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102 | Speaking of My Burdens... · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Eric: Eric, let me ask you a question.
• 0:01
  Eric: Ask away my friend.
• 0:03
  Eric: You're going to a restaurant and with you are a group of friends, Nice.
• 0:10
  Matt: Love this already.
• 0:11
  Eric: You're already going.
• 0:13
  Matt: Okay.
• 0:14
  Eric: And you're sitting down.
• 0:15
  Eric: Let's say there's 10 people.
• 0:18
  Matt: Okay 10 people in the restaurant.
• 0:20
  Eric: No, no, no, like 10 in your group of you know, 10 in my group.
• 0:23
  Matt: Okay, let's say six okay let's say six, are we sharing an uber?
• 0:29
  Eric: whatever the fuck is gonna make this prompt continue.
• 0:32
  Eric: Got okay, a group of friends okay.
• 0:35
  Eric: So a lift.
• 0:35
  Eric: Got it okay, more more than a four or some okay yeah yeah, a more than a decided group, a grouping.
• 0:43
  Eric: Yes, yeah, yeah, you've ended up at this restaurant.
• 0:47
  Mike: Okay.
• 0:47
  Eric: You're looking at the menu and somebody and this is almost guaranteed with a group With a group, Somebody says, hey, what if we just got a bunch of food and shared?
• 1:02
  Eric: I hate it.
• 1:03
  Matt: What is your response?
• 1:04
  Matt: Nightmare Hate it Fucking, hate it fucking eric I knew you was a real one to I, I am a real one, I keep that.
• 1:14
  Eric: I hate that so much I'm pretty good at at filtering myself in public, uh, in social situations, specifically, specifically, my face.
• 1:24
  Eric: But if somebody starts that, friend, we had plans to go to this restaurant.
• 1:30
  Eric: I've obviously looked up the fucking menu already.
• 1:33
  Eric: I know what I want.
• 1:36
  Matt: I had my entire life decided.
• 1:40
  Eric: Why would I get 10 things that I don't want and share them, and share also the?
• 1:48
  Matt: one thing I do Ultimately, I feel getting less food throughout the market.
• 1:53
  Matt: Because I don't know about you, Matthew.
• 1:55
  Matt: When I order something, I am ordering proportional to my hunger.
• 2:01
  Matt: I was like this will satiate me.
• 2:04
  Matt: This is one unit of eric food.
• 2:06
  Matt: Here it goes.
• 2:07
  Matt: I'm numb, I'm full.
• 2:09
  Matt: Now you have thrown off my fucking calculus lindsey and I don't even share food.
• 2:15
  Eric: Okay, what we'll do.
• 2:16
  Eric: What we'll do is the like I'll get this, you get this.
• 2:20
  Eric: Oh, try, you, try this.
• 2:22
  Eric: Here's your sampling, here's my sampling, and we move on and meanwhile I feed alissa, like a little bird I was asked.
• 2:30
  Eric: I was gonna ask do you and alissa like put a pin in the group?
• 2:36
  Eric: How do you and alissa behave in a restaurant just in terms of ordering food?
• 2:40
  Eric: I don't care about your heavy petting oh, in terms of food.
• 2:42
  Matt: So if we're at a group, it really between the two of us.
• 2:47
  Matt: I am a never-ending bastion of hunger and alissa's hunger comes and goes and flits about like a little butterfly on the wind.
• 2:55
  Matt: Makes no sense.
• 2:56
  Matt: So there there are times when she's like, hey, I'm not really hungry.
• 3:00
  Matt: Do you want to get this one really big thing and just split it?
• 3:02
  Matt: And and I'm totally fine with that, because I'm like there are days where Alyssa's like I'm numb, numb, numb, all done.
• 3:10
  Matt: I'm just like there's still so much I am constantly eating Alyssa's pizza bones.
• 3:15
  Matt: I am, I, sorry.
• 3:18
  Eric: Sorry, Ooh, ooh ooh, beep, beep, beep, Back it up.
• 3:21
  Eric: What are pizza bones?
• 3:26
  Matt: No, the bones.
• 3:26
  Matt: You know when the crust wins the bones.
• 3:27
  Eric: Yeah, okay, that's fine.
• 3:28
  Eric: I also don't eat crusts, but lindsey does, so I always see that I just hand my crusts over.
• 3:33
  Matt: I fucking love crusts I just always hand them over or get rid of these useless things we'll, we'll split, we'll split fries all the time.
• 3:42
  Matt: Well, sure, yeah, fries don't count.
• 3:44
  Mike: Yeah, fries don't count.
• 3:45
  Matt: Because those will just come in all cute, Do these little, cute little nibbles on the food and I'm like are you?
• 3:51
  Matt: You're good Like you, she's like man.
• 3:57
  Eric: Okay, and then if you get dessert, what happens?
• 4:00
  Matt: So we will.
• 4:01
  Matt: Usually, when it comes to dessert situations, we will also do this throughout every step in the process, like we'll both order something different and then give each other half of it.
• 4:11
  Eric: Sure, and that's appropriate, I feel.
• 4:12
  Eric: Yes, I mean, lindsay would never do half of like another dessert, like she wouldn't be able to handle that after a meal.
• 4:30
  Eric: but she also is very guilty of um, and we've talked about my I, we've talked about how the, the bar family as a whole doesn't order dessert and that's something I fundamentally don't agree with fucks me um no, I've stopped giving a shit for the most part, like, yeah, when we're out with her parents, I will, almost out of spite, be like when her dad's like are we good for dessert?
• 4:45
  Eric: Yeah, I think we're good.
• 4:46
  Mike: I'll be like let's take a look at the menu.
• 4:51
  Eric: I'll go ahead and peruse cause.
• 4:53
  Matt: I am still.
• 4:54
  Eric: I'm still an upright citizen of America.
• 4:59
  Matt: Is that a?
• 5:00
  Eric: key lime pie my goodness, is that a creme?
• 5:04
  Matt: brulee, you got on that dessert call.
• 5:05
  Matt: If there's a key lime pie on that, is that a creme brulee?
• 5:06
  Matt: You got on that dessert call.
• 5:06
  Matt: If there's a key lime pie on that dessert menu, it's all fucking over, I do love a key lime pie and I do love creme brulee.
• 5:12
  Eric: I love desserts in most shapes and sizes they're fucking rules.
• 5:15
  Eric: But lindsey is very guilty of being like oh, I'll just have some of yours.
• 5:19
  Eric: And that is when I'll be like let's just stop.
• 5:21
  Eric: Stop right there.
• 5:22
  Eric: Am I choosing two desserts or not?
• 5:25
  Eric: Because there's a 50-50 chance.
• 5:29
  Eric: When she was like oh, I'm too full for dessert, I'll just have some of yours.
• 5:32
  Eric: How much?
• 5:34
  Mike: Yeah, how much is that?
• 5:36
  Mike: How much is some here?
• 5:36
  Eric: Because if I'm getting a slice of key lime pie and you eat half of it, guess what?
• 5:41
  Eric: I need two key lime pies.
• 5:48
  Matt: Because I can house this pie, I can, I, I can shelve this fucking pie my body is expecting one perfectly full triangle of key lime pie I'm gonna dumpster this key lime pie fucking.
• 5:58
  Matt: This is key lime pie and I'm a locksmith.
• 6:00
  Matt: Let's fucking go.
• 6:01
  Matt: But like unlocked.
• 6:04
  Matt: Elisa is very good at particular alissa can take a look at something and like, preternaturally, go like, oh, you're gonna want your own, aren't you?
• 6:11
  Matt: I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I am.
• 6:14
  Matt: She was like that as well and I'm always like I will if we're in a situation where she's like I don't want dessert, but like can I just have some girls like, I will buy you any dessert on earth if it means that I get all of mine in, depending on how ravenous and on yielding my hunger is.
• 6:33
  Eric: As far as I'm concerned, desserts have no price.
• 6:35
  Eric: Like yeah, at that point in the meal, we're in, Fuck it, we're in.
• 6:40
  Eric: I've already gotten three thirteen dollar cocktails.
• 6:43
  Eric: Like fuck it.
• 6:44
  Eric: What's another twelve dollar piece of cake?
• 6:46
  Matt: it.
• 6:46
  Matt: It's, it's like yeah, this is this.
• 6:53
  Matt: It's like the sunk cost fallacy, except you get cake at the end, except you get cake at the end.
• 6:58
  Eric: Now, enough, enough about, enough about dessert.
• 7:01
  Eric: Let's get back to this group.
• 7:03
  Matt: Oh shit, right, we're hypothetical.
