Latest / feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell / how to deal with grief

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how to deal with grief · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

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  I lost my childhood dog this week.
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  He was one of my best friends for 16 wonderful years and I've
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  been grieving this loss every day.
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  I figured there is no better time to talk about grief and
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  loss than while I'm actively dealing with it.
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  So join me and let's discuss the complicated journey that is
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  grief. My name is Ethan Jewell and
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  welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.
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  Everyone is going to experience grief at some point.
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  I don't think it needs to be taboo.
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  That's why I opened today's episode the way I did because I
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  want to start the conversation that grief is normal and it
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  happens to everyone. And likely there are people in
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  your life that are dealing with grief that you don't know about.
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  Maybe you are dealing with grief that nobody else knows about.
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  I want you to know that it's OK to talk about and feel your
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  grief, whether it is a loss, whether it's something personal,
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  maybe, maybe you feel as though you've lost a part of yourself,
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  you've lost your childhood, maybe a job of person, whatever
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  it could be, grief is inevitable.
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  Now, before we start this conversation, I want to remind
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  you I'm not a doctor, I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm not a
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  professional in the mental health industry whatsoever.
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  I'm just a normal guy who has felt some big feelings and I can
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  tell you that today's topic is very personal.
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  It's still a fresh feeling. I'm not making this episode to
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  self pity or make it about me. No, my goal is to show you that
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  feelings are a part of the human experience.
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  They don't have to stop everything.
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  You can live with them and have a healthy relationship with
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  them. Even with grief, you can feel
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  deeply and keep moving forward. So join me and let's discuss
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  grief, what it is, why it's so difficult to deal with, and why
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  it's important to move through the grief instead of around it.
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  Let's start this conversation with why grief is so difficult
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  to deal with and what exactly it is.
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  And I think most of us know the answer to that second question.
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  Grief is a highly complex reaction to some kind of loss or
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  stressor or trauma that has happened in our lives.
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  It isn't just about sadness. It's a complex mix of emotions.
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  They include anger, guilt, confusion, maybe even relief.
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  These feelings can be intense, unpredictable, unexpected.
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  It makes it hard to manage day-to-day life.
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  It's important to understand grief, what it does to us.
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  So let's talk about it. One framework that can help us
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  understand the complexity of grief is the five stages of
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  grief. You may have heard of these
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  These stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and
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  acceptance. It's really important to note
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  that not everyone goes through all of these stages or goes
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  through them in a specific order.
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  Some people may go through them faster than others.
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  Grief is highly individual and can vary greatly from person to
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  person. That's one thing that makes it
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  kind of difficult to talk about and difficult to deal with.
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  There's no handbook. There's no easy way to figure
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  out exactly what you're supposed to do.
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  However, it's nice to use this as a general guideline.
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  I know I personally have used these many times in my life.
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  It's helpful to have something some some tangible rulebook to
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  relate grief to, something to help identify the complicated
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  feelings that we feel. However, another complication is
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  that grief doesn't just affect us emotionally, it can also take
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  a toll on our physical health. Common physical symptoms of
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  grief include fatigue, changes in appetite, difficulty
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  sleeping, even physical pain. This mind body connection can
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  make grief feel even more overwhelming and challenging to
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  deal with. We physically hold grief and
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  other feelings in our bodies. Some people feel it in their
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  chest, a bit in their stomach, maybe a tightness in the throat.
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  I personally feel a heaviness in my chest whenever I'm grieving
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  something. This makes the pain twice as
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  overwhelming. Not only do you feel like you're
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  being ripped apart emotionally, but physically you feel just as
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  exhausted. This feeling is impossibly
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  heavy. It's a burden to carry and you
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  may feel tempted to avoid or distract from this feeling, but
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  unfortunately that only makes things worse.
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  Unprocessed grief can lead to long term emotional and physical
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  issues such as chronic anxiety, depression, or even health
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  problems like heart disease. It can become traumatic and try
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  to become a part of your identity.
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  Grief likes to stick around, so you'll feel tempted to avoid it
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  as long as you can, but it will catch up with you, and it will
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  be heavier than before. It will grow and faster feeding
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  on your mental and physical well-being.
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  Suppressing grief might seem like a way to avoid pain, but it
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  often prolongs suffering and can lead to more severe mental
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  health issues down the line. This is why it's so important to
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  feel those feelings. Processing grief also helps us
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  find meaning and make sense of our loss.
