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The Second-Guessing Game: Why You Think YOU Are The Problem · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on? Beautiful people.
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  If you're watching this right now, I'm willing to bet that in
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  the last 24 hours, 48 hours, 72 hours, you spend at least three
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  hours, at least a few hours on Google typing in signs of a
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  narcissist or or better yet, am I the toxic one in the
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  relationship? Have you like you've been like
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  you've been second guessing everything.
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  You're wondering if you're the one who is crazy or unstable.
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  And today we're going to get to the bottom of it today.
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  Because if you new here, I'm Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnose narcissist and I can tell you exactly why that
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  narcissist in your life wanted you to think that you were the
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  problem, that you are the problem.
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  I'm going to show you in detail, in depth how the game is played
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  so you can finally stop playing the game with her, so you can
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  put down that PS-5 controller and start trusting your own
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  eyes, start trusting your own self again, again, again.
• 1:03
  I know I have to a little late y'all.
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  I was running around. I was like, oh damn, I gotta go
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  live. I'm good to go home.
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  I forgot about about live, but yeah, y'all narcissist toxic
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  people. You just joining in the live on
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  YouTube, make sure to hit that thumbs up button and drop a
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  comment. I'm responding.
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  I I do a little Q&A at the end so everybody can get the
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  questions answered or whatnot. But yeah, y'all go hop right
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  into it. Gaslighting everybody to hear
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  the gaslighting, right? Everybody who's dealt with a
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  narcissist who's think who think you dealt with the narcissist.
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  You know you've heard of gaslighting, right?
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  If you hear the gas lighting drop a thumbs up in the comment
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  section, right? But everybody has heard of it.
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  Everybody has experienced it. Everybody has been a part of it
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  in some way, shape or form, right?
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  Everybody has, you know it. But what you ask yourself, what
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  is gas lighting exactly though? What is gas lighting?
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  What's the definition of gas lighting?
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  You go first. So gas lighting is often used to
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  describe like the how a narcissist or a toxic person or
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  whoever twists reality, right? It's a term, it's a, it's a,
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  it's a tactic. It's a technique used as a form
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  of manipulation that can lead someone to question your own
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  reality. This may even result in your
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  distrust of your own feelings, your distrust of your own
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  memories, your distrust of your own evidence, your own
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  documentation, your distrust of it all.
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  That's what gaslighting really is right there.
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  That's what it is. And if a narcissist or whoever
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  you're dealing with can successfully gaslight you, guess
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  what? They got you right?
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  You know one of the questions a lot of people ask, like Lee, OK,
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  I get the gaslighting. I get it.
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  I get I understand it. But why does a narcissist want
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  you to doubt yourself? Like, why?
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  Because a person who doesn't trust their self, a person, a
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  person who doesn't trust their own mind, their own way of
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  thinking is easy to manipulate. It's easy to manage.
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  If I can believe that, if I can truly make you believe that your
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  memory is bad, I can rewrite history.
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  I can I, I can dictate what I want.
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  I can change what I want. I can do what I want in this
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  situation. Can I not think about it, Can I
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  not? If I can get you, if I can
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  convince you to think that you are forgetful, am I not in
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  control? Go.
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  If I can successfully get you to think that you are forgetful, do
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  I or do I not have you? I do, right?
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  So that's why a narcissist wants to rewrite history.
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  That's why they want to. That's why they want to mess
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  with you. That's why they want to go about
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  it this way, because there's a direct benefit in it for them,
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  right? If I can be like and it, it just
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  doesn't have to do with your memory.
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  If I can make you believe that you're too emotional, I can run
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  over top of your boundaries. I can try.
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  I can just, I can steamroll your boundaries.
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  The goal is to make my voice louder in your head.
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  So you trust me over your own intuition.
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  You trust me over your own intuition because I'm in your
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  head now. I'm in here.
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  I am, and so if I'm in here, I got you.
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  So if you don't trust your own emotions, you don't trust your
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  own thoughts, you don't trust your own feelings.
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  I got you. That narcissist got you.
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  They got you. They do this type of stuff.
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  They got you in your head. They will mess with you.
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  They will continue to dig deep and then manipulate you and the
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  gaslight you. This is the narcissist way.
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  It really is y'all. So that's what ends up happening
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  right there, right? It, it really does.
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  So next, the next, the next thing we're gonna talk about,
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  y'all can't talk straight today. The next thing we're gonna talk
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  about is literally the, the pattern, the narcissist pattern
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  of gaslighting and manipulation and whatnot, right?
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  So what how a narcissist builds up the gaslighting routine is
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  they is they start saying little statements or subtle statements,
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  sly statements like I never said that, yo, they get in, they they
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  get into a routine of doing it, of saying it.
