Latest / Suze Orman's Women & Money (And Everyone Smart Enough To Listen) / When Do You Let Your Adult Child, Be An Adult?

Transcript

When Do You Let Your Adult Child, Be An Adult? · Suze Orman's Women & Money (And Everyone Smart Enough To Listen)

• 0:08
  Suze: I don't know if I can do this.
• 0:10
  KT: OK ready? Are you sure? Well, well, September 13th, 2026
• 0:15
  Suze: We got we got that far.
• 0:16
  KT: OK. Welcome everyone to the Women in Money podcast, and
• 0:20
  KT: everyone's smart enough to listen. Are you ready, Suze? She's
• 0:24
  KT: trying so hard. This is like take 18, everyone. We
• 0:28
  KT: can't quite get this right, and there's a big reason why.
• 0:32
  KT: You're listening to this on September 13th.
• 0:35
  Suze: Well, it drops on September 13th.
• 0:36
  KT: We are recording this earlier on our way to New
• 0:41
  KT: England to Travis and Hadley's wedding. Travis is my favorite nephew.
• 0:46
  KT: Everyone knows he's my favorite. I call him my angel boy.
• 0:50
  KT: Travis is finally getting married. We can't wait to celebrate
• 0:55
  KT: this wedding.
• 0:56
  Suze: So he gets officially married September 12th.
• 1:01
  Suze: And the biggest thing was what should we wear? Oh
• 1:04
  Suze: my God, but it's cold there. No, it's warm there. So...
• 1:09
  KT: It's not just a wedding though. Everyone, I, you know,
• 1:12
  KT: from all of these years that I have a really
• 1:14
  KT: big family.
• 1:15
  Suze: Tell me about it.
• 1:16
  KT: And it's a family reunion and Travis's wedding.
• 1:21
  Suze: Which isn't necessarily just so you know, my favorite thing
• 1:24
  Suze: in life.
• 1:25
  KT: Suze Loves it, but I said Suze...
• 1:26
  Suze: I do not.
• 1:27
  KT: ...let's dedicate the September 13th podcast to families and money
• 1:33
  KT: and money.
• 1:34
  Suze: Of course, KT. What else would we be dedicating this
• 1:37
  Suze: coming weekend said,
• 1:38
  KT: Suze, all families are the same. They have ups and downs,
• 1:42
  KT: ins and outs. Some days they have a lot of money,
• 1:45
  KT: some days they have no money. But let's dedicate our
• 1:48
  KT: podcast to Family Affairs.
• 1:50
  Suze: And if any of you think that I have a
• 1:54
  Suze: choice as to what we're gonna do when KT is
• 1:59
  Suze: part of this podcast...
• 2:02
  KT: No, you don't have a choice...
• 2:03
  Suze: I have a bridge to sell you.
• 2:04
  KT: I have such great, um, stories and questions to share
• 2:09
  KT: with all of you about families and money.
• 2:12
  Suze: Well then, let's hit it.
• 2:12
  KT: Let's go.
• 2:14
  Suze: Oh God.
• 2:16
  KT: All right, so here we go. The first one is
• 2:20
  KT: from Diane, and this is really interesting and, and a
• 2:23
  KT: little bit of a difficult one, so you should all
• 2:25
  KT: weigh in your thoughts again with Suze.
• 2:29
  KT: And it starts with this. She said, Suze, I have
• 2:32
  KT: a son who is 24 years old and trying to
• 2:34
  KT: make his way back to college. He's struggling financially as
• 2:39
  KT: a student and spends frugally in an expensive city. He
• 2:44
  KT: has a budget and student aid and loans, and I
• 2:48
  KT: have helped him even against your advice not to help
• 2:53
  KT: outgrown kids by co-signing loans, etc.
• 2:57
  Suze: Ready.
• 2:58
  KT: So, so ready, wait, let me finish, Suze.
• 3:02
  KT: Suze, my question is this. My heart says to continue
• 3:06
  KT: to help my son where I can because his attempts
• 3:10
  KT: to go to college were always sidetracked by his father's disabilities.
• 3:16
  KT: Am I wrong? Now, I think I should share with
• 3:20
  KT: all of you why this is a great story, so.
• 3:24
  KT: Diane and her husband were divorced when her son was eight.
• 3:30
  KT: The father never saved anything. He got sick and the son,
• 3:34
  KT: since he was about 15, took care of his dad
• 3:37
  KT: and really helped out.
• 3:38
  Suze: So like eight, nine years ago.
• 3:40
  KT: So in any event, what has happened over the time
• 3:44
  KT: is that the money they saved in the 529 has
• 3:47
  KT: been used. Now Diane has spent most of her $50,000
• 3:53
  KT: emergency fund to just stay afloat. She's planning on taking 6%
• 3:59
  KT: from her IRA until her Social Security age kicks in.
• 4:04
  KT: She's got about $300,000 equity in her home, and Suze,
• 4:09
  KT: she plans on selling it to downsize. We know where
• 4:11
  KT: this is leading.
• 4:13
  KT: The thing that what you don't know and what I
• 4:16
  KT: wanna share with you.
