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Are narcissists really afraid of you leaving them? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So are narcissists afraid of you leaving them?
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  Are narcissistic, toxic people afraid of you packing your stuff
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  up and dipping out on them and going to find a happier,
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  healthier life? Are they?
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  That's what we talking about today, y'all.
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a diagnosed narcissist, and we'll go to another episode of
• 0:25
  The Narcissist Code. Let's go.
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  Welcome back, folks. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Yes, yes, yes.
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  Let's get it. Are narcissistic toxic people
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  afraid of you leaving them? Simple answer, yes, most times,
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  y'all, I would say in most cases, Nicole, thank you so
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  much. Yes, most cases, most times
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  narcissistic people are going to be afraid of you leaving.
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  Y'all, let's just keep it hot. Look, I try to keep it hot.
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  I try to keep it ready like a Little Caesar's pizza.
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  Most times that narcissist or that toxic person is absolutely
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  going to be afraid of you leaving them most times because
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  you know why narcissistic people need validation?
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  They need external validation. A lot of y'all refer to the
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  external validation as narcissistic supply.
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  So yes, they are absolutely afraid of you dipping out not
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  only because of the supply, right?
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  Not only, not only because of the supply, but also the image,
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  the owners, the lack of ownership, the lack of control.
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  If you, if I release you, right? I said release.
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  If I let you go or you escape the relationship or you decided
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  to leave me right, I cannot fathom the thought of you
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  possibly getting your cheeks clapped by somebody else.
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  I said it. I said it because that's what
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  this would be happening. Y'all?
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  Seriously, they get afraid. They can't imagine the thought
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  of you being with someone else. So they a lot of them lose their
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  Dang own minds. Seriously, this happens to so
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  many people that are battling with or dealing with toxic,
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  narcissistic people. They cannot fathom the thought
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  of you being with somebody else. They cannot fathom the thought
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  of you being happy with someone else, of you being content with
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  somebody else or you be or you living your life to the fullest
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  extent with someone else. They cannot fathom that.
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  So they treat you a certain type of way.
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  They behave a certain type of way.
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  They act a certain type of way. So, yeah, a lot of them, even if
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  they don't act like it, OK, I feel like it's important that I
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  say this. Even if they do not act like it,
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  they are afraid of you leaving. Well, leave mine.
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  They didn't act like they didn't care.
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  Of course they acted like they didn't care, of course, because
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  that that works for them, right? Of course they acted.
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  They pretended like they didn't care.
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  They pretend like they don't care, of course, but they do in
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  turn, like inside hell yeah, they scared.
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  They scared as hell. They think you want to dip out.
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  So even though they might pretend or act like they do not
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  care, they absolutely do. Some of them do, right?
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  So, yeah, some of most narcissists, most toxic people
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  are absolutely, positively, it's very afraid of you leaving,
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  afraid of you stepping outside the relationship and finding
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  your own happiness, of finding some type of peace.
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  A lot of them are absolutely afraid of that.
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  So yeah, it could be true to a lot of extents, right?
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  So they're going to be afraid, they're going to be have this
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  fear within them that you're going to leave.
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  So a lot of times because they're afraid of you going to
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  leave, right? Because narcissistic people are
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  afraid of you leaving. A lot of times they're going to
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  withhold things. Now, Lee, what kind of damn
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  sense does that make? If they are afraid of us
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  leaving, why the hell would they withhold things from us?
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  That's where bread crumbing comes into play, right?
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  That's where intimated reinforcement comes into play,
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  right? That's where intimated
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  reinforcement comes into play. They do just enough to keep you
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  there. They do just enough to show you
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  that they could possibly be the person that you always wanted
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  them to be. They do just enough to show you
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  to prove to you that they can be, not that they are, but that
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  they can be, right? Am I right?
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  So when you're dealing with somebody who has this
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  personality type, you got to understand that they're going to
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  do a lot of times they're going to do at the beginning with
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  their love bombing you, they're going to go over the top to get
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  you to fall for them, right? They're going to go over the
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  damn top, over the top to get you to just think that they're
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  the best thing that they ever that ever happened to you.
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  They're going to go over the top.
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  They really are. This is how it goes.
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  There you go, Theresa. This is really how it goes.
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  In the beginning, they'll do it whatever it takes to get you.
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  But in the end, it sounds like that, it seems like they're
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  doing whatever it takes to let you go, but they don't want to
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  let you go, right? They do all this craziness, all
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  this insanity, they do all this crazy stuff, but they don't let
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  you go, do they? That's insane.
