Latest / All Figured Out with Andrea Barr: Figuring Out Work, Life and Parenting / 118. Stop waiting for the perfect moment: how to create your own luck with Emily Shimwell

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118. Stop waiting for the perfect moment: how to create your own luck with Emily Shimwell · All Figured Out with Andrea Barr: Figuring Out Work, Life and Parenting

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I don't really care about the data.
0:01
Like give me the goosebumps. I took it back to the feeling is
0:05
about feeling confident and feeling alive.
0:08
It doesn't work well if you walk in a room and feel less than you
0:12
need to feel like you can receive, period.
0:15
You can't receive anything if you feel closed in.
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This is all figured out. I'm Andrea Barr.
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I'm a career coach for parents, a mom of two, and I absolutely
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believe that you can continue to grow personally and
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professionally while protecting family time.
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We're about to figure out this work, life and parenting stuff
0:40
out together. Emily Shimwell, welcome back to
0:52
the Golf podcast Last Last Time. I pronounced your last name
0:56
wrong because we had just met the week before and I called you
1:00
Emily Schimmel, I'm pretty sure, if you like.
1:04
Did you notice? Didn't notice in person.
1:06
Oh God, it's like haunted me. It's really haunted me.
1:09
Oh well, we got round to. Well, thanks for coming back on
1:13
another great story. Last time you came on.
1:16
I will link that episode in the show notes.
1:17
Last time you came on, we had met two weeks before on a
1:21
street. Today I had a beautiful guest
1:25
who I will rerecord with cancel last minute because I'm pretty
1:28
sure I got her sick. I saw her last week.
1:30
I was sick, got her sick. She's cancelled on me today.
1:34
Put it out there, said come back on the pod.
1:37
You're like, I'm here, just left the hotel down the road,
1:40
literally. Around the corner.
1:41
Got my cars. Got my clothes in my car.
1:43
See you there two hours before maybe?
1:49
I'd literally just said to my meeting, um, she was leaving at
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11:30 and I said the sentence. So I've got wide open 12:30 to
1:58
3:00. I wonder what magic will happen
2:01
between 12:30 and 3:00? No.
2:03
You didn't. God.
2:05
And I looked down at my phone and I looked at it and I was
2:07
like, there we go. Got my got my 1:30 to 3:00
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sorted. Got an hour to get to Zara?
2:17
Oh my God, how does this happen to you?
2:20
All the time? You talk about this on social
2:22
media, having magic just unfold around you constantly, and
2:26
you're not. You don't always just say it
2:28
like, oh, magic happens to me, but you're like, if you let it
2:31
magic happens, how does that happen to you?
2:34
I think I'm like looking for it and open to it.
2:37
So this morning as I'm walking into the pack room, I always
2:41
know I get this like full body feeling when something amazing
2:45
is going to happen. And I filmed a little 2 second
2:47
video of me walking in there to say I feel like something
2:52
awesome's going to happen today, What's going to happen?
2:55
And I forgot to post it. And then as soon as I sat down
2:58
in that meeting there was like 6 things that transpired from it.
3:02
We've already now got an event on the 11th of December.
3:06
In you mean the 16th or the 16th?
3:08
I can't come on the 11th. It was my husband.
3:12
I can't move it. And so many things came from it.
3:17
And then afterwards I realized the story hadn't forced it.
3:20
And when I rewatched it, I just thought, isn't it funny?
3:23
I've kind of anticipated it and also probably drawn in the
3:28
energy of it all happening because I felt so giddy with
3:31
excitement. Yeah.
3:34
What do you think? How much if it was a percentage
3:36
split, how much do you think is this like knowing this
3:41
premonition versus how much of it is like you drawing it?
3:46
In I think that the same thing. I think the premonition is the
3:50
excitement and the giddiness and the aura and the energy and the
3:54
eye contact and the like that this sparks all of the other.
4:02
It's like 1 and the same thing. You need both to create the
4:04
other. It's not just like I'm going in
4:07
there, head down, terrible energy, arms folded, not looking
4:10
at anyone, not even meeting with anyone.
4:14
Like nothing's gonna land on your plate.
4:16
But if you go in there with that, like, then I think it
4:20
follows and then you're ready to grab it.
4:22
Not even knowing the logistics are the answer of how to make it
4:26
happen. It's just like a yes, because I
4:28
knew it was coming. I love that.
4:33
And I also watched a real at the weekend.
4:35
I don't often do that, but I saw one that stopped me because it
4:39
was a mum saying when she was growing up, her mum and grandma
4:44
would constantly tell her good things are going to happen to
4:46
you, good things are going to happen.
4:49
And she said before they even would.
4:51
I just assumed and I thought, I think that's what happened to
4:54
me. So now when the kids wake up,
4:56
I'm like, who's going to have the best ever?
5:00
And they're like. Me, me, me.
5:05
That's the clip. I think we can go home.
5:08
I think that's it take. Thanks, Samir.
5:13
That's so beautiful and it's so beautiful.
5:16
And, and I think what you're saying, and I know we've had
5:19
this conversation, I don't think on the podcast last time, but
5:21
privately it happened at Feast, the big event that you hosted in
5:24
October, where it's like, call it what you want.
5:28
It doesn't matter if you call it manifestation.
5:31
It doesn't matter if you call it energy, if you call it God, it
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doesn't matter if you call it a good attitude or good karma,
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good aura. It's like it's all the same
5:39
shit. Yeah, Just just put out good
5:43
energy. Just be a good person.
5:44
I think the reason I hold any discomfort with the word
5:49
manifestation is because I hear it or the situations I've seen
5:54
it's spoken in tends to be the woman is is coming at it from a
6:00
just sit and receive point of view.
6:02
And yes, that's true. But also like, if I hadn't
6:06
driven here, if I wasn't at the pack room, if I wasn't keeping
6:10
intentional space open for magic to happen, then how could it
6:14
have? So it's like the action as well
6:17
as the been in flaw, an orphan to it.
6:21
It's like all of it at once has to happen together.
6:23
Yes. It's not like a two things
6:25
coming together. It's like a, I don't know, a 3D
6:28
puzzle. Yeah, that I all melded into one
6:32
piece of action. It's so true.
6:34
I felt this morning. So my guest cancelled and I was
6:38
like OK, I guess I'll record like a bunch of solo episodes.
6:42
I was like 3 hours of myself. Talking like that sounds fun.
6:46
Which actually. Doesn't sound interview, maybe
6:50
10 brothers. And then I was like, it's not
6:53
really what I feel like doing today.
6:55
Honestly, I was like, doesn't really sound fun.
6:58
It's a rainy day here in Vancouver.
6:59
I was like, I don't know. I was excited to like speak with
7:02
somebody. And so I just threw it up on
7:05
Instagram, asked you put it, put it at like a space out there for
7:10
one other person and you and another beautiful soul who has a
7:15
completely different story and like really incredible story
7:18
she's never told before online just happened to unfold.
7:23
This is 3 hours notice. That is nuts.
7:26
But I was like, what's the worst that can happen?
7:28
And then I started thinking, oh, what happens if like I put this
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up, This is actually what happened.
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What happens if I put this up or if I ask Emily or ask other
7:35
people and like they can't come And I've put it on social media
7:39
saying like, oh, I have two spaces.
7:40
And then it makes me look like, oh, nobody wanted to come to my
7:44
party. Like that's actually what
7:46
started happening in my brain and then I was just like, who
7:51
cares? Then I have three solid hours to
7:54
record by myself whatever you have to shoot your.
7:56
Show one cares, and nobody would have actually cared.
7:59
Nobody. Nobody would have even known the
8:03
stories that we tell. Yes, yesterday I came down to
8:06
Park Royal and I was, I went in Zara with the kids.
8:09
It kills my back because they both want carrying the whole
8:13
time we're shopping. But I thought I'm gonna go in
8:15
there and risk the broken back for a little browse for two
8:17
minutes. So I went in and there's this
8:19
woman staring at me and she just kept looking at me the whole
8:23
time I was in there. This older lady and I started
8:26
making up this story of she thinks I'm a terrible mum, I
8:28
shouldn't be in Zara with the kids.
8:30
We live in Squamish so the kids are constantly at the river in
8:33
the forest. Should have gone.
8:34
Tell her they're not normally in a shop.
8:36
They're not normally near the concrete.
8:38
They're normally in the river. And he said this story that I
8:42
was telling myself, and I don't often do it.
8:45
And eventually she walked over to me and she said, can I say
8:48
something? And I said, well, from Squamish.
8:51
That would you respond. Meaning like they're nature
8:54
boys. And she said you are doing the
8:58
best job on this planet for those kids.