• 7:08
  Eric: I told you I had this pinned for an oops, all tangents but, we could adapt it for a cold open, and here we are.
• 7:15
  Matt: Remember, folks, only the first tangent's free.
• 7:17
  Matt: Actually, it wasn't.
• 7:21
  Eric: So, okay, I'm just glad that we are aligned, that the people are like what if we all split our spawns of Satan himself?
• 7:28
  Eric: Yeah, because, like you're putting, because as soon as you say that if you, dear listener, are one of these people or have been one of these people, just know you are putting someone, even if they enthusiastically, are like oh yeah, that's a good idea.
• 7:45
  Eric: You have put at least one person in every group in a terrible position who have to be like sure, I didn't have exactly the meal I wanted picked out already.
• 7:59
  Matt: I didn't have my destiny writ cross the stars for this meal.
• 8:04
  Eric: No, not me I'm fine with inevitably splitting this equally, even though I didn't equally eat all the food.
• 8:14
  Matt: I will say exceptions to this are if I'm going to a restaurant where it is a known factor that, like shared plates, is how it's served.
• 8:23
  Mike: Like indian food fucking like fucking like lots of different.
• 8:27
  Matt: Like, uh, fucking ethiopian food is fucking incredible, but it's like all like it's shared stuff, so like, and that's fine that, because I knew that going in yes, like single carrot.
• 8:40
  Eric: Single carrot had a long stint.
• 8:42
  Eric: My theater company that is rip'd had a long.
• 8:44
  Eric: My theater company that is RIP'd had a longstanding tradition of after we close a show, after we do Strike, specifically after Strike Night, we go to this Indian place in Baltimore and we would get way too much food that we didn't need.
• 9:00
  Eric: Even if it was like 10 people, we'd order like 18 dishes it's so much fun.
• 9:04
  Eric: And like we'd order like it's great, it's so much fun, and like we'd split the food.
• 9:06
  Eric: And if you know that going in it's, that's fine, but when you it's a bonding and communal experience.
• 9:13
  Eric: I'm talking specifically about when somebody is like hey, I got an idea.
• 9:18
  Matt: No, you don't yeah, this is the person who, like, we'll all do secret santa and then we'll show up to secret santa and they're the one who's like well, why don't we just make into a white elephant at the last second?
• 9:27
  Eric: because that's not what we did.
• 9:29
  Eric: We've all seen that episode of the office.
• 9:30
  Eric: That's not how this works, thought into this.
• 9:33
  Matt: I have commit, my course has been laid.
• 9:36
  Matt: I I took this so firmly out of my brain I didn't have to think about it anymore because I was like, yep, I know where we're going, I know what I'm going to be eating.
• 9:47
  Eric: I know what this person is interested in.
• 9:48
  Eric: I think they'll appreciate this or think this is funny or whatever angle you went with for Secret Santa and then.
• 9:55
  Eric: And then I've never been in a work meeting where somebody has suggested it, probably because I've lived in a post-White Elephant episode office era where people went oh, no one should ever do that.
• 10:10
  Matt: Yeah, we've talked about this on the show before I've experienced.
• 10:13
  Matt: We've also talked about it on the neat cast.
• 10:15
  Matt: Yes, we have.
• 10:16
  Eric: We're going coast to coast with this message we can't bring white, else, yes, fuck white elephants, except the animal and and and and fuck, spontaneously, deciding that everyone's going to split their food at the last second.
• 10:29
  Matt: When you go to a restaurant with a group of friends in a lift, god damn, you want to start the show.
• 10:35
  Eric: Yeah, all right, let's do it.
• 10:53
  Eric: Well, hello everybody and welcome to you.
• 10:56
  Eric: Didn't ask for this, the podcast that answers life's least pressing questions.
• 11:01
  Eric: My name is matthew shea.
• 11:02
  Eric: My name is Eric Poach.
• 11:03
  Eric: Eric Poach, tell me how you are.
• 11:06
  Eric: I am well rested well hydrated.
• 11:10
  Matt: I had a little snack earlier and I'm talking to one of my bestest friends.
• 11:14
  Matt: I'm doing great.
• 11:16
  Eric: Oh my god, you had a snack and you are a snack.
• 11:18
  Eric: Oh, my god, oh my god, why are you so obsessed?
• 11:22
  Mike: with me.
• 11:24
  Eric: So that was a little bit of a lengthy cold open.
• 11:27
  Matt: Cold open had some meat on it.
• 11:28
  Matt: Nothing wrong with that.
• 11:29
  Eric: Not at all.
• 11:30
  Eric: But do you want to get right into questions and shit?
• 11:33
  Matt: Yes, my dude.
• 11:34
  Eric: Okay, so we actually do have three planned, because we do have a voicemail from the thought line that's been sitting here for a little bit.
• 11:44
  Eric: Should we start with that before we get to some other questions?
• 11:48
  Eric: And then I believe we're going to end today with the first Eric edition of Pop Quiz.
• 11:54
  Matt: Yeah, it's going to be a great time.
• 11:56
  Eric: I'm looking forward to that.
• 11:57
  Eric: Anyway, let's see what's on the thought line.
• 11:59
  Eric: Hey, it's Mike Perry.
• 12:02
  Mike: Jr, a longtime listener, one-time guest and often quoted on your show.
• 12:09
  Mike: I got a bone to pick with you both right now.
• 12:12
  Mike: Sure, femur or tibia Damn, I love you both.
• 12:18
  Mike: Call me if you need like a rocking theme song.
• 12:21
  Mike: I know your theme song is good, but you know, call me if you need a rocking one.
• 12:24
  Mike: Just you know I have I have ideas.
• 12:28
  Eric: Okay, love you, hemer, to be a mike, listen, let's, let's all come clean with the audience here for a second here.
• 12:45
  Eric: Yeah, this is not the first time mike perry has brought up a theme song produced by him for this show and I do.
• 12:48
  Matt: I love the master stroke of including that in the thought line.
• 12:53
  Matt: Knowing that we would be, we're honor bound to include this now recently real game of thrones move mike perry jr.
• 13:02
  Eric: A real Game of Thrones move Littlefinger.
• 13:04
  Eric: So listen, here's the situation.
• 13:09
  Eric: What's wrong with our theme song?
• 13:11
  Matt: Yeah, what's wrong with our theme song?
• 13:13
  Eric: I mean just because Poach picked it out of like a royalty-free music site on the first day that we recorded this podcast and we haven't changed it in four years.
• 13:20
  Eric: Yeah, what's wrong with it?
• 13:23
  Eric: What's wrong with it?
• 13:26
  Matt: I don't think anything.
• 13:26
  Matt: Do you think anything's wrong with it, eric?
• 13:27
  Eric: I'll tell you what ain't wrong with it paying royalties paying royalties, paying some, paying some punk question submitter to write us a quote-unquote rocking theme song you dare suggest we.
• 13:43
  Eric: We support artists, boy, how dare you?
• 13:50
  Matt: we'll consider it yeah, well, yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry, that was, that was mr potter talking.
• 13:54
  Matt: You know he comes out every now and then.
• 13:57
  Matt: Every now and then he just erupts out of my face shaking a cane and, you know, not long ago, damning the proletariat what?
• 14:05
  Eric: not long ago, I watched rear wind speaking of jimmy stewart.
• 14:08
  Eric: I watched rear window for the first time.
• 14:11
  Eric: What excellent, excellent impression that you dropped immediately yeah, yeah.
• 14:20
  Matt: Well, there's only one part of it that matters.
• 14:24
  Eric: That's why, jimmy stewart's my favorite impression you don't have to say words I have to say this I'm a big fan of hitchcock, of course, but it's just fine, it's fine, it's just fine, it's just fine hey it's allowed to be, it's okay I know that in the 90s there was after, sadly, he was paralyzed.
• 14:46
  Eric: Uh, they made a different version of rear window starring christopher reeve, and I would like to see that I would like to check that out, because it was one of his last like true acting roles after he was paralyzed and I think that's pretty cool that he was paralyzed, eric, wow no, mike perry jr wants to write us a theme song and you're over here thinking it's cool that christopher reeves got very badly hurt on a horse no dog, that's not what I said.
• 15:18
  Eric: I think it's cool that hollywood produced a remake of Rear Window, which was fine, so Christopher Reeve could play a role that he actually could play.
• 15:32
  Matt: Okay, you fucking asshole.
• 15:34
  Matt: Careful, matt Shea, you're on thick ice, oh yeah.
• 15:38
  Eric: I'm on thick ice.
• 15:38
  Eric: I'm on thick ice.
• 15:40
  Eric: Eric, let me introduce you to a horse.
