Latest / Dear Son, / The Participation Generation | Entitled or Efficient? | The Dear Son, Show | Ep 154

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The Participation Generation | Entitled or Efficient? | The Dear Son, Show | Ep 154 · Dear Son,

0:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Call me upon when I'm changing the goal, not the method, right?
0:05
[SPEAKER_02]: If the goal is my child to be successful, to be respectful, to be with every of these things off of me and my house, to read.
0:12
[SPEAKER_02]: And you see me doing a different from you?
0:13
[SPEAKER_02]: OK, cool, you don't agree with it.
0:17
[SPEAKER_02]: But call me soft when I change the goal.
0:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Because a lot of the energy and the comments was, I'm going to be right because I'm right.
0:29
[SPEAKER_03]: And we live, welcome to the this on show where we have real life meaning for conversations, helping young boys and men know now, but we wish we knew then I want to your host, Jake Black.
0:44
[SPEAKER_02]: These are the hosts, these are the hosts, these are the hosts, what's up baby, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back at it, back
0:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Shuttle over there.
0:57
[SPEAKER_02]: That's right over there.
0:58
[SPEAKER_02]: That's right.
0:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, forgot to mention in the last episode that my son For as much as we go through he started work this week.
1:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Come on.
1:06
[SPEAKER_02]: We started we started work this week.
1:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
1:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah Matter of fact we go to get his permit on Friday.
1:13
[SPEAKER_02]: So he you know making them steps
1:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Makein' to say, you know what sex is, it's a three month week, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
1:33
[SPEAKER_03]: I feel good, man.
1:34
[SPEAKER_03]: I took a sneak day to the family to the fair today.
1:39
[SPEAKER_03]: There's a week, man.
1:40
[SPEAKER_03]: We come off home coming the weekend that we hit the fair today.
1:44
[SPEAKER_03]: And my son finished all his two exams.
1:48
[SPEAKER_03]: He had the day.
1:49
[SPEAKER_03]: So they're going on fall break.
1:51
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, him and his little mate had the road in about the next couple hours.
1:55
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay.
1:56
[SPEAKER_03]: So that boy to be here in the morning.
1:57
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay.
1:57
[SPEAKER_03]: a big man stuff, man.
1:58
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm a little zittery about him and his partner.
2:01
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, he had the road for six hours drive, but hey, I'm excited though.
2:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, we went to, we did from the shore, from the sand and south beach.
2:14
[SPEAKER_02]: to my doorstep in Nupon, News, Virginia, 13 and a half hours.
2:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh yeah, let me in my crew, yeah.
2:19
[SPEAKER_03]: We five deep in the center went, yeah.
2:21
[SPEAKER_03]: From Bad and Rules, Dad, Lano.
2:22
[SPEAKER_03]: Get to it.
2:24
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, that's a whole other story story.
2:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, too.
2:27
[SPEAKER_03]: We don't get right to us, we're gonna get to it.
2:29
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, share and subscribe at the top of the show.
2:31
[SPEAKER_03]: You back on it.
2:32
[SPEAKER_03]: Let the top of the show.
2:33
[SPEAKER_03]: And we got two books from two great authors that we're gonna also picture.
2:37
[SPEAKER_03]: It's probably gonna be a little bit more interesting.
2:38
[SPEAKER_03]: We're stressed somewhere.
2:40
[SPEAKER_03]: Let's have a see it.
2:41
[SPEAKER_03]: Uh, we're gonna get right to it.
2:42
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm gonna hit this young man today with participation generation, who participation generation.
2:50
[SPEAKER_03]: And there are five sub categories that I'm gonna slide under that thing.
2:54
[SPEAKER_03]: Are you proud?
2:55
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
2:55
[SPEAKER_03]: But participation generation, how did it hit you?
3:02
[SPEAKER_02]: So when I heard participation, I thought trophy was going to be the next thing.
3:05
[SPEAKER_02]: So that's what immediately popped in my mind is, uh, you know, the, the, the, the,
3:10
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm guilty of it, too, of accusation of everybody in trophies.
3:16
[SPEAKER_02]: The other part about that, the other part of it is, are they really participate?
3:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
3:23
[SPEAKER_02]: It's participation, just scrolling the net, scrolling the TikTok, like is that the extended participation?
3:31
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm in a residency where it goes, which you
3:34
[SPEAKER_03]: I think this ties our last two if not three episodes into this by saying you can't have it your way.
3:45
[SPEAKER_03]: True.
3:45
[SPEAKER_03]: The participation generation, their dead set on, if I think that I feel it, it should be.
3:51
[SPEAKER_03]: It is.
3:51
[SPEAKER_03]: If I come up with an idea, you're almost obligated to support it.
3:56
[SPEAKER_03]: You're not supposed to ask me any questions about it.
3:59
[SPEAKER_03]: You're not supposed to try to debunk it.
4:05
[SPEAKER_03]: So I feel like the lack.
4:09
[SPEAKER_03]: that we've acknowledged on our sons generation because again, this is a platform for us to help be better fathers and communicate with our sons, trying to get them to see through the lens of, just because I'm trying to poke holes in it, it's your job to still meet on how confident you go.
4:26
[SPEAKER_03]: It's your vision, catch it.
4:28
[SPEAKER_03]: That does shoot back to take a personal.
4:30
[SPEAKER_03]: That absolutely don't take a personal year.
4:32
[SPEAKER_03]: Because now, it's your vision, right?
4:35
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm not supposed to see your entire vision
4:39
[SPEAKER_03]: So the participation generation wants you to just jump on board, tag along, go alone to get along.
4:47
[SPEAKER_03]: So I'm the go alone to get along now.
4:51
[SPEAKER_02]: I'ma have some pushback for you.
4:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Be pleased.
4:53
[SPEAKER_02]: From personal experience.
4:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's get to it.
4:55
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
4:56
[SPEAKER_03]: So from the go alone to get along.
4:58
[SPEAKER_03]: And again, this goes back to can't have it your way.
5:01
[SPEAKER_03]: Mm-hmm.
5:01
[SPEAKER_03]: So.
5:02
[SPEAKER_03]: If you're out, being in our sons, our daughters is way up, but obviously for the sake of the platform, our sons, they have our last episode, we were talking about built up, emotion that eventually was, we were exploded, exploded.
5:19
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
5:19
[SPEAKER_03]: So, because we have not explored the tools of communication along the way, because that was something I walked away from side note, that was something I gained from the episode
5:32
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't think I'm doing enough communicating with my son about in the moment.
5:38
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, expressions.
5:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Matter of fact, I'm going to put it in there.
5:41
[SPEAKER_02]: They hold myself accountable.
5:42
[SPEAKER_02]: There's going to be a card at the top of the screen to link you to that video.
5:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Check that video a while, man.
5:47
[SPEAKER_02]: It's one, I think it's one of the more, and I don't say publicly, but I said it like that's probably one of our better conversation.
5:54
[SPEAKER_02]: That was absolutely one of our best conversations.
5:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm biased and outside of the bias.
6:01
[SPEAKER_02]: It was one of our best conversations.
6:03
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
6:04
[SPEAKER_02]: And for me, one of those markets is how quickly I can get through the edit, like I'm anxious to edit.
6:11
[SPEAKER_02]: But I'll listen to it a total of three times.
6:15
[SPEAKER_02]: I normally go in my audio, put my little effect on it, shoot it through, and then I move it over to the videos.
