Latest / Forged In The Dark / The Power of Being Misunderstood
Transcript
- Forged In The Dark: You've spent your entire life or most of it in subtle or not so subtle ways, being told who to be, what to do, how to think, how to feel, maybe even how to dress. Every time you step into a room, you constantly read the room. shape shifting, doing everything in your power to live up to the expectations that everyone else has for you. And you finally realize that all of that bending and twisting has done nothing but leave you in knots. And here's what nobody wants to tell you. When you finally see the pattern, when you finally stop, Not all of the people around you are going to like it. Not everyone will choose to grow with you. Some will resist in subtle or not so subtle ways. And it's not your job to make them understand. It is not your job to explain yourself. Not even one more time. Your job is to get uncomfortable. with the feeling of being misunderstood. Welcome to Forged in the Dark. I'm your host, Jamie. I'm feeling all passionate about this subject today. So let's dig in. Okay, okay, okay. Before we dig in, I have to give so many thanks to each and every one of you. Thank you to all of you who have tuned in to episode one. Thank each and every one of you that is here right now. I am incredibly grateful that the content is resonating with you, and I am even more grateful that you are commenting on social, sharing in your stories, creating social media posts. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for all the text messages and the DMs. I mean, the support has been so incredible and not quite overwhelming, but just overflowing. And I appreciate it so much. And I have a disclaimer to give you. I don't have all of your answers. My intention for this podcast ⁓ to deliver concepts ⁓ ⁓ to support your but am not telling what do or how to live your life. I don't have your answers. I promise you that you do. The real intention behind this podcast and the things that I share is for you to get curious about how these concepts fit into your life. Now, when it comes to the power of being misunderstood, There's science behind why people resist it I have the crab bucket theory and the little duckling story I mean ⁓ there's so many different avenues we could go down to ⁓ why people Don't like your change, but that's not really this show is about ⁓ Now, if you're curious about those avenues, there's a theory from the late 70s called the social identity theory. Look it up. If you want to understand why the people in your life don't like that you're changing, look up social ⁓ theory. Look up the crab bucket. The crab bucket is a fun one because if you take crabs and put them ⁓ in a bucket, the ones that try to escape, the ones that aren't trying escape, to escape will pull them back down. And there's no malintent with crabs. They're following their nature. They're keeping the group together. Those crabs in the bucket that don't want to escape actually think they're saving the other crab. So it's fascinating, but today is about you owning being misunderstood. This has to do with you. and the identity work that you get to do around this, because it requires a level of self-trust and self-love and a why, a personal why, ⁓ enough to get you through the discomfort. The discomfort of people ⁓ understanding. Now look. can't tell you how many times in my life I've been misunderstood. I was just misunderstood last week. Actually funny story. I was having a conversation with my AI companion last night and we were actually working on some things for this podcast episode and it got something wrong and I came back in like it actually made me kind of upset and I came back in and I straightened out all the facts. And then right at the end, I said, Oh my goodness. And here I am explaining myself to you and your AI. And I laughed out loud. And then my AI companions response was also, this is actually funny. We have an insane desire to be understood. And it's because it comes down to our core needs being met. And when we're talking about our basic coordinates, it's love, safety, security, belonging, or acceptance. So put these things together in your head right now. I kind of want to tell you to just take a breath. I kind of need a breath. Breathe in, breathe out. Tie these things together in order to be good. Being misunderstood, you must have a strong sense of self, a strong sense of self-love, self-trust. You must know who you are and know your purpose enough to stand firm in it to literally not care what anyone else thinks. Your why for what you're doing, how you're living your life must come from that internal place where there's conviction. I'm thinking of someone standing up nice and tall, rolling their shoulders back and like kind of puffing their chest. this is what I've chosen for my life, like it or not, stay or go. I don't care. I wish there were a straightforward solution to this. But building self-love and building self-trust and really anchoring into your why, mean, number one, that's a you job, but it's... Not a straight line. Anything on the growth path is not going