Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #268 Are You My Real Dad?

Transcript

#268 Are You My Real Dad? · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: That may be the longest fluff we've ever had pre-record.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Currently 1.35.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: We've got 11.30, 12.
• 0:09
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Three hours we fluffed for.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: We've been working hard.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: We did have a meeting. We went through some photos.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: We did some photos. But also, not that she's, well,
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: she's not in the room.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: She's on holidays again.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: And I don't want to put blame on the person
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: who's not here to defend themselves. Victoria.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: The mic's not even plugged in. God. What are you doing?
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: She's left us. It's a bloody shambles.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: She's left us again. Oh, God.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: It's all falling apart.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: I guess we better start the episode.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: Okay. I can't remember how it starts.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: Me either.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: Welcome back to Two Doting Dads. I'm Matty J.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: And I'm Ash.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: And this happens to be a podcast all about parenting.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: It is the good. It is the bad.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: And the relatable.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: And you can bet your bottom dollar that we don't
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: give advice.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Bet your bottom, even your top dollar. Bet you, top dollar.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: Or the bottom dollar.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: Or the middle dollar, whatever you like.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: Mid-dollar, whatever you like. Vic, yeah, I mean, I hope
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: she's having a good time.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: She always seems to be having a good time. She
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: has more holidays than anyone I've ever met.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: I know. Does she deserve them?
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I guess so.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: Yes, she does.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: I guess.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: But what about us?
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: What about us?
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: You know, we're over here, starved of attention.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Well said.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I hope Louis and Lillian are happy.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: I wonder how Dan is.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: It's probably having a great time. I'm sure he's having
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: a very good time right now.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: He would be. I just saw a story of him
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: carrying absolutely everything down the beach. So he's doing his
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: fatherly duty.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: So he'd be covered in sand right now.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: And he hates sand.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: We've learned so much about Dan.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: Hates sand.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: For anyone wondering, we have tried to get him on
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: the pod.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: We'll keep trying.
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: Unsuccessful.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Got a great accent.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: Beautiful accent. And I, Will we get him on the pod?
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: Who knows?
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: Well, one day we'll trick him into it.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we'll be like, we just need some help with
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: the studio.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: Pin him down.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: Need a little update.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: I mean, sorry. Okay. We'll pin him down and fart
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: on him.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: What do you got, big guy?
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: What have I got? Well, should we just run through?
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: This is a housekeeping episode. For those of you wondering,
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: especially Emma or Emily, I can't remember what her name was.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: I think it was Sarah.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: Greg. Greg. This is housekeeping.
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: Yep.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: The entire episode. And it is all about you guys.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: It's about the things you send us that we want
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: to talk about, not just about our lives.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: Well said.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: I make it about myself anyway.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: Well said. And I just want to say to anyone
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: who's joining us, maybe for the first time, Ash, a
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: very warm, doting welcome to you.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: Yes. Whatever your circumstance.
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: What does that mean? I don't know. We're not here
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: to judge. I'm not judging. You could be in prison.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: Whoever you are, doesn't matter where you're listening from, it's
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: great to have you here.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: If you are a parent in prison, I do want
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: to hear from you. Conjugal visit. I want to hear
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: about it. Okay. Plant that seed.
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: I want to know, Ash, you are a man who
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: likes to snack. If I can say that. May I
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: say that?
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've had to cut down.
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: Have you?
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: Fuck no. I'm fighting a good fight.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: Do you do the shopping for the snacks for the
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: kids or does April normally do that?
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: April.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Yes. So she knows what they really like, but also
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: as well, she sort of knows what we'll also dive
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: into as well.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: Are you allowed to snack on the kids' food?
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I pay for it.
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: Well, it depends. It's like feast or famine. If you've
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: just done a shop and the house is full of food,
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: then it's like, yeah, free, right? Well, no, it's like
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: when you, like chippies, for example.
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: Like if we're down to like the last few packets
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: and you take them when you're at the tail end
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: before you do a shop, big no-no.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Why am I trying not to yawn again?
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: Get a nap, big guy.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: Okay, we're good. I just had a sip of coffee
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: and was like, sorry, man. I'll try to hold my
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: yawns back.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: No, it's like when I read kids' stories. It doesn't
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: matter what time of the day. As soon as I'm
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: one page in, I'm like, ugh.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: Except two doting dads.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: It's not boring at all.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: Or the secret ingredient.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: Yes, Ash, are you allowed to eat the snacks that
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: are meant for the kids?
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't. And I show no mercy. If there's
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: one muesli bar left. I'll eat it. But then they
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: would be like, well, I thought there was one muesli
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: bar left. You thought wrong.
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: Well, what would you say? What is your top list
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: of kids snacks for you to eat?
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: Top list. How many can I have in this list?
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: Three?
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: Go three. Go three each.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: Three is a good number.
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: Three each. Okay. First one. Favorite one. Tiny teddies. Chocolate
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: tiny teddies, the little packets.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: The speckled choc or the full choc?
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: Full choc.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: Full choc.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: But I'm not, if choc chip, honey or anything turns up,
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: I'm still eating it. I don't discriminate. I like everything,
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: all the teddies.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: I'm not a big teddy guy.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: But I'm not judging. I'm just saying if I was
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: going to go for a little chippy packet, I'd go
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: for jumpies.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: The kangaroo jumpies?
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: Kangaroo jumpies, chicken flavour.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm more of a sweet tooth guy.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: Okay, I want the savoury.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: I'm more of a diabetes sort of guy. Mum's got
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: late onset diabetes. Something to aspire to.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: Understandable.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: Something to aspire to, look up to really.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: Number two.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: Number two. Okay, so number two is they're called smoosh balls.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: Macy calls them chocolate balls, but they're like cacao, coconut.
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: These are expensive.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: No, you can get, so Aldi do the bucket ones
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: and they're good value.
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and Macy goes through them. And they help us
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: shit too because there's prunes.
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: The peanut butter and caramel, great choice.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they're like the berry ones better at the moment.
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: They love the berry ones.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: Like a little tipple, a tipple if you will.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: This is in the same family as the smush balls.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: The smush ball family, yeah.
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: But Bob Snail.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: What is that? Give me a look at Bob's snail trail.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: The fruit stripe.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: The fruit's dry. So this is the same thing.
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: Bob's snail. Imagine the berry flavour smush balls, but like
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: a little like snail, like roundy, roundy, round.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: Like a roller?