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And I got so emotional and she said I've been watching you
9:03
since you walked in here. You're not just shopping and
9:06
running an errand. They're having so much fun.
9:09
You're so engaged with them. They're even like counting.
9:14
And she just said you should be so proud of yourself.
9:16
And she grabbed my hand and a little tears streamed down my
9:19
face. And I said to her, I told myself
9:22
that you were judging me and I'd already was on the back foot of
9:27
like defending myself of why we're here.
9:32
And she said this is real life, darling.
9:34
Like you're in, you know, it's 2025.
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We have to do stuff. Obviously from your accent, you
9:40
don't have family here. Like you're doing amazing.
9:43
And I just left thinking, why was I telling myself that story?
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I had this mum Gill immediately. You just go to the depths of
9:52
whatever it is you might be feeling in that moment.
9:55
Yeah. About like, what you feel
9:57
insecure about. Or it's like the person's
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looking at you and you're like, I know I have it on my face.
10:01
Like, I already know that. It's like you don't want people
10:03
to catch you out. That's why I always never ever
10:06
ever always never leave a compliment unsaid.
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So if I ever clock someone and I think God she looks beautiful, I
10:13
love her dress. I wonder her shoes are from I'll
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chase after her to tell her because I don't want her to
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think that I'm just thinking anything negatively about her.
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You know, sometimes you look at someone in the coffee shop and
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they start fidgeting because she's probably thinking, oh,
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should I awaken this? I always go over and say I'm
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just looking at you because I think you look amazing.
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And it just takes away that silly story that she started
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telling that wasn't true. More of that of that.
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I run after everybody. I'm going to start running after
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people and you were inappropriate footwear
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everywhere too. Everywhere.
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You're chasing them in your heels.
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Last time you were here, you were about to host Feast.
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You were weeks away from hosting a 110 person event and we were
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sitting here afterwards and I said how many tickets have you
11:08
sold? And you said not nearly enough.
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So Fast forward 3-4 weeks from when we first recorded Here to
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Feast. You had a wait list.
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We did. How the hell did you do this?
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How did you pull the how did you pull that off?
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Now that it's like done because you were being good like you
11:30
were, you were being very transparent, but you weren't
11:33
like, yeah, I've sold nothing. So tell us the whole story now.
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I think I've realised I work best when I reach ultimate
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breaking point, which takes so long to get there.
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I have quite a high capacity for it and I like to Lord and Lord
11:48
and Lord the plate. I go through the period where
11:52
everyone around me is panicking, and then when I get to the other
11:55
side and I have a moment of despair, that's when all the
11:59
good things happen and that's when all the learning comes and
12:02
the stretching and the discomfort, and that's when I
12:06
make a change. So all at once, like 3 things I
12:12
think happened at the same time, one of which was I called my mom
12:15
and I said what should I do? Do I postpone this?
12:17
I've sold no tickets, what do I do?
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And she said, have you got the facts?
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Have you got the financial facts?
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And of course I said no. And she said go and get them.
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I don't, I'm not taking you seriously until you've got the
12:30
facts because we need to know what point we need to get to for
12:34
it to break even. So that really helped for me to
12:39
go and sit with the bookkeeper and just like understand and
12:43
also see some of these frivolous costs that we don't actually
12:47
need. Um, which it turns out we didn't
12:50
eat the velvet tablecloths and I'm glad we did it, but it meant
12:53
selling mortgages. We needed the love, everybody
12:56
needed the green. We will put B roll in this clip
12:59
to show would have full green velvet gorge.
13:03
Oh my God. It was essential.
13:05
It was amazing. No financial sense, but it was
13:07
essential. And you knew it.
13:09
Knew it. Then I spoke to Kristen, my
13:12
coach, and she walked me through the step by step process of how
13:15
does it look to postpone it or to cancel it, which sounded
13:19
awful, felt scary. And then I got to the point of
13:23
thinking this is amazing and this story is sellable, that we
13:26
postpone it. I'm all about being transparent
13:28
and I think sometimes the event space looks all glamorous and
13:33
beautiful and fun and behind the scenes it's an absolute gong
13:36
show. It's so stressful.
13:38
I don't know why any of us do it, but it's like the most
13:41
addictive drug on the planet. It's so stressful in this
13:48
economy to sell a high price point ticket.
13:51
I chose to sell the highest price point ticket that exists
13:55
in Squamish, which I stand by wholeheartedly.
13:59
It's actually worth more now I've been in the room, but it
14:04
had never been done before and quite a large amount of them
14:07
needed selling, so I was quite excited to just say I tried it
14:12
and it didn't work and This is why.
14:13
And if you're planning an event, don't do these things.
14:17
Skip to levels 3 and miss out my mistakes.
14:23
Then that took the pressure off the worst case happening.
14:27
And then I also bumped into my friend's husband who said to me,
14:31
how's it going? And I said, I can't sell this
14:35
first thing ever in my life. I've sold jet boats at Sydney
14:38
Harbour Opera House. I've sold like the maddest
14:42
things, actually. So good at that you have been.
14:46
What are you doing right now? Wanna come on a jet boat?
14:48
I used to shout jet boat ride guys, jet boat ride, jet boat
14:52
rides. Anyway, he was like, get in the
14:56
car and take to the streets and sell in person.
15:00
It's totally inefficient, but it's going to work.
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Go and sell your passion eye to eye on the street.
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And so I I did. I got up at Starbucks, left all
15:10
of my stuff and just ordered a drink.
15:12
I didn't even get it in a cup to go.
15:14
I just got in the car and he'd fired me up so much and actually
15:17
annoyed me a bit, which is perfect to spark action in Emily
15:23
is like get under my skin and I did it and the first person I
15:29
interacted with, he bought a ticket for his wife and I
15:31
thought. Well, this is gonna work.
15:34
Well, this might work terribly, terribly exhausting to sell in
15:39
person. But as I just said to you, it
15:41
was really character building and it taught me all the
15:43
different psychologies of why people buy and all the different
15:49
types of people that would buy and the information they need to
15:52
be told to buy and the level of detail some people need versus
15:57
others. What situation my product hits
16:01
in. Um, and that's why I did.
16:05
And I just thought, well, don't show me the data anymore.
16:08
I just want to see stock depleted and I'll keep going and
16:11
going and going until we've sold it.
16:13
Once I've decided all I need to do is break even, which is
16:17
terrible on paper, but at that point it was the best case
16:21
scenario. Um, then we exceeded that and we
16:25
then added more and more things that would make the experience
16:28
even more Wow. Because then I was so deep in
16:32
it, I thought, this is a trilogy.
16:34
Like there's another one next year.
16:35
I can already feel it. Let's just nail it this time.
16:40
And yeah, of course then there was a wait list.
16:43
Unbelievable. When I saw that you had posted
16:47
wait list, that you had posted that you reached out to the
16:50
chemist centre and said please can we add a couple more seats
16:56
somewhere in this room? I believed it.
17:02
I was so happily like I was just elated.
17:05
I don't want to say I was shocked.
17:06
I wasn't. I had full conviction sitting
17:09
across from you that day in September.
17:12
And I was like, oh, she's going to do it.
17:14
And I could tell that there was people in your life who we need
17:17
in our life who were probably like, you're out to lunch, like
17:21
you're out to watch. This is insane.
17:23
Well, the data looked back exactly.
17:25
And you know, what I'm getting from what you said is that you
17:28
were like, OK, I have to, I can't be foolish and thinking
17:33
that I have to sell to everybody in the way that I think I like
17:36
to be sold to and just sell one way.
17:38
So you were really clear on like an empathetic on, OK, these
17:41
people need different types of information.
17:44
They need every single thing they're gonna get.
17:46
Yeah, they need to understand exactly what the day looks.
17:49
Like the schedule, the speaker topics, like everything.
17:52
Yeah, like, and that's not me, that's not you, but some people
17:56
are like that. So so you were empathetic and
17:58
understanding your audience, but then you were like, and I know
18:02
that to motivate myself, I don't need the data every single day.
18:06
So there's such a difference there where you were like,
18:09
that's great for and I have to understand these people, this
18:12
audience, but I also have to understand me and how I want to
18:15
work, how I want this to happen. As soon as I got my head out of
18:18
the data, out of the swirling thoughts of how are we getting
18:22
5000 clicks on that ticket page, which is quite a lot for a
18:25
really small business and it's not converting.
18:30
We didn't have time to pick it apart.
18:32
Now we can. But now I don't even think we
18:34
need to, to be honest. And and yeah, of course, walk
18:38
off and thought, you know what? Wow, this irons hot.
