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The REVERSE Discard, When a Narcissist wants you to be the one that leaves them · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful folks?
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  Today we're going to be talking about the reverse discard.
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  When a narcissist wants you to be the one that leaves but
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  doesn't have the courage to be to to say I I'm done with this
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  or break up with you. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and
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  welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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  Boom, welcome back folks, welcome back, welcome back.
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  So yes, the reverse discard. I've done old videos on the
• 0:43
  reverse discard, but y'all, as I grow, my perspective changes on
• 0:46
  certain situations and things like that.
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  So stay tuned to the end, y'all please.
• 0:49
  And also hit that subscribe button because I'm starting the
• 0:52
  official mental illness podcast in a couple weeks.
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  Going to be doing interviews, live interviews, in person
• 0:58
  interviews, all kinds of stuff. So make sure you subscribe for
• 1:00
  that as well. But yes, y'all, I got a message
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  on Snapchat. Yeah, I do.
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  I do read my DMS when I can. I do read my messages.
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  I do try to, right? I'm looking for like some public
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  public relations PR assistance or whatever, you know, I'm
• 1:16
  looking for that type of stuff as well.
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  So y'all have experience in that shoot me e-mail, but
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  narcissistic people like I got a message on Snapchat.
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  I lost my train of thought. I got a message on Snapchat that
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  said, Hey lady, you think my I think I feel like my my
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  narcissistic ex is is pushing me away and wants me to break up
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  with them. But I don't know is that a is
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  that a thing? I was like, what you haven't saw
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  my video on the reverse discard. So let's get into it.
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  Yes, that is absolutely a thing. I know sometimes, I know a lot
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  of people, including myself, talk about the just the discard
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  phase, right? When narcissists break up with
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  you, when they discard you, when they're done with the
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  relationship and they want to be done with you and they just they
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  get rid of you, right? They just break up with you.
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  They leave you for a new supply. They do this, they do that.
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  We talk about that all the time. But we what we don't really talk
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  about is when they want, they want you to be the one that's
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  out the door. They want you to be the one that
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  says I'm done, I'm finished. They want you to do that.
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  That's a discard because they wanted it to happen, but it's
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  reversed because you were the one who does it.
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  They wanted to break up. They didn't have the courage or
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  the strength or the war with all to do it.
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  And also be like, if you break up with me, guess what?
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  I get to play all. Guess what?
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  I get to play. If you break up with me, guess
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  what I get to play. If you break up with me, I get
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  to play the victim. So a lot of narcissistic people
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  get to play the victim, the situations that they themselves
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  create by pushing you away. If you break it with me, I'm the
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  victim. I can go on Facebook and
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  Instagram and tick tock and just like, even though I wanted this
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  guys, I guess. I'm single again.
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  I guess I'm not good enough. For people to.
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  I guess I'm not good enough for people to love.
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  I just want to be loved and loved and loved and blah blah
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  blah. That's what happens.
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  They want you to love. You know what I'm saying?
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  They they will use this as the they will play the victim card.
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  They pull that, they pull that victim card out their water.
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  They'll be like, hmm, got something for you?
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  Here it is. Let me see here it is the handy
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  dandy victim card. Here you go.
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  Take it, Take it. Take it, Georgie.
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  Take it. They'll pull it out their wallet
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  anytime. Because guess what?
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  You did break it with me. I'm not lying.
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  You did in the relationship. I'm not lying.
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  There's truth in it. There's the truth in it, isn't
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  it? There's truth in this
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  circumstance. There's truth in truth in it.
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  Because they did. They wanted you to.
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  And now they can play the victim.
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  I wasn't good enough. And guess what else to get?
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  Like they can play the victim and they also have an excuse to
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  move on faster, don't they? If you break it with me, I have
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  an excuse to move on fast, right?
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  Because you no longer wanted the relationship, right?
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  You no longer wanted that because now I have an excuse to
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  move on pretty quickly because of this, right?
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  Because this situation has evolved, because this has
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  happened, I can move on faster and you can't hold me like you
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  can't hold me accountable. You broke up with me.
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  Who cares if I get in a relationship next the next week?
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  Who cares if I move in with somebody else in two days?
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  Who cares who cares about any of that?
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  Who cares about any of that? You see what I'm saying?
