people.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I know that uh I had a couple people hang back with me and chance at the end because I like to see people walking by me as they're getting done so that I can kind of get a read if anybody's gonna need anything.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I noticed um a family when I was walking in and we were almost done, and we were gonna go around the track, and they were just kind of hanging out by a sign, and I'm like, I gotta see who that sign was so I can know who what I need to do, you know, kind of just be in there.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I went around the track, and uh Christina Mensinger was with me too, and there were two people, and she took one and went one way, I went one with the other way, and we got those people supported.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: So that makes you feel really good.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: But of course, chance, I don't know how many people he did because he works way harder than I do sometimes.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_04: It was so cool at this year's Speak Out Against Suicide Gala.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_04: You know, first of all, Sean crushed it.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, energy unmatched in your attire spot on.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_04: You had like a sparkly pant suit, and it was just awesome.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_04: And I have a perfect picture of you, and I want to use it for this graphic, but I chose to put chance on there too.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_04: But you're looking at me, and I think I just timed it right, but your smile is like so big, you could tell how excited you were to present.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_04: But then you had chance kind of positioned outside, and then you whistled for him and he came running in.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_04: And he's a well-behaved boy, but he was a little no, he wasn't freaked out, yeah.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_04: He was kind of a ham.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_04: Like he wanted to go around and see everybody.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: If he would have been able to speak, he would have shoved me off the podium there, I'm sure.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_04: But that gala every single year is visual evidence that there are so many people in this region that want to support the work that Speak Out does.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_04: Because like we had to, I say we, I wasn't involved, but you guys had to move the venue because we had too many people and not enough seats.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_04: Uh so this past year we were at Murphy's Court in DeWitt and there was what, 500?
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh gosh.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even remember the number, but we could space out like you felt like you could breathe.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: I had a lot of people saying, gosh, the windows, you didn't feel like you were in closed, you know, enclosed and you could breathe a little bit.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: But yes, it was again, my my board puts in all the work on the I I just get told what I'm the piece I'm gonna do, and then I I roll with it.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: But well, what it what goes into planning that?
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: Oh gosh, they are they are meeting probably the next board meeting.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: We'll do our community dinner, and then it's Gala, Gala from then on out, every and then they'll meet every two weeks, and then they'll meet every week, and then we're getting, you know, they're getting all the things going well.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I'm out there doing silent auction items, like really nice silent auction items.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: Living room set.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: Living room vacation, you know.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_04: How much did the dessert dash raise?
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even remember.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: I it was a lot.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not the numbers person, but I know it was a lot, and that is always very good.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: And and and that just goes to show, you know, what our financial needs are.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: People, a therapy session is anywhere between$100 to$500 for one visit.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: So we want to be able to provide people the opportunity to be able to go to therapy, and there's a lot of people out there that their insurance only covers so many, or they don't cover a certain type, or which is ridiculous.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I feel like, you know, mental health should be no different than you going for your annual checkup for anything, or diabetes, or cancer treatments, or anything.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: It is our it ours, is it our brain, you know, breaking down and and becoming ill?
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: And we want to be able to support.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: We have such great assets in our community as far as like counseling and services.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I think they are continuing to get a little bit better every day.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_04: That's why I kind of like the transition from mental health to brain health.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, identifying the brain and the fact that it is a part of the human body and it influences your biological makeup and chemical makeup, and there's certain deficiencies or too much of something that cause you to kind of change the way you act from time to time.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, bipolar, if you look at like manic bipolar syndrome, I mean, now they're referring to that as being on the spectrum, not the same spectrum as autism, but a different spectrum altogether.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_04: But the amount of science that's coming out and new studies, I mean, it's revealing and it's providing people with relief because now they can sit back and go, I'm I have an illness.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_04: And I need to take care of that illness just like I would if I was diagnosed with cancer.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_03: We got to take away the stigma of it.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_03: And I always think about we talked before we went on here that about how um so long ago, not so long ago, I actually were you were just told Suck it up, but suck it up and you know, rush it under the rug or something's wrong with you, something's wrong with you.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_03: That's what I always remember.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_03: Something's wrong with you.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: Well, when we talk about that and we talk about, you know, you have your plate with all the circumstances on it.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: But still at the end of the day, it's what we are telling ourselves.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's the negative thoughts that are crossing our own minds.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: And we know that we can't think a positive and negative thought at the same time.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: So imagine yourself with only negative thoughts for hours and hours and maybe even days, maybe even weeks of it.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: Can you imagine your brain handling all that?