6:21
[SPEAKER_02]: So I don't have to listen to it so many times.
6:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
6:24
[SPEAKER_02]: I went through painstakingly with the audio.
6:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Listen to it for that hour.
6:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Great.
6:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Put it on the video.
6:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Listen to you don't edit it again.
6:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
6:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Got up this morning.
6:33
[SPEAKER_02]: It's up there.
6:33
[SPEAKER_02]: It's up for the members.
6:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Membership's available too.
6:35
[SPEAKER_02]: That's right.
6:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Link below.
6:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Got to say more about that.
6:37
[SPEAKER_02]: But definitely go check that.
6:39
[SPEAKER_02]: Check that conversation now.
6:40
[SPEAKER_02]: And as you get into the other 150.
6:42
[SPEAKER_02]: So.
6:42
[SPEAKER_02]: That leads.
6:43
[SPEAKER_02]: This is way up there.
6:44
[SPEAKER_02]: It's a pluton.
6:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
6:46
[SPEAKER_02]: I made a cut you off.
6:47
[SPEAKER_03]: Not did.
6:48
[SPEAKER_03]: I did.
6:48
[SPEAKER_03]: But it's okay.
6:50
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
6:52
[SPEAKER_03]: Do you think?
6:54
[SPEAKER_03]: Do you think the mentality of participation generation?
7:00
[SPEAKER_03]: Have it my way, microwave, error, whatever you want to call it, plays a part in.
7:08
[SPEAKER_03]: built up emotions or frustrations exploding or coming to a break in point because it didn't go my way so something I'm looking at or observing is going a certain way outside of my perspective.
7:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
7:21
[SPEAKER_03]: I may think it should go this way.
7:23
[SPEAKER_03]: And because it's not, I'm not looking at it with the lens of let me observe what actually is happening in front of me, even though it's not what I think it should be for it.
7:33
[SPEAKER_03]: Or does it frustrate me because it's not what I want,
7:38
[SPEAKER_02]: angry.
7:39
[SPEAKER_02]: That's that that's interesting and the pushback that I thought I had it it may still just surface.
7:45
[SPEAKER_02]: But I was thinking specifically about Donovan and him maneuvering like I say he just got it to obviously and I can see the immediate change in like that box being checked.
7:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, and not in the sense of
7:59
[SPEAKER_02]: a surface, I'm saying the box means that but as an important thing that he values at this stage, that he thinks he should be doing, but was frustrated because he was right and he's looking around his friends, you know, whether they work, whether it's fast food or they work in construction, whatever it is, it sounded like in the conversation we do have, it sounded like
8:18
[SPEAKER_02]: his frustration was kind of building because other people are on a path and he was a clear.
8:25
[SPEAKER_02]: So getting the school was one thing, you know, and even right before school started he asked him hesitation, he asked some some some anxiety about that.
8:32
[SPEAKER_02]: But getting in school like that was one stuff.
8:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Then it was, you know, the job circuit.
8:36
[SPEAKER_02]: We going to interviews in a 30 seconds.
8:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
8:39
[SPEAKER_02]: I put a little drop them off by the time I can pull it.
8:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, he walked them back out.
8:44
[SPEAKER_02]: But this one, and it's a tick for leg.
8:46
[SPEAKER_02]: So, you know, it's, I like that experience better than McDonald's for him, correct?
8:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Because McDonald's turned them down and what was me?
8:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
8:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
8:55
[SPEAKER_02]: You can cut the mustard there.
8:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank God.
8:58
[SPEAKER_02]: But I can see, as these things align up this morning, recycling went out.
9:08
[SPEAKER_02]: He says it's too early to cut the grass.
9:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Come on, son.
9:11
[SPEAKER_02]: I said, say, what the who come on?
9:13
[SPEAKER_02]: He said, say, come on.
9:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Speak up talking to me.
9:14
[SPEAKER_02]: He said, come on, talk to me.
9:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Speak up talking to me.
9:17
[SPEAKER_02]: He says it's too early that the noise.
9:20
[SPEAKER_02]: I think you're good at this.
9:21
[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, we got the electric loud, the battery operating long on anyways, so it's running.
9:25
[SPEAKER_02]: It's humming.
9:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, run it.
9:26
[SPEAKER_02]: But I was like, I hit my dad and was like, hey,
9:29
[SPEAKER_02]: He's like, he's like, thank God, wow, whatever.
9:32
[SPEAKER_02]: He's like, I say, there's some some click.
9:34
[SPEAKER_02]: That's only got a job.
9:34
[SPEAKER_02]: He was like, thank God.
9:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think he started to get that said, yeah, he just walked outside and cut the grass.
9:39
[SPEAKER_02]: Man, come on.
9:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Before I took eating eat a lot of school, as I took him to school, he was out there cutting the grass.
9:45
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm bright nerd.
9:46
[SPEAKER_02]: So just 745.
9:48
[SPEAKER_02]: He and he making the blinds and eight o'clock.
9:51
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm like, well, no, so I like it.
9:52
[SPEAKER_02]: But that frustration and again, as mentioned in the last episode, all of that came to a head in one moment and it wasn't, he wasn't expressing frustration.
10:04
[SPEAKER_02]: consistently right and he goes to his role like he's at the stage like yeah I'm I mean my domain like I'm I'm big chilling right but he wasn't necessarily a big chair.
10:13
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm I'm assuming he's over there playing the game or whatever but he was he was working through some stuff and that incident but everything to a head and I and I'm actually glad it happened
10:24
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm I'm I'm glad it turned out the way this did it my glad that it happened I'm just on the fence about that but I'm glad that it turned out the way that it did because
10:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Like this was a week ago, and again, these little confidence builders with, I'm looking for it to be this way.
10:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Now I have an answer.
10:45
[SPEAKER_02]: This is not the end all be all.
10:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Not gonna work at Chick-fil-A forever.
10:49
[SPEAKER_02]: I may not be in the electrician, apprentice forever, but I am on a path and I can see.
10:57
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
10:58
[SPEAKER_02]: I can see it and I got to catch myself making sure that I'm more receptive to his conversation because he's going deep and then, hey, what's up?
11:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Correct.
11:06
[SPEAKER_02]: So how was your day?
11:09
[SPEAKER_02]: I had the world one time, I was like, it was good.
11:12
[SPEAKER_02]: It was just good.
11:13
[SPEAKER_02]: So, hold on there.
11:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Did I speak up talking to me?
11:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
11:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
11:17
[SPEAKER_02]: You get it out like you can, so that and it has a like, like a domino effect because
11:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Him not knowing and what was being demonstrated in a lack of conversation up until the event was frustrating me because
11:34
[SPEAKER_02]: I have an expectation, and I don't know when it's going to be met.
11:38
[SPEAKER_02]: I have an expectation for him, not to, I mean, it'll take someone to wake up, like, you get his license and all these things take weight off me, but that's not the point.
11:46
[SPEAKER_02]: The point is, I need you to be moving toward manhood establishing yourself so that you can move and shake and just tell me what happened.
11:56
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, at some point, at some point, I would just want to hear, hey, because I'm out the loop.
12:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Then my part is we going down the, you know, like, I want to hear it.
12:05
[SPEAKER_02]: And when I hear it, I want to be confident in you.
12:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
12:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Not that you're not going to make a mistake, no, but right now, if he said, hey, man, my home boy's going to Tuesday.