• 4:17
  Suze: Does she have any other money?
• 4:18
  KT: Yes, she also has 300,000 in an IRA and about
• 4:22
  KT: 50 in a Roth that she contributes to little by little. However,
• 4:28
  KT: I think what's really important is that Diane has had
• 4:32
  KT: breast cancer, so she's a cancer survivor.
• 4:36
  KT: Today Diane's 66, she's happily working a couple of part-time jobs,
• 4:41
  KT: and she makes about $1,400 a month, right.
• 4:46
  Suze: At 66.
• 4:46
  KT: At 66.
• 4:49
  Suze: Ao she plans on taking Social Security, I'm sure at 67, right?
• 4:53
  Suze: All right.
• 4:55
  KT: She wants to sell her home, use that money, and
• 4:58
  KT: she's gonna downsize.
• 5:00
  KT: She's scraping all the funds she can.
• 5:02
  Suze: So what does she want to know from me?
• 5:05
  KT: So she said, Please tell me if I'm wrong to
• 5:08
  KT: continue helping her son with school as much as I can, even,
• 5:14
  KT: even if I may be endangering my own retirement years.
• 5:19
  KT: So Suze, what do you think?
• 5:23
  Suze: I think that all of you really need to listen.
• 5:27
  Suze: To this email that KT just read to all of you, seriously.
• 5:32
  Suze: We have a 66 year old woman who chose not
• 5:37
  Suze: to listen to me. Yet co-signed loans for her kid,
• 5:43
  Suze: for all these other things, used up all of her
• 5:45
  Suze: emergency fund.
• 5:48
  Suze: Only is now making $1,400 a month.
• 5:53
  Suze: Obviously all she has left according to KT what you
• 5:57
  Suze: said is money in the house, which is not accessible
• 6:01
  Suze: unless she does a home equity line of credit, KT
• 6:05
  Suze: or sells it all right, at $1,400 a month. I
• 6:08
  Suze: don't know if she's going to even qualify for a
• 6:10
  Suze: home equity line of credit, number one.
• 6:13
  Suze: Number two, she has $300,000 in an IRA that's pre-tax.
• 6:21
  Suze: So when she goes to take it out, it's gonna
• 6:23
  Suze: add to her taxable situation. So truthfully, does she really
• 6:27
  Suze: have $300,000 in that IRA? No, because again, it wasn't
• 6:33
  Suze: a Roth.
• 6:34
  Suze: It was a traditional one, so we don't know when
• 6:38
  Suze: it comes to her taking it out, what does that
• 6:41
  Suze: do for her taxes or whatever, we'll see. She does
• 6:45
  Suze: have $50,000 in a Roth, but given that she really
• 6:50
  Suze: isn't making much money and she wants to continue to
• 6:53
  Suze: help her son, chances are, where's she going to get
• 6:57
  Suze: the money, KT, to continue to help her son? Oh,
• 7:01
  Suze: I know her Roth IRA.
• 7:04
  Suze: Because in her mind, her Roth IRA if she takes
• 7:07
  Suze: money out, isn't going to be taxable. So before you
• 7:12
  Suze: know it, that $50,000 will be gone.
• 7:16
  Suze: So we have a situation here really Diane, we're at
• 7:20
  Suze: the age of 24 and your son has the capacity
• 7:26
  Suze: to want to take care of a parent. He's already
• 7:29
  Suze: shown that.
• 7:31
  Suze: The question you have to ask yourself is, do you
• 7:36
  Suze: want to burden your son again later on in life
• 7:42
  Suze: when he's 34, 44, maybe even 54.
• 7:47
  Suze: Right? When you're now in your 80s, 90s, or whatever
• 7:51
  Suze: it may be, somewhere in there during the next few years,
• 7:54
  Suze: because you don't have enough money to support yourself. You
• 7:58
  Suze: need full-time care. You don't have long-term care insurance. You
• 8:03
  Suze: probably don't even have a will, a living revocable trust
• 8:07
  Suze: in advance directive or durable power of attorney for healthcare.
• 8:10
  Suze: You probably have wanted to take care of him all
• 8:12
  Suze: these other ways by giving him money.
• 8:15
  Suze: But you have not put yourself first, which puts him
• 8:19
  Suze: in the position 10 years from now when you're 76,
• 8:25
  Suze: 20 years from now, that's nothing when you're 86 and
• 8:28
  Suze: he's only 44, of probably having to take care of
• 8:33
  Suze: you like he did his father, which then sets him
• 8:37
  Suze: all the way back.
• 8:40
  Suze: Are you hearing me, girlfriend? How many times have I
• 8:43
  Suze: said helping is hurting and sometimes hurting is helping? At 24,
• 8:51
  Suze: he needs to make it on his own now because
• 8:54
  Suze: you cannot afford it. You can give yourself every single
• 8:59
  Suze: excuse in the book that kids today have harder times,
• 9:03
  Suze: that you know, he's such a good kid. You're such
• 9:06
  Suze: a good mother.
• 9:08
  Suze: You've been a great mother, but if you want to
• 9:11
  Suze: be a great teacher.