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  While the pain of loss may never completely go away for some,
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  dealing with it can help us integrate the experience into
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  our lives and find a new sense of purpose or direction.
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  By properly feeling it, working through it, we can learn and
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  grow. We can understand where and why
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  it hurts and move forward. As people, you need to go
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  through the grief, not around it.
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  But how do we do that? It may sound silly, but it's
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  sort of straightforward for the most part.
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  Of course, grief looks different for everybody.
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  I'm not a professional, but this is what has helped me.
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  In my experience, one of the biggest ways to help yourself
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  heal is to just allow yourself to grieve.
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  Go head first into it. Hurt.
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  Be angry, cry, feel lost, feel betrayed, be upset, be confused,
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  be frustrated. Let these feelings run their
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  course. Don't run from them.
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  Don't drink or smoke them away. Don't distract.
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  Face these feelings head on and let them exist.
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  This is one of the most difficult things we can do.
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  We we want to run from these uncomfortable feelings.
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  Our brains naturally want to avoid discomfort.
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  We want to stay in our comfort zone and feeling these
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  complicated, hurtful feelings sucks.
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  But if you try to suppress or distract any of these feelings,
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  they will only stay with you and grow.
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  They'll become a part of you and one day you won't know what is
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  left. One day you'll have to pick up
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  the pieces instead of putting them together right now, when
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  they're in front of you. You have to allow yourself a
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  safe space to feel these feelings.
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  Free from guilt, free from judgement, free from rushing.
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  Give yourself space to feel deeply.
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  But of course, this is often exhausting to do and you won't
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  always have the emotional capacity to deal with these
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  feelings. So you should also practice self
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  love and care so you feel ready when these emotions do arise.
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  Eat well. Try to get enough sleep.
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  Give yourself space when necessary from other people.
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  Engage in activities to help work through the physical side
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  effects of grief. Try to talk to other people.
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  Establish some kind of social network that you can turn to,
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  whether it's a family member, a friend, maybe a professional.
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  I always recommend professional help.
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  I went to therapy when I was dealing with a lot of
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  complicated issues and it helped so, so much.
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  I know that therapy can often be difficult, but online therapy is
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  an awesome resource. So I highly recommend checking
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  out online-therapy.com. I've gotten you all a discount
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  code. You can get 20% off your first
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  month using the code therapy 20 and I've put a link down below
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  that you can click and get all set up.
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  It's really easy and you can do it from the comfort of your own
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  home today. And finally, the last thing that
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  I suggest you do is give yourself time.
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  There is no set timeline to feel better or be done with grieving.
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  As I stated in the beginning of this episode, one of the reasons
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  I'm recording this is because I lost my childhood dog a little
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  over a week ago. I grew up with him for 16 years
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  and he went peacefully and surrounded by family.
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  It's been a long week and every single day I've been feeling
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  some new emotion about it. But that's the key, I've been
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  feeling it. Sure, I could distract myself, I
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  could sit on my phone all day, I could drink every night to avoid
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  these feelings. But instead, I'm diving head
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  first and allowing myself to feel every bit of grief that
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  comes up. I cry when I need to.
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  I get angry at the world. I get frustrated.
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  I think fondly of memories. I move slowly, one day at a
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  time. I have no timeline for this
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  grief. I think I'll miss my boy for the
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  rest of my life. And that's OK.
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  We can live with our grief as long as we feel and deal with it
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  when it's right in front of us. As long as we learn and grow,
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  I'm learning that parts of me need more reassurance and
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  attention. You may find the same when
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  dealing with grief. I'll leave you with this.
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  Grief is a complicated puzzle to piece together, but it's sitting
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  right in front of you. When you grieve something, you
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  need to put the pieces together in order to feel whole again.
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  If you ignore them, you'll slowly lose pieces.
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  You'll have to find them again. You may never be able to piece
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  that puzzle together. So please face that grief and go
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  through it, not around it. That's going to wrap it up for
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  today's episode. Thank you so much for being
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  here. Some of you may know that I
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  write poetry. I actually released my first
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  poetry book last month and it's available on my website,
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  ethanjewel.com. You should check it out.
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  It's over 100 poems and I think you'll really enjoy it.
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  Also, I have music out on all platforms under the name of
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  Ethan Jewell. If you need help feeling your
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  feelings, just check it out. I almost guarantee it'll make
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  you cry. So thank you so much for being
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  here. Thank you for understanding the
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  difficult process that is grief. And as always, thank you for
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  feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.