• 15:45
  Matt: I was weirdly threatening to paralyze you, I don't know why it was such a weird out of left hand thing that I completely forgot that we were just talking about a man having a horse accident.
• 15:59
  Matt: So like I didn't even I tried to weasel it in.
• 16:05
  Mike: Is this a new character.
• 16:10
  Eric: And even I didn't understand how it would work, because I would be, I paid off the horse to throw you.
• 16:15
  Eric: I guess at a very specific angle.
• 16:17
  Eric: I gave him a metric fuckton of sugar cubes and said like listen, I'll keep these coming.
• 16:27
  Matt: Oh my god, throw him, but make it non-lethal have you rode a horse?
• 16:31
  Matt: Yeah, I love riding horses, have you really?
• 16:34
  Matt: Yeah, I went back when I worked for the renaissance fair.
• 16:37
  Matt: I learned how to ride uh, the jostling sure, yeah sure, that makes sense it was a lot of fun they're, they're wonderful, beautiful they are.
• 16:44
  Eric: I haven't ridden a horse in many a year, but I have terrified animals.
• 16:48
  Matt: Yeah, they are fun scared at all times um femur or tibia right right, of course, that's what.
• 16:55
  Eric: That's why we're actually here.
• 16:56
  Matt: Femur or tibia, hold on which one's the tibia you're about to.
• 17:01
  Matt: You're about I knowur.
• 17:02
  Matt: One's on top, one's on the body.
• 17:05
  Matt: I think the tibia is where the thigh is.
• 17:10
  Matt: The femur is where your shins is.
• 17:13
  Matt: Well, the femur is the biggest bone in the body.
• 17:15
  Matt: Right Tibia is where your shins live.
• 17:17
  Matt: Femur is where your, that's your thigh bone.
• 17:23
  Eric: Oh, I see so it's the thin part of the of the big leg there the thin part of the big leg, there being the medical nomenclature yes so the thin?
• 17:33
  Eric: Well, because it splits right, it's got like two little bones, but the big bone is actually the tibia and the femur is the thin I thought the femur was the biggest bone in the body, oh, okay, so, yeah.
• 17:44
  Matt: So, of your shin, your shin bones, the thinner one is the fibula, the bigger one is the tibia, and then the your thigh bone.
• 17:54
  Matt: On the next rung up on the leg is your femur.
• 17:57
  Eric: Yeah, okay, I was right.
• 17:58
  Eric: In humans, the femur is the largest and thickest bone in the body.
• 18:01
  Eric: It's a strong boy.
• 18:03
  Eric: It can be used as a weapon.
• 18:07
  Eric: If separated from the body, it's in.
• 18:08
  Eric: Yeah, I say femur you say femur.
• 18:11
  Matt: Hold on, let me just reopen this tab, because I already forgot which one it is.
• 18:15
  Matt: You say femur.
• 18:16
  Eric: I think I'm a femur.
• 18:17
  Eric: I'll open the tibia bone page yeah oh, I see.
• 18:23
  Eric: So femurs top, top of the leg yeah tibia's bottom.
• 18:28
  Eric: They're both the big bones, yeah, but the femur is obviously the bigger one.
• 18:34
  Matt: Um, I think femur, yeah, tibia has been good to me, has it?
• 18:41
  Matt: No, it has, because I used to.
• 18:42
  Matt: I'll refresh your memory.
• 18:44
  Matt: I used to drive a karate van.
• 18:49
  Eric: I remember.
• 18:50
  Matt: I don't need refreshing To the karate school Mm-hmm To the karate daycare, where I taught karate at a daycare.
• 18:57
  Matt: Yeah, I mean you need both of them.
• 19:00
  Mike: Like there's no, you don't have an option.
• 19:03
  Matt: Like I can't, just oops, all you know tibia but I will say, in terms of dealing damage to an opponent, the tibia is going to come into play a lot more.
• 19:16
  Matt: No, femur.
• 19:18
  Matt: No, I mean in terms of, like, the part of your body that's going to be coming in contact with someone when you kick.
• 19:24
  Eric: Oh, I see, In that respect you're correct.
• 19:27
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 19:27
  Matt: No, the femur is where the power comes from.
• 19:29
  Matt: That's where, yeah, that's.
• 19:31
  Eric: If we're in a bone fight and I've got a femur and you've got a tibia, you have a.
• 19:37
  Matt: in that case you have a broadsword and I have like a rapier, exactly.
• 19:41
  Eric: That's exactly the point I was going to make.
• 19:43
  Eric: Yeah, so you need the supplemental bone that comes with the tibia so you can go, because that's going to be your dagger, right.
• 19:54
  Matt: It's going to be your dagger right.
• 19:55
  Eric: It's going to be the yes, whereas I'm just hacking away at you with my big, thick boy bone yeah, the question is femur or tibia, not femur.
• 20:03
  Matt: Femur versus tibia, no it's not, I'm not, I'm not saying that, oh no, no, I'm just I'm I'm making sure we're answering mike's question appropriately and addressing all the points he brought up with equal measure his only point was femur or tibia.
• 20:17
  Eric: That was his only.
• 20:18
  Matt: Yeah, his only point was femur or tibia.
• 20:20
  Matt: You know what?
• 20:21
  Matt: I'll say this in a.
• 20:23
  Matt: In a survival situation like when we need to start making, to use the parlance water choices, when we have to answer some big questions, probably good eating on that femur.
• 20:40
  Mike: That's what I'm saying.
• 20:41
  Mike: That's going to be dark meat.
• 20:43
  Eric: Your choice meat.
• 20:44
  Matt: It's going to be some pretty tender.
• 20:48
  Matt: It's going to have good marbling on that femur.
• 20:54
  Eric: Let's put ourselves in the dahmer party situation not to be confused with the donner party.
• 21:00
  Matt: We are talking about the dahmer party, who lured many other mormons away from the oregon trail back to their apartment let's talk for a second about the donner party.
• 21:10
  Mike: Yeah, the donner party, the donner dinner the donner party.
• 21:14
  Matt: Okay, which if you haven't, I can't possibly recommend the book the indifferent stars above enough you have recommended that book to me so many times because I learned much of what I know about the donner party from you having read this book it is a fantastic book.
• 21:33
  Eric: I recommend everybody read it and it will forever change your opinion about the donner party, which have been unfairly characterized.
• 21:43
  Matt: I think is like crazy cannibals in like american folklore they were perfectly sane cannibals yes, yeah yeah, no, I mean that's that 100% accurate they had to make choices TM.
• 21:56
  Eric: They were in the most desperate of situations.
• 22:01
  Matt: Bro.
• 22:01
  Matt: I've seen Deep Blue Sea.
• 22:03
  Matt: I've heard Samuel L Jackson's monologue.
• 22:05
  Matt: I know that when push comes to shove, sometimes you got to eat somebody.
• 22:12
  Eric: And if push comes to shove and we are in a donner party situation and you and I are there with the carcass of our one of our fallen comrades, I think we can agree that when we're divvying things up when it comes to the leg, we're divvying chris up.
• 22:31
  Eric: Yeah, we're gonna be.
• 22:33
  Eric: I think you know, when you talk about the femur, you're talking about the hips, you're talking about the butt, you're talking about all these things.
• 22:41
  Eric: Good me, what I'm saying is it's like saying wing versus leg.
• 22:49
  Matt: Wing versus thigh Wing.
• 22:52
  Eric: Actually, I agree with you Wing versus thigh, it's like, and if it's you and me, I think we're both going like.
• 22:57
  Eric: Well, I already had a wing, so I need, I need, I need the thigh, look.
• 23:04
  Matt: Okay, look I.
• 23:05
  Matt: By taking the wing, I have fulfilled my part of the social contract.
• 23:09
  Matt: I took a little less so I could take more later connor, god rest soul, would want me to have the femur.
• 23:17
  Matt: Oh yeah, Craig would absolutely want us to have this femur.
• 23:22
  Matt: It's good eating.
• 23:23
  Eric: His shin meat.
• 23:24
  Eric: Why did we change the dead comrade?
• 23:26
  Eric: What, who, who?
• 23:29
  Eric: I said Connor, you said Craig.
• 23:31
  Matt: Oh sorry.
• 23:32
  Eric: Who's Craig and when did he die?
• 23:34
  Eric: We're talking about good old campbell we were supposed to answer this question in like a minute, yeah, and we didn't, but now I think we where we've landed, is that fucking uh, you know uh I think, if you look at the transcript, we've said femur far more than we've said tibia we if that ain't it like what is?
• 23:56
  Matt: So, basically folks, if you're in a survival situation, prioritize eating the femur.
