Latest / The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom / 207. Praying Together in the Empty Nest: Rebuilding Spiritual Intimacy as a Couple with Bob and Pamela Henkelman

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207. Praying Together in the Empty Nest: Rebuilding Spiritual Intimacy as a Couple with Bob and Pamela Henkelman · The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom

• 0:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Christian parenting.
• 0:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: Hey Mama, I'm Pamela Hinkleman, certified emptiness coach and you're listening to the mid-life Mama podcast.
• 0:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: This show is for Christian moms navigating the emptiness, learning how to let go with grace, set healthy boundaries, reconnected marriage and step confidently into their God-given purpose.
• 0:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Each week I'll coach you through this season with faith-filled encouragement on his conversations and practical tools that you can apply right away to your relationships and your life.
• 0:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: If this episode encourages you, I'd be grateful if you leave a quick rating and review.
• 0:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: It helps other moms find the support they need.
• 0:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: You'll find the link in the show notes and make sure you're following the podcast.
• 0:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: And let's get started!
• 0:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome back to the Midlife Mama podcast, The Place for Faith Friendship and Real Talk for Empty Nest Moms.
• 0:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: One of the biggest surprises of the empty nest isn't the quiet.
• 0:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's realizing how much spiritual connection may have quietly slipped away in your marriage.
• 1:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: For years, we prayed around each other over kids, schedules, needs, and responsibilities.
• 1:11
  [SPEAKER_01]: But somewhere along the way, praying with one another became harder, awkward, infrequent, or non-existent.
• 1:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Today's episode is a very special one.
• 1:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sitting down with my hubby bob.
• 1:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: He's the pastor, husband, father, and now, Bello, Empty Nestor to talk on this week about what it looks like to pray together as a couple in this season.
• 1:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you've ever wanted to pray with your husband, but you didn't know how to start,
• 1:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: if prayer together feels intimidating or vulnerable, or if you're simply drifting spiritually as a couple, this conversation is for you.
• 1:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: So let's talk about rebuilding spiritual intimacy one prayer at a time.
• 1:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome, babe.
• 1:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thanks for welcoming me.
• 1:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm excited to be here with you.
• 1:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: I am too.
• 1:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: I thought we would start with telling our listeners our journey with prayer.
• 1:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 1:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Do you want to start?
• 2:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sure.
• 2:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: When we came to know Jesus almost 40 years ago, we both had very good prayer lives all on our own and have for years which we still continued today.
• 2:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: When we get up early in the morning, we get our cup of coffee and we go into our own little corner and we spend our time with the Lord.
• 2:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Listening to him, speaking to him, reading his word, and we did that for years.
• 2:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: In fact, almost up to 19 years of being married that we were just praying on our own.
• 2:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: can I interject something?
• 2:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah absolutely.
• 2:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: I remember the mother's day when our first born was a year old and you gave me a new Bible.
• 2:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: I remember sitting in our little sun porch just ploring over that and I remember feeling such hunger.
• 2:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: The Lord was stirring that in both of us to individually pursue him.
• 2:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: But like you're saying,
• 2:50
  [SPEAKER_01]: We did not figure out on afraid to get there.
• 2:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: We didn't pray together because it felt a little bit uncomfortable.
• 2:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: It felt a little bit awkward and I don't know why it would be because we love each other so deeply and we love the Lord deeply, but it just felt weird to pray in front of each other.
• 3:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: And with each other.
• 3:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: And then also it was like, why are we supposed to do that?
• 3:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like life was so full with our five kids.
• 3:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: We had five kids by then.
• 3:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you were beating the church and we were getting up early to pray in the morning and like, and then by the evening comes you're just trying to get the kids wrangled in bed and then you're just exhausted and there's no space and we do this yeah absolutely absolutely yeah so how did we change it.
• 3:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: the way I remember that we changed it, we were pastoring our first church and we'd been there now.
• 3:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: It was getting close to six years.
• 3:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: The church became very healthy and vibrant.
• 3:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: God was doing some amazing things.
