Latest / The Hack Box / HYRF? #005: Is Embarrassment Performative? (EP. 106)
Transcript
- Hack God: song. JD, how do you really feel? Don: I've been I've been I've been thinking about this for some time now, bruh. You gotta listen though. I feel like being embarrassed or the thought of embarrassment is performative as fuck. Hear me out. listen, embarrassment only happens when you're around other people. Okay? The feeling of being embarrassed. it's when somebody's watching you or you think somebody's watching you, so you get embarrassed, like when you trip walking up the stairs or you spill some water. But you do the same shit by yourself, you don't think nothing of it, bro. It's nothing. You're just Matt: you Don: you just keep walking. You trip, keep walking, bro. You split a water, you just pick it up and clean it. So why is it different when somebody's watching? If it's the same exact thing. You know why? Because it's performative. You're changing how you feel about something when someone else is watching. It's like putting on a show, you're putting on a performance for an audience. Matt: So Don: Which is why I think embarrassment and then being embarrassed is performative. And any any grown MAS: Hmm. Don: man should not be embarrassed, first of all. You're a grown ass man, shake it off. MAS: I would say what I fucking situations were embarrassment Hack God: You still got 15 seconds left. Don: 15 seconds, I'll give an example, bro. I was going to Target the other day. You know what I mean? I was walking, you know, me being me, just walking, chilling. And I trip over a whatever I trip over. And I know for sure people saw me because Target got homeless people sitting outside. You know what I mean? There was a couple walking towards me. You know what I did, bruh? I just kept walking. Listen, they're not gonna think about it fifteen seconds from now. And then if you stay there and just look around like, man, get red cheeks and just put your head on your head like a cartoon character, then they're gonna be like, Hey, Brev: Yeah. Don: honey, look, this guy just tripped. But if I keep walking, he gonna be, Hey, honey, look, this guy just tripped. And she's gonna be like, What, what guy? 'Cause I left the scene, bro. Cause I'm not embarrassed. I just keep it pushing, bro, because I'm not performative when some shit happens. Inconvenient shit happens every day, bro. Matt: Mm-hmm. Hack God: really really really would hate to say this this nigga JD spitting bro I want to argue but I was like fuck bro if no one's around I give it a fuck what happened Don: Can't do it, bro. You're not giving a fuck, bro. You know my shit I fucked up Matt: I don't give a shit. Don: when I I'm used to tripping because I trip by myself all the time, bro. Like, what's different now? Hack God: Yeah, bro And honestly, yeah, but like Matt: That's a good take. Hack God: I honestly also have no shame like something happens and it's embarrassing. Yeah, it's what it is Don: It is what it is. It happened. Brev: I feel you. Yeah. Matt: Like I'm not perfect, bro. Don: Come on. MAS: feel like Brev: I feel that. MAS: what I s- what I think Hack God: Yeah, it's like all like bro like josh you blacked out Don: People show me pictures of me blacked out, throw up on the floor and everything. Hack God: What I said her? Yeah, MAS: But who gets Matt: People black out all the time. MAS: embarrassed Hack God: yeah. MAS: at blocking out though? Hack God: She fucking with it, huh? MAS: Who gets embarrassed at blocking out? Really? Don: People get embarrassed. Hack God: I let most people do it, for like... Brev: Yeah, I don't get embarrassed blacking Don: One, I Brev: out. Don: don't get embarrassed, but two, I don't want people just taking pictures of me when I'm blacked out. I hate when homies Hack God: Me too. Don: do that shit. I'm not embarrassed. I just told you. You could actually mind you, forget. Not at all. MAS: Okay, so you're embarrassed by the pictures of you being... Okay, all right, I'm saying the situation. But what I'm trying to Hack God: No, no, no, no. No no no, I agree with you, no no no no. MAS: say is, well, this is kind of separate also, but I think embarrassment at our age is more anger. We're like at work, if I do something that... But what I'm saying is if I'm Don: Nah, you can get embarrassed at any age, bro. You can get embarrassed at any age. Hack God: Yeah. MAS: at work and I do something that I'm just being stupid and I could have avoided this and it's kind of embarrassing, I'm more just angry at myself than embarrassed. Hack God: Nah, I think the older you get the less