18:41
We need to sell for next year. So launch tickets immediately
18:45
for next year. Sold 40 tickets already.
18:48
So were 40% sold out. And I only had a penny drop
18:51
moment this weekend of we haven't even told anyone who the
18:54
speakers are. Or the gift bag.
18:56
Or anything about it. So even the people who aren't
19:00
like me, who came and wanted the data, they're now all in.
19:04
They know it. They've seen it.
19:06
And a lot of people left on the way out and said, oh, God, now
19:10
we get why you struggled. This wasn't a conference.
19:12
This wasn't a dinner. This wasn't a retreat.
19:14
It was just feast. It was its own thing.
19:17
And Krista, my coach whispered in my ear as she left.
19:20
Some things that you go to the Capi is goosebumps.
19:27
And this is one of those things. And the rooms full of them.
19:31
And now that's just like how I want to live my life that the
19:35
KPI is goosebumps of whatever I do or whatever I'm involved in.
19:40
I don't really care about the data.
19:42
Like give me the goosebumps. But isn't that soul related to
19:45
what we were just talking about at the beginning?
19:47
Yeah. You're looking for the
19:48
goosebumps. Yeah.
19:49
You're like, the goosebumps are there.
19:51
The goosebumps are in Zara on a Sunday night when this woman,
19:54
this, like, older woman is, like, eyeing me.
19:56
And I think that she's mad. It was amazing moment.
19:59
Like it's there, Yeah, if you look for it.
20:02
Congratulations. Thank you.
20:03
Thanks for coming. Ah, it was phenomenal.
20:07
It was phenomenal. It was.
20:09
I posted on the social media. It was, I said 7 1/2.
20:13
Turns out it was 8 1/2 years. I got my anniversary wrong since
20:16
I had been at that place, that very special place in the
20:19
forest, and I really had such a transformational,
20:23
transformative, whatever word you want to call it, moment of
20:27
standing there and being like, the last time I was here, I was
20:31
such a different person. Yeah.
20:33
And I would have been receiving it.
20:35
There was so much about it. I would have been receiving the
20:37
information in such a different way.
20:39
I wasn't a mother yet. I hadn't even got or I got
20:42
married that day, I suppose. I hadn't become a coach.
20:45
I hadn't left advertising. Like I was a different beast of
20:48
a human. And to be there and to feel so
20:50
grounded and to be surrounded by such like magic and beauty and
20:55
you and like these beautiful, all those beautiful tablecloths.
21:01
It was just the day I saw selfishly wanted to go to myself
21:07
and it. Was it?
21:09
Yeah, it was. And I still don't know how you
21:11
describe it, but it was slow. Like, the pace was slow.
21:16
Yeah. And there was time to connect if
21:19
and when you wanted to connect. It wasn't forced networking,
21:23
which is one of my least favorite things in the entire
21:25
world. Which is crazy because I'm an
21:27
extreme extrovert. Yeah, But forcing me.
21:30
OK, Go to the person next to you.
21:31
OK. Say this.
21:33
OK, Now do this. OK.
21:34
Find 3 people in the room. Play a bingo game.
21:36
It's like, don't tell me. Don't ever tell me what to do,
21:39
first of all. And it wasn't that.
21:42
It was amazing. Now, OK, one thing I have to ask
21:45
you this, and we have to record it leading up to Feast.
21:50
Yeah. I was so intrigued and loved
21:54
your communication. There was so much intentionality
21:59
around, like giving. I could tell, like giving people
22:01
information. Who was like, what did I sign up
22:04
for? What did I just pay for like
22:05
that? You could tell that there was
22:06
like, don't worry, we've got you.
22:08
We're holding you. We're going to take you right
22:11
through to this event. You will have all the
22:13
information, which was like, so smart.
22:17
And I noticed that you talked a lot about the dress code, which
22:22
I thought was so cool and so unique.
22:25
I'd previously been to one of your brunches where you had sent
22:28
an e-mail the week before saying, excited to see you.
22:32
Here's the dress code. And I thought, wow, that's
22:34
different. Never say it to me.
22:36
It was different apart from a wedding where it's like, are you
22:39
wearing, you know, tux tails or like cocktail casual?
22:44
And I thought, oh, that's cool. I appreciate.
22:47
That I love the dress code. Apart from a theme like it's,
22:51
it's actually very unusual to me.
22:53
I think so. Oh cool.
22:54
I love that. And we normally go with the word
22:57
as well. So for Diane Wilder, the dinners
23:00
that we do, it's never tends to not be, um, a colour or a
23:05
certain piece of clothing. It's more like a feeling that I
23:07
want to invoke in people. So it could be like whatever
23:11
makes you feel most abundant, whatever makes you feel most
23:14
childlike or and I just think it's I spent a lot of time when
23:19
I first started dying exploring the customer journey.
23:23
And so that doesn't need to necessarily be the website and
23:29
the marketing copy. It can be the customers um
23:34
thought journey yes. So from the moment of discovery,
23:38
there is so much anticipation that sets the tone for how
23:44
they're going to receive the event.
23:46
And I think when it is a higher price point than usual, I want
23:50
to be excited about the event. Totally.
23:52
Like, for example, we just bought Olivia Dean tickets.
23:54
I'm so excited that there's such a long lead off and that we get
23:58
to like plan the excitement of it.
24:00
Like that's the whole point of it.
24:02
And it's almost like it's the cherry on the cake that we get
24:05
to go to the concert. Hopefully that's how Feast felt
24:08
to me. And even in business and like
24:11
motherhood, everything, it's the journey.
24:14
And I'm always say it all the time, but like how present are
24:17
we in the journey? Because there's no point waiting
24:19
to get to a certain point of knowing or of understanding
24:23
because then the kids have moved out.
24:25
Like, I don't know, I just think about it a lot.
24:28
And so when someone discovers the logo and then ends up on the
24:33
ticket page on the website, like what are the feelings that are
24:36
being evoked of opening that home page?
24:38
I obviously it's my business, but I think Dani evokes a
24:42
feeling when you enter that website and then when you
24:47
receive the emails, building this hype and this anticipation
24:52
of this is the dress code, This is the da, da, da, da, da.
24:57
I like it to be mysterious, but I think it takes the customer on
25:01
a journey of excitement before they've even got there.
25:04
I will say that I had to do so much more hand holding for
25:07
Feast. Again, I wasn't selling to the
25:09
people who were just like immediately in and I had no
25:12
proof of concept and nothing to show.
25:15
So I mean, the real story is that my first piece of marketing
25:21
copy said where your heels to the forest.
25:24
And so I then in asking people, why are you not coming?
25:29
Why haven't you bought a ticket or God, we don't wear heels.
25:32
And I thought, is that actually a barrier to entry?
25:35
And it turns out it was. They didn't want to come to
25:38
something where they had to wear heels on a Sunday.
25:40
And I thought, God, it's just tongue in cheek.
25:42
Like it's just. Wow, they took it literally.
25:45
Totally. And I mean, I did kind of mean
25:49
it literally too. I love wearing a burials like
25:52
whether we're in the forest or not.
25:53
And I wanted it to be a moment where you got dressed up.
25:56
But to some people, they thought that that meant it excluded them
26:00
if they wanted to wear a beautiful dress with a pair of
26:03
really cool sneaks. And so it made me dissect every
26:09
piece of wording that was out there and speak to the people
26:15
who didn't want to wear the heels and also really hold their
26:21
hand in explaining it's not about how you look.
26:25
I am so obsessed with this, like tagline of where the damn dress.
26:29
Like, why the hell do we leave the nice clothes hanging up for
26:33
the fancy occasion? Fancy occasion comes.
26:35
Does anyone reach for the ones that are already hanging?
26:38
No, you go and buy new. So it's like, absolutely, we're
26:42
full of shit, leaving the clothes hanging.
26:44
Or you borrow. I always go to my girlfriend's.
26:46
Clothes you. That's not everyone.
26:47
Knows something different coming to you next girl, you know it.
26:51
I just don't get it. I just think if it was the last
26:54
day on earth today, would we be walking around with the top not
27:00
feeling like shit wearing our naff clothes?
27:03
Probably not. And also when opportunities
27:07
arise like this one, I was able to just say yeah, because I was
27:11
like, Oh yeah, I'm ready. I mean, that's and that's such,
27:15
that's so interesting. So for you it's it sounds like.
27:18
You're going to be ready. Yet you're ready because you're
27:21
looking for the magic. Yeah, you're like you're looking
27:24
for the magic. You're open to receive it.
27:26
You're ready. You're not on edge.
27:29
Because I imagine there's days where you're dressed to the
27:31
nines in downtown Squamish at a cafe.