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: I think very similar, but I'm hoping healthier. And if
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: the babble girls are listening going, fuck no.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: Don't worry about it.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: No, Bob's snail, this guy.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: I've seen them. I've never personally. Why are we not
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: giving each other? Oh.
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: Next time. Yeah, please.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: More content. Woo! They look good. What have we got? 100%
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: real fruit. I don't believe that.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: No added sugar.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: No artificial flavor. Vegan friendly. There you go. It's for everyone.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: That's good.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: For anyone listening, Bob's now.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Bob's now.
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: Bob's now.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Bob's now. I was thinking more like it was going
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: to be like a fruit roll-up, but there's no fruit
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: in a fruit roll-up.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: But it's just that little sweet kick that you need sometimes.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And number three for me. It's better be good.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: It's called, well, they are the rainbow sticks. Mm-hmm. I
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: don't know if you recall, they're little fruit bars. Again,
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: probably minimal fruit in them.
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: Classic. And they're historic too. Yeah. I had them as
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: a kid and then we had to stop buying them
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: because I'll eat like five at a time. And I
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: like the way they just rest in your mouth.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: And melt away.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: The flavour oozes.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: It does say here, no artificial flavours. Health star rating?
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: We'll ignore that.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: Define artificial.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: Okay, this is, I'm sure you're into this.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: Okay, go.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: You know the strawberry yogurt buttons? They're more for babies.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: I know the ones.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: I mean, now you're in an era with your kids, what,
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: Macy's what, four now?
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: Three. Five.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: Fuck off.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: She'll be five next month. Sorry. Fuck off, Macy.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: Where did that come from?
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: Well, it's just the same year as Lola, but Lola's
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: at the other end.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: I apologise. Macy, if you're listening.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: She's little. Yesterday she dressed up in Oscar school uniform
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: and I was like, no! No! But then she started
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: to do the she-sells, she-seashells and she can't say hate,
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: she's like, shh. She's like, seashells, seashells, by the seesaw.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: And you're like, perfect.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: And I was like, you're back.
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the yoga buttons, dude, they are un-fucking-believable.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they're a bit, I can't believe I'm going to
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: say it, but it's sweet for me. Don't get me wrong.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: I'll eat them, but I like them. I do like them.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: Who are you? But I can't eat many of those.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: You're so hard to read.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: I know. I make, do you know what I do?
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: You know the yogurt pouches? Yeah. I get.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: Also very good.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: This is a hack. Yeah. Which it's not really. You
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: get the ice tray and you put a little bit
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: in each of them, put it in the freezer for
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: when the kids get home to school in summer.
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: Boom.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: Little yogurt drops. Frozen.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: Who taught you that?
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: TikTok.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: Good boy.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: Thank you. So yeah, I do that, which the first
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: time I did it, The kids were like, just wait more.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: They were like, Oscar was like, but like, how did
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: you figure this out?
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: And you're like.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: I was like, well, science. I see religion doing this. Well,
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: what I did was, and he was like mind blown.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: But then the problem was, make it begin. But then
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: I understand that it takes time in the freezer.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: No understanding of time. Can I also just give a
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: quick mention to pretzels? Do you know what's even better?
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: Chocolate pretzels. You cover anything in chocolate.
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: Also, like, can someone come out with, like, a chocolate-covered
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: pretzel dipped in yogurt?
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Why stop there? And then sprinkles.
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: In America, like, soft pretzels with, like, all sorts of
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: coverings for decades have been, like, the rage. Bring them over.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: I know. Bring them to us. Two big soft pretzels.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: It's pretty much just a baguette twisted up. I knew
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: I was going to win.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: I'm so hungry right now.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: I know. What else we got? We got a pear rant.
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: Whoa, I want to be free, yeah, to say what
• 10:00
  Speaker 4: I feel.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: Man, I feel like a pear rant. Hey!
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: All the good pear rants come from the Facebook group,
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: so if you're not in there, please join them.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: Jump in.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: Hopefully you can share my rage.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: Is this from you?
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: No, but I 100% back this pair rant.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: Okay, fire away.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: So from Hana, Hana, Hana, H-A-N-A, Hana.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: Hana.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: Hana.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: She says, no one talks about how much time you
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: will spend in line for face painting in your life
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: as a parent. And my rant is specifically that when
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: you are at a busy event, the face painting quality
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: is absolute top notch. highlights glitter phenomenal artistry but you've
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: waited over an hour because it's like five to ten
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: minutes per kid it's absolutely wasting the little gremlins who
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: would be also happy with the grade three level painting
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: skill but damn those kids are then feral when there
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: is no time to do any other activities at the
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: big event or worse your kid wants to join the
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: line but then gets shut off because it takes too
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: long I just think the ROI on face painting is pathetic.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: A friend of mine, and I'm going to give him
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: credit here, Mike, for his daughter Ziggy's birthday the other day,
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: his wife said, oh, we've got to get a face painter.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: And he was like, fuck that. He goes, you know
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: what I'm going to do? Went down to the little
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: $ 2 shop, cheap shop, bought a bunch of the stick-on tattoos. Yep.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: And him and his dad were the, so he was,
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: Stick it. His dad would hold it for 30 seconds.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: Move on. Mate, I'll tell you right now, it was like.
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: It's like a factory.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: It was unbelievable. Like big business should be down there going, okay.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: So wait, one in?
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: Efficiency.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like, wait, hang on a second.
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: One.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: There's two. Genius.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: And, like, I don't want to disrespect the face painting
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: industry because.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: It's a skill.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: It's a skill. You know, I want to hero the
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: creators of this world.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: How do they get my kids to sit still?
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: But it's just not worth it. It's just not worth it.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: Especially, like you said, if you're in the line and
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: then it's like, oh, God, we've been here for ages, ages, ages.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: And then it's like, oh, the event's over now. What?
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: I don't want to stand in line though.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: No, the whole time.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it fucking sucks.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: And then like it comes off. You get home and
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: it's off and they're like, they see themselves in the
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: mirror and half of it's smeared off.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: And they're like, what?
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: What is this?
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: Just get like a spray paint.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: A stencil.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, just honestly.
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: Next.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: Close your eyes, close your mouth, close your nose.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: Is that not genius?