angry. I remember when I had a little brother who I still do, but when he was younger like two or three and let's say if like he was eating cereal and a splitter on himself or tripped and fell or got in trouble and I look at him, he would want to take off on me because he's embarrassed and he saw that saw that. Yeah, watch him say, it's not funny. But no, but. Don: Yeah, the younger you are, the more aggressive you are when you're embarrassed. Fuck you for watching that. Yeah, it's not funny. That's what I'm saying, Brev: Mm-hmm. For sure. Don: but and I just think that's just performative, bro. Like you don't need to begin embarrassed for a little. Hack God: Yeah, and I do feel Brev: I don't know. Hack God: you, like, I don't care that you're taking pictures, but like, why are you doing that? Like live in the moment. Don: No, no, no. Taking pictures, I take that I retract my statement. I do not mind you taking pictures. I want to Hack God: I don't- Don: I want to relive the moment too. Cause I wasn't there, obviously. I was black the fuck out. Show me what the fuck happened. So I can believe you. Cause now Brev: Exactly. Don: that's my word against yours. I want to see that MAS: Those are memories, bruh. Don: shit. But my thing is when motherfuckers post that shit. Like I don't want Sally Brev: Yeah. Don: even down the street to see that I be getting fucked up. I'm not embarrassed about it, but I also don't want them to know my cards. Like, come on. Like, what? They're showing me at my lowest. Show me at my highest. And then show me at my lowest or something. Matt: Yeah. Hack God: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yep. What'd MAS: That's dirty. That's some shit Josh would do. Brev: Yeah. Hack God: say? What'd you say, Moss? No, that's more than... MAS: And I said, that's some shit Josh would do. Don: Nah nah, I was fucked up with this boy and nobody's seen the day of light. I ain't seen no pictures. So there's people you can be fucked up around and there's people you can't be Hack God: No, no. They didn't even rig it up. They didn't even tell you all. Brev: Mm-hmm. Well this I think Don: fucked up around. Hack God: Yeah. Brev: I think there's I'm trying to think of something. Obviously I don't think any of us are easily embarrassed, but I'm trying to think of like a situation where I for sure would be. Don: Embarrassed, and that's another thing. You don't don't put yourself in a place where you can get embarrassed. That's your fault. Hack God: That's your fault. Brev: All right, here's what I'm saying, here's what I'm saying. All right. So say is it's game seven of the NBA finals, right? Right. Hack God: Brevin, I get names that happen right now that will get you embarrassed. Brev: So Hack God: You for sure can't get embarrassed. MAS: Uhhhh Hack God: I would never do that though. Understand. Matt: Seriously, did we get some Don: Wait, wait, Matt: bitters? Don: wait. What were you about to say? Game seven, what? You missed a shot or something? Brev: Game seven is NBA finals, you down you're down one, your teammate gets a steal. Not you, you don't get a steal, your teammate gets Don: Okay. Brev: a steal, and you leak out though. Don: Mm-hmm. Brev: And so you got an open open layup at the buzzer. And you either Don: Open eye at the buzzer. Smoke it. Brev: miss it, you slip, ball rolls out of bounds, you dribbled off your leg, buzzer goes off, you lose the game. Matt: out of everything you just said, this is open layup? That's the most embarrassing of all of those. Yeah, it is. Hack God: No it's not. If I'm in the NBA and I miss Don: I'm not getting embarrassed, bro. Hack God: a little... Oh man, I'm still a millionaire. Brev: Josh isn't embarrassed about missing layers because he's not good at basketball. Don: I'm not I'm not gonna get embarrassed about that because one I'm on the NBA, I'm on the biggest stage of basketball. How Hack God: You know, you're in the NBA. Of course I'm good. Don: what what do I care about people lesser than me think about what I did on the NBA and the finals on the highest stage of basketball? I can give a fuck what somebody else thought. I'm at it myself. Hack God: Exactly. In the NBA. Multi-millionaire. Brev: Always saying shit like that. Matt: I what if you're really competitive? What if you're really competitive? Hack God: No, no, no. That doesn't mean you're embarrassed. Yeah, that doesn't mean you're embarrassed. Exactly. Why do you think, hmm, why do you think Donald Trump Don: I'm really competitive. I'm super competitive. I I'm mad at myself. I'm not embarrassed. I don't care what nobody