Latest / ADHD with Confidence | Overcome Anxiety & Self-Doubt, Christian ADHD Coach, ADHD in Women / 135 // My Recent Journey with Grief (and how it's affected my ADHD)

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135 // My Recent Journey with Grief (and how it's affected my ADHD) · ADHD with Confidence | Overcome Anxiety & Self-Doubt, Christian ADHD Coach, ADHD in Women

• 0:00
  To be honest, this is an episode that I have been putting off recording,
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  and I just wanted to give you a heads up before we start the episode that it's
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  just a bit of a trigger warning that this episode will discuss the death of a loved one.
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  Are you tired of feeling like you don't fit in, like you're not good enough the way you are?
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  In this podcast, I will give you the strategies to build God-centered confidence
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  so you can know in your heart that you do belong. You are enough,
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  and you are made on purpose and with a purpose.
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  Hey, I'm Kelsey Spronk, fellow ADHD mom and entrepreneur.
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  Join me in building confidence so you can experience success with ADHD in all areas of your life.
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  So go grab yesterday's coffee from the microwave, and let's get started.
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  Hey, friends. Welcome to the ADHD with Confidence podcast. I'm your host,
• 0:52
  Kelsey, and today we are going to be doing a little bit of a different episode than usual. Well...
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  And I hope I'm actually able to get through it.
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  So as I mentioned in the intro there, this episode will discuss the death of a loved one.
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  And so if that is something that is a trigger for you, I just wanted to give
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  you that heads up so that you can skip over to a different episode.
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  So I wanted to share with you kind of,
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  for me, my experience with grief lately and what I've noticed about how my ADHD
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  has shown up within that and then just kind of share my experience partly so that you understand.
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  And, you know, I had an episode the other day that I put up and it was a replay
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  because I just did not have the emotional capacity to be able to record.
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  So anyways, so my dad actually passed away last week, a week ago.
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  And it's been a really hard journey. He's been sick for a long time.
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  He had Lewy body dementia and then Parkinson's.
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  And I was surprised because even though he's been sick for a long time,
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  we're talking like 10 years, that final goodbye was just so incredibly hard.
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  And I've not experienced this kind of grief before.
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  I also just wanted to say on here too is that this, what I share today,
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  this is my journey. And, you know, it's not going to be the same as what yours is. And...
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  We're each unique in what we experience, and you're not wrong for experiencing
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  your grief and your difficulties in life differently than other people.
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  And this is one that, you know, was over a long period of time.
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  It wasn't something that was sudden.
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  This is also the loss of a parent and not, you know, a spouse or a child.
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  And I think there's just so many different types of grief and different types
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  of experiences for people. But I wanted to share how my experience has been,
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  and maybe it will be something that you relate to. Maybe it's something...
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  That you've experienced, or, you know, maybe it will just help you to understand
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  more so, you know, who I am within this podcast.
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  Anyways, so some of the things that I've noticed over the past,
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  you know, week or so of grieving,
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  part of it is just grief is complicated, and I am not a grief counselor or an expert or anything.
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  This is just me kind of sharing my perspective on this, so please keep that in mind.
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  If you are dealing with something, please talk to somebody who is a professional in this arena.
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  I think part of what I've noticed is just, you know,
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  it can be exhausting and all-consuming sometimes, and then sometimes I just
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  want to live in denial and not think about it at all so that I can do things that feel normal.
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  So I'm just feeling kind of the complexity of it all.
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  Another one that's specifically ADHD related is I've really noticed during this
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  time of grieving is that rejection sensitivity is through the roof.
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  And I don't know if this is just because I feel vulnerable already,
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  but yeah, I just, what, what people have said to me, what people haven't said to me.
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  You know, feeling, I've already struggled sometimes with certain groups feeling
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  excluded, but now it just, everything feels amplified.
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  And so I'm trying to process, trying to process that and trying to keep myself
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  in some sort of sense of reality during that, but really giving myself grace
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  to grieve, to allow myself to be sad,
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  to feel really big emotions, which I know with ADHD, we do have big emotions as it is.