• 9:14
  Suze: A great true provider for your son's future, he needs
• 9:20
  Suze: to start looking at your situation in reality.
• 9:25
  Suze: And think about the situation that you're in, not just
• 9:30
  Suze: what he's in, and find a way to make it
• 9:33
  Suze: as long as you continue to help him. In my opinion,
• 9:37
  Suze: you are so seriously hurting him and yourself, it's not
• 9:42
  Suze: even funny. That's what I would tell her.
• 9:45
  Suze: And that's what I told her. Why are you looking
• 9:47
  Suze: at me so seriously?
• 9:49
  KT: Because it's sad. A lot of moms, they, I, especially
• 9:53
  KT: someone like Diane, she wants to help him, but it
• 9:56
  KT: is true. By the, by the time he's 44, he
• 9:59
  KT: probably will have his own family.
• 10:01
  Suze: Maybe we don't know.
• 10:02
  Suze: What is gonna happen, but in 20 years from now,
• 10:05
  Suze: Diane's 86. She's already had breast cancer. She will be
• 10:09
  Suze: through with almost all of her money if you do it.
• 10:12
  Suze: We don't know. Will her house sell? Will, will the
• 10:14
  Suze: weather come in and destroy her house? All these unknowns.
• 10:19
  Suze: So don't add to it, and I'm just gonna say
• 10:22
  Suze: shame on you for co-signing loans for your son. There
• 10:27
  Suze: is a reason why I said that. You should have
• 10:30
  Suze: listened to me then. I'm asking you to listen to
• 10:33
  Suze: me now. Next question, KT.
• 10:36
  KT: OK, here's another one. This was a great subject. Ready again.
• 10:40
  KT: More family money. When do you let your adult child
• 10:44
  KT: be an adult? That's a great subject.
• 10:48
  Suze: Before we even go on, right? We both came from families.
• 10:52
  Suze: I want you to think about this. We both came
• 10:54
  Suze: from families that suffered financially.
• 10:58
  Suze: Yours more than mine, believe it or not. All right.
• 11:03
  Suze: At what age, given what our families were going through,
• 11:09
  Suze: did you start helping out your family with money, and
• 11:12
  Suze: did you take over being an adult of your own life?
• 11:16
  Suze: At what age, KT?
• 11:17
  KT: As soon as I got a good job, as soon as...
• 11:20
  Suze: When was that?
• 11:20
  KT: Right out of school, bam.
• 11:23
  Suze: And you never went to your parents. And why was that?
• 11:25
  KT: We, I couldn't. They didn't have anything.
• 11:27
  Suze: And how successful and how successful did you become?
• 11:31
  KT: A multimillionaire.
• 11:32
  Suze: And how often did you take care of your mother
• 11:35
  Suze: and your father?
• 11:36
  KT: As much as I could.
• 11:37
  Suze: Buying them a house?
• 11:40
  KT: Yes.
• 11:41
  Suze: You're buying them a house, buying them a place to
• 11:43
  Suze: live when they had to go into an independent living
• 11:46
  Suze: facility and nursing home.
• 11:47
  KT: I did.
• 11:48
  KT: I, I took care of them in a great way financially. However,
• 11:53
  KT: my other five siblings were always, always there to take
• 11:59
  KT: care of them physically, emotionally.
• 12:02
  Suze: Financially, I am talking about financially,
• 12:04
  KT: OK, so money, yeah, I had the lion's share and
• 12:07
  KT: I absolutely spent it on them.
• 12:09
  Suze: And do you think on any level that you were
• 12:12
  Suze: able to do that because you had nobody to count
• 12:15
  Suze: on but yourself the day you graduated college? Did you
• 12:20
  Suze: work your way through college?
• 12:22
  KT: Most of it, yes.
• 12:23
  Suze: Most of it. All right. You know my story.
• 12:26
  Suze: All right, you know, I was a waitress till I
• 12:29
  Suze: was 30. Put myself through college, lived on my own.
• 12:33
  Suze: My parents did not have any money to help me.
• 12:35
  Suze: They barely were making it on their own. And then
• 12:38
  Suze: I eventually was able to take care of them, especially
• 12:43
  Suze: my mother.
• 12:46
  Suze: So, I tell you that story because what was the
• 12:49
  Suze: question they asked?
• 12:50
  KT: When do you let your adult child be an adult?
• 12:55
  Suze: As soon as possible, but go ahead, KT.
• 12:58
  KT: I just wanted to say something you and I grew up,
• 13:01
  KT: not with parents that suffered, but parents that really lived
• 13:06
  KT: paycheck to paycheck. I didn't think that we were unless
• 13:10
  KT: they just hid it. We, we didn't suffer.
• 13:13
  Suze: I think my mom did suffer because my dad was sick.
• 13:17
  KT: OK, your story is a little different.
• 13:18
  Suze: my, my little, he was sick for a long, long time,
• 13:21
  Suze: and she carried two jobs, an Avon worker and a secretary,
• 13:24
  Suze: and I could tell...
• 13:25
  KT: You you had you had, uh, both parents working to
• 13:29
  KT: really make ends meet.