• 24:00
  Matt: It will provide the most protein to fat.
• 24:03
  Matt: Your body needs fat radio ratio for you to survive.
• 24:07
  Matt: I base this on watching a lot of alone.
• 24:10
  Matt: You watch alone.
• 24:11
  Matt: Fucking love alone, yeah, Do you watch a lot?
• 24:13
  Matt: No, I feel like Fucking love Alone.
• 24:14
  Matt: Yeah, do you watch Alone?
• 24:15
  Matt: No I feel like you would love Alone.
• 24:17
  Matt: Matt, you would love Alone.
• 24:20
  Eric: Perhaps I would, but I think we've answered the question.
• 24:23
  Eric: It's going to be femur for us, Mike Puri.
• 24:24
  Eric: Thank you so much for the question and for calling in Again in different stars above by Daniel James Brown.
• 24:33
  Matt: I recommend it highly and shout out to us because we did not say the words, hardly even know her once during that entire bit.
• 24:45
  Matt: Fucking like that's progress for your hosts.
• 24:50
  Eric: Everybody, that's baby stop what you're doing and give us a round of applause.
• 24:54
  Matt: Snaps, snaps, snaps.
• 24:55
  Matt: You got to applaud it.
• 24:57
  Matt: Where you see it, that's growth.
• 24:59
  Eric: That's growth, and God bless us everyone.
• 25:04
  Matt: That brings us to our next question.
• 25:06
  Matt: This is from Tim on the Against All Oddities podcast.
• 25:10
  Matt: Tim asks what is the Lego set that absolutely needs to exist but never will?
• 25:16
  Matt: Thank you, Tim.
• 25:19
  Eric: Thank you, tim, as always.
• 25:21
  Eric: Now I recently have gotten a few of the series where it started with a fan, like a person used it.
• 25:30
  Eric: I think it's called either Ideas or Creator or something like that.
• 25:34
  Eric: I've done two of them.
• 25:35
  Eric: I've done the Lego DeLorean, which you have but haven't done, and I've done a typewriter which functions.
• 25:43
  Matt: There's like the Atari console that you can play.
• 25:46
  Eric: I would love to do that.
• 25:47
  Matt: Alyssa really wants the Polaroid camera, one that you can take.
• 25:50
  Eric: Oh, I'll tell you which one I desperately want for this house and we'll get once we build some shelves for it.
• 25:56
  Eric: Yeah, I want that titanic, fucking legos yeah, you want the conversation piece I want to shelve out the fucking 800 bucks, or whatever it is, for that goddamn boat, and I want it.
• 26:11
  Eric: I want to build it, I want to spend months building it, I want it to be mounted and I want everyone to come and appreciate me a I will come and appreciate you, god damn right b.
• 26:21
  Matt: I will not insult you by offering to help you build it.
• 26:23
  Matt: Um, no, yeah, that's, it's.
• 26:26
  Eric: Lego is a very personal I know lego is a one per is a solitary activity unless you're doing it with your child it's a solitary activity.
• 26:34
  Matt: I get yeah, yeah, I get stressed when people want to help me, like I was like no, the beauty of this is I can go as fast or as slow as I want and I don't have to think about anyone but me fucking up and we were talking about this not too long ago.
• 26:48
  Eric: Like I actually, in doing this, the quote-unquote adult lego set uh, not that any any Lego set is not adult.
• 26:56
  Eric: I'll just go on the record saying that Doing Lego as an adult I find to be actually quite meditative, yeah, very like.
• 27:07
  Eric: Oh, I'm going to sit down and just fucking look.
• 27:10
  Eric: There's no stakes, no stakes.
• 27:13
  Matt: I'm just chilling and constructing and making sure everything's right and it's a good time now, what I am down for is, like I don't I have no problem with like some parallel crafting or activities going on around me.
• 27:28
  Matt: If you want to, if you want to chill over there, we listen to music and chat while I am building this yeah, but if you come over and say can I do this step, I'm gonna be like no, fuck off no, because, then, because then, if something does go wrong, I have someone to blame it might not even be your fault, but now you're, you're on the table, and I don't want that for us I don't want that for you, because I know my wrath will come, because I can't blame myself.
• 27:56
  Matt: God forbid no, oh man, I, uh, I'm just imagining you having spent hours, days building this titanic and and then, like someone helped you and then something went wrong.
• 28:11
  Matt: It's just like it caused, like a seaward, like just as you're finishing the build, it snaps right where the Titanic snapped, right where it broke.
• 28:18
  Eric: I think that's how it's designed.
• 28:19
  Eric: I think it's designed for you to break it in two, speaking of my burdens.
• 28:24
  Eric: Yeah, slats.
• 28:34
  Eric: I have owned for probably close to a decade now Lego Helms Deep from Lord of the Rings still have not built it and you still haven't built that Lego DeLorean, which you can make into any one of the three versions that you choose.
• 28:49
  Eric: It's a good set.
• 28:51
  Eric: I recommend you do it.
• 28:52
  Eric: It's a good set, I built it.
• 28:53
  Eric: And, of course, back to the Future 2.
• 28:55
  Eric: But course, uh, back to the future too, but with the back to the future one out of time license plate because I thought it was more appropriate for display purposes.
• 29:01
  Matt: It is uh, objectively, uh.
• 29:04
  Matt: So now let's talk about the sets that lego's not brave enough to make jeffrey dahmer's apartment.
• 29:13
  Eric: Think of the femurs and tibias.
• 29:14
  Matt: You can screw about, bro.
• 29:16
  Matt: Um here's a set for you matt the motorcade, the motorcade, the motorcade oh, the motorcade I see how the dawning of realization oh, the motorcade yeah, yeah, and you can build it.
• 29:36
  Eric: All kinds of different ways it shows you on the back.
• 29:43
  Matt: It shows you the back how you know they always had, like the here's, these alternate configurations you could do yeah yeah, and there's like here's one where lee harvey oswald killed him.
• 29:52
  Eric: so you can, can cut.
• 29:53
  Eric: I was going to say you can cut, you can get the grassy knoll adaptation set.
• 29:58
  Matt: Yeah.
• 29:58
  Matt: You can get the book depository this this shit sells itself, you, man with the umbrella.
• 30:04
  Eric: You get a little Abraham Zapruder with his camera that you can put in the corner, you know just so.
• 30:11
  Matt: So many, so many configurations, so many questions.
• 30:15
  Eric: Now, eric, you've got to know you are teetering on the edge of a tangent here from me.
• 30:26
  Matt: We're going to have to have an offshoot of Oops All Tangents called Oops All JFK Tangents.
• 30:32
  Eric: It will be a whole series of just me talking.
• 30:37
  Matt: So the motorcade, that's one lego.
• 30:38
  Eric: Yeah, I think the dealy plaza set is good bro.
• 30:42
  Matt: Uh, this absolute this is my actual, for real, fun answer absolutely needs to be a lego set.
• 30:49
  Matt: They need to commit to it, make the whole thing.
• 30:51
  Matt: That's why it never will be the large hadron collider oh god, eric, yes, okay yes, sure to scale and it works to.
• 31:01
  Eric: Oh, and it works great.
• 31:02
  Eric: Look, it comes with a little little lego higgs boson.
• 31:05
  Eric: I can put it right underneath my chernobyl lego set, chernobyl absolutely, I would buy the fuck it today.
• 31:14
  Matt: It would be one of the light up ones with like the oh my god, yeah no, no spousal intervention would be able to stop me from getting the chernobyl set comes with a, comes with a little jared harris.
• 31:26
  Matt: What a great miniseries, one of the best of all time, jared harris is truly one of my favorite actors of all time.
• 31:34
  Eric: Yes, stellan skarsgard as well yes, of course, so fucking good.
• 31:37
  Eric: Every everyone talked about him.
• 31:38
  Eric: What about you remember, eric?
• 31:40
  Eric: At the end of every where's waldo, there's the land of waldos, page it's just like not, oops, all waldos oops all waldos.
• 31:48
  Matt: Yeah, I want the oops all waldos yeah, oh, every variation of waldodo's little minifig, and there's no reason this can't exist.
• 31:59
  Eric: No reason it can't.
• 32:00
  Eric: Now you know, eric, that these days, with the quote unquote, adult Lego sets that you can do, like Starry Night, like.
• 32:07
  Matt: Lando's Starry Night.
• 32:08
  Matt: I love the bonsai tree, one I'm obsessed with.
• 32:11
  Matt: I want that very badly.
• 32:12
  Eric: The bonsai tree one.
• 32:14
  Eric: There's the wave I believe they have as well.