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  And I just feel like right now they are just even bigger.
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  And so that is something I'm not sure if anyone can relate to that,
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  but the rejection sensitivity when I am feeling very low and depleted as it
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  is, it just seems to, you know, be through the roof.
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  Another thing I've noticed is kind of, you know, the background noise.
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  When people talk about, you know, trying ADHD medication for the first time,
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  they say everything goes quiet or silent. For some people, that's the experience.
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  So the noise that happens before that just, you know, it's almost like a bunch
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  of voices in your head at the same time.
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  The noise is louder right now. And I don't know if it's because I've been exhausted
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  or haven't been sleeping well,
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  but that is just something that I have noticed during this time of grieving
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  is that the noise, the chaos in my mind has been a lot louder.
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  You know, even if I'm just sitting there not really engaging anything,
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  I just, I find it's, it's very loud, if that makes sense.
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  Another thing I would say, so one of the things I would consider a gift of ADHD
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  characteristics is having good intuition.
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  And something I've really noticed is when you are going through a hard time,
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  so whether it's, you know, the death of a loved one or whether there's something
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  else that you are grieving in your life or a hard time that you're having,
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  is you can sense those around
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  you who who feel it with
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  you you can sense those who are empathetic towards
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  you and you know this has
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  actually these are my favorite people to be around right now because
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  I don't feel like I have to explain
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  what I'm feeling I feel like they step into
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  it with me and so if you are
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  one of those people just know that that is a gift and
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  that blesses people so much when they're
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  having a hard time the next one here i don't know if i didn't expect it but
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  i think where it has shown up has surprised me a little bit more another experience
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  that i've had has been anger so i I think sometimes when we have,
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  you know, the loss of a loved one or difficult experiences in life, I think there can be,
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  at least in my experience and for others that I know, is there can be anger
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  that goes along with that.
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  And so this is something that's kind of new for me in this, in this area.
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  I think it kind of combines with the rejection sensitivity, you know,
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  feeling really hurt by people who I felt like would have been there for me when
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  my, when my dad passed away and, and didn't show up in any capacity.
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  And so, I mean, at the core of it is, it's a sense of hurt and a sense of sadness about that.
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  And then on top of it, it's the anger of, you know, unmet expectations,
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  essentially, that disappointment.
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  So that is something that I think with time, giving myself grace,
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  giving myself time, those will be things that I'm going to need to bring to
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  Jesus and say, hey, you know what, I'm going to need help to forgive this because
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  right now I am not able to do that on my own.
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  Another thing that has kind of come to my mind, and this is something that I
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  really want to help you with here on the podcast is knowing my worth.
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  Knowing that during a time where sometimes I just want to sit on the floor and
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  cry, that my worth doesn't change.
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  That it's not about what I'm getting done. It's not about,
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  you know, where I am or how I am showing up for other people,
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  even if I feel like I'm in a,
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  space right now where I am taking more than I can give, that it doesn't change
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  my worth. I am just as loved.
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  Even when I'm angry, I'm just as loved and I am just as worthy and valued.
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  And I think there's been a lot of
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  comfort in knowing that and
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  it's been something where you know
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  here on the podcast I I want to help you to
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  get to the point where you you know you know your worth at the core of who you
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  are so that when there are difficult things that come up you can have that foundation
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  because it's a lot harder to build that when you're in the midst of chaos or
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  you're in the midst of difficulty or grief.
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  Another thing, and this kind of goes along with that, something I've recognized
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  is that it's been helpful to already have certain things in place.
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  So those things for me are friends who know me and care about me and,
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  you know, easier said than done sometimes.
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  I think something that is beautiful about those of us who, you know,
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  these characteristics of ADHD, is we can be very open with people,
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  very honest and authentic.
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  And I honestly think that is a beautiful, beautiful characteristic.
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  And I think when we do that, and when we open up to people, you can draw people to you.
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  And they really get to know you because you are genuine about who you are and
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  the things that are going well and the things that aren't going so well.
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  And so I would say this is something that's really important.