12:16
[SPEAKER_02]: I won't be ready to drive it down there myself.
12:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, I ain't seen enough.
12:20
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't have to go with the album will be down.
12:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I don't have it.
12:23
[SPEAKER_02]: I ain't saying enough.
12:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
12:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Because when the call come to me, I want to be 15 minutes versus great.
12:28
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, and then you got the two Houston's top Houston and bottom Houston go for some whatever it is for if you really want to get the oh, I don't even know this for it is not out these weights.
12:40
[SPEAKER_02]: I landed in Houston one time early.
12:43
[SPEAKER_02]: And then found out what my whole set was and proximity to the to the airport went to the wrong airport.
12:48
[SPEAKER_02]: I flew in the high batch.
12:49
[SPEAKER_02]: I was trying to do whatever was necessary.
12:52
[SPEAKER_03]: So I was going to NASA.
12:53
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I flew in the bush.
12:55
[SPEAKER_03]: You flew in the bush and I was going to NASA.
12:57
[SPEAKER_03]: You should have went in high.
12:57
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
12:58
[SPEAKER_03]: That's what it was.
12:59
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
12:59
[SPEAKER_02]: That's what it was.
13:00
[SPEAKER_02]: So yeah.
13:00
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not not getting sidetracked.
13:02
[SPEAKER_02]: No, no, no.
13:02
[SPEAKER_02]: It's all right.
13:03
[SPEAKER_02]: But that built up frustration absolutely was playing the part.
13:09
[SPEAKER_02]: And the pushback that I was going to give is I don't think my son believes it's supposed to be easy.
13:15
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't.
13:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
13:16
[SPEAKER_02]: We had maybe at some point, but of the last couple months, I don't think he believes that it's supposed to be, I'm supposed to get up, do what I want to do in life is just going to work out.
13:27
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't think he believes that.
13:29
[SPEAKER_02]: So that was the only, that was the line of pushpin.
13:32
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't see that in either, honestly, because that, and leading into the next, I get segment of.
13:41
[SPEAKER_03]: the participation generation.
13:45
[SPEAKER_03]: That's one another one.
13:48
[SPEAKER_03]: The other one kind of is not so much as just because I want to point out to fathers that as much as we do get this generation under us, if you will.
13:59
[SPEAKER_03]: I mean, under by age, I don't mean we're better than them.
14:02
[SPEAKER_03]: As much as we poke at that generation.
14:07
[SPEAKER_03]: We have ties to that generation as well because we have to realize we're living in an era as well.
14:12
[SPEAKER_03]: We just became in this generation fathers, dads, husbands, whatever the case is.
14:17
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
14:18
[SPEAKER_03]: As well.
14:18
[SPEAKER_03]: So because of that, we're contributors to an extent to who they are and what is.
14:24
[SPEAKER_03]: Right.
14:25
[SPEAKER_03]: And a trait that I'm seeing surfacing more frequently is the agree with me or else energy.
14:34
[SPEAKER_03]: At some point, and I get it back in certain ages that was anything, but everything must evolve.
14:44
[SPEAKER_03]: Everything has to be some type of evolution or you're wasting time, you're just existing.
14:49
[SPEAKER_03]: You're just, you're not living, you're just existing.
14:52
[SPEAKER_03]: And I strive to not be an exister.
14:55
[SPEAKER_03]: So because of that, that's agree with me or else, then they want another different idea comes along that challenges our foundation.
15:05
[SPEAKER_03]: We're so rid of the attack it or or, oh man, you soft, you spineless.
15:10
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh man, you, it sounded like you being hoodwinked.
15:13
[SPEAKER_03]: It sounded like you being.
15:14
[SPEAKER_03]: drug alone, it sounds like poor leadership to me, because you don't beat your chest, like for instance, the conversation we just had on the last episode.
15:23
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm going to reference all the episodes that I am.
15:26
[SPEAKER_03]: We have this episode where the episode prior, the wife being late thing.
15:33
[SPEAKER_03]: If you don't force your way or your wheel throughout your household, it's poor leadership.
15:41
[SPEAKER_03]: it's an idea.
15:42
[SPEAKER_03]: You have to understand that there are variations.
15:44
[SPEAKER_03]: Sure.
15:45
[SPEAKER_03]: But because you see another human being, another dad, another father, husband, that's
15:53
[SPEAKER_03]: taking an informative approach or an an an an active participation approach that does not mean this person is so for a push over yeah so again in your instance when we were talking about the explosion and so now you did not react in a traditional
16:20
[SPEAKER_03]: You don't know what you're going to do.
16:21
[SPEAKER_03]: So, so I say this to say kudos to an educated emotional mature father that in the moment realizes something really aching at my son right now.
16:33
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm shocked.
16:36
[SPEAKER_03]: Let's not, let's not, let's not blow it out of proportion and be like, I'm so perfect and I'm so nobody said we're anything near perfect.
16:44
[SPEAKER_03]: But I want to point out the fact of the
16:49
[SPEAKER_03]: to not be so reactive to any motion that is not agree with me or else because they agree with me or else mentality.
16:59
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't care if you 20 feet across the room.
17:03
[SPEAKER_03]: I got the com physically punished you for what you just did.
17:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Now, now it's clicking when you said they agree with me or else mentality, I thought you were talking about from the children to the parent.
17:11
[SPEAKER_02]: And I was going to say, well, well, I mean, it may be maybe, maybe in some cases, but my reference to that was always parent to children, especially some time ago.
17:21
[SPEAKER_02]: And while I don't claim to be, I, I, I, I, I accept the way you framed it in terms of
17:28
[SPEAKER_02]: me maturing emotionally.
17:29
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not there yet, wherever there is.
17:32
[SPEAKER_02]: But I've been more mindful, specifically because of this platform, like the reason this platform started was a realization that parenting for me, I was using it as it's my turn.
17:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Opportunity this.
17:47
[SPEAKER_02]: All the stuff that that I had to take and shut up, be seeing that hurt.
17:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Do as I say now, does that do?
17:55
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes.
17:56
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm talking to meet like all of that builds up and we call it respect because we want to keep our teeth.
18:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
18:05
[SPEAKER_02]: In the house, like I come for like, like, from that career.
18:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
18:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, my post is no thug enough, but you will respect them in this house.
18:12
[SPEAKER_02]: I promise.
18:12
[SPEAKER_02]: The option is you will respect them in this house.
18:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, don't be there.
18:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, don't be there.
18:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, don't be there.
18:19
[SPEAKER_02]: You can't be here.
18:19
[SPEAKER_02]: So I live too much of my early parenting.
18:24
[SPEAKER_02]: especially when it was just the three kids because of the girl girl boy and I said it before girl's like great it was I couldn't beat my girl like it wasn't I didn't I didn't want them to to think that's how a man adjusts you right now I'm not saying how
18:39
[SPEAKER_02]: Do what you're doing your home as appropriate, right?
18:43
[SPEAKER_02]: And be my little love.
18:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Be mindful of what they said.
18:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Think they can get to yourself when they call it a love.
18:51
[SPEAKER_02]: But I live too much of that on a, yes, this is my kingdom.
18:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, yes, it is.
18:58
[SPEAKER_02]: But do I have to run it the same way for not the same people to achieve similar goals?
19:05
[SPEAKER_02]: let alone different goals, right?
19:07
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's the thing I want to point out there, you know, for all of the comment accusers, congratulations on however you do it, right?
19:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Call me upon when I'm changing the goal, not the method, right?
19:23
[SPEAKER_02]: If the goal is for my child to be successful, to be respectful, to be with every of these things are for me and my house, to read.
19:29
[SPEAKER_02]: And you see me doing it different from you,
19:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, cool, you don't agree with it, but call me soft when I change the goal.
19:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Because a lot of the energy and the comments was, I'm gonna be right because I'm right.
19:44
[SPEAKER_02]: However, the goal workout, the goal workout, but I'm standing there, I'm gonna be right in this moment, in any other moment that I look like this from here and too.
19:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Shame on you.
19:53
[SPEAKER_02]: The clip that I put up the day about, my son won the child's me physically.
19:59
[SPEAKER_02]: The clip cut to where you say, um, do you want to possibly ruin the relationship with your son, potentially for the rest of your life, because of an emotional moment, and one guy, specifically said, the answer to what the second guy said is yes.
20:13
[SPEAKER_02]: I think about that.
20:14
[SPEAKER_02]: I think about that.
20:16
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm in the moment now, I'm like, kid, like, and I had a couple of responses.
20:21
[SPEAKER_02]: I was just like, but man, that sounds serious.
20:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Why?
20:24
[SPEAKER_02]: And he hasn't received.
20:24
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know.
20:26
[SPEAKER_02]: The other thing, the comment is the place where people have done.
20:28
[SPEAKER_02]: So, whenever taps on a nerve, people respond to whatever, how have it that nerve got sensitive.
20:35
[SPEAKER_03]: And two points on that, which is going to lead to the third
20:43
[SPEAKER_03]: I can't reiterate enough, you will hit me to there's no breath in my body, say, at what cost, at what cost, there's too many fathers in my opinion.
20:54
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm no expert, man.
20:55
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't don't, don't put weight on my word like that.
20:59
[SPEAKER_03]: But in my opinion, there's too many fathers walking around, bragging about ridiculousness like, I take my son out.
21:11
[SPEAKER_03]: to take your son out, but you're not ready to bring your son in.
21:16
[SPEAKER_03]: What are you doing that's why don't you have that same energy on the opposite end of the spectrum?
21:23
[SPEAKER_03]: I will not let my son feel.
21:25
[SPEAKER_03]: I will not let my son not succeed.
21:27
[SPEAKER_03]: I will not let my son be out in this world ignorant and blind to the positivity in this world.
21:33
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm so focused on boy, you take one step in the wrong direction, I'm canceling everything you got.
21:39
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm not going to breath out your body if you ever cross me, use that same energy in the opposite direction and say.
21:48
[SPEAKER_03]: I cannot wait to pour this love and it's attention and it's focused into my son because boy, when I look back at the mistakes I made in my life, man.
21:58
[SPEAKER_03]: I refuse to let any of my sons make the mistakes that I made in my life at what cost.
22:04
[SPEAKER_02]: It's, again, I believe it's my terminology.
22:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Most people, it was, what's they on me?
22:10
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm comfortable saying this.
22:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Most men go out and,
22:17
[SPEAKER_02]: However, they earned an honest living, or how have they learned it at a living, many of them do that under some kind of stress, right?
22:25
[SPEAKER_02]: You go to work, the boss is stupid.
22:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't know how to manage, man.
22:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Whatever the rub is, if you love your job, this product is not political, but for whatever the rub is, you go to a place
22:39
[SPEAKER_02]: spending the most alert time of your day in the most energy performing for somebody that you don't typically respect what thinks to be in that position or like, but you have to act with yes and submit to that.
22:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
22:53
[SPEAKER_02]: So, so net you got so early has to be on time because you got to punch that clock and I not making light up it.
22:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I did it.
23:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
23:00
[SPEAKER_02]: The thing is, as you go out and wear the weight of the world all day on you,
23:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes you come home and look for an opportunity to unload that weight because if you have to submit to a person a man or a woman whoever's in charge or a day, you want to get back when you get home.
23:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Even if you don't call it that, but that, I mean, that's the written.
23:24
[SPEAKER_02]: We talked about that decompression before, like, you come on with it in the driveway.
23:28
[SPEAKER_02]: You come home.
23:28
[SPEAKER_02]: You got the agreement to go to your room for third.
23:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Whatever it is, and I get to some people can't.
23:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Some people leave a job to go to a job.
23:35
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes, yes.
23:35
[SPEAKER_02]: And then they come home and all of that weight is on that man in the, like, would you say, you, it was one time to me that you asked me, how am I feeling?
23:44
[SPEAKER_02]: The one time to.
23:45
[SPEAKER_02]: I had six in me, you asked me seven, you asked me seven,
23:51
[SPEAKER_03]: Today is your day, tick tick moon and think about some people who not to cut your off.
23:54
[SPEAKER_03]: Let's think about some people who coming home is the second job, who that the stress is of home is the second job.
24:05
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, balancing home.
24:07
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, I'm exhausted, I'm more mentally physically.
24:12
[SPEAKER_03]: and I still have to perform when I walk in that door at my house.
24:17
[SPEAKER_02]: It's hard to have grace for somebody that you, that number one isn't extended to you, and you're not even aware of it.
24:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Like you're not even aware of a scenario where it works different, thank you.
24:31
[SPEAKER_02]: My dad went to the steel mirror.
24:33
[SPEAKER_02]: I went to the steel mirror.
24:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Whatever it is, and it doesn't have to be blue collar, but if you apply that level of like work is this and work owns me, and when I come home, I got to have my chance to own somebody.
24:47
[SPEAKER_03]: That brings us directly to point three or sub category three.
24:54
[SPEAKER_03]: we are taught, trained, coarsed, whatever you want to call it, into being walking triggers.
25:05
[SPEAKER_03]: Walking triggers, we are on standby.
25:09
[SPEAKER_03]: It seems, it seems, society is on a permanent standby to critique or ridicule everything that comes out of the next person mouth.
25:22
[SPEAKER_03]: whether it's a trigger or not, but we are almost certain that it's going to be a trigger, because we're wording it and packaging it in a way that you're not going to receive this positively.
25:33
[SPEAKER_03]: We're so built on your on that side of the aisle.
25:37
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm on this side of the aisle.
25:39
[SPEAKER_03]: You and that
25:41
[SPEAKER_03]: category.
25:42
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm in this category.
25:43
[SPEAKER_03]: That's your sexual preference.
25:44
[SPEAKER_03]: This is my sexual preference.
25:46
[SPEAKER_03]: That's your religion.
25:48
[SPEAKER_03]: This is my religion.
25:50
[SPEAKER_03]: The irony of there being 452,000 religions on planet earth from one book, let alone.
25:58
[SPEAKER_03]: From one book.
26:00
[SPEAKER_03]: That many variations from one book.
26:03
[SPEAKER_03]: The irony.
26:03
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't know something.
26:06
[SPEAKER_03]: We got to stay on nothing.
26:08
[SPEAKER_03]: We must.
26:09
[UNKNOWN]: We
26:11
[SPEAKER_03]: And I hung just square my eyes.
26:13
[SPEAKER_02]: I grew up in black and white shirts.
26:14
[SPEAKER_02]: That's holding up a conversation.
26:16
[SPEAKER_03]: So, how as fathers, as active men in our communities, because it's bigger than just, I'm raising my son, please understand that the outreach of our activity in the community, the activity in the neighborhood, the activity in the city, the state.