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: I think it's good.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: Like surely there's a temporary face.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: It's like the hairspray with this color.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: Hang on. Let's just swap face painting and introduce like
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: a crazy hair salon.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but the problem with that is, and I will say,
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: I missed out on it as a child because I
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: have really dark, thick hair. So people are like, what
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: colour would you like? And I was like, doesn't matter
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: because you're not going to fucking see it. So I
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: would be like, we need more cams for this kid.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: You're 12 cans in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Steve's like, you
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: should have done a base coat. Where's the primer? He's
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: like dipping a roller in. That's another thing you could do.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: Have the party at home, right, and you're like, okay,
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: I need to paint. He'd be like, here you go, kids.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: Just paint the fucking walls. Or like on The Simpsons,
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: they had the makeup shotgun.
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: Boom.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: All the donors are like nodding along and they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: Take it back.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: Or hear me out.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: Everyone comes to the party in a white T-shirt.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. Wet T-shirt competition. The mums?
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: I want to see some dad titties. That's what I
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: want to see.
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: I was going to suggest that we stencil the kids' T-shirts,
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: but we can, the dads can have a wet T-shirt
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: competition if they want.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: I thought you were going to say come to the
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: party pre-face painted. Do it at home and then come in.
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: Also not a bad shout.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Here's a question. If it's a themed party, do
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: the face paint or need to be in that theme?
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: Well, no.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: Because I don't see, yeah, people are like fairy and like,
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: I want a line. It's like, oh, fairy it is.
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: All the kids want is like one brush and some glitter.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: That's it. Yeah. I think just like a little butterfly
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: or like a.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: Eyeshadow. Eyeshadow.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, just hit them with a makeup gun.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: And the boys have the little mustache. Or the gun.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: Or the stencil. The stencil idea. It's just a perfect
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: shape of a head. And it's like, you just go blue.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: And it's like, it's a Blue Man Group theme party.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: Everyone's just covered in blue paint. Solved. Problem solved.
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: Next.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: Last week, we had a dotted dilemma about the birds
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: and the bees, Matt. I'm not sure if you recall.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: Have you had that conversation with your mum yet? I've
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: had it with yours.
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: Ew.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: For those wondering, it's when is the right time to
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: have the chat with your kids about where kids come from?
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: And Sammy has written in.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: Hey, Sammy.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: Hey, Sammy. S-A-M-M-I.
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: Thank you.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: Love that spelling. I dated a girl named Sammy once.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: How was she?
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: How was she? Excuse me?
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: Was it a good relationship?
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: She was great. No. How was she? Didn't last long.
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: Who broke up with who?
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: She dumped me.
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: Fair.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: Sammy says, according to experts, kids need to know Everything
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: about sex by the age of nine. Otherwise, they risk
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: hearing it secondhand from another student. going to hear it
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: secondhand from another student anyway because i.
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: It's always the kids with the older sibling yeah look
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: april and i were talking about this this morning and
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: she was like sex in and was this before or
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: after you guys had used the sex pillow it was
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: midway through yeah and you're like thrust yeah like wait
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: hang on a sec babe she was like hang on
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: a sec speaking of sex.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: I was edging myself so let's stop with that i
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: will having this conversation this morning because of the sex
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: pillow chat last week yep And she was like, yeah,
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: in my house when I was a kid, the conversation
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: and the subject was so taboo.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: Taboo, yeah.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it was like, yeah, I guess so, yeah,
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: but maybe until I was maybe in high school that
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: I can recall. I don't really remember. But I think
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: if it's done biologically like correct and terms correct, not
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: just like, oh, that's your fucking digging balls. Like there's
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: your genitalia. I think if it's done correctly before the
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: age of nine, for sure, go for it if you
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: feel comfortable.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: Can I ask you a very personal question, Ash?
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: I would like nothing more.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: May I please ask how old you were when you
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: lost your virginity?
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: Good question. I was a late bloomer.
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: Was it Sammy? Poor girl.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: Poor girl didn't have to withstand that. 18. No, I
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: was 17.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: You fucking loser.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: People mature at their own rate. I was in a tent.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: It was great.
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: It was in a tent.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: It's for no one. No one enjoyed that.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: It was in a tent?
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: It was in a tent. Suffolk Park, Byron Bay.
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: Summer? Summer? It must have been hot in there. Yeah,
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: it was. It must have been warm.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: The humidity. It was warm, hot, clumsy, and forgettable. The
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: poor girl. Shout out to Tash. No, but yeah, what
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: about you? What have you got? What have you got
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: for me? 15. Okay, you slut. 15.
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: Stradbroke Island in Clemson.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: Straddy. North or south? North. I heard south better, but.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: The school holidays.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: What's that resort up there? Is it at that resort? No.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: It's like an all-inclusive? No.
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: No.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: I was 15. I'm not that rich. All inclusive. Why
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: were you on Stradberg Island? The only place for privacy
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: in Queensland.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: I don't know if it still happens, but the September
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: school holidays, somehow there was like heaps of kids who
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: were all about like 15, 16, 17. Somehow we managed
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: to all rent houses. And we had like 15 mates
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: in one house with no adults.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God. You could not do that these days
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: with Airbnb. Like my Bucks party, I didn't like turned up.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: Like I didn't know where we were going. Turned up
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: and the beautiful house at Merriweather, right? Yeah. And then
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: the people who owned it lived next door. And my
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: friend was like, fuck. didn't tell them it was a
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: bar because there's like 30 of us and they kicked
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: us out pretty much immediately.
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, as you would.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: But like back then you could do that.
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think so we just had all these.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: This is what, the.
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: 70s?
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: Very good, very good.
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: 80s.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: No, it was 90s. Early 2000s.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: Fuck you.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: Early 2000s is good.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so we had this house to ourselves and that's
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: when I became a man.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: Did you mid, like at all during the? It was quick.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: The quick interaction, think about what your mum said about
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: birds and the bees. Like, did you think, hang on,
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: mum said to put this here. No, I am not, Ash.
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: I am not in the moment thinking about things my
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: mum has said to me.
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: I am.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: No, I mean, I don't even think there was enough
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: time for me to think about it. Yeah, you're like, so.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: Mum told me to put, oh, it's over. Yeah. She
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: was like, well, you should do art every month.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, don't worry about it.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: Hey, don't worry about it. And then your mum was like,
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: how was it, honey? You were like, honestly, I don't remember.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: I actually do have a message here from a dota.
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: Ash, are they telling us about when they lost their virginity?