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  It's important to have people in your life who will be there to have your back
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  when you're having a hard time.
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  Because when we're already in the midst of a hard time, it's going to be very
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  difficult and we're not going to have the emotional capacity or the energy or
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  the time to go and reach out to make friends at that point.
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  Something else that has been helpful for me to already have in place is having
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  something purposeful to work on.
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  And so for me, that would be coaching and podcasting. I love coaching.
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  If I haven't talked to you about it already, I offer one-on-one coaching.
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  You can go to ADHDwithconfidence.com and book an intake call there.
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  It has been so life-giving. I love to see when a client lights up with a realization
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  and a proud moment of how they've grown and how they've learned.
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  And having these things in place is...
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  Before going through something challenging has been really helpful because when I need a break.
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  From feeling sad, from grieving, from feeling, you know, feeling low,
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  I guess, it's been nice to have these little moments to go and work on something
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  that I already had in place.
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  And now please understand me when I'm not saying that if you are going through
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  the sudden loss of someone in your life, I don't think there should be any expectation
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  for you to do this, that, or anything else.
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  I'm talking about my own experience. And as I said, my dad was sick for a very long time.
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  And so I had a lot of anticipatory grief and a lot of grief as he would kind
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  of go through stages of getting worse.
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  And so I think that's why for me, there's a part of me that wants to be able to.
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  Focus on these other things like coaching and podcasting to kind of help bring
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  back some of that normalcy and routine and fill my cup in a different kind of way.
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  The last one here, this one might make me a little emotional again,
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  but essentially I've realized the importance of understanding ourselves.
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  And where that comes from is that my dad was very likely undiagnosed ADHD.
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  And looking back, looking back at some of his experiences and some of his struggles,
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  it's hard not to wonder what it could have helped, what it could have improved
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  for him if he would have really understood himself better.
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  Sorry. And if those of us around him would have understood him better,
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  I think it could have prevented a lot of hurts.
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  I think it could have brought a lot of understanding, which I think would have
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  been so incredibly helpful for my dad.
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  And I think now, with my own diagnosis several years ago,
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  I've been able to see my dad in a different light and to see some of the beauty
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  of who he was, and then also some of the very deep challenges that he had.
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  And it's just really reminded me, it's so important, and that's something else
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  that I really hope I'm able to help you with here,
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  is understanding who you are, understanding and believing that you are made
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  in God's image and you're not made wrong, but that it takes time and intentionality
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  to fully understand who you are,
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  what you've been created for,
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  what God's dream is for your life,
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  understanding what brings you energy and joy, what fills your cup, and.
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  I think just having this understanding of yourself can help you in so many different ways, right?
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  It's when we don't understand ourselves, we don't understand why we function
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  a certain way that we can spend all this time and energy beating ourselves up.
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  You know, why am I like this?
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  Why do I, you know, turn to like alcohol or addiction or whatever it is?
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  Why, why can't I just be like those other people? They make it look so easy
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  and we can get stuck in this negative, you know, shame spiral that can feel
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  like it's going to destroy us.
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  And so with that being said, I think seeing the effects on my dad of being undiagnosed ADHD and,
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  you know, wondering what could have been if we had known or if he could have
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  had different supports or strategies,
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  understanding, medication, things like that.
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  It really just reminds me of the importance
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  of understanding who we are and so
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  that we can learn to love and accept who we are and learn to live in a way that
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  works with our brains and our passions and our dreams and all that instead of
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  trying to work against ourselves and trying to change ourselves into somebody who we are not.
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  I don't, this is a different, sorry, usually I end the episode saying I hope
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  something was helpful, but I just, if you are still here at this point,
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  thank you for being here with me.
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  I hope this helps you to understand kind of where I am at in my journey right now.
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  If there was anything from today's episode that
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  resonated with you or anything if you want to share your
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  story feel free to email me you can
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  email me at kelsey at adhdwithconfidence.com i can also put that below but it
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  is an honor that you are here with me on this journey and i hope and pray that
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  the podcast is is helping you to grow in confidence and know that you are not made wrong.
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  Until next time, God bless.