• 3:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: The church board voted to give me a huge raise, which I mean, I had to say it.
• 3:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I was underpaid.
• 3:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: He also voted to change the bylaws of the church that
• 3:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: We could stay there until we felt like God called us away.
• 4:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then it was just a few months after that on a Sunday morning, I had stepped forward after the music part of worship.
• 4:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I was praying to close that part of worship.
• 4:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I felt the Holy Spirit say to me, it's time to move on.
• 4:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was like, I am moving on.
• 4:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: And he was like, no, it's time for you to move on.
• 4:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm moving you to a different place.
• 4:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: And
• 4:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think that the reason he told me at that moment is because he knows how stubborn I am and I would have argued with him about it.
• 4:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when I was just like, okay, and I moved on and closed the music part of worship with prayer and I didn't say anything to Pamela about it.
• 4:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: We've always any time we've gone or moved anywhere for ministry.
• 4:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: We've been.
• 4:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: 100% in agreement of what it was we should do.
• 4:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: We sought the Lord on our own.
• 4:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: We sought the Lord together.
• 4:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so really what began is about three weeks after that, where the Holy Spirit said it's time to move on.
• 4:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: All of a sudden one morning, I think it was morning.
• 5:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: We were at a meal that we were just eating together and Pamela looked at me and she said, you think it's time for us to move on?
• 5:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I was just like, Good morning, ladies.
• 5:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's the Holy Spirit.
• 5:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's time for us to start talking about this and it actually is what started us praying together about the move and where God would move us and what would happen though.
• 5:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so it was really cool.
• 5:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: At that same time, you had started walking every morning because the doctor sent them to good for you.
• 5:26
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so you just walked and walked and I'm like, I'm on home.
• 5:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're getting these kids ready.
• 5:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't have time to walk.
• 5:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: But finally, somehow, some way, we found a spot where we could walk together, and that is where we started to pray.
• 5:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I remember those six to eight months where we just prayed and prayed, and we walked in an indoor trap.
• 5:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: We had a lovely community center that had an indoor track, huge, like Olympic size.
• 5:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: We walked around that thing and prayed, and I remember feeling so
• 5:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: just grateful for that opportunity to just seek on together.
• 6:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: It didn't feel weird.
• 6:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know, maybe it's because we weren't sitting down together or we were just, I don't know, why do you think it felt easier?
• 6:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I agree.
• 6:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's probably why it felt that way, because we're just walking together and we weren't really looking at each other.
• 6:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: We weren't thinking about what we were doing.
• 6:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: But we were in unity, praying about God, we
• 6:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: are willing to go wherever you're telling us to go.
• 6:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: We just want to hear from you, make it clear.
• 6:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: So the focus wasn't on us, I focus was on, okay, God, what do you want from us?
• 6:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Where do you want us to go?
• 6:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Just want to be in your will.
• 6:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I think because of that, it made it easy.
• 6:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, and I think sometimes we complicate prayer so many times in our years of church ministry people would say I can't play out loud I don't have the right words.
• 6:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't know how to do it.
• 6:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think when you realize that prayer is just conversation right simply conversation so just as much as I have conversation with you the one I love the most I'm going to have conversation with con the same way it just flows easily we're just talking about what weighs heavy on our heart what we need how we want to hear God's will and I think that's.
• 7:07
  [SPEAKER_01]: We have to like, first of all, normalize that y'all gonna feel weird.
• 7:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, weird.
• 7:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's just, it's part of learning to pray, but that's part of it.
• 7:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think it's really important.
• 7:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Why do you think praying together becomes hard for couples even when you have a strong Christian marriage?
• 7:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: One of the things you already mentioned was just that we get so caught up in our busy schedules and we don't make a time for it, you and I had made time really since the beginning of coming to know Jesus for our own personal time with the Lord, but we weren't making time for each other to pray together.
• 7:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it really did morph into most of the time that is when we pray together is when we're walking.
• 7:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: We walk in the morning a couple miles and again now it's an indoor track where we live now and but that just seems to be the time that works for us.
