Latest / The Mark Simone Show / Mark interviews comedian Jackie Martling.

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Mark interviews comedian Jackie Martling. · The Mark Simone Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: On seventeen w R.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: It's more of the marks Emosia.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Well, Jackie Martlin, great comedian, Jackie the joke Man, who,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: by the way, this coming Thursday next week will be
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: appearing at the Manhasset Cinemas. That's actually a great movie theater,
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Man Hasset, Long Island, Thursday night, he'll be there. You
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: can get a personalized video go to cameo dot com
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: slash Jackie Martling. You can go to his website jokeland
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: dot com. Jackie Martling. How you doing?
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: I could not be better? Mark. Everything is wonderful and
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: you sound good. Hey, it's almost spring. Two more minutes,
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: it'll be spring.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Oh that's the that's good.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: Now.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: This Manhasset Cinemas, it's a great movie theater. It's one
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: of the few movie theaters with a liquor licensees. But
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: what are you going to be doing at a movie theater?
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: Well, they switched it around. It's a performance space. Oh,
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: my old friend Jeff Krasner is a come on to
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: take take care of it. I think I'm the first
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  Speaker 2: comedian that's working there. But it's a it's a great
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: stage place. You know, a lot of these theaters make
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: perfect comedy clubs.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: You know, yeah, like the Paramount and Huntington. Wasn't that
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: a movie theater?
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: No, no, that it sounds like it, but no, that wasn't.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: But you know, like the patch Hog Theater players like
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: that were great, you know. But I'm excited, all right.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: So the girl's in the movies and she says.
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: To her date Ralphe. The guy next to me is masturbating.
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: This is ignore them, She's I can't. He's using my hands,
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: all right.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: So a doctor calls one of the elderly patients. He says,
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: how you feeling, mister Burford. You know, doc, I feel fine,
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: but you know, it's the damnedest thing. Every night when
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: I get up to pee and I open up the
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: bathroom door, the light goes on from me automatically. Well,
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: a doctor's worried that the old guy's getting a little seniles,
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: so he calls the guy's son, and the son's wife
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: fancies He says, missus Bedford, I'm a little concerned about
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: your father in lords. When he gets up in the
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: middle of the night to yup to urinate and he
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: opens the bathroom door, he claims the light goes on
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: automatically and she says, Hey, Ernie Pop's peeing in the
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: refrigerator again. I didn't the question mark, what should you
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: do if there's a pitbull humping your leg? Well?
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: I hate to ask, but what.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: Let him finish? So a guy comes home from work
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: and his wife says, Honey, I got good news and
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: bad news. You know, listen, I'm in no mood for
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: any more bad news. Just give me the good news.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: She says. The landscaper is in sterile rib.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: Hey something. You've been on the show for what thirty years?
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: You've told you've done fifty million appearances. I've never heard
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: your repeated joke. Where the hell do all these jokes?
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: Well? I deep, I go deep in my files and
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: I find them, and they're from forever. You know. I
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: I got a ridiculous amount of jokes. If anybody's interested
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: in how it goes about, I have a documentary on
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: Amazon Prime called joke Man, and you can see the
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: whole process. I mean, I've been collecting these jokes forever
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: and ever and ever, and I just love them, and
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: I come across them. I'll be driving along and I'll
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: think of one. I'll go, oh, I've never told that
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: I'm Mark Simon. I'll make myself a little note, you know,
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: because I like the fact that you don't know any
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: of these jokes. And people call me, you know, I
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: see people on the street they say, every time you're
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: on simone, it's different jokes. I'm like, well, I work
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: hard to do that, you know. Wow, So I work
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: hard for you. I hope you appreciate it.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Oh, we do. And I've seen that documentary. It's very
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: good to watch that documentary. You actually show your house
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: where you keep all the jokes in that big room
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: and Willie Nelson, you know. Yeah.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: So a kid and his dog are sitting on a stoop.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: The guys walking along A says, kid, does your dog bite? Now,
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: we can't bite. The guy reaches down, pets the dog,
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: and the dog bites his fingers and he starts to bleed.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: This kid, I thought you said your dog doesn't bite.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: The kid says he don't, just ain't my dog. So
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: the doctor says, my friend, you've over done it with
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: your sex life. You're totally burnt out. You know what
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: you got left the rest of your life? Fourteen orgasms.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: That's it. Fourteen orgasms. The guy goes home tells his
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: wife the news. She says, on now, well, we better
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: make a list of when you're gonna use him. He says,
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: I already did you ain't on it right? Here's one
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: for another question. If the dove is the bird of peace,
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: what's the bird of true love?
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: The swallow don't go all goes to the doctor and
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: her knees are all cut up. The doctor says, what
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: happened to your knees? She's from making love doggy style? Well,
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: don't you know any other position besides doggy style? She says, yeah,
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: but my doggie don't. So I cleaned it up for
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: you today.
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  Speaker 1: Oh god, I can imagine if we if somebody comes
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  Speaker 1: to see you Thursday night, he's gonna beat the Manhasset Cinema.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: You will get the uncleaned up version.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it'll be uh an hour's worth of brutal, brutal jokes.
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  Speaker 2: And now what I've been doing is I do my
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: show and afterwards I do a long Q and A.
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: Because we have so many questions about the about the
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: Stern show, and about stand up and about Long Island comedy.