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: No, but they have an older son.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: Good morning, dotas. I am an old listener. I love
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: you guys, but I, like, have one son who's 23.
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: I just wanted to offer some advice to.
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: The parents yesterday who were asking questions about the sex
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: education and I have three main tips. Number one is
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: it's not one conversation of birds and bees. I learned,
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: that's what I was expecting, but no, multiple conversations occurred
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: over many years.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: All the time.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm in a court of law. Multiple
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: conversations were heard.
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: But I think that's a great shout. And this is
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: from KB, by the way. KB wrote to us.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: So first tip is don't try and do a crash
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: course cram lesson.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, all in one. It's a peppering.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: It's like my mum chose to tell me about orgasms
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: in that one conversation.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: And she was like.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: And we haven't spoken since.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: Well, my job here is done.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: She was like, and then you squirt.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: Great point.
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: Multiple conversations. KB, noted.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: Good start.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: Noted.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: Great start. Number two is the car. The car is
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: the best.
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: Get your son. For sex?
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: Okay. More context, please. Call your daughter in the front seat.
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: Start having conversations because they can't leave, you can't leave,
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: and you don't have to look at each other.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: So in the car.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: In the car.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: And that, honestly, can I just say to the listeners,
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: any tough conversations you want to have with your kids, anyone,
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: do it in the car because you're not facing each
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: other side to side. Less confronting. It gets too awkward,
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: you can just crash.
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: Very good point, Ash.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: You're like, ah! And number three is school.
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: The school that my son went to would say that
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: they were doing this term, they were doing the sex
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: education stuff and parents could ask questions. So I remember
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: being really nervous but I went to the school the
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: first year and asked to look at the resources they
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: were using. I think school were a bit reluctant because
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: their parents never asked and But I just wanted to
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: know what they were teaching.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: This is my number one tip.
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: The schools have a program and it's age appropriate for
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: every year of the primary school. So if you're getting
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: the resources from school, you don't have to teach it
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: to your kid, but you know it and you can
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: reinforce what school's saying and you.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: Know it's age appropriate. So that's my three tips.
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: It's more than one conversation in the car and ask
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: school for the resources when they offer it. They might
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: get freaked out, but if more parents did it, it
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: would be a natural thing.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: Very true. They are three very good points. And can
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: I say well-spoken.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: Well-spoken.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: I like that last one where it's like.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: And not to attack the education system, but sometimes what
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: the teachers are being spoon-fed to teach, you know, like
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: does two plus two really equal four, if you know
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying?
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: Window. That's one plus one. Damn it. I remember sex
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: ed at my school, the multiple schools I went to,
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: they were all crap. I feel like now when I
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: go to primary school to see anything of Oscars, I
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: feel like the system is much better than it was
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: when we were kids.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: You're like, show me that maths equation.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: Show us your penis. And it's like if you can
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: reiterate what– if you've already learned what your kid's about
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: to learn, you're like, I'm fucking ready for this. And
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: they come home.
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: You're one step ahead.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because also as well, the language that you use
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: around your kids, they're probably going to pick it up
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: a bit better. So it's like if you know– They
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: go have the conversation, then have a conversation with you
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: about it. You are just really reinforcing what they've just
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: listened to.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: It's like building a house. You need good foundations and
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: strong reinforcement.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: It's like a good analogy. You really need good foundations,
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: much like the one you just used. Thank you. Another
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: bit of analogies in there.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I'm like, holy shit, to think about having to talk.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: In my head, I'm like, I still got little babies,
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: and then I'm like, By age nine, we have to
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: talk about birds and the bees and they should understand it.
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my God, that's like a couple.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: Of years away.
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: Oh my God.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: Did you see the Fairband Brothers did a chat on
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: their podcast about, imagine what it would be like as
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: dad of a daughter and you're talking to her potential
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: husband or whatever. And he's like, yeah, we're trying. It's like, what?
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: I know. We're trying really hard every day. It's like,
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: shut up.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: If she gets pregnant, I'm like, you animal.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: I know. They were like, no dad wants to hear
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: that you're trying. Just tell us when it's done. Hey,
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: I want to just read out a little message that
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: I received, if you don't mind.
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: I do, actually.
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: You do?
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we'll keep this moving right along.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, good, because my reading skills aren't very good. I'm
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: going to read it to you anyway because I can
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: and I will and I have free will. So I
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: received this message in the last couple of days from
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: someone from my past.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: Oh, Sammy.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: Not Sammy, unfortunately.
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: Sammy's getting a good run this episode.
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: She is. She is for sure.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: Sammy, if you're listening, please reach out.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: Huge long shot if you remember me, but generally as
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: a young teenage playing soccer in Tweed, having a role
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: model like yourself at a young age really meant a
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: lot to me. And I look back now and having
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: you as a soccer coach for those few years really
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: shaped me as a man now. Oh, yeah. which you
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: might think is far-fetched, but because soccer and sport was
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: everything to me at that stage, it was really special
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: having someone like you, the time to show up each
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: week and be there for us. I'm forever grateful, and
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: the journey you've been on is extremely special. But if
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: this doesn't reach you, I'd love for you to know
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: my fondest young teenage memories come from you coaching us
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: week in, week out. I remember crying in your chest
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: after we lost 1-0 in an extra time to Narang
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: in a grand final.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: That is fucking beautiful. I know.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: That is.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: Oh, my gosh.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: So, Dylan, thank you for that.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: You made me cry. Really?
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: I hit real hard.
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: Oh, okay.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: Sorry.
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: No, that is like.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: It's... Because you talk about yourself like you're an absolute
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: rat bag when you're a young teenager.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: I was.
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: I was.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: And especially at that age. Like, the age he's talking about.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: I was, what, 18, 19? Yeah, 18, 19. I think
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: I coached them for three or four years. We went to...
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: I think we went to three grand finals and lost
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: one nil every time. But I do remember this kid.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: He was very skilled, very good. He was my center
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: mid midfielder. He was the captain. He was just one
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: of those kids.
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: How old was he at the time?
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: I think I had them from age 10 to 13. Yeah.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: I think so. Like real formative years, like, and their
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: parents of this whole team really loved me and Troy.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: Troy was the other coach and Josh was, so there
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: was the three of us. And then When I moved away,
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: I think they continued. But I do remember this kid.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: He was like the workhorse kid, but I was like,
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: all right, I see what this kid has. He went
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: on to play reps and stuff as well. Also, the
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: goalkeeper in that team went to play in England. I
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: remember that.
