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Black Excellence, Howard University & The Responsibility of Becoming | Rise & Thrive with Dr. J. Nicole · Rise and Thrive with Dr. J. Nicole Podcast

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  Howard University commencement is one of those experiences
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  that's hard to explain if you've never been there.
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  It's loud in the best possible ways.
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  Families are dressed up like they're attending a graduation,
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  a family reunion and a photo shoot all at the same time.
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  Somebody's auntie is yelling across the yard, and there's the
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  giant photo signs on sticks so graduates can spot their people
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  in the crowd. Everybody's emotional.
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  Everybody's trying not to cry. While very clearly crying.
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  And what struck me this year is that for the first time, I
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  wasn't experiencing it as a guest or as a student.
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  I was there as faculty and that just landed on me in a way that
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  I wasn't fully expecting. A few days earlier, we had the
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  social work honors and recognition ceremony, and now
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  this is where we spend specific time with our graduates.
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  Each of their names were called. They walked across the stage and
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  we recognize some of those special achievements of our
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  students. And now the way that we do our
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  hooding at Howard is a little bit different because that
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  actually takes place at commencement.
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  But this one, the students actually will hood each other.
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  So you have the president and then the Dean.
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  They do the form of conferring and then they hood themselves,
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  right? And honestly, standing there as
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  faculty to watch them and to honor them, right?
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  Watching them guide each other through that moment while we
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  stood and were present, that might be one of the most social
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  work things I've ever seen. Watching them straightening out
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  each other's hoods, fix each other's regalia.
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  Some of them are are crying, they're laughing, taking selfies
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  and it's just beautiful. You see a joy and the smiles on
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  people like you had never seen before.
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  This is season 2 of Rise and Thrive with Doctor Jane Nicole.
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  Welcome back to Rise and Thrive with Doctor J Nicole, where we
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  talk about healing, faith, emotional Wellness, identity,
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  purpose, and what it actually looks like to become who God
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  called you to be. I'm your host, Doctor J Nicole,
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  therapist, educator, speaker, world traveler, and somebody who
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  is still learning, growing, healing, and evolving in real
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  time right alongside you. And today's episode feels
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  especially personal. This commencement season stirred
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  up something a lot of emotions for me, but in the best way.
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  Watching my students graduate, watching Black families
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  celebrate each other publicly, watching previous Rise and
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  Thrive guests hit major milestones, watching people step
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  into new versions of themselves. And honestly, it made me think
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  deeply about Black excellence, not just what it looks like
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  externally, but what it costs emotionally, what it requires
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  psychologically. And that responsibility comes
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  with becoming. And one thing that I love about
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  Howard, and there are many things, is that there is no
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  singular Black experience there. At Howard, you see every version
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  of us, first generation students, legacy families,
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  students from wealth students figuring it out semester to
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  semester, people from all over the country and all over the
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  world. And for one weekend, everyone
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  comes together to celebrate becoming.
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  I think that's why Howard commencement feels different
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  emotionally. It's not just academic
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  achievement. You are watching generations
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  celebrate survival, sacrifice, access, opportunity, faith, and
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  community all at the same time. And this year I experienced it
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  differently because I was watching it through multiple
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  lenses at once. I was there as faculty for the
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  MAN commencement for the first time.
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  And what mattered to me more than I expected is to seeing the
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  students and that I had played a role in their education and
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  their becoming, this version of becoming.
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  And it's not that I needed another accomplishment, but
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  because these are the moments in life where you really quietly
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  realize how far God has brought you.
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  And for me, standing there in my regalia, watching students cross
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  that stage, one of those moments.
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  So I'm from Racine, WI, and if you know anything about cities
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  like Racine, you understand pretty quickly that that your
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  environment can shape how early you learn survival.
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  I understood instability before I had a language for
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  instability. I learned hyper independence
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  before I understood trauma responses.
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  I understood achievement before I understood healing.
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  My parents struggled with substance abuse.
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  And my great aunt, she stepped in and became one of the most
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  stabilizing forces in my life. And honestly, when I look back
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  now through the lens of being a therapist, I realize education
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  became more than academics for me very early.
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  It became safety. It became structure.
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  It became possibility and even identity when I didn't have
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  language for cycle breaking back then.
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  I just knew that I wanted different.
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  And now, years later, I'm standing at Howard University as
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  faculty, watching students enter the next chapter of their life.
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  And that's not lost on me, not at all.
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  Life moves fast, and somewhere between work, responsibilities
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  and routine, a lot of people stopped experiencing it.
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  That's why I'm creating something different.
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  Curated global experiences designed for people who want
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  beauty, culture, luxury, connection, and moments that are
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  unforgettable from the second you arrive.