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it can't.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: That's why.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: It cannot.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_04: I know exactly what you're talking about.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: So we know that at the end of the day, you know, people want to blame a specific thing on someone taking their life, but at the end of the day, we have to be better at reading our thoughts or getting the help so that we can take away those negative thoughts and treating ourselves better.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: What are you saying to yourself?
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: You know, do we listen to everybody around us, you know, with all the conflict of different things in the communities and stuff like that?
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: What are we saying to ourselves?
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it doesn't matter what Jenny Holmes said about me.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's always gonna be good though.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, we're gonna pretend she's fire.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna pretend we're gonna pretend like Jenny's just being so negative and she's, you know, and I'm thinking about that's making me feel like she thinks a certain way, even though she's never said that to me.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: My mind is gonna say it's gonna run.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_04: That's the often part that I feel is hidden from those that do struggle with negative self-talk, is because you do me, I spiral.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_04: And it it starts out with one negative self-comment to myself internally.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_04: And next thing you know, I build on that and build on that and build on that.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_04: And then when you take it to the end of the day, I am completely defeated and nobody said anything to me.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_04: I've done it to myself.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_04: But my point is is often it puts me in a very poor attitude, and then I do not realize how that attitude has now impacted everybody around me.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_04: And then you automatically feel guilt and regret.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_04: And the pro and the cycle just continues and continues and continues.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_04: But it's still negative.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_04: And it's it's very, very difficult for me to break myself out of that cycle.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_04: You know, people are very kind, but they'll say, like, well, just you know, if you get some negative comment or feedback, let it roll off your back.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_04: Like, don't take it personal.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_04: It's like, well, I I do.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_04: And the other thing about me is I remember to a fault everything I say.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_04: And then I will lay down at night and I will, like I'm reading a movie script.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I will go back over it word for word, and then if I regret saying something, I then start to again spiral and figure out how I can make mend that relationship because I feel like now I've fractured.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_04: And sometimes I just don't, you know, I see red and I get so mad sometimes, and you start just spewing things out.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_04: My mother always says, and she gets this from my stepdad, be careful what you say, because you once it's out of your mouth, you you can't take it back.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_03: And I think uh the way people approach you too, like you're saying, noticing.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_03: When I was growing up, my dad always said, never approach somebody, especially if it's like one of your kids or something, don't ever say what's wrong with you.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_03: Always say what's up.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, what's going on?
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_04: How are you feeling?
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: What are you doing today?
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: What are you doing?
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: Where'd you come from?
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: Something else.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: And another thing too is like if you are picking up that somebody's not quite, you know, in their normal state of mind, not giving them a choice, but saying, Hey, come on, we're going to lunch.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because people or hey, let's go get an ice cream.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I would say.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_03: Because I like ice cream.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_03: Something motivating.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: But but just remembering that, yeah, you know, you can pick up your day.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: There are days when I don't want to get out of bed.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to lie, you know.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: Dealing with this for six years, you know, you start to really learn about how your thoughts are and what you're going through and how you're helping people, and then stopping at the end of the day and saying, okay, if I've seen or spoken or messaged with five people and they all have 20 things, different things on their platters, I'm taking it.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm going home with a lot of platters.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: And you know those plate twirlers?