else thinks. I'm mad at what I think. I'm mad I fucked up. MAS: That's what I'm trying to say. Exactly. Matt: Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Hack God: and a whole bunch of other rich people say crazy shit? Because they don't care. Because they're multimillionaires and billionaires. They don't care. Who are you? You beneath Don: They don't care. They don't get embarrassed. They don't give a fuck about what people Matt: Mmm. Hack God: me. You know? Matt: Okay, so I did mix up embarrassment MAS: Wait, why are you spitting out food, bruh? Matt: with being mad. Yeah, frustrated. I would be more frustrated than embarrassed. Yeah, yeah. Don: Being like frustrated, you could be mad at yourself all the time. That's not performative. That's that's Hack God: Mm-hmm. Don: what it is. But being embarrassed, because but embar you can only be embarrassed if someone else is watching you. That's literally part of the definition. Like it's and Matt: That's true. Don: it's a feeling of something happening in front of Brev: But is it really part of the definition? You can't be embarrassed for yourself. MAS: I don't think so. Honestly, that's what I was trying to say is I'd be embarrassed when I'm by myself if I'm Don: Bro, I I'll look at the I'll look at the definition right now. MAS: if if we're gonna say that No, no, Don: Who you embarrassed up? Who you embarrassed but? MAS: because what I'm saying is right now we were saying that instead of being embarrassed you were saying you'd be mad if you miss that live right you mad at yourself, right? Don: Mm-hmm. MAS: Those are situations that other people can see it's easy to be embarrassed So at work if I do something that I'm that other people could feel embarrassed about and I do it and I'm getting mad at myself And there's no one around I think it's possible Don: I just think it's weird. But the the The Duda definition Brev: I don't know. I feel like MAS: I'm just highly critical of myself, I think is the problem. Don: is an uncomfortable emotional state characterized by self consciousness, shame, or awkwardness, typically triggered by social blunder, innocent mistake, or unwanted attention. Brev: But that has nothing that doesn't say anything in front MAS: there attention Brev: of other people. Hack God: No, it's a death. No, what it's saying is that MAS: attention Don: I wanted attention. Social blunder. Hack God: most of the time it's because... Brev: That's a typically before it's a typically before that. Not all the time. Typically. Yeah. MAS: Yeah, yeah. Hack God: I know, and that's what we're arguing. Don: How do you feel shame by yourself? Hack God: You for sure, you for sure for a shape or yourself. MAS: if you're extremely critical of yourself. Brev: Yeah, 'cause like say I do something, say like say like I like I trip on my shoelace when I'm by myself, I'd be like, damn, did I really just do that shit? MAS: Bruh, look at... I can climb... Brev: Like I'll be embarrassed for myself like damn, I gotta tighten up, bro. Hack God: No, but brev- brev- MAS: No, I can climb into an attic, get to the top of that attic, and then drop a tool all the way down, no one be in that frickin' room. And then I'm just like, sitting there just like, I really just did that. I really just did that. Don: You're embarrassed. I wouldn't say the words embarrassed. MAS: No, I wouldn't say the words embarrassed, I'm just saying, I'd be angry. Matt: Yeah. Hack God: Why are you saying it? They were trying to be an embarrassment. MAS: Because we're talking about situations where people can be embarrassed. Don: That's what I'm saying. I think you could be you could be sad by yourself. You could be angry by yourself. You could be happy by yourself. You could be horny by yourself. You cannot be embarrassed by yourself. You cannot. Hack God: You're agreeing with him. So you're just saying JD, I agree with you with more steps. Yeah, you're saying JD, MAS: But you can't be embarrassed. Hack God: I agree with you with more steps. So you agree. MAS: Okay, I feel you. Hack God: He said, I wouldn't be embarrassed. So you agree then. Yeah. Don: You will be angry, you will be sad, Brev: Why Matt: Yeah. Brev: can't I be why can't someone be embarrassed by themselves when no one is watching? But that's what I'm saying. Don: you will be frustrated. What do you think embarrassed means, Brevin? Hack God: No, do you feel what you can? No, you can. MAS: So what's that situation then? Yeah, bruv. Hack God: No, you for sure can. Don: Explain what embarrassment means MAS: What's the situation? Don: to you. man, I feel so embarrassed right