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  Not just another trip. The kind of experience that
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  stays with you long after you come home.
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  This is your sign to join the VIP list before destinations are
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  released. Lincoln Bio And something else
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  that made this particularly special is one of my childhood
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  friends. Some of you may know Karam
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  Butler. He was there celebrating the
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  graduation of his daughter, Mia Butler.
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  And so to have this full circle moment, you have two people who
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  grew up in the same neighborhood, one who went on to
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  play in the NBA, become ANBA champion.
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  He's now coaching with the Miami Heat.
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  And me, him and his daughter. Take this beautiful photo with
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  both of us and our regalia. There was no way that either of
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  us could have known as children that that moment would be in our
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  future. And really and truly he had no
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  idea that I was even going to be there.
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  I found out the night before because his wife had saw a post
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  that I have put up from Friday ceremony.
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  And so she's like just we got to connect afterwards.
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  And so man, talk about legacy and seeing what he has built
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  with his wife and his children and all of his children were
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  present. So it was just a beautiful thing
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  to see. And so man, it's yeah, it was
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  just, it was just one of those moments that I don't have words
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  for. And something else that made
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  this special is I got to watch 2 of my previous guests from Rise
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  and Thrive reach major milestones in their journeys.
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  And that also felt very special because one of the beautiful
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  things about this platform is that it allows us to witness
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  people in process, not just accomplishments, not just
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  titles, but purpose unfolding in real time.
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  And this season, we got to celebrate that in a very
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  tangible way. The first person I want to
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  recognize is Michael LaRoche, who many of you remember from
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  Season 1 of Rise and Thrive. Michael completed his executive
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  MBA from Howard University, which is his second degree from
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  Howard University. And if you watch his episode,
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  you know his story of coming from Trinidad, immigrating here
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  and finding his way. And honestly, all of this, it
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  deserves real recognition because there is a kind of
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  discipline that's required to return to the classroom once
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  life is already fully moving. You got career responsibilities,
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  expectations, pressure, choosing growth again anyway says
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  something about a person. And what stood out to me the
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  most is that this isn't just about adding a credential.
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  You can tell when someone is committed to becoming more
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  intentional, more refined, more expanded, and how they move
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  through the world. And that's different.
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  And I think there's something really powerful about somebody
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  saying I've already accomplished things and I still have the
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  humility to keep learning. That's leadership, and I also
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  want to celebrate previous Rising Thrive guest LB Towns
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  Junior, who completed his bachelor's degree at Howard
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  University over the weekend and is continuing to pursue his
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  education by getting a master's degree in economics.
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  And if you haven't already caught, his episode premiered
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  last week and I'll make sure that it is linked here for you
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  so you could check it out and learn about Elvie's amazing
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  story. His eighteen siblings, y'all.
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  I got to meet the whole town's family.
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  It was amazing just seeing all of them.
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  Everyone wore white, so if you could not miss them, it was such
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  a beautiful moment. And his mother, she was so
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  sweet, so very sweet. And his dad had this very calm
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  presence of that quiet power. But I really want to just take a
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  pause and honor that accomplishment fully because
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  rushing to the next thing is, you know, it can stop us from
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  really just letting it all sink in.
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  Achieving a bachelor's degree after what LB has overcome, man,
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  it's a beautiful thing. And sometimes ambitious people,
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  we can move through our milestones too quickly.
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  A Howard degree is a major accomplishment, period.
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  OK. And what I appreciate about LB
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  is that you can feel the intentionality in him is not
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  perfection, but purpose. And economics is really about
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  systems, access, resources, power, opportunity, and decision
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  making. So when I see a young black man
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  intentionally pursuing that field, I don't just see career
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  ambition, I see preparation. I see preparation to enter rooms
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  that shape communities and outcomes.
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  Preparation to understand systems deeply enough to
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  eventually influence them, and honestly, being able to
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  celebrate previous Rise and Thrive guests during this
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  commencement season felt deeply aligned with what this platform
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  has always been about. It's not about performance or
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  image, but becoming, healing, growth, purpose, expansion,
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  community, and watching people evolve in real time and taking
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  time to honor that evolution out loud.
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  And I think we need more of that in our culture.
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  Not just people consuming, but people celebrating them.
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  We're not just watching people rise, but pausing long enough to
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  acknowledge the work that it took to get there.
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  I think one of the conversations we don't have enough is about
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  how Black excellence becomes connected to survival.
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  And for many of us, excellence was not just about ambition.
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  It was about protection. It's about access, it's about
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  safety. It's about proving we belonged
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  in rooms we were often never expected to enter.