• 13:30
  Suze: But then my father couldn't work, and that's when the
• 13:32
  Suze: kids had to go to work. Both my brothers and myself.
• 13:35
  Suze: I was working at 13 because my dad was in
• 13:38
  Suze: the hospital and he couldn't,
• 13:41
  KT: I couldn't wait to start working so that I could
• 13:43
  KT: earn money.
• 13:44
  Suze: But anyway, so go on. So what...
• 13:46
  KT: So, so this question is really great. Let me, let
• 13:48
  KT: me go on to this next one which I really like.
• 13:51
  KT: Says hello, thank you for everything you do to guide
• 13:54
  KT: and enlighten us. My husband and I are in our mid-50s.
• 13:58
  KT: We're trying to save for retirement. We have four adult children,
• 14:03
  Suze: So this is all the same email KT's reading you.
• 14:05
  Suze: Go on.
• 14:06
  KT: Three of whom have college degrees and are managing to
• 14:09
  KT: make ends meet. Our third child, who is 26, did
• 14:13
  KT: not finish college.
• 14:15
  KT: She works hard and often juggles two to four entry
• 14:19
  KT: level jobs, so she certainly has grit. However, she lives
• 14:24
  KT: 90 miles away in a larger city and frequently... frequently asks
• 14:31
  KT: for help with rent, car payments, or groceries. She is
• 14:35
  KT: unwilling to move back home temporarily just to get on
• 14:40
  KT: her feet. Are we enabling her if she's working hard
• 14:44
  KT: but still struggling, or when should we step back and
• 14:47
  KT: let her fully transition into adulthood? How does your principle
• 14:53
  KT: of people first, then money, then things apply to our situation?
• 14:59
  KT: So you know there you go, Alison. This is a great,
• 15:02
  KT: great question.
• 15:03
  Suze: So this thing people first, then money, then things, which
• 15:08
  Suze: has been my motto now for I can't even remember
• 15:11
  Suze: how many years.
• 15:12
  KT: 25.
• 15:13
  Suze: Right? People so misunderstand that I cannot tell you when
• 15:19
  Suze: they hear the word people first they think I mean
• 15:22
  Suze: others take care of others care about others before you
• 15:26
  Suze: care about your money.
• 15:29
  Suze: The term people first means you. I should change that
• 15:33
  Suze: to forget people first. It should be you first, then money,
• 15:36
  Suze: then things. I might do that. It's, you gotta take
• 15:40
  Suze: care of yourself first, yourself and your own needs. That's
• 15:45
  Suze: number one. Number two, as you've heard me talk about
• 15:49
  Suze: in the past, there's the eight qualities of wealth, and
• 15:54
  Suze: the third quality of wealth is generosity.
• 15:58
  Suze: But one can only be generous when the gift is
• 16:03
  Suze: generous to yourself, meaning you can afford it, and generous
• 16:06
  Suze: to the person receiving it.
• 16:09
  Suze: Does it really help them, or does it hurt them?
• 16:13
  Suze: Does it create guilt within them? Does it keep them
• 16:17
  Suze: powerless versus helping them to become powerful? You said that
• 16:23
  Suze: you help your daughter with car payments, rent, and groceries.
• 16:30
  Suze: If she needs to ask you for money for at
• 16:34
  Suze: least car payments, then she needs to get rid of
• 16:37
  Suze: the car and start taking public transportation.
• 16:40
  Suze: If she doesn't have enough money for rent, she's living
• 16:44
  Suze: in too expensive of a place, so she needs to
• 16:47
  Suze: move in with four or five other kids because she's
• 16:51
  Suze: still a kid if she doesn't even have money for groceries. She,
• 16:57
  Suze: whether she's working three jobs, four jobs, or five jobs,
• 17:00
  Suze: is still living beyond her means.
• 17:04
  Suze: And beyond her needs and why is she doing that?
• 17:08
  Suze: 'Cause mommy and daddy, you have been allowing her to
• 17:12
  Suze: do so cause you have been subsidizing her and because
• 17:16
  Suze: you have been subsidizing her for her needs.
• 17:21
  Suze: She doesn't have to provide and have a reality check
• 17:25
  Suze: as to can she afford her needs or not. So
• 17:29
  Suze: what else is she doing with that money? Why can't
• 17:33
  Suze: she afford her needs? Do you know? Have you asked
• 17:36
  Suze: what's going on there? So I personally think you are
• 17:40
  Suze: hurting her and not helping her, and you should pull
• 17:44
  Suze: back and say, listen...
• 17:47
  Suze: You're on your own now. We have helped you. You
• 17:49
  Suze: have decided you want to stay there. Our home is
• 17:52
  Suze: always welcome for you. You can always come home, but
• 17:55
  Suze: if you want to stay there, you have to have,
• 17:59
  Suze: you have to figure it out, and we have enough
• 18:01
  Suze: faith in you that you can do so. That's what
• 18:06
  Suze: I would be doing if I were you.
• 18:08
  KT: I love that answer because I was thinking exactly the
• 18:11
  KT: same thing.