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: Look at you.
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: Jay Hoyt. And I ran into the other one. Actually,
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: I ran into the goalkeeper at Origin last year in Brisbane,
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: of all places. He's huge. Such a big guy and like,
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: you know, happily married young, you know, really nice. It's
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: crazy that I do every now and then I'll get
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: a reminder of these kids particularly because I have friends
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: still in Tweed and it's always good thing. So to
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: hear from him fills me with pride, obviously, to look
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: back and think, okay, well, in that time I was
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: just being the person I thought that those kids needed, not.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: an influence. I just thought this was neat.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: I think you're full of shit because you- Shut up. No,
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: because you talk to me, you're like, and then I
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: bloody crashed that car, I rode it off.
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: I did.
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: And then I was drunk every other day. And then
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: I get a message like this, which is like, you're
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: like the therapist from Good Will Hunting. You're a role
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: model for these young kids.
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: I never meant to be. No.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: But, I mean, wild to think. You never would have
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: imagined back then that- Ten years later?
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: How long?
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: Ten years later. How many years? Fuck, it's nearly 20 years, dude.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: It's 18 years.
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: You'd never imagine 20 years later that these kids would
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: be reaching out, being like, hey, one of my core
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: memories of being a kid, my biggest mentor, was you.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: I know. Honestly, I'm sure.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: He must have had some pretty shit mentors. I don't know.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe you should check the people you're hanging out with.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: But I remember, like I said, I've got friends in
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: Tweed still, and especially Troy, who still lives in Tweed,
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: and he was the other coach. Every time I see him,
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: he's like, guess who I ran into? And he's like, man,
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: these kids are huge compared to us. But I remember
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: it being, we had a lot of fun. We were
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: also in those years where it was like 18, drinking
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: and all sorts of things, like school was finished. We
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: were both apprentices. So we were out going to the games,
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: really hung over. The kids used to love it. And
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: we just had like, I remember we were at an awards,
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: like an awards afternoon at the soccer club at the
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: end of the year. And the parents would used to
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: give us bottles of alcohol at the end of the year.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: It was great. It was a lot of fun.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: And then I remember the kids would always be- Little
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: did they know the damage they were doing to you.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: I know. How did? They enabled. But I remember the
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: kids were going a bit crazy and the parents were like,
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: you can see they're getting frustrated. And I remember looking
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: over and be like, oi, sit. And they all just went, oi.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: And the parents were like, how did you do that?
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, I'm not their parents, right? They're not
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: going to listen to you. They listen to me. Because
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: if they don't listen to me, when we get to training,
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: I'm making them do pushups for an hour. And I'll,
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: I'll literally wait there to do it with them. You
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: know what I mean? And yeah, to get that all
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: these years later was very, very cool.
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: I want to start coaching. I want that feeling.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah. It's funny.
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: Like my kids are like, we love you. I'm like,
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: not you. It's from other kids.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: It's funny. The other day, Oscar's doing summer soccer. So
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: Friday night. And I'm like, I don't know something when
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: I get there, I'm not the coach. I'm just a dad,
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: but I always like want the vibe for each kid
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: to be high. So like, And April's always like, it's
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: so funny, like a kid will do something really good
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: and you'll come from nowhere, go, that was a really
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: good high five while they're on the field. And then
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: you'll do this really fast backwards run. She's like, I've
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: never seen anyone move so fast backwards.
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: Is that like a coaching run? Yeah, I'm just like.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: But I'll go, like I remember like the other night,
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: rosie she's the only girl on the team you know
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: she puts up with all the boys as she does
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: but like she absolutely booted the ball out to like
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: stop the other team from going past and i was
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: just like that can't go unrecognized.
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: I'm fucking running on the i was.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: Like straight on there and then a half time i
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: was like that was the best half you know like
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: and that sort of shit fucking fills me with joy
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: and i think i was like that i remember i
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: was always like giving the pep talk to these kids
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: it's like we're down here we can you know.
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: Dude when you're a kid When you're a kid getting
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: that little bit of praise, which it's so easy to
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: forget as an adult, when you just say, oh yeah,
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: good job, whatever. But I remember having a good game
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: of rugby. and coming off and one of the senior
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: coaches gave me a fist pump and i was just
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: like oh my god wow that level of praise from
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: someone in a bit of a like important position i
• 29:49
  Speaker 2: was just like It means everything.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: It's drugs for kids. Oh, yeah. Like Oscar, when Oscar
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: does something amazing, I'm like, hey, and I'll be quite specific.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: I'll be like that run you did down the side there,
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: that's the sort of thing I want to see. That
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: was amazing. And he's like, okay, sweet. You know, give
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: him something else.
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: Let's become coaches.
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: I'm convinced. But, yeah, that was pretty cool.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: Beautiful, beautiful. Man, that was great. I'm very proud of you.
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: Thank you. Thank you. I don't remember being that much
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: of a mentor, but I guess I was.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: Ash, before we get onto Dota Dilemmas, I do want
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: to give a little shout out to Vegemite Kids because
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: I love Vegemite.
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: Is this the one with 50% less salt?
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: So I've been trying to get my kids onto Vegemite
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: and they're like, no. And I was like, you don't
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: know what you're missing out on. But they've got Vegemite Kids.
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: It's 50% less salt and a milder taste. It's like
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: the gateway into Vegemite.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: And it's much easier based on the texture to spread
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: because we have it too. My kids love it. So
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: if you haven't got your hands on Vegemite, kids, do it.
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: It's bloody delicious.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: Now it's time for this.
• 30:52
  Speaker 4: Now you need us more than ever. Know that we
• 30:55
  Speaker 4: still have each other. You can send us your doting dilemma.
• 31:00
  Speaker 4: You can send us your doting dilemma.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: Dilemma, dilemma, dilemma. Yeah, I'll go first. This one's from Nadine. Nads. Nads.
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: What's up, Nads? She's going to hate that. Maybe she'll
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: like it. Anyway, the most diabolical thing happened to me today.
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: I'll be the fucking judge of that. I was in
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: the shopping centre parent room. Good start. Doing a bum change.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: Another good start.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: A bum change?
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: Yes. Whose bum were you changing? A bum change and
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: feed when two tradies walk in to use the microwave
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: to heat up their lunch. They are resourceful. I was
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: with my husband. We both looked very confused like, surely not.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: Anyone else encounter this?