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  That's what happens. That's what happens.
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  Like they enjoy the fact that you bruggle with them so they
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  can absolutely play the victim in the circumstances that they
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  themselves have concocted, that they themselves have created.
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  This is why they like, like I said, This is why they would do
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  the reverse discard and the reverse discard happens.
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  Y'all, It can happen slowly over time.
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  It's not just, it could be a switch, a flip that switches,
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  right? It could, they just could turn
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  on the discard. But a lot of times they
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  calculate it, they take their time, they, they, they cultivate
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  it. They, they, they mold it, they
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  use it. Then they wrote, it's a slow
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  release. It's a slow rollout, right?
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  It's a slow release capsule. It's not, it's not microwave.
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  You know you have to. It's a crock pot.
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  Crock pot discard instead of the microwave discard.
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  When they just break up with you, they'll just start, they'll
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  just start to remove the love from you.
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  They'll just start to remove the affection from you.
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  They'll just start to remove things from you that they like
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  said they themselves want. Like they, they, they, they,
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  they you want like if you want communication, they'll just
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  start communicating with you less.
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  If you want love, caring, affection, they'll just start to
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  give you less love, less care, less affection.
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  They'll stop. Like I said, they'll stop
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  texting you as much. They'll start coming home late.
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  They'll just start doing little things to push you out the door.
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  But you don't want to leave. You want to fight for the
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  relationship, right? You don't want it to end.
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  So you might stay a little bit longer.
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  You might try to change certain things about yourself.
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  You might even try to have a conversation with them and ask
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  them what's wrong. And they'll tell you straight
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  up. It's like, hey, look, nothing's
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  wrong, everything is fine, everything is fine.
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  I was dancing around and everything is fine, nothing's
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  wrong. You know what I mean?
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  But you can sense that there's something wrong.
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  They just don't want to admit it.
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  And with with them not admitting it, it can just make everything
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  go on longer. It can make the situation, it
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  can precipitate the situation and make it just make things
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  worse. It absolutely can.
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  This is can't absolutely happen, right?
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  You're just fighting for the relationship.
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  They're just being manipulative. This is how it goes.
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  Like you're fighting, you're you're fighting around, you're
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  doing this, you're doing it and they are just doing, they are
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  just going about their everyday lives like nothing has changed,
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  like nothing matters, right? They're being manipulative,
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  they'll be they're being abusive, they're being toxic as
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  hell. They do this stuff all the time,
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  you know, So I tell you, I say that to say this, you are not at
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  fault for break. Like even if they you think it's
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  the reverse, discard you. If you want to leave, you should
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  absolutely leave. I know y'all are thinking I'm
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  not going to let them reverse this card.
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  Me, I'm going to stay. Why would you do that?
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  It's just an idea. You're wasting your time.
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  I don't want them to play the victim.
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  They're already playing the victim.
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  They're already they're going to be the victim regardless.
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  And the longer you stay, the worse they will treat you,
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  right? The longer that you stay, the
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  worse they will treat you. The, the, the longer you stay
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  with them, the longer you are around with them, the longer,
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  the more that you do to them, the more, like I said, the more
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  that they're going to take away stuff.
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  They're going to abuse you. They're going to use you.
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  You see what I'm saying? They're going to do a lot of
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  this different stuff to get inside of your head and to
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  activate you. They absolutely are.
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  So I say that to say this. You are empowered, you are as
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  strong as you possibly can can be, and you deserve better.
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  You deserve better than somebody that's going to sit right here
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  and just intentionally be manipulative and disconnect from
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  you and just just just act irritated around you all the
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  time. Every single little thing that
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  you do irritates them. Every single little thing that
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  you say sets them off. Everything makes them sad.
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  Everything makes them unhappy. Everything does this, everything
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  does that. Like they're just being, they're
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  just getting on your damn nerves.
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  They're just doing this to be toxic as hell and be
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  manipulative and getting your damn nerves sooner or later.
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  You got to pull the plug on it. The lady.
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  Look y'all, it's dead. The relationship is dead.
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  You got to resuscitate. You can't resuscitate it then.
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  You see what I'm saying? You can't do CPR on a dead
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  relationship. Stop trying to revive or
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  resuscitate a dead relationship. You don't like I said,
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  especially if they're not trying to, if they're not trying to
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  breathe, it's just like they're choking on something, right?