• 18:12
  Suze: Of cource you were because you're my KT.
• 18:14
  KT: All right, here's a good one too. Ready.
• 18:17
  KT: I love your podcast and listen every week. You both
• 18:22
  KT: put a big smile on my face and give me
• 18:24
  KT: confidence to be a better steward of my finances. I
• 18:28
  KT: am eager to be debt free except for my house mortgage.
• 18:32
  KT: I have no credit card debt, but I have two
• 18:35
  KT: loans that have been niggling at me. Is that a
• 18:38
  KT: word niggling?
• 18:39
  Suze: I like're asking me. I make up words all the time.
• 18:42
  KT: One is a car loan with a balance of $8,538
• 18:47
  KT: at 4.24% and that's due at the end of '28.
• 18:53
  KT: The other, ready, this is the one that's gonna niggle
• 18:56
  KT: at you big time. The other is a parent plus
• 18:59
  KT: loan with a balance of $7,193 at 7.05% due at
• 19:10
  KT: the end of 2034.
• 19:13
  Suze: Oh well, there you go.
• 19:16
  KT: I want to get rid of both. I do not
• 19:18
  KT: have much cash left over at the end of the month.
• 19:21
  KT: Does it make sense to take out a home equity
• 19:24
  KT: loan or a personal loan to pay one or both
• 19:27
  KT: of these loans off and then make one payment for
• 19:30
  KT: the loan I take out? The reason I'm eager to
• 19:33
  KT: do this, Suze, so quickly is because I've been teaching
• 19:37
  KT: for 28 years.
• 19:39
  KT: I would love to retire and do something part time. However,
• 19:44
  KT: I would not feel comfortable doing that until these loans
• 19:47
  KT: are paid off. So this is from Jean Marie, and
• 19:53
  KT: Jean Marie, it's that parent plus loan that's niggling at you.
• 19:57
  KT: Tell her why.
• 19:58
  Suze: Well, I think she knows why, but here's another example.
• 20:03
  Suze: Your child wants to go to school.
• 20:06
  Suze: They can't afford to go to the school that they
• 20:09
  Suze: want to go to or you want them to go to,
• 20:11
  Suze: and the only way they can get into that school
• 20:14
  Suze: is through loans. And one of the ways to do
• 20:17
  Suze: it is for the parent to take out a parent
• 20:20
  Suze: plus loan that the parent is responsible for. And now
• 20:27
  Suze: the child has graduated, the child has gone on.
• 20:31
  Suze: But we have a situation here where the parent is
• 20:34
  Suze: still paying for the parent plus loan and who knows
• 20:38
  Suze: what the child is doing, but yet it's bothering you.
• 20:43
  Suze: You've been working for 28 years. You want to retire,
• 20:48
  Suze: but you can't retire for a number of years until
• 20:52
  Suze: these loans are paid off, whatever it may be, but
• 20:55
  Suze: the loan that you really can't do anything about.
• 20:59
  Suze: Except pay it off is the parent plus loan. Now
• 21:03
  Suze: I could give you a payment plan. I could say,
• 21:06
  Suze: you know, forget the car loan. Isn't that bad. Keep
• 21:08
  Suze: paying it like you're paying it. Put every extra cent
• 21:11
  Suze: you have towards the parent plus loan, or I could
• 21:15
  Suze: tell you something else.
• 21:17
  Suze: And it has to do with what I told the
• 21:20
  Suze: last email and actually the one before that. You could
• 21:24
  Suze: sit down with whoever this parent plus loan is for,
• 21:29
  Suze: and say, Are you working now? Are you making enough money?
• 21:35
  Suze: Is there a way that you can take this over?
• 21:39
  Suze: I need help. I'm tired. I don't want to continue working.
• 21:44
  Suze: I've done everything I possibly can. You're still young. You
• 21:48
  Suze: have your life ahead of you. I'm getting afraid. Maybe
• 21:52
  Suze: I'm getting older. I don't have everything, but whatever it
• 21:54
  Suze: may be, and sit down and ask for help. What
• 22:00
  Suze: is this that the parent never asks for help? Why
• 22:05
  Suze: can't you just ask for help? Kids have no problem.
• 22:09
  Suze: In the last email, the kid has no problem asking
• 22:12
  Suze: her parents for help. In the one before that, the
• 22:15
  Suze: kid doesn't even have to ask for help because the
• 22:17
  Suze: parent is just willing to go ahead and do it.
• 22:20
  Suze: But why is it that a parent doesn't ask for help?
• 22:25
  Suze: You have given your entire life to these kids.
• 22:29
  Suze: There's no greater joy in life than letting the kids
• 22:33
  Suze: pay you back in any way they can. KT and
• 22:37
  Suze: I recently, you just heard it, told you our stories
• 22:39
  Suze: and about our parents. KT, would you have changed one
• 22:43
  Suze: thing about taking care of your parents, the amount of money?
• 22:47
  KT: I wish I could have done more.
• 22:49
  Suze: Right? The only thing is like, listen, I took care
• 22:52
  Suze: of my mom so great I can't even tell you.