26:38
[SPEAKER_03]: how we vote, how we do worship.
26:41
[SPEAKER_03]: All of those things matter in our eight part of raising our sons.
26:45
[SPEAKER_03]: How do we actively focus on open your minds on and think outside of the boxy enough that just because something that's coming out of someone's mouth, it could be the most ignorant thing you've ever heard in your life.
27:01
[SPEAKER_03]: Refrain from your response being an automatic trigger or a triggering you.
27:07
[SPEAKER_03]: How do we, what would you suggest?
27:09
[SPEAKER_03]: And I know there's not a cookie cutter, just this easy one, just perspective wise for the sake of conversation.
27:15
[SPEAKER_03]: I wasn't approached.
27:16
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, what's an approach to dealing with?
27:19
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm working on it, and for me, as tried as it might sound is, I wait on my words.
27:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, right, they're a whole lot of can responses.
27:30
[SPEAKER_02]: in me, like I'm, I probably got one for it.
27:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Any scenario, but I'm actively trying to take that beat of.
27:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Let me process what I heard to make sure I'm not twisting what I heard into what I wanted to be.
27:49
[SPEAKER_02]: This, just a response.
27:50
[SPEAKER_02]: They say listen to the numbers, listen to the response.
27:53
[SPEAKER_02]: That's a very real thing.
27:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Because if, at whatever point that you feel tension, that's typically when that switch is flip.
28:00
[SPEAKER_02]: It's my opportunity now, just if you're a wordsmith, you want to cut somebody out with your words or like you said, you had to, you had anger, you said you don't be with them for a feet, like all of that, all of that matters, man.
28:14
[SPEAKER_02]: And again, it's just, um, I am finally at a stage where I'm not anxious to be right.
28:22
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm actually okay being wrong when you can
28:29
[SPEAKER_02]: why I'm wrong.
28:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Learned in his pants for him.
28:32
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm cool.
28:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you.
28:33
[SPEAKER_02]: If I'm always right, which we've had that come, I've had that come, say somebody.
28:39
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't have always been right.
28:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Just keep the conversation's made.
28:42
[SPEAKER_02]: That's not what I'm offering.
28:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Being always right isn't as a self-prescribed pressure that we walk through life with.
28:55
[SPEAKER_02]: I've said it on hate before, like I either and corporate are had to always be on this, right?
29:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
29:01
[SPEAKER_02]: And a lot of that is true because of my hue, and the environments that I worked in, I get that, I'm not discounting it.
29:08
[SPEAKER_02]: I've also found that the people that didn't look like me weren't necessarily against me outside of what I thought.
29:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I just approached them because you have to be a, there's no way you're with me.
29:23
[SPEAKER_02]: If I look like this, you look like that.
29:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
29:25
[SPEAKER_02]: I know it does have, it does.
29:27
[SPEAKER_02]: It does, and be aware, be conscious of it, so that you can recognize it.
29:34
[SPEAKER_02]: But don't forecast it unnecessarily.
29:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
29:39
[SPEAKER_02]: When, when I finally got to salary equity, yeah.
29:44
[SPEAKER_02]: It was because I thought nobody would have the conversation with me in my peers.
29:51
[SPEAKER_02]: But y'all told me about that.
29:52
[SPEAKER_02]: No, no.
29:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Bruh, the first time I got a bonus, I ain't gonna call this name.
29:57
[SPEAKER_02]: It was my guy.
29:58
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I'm saying?
29:59
[SPEAKER_02]: And I don't think he ever played me behind my back enough like that, but we kind of moved up together.
30:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Like we were, the Permanent Permanent Permanent.
30:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
30:07
[SPEAKER_02]: And he was like, man, just tell me what you got.
30:12
[SPEAKER_02]: And I told him he was like, Nadie, you have a date, date, date, they plagued you.
30:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Here's why, and at the time, we were not in the same position, but of the same levels, and I respect them, certainly.
30:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Organizations, yeah.
30:27
[SPEAKER_02]: And I was like, hmm, that's really valuable information.
30:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I would have never gotten because I thought you would have never told.
30:36
[SPEAKER_02]: I know that it happened sometimes.
30:38
[SPEAKER_02]: I also know that there are people that look like me that would fuse to have a conversation because if they got $5,000 more and I know about it, if I get any more money, it's going to duck from that $5,000 dollars that they got.
30:51
[SPEAKER_03]: That meant you were eating in my head.
30:53
[SPEAKER_03]: They barely had it.
30:55
[SPEAKER_03]: Surely because they didn't give it to you.
30:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Not knowing that they had $100,000 available to both of us real for here.
31:00
[SPEAKER_02]: It's frightened by scramming about the fire that we think we're going to split.
31:04
[SPEAKER_02]: So I've tried to make a conscious choice to not assume the result or assume the motive when the motive isn't clear.
31:15
[SPEAKER_02]: We're good to put a motive on something before the motive is actually revealed.
31:19
[SPEAKER_02]: We are.
31:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes you're right.
31:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
31:21
[SPEAKER_02]: And if, if, if you're, uh, your Spidey senses is always right.
31:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Go and grace my brother.
31:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Please.
31:27
[SPEAKER_02]: You better than me.
31:28
[SPEAKER_02]: You're way better than me.
31:29
[SPEAKER_02]: You're way better than me.
31:30
[SPEAKER_02]: But the time that I've been wrong with it could have actually not even just backfire, but I could have just not had more.
31:39
[SPEAKER_02]: because of what I thought about the situation or because of how I wanted to hear somebody say something that did not say it inside the house out of the house.
31:49
[SPEAKER_03]: There's not, it's not, it's not, and then again, that's learned behavior.
31:58
[SPEAKER_03]: It's learned behavior because in our community, you don't talk about religion, you don't talk about taxes,
32:09
[SPEAKER_03]: and it couldn't be more off man politics of course, whether I current environment we in right now.
32:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'm gonna throw this out there.
32:18
[SPEAKER_02]: You said both sides of the aisle, there's actually no aisle people.
32:20
[SPEAKER_02]: There's no.
32:21
[SPEAKER_03]: Please understand there's no.
32:22
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't need a game.
32:23
[SPEAKER_03]: Please.
32:24
[SPEAKER_02]: But when you, I'm not qualified to go further than that.
32:28
[SPEAKER_03]: Dad, like knocking is really aisle.
32:31
[SPEAKER_03]: And then you go in that back room and everybody's sitting in there.
32:33
[SPEAKER_03]: You can't just sit up in the right side of the room.
32:38
[SPEAKER_03]: He's going to go to fourth point.
32:40
[SPEAKER_03]: We got two more.
32:40
[SPEAKER_03]: Get to the fourth point.
32:44
[SPEAKER_03]: Too much of, and it's from Father the Son.
32:47
[SPEAKER_03]: Too much of you try to Liberal me instead of Son me meaning meaning.
32:56
[SPEAKER_04]: Ridicured me instead of schooled me.
33:01
[SPEAKER_04]: You ridiculed me instead of schooled me.
33:08
[SPEAKER_03]: some, some fathers that have come, had conversations with me about and exchange they had with their son about, um, like a buddy of mine, his son has moved into South Texas.
33:21
[SPEAKER_03]: Okay.
33:21
[SPEAKER_03]: And so they have a, they had an interaction.