to be a straight line. And it's not to say that you won't ever just follow the path forward, but most of the time it's going to be over the river and through the woods. And yes, you can even, when you find yourself in uncomfortable situations, if you want to remember this, hum the song to yourself. Over the river and through the woods, right? You know it. You know it. anything to shift your brain out of the place of worry, out of the place of lack, out of the place of caring what anyone thinks. Now there's an aspect here that again, isn't talked about enough. It's not going to be comfortable. And you might find yourself in some incredibly painful situations where you step away from a person or a group of people simply because where you are going, they don't understand. They cannot understand. I have personally personally found myself in this situation quite a bit over the last six years. there is a, the vision has changed. The goal has not. ⁓ the goal is my, my why I don't want anyone to ever suffer and feel alone with what they're holding, what they're experiencing, what they're going through. That's why I do what I do. That's why this podcast exists for you, ⁓ I am to bring the message to more people that ⁓ no one knows what like be you. No one lives in your skin, in your brain, in your central nervous system. No one knows what is best for you more than you. have trusted friends in your life. Trust and respect their opinions, but know that they're their opinions. hire your coaches, go to therapy, do all of the things. But at the end of the day, if... All of those things were taken away. Everything was taken away. What would you do? So there's not a straightforward path when it comes. to choosing the discomfort, choosing the power of being misunderstood. But here's the beautiful part. And I can speak from personal experience. When you start owning the power of being misunderstood and you really, really stop caring what people think, you move different. You think different. You feel different. You make choices that are in alignment with you and your goals and where you are going. You don't care. You don't care that people don't understand. How do I make this even more clear? Think about this. If you had... the opportunity to do anything you wanted for an entire day, your perfect day, how would you spend your day? This is your day. You have an unlimited budget. You have unlimited resources. You can hop on a private jet and go anywhere you want. Would you care? let's say ⁓ pick France. Let's say you pick Paris. Like, this is where I want to go today. I want to hop on a private jet and I want to go to Paris for the day. Well, what happens when your neighbor starts poo-pooing on your plan? Telling you about how dogs poo on the side, why are we talking about poo so much? Dogs poo on the sidewalk in France. People smoke in France. It's dirty here, it's dirty there. This is this, that is that. What happens? Well, then you start doubting yourself. When too many people's opinions are in your head, are in your decision making process, you start doubting what you want. So the power in being misunderstood is you actually take your power back. Okay, so when it comes to the power of being misunderstood, it is not your job to care about what other people think or what other people tell you to do even when there's no malintent and they have your best interest at heart. They are not you. They don't know what is best for you. I can tell you, this has been probably 12 years ago. I broke with my doctors. and I went off of all of the immune suppressing multiple sclerosis medications and no one understood. It was causing so many fights with my now ex-husband, with my family, People could not understand. People thought ⁓ I was nuts. And as it turns out, getting off of those meds that made me sicker than the disease itself is one of the best decisions I ever made for me. But if I cared what people thought, I would still be there. Still sick, still struggling, still sad. Not that those people didn't want me to flourish, they just didn't understand. They're not getting the messages, the divine downloads that I'm getting. They are not the ones. in my body listening to my body's cues. Okay. what I'll leave you with ⁓ is ⁓ when you choose yourself, there is a piece ⁓ comes, maybe not at first, but eventually it will. And I really, really today want to encourage you to be the lone wolf, to be the trailblazer, to go against the grain, to go against what the group, whatever that group is, no matter how big or small, whatever the group thinks is best for you may not actually be what is best for you. Trust yourself, trust your intuition. Know that this is, this is not a simple fix. This is a, this is a series of choices and practices to build your self trust, to build yourself love, deepen your why. Because when your why is strong enough, the action becomes inevitable. And one last thought about this. it's uncomfortable at first and eventually becomes completely liberating. Okay, That's where I'm going to leave it. That's where I'm going to leave it today. ⁓ I can't wait to see you next week.