27:33
Don't need to be going anywhere. At all and nothing, nothing in
27:37
particular happens. You're not being asked to go on
27:39
CBC Radio, like CBC Tonight or whatever, but you're like, but I
27:43
felt now I'm asking, I guess I'm asking you, but like at the end
27:47
of that day, you're like, but I felt good.
27:49
I think we just feel better and I used to like really feel
27:52
awkward and encouraging people to get dressed up because I
27:57
would receive pushback of like people thinking it's silly are
28:01
and now I'm just like, oh, you know what, as women, it doesn't
28:06
need to be a dress. But I think there is something
28:09
about us so deeply ingrained in us.
28:12
If there is a Mormon where we can be a little bit put
28:15
together, However that looks. It doesn't need to be addressed
28:18
in heels. It could be your favorite pair
28:20
of jeans where you feel a bit more sucked in or like something
28:23
actually Lulu set something clean, like whatever.
28:27
How many times does someone say, God, your hair looks amazing and
28:30
it's like, oh, I just washed it like, oh, this shirt, yeah, I
28:34
ended it doesn't need to be anything.
28:37
I would never iron, by the way. That's why I wear stuff like
28:39
this. I don't know how.
28:42
I would never. I actually.
28:44
My kids actually saw an eye in and asked what it was and I was
28:47
like I'm the worst mother and why?
28:51
I I took a couple white shirts to the cleaner to dry cleaner,
28:56
which is such a ridiculous thing to do whatever.
28:59
But I said I checked off extra starch.
29:03
They got cleaned, pressed, sent back to me, and I've worn white
29:07
white dress shirts more in the last couple of weeks than I have
29:11
in years. I checked because it was extra
29:14
starch, extra start. I treated myself, girl.
29:19
I went for it. This is my heels.
29:23
OK, So what did you? I have to know.
29:25
What did you do, what did you do and what did you change in the
29:30
marketing when you started to feel and receive that pushback?
29:32
Did you say, OK, now I have to appeal to everybody, Now I have
29:36
to walk it back? Now I have to re explain?
29:38
Two things. I took it back to the feeling
29:41
and I really reinforced everything related to any of the
29:46
brands is about feeling confident and feeling alive and
29:50
feeling you do not. It doesn't work well if you walk
29:55
in a room and feel less than. And it doesn't need to be that
30:01
you look a certain way, but you need to feel like you can
30:04
receive period like. Yeah.
30:09
You can't receive anything if you feel closed in if you don't
30:13
want to make eye contact with someone.
30:15
I remember going to Walmart once once feeling like so crappy and
30:20
I bumped into so many people I knew.
30:22
And I know it might sound really shallow but I just didn't show
30:26
up in the interactions the way I normally would.
30:28
I didn't feel that like giddiness and I don't know,
30:32
like. People don't talk about this
30:33
though. Nobody's true.
30:35
None of us. Do true.
30:36
Good for you if you can go out rolling out of bed.
30:39
Yeah, amazing. And you're my idol.
30:42
But I don't feel like that. So until I feel like that from
30:45
rolling out of bed, yeah, this is what I'm going to do.
30:48
Well, and I'd be curious if the person is is saying that and if
30:51
they really believe it or if they really are thinking about
30:54
their interaction when they went to Walmart that time and they
30:56
were feeling like they looked rough.
30:59
I'm not saying they actually looked rough.
31:00
They probably looked beautiful. Yeah.
31:02
Like if they really were to think about the person that they
31:05
bumped into and like how they showed up.
31:09
It's the joke that I think everyone's beautiful.
31:11
Like everybody I described, I'm like, Oh my God, she's beautiful
31:14
and everyone's like show us. And I'm like she is.
31:18
Because to me, beauty is how you come across and you're
31:22
excitement and zestful life and you're like, you don't need to
31:26
look like a Victoria's Secret model by any means.
31:30
In fact, please don't. The sexiest people are the
31:34
people that just feel good in their skin.
31:37
And I have those days at home where we're like gardening.
31:41
I mean, I don't really garden, but the kids are digging and I'm
31:43
doing something with a wreck. By gardening you mean the kids
31:46
are digging and playing, throwing dirt around?
31:49
But I might be an overalls ball, still have a full face of makeup
31:52
on, and I still feel really good.
31:54
And I just think the kids have more fun too.
31:57
We're also a very spontaneous family.
32:00
So like Dean might say to me extremely out of the blue, um,
32:07
we're going to W Van or we're going to Oregon, We're going
32:10
wherever. And I'm like when?
32:11
And he's like, I know now and I'm like now.
32:14
And I think he probably does it even more so because he knows
32:17
I'm ready to go and I'm like, OK, once we went to Oregon, we
32:21
went to, we were supposed to go on Boxing Day to the aquarium in
32:25
Vancouver. Well, he said to me, should we
32:29
go somewhere? This is Boxing Day morning.
32:31
And I was like, yeah, where should we go?
32:32
He was like, I know the aquarium, the pump track, just
32:35
took some stuff in the car. So I got an IKEA Kallax cube
32:39
storage cube, and the whole family packed all of our
32:43
belongings in this one cube. And I saw him grab the passports
32:47
and I said, what you doing with them?
32:48
And he said, well, what if we end up in Mexico?
32:50
And I was like, so do I need a bikini?
32:52
He was like, yeah, put one in just in case.
32:53
Doesn't take up any space. We got in the truck and we drove
32:58
to the aquarium in Vancouver. We turned around and the kids
33:01
were asleep. Well, that's like gold dust.
33:04
If you can actually speak to your husband, Can you imagine
33:07
you get to talk to them uninterrupted?
33:09
You're not stopping that car. We are not going to that
33:12
aquarium. So he continued driving.
33:15
We drove to the airport and then we got there and the kids were
33:18
still asleep and we said she just crossed the border.
33:21
We ended up at the aquarium in Oregon.
33:25
We drove all through the night. The kids walk up.
33:27
At one point we stopped at a don't know where.
33:29
We stopped at a white spots and where naff.
33:32
But it was so fun and the kids were like where are we?
33:35
And I was like, we're in America.
33:40
Jack was like, where were we sleeping?
33:42
I was like. I don't.
33:43
Know and I actually think we might have caused a bit of PTSD
33:47
because sometimes we'll be in serve on and he'll be like where
33:51
are we sleeping tonight and I'm like alcohol at home.
33:54
Jack, the man next, was like looking at us.
33:59
You're saying it louder for the like the lady online you like
34:01
we're sleeping at home, we're sleep.
34:03
For awhile after he kept asking but we ended up being gone for 2
34:06
1/2 weeks. No you honest to God we did.
34:09
This was just last year and we found this amazing spa like
34:14
place in Oregon. It was amazing.
34:17
So we stayed there for five nights and 80 died when Dean
34:20
came out and said I've booked five nights.
34:22
I was like. OK.
34:25
And so we stayed for New Year and then all the way back we
34:29
just kept holiday in hopping, lodge hopping and we just kept
34:33
saying she just keep staying another night.
34:36
And I thought this is the epitome of living the dream.
34:39
This is what self-employment is about, the fact that we can just
34:43
keep stopping. And every night I had to wash
34:46
the kids clothes in the bath and dry them because they had
34:50
nothing to wear. So every single photograph for 2
34:53
1/2 weeks they're in the same clothes.
34:55
And it was their birthdays while we were away, 28th and 29th.
34:58
And Jack Sake, what did Santa bring?
35:00
He thinks Santa brings his Christmas presents.
35:03
And the night before, I was like, Oh my God, like, we've got
35:06
no presents. So we went in Walmart and I
35:08
bought him one gift and he was over the moon with this naff
35:11
president. We just had the best time ever.
35:14
So you've always got to be ready.
35:16
Be ready. You had a curling iron in your
35:19
car. Yeah, OK.
35:21
But alright. So are you indeed.
35:22
Tell me about this partnership. Do you think you have to have
35:25
two people who are, like, like that?
35:27
Like, I actually didn't know this.
35:29
I mean, we've only known each other two months.
35:30
That's why I didn't know this about tea.
35:35
Like is he also as like extremely just open and ready?
35:39
It sounds like he's no. How do you think you bring that
35:43
out in him or how does this? Partnership.
35:45
He's very spontaneous, very no frills, kills it with his
35:51
construction business but will always wear socks till the
35:54
fallen off his feet. Got holes in the most basic
35:58
human being ever. Um, so relaxed you might wonder
36:06
if he's asleep. I like full transparency.
36:12
I've had moments where I've said to him like, are we the right
36:15
match? Like are we, am I not too much?