33:25
[SPEAKER_03]: And he was bouncing some ideas off me through about the conversation to see, do I see where the conversation went left or right?
33:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
33:34
[SPEAKER_03]: As I listened to the entire conversation, it sounded like two homeboys were having an exchange instead of a father and a son.
33:42
[SPEAKER_03]: It was the age of the son of the, I would say,
33:49
[SPEAKER_03]: Son is 20, because that 19 and 20, let's say 20, son, 20 dead, 48, okay, you know what I mean?
33:59
[SPEAKER_03]: I'll focus on it by the sun.
34:01
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, so 20, so even at 20, for reference, my dad is 68 years old, I'm 47 years old, right?
34:11
[SPEAKER_03]: and there's words and phrases and interactions I'm uncomfortable with having in front of my dad.
34:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh, this is it.
34:18
[SPEAKER_03]: And my dad is very, very laid back.
34:21
[SPEAKER_03]: But at the end of the day, I cannot do it.
34:23
[SPEAKER_03]: Right.
34:24
[SPEAKER_02]: My process, 30 and a half year, 30 and a few months older than me.
34:29
[SPEAKER_03]: So it's always that kind of.
34:30
[SPEAKER_03]: So even if my mouth goes to say certain things,
34:35
[SPEAKER_03]: handicap.
34:35
[SPEAKER_03]: It's not that we won't even come out.
34:38
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah, because I'm like, I can't.
34:40
[SPEAKER_03]: I was about to do it.
34:40
[SPEAKER_03]: Like, I think it was how much like I hype myself up.
34:43
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm about to drop one.
34:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
34:44
[SPEAKER_03]: And I can't.
34:45
[SPEAKER_03]: So back to this exchange, it sounds like two homeboys, 20 year difference, 20, 28 year difference.
34:52
[SPEAKER_03]: And it sounds like you talking to your partner instead of you talking to your son.
34:57
[SPEAKER_03]: And I'm not going to say that the son doesn't
35:03
[SPEAKER_03]: The son expressed to you a mistake he made and you went into juggin and poking at him like it was your partner.
35:12
[SPEAKER_03]: You fell on your face.
35:13
[SPEAKER_03]: I bet you want to do that again.
35:16
[SPEAKER_03]: And the way that you would kind of juggin your homework because you feel like he got it.
35:23
[SPEAKER_03]: So we're going to laugh through this to keep from crying or whatever the method is.
35:27
[SPEAKER_03]: But if it's your son who knows how genuine
35:32
[SPEAKER_03]: How genuinely perhaps embarrassed or failed or unaccomplished he felt in the moment.
35:37
[SPEAKER_03]: And maybe this really was him coming, like laying it to the altar, laying it on the altar for you.
35:44
[SPEAKER_03]: Sun today, even if we know him to play like this, right?
35:47
[SPEAKER_03]: But I'm laying a real life, your heart felt heavy on my heart, heavy on my mind, issue on the table to my dad.
35:55
[SPEAKER_03]: And the first thing he has back,
35:59
[SPEAKER_03]: is to ridicule a poke phone at the mistake I made that I'm, I'm ridiculously absurdly embarrassed about, or hard-filled sorrowful.
36:09
[SPEAKER_03]: I like, I have genuine sorrow that I made this mistake.
36:14
[SPEAKER_03]: But you laugh and admit me and you're poking at me and everything is a joke and everything is a lie.
36:21
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh, lame old.
36:22
[SPEAKER_03]: Why you did that lame old?
36:24
[SPEAKER_03]: This but this your son in a moment and because again, sometimes this can be attributed to the lack of the emotional intelligence of
36:39
[SPEAKER_03]: Sometimes I have to say, son, I love you.
36:43
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
36:44
[SPEAKER_03]: In the last, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
36:47
[SPEAKER_03]: It's just the summer.
36:48
[SPEAKER_03]: So my oldest boy went to school.
36:51
[SPEAKER_03]: I haven't, I've said, I love him more in the last, these last four months, six months, whatever this has been, four months.
37:02
[SPEAKER_03]: Then I have in the last four years.
37:04
[SPEAKER_03]: And that's not to say, I never told him I love him.
37:07
[SPEAKER_03]: That's right, but you know, I used to, I took for granted that he was here.
37:11
[SPEAKER_03]: So I was just wake up and my first thing in the morning was got to be it.
37:17
[SPEAKER_03]: What you doing?
37:17
[SPEAKER_03]: Everything was a pope was a pope was a pope.
37:20
[SPEAKER_03]: I really don't feel like I had enough sitting down hard to hearts with him.
37:25
[SPEAKER_03]: I had some, but since he's been away at school, he calls me now.
37:31
[SPEAKER_03]: And we talk like better and deeper than we did when he was here about real life, things and it make me when I get off the phone go back and kind of come through our past.
37:44
[SPEAKER_03]: interactions while he was here under my roof.
37:47
[SPEAKER_03]: And that was not happening because I took for granted that he was right here.
37:51
[SPEAKER_03]: So everything was a slabby joke like I mean dating man, cut it out word by what you're going to imagine this girl to the dance to the party.
38:00
[SPEAKER_03]: And I could have been a real thing that was eaten at him like, there's no for me, man, this is my first real dance.
38:05
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm taking a date, and I'm doing this right, but he's scared to be vulnerable with me, because he don't want me to embarrass him.
38:12
[SPEAKER_03]: And even though it was me and just me and him in the room, that's still embarrassing that I'm already feeling awkward about this thing.
38:18
[SPEAKER_03]: And then the person that I opened up to trust, think about you as a man, I've heard me and say, once that man opened up to that woman.
38:25
[SPEAKER_03]: And the first time she throws those words back in his face, you've lost that man.
38:29
[SPEAKER_03]: He'll never open up to you again.
38:31
[SPEAKER_03]: It's the same thing.
38:33
[SPEAKER_03]: This is a young man.
38:35
[SPEAKER_03]: He's trying to find his way in a world of awkwardness and newness.
38:40
[SPEAKER_03]: And here we are with a ton of information that is being said, ton of information that is fingertips.
38:46
[SPEAKER_03]: He still came to trust his day.
38:48
[SPEAKER_03]: Right.
38:49
[SPEAKER_03]: And you're poking on him and joking on him and tearing him down.
38:53
[SPEAKER_03]: And you may have the best intentions in the world, like, man, I'm just trying to open you up.
38:56
[SPEAKER_03]: I didn't mean that.
38:57
[SPEAKER_03]: I didn't know you really was feeling like that, so you messed it up, though.
39:00
[SPEAKER_03]: You dropped the ball.
39:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Now, I really, I really catch myself in the moment, which is again, working through whole lot of stuff.
39:07
[SPEAKER_02]: When the out of the brings something to me, you're not to respond as if.
39:13
[SPEAKER_02]: We so cool and he understands my humor because he doesn't.
39:19
[SPEAKER_02]: It's especially the way to me and my guys talk to the way me.
39:24
[SPEAKER_02]: You tell me what was the guilt trip that was balling up as you were saying that is why I don't do that with him, I still will reference it jokingly with my
39:43
[SPEAKER_02]: I do the same, and it's not to make fun of, but it can be a conditioning in my mind, and I'm doing what one day is going to slip, you know what I'm saying?
39:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, I'm being careful to not make the command of the mountain we had.
40:05
[SPEAKER_02]: 100 episodes ago.
40:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
40:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Come on.
40:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Come on up the mountain.
40:08
[SPEAKER_02]: All you got to do is because we've gone through all the hurt, the hard break, the disappointments, the fire ends, the late.
40:15
[SPEAKER_02]: We've gone through all of it and it's somewhat laughable to us, man, how we felt in the moment because we had different perspectives than that.
40:25
[SPEAKER_02]: We can't hold them accountable to our perspective without our experience.
40:30
[SPEAKER_02]: So I gotta, I, I, like, I'm, he said some, I, I, you know, if I got to take a beat, you know, just stay off in the nothingness before, but because of my mind, again, it's not the laugh that, but the laugh can be received as you take it as a joke.
40:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, it's like when he said, you know, what do you think about dating one with a child?
40:55
[SPEAKER_02]: And I just, if I just started laughing,
40:58
[SPEAKER_02]: but he was actually serious about the consideration.
41:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Right, right.
41:03
[SPEAKER_02]: So if I left it off, it could have avoided a conversation, but he would have had no information to go process his thing and then he would have been left to his own, the throws of whatever he thinks.
41:14
[SPEAKER_03]: Or she thinks.
41:15
[SPEAKER_03]: Thank you.
41:16
[SPEAKER_03]: Or she and Anne, you won't get another topic.
41:20
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't get it.
41:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Or get another one.
41:23
[SPEAKER_02]: He won't get because Anne and...
41:25
[SPEAKER_02]: It's wild because my dad didn't, I just didn't take stuff like that.
41:29
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to make, I always try to throw the camera.
41:30
[SPEAKER_02]: I had a great father.
41:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I just, the, he had some culpability in the while we didn't have a lot of conversations because of what he saw.
41:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
41:38
[SPEAKER_02]: And he's trying to figure it out and maneuver through like without information that he would she had gotten, right, why his father was actually alive, right, right.
41:45
[SPEAKER_02]: And then figuring adulthood without a father.
41:47
[SPEAKER_02]: So I, as a, again, as he becoming adult, you have a different understanding
41:54
[SPEAKER_02]: what you receive when you were a child and your parent was a child to brag, right?
41:59
[SPEAKER_02]: It's just different.
42:00
[SPEAKER_02]: Older child, still trying to figure out life in the doghood.
42:04
[SPEAKER_02]: But I do, yeah, I really try to make sure that I'm not making light of things that are important to him just because they pale and comparison to what's stressing me out.
42:16
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes.
42:18
[SPEAKER_03]: This, because that's their world, that's their world.
42:20
[SPEAKER_03]: And so that's that is all they're dealing with.
42:22
[SPEAKER_03]: And because that's all they're dealing with.
42:24
[SPEAKER_03]: It's monumental.
42:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
42:26
[SPEAKER_03]: So, now the segway, fifth and final, support about this participation generation.
42:38
[SPEAKER_04]: The poor love to judge the rich, the single,
42:46
[SPEAKER_03]: love to tell the married, how to be married or the people in a relationship, how to be in a relationship.
42:52
[SPEAKER_03]: Mary, people love to try to tell single people how to be single in an era that they haven't been single in.
43:00
[SPEAKER_03]: I've been married 10 years.
43:01
[SPEAKER_03]: I cannot tell a modern day single person how to maneuver in
43:15
[SPEAKER_03]: They talk about P in the pool.
43:17
[SPEAKER_03]: Please, he's his fool.
43:18
[SPEAKER_03]: I hear it's no water in the pool, man.
43:20
[SPEAKER_03]: They, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he,
43:45
[SPEAKER_03]: don't get so caught up looking over the fence at the next grass that you're not paying attention to your own fertilizing water.
43:54
[SPEAKER_03]: You want the full hypocrite because they look up watch this.
44:00
[SPEAKER_03]: If you are in a, for example, if you're in a marriage, and there's no intimacy, you're in a close friendship.
44:09
[SPEAKER_03]: Y'all are BFFs, that's your friend, that's your partner.
44:13
[SPEAKER_03]: Hey, my opinion.
44:15
[SPEAKER_03]: A marriage without intimacy is a friendship.
44:18
[SPEAKER_03]: Hopefully, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
44:48
[SPEAKER_03]: then you need to analyze what that quote unquote marriage or relationship.
44:52
[SPEAKER_03]: But it is for you.
44:54
[SPEAKER_03]: So, the participation portion of throwing rocks across the bow.
45:03
[SPEAKER_04]: What is it?
45:05
[SPEAKER_04]: What is it about?
45:10
[SPEAKER_04]: I'm an expert until it's time to look at me.
45:13
[SPEAKER_03]: meaning, just like what I just see it.
45:15
[SPEAKER_02]: You got to clarify for them, not for me.
45:18
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
45:18
[SPEAKER_03]: You'll take, there you go, just, just, why, why, why is a single person the best married counselor on planet earth?
45:27
[SPEAKER_02]: But, I'm not going to, I'm not going to, but pick a topic, pick a subject, pick a, um,
45:34
[SPEAKER_02]: platform.
45:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Whatever it is, if it's how to marriage, how to cut grants, how the more I can point somebody to look at you, there's less opportunity for them to see my flow.
45:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Correct.
45:48
[SPEAKER_02]: That's that's all it is.
45:49
[SPEAKER_02]: I know that wasn't her shadow what I said, but that's it.
45:52
[SPEAKER_02]: That's it.
45:52
[SPEAKER_02]: As long as you're looking at somebody that's not me,
45:57
[SPEAKER_02]: You can't see the flaws in me and confirm what I know or point out what I don't want to see about me.
46:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Like I said before, lady, somebody called a Marseille, man, we got $10,000 for you to do a no smoking campaign, cigarette's a bad sign me up time me up.
46:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't, I've never had any struggle with a cigarette.
46:19
[SPEAKER_02]: I've never actually smoked a cigarette.
46:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Right, I think they're dumb.
46:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Right, right, right, right.
46:23
[SPEAKER_02]: So I could do it there.
46:24
[SPEAKER_02]: You said, hey, we're gonna start a campaign about liquor.
46:32
[SPEAKER_02]: And then I have significantly, I can count the times that I've, that I've dragged, you know, saying this, but I can go to where there was a struggle.
46:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
46:43
[SPEAKER_02]: I can go to where there was a struggle, certainly.
46:45
[SPEAKER_02]: So we, we are, we easily mount the high horse on topics that don't have a hold on us.
46:55
[SPEAKER_02]: As a single person, the ends announce the ups and downs
47:04
[SPEAKER_02]: As a married person, the ends and out of singleness shouldn't have anything to do with me.
47:10
[SPEAKER_02]: You want dating advice for me, go and grace my friend.
47:14
[SPEAKER_02]: So 100 and 10 pound person got a shout-up about obesity, because all you got to do is not eat so much, says the 100 and 10 pound person, right?
47:25
[SPEAKER_02]: And then there are people that wish they could gain weight, but can't correct.
47:28
[SPEAKER_02]: All you got to do is eat.
47:29
[SPEAKER_02]: All you got to do is eat.
47:31
[SPEAKER_02]: The quicker we can solve again, the ten-ton problem with the house of information.
47:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
47:40
[SPEAKER_02]: No.
47:40
[SPEAKER_03]: The ta-da.
47:41
[SPEAKER_03]: Most boxing commentators have never boxed.
47:45
[SPEAKER_03]: The experts, either way.