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  And while that drive can absolutely produce achievement,
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  it can quietly produce exhaustion if healing never
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  enters that equation. And as a therapist, one thing
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  that I've learned over and over again is that achievement and
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  emotional Wellness are not automatically connected.
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  You can accomplish extraordinary and incredible things and still
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  be anxious. You can still be dysregulated.
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  You can be emotionally exhausted or even struggling to feel
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  worthy outside of performance. And I think that's part of what
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  made this commencement season emotional for me personally,
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  because I wasn't just proud, I was present.
• 14:00
  Quick pause. I've been loving Canvas Beauty,
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  Shop Canvas beautybrand.com/genie Three and
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  use Code Genie 3 to save. Now back to rise and thrive.
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  All right, beautiful people. If this episode has already
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  blessed you in any sort of way, we ask that you like subscribe,
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  follow, share, and leave comments.
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  Feedback helps this message reach the people who need it
• 14:28
  most. And if you're listening and
• 14:30
  thinking I'm ready to go deeper in my healing journey, we invite
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  you to join our school community where we continue these
• 14:36
  conversations between episodes. And it's an opportunity to
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  connect with like minded individuals committed to growth,
• 14:43
  healing and purpose. Also, do not forget, you can
• 14:47
  shop the merch and also explore all things evolved at Evolve
• 14:54
  with Doctor J nicole.com. If you love today's look and
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  you're wondering about this hair, you can use my promo code
• 15:02
  with the link in the description to get 15% off with Uni's hair.
• 15:07
  And for people who've spent large parts of their lives
• 15:10
  surviving, fully allowing yourself to be present inside of
• 15:14
  a good moment actually takes intentional work.
• 15:19
  I think sometimes we move through our accomplishments so
• 15:22
  quickly that we'd never emotionally arrive in them.
• 15:27
  We achieved one thing and then Boo, we're on to the next thing.
• 15:32
  We minimize our milestones. We even downplay ourselves
• 15:35
  sometimes. And we struggle to receive joy.
• 15:38
  But this year, I made a conscious decision not to do
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  that. I let myself feel it.
• 15:44
  Not for ego, but from gratitude. Gratitude for my journey.
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  Gratitude for my healing. Gratitude for my growing.
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  Gratitude for every student I've had the privilege to teach.
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  Gratitude for the little girl from Racine, WI who kept
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  believing that there had to be more life for her.
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  Gratitude for the people who poured into me.
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  Gratitude for God's faithfulness and every season where I
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  couldn't fully see what He was building.
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  I can't tell my story honestly without talking about God.
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  And not in a performative way, not in a force way, just
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  truthfully. When I look at my life, from
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  Racine to Howard faculty, I know strategy mattered, but I also
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  know that grace did too. And there were doors that were
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  opened that I couldn't have even orchestrated on my own.
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  People who believed in me before I fully believed in myself.
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  Moments that looked like delays that turned out to be
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  preparation. And one thing God has really
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  been teaching me lately is this. You cannot achieve your way into
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  wholeness. You have to heal, too.
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  You have to slow down long enough to actually become the
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  person your accomplishments are introducing people to.
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  And honestly, one of the most beautiful parts of commencement
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  weekend wasn't even the stage. It was watching Black people
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  celebrate each other publicly. The kind of joy that matters
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  right now. Seeing families screaming for
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  their graduates. Seeing the elders emotional,
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  seeing friends fix each other's regalia, seeing students hood
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  one another, seeing pride without apology.
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  There's something healing about witnessing US honor one another
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  out loud. So if you're listening to this
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  episode and the season where you feel like your process is taking
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  longer than expected, keep going.
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  You're in the middle of becoming and it still feels messy.
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  Keep going. If you're healing and building
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  at the same time, keep going. If you've accomplished something
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  recently and haven't really allowed yourself to receive it
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  yet, this is your reminder to pause long enough to let it
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  land. You do not have to push past
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  every beautiful moment in your life.
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  You are allowed to experience it fully.
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  You're allowed to be proud of yourself.
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  You are allowed to acknowledge growth.
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  You are allowed to celebrate becoming.
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  This commencement season reminds us that becoming is really
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  glamorous. While it's happening, most of
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  becoming actually looks ordinary.
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  It looks like showing up tired. It looks like trying again.
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  It looks like doing it anyway. It looks like healing, slowly
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  studying anyway, praying anyway, applying anyway, believing
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  anyway. And then one day people see the
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  milestone, but what they're really seeing is accumulated
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  perseverance. To my students, congratulations.
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  To Mikel, congratulations to LB, congratulations to everyone
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  listening. Who is still becoming your story
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  still matters. Before the applause, this is
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  rising 5 for Doctor J Nicole. Keep healing, keep growing, keep
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  becoming, and I'll talk to you next episode.