now. You don't say Brev: my. Don: that when you're by yourself. Like you trip and fall, like, shit. I feel so embarrassed. Silly me. MAS: Yeah. Matt: Yeah, you're right. Yeah. Don: That's performative, first of all. Like I said, that's performative as fuck. And two, you're not saying that. You're saying what the fuck? I've come to your shit. What you don't you don't talk to yourself in your Hack God: He said, silly me. MAS: silly me gee willikers Brev: I mean you're not talking to myself. I'm not talking about you don't say something to yourself, but you could have a feeling of embarrassment. Don: mind? Brev: No, I'm saying you saying out loud, like, shit, I'm embarrassed. No, I'm not No, I yeah, I mean Hack God: doesn't have the capabilities. Don: That's what you that's what's going on in your head. Like, fuck, I'm so embarrassed. That's what you're thinking. MAS: Able, alright hold up. Brev: you could definitely be like, damn, I can't believe I did that shit and I'm glad that no one was here. But I'm not just like Don: Yes, but MAS: Alright, but look, I got an example. just thought of something. Brev: well, go ahead. Don: But you're not embarrassed MAS: When Don: though. MAS: you're like walking and you trip Brev: I don't know. MAS: and then you take that second to look around, you feel that embarrassment in that moment, but until you realize, but look, exactly, that's what I'm, I'm not arguing against it, Josh. I'm not arguing against it. I'm saying, that's what I'm saying. I'm arguing for it. Matt: Yeah. that's a good one. Hack God: Aha! But why are you looking around? But why are you looking around? Don: Yeah. That's performative. That's performative. That's yeah, yeah. That's added to my point. Doing extra doing anything Matt: You- Don: extra besides continuing what you were doing before is performative. You're looking around to make sure nobody's here. That's fucking performative, bro. Keep going. Who gives a fuck, bro? No one cares unless you stay there and make a MAS: Exactly. And then, yeah. And when no one's there, you're like, I'm good. I'm rolling. I'm rolling. Exactly. Brev: I feel you. No, I I get it. Hack God: I'm good. La la la la la. Don: scene. Now you're making a whole thing about it. Now I care. Now I'm gonna point at you and laugh. Now your cheeks are all red. MAS: All right, it was facts, he was right. Hack God: He was right. Don: That's a performative fuck, bro. Brev: No, no. Don: Why do you I MAS: I don't, honestly, the word Hack God: Okay, MAS: performative Hack God: no, no. MAS: has kind of makes me confused. That's why I had me confused at first. Don: No. It's you're putting on performance for others. MAS: Yeah, but I get it now. I get it. Hack God: I think- I think- Brev: but I was saying you don't you don't have to have others around you to feel embarrassed. That's why I don't Don: Which is weird Hack God: No, Don: to Hack God: no, he's not saying that. He's saying the reason why you get embarrassed is because you feel others may be around. Don: Yes, which is performance. You're putting on the act for other people. Hack God: Yeah, honestly, like I do you feel like if you mess that but only you know about it, actually small, like you're eating Bites for home and you spills being on your shirt. Are you going to care? Matter of fact, I feel Matt: Mm. Brev: That's probably happened to you a handful of times. Hack God: I feel if you Don: Yeah. Hack God: were eating NHS us and you split some sauce on your shirt, you'd well, keep eating. You know, at least I would. would give a fuck if I spilt food Don: Yeah. Hack God: around y'all. Let's say on a date. Matt: I personally, do when I get stains on my shirt, though. I hate that shit. I get it. That's a big pep, even on having Don: I'd be pissed too. Well, that's just that's the ruin my shirt. I'm not embarrassed though. Hack God: I'll be put on embarrassed. Yeah. Brev: What the fuck, bro? I don't I don't care if that happens to me in public, bro. Matt: stains. I'm Hack God: Yeah. Matt: not embarrassed here. MAS: It's a daily occurrence. Hack God: I'm not embarrassed either. Don: But you walk around a party and you got a stain on your shirt. So like this is Brev: I don't Don: this is your only argument I'll give you, bruh. You go to a party, you know what I mean? You're chilling all night, been like a good ass party. You talk to like seven females, bruh, different types, everything you wanted. And then you Matt: and Don: get home, you look in the mirror, and then you see, Hack God: Hypothetically, I got your breath, hypothetically. Don: you see a big ass stain on your shirt. Like, I