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  I never said that you didn't hear that.
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  You must not remember correctly. That never happened.
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  You said they start saying this type of stuff right here.
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  They look, they can say something evil to you at 2:00
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  and then by 4:00 they'll swear up and down that they never said
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  it. They'll swear up and down.
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  If they never said they'll swear.
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  Look, you know they said you like, wait, you did say that.
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  You did call me the B word at 2:00.
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  And that's they'll say my Mama raised me better.
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  I would never call you the B word.
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  You must admit you meant you can't hear straight.
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  You must be remembering incorrectly.
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  And then you're like, do I remember incorrectly?
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  Got you, got you, got you. So they'll start doing that.
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  They'll start saying things routinely to get into your head.
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  The next thing that they'll do, the next thing that a lot of
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  narcissists will do, they call it, it's called a reaction, like
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  a reaction trap, right? They'll poke you for a couple of
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  days, 2123 days, right? They'll poke you, prod you, mess
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  with you for a straight for three, four straight days.
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  And then guess what? You pop, you pop the, the top,
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  the, the cork pops, right? The damn top pops.
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  And then you were yelling and screaming at me.
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  And guess what? When you were yelling and
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  screaming at me, Guess what's this is guess what's going on
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  the other side of things. I'm cool, calm and collected.
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  I'm chilling. I'm cool, calm, collected and
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  I'm chilling. There's nothing you can do
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  differently right here. So guess what?
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  When I when you're yelling and screaming and I'm cool, calm and
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  collected, guess what? Now I'm going to say to you.
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  You look at you. You're the crazy one.
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  You're yelling and screaming. I haven't said anything wrong.
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  Gotcha. Gotcha.
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  You're look who's yelling and screaming.
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  Look who's overreacting. Look who's the crazy one.
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  Gotcha. Do they not have you?
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  Do they not have you? It goes on right there, right?
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  But then you also get narcissists.
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  I call I, I say this is the thing I say.
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  I think a lot of narcissists have what I refer to as as a
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  selective amnesia, right? Selective amnesia.
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  Well, they'll or selective amnesia or selective memory.
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  They will remember every mistake that you have ever made, every
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  bad thing, every error, every misspelled word, everything that
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  they feel like you've done wrong.
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  They will remember that to the end of their days.
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  But for some reason they can't remember what they said.
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  The horrible ass stuff that they said to you the last night.
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  Yeah, you got that right. Outcomes the camera.
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  They can't they they'll say all this.
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  Look, they they remember what you they'll remember a a comment
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  you made to them ten years ago. This they'll describe the area,
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  what you had on, what your breath smell like, what you have
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  for lunch, dinner, you something.
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  They'll they'll describe all of that.
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  But when it comes to something that they have done wrong, they
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  can't remember nothing. Brain, brain blanked.
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  The damn brain goes blank. They don't remember nothing they
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  got you. You know what I'm saying they
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  don't remember all of a sudden now they don't remember nothing
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  they got you now that goes on right there.
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  So that's why you always got to protect yourself like that's why
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  I was going to check yourself. So I'm going to check the chat
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  right now. Y'all.
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  When was the first time you realized what you saw was 100%
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  real, but they told you it didn't happen?
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  When was was it? When was it when you think?
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  When was the first time you think that gas like gas lit you,
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  right? Was it a text message?
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  Was it a conversation? Was it an affair?
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  Was it something you caught them doing?
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  When was it right? When, when was it?
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  I can't, I would say when was it?
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  When was it say everything? A lot of people get a lot of
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  people do get that. A lot of people go through this
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  type of stuff right here. I'm learning so much from you.
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  Appreciate that's the goal I want.
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  I want everybody to learn. It's a learning little.
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  It's it's learning season. It's learning season, right?
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  It's learning season, learning season, but I want everybody to,
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  to learn something, right? Because like I said, the more
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  you come here, I, I don't want you to be gaslit because the
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  best way to fight against gaslighting, the best way to
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  battle against gaslighting is literally the best way to battle
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  against gaslighting is literally to stand to, to stand in the
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  truth, to get clear on the truth.
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  When somebody's trying to gaslight you, you need to bring
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  it back to the truth. That's not how it happened.
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  That's not what happened. We both know that's not what
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  happened. And because they're going to
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  keep trying to argue with you and shut you down, you got to
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  keep you got you have to stay on point.
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  You have to stay on point because if you if you lose the
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  plot, they guess what happens, they win.
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  It's a battle. It's a battle.
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  They're trying to get you off of the point.
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  You're trying to stay on the point.