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because at Westfield Bondi Junction, there's a great parents'
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: toilet room and within that is you have like seats
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: to breastfeed, you've got a little kids' play area, you've
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: got the little kids' toilets and you've got the microwave
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: to heat up.
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: Like a kitchenette.
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: A little kitchenette.
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: They have better appliances than I do at home, so
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: fuck it, I'm not using that.
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: Should the tradies be using that? Oh, God, I love tradies.
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: The backbone of this country.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: There you go.
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: I mean, would I tell off a tradie? No, because
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: I'm a massive little.
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: I'll tell them off later at home when I'm in
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: the shower.
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: I'm a massive waltz. I don't like confrontations.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: And then I'll think about that scenario for the rest
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: of my life.
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: But I don't want the traders coming for me. And
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: also if I need any traders quoting on my house,
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: I hope they don't increase the price because they're like,
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: you fucking said that thing about me on the podcast.
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: But you can't be using the facilities if you don't
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: have a kid.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I would say.
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: Careful.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: Careful, Ash.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: No, I would say this. Okay. They're obviously working on
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: the shopping center specifically itself.
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: Imagine if they're not. Imagine if they're like, hey, you
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: guys want anything heated up?
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm just taking a quick. 30-minute drive to Westfield,
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: trying to find a park, probably parking a kid's pram parking. Just, like,
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: fucking really... And then you'll see him on one of
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: those $ 5 machines just go and go after go. I'm
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: on Smoko. Look, I think if they poke their head
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: in there's no one in there, fine. But if there's
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: people in there, I'd probably be like, it's probably not appropriate.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: I think... It's definitely not appropriate, like, if there's people
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: in there. That's where I'm going to leave it. Because
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: I think if you... Open the door. You can see
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: it's bare. It's going to use it for 30 seconds.
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: Fine.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: But if you open the door and there's parents in
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: there with the kids, you need to beeline out of
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: there very quick because that's privacy now. If there's no
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: one in there and you've been courteous and anyone in here, whatever, but...
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: I would say an apprentice is not going to have
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: those skills. When I was a tradie, there was always
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: one old head that had a microwave in his toolbox.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: It was part of him. He was like, I'm fucking
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: going through with this. Or a sandwich press. Like last resort,
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: I think it's play on if there's no one in there,
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: you've done your due diligence to make sure.
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: But then you've got, then you've got, okay, imagine if scenario, right?
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: You're a tradie, you poke your head in there, you go,
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: don't worry boys, it's empty. So you and a couple
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: of mates go in there, heat up your little food
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: you got. And then a mum goes in there. To
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: breastfeed her child. And then there's three boys in there.
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: And then it's like, you don't want that. You don't
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: want that awkward interaction.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you do, Matt. Also as well, like I can
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: imagine April walking in, seeing there's tradies and being like, oh,
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: I can't. I've got to go.
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: I'm going to take it back. Just carry your own microwave.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: They're not that expensive. Get your boss.
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: Go to Kmart. They're like $ 20.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you're at Westfield's already. Just go, use the one
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: at Kmart. Actually, you can probably get away with in
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: a shopping centre shopping You could walk into any shop's lunchroom,
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: especially a big department.
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: If you're in high-vis, you can.
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: Do- Just fucking walk in. You can do whatever you like.
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: I know.
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: Except take our car parks and microwaves.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: Or go into the kids' room when they're training.
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: But everything else is fair game. Yeah.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: There's other solutions.
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: Nads with the bum change. You want to change your
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: bums in peace.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: Exactly. You don't need, yeah. Yeah, you're right. Sorry. Take
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: it all back. I take it all back.
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: And if any traders come for us, please be gentle.
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not. It's not too much to ask to
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: just be like, don't use the.
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: Not too much to ask. That's such a good phrase.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: It's not too much to ask. It's just- You piece
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: of shit. Eat your dinner. It's not too much to ask,
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: is it? Yeah, yeah.
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: That's such a dad phrase.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: Unless there are.
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: There he is.
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: There he is.
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: Try and crawl your way back here.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not going to do it. No, you go.
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: Next one. Nadine's like, I got nothing from that. No,
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: we backed her up.
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: We backed her up. We backed her up.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: Some people just want to be heard. Nadine, we hear you.
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: Will we do anything about it? No, I'm too scared.
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: I have at times walked into the parents' bathroom just instinctively.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: And then taken a shit in the kids' toilet. It
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: suits my butt size better.
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: It's good for your posture. Your knee's up.
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: Knee's up. Yeah, I just carry my stool around with me,
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: my poop stool. Have you ever been to someone's house
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: and you go to the bathroom and they've got a
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: poop stool in there? Instant unfriend. No.
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: Although my kids have a little stool, but it's to
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: brush their teeth.
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: Oh, my days. That's just.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: What have you. I don't know.
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: Do you hold in your farts and fix here or
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: what happens?
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it hurts.
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: You get to your car and you're just like.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: I'm down the stairs. I'm step walking and pooping.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: You don't realize how much you fart until you're like
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: around a woman who you don't normally hang around with.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: Or you're in a place where you're just not allowed
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: to fart.
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: This one is from... Oh, no name. That's all right.
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: Hey, guys.
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: I have a favor to ask. I am adopted and
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: recently found out who my birth father is. He doesn't
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: know I exist. He's gone on to marry and has
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: one daughter. But I'm curious, from a male audience perspective...
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: If you were in your mid-50s and you didn't know
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: you had a daughter out there, would you be happy
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: or mad if they contacted you? I want to respect
• 36:48
  Speaker 2: my birth mother, so I doubt I'll contact him until
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: the next 10 years.
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: Ha, ha, ha.
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: I don't think people should be mad. I think if-
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: Fuck off! Yeah, I think if you get mad at that,
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: then you've got more to hide.
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: Okay, so how would you react right now? Hypothetical.
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: I would be curious- first i first i would be
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: skeptical that'd be first i'd be like are you like
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: are you sure like and i think it's okay to
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: question because if someone comes out you'd be like it's
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: like daddy fuck off it's like if someone said to
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: me you used to date a woman back in back
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: in the 60s and i'm i'm a product of that
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: relationship that you never knew i think As me being
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: the potential dad, I would be curious first. I'd be like, okay,
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: give me some more context here of how you found
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: this out. And also what I think what's really important
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: is what the parties want to get out of that Yeah.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: So for her, what does she want some closure.