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  That's insane. This is what they do.
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  This is what a lot of narcissists do.
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  They do just enough to keep you there, but don't do they don't
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  do too much to keep you happy because look, let me let me put
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  on my let me put on my narcissist hat, put my
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  narcissist hat on right here, y'all, this is my daughter's.
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  I can't imagine you being with somebody else.
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  And the way I keep you here is I do just enough to show you that
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  I can be who you want me to be, right, Right.
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  I do just enough to show you that I got what it takes, right?
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  Right. But I feel like if I give you
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  too much, if I go above and beyond, if I show you, if I give
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  you everything, that you won't need me anymore.
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  So I don't give you everything because I feel like if I give
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  you all that I have, you won't need me anymore.
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  And if you don't need me anymore, I can't get that sweet,
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  sweet narcissistic supply. I can't get that validation.
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  You somebody else is going to get them cheeks and I'm going to
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  lose it. Got to take the narcissist head
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  off, got to take it out sometimes, y'all?
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  But that's what happens. That's the mentality.
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  They get afraid that you're going to leave so they don't do
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  everything for you. Is that true for every single
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  narcissist? No.
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  Like I said in the beginning, there are a lot of narcissists
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  out there who are absolutely afraid that you're going to
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  leave them, right? There are a ton of narcissists
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  out there that are afraid that you're going to leave them.
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  But on the flip side of things, on the flip side of things,
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  y'all don't know what to say right?
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  On the flip side of things, you get the narcissistic person out
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  there that absolutely wants you to leave, right?
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  Am I right? You get the you get the
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  narcissist or toxic person out there that absolutely wants you
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  to leave. They push you out, they damn,
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  they push you out the door, right.
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  But good look, this is called the reverse discard.
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  Sometimes they'll treat you badly.
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  So you do leave. So some of them are not afraid
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  of you leaving. Some of them don't think you can
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  leave fast enough, right? Some of them don't think you can
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  leave that. Some of them like, man, you got
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  to get the hell out of here. You got to go home, but you got
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  to get the hell out of here. And who said that?
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  Who said that right there, Nicole, yes, you're absolutely
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  correct. If they already have somebody
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  else lined up, they already have some new supply lined up, then
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  yeah, they're absolutely going to try to find you out, to find
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  a way to get you out of there, but also simultaneously play the
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  victim. Look, I can't play the victim if
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  I kick you out, right? If I break up with you, I can't
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  play the victim if I break up with you, right?
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  How the hell I'm gonna play the I gotta put the hat back on?
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  How the hell I'm gonna play the victim if I kick you out if you
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  ain't did nothing that I can prove I'm I guess I can try to
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  find a way. I can tell I can lie until
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  people you cheated on me or or or I can just treat you badly
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  and you leave that way. I could play the victim that
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  way. And people ask me he's like,
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  look, I tried my hardest. They still left me.
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  So I got to go get these cheeks over here.
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  Hey, I got to move on, which I was no longer wanted.
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  They kicked me out. What do you expect me to do?
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  I got a new Boo over here. Got a new thing over here.
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  That's what be happening, y'all? I was serious.
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  That's what the narcissist said. Yeah, that's my little daughter.
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  My daughter's a Unicorn headband.
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  But that was that's what be happening.
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  Like seriously. I got to take the all right.
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  I got to take it all. I go into narcissist mode.
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  They try to put it on to you because it makes sense to them.
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  It really does show. So some of them are absolutely
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  afraid of you leaving them because they get paranoid,
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  right? They all this is the paranoid
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  narcissist. They always, they already think
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  that you're cheating. A lot of paranoid narcissist
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  think that you're cheating on them already.
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  They already think you. They already think you have
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  someone else. They're already, they already
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  think that you have one foot out the door, even though it's them,
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  they have has 1 foot out the door.
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  It's crazy how the mind of a narcissistic person works out.
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  It really is can be, it really can be insane.
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  It really absolutely can, so you have to protect your peace,
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  protect yourself. Look when the when the reverse
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  discard happens, yo don't. I know it's a lot of people when
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  I'm doing my one on ones over zoom, a lot of people just like
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  well, Lee, I'm not going to get in this get in the satisfaction
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  of leaving. I'm going to make them be the
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  one to break over me. Don't torture yourself dealing
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  with this type of person right here.
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  Y'all don't torture yourself dealing with this type of
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  manipulative narcissistic person.
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  Set your you can set yourself free in these circumstances.
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  You can set yourself free in these in these situations.