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  So it's a battle. It really is a battle.
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  Don't or look in this right here.
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  Don't argue the truth conversation.
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  Yep, an affair, everything. Don't argue the truth.
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  Projection. Do not argue the truth.
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  If you know what the truth is and they're trying to just
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  gaslight you and try to change what actually happened, do not
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  argue the truth. Look, I'm not going to argue
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  about what I know exactly happened.
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  There's no back and forth. You don't.
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  Look, you don't have to attend every argument you're invited to
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  by a narcissist. That's not something that you
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  have to do. You don't have to attend every
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  argument. You don't have to fight with
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  this person. You don't have to do any of that
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  type of stuff. You can be free, but like I
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  said, narcissists don't want you to be free.
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  They want you to do something like this.
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  It's so overwhelming. They deny everything they said
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  and did. Yeah, that's what I said.
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  When you when you get to the point in a relationship where
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  they deny everything they said and did, it might be time to
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  bounce right there, right. But that's, that's the decision
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  that you have to make yourself. But if they're denying
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  everything, it might be time to pack the bags up and just go our
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  separate ways because there's no going forward in that situation
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  right there. There's no going forward in that
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  situation right there. Famous statement.
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  Have you taken your meds? Yep.
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  Have you, I I took mine. Have you taken yours?
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  I got to know. I really got to know if you took
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  your meds. Because if you haven't taken
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  your meds, then what are we doing here, right?
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  You haven't taken your meds. Then what's the goal here?
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  What, what, what what we got going on here.
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  I need you to take your meds. Because if you're not taking
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  your meds and you're crazy, no wonder you're no wonder you're
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  overreacting. No wonder you think you saw what
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  you no wonder you're seeing things.
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  You haven't taken your meds today.
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  They got you right. That's literally how they get
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  you. That's literally how they want
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  to keep getting you. That's craziness.
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  It would not just remember 99% of narcs or dummies.
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  Yeah, like, yeah, they, they can be dummies, but they still get
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  people, right. If 99% of them are dummies, but
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  they're, they're in millions of relationships.
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  You see what I'm saying? That doesn't bode well for the
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  people that are dealing with them.
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  You know, so they can be dumb, but it doesn't stop them from
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  getting narcissistic supply. I found out the son he told me
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  he adopted was his biological son.
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  He jumped to the fact that I didn't love his son.
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  Oh God, that's crazy. Telling me I need therapy
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  because I'm crazy. Yep, there you go.
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  That's what I said. Ain't all right.
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  That's what it sounds like right there.
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  When you're dealing with somebody who has this
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  personality type, they're going to try to gas like it.
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  But that's why it's so important to write these things down.
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  If you have, if you feel like you're having trouble
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  questioning your own memory, write the stuff down.
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  Document everything. Record this person because they
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  are going to keep trying to do the same things over and over
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  and over again because at the end of the day it benefits them.
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  So she said I was bipolar and narcissist before I knew what a
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  narcissist was. I used to think it meant a
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  sexist man. Yep, there we go.
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  Multiple times he said he would do something and then an hour
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  later said I didn't say that when I know he did.
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  That was just the first one of the issues.
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  Got away from him years ago. Good.
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  Good for you. Good for you.
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  Good for you. The No, the, the the narcissist
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  was telling her her that she had she taken her meds.
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  She's trying to play on her mental health or his mental
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  health. Who it was.
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  My narcissist is very intelligent.
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  Yeah. We got to stop saying my narc.
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  You say my narc. You're it's like you're you're
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  sucking them into your life. You know what I'm saying?
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  It's like a vacuum. You got to say their name.
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  Or the narcissist. The narc found black panathones
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  under the couch while I was away.
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  His friends. Oh, dear.
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  So even if that is his friend. So your friend's just leaving
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  her, her her drawers under the couch, even if it be his friend,
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  she's just taking a pair of panties off him in our house and
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  leave them under the couch. Sir, how crazy it is right
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  there, Sir. Tell me I need that because I'm
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  crazy. But yeah, so I got to hop off
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  this thing. Yeah, I have.
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  I have a one-on-one call I got to do here in the next few
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  seconds. I still do my one on ones.
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  I resume. I can find everything and mental
• 14:37
  illness dot net as y'all notice I'm going live more often.
• 14:41
  I'm about to start my story time series and stuff like that.
• 14:43
  Y'all mental illness.net for everything.
• 14:46
  We will chat again later on today.
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  I promise you I'll go live, probably go live on a different
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  platform but I'll be live again. Y'all be safe, take care of
• 14:54
  yourselves, take care of each other, and as always, y'all, I'm
• 14:56
  out. Peace.