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: That twirl those plates.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I don't have enough limbs to twirl the plates sometimes.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so I have to literally say, Okay, Sean, stop.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: Stop a minute.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: Do something.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: Do something that you like.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, come on, chance, let's go for a ride.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'll do that a lot.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go, you know.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_04: Grab an ice cream, chancy boy who's gonna be a good one.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, people understand exactly like what you know how much you do.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_03: So during, let's say you have a really busy weekend with a lot of things that you are, you know, services you provide, sketch that out for us.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, like for the for that ride, you know, when I got to speak to all those people, I came home feeling like, wow, I loved it, you know, even though it was bad stuff, but I loved the opportunity for them to get it up and out.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: And that too, holding the stuff in and not getting it out.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I have a lot of people and I know that my board, you know, they have people too.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: I just don't get to see them as much as I see the ones that I deal with.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: But just knowing if I have somebody, if say they're meeting me at the building and they'll come in and it's instant tears and I wait, you just let me know and you're ready, you know, and they'll start talking and they will talk themselves all the way around to feeling I feel so much better now.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: And when that comes out of their mouth, you're just like, all right.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that's determining too do you need me to help fix you, or do you simply just need to be by somebody?
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and that's a big difference.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_04: That's huge.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_04: Because uh requesting that somebody fixes you, first of all, I feel is um sometimes not fair because that person may not be now granted, Sean is well equipped with this training she's all going through to be able to help somebody effectively.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_04: But if it's your spouse and you're asking them to fix you, they can only do so much before you need to seek professional help.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm going through that process right now.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_04: You know, my wife and I have had these conversations where she feels sometimes overwhelmed by my emotional swings and the inconsistency in my behaviors and my attitude.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_04: And it's it's it weighs very heavy on her.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_04: And I feel bad, but it's incumbent upon me now to seek out the professional support that I need so I can develop coping mechanisms beyond just her.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: And that's important too, that you know what makes you happy or what could possibly pull you out of certain situations.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes what you think is gonna pull you out isn't what's gonna pull you out.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I the tiger might not work for me.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: And that usually works boom right away.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: It might not work.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: What am I going to next?
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: I have a list on my refrigerator.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because if somebody would come to my house to check on me and I was still down, they can walk over to my refrigerator and know, pick something off of that list and try that.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: I do as well.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, with a VA, we have to create a suicide prevention plan or response plan.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_04: And it just clearly identifies when you are feeling low, when you have suicidal ideations, you know, five, six, seven, make the list as long as you want.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_04: How many things can we do to distract you from that and get you out of it?
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_04: And for me, it's really just being around people, yeah, is what saves me.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_04: Because if I'm, you know, we just were talking about this yesterday with Chris Evans from Pathways Living Center, and we looked up a video about uh Chester Bennington, the former lead singer for Lincoln Park, um, who died by suicide.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_04: And he has this video that's kind of viral on TikTok, but he's pointing to his temples and he goes, in between here is a very, very bad place.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_04: And you know, the DJ interview him like laughs and he laughs, but it's not funny, it's real.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_04: Like he's spending I spend so it can be your own prison, right?
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_04: You can spend so much time in your own thoughts that you just get lost.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_04: And then for me, putting myself in a public setting, having conversations, listening to somebody else talk kind of resets me.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I think too, like what we kind of so people that I I've spoken to that have had attempts or suicidal ideations and suicidal thoughts, how they describe it is is something very unique, but it kind of also makes sense.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_00: So if I have Andy who's struggling, okay, he's already thinking negative things, but what it feels like is like in stereo, like there's 30 people around you because they're saying you're stupid, you're not worth being here, and you're you're ugly and you have nothing to offer this world.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like those, like all of those people are all yelling in their ear at the same time.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_03: It's kind of when you tell yourself something like that, and at the tail end of it, you're saying to yourself, and everybody knows it.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_03: You know, and that it's not.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: But if we do that in real life and we surrounded you with 30 people saying those things to you, what are you probably gonna do?