36:19
But I think actually you need both agree.
36:23
Don't you? You need both.
36:25
Yes, um, I did say to him the other day, I think I drive you
36:30
crazy. I never pay off my credit card.
36:32
I've got the parking ticket. I haven't returned the library
36:36
books, stood at edit editor, the list goes on.
36:38
But would you rather I did all of those things or.
36:42
And he didn't even let me finish and he said I'd rather you do
36:45
those things. No, like in a bad way.
36:49
He was like, Oh yeah, I would rather swallow the fun and I'd
36:52
rather you just pay the credit card.
36:55
That you managed rather. I was like, oh shoot, I'm not
37:00
that person, but you will wake up and have loads of fun and I
37:04
will be really excited about our lives.
37:07
And yeah, don't know. Part of his spontaneity is if
37:12
you're in the world of construction, you don't know
37:14
when you're going to be off work.
37:16
So our vacations and trips are extremely like, we're going on
37:19
holiday for Christmas, but we don't know where or where, not
37:22
anything, and probably won't till Christmas Eve.
37:26
So some of it is fast, but yeah. Incredible.
37:32
Now let's talk about I just you've lived everywhere.
37:39
This is going to be a funny question, but I want to know
37:41
going back to, like, feeling sexy.
37:45
Yeah. And like, the sexiest people
37:48
you've seen. You've seen people from all over
37:50
the world. This is the only person I think
37:53
I could ask this question to Like what are the sexiest
37:55
traits? Parents, non parents, older
37:58
people, younger people? Like what makes somebody like
38:02
apart from confidence? Because you said that, but like
38:05
what? Like what is it?
38:06
What is it about that makes someone like just attractive as
38:10
a human? I'm not talking necessarily just
38:12
about looks. Um, I was going to say a
38:15
confident definitely #1 is like confidence.
38:19
Yeah. And fun to well, I don't know,
38:23
maybe these are just the traits I'm attracted to.
38:26
Spontaneity, just like a love of life.
38:32
You know, it doesn't matter if you make beaded jewelry and sell
38:37
it on Etsy or whether you are a lawyer at a local law firm or
38:42
whether you're a school teacher. If you're passionate about what
38:45
you do, maybe these are just, as I said, the traits that I think
38:49
are attractive. But if you're passionate about
38:52
whatever it is, to me that's like the most amazing.
38:57
Train someone and you can tell and it oozes out of them and you
39:01
carry yourself differently. You light up.
39:04
I had a coffee with someone last week and she was taking me
39:07
through all of her business ideas and a lot of them were
39:09
like made a lot of sense financially.
39:12
And then there was this one and she just went, but I love
39:16
singing. And I was like, OK, scrap the
39:20
rest. I think you need to follow the
39:22
singing one because if you follow the thing that lights you
39:26
up and you pair it with the hard work and the business mindset
39:31
and all the rest of it, that's going to be the thing that
39:33
you'll do through the hard days and the days it makes no sense.
39:36
You're going to jump out of bed. I listen to a Yens Greed podcast
39:40
yesterday. I'm obsessed with him and Emma.
39:43
And he said it's not that I wake up and I have to do it, it's
39:48
that I can't not do it. It's just in me.
39:51
I have to do it and I follow anything where my enthusiasm is
39:56
taking me and I don't do it because it makes sense to anyone
40:00
else. And that's exactly how I feel
40:02
about Diane Wilder. Just makes so much sense and I
40:05
can't not. How do you rally people around
40:08
you? You require your business
40:10
requires other like you to be reliant on other people, which
40:15
as we the listeners know, who are most of whom are leaders in
40:19
some respect, leading their house, but mainly leading in the
40:21
workplace. That is like when you're so
40:25
certain on the vision and you can see it and you can feel it
40:30
like you can with Diane Wilder. How have you been able to bring
40:36
people into that vision and stand in that position of
40:40
leadership? I've been asked that a few times
40:42
this week, so it's had me thinking about it.
40:44
Yeah, just in passing, um, and led me to speak to Kaylee who
40:49
works with me about it as well from her perspective of like,
40:52
how are you along for this journey with no facts and nor
40:55
proof, Um, fairly new to working alongside one another.
41:01
And she's she said, oh, there's been moments where it's
41:04
trickier, like I believe you, but sometimes the priority
41:11
ranking differs so vastly from you and I, she said as struggle
41:17
with it. For example, we're trying to
41:20
sell feast and you've posted nothing on down Wilder like this
41:23
one story on dying, but you've got 20 stories on your own.
41:27
From an outside point of view, that makes no sense.
41:30
Push down. What I now see being out of it M
41:34
is you were the 1 selling and connecting in real life.
41:38
And so that was your version of being in person was you selling
41:42
the behind the scenes and the why and the vision that you
41:46
personally hold. And that's what was bringing
41:48
everyone to the dine page. But it was nice to have that
41:52
open conversation with her and like, what is frustrating or how
41:55
does it feel? Um, and I was picking apart
42:00
driving here this morning, the customer journey and how that
42:04
unfolds with Diane Wilder because someone made a comment
42:09
last week of like the start of your funnel is in the coffee
42:13
shop and you think it's, um, frivolous that you're spending
42:20
your time working in the coffee shop because you should be
42:22
locked away in your Home Office. But he said to me, I just
42:25
watched the funnel begin with seven different women in the
42:29
coffee shop. They are now some time going to
42:33
become a dying customer or maybe their auntie is going to become
42:37
a coaching client or something down the line will happen with
42:43
all of those people, even if they just tell someone else the
42:46
interaction they've had with you.
42:48
And so he was like, how is that transferable, scalable.
42:53
And it opened up that conversation.
42:55
And I think it's again, the passion and the eye contact.
43:00
It's not so frequently that you'll speak to someone about
43:05
their business or their life plan when they have such
43:10
conviction that there's no other alternative.
43:14
And I love speaking to those people because you just in I
43:19
just want to throw my hands up and be like I'm in that candle
43:22
business is going to take off, I believe.
43:24
You feel it. You can feel.
43:26
It people who will say I have like I, you know, love this
43:30
business. We're the best salespeople.
43:32
We're the best and whatever, someone selling you the thing
43:36
and you can kind of like look into their soul a bit and you
43:40
can just tell if they buy it. And I had that moment with our
43:44
mutual friend, my coach Kristen, where there was something I was
43:47
playing around with and I was talking and I was just like, and
43:50
she goes, so what's going on here?
43:52
And I said, I don't buy it. And she's like, you will never
43:55
sell this. Yeah.
43:57
It was some version of a coaching something or other.
44:00
And I was like, this makes sense.
44:02
This rationally makes sense. I'm an and I was like, but this,
44:06
but that. And she's like, stop, you will
44:09
never sell this. You don't buy it.
44:12
Anybody asks me about this podcast, I'm like, they're just
44:18
you wait. That's what I do.
44:19
Just wait. It's the torn, it's the I mean,
44:24
it sounds silly to like dissect it that much, but I have been
44:27
thinking about it since my friend asked me.
44:30
He was like, why does it land when you say it more than other
44:32
people? And I think it is like a simple
44:35
as your body language as the eye contact, as the and it's just
44:39
like, it's a bit like dating. I would be terrible at it
44:42
because I am just how I am with friends, with people on the
44:47
street, with my business, with a partner.
44:50
There's no holding back. And I, I don't care if you've
44:54
messaged me or you've called me, I'll just call anywhere not in
44:58
like I know not in an annoying way, but I can't hold it in.
45:02
And I'll say it to a friend like, Oh my God, I think I'm in
45:06
love with you all. Like I just can't help it when
45:10
you were just. So.
45:11
Open, no barriers, completely open to rejection and the other
45:17
person not buying in. They're inadvertently can't help
45:21
but jump in. And it's the same thing when you
45:24
tell someone your vision, and I'm very honest in saying I
45:28
don't know how we get there, but I think you've got those skills
45:32
and I think it's empowering that person to have ultimate
45:36
autonomy. Clearly, no, she doesn't have to
45:37
run anything past me. In fact, gold stars, if you make
45:41
all the decisions, I'm gone for the day.
45:44
You make all the decisions and then you just tell me what's
45:46
happening. As long as it's getting us
45:48
towards that North Star somehow, I don't care what path we take.
45:53
And it's just surrounding yourself with people that buy
45:58
into the vision, but who have polar opposite skills from you.
46:02
And I think going through Feast, the key is that you see one
46:06
another's skills as superpowers. Because if you doubt the other
46:10
person's power, the resentment creeps in and you start annoying
46:15
each other. See the differences as the
46:18
reason that you'll get there and don't be so attached to the step
46:22
by step process. God 1000% agree and you had said
46:28
on the stage at feast that you in conflict or whatever, mild or
46:33
large, you would say who cares more and that was who would win.