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: And you know, my show is like an hour and
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: a lot of times the Q and A goes another hour,
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: and I you know, I love it because it's always interesting,
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: always different, and it's usually pretty funny. So come on out,
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  Speaker 2: Manhasset Cinema, eight pm. That's next Thursday.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, explain Long Island comedy, because you guys, Long Island,
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: you've produced a lot of great comedians. Jimmy Faylos the latest,
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: but a lot of them. Why is that right?
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: I always say it's the water. It's the salt. Water
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: makes everybody horny. And people are horny. They tell jokes,
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: they want to meet girls, they want to be funny.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: So I've always thought it was the you know, the seafood.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: You know the boys from Babel Seafood, they say, you know,
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  Speaker 2: the people come in and buy the seafood. Then they
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: come back in with a big smile on their face
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: because you know, the seafood is good for sex, you know,
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: clams and oysters and shrimp. That guess makes you crazy.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: I know it gets me crazy, but I don't need
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: that to get crazy.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but you could, you could. There have a million
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: great comedians from Long Island. Can you name a great
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: comedian from Connecticut?
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  Speaker 2: I don't think so, you know, I'm sure there are,
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: and I'm gonna get in trouble. You know, the comedians
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: that are great from from Connecticut are ones that have
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: moved there from New York.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you can talk.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: There ain't a lot of them, used to be a lot. Hey, hey, Mark,
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: why is sex better than bowling?
• 7:06
  Speaker 4: Why the ball's are lighter and you don't have to
• 7:11
  Speaker 4: change your shoes.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: So a guy meets a girl in the bar and
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: they wind up parking in his car. So they're making
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: out hot and heavy and giving each other hickeys and
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: really going to it. And she says, Hey, you want
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: to get in the back seat. Oh no, I'm staying
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: up here with you. So I'm wrong. I'm working all over.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: I got another gig coming up at March sixth. I'm
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: out at McGuire's out in Bohemia and going to Florida.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: You know, at my age, you know Valentine's dam I'm
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: going to be seventy eight years old. WHOA how that happened? Yeah,
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: but I'm still rolling. I'm still rolling, Mark.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Hey, I like playing the movie theater. So there's
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: a lot of movies theaters that we really don't need anymore.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: People don't go to the theater scene movie. But they
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: got seats, they got a stage, right, they could all
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: be great theaters, better than comedy.
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: They're all they're exactly the right size. They're all perfect.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: You know, They're just perfect. And I always enjoy them,
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: you know, because you know, because people it's not you know,
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: there's not waitresses and drinks. You know, they're sitting watching
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: the show. You know.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, when people are sitting at a round table, you know,
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: like like in a restaurant and you got to do comedy,
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: it's not. But when they have sit in theater seats
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: looking right at you, psychologically they pay more attention, don't they.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: It's perfect. And not only that, but the closest people
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: are right in front of you, like right at your knees,
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: which is I love it where I could see the people.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: You know, I'm watch them because they're laughter is what
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: propels you, you know.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well see Jackie Martlin girl, go ahead, man Hasset Cinemas.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: I think it's Planned Home Road right Thursday night and four.
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: Point thirty Planned Home Road, Thursday January twenty second, eight pm.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: All right, we'll give us a couple more before we
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: have to go.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: So why is the sheep better than a woman?
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: Oh god? Oh no, Why.
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: A sheep doesn't care if you have sex with her? Sister?
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: I got a classic for you, Well say goodbye with
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: this one. Go to Bayville Seafood. I love the boys.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: They take care of me and Valentine's Yeah.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: I always mentioned this Payville Seafood. You really eat a
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: lot of seafood, don't you.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: You know. I bring like a couple of pounds of
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: shrimp to every family party, and my girlfriend Barbara just
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: loves halibit and we like to get the bike clams,
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: you know, and they're there's literally a one minute walk
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: for my house.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: Good.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: This is very healthy. If you were plug plugging a
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: butcher all the time, that'd be unhealthy. But a seafood perfect.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: No, No, it's really healthy. And they're really good to me.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: They're really great guys, and they listen to your show
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: every day, so when I come on, it just makes
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: them happy. I go in there and they're all glowing,
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: you know. So I'll see him later today and they'll
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: they'll critique me. They'll say, oh, the jokes were okay,
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: or they'll say, wow, you're a riot today. So let's
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: wish me luck.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: Well, we got to go in the side. Give us
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: one more so.
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: A guy sitting in the living room when his wife
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: walks in wearing just a man tailid shirt and panties.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: She says, Honey, have you ever seen fifty bucks all
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: crumpled up? He says no. She smiles at him with
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: sexy smile, unbuttons the top three buttons, reaches down into
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: her cleavage and pulls out a crumpled fifty dollar bill.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: She hands them the fifty and says, have you ever
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: seen one thousand dollars all crumpled up? He says no.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: She reaches into her panties and pulled out a crumpled
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: thousand dollar bill. She hands them the thousand dollar bill
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: and says, now, have you ever seen fifty thousand dollars
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: all crumpled up? He says what? No? She says, go
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: look in the garage. I will talk to you next time. Mark,
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: thanks a lot.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: To see Jackie Martling Thursday night, Manasset Cinemas. Thanks for
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: being with us.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: I'll be the Thanks Mark, all right.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: Take care? Uh hey, no't forget coming up at noon.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: Buck and Clay. It's a great show every day at
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: twelve noon most listen to radio show in America is
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: right here on WR three o'clock every day, Sean Hannity,
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: then Jesse Kelly at six. And you love Jimmy Fayla.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: He's really good, very funny. Every night nine to midnight.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: That's all here on seven to ten wor