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, just like basic training all over again.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, right, right.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, you're gonna clear a room, right?
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: So that if that helps anybody to understand what what that process is like, I that's just one scenario, and I don't know like No, and I like when I spoke at the the gala two years ago now.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_04: Um you know, that was the first time I kind of publicly revealed that I uh had suicidal ideations um and an attempt.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_04: Uh and that was hard for me to stand in front of all those people.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_04: Normally I do not mind standing in front of a large audience speaking, but it was personal and it hurt to hear those words coming out of my mouth because I had never verbalized them before.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_04: And I think I was emotional as everybody listening.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_04: Um, however, in doing so now, people realize because so many people came out to me afterwards and was like, I would have never guessed.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_04: I would have never in a million years.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_04: You're always just so outgoing and jovial and happy.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_04: And I said, Yeah, but that's that's a character I play 90% of the time.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_04: And the person that I spend the most time with is not like that.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_04: It's it's me.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_04: And I don't want to say it's the real me, because I am an outgoing person, but that's the cruel reality of being by myself, is that you know, I'm not as kind to myself as I am to others.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: And and I think, you know, we we shared this before where I'm pretty outgoing.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: I can talk to anybody, but there's sometimes when we walk into a room of 400 people and you feel like you're the only one, like nothing else exists.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_00: And that's hard.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if it's hard for you, but it's hard for me sometimes because I'm like, we're trying to figure out where the piece that we're supposed to fit, and we don't really fit because we fit in so many places.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what I had to start telling myself.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: I fit in all kinds of things.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm fine.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_00: But it's still I can feel really lonely sometimes, really super lonely, but I can have a lot of people around me and not, you know, and it doesn't it doesn't matter.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: My brain's already there.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's hard to tell yourself too that you're gonna feel lonely at times in life and it it'll end.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_03: You know, but it's hard at the time to to tell yourself, well, this and it's just like right now I'm lonely.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_03: What do I do?
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_03: So it's great to have a service where you can get a hold of somebody if you're like you said, I'm really lonely.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_03: I you know, it's great that you can reach out.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_04: So how do people get in touch with you?
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um, most to be honest, most of the time they find me on Facebook and I'll get a message or I'll get a text or I'll get something through somebody's somebody else that knows me and they ask if they can share my number.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: All my business cards is my personal cell phone number.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I do know at the end of the day, I will shut off and the phone, I'm not answering it yet.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but there are some times if I'm sitting at home and something comes across.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: Depends on how I'm feeling at the time, if I feel like that's something I can fix real quick or I can help with real quick, if it's a resource, or just sending them a few resources or whatever that might be.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm gonna probably do it.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_04: So I'm assuming, much like you know, any medical professional, even counselors, you too, as an outreach coordinator, probably have some confidentiality.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_04: However, if the individual you feel is going to hurt themselves or somebody else, I'm assuming you have the ability to intervene.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: And we are not a crisis line.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's not what we're there for.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_04: But definitely the 988.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna refer them to the 988.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they have the ability to get the mobile mobile crisis unit to respond if needed.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_04: Which is an excellent and this is on the Iowa side.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_00: Now we jump over across the river and it's harder.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's harder.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so you know, they have Cennesi, they have uh they have NAMI over there, but it's still at the end of the day, that's why we're we're trying to support.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_00: And can they come over here to get therapies?
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_00: Can they come over here if they have substance abuse or you know, just mental health?