46:37
But that only works if you actually do buy into the other
46:40
persons skills, passion, vision. Like, if you trust, like, if you
46:45
trust what you do implicitly, Kaylee, and like her neck of the
46:49
business, then you're like, OK, you seem real fired up about
46:53
this. Back to the dress code, she kept
46:56
pushing for me to give it language that it was about the
46:59
feeling and not how, you know, we look.
47:02
And she said to me, I want a boot check and I said we don't
47:06
need a boot check. Like no one's gonna walk the
47:08
grounds. Everyone's here for feast to be
47:10
in that room. And she kept saying not
47:12
everybody is like you. I would want to go and see the
47:15
goats at lunchtime. I don't want to go and see the
47:18
goats at lunchtime. I've seen them actually, so
47:20
that's probably why I but lots of people do want to.
47:24
And so she kept going on about boot check and in the end I was
47:27
like, have you boot check? The boot check was the best
47:30
thing about feast. Everybody brought that so many
47:34
people you didn't cause you're like me, so many people bought 2
47:37
pairs of shoes. The feedback farm after boot
47:39
check, Epic. And it's because she pulled the
47:42
this matters. So I was like OK, do it and
47:45
there. Really wasn't any sweat off your
47:46
back either. How has all of this like I love
47:50
the through lines of feeling confident, feeling ready, being
47:54
open. How did all of this change, if
47:56
at all, when you became a mother?
47:59
Like were you always dressed to the nines or is that something
48:02
that came up later on? I've always been the same.
48:06
I think all that happened was I thought for a minute that we
48:09
couldn't do it as a mum on my leave and I slipped into the
48:15
uniform that everyone else wears.
48:17
And then I had a few moments of thinking, oh, I don't feel like
48:20
me anymore, just for a SEC. And I thought, why have I, um,
48:26
it's this self fulfilling prophecy that we're told you
48:29
become a mom, you lose yourself, you lose your body.
48:32
Oh, you can kiss your body goodbye.
48:34
And I just accepted that that's real life that we welcome in
48:40
these incredible little human beings that tip our world upside
48:44
down for the better. And in the process, we accept
48:47
that that version of us is gone. And then we're mum and I just
48:54
thought, I don't like that I'm not having that, why can't I get
48:59
dressed off? And then I realised I was a
49:01
better mum for it, for getting up a little bit earlier than
49:04
them, putting myself together. It's really demanding being a
49:08
mum. Like bloody hell, how many times
49:11
are we asked to do something for somebody else before 9:00 AM?
49:15
It's like in. Some most, the most.
49:18
So the way that I show up the best in doing all of those
49:22
things, cleaning the spills, breaking up the fight, dressing
49:26
the people, all of it is by me feeling put together.
49:30
I feel more powerful, more in control of my emotions.
49:34
For some reason I just do and better able to deal with
49:38
whatever and also my kids and I think a lot of kids are better
49:43
if you just get out the house. So I would just love to be
49:47
ready. Then we get them up, then we
49:50
just go out and let them run free for a little bit first.
49:54
Um, but it's only just recently where I think it's OK to say I
50:02
don't just feel the same, I actually feel better.
50:05
Hmm. Like I feel quite sexy that I've
50:09
grown human beings. Is that?
50:11
Weird. No, it's not.
50:12
I feel like it's really weird to say it, like makes my body feel
50:15
strange to say it. I think it's like, amazing.
50:19
I think it's so unbelievable the confidence that comes with being
50:26
like, I'm a mum. Yeah, no human like that is to
50:30
me, crazy. You don't actually 2522.
50:34
That's where I am. What's your number?
50:36
Where are you like mentally? 2424.
50:40
Isn't that a crap? And yes, no, you don't have to
50:42
have grown them. Oh God, it doesn't.
50:44
That doesn't matter. It's the like, I am responsible
50:48
for these two little humans and I can still use my tornado emoji
50:53
and be like I'm. Still me.
50:55
It's so fun when you accept I'm just in my 30s living life and I
51:01
want you to watch me. And now I own it with my
51:04
language towards the kids too, of like, can we do this or does
51:08
it, whatever. And I'm like, no, get in the
51:10
stroller. We are going for a run for an
51:12
hour. Look at the clock.
51:14
I show them the clock. You see these 23 hours of the
51:17
day, they're yours. You own them for this one hour,
51:20
you're going to sit in that stroller beforehand.
51:24
We can make some kind of eye spy bingo that will take with us and
51:28
we'll have an absolute blast while we're on the run.
51:30
So actually it is kind of about you, but mummy's going for a run
51:34
and now they're just like, they know that that's their only
51:37
option. And I think that's just a small
51:40
example, but same for getting ready and may have informed my
51:44
kids dead up solely on Friday night.
51:46
My girlfriends were over, we drank wine, the house was
51:50
shaking, the music was that loud.
51:52
And the kids were running around like all of their children were
51:55
there. And they slept over.
51:57
And I just in a moment, with a wine in my hand, the music on, I
52:02
said we're the best parents. They were probably not the best
52:08
parents, but that's how I grew up.
52:11
And I loved for a minute that Jack was watching me be a woman.
52:15
There's something powerful about your kids watching you be a
52:18
woman and not just mum. I want them to know I'm not just
52:23
mum. You are always mum, that's the
52:25
undercurrent. But you're a woman first.
52:28
Yeah, you're human. And I love that he knows I'm
52:31
called Emily. I'll never forget him finding
52:33
out I had a name, you know? Yes, uh, I can.
52:39
I'm just eating this up. It's there's just so there's so
52:44
much good in you, but I want to know how do you deal with people
52:49
who feel triggered by you who are in the moment?
52:54
And I know this is an awkward question.
52:56
Yeah, did you see I did it begin.
52:57
Who? I saw it.
52:59
I saw it. I see you, the person who's like
53:05
you can just tell you show up dressed or done and and when we
53:08
say dress, I think we're talking about like a metaphor, like
53:11
you're. Just is completely.
53:12
And whatever it is like, you're just feeling like, yeah, I'm
53:15
ready. I got whatever it is I need in
53:17
my trunk. Maybe my hiking boots.
53:19
I don't know, a hatchet and you show up.
53:24
OK, In all seriousness, you show up and you're with somebody else
53:27
and you can tell they're like, oh, there she is again, all
53:31
dressed up like want thinks she's better.
53:33
I don't know, I'm making this up.
53:35
How do you how do you handle that?
53:40
It makes me feel really uncomfortable, like even talking
53:44
about it now it bothers me and I don't like to admit that it
53:50
bothers me or even accept that it's true because to me it then
53:55
makes it sound like I think I look good.
54:01
I don't think I look good, I just feel good.
54:09
And so when you separate the two, and I just know it's a
54:12
feeling, I just want to bring them along for the ride and be
54:16
like, just try it. Hmm.
54:20
Just try, like a lot of women, give and give and give and give
54:28
and give. And in the process of the
54:31
giving, which we do, to be so loving.
54:33
That's where we lose ourselves. And then ironically, the people
54:38
that were given to start to see that would be coming a bit
54:42
resentful of it and almost like martyr.
54:46
Like I hate to say it, but, and I've been there too.
54:49
Like I think bloody hell, was I put on this earth to just be a
54:52
cleaner and like feed everybody? I don't think I was.
54:58
I don't think. So I do it as well.
55:01
Let's do it in a fun way. Let's feel good while we're
55:04
doing it and not just do it to tick a box.
55:06
But yeah, I don't know. And I'm sure there's loads of
55:08
people that feel like that about me, but that's why I'm like
55:11
trying to also speak openly about it's not how you look.
55:17
And I don't even know how many times I can say that this is
55:21
just my version of it. Yeah, um.
55:26
That's how the event looks. It's how it felt.
55:28
That's what you keep saying to. Diane Wilder It's like a bonus
55:32
that it looks beautiful for me. I'm not even bothered that it
55:36
looks beautiful, but it has to look beautiful to draw people
55:40
in. And I've had a bit of insecurity
55:43
too, about dying looking so beautiful, wanting to tell the
55:46
world, oh, but it doesn't need to.
55:48
And when you're there, it's like perfectly imperfect.
55:50
And Erin Anderson, one of the speakers at Fees, gifted me this
55:53
beautiful book on beauty and how it's a service that you're
55:57
providing. And how in this world of AI and
56:01
efficiency and strategy and online everything.