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: Or does she want some clothes?
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: Does she want some closure or does she want a
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: relationship that I think that's what the definitive or whether
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: you should be, if you just want to let this
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: person know, Hey, I need closure to let you know.
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: Take this information. Do what you will. I'm your daughter.
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: I don't want anything from you. Yeah. Just so that
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: you know.
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: Fine.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: I just want to like put a face to the
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: name kind of.
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: I almost, when I was younger, Ash, like I think
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: I must have been around about like 19, there was
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: a couple who, same-sex relationship looking for a sperm to
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: have a baby. And I was like, yeah, I'll give
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: you some of my sperm.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: Do you want me to throw it at you? It's
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: coming out of me. At 19, you can't stop coming.
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: You're like, you might as well get a bucket. Sorry. Yeah.
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: I mean, every, every night I'm just throwing it away.
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: Put it to good use.
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, why not? You guys want a kid?
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: That's that's great. And then my mom was like, you know,
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: it's really lovely that you want to offer that, but
• 38:57
  Speaker 2: let's just think about the reality of the situation. And
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: I was, you know, then kind of understanding that, you know,
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: what would happen if in 20 years of five, 10,
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: 20 years time, if that child reached out and then said,
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: even though the parents said there's no expectation for you
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: to be in a parenting role or a father figure,
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: but what would you do if that child reached out
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: and said, oh, I want you in my life? And
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: if you were in a position to give yourself to
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: that child in that type of role, and I don't
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: want to discourage anyone from donating sperm because I think...
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: I know how hard it is for same-sex couples.
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: You need to know what you're getting into.
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: Exactly. Because if you reached out to that dad in
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: this scenario here, the question, and if you were like,
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: I don't have a father figure and I want that
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: father figure, and if that dad was like, hey, it's
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: kind of cool that you're my kid, but I've got
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: my hands full with my own daughter. Yeah. That would
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: be so heartbreaking, right? Would you want to know?
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: I think if you come to the decision that you
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: want to know, you want them to know you exist,
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: you have to be comfortable with that you could be rejected.
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: Yes, there he is.
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: If you're not comfortable with that, then it's like, well,
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: maybe I can revisit it another time. Like Ryan John,
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: for example, right, didn't get a chance to talk to
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: his birth mum because she passed away, sadly. That's right, yeah.
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: Ryan, John, if you're listening, I think that's correct.
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure that's right.
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: He's listening going, wrong.
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: He's like, wrong, it was my dad. He's like, wrong,
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: not me. But yeah, it might have been different if
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: she was alive, but he knew she passed because that's
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: how he found out, right? So it was like too late.
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: But it just depends. Like everyone's going to be different, right?
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: And if this particular person's like, I just want closure
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: for me to be like, I exist. That is it.
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: fine but you i think you need to let them
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: know the expectation from you because they might turn around
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: and say oh my god i had no idea if
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: i'd have known i would want to be in your
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: life yeah and you might spark up this relationship that
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: could be amazing and all of a sudden you sort
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: of got a new friend that's like okay well you're
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: my you're my dad and think about like how cool
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: that could be if you've got kids of your own
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: To be like, hey, who's the movie? This is 40, right?
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: One of the side stories of that. Where is this
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: coming from? I don't know.
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: Continue.
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: This is called ADHD. Welcome.
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the journey.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: Close your eyes and welcome. Take your pants off. So yeah,
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: one of the storylines in that is that she reaches
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: out to her dad who's got a separate family and
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: he's got kids, but she's got kids. So he's got grandchildren.
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: And one of the scenes, it was like, he was
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: put under all this pressure because he was so unexpected.
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: So it's like, you got to think like you could
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: flip that person's world upside down. You just don't know.
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: So I would, I would say I would suss. If
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: it was me, it would be having to explain it
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: to April, which obviously would be prior to that relationship.
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: Not in my case, but in that case. And it's like,
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: I don't know how I would really react. I think
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: I would be like.
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: You wouldn't be mad. I think anyone who's mad, I
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: think that is a real show of the type of
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: character they are. And it means they're a shit person.
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: You'll get your answer pretty quick.
• 42:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: You'll get your answer real quick.
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: But I also think as well saying I'm going to
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: push it out 10 years because I don't want to
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: be offensive to my birth mother. I also think the
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: birth mother should be pretty understanding that, you know, if
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: you're there going, hey, I know where dad is. I
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: want to reach out. And I think if the birth
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: mother was like, well, don't do it because you're going
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: to offend me. I also think that's bad form as well.
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: That's horrible form because if you're an adult, if you're
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: still a minor and you're like, I find it that
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: I'm where my dad is.
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: And the mom wants to protect you.
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: Fine.
• 42:35
  Speaker 2: Great.
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: But if you're an adult and your mum turns around,
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: it'd be a fucking boomer that would turn around and go,
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: I'd be offended.
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: Also, to those boomers who listen to the podcast, we
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: love you, we care for you, and you are welcome.
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: But I meant what I said. Yeah, that's poor form
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: to be like, that'll offend me. I would be more like. Selfish. Yeah,
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: I would be more like, hang on a second, mum,
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: what about this would offend you? She's probably the red flag.
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: He's probably the green flag. So you just don't know. But, like,
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: I would say based on what your expectation is with
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: that relationship will be your answer.
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: But also do it because I'm kind of interested to
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: see what happens.
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, let us know. Please. Don't wait 10 years. We
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: want to know this week. By next episode, I want
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: an answer. Last one. It's, again, from Anon. I read
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: this excellent article on the ABC with Matty J and
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: made me think, We are expecting our second baby and
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: we have a three-and-a-half-year-old. My husband has recently confessed to
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: me he's feeling lonely. Do you have any advice for
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: him or for me on how to better support him?
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: I think firstly, firstly, Ash, I wouldn't be hugely surprised
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: being the partner here if you're going, oh, my gosh,
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: like why is my husband feeling that way because, you know,
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: am I not offering him something to fill that void?
• 43:50
  Speaker 2: Because even having Laura, who I love, she's my soulmate,
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: Love you, Laura. Shout out to you.
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: You're the doghouse, are you?
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: No. No, I had this amazing wife.
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: Just get a sex pillow.
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: And I had kids that I was like more than
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: happy with. It was the best thing in my life.