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_00: They can come to Iowa, that's fine.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: But when you're getting up like into, you know, Carroll County and thing and places that are a little bit farther, you know, finding those resources are a little bit harder.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_00: There's a few in Freeport, free a few in Rockford, you know, that we can access, but it gets a little bit harder.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_03: And you are contacted by people from out of the area.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_00: I've uh I remember I've had people from uh that are relatives with people in other states that I've got I've talked to on the phone looking for a resource for their son or daughter or cousin or uncle or whoever it might be.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I mean, we do once in a while get those calls.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_04: It's amazing what kind of resources are out there because I don't know, Tony, or Tony, uh uh Sean, if you've ever heard of this app, it is called Tolin.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_04: T-O-L-A-N.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_04: Tolin.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_04: And basically what it is, it's it's crazy.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_04: So it's like these little people, like little trolls, and you put in like you what who what types of things you want to talk about.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_04: Like, I want to talk about my relationship, I want to talk about my finances.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_04: And it basically customizes a troll type.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_04: I call it a troll because I don't know what to call it.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_04: They're called tollins, but for you, and you can and go into a private space and it's AI generated, right?
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_04: And you can start having a conversation and they respond accordingly.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_04: So it's like kind of having a friend.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_04: But for maybe if you feel super lonely, and it's it sounds quirky, but if you're feeling super lonely and you have nobody to talk to, it is engaging.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_04: They'll play games with you and stuff like that.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_04: It's like, you know, the 2026 version of a pet rock.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_04: You know, it's it's really cool.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_04: But I just I'm always amazed by what they come out of.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's cool.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_00: I do have there's a couple of apps that I have on my phone, but there's also um through Stand for the Silent for you know, for talking kids and students, um, Stand for the Silent's website has a ton of resources and apps that parents can not only put on their phone, but you can have on your kids' phones as well.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, any anytime we can have something at our fingertips.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_00: I know I always keep the Better Help app on my phone.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I know there is a cost to Better Help, but you know, if that's what it comes down to and that's all you do it, um, 988 for sure.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, if you are not jiving with the 988 person and you're not connecting, whether it's through text, chat, or through the phone, you can ask for another person.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_00: You can ask.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_00: Don't be afraid to ask for another person.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_00: There are so many people that are in therapy that are not really telling their therapist, you know, what their own.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, sometimes it's incredibly easy to lie to a being mandated to see yes.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_00: So it's very important that you find somebody that you can trust and open up to.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_00: And and for us, we provide that unique space between somebody looking for the resource and getting to the resource.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like if somebody can't get into their therapist or we can't get them an appointment for a week or so, I'm gonna say, hey, come and see me.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know, an hour.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_04: You share the information.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_00: Just come and you can yell at me, you can swear at me, you can laugh at me, you can sit there in silence.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care what it is, but let me get you to the next, let me keep you safe till tomorrow.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's my job.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_03: See, and I think it's important for people who don't have these experiences and have not had any contact with someone who's had suicide or somebody who's not feeling well, any of that, to realize that, okay, maybe you have a really supportive family or maybe you have great friends, but not everybody has that.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I mean, not everybody has that ability to just call their mom or just you know what I mean?
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_03: So it's great to be able to realize and be more empathetic to someone if they're reaching out and it shouldn't have the stigma to it.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_04: No, and I will say from first hand experience, 988 is a beautiful thing.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_04: Never feel I had to call within the last six weeks.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_04: I called.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_04: I was sitting by myself in my garage, I was depressed, and I was looking at my suicide response plan, and it was a sobering reality to realize that 80% of the individuals that were on that plan I could no longer contact.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_04: Um just through fractured relationships, others because I did not want to be a burden on them, um, which is a tough thing.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_04: And I just felt like beside myself with grief.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_04: Um so I called and I figured what's the worst that can happen?
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_04: Nothing happened.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, it was an amazing experience.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_04: The woman was kind, comforting, non-judge judgmental, you know, and the VA has gotten much better at this because when I first entered the VA for mental health care, it was very much a CYA, which is kind of cover your ass, is what that means.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_04: And they would ask you, do you have a firearm?
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_04: Yes or no?
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_04: But is it locked?
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_04: Yes or no?