• 32:17
  Eric: I want a jackson pollock okay, okay, fuck.
• 32:23
  Matt: Now we're fucking cooking with gas, son and and not not just jackson pollock, I also want a guernica.
• 32:30
  Matt: My man's got Guernica dreams on a Lego budget.
• 32:38
  Eric: Don't say that that sounds like a war crime.
• 32:42
  Matt: That is probably.
• 32:43
  Matt: It probably is A Jackson Pollock would be incredible.
• 32:48
  Eric: I'd love a Waiting for Godot.
• 32:51
  Matt: Lego set A scene from Eraserhead a godot uh.
• 32:54
  Eric: lego set a scene from a racer head a waiting for good, awaiting for godot lego set would be fucking incredible.
• 33:08
  Eric: You build a tree, you build a tree and just the two minifigs.
• 33:10
  Eric: Incredible, oh man, oh man, so good.
• 33:11
  Eric: And then you can build the act two version and add three leaves.
• 33:16
  Matt: What's your?
• 33:16
  Matt: This joke will only be funny to like Ten people are chuckling.
• 33:29
  Eric: Ten people went Someone was like reference.
• 33:34
  Matt: Ten people breathed heavily out their nose they did that thing that a dog does when it's asleep and it's chasing rabbits.
• 33:42
  Matt: That's how deep into the subconscious our comedy penetrates absolutely any.
• 33:54
  Matt: Any do you want to call a shot for?
• 33:58
  Mike: like, oh, like.
• 33:59
  Mike: What do we think they are?
• 34:00
  Matt: legitimately gonna do like, what will they do?
• 34:05
  Eric: next in what they will do next.
• 34:08
  Eric: I mean, they've gotten they.
• 34:09
  Eric: They seem to be going down to your point about like the camera and the typewriter and and other things.
• 34:13
  Eric: They seem to be going down to your point about like the camera and the typewriter and other things.
• 34:15
  Eric: They seem to be going down this, this route of things that actually can work which is dope?
• 34:23
  Matt: How long till we get a gun?
• 34:24
  Matt: Trying to think of something in that vein.
• 34:27
  Matt: I'm thinking because they've already got like this might already be a Lego set.
• 34:33
  Matt: I'm not going to Google it, I'm just going to say it Christ the Redeemer.
• 34:37
  Eric: You know, eric, that would actually be would not surprise me it'd be a pretty dope lego set it'd be a dope ass.
• 34:43
  Matt: That would be the set.
• 34:44
  Matt: Are you kidding me?
• 34:45
  Matt: If I had a little christ the redeemer made out of legos, I would put that everywhere in my house and it would be awesome I'm trying to.
• 34:54
  Eric: Okay, so it's, I was right, the like typewriter and stuff.
• 34:56
  Eric: It's from the ideas collection, which is to say, somebody has made this and it got popular.
• 35:03
  Eric: You can upvote things on the Idea community or whatever, and then eventually, if it gets enough Lego, we'll make it like a set.
• 35:10
  Eric: That's how the typewriter came around.
• 35:12
  Eric: Some Lego superfan just made a Lego typewriter and Lego was like oh yeah, we can work with this.
• 35:18
  Eric: We can take your plans and tweak them a bit and put them out commercially matt and so that has legs.
• 35:25
  Eric: For that is what I'm yeah, that's got legs like I think, like I am not.
• 35:30
  Eric: I'm not enough of an engineer brain to take like just a bunch of legos and make something like a working guitar no, like I can't, I need a script I.
• 35:41
  Matt: Well, I was gonna say you might be able to do something, I I I, I might, but my brain loves the break of like oh, I know exactly what the end goal is, I know what this is going to become and I think that's the therapeutic part of the, of the instruct, of the doing the legos now is like oh, I just I'm following this picture.
• 36:03
  Eric: It's like ikea, but without the rage yeah, yeah, and, and, and, and.
• 36:08
  Eric: To that end and the physical labor as much as I.
• 36:12
  Matt: This is like it's wild just seeing my boundaries like solidified in and like on packaging.
• 36:20
  Matt: Because, like when I look at the back of the box I mentioned this earlier when they show like, oh, you can put it like this, and they show like, look at all these crazy different ways you could build this.
• 36:28
  Matt: I have never in my life done one of those like the alternates.
• 36:35
  Matt: I've never gone off recipe no, absolutely not.
• 36:39
  Eric: It terrifies.
• 36:40
  Eric: What if somebody did?
• 36:42
  Eric: What if I've lost a piece?
• 36:43
  Eric: What if somebody did the?
• 36:46
  Eric: The scene from silence of the lambs where hannibal escapes oh, yeah, yeah from his temporary cell you've got like the little lego man that's hannibal.
• 36:57
  Matt: You've got like the security guard's face helmet that you put on.
• 37:00
  Eric: Yeah, you got that you've got the, the angel that he makes out of the guy's fucking organs.
• 37:07
  Eric: Yeah, that's what we need.
• 37:10
  Matt: Here I did.
• 37:11
  Matt: I did think of one for the ideas line, for the actual functional you'll have to make this go on the Lego e-meter.
• 37:18
  Matt: E-meter that's the little box that Scientologists use to measure how faithful you are.
• 37:25
  Eric: Oh yes, I knew it rang a bell, I just couldn't figure out which To measure your their little lie detector.
• 37:30
  Eric: Yes, yes, well done.
• 37:34
  Eric: Thank you, well done you.
• 37:37
  Matt: We started at the JFK assassination and came right back to Scientology.
• 37:41
  Matt: It's like we didn't move at all.
• 37:44
  Eric: You heard it here first, folks.
• 37:45
  Eric: Eric is a Scientologist.
• 37:47
  Eric: I've seen Battlefield Earth, so I think we've thrown out a couple of good suggestions and a bunch of mediocre ones.
• 37:55
  Matt: Yeah yeah, yeah, we've thrown out some real Christ the Redeemer's in there.
• 37:58
  Matt: No one can judge this answer now.
• 38:01
  Eric: It's very good I saw a tiktok where somebody like snuck to the head of the christ redeemer, like okay, like he snuck through the, the, the inner workings of christ, and came out the the head hatch and was on top of it and it is, in fact, just like a fucking there's like a little, where fact just like a fucking there's like a little, where it's just like a maintenance hatch that he can just get out.
• 38:23
  Eric: I didn't know it.
• 38:25
  Eric: Huh, have you ever been to the Statue of Liberty, mm-mm.
• 38:30
  Matt: Seen it, admired it, but from a distance From afar.
• 38:34
  Eric: You haven't been on Liberty Island.
• 38:36
  Eric: No, as somebody who has, it's not super worth it, unless you get there, very like you got to get there right at the beginning of the day because that you can't go up.
• 38:49
  Eric: It after like 10 am, oh my god, because it gets too hot because it's made of fucking copper you are baked, you will be baked alive.
• 38:58
  Eric: Like you can't go up it, hell, yeah, uh.
• 39:00
  Eric: So you can only go up it for like the first two hours of the day.
• 39:03
  Eric: So I didn't get to go up it and I think if you can't go up it it's not then like just go to the docks, like what are we doing here?
• 39:11
  Matt: that's my beef.
• 39:12
  Matt: I'm like, if you're gonna give me this big statue, you gotta give me a set of stairs so I can climb and get to the top and and like like get a picture of me picking christ, the redeemer's nose yeah, fucking france.
• 39:25
  Eric: Yeah, that we treasure and put on all our iconography.
• 39:29
  Eric: Oh anyway, thanks, thanks and thank you for the question tim yeah, thank you, tim.
• 39:34
  Eric: Um, so our last question for the day here, poach, is uh, in the office, where's the best place to sleep?
• 39:42
  Matt: And that one comes from Zach Deuce and he gave it to us in our Discord, our Patreon Discord that you can subscribe to for one and or four dollars a month and both of which give you access to our Discord, and if you subscribe to the four dollar tier, you get access to a monthly bonus episode and 20% off all future merchandise.
• 40:02
  Eric: The very same.
• 40:03
  Eric: Nice, very nice.
• 40:06
  Eric: Yes, thank you, zach, and also just thanks in general for popping off the chat and the discord all the time.
• 40:11
  Eric: You're an angel, tim, you too.
• 40:13
  Mike: Yeah.
• 40:15
  Eric: Um, and everybody else.
• 40:16
  Eric: It's been a fun time in the discord.
• 40:17
  Eric: Anyway, best place to sleep.
• 40:30
  Matt: Best place to sleep in the discord anyway, best place to sleep, best place to sleep in the office, in the office.
• 40:32
  Matt: I have so much direct experience with this.