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  Imagine somebody's choking on something and you're doing a
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  Heimlich, and then you finally get it out of their mouth and
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  they just like, all right, no, they put it back in their mouth.
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  You do the Heimlich maneuver on them and they spit it out there
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  like, oh, I can breathe again. I can breathe again.
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  Stop it. And they put it back in their
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  mouth. They want to be, they want to be
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  emotionally choked out. They want to be, they want to
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  disconnect from you. And I know it sucks, y'all, I'm
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  not. I know I'm poked for it.
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  I make jokes, but I know it sucks.
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  But if they look, you don't want to stay where you're not wanted,
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  go where you are appreciated, not tolerate it.
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  Yeah, they might tolerate you for a little while because maybe
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  the finances, the finances are in order or not in order.
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  Maybe they, they, they need you for something else, right?
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  Or maybe they don't want to see you with anybody else because,
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  because just because the reverse discard happens doesn't mean
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  that they will absolutely move on to somebody else very, very
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  quickly. It could mean that, right?
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  It could absolutely mean that. But a lot of times it's just
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  them being manipulative, being toxic as hell and just just
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  being, just being unnecessary. I hate y'all.
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  I, I can't, I can't explain how much I hate the reverse discard
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  because it's cowardice and I, I hate it because y'all know why I
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  hate it? Because I used to do it.
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  They used to be my move. They used to be my weapon of
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  choice. So when I talk about the reverse
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  discard, it makes me feel the internal shame of doing it right
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  because I, I've done, I've perpetrated, I've, you know,
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  I've executed the reverse discard.
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  Most breakups in my life have been the result of a reverse
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  discard. Me emotionally disconnecting
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  from them. Like it'd be me, sorry.
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  It'll be me just waking up one day not feeling the same about
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  the relationship. And instead of being a man or
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  being a woman or being a person and just breaking up with the
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  person or just telling them, I would just disconnect from it
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  and be a be a coward. You know what I'm saying?
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  I would just say big. I was just a huge coward.
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  And it's tough for me to say that because I'm talking about
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  myself. It was cowardice of me to just
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  be like, I'm just going to treat you bad and make you leave.
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  I put people through. So it's putting people through
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  unnecessary emotional distress because I'm a coward.
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  Because they are a coward. It's coward.
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  The reverse discard is coward is Incarnate.
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  It just is. I was a coward when I was doing
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  it. Your partner, your ex, whoever
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  it was, the reverse discard to you is a coward while they
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  themselves are doing it as well. So don't let them convince you
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  of otherwise y'all? So that's why I just say like
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  out the reverse discard does happen and they just do it
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  because they disconnect from you.
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  They emotionally discard you. You can learn more about the
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  emotional discard in my course called Understanding the Seven
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  Stages of a Narcissistic Relationship.
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  Everything y'all is available at mentalmentalillness.net.
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  You can see it go across the bottom of the screen.
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  Coaching courses. Everything is available at
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  mentalillness.net. But yeah, it's a it's a tough
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  thing to deal with. It really just is.
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  It's like y'all see me growing, y'all see me trying to, you
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  know, make amends with the mistakes I've made in the past,
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  but not everybody's going to get to that stage, y'all.
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  It just like I'll say this, just because they don't get to that
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  stage does not mean that you yourself do not matter, y'all.
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  So I appreciate y'all tuning into another episode.
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  I'm super thankful for y'all. If the reverse discard is
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  happening to you right now, y'all, get your ducks in a row
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  and go ahead and reverse this card.
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  They ask. Get them out of there and just
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  be prepared, y'all, when you do, when you do, they reverse this
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  car when it does happen, just be prepared.
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  They're going to play the victim.
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  They're going to play. They might move on quickly.
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  You have to be prepared for this stuff, you know what I mean?
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  I know I said make it seem like it's something easy to do.
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  It's not easy. It's not easy to deal with
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  whether or not you know it's coming or you're going through
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  it right now anyway, y'all make sure y'all subscribe to the
• 12:11
  channel if you haven't already, then the podcast is launching
• 12:14
  soon. Everything about me is at
• 12:16
  mentalillness.net and as always, y'all, mental illness is out.
• 12:19
  Peace.