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_04: And you were like, I want to talk to somebody.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_04: I don't want to do a checklist.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_04: And they were basically making sure that they had all the things that they needed to identify off the table.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_04: And then you were lucky if you had some time left within the hour to have a conversation with somebody.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_04: Um they've since then have really improved their programming and it's become great uh to work with them again.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_04: But and then I see a local counselor here in town.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_04: But don't ever feel like calling 988 is going to result in the cop showing up at your door.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_04: Um it is just truly somebody on the other line that wants to help you.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_00: And you said something.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm sorry.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_00: You could like if you notice something, if you're with somebody, you can still utilize the 988.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just for the person that's going through something.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_00: If you're with somebody and you're not sure and you can't get them to speak or you can't get them to talk, just try it, you know.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_00: Just call it.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_00: They're there.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_04: And I think they're trained experts.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_04: They're not like, it's not like going to a home shopping network.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_04: You know?
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_03: And the uh Andy said something important, the judgmental part.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_03: Because you feel like if you're gonna talk to somebody, you're gonna get judged, or they're gonna roll their eyes, or they're gonna start telling you, well, you just need to go take a walk, or you know, something that's not gonna help.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_03: It's sometimes you don't have to fix the person who's talking to you.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_03: You just need to listen.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_00: No, and that the there's one other thing that I want to make sure we touch base on, and those are the folks that refuse or don't want the help.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_00: Those are my hardest, those are my hardest things because um I had a gentleman the other day and and I just couldn't, you know, I couldn't convince him to he had already talked to 988, that wasn't working for him.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_00: I asked him, maybe you should try texting, maybe that would give you a better content, you know, better content for you, you know, what else do you think might help?
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_00: What brings you joy?
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_00: What keeps you here?
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me, you know, tell me those things.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_00: What, you know, and he could not answer.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Well, could I help you get to somewhere where you can get some help?
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_00: Could I, you know, is there anything that I can do?
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and when they they just don't want it, and you are done and they and they're ready to hang up, and then you walk away from there going, I failed.
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like you feel like you failed, even though at the end of the day it is their choice, you know, it's their choice.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_04: Sean, I'm gonna buy you a taser.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_04: And if I ever deny I'm at my wits and you can't, don't you ever drive away, tase my ass, and then call the hospital, come and pick me up.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_04: I would much rather be tased than than go through with something like dying by suicide.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the loan, that's the loneliness of there isn't anything that can help me.
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_00: And that's your your your breakdown of your brain at that point.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_04: It is a sobering reality to realize that when you get to that point, nine times out of ten, you have put yourself in that point.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_04: And it's not it's not a thing to be ashamed of.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_04: It's not anybody blaming you, but a lot of it's self-induced.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I've done wellness checks on people and they're pissed off as hell that I did it, and that's fine.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_04: Or they're embarrassed.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then three to six months later, they're thanks for doing that.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_04: I'm just reading a book right now.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_04: It's called Help Me.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_04: I Wanna Die.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_04: And the woman has multiple suicide uh attempts.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_04: But the the one that she relates to in the first couple of chapters is where she sat back and drank antifreeze.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_04: And she was an aspiring journalist, had a nice job, college degree.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_04: You know, on the outside it looked like she had it made.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_04: And she filled two coffee cups full of antifreeze, sat down on the floor in her bathroom and chugged both of them.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_04: And when the medics arrived and she was revived, she was embarrassed and said, Oh, I don't need any help.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_04: I don't need any help.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_04: And here's somebody trying to justify the need for help after while she's sitting next to two empty coffee cups full of antifreeze.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_04: And at that point, she's still resisting.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_04: And then she goes into rehabilitation and she's still resisting.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_04: And it took months and months and months of counseling and treatment for her to realize I have a problem.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_04: You know, and that wasn't her first time.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_04: So, you know, don't feel like you're broken, don't feel like you're defeated, don't feel like you're by yourself because you're not.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_04: Um, you just you gotta you gotta be vocal, you gotta tell people because, especially in the workplace.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, we spend more time together every single week than we do with our own families, right?