• 22:56
  Suze: But the other day was her 14th anniversary of her
• 23:00
  Suze: death on September 4th, and KT and I were right
• 23:03
  Suze: there with Lynn, KT's twin, and her husband Tom. We
• 23:08
  Suze: were there 'till my mother took her last breath. And everything.
• 23:12
  KT: How old would she have been now?
• 23:14
  Suze: 111. She was 97, but I was thinking to myself.
• 23:20
  Suze: About that just so you know, KT, and I have
• 23:23
  Suze: to admit I got sad because, money was easy for
• 23:28
  Suze: me then.
• 23:30
  Suze: My time and love and patience, in my opinion, wasn't
• 23:35
  Suze: as great as it should have been.
• 23:37
  Suze: Everybody tells me what a great daughter I was to
• 23:40
  Suze: my mother.
• 23:42
  Suze: The truth of the matter is I could have been
• 23:44
  Suze: a lot greater daughter if I had had more patience
• 23:48
  Suze: and just let her go off on her tirades or
• 23:51
  Suze: whatever she would say to me as she was getting older.
• 23:54
  Suze: I should have had more understanding. So Mom, if you
• 23:57
  Suze: can hear me right now, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but
• 24:02
  Suze: there's no greater joy in life, as a kid gets older,
• 24:07
  Suze: please remember this. Parents out there, when a kid can say,
• 24:11
  Suze: I took care of my mom. I took care of
• 24:14
  Suze: my dad.
• 24:15
  KT: It's an honor.
• 24:16
  Suze: It's an honor.
• 24:18
  KT: So let, let them.
• 24:20
  Suze: Oh Mel Robbins would love that. Let them, let them, right?
• 24:25
  Suze: And I would say, let me.
• 24:28
  Suze: Let me take care of myself. Let me honor myself
• 24:35
  Suze: and let me honor myself by honoring my child. And
• 24:41
  Suze: giving them credit that they have what it takes to
• 24:43
  Suze: do this. All right, KT next.
• 24:46
  KT: OK, next is from Becky. This is again family. This
• 24:49
  KT: is what happens with our family, so.
• 24:53
  KT: Here you go. This says, Suze, it's been a month
• 24:55
  KT: since my dad passed. So far things are going smoothly
• 25:00
  KT: in terms of helping my mom with her finances, as
• 25:03
  KT: she was never empowered in her marriage to manage money together.
• 25:08
  Suze: Can you put a pin in that for one second?
• 25:10
  Suze: Wait one second. Did you hear what this daughter just
• 25:14
  Suze: wrote about her mother? I want you to imagine if
• 25:18
  Suze: the mother did not have a daughter. Or a son
• 25:24
  Suze: or anybody to count on and one month ago her
• 25:27
  Suze: husband died and now she has money or whatever she
• 25:32
  Suze: has a whole bunch of stuff to deal with.
• 25:35
  Suze: Who does she count on? Who does she have to trust?
• 25:39
  Suze: So while you are still alive.
• 25:42
  Suze: I don't care if it's the male, the female, if
• 25:47
  Suze: you're in a relationship, I don't care who, who you
• 25:50
  Suze: are or what you are. Both of you need to
• 25:53
  Suze: know everything about your money and what to do if
• 25:57
  Suze: something were to happen, and I would tell you, you're
• 26:01
  Suze: not gonna like this one, KT.
• 26:03
  Suze: I would tell you to play what if.
• 26:07
  Suze: What if tomorrow your spouse drops dead.
• 26:11
  Suze: What if tomorrow your spouse ends up incapacitated?
• 26:15
  KT: You did that with me. Suze did that with me
• 26:19
  KT: very early on. We're, we're 26 years together and very
• 26:23
  KT: early on she showed me a box. She said, in
• 26:26
  KT: this box are bonds. They have a maturity date. You
• 26:30
  KT: need to know if something were to happen to me,
• 26:33
  KT: what to do with these, and she wanted me, she
• 26:37
  KT: wanted me to know where everything was.
• 26:39
  Suze: But, and when KT said, no, no, it's OK. I
• 26:42
  Suze: don't need to, I said, What if KT, I die tomorrow?
• 26:46
  Suze: Now it's, what if? What if? Because believe me, it's
• 26:51
  Suze: not an if, it's a when. So if you really
• 26:54
  Suze: love each other, even if it's a single parent.
• 26:59
  Suze: And you do have kids, or you're just by yourself
• 27:02
  Suze: and you have friends, you have somebody, you have to
• 27:06
  Suze: go through these scenarios with them, and if you don't,
• 27:10
  Suze: Then you have to look for a trustee, you have
• 27:12
  Suze: to find a way of who's gonna take care of
• 27:15
  Suze: you and make decisions for you when you can't make
• 27:19
  Suze: them yourself.
• 27:20
  KT: Wait, so we're getting a little, so Becky wrote um
• 27:24
  KT: to us about how she's helping her mom. She stepped
• 27:27
  KT: in and like Suze said, if her mother didn't have her,
• 27:31
  KT: who would do this? So her question is, Suze, now
• 27:35
  KT: that she needs a lot of help after Dad's death,
• 27:38
  KT: if I remember correctly, you said my mom should select
• 27:41
  KT: my dad's Roth and IRA accounts as if they were
• 27:45
  KT: her accounts, so she doesn't have to liquidate the IRA
• 27:50
  KT: within 10 years.