• 40:33
  Matt: Oh yeah, you're a slacker.
• 40:34
  Matt: Uh yeah, uh, no, I I am.
• 40:35
  Matt: Well, I am a slacker.
• 40:36
  Matt: I am also always surrounded by other slackers, um, so I've seen many.
• 40:38
  Matt: There have been many uh good methods I've seen employed throughout my time in the corporate environment.
• 40:45
  Eric: Sure, you want to give me one.
• 40:47
  Matt: Yeah, two of my favorites follow a theme, and that theme is the best place to sleep, right out in plain sight.
• 40:58
  Eric: So here's how you do it.
• 40:59
  Eric: I was going to say speak more in the and when I say in plain sight, here's how you do it.
• 41:01
  Matt: I was gonna say speak more in the person, or, and when I say in plain sight, I mean like right under that, like make it so overt, it's covert.
• 41:07
  Matt: Uh, an associate of mine, uh, we would work in the lab and this man had uh three new kids at home.
• 41:17
  Matt: They were babies and they were triplets.
• 41:18
  Matt: They murdered sleep, sure.
• 41:21
  Matt: So his technique he would be at a microscope, he would wear a baseball cap.
• 41:28
  Matt: He wore a baseball cap every day he's in baseball cap, he's got his face mask, like like we're in a clean, a class 10 000 clean room, so like we're done, like like the coats, the gloves, the bonnets and he's got his big old.
• 41:40
  Matt: So what he would do is he would like get his microscope set up these are like big, heavy duty, fucking microscopes and he would rest his.
• 41:50
  Matt: He would look down them and rest his forehead against the fucking apparatus and balance himself so that he could be asleep, and it just looks like he's staring very intently down a microscope the entire time.
• 42:02
  Matt: Okay, and for how long is he doing?
• 42:04
  Matt: He would take micro naps of like five, ten minutes.
• 42:08
  Matt: We would uh, we and we would, we would elbow him if someone was coming by.
• 42:12
  Matt: Oh, I see you, gotta, it's important to have a lookout.
• 42:17
  Matt: That brings me to uh example number two.
• 42:20
  Matt: Guy was working in, uh, the shipping receiving warehouse.
• 42:24
  Matt: He built a cot and like a little like sleeping chamber into the shelves of the warehouse.
• 42:31
  Matt: Like had like legitimately built up a little, a little fucking oasis, like in some crates and shit it was.
• 42:40
  Eric: You had to know about it to know it was there yes, but like this is in any kind of warehouse, I feel like this is pretty common and popular yeah create like and it works and accessible by forklift only.
• 42:54
  Matt: Like like hidden room the problem is is that, like a lot of people have access to forklifts, sure, a lot, of, a lot of forklift certifications floating around.
• 43:05
  Matt: So he got found out and he got fired well, sure, now I haven't.
• 43:10
  Eric: Um, I haven't worked in a warehouse and I haven't worked in.
• 43:13
  Eric: Even though I work in corporate america, I work remotely, but when I worked in an office, it was a theater and I was also a member of a theater company, as I've already mentioned on this very episode.
• 43:25
  Eric: In a theater, oh, there's all kinds of places to sleep, uh, oh my, oh, there's so many places to sleep, but those are not like, like one of my favorites at single carrot, the place, the place, if you like.
• 43:40
  Eric: If it was a 10 out of 12 tech rehearsal and you needed a place to sleep during the dinner break, costume storage is where you want to go.
• 43:47
  Eric: You go in between those fucking, uh, you know, clothing racks.
• 43:52
  Eric: It's, it's acoustically, uh, set up for napping.
• 43:56
  Eric: You know, it's just quiet and nice, muffled, a little warm, a little toasty.
• 44:02
  Eric: It's a great time, but not every workplace has costume storage.
• 44:06
  Eric: So what you need to do, though because I do think this is almost universally true there's got to be some area that's not very frequented that you can also like a lounge or something, yeah, or, if you have access to, like a maintenance room yeah, yeah, if you see you.
• 44:28
  Matt: The key here is you need a group of folks that you are real fucking cool with.
• 44:35
  Matt: Yeah, these will be the people who, like, will reveal the nap spots to you.
• 44:39
  Matt: Yes, and they will also play lookout for you and cover your ass.
• 44:43
  Matt: Should like ring the bell?
• 44:45
  Matt: Should the man be coming?
• 44:46
  Matt: Should the man come to town as Johnny Cash?
• 44:49
  Matt: Yes, I thought it was when he comes around.
• 44:52
  Matt: It is.
• 44:54
  Eric: Okay, it is Okay.
• 44:55
  Eric: Yeah, let's move on.
• 44:57
  Matt: Okay, yep, just asking you to put some respect on jonathan cash's name it's not his fucking name.
• 45:04
  Eric: Why don't we start the respect there?
• 45:06
  Matt: good places to sleep.
• 45:08
  Eric: Uh, up my ass matt, oh yeah oh yeah, I bet it is cavernous in there yeah so I would be able to, once I get all the goddamn gas out of the way, fucking temperate my dude.
• 45:20
  Eric: Yeah, I bet it is nice and toasty up in there.
• 45:23
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, I'm going to burrow myself up in that butt.
• 45:26
  Eric: I fucking hope you do.
• 45:27
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, watch me, and you know what I'm coming in foot.
• 45:32
  Eric: First bitch Was that necessary.
• 45:35
  Mike: It wasn't I apologize, hey, you know what?
• 45:44
  Matt: Good on us for having a healthy conversation, getting it out.
• 45:46
  Matt: Good places to sleep I've never seen someone get in trouble for sleeping in their car.
• 45:50
  Matt: Yeah, I mean that's always there it's got the sad factor it is the saddest place to sleep at work.
• 45:57
  Eric: It should be the moment you realize you should get a new job.
• 46:01
  Eric: Yeah, you're telling me, but uh, um, I'm just saying, if you, if you, if you're there, if you need to go sleep or meditate or escape to feel like you're going to go home but you're not, yeah, might be a warning sign oh, here's a good one, and this one is not going to be everyone's cup of tea, but it does work, if it works for you.
• 46:28
  Matt: The cafeteria during lunch?
• 46:30
  Matt: Oh sure, because here's the thing, tell me, this goes back to that idea of so overt it's covert, are you sure?
• 46:37
  Matt: When we go into the lunchroom, there's a social contract in play.
• 46:41
  Matt: The social contract is hey, game off.
• 46:43
  Matt: Like you know what I mean.
• 46:45
  Matt: Everyone, like I have I have this.
• 46:47
  Matt: Ken's job is lunch like this job is.
• 46:51
  Eric: All he does is lunch all he do is lunch.
• 46:54
  Matt: So, like I could be a fucking ceo, I don't care, I'm like.
• 46:59
  Matt: I see someone like no, not my no, not nope lunch.
• 47:02
  Matt: I eat lunch now and everyone in the cafeteria is thinking that no one is going to approach you, especially because they're all going to be thinking man, that guy's sleeping at lunch.
• 47:13
  Matt: I'm not going to make his day worse.
• 47:16
  Matt: If you can handle the noise, it's like you just think of the sound of the cafeteria is one of those like white noise machines you get for your bedroom.
• 47:24
  Matt: You're golden.
• 47:25
  Matt: Yeah, put your little, just put your head, just nestle your head down like, like, use an elementary school.
• 47:32
  Eric: And I.
• 47:32
  Eric: My lunch spot was always, when I previously worked in an office place was always a couch in in the basement level.
• 47:42
  Eric: Uh, again, this is theater.
• 47:44
  Eric: You know there's reception areas in the lobbies and whatnot, but I am confident that there's a chair that there's some place in most workplaces that is far, far away from other people.
• 47:56
  Eric: Maybe it's one chair by the elevators or something just Just naturally.
• 48:00
  Matt: liminal spaces within yes.
• 48:03
  Eric: And if I was in an environment that that was the only option, that is where I would eat lunch.
• 48:08
  Eric: I would eat lunch as far away from anyone who might interrupt it as possible.
• 48:14
  Matt: That's why I hate lunch meetings.
• 48:16
  Matt: They're the fucking devil.
• 48:18
  Matt: I'm like no, when I this Ken's job is lunch.
• 48:20
  Matt: No, this can it is lunch.
• 48:21
  Matt: No, this can it doesn't this can lunch.
• 48:24
  Eric: We're just having a meeting and you're trying to to take away my, my paid lunch, and I won't have it.
• 48:31
  Eric: No, sir, no sir, no, ma'am.
• 48:34
  Eric: So those are some places you can sleep.
• 48:37
  Eric: Those are some places you can sleep.