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_03: So again, just paying attention.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_03: Advocate for yourself and all health issues.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_04: Sean, you're a beautiful person.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, I want to thank you for all that you do, not just you, your entire board.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_04: They do a phenomenal job.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_04: Many of them, if not all of them, have some form of lived experience.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_04: Absolutely.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_04: And so they are not just doing this because they're bored, they're doing this because it's something they're extremely passionate about.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_04: Uh they are very active on the board of directors, and it's very exciting to see them continue to grow and develop speak out against suicide.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_04: And it's amazing to see you kind of uh take the position of outreach coordinator and help so many people.
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I appreciate that.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we all have a huge We don't get to hear the good stuff very often, so it's always just come into the office.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_00: We'll tell you.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_04: All right, everybody.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_04: Well, if you need to get a hold of Sean, Speak Out Against Suicide.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_04: I did put a QR code.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_04: If you are watching this in the top left-hand corner of the screen, you can scan that.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_04: It'll take you right to the website.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_04: If you're not uh watching or listening, it is speakoteioa.org.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_04: Again, speakoutea.org.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_04: However, Sean does provide services in the northwest Illinois area as well.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_04: It's just uh, you know, it's it's amazing all that you're able to do and and just you and chance.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_00: Chance.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_00: He's a snap for kid and I couldn't do it without that support of those board members for sure.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_04: All right, everybody.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, well, sobering conversations.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_04: Uh we've had two in the last couple of days.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_03: But we gotta have them.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_04: But you gotta have them.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_04: We've got them.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_04: Because if you don't, I mean it's it's funny how like, you know, the military, when I first joined uh prior to September 11, 2001, there was not a lot of discussion regarding mental health or stress management or you know, coping with the the death of a fellow airman.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_04: And then we started going to war.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_04: And next thing you know, there was suicide rates in the dormitories started cranking up because many of them joined during peacetime.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_04: And it's not a matter of courage or valor or patriotism.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_04: But when you're told that you are now boarding a plane for a year and you're going to Iraq, that's something you necessarily sign up for, right?
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_04: Um, yeah, you took the oath of enlistment and you're proud to do it.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_04: And when you get back, you have that kind of deep-rooted sense of accomplishment and your patriotism is at an all-time high.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_04: But the fact that you're going scares people.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_04: And many of them reacted poorly because the notification was very, very short.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, you had basically, I'm talking to you on a Monday, and Friday you're packing your bags, tell your family you love them.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_04: And you have some people that just had a brand new baby or just got engaged or just married.
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_04: So then all of a sudden this the program started to become a little bit more robust and aggressive.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_04: But I'm glad that in 2026 the stigma is starting to fade.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_04: We're starting to realize that it is to be treated just like any other illness and not to judge those that are impacted.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_03: And it's also important to know that you don't have an assigned group of people you have to talk to.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_03: It doesn't have to be family, it doesn't even have to be friends.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_03: It just can be somebody you really, really trust with what you're going through.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_03: You can just talk to them.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_04: All right, everybody.
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_04: Again, speak out against suicide.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_04: The website, speakoutioa.org.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_04: Be sure to check them out and support everything they do.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_04: The walk is an amazing thing.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_04: If you have not been to Speak Out Against Suicide Gala every year, I strongly encourage you to do so.
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_00: April 3rd.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_04: April 3rd.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_04: It's it's uh same place.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, same place, Murphy Court and DeWitt.
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_04: It's an awesome venue, but it is impactful.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_04: And it is not the same rubber chicken kind of conference deal to go to.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_04: It is engaging, there's a lot of audience interaction.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, the MC does a great job.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_04: So be sure to check that out.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_04: April 3rd of 2027.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_04: Mark calendars, folks.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_04: Coming up.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_04: All right, everybody, until we speak again.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_04: Stay classy, stay safe, and stay positive.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_04: See ya.
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you for listening to the Grow Clinton podcast.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_04: Be sure to subscribe and follow us on all your socials.
• 45:03
  SPEAKER_04: Until next time.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_04: See ya.