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: And then having those two parts of my life, which
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: were amazing, still had this feeling of loneliness, which sometimes
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: if you're the partner, you might be like, are you
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: not getting anything from the relationship? Why are you feeling
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: this way? Is there something wrong with us? And it's
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: not the case. I think it's just really easy, especially
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: when it's your first kid, to feel lonely if you
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: don't have other friends who are in the same basket.
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: People underestimate early stages of parenthood, how isolating it actually is.
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: Just because you're thinking it's the right thing to do
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: and where your capacity is at that moment, because there's
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: so much happening. You're trying to keep You're starting a
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: new job and trying to keep your head above float
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: the whole time. So it's really easy to isolate.
• 44:53
  Speaker 2: Because also going out with kids that still have like two,
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: three naps a day, it's hard work. It's a shit show.
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: It's so much easier just to be at home. But
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: then at the same time, when you spend so much
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: time at home and you're not outside, you're not meeting
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: new people, you're not having a change of scenery, you're like,
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: I'm going fucking crazy. Berserk here, but I think there's
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: in New South Wales, I think every state has it.
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: There is playgroupnewsouthwales.org.au.
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: And if it's a different state, it's playgroupqueensland.org. I do
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: recall that.
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: So every state has their own one. You can get
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: in touch with playgroups. There's now heaps of great ones
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: that are dad specific, because when I was doing it
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: seven years ago, the only playgroups that I could go
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: to were just like mums. And now there's like mums
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: and dads all got the same one. And it's crazy
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: in the last few years how much it's changed, but
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: In Waverley, which is our local area in Sydney, they
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: now have dad groups on a Friday that are just
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: for dads. And I'm like, that is so fucking cool that,
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: you know, seven years ago there wasn't that available, to
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: my knowledge. If there was and people are like, you're wrong,
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: I apologize.
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like mother's groups have always been the forefront, which,
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: of course, mum still needs support from people going through
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: the same thing, which I think it's great, but there's
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: dads going through the same thing too. Dads also want
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: to feel heard. by other dads going through the same thing.
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: And I know, like I got really lucky with my
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: wife's mother's group. The dads are really involved too.
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: And was that mother's group? That was through the hospital?
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: No, it was through the council. Ah, sorry. Yeah, originally
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: through the council. And I remember April, like it's always
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: a gamble because you're sort of thrusted upon people who
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: you may or may not interact with generally anyway.
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: Great use of the word thrust.
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: Thank you. Or you might be thrusted into a brand
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: new friendship, okay, which– I think for me, like I've
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: got three or four dads from that group that I
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: would consider really good friends now. We don't communicate every day,
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: but I know in that time it actually really, really
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: helped me. But now with dads being a bit more
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: hands-on and being more, you know, forward-facing and not just
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: in the background, there's all these resources coming through like,
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: Individual independent dads like Jim and Zach, who's got a
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: walking group, which gets numbers like those sort of pages
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: show that people are in the same boat.
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: Totally.
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: And I think as what I would want from my
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: partner or whatever, in terms of support is maybe just
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: some comfort around that. It's not abnormal that you're feeling.
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: Totally.
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: Because that's the biggest thing. I remember the biggest thing
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: for me was I feel alone, and that's just what
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: I'm dealing with, but everyone in similar stages.
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: And do you know what I wish I did differently
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: as well? Like I was lucky in that I could
• 47:25
  Speaker 2: talk to Laura in the same way that this guy
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: is talking to his partner. It's amazing that he's not
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: just internalizing all those feelings.
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that big tick.
• 47:32
  Speaker 2: But I think the one thing that I wish I
• 47:35
  Speaker 2: had done is to my friends who didn't have kids–
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: At the time, I just expected them to know how
• 47:42
  Speaker 2: I was feeling. I didn't communicate to them and say, hey,
• 47:46
  Speaker 2: I feel a little bit lonely. It's hard. We're not socializing.
• 47:49
  Speaker 2: I'm dropping off here. I never communicated it to the
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: friends and I kind of just expected that they would
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: know what transition I was going through, that I was
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: going to be struggling. Your friends aren't going to be
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: able to read your mind and know what you're experiencing.
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: So you need to communicate it to them as well.
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it doesn't have to be. And I know
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: exactly I can feel the collective scrotums clenching up because
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: of the thought of it's embarrassing to say to my friend,
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: I'm feeling a bit lonely. Fuck off it is. Like
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: I would much rather, I would fucking a million times
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: much rather someone say to me, hey, I know I've
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: got a fucking newborn baby. The last thing I want
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: to do is hang out with a newborn baby, but
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: I need someone to hang out with me at my
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: house right now. I'd much rather that. As lame as
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: that might sound, I'd much rather that than have to
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: be in a situation where a friend has completely dropped
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: off and gone down a bad path because they're lonely
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: and feel the only answer is at the bottom of
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: a bottle. And that's the thing, I used to just
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: drink as well just to, Not have that feeling of like,
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: you know, and then April would also be like to me,
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: she was like, I can see that you're trying to
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: find someone to hang out with, like to just let
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: off that bit of steam and it makes a huge difference.
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: So to this guy, to the wife starters, maybe just
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: validate that he's not alone in that and that we're
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: all feeling it. And then for him, bring up your
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: best mate and say, I fucking feel like I'm left
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: out of the circle. Allow me to be back in
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: that circle and come, you.
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: Know, and, if they're a decent friend, a decent person.
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: They'll be there.
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: Otherwise call me. Give me a call.
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: Also, can I just really quickly, before we wrap up,
• 49:27
  Speaker 2: I thought you didn't watch movies.
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: That was when I used to watch movies. All right.
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: Everything checks out.
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: Everything checks out around here.
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: Everything's about board. If you've enjoyed this episode, please, a
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: reminder to subscribe so it gets delivered into your inbox
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: every single Monday and Wednesday and leave us a review
• 49:47
  Speaker 2: either on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: Yep, or join us on social media, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook group.
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: If you're feeling like a lonely dad, join the Facebook group.
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: Actually, join us on social media.
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, join us on social media. What else are we on?
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: YouTube. YouTube tips are now. Except for this episode. Other
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: episodes are on YouTube.
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: They are.
• 50:08
  Speaker 2: And we will see you guys on Wednesday.
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: See you.
• 50:12
  Speaker 3: Bye.
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
• 50:28
  Speaker 2: throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community.
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: We pay our respects to their elders, past and present,
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land.