• 27:52
  KT: And then she said, will my mom be able to
• 27:54
  KT: continue converting my dad's IRA into a Roth as I
• 27:58
  KT: had my dad do each year? So, there you go.
• 28:02
  Suze: So the answer to that is if you are married,
• 28:06
  Suze: you always want to make sure that for an IRA,
• 28:10
  Suze: Roth IRA, whatever it may be like that, your spouse
• 28:14
  Suze: is the primary beneficiary, and if you happen to have
• 28:17
  Suze: a trust, the trust is the contingent beneficiary, all right?
• 28:22
  Suze: Or your individual kids' names are the contingent beneficiaries. Right? Now, listen.
• 28:28
  Suze: A spouse has many, many privileges that nobody else has,
• 28:35
  Suze: and one of them is the spouse can take over
• 28:40
  Suze: the IRA, the Roth IRA, whatever account it is, if
• 28:43
  Suze: it's a retirement account, as if it was his or
• 28:48
  Suze: her own, if their spouse dies, that means they have
• 28:52
  Suze: many possibilities of what they can do with it. So yes,
• 28:57
  Suze: that is true, and that is exactly what should happen. However,
• 29:01
  Suze: you need to know, will your mom be able to
• 29:04
  Suze: continue converting your dad's IRA into a Roth?
• 29:08
  Suze: The answer to that is yes. When it becomes hers,
• 29:12
  Suze: she absolutely can continue to convert it because why? Now
• 29:17
  Suze: it's hers. It's not an inherited IRA. It is hers.
• 29:22
  Suze: Big difference between when a spouse hasn't Roth IRA that's
• 29:27
  Suze: now theirs or an IRA that's theirs versus an inherited one. Next, KT.
• 29:33
  Suze: Where'd you find all these.
• 29:34
  KT: I looked up family. Family, family, anything that had to
• 29:38
  KT: do with our, you know, family questions. So this, and
• 29:41
  KT: we get so many, so it's not hard to select these.
• 29:44
  KT: The next one says, please help us. Hi KT and Suze,
• 29:49
  KT: I'm writing to get advice on my mother's behalf. My
• 29:53
  KT: mother has $87,000 in an annuity that will expire in 2028. Today,
• 30:01
  KT: the surrender charge is $6,000.
• 30:03
  KT: Is she allowed to roll this money from her annuity
• 30:08
  KT: to her new Roth IRA at Fidelity? Should she pay
• 30:12
  KT: the surrender charge and do the transfer or wait until
• 30:16
  KT: it expires in 2028?
• 30:20
  KT: So that's, um, that's only in two years. My mom's 78.
• 30:24
  KT: She's on Social Security and has the $250 a month
• 30:29
  KT: RMD from her annuity. She lives alone. She's in good health.
• 30:35
  KT: She also lives in elderly housing, which is based on
• 30:39
  KT: her income. Will her housing be affected if she does
• 30:43
  KT: transfers until the annuity is all depleted? Thank you from Boston.
• 30:48
  Suze: Yeah. Listen, there's no reason to surrender this on any level,
• 30:54
  Suze: to take a $6000 hit, which is two years of
• 31:00
  Suze: your mother's income at $250 a month, essentially, right? Why
• 31:05
  Suze: would you do that? That makes absolutely no sense. So
• 31:10
  Suze: you're gonna leave it right where it is, and she's
• 31:13
  Suze: going to continue to live off of it.
• 31:16
  Suze: Next, I want you all to stop thinking about just
• 31:21
  Suze: because you have money in a pre-tax retirement account that
• 31:24
  Suze: you have to convert this money. What you do is
• 31:28
  Suze: you leave it where it is, or you do an
• 31:31
  Suze: IRA rollover to uh IRA rather than an annuity and
• 31:37
  Suze: continue to take the money out monthly. That's it and
• 31:41
  Suze: live off of it.
• 31:42
  Suze: So, you are not going to do what? You're not
• 31:46
  Suze: going to surrender it. Number two, you are not going
• 31:49
  Suze: to roll it over and convert it. You're not gonna
• 31:52
  Suze: do that. And the truth of the matter is, if
• 31:55
  Suze: you keep just taking out the money monthly, whatever it
• 31:59
  Suze: is like you are, it's not gonna affect your mom's housing.
• 32:03
  Suze: Because why? Her income is always going to be low,
• 32:07
  Suze: because you just can't take out a big lump sum
• 32:09
  Suze: at one point, and then what are you going to
• 32:11
  Suze: do with it? You're going to screw everything up, so
• 32:13
  Suze: just don't do it. But this is another example, of
• 32:18
  Suze: a mother, now having to be dependent on her child,
• 32:24
  Suze: her daughter, to make financial decisions for her.
• 32:30
  Suze: And again the question has to be asked and answered.