56:05
Like how amazing to set a table so intentionally so that
56:12
someone's going to arrive with such anticipation of what's
56:15
about to be that they picked these beautifully expensive
56:19
linen napkin off and unfold it and put it on their knee in this
56:24
like, we don't even know what food we're going to get.
56:27
I don't even always going to be sat next to me.
56:29
I keep coming back to this word anticipation this week, and I
56:33
almost liken it to going on a date, except it's not in a
56:37
romantic way. It's just your own life, you
56:40
know, this whole like, romanticize your life thing.
56:43
Yeah, I'm obsessed with. It too.
56:45
And this morning when I sat down with Nuvola, my girlfriend who's
56:49
a realtor in the Lower Mainland, we meet because we have the same
56:54
love of life. And as we were looking at each
56:57
other, I bypassed it and I didn't mention it.
57:00
And then she called it 10 minutes later.
57:02
She said I had just got a feeling looking at you a minute
57:05
ago. And I said I had like,
57:08
butterflies looking at you. And it wasn't in a romantic,
57:14
like I'm attracted to you sexually, yes, but it was total
57:20
attraction in a different way of like energy and minds.
57:25
And I'm getting it like now, that feeling it doesn't need to
57:32
be romantic. It can be with your friends and
57:35
it can be in a Mormon in a business meeting or lighting up
57:39
talking about your kids and a parent.
57:41
Teachers are, um, don't know. Yeah, I don't even know why I'm
57:47
on this tangent. I love.
57:49
I'm like, yeah. Why can we not have more of
57:52
those moments that just like, make you feel alive?
57:55
It's a whole .100% all of this. The anticipation is something
58:01
that, again, isn't talked about enough.
58:03
I remember, you know, when you're a kid and like, it's hard
58:07
to, it's hard to fall asleep. Or I remember like lying there
58:10
and like, I really need to fall asleep and I would go into my
58:14
head. I'm sorry.
58:17
I would go into my head and I would think about a thing that
58:20
I'm really excited for. Yeah.
58:23
And I would and I would live in the anticipation of the thing.
58:26
I was excited for a birthday party, seeing my cousins
58:30
Christmas. Like if we ever got to go to
58:33
Disney World, like, Oh my God, that would that one would be
58:36
months, months of falling asleep thinking about this
58:38
anticipation. And it's so funny that you bring
58:41
up that word because when I was at Feast, no, when I was gearing
58:45
up to feast, I remember thinking and telling people, I am so
58:50
excited for this thing. I am genuinely so excited.
58:55
And I, and it was partly because of you, partly because of some
58:58
girlfriends I was bringing along, but there were so much
59:01
mystery in it. And it was.
59:04
A love. Mystery, mystery.
59:06
And there was this feeling behind it and the thought and
59:09
the care that was going into and the fact that I paid a good
59:12
amount of money. I'm going to be honest, that's
59:14
part of it. Is.
59:16
Paying 50 bucks for something you're excited?
59:19
If it's $50, it's in my calendar and I know it's coming, but it's
59:24
an event. And I don't mean it for one
59:28
moment that it's because I have lots of money because I don't.
59:32
But there is definitely something in the psychology of
59:35
parting with more money than feels comfortable far something
59:39
in the way that you show. Up 100%.
59:41
I'm about to host a dinner for some young girls at the
59:44
secondary school in a couple of weeks and saw amazingly, there's
59:48
a grant available for it, which I've taken.
59:51
And so it's basically just to fill my course that I'm doing
59:56
it, Um, and was still going to end up costing me.
1:00:01
And this isn't the solution isn't so that it doesn't cost
1:00:04
me, it's because I want to teach the young girls what it means to
1:00:08
invest in yourself. And I know that the ones who
1:00:12
really want to be at that dinner table will be the ones that show
1:00:14
up if there's a small amount of money attached to it.
1:00:17
So if they need to pay $30.00, that is going to weed out some
1:00:21
of the people who either aren't ready to go.
1:00:23
I actually aren't interested. And it makes the experience so
1:00:27
much more nourishing and, um, not plentiful like fulfilling.
1:00:35
Fulfilling. Yes, if you if you really want
1:00:38
to be there. 100% it's not just everybody don't Max out your
1:00:41
credit like that. That's not the conversation.
1:00:43
The conversation is that like intentionality?
1:00:46
Yeah. Like you're wearing the heels.
1:00:49
Going back to shoes, this whole episode on footwear, you're
1:00:52
wearing the heels and you know, they're going to be like a
1:00:55
little uncomfortable, but you're like, but it's worth it.
1:00:59
Like, yeah, that like credit card going down.
1:01:01
It's like a little bit uncomfortable, but it's worth
1:01:03
it. And it might mean that there's a
1:01:04
sacrifice. I'm saying yes to this, which
1:01:06
means I'm saying no to this other thing.
1:01:08
Yeah. And that's a good thing.
1:01:09
Some of my most incredible, I'm not kidding, coaching
1:01:13
transformations of mums who have come to work with me and they're
1:01:17
like, I need to make a change. I'm not the best version of
1:01:19
myself. I need to, I need to make a
1:01:21
change. Help me.
1:01:23
And I tell them the price and coaching is bloody expensive, as
1:01:27
your people would say. And I'm thinking of one client
1:01:31
in particular that I just wrapped up with.
1:01:33
And she had questions. She was like, this is a stretch.
1:01:36
This is a really big stretch. Can you help me understand this?
1:01:38
And she wasn't questioning. She was just like, help me
1:01:40
understand, like, what will we be doing here?
1:01:43
She needed more information. And it was like the most I've
1:01:46
probably ever been questioned or just had questions.
1:01:49
And her transformation is like, like, the journey she took
1:01:54
herself on because she paid that money that was slightly
1:01:57
uncomfortable is like, unbelievable.
1:02:00
Her commitment to the work that we did together, she showed up.
1:02:03
Yeah. She put in so much effort, not
1:02:06
hustling, but just, like, being there and being so present for
1:02:10
our calls. I was like.
1:02:12
It makes you go and take the action before the next call
1:02:14
because you think, well, how can I waste this 100% yeah, totally
1:02:18
agree with you. There's a woman that drives from
1:02:20
White Rock and she I said to her one day I need like I love to
1:02:24
understand where people have seen it, why they've come, what
1:02:27
they're looking for. Who?
1:02:28
Yeah. And she said, Do you know why I
1:02:31
drive from White Rock to every single dinner in Squamish?
1:02:34
Because of the price point. If it was $50.00, I wouldn't
1:02:37
come. It's not worth me driving.
1:02:39
How mad is that? It's not worth me driving for
1:02:43
our return, if not more actually if it was less money.
1:02:48
Unbelievable. Amazing.
1:02:49
Because then in there is value. Yeah.
1:02:51
Like, you can't have that conversation without talking
1:02:54
about, like, the value. She feels like that value is so
1:02:57
much bigger than that price point, or at least outweighs it.
1:03:01
And God, if you're going to have an interaction that sparks a new
1:03:03
business where you find clients, where you go home feeling a more
1:03:09
fulfilled version, wholesome version of yourself, Like, is
1:03:14
there even a cost to that? Because I'd pay a lot of money
1:03:17
to that. And it doesn't mean that you
1:03:19
have to have loads of money. Well I've been to things where
1:03:22
I've like called my mum from Australia and I'm like mum, I
1:03:25
know Christmas is 2 months away but can I have my Christmas
1:03:27
money early Grand? Can I have my Easter 50 lbs
1:03:32
early? Can I and I scrape it together
1:03:35
to go, um, it? I don't want it to sound like
1:03:39
it's because I have money. It is.
1:03:41
Not no, no, it's not coming off that way.
1:03:43
And it's wherever you hold your value, right?
1:03:45
Some people that told me it's too expensive, they're telling
1:03:48
me as they're on a bike trail and A10 grand bike, that's fine,
1:03:52
but it's just a different value. I ride a bike from Sport Check
1:03:56
and everyone laughs at me, but I get just as much enjoyment out
1:03:59
of it as your 10 grand bike. Yes, but it's just wherever your
1:04:02
values lie. I think when you put yourself in
1:04:05
rooms and at tables with the unknown crowd of humans who also
1:04:11
want to invest that deeply in themselves, it's exponential
1:04:16
where that can take you. Like you can't even measure the
1:04:20
ripple effect of it. Therefore, in my mind, that's
1:04:25
why Tony Robbins, everyone pays 10 grand to be in the room for
1:04:28
anything, right? Yeah.
1:04:31
Ah, I have so many more questions, but I don't want to
1:04:34
take up your entire day. I have OK I have one question
1:04:38
that I want to pull a card from this card deck.