talked to all them girls. How long did I have that stain on my shirt? Hack God: Were looking at it? Damn bro. MAS: see where we're going. Matt: be pissed. Don: Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I don't think I'll be embarrassed, I'll be pissed. Like, why the fuck MAS: That's post Matt: Yeah, Don: am I not? MAS: embarrassment. Matt: I don't... Yeah. MAS: You're still embarrassed because of what people saw you at the party. Hack God: Definitely is. But then again, that still goes with your point JD, because of other people. Yeah. Matt: Mmm. Don: I don't know. It goes to my point. It's 'cause other people. That's why MAS: Yeah. Don: it's performative. MAS: Yeah. Yep. Brev: I know, honestly, I feel like saying that embar being embarrassed Don: I'm not saying you can't be embarrassed. You can definitely be embarrassed. Everyone's been embarrassed before. Hack God: Yeah, yeah, people have shame. MAS: It's Brev: So yeah, exactly. So everyone's been in bed before. But you're just saying you're saying it's performative. So everyone's everyone could be performative at times. Is that what you're saying? AK. Don: And humility. Yes, but I'm saying it the act of being embarrassment is performative. It's acting. Everyone is yes, embarrassment is in performance. Brev: I see what you're saying. MAS: Wow. Brev: Yeah. Don: Everyone's gonna be like, fuck, am I being performative when I'm embarrassed now? Brev: Am I now I'm just gonna walk around everything I do? Am I was that shit performative, bro? MAS: This shit on some Truman Matt: huh. MAS: Show shit. Hack God: Yeah, like why do you Brev: Fuck. Hack God: care? No, cuz like you think about it, Matt: I know. Hack God: but he is right Brev: Now I'ma feel embarrassed because I think I'm being performative. That's just gonna fuck my mind up. Hack God: Hold on, MAS: Like you didn't kill the spot. Don: Like why not just get up Hack God: hold on, hold on. Don: and walk, bro? Brev: Yeah. Hack God: Yeah, hold on. There are some things you should feel embarrassed for, you know what saying? Yeah, if you do some... Don: Like other people. Like when you was phones in the bar at said city at said time. I'm not I'm Hack God: You wanna keep t- Let's talk about that by JD. Don: not gonna say anything else, but that was kinda embarrassing for me. I'm I'm joking, I'm joking. I was not tripping. I was not tripping, bro. You weren't either. Hack God: I'm not gonna lie, was kinda embarrassing for me too. And it wasn't because of the alcohol, it was because it was a long day. It was a- Don: And then we pop right back out. Hack God: Yeah, he did. No, no, bro. MAS: That's worse. That's worse. Hack God: No, it was like, I woke up in the morning, pick up this nigga JD, go to the airport, fucking drop our bags Matt: And. Hack God: off, immediately start drinking, we went to a fucking basketball game and shit, jet lagging off. Yeah, very- MAS: I'd rather you be passed out off the liquor than just being sleepy. You can't be sleepy Hack God: it was it Don: Well, okay, I'll rather you be passed off out the liquor. But then again, he was sleepy, woke up, we went to another bar and it was like a new night. So we can't do that when the liquor's liquor's sleepy. We're gonna have to carry that when they get around. Hack God: Yeah, new night. Yeah. MAS: Power nap. True. No, me? I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, I get a second win. we get to, yeah, Don: That second win. Hack God: We gon' find out soon. MAS: no, we going, we definitely going to. I'm ready. Hack God: Yeah, it's gonna be a lot going on. Honestly, I feel the only one that's gonna be hanging is myself and JD. Yeah. Don: For New York Hey, how your brothers be drinking? They heavy weights or what? MAS: I said, me and my whole family bro, we're specimens, we don't put poison into our bodies. Don: So no, they're not heavyweights. Matt: They're lightweight. Brev: That's performance. MAS: Nah, just kidding. Yeah, nah my older brother he drinks my younger brother If you guys Don: You said that's what Corbin did. MAS: don't think I drink my younger brother don't drink like that But when he does drink just like me like he's not like another lightweight I've asked but that's what I'm saying is I've never actually had been on a trip like this with my brother So like it's the first time thing for me Don: Sound like lightweight to me. Matt: New York, Hack God: It does. Brev: We're all looking Matt: New York. Brev: at Moz like, get your drinking up, bro. MAS: I could drink beer like nothing, bruh. Brev: Hold on, bro. Don: Beer, bro. Come on, we taking shots