• 7:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: It seems like if we put it off to evening we're just too wiped.
• 8:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're wiped out physically we're wiped out emotionally by the end of the
• 8:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: I also wonder if maybe an obstacle to praying with your spouse is that it requires a level of vulnerability and honesty.
• 8:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sure.
• 8:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so if you're for if you don't have that in your marriage, I think that would make people go on.
• 8:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sure.
• 8:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: That would be fair.
• 8:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: I actually feel.
• 8:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm going to tell her that I'm struggle and I don't want to know I'm struggling.
• 8:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: I don't want her to feel uncomfortable, sad, lonely, weird, whatever.
• 8:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love that.
• 8:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love that.
• 8:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: So put on your pastor, Bob Hatt.
• 8:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, my.
• 8:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Here comes.
• 8:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Here comes.
• 8:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: From a pastoral perspective, what is praying together?
• 8:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: Actually do for a marriage that praying individually doesn't.
• 8:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think that there is a unity in the spirit that develops as a result and when you're both praying for the same things together and very especially when you're praying together you're praying out loud, you can hear what each other is praying and I love that when God answers those prayers that you've prayed together,
• 9:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: It just, it tells us that not only is he listening, but he's answering.
• 9:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Well, he said, I think it brings vulnerability.
• 9:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think that there's a spiritual oneness that comes from it.
• 9:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think there's a safety field, say it feels like we're on the same team.
• 9:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: We want the same things.
• 9:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 9:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 9:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: I really love that there are different kinds of prayer.
• 9:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 9:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: When we're together, call us some examples of ways that you can pray.
• 9:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, boy.
• 9:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: See now when you say that, I have to see to think first about how I pray on my own and not they're not the praying together, praying on my own.
• 9:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's always a time of thankfulness, a time of testimony, sharing what
• 9:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: For me, I like to spend a lot of time just listening to his voice and it's less about my things I want to go through in my list that are desires on my heart and it's more about listening, but when you ask that question and I'm thinking about how we pray together, I guess we don't really do that listening thing when we're together.
• 10:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and that's what threw me when you asked the question.
• 10:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: No, it's fine.
• 10:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's fine.
• 10:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's definitely praise though.
• 10:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 10:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that a huge part of prayer is that we have to approach God from a place of Thanksgiving for recognizing all the wonderful things he is that he is powerful, that he is peace, that he is love, that he's gracious, that he's kind, that he's tenderhearted, that he cares about us.
• 10:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so when we acknowledge that, I feel like that just opens the way for us to be honest with
• 10:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: I have to tell him this is really not it's on the subject, but off the subject very slightly and that is one of the things I love about our relationship and the way you have grown me.
• 11:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: He's going to cry soon.
• 11:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: The way you have grown me is when I watch you do the practice of writing down 10 things every day that you were thankful for and that you cannot write the same things every day.
• 11:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: That is a thing that has grown me so much and it makes me think about how
• 11:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: When we're praying together, how we don't really repeat the same things that we're thankful for, but that we go to God and we're just saying, I'm thankful for this.
• 11:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: And we both share different things that we're thankful for, yet we're doing it together while we're praying.
• 11:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Man, that's just the way you open up relationship with Him and listening to Him and, yeah.
• 11:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: Lovely.
• 11:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Our conversation will be back in just a moment, but for now I'd like to invite you to grab my free guide, Marriage Awareness Worksheet.
• 11:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is this you?
• 11:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: Are you feeling distant in your relationship with your husband?
• 11:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is there unresolved conflict?
• 12:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Do you find yourself being critical of him?
• 12:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Would you like to partner with God through prayer to improve your connection with your husband?
• 12:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: The marriage awareness worksheet is filled with powerful questions to ask yourself.
• 12:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: This thoughtful exercise is just between you and God.
• 12:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: With a little vulnerability and an open heart before God, you'll become aware of the small adjustments you can make to experience a more harmonious marriage.
• 12:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Get the free worksheet at the link in the show notes.
• 12:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now, let's get back to our conversation.