1:04:41
So you came to a recent retreat or reset the date that I hosted
1:04:44
here in North Vancouver and we pulled the cards and it was
1:04:47
really fun so I want to do it again.
1:04:48
OK, but I had one question that I did write down.
1:04:51
Answer this sentence for me. People would be surprised to
1:04:55
learn that I. Used to horse ride.
1:04:59
I'm not that weird as a Canadian being like stereotyping.
1:05:04
Yeah, but you're British. OK, don't all British people
1:05:06
horse risk me again, OK. People would be surprised to
1:05:11
learn that I. I feel like I'm such an open
1:05:14
book. Are they surprised about
1:05:15
anything that I am really self-conscious about my
1:05:21
freckles? What freckles?
1:05:24
So why do you want to say no one will be surprised about
1:05:27
anything? Some sort often.
1:05:29
Well, can you know what I thought you were going to say?
1:05:31
Tell me. Wasn't a leading question, but
1:05:33
it actually that as I wrote it down, it was in the car and I
1:05:36
was writing it down and I was like, I wonder if she'll say,
1:05:38
oh, I know what she'll say. I thought you were going to say
1:05:41
learn that I am more thoughtful. Like I think things through more
1:05:46
than people might. Think.
1:05:47
Which I think is something about you that you always use the
1:05:50
tornado emoji, which is hysterical and you show real
1:05:53
life. But I remember you saying to me
1:05:55
a voice that one time Emily and I sent each other two hour long
1:05:59
voice notes and you said, I know it might seem like I haven't
1:06:04
thought this through or I'm just like doing this on a, but this
1:06:06
is very intentional. Someone on the way he asked me
1:06:09
over and not can you talk me through the vision and like
1:06:13
what's your strategy? And then she laughed and was
1:06:15
like I bet you haven't got 1. And I responded with, no, I
1:06:19
haven't, but this is probably what I'm going to do.
1:06:22
And her response was M, that is the most in depth strategy I've
1:06:28
heard. You give yourself no credit.
1:06:30
It's so strategic, but it's so authentic and it's so innately
1:06:37
in you the step by step process that you're following.
1:06:40
Your strategy, OK, this goes back to earlier too.
1:06:43
Your strategy is that you operate authentically like you
1:06:49
have a strategy. It's actually.
1:06:50
All really, really meticulously far out.
1:06:54
I think the difference is it's not researched and it's not
1:06:58
penned. It's not in a freaking
1:07:00
spreadsheet. That's what we're saying.
1:07:03
Your strategy is a different. You have a plan.
1:07:06
It just looks different from Kaylee.
1:07:08
Everything is the vehicle to something else.
1:07:11
That's how I see everything like this podcast and event, Um,
1:07:16
every single thing. And when people stopped me on
1:07:20
the street and say, what are you going to do when people get sick
1:07:22
of the dinners, In my mind, I'm like, oh, you don't know.
1:07:28
You don't know. This isn't about the dinners.
1:07:30
What are you going to do now? You've done feast.
1:07:32
Oh, feast. That was just another vehicle.
1:07:36
And now we have it in our toolkit and we know it.
1:07:40
But then the something else. And that's when I think you're
1:07:44
always in anticipation of the excitement of your own life,
1:07:46
too. When you live like that, there
1:07:48
isn't an end goal. Oh, I can't wait.
1:07:51
I can't wait. There's no end game.
1:07:53
I can't wait to see every iteration, every dinner, every
1:07:57
event, every stage you speak on. Like I can't freaking wait.
1:08:01
OK, pick one of these cards. Try not to hit the mics.
1:08:05
This one's calling to me from my reading it.
1:08:09
Yeah, read it out. A positive habit I've developed
1:08:14
over time is booking my exercise classes 30 days in advance.
1:08:20
I spoke about IT fees, but it has changed my life a little
1:08:24
bit. Somebody reframed my mindset in
1:08:29
January of this year saying, you know, isn't it so funny?
1:08:34
Like we go from these corporate jobs to start our own business
1:08:37
for all this freedom and all this flexibility, and then we
1:08:41
end up cheering to our computers for Tripoli hours for 1/10 of
1:08:45
the money for Lord, more anxiety.
1:08:49
Like that's actually the journey for a little bit and you make no
1:08:54
time for yourself. You have no freedom because what
1:08:57
you put in is what you get out. And to start with, there's no
1:08:59
one else buying into it other than you.
1:09:02
Sometimes not even. Sometimes.
1:09:04
Not. Even and I realized I was just
1:09:07
putting all these hours in and had no time for myself.
1:09:11
So she said you'd never cancel a meeting with me.
1:09:14
Go and book all of your things for yourself 30 days ahead.
1:09:18
So even if it's just I know that there's a one hour block for a
1:09:21
walk. It happens now.
1:09:24
I love that. Yeah.
1:09:25
Are you pulling? One.
1:09:26
OK, OK, here we go. Woof woof.
1:09:32
What has feeling imbalanced taught you about yourself?
1:09:36
I've got it that I can be balanced in imbalance.
1:09:42
I spoke on this recently. Oh my gosh, where was it?
1:09:44
When was it? Absolutely no idea.
1:09:46
It's like every time I listen to a podcast, I'm like, I'm
1:09:48
listening to this podcast. No idea who it was, no idea who
1:09:51
said. It me too.
1:09:53
But I was having one of those moments where you're creating
1:09:55
these like life metaphors. And I was thinking back to my
1:09:57
yoga teacher training just like kind of an eye roll, like, oh,
1:10:00
here comes a yoga metaphor. But truly, I was like, people
1:10:04
get so upset. Like people get upset about the
1:10:07
shoes for feast. People get so upset about the
1:10:09
word balance. I have no problem using the word
1:10:12
balance because to me, balance. Like I can be in a standing tree
1:10:15
pose with my hands in the air waving around, moving a tree and
1:10:21
I'm still standing. It's not symmetrical.
1:10:25
I think everyone thinks that balance is symmetry.
1:10:27
It's not. It's balance is you're still
1:10:31
standing. Because I think we imagine the
1:10:33
silver scale where it's just landing symmetrically silver.
1:10:38
Scale on Instagram? Yeah, it's not.
1:10:41
Yeah, I really like that. I'm someone who rebels against
1:10:45
the word balance a little bit because I think that it sells
1:10:48
sometimes a story of how you can have this work life balance.
1:10:52
And I think it may be comes in sprints like fits and starts a
1:10:56
little bit more. And I think if you have the
1:10:58
balance in my mind rather than every day over the year.
1:11:03
Exactly. Like there was no balance in
1:11:06
bringing feasts to life. Like my husband, no, God love
1:11:09
him, carried the house, um, did the pickups while I was at
1:11:13
events every single day. And then we swap and then he's
1:11:17
got a huge project and it's like little periods of time.
1:11:22
I think. I imagine balance to be like
1:11:25
every day, all the time in living in harmony, you know?
1:11:29
That would be symmetry. Yeah, it would be.
1:11:31
You're right. And it's, I know, but it's just,
1:11:33
it's words, right? And that's why I think you
1:11:36
always talk about getting in person with people and like
1:11:38
sharing conversations with other humans, not thinking your way
1:11:41
through the world because then you can share.
1:11:45
Hey, I use the word balance, but this is what I mean by it.
1:11:48
Yes, I'm picturing this crazy yoga pose while you're still
1:11:52
standing. Thanks for coming on again.
1:11:55
Thanks for having. Me.
1:11:56
What are you still trying to figure out?
1:11:58
What you trying to figure out this time a couple months later?
1:12:00
This time, really honest answer. I'm trying to find a way to
1:12:06
monetize long table dinners for the long haul.
1:12:09
That's what I'm trying to do. We get a, we got a million views
1:12:14
on Feast, which is bonkers and just shows you if you're
1:12:18
listening and you have the tiniest looking brand.
1:12:21
Never ever say to someone as I have been doing, we've only got
1:12:25
this many followers, but keep doing that.
1:12:29
I kept doing that and when I look at the reach 1,000,000
1:12:34
views on Feast is mental and we've only got 3000 followers.
1:12:40
So there's so many opportunities for brands to be aligning with
1:12:45
Diane Wilder. And because I've done it back to
1:12:48
front and and like thrown myself into creating a brand before we
1:12:53
monetize it, now we can be really intentional with who we
1:12:57
align with because look at the audience we've got.
1:13:00
So that's my whole focus for 2026 to prove everyone wrong.
1:13:03
That tells me it's not possible for this to have longevity.
1:13:08
It is and watch. Watch what we've done already.
1:13:12
Watch what you did in in four weeks.
1:13:14
You're amazing.