• 48:40
  Eric: And, uh, zach, thank you for the question thank you so much, zach, hey matt tell me pop quiz.
• 48:47
  Eric: I am so excited, eric.
• 48:49
  Eric: I am so excited for a segment I didn't have to contribute to in any way this is great.
• 48:54
  Matt: All you have to do, matt is wonderful.
• 48:56
  Matt: So while back, matt, uh, out of fucking nowhere, hit me with a pop quiz about birds yes, I called it a bird or bluff, I believe it was 25 birds.
• 49:07
  Eric: I believe it was 25 birds, some I made up, some were real and matt.
• 49:11
  Matt: We now find ourselves in the same situation.
• 49:13
  Matt: I have a pop quiz for you, but it's not going to be about birds, matt, I am going name.
• 49:20
  Matt: You got a fun subtitle for me.
• 49:22
  Matt: Oh, hold on, hold on.
• 49:24
  Eric: Because I gave you a bird of bluff.
• 49:26
  Eric: I just think I deserve a fun title.
• 49:27
  Eric: I know.
• 49:28
  Matt: I know I have it, I just got to dial in on it, hold on.
• 49:35
  Eric: Okay, the answer was no.
• 49:36
  Eric: I think no the answer is no, but it was here.
• 49:39
  Eric: You know what Momentum killer, what just happened.
• 49:41
  Matt: Here's what I'm going to do I'm going to explain to you what I brought to you, and then we can think of a cute one.
• 49:45
  Matt: Let's do it Pop quiz.
• 49:46
  Matt: So, matt, you brought me birds.
• 49:49
  Matt: Yes, I brought you Dungeons and Dragons spells.
• 49:54
  Matt: Okay.
• 49:55
  Eric: Yeah, I don't know a lot about that.
• 50:04
  Matt: I have 25 names of spells and you're just gonna tell me which ones are real spells, and which ones are five?
• 50:07
  Eric: oh no, there's 25.
• 50:08
  Eric: I said 25, all right, I was gonna say I think this will be quick I was gonna say we call this wizard or whiff, puff or pass oh, both good.
• 50:17
  Matt: So uh, spell or spell or spill, spell, spell or spill, sizzle or fizzle, okay, uh, well, when a spell fizzles, that means it doesn't go up, sure, um, and and just to give you the only background that I'm going to give you is just know that in dungeons and dragons there's a lot of fucking spells and they can do so many different things I know a little bit from from the world, ending to the oddly and uncomfortably specific yes, yes, roll for sandwich has introduced me to this mechanic, so I know something, okay, okay so, uh, what do we?
• 50:59
  Matt: what do we land on?
• 51:00
  Matt: We would say spell, spell or spill.
• 51:02
  Matt: Sure, I like this.
• 51:04
  Matt: So spell, obviously, if it's real spill, if it's not first spell, yep, locate object spell, that is a spell all right, I thought so, I thought so and I said so bad touch Bad touch Spell.
• 51:23
  Matt: Not a spell.
• 51:24
  Matt: Damn Chill touch Spell.
• 51:28
  Matt: That is a spell.
• 51:29
  Matt: Also, I just realized I should probably be marking how many of these you get, correct?
• 51:34
  Matt: I?
• 51:34
  Eric: am two for three.
• 51:36
  Eric: Okay, at this juncture.
• 51:39
  Matt: Okay, so you're two for three.
• 51:41
  Matt: Deplorable word.
• 51:45
  Eric: Hmm, deplorable word Spill.
• 51:52
  Matt: That is in fact not a spell.
• 51:53
  Matt: That was the spell cast by Jadis, the White Witch, on her home planet of Karn In the prequel to the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.
• 52:01
  Matt: It turned everyone on her planet to stone.
• 52:04
  Matt: Oh, a real Medusa Evard's black tentacles.
• 52:13
  Eric: Bringing in people's names now.
• 52:15
  Matt: That is also I'll say that a convention.
• 52:18
  Matt: Of many D&D spells.
• 52:19
  Matt: You'll have name of wizards, something, something, Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.
• 52:25
  Matt: It's a spell.
• 52:25
  Matt: It is a spell.
• 52:26
  Matt: It's one of my favorite spells.
• 52:28
  Matt: It's also, as a DM, one of the most infuriating spells, because it is the.
• 52:33
  Matt: I'm just going to turn the fight off now.
• 52:36
  Matt: Ha ha ha, Stab, stab, stab.
• 52:49
  Eric: Because it summons a bunch of tentacles out of the ground to restrain everyone in a certain area, and once they're restrained, it's just open season, baby.
• 52:53
  Eric: Oh sure, yeah, got to be temporal shunt, temporal shunt spell.
• 52:54
  Eric: That is a spell, so I've only missed one, I think yeah, yeah, you only got bad touch wrong so far.
• 52:59
  Eric: Yeah, Okay, so so far still only missing one.
• 53:03
  Matt: Next up, we have find keys.
• 53:06
  Eric: Find keys, I'm going to say spill, that is in fact made up.
• 53:11
  Eric: Yeah, baby, because my logic there was if locate object is real, why do we need a separate one for find keys?
• 53:21
  Matt: Speaking of.
• 53:22
  Matt: Next up, we have Mordenkainen's private sanctum spill.
• 53:27
  Matt: That is a spell.
• 53:29
  Mike: Damn.
• 53:30
  Matt: Next up we have Mordenkainen's magnificent mansion spill Also a spell, Damn.
• 53:37
  Eric: Now I'm just guessing, your, your strategy.
• 53:40
  Matt: Next up we have Lehman's tiny hut spill.
• 53:49
  Matt: It is a spell damn it three in a row fugazi's fatal pit spill that is made up.
• 53:58
  Matt: Fugazi is a post-punk band who very uh, famously does not allow moshing at their shows.
• 54:06
  Matt: I I've heard you say uh fugazi before, so I thought that was made up, but I was like oh, he could have been just referencing a dnd thing fugazi a is one of the greatest bands ever and but b is just the most magical sounding band name.
• 54:23
  Matt: It sounds like wizard shit.
• 54:25
  Matt: Next up, we have Marlowe's Unseeing Eye.
• 54:34
  Eric: I'm just picturing Christopher Marlowe and that is making me think this is a spill and I'm going to say it's a spill.
• 54:45
  Matt: Yes, it is a spill.
• 54:46
  Matt: And you guessed the influence as well Christopher Marlowe, who was famously stabbed in the eye.
• 54:53
  Eric: Okay, I thought that was a poachism.
• 54:56
  Matt: I thought that was from the brain of poach.
• 54:59
  Matt: Next spell Cloud of daggers.
• 55:02
  Matt: Cloud of daggers is a spell, baby, that is 100% a spell.
• 55:06
  Matt: We have power.
• 55:08
  Eric: Word kill If if it's real, it's a disappointment.
• 55:12
  Eric: So I'm gonna say spill it is real disappointment.
• 55:17
  Matt: There's a series of spell called the power words dumb power, word kill dumb, and it literally is you uttering in like magical, demonic, whatever.
• 55:27
  Matt: However you want to play it, you're.
• 55:28
  Matt: You're literally looking at someone and just saying die stupid and they and they, they fucking die.
• 55:34
  Matt: I hate it.
• 55:35
  Matt: Uh, grab thar's hammer, spill that spell a spell, spell real it is a spell, uh.
• 55:56
  Matt: It's one of my favorite spells.
• 55:57
  Matt: You literally insult someone so, uh, so hard.
• 56:00
  Matt: Oh, no, sorry, that's vicious mockery, uh, which you would love.
• 56:03
  Matt: It's a spell where you insult someone so hard they take psychic damage from it uh tasha's hideous laughter causes someone to laugh uncontrollably, thus, you know, incapacitating them, okay okay, tasha next up in the in the tome we have kao ken special beam cannon spill.
• 56:23
  Matt: That is fake.
• 56:25
  Matt: Two different concepts from dragon ball z.
• 56:28
  Matt: Of course there's the ko ken powering up technique, and then there's piccolo's special beam cannon thought so you made a ko ken joke not long ago on the show.
• 56:38
  Eric: God damn it okay transport via plants oh boy, oh boy, this, this has acorns from both trees.
• 56:50
  Mike: Mm.
• 56:51
  Eric: Indeed, I'm going to say it's a spill.
• 56:56
  Matt: It is real, damn.
• 56:57
  Matt: Yeah.
• 56:58
  Matt: The naming conventions range from badass to locate object.
• 57:02
  Matt: Yes, but you are good at this.
• 57:06
  Eric: You are good at mixing the phraseology.