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  Go ahead let them play the victim.
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  You know the truth you absolutely know the truth, so
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  let them play the victim if they want to you, you know the truth.
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  You know what I mean so that's going to end my life part talk
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  right here I'll do a few question and answers I'm going
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  to put the questions on the screen right here y'all but
• 10:54
  before we hop into the Q&A, everything about me everything
• 10:58
  is available right here at mentalillness.net.
• 11:00
  I have my one-on-one coaching over zoom.
• 11:02
  I have my, my one of my coaching over Zoom, my courses, my
• 11:07
  support group called the mental healers.
• 11:09
  Everything is at mentalhealness.net.
• 11:12
  I have a couple courses on there too, y'all.
• 11:14
  And because this month is Mother's Day, we have a special
• 11:18
  going on. So if you go to the the website
• 11:22
  for the courses and whatnot, you can enter this code right here
• 11:24
  Mothers, because it's Mother's Day month for 50% off of
• 11:28
  everything on there. Maybe I don't, I don't think it
• 11:30
  applies to the support group, but the courses are maybe 50%
• 11:34
  off. I fall for the reverse Hoover.
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  So the reverse Hoover, y'all is when the narcissist leaves you
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  alone and you go and you reach out to them, you suck yourself
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  back into the relationship. That's the reverse Hoover.
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  And the reverse Hoover is not. It's them not doing anything.
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  It's the reverse Hoover is pretty much on you.
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  So you have to protect your peace, right?
• 11:55
  In this situation, they're not really trying to Hoover you,
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  You're hoovering yourself. What advice can you give on
• 12:00
  healing for narcissistic abuse? So that's such a broad question
• 12:04
  right here. Take your time, right?
• 12:05
  Take your absolutely take your time.
• 12:08
  And also my course, it's got my course called finding your Why
• 12:12
  is literally about healing for narcissistic abuse.
• 12:14
  I literally have a course called Finding your Why about healing
• 12:17
  for narcissistic abuse. I'll drop the link in the
• 12:21
  comments section in the comments y'all, but finding your why is a
• 12:25
  course about healing from narcissistic abuse, healing from
• 12:27
  toxic relationships and like Sue right here, she says her, her
• 12:30
  and another another member of my group.
• 12:32
  They're doing the finding your why course together right now.
• 12:35
  So like I said, you can take take a look at the course.
• 12:38
  Enter the code mothers for 50% off y'all.
• 12:42
  Again, everything is at mentalillness.net.
• 12:45
  I got to change the color that way and y'all tell me this color
• 12:47
  was horrible. Like there's a horrible color
• 12:48
  choice right there. There you go.
• 12:50
  It didn't look better in black. It hurts because take me for
• 12:56
  divorce. How can I help my 8 year old
• 12:58
  daughter heal from narc abuse? Her father discarded her a
• 13:00
  couple weeks ago so I got some for the kids too.
• 13:04
  I have a kids book right here. It's called Remember It's Not
• 13:07
  Your Fault because it's very difficult to talk to kids or
• 13:11
  anybody about narcissistic abuse or any type of relationship.
• 13:14
  So I wrote this kids book so I Remember It's Not Your Fault to
• 13:17
  help kids understand the dynamics of a toxic relationship
• 13:20
  dynamic toxic relationship, toxic parents, narcissistic
• 13:23
  parents. So they don't so they'll so they
• 13:25
  don't take accountability for their parents actions.
• 13:28
  So they don't blame themselves for why their kids are doing
• 13:31
  something like that. I mean for their parents are
• 13:33
  doing something like that. So it's called remember it's not
• 13:38
  your fault. It's on Amazon.
• 13:42
  Wait, what? Y'all look, so I'm going to go
• 13:43
  look I'm going to go live again. I'm here but in a little bit
• 13:46
  y'all I have to hop off here have to have to end this one.
• 13:48
  So I'm I'm going to set up another live here in a few
• 13:52
  minutes. The the link is in the comments.
• 13:54
  Y'all the link for the Amazon book is in the comment section.
• 13:56
  It looks like it looks like this.
• 13:58
  It looks like spam, but it's not it's an Amazon link to the my
• 14:02
  kids. But remember, it's not your
• 14:03
  fault. But anyway, y'all hit that
• 14:07
  subscribe button If you follow me on.
• 14:09
  If you on Facebook hit that subscribe subscribe button and
• 14:13
  what not. Y'all be safe, take care of
• 14:16
  yourselves and as always y'all as always.
• 14:18
  But this is out peace. Gotta hop off here.