• 12:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: let's get practical.
• 12:35
  [SPEAKER_01]: What are some simple pressure-free ways couples can begin praying together especially if they've never done it consistently?
• 12:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is there something a wife should not say to her husband?
• 12:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love that.
• 12:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yes, that question.
• 12:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 12:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think saying to your husband, I wish you were a better spiritual leader or why don't you lead us in prayer more often.
• 12:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: How come you don't that kind of an accusation?
• 13:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: That may be how you really feel you wish that would be the case.
• 13:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: But as a husband, that just feels like an attack.
• 13:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're telling me I'm not a man of God.
• 13:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're telling me I'm not a spiritual leader.
• 13:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: You tell me I can't do it.
• 13:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: And nothing is gonna stop that openness and prayer faster than that.
• 13:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: What can she say then?
• 13:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think she could say, I love it when you tell me about your time with the Lord.
• 13:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love it when you tell me about what the Lord's shown you in his word today.
• 13:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love it when you when you lead us in prayer.
• 13:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: I love it when you do that.
• 13:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: And not make it about the how often the wind, the just I love it when you.
• 13:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when you say that, you open up the other person to going, okay, you recognize that I'm doing
• 13:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, how can a couple have realistic expectations if they'd never prayed before, how did they smear it?
• 13:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think first of all, whenever you're talking about prayer, in general, is just that, you don't put this thing on it where it says, it needs to be seven minutes and 41 seconds.
• 14:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Or if I know that's a ridiculous number, I'm just coming up with a number, but that we go into it saying, it's not really prayer unless we pray a certain amount of time.
• 14:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not really prayer unless we pray a certain way, and super just encourage you to, like we talked about earlier, how it's a conversation with God, that you don't pray.
• 14:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: in different language than the way you would talk.
• 14:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is going to sound so bad.
• 14:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: A pastor.
• 14:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is going to sound so bad.
• 14:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: But when someone starts praying in King James English and they're a 50-year-old Midwesterner from
• 14:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: from America.
• 14:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's okay.
• 14:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Come on.
• 14:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's not really how you have conversations with God.
• 14:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Is it?
• 14:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: I noticed like when I was talking earlier about how I spend a lot of time listening for his voice when I pray.
• 14:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like God talks to me and speaks to me the way I speak.
• 15:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: He uses mannerisms that I understand.
• 15:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: He uses words I understand.
• 15:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: So the these and those and the
• 15:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: stuff like a normal human being.
• 15:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: Are there like touch points during the day that you think maybe a couple has never started?
• 15:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: How can they start?
• 15:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: What can they do?
• 15:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think about different parts of your day.
• 15:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Could you reach across the breakfast table and say, hey can we pray for our day?
• 15:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Would that be easy?
• 15:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I think you have to do what works for you.
• 15:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's a great way to start and to say this is when we're going to do.
• 15:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is where we're going to have our time of prayer.
• 15:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think the key is consistency.
• 15:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so whether it's that like you said, reaching across the table and say, can we pray for our day, can we pray for our kids, can we pray for whatever, but that you have a calendar and you have appointments on your calendar, that you make prayer with your spouse and appointment.
• 15:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know that sounds not very spiritual,
• 16:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: That consistency where you say, I'm not going to lay or put anything in front of this because it's this important that I'm going to say my time to pray with my spouse X, whatever that is in your life.
• 16:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I think another time a great time is bedtime maybe feel safer as it's dark.
• 16:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're not looking at each other.
• 16:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're just laying in bed together and hold his hand in.
• 16:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: And then don't get offended when you're spouse, while she's asleep while you're a parent.
• 16:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's not, that doesn't mean there are unsperitual or whatever.
• 16:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: I could fall asleep.
• 16:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't see the one falsely sure.
• 16:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: She falls asleep in one point four seconds.
• 16:36
  [SPEAKER_01]: Don't we tell you?
• 16:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: How would you say, praying together has changed our marriage?
• 16:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I think it, as we talked about earlier, I think it brings closer unity in the spirit.