• 57:09
  Eric: This is a compliment I'm saying, I take it as I'm laughing you know the parlance, the kindest thing I could ever hear you know the parlance, you know that, like some are very like, oh, locate mockery, or locate object, and you've said find keys, like that's in that same thing.
• 57:29
  Eric: You also, you know, know that you can put a strange, you know, medieval name with adjective and it will work here.
• 57:38
  Eric: I thank you.
• 57:39
  Eric: Thank you, you're welcome.
• 57:42
  Matt: Next up we have the.
• 57:43
  Matt: The spell summon I Kosa hedron.
• 57:46
  Eric: Now this sort of implies that I know what an icosahedron is.
• 57:50
  Eric: Um, so I'm gonna say the name of a demon, I'm gonna say spell.
• 57:57
  Matt: It is a spill.
• 57:58
  Eric: And icosahedron is a 20-sided geometric figure well, I I assumed it was of the sides of some sort, so I assumed it was real.
• 58:09
  Eric: For that reason, and the 20 makes sense.
• 58:12
  Matt: Yeah.
• 58:14
  Eric: I see what you've done.
• 58:15
  Matt: Next up we have the spell Moon Prism Power.
• 58:21
  Eric: Real spell.
• 58:23
  Matt: Not real, that's from.
• 58:24
  Eric: Sailor Moon.
• 58:25
  Eric: I'm really falling off.
• 58:26
  Matt: Sailor Moon's transformation phrase moon prism power makeup.
• 58:32
  Eric: Ah, yes, for all the Sailor Moon I've watched in my time.
• 58:36
  Matt: I was glad you specified you.
• 58:38
  Matt: I don't know about you and you know everyone who listens to this show, who has excellent, good, good taste, but I I wasted many an afternoon of my childhood watching Sailor Moon on to nights.
• 58:48
  Eric: Wasted, I think, being the key telling word there.
• 58:52
  Eric: Well, I should have been doing homework.
• 58:54
  Matt: Programmed illusion.
• 58:56
  Matt: Programmed illusion Spill.
• 59:03
  Eric: It is real Damn.
• 59:05
  Eric: I really started strong and ended bad.
• 59:08
  Eric: Hey, hey, how many I got left.
• 59:14
  Matt: Three, three, okay, I can still, I can still, you can turn this around with a hat trick I can.
• 59:18
  Eric: I can finish strong.
• 59:19
  Eric: I don't think I will have a good score, but okay cragar's boisterous boast Jesus Christ, it's real, it is fake.
• 59:34
  Matt: I hate you.
• 59:37
  Eric: Maximilian's earthen grasp.
• 59:39
  Eric: Honestly, I thought you just made that one up live Just now.
• 59:45
  Eric: Look how good I am at this.
• 59:46
  Eric: So I'm going to say fake, it's real, I do not enjoy you mad is learning why so many people become wizards like.
• 59:57
  Matt: I'll make fun of me, will you?
• 59:58
  Matt: Uh, last spell.
• 1:00:03
  Eric: Reckoning of vibration reckoning of vibration reckoning of vibration real made it up hate you.
• 1:00:14
  Matt: Hey, according to the vibe, there's a reckoning of vibration.
• 1:00:18
  Matt: That needs to happen here.
• 1:00:19
  Matt: What is the final score?
• 1:00:21
  Eric: the final score matthew, how many did I get right?
• 1:00:23
  Matt: let's let's see how many I'm gonna.
• 1:00:26
  Eric: I'm gonna guess I got 10, I'm gonna tell you.
• 1:00:27
  Matt: I'll tell you your'm going to tell you.
• 1:00:28
  Matt: I'll tell you your score.
• 1:00:28
  Matt: I'll tell you what level of wizard you are now.
• 1:00:32
  Eric: Oh, okay, that's fun.
• 1:00:33
  Eric: Thematic Matthew.
• 1:00:35
  Matt: Yes, sir, even though there are only 20 levels in D&D.
• 1:00:38
  Matt: Actually, out of 25 levels, yeah, 21 to 25, we're going to be like God tier.
• 1:00:46
  Matt: You no longer have a stat block, you're just in the rule book now.
• 1:00:49
  Matt: You're just a legend.
• 1:00:51
  Mike: Yeah.
• 1:00:53
  Matt: Matthew, congratulations.
• 1:00:54
  Matt: You are a level 12 wizard.
• 1:00:56
  Matt: Level 12?
• 1:00:58
  Matt: That's not bad.
• 1:00:58
  Matt: No, not bad at all.
• 1:01:00
  Matt: And in many editions where you start unlocking the kooky shit that starts breaking the game, I'm proud to be a level 12 or wizard dog.
• 1:01:11
  Matt: You should be, I think, man, I feel like you'd make such a good wizard.
• 1:01:15
  Eric: You'd make such a good wizard I'm right it right underneath 50 technically but yeah, yeah, buddy, you're, you're, you are.
• 1:01:26
  Matt: You're technically a below average wizard, sure, but you're still a fucking wizard, but this is my starting wizard rank.
• 1:01:35
  Eric: Yeah, oh starting wizard rank at 12.
• 1:01:38
  Matt: Yeah, dog, I'm coming out the gate at 12.
• 1:01:41
  Eric: Coming out the fucking gate I'm coming out the wizard mama as 12.
• 1:01:47
  Matt: In fucking Pathfinder.
• 1:01:49
  Matt: You know, by by level 12 you could true name a demon.
• 1:01:52
  Matt: Do you have any idea how fucked and nuts that is?
• 1:01:56
  Eric: I do because I can nice, thank you, you can summon outsiders.
• 1:02:02
  Matt: You can summon fucking all kinds of eldritch shit to just come fight for you you know what I can summon the business, the business.
• 1:02:10
  Matt: Yeah, that was good.
• 1:02:11
  Eric: That was good, listen.
• 1:02:14
  Eric: If you would like to submit a question for us to answer, you can do that.
• 1:02:18
  Eric: Goddamn, so many freaking ways.
• 1:02:21
  Eric: You didn't ask for this.
• 1:02:22
  Eric: At gmailcom.
• 1:02:23
  Eric: You can send us an email.
• 1:02:24
  Eric: You can call us on the thought line, leave a message, like Mike Parikh Jr did at 410-929-5329.
• 1:02:31
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• 1:02:34
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• 1:02:42
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• 1:02:51
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• 1:02:52
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• 1:02:57
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• 1:03:00
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• 1:03:06
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• 1:03:18
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• 1:03:21
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• 1:03:21
  Eric: Join today.
• 1:03:23
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• 1:03:25
  Eric: It makes us feel all warm and fuzzy.
• 1:03:26
  Eric: Yeah, baby and Eric, did I miss anything with the business?
• 1:03:31
  Matt: You didn't miss a gosh dang thing.
• 1:03:37
  Eric: All right.
• 1:03:37
  Eric: Well then, I think very, very quick, very effective, let's get out of this thing for all of us here.
• 1:03:44
  Eric: You didn't ask for this.
• 1:03:45
  Eric: My name's Matt.
• 1:03:45
  Eric: My name's Eric poach and listen you didn't ask this.
• 1:03:47
  Matt: my name's matt shay my name's eric poach.
• 1:03:48
  Matt: And listen, you didn't ask but one of my favorite uh tabletop role-playing game systems is a game called dungeon crawl classics.
• 1:03:56
  Matt: They have my favorite magic system that I've ever used uh, because every time a it's so difficult, it is like the game is fun because it is so like comically brutal to you.
• 1:04:09
  Matt: And that extends to the magic system, Like every time a wizard levels up.
• 1:04:13
  Matt: If you even had the correct random starting stats to be able to become a wizard.
• 1:04:18
  Matt: Every time you learn a new spell you have to roll to see if you learn that spell.
• 1:04:23
  Matt: To begin with you attempt to learn it and then when you do learn it, you have to roll.
• 1:04:28
  Matt: Begin with you, you attempt to learn it and then, when you do learn it, you have to roll.
• 1:04:30
  Matt: There's so many fucking tables you have to roll on and all of them have like everything from cool and amazing to downright horrific shit that can happen to you.
• 1:04:37
  Matt: There's a table you have to roll on to see what happens every time you cast the spell.
• 1:04:43
  Matt: Don't get it twisted.
• 1:04:44
  Matt: I'm not talking about, you know, if I learn magic missile, I learn magic missile, but then I also have to roll on a table to see what is going to happen as a consequence every time right that I cast magic missile and like it can be stuff, like you could cast magic that's interesting.
• 1:05:02
  Eric: No, you keep talking.
• 1:05:03
  Eric: The listeners will go, but you.