• 32:34
  Suze: What if this person didn't have me to write into?
• 32:40
  Suze: And they asked this question to somebody who was like, Oh, absolutely,
• 32:45
  Suze: take the surrender charge. I'll put you in this investment.
• 32:48
  Suze: I'll do this. I'll do that, and your mother will
• 32:50
  Suze: be fine. And all of it was simply because, why
• 32:54
  Suze: they can make commission on the $80,000 that would have
• 32:58
  Suze: been left after the surrender charge.
• 33:02
  Suze: You have to be educated people. That's one of the
• 33:05
  Suze: reasons why, seriously, the Women and Money podcast is so really,
• 33:10
  Suze: really important. And while I know there are so many
• 33:14
  Suze: of you out there, all you want to hear about
• 33:16
  Suze: is what stock, what ETF, what about the market, Suze?
• 33:20
  Suze: The markets went down, the markets are, what should I do?
• 33:22
  Suze: There is so much more to money than the stock market,
• 33:27
  Suze: the bond market.
• 33:29
  Suze: This is the family market we're talking about and I
• 33:33
  Suze: don't want any of your family members to ever be
• 33:35
  Suze: put on sale. I want them to be treasures, each
• 33:39
  Suze: and every one of them. I want them to live
• 33:42
  Suze: great lives where everything goes the way that it should and.
• 33:45
  Suze: You have control over that, believe it or not, you
• 33:47
  Suze: don't really have control over the markets, but you have
• 33:51
  Suze: control over learning about money, learning about family matters, and
• 33:57
  Suze: learning how to say no out of love for yourself
• 34:01
  Suze: versus yes out of fear that somebody else won't like you,
• 34:06
  Suze: needs you, your money's more important for them say no
• 34:11
  Suze: out of love for yourself, got that, everybody. Did that
• 34:15
  Suze: make sense, KT?
• 34:16
  KT: That makes me very emotional.
• 34:19
  Suze: Now with that said...
• 34:21
  Suze: KT and I have decided to say no out of
• 34:26
  Suze: love for ourselves, and what we're saying no to is this.
• 34:33
  Suze: Do you want to tell him, KT?
• 34:34
  KT: Yeah, we decided it's the end of the summer, and
• 34:37
  KT: we promised everyone's summer schedule was one podcast a week,
• 34:42
  KT: not two. Well, we looked at each other. I said, Suze,
• 34:45
  KT: we need to make a big decision.
• 34:47
  KT: Are we gonna put ourselves first and continue our travel
• 34:51
  KT: and our adventure plan for the remainder of this year or..
• 34:55
  Suze: The rest of our lives... right, and we both decided...
• 34:59
  KT: We decided, yes, we're gonna do one, definitely give everyone
• 35:03
  KT: one podcast a week or possibly more depending upon what the needs are.
• 35:07
  Suze: If, if the markets crash, if something happens, I'll do
• 35:10
  Suze: a pop up.
• 35:11
  KT: But we're gonna be gone a good part of October.
• 35:14
  KT: We're gonna be gone possibly a good part of the
• 35:17
  KT: end of November. And when I say gone like in
• 35:20
  KT: other countries, so we're really spreading our wings and we're very,
• 35:25
  KT: very happy to be exploring and helping others in other countries.
• 35:31
  KT: Suze's doing amazing work in Kenya, everyone, and maybe for
• 35:35
  KT: those of you that don't know, she's going there.
• 35:39
  Suze: Oh, don't cry. Why are you crying? We made it
• 35:43
  Suze: through this podcast without crying.
• 35:45
  KT: No, we're so, I'm so, I wish they could all
• 35:47
  KT: see what you do. I wish you all knew what
• 35:50
  KT: she does. Tell them.
• 35:53
  Suze: I don't have to tell them, but I think KT
• 35:56
  Suze: and her love for me is telling you. But so
• 35:58
  Suze: we are going to be saying no out of love
• 36:01
  Suze: for ourselves versus yes, out of how all of you
• 36:06
  Suze: are gonna react. We're only gonna have one new podcast
• 36:10
  Suze: a week every Sunday.
• 36:12
  Suze: And for the rest of this year, Robert will keep
• 36:14
  Suze: doing the best of on Thursdays, but starting next year,
• 36:19
  Suze: there will be only one podcast every Sunday and not
• 36:26
  Suze: the best of on Thursday because you can just go
• 36:30
  Suze: and listen to all of them because they're all the
• 36:32
  Suze: best of if you ask me. So I hope that's
• 36:35
  Suze: OK with you.
• 36:37
  Suze: Are you ready to say goodbye KT? Have you gotten
• 36:40
  Suze: your composure back?
• 36:42
  KT: No, I have not.
• 36:44
  KT: We want to wish all of our Jewish friends a
• 36:47
  KT: very happy New Year. Much health, and..
• 36:50
  Suze: L'shanah tovah, everybody.
• 36:52
  KT: Remember, everyone, people first, which means what you, then money,
• 36:59
  KT: then things.
• 37:00
  Suze: Now, you stay safe and know that we love you.
• 37:03
  Suze: All right, bye bye.