• 16:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think it brings,
• 16:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: more safety.
• 16:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: I feel safer.
• 16:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: I feel like we're on the same journey together.
• 16:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: I feel that we're both pursuing relationship with the Lord.
• 16:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's one of the things that when I got saved that I prayed for very specifically is I said, God, all I want is a woman who loves you with all of her heart.
• 17:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: And to know that that we're praying together is just one of those things that shows me that
• 17:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and another thing for me, it just is another point of connection.
• 17:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I love feeling connected to you.
• 17:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: I love feeling close to you.
• 17:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: And let's pray together is very intimate.
• 17:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: We often talk about the sexual relationship being intimacy.
• 17:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: But there is
• 17:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: intimacy in the spiritual realm when you pray together because you're safe, you're being honest, you're being vulnerable and it creates just this unique and powerful union because our spirits are connected and that is that's so beautiful that's what the Lord designed marriage or it was to be a picture of what relationship with Him looked like.
• 17:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: So
• 17:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: I don't want you to be afraid to do it.
• 17:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: What would you say to the woman who's just so frustrated and says, my husband doesn't want to pray with me, what can I do?
• 18:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: I would ask the question, how do you approach this with your husband?
• 18:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: have you shown him or said to him that you're disappointed in him.
• 18:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: And as a result, has he withdrawn because he feels like he can't do it the way you want it done.
• 18:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that's not to put it on her.
• 18:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's just the reality of how did you get where you're at.
• 18:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I think again going back to encouraging when you see your husband being a spiritual leader encouraging that in him.
• 18:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 18:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: Um, you know, I've thinking another way that a person could maybe gently start this conversation is simply start talking about God.
• 18:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe before you pray, you just get comfortable talking about God and you can say, what did you love most about church today?
• 18:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Sure.
• 18:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's both.
• 19:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sure.
• 19:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
• 19:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Or say, or again, saying, this morning in my prayer time, this is what I felt like the Lord was showing me.
• 19:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: and having that kind of a conversation.
• 19:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Without the expectation that he's going to necessarily say back, oh yeah, this is what the Lord told me.
• 19:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: And she asked?
• 19:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: She could.
• 19:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: She could ask.
• 19:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: You could say, is everything the Lord showed you this morning?
• 19:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
• 19:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: But then also, he doesn't say, yeah, this is what he showed me.
• 19:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: don't shame him because he didn't sense something every day.
• 19:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Reality is I think we're being unrealistic if we say every time we seek the Lord's face we hear his voice.
• 19:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: The clouds open and the Holy Spirit descends and because they're going to be some days where you're going to feel like you're really connected in God's Word and then there's going to be another day where you read first Chronicles that morning.
• 19:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're like, you know, out of my ply, this is my life.
• 19:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I think it's all about being gracious towards one another.
• 19:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's the crux of emptiness marriage.
• 19:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: This is a huge transition we're going through.
• 20:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: Light looks different.
• 20:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Our whole life is meant focused on the kids.
• 20:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Now we get to remember that we're actually married.
• 20:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Right.
• 20:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: And we can focus on each other.
• 20:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: So being kind and gracious in generous goes so far.
• 20:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Right.
• 20:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: Instead of being critical and fault-finding and oh, he doesn't even love God.
• 20:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if you have a husband that, let's say your husband is saved, but he doesn't make it a regular practice to attend worship with you or maybe you go to Wednesday nights or whatever and he doesn't, he wants to do something else.
• 20:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Don't shame him for that and don't come home from worship.
• 20:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Saying oh man worship was amazing you should have been there you missed this and this is what was said and you would have really gotten something from it nothing is going to push away much more than that again when he's going to hear is you're not spiritual enough you're a failure you're a failure and isn't that a guy's grace fear all blend the failure.
• 20:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, we don't want to hear that's for sure.
• 21:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's not say bad
• 21:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, key.
• 21:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 21:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: What is one this maybe step an emptiness couple could take tonight?
• 21:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think you actually mentioned one earlier, and I never really thought about it, but sitting at the table, the breakfast table, the dinner table, the whatever, where you're actually there for some time focusing on.
• 21:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: eating, talking about your day, whatever.
• 21:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: But that reaching your hand across the table and put your hand on your spouse's hand and saying, hey, could we pray about this?
• 21:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: And again, just gives the opportunity without pressure, without an expectation that it has to be a certain kind of prayer that it's just
• 21:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Could we pray about this?
• 21:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Or if you're not people who pray for your meal, that you just say a short prayer over your meal.
• 21:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you take turns doing that.
• 21:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Like one of you does it one day.
• 21:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: The other one doesn't the next.
• 21:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: Just start.
• 21:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Just do something.
• 21:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Just do it.
• 21:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Jump in.
• 21:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's going to feel weird.
• 22:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: But it's okay.
• 22:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's safe.
• 22:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we've all felt that way.
• 22:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: But the more you do it.
• 22:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: and more comfortably you come and then you will year and for it you will long for it.
• 22:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah and I want to say to that there are some days when when we don't get to walk together and pray together because we do a little bit different thing.
• 22:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: There are a couple days the week that Pamela likes to do lift weights and on those days I go and walk by myself.
• 22:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: When we're not together walking praying I actually missed that but oftentimes we pray in a different part of the day
• 22:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: No, we pray in the car, before meals, we pray on the couch, we pray in bed.
• 22:37
  [SPEAKER_01]: You can pray anywhere.
• 22:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, honestly, you can talk about it anytime.
• 22:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: I just wanted to say thank you for being with me today.
• 22:43
  [SPEAKER_01]: It was a wonderful conversation and I think it's going to be really helpful.
• 22:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for letting me be with you.
• 22:48
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you're listening today and feeling a nudge in your heart, take that seriously.
• 22:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: Praying together doesn't require eloquence or perfection.
• 22:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: It requires willingness.
• 22:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: Spiritual intimacy isn't rebuilt overnight, but it is rebuilt through small painful steps.
• 23:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: A simple prayer, a handheld, a moment of humility before God together.
• 23:08
  [SPEAKER_01]: Here's your coaching tip of the week.
• 23:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: In each episode, I will give you one actual step to improve your life.
• 23:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: Remember, you can't change everything, but you can take one step to be better.
• 23:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: This week, I want you to take one intentional step, try praying at dinner, or simply have a conversation about prayer together.
• 23:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: It might feel awkward at first, but just do one little thing.
• 23:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: The emptiness isn't the end of connection.
• 23:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's an invitation to turn toward one another again and invite God into the quiet spaces of your marriage.
• 23:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: Mama, you're not behind, you're right on time and God is more than able to meet you and your husband right where you are.
• 23:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: Let this be the season you stop praying alone and start praying together.
• 23:49
  [SPEAKER_01]: Remember Mama, you've got this and God's got you.
• 23:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you so much for spending time with me on the Midlife Mama Podcast.
• 23:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: My hope is that you leave each episode feeling encouraged, grounded, and clearer.
• 24:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: Clearer about what you're feeling, what God may be stirring in you, and how to move forward in the season of the emptiness.
• 24:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Through these conversations, I'm not just sharing stories, I'm coaching you, helping you name what's happening beneath the service, challenging the thoughts that keep you stuck and take intentional steps toward peace and confidence as a midlife mom.
• 24:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you're ready to go deeper in what personalized coaching support, I invite you to apply for coaching.
• 24:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: Coaching is a focused one-on-one space where we work together to gain clarity, process emotions, and discern what God is calling you to in this next chapter.
• 24:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: You'll find the application linked in the show notes, and let's stay connected.
• 24:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: You can find me on Instagram at PHinkleman.
• 24:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: that's P-H-E-M-K-E-L-M-A-N, or on Facebook at Pamela Higlman M-D-Nest Coach.
• 24:55
  [SPEAKER_01]: You don't have to figure out the season alone, Mama.
• 24:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: Support and direction are possible, and I'm here when you're ready.