47:46
[SPEAKER_03]: Now, I'm talking about the analysts from a champions that they bring in.
47:50
[SPEAKER_03]: Not those guys.
47:51
[SPEAKER_03]: Right.
47:52
[SPEAKER_03]: I'm talking about the guy that's in the booth calling the football game for 20 years.
47:58
[SPEAKER_03]: and he didn't make the JV team in high school.
48:02
[SPEAKER_02]: So you got to be careful about that.
48:04
[SPEAKER_02]: That one too, because it depends on what their commitment to understanding the thing has been in those 20 years that they weren't actually playing.
48:14
[SPEAKER_03]: In theory, it's still theoretical.
48:17
[SPEAKER_03]: You could study, study, study, study.
48:18
[SPEAKER_03]: And you can have a mastery.
48:19
[SPEAKER_03]: I don't get it wrong.
48:21
[SPEAKER_03]: You can have a level of mastery of what you have read.
48:24
[SPEAKER_03]: And what you have studied,
48:27
[SPEAKER_03]: And I've seen, I've seen, I've seen.
48:29
[SPEAKER_03]: But if I pull you and say,
48:32
[SPEAKER_03]: Hey man, when it's two minutes left in the game, and we need one more touchdowns, one more touchdown.
48:37
[SPEAKER_03]: How do you actually manage the nerve or that good feeling that you have?
48:41
[SPEAKER_03]: You see what I mean?
48:42
[SPEAKER_03]: I got you.
48:43
[SPEAKER_03]: You can't speak to the end of the moment feeling that I have.
48:48
[SPEAKER_03]: That comes with this turmoil.
48:50
[SPEAKER_03]: You can say what you've seen and observed.
48:52
[SPEAKER_03]: And I've seen the greatest and what they did, you don't know what they did about that feeling, though, because until I mentioned it to you, perhaps you didn't even know that feeling existed.
49:01
[SPEAKER_03]: in that moment, but those who have faced that actual turmoil, if you will, those are the people that I want to seek out and have this conversation with because I have to say, man, right, when you get to, they're going to finish the statement that ball and feeling in your stomach.
49:17
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
49:17
[SPEAKER_03]: Don't even make that puke and on the field and have time show the Super Bowl.
49:22
[SPEAKER_03]: You see what I mean?
49:23
[SPEAKER_02]: I got you.
49:24
[SPEAKER_02]: I guess what I'm with.
49:27
[SPEAKER_02]: The adjacent point that I was making is the people that are typically doing the talking are neither of what we're saying.
49:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Neither of the person that's actually experienced of the person that has studied it up closer from before.
49:39
[SPEAKER_02]: These people just talk just running in my head.
49:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, just talking, yeah.
49:44
[SPEAKER_02]: So I mean, you got to be sensitive about the information that you how credible is the source.
49:54
[SPEAKER_02]: I get, I guess that's kind of the point.
49:59
[SPEAKER_02]: My, the, the, the, the overarching point for me is as long as we can deflect, I don't have to deal as long as the, if we, if we go to an AA meeting, we all have something in common in that sir.
50:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
50:16
[SPEAKER_02]: But if I can ask you questions about your issues longer, we don't have time for me to speak.
50:22
[SPEAKER_02]: Don't have time to focus on me.
50:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Let alone speak.
50:24
[SPEAKER_02]: But.
50:27
[SPEAKER_02]: How's I looking in inside looking in?
50:29
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm participating.
50:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm here, but I'm not gonna make it about me being changed.
50:36
[SPEAKER_02]: And I think that's an issue too.
50:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Like we don't want to, a lot of us don't want to actually change.
50:41
[SPEAKER_02]: No.
50:43
[SPEAKER_02]: And I don't think has anything to do with the pain of it.
50:45
[SPEAKER_04]: It's the fear of being better almost.
50:53
[SPEAKER_04]: It's like being,
50:55
[SPEAKER_02]: I was legit, not being a good father and going to be a good corporate employee.
51:01
[SPEAKER_02]: As a choice, not as I looked up and saw that, oh man, I'm, no, it like home is, I don't, yeah, see, that's what I was about to say.
51:14
[SPEAKER_02]: I, they are clear.
51:17
[SPEAKER_02]: This country, how put deliverable, review, yes, no, bon.
51:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Absolutely.
51:26
[SPEAKER_04]: Absolutely.
51:27
[SPEAKER_03]: And somebody who's not going like this, there are people that have an issue with something, they know it's an issue, they feel like it's an issue, afraid to ask the issue to be removed, because reluctantly they enjoy the thirst for that thing that they have.
51:54
[SPEAKER_02]: So, if as long as I can create a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there's a problem, there
52:22
[SPEAKER_02]: The whole lot that I'm consciously unlearning, but every time every conversation is like, oh, well, I'm still tripping in this, at least this one area, part of an area, component.
52:38
[SPEAKER_02]: So I, I gotta be, gotta stay mindful of the the sensitivity of the relationship with my son.
52:52
[SPEAKER_02]: giving him over to the world and letting the world teach him everything.
52:59
[SPEAKER_02]: The world is going to teach him a lot, right?
53:01
[SPEAKER_02]: And I don't want to keep him from lessons, but I don't want him to go out there and getting things in common with me because we didn't talk about it.
53:10
[SPEAKER_03]: things that I wish I didn't do, but you, you knew I did it.
53:13
[SPEAKER_03]: It's my turn.
53:13
[SPEAKER_03]: But you didn't know that I didn't care for that habit about myself.
53:16
[SPEAKER_03]: It's my turn to about myself.
53:17
[SPEAKER_03]: Because I didn't convey that to you.
53:20
[SPEAKER_03]: You think that's the thing to do.
53:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Somebody called me food.
53:22
[SPEAKER_02]: It's my turn to call somebody food.
53:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Oh.
53:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes, that's a very real thing.
53:28
[SPEAKER_03]: That's a real thing.
53:30
[SPEAKER_03]: Yes, it is.
53:31
[SPEAKER_03]: So listen, people.
53:33
[SPEAKER_03]: I live yo in a team.
53:35
[SPEAKER_03]: That's it.
53:36
[SPEAKER_03]: We're not perfect.
53:37
[SPEAKER_03]: We're not licensed counselors.
53:40
[SPEAKER_03]: We're not even professional counselors.
53:42
[SPEAKER_03]: We too guys.
53:44
[SPEAKER_03]: Yeah.
53:45
[SPEAKER_03]: That's actively trying to become better fathers and husbands in our house.
53:48
[SPEAKER_03]: That's it.
53:49
[SPEAKER_03]: That's it.
53:50
[SPEAKER_03]: And along the way, hopefully I had to children read the benefit of the efforts.
53:55
[SPEAKER_03]: And neither one of us are soft to mind your mouth.
53:57
[SPEAKER_03]: Mind you.
53:59
[SPEAKER_03]: Because Lisa, God not done.
54:05
[SPEAKER_02]: deal because I ended in my mind as I'm talking and I ended on a computer, if it's slip, you work real life, you work in the home.
54:17
[SPEAKER_03]: So he worked at me, got anything else with people?
54:21
[SPEAKER_03]: Good enough.
54:22
[SPEAKER_03]: Hey man, this is what we do.
54:23
[SPEAKER_03]: See y'all on the next episode.
54:25
[SPEAKER_03]: Stay tuned.
54